For Your Consideration: Nextdoor & Ask TCB

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Head to tastemate.com slash podcast to get started. And welcome back to WSHIT's evening news.
It's news you can use before you snooze. I'm Karen Doubletree with today's headlines.
Controversy today in Crabapple as the newly unelected head of Doji, the Department of Gross and Competence, sent officials to the Department of Transportation to cut the power to all the traffic signals and remove all stop signs from the Crabapple Main Street. Director Zanadu Susk told WSHIT in a statement these moves were made in an effort to cripple the town's traffic and make parking lots more accessible for his helicopter.
One of the officials charged with the responsibility of turning off all the traffic lights and removing the stop signs, calling himself Reaper the Sleeper, was targeted with negative feedback and comments on his Instagram page. In a press conference earlier this afternoon, he had this to say.
Good morning, everybody. Hello, this is Reaper and I am am back with another announcement.
All right, all you bitches, all you females, all you women, if you are coming to my page, go fuck yourself, because I am not leaving my video games for no bitch. I'm sorry.
Video games are my priority. Women are nothing but total disgrace to this fucking society.
I'm sorry, but you girls are not of of interest to me I don't know how many times I can say that Without actually going blue in the face But I'm being factual So please, find another man to bother Please go fuck yourself Video games for life Beeper then went on to add that while he understands The anger around the decisions being made Part of his compensation package Includes being in a room with a real live female and the ability to access an AI sex robot whenever he wanted. But he assured Crabappliance that all of the stop signs are safely tucked away in his mom's

basement. And now with a check of traffic, everything's a mess and the whole town's

falling apart. We'll be back after this commercial break.
On this episode of the commercial break. And the special effects don't look like special effects.
They don't give it away. The guy rides a big giant worm and you don't know.
You're like, oh, where did they get a big giant worm from? Because it's so realistic. Like Arturo in the NeverEnding Story? Yeah, Atreyu.
Atreyu. Atreyu.
He's Italian. He's from the planet of Atelian.
Arturo. That's so funny.
Atreyu! The next episode of the commercial break Starts now Oh yeah cats and kittens Welcome back to the commercial break I'm Brian Green This is my dear friend and the co-host of this show Chris and Joy Hoadley Best of you Chris Ed Best Chris. Best to you, Brian.
Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us.
We are smack dab in the middle or at the beginning of March Madness, Chrissy. Yes, we are.
Yes, we are. I filled out a bracket.
Jeff and I just do it for fun. Yeah, you know.
And have you ever won a bracket? No. No, either have I.
I came really close in like 1999, and I got very excited. And then sometime in the last couple of years, I stopped filling out the brackets because I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
I have no fucking clue. I tried to actually ask AI, and it was jumbled all up.
It couldn't figure it out either. Yeah, well, you know, yeah, it's like, because the thing is, is that every year, every year, there are these Cinderella teams that just go on a run and they fuck your bracket all up.
And I don't like that. Like, I'm the guy who goes, oh, number one versus number three.
Right. Number one.
Oh, number 10 versus number four. Number four.
I'm that guy every year because I'm a fucking lug nut and I know nothing about sports. And I think to myself, I'm being smart about this.
And then I'll like randomly choose one. It'll be like number 13 against number 12.
And I'll be like number 13. Just because you like that step.
Yes, I like that one. I like those guys.
I like that. And inevitably I'm done after the first round.
I mean, I think a couple of years ago I like okay until they got to the Sweet 16, and then I just got blown. I had one team I had X'd out in the first round.
They ended up winning the whole thing. I forget who it was, but whatever.
I do enjoy watching it. I remember our first, I think it was our first year working together at Clear Channel at the radio station.
I mean, everybody was just out at the bar. Yeah.
Watching the games on like the Thursday. Yes.
Yes. Because, you know, radio.
That's why. Because radio.
Yeah, we actually didn't need March Madness for an excuse to be at the bar in the middle of the day. No.
I will never forget U.S. Open, Tiger Woods, Monday, a Monday extra rounds because they were tied, right? So, you know, you go into playoff and it was, I forget the guy's name, the Japanese guy.
He was so good. And Tiger Woods with a broken leg.
Oh, yeah. And they had to play 18 holes.
And it started at like 830 in in the morning, and they put that on in one of the conference rooms, and no one got a fucking thing done the entire day. It was six hours of watching Tiger Woods.
Someone went and got some beer. And it was just like playing hooky.
Meanwhile, there's no ads running in the radio shows. No sales being made, yeah, there's a tornado warnings just running back to back to back on these major radio stations here in Atlanta.
We're all watching Tiger Woods. The entire world was watching Tiger Woods.
Any excuse? Any excuse? I saw he just died of the Achilles heel thing. Yeah, he's done.
He's done. Did you see that he's dating Don Jr.'s ex-wife?

Hey, listen, why not? Why not? Why not? I mean, you know, it all goes back to Trump, I guess, at the end of the day. I mean, Tiger's no fool.
He's one of those billionaires that's going to benefit from tax cuts. He's like, let me get in this family.
Let me get in this family. listen, I have my thoughts about Tiger Woods as a human being.
It's neither here nor there. His private life is his private life.
But his private life became so public for so long that it's hard to ignore some of the drama around Tiger. but he has just had accident and incident after accident and incident.
He abused the shit out of his body with that golf swing.

And he's done he's not going to play competitive golf at any kind of level ever again i'm convinced of that and that's sad to know because tiger woods really was oh one of sports most interesting things i mean he he's just a different. It's like Michael Jackson, Tiger Woods.
I don't know. You know, Tom Cruise, Michael Jordan.
These people, they just defy gravity in a way that's really hard to understand. They capture the world's attention and they have the goods to back it up.
And then every time, there was a time there when almost every time Tiger Woods teed it up, he was in contention or winning. He won like 12 tournaments one season or something.
I mean, just like unbelievable. He was so much fun to watch and you could count on him winning.
So it was, you know, it was great. You and I would watch golf all the time with Mickelson.
Mickelson and Woods at that Masters and Mickelson hit that shot off the pine straw. That was great.
It turns out he's a creep too. Wouldn't date me.
It wouldn't surprise me if he's dating one of the Trumps also. I mean, he's just, now he's in bed with the Saudi Arabians.
It's whatever, you know, don't meet your heroes. That's all I got to say.
Don't meet your heroes. But the March Madness gets me every year.
I love it. I love to watch.
I'll start paying attention here over the weekend. But one of the things that I was paying attention to was this story about the University of West Virginia not getting into the tournament.
You know, they have a selection committee that essentially selects all of the teams. And there are some that's just obvious they're going to be in the tournament.
Duke, right? They're going to be in the tournament. They're like the number one team or whatever.
They're going to be in the tournament, no doubt. But then there's these on the bubble teams.
They call them on the bubble teams. And the selection committee selects those teams.
And this year, they selected UNC, the University of North Carolina, over the University of West Virginia, I think it is. And everyone was like, huh? Like UNC didn't have a better record than, you know, University of West Virginia.
University of West Virginia certainly should have had more consideration than UNC. and everybody was calling it a big scandal.
And I was reading about it and it does kind of feel like there's some weight

