Hour 2: Greg Cote's Equine Nostrils (feat. Iliza Shlesinger)

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This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugatz Podcast. Dad, this is very exciting.
I've been wanting to get to this all show. Dan's still ashamed of that last segment, so he's not back yet.
Yeah, should be. You had on your list of topics today, top five teams you're watching in the tournament.
Yes. It's not your top five teams, but just teams you're interested in watching.
Explain this process to us. Well, I'll be interested in watching five particular teams.
For a certain reason, I'm going to let you guys figure out what the running theme of this list is. Are they like number five? We can do like a countdown? Yeah.
All right, let's go. All right, number five.
From the first four play-in round, they played tonight,

American University led by third leading scorer Greg Jones.

I see where we're going with this.

Got my eye on them, too.

Number four.

The Patriots.

Number three seed in the east, Wisconsin,

coached by the incomparable Greg Gard.

Swing sick. Won by a lot.
Number three, nine seed in the South, Creighton, coached by Greg McDermott. How they divvy up those electoral votes.
Kind of one note this bit, but all right. Number two, eight seed in the Midwest, Gonzaga, led by sixth leading scorer, Ben Gregg.
Reaching for that one. And number one, 10 seed in the South region, the New Mexico Lobos, because bows back bows.
Coached by Richard Pitino. Yeah, how about that? He reshaped his career after losing his job over in Minnesota.
How about that? Lobos are back. Lobos are back.
Really good. Jack.
Jack. Didn't we have somebody from the Lobos on our podcast? No.
The one that you and I do? I'm not exactly sure. No, no, no.
So many podcasts these days. Like the mayor? I think the mayor of the town or something was on our podcast bragging about the Lobos.
I don't know. Move on.

Greg, how much of the NCAA tournament are you actually going to watch?

I'm going to be very honest with you.

I start paying real attention when it gets to the Sweet 16.

Like, I want the wheat, separate the chips.

Really?

So you don't like the weekend that everybody likes.

Right.

Because this is the one.

Thursday, Friday's it, baby.

I mean, this is the one where you just get games, games, games, games, games, games. I know.
They slow down after the first weekend. I don't need that many games, you know? And I think Cinderella is a fallacy in the NCAA.
Like, the 16 beating the one has happened, what, three times in history? Like, I don't rely on that. I want good teams, survivors.
You know it gets under the Sweet 16, certainly the Elite 8, that's when I really start dialing in. I love when there's so many games that you're trying to figure out, do I have true TV? I don't know.
Where is it? It's like, oh, Channel 374. I didn't even know that.
What's on there? Time-honored tradition of seeing impractical Jokers promos headed into every break. woke up on my couch at 2 a.m this morning because i had fallen asleep attaboy and practical jokers on it was great what what shows that you don't it's these four guys well now three guys he'll find out soon enough okay well no because they're not gonna be on true tv by the time he starts it's amazing that he doesn't know about it just because of like once a year we all get inundated with impractical jokers ads.
Maybe he's just watching the women's tournament. That one's on mostly ESPN.
I'll tell you what, and I'm not alone, and it wasn't just Caitlin Clark either or Angel Reese, but last year was the first year that I personally was as interested or more interested in the women's NCAAs than the men's. I just found it more compelling.
The storylines were better. And this year, I was thinking it would fall off the table because Caitlin was gone.
This year, I think the moment, Jessica, what do you think? I think the momentum of the women's game has sustained. I think it's as good as last year.
I'm not a father, but I can attest to that. I read that ESPN women's basketball ratings were up this season, so still climbing, which is something that I said last year when everyone's like, oh, after Kaitlin Clark goes to WMA, no one's going to watch anymore.
No, it's still interesting. I think this year is going to be great because there's a lot of teams that could win.
And there's a lot of stars. Juju Watkins, yes,

is a star. Paige Beckers is a star.

Hannah Hidalgo, Olivia Miles are stars.

Lauren Betts. There's a ton of household names in

women's basketball. Cameron Brink, from where I'm standing.

She's in the W, but she is also a star.

