Hot, Hard Axe of The Thunder Brothers!

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Speaker 2 And it's 15 after the hour here in the Rod Cunningham Diesel Depot studio. A check of traffic and weather right around the corner.
But first, let's check on the markets.

Speaker 2 They're doing terribly, and Crab Appleians are obviously concerned about the economy.

Speaker 2 WSHIT's consumer reporter, Darlene Stinkhand, has a few pieces of advice for those getting the jitters around the economy. The first thing on her list: invest heavily in meme coin.

Speaker 2 She explains that meme coin is a low-risk, almost guaranteed return. Her second piece of advice: pick up a second career.

Speaker 2 She explains that those signs on telephone polls where you can make $5,000 to $7,000 a week working from home are often true, and most people just drive by them.

Speaker 2 She encourages listeners to go ahead and make that phone call and follow through. Some other advice from Darlene was to join your friend's MLM company.

Speaker 2 She explained that any company that makes you buy thousands of dollars worth of product you probably can't sell is a surefire bet to make millions and millions of dollars in extra income.

Speaker 2 We were lucky enough to catch up with Darlene in the studio earlier and here's some other advice she had for the listeners.

Speaker 3 If you save your money, you can get stuff

Speaker 2 like a new livering suit.

Speaker 3 It takes about a year to save up $3,000.

Speaker 3 I'm going to get a new bedroom set.

Speaker 2 Yay!

Speaker 3 With lights on it.

Speaker 3 I hope I can be able to get it.

Speaker 3 Amen to that.

Speaker 2 And finally, Darlene expressed that most people miss an opportunity to become millionaires by simply not attending those weekend real estate seminars.

Speaker 2 She shared that two days' worth of your time and thousands of dollars in coaching services you'll never use was an opportunity to build a solid foundation of real estate knowledge and become the next billionaire tycoon.

Speaker 2 Darlene will be back at the top of the hour to share some more wisdom. We'll be back after this commercial break.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna get a new bedroom shit.

Speaker 2 Yay!

Speaker 2 On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 2 What? This sounds really complicated for a mythological, dum-dum creature. Like, for a walking ape? Really?

Speaker 2 The trap is set. The Thunderax is in the security box.
Now we have to back off and let the Lightning Man do his part. All right, as much as I hate to do this.
Fall into the trap.

Speaker 2 We have to leave that Thunderax here. We have to back out.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 As much as I hate to do this, we gotta let Thunder Man stick his hot loins in there. And then when he does,

Speaker 2 he will jizz lightning and we will all become all-powerful.

Speaker 2 All mythological creatures will bow to our will.

Speaker 2 We have the Thunder Axe.

Speaker 2 The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Speaker 2 Ah, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break.
I'm Brian Greene. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show, Chris and Joy Holy.
Best to you, Chris. Best D, Brian.

Speaker 2 And best to you out there in the podcast universe, and happy day after the spring equinox.

Speaker 2 The vernal. The venereal equinox, as I like to call it.
It's when my syphilis flares up every year around this time.

Speaker 2 Large robot.

Speaker 2 I got a large robot, Phenus.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, the spring equinox when the

Speaker 2 technically, when the sun rays are directly over the equator, and then it moves to the, then it moves to start shining on the northern hemisphere just a little bit more than it has before.

Speaker 2 That's why it's 31 degrees in Atlanta. Welcome to spring.

Speaker 2 I know it's been like 75.

Speaker 2 Let it go. I know.
We don't talk about the, this is like a weather-related show at this point.

Speaker 2 That's all we talk about. It's how miserable we are about the weather.
It's too hot, it's too cold. The pollen's out, the sun is out, I don't know.
But

Speaker 2 one of my kids was very excited about the spring equinox. He was like, it's the first day of spring, dad.
And I was like, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm still wiping your ass.

Speaker 2 What's going on there?

Speaker 2 Maybe this is the first day of not wiping your ass. How's that?

Speaker 2 Because the older you get,

Speaker 2 the more manly your shit gets, the more I get disgusted. The other day I had to call Astrid.
I was like, Astrid, I need your help on this one. I cannot deal with the smell.
It is a man smell. Yes.

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, all 13 children are still visiting me in the morning in my, in the tiny little, you know, your conference room? Cabinet that I have. Yeah, the water closet or whatever you call it.

Speaker 2 They're all come in, they file in, they talk to me.

Speaker 2 And I'm just like half asleep. I'm like, okay, guys.
Can I have a moment alone? Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy.

Speaker 2 Daddy, daddy, daddy. They don't have noses, I don't think.
I don't think smelling starts until you're like 20. I'm not sure what's going on there.

Speaker 2 It's awful. It's terrible.
And I remember my father. I mean, we all remember our father's ass.
Am I right or am I right?

Speaker 2 You don't. You don't? No.
You don't remember your father's ass.

Speaker 2 I mean, not like you.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 The smell of his ass, not his actual ass. No, the door was shut, and I knew I didn't want to go in there.
The door was shut, but that doesn't mean I wasn't able to smell my father's shit.

Speaker 2 I mean, for God's sakes. My mom was always sneaking around the house, I think, pooping when people weren't there.
She was of that ilk where a lady never let her smell be known.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 There is that smell.

Speaker 2 Thy lady shall never let thy poop be known.

Speaker 2 They shall keep her asshole clean and tidy.

Speaker 2 But my dad, you know, you got to talk to your dad sometimes.

Speaker 2 And sometimes when you had a father that was very busy like mine, traveling a lot, you know, sometimes, sometimes dad would call us when he, he had a water closet too his door is always closed but it was in this larger bathroom and sometimes in the morning brian i'd be like oh no oh no

Speaker 2 done done done done

Speaker 2 i can hear you from here dad it's good i'm cool get in there no

Speaker 2 Because that shit would burn the nose hairs right off you. I mean, my dad's a hearty guy from Chicago.
He's not some, you know, diminutive little flower eater. That's not what he does.

Speaker 2 He doesn't eat roses for breakfast. He has like bacon, eggs, pot roast.
I don't know what they eat in Chicago, you know, whatever they were eating, but he's a meat eater.

Speaker 2 And so, but the other day, I, I, my son,

Speaker 2 he can, one of my sons, he can wipe his own ass. That, he can do that.
Yeah. But sometimes you like to go in there for the double check.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 You got to go in there for the double check. I don't think I learned how to properly wipe my ass when I was like 14 years old.
And then maybe even not then.

Speaker 2 Like, it's a complicated procedure and you got to get it right. And it takes a long time to get to know your ass.
I mean, I'm just speaking truthfully here.

Speaker 2 Sorry if I'm disturbing your breakfast, but then, you know, daddy, I'm done. You know, I'm like, okay, let me come.
And I just walked in and walked right out. And I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, Astrid.

Speaker 2 He's like, what's wrong? And I'm like, nothing, don't worry about that.

Speaker 2 You're all good. It's all human.
It's all there. One of my kids came in the other day.

Speaker 2 I picked him up from school. And he was telling me about his day.
And he says, during a movie, we were watching a movie today. And during the movie, I had to fart.

Speaker 2 And he goes, so I farted and it was really loud.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, I was kind of laughing about it, you know, like, oh, that's a little embarrassing, but everybody farts. You can't hold it in.
You're going to ruin your stomach if you hold it in.

Speaker 2 You know, just say, excuse me, you know, when you're done. And I go, did all the kids go ew? And he goes, no, only two of my friends.
And I go, well, why did they go ew?