to the conspiracy theories I guess as the athletic director for the UNC for the UNC sports division you know the athletics yeah is on the selection committee and he got paid some money and he paid some money like there's this it's all just follow the fucking money which is unbelievable to me I mean listen it's not the fault of the kids at UNC See, they're just trying to play some money. It's all just follow the fucking money, which is unbelievable to me.
I mean, listen, it's not the fault of the kids at UNC. They're just trying to play some basketball and they're excited about getting into the tournament.
And they won their game last night on this, they call it the first four, which is like a wild card. They won, I guess silencing some of the critics, but it just goes to show that everything these days is bought and paid for every fucking thing capitalism is taking its final dying breaths i think we're realizing that it only works for a few it doesn't work for the many and it's just like it's so incredibly transparent what's going on here and no one seems to give a shit i guess no one stops it no one cares i i don't know again no knock on the kids from unc they playing basketball and they're excited to be in the tournament but so were the kids at the university of west virginia they deserve their shot too um and i i don't know you get there's got to be a way that they can level the playing field or something having a selection committee with athletic directors on it doesn't sound like the most it doesn't sound very fair and balance, does it it doesn't and you know fair and balanced it's the fox news it's the fox news of basketball selection committee yes for sure and this uh this like kind of parlays into another point that i wanted to make about bought and paid for anora this movie that took the world by storm.
And, you know, you saw it. I did.
You said, hey, listen, this wasn't life changing for me. It was a great movie, but yeah, no, it wasn't like, oh my God, this is the best movie ever.
I know. I have seen very few of those movies that like changed my life, but I have seen them.
I do know what you're talking about. Right.
You know when you know. Yes.
Pink Floyd, The Wall, High on Acid, changed my life in so many ways. I still can't watch that movie without seeing Trails.
I mean, it's like weird. I tried to watch that a couple of months ago.
Yeah, it was on one of the streamers or Pluto TV or something. I tried to watch it and I was like, oh my God, I feel like I'm tripping.
I feel like my face is melting. Oh no, wait, That's just a tanning bed.

So I'm tripping. I feel like my face is melting.
Oh, no, wait. That's just a tanning bed.
So I'm reading about Onora.

And get this.

Okay.

So Onora wins all of these Academy Awards.

And the Academy Awards are voted on by the Academy.

The Academy is made up of, I think, 12 or 1,300 people300 people. It's the Academy.
Give me more money and you win. The Academy is this mysterious group of human beings, actors, actresses, producers, directors, technical people.
I don't know how they pick the people. Yes, in the biz bullshit.
Some in the biz bullshit. And they, I think, have up to a couple weeks ahead of the show to cast their votes.
Well, listen, Anora was made like two years ago. It came out a year ago.
It didn't change. Anora's not changing from month number three to two weeks before the Oscars.

You have to, it's got to be in the calendar year.

So we have at least a month to watch this movie.

Why do they wait until the very last minute to submit their votes?

Well, here is why.

And you may have seen this on a website like Variety or Hollywood Reporter.

You may have seen For Your Consideration.

Oh, yeah, I've seen that.

There's a movie named For Your Consideration, Christopher Guest.

the You may have seen this on a website like Variety or Hollywood Reporter. You may have seen For Your Consideration.
Oh, yeah. I've seen that.
There's a movie named For Your Consideration, Christopher Guest. Christopher Guest.
That's right. That's funny.
For Your Consideration is someone buying a $10,000 banner ad to target one of the two separate Academy members who will visit that website on any given day. Why is that? Well, because there are big marketing campaigns that the studio heads put on to, first of all, get their movies nominated.
And then second of all, once nominated, get them to win an award because winning an Academy award has a very lovely, what they call Academy bump. And that means even if you're nominated, but certainly if you win, even if you win like best technical blowjob fluffer on set, you're going to see more people watching your movie because that is a notable effect that happens.
It's a rise in viewership based on winning an Academy, just nominated. But then if you win, then you get a big of course and if you win one of the big awards you get a huge bump this movie cost three four five million dollars to make it was a very small budget low budget yes and everyone went around talking about how small a budget and we made it you know gonzo style and here and there and on set and on location and in these places in New Jersey.
So this movie doesn't cost much. And then it doesn't make much.
I think it made like $40 million worldwide. So yes, it's a success in the sense that they spent a little bit and they made more.
But guess how much they spent on marketing this movie to the Academy? I don't know. Almost $20 million.
Wow. XX the amount of money that it took to make the movie is what they spent.
Gifting the Academy Award members, I guess, whining and dining them, maybe sending them elaborate gifts and taking them on trips. I don't even know.
But they're allowed to do it. They're allowed to do it.
It's actually frowned upon if you don't. So the reason why they wait till the very last minute to submit their votes is because they want to see how many hand jobs they're going to get before the show.
Things they can get out of it. nothing is secret anymore nothing yeah it's not that surprising unfortunately it doesn't it shocked me but then for for like half a second and then i was like oh yeah that makes sense totally they spent more money than any other film this year marketing to the academy any other film and $20 million is a lot of cash when you're talking about a thousand people that you're trying to target that's what i do quick math in my head that's four million dollars per academy member if i do that minus the one carry three and a half million dollars per academy member that you're spending marketing your film for an Academy Award.
And guess what? It worked. There you go.
Sure did. I did not see one of those movies.
Not one. Dune 2.
Wicked. Which I haven't seen either one of those.
But then I saw Inora and I saw Conclave. And there's another one.
I want to watch The Brutalist, but it's three and a half hours long. Yeah, I get it.
It's as long as Adrian Brody's speech, first of all. Second of all, I got to take vacation days to watch The Brutalist.
Walk out half a day. Yeah, I got to find babysitters to watch that movie.
There's very few movies I want to get that invested in. Wicked was two hours and something odd long.
I enjoyed it. It kept bouncing along.
So I thought, oh, okay, there you go. Dune 2 was a lengthy movie.
You like the dunes. You could give me more of that all day long.
I do like the dunes. I'm a dune kind of guy.
I need to watch a dune. You got to watch it.
You have to watch. It's so fucking good.
And it's so beautifully shot. And the special effects don't look like special effects.

