Hour 2: Billy's Barber Bind

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Speaker 6 This is the Don Labatar Show with the Stu Gats Podcast.

Speaker 1 All right, we talked about sports billionaire owners and we talked about bank accounts and my bank accounts looking kind of thin. I wish I could come on, Roy.

Speaker 1 I mean, I gotta start playing the lottery, man.

Speaker 4 Yes, yeah, and that's why we're teaming up with Jackpocket now. Over 600 million, Roy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man, I need that money.

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Speaker 4 Go grab the Jackpocket app and use that code, code, and that's it, Dan. How much would you give me, Roy, if you won $600 million?

Speaker 2 I always wonder what I would give out.

Speaker 4 I wonder what Roy would give me. I really don't understand.

Speaker 7 Like, if I won, I would totally give a friend a million bucks or whatever, make him happy.

Speaker 1 George Clooney, the George Clooney treatment. I would give a million dollars.

Speaker 4 Yeah. But what is a friend? Like me, how much?

Speaker 2 I wouldn't call me and you friends yet, Zaz.

Speaker 1 Like, what would I get? Oh, wow.

Speaker 7 Well, but if you needed something, you know, and we worked together, I'll be like, all right, I'll help you out, you know.

Speaker 1 Are we going to do friend or co-worker here? Because Billy just heard you. I mean, Billy took offense.
Billy.

Speaker 4 We've been three weeks of you guys every day together.

Speaker 6 Oh, no, years before that.

Speaker 2 Zaz and I much closer than we were months ago.

Speaker 4 But just to flat out tell him to his face, you're not my friend, is a bit rude.

Speaker 1 I mean, geez, come out early.

Speaker 4 You say, my mom's a monster. You're not my friend.
Like, what's going on with you today, buddy?

Speaker 7 I wasn't offended by it, though. It's all good.
We're talking money here, okay? So it's okay to differentiate.

Speaker 1 Zaz, you've gotten very popular. People love how you say Thai food.
I don't know what that means, but I've just said it's good.

Speaker 1 I mean, it is orange chicken. It is.

Speaker 4 Thai-fried rice.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know what Thai food means.

Speaker 7 Thai food.

Speaker 1 It's delicious. It is.
I know. Egg rolls.
Actual Thai food. That is Chinese food, what he's doing.
Yeah, I don't know. He needs to stop.
I don't know why he's doing that.

Speaker 1 Beef and broccoli. It's not a cultural catch-all.
Mongolian beef. No,

Speaker 1 you're doing that incorrectly. I have

Speaker 1 in play here a couple of things that I want to get to.

Speaker 1 Jeremy has a song to remind me of all of the things that I missed.

Speaker 4 Let's do option B.

Speaker 1 I don't know that you're going to like that one much better, though, because I can't like it much less.

Speaker 1 Well, okay, but let me tell you what option B is because Greg Cody has come in here and the haircut he has is spectacular.

Speaker 1 Lucio, Greg Cody has done a lot of grooming on Metal Ark's Dime, and right now he looks tremendous, totally cleaned up.

Speaker 1 And what was supposed to be a punishment, Greg Cody trips up the show, ends up with I believe him going home to a wife who's going to think he looks better than he ever has leaving here.

Speaker 1 I don't know about that. Let's not get carried away.
She knew me in my 20s. Greg Cutie.
Yes, thank you, Billy.

Speaker 1 You said that she will either not notice at all or compliment it, but you are betting which way on that.

Speaker 1 That's a tough call with her because she's a weirdo when it comes to that. She has been bugging me for the past month plus that I need a haircut.
When are you going to get a haircut?

Speaker 1 She is going to be thrilled and notice it immediately, I am maintaining. That is the Lucio magic.
That's what I would bet.

Speaker 1 I would bet you that amount and then you tell me, what should the amount be on that bet? I think she will notice that Lucio has made you sexier. Oh, I'll bet you 20 bucks.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's something that you could just lie about.

Speaker 1 So you can make it a bigger bet.

Speaker 2 That's just say that it went your way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's in on the bet. I give her 10.
There you go. You know, I keep 10.
Cut her in.

Speaker 1 But there have been times in the past, in all seriousness, when I will get a haircut after being bugged by her to get a haircut and she'll come home from work. Hey, how was your day?

Speaker 1 And hours go by and she has a crazy curve. I promise you, I am promising you.
How long have you been married? 40-something hours. Okay, I'm going to win this bet.