Speaker 2 And he goes, because they really don't like my farts. And I was like, well, who does?

Speaker 2 The other part of the class? Is it the other part of the class that does?

Speaker 2 I'm not sure. I don't know how all that works.
It's been a long time since I've been at school.

Speaker 2 Well, speaking of, though, I was wondering when you said you went to go pick him up,

Speaker 2 have you encountered any blowback or anything from

Speaker 2 the tail of you and the construction workers?

Speaker 2 Oh, that was a different school. So we have so many kids that they all go to different schools.
They're all in different grades and different schools have different grades and all this.

Speaker 2 No, actually, when I went to the school, well, you know, and but and I know now that at all the places that I go, the cat's just out of the bag.

Speaker 2 And certainly at Starbuck, the cat is way out of the bag because for the first time in 10 years, nine years of going there, someone said something to me directly.

Speaker 2 They asked me directly if I was, in fact, that guy from the commercial break. And I wanted to crawl, I wanted to die inside of a hole.
I was like, ah, this is the one place where no one.

Speaker 2 I mean, the one, I mean, anywhere else in the world besides the places that I know people, you're not going to know about the commercial break.

Speaker 2 But the place that I go to, eventually, curiosity kills the cat and they're trying to figure out, what does that guy do? But no one has ever asked me directly, what do you do?

Speaker 2 So, anyway, so everybody at this school where this tree incident happened, these tree guys incidents happened, the tree incident.

Speaker 2 It was an incident. It was an incident and it felt aggressive and scary.

Speaker 2 And especially when you have kid and you know, children in the back of the car, and these guys were just young and dumb and full of stupid energy and again we probably all could have handled it a little bit better but in the moment i just wanted to go like i just wanted to get out of the yeah i wanted to get out of the energy because you know in this day and age you never know how quickly that energy can turn into like violence it's just people are so fucking on edge all of us i'm not saying that that's everybody else and not me me too everybody's so on edge and we see so much crazy shit happening that at any given moment the things can just snap and you don't and then you can't take it back.

Speaker 2 But anyway, so I go, the principal of the school, you know, the way that the cars line up, she comes by and she clicks a button to say, okay, these kids need to be brought out so that they can be picked up or whatever.

Speaker 2 And we're friendly. And so she's, we're talking and I, and I said, oh, the tree guys aren't here today.
And she goes, oh, those tree guys, they were awful. And I go, oh, really?

Speaker 2 Did you see what happened to me? Because I assume she did because it was that everyone is yelling and screaming, and it's not very far away from where all the other parents and teachers were standing.

Speaker 2 And she goes, No, what happened? So I tell her the story, and she's like, Oh my gosh, those guys were awful.

Speaker 2 They wouldn't stop doing the trees while the kids were outside, and the wood chips are going everywhere. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 And she's like, And I had to ask them multiple times, and they still didn't listen to me. I am filing a complaint for them.

Speaker 2 And now I'm going to file a complaint on this too, because this is ridiculous. I'm going to talk to them.
And I said, Yeah. Coordination on whoever did that

Speaker 2 like straight out of a movie. I swear to God, this happens next.

Speaker 2 There's like two parking lots, one that you drive through, and then as you're driving to get to the front of the school, there's another side parking lot for a forest preserve, which is what I think they were cutting the trees down for, the forest preserve.

Speaker 2 But it's a tiny little forest preserve, but there's a parking lot there, small parking lot. And so I'm sitting there waiting to go and talking to her.

Speaker 2 And out of the side of my eye, I see a big truck pull up to park right in, like the car is facing the side of my car now, my passenger side in that extra parking lot.

Speaker 2 And guess who pulls up? The tree company. The tree company with the tree guys.

Speaker 2 Now, only one of the guys of the two guys that was involved in the incident and the less aggressive, I'd say the less aggressive one, they were both pretty fucking aggressive, but the less aggressive one is there.

Speaker 2 And it appears they're there with a supervisor because they're walking around and the supervisor is like pointing out these things or whatever.

Speaker 2 You know, you can tell he's just kind of like directing the charge. I don't think they noticed me, but I'll tell you what, it was crazy because as we were talking about it, they pulled up.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh my God, here we go again. But luckily nothing happened.
And it was just like the whole thing was just so stupid.

Speaker 2 Come on. Guys, what are you doing? Throwing cones at cars with kids in it and, you know, yelling and screaming and not paying attention.

Speaker 2 Just, come on.

Speaker 2 the whole world is fucking on fire right now and it just it really you can really sense the stress out there when you're driving everyone's driving aggressively when you're at a place you're just looking for the person that's gonna pop and someone's inevitably ready to pop people are yelling at each other it's just all so much like rev down

Speaker 2 chill out I know the world's on fire and everything's broken, broken and it's getting more broken by the day. I get that, but we're gonna,

Speaker 2 some of us are gonna survive. We're gonna, I guess.
I don't know. Some of us are gonna survive.
It's gonna be okay. I don't know.
I don't know how. I don't know when.
I don't know where.

Speaker 2 But some normalcy will return. It always does.
And we're just having a little bit of an upheaval right now, but we can't kill each other. That's what they want us to do.

Speaker 2 They want us to be at each other's throats because then we're distracted and they can do, they then they can plunder.

Speaker 2 They can plunder while we're distracted, fighting with each other over fucking cones in a parking lot. Honestly, it's so fucking ridiculous.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I go to

Speaker 2 Starbucks the other day. So let me finish the Starbucks story.
So I go to Starbucks the other day and I told you that I had suspected that one of the girls had figured it out.

Speaker 2 I put two and two together. Just some things that she said to me indicated to me that she, in fact, knew that I had the podcast and she knew which podcast it was.
But she didn't go directly at it.

Speaker 2 She didn't tell me that directly. And so I thought to myself, okay, well, she's going to keep my secret here.
At least, and I know, and I, and I like this girl.

Speaker 2 Like, I know she, she doesn't seem like the talker in the group. So I think, okay, all all right.
Well, my secret's safe with her. Like, we don't, and she's not going to be asking me every day.

Speaker 2 She's probably definitely not listening to the show. At least I don't imagine she is.

Speaker 2 She's young and has a life and she doesn't have time for all this.

Speaker 2 But then there's a new guy there. And the new guy the other day, he's like.

Speaker 2 I'm checking out and he already knows me. He's already saying hi, Brian.
He already knows my drink. He's only been there for like three weeks, but he's on, he's on the ball.
I like this kid.

Speaker 2 He's going to fit right in. So

Speaker 2 he's going to go far in this Starbucks. He's going to go far in Starbucks making my coffee before I even walk in the door.
I like this kid. He's a winner.
I can pick one that goes the distance.

Speaker 2 He's going to go the distance. So he says, Yeah, man.
What do you, so what do you do? You're like, you got, you know, you work from home. And I go, yeah, yeah, I work from home.

Speaker 2 And he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, I think I know what you do.
And I was like, you do? And he goes, I think, what do you do? And I go, tell me what you think. Yeah.
Well, that's what I said.

Speaker 2 I go, well, why don't you go first and then i'll confirm or deny based on it and he goes well there's a little rumor going around that you have a podcast and it's called like the commercial break or something like that and i go oh okay and he goes is that is that what you do is that true and i go listen come here you little fuck

Speaker 2 lean in glue i don't want anyone knowing exactly what i do It's a family thing, okay? You got it? Don't tell anybody. Don't tell anybody.
I actually says this to him. I go, hey, listen.
I go, yes.

