Hour 2: Greg Cote's Equine Nostrils (feat. Iliza Shlesinger)

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Speaker 5 This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stu Gats Podcast.

Speaker 7 Dad, this is very exciting. I've been wanting to get to this all show.
Dan's still ashamed of that last segment, so he's not back yet. Yeah, should be.

Speaker 7 You had on your list of topics today top five teams you're watching in the tournament.

Speaker 9 Yes.

Speaker 7 It's not your top five teams, but just teams you're interested in watching. Explain this process.

Speaker 12 Well, I'll be interested in watching five particular teams for a certain reason. I'm going to let you guys figure out what the running theme of this list is.

Speaker 7 Are they like number five?

Speaker 3 We can do like a countdown. All right, let's go.

Speaker 12 All right, number five. From the first four play-in round they played tonight, American University led by third leading scorer Greg Jones.

Speaker 7 I see where we're going with this.

Speaker 3 Have my eye on them, too. Number four, the Patriots.

Speaker 12 Number three seed in the East, Wisconsin, coached by the incomparable Greg Gardens, won by a lot. Number three,

Speaker 12 nine seed in the south, Creighton, coached by Greg McDermott.

Speaker 14 How they give you up those electoral votes.

Speaker 7 Kind of one note this bit, but all right.

Speaker 12 Number two,

Speaker 12 eight seed in the Midwest, Gonzaga, led by sixth leading scorer Ben Gregg.

Speaker 13 Watching for that one.

Speaker 12 And number one,

Speaker 12 ten seed in the south region, the New Mexico Lobos, because Bose back Bose.

Speaker 14 Coached by Richard Petino.

Speaker 13 Yeah, how about that?

Speaker 14 He reshaped his career after

Speaker 14 losing his job over in Minnesota. How about that?

Speaker 3 Lobos are back.

Speaker 12 Lobos are back really good.

Speaker 15 Jack.

Speaker 12 Jack. Didn't we have somebody from the Lobos on our podcast?

Speaker 3 No. The one that you and I do? I'm not exactly sure.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 14 There's so many podcasts these days.

Speaker 3 Like the mayor, I think the mayor of the town or something was on our podcast bragging about the logos. I don't know.

Speaker 13 Move on.

Speaker 16 Greg, how much of the NCAA tournament are you actually going to watch?

Speaker 11 I'm going to be very honest with you.

Speaker 12 I start paying real attention when it gets to the Sweet 16.

Speaker 3 Like,

Speaker 12 I want the wheat, separate the chew.

Speaker 10 So you don't like the weekend that everybody likes.

Speaker 11 Right. Because this is the one.
Thursday, Friday's hit, baby.

Speaker 7 I mean, this is the one where you just get games, games, games, games, games, games.

Speaker 17 I know.

Speaker 7 And slow down after the first weekend.

Speaker 12 I don't need that many games, you know? And I think Cinderella is a fallacy in the NCAA.

Speaker 3 Like,

Speaker 12 the 16 beating the one

Speaker 12 has happened, what, three times in history? Like, I don't rely on that. I want good teams, survivors.

Speaker 12 You know, when it gets onto the Sweet 16, certainly the Elite Eight, that's when I really start dialing in.

Speaker 18 It just, I love when there's so many games that you're trying to figure out, do I have True TV? I don't know.

Speaker 19 Where is it?

Speaker 18 And it's like, oh, it's Channel 374.

Speaker 19 It's like, I didn't even know that. What's on there?

Speaker 14 Time-honored tradition of seeing Impractical Jokers videos

Speaker 3 headed into every break.

Speaker 7 Literally, I woke up on my couch at 2 a.m. this morning because I had fallen asleep.
Out of boy. And practical jokers on.

Speaker 13 It was great.

Speaker 12 What show is that? You don't.

Speaker 3 It's these four guys.

Speaker 3 He's three guys. He'll find out soon enough.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 19 Well, no, because they're not going to be on True TV. By the time he starts watching.

Speaker 14 It's amazing that he doesn't know about it just because of like once a year, we all get inundated with Impractical Jokers ads.

Speaker 20 Maybe he's just watching the women's tournament because that one's on mostly. you're not.

Speaker 12 I'll tell you what, and I'm not alone, and it wasn't just Caitlin Clark either or Angel Reese, but last year was the first year

Speaker 12 that I personally was as interested or more interested in the women's NCAAs than the men's. I just found it more compelling.
The storylines were better.

Speaker 12 And this year, I was thinking it would fall off the table because Caitlin was gone. This year, I think the momentum, Jessica, what do you think? I think the momentum of the women's game has sustained.

Speaker 3 I think it's as good as last year.

Speaker 20 I'm not a father, but I can attest to that.

Speaker 20 I read that ESPN women's basketball ratings were up this season, so still climbing, which is something that I said last year when everyone's like, oh, after Kaylin Clark goes to WMA, no one's going to watch anymore.

Speaker 20 Blah, blah, blah. No, it's still interesting.
I think this year is going to be great because there's a lot of teams that could win. And there's a lot of stars.
Like Juju Watkins, yes, is a star.

Speaker 20 Paige Beckers is a star. Hannah Hidalgo, Olivia Miles are stars.
Lauren Betts, like, there's a ton of household names in women's basketball.