Speaker 1 She's going to notice you looked very messy coming in here today. You were leaving here.

Speaker 1 Very clean.

Speaker 7 Can you walk into your home?

Speaker 1 That was a small window. You got the message.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Really fit that in there.

Speaker 7 Can you walk into your home like recording so we could hear the reaction?

Speaker 1 Recording the the whole thing? What do you mean? Do you think he knows how to do that?

Speaker 4 Judging by the video we saw earlier, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would.

Speaker 1 If I could get an instant record,

Speaker 1 I would like to pay you by the hour to go produce the thing of your dad walking in. I am sure she's going to notice very soon.

Speaker 2 I'll teach him how to set up his voice memo so we can record the video.

Speaker 8 They took the camera off of his home screen for some reason.

Speaker 4 I know, they did.

Speaker 1 Why? The whole logo. Why? It's not there anymore.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Billy, options. The Spotify logo fell off my camera, and I use that more than any other logo on the

Speaker 1 screen. No, it disappeared when I

Speaker 1 fell off.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you guys are talking about.

Speaker 4 No, the logo fell off his camera, man.

Speaker 1 Keep up.

Speaker 1 I got to start to type in the word Spotify. You're surprised that on a wild Billy Wednesday, Billy would go super inside.
You're surprised by that, are you?

Speaker 1 I'm going to say something I might regret. It could poop Billy Wednesday.
Go on.

Speaker 1 We should have taken the Jeremy Tasha option.

Speaker 1 You say that, but but I haven't gotten to my second option yet, which Billy's going to like worse than the Jeremy Tasha option.

Speaker 4 Seems unlikely.

Speaker 1 Greg, Jeremy's the one on the far left.

Speaker 1 I have. Hey, Greg, it's me, Jeremy.

Speaker 1 Wow. Fake limited Jeremy.
Do you think you're family?

Speaker 1 Poor Jeremy. No, please, you two, develop and sharpen the fake limited Jeremy.
That was... That's my favorite, Jeremy.

Speaker 1 The bobbing into your broadcasting screen, just sort of lobbing the broadcasting song. Hey, guys, I'm totally natural here while being not natural.

Speaker 1 Too far, Dan. He's a talent.

Speaker 1 I agree. He makes good songs.
And one of these songs is going to be on display in a second. But I got to put this option before Billy.
Billy, Lucio's given free haircuts.

Speaker 1 And I told people to just gather around Lucio, and anybody who needs a haircut should get one. And I heard in my periphery somebody say that you either needed or wanted a haircut.

Speaker 1 And I looked at you, and it looked like there was a great deal of hair underneath the mop. You've got a good set of hair.
Are you, do you have barber loyalties in play here?

Speaker 1 Because some people have unique relationships with their barbers and never miss.

Speaker 4 I'm in a barber bind at the moment, and I could use a haircut. I'm in two barber binds at the moment.

Speaker 4 Oh, boy. My original barber, my barber that I go to to get a haircut, has disappeared,

Speaker 4 which is a bit of a bind. And I followed him from one barber shop to another barber shop, and now he appears to no longer be at this barber shop.

Speaker 4 And I have to determine whether or not I want to follow him to a third barber shop. Do I want to text him directly? Because I would book him through an app that he told me, don't text me, use the app.

Speaker 4 So I have to use the app to get him, but he's no longer there. He's not at the barber shop anymore.
And based on the last conversation I had with him, he may be in Lakeland now.

Speaker 4 And that's a bit of a drive to go to see the same barber.

Speaker 4 So I don't know if I want to just pull the plug because if he's gone to a third barber shop and I reach out, then I have to go to the third barber shop. The price changes one barbershop to the next.

Speaker 4 So do I just start over fresh with a new barber? That's barber bind number one. Also, he thinks I'm a cop, but then he doesn't think I'm a cop.
He asked me if I was a drug addict. It's a whole thing.

Speaker 4 So that's barber bind number one.

Speaker 4 Barber bind number two is this could all be resolved today, or I could put a band-aid on the situation and just get a haircut and then I could prolong the amount of time I need to figure out what to do with said barber bind number one.

Speaker 4 But barber bind number two that we have here goes back a couple weeks when we found out that there was a possibility of a barber coming because everyone out there was talking like just sign up.

Speaker 4 Someone's going to kind of cut hair here.

Speaker 4 And the general consensus in this office was, well, surely there's a catch. Like this is some sort of prank Dan's going to do.
He likes people in costumes.