They don't give it away.

The guy rides a big giant worm.

And you don't know.

You're like, oh, where did they get a big giant worm from?

Because it's so realistic.

Like Arturo in The NeverEnding Story?

Yeah, Atreyu.

Atreyu.

Arturo. Yeah.

He's Italian.

He's from the planet of Italian.

Arturo. Arturo.
Arturo. That's so funny.
Atreyu. He wrote the big, giant song.
Fly away. I brought you the thing, the statue.
I know. The dog.
What was the dog's name? It was Atreyu and Falkor. Oh, Falkor.
Falkor. That's right.
Well, Neverending Story 2 was my favorite. I did not see that.
Oh, what a piece of trash. What a piece of trash.
That was clearly people trying to make a couple bucks off the popularity of that movie. I saw that movie in the theater.
Scared the shit out of me because, you know, there's some pretty heavy moments in that film. But it had boobs, so I like the boobs.
The laser boobs. Laser tits.
I love the laser tits. I was all about it.
Wham! It was the first time. I think my mom tried to cover our eyes, and I was like, oh, no, no, no.
But my mom mom got me those nachos you know they give you a plate of stale chips and then they had them they used to have this they don't have this anymore because i think they realized it was causing dysentery around the world yeah it was very messy you would press you would take that plate of chip like a little basket of chips and then you would put it under like almost like a soda machine but press the button And then cheese would come out out like cheese whiz or whatever, hot cheese. And I, you know, my mom was like, what do you want? I'm like, oh, give me the nachos.
And she gave me the nachos. And halfway through the movie, I ended up puking all over the back of a seat.
Oh, no. Yes.
And so I still cannot have that kind of cheese because it reminds me of the bad taste coming out of my mouth. Well, that's not a bad thing, that cheese.
I don't think it's really good for you. Yeah, that's not cheese.
They call it cheese, but it's not really cheese. Yeah.
But anyway, back to Dune 2 is so beautifully shot, so well done. I'll watch it.
You could give me more of that all day long. That could be four hours long and I would like it because it's just so good.
It's so well acted. Timothee Chalamet, Zendaya, who could be in anything.
She could literally stand still and I'd enjoy watching her because first of all, physically she's beautiful. She's really appeasing to the eye.
But then she's versatile. She's a really good actress.
And that combination, she has all the things. She can do anything.
And I love it. I love her in Euphoria.
I love her in all the movies. She's been just a great actress.
And I can't wait to see what she does in the future. And Timothy is no slouch himself.
He's really good. And he's very versatile himself.
And then you add in all the other Javier Bordem and all the other people who are in the movie. It's really well done.

And, you know, they have that HBO television show, the one based on the- You talked about that. I haven't seen it.
The mother hens, the chicken hens. I don't know what they call them.
The Illuminati. I'm not, the Illuminations.
The mothers who go, you know, the women who go around that planet, you know, whispering in people's ears and making them do things. they made a whole television show about that clan of women and how they got to be so powerful and all this other stuff.
But because it's not directed by the same person, acted by the same people, and they have the same budget to make those kind of visual effects, and they don't have the sandworms running around that you can ride, it doesn't feel as weighty or as urgent or as present or prescient.

Totally different.

Totally different.

Completely different.

So I tried to get into it, but, you know, I was like, I got Seven Little Johnsons to watch.

Yes, you do.

You need to get back to that.

If I'm going to be on Max, let me watch Seven Little Johnsons.

But, you know, it's two and a half hours for the brutalist.

It's too much brutalist as far as I'm concerned. Three and a half hours.
Three and a half hours. I think, yes.
Holy shit. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure it's three and a half. Yeah, look it up.
That's why I was saying it's like a half a day. Oh, no.
I'm not doing that. Yeah, that's not something you can hop in before bed.
Do they have an intermission? I think they do have an intermission. Well, you must at three and a half hours long.
Dances with Wolves had an intermission in the theaters, if I'm not mistaken.

They took like a 10-minute intermission because it's four hours long.

So, I mean, how can one person sit for four hours without having to pee or throw up or get more nacho sauce or whatever?

Where does it say the length?

Just ask Chatty GPT.

Say, how long is The Brutalist? how long is the movie the brutalist three hours and 35 minutes long no fucking shit i thought it was two and a half hours three and a half oh my god no wonder adrian brody took so much time i mean, you know, congratulations speech is nothing compared to three hours, almost four hours. That is dance, that is dances with wolves.
Let me see here real quick. I want to, I just want to see something.
Let me, let's open up another page here. You got to block out four hours of your day.
You really do. To watch that or evening.

Oh, yeah.

You have to prepare for that.

I know.

How long is Dances with Wolves?

I think it's three and a half hours long, too.

Great movie.

Fantastic movies.

Three hours and one minute long.

This is an extra...

What?

It's an extra 34 minutes long.

They're telling an entire lifetime of a guy that went

out west and danced with the wolves

in three hours and one minute?

And you can't get the brutalist in in under

three hours? It's four hours long?

Oh, no. I don't know.
I can't

do that. That's no thank you.

Yeah, that's at least a two-parter.

Yeah, make it wicked.