Speaker 12 Cameron Brink, from where I'm standing.

Speaker 17 She's in the W, she is also a star.

Speaker 3 Good try. Appreciate HCL.
She's on the comeback tour now, though.

Speaker 10 That was a good try by you, though.

Speaker 20 It was.

Speaker 20 You know what?

Speaker 20 No bad intentions.

Speaker 3 No bad tendencies. So to be honest, though, I don't think he can name a current male NCAA player right here.

Speaker 17 Right.

Speaker 17 That's why I'm not. Correct?

Speaker 10 He knows one Duke player.

Speaker 3 The story of the tournament.

Speaker 12 The story of the tournament is Cooper Flay.

Speaker 3 Bad a boy.

Speaker 12 Will he he play in the opener? Should they hold him out until the round of 16? How are they going to handle that?

Speaker 14 I think women's college basketball is easier to follow. I think they do a better job of marketing their stars.
And also, there's fewer teams that have a legit chance to win the championship.

Speaker 8 And they're actually, I think, fairly...

Speaker 14 covered well in the sport.

Speaker 14 It's unavoidable if you follow sports to know exactly what South Carolina is doing, what Juju Watkins is doing, what the top upper echelon of stars are doing in that sport.

Speaker 14 Whereas college basketball feels a little bit more random. You know the Cooper flags of the world, but the teams that have a real chance,

Speaker 15 there's just more of them.

Speaker 14 So

Speaker 14 for that reason, I can kind of tangentially follow women's college basketball much easier than I can follow the men's game.

Speaker 12 Yeah, and I think the rise in the women's game has been just magnificent in the last few years.

Speaker 12 I can only speak for myself. There was a time when It was all about the men's tournament for me.
I barely paid any attention to the women's tournament.

Speaker 16 Now, I think them as as comparable competitions uh every bit as good as as each other so it's uh go women it's been great greg so you're gonna not be watching tomorrow i actually love that you know why don't look now we got uh oh sorry i shouldn't have said that i shouldn't have said that what happened it's time for a new game

Speaker 3 don't look now

Speaker 10 This is where you close your eyes, Dad.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Greg, don't you?

Speaker 8 Don't peeking.

Speaker 16 Yeah, don't look.

Speaker 7 Love how you had to put down your coffee to not look.

Speaker 3 You could just close your eyes. You don't have to cover your face like that.
Come on, come on. Let me

Speaker 8 make sure I can't hear you.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 20 What are we not looking at right now?

Speaker 11 All right, so we've got a lot of watching to do, a lot of looking to do.

Speaker 16 In the next couple of days, we got the NCAA tournament. We got hoops.
We got a bunch of different things, right? But I'm telling you, don't look now.

Speaker 8 Nicole Hardman is a packer.

Speaker 18 Wow. Anybody interested?

Speaker 22 Who knew?

Speaker 20 What do you think that means?

Speaker 7 That was a guy when he was on a Chiefs. He's on the Chiefs.

Speaker 3 I was like, I thought he was the next guy. He could be something.

Speaker 8 He could be something. Yeah, Michael.
Don't look now.

Speaker 19 Greg, your eyes are open.

Speaker 8 Craig, the whole thing is don't look.

Speaker 12 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay? Good. Thank you.

Speaker 22 I have not been able to shake that last segment off of me. Welcome back, though.

Speaker 20 Were you hiding in the bathroom?

Speaker 22 I was ashamed. I was sinking into my own shame.

Speaker 16 Well, Dan, don't look now, but after re-signing T. Higgins and Jamar Chase, Joe Burrow said, we've got the right guys.

Speaker 12 Wow, what a comment. What else is he going to say? Great quote.

Speaker 3 What else is he going to say?

Speaker 3 Is it a great quote? Very succinct.

Speaker 10 Dad, if your eyes are clearly open, but just being blocked by a piece of paper, that's looking.

Speaker 3 I'm not lying. I'm looking at a piece of paper.
No, it's not looking, Chris.

Speaker 1 This is very...

Speaker 23 It's giving me Miami Heat the power of friendship vibes. Like, I'm not...

Speaker 20 I know you have the right guys on offense, but that wasn't the problem.

Speaker 3 Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 5 Don't look now.

Speaker 16 BG, Brandon Graham, officially retires from the Eagle.

Speaker 8 Wow. 15 years in the NFL.

Speaker 22 Why can't we look at that?

Speaker 18 Be respectful, Dan.

Speaker 22 Wouldn't he want that look, Dan?

Speaker 6 Be respectful.

Speaker 3 Dan's back. Dan, shut your eyes.

Speaker 18 Dan, do not look.

Speaker 3 Be respectful about BG and Brendan Gray.

Speaker 23 Mike Ryan is being forcibly restrained on the couch.

Speaker 16 Who's looking at that?

Speaker 3 Not me. Okay.

Speaker 19 Just making sure, because you said that.

Speaker 5 I don't know how did you.

Speaker 20 He's not looking, which is the problem. Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, God.

Speaker 16 He's on the move.

Speaker 18 Another one here, Dan. I think this one's really important.

Speaker 16 And the last one here, Don't Look Now. Patriots signed free agent center Grady Bradbury filling a major need on their offensive line.