Speaker 2 Okay. The truth is, yes.
It took me like 30 seconds to say yes because I was like, I don't know what to do here. I really don't want this secret out, but he's already got my number.
I can't say no.

Speaker 2 And then all he has to do is look up the fucking picture on the goddamn front of the podcast page. So I go, listen, yes.

Speaker 2 But honestly, I kind of like coming to Starbucks where I think that nobody knows what I do, not because I'm famous or anything like that, but because it's a little safe harbor from some of the stupid shit I might say on the fucking podcast.

Speaker 2 I don't want to have to answer, you know, I don't want it to answer every question about every fucking thing that I say. I am one of these guys.
This is why I do a podcast and not stand-up comedy.

Speaker 2 First of all, not funny. Second of all, could never just travel like that.
I have too many kids to, my wife would never let that happen.

Speaker 2 But third of all, I don't like the instant reaction about what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 I'd much prefer just go out there and you guys have a reaction in your own personal private space and I'll have my own reaction here. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 And so, I don't like the idea of having to answer for everything that I say on the show this morning. Like, where people are following up with you on some of the shows.

Speaker 2 So, you said this about Ariana Grande, but that's actually not true.

Speaker 2 Okay. Right.

Speaker 2 If I opened my mouth, it's probably not true. So, let's just get let's get that point across.
Yeah, you don't want fact-checking going on. No, we tried that.
It didn't work.

Speaker 2 It didn't work very well. We tried a fact-checker.
They checked too too many facts.

Speaker 2 They were too aggressively checking my facts. I didn't care for that.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, so the cat's out of the bag at the Starbucks.

Speaker 2 And what are you going to do? And it's spring equinox, so we're all just, you know, muddling through. I guess that's what happens.
And then I read.

Speaker 2 There are some things, believe it or not, that I agree with with this current administration.

Speaker 2 And one of the things that at least was like tweeted about or twitted or twatted or truthed or whatever the fuck is going on. X, I don't know, is that let's get rid of this time clock changing thing.

Speaker 2 And I couldn't be more in agreement with that sentiment. However, that is until I learned that our good friend Donald Trump doesn't want us to have more sunlight.
He wants us to have less sunlight.

Speaker 2 He thinks the clock should stay backwards and not forwards. Which is the original

Speaker 2 time. Which is the original time.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 But

Speaker 2 most people like it, right? Yes. More sunlight at night.

Speaker 2 Don't you want to be at the lake at 7.30, 8 o'clock at night with an extra hour of sunlight left or at the ocean or whatever it is you do, wherever it is you do.

Speaker 2 I spent time in Costa Rica, close to the equator, in case you're checking a map geographically, it's a little closer than I am right now.

Speaker 2 I spent time in Costa Rica and it's 12 on, 12 off, no matter the time of year, almost. You know, there's little changes, but it's much closer to, you know, even Stevens, if you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 I like that. 12 on, 12 off.

Speaker 2 You think you like it, but the sun comes up at like 5.30 and 6 in the morning, and then it goes down at 5.36 at night. I don't like that.
I don't want the sun to go down at 5.36 at night. I agree.

Speaker 2 Besides putting my kids to bed, there is no downside, in my opinion, to having it be light out at eight o'clock at night.

Speaker 2 It just, and I know that then it stays a little darker, a little longer, and it's dangerous for the kids in the bus. I don't care about the kids with the bus.

Speaker 2 I want to have an ice cream in an outdoor mall when it's it's light outside okay

Speaker 2 i think most people agree with that or at least the people i've talked to sane people agree with that but insane people want to give us less sunlight they want to give us more sunlight at three in the morning when no one's awake and and and then everyone has to wake up earlier because the chickens and all that

Speaker 2 and then we don't get that sunlight at the end of the day can't you give us a break yeah again i don't feel like that it's a big deal too because you know even though it's darker longer in the mornings if it's warm outside what that doesn't then if now if it's cold it's freezing if it's freezing cold oh

Speaker 2 dark in the morning but that's not the case i get it but listen going to work in school is never going to be less miserable do you know what i'm saying it's not going to be less miserable because the sun is out that's not going to happen you might be a few degrees warmer on those rare circumstances where you know the sun comes up and warms it up enough for you to feel it but let's admit it it's not like the sun pops up and all of a sudden it's 72 degrees in the middle of january it's not how it works.

Speaker 2 First of all, second of all, you're never going to like going to work or school. Never going to happen.
So it doesn't matter. Let's at least,

Speaker 2 this is what I'm trying to say to you, all you people who might agree with the clocks backwards.

Speaker 2 If we're going to have extra sunlight, let it be during the times when we're not supposed to be at work. It's done.
That's right.

Speaker 2 Yes. When I was working nine to five, which was for about a year of my life, when I was working nine to five, there's nothing, nothing in the world that I loved more than to hit the whistle.

Speaker 2 You know, everybody's working for the weekend.

Speaker 2 The five o'clock whistle, hit it, quit it, and go find a patio and sit there for a couple of hours with the sun shining on my face and drinking myself into oblivion because that's what Americans do because we're all fucking miserable.

Speaker 2 Okay, got it? So. Let's all get on the same page about this one.
And I understand that Mr. Trump is easily persuadable in certain situations.
And I think we should all twat at him or X

Speaker 2 to him. I don't even know what we do anymore.
Truth him, truthy social, or whatever it is. Is that even still a thing, truth social? Yeah.
Oh, okay. That's what he puts all his messages out on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what he puts all the, you know, that's where he takes all the money

Speaker 2 under the table.

Speaker 2 Let us all agree and hit him up and let him know that the way we actually want it is things to go forward, not backward, because it just doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 It makes no logical sense why you would want less sunlight at the end of the day

Speaker 2 when you're not working or at school. Let the kids have an extra hour of sunlight to play around.
Let me have an extra hour of sunlight because that's just what I like. I don't even have working.

Speaker 2 We don't even have working hours here, but if we did, we'd want extra sunlight.

Speaker 2 And then the regular people, you know, everybody else who works nine to five or whatever it is, let them have an extra hour of sunlight too.

Speaker 2 And let us not forget about the people who work the overnight shifts.

Speaker 2 You know, if we're worried about the kids going to school without sunshine, standing out in the bus, waiting for the bus without sunshine, what about

Speaker 2 the dancers, the strippers that have to go to work at eight o'clock at night? Are we not concerned about their safety also? That's right. We don't want them going to work in the dark.

Speaker 2 See, Brian's always thinking

Speaker 2 on a bus as well. That's right.
The short order cooks at Waffle House, the police officers, everyone who works that overnight shift starts at 8 o'clock at night.

Speaker 2 And we don't want them to be unsafe either. So, you know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
That's right.

Speaker 2 We learned about that in here at the School of Hard Knocks of the Commercial Break.

Speaker 2 It's Friday. I'm feeling a little squirrely.
So, I've decided to do something fantastic for the audience here. And this may be a two-parter.
We'll have to see.

Speaker 2 I pulled down the five scariest mountain monsters chases in mountain monster history. It's a compilation video.

Speaker 2 I wish I could tell you to go watch it on YouTube, but but it's 95% likely it's going to get banned by Travel Channel or Discovery H minus Max or whoever owns it. But we'll do our best.