Speaker 4 He's gonna instruct the barber to shave everyone's head. Like, this can't be a normal situation where there's just a barber here giving haircuts to the business.

Speaker 2 Wait till you see the back of my dad's head.

Speaker 6 Yeah, something's going on.

Speaker 1 So that's barber buy number two.

Speaker 4 Is that everyone is kind of, if you're wondering why there's been no activity, it's because everyone kind of talked about this

Speaker 1 behind you.

Speaker 4 And they think that there's something up here and that you may have instructed him to kind of shave people's heads, mess up their hairs, et cetera, et cetera.

Speaker 2 Greg, spin around. Let the audience see the back.
That's a cock.

Speaker 8 Oh, my God. That's a cock.

Speaker 6 That's the perfect first one.

Speaker 1 That's like, look, this is all on the up and up.

Speaker 4 But if you've noticed, no one's lining up because everyone's kind of wondering, when is this going to happen? Well, no, no, no.

Speaker 9 Billy's got a major finale five minutes for it being Billy.

Speaker 1 I feel like we were wrapping up there. He was bringing it home.

Speaker 9 I can't have my head shaved.

Speaker 4 Okay. And that's what I'm worried is going to happen.
If I'm going to be perfectly honest, not because I don't trust Lucio. I trust Lucio.
I miss Lucio. I want to go up there.

Speaker 1 It sounds like you don't trust Lucio. I don't trust you.

Speaker 4 Well, I think he's, you know, Lucio is not one to stand up to marching orders.

Speaker 1 Lucio goes back a long way with us. He does.
He's great, by the way, Lucio. I love that guy.
He's but you don't trust him. You guys think he's going to shave your head.
You think Lucio would

Speaker 1 say that's true. They don't trust you.
Yeah. It could be that I was the one to make everybody think he's going to give you a new one.

Speaker 6 False sense of security.

Speaker 1 See here?

Speaker 4 And now that I've thrown it out there, even if that wasn't the plan, now that plan is thought of, like, well, maybe this, maybe this is a plan see

Speaker 1 you guys that like you disrespect him by him not making him his own proper entity once again we're not worried about lucio not worried about lucio no no user's gonna do a great job yep it is suspicious you had three and a half weeks to concoct don't be suspicious you were texting someone when you were falling down the stairs it might have been lucio i mean lucio may be honoring the agreement he made with you uh-huh which is to shave billy's head a man of honor i wasn't worried about this but now i am you only came in here and said, Billy, don't you want a haircut?

Speaker 4 Which is like, well, it's so.

Speaker 3 Billy, people are saying you look terrible out there.

Speaker 1 You really need to cut your hair, Billy.

Speaker 1 So you are in a ring. I'm going to be honest with you.

Speaker 2 Billy, I'm going to be honest with you. Out there, Dan walked by me.

Speaker 3 He goes, Does Billy want a haircut?

Speaker 1 Okay, I didn't say that.

Speaker 1 What's going on here? No, but

Speaker 6 now we and Chris can cut our hair together.

Speaker 1 Mean Billy.

Speaker 3 Then maybe. Can I get a haircut with a hat on?

Speaker 1 What? Yes. Go ahead.
Both of you should go and get your haircut from Lucio at the same time. Can I get back to the rest of the show, please?

Speaker 1 I told you, Billy, you'd like this option less than the other one.

Speaker 4 So am I getting a haircut?

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh.

Speaker 4 Yes. And we still have to listen to Jeremy's song.

Speaker 1 Yes. Well, no, you.
So no one wants.

Speaker 1 You're going to get a nice haircut. You're going to try.
And then afterward, you're going to trust me and Lucio to not embarrass you, and you're going to have more love in your heart.

Speaker 1 I want to say one thing about the haircut thing. Am I the only one who noticed that Dan referred to Billy as having a nice set of hair.
Who says that phrase?

Speaker 1 A nice set of hair? I've never heard that phrase before. I didn't realize I had said that.
It's on record. Okay,

Speaker 1 I am the only one who noticed that. Sounds like a misspeak.
Nice set of hair.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry I did that. You really should be.
You really got it. You got to go lettuce there.
Nice set of hair. Nice set of lettuce.

Speaker 2 It's got some great lettuce.

Speaker 1 Billy just greeted Lucio with a vigorous hug. Yeah.
And it was nice to see them get together.

Speaker 1 Billy has a good head of hair is what I thought I said. Good set of hair.

Speaker 1 I thought it was a good head of hair. Replay that tape.
I think Billy has the best set of hair

Speaker 1 that we have around here. What a set.