Speaker 22 That's not worth looking at.

Speaker 7 Don't look now is presented by Smirnoff.

Speaker 11 The world's number one vodka.

Speaker 7 Please drink responsibly.

Speaker 10 That's what I said. But you weren't looking, so you.

Speaker 20 I thought you said Grady.

Speaker 24 Did I say Grady?

Speaker 3 I don't know. You weren't looking.

Speaker 3 I wasn't looking either.

Speaker 22 Guys, we got to do better than that. We've got to do better than we've done for the last 30 minutes.
Oh, it's been a great hour.

Speaker 20 I thought you were going to say like 12 years, but then you said 30 minutes.

Speaker 12 I want a competing bit called Looky Here.

Speaker 22 Why 12 years?

Speaker 3 I don't know. I picked a random number out of my ass.
Why wouldn't it?

Speaker 21 20 years.

Speaker 8 I figured 12 is like when you started at espn maybe i don't know i am feeling i don't know the timeline looky here is what you want to play yeah looky here i can i actually don't hate it what's the let's flush it out what do you want looky here what do you think let's let's have that

Speaker 22 the the clear spinoff to don't look now looky here a totally different game

Speaker 12 got to come up with topics though dad yeah well that's off the top of my head i got a storyboard in my own mind but looky here i'm informing people about something that they need mike you can look now yeah mike

Speaker 21 yeah you can look now.

Speaker 3 We're on to Lookie here.

Speaker 22 It's totally different, Mike.

Speaker 22 Don't look now. You got to wear a blindfold.
Lookie here, you're allowed to look.

Speaker 3 Right, Greg, looky here.

Speaker 8 Did you see Tua partying at the club?

Speaker 3 I did not. Looky here.
How about less looking? Partying more winning.

Speaker 22 I can hear people screaming. No, it's not don't look now anymore.
It's looky here now. It's looky here.
You're allowed to, you're now allowed to look. We've changed.
We've got a spin-off. Looky here.

Speaker 12 North Carolina is underrated and deserved to make the tournament.

Speaker 22 Well, but that's the slow report.

Speaker 13 Yeah,

Speaker 12 that would have been my lookie here from the

Speaker 22 right now. What if we were doing looky here right now? Can you come up with something that see this is this? Look, we are

Speaker 22 shaking at the end of a work week.

Speaker 3 That's look, it's not. It's Friday.
I just got here.

Speaker 22 I want to paint this picture so that people understand.

Speaker 20 Well, it's a Wednesday that feels like a Thursday because we rehearse Sunday.

Speaker 22 It's not even just that, though.

Speaker 3 The old war horse, Greg Cody,

Speaker 22 we've been riding this packed mule now for months, multiple times a week. When he gets to the end of the second work shift, he's been beaten down.

Speaker 3 Correct.

Speaker 22 I know this.

Speaker 22 And so slump shouldered.

Speaker 22 You're hurting here, and you're giving us the best that you've got. Right.
But it's why a couple of hours ago, it's you in the batter's box. It's a cleanup hitter.

Speaker 22 There's not a lot left in the tank at this point in the week for you.

Speaker 12 Can tank, Uris.

Speaker 22 See, not a lot left.

Speaker 3 Looky here.

Speaker 22 He's going to give you the best of what he's got, but there's not a lot left. But right now, based on the news of the day, can we get from the football take guy, whatever it is that you want to do?

Speaker 22 Cam Wards, number one, Aaron Rodgers, the Vikings don't want him. You can give me a Lookie Here right now and debut the game producing yourself if you've still got anything in the tank.
Okay.

Speaker 13 All right. What do you want? Like three, five?

Speaker 22 I just want Lookie Here and whatever it is you want to do with Lookie Here to really sell this new game that you just invented. Don't Look Now has been replaced by Lookie Here.

Speaker 3 Looky here.

Speaker 12 This is not a great NFL draft for quarterbacks. Cam Ward at number one, even he is not assured of being a big star.

Speaker 7 I'm looking at that.

Speaker 3 Looky here.

Speaker 12 The way they're playing lately, should the Miami Heat even want to make the playoffs?

Speaker 17 I say tank a little bit.

Speaker 12 Give me a mini tank, finish 11th, avoid the purgatory of the play-in.

Speaker 20 Don't they have an unprotected pick?

Speaker 22 What does that say? He hasn't considered that.

Speaker 15 Yeah, pick Schmick.

Speaker 8 Again, that's a totally different conversation. We're not looking at that right now.

Speaker 18 He's making sure that they don't make the playoffs to then figure out whatever's next.

Speaker 8 A couple of years ago, they could have had Wembanyama, though.

Speaker 3 Good point. Thank you.

Speaker 22 Well, he's been making it for a long time.

Speaker 22 Tony, I think, debuted. I think that was the original lookie here for Tony.

Speaker 22 Was it not that you were suggesting that that heat playoff run against the Bucs, that it should have started with a tank for the ton.

Speaker 17 He's looking.

Speaker 3 He's looking now. He's looking

Speaker 17 at him. Those were so good.

Speaker 22 You were looking

Speaker 22 close.

Speaker 13 You gave him.

Speaker 12 Mind my personal space.