Speaker 2 We'll do our best to get it up there. So why don't we do this? I know this is a little bit of a short segment.
Let's take a break.

Speaker 2 And when we get back, we're going to get right into it with some of our

Speaker 2 favorite guys. Huck, buck, chuck, everybody.
Chuck, fuck, Huckleberry number four or five or whatever they're on.

Speaker 2 Let's take a break. When we get back, we'll do some mountain monsters for you.
What do you think? I like it. We'll be back.

Speaker 3 Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB. And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue.

Speaker 3 Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears, and I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail.

Speaker 3 Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to tcbpodcast.com and visiting the contact us page.

Speaker 3 You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at tcbpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show?

Speaker 3 Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822.
Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode. Or you can make fun of us.
That'd be fine too.

Speaker 3 We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay.
Just send a text. We'll respond.
Now I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors.

Speaker 3 And then we'll return to this episode of the commercial break.

Speaker 1 This episode is sponsored in part by Rula. You know, there was a time when I really needed therapy, but I could not find a therapist who took my insurance.

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Speaker 2 Okay, man, has it been a long time since we've done a mountain monsters? Yes, it has. I don't know, months at least.

Speaker 2 We probably haven't done any in 2020. Maybe we did one for the 12 days of TCB.
We had to. I think so.
And we'll probably do one for the 12 hours of TCB. Stay tuned.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 So I'm just going to drop little hints here and there, but I think this one is coming together. I think this one we're definitely doing.

Speaker 2 Well, we have to now because we have people that are obligated to. We're obligated to have other obligations to have people do it.
But anyway, 12 hours of TCB.

Speaker 2 Chew on that one. We'll give you more details in April.
But

Speaker 2 Mountain monsters, some of our favorite,

Speaker 2 this is one of my favorite comedy shows of all time, if I'm being real honest.

Speaker 2 The mountain monsters are a hilarious group of Red Neckersons that are out there chasing all kinds of monsters from the Whisper Wolves to the

Speaker 2 Paw Paw Poppers. Yes, Skinny John Popper.
They're chasing everybody, chasing these mythological creatures through West Kentucky, it seems like. And

Speaker 2 they made a compilation of the top five five mountain monster chases or hunts quote unquote

Speaker 2 hunts I love it because it started off I mean what was the premise that it originally started off as like chasing bookfit bigfoot yeah bookfoot but

Speaker 2 we've been here for four hours we haven't recorded a fucking thing my mouse not working anymore I mean honestly we've been here diddling around

Speaker 2 oh some days it all comes together and some days it doesn't it's that sun over the equator it's making my brain fry. It's the thought of having less sunlight that's driving me crazy.
It really is.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Bigfoot started off with that and then just it's now anything. Yeah, it's now anything and everything and all kinds of made-up shit and you know, cow-killing bastards and everything.

Speaker 2 But Huck, Chuck, fucking Ron

Speaker 2 are back at it. The guy who yells too much.
Bill. Bill.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's Bill. Yeah.
It's Billy. Billy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Bill. What did you do to that one? Go go.
God damn better. it.

Speaker 2 Get down. God damn.

Speaker 2 All right. Cool.
I guess so. He literally does yell everything.
Oh, he does. Their level of excitement on the cutaways gets very intense.
Okay, here we are.

Speaker 2 Let's count down the top five and we'll get started now. As soon as I press play.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Number five. Another 50 yards and go up.

Speaker 2 That's a bitch.

Speaker 2 What is that?

Speaker 2 Look, look, look, look.

Speaker 2 Look, look, look, it's a tree coming down. Hey, guys, I took that chainsaw and cut that tree down for you like you told me to.

Speaker 2 I told you to cut the other one down.

Speaker 2 What we're seeing right now is a drone shot of a tree falling, and these guys are getting very excited. Because does a tree make a noise when it falls in the forest? I guess we're about to find out.

Speaker 2 Son of a bitch! That bitch was just took away. Son of a bitch!

Speaker 2 That tree done failed.

Speaker 2 Cowboy Kennedy.

Speaker 2 There he is. Wild Bill.
That's right. Hey, we're done to smoke some meth.
And then everyone looking at a tree falling down, and there's a TV and a drone and all kinds of shit. Ah, ah!

Speaker 2 And my teeth are falling out. Look at those teeth.
Oh, that is a picture of dental health.

Speaker 2 I'm purposefully pressing pause here so I can show my children later. Right, this is what happens when you're doing it.
That's right.

Speaker 2 They're so scared. They're so scared about this.
I did the same thing with my nephews. Oh, you got to do it.
You got to tell them all the bad things that'll happen. And you know what?

Speaker 2 They're mostly true. So at least you're not lying to them.
And big ass tree jumps crashing to the ground.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. You heard that high-pitched squall, and you you heard that tree knock you know exactly what took that tree down that was a big foot

Speaker 2 you know exactly what that was it was me i was doing it for fun

Speaker 2 that big foot that celibus just ripped that big ass tree down i think he just said big foot and celibate and he fucked that tree down it did sound like he said he did he said bigfoot is celibate he fucked that tree down cowboy ken he caught it right there on his drone ken get that drone back we need to get over there i want a cool name like cowboy ken

Speaker 2 you call me billabong brian or something

Speaker 2 i sure will can you call me backstreet brian yeah that's my new nickname backstreet brine

Speaker 2 again huckleberry looks like a totally different human being i swear to god they've had multiple huckleberries and why are they all wearing winter hats i don't know doesn't seem very cold outside kiddos we need to get over to where that tree just come down

Speaker 2 Why is he holding the drone like that? It's like he's waiting for it to lift him off the ground. Well, he's going to be waiting a long time.

Speaker 2 You know, whenever there's impending doom and danger and claws and teeth and bloody marks and lots of things on fire and blood splashing out of things, these guys will run right into it.

Speaker 2 They're the bravest guys I know. They really are.
Look here, look here. Look at you.
What do you got? What do you got, Buck? Damn, look at this, guys. Get the hell up here.

Speaker 2 Damn, guys. Look at this.

Speaker 2 Look at this main killing machine over here. Get over here.
Here they come. I guarantee that was pulled down with a thing.
Yes. You can see the trail right behind it.

Speaker 2 Clearly, there's been like a four-wheeler behind it.

Speaker 2 I've never seen so many quick shots of a fallen tree trying to make it look scary. I know, and they did it where it's like the, you know, tails from the dark side.
Yeah, the flash.

Speaker 2 Hey, look at this. Look at this.
My gosh. Look at this.
Look at this. Look at this.
Look at this. Look at this.

Speaker 2 Good night, John Boy. Good night, Mary.

Speaker 2 I spot that tree right up ahead. I hurry up and get up there.
And man, this thing is tore all to shreds. Look at that.
Oh, damn. You can see where to go.
Why would he shred a tree? Chrissy.

Speaker 2 Why? Why would they make a show like this?

Speaker 2 I fail to know the reasoning behind any of it. But it's highly entertaining.
I don't know. Look at this.
We're all entertained by a falling tree.

Speaker 2 And ripped to pieces. That's that damn tree did Bigfoot ripped down.
Think this. That's that damn tree did Bigfoot ripped down.
We know, Bill. We see it also.

Speaker 2 But thanks for pointing out the obvious. Squatch is going to get nicknamed Paul Bunyan.
Look at the size of this. Yeah, that's a tree.
Yeah. It's a big old ass.

Speaker 2 About probably 50, 60 years old, 70, somewhere around there.