Good try. Tori CL, she's on the comeback

tour now. That was a good try by you

though. It was.
You know what?

No bad

ideas. To be honest though, I don't think he can name a current male ncaa player right now right i i that's why i'm not correct i'm he knows one duke player the story of the turn the story of the tournament is cooper flag that a boy will he play in the opener should they hold him out until the round of 16 how are they going handle that? I think women's college basketball is easier to follow.
I think they do a better job

of marketing their stars. And also, there's fewer teams that have a legit chance to win

the championship. And they're actually, I think, fairly covered well in the sport.
It's unavoidable

if you follow sports to know exactly what South Carolina is doing, what Juju Watkins is doing,

what the top upper echelon of stars are doing in that sport, whereas college basketball feels a little bit more random. You know the Cooper flags of the world, but the teams that have a real chance, there's just more of them.
So for that reason, I can kind of tangentially follow women's college basketball much easier than I can follow the men's game. Yeah, and I think the rise in the women's game has been just magnificent in the last few years.
I can only speak for myself. There was a time when it was all about the men's tournament for me.
I barely paid any attention to the women's tournament. Now, I think them as comparable competitions, every bit as good as each other.
So it's go women. It's been great.
Greg, so you're going to not be watching tomorrow. I actually love that.
You know why? Don't look now. Uh-oh.
Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have said that.
What happened? It's time for a new game. Don't look now.
This is where you close your eyes, Dad. Yeah, Greg, do not look.
Yeah, don't look. I love how you had to put down your coffee to not look.
You could just close your eyes. You don't have to cover your face like that.
I got two hands and two eyes. Let me make sure I'm closing mine here.
All right. What are we not looking at right now, Tony? All right, so we've got a lot of watching to do, a lot of looking to do in the next couple of days.
We've got the NCAA tournament. We've got hoops.
We've got a bunch of different things, right? But I'm telling you, don't look now. Nicole Hardman is a Packer.
Wow. Anybody interested? Who knew? Wow.
What do we think that means? That was a guy when he was on the Chiefs. When he's on the Chiefs, I was like, he could be something.
He could be something. Yeah, Nicole.
Don't look now. Greg, your eyes are open.
Greg, the whole thing is don't look. Oh, yeah.
Okay. Good.
Thank you. I have not been able to shake that last segment off of me.
Welcome back, though. Were you hiding in the bathroom? I was ashamed.
I was sinking into my own shame. Well, Dan, don't look now, but after re-signing T.
Higgins and Jamar Chase, Joe Burrow said, we've got the right guys.

Wow.

What a comment.

What else is he going to say?

Great quote.

What else is he going to say? Is it a great quote?

Is it a great quote?

This is very succinct.

Dad, if your eyes are clearly open but just being blocked by a piece of paper,

that's looking.

I'm not looking at a piece of paper.

No, he's not looking, Chris.

This is very good.

It's giving me Miami Heat the power of friendship vibes.

Like, I'm not – I know you have the right guys on offense,

but that wasn't the problem.

Yeah, exactly.

Don't look now.

BG, Brandon Graham, officially retires from the Eagles.

Wow.

15 years in the NFL.

Why can't we look at that?

Be respectful, Dan.

Wouldn't he want that look, Dan?

Be respectful.

Dan's back.

Dan, shut your eyes.