Speaker 22 He's rattled and he's losing energy as this goes. Zaszlo's going to be brought in.
Look, it's not easy to replace the Hall of Famer Stugats.

Speaker 8 We'll try.

Speaker 22 What just happened there?

Speaker 13 What? I turned it into an Eskimo.

Speaker 3 Did Mike Ryan choke?

Speaker 11 I don't really call it that anymore.

Speaker 22 Did Mike Ryan... Why?

Speaker 17 You can't say Eskimo? Please stop.

Speaker 8 There's an ice cream.

Speaker 12 There's an ice cream sandwich called the Eskimo Pie. What are we going to change the name of that to?

Speaker 16 Hopefully not.

Speaker 12 The Eskimo people are great people.

Speaker 3 All right, Dad.

Speaker 10 You don't have to quadruple down.

Speaker 7 You've said enough.

Speaker 12 They don't all live in igloos, by the way. I'm not making a stereotype.

Speaker 4 You're making it better.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 18 Dan, to answer your question, yes, that was the original look.

Speaker 22 No, let's just sit in it. Let's just, tone, just back off.

Speaker 22 No, thank you. Thank you.
Some ball in the air. No, but this is what I'm saying.
Look, this is what

Speaker 3 you can't say Eskimo anymore.

Speaker 3 Stop saying it.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 22 I have been falling apart for 45 straight minutes.

Speaker 3 You really have.

Speaker 22 Okay, but wait a minute. You're not making anything better, and I just need you to shut up for a second.
Okay.

Speaker 22 I simply,

Speaker 22 what I need most from you right now is just silence. Okay.

Speaker 12 Why don't you play Dan's terrible question again?

Speaker 22 What is the worst part of the life?

Speaker 13 This guy's telling me to shut up.

Speaker 22 I didn't see it because it was out of the corner of my eye, but I'm pretty sure that Greg Cody just rubbed one of those giant nostrils across the face of Mike Ryan, who could not stay in character because of how it is it felt to have one of those giant nostrils graze him.

Speaker 22 Is that what?

Speaker 3 Photo.

Speaker 10 I do have big nostrils.

Speaker 9 Equine.

Speaker 9 Equine!

Speaker 21 We've not taken a better picture than that.

Speaker 22 Please put that up behind me. Put it

Speaker 21 that nostril.

Speaker 22 Look, there you can see Mike Bryan trying to stay in character, but

Speaker 4 it looks Photoshopped.

Speaker 5 It does.

Speaker 12 It can't have really happened.

Speaker 22 That can't smell good to Mike.

Speaker 12 And vice versa.

Speaker 9 We're back, Dan.

Speaker 11 Huh? Rough couple minutes, but we're back.

Speaker 22 Well, we do nothing better than sink into the incompetent.

Speaker 22 It's available so frequently. It's so available.
Hold on, let me get my head out of the way so that.

Speaker 3 There it is.

Speaker 22 They can put that on the tombstone of our show, and I'd be good with it.

Speaker 22 Because I'd be totally good. All of that, Mike, the smells, the scents, where you're holding your breath like that.

Speaker 22 Greg Cody, that close to you, is that nostril that close to you is substantive.

Speaker 14 It would take a lot to make me stand down.

Speaker 21 I'm not saying that I stood down.

Speaker 20 I no longer have the most awkward stutter of this segment. Dan, thank you.

Speaker 20 I was lost for words earlier when Greg said that Cameron Brink was still at Stanford. And

Speaker 20 I tried to let him slide, and I was like, it's fine.

Speaker 22 He's been trying. It's not been a good hour for Greg.
It's been moving a little bit fast. I did want to ask you guys, because this one struck me yesterday as something that we didn't quite

Speaker 3 explore enough.

Speaker 22 Billy Gill and Greg Cody

Speaker 22 being against

Speaker 3 the

Speaker 22 fun of the Savannah bananas.

Speaker 22 Just against 65,000 people coming out to a football stadium and filling it to see an invention,

Speaker 22 an invention of creativity that has crashed the sports market and fills a stadium in a way that's lunacy for minor league sports.

Speaker 22 And

Speaker 22 Greg's against it. And it also represents like breaking through on just, hey, sports can be fun.

Speaker 22 And Greg's against it. And Billy's against it.
And I'm like, why would you be that aggressively against something just because it's popular?

Speaker 22 And it's popular because people are just enjoying something that's kind of goofy and fun and silly.

Speaker 12 Yeah, I'm against it as the

Speaker 12 unwarranted phenomenon it has become. You know,

Speaker 12 it's a clown show disguised as sports. It's not baseball.
You know, it's family entertainment. I get it.
I get it why kids want to see it.

Speaker 12 It's a circus. it's a carnival.

Speaker 3 That's all it is.

Speaker 12 I don't even put it in the category of sports. You know,

Speaker 12 maybe if I were eight years old, ten years old, I would be enraptured with it. But as an adult, I'm going, really?

Speaker 14 People love that? It's rare to have an unwarranted phenomenon. In fact, I'm scanning my brain.
I think the only unwarranted phenomenon was that one U2 album that showed up on everybody's phone.

Speaker 24 Good point.

Speaker 22 But it just seems like such a strange thing to shake your fist at in sports that

Speaker 15 you hate the Harlem Globetrotters, too?