Brutalist and brutalist too. Brutalist and...
More brutal. And ouch.
Brutalist and ouch, part two. I don't know.
I mean, I just like, there's no way. I'm not in it.
I'm not in for three and a half hours. That's three separate nights of watching television for me.
I can maybe get 45 minutes in a day of straight watching television, and there's just no way. Three hours and 35 minutes.
I thought it was two hours and 35 minutes, and I was convinced I'm not going to watch it at that. Yeah, that was already too long.
Yeah, that was already way too long for me. The problem, the challenge for directors and writers and producers these days is that prestige television is so good, and you have to compete for those eyeballs and you can tell an entire story in 8, 10, 12 hours of television in a way that used to be done on a big screen in two hours.
And there has been a trend lately to make movies shorter and shorter. But now I'm seeing it's moving in the other direction because I do think in their mind, like, okay, I wrote The Brutalist.
This could be a really good prestige television show, or I can try and fit the story in one movie. But even Wicked, two and a half hours long or two hours and some change, and it's still, there's still a part two.
So really they filmed, you know, five hours of content because they filmed it all at one time. So there's going to be another part two.
So that's the challenge is you're trying to take a movie and have it compete with these streamers and these streamers have endless hours that they can dedicate to a storyline. And so I think that's why it's my opinion.
Why anyway, and the studios are probably more willing to do it because they say, well, okay, it may take extra money, but if we can get it on the big screen, that's where we really can make a lot of cash.

When the streamers, it just gets lost in a sea of other content, and no one really knows what's going on.

So, anyway, no one really knows what's going on anyway.

It sounds like you're in the biz.

I am in the biz.

I'm a big TV guy now. Making moves.
I got a treatment out there. Anybody want a treatment? I got a treatment.
Not for your oozy penis. I got a treatment, like a television treatment.
And if you work in television and you want a treatment, text me up there, whatever that phone number is. All right, let's do this.

Let's take a break.

And when we get back, I have not only do I have next door posts that I've been collecting, I have plenty of Ask TCB's relationship style. So we'll let you take your pick or maybe we'll get to both.
Maybe we'll just mix them up together. And so why don't we take a break and when we get back, we'll do it.
All right. Hey, it's Rachel, your new voice of God here on TCB.
And just like you, I'm wondering just how much longer this podcast can continue. Let's all rejoice that another episode has made it to your ears.
And I'll rejoice that my check is in the mail. Speaking of mail, get your free TCB sticker in the mail by going to TCBpodcast.com and visiting the Contact Us page.
You can also find the entire commercial break library, audio and video, just in case you want to look at Chrissy, at TCBpodcast.com. Want your voice to be on an episode of the show? Leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB.
That's 212-433-3822. Tell us how much you love us, and we'll be sure to let the world know on a future episode.
Or you could make fun of us. That'd be fine too.
We might not air that, but maybe. Oh, and if you're shy, that's okay.
Just send a text. We'll respond.
Now I'm going to go check the mailbox for payment while you check out our sponsors, and then we'll return to this episode of the podcast universe. I want to tell you about Rule Breakers with Soraya.
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I can see greasy little paw prints all over my table here. I'm wondering exactly which one of my children has.
I mean, they come in here all the time. And I like to have them in here.
You know, my dad was one of those guys that like went in, his office was his office and he never let us in. It was all off limits.
But he had all the twinkly, winkly, sparkly things in there. And that's, of course, that's what I wanted to play with.
He had the computer long before computers were generally in homes. And so we liked that office, but it was a no-go zone, no-no zone for us, for the kids.
But I'm telling you what, I don't want to be that dad, so I invite my children in here. But every time, I end up spending an hour and a half reconfiguring the studio because the one rule is don't touch the equipment, and the one thing they do is touch the equipment.
Even when I'm here, I'll be like, I'll turn my back for two seconds and they're over here pressing all the buttons. Well, what else is there to do in here without the equipment? Well, they do gymnastics.
They make movies. Sometimes I let them talk in the microphones to make their own show that'll never get hurt.
You know, whatever. They're taking after daddy.
That's sweet. They see daddy doing something and they take after it.
All right, so your choice. Ask TCB, Nextdoor.
What do you want to do this segment? Let's sprinkle in a little Nextdoor. All right, let's do Nextdoor.
Wah-bam! Wah-bam! People are idiots where I live. All right, this is Nextdoor.
I have now taken the Nextdoor app so I don't have to scroll through Nextdoor. Saving them doesn't make any sense because i still have to scroll through all of them so i wrote them down here and i also found on the internet a place where some people are posting their favorite next doors so i'm kind of i'm taking it to some from there and some from local and i've been collecting them over the last i don't know since the last time we did this a month ago or a month and a half ago.
And here we go. You ready? I'm ready.
Could everyone please be quiet for a couple of days? I'm trying to catch up on sleep and it's very loud. Sure.
Sure, Grandma Greta. No problem.
Shut up. Hey, by the way, Grandma Greta, I feel you.
I wish everyone would shut up too. I got those fuckin' landscapers out here.
Now they're here at six in the morning. It's crazy.
Nice. For the past three weeks, a cat has been following me on my daily walks.
I'm worried the owner may have trained the cat to follow people and now he's lost his way picture of cat not included by the way not included you can't train a cat no you can't train a cat no those those creatures are weird yeah they're it's like having a wild squirrel in your house you just hope that they don't attack i was watching this video the other day this youtube video and it was like there's two cats and a dog in the house. And a kid is getting a snack in the kitchen.
It's like one of those in-home cameras, right? So the kid's getting a snack in the kitchen. And one of the cats is at his feet, turns around, knocks into the cat on accident.
The cat freaks out, screams, and runs away. And the other cat, and he hits the other cat.
Well, the other cat attacks the first cat and then runs and attacks the kid. He's like, you know, biting and scratching the kid.
And then the dog comes and knocks the kid over, attacking the cat. It's chaos.
I love watching those animal videos. Yeah.
And I was like, oh no, no cats for me. No thanks.
On my 2.5-mile walk with my dog, I saw a total of 13 American flags. I was hoping to see more.
What's wrong with this country? I was hoping to see more. This is from my side of town, by the way.
You saw 13 and 2.5 miles. You were hoping to see more? I'm out of butter.

Can someone please help me and call Walmart to deliver to this corner, naming the streets?

I will be around all day.

I'll be here all day.

I'll be all day.

Can someone please call Walmart for me?

Sure, no problem.

Random question.

Does anyone have a dash hound I might be able to take a picture with?

That's creepy.

That's creepy.

Something's going on there we need to know about.