Dan, do not look. Be respectful about BG and Brandon Graham.
Don't look now, but Mike Ryan is being forcibly restrained on the couch. Who's looking at that? Not me.
Okay. Just making sure, because you said that.
I don't know how did you... He's not looking, which is the problem.
Okay. Oh, God.
He's on the move. Another one here, Dan.
I think this one's really important. And the last one here, don't look now.
Patriots signed free agent center Grady Bradbury filling a major need on their offensive line. That's not worth looking at.
Don't Look Now is presented by Smirnoff, the world's number one vodka. Please drink responsibly.
That's what I said. But you weren't looking, so you...
I thought you said Grady. Did I say Grady? I don't know.
You weren't looking. I wasn't looking either.
Alright, guys, we gotta do better than that. We've gotta do better than we've done for the last last 30 minutes.
It's been a great hour. I thought you were going to say like 12 years, but then you said 30 minutes.
I want a competing bit called Looky Here. Why 12 years? I don't know.
I picked a random number out of my ass. Why wouldn't it be 20 years? I figure 12's like when you started at ESPN, maybe.
I don't know. I am feeling...
I don't know the timeline. Looky Here is where you want to play.
Yeah, looky here. I actually don't hate it.
Thank you. Let's flush it out.
What do you mean? Looky here. Let's have that be the clear spinoff to Don't Look Now, Looky Here, a totally different game.
You've got to come up with topics, though, Dad. Yeah.
Well, that's off the top of my head. I've got a storyboard in my own mind.
But looky here, I'm informing people about something that they need to think about. Mike, you can look now.
Yeah, Mike. Mike, look.
Yeah, you can look now. We're on to looky here.
I release you. It's totally different, Mike.
Don't look now. You got to wear a blindfold.
Looky here, you're allowed to look. Right.
Greg, looky here. Did you see Tua partying at the club? Yeah.
I did not. Looky here.
Less partying, more winning.

I can hear people screaming.

No, it's not don't look now anymore.

It's looky here now.

It's looky here.

You're now allowed to look.

We've changed.

We've got a spinoff.

Looky here.

North Carolina is underrated and deserved to make the tournament.

That would be an example.

That's the slow report.

Yeah, that would have been my looky here from yesterday. No, but that's not.
Had we debuted it yesterday. Okay, but what if we were doing it right now? What if we were doing looky here right now? Can you come up with something that, see, this is, look, we are shaking at the end of a work week.
That's, look. It's Wednesday.
I just got here. No, no.
I want to paint this picture so that people understand. Well, it's a Wednesday that feels like a Thursday because we rehear Sunday.
It's not even just that, though. The old war horse Greg Cody, we've been riding this pack mule now for months, multiple times a week.
When he gets to the end of the second work shift, he's been beaten down. Correct.
I know this. I'm slump-shouldered.
You're hurting here, and you're giving us the best that you've got. Right.
But it's why a couple of hours ago, it's you in the batter's box. It's a cleanup hitter.
There's not a lot left in the tank at this point in the week for you. Can tank, Orris.
See? Not a lot left. Looky here.
He's going to give you the best of what he's got, but there's not a lot left. But right now, based on the news of the day, can we get from the football take guy whatever it is that you want to do? Cam Ward's number one.
Aaron Rodgers, the Vikings don't want him. You can give me a looky here right now and debut the game producing yourself if you've still got anything in the tank.

Okay.

All right.

What do you want?

Like three, five?

I just want looky here and whatever it is you want to do with looky here to really sell this new game that you just invented.

Don't look now has been replaced by looky here.

Looky here.

This is not a great NFL draft for quarterbacks.

Cam Ward at number one.

Even he is not assured of being a big star.

I'm looking at that.

Looky here.

The way they're playing lately, should the Miami Heat even want to make the playoffs?

I say tank a little bit.

Give me a mini tank.

Finish 11th.

Avoid the purgatory of the play-in.

Don't they have an unprotected pick?

What is that?

He hasn't considered that.

Yeah, pick schmick.

Again, that's a totally different conversation.

We're going looking at that right now. What we're looking at is making sure that they don't make the playoffs to then figure out whatever's next.
A couple of years ago, they could have had Wembenyama, though. Good point.
Thank you. Well, he's been making it for a long time.
Tony, I think, debuted. I think that was the original looky here for Tony.

Was it not that you were suggesting that that heat playoff run against the Bucs,

that it should have started with a tank for the time?

Why is Mike haunting me right now?

He's looking now.

He's looking now.

Those were so good.

I told him to looky here.

Look, you gave him... Mind my personal space.