Speaker 11 Exactly.

Speaker 22 Yeah, well, that's what he was saying. His point yesterday was that, was yes, that he also aggressively hates the Harlem Globetrotters.

Speaker 12 Okay, but the Harlem Globetrotters had their day. And I know they're still around.
Technically, they still tour and everything.

Speaker 11 And now the bananas are.

Speaker 12 But obviously, they aren't what they used to be.

Speaker 12 I thought we as a society had outlived that kind of a clown show.

Speaker 3 That's all. We did.
And we we pivoted to white guys.

Speaker 20 Our society is so evolved.

Speaker 8 Now it's white guys in baseball.

Speaker 10 They went to a sport that needed it, though, right?

Speaker 7 I mean, baseball is slow, so it's like we can do something with this sport.

Speaker 11 It takes a lot of skill.

Speaker 10 But let's do, you know, bells and whistles.

Speaker 11 You love it.

Speaker 3 Like, with guy on stilts.

Speaker 10 Every episode, you're like, can we get a few bells?

Speaker 22 It's all made better by a guy on stilts.

Speaker 21 How's he running?

Speaker 3 How's he turning second?

Speaker 3 A guy on stilts.

Speaker 3 Put it on the poll at Levittard's show.

Speaker 22 Guy on stilts make everything better.

Speaker 22 Greg Cody's still mad at Billy Corbin and said that coward jackass didn't show up.

Speaker 3 It's true.

Speaker 22 Eliza Schlesinger is next.

Speaker 20 The Iceman.

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Speaker 22 Don Lebatard. You are very comfortable talking about how you met your wife, how much you love her, how important she is to you.
And that's the reason that I asked the question.

Speaker 22 I've always admired that about you, that

Speaker 22 you have no problems whatsoever professing your love.

Speaker 24 Well, the thing is,

Speaker 24 I have a new wife now. You know, me and Bianca didn't make it.

Speaker 24 So I moved on. We moved on.
It was for the better for both of us.

Speaker 22 Stugats.

Speaker 26 Things just got a little awkward there. So let me be the first on this show to congratulate you on the new wife, Vance.

Speaker 3 Congratulations

Speaker 3 on feeling whole, feeling complete.

Speaker 26 You know,

Speaker 4 let's talk tailgating.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 24 Don't feel awkward, buddy.

Speaker 3 No, I don't. It's too late for that.
It's much too late for that, Vince.

Speaker 22 I appreciate you soothing me in this regard, but I already feel terribly awkward. And then my teammate comes to my defense with not a question, but congratulations.

Speaker 22 Just a healthy congratulations and the further pointing out of that awkwardness because he's always good for me in those spots.

Speaker 22 I'm also thinking of divorce, Vince, after many, many years, 18 years, with a partner who does things like that to you.

Speaker 11 This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stew Gats.

Speaker 22 Hello, Eliza. It's nice to see you again.

Speaker 23 Nice to see you again, Dan.

Speaker 22 She was on South Beach Sessions, if you've not seen her, and she's got a new special out, a different animal. It's currently streaming on Amazon Prime.
She's on tour now with U.S.

Speaker 22 and international dates through the end of 2025.

Speaker 22 And she's got shows in Florida all of next weekend, March 28th at Hard Rock in Hollywood, March 29th at Hard Rock, Orlando, and March 30th, Hard Rock in Tampa.

Speaker 22 You can find dates and tickets at Eliza.com, Eliza Schlesinger with us. Thank you for joining us.
You can catch her on South Beach Sessions. We had a long-form conversation.
How's the tour going?

Speaker 23 Tour is going great. It's wrapping up after Florida.
Those are our last U.S. dates.
And then the new tour kicks off in the fall, randomly in Estonia.

Speaker 23 But I don't expect your listeners to make it out to that show. So the tour is going great.
I appreciate being on here. This ring light is working overtime for this interview with me.

Speaker 22 How do you feel about touring? It takes you away from the family. Sometimes you can bring the family with you, obviously, but how do you feel about it?

Speaker 23 You know, it's, this is my job. And so it changes when you become a parent.
I decided as a treat slash punishment, my daughter gets to come with me to Florida this time.

Speaker 23 I lured her there by telling her there's going to be a lot of fruit and tropical fruit in the green room. So a little baby has never been more excited to be at a casino.

Speaker 22 Last time that I spoke to you, you avoided generally social media commentary, but the praise for your comedy special has been strong.

Speaker 5 Are you still avoiding it?

Speaker 23 Yeah, I took Instagram off my phone

Speaker 23 and my social media team looks at it. So I think social media, especially as a comic, should be a one-way street.

Speaker 23 Like I do the output, but we're closed for the feedback because at 42, we know the compliments and the insults are always regenerating. So I'll just avoid those for the time being.

Speaker 22 What do you love about this special? Obviously, you are now a veteran. You have polished these things.
Do you feel about this better than you have about others?

Speaker 22 I know you sort of have to say that, but what have you learned?

Speaker 23 You know,

Speaker 23 as a mother of two, I just turned 42.

Speaker 23 I think this comedy is all about giving people a really good time. You know, you know who I am when you sign up to come see my show.