Hey, out of curiosity, does anyone know what day COVID ended?

Sure, January 14th, kid. You're all good.
Please shut up. Hi, neighbors.
I'm Patrick. That's all it says.
Like the starfish. Yes.
Blocked channel. Here we go.
Urgent. Help.
My son visited and blocked Fox News on my TV. I don't trust digital or anything iTunes.
Fox is all that should be allowed in my household. How can I unblock Fox? I love that his son did that.
I told my son that I'm taking him out of the will and he needs to put Fox back on my TV. Please help immediately.
Oh my God, did anybody respond? Well, I didn't put any of the responses unless I thought they were really funny. I don't think actually this had any.
I think this was like fresh when I saw it, but I'm sure this is coming from my mom's retirement home. Oh yeah.
I'm sure of it. I found a can of beans.
They are Bush's brand, Bush's best to be exact. They were found on this street last night.
If you lost a can of beans, tell me what kind of flavor they are and you can come pick them up for me. That's just for, you know, security's sake.
Wow. Yeah.
Just to make sure that you're the actual bean owner. Yes.
Please show show me a receipt and I'll be happy to give them back to you.

I really can't keep them.

I have too many beans already.

To which someone said, do you have a picture?

Do you have a picture?

I don't know if they're trolling or not, but that's a pretty funny comment.

Anyone have anything new to argue about? I'm sick of politics and pandemic. Anyone have some strong opinions on the best actor or who should play the next Batman or which band is better than the Beatles? Anything? I'd like to have a conversation.
I think you're just lonely, bro. Yeah.
Talk to Chad GVT. He'll have an argument with you.
She, he, it, the, they. Hi, all.
Now, we all use devices connected to the internet and whatnot, and my grandkids come over and they use their phones and their iPads, too. Well, the other day, my grandson went to connect to the Wi-Fi, and our neighbor's router is named All the Cops Are Buttholes.
Now my wife is very upset. She started crying.
She was upset that our neighbors are rude and using words like buttholes. Any thoughts on how I should approach the situation? Well, first of all, you can see that.
You don't know where it's coming from, which house or apartment it's coming from. It's probably some dude in a van stealing your credit card information.
He doesn't have a, he definitely doesn't have a flag, American flag. Yes.
Is it possible to sue the networks for harassment, TV networks? Some commercials, Southwest Airlines, Progressive Insurance, Geico, and medicine commercials appear over and over again, and I'm starting to feel harassed. Please don't tell me to mute or change the channels.
I am asking specifically about the logistics of suing the networks. You're asking for legal advice on Nextdoor? Hey, listen, I don't know.
People have won money for stupider shit. Trust me.
An arrow just landed in my backyard. I'm very concerned.
My dog was barking. An arrow? Where do you live? Sherwood Forest? I mean, what are you doing over there? My dog was barking his head off in the backyard, and my husband went out to try and figure out what was going on.
And this woman was standing on something in the neighbor's yard. Her head was peeking above our fence, telling us the arrow had accidentally shot into my yard.
It was a 2.5-foot arrow. Wow, that's a big one.
And she was trying to tell my husband, yeah, it's not dangerous. Don't worry.
I have my own kids and animals in the backyard.

What would you do?

Tell your neighbor to stop shooting arrows in your backyard.

Yeah, she's probably practicing her archery.

Yeah, she's bad at it, but she's practicing.

You know what I would do?

Stay out of the yard for a few days.

Yeah, that's best.

To the person who assumes my cat is homeless.

Oh, I think this might be related to the other one. Ready? Okay.
To the person who assumes my cat is homeless, he's not. Recently, he has been coming in looking especially groomed, and he is a rough and tumble cat from lives outside.
His fur feels luxurious, but I'm salty because he doesn't let me brush him. I saved him from the needle and adopted him about six years ago.
So please leave my cat alone. Stop taking care of him.
The one that was walking. Please stop taking care of him.
Suspicious driver. The last few nights, my husband has had reason to be driving, has had a reason to be driving around the city at two or three a.m.
Three of the nights he has seen cars, one on each night, all different. They come from major streets in and out of our neighborhoods.
They drive slowly around houses. One stopped in front of a house, but he didn't see anyone get out while he was there.
He followed the car, and after it took a left into our neighborhood, it sped up and ran the light.

Does anybody see these suspicious cars also?

Should we pursue?

Should we pursue?

Yeah.

Do not pursue.

Everything turns out great when you pursue random strange cars at 3 in the morning.

That's exactly the advice the cops would give you. Yeah.

Have you heard of my story about chasing my own stolen car down into the east side of Atlanta? Yes, but I had the cops with me, so that was a little bit different. I work for Lyft as a driver, and I usually work late night hours to give people rides home from the bars.
The last few nights, I've noticed the same old man following me around in his car at 2 or 3 a.m. I think he's stalking me.
I tried to switch to my wife's car the other people were talking about? Exactly. Who knows? I don't know.
These are two. No, this is not connected.
But then he says, can anyone help me find this man? Not pictured. Sure.
You don't give any description about your car, his car, the neighborhood that you were in. Why would you need that? Yeah, exactly.
I was at this restaurant and I saw two kids, one of which had a trench coat on and standing on another one's shoulders.

I think they were trying to pass as adults to get alcohol.

That's got to be a joke.

That's got to be a joke.

Yeah, that's like out of a movie.

That's a good one.

I like that one.

Cheers to you, sir.

That's a good one.

To the neighbor who mows their lawn every single day, please stop.

It's grass, not back hair.

I agree with you, bro.

I got a guy who blows leaves in the middle of summer.

There's no leaves.

Stop it.

Does anyone else hear that humming noise at 3 a.m.

Or is it just in my head?

The comment is, do you have your TV on at night he responds yes goes unplug the tv lost Roomba my Roomba was a rogue Roomba I had my rogue I had my Roomba cleaning an area rug that's outside of my porch. It escaped under the fence.
If anyone sees it, please return it. What are you doing to that Roomba, dude? You fucking it? That Roomba had to get away from you.
The squirrels in my yard have been acting awfully suspicious lately.

Anybody else notice this?

What is suspicious?

What are they doing?

What are they doing?

They're filming X-rated squirrel porn.

They're whacking each other off in the backyard.

Offering a free couch, slightly used, may contain my cat.