He's rattled, and he's losing energy as this goes. Zaslow's going to be brought in.
Look, it's not easy to replace the Hall of Famer Stugatz. We try.
What just happened there? I turned into an Eskimo and rubbed his nose. Did Mike Ryan.
I don't know if we call it that anymore. Did Mike Ryan.
Why? You can't say Eskimo? Please stop. There's animo? Please stop.
There's an ice cream sandwich called the Eskimo Pie. What, are we going to change the name of that to? Hopefully not.
The Eskimo people are great people. All right, Dad.
You don't have to quadruple down. You've said enough.
They don't all live in igloos, by the way. I'm not making a stereotype.
You're making it better. Thank you.
Dan, to answer your question, yes, that was the original look you hear. No, let's just sit in it.
Tone, just back off. Just trying to help.
No, thank you dan to answer your question yes that was the original look no let's just sit in it let's just tone just back off help no i thank you thank you it's on the ball in the air no but this is what i'm look this is off the shingled roof you can't say eskimo anymore all right i have been falling apart for 45 straight minutes you really have okay but wait a minute you're not anything better, and I just need you to shut up for a second, okay? I simply, what I need most from you right now

is just silence, okay?

Why don't you play Dan's terrible question again?

What is the worst part of the life?

This guy's telling me to shut up. I didn't see it because it was out of the corner of my eye, but I'm pretty sure that Greg Cody just rubbed one of those giant nostrils across the face of Mike Ryan, who could not stay in character because of how it is it felt to have one of those giant nostrils gra the face of Mike Ryan who could not stay in character because of how it

is it felt to have one of those giant nostrils graze him. Is that what? I do have big nostrils.
equine

we've not taken a better picture than that

please put We've not taken a better picture than that. Please put that up behind me.
Put it where... That nostril...
Look, there you can see Mike Ryan trying to stay in character, but... It looks photoshopped.
It does. It can't have really happened.
That can't smell good to Mike. And vice versa.
We're back, Dan. Rough couple minutes, but we're back.
Well, we do nothing better than sink into the incompetence. It's available so frequently.
It's so available. Hold on.
Let me get my head out of the way so that, yeah. There it is.
They can put that on the tombstone of our show and I'd be good with it. Because I'd be totally good.
All of that, Mike, the smells, the scents, where you're holding your breath like that. Greg Cody, that close to you, that nostril that close close to you is substantive it would take a lot to make me stand down i'm not saying that i stood down i no longer have the most awkward stutter of this segment dan thank you i was lost for words earlier when greg said that cameron brink was uh it's still at stanford and i tried to i tried to let him slide and I was like, it's fine.
He's trying. It's not been a good hour for Greg.
It's been moving a little bit fast. I did want to ask you guys, because this one struck me yesterday as something that we didn't quite explore enough.
Billy Gill and Greg Cody being against the fun of the Savannah Bananas, just against 65,000 people coming out to a football stadium and filling it to see an invention, an invention of creativity that has crashed the sports market and fills the stadium in a way that's lunacy for minor league sports. And Greg's against it.
And it also represents like breaking through on just, hey, sports can be fun. And Greg's against it.
And Billy's against it. And I'm like, why would you be that aggressively against something just because it's popular?

And it's popular because people are just enjoying something that's kind of goofy and fun and silly.

Yeah, I'm against it as the unwarranted phenomenon it has become.

You know, it's a clown show disguised as sports.

It's not baseball.

You know, it's family entertainment. I get it.
I get it why kids want to see it. It's a circus.
It's a carnival. That's all it is.
I don't even put it in the category of sports. You know, maybe if I were eight years old, 10 years old, I would be enraptured with it.
But as an adult, I'm going, really? People love that? It's rare to have an unwarranted phenomenon in fact i'm scanning my brain i think the only unwarranted phenomenon was that one u2 album that showed up on everybody's phone good point but it just seems like such a strange thing to shake your fist at in sports that you hit the harlem globetrotrotters too? That's what he was saying. His point yesterday was that.
Yes, that he also aggressively hates the Harlem Globetrotters. Okay, but the Harlem Globetrotters had their day.
And I know they're still around. Technically, they still tour and everything.
And now the bananas are. But obviously, they aren't what they used to be.
I thought we as a society had outlived that kind of a clown show. That's all.
We did. And we pivoted.
To white guys. Our society is so evolved.
Now it's white guys and baseball. They went to a sport that needed it though, right? I mean, baseball is slow so it's like we can do something with this sport.
It takes a lot of skill, but let's do bells and whistles. You love it.
Like with your show. Guy on stilts.
Every episode you're like, can we get a few bells and whistles? He's running the bases. It's all made better by a guy on stilts.
How's he running? How's he turning second? A guy on stilts. He's on stilts.
Put it on the poll at Levitard Show. Guy on stilts make everything better.
Greg Cody's still mad at Billy Corbin and said that coward jackass didn't show up. It's true.
Eliza Schlesinger is next. Nice, man.
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Don LeBetard.