Speaker 2 Probably 50, 60, 70. To be fair, it looks dead.
80, 90. Yeah, it does look pretty sickly.
I bet it didn't take a lot of force to just pull it down.

Speaker 6 Pissed off Bigfoot, guys.

Speaker 2 Yes, it is. Oh, you bet it is.
You think he got mad because we had that drone in there?

Speaker 2 You think he got mad?

Speaker 2 Because he had that drone.

Speaker 2 You think he got mad because I had an erection? You think?

Speaker 2 Because he had a drone in there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Bigfoot was upset.

Speaker 2 That's a good possibility. That's a good deal.
You think he was upset I hadn't washed my jeans in two years?

Speaker 2 You think he's pissed about something?

Speaker 2 Guys, I got a big question for you. What's that?

Speaker 2 Which one of you

Speaker 2 dealt it? Because I just

Speaker 2 who farted.

Speaker 2 No, that's just my beard.

Speaker 2 Bigfoot did this?

Speaker 2 Where's he at?

Speaker 2 I hadn't thought about that.

Speaker 2 Well, golly.

Speaker 2 Well, palm my dick and call me Rosie. You bring up a good point.

Speaker 2 My guess is not real far.

Speaker 2 Whispers are scary.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what I think we need to do, guys. It's starting to get dark.
We need to go back, get our lights, get our guns, get the thermal, and get back out here. That's right.

Speaker 2 We need to do this in the dark.

Speaker 2 Here's what we need to do. Let's hit old country buffet.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take a hot deuce.

Speaker 2 Load up a mountain dew. You wash your beard because it smells like shit.

Speaker 2 We'll get Billy to get us some mountain dews. Already done, boys.

Speaker 2 And we'll come back when it's pitch black.

Speaker 2 It'll be better for seeing stuff, you know.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 2 You want to grab that derm to see if we can't get it airborne, see if we can't get some action? We'll do. All right.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 holy! Right up in there. Cool.

Speaker 2 Right up in there.

Speaker 2 They're all pointing. They're all up in there.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, it was.

Speaker 2 Guys,

Speaker 2 the Han Song.

Speaker 2 Kill those lights and go to IR. Damn.

Speaker 2 Kill those lights and go to IR.

Speaker 2 What's IR? I don't know, but it sounds like

Speaker 2 we're watching NASA like a SpaceX launch now. Kill the lights.
Go to AR.

Speaker 2 Capcom, go. Kill the lights and go to AR.
Roger, Cap.

Speaker 2 All right, that sounded like it was just right up the hill. So wait, let me get this straight.
They kill the lights on the camera, but every single one of them

Speaker 2 is illuminated with a headlamp. Okay, gotcha.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah, that's not far. I know Ken didn't expect to be out here doing tree knocks and actually get a response.

Speaker 2 Oh, tree knocks.

Speaker 2 What is a tree knock?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 you remember when I told you about the whacking tree?

Speaker 2 The whacking tree. You ever seen a porn movie where the male in the movie smacks his erect penis on a vagina of a young, lovely woman? Well, that's called a tree knock.

Speaker 2 And what we do do here is we run around whacking our dicks against trees, hoping that Bigfoot does the same in response. It's his call-in card.

Speaker 2 Right up in there. Cool.
That was a damn tree knock. Hell yes, it was.
Welcome, Cowboy Ken. You're a names member.
All right, here's the boy.

Speaker 2 Welcome, Cowboy Ken. You're officially a names member.
You're the one we're going to feed the Bigfoot.

Speaker 2 Willie, Bill,

Speaker 2 Cowboy Ken. Willie, Bill, other Bill, other Billy, Huck, Huck, Huck number three, and Cowboy Ken, you go first.
I'll be back here.

Speaker 2 It's snack time. I'm contractually obligated to have three snacks a half-hour.

Speaker 2 All right, you three start up the holler about 150 yards. Start working on the side of that hill.

Speaker 2 Jeff, Huck, we're gonna go up this way, and we're gonna spread out and see if we can't get our eyes on this thing.

Speaker 2 Hey, guys.

Speaker 2 Hey, guys, I don't walk so good.

Speaker 2 Anyone got a four by?

Speaker 2 check this out

Speaker 2 it's a tree

Speaker 2 yes look at this wow my gosh look at this thing

Speaker 2 man that's creepy look man that's a

Speaker 2 tree i know it's just a tree it's an oak tree oh my god geez

Speaker 2 we're really desperate for really desperate for

Speaker 2 Some kind of attention here, huh? We're walking along this trail. All of a sudden, we look up, and here's this big old honey locust, locust, all gnarled together, twisted together.

Speaker 2 That old honey locust is a little bit more.

Speaker 2 It's a honey locust. Oh, interesting.
You learn something new every day on mountain monsters. This is a teaching show.
Yeah. Redirection.
It is.

Speaker 2 Looking up at this tree, this don't give me any good feelings. Sure, looks like it should be Bigfoot Country.

Speaker 2 What constitutes looking like it should be Bigfoot Country?

Speaker 2 Oh, this looks like a tree, Yoni, having her moon cycle.

Speaker 2 Telling you guys, that's a devil tree.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you guys, I saw this on Instagram. It's called the Devil Tree.

Speaker 2 And we're supposed to sacrifice to it by, I don't know, doing a little dance and then two stretches and a downward dog. We better get on our paws, boys.
Hey, it's creepy looking.

Speaker 2 Ain't it?

Speaker 2 Hey, okay. Hey, step back.

Speaker 2 Hey, get the fuck out of the way. Hey, guys.

Speaker 2 Here's a side-by-side trail. Oh, hell yes.
Oh, yeah. Oh, hell yes.
You hadn't noticed that you were walking on a side-by-side trail before. No.

Speaker 2 It's just come upon you that there's a side-by-side trail. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That nest in that video was right along the side-by-side trail.

Speaker 2 Nest.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Guys, Bigfoot in a nest.

Speaker 2 Guys, got Bigfoot nest.

Speaker 2 I make nests for my Bigfoot eggs.

Speaker 2 Just making my Bigfoot nest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's big fat people.

Speaker 2 Quick, knock the tree.

Speaker 2 Take Dick, whack across tree. Make him scared.

Speaker 2 In that video that Jeff has of that nest, you can clearly see a side-by-side trail right nearby. That nest, it may not be.
Okay, we've all been using cell phones for about 20 years now, and I guess

Speaker 2 whatever raccoon Jim or whatever his name is has the inability to hold a phone straight so he can get an actual picture of something. Bigfoot nest, it just looks like a bunch of weeds.

Speaker 2 You ready? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's keep working,

Speaker 2 boys.

Speaker 2 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, listen.

Speaker 2 I got my gun out. Pew pew, pew, pew.

Speaker 2 I know. They're just trying to walk through a forest.
It's not very foresty. There's no trees.
But okay, I get it. Listen.
Did you hear that?

Speaker 2 He's got a nine millimeter in his hand.

Speaker 2 He's like pointing at things with it. I know.
I think that's like the rule number one of gun safety is you don't use your gun as a pointer.

Speaker 2 Sounds like something's moaning or crying or something out of there.

Speaker 2 He's coming right away right, careboys. Right over there.
Cowboy's like, I was just supposed to do the drone shots. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How am I out here now? He's like, listen,

Speaker 2 somebody called me and said, you got a dundra. You done got a drone? And they said, you want to be on a TV show? I didn't bargain for all this Bigfoot shit.