You should put up one that said that one with blue.

I thought the same exact thing.

Did anyone else see that guy dressed like Victorian times at the grocery store?

I know this is a weird question,

but do you believe in time travel?

Because I think he might have been a time traveler. Somehow I want to think this is a troll, but I think it's probably not.
Probably it's real. To the person who keeps putting their mail in my mailbox, I know where you live.
My dog keeps escaping despite the invisible fence. Does anyone know of any invisible fence recommendations? And the other guy goes, well, I'd help you, but it's kind of hard to see.
It's good to know there's some friends out there. You know what I'm saying? That there are all these crazy people.
There's some friends out there. To the person who took my lawn gnome during my garage sale.
That wasn't for sale and I want it back. Okay.
We'll get it right back to you. Found a pineapple on my porch this morning.
Does anyone know what this means? Is anyone missing a pineapple? Yes, I do know what that means. That means someone wants to fuck your wife.
Whoever decorated the stop sign with the googly eyes, please stop. It's confusing drivers.
Is it really? As if your entire life, that sign shape and color has not been embedded into your brain.

Someone keeps ringing my doorbell at 2 a.m. and leaving a rubber ducky on the porch.

What does this mean?

I don't know, dude.

That actually sounds kind of scary.

Yeah, that is.

Who's playing the bagpipes? It's very beautiful, but it's very early. That was you, Brian.
I know. Practicing for Lord of the Acid.
That's right. Lords of the Acid.
Live. Philip Serena.
Lords of the Acid. watch Brian have a complete anxiety meltdown on stage.

While playing the bagpipes.

While playing the bagpipes, backed by Mike Gordon from Fish.

I found one shoe on this street.

If you're hopping around looking for it, let me know.

Someone keeps stealing my cat's toys from the porch. I guess we have a cat burglar in the neighborhood.
Does anyone have a unicycle I can borrow? Asking for a friend. There's one more here.
Okay. Oh, no, that was it.
Okay, all right. So that was it it that was all the ones i got those were good yes that's good thank you internet you win every time internet you win every single time all right let's do this we'll take a short break and when we come back we'll do some ask tcb's relationship style so if you've been waiting to get this question answered for a year i'm gonna get to it now yeah now.
We're here. Yeah, we're here for you.
We're here for you. I want to leave enough time.
I don't want to be responsible for anyone's shitty relationship. So I just wait a long time till I'm sure it's already worked itself out and then give the advice.
And hopefully you'll have taken it by then. All right, we'll be back.
Let me do something Brian has never done. Be brief.
Follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break. Text or call us, 212-433-3TCB.
That's 212-433-3822. Visit our website, tcbpodcast.com, for all the audio, video, and your free sticker.
Then watch all the videos at youtube.com slash thecommercialbreak. And finally, share the show.
It's the best gift you could give a few aging podcasters. See, Brian? That really wasn't that difficult, now, was it? You're welcome.
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That's H-A-R-I-M-A-R-I.com. All right.
So I have a bunch of AskTCBs, relationship related, that I have had forever. I mean, some of them are, I know guys, I'm sorry, but honestly, sometimes it just takes me a while to get to it.
And I have to compile them.

The TCB hotline is a great idea. If we actually had a way of managing all the text messages that come through in like one neat, nice little package, and I know they have apps that do this for us, but honestly, sometimes they get buried, you know, buried, buried, buried, buried, buried, and then I have to go back to it and I have to go, oh, that's right.
That person asked a question and whatever, blah, blah, blah.

You get it.

We're unorganized here, okay?

One idiot running the ship. It's two ding-a-lings and a ying-a-ling.
All right. So as ECB.
Two ding-a-lings drinking. Yeah.
Well, that's the name of the last episode. I put a ying-a-ling.
Wait. Ying-a-lings twins.
Ying-a-lings. Darcy sings, and two ding-a-lings.
Perfect. Or something like that.
Okay, all right, so you want funny ones or you want more serious ones? You want me to mix them up? Yeah, you got to mix them up. Start off funny.
Okay, here's one. Now, I think this is serious, but I'm not 100% sure.
And so you can tell us, Thomas, you can tell us, text me and let me know if this was a serious question. But we got this a long time ago when we reviewed about the lady who thought she was a cat and the guy who was dating her.
Remember, the girl was like 20 years old and he was like 56 years old. And she was like super slinky and sexy.
And he had her running around the house like she was a cat. Lapping milk.
Yeah, pissing in a litter box and all kind of crazy shit. Hey, guys, I just love the show.
But I have a quick question. My girlfriend of two years has recently decided that she, in fact, is a cat.
Now, I think this might be one of those people who like they think they're an animal. Do you know what I'm talking about? This is like hot right now.
It's a trend for these kids to believe, truly believe that they are an animal.

They can morph into an animal.

They can do this.

Not for me to say whether or not you're an actual cat, but okay.

She's now hissing when she's mad.

She naps in weird places curled up like a ball.

And last week, she wanted to drink milk straight from a bowl on the floor.

I saw you guys do this episode.

And believe me, this is true. People do do this.
Do I need to call a therapist or do I just lean into it and buy her a scratching pose? First of all, do you like cats? Yeah. First of all, do you have a litter box? If you have a litter box, it's all good.
Don't worry about it. Listen, milk is a lot less expensive than a fancy restaurant.
So I'd say lean into the things that are positive about this. If she's hissing at it, I don't know.
You like your back scratched? You like someone making muffins on your chest in the morning? Hey, listen, there you go. You got it all, right? And, you know, I guess it's cool, dude.
Go with it for a little while this happens if all of a sudden she woke up and started acting like a cat you probably want to get a therapist involved but i'd let it roll for a few days you know see if there's some kind of weird sex you can have yeah it feels good um all right let's go to a serious one yeah my i wouldn't worry about this too much and you're not giving us a bunch of, but if she like literally didn't just flip a switch and become crazy cat lady overnight,

then I just say she's having a moment,

she's into a fetish or whatever it is

and let her roll with it for a little while.

If it's not harming anybody, then who cares?

Although it is a little strange

when your girlfriend goes,

can you pour me some milk into a bowl?

And lapping it up.