You are very comfortable talking about how you met your wife,

how much you love her, how important she is to you,

and that's the reason that I asked the question.

I've always admired that about you, that you have no problems whatsoever professing your love. Well, the thing is, I got a new wife now.
Me and Bianca didn't make it. So I moved on.
We moved on. It was for the better of both of us.
Stugatz. Things just got a little awkward there.
So let me be the first on this show to congratulate you on the new wife, Vince. Congratulations on feeling whole, feeling complete.
You know? Let's talk tailgating. Yeah.
Don't be, don't feel awkward, buddy. No, I don't.
It's much too late for that, Vince. I appreciate you soothing me in this regard, but I already feel terribly awkward.
And then my teammate comes to my defense with not a question, but just a healthy congratulations. And the further pointing out of that awkwardness, because he's always good for me in those spots.
I'm also thinking of divorce, Vince, after many, many years, 18 years, with a partner who does things like that to you. This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stu Gads.
Hello, Eliza. It's nice to see you again.
Nice to see you again, Dan. She was on South Beach Sessions, if you have not seen her, and she's got a new special out, A Different Animal.
It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime. She's on tour now with U.S.
and international dates through the end of 2025. And she's got shows in Florida all of next weekend, March 28th at Hard Rock in Hollywood, March 29th at Hard Rock Orlando, and March 30th, Hard Rock in Tampa.
You can find dates and tickets at Eliza.com. Eliza Schlesinger with us.
Thank you for joining us. You can catch her on South Beach Sessions.
We had a long form conversation. How's the tour going? The tour is going great.
It's wrapping up after Florida. Those are our last U.S.
dates. And then the new tour kicks off in the fall randomly in Estonia.
But I don't expect your listeners to make it out to that show. So the tour is going great.
I appreciate being on here. This ring light is working overtime for this interview with me.
How do you feel about touring? It takes you away from the family. Sometimes you can bring the family with you, obviously, but how do you feel about it? You know, this is my job.
And so it changes when you become a parent. I decided as a treat slash punishment, my daughter gets to come with me to Florida this time.
I lured her there by telling her there's going to be a lot of fruit and tropical fruit in the green room. So a little baby has never been more excited to be at a casino.
Last time that I spoke to you, you avoided generally social media commentary, but the praise for your comedy special has been strong. Are you still avoiding it? Yeah, I took Instagram off my phone and my social media team looks at it.
So I think social media, especially as a comic, should be a one way street. Like I do the output, but we're closed for the feedback because at 42, we know the compliments and the insults are always regenerating.
So I'll just avoid those for the time being. What do you love about this special? Obviously, you are now a veteran.
You have polished these things. Do you feel about this better than you have about others? I know you you sort of have to say that.
But what have you learned? You know, as a mother of two, I just turned 42. I think this comedy is all about giving people a really good time.
You know who I am when you sign up to come see my show. You know that you're going to get a little bit of insight wrapped in comedy.
But I think we're all kind of going through a weird, tough time just with everything going on. So I think more than anything now, this is incisive, raucous, a lot of fun.
It's very physical. I really do think it's fun for the whole family.
I don't know if you can bring your whole family to a casino, but I think there is really something for everyone because I genuinely want to include everyone in my standup. So if you leave feeling offended, maybe you shouldn't be watching standup at all.
Ooh, that's actually a great segue to something I wanted to ask you. We have male comedians come on our show all the time, and I'm a huge fan of yours, by the way.
But they come on and they always make degrading comments about women that we just let slide. So I was wondering if you could say something degrading about men.
Yeah. Oh, it's in the special.
So don't you worry. It's actually baked into my body of work.
Look, I really think as a real feminist, my job is to hate everyone equally. And I think that truthfully, you know, I always want women to leave feeling good from my shows.
You know, I am one and I see the things that we're up against. But you don't have feminism without men agreeing.
And no man wants to buy a ticket to a show to be told that you're a problem or to be made to feel bad. So I do believe in bringing everyone in and insulting everyone equally.
And, you know, we have an audience that 60% men. So I'm sorry, 40% men.
So I think they get the memo. But when men degrade women, it just reeks of like,