Speaker 2 You go first.

Speaker 2 Go easy, Bill.

Speaker 2 Go easy, Bill. Go easy.
Has Bill ever gone easy on anything?

Speaker 2 No, he hasn't, Brian. No, I can't do that.

Speaker 2 Guys, there's really not that many side-by-side trails that we've found here in the Tiger Valley. No.

Speaker 2 No, meanwhile, these guys are having a stroll.

Speaker 2 You know what? I really haven't noticed too many side-by-side trails down here on Tiger Valley.

Speaker 2 You know, in 1947, Tiger Valley got his name because they found an actual tiger. No, I didn't know that, Buck.
Meanwhile, these other three are pointing guns at each other.

Speaker 2 Keep the thermal moving, Jen. All right, I got her, buddy.
Keep the thermals.

Speaker 2 And again, there is nothing smarter, in my opinion, when it comes to safety and security than sending one team one way and one team the other way to circle back around when everybody's got guns.

Speaker 2 That's right. Take out the thermals.
It's 42 degrees. Max.
Take your time, bro. Take your time.

Speaker 2 Hey, look here. Look here.
Look here.

Speaker 2 What you got? What do you got? Wow, it's a stick.

Speaker 2 I found a stick.

Speaker 2 Pine limbs. Pine limbs.
Pine limbs. Hmm.
Something seems awful suspicious in Tiger Valley on this side-by-side trail. Pine limbs, I wonder where they are coming from.

Speaker 2 Probably the pine tree, Buck.

Speaker 2 They zoom in on the pine lambs.

Speaker 2 We've got to be getting close to that nest. The whole outside nest was covered in pine limbs.
Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was.
Uh-huh. Here's a specific tree he likes to build a nest with.

Speaker 2 Pine leaves and huckle fin, and uh, what was that? Huckle honeysuckle, or whatever it was. Huckle honeysuckle.

Speaker 2 That's one creepy honey suckle.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the whole nest made out of pine limbs. Look around, do you see any pine trees? I ain't seeing one right here.

Speaker 2 He's importing them in. Yeah.
Special purpose nest.

Speaker 2 Hello. It's me, Bigfoot.

Speaker 2 Hello? Yes, me, Bigfoot. Need some more honeysuckle puckle and pine leaves, yes.

Speaker 2 Making big nest, I am. don't tell anybody.

Speaker 2 I'm a prime member. Do I get that overnight? Yes, okay, all right.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Let me ask a question: if they're in search of this supposed Bigfoot nest, why didn't the guy who found the bigfoot nest just tell them where it is? Why didn't they just let him know?

Speaker 2 Why are they running around like this?

Speaker 2 Yeah, face them. Come on, Bongo Brian.

Speaker 2 Yeah, come on, Captain Kim, or whatever your name is, cowboy Captain Kim.

Speaker 2 Guys, Guys, look at this.

Speaker 2 Dang. We didn't even notice that was right next to us the entire time.

Speaker 2 Oh my god.

Speaker 2 It's a ball of twine.

Speaker 2 What you guys can't see is that they're just, you're not missing anything. Like, visually, you're not missing anything.

Speaker 2 They're just walking around the woods, picking up sticks and making, you know, illogical conclusions about it.

Speaker 2 But they just turned literally to the right, and two feet in front of them is this big ball of sticks and twigs and pine and honeysuckle puckle and all this stuff.

Speaker 2 They couldn't see that during the day. No, they couldn't.
They had to wait. They had to do that at night.
Of course, Chrissy, it makes more sense when you can use the thermals.

Speaker 2 Number one, number two, you can turn on the IR. Number two.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure you would have seen that regardless of what day or time of night it is. The thing is huge.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good crafting on behalf of the staff there, by the way.

Speaker 2 Sage design. There it is.

Speaker 2 Wow, they have a lot of shots of it. You know what I'm saying? They seem like they've taken a lot of b-roll of this particular thing.

Speaker 2 Oh, and there's lights. Oh, there was a little door.

Speaker 2 There's a little door.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 Bigfoot, while he may not, you know, he might be the kind of creature that tears down trees and tree limbs and all that, He has excellent landscape and hardscape taste.

Speaker 2 He's got great lighting outside. I want that kind of lighting outside in our landscape, actually.
Astro won't let me pay for it. Never seen anything like this.

Speaker 2 I've also never seen tree lighting in the middle of the forest. But hey, what am I? Who am I?

Speaker 2 They have lights all around it. They do.
They're not even pretending to hide them. There's just lights.
They have spooky,

Speaker 2 atmospheric, clearly set up professional lighting casting a shit it's like a ride at disney world

Speaker 2 well that was it yeah they're not going to show you the end like all these videos they that and and and obviously i don't have the rights to watch the i don't have any of the rights to do any of this i'm just I'm this is under fair use, so I'm making commentary on it.

Speaker 2 But on

Speaker 2 YouTube, they don't show the conclusion of any of these. Not most of them.
What they really show is like the teaser, and then they want you to go watch the episode.

Speaker 2 But this is the five best hunts or the scariest hunts. So we're going to do number four in the next segment.
I'm going to take a short break. We'll do number four in the next segment.

Speaker 2 And then if we need to, I guess we can just roll into. I think we're going to have to.
Yeah, why not? The guys and the kids love it out there.

Speaker 2 It's the only thing that they love, apparently, is the big foot. But that's okay.
I'll give you what you want. All right.
Let's take a break. We'll be back.

Speaker 2 Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief.

Speaker 3 Follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break. Text or call us 212-433-3TCB.
That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker.

Speaker 3 Then watch all the videos at youtube.com/slash the commercial break. And finally, share the show.
It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian?

Speaker 2 That really wasn't that difficult now, was it?

Speaker 3 You're welcome.

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Speaker 2 All right, we're back with the boys from Mountain Monsters. We're checking out their five scariest hunts for various different monsters.
We just saw them

Speaker 2 come across a Bigfoot nest that was well lit and actually looks kind of cozy. It did.
Yeah, it looked like something you'd find like in the Hobbit or something. Fire Fest or something like that.

Speaker 2 You know, like a glamping, glamping location. Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Let's get back to it with number four. Here we go.

Speaker 2 Look there. Look.
Look right there. There's a lightning bolt.
We're in Blair County, Pennsylvania, and we're going after the lightning man.

Speaker 2 The lightning man. The lightning man.
He looks very

Speaker 2 much like what you would think a big man. Bigfoot.
That's right. Just a little

Speaker 2 way more fangier. Lots more fangs.

Speaker 2 That's a Bigfoot. He strikes out of the darkness and then just vanishes.
That means he's damn quick. He's agile.

Speaker 2 He'll be out of the dark, on top of you, and going before you know you got your guts ripped out.

Speaker 2 Damn.

Speaker 2 Well, that was descriptive. The lightning man.

Speaker 2 Well, that explains a lot. That explains a lot.
That explains a lot of things that happened to me in the woods as a kid. It was the lightning man.

Speaker 2 Look at the steam coming out of that. Yeah, right there.

Speaker 2 That's right. It's a hot, steamy pile of shit.
Uh-oh. earthquake.
Here we go.

Speaker 2 Town was out. That's thunder.

Speaker 2 Thunder brothers. We gotta get it.
The thunder brothers.

Speaker 2 The thunder brothers.

Speaker 2 The thunder brothers.