That's what my kids do. My kids are weird, though.
Children are strange. All right.
My partner never apologizes, even when they are clearly wrong. Okay, so Tammy says she loves the show.
I've been with my partner for three years, and I'm starting to notice a pattern. They never apologize.
Even when it's obvious they have messed something up, they'll either double down, change the subject, or somehow make it my fault. I'm exhausted from having the same argument over and over.
It never gets through. There's never an apology, even though there are situations where she has clearly been wrong all this time.
Is this a red flag or am I being sensitive as she's telling me that I am? Well, Tammy. So she's gaslighting too.
Yes, she's gaslighting. She's never apologizing.
Listen, I have said this before on this show. The number one lesson I have learned about relationships and life in general, know which hills to die on and which ones not to.
Even when I'm right sometimes or I feel that I'm strongly right i let it go i let it go and i say okay that's fine because there's i'm not going to be a right fighter right fighting leads to so many fucking arguments it's not even funny and so if it's a small harder yeah it makes life harder so if it's small shit just leave it alone who fucking cares if it's big shit like you're like she's really in the wrong yeah that's that's a problem and that is that you know you might have to go to therapy for that one and this is not the place to get therapy that's for sure chrissy and i don't know shit from shinola but i would say that like if she really never apologizes and she's doing things or saying things or arguing things that are clearly in the wrong like in like black and white reality, everyone would go, oh, yeah, you're in the right, she's in the wrong. And she just refuses to apologize.
That's a certain kind of illness. It's called right fighting, and it drives me up a wall.
Anybody who's a right fighter drives me up a wall. So, you know, you got to just decide whether or not this is a big enough deal to you yeah something you can live with or something you can't um oh this is janice janice says every single night my husband is for the last two years my husband starts their dinner conversation with so today i was on uh cryptocurrency trader.com my husband has become a crypto bro and I cannot take it.
I haven't. I won't.
And yet he won't stop. Last night I caught him.
Caught him. I caught him trying to make NFTs out of some of our wedding photos.
What? What? And he has become the person I despise the most. An uninformed, an uninformed moron.
What would you do? Oh, so Astrid and I have had this conversation. You have? No, not about NFTs.
No, not about crypto. No, this is the argument that we have had.
Given the whole situation with Love is Blind and then Unmarried at First Sight and then a couple of other television shows that we either have in the background or we've watched together, there have been breakups due to political differences. like I don't think I could be with this person because this is what they believe.
And the question that's always gone on in our mind is how in 2025, and then there's like specifically some people in our inner circle who have divided households and they're like recently divided. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, like in this last election, one went one way, one went the other way.
And now it's causing a bunch of drama. At least that's what I hear.
It's causing a bunch of drama. And some people are really struggling how they wrap their heads around how this supposed idiot is living in our house.
No matter what you think, the other side, clearly everyone is very tribalistic right now. And how do you ignore what one side of the fence is doing supposedly to our country, no matter what side of the fence you are on? You probably demonize the other side for what they supposedly are doing to our country.
And how do you have a marriage with that person where you've got to interact with them every day and they clearly don't think the same way that you do? Can you do that? And I think the intention of the question is, this is where she's going with it. Like he's become this dude that I just dislike altogether.
Like kind of this amalgamation of all these, you know, kind of a lug nut, so to speak, right? How do I deal with that? Get a divorce. That's what I got to say.
That's my advice to you. Get a divorce, call a divorce attorney.
That's it. I don't know.
I don't know how you do that in 2025. If it was me, I don't know that I could deal with having someone so diametrically opposed to everything that I think is right and good and live with them.
I don't know. I don't know how you do that.
You're a better woman than I am. Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, we're talking about getting into crypto. So, I mean, I guess if you really love this person and you want to make this work, I guess you could maybe dip your toe into crypto a little bit.
Maybe kind of try to see it from their point of view, see what they find so intriguing about it. But if you don't really care for this person, there's a good way.
There's a good out. There's a good out.
There's a great out. He wasted my money on crypto.
Yes. But I'll share with you that I stripped some of the politics from this, but this goes deeper than just crypto.
Crypto is like just kind of an example. Okay.
So that's why I kind of went off on a rant there. I probably should have added that at the beginning and not at the end, but you know, you get what I'm saying.
It's like, you know, you understand. It would be really, really hard.
Listen, is the is the dick good because if the dick is good maybe you just ignore some of it yeah yeah but you guys have been together for a long time the dick can't be that good you know what i'm saying like eventually we all get used to the dick i had a friend who's had the same guy who said you're at that age where you're scared of pussy used to say the following show me a hot girl and i'll show you a guy you stick a fucking her right and never truer words have been said and it replaced the girl with he they them whatever it is it's true show me a hot guy i'll show you a girl who's sick of fucking him right it's just the way that it goes eventually and so i don't know you gotta just kind of. For a woman, even it's very emotional, too.

So tied to that person, it's not even just so physical.

So I can see how that would be affecting many other parts.

Many.

Yes.

Yeah.

It's in your head.

It's in your living room.

It's at your dinner table.

I don't know.

And especially if you won't shut up about it.

Yeah.

Maybe you just say, listen, we don't believe the same thing.

So let's just talk about the bills. Can you pay them with the crypto you just bought? That's it.
Maybe you just say, listen, we don't believe the same thing, so let's just talk about

the bills. Can you pay them with the crypto you just bought? That's it.
Okay. My family's girlfriend

is treating me like an outsider. I'm summarizing these so that we get a little teaser beforehand.

I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year and her family still acts like I'm some guy she

met yesterday. I try to be friendly.

I offer my help at family events. I step in when I can to be there in certain situations where I

feel I need to be there, but they barely acknowledge me. Meanwhile, her sister's boyfriend,

who she's been with for less than two months, is practically groomed for sainthood by the family.