I'm sorry you didn't have sex in high school,

and you're like still bitter about that.

Speak of the devil.

Is this an especially good time or an especially dangerous time

to get into whatever you would consider to be political?

Incidentally, you're talking to somebody who didn't actually have sex in high school

because he lost his virginity at 23, we learned yesterday.

Yeah, 22, actually.

Well, maybe back in the 20s it was different. No, just kidding contraceptives were different back then it was the 30s so quit maligning me my mistake all right it was called the great depression for a reason i'm not a political comic i mean look you could probably tell by the tone of my voice like a little bit how i vote but uh i i that people are, we all contain multitudes and I believe it's a case by case basis.
And I don't expect people who live in a rural area to agree with people who live in a city. My comedy is never political.
It's always social. And I really pride myself on having a really nice mix of liberal, conservative, queer, you know, your grandpa, whatever.
I do a lot of work with our USO. I have a lot of military in our shows.
I have a lot of people that span all political spectrums. And I think they keep coming back because there's certain inalienable truths in the comedy that I have.
I don't know if my comedy brain is firing on all cylinders, but people want to feel good and nobody wants to feel bad for an hour for who they are or how they vote or what they think. And so I always believe in digestible feminism.
And that's why we play Florida. Can you explain to us what the feeling is with a special coming out? You've been sculpting this work for a year or longer, I would assume.
So is it relief? Is it excitement? Is it nerves? Is it all of it? Dan, you ask such elegant questions. And I love that you said sculpting because it really is a piece of art.
And I guess it's my seventh special. So like I've been here before.
I know the feeling. But there is an excitement of this like thing that you crafted.
And you have to, as an artist, just realize once you release it to the public, it's no longer mine. Like I stand behind everything that I said, but it's up for people to interpret and digest, regurgitate, reject, embody however they want to.
And so I'm excited to see the way the fans receive it over the next year. And I'm excited to see what those jokes turn into for the next special.
So it's a roller coaster. Are these political times good for you, though? Comedy wise, not any other way.
I feel like political times always equate to a rough economy. So, you know, that's why I'm like begging people to come out to see me at the hard rock so you can see a show and see Christina Aguilera's shoe right next to me.
I think good or bad political time, people still need to laugh. And, you know, I'm not getting up there and giving a full expose on the war in Ukraine.
You know, people, if anything, more than anything, need a way to get away from their problems and step into a dark room and laugh with a bunch of strangers who may not be like you. Maybe you meet your wife there, who knows? So comedy always is good business.
What are the three comedians or comedians that you will check out whatever it is they're doing with a degree of enthusiasm, excitement, you'll make sure to find it and just admire it? I can't say I would make sure because that would suggest that I have the free time to watch full hours hours of stand up. But I always enjoy if I'm at a show and we're all doing spots, I'll always come back in the room to watch Sebastian Maniscalco.
I think he's very funny.