Speaker 2 It sounds like a gay porn duo.

Speaker 2 This Tuesday, the Thunder Brothers bring their variety review and strip teas to Backstreet Atlanta.

Speaker 2 Piss on it.

Speaker 2 And we need that pipe. So I stuck it on my feet.
I just

Speaker 2 pissed on it. He pissed on it.

Speaker 2 He's pissing on it.

Speaker 2 Some reason, the Thunder Brothers left a pipe or the Lightning Man or whatever left a pipe that was too hot to touch. And they need it.
For what reason, I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's like hieroglyphs in ancient Egypt. They need to get out of the tomb and quickly.
It's like

Speaker 2 real Harrison Ford.

Speaker 2 So he's pissing on it. Oh, my God.
Come on, guys. You're bringing this down.
I thought this was a family show. Pissed on a damn thing and cooled it off.
Here, here, take that off.

Speaker 2 Here, you grab it with your bare hands.

Speaker 2 Oh, lovely.

Speaker 2 That's nasty. Let's go.

Speaker 2 I'm surprised with my prostate, I was able to get anything out, but it dribbled out.

Speaker 2 Why did they need to buy it? I don't know. Why did he need to piss on it? Why did the other guy pick it up with his hands? Is piss really going to cool it off that much? Not there, about 20, 30 yards.

Speaker 2 It sounds like something's beating on the trees.

Speaker 2 Almost like thunder. See,

Speaker 2 thunder, almost like thunder. Like thunder.

Speaker 2 Right out through there.

Speaker 2 I just caught movement right up through there. Shoot.

Speaker 2 this was one instance when they weren't pointing the gun at each other they were actually able to get a clear shot that's right they saw he said he saw movement i'd just start shooting if it was me i'd just start indiscriminately shooting into the air boom boom boom boom boom boom just side to side like a movie hoping to hit something

Speaker 2 the lights out shit wip up bucks that's the light command

Speaker 2 yeah good deal good deal buck good deal yeah get that lighter out yeah good deal get that lighter out that'll shed a bunch of light on the situation. Nothing illuminates a room like a lighter.

Speaker 2 Go in here now.

Speaker 2 Stick one of them big hairy paws in her now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I got a lighter. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 How dare you.

Speaker 2 I dare you! Stick your dirty mugs in here now. I got a pissy pipe for the hot lighter that's burning my thumb.

Speaker 2 I also have a gun, but I'm not going to use that.

Speaker 2 We're in trouble. I'm losing fluid.
We're losing fluid.

Speaker 2 You couldn't hold the lighter that long anyway. They're going to explode in your hand.

Speaker 4 I'm out.

Speaker 2 Oh, that was conveniently quick.

Speaker 2 I've had Bic lighters for five years

Speaker 2 that never ran out.

Speaker 2 When I smoked cigarettes, I had one lighter, I swear to God, for five years. It never ran out of fluid.
And I did a lot of things with that lighter, a lot, but I never chased a Bigfoot with it.

Speaker 2 Well, however, he conveniently had it lit for 30 seconds and it ran out of fluid. See nothing.
I can't see a thing.

Speaker 2 Hear him. I hear him.
I hear him. I hear him.

Speaker 2 I hear him hollering. Come on, let's go.

Speaker 2 Here come the Thunder Brothers.

Speaker 2 Here come the Thunder Brothers. Be careful.
We mean you no harm. We just want to show you our new routine.
Look.

Speaker 2 Clap them cheeks. Clap them cheeks.

Speaker 2 Found it. You got it.
We got it. We got it.
Got it out of here. Damn, brother.
Take this last piece. We got it.
I'm right directly in front of you. I'll scream loud.
You got the piss pipe?

Speaker 2 I got the piss pipe.

Speaker 2 You got the deadliner? I do.

Speaker 2 We've got all the ingredients for what I don't know.

Speaker 2 We've got to get that axe put together, and we've got to do it fast. Let's do it.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
Let's do it. Let's do it.

Speaker 2 We got that piece of pipe we believe has that second piece of that lashing in it. The only way to get it open is beat it open.
What?

Speaker 2 What are these guys doing?

Speaker 2 Why are they beating open?

Speaker 2 Yeah, all of a sudden, it's an Indiana Jones adventure. It's a choose your own adventure.
This is a Dan Brown novel now. I don't know what's going on.
Is that it? Is that it?

Speaker 2 That's it. That's it.
That's it. That's it.
Oh, my boy. That's it.
Oh, there it is. It's a piece of my shit.

Speaker 2 Well, to cool it off, you see, I stuck it on my ass

Speaker 2 and relieved myself. Oh, yeah! We just got that pipe open, and there it was.
That's the other piece of that lashing we was looking for. Now we have all the pieces of the thunder axe.

Speaker 2 The thunder axe? What the fuck is a thunder axe? They're fitting it together. Oh, my God.
This has gone way out of control. Now it's a Marvel movie.

Speaker 2 Where's Thanos when you need him?

Speaker 2 That's it. We got.
We got. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 They had a gun. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everyone's got guns, but they're all excited about a thunder axe made with lashing and a piece of shitty wood.

Speaker 2 We got the thunder axe. Get you!

Speaker 2 This is like a a 4chan board come to life. We call the Thunder Axe.

Speaker 2 Storm the Capitol.

Speaker 2 We have the power.

Speaker 2 We just got the Thunder Axe assembled. We need to get it in that safety box and give the Lightning Man his chance to touch it.
Come on, guys. Come on.

Speaker 2 What? This sounds really complicated for a mythological, dumb-dumb creature. Like for a walking ape? Really?

Speaker 2 The trap is set. The thunder axe is in the security box.
Now we have to back off and let the lightning man do his part. All right, as much as I hate to do this part.

Speaker 2 We have to leave that thunder axe here and we have to back out. Yeah.

Speaker 2 As much as I hate to do this, we gotta let Thunderman stick his hot loins in there. And then when he does,

Speaker 2 he will jizz lightning and we will all become all-powerful.

Speaker 2 All mythological creatures will bow to our will.

Speaker 2 We have the thunder axe.

Speaker 2 Full of pee, but it's the thunder axe nonetheless. Give the lightning man his chance to touch that thunder axe.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Huckleberry, Bill, Jeff, get up high on that ridge about 100 yards back behind the trap. All right.
Will you come with me? We're going to hit that high ridge. Will you come with me?

Speaker 2 We're going to hit that Krispie Kreme.

Speaker 2 We're going to hit that Krispie Kreme 30, 40 yards out, and then we'll be

Speaker 2 back. Yeah.
You guys wait for certain death. I'll be at the Krispy Kreme.
Kreme. Jump on this side, trapdoor goes down, we come running.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.

Speaker 2 Looks like, man, this storm conveniently came out of nowhere during the Lightning Man episode. That's kind of crazy or well-timed.

Speaker 2 What was that? What was that? What was that?

Speaker 2 What was that?

Speaker 2 Billy?

Speaker 2 Billy? Wanda?

Speaker 2 Billy!

Speaker 2 You better get over here right now. I go on the inside like I don't make my pancakes.
It's a goddamn venture chicken fried home. You've been out of here all night with your boyfriend.

Speaker 2 Hey, I told you I was all the way down to hanging out. God damn.

Speaker 2 You better stop playing out here with your boyfriend.

Speaker 2 I do. What if I do?