Speaker 23 You know that you're going to get a little bit of insight wrapped in comedy, but I think we're all kind of going through a weird tough time

Speaker 23 just with everything going on. So I think more than anything now, this is incisive, raucous, a lot of fun.
It's very physical. I really do think it's fun for the whole family.

Speaker 23 I don't know if you can bring your whole family to a casino, but I think there is really something for everyone because I genuinely want to include everyone in my stand-up.

Speaker 23 So if you leave feeling offended, maybe you shouldn't be watching stand-up at all.

Speaker 20 Ooh, that's actually a great segue to something I wanted to ask you. We have male comedians come on our show all the time, and I'm a huge

Speaker 20 players, by the way. But they come on and they always make degrading comments about women that we just let slide.
So I was wondering if you could say something degrading about men.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 23 Oh, it's in the special. So don't you worry.
It's actually baked into my body of work. Look, I really think as a real feminist, my job is to hate everyone equally.

Speaker 23 And I think that truthfully, you know, it's all, I always want women to leave feeling good from my shows.

Speaker 23 You know, I am one and I see the things that we're up against, but you don't have feminism without men agreeing.

Speaker 23 And no man wants to buy a ticket to a show to be told that you're a problem or to be made to feel bad. So I do believe in bringing everyone in and insulting everyone equally.

Speaker 23 And, you know, we have an audience that's 60% men. So I'm sorry, 40% men.
So I think they get the memo.

Speaker 23 But when men degrade women, it just reeks of like, oh, I'm sorry you didn't have sex in high school. And you're like still bitter about that.

Speaker 3 Speaking of devil.

Speaker 12 Is this an especially good time or an especially dangerous time to get into whatever you would consider to be political?

Speaker 22 Incidentally, you're talking to somebody who didn't actually have sex in high school because he lost his virginity at 23, we learned yesterday.

Speaker 3 22, actually.

Speaker 23 Well, maybe back in the 20s it was different. No, I'm just kidding.

Speaker 23 Contraceptions were different back then.

Speaker 3 It was the 30s, so quit maligning me.

Speaker 23 My mistake.

Speaker 23 It was called the Great Depression for a reason.

Speaker 23 I'm not a political comic. I mean, look, you could probably tell by the tone of my voice, like a little bit how I vote, but

Speaker 23 I believe that people are, we all contain multitudes, and I believe it's a case-by-case basis. And I don't expect people who live in a rural area to agree with people who live in a city.

Speaker 23 My comedy is never political. It's always social.
And I really pride myself on having a really nice mix of liberal, conservative, queer, you know, your grandpa, whatever.

Speaker 23 I do a lot of work with our USO. I have a lot of military in our shows.
I have a lot of people that span all political spectrums.

Speaker 23 And I think they keep coming back because there's certain inalienable truths in the comedy that I have. I don't know if my comedy brain is firing on all cylinders, but people want to feel good.

Speaker 23 And nobody wants to feel bad for an hour for who they are or how they vote or what they think. And so I always believe in digestible feminism.
And

Speaker 23 that's why we play Florida.

Speaker 22 Can you explain to us what the feeling is with a special coming out? You've been sculpting this work for a year or longer, I would assume. So is it relief? Is it excitement?

Speaker 3 Is it nerves?

Speaker 23 Is it all of it? Dan, you asked such elegant questions. And I love that you said sculpting because it really is a piece of art.
And, you know, so I guess it's my seventh special.

Speaker 23 So like I've been here before, I know the feeling, but there is an excitement of of this like thing that you crafted.

Speaker 23 And you have to, as an artist, just realize once you release it to the public, it's no longer mine.

Speaker 23 Like I stand behind everything that I said, but it's up for people to interpret and digest, regurgitate, reject, embody however they want to.

Speaker 23 And so I'm excited to see the way the fans receive it over the next year. And I'm excited to see what those jokes turn into for the next special.
So it's a roller coaster.

Speaker 22 Are these political times good for you, though? Comedy-wise, not any other way?

Speaker 23 I feel like political times always equate to a rough economy.

Speaker 23 So, you know, that's why I'm like begging people to come out to see me at the hard rock so you can see a show and see Christina Aguilera's shoe right next to me.

Speaker 23 I think.

Speaker 23 I think good or bad political time, people still need to laugh. And, you know, I'm not getting up there and giving a full expose on the war in Ukraine.

Speaker 23 You know, people, if anything, more than anything, need a way to get away from their problems and step into a dark room and laugh with a bunch of strangers who may not be like you.

Speaker 23 Maybe you meet your wife there. Who knows? So, comedy always is good business.

Speaker 22 What are the three comedians or comedians that you will check out whatever it is they're doing with a degree of enthusiasm, excitement? You'll make sure to find it and, you know, just admire it.

Speaker 23 I can't say I would make sure because that would suggest that I have the free time to like watch full hours of stand-up.

Speaker 23 But I always enjoy, if I'm at a show and we're all doing spots, I'll always come back in the room to watch Sebastian Maniscalco. I think he's very funny.

Speaker 23 If Cat Williams is doing something, I know that's like so random. I've always been a fan.
I'd have to think of the other one, but I will tell you.

Speaker 23 I do make sure to watch a lot of younger comics and I produced several 10-minute specials called Eliza's Locals, which you can watch on Hulu.