if Cat Williams is doing something I know that's like so random

I've always been a fan

I'd have to think of the other one

but I will tell you

I do make sure to watch a lot of younger comics

and I produced several 10 minute specials

called Eliza's Locals, which you can watch on Hulu. And we just did the second season, which will be out on Amazon coming up this year.
So I'm always, I'm always down for watching new talent, helping to shape and hone and polish jokes. And so those are the things that take up my time.
One of the things that I've been interested in, and Cat Williams spoke of this when he did that Shannon Sharp interview, is pointing to the Joe Rogan comedians. And he was saying none of those guys are funny, but they are running comedy.
And the amount of popularity that Rogan's guys are getting and the economy that that is in Austin that now feeds Kill Tony and an assortment of other things. Where is your assessment on Cat Williams saying, I don't like the people that Joe Rogan nights, even understanding that I'm asking you a bit of a dangerous question there? No, I'm not afraid of anything.
There's no backlash here. I mean, people that would be angry at that answer are going to be angry regardless.
Look, comedy is a meritocracy and you don't have to like who's successful, but you can't knock the fact that it happens, you know? And especially now with the internetification of comedy, comics have more access to finding their audience. There's no kingmakers anymore.
You don't have to go on The Tonight Show and be anointed. Greg, I know you miss those days.
You don't have to go on Star Search. It doesn't have to be because you had this special set.
So you are finding comics who are able to find their niche audience and do really well, and they're not even household names. So that's good and that's bad.
But I don't think you benefit ever from coming out and saying who you really hate and why, because even if you're right, it always sounds like sour grapes. I'm curious what you think of the TV series Hacks and how accurate you think it is.
It's so accurate. It's so scathingly accurate.
I wish I could just get in a room with those writers and be like, but how do you know this? She of course reminds me of Joan Rivers, but I remember watching, I watched the whole thing. I was reticent to watch it because I was like, you know, as a woman who's tried to pitch a show about a female comic, you're always told that no one would watch it.
And then you have Marvelous Miss Maisel and this. So there goes to show you.
But when she tried to get her own late night show and she couldn't, I cried watching it. And I think a lot of women cried because we all know that feeling of trying and just being told that you're not right.
You're not good enough at all times. So the show, it's like a ghost of Christmas future, Christmas past.
Like I hope to be that scathingly honest and bitter and intelligent and well-dressed when I'm that when I'm Jean Smart's age in that show there there's no way there's no more famous story of uh the way that uh women can be mistreated in comedy than Joan Rivers being run off the road the moment that she started competing with Johnny Carson after Johnny Carson uh and helped her in so many ways and she helped him in so many ways. Yeah, I mean, I think what it comes down to, and for the girl who's there, I'm sorry, I don't know your name, but I'm glad that you're here.
I'm glad there's another girl here. I think it comes down to women contain multitudes and do great things.
And as much as we get hit against one another, it usually is like a bitter male comic secretly stepping on your neck. Like I have seen those tantrums in my own interviews.
I've had male comics walk out of a podcast. I've had male DJs walk out.
I've had men who, you know, I might have the wrong inflection and then all of a sudden they're upset. So we always are told to get this tough skin, but I would give that advice right back.
My name's Lucy, by the way. Lucy, nice to meet you.
I'm sorry. I would assume that it is a world of atrophied adolescence, close to toddlers is what I would assume the world is.
Yeah, I think to criticize these things as a woman, you just get called a bitch. and even when you go on some of these podcasts and you agree with the host, you know, you're still subjected to the comment section, which is why I turned that thing off.
And so you are dealing with gigantic children. But for some reason, if you're smart enough to know that somehow that makes you the problem.
And so it is this weird catch 22 of like being just smart enough to know the environment, but like not being able to comment on it. So the answer is make your own money, sell out your own shows, get your own fans as a comic.
So you don't have to ask anybody for anything. And that is my favorite part of this job is I don't require permission.
What do you love and hate about the road? Oh my God. I don't think we have enough time.
I love making a, this is so dorky, but like I just did it. I love making a connection.
I'll call it like a butthole tight connection in a big airport and walking from one plane onto another. Like you feel like you nailed it.
Um, I love that. I love obviously the performing and the fans.
I don't love trying to find like a good salad late night in a city like Buffalo. I don't love missing my family.
But I do love the travel. And I do love seeing those miles get racked up.
And I do love being the only woman in first class sometimes. And I love getting to see all the different types of fans all across the world and our country, because it gives me a true working knowledge of this amazing country.
Because it's very easy to sit in somewhere like Los Angeles and live in your bubble. Although Los Angeles is like 70% Latino, so it is pronounced buble.
But it's very easy to sit here and have judgments about everyone else. But then you go to those cities.
Like I've been to Gary, Indiana, the murder capital of the world. You go to Cincinnati, you go to New York, you go to whatever to get some real context.
And you realize, oh my God, people are good everywhere. And that's why I don't just like take aim randomly because someone's politically different.
Like we are all mostly good people just trying to like live our lives and eat some buffalo wings at 2am. Give me some of the moments or a moment on this particular tour where you have been awed by either the size or the emotion of the crowd and compared it to something in your past early in the journey where you were like, man, I'm a long distance from that catastrophe when I used to tour? I appreciate that question.
That would suggest that I have any gratitude. And as a comic, I don't.
I only ever think about the ways that I'm failing. And I know as a woman, I'm supposed to be like so grateful.
I'm never in awe of the size of the crowd because I look at those ticket counts. So I always know what we're walking into, but I will say, um, I brought my daughter to my show in Vancouver, which was incredible.
They're always amazing. And she watched from side stage.
And at the end she ran out, no one told her to, she ran out and I scooped her up. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like I started talking about like hand jobs and vodka sodas at 21, like getting paid, like free chicken fingers at like a bar in Santa Barbara, like wherever.
And now there's like a little girl here that I deliberately had. And so that was a weird first.
And I toured pregnant with both kids. So it was I turned over and I was like, I can't believe that this little girl is here.
And that I let her stay up till like 11 o'clock, which is really bad parenting. Oh, but that's such a great snapshot that you're describing at the top of your profession where, I mean, that's just the coolest.
How old, how old is she when this is happening? So she was a little, she was a little bit under three and she just turned three. And so just like her little legs running out and she wasn't afraid of the crowd or anything.
Um, it was just a magical moment to like scoop her up. And I knew I got to be backstage with her.
Normally there's a dog waiting for me, but having her back there and I was like, oh, wow, you ate all the fruit in the green room. And so you were actually, you were actually paid in chicken fingers that, uh, how, how early in the career was that where the, uh, where the act paid you in chicken fingers? So the secret was this is before everybody got paid.