Speaker 2 I don't see anything. Easy now.
Easy. Be ready.
Be ready, Bill. Give us like your hug.
Remember, we gotta let him touch that thunder axe. Easy, easy.
Go slow. I don't want to die too quickly now.

Speaker 2 You gotta let him touch that thunder, that PP thunder axe.

Speaker 2 This is just wild to me that they found a pipe, they pissed on it, inside the pipe was a lashing, that then they found a rock, that then they put a piece of wood together

Speaker 2 to make a thunder axe, and that thunder axe needs to be touched by the lightning man, and then the thunder broke

Speaker 2 inside the security box, and then I don't know what happens. What happens then? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Oh, everyone exploded!

Speaker 2 Did you hear that very realistic explosion noise? That sounded like a cartoon.

Speaker 2 Tree's on fire. That's lightning bolt right there! Harker!

Speaker 2 That was a lightning bolt right there.

Speaker 2 I guess Buck did have some extra fluid in his lighter.

Speaker 2 He lit the tree on fire.

Speaker 2 The tree right there. The only tree in the entire forest that has been lit on fire.
Can you see it directly in front of us? Where?

Speaker 2 Come on, Bill. Come on.
We got the jerk. Go, go, go.

Speaker 2 Jeff! Jeffro! Jeffro! Hit right there! Damn! Hey, Jeffro! Jeffro! Jeff Row! Holy poke arm, Bill! Jeff! Jeff! Why is there a tree? Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeffro! Jeff!

Speaker 2 It's clear, the more you yell his name, the more he will recover from the certain lightning strike.

Speaker 2 It's in the medical textbooks.

Speaker 2 Lightning! In my 49 years in the woods, I've never had a lightning.

Speaker 2 You can feel the power. Holy shit! That kid's been out there for 100.
Oh, yeah, this 49. That's just how many years he's been out in these woods this time.

Speaker 2 It was the first 22 years of his life. He took a short break in Paducah, and then he came back.
Oh, knocked him right out of his shoes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is he all right? This one. He never got closer than that.
Buck, he was standing right there. Right there.
I'm in his shuck to the ground.

Speaker 2 Let's forget about medical attention and recall exactly what happened.

Speaker 2 I got some bad news, brother. What? Your moot, blue walls, and you pissed your pants.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my Willet, my tallywhacker.

Speaker 2 He's been pissing all over the place this time.

Speaker 2 He's had a lot. He had to go.

Speaker 2 He had to go. That's all right.

Speaker 2 That's all right. That's all right.
We'll clean you up. We always do.
We'll catch you new ones. That's all right.
You're lucky to be alive, yes, sir.

Speaker 2 All I remember is Huckleberry and Bill going down over that hill. Next thing I saw, a flash of light, a huge boom, blew the piss out of me.
My boot flew off.

Speaker 2 That's the brightest light I've ever seen in my whole life. You're lucky to be alive.
You're lucky to be alive. Don't worry.
We don't need any additional medical attention for that lightning strike.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, you're fine. You might hear a buzz for a couple of days, and radios might turn channels when you walk by them, but don't worry about it.

Speaker 2 Lightning hit a tree that close. Oh man, 10 feet away? Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's a trapdoor.

Speaker 2 Huckleberry, stay with Jeff. Let's go.
Let's go. Let's go.
Let's go.

Speaker 2 We heard the trapdoor go down. We need to hurry up and get up there.

Speaker 2 Then we gotta slow down and ease in because that lightning man could still be right there. Said every woman he has ever slept with.
Slow down, ease in before the Thunderman gets here.

Speaker 2 All right, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy, easy. That lightning man, Thunder Brothers could be right here.
Cause, Cossack, there's a trap, there's a trapdoor. The trapdoor's down.

Speaker 2 Watch, make sure they're not here, Willie. I'm a looking, I'm a looking.
Willie, go to the right of the. I'm a looking.
I'm a looking.

Speaker 2 I'm putting an A in front of looking to make it sound like I'm a little more redneck than I actually am. I'm a looking.

Speaker 2 Bill, cover the front. I'm gonna head around to the left.
Let's check it out. Make sure he's he has to be close.
Hey, Bill's here, guys. Keep your eyes open.
I ain't saying nothing. What's that?

Speaker 2 What was the trap? I don't know. It doesn't matter.
It's all just moving cameras really fast so you can't see anything.

Speaker 2 Thunder axe is in the trail, yeah. Jeff! Come on, Jeff.

Speaker 2 Jeff, Jeff! I thought you just got hit by lightning, but come over here and see the

Speaker 2 see our thunder axe. It's really cool.
I've got a he-man and sheer playset also.

Speaker 2 Go easy now, go easy. Jeff, go easy now.
I think you also shat yourself. I can smell it from here.

Speaker 2 I think it's PP and Pooh Pooh, if you know what I mean. We got the thunder axe.
It's in the track! Hallelujah, boys!

Speaker 2 Hallelujah, boys! I got struck by lightning, lightning, shit myself, lost my ability to get an erection, and I got a terrible headache. But woohoo, we got a thunder axe, whatever that means.

Speaker 2 And the team quickly sent the thunder axe to the Smithsonian for additional research because, you know, the thunder axe and all that shit.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Everyone settle down.

Speaker 2 It's getting too loud in here.

Speaker 2 Oh, fucking the boys.

Speaker 2 Well, there just has never been a better episode.

Speaker 2 I love the mountain monsters

Speaker 2 to death. I just think this is the funniest show that has ever been.
It really is.

Speaker 2 And it's hard for me to imagine that there is any human being out there that is watching this with any degree of seriousness. But it's possible that there is someone out there

Speaker 2 believing this this stuff, and I feel bad for their relatives. That's how I got it.
Maybe in the first couple of seasons, but aren't they on like season 20?

Speaker 2 I think they're actually only on season number eight or nine, but I believe that they are not making any more new mountain monsters. I think they canceled it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right before you get that lucrative, you know, syndication contract. It always works that way.
Uh-huh. That works trying to save money.
But don't worry, it'll be...

Speaker 2 I think it's on Max right now.

Speaker 2 It'll float to Netflix or something like that.

Speaker 2 But what are those boys going to do after they get done with this? Do you think they made enough money to just kind of walk off into the sunset? Well, depending on where they live.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 it's in the woods. You'd be surprised.

Speaker 2 I bet these guys live in like Manhattan. They're probably in the Hamptons or something.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I bet they clean up nice. They at least have a big lake cabin.
Yeah, for sure. They're living on some lake in Kentucky.

Speaker 2 And they'll always be famous

Speaker 2 to those who know.

Speaker 2 To those who want. Yeah, you know, it goes to show.
Make content. Somebody out there will enjoy it.
How many people? I don't know, but you know.

Speaker 2 We love it. So that's it.
You can keep making them forever. We'd keep breaking them down.
All right.

Speaker 2 All the audio and the video is now and always has been available on our website at tcbpodcast.com. It's hot.
It's a hot website, but you don't have to piss on it.

Speaker 2 Pick it up with your hands.

Speaker 2 Like I said, all the audio all the way.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I have no idea. That's a good question.

Speaker 2 Hit the contact us button if you want your free swag. Give us your address.
We'll send you some. 212-433-3TCB.
212-433-3822.

Speaker 2 Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas at the commercial break on Instagram and youtube.com slash thecommercial break for all of the episodes the same day they air here on the audio feed.

Speaker 2 Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. I think so.
I love you. I love you.
Best to you.

Speaker 2 And best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I will say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

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