Speaker 23 And we just did the second season, which will be out on Amazon coming up this year. So

Speaker 23 I'm always down for watching new talent, helping to shape and hone and polish jokes. And so those are the things that take up my time.

Speaker 22 One of the things that I've been interested in, and Cat Williams spoke of this when he did that Shannon Sharp interview, is pointing to the Joe Rogan comedians.

Speaker 22 And he was saying, none of those guys are funny, but they are running comedy.

Speaker 22 And the amount of popularity that Rogan's guys are getting and the economy that that is in Austin that now feeds Kill Tony and an assortment of other things.

Speaker 22 Where is your assessment on Kat Williams saying, I don't like the people that Joe Rogan knights, even understanding that I'm asking you a bit of a dangerous question there?

Speaker 23 No, I'm not afraid of anything. There's no backlash here.
I mean, people that would be angry at that answer are going to be angry regardless.

Speaker 23 Look, comedy is a meritocracy and you don't have to like who's successful, but you can't knock the fact that it happens, you know?

Speaker 23 And especially now with the internetification of comedy, comics have more access to finding their audience. There's no kingmakers anymore.
You don't have to go on the tonight show and be anointed.

Speaker 23 Greg, I know you missed those days.

Speaker 23 You don't have to go on star search. It doesn't have to be because you had this special set.
So you are finding comics who are able to find their niche audience and do really well.

Speaker 23 And they're not even household names. So that's good and that's bad.

Speaker 23 But I don't think you benefit ever from coming out and saying who you really hate and why. Because even if you're right, it always sounds like sour grapes.

Speaker 12 I'm curious what you think of the TV series Hacks and how accurate you think it is.

Speaker 23 It's so accurate. It's so scathingly accurate.
I wish I could just get in a room with those writers and be like, but how do you know this?

Speaker 23 She, of course, reminds me of Joan Rivers, but I remember watching, I watched the whole thing.

Speaker 23 I was reticent to watch it because I was like, you know, as a woman who's tried to pitch a show about a female comic, you're always told that no one would watch it.

Speaker 23 And then you have Marvelous Miss Mazel and this. So there

Speaker 23 goes to show you.

Speaker 23 But when she tried to get her own late-night show and she couldn't, I cried watching it.

Speaker 23 And I think a lot of women cried because we all know that feeling of trying and just being told that you're not right, you're not good enough at all times.

Speaker 23 So the show, it's like a ghost of Christmas future, Christmas past.

Speaker 23 Like I hope to be that scathingly honest and bitter and intelligent and well-dressed when I'm that, when I'm Gene Smart's age in that show.

Speaker 22 There's no more famous story of the way that women can be mistreated in comedy than Joan Rivers being run off the road the moment that she started competing with Johnny Carson after Johnny Carson

Speaker 22 and helped her in so many ways and she helped him in so many ways.

Speaker 23 Yeah, I mean, I think what it comes down to, and for the girl who's there, I'm sorry, I don't know your name, but I'm glad that you're here. I'm glad there's another girl here.

Speaker 23 I think it comes down to women contain multitudes and do great things. And as much as we get pit against one another, it usually is like a bitter male comic secretly stepping on your neck.

Speaker 23 Like I have seen those tantrums in my own interviews. I've had male comics walk out of a podcast.
I've had male DJs walk out.

Speaker 23 I've had men who, you know, I might have the wrong inflection and then all of a sudden they're upset. So

Speaker 23 we always are told to get this tough skin, but I would give that advice right back.

Speaker 20 My name's Lucy, by the way.

Speaker 23 Lucy, nice to meet you. I'm sorry.

Speaker 22 I would assume that it is a world of atrophied adolescents

Speaker 22 close to toddlers is what I would assume the world is.

Speaker 23 Yeah, I think to criticize these things as a woman, you just get called a bitch.

Speaker 23 And even when you go on some of these podcasts and you agree with the host, you know, you're still subjected to the comment section, which is why I turned that thing off.

Speaker 23 And so you are dealing with gigantic children.

Speaker 23 But for some reason, if you're smart enough to know that, somehow that makes you the problem.

Speaker 23 And so it is this weird catch-22 of like being just smart enough to know the environment, but like not being able to comment on it.

Speaker 23 So the answer is make your own money, sell out your own shows, get your own fans as a comic so you don't have to ask anybody for anything.

Speaker 23 And that is my favorite part of this job is I don't require permission.

Speaker 22 What do you love and hate about the road?

Speaker 23 Oh my God, I don't think we have enough time.

Speaker 23 I love making.

Speaker 23 This is so dorky, but like I just did it. I love making a connection.

Speaker 23 I'll call it like a butthole tight connection in a big airport and walking from one plane on to another like you feel like you nailed it um i love that i love obviously the performing and the fans i don't love trying to find like a good salad late night in a city like buffalo um

Speaker 23 i don't i don't love missing my family um

Speaker 23 But I do love the travel and I do love seeing those miles get racked up and I do love being the only woman in first class sometimes and I love getting to see all the different types of fans all across the world and our country because it gives me a true working knowledge of this amazing country.

Speaker 23 Because it's very easy to sit in somewhere like Los Angeles and live in your bubble, although Los Angeles is like 70% Latino, so it is pronounced bouble.