Should I say something to my girlfriend or just accept the fact that my family isn't my biggest

I'm going to goainthood by the family. Should I say something to my girlfriend or just accept the fact that my family isn't my biggest fan yet? Well, it's not starting off great, bro.
It's not. No.
I was going to say. You got to find a new girlfriend.
Sorry. Got to say it.
You got to find a new girlfriend. I can't believe that she also has not brought it up.
Yeah. This is like you guys have been together for a year and you haven't talked about this? Yeah.
it seems like maybe she would even be like, I'd notice there's a big difference. Is she even your girlfriend? Or are you just showing up to your friend's random events and hoping that things turn out okay? Yeah, you got to have conversation about stuff like this.
Should you mention something? You should have mentioned something the first time it happened. Absolutely.
Got to communicate about these kind of things. But if her family doesn't like you and she's involved with her family a lot, there is zero chance it's going to work out well in the long run.
I'm sure there are certainly exceptions to that rule. But not that I've seen.
Yeah, not that I've seen. Listen, I was married.
I've been married twice. And you know this if you listen to the show.
My first wife, I loved her immediate family. And I think for the most part, at least up until the very, very end, when of course you have to pick a side, they liked me too, right? But it was just three members of the family, mother and the other two, the brother and the sister.
And we seemed to all get along very well for a very long time. And then one side of her extended family, I really enjoyed their company.

I felt like we also got along very well. I think they would, at least I would hope they would say

the same thing about me. But there was the other side of the family, like, you know,

the other side of the extended family, it was clear. I was not the chosen one.
They did not want some scrappy, you know, in their minds, libtard, even though I wasn't, but that's what they assumed about me. Libtard, poor, you know, wearing a chain around his wallet kind of guy.
They wanted some French aristocracy you know they wanted some french aristocrat to come in and yeah there's some preppy went to the right schools did the right things you know pedigree worked at the hedge fund kind of guy and i just wasn't that dude i was never going to be that dude but it was clear from the moment that i met them and they even made that known like out loud at family events so i felt very uncomfortable around that side of the family. I was never good enough for this lady in their eyes.
It was my impression. And since they said it out loud, I'm pretty sure I was getting that one right on the nose.
And that never sat well with me. And I'm not sure that if we had stayed married 20 years in that things would be great between us.
Because I think I would feel very shitty about all of that, you know, just not fitting into their family. Like, I don't think it would have been comfortable.
Not a good feeling. No, it gave me a complex.
And I still have that complex for that day. Thanks.
Thanks, ex-wifey and your extended family. You know who you are.
I don't need to tell you. Of course, I really hope that my ex-wife isn't listening to this show, but she probably is.
She probably is. You know, if you've got an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend that does a podcast four days a week, you're probably going to tune in every once in a while too.
Just to find out. Just to say, yep, I made the right choice getting a divorce from that guy.
I sure did. Alright, let's do two more.
One more. One more.
One more. I adore my girlfriend, but he eats like a literal trash panda.
He's hunched over the coffee table the other night, gnawing on a rotisserie chicken like a caveman. He refuses to use napkins, instead wiping his hands on his own shirt, or worse, sometimes the the kitchen towel do i stage an intervention or just start feeding him on the porch okay stop being silly uh your boyfriend doesn't have manners manners is something that gets taught to you as a child how did he become your boyfriend yeah how did he become your boyfriend did you not notice that he was slopping up his food like an idiot? I mean, listen, young lady, manners are something that get bred into you at a very young age, and it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks, trust me.
And I am beating my children over the side of their head with the manners thing, because so many people in this day and age don't have any respect, manners, chivalry, none of it. And I'm sorry, I still believe in that kind of stuff.
I think it makes you a well-rounded human being that can adjust in any situation. Manners matter.
Manners do matter. And if your guy doesn't have manners and he's over the age of 20, it's going to be really hard for him to start picking them up now.
Small things can change. Big, all of the stuff is not going to change at one time.
So my advice to you a new boyfriend that's all you gotta that's all i gotta say definitely don't feed him from a trough or whatever she said yeah feed him outside okay just get a new boyfriend don't bother put him out on the porch don't put him out on the porch just don't bother having him around okay all right i do love those ass tc we gotta do've got to do more this second. Well, I got more.
I got more, so we can do more. I got lots more.
Okay. Well, I'd like to thank...
Well, I'm trying to adjust my glasses here. They look good.
Thank you very much. Thank you very much.
I'd like to thank our guest this week, Aaron Weber, one more time. He was great.
And on a second listen to the show, I think he was really great on the show, actually. Aaron Weber's new 30-minute comedy special produced by Nate Bargazzi is available on YouTube.
Links in the show notes. Go listen to the episode on Tuesday.
He's really funny. He's just a good guy.
He's also got some tour dates coming up, so you can go to AaronWeber.com

and

check him out. If he's coming to a town near

you, go see him. He's one of these comics

you're not going to pay $500 to go see. It's probably

$30 for a ticket. You can sit in the

front row. Yeah, he's funny.
Get yourself

a couple drinks and have a good day. Or if you're

in Nashville, maybe. Look him up.

Yeah, he's at Zany's a lot, is what I've

noticed. He's the Zany's regular.

If you're there, go

check him out. And the Nashville Comedy Fest

Thank you. Nashville, maybe.
Look him up. Yeah, he's at Zany's a lot, is what I've noticed.
He's the Zany's regular.

So if you're there, go check him out.

And the Nashville Comedy Fest is coming up here in a couple weeks as this is being released.

So if you're up in Nashville, go see that.

Go say hi to our good friend, Veer Das.

Tell him the commercial break said hello.

He'll probably run from the stage.

Who?

Oh, those guys.

Those two.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Thanks.

I got a therapy session in a couple minutes.

I'll talk to my therapist about it.

Hey, listen, we did the best that we could,

given the circumstances. We were newbies.

We were newbies, and we're still newbies,

but we haven't gotten much better,

according to some people on YouTube.

I'll share that on tomorrow's episode.

Oh, yeah.

I'm going to go. We're still newbies, but we haven't gotten much better, according to some people on YouTube.
I'll share that on tomorrow's episode. Oh, yeah.
Remind me to tell you about Kathleen Madigan and her rabid fans who dislike me with a passion. Wow.
I don't care. Whatever.
I care, but I don't care. It's all too confusing.
TCBpodcast.com. All the audio audio all the video right there from one location you can also get your free swag drop down menu on the contact us button says i want my free sticker give us your physical address and we'll send you a sticker 212-433-3TCB 212-433-3822 questions comments concerns content, or leave us a voicemail at the Commercial Break on Instagram,

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Chrissy, that's all I can do for today.

I think so.

I love you.

I love you.

Best to you.

Best to you.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe.

Until next time, Chrissy and I will say,

we do say and we must say goodbye.

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