Speaker 3 Hey, everyone, it's Jeremy here, and I want to talk to you about Black Friday Game Day because Black Friday Game Day is coming to prime with an epic day of live sports.

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That's followed by an Emirates NBA Cup double header. Bucks Knicks at 7 p.m.

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Speaker 1 Holidays?

Speaker 11 Fun.

Speaker 3 Holidays as a dad?

Speaker 1 Tough.

Speaker 11 Travel, gifts, matching pajamas. Don't get me started on matching pajamas.
It's hot in Miami. My wife says, why don't you want to do this with us? My daughter's crying.

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I swear.

Speaker 1 Don Lebatard. That's how it's going to to end.

Speaker 1 The mailing and the end of the retirement. Chris, go get me this.

Speaker 1 It's just going to be him coming out and hitting the one or two notes of that kind of thing, and you know it, and then just giving us finger guns and leaving. Baby.

Speaker 1 You should listen to the Great Cody Show podcast because that's all we do for 55 minutes a week is just say catchphrases. We even make songs about them.

Speaker 1 And you know it is a song. for crying out loud.
It's great. Hopefully that's a Suey nominee for best song.
And you know know it, baby, and you know it. Stugats.
And you know it, baby, and you know it.

Speaker 1 And you know it, baby, and you know it.

Speaker 1 And you know it, baby, and you know it.

Speaker 6 This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

Speaker 1 The Jeremy song is,

Speaker 1 this is We Didn't Start the Fire. Now, we have done this before.
This song has been done before in a previous incarnation by Hawk, who produced a bunch of pirates.

Speaker 1 It was, as I recall, We Didn't Start the Fire was just naming random pirates.

Speaker 1 Do I have that wrong, Roy?

Speaker 9 Blackbeard, Dale Barron, John McKay, Bill Day, walk the plank, iPatch, Vince DiMaggio, Bill Madlock, Jim Fracosi, Connie Mack, Willie Star, Jalimazilli, Roy McCrick,

Speaker 1 confirmed. And now Jeremy is trying to get in there, and Jeremy is trying to recap.
He's trying to get me caught up because you do fall behind.

Speaker 1 I was disconnected on vacation when I wasn't in my phone falling down a flight of stairs.

Speaker 1 And so I don't know what happened.

Speaker 1 I will tell you that I learned a number of ridiculous things in Hawaii. One of them,

Speaker 1 I can't believe how popular our show is there. Like truly stunned that our show

Speaker 1 in Hawaii, I was treated in Hawaii the way I'm treated in Miami in a way that just really caught me off guard. Anyone ask about me?

Speaker 1 They did, actually.

Speaker 1 There are big fans of the show. There are some questions I wanted to ask you guys.
We were syndicated out there when we were at ESPN, and it was a morning show for a lot of folks out there.

Speaker 1 I encountered that too when I went out there. Well, but I was really taken aback.

Speaker 1 It was really, it was heartening to see how popular our show is an ocean away in a place that is just super lovely and reminds me of Miami in a lot of ways, except never saw any police officers there the entire time.

Speaker 1 How's the traffic? And there was no traffic. Like I'm Saturday and Sunday night.

Speaker 1 I couldn't believe there was no traffic they're going to sleep they're going to sleep they're not they are not awake late on that island there's not a lot of light on that island late at night there was no 5-0 america is sleeping and hawaii goes to bed kind of early and it was lovely it was lovely the entire time

Speaker 1 did you bump into oprah winfrey i did not she's got a gated community there her and zuckerberg are just they've got half the island

Speaker 1 and and they did right in doing that even as zuckerberg builds a bomb shelter there because he doesn't want us to come for him when he steals all the things

Speaker 1 Quite an aside there by you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, well, but he's just gobbling up this precious, precious land there because he can, and it has offended the locals because that place is America and not America.

Speaker 1 Like it's a little bit removed in a way that's lovely. It's really nice, safe, fun, and wonderful.
I had a lovely time there.

Speaker 1 But the thing that took me aback was the number of times that I was arriving in sports fandom, and it caught me off guard.

Speaker 1 One of them, I wanted to ask you guys how generally you feel about the deep sea. We're South Floridians here.

Speaker 1 My wife's brother and father are fishermen and outdoorsmen, so they are very comfortable with the deep sea as a family, right?

Speaker 1 And so when I imagined snorkeling or what it is that we were going to do, I did not imagine that my visibility would be 150 feet, but I would not be anywhere near seeing the bottom of the ocean.