You know, now you get paid to do your spots around town.

But this was I had a day job.

This would have been I got a gig in Santa Barbara.

So I left my day job at six o'clock.

I drove down there.

And like at the time, no one was really getting paid, or at least I wasn't.

And but you got free dinner at this bar and they gave you 20 minutes because you couldn't get 20 minutes at the time in LA. I was like 25 because no one knew who I was.
So I got free chicken fingers and I got to fill up my own gas tank and pay for it. So March 28th at Hard Rock in Hollywood, March 29th at Hard Rock Orlando, March 30th, Hard Rock in Tampa.
If you want dates and tickets, Eliza.com. Help us settle an argument from yesterday.
People are yelling at me because they say I ruined and spoiled the righteous gemstones because I told everybody that Walton Goggins is funny when doing full frontal and angry. What are the rules on this in the modern age? Can you help me please? On spoilers? Yes.
I think you have to put a spoiler alert if it's within, does Righteous Gemstones, and I should know this because I was on it last season, do they release them all at once? Hold on a second. No, it's not.
No, no, no. Hold on.
Hold on. It's just a name drop.
You just, when you said I was on it last season We like to, you know, it's a look at me Situation Oh, yeah, I was on it, good luck finding me I'm in a giant wig, but I should know I don't remember if they dropped them all at once Or if it's appointment viewing, do you know? It's supposed to be appointment viewing I thought that this was one of the shows That we all talk about at the same time. I think you get to do a spoiler alert.
Like I think if it comes out that

week, you have to write spoiler alert. But if we're a week out from it, I think people, then

you missed it. It's appointment viewing, but I think always writing spoiler alert or saying it

so people have a chance to tune out is, is online courtesy. I, uh, reject that as a suggestion.

Uh, uniformly. I will not say trigger warning.
I said spoiler alert. They're different.
It is nice to see you again. Eliza.com is where you go.
A different animal is currently streaming on Amazon Prime. There it is.
Look at that. Wait a minute.
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