Speaker 23 But it's very easy. to sit here and have judgments about everyone else, but then you go to those cities.

Speaker 23 Like I've been to Gary, Indiana, the murder capital of the world, you know, you go to Cincinnati, you go to New York, you go to whatever, to get some real context and you realize, oh my God, people are good everywhere.

Speaker 23 And that's why I don't just like take aim randomly because someone's politically different. Like we are all mostly good people just trying to like live our lives and eat some buffalo wings at 2 a.m.

Speaker 22 Give me some of the moments or a moment on this particular tour where you have been awed by either the size or the emotion of the crowd and compared it to something in your past early in the journey where where you were like, man, I'm a long distance from that catastrophe when I used to tour?

Speaker 23 I appreciate that question. That would suggest that I have that I have any gratitude.
And as a comic, I don't. I only ever think about the ways that I'm failing.

Speaker 23 And I know as a woman, I'm supposed to be like so grateful. I'm never in awe of the size of the crowd because I look at those ticket counts.
So I always know what we're walking into. But I will say,

Speaker 23 I brought my daughter to my show in Vancouver, which was incredible. They're always amazing.
And she watched from side stage. And at the end, she ran out.
No one told her to.

Speaker 23 She ran out and I scooped her up. And I was like, oh my gosh.

Speaker 23 Like, I started talking about like hand jobs and vodka sodas at 21, like getting paid like free chicken fingers at like a bar in Santa Barbara, like wherever.

Speaker 23 And now there's like a little girl here that I deliberately had. And so that was a weird world.
And I toured pregnant with both kids.

Speaker 23 So it was, I turned over and I was like, I can't believe that this little girl is here. And that I let her stay up till like 11 o'clock, which is really bad parenting.

Speaker 22 Oh, but that's such a great snapshot that you're describing at the top of your profession where, I mean, that's just the coolest.

Speaker 3 How old,

Speaker 22 how old is she when this is happening?

Speaker 23 So she was a little, she was a little bit under three and she just turned three. And so just like her little legs running out and she wasn't afraid of the crowd or anything.

Speaker 23 It was just a magical moment to like scoop her up. And I knew I got to be backstage with her.

Speaker 23 Normally there's a dog waiting for me, but having her back there, and I was like, Oh, wow, you ate all the fruit in the green room.

Speaker 22 And so you were actually, you were actually paid in chicken fingers. That, uh, how, how early in the career was that where the uh, where the act paid you in chicken fingers?

Speaker 23 So, the secret was this is before everybody got paid. You know, now you get paid to do your spots around town, but this was I had a day job.

Speaker 23 Um, this would have been, I got a gig in Santa Barbara, so I left my day job at six o'clock. I drove down there, and like at the time, no one was really getting paid, or at least I wasn't.

Speaker 23 and but you got free dinner at this bar and they gave you 20 minutes because you couldn't get 20 minutes at the time in LA. I was like 25 because no one knew who I was.

Speaker 23 So I got free chicken fingers and I got to fill up my own gas tank and pay for it. So that was

Speaker 22 March 28th at Hard Rock in Hollywood. March 29th at Hard Rock Orlando.
March 30th Hard Rock in Tampa. If you want dates and tickets, Eliza.com help us settle an argument from yesterday.

Speaker 22 People are yelling at me because they say I ruined and spoiled the Righteous Gemstones because I told everybody that Walton Goggins is funny when doing full frontal and angry.

Speaker 22 What are the rules on this in the modern age? Can you help me, please?

Speaker 23 On spoilers? Yes. I think you have to put a spoiler alert if it's within does righteous gemstones, and I should know this because I was on it last season, do they release them all at once?

Speaker 3 Hold on a second. Look at me.

Speaker 3 No, it's not. No, no, no, hold on.

Speaker 3 Hold on. Look at me, mercy.

Speaker 22 That's just a name drop. You just, when you said I was on it last season, we like to, you know, it's a look at me situation.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 23 I was on it. Good luck finding me.
I'm in a giant wig. But I should know, I don't remember if they dropped them all at once or if it's appointment viewing.
Do you know?

Speaker 22 It's supposed to be appointment viewing. I thought that this was one of the shows that we all talk about at the same time.

Speaker 23 I think you get to do a spoiler alert. Like, I think if it comes out that week, you have to write spoiler alert.
But if we're a week out from it, I think people then you missed it.

Speaker 23 It's appointment viewing. But I think always writing spoiler alert or saying it so people have a chance to tune out is online courtesy.

Speaker 22 I uh reject that as a suggestion. Uh, uniformly, I will

Speaker 23 say trigger warning, I said spoiler alert.

Speaker 22 Once they're different, uh, it is nice to see you again. Eliza.com is where you go.
A different animal, a different animal is currently streaming on Amazon Prime. Uh, there it is.
Look at that. Look,

Speaker 3 Wait a minute.

Speaker 8 Look at that.

Speaker 23 I just knew it would be a great way to go.

Speaker 22 Yes, that's a great dismount.

Speaker 22 Looked deeply

Speaker 22 unhappy, that animal.

Speaker 14 He is projecting, man.

Speaker 23 Thanks, you guys.

Speaker 20 Thank you so much. Bye.
Thank you.

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