Speaker 1 I would be near a volcano, and now I'm going out deep sea.

Speaker 1 And I'm telling my wife, because she's very comfortable with this.

Speaker 1 I'm like, honey, I don't, I know this group of people is comfortable with this, but I think most people are uncomfortable swimming in the deep sea, even if it's a group of people.

Speaker 1 We're in the Pacific Ocean and this is a long ways out. So I don't know how comfortable you guys are with any of this, but I'm a little,

Speaker 1 even with Ron McGill and everything else, I want to go see this and the wonder of it, but I'm a little unnerved because I don't love it and emotion sick because it's big waves and I'm bouncing around and I don't feel very well and I'm in the ocean.

Speaker 1 And as we're going in,

Speaker 1 one of the people in our group of people, I don't know, it was 30 people. One of your snorkeling friends?

Speaker 1 Looks, yeah, one of my snorkeling friends looks up at me and says, I don't know who this person is. I've never met him before.

Speaker 1 Dolphins over or under seven and a half.

Speaker 1 And I had to go under there.

Speaker 2 Was he asking maybe, do you see seven and a half? How many dolphins do you see right now?

Speaker 1 We are deep sea snorkeling. Did he say hello? How many are we going to see?

Speaker 1 It was a good question, though. Dolphins over, under seven and a half.
That's a tough one. That's a lot.

Speaker 1 I mean, you got the Patriots and the Jets twice, but you don't trust your quarterback to stay healthy. Homer.
It's low. Take the over.
Trust me. How many dolphins did you see?

Speaker 1 Didn't see any dolphins. Under.
Disappointing.

Speaker 1 Deep sea, how do you guys feel about this? Not a fan. Nope, not a fan.

Speaker 1 Nope, the meat for other people, as Tony would say. What's that note on my leg?

Speaker 1 Because Valerie didn't understand. I was saying, Hun, I think most people are with me on this.
I don't think most people are.

Speaker 1 Like, I know in this group of people, this people, these people are fine with this. And I'm good with turtles and reefs.
And I'm good if I can see the ocean floor.

Speaker 1 But when my visibility is 150 feet and we're by a volcano, and like, oh, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 And, and, our, and our, the catamaran is bobbing around in a way that if you're not taking motion sickness stuff, you're not going to feel very good.

Speaker 1 No, the ocean's for going in waist deep peeing and getting right back out i've never once been living my life and i said you know what i wish i was doing right now in the deep sea

Speaker 1 so okay so this was funny to have this conversation with valerie so put it on the poll at lebotard show uh deep sea snorkeling yes or no the visual of it with you doing it is funny and in the pacific That's where the big ones are.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you fall backwards?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's scuba diving.

Speaker 1 I was the one out there, and I felt pathetic because there were kids in the water, right?

Speaker 1 And on, I'm holding the boogie board because I don't, I don't like. Oh, you look like a seal? Are you crazy?

Speaker 1 Hey, you ever watched Shark Week in your life?

Speaker 1 You went on a boogie board in the deep sea off Hawaii. That you, you deserve to die.
Rookie. Straight up.
Yeah, rookie. Did you wear yellow too? That's yum, yum, yellow.
I feel like...

Speaker 1 Did you cut yourself? Well, I was cut from the flight of stairs. Oh, no.
At the flight of stairs, I had to help. My elbow and my knee were bleeding because, yes.

Speaker 1 And, and so, but the

Speaker 1 thing that, so I'm surrounded by people who really are comfortable in this environment. They're here for the adventure of it and the wonder of it is majestic.

Speaker 1 If you're not afraid, the discovery is awesome. Like, you'd be awed by what's down there.
Colorful, the most beautiful things you've ever seen.

Speaker 1 Keep going because in my head, I'm visualizing Jeremy at the edge of his seat for 20 minutes, waiting to hear his own voice. And I'm loving the visual.
Don't actually get to it.

Speaker 1 Right. By the way, our sources, our research sources, have confirmed that you referred to Billy as having a nice set of hair.
You've got a good set of hair.

Speaker 1 Okay, you got me, Greg. I'm cornered.

Speaker 1 You idiot. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I feel so foolish.

Speaker 7 He's refused bits today and corrected you.

Speaker 1 It's okay to correct me. I just wish it were funny.
He pointed to the wrong rose.

Speaker 1 That was a rule. That's another thing.

Speaker 1 Can you play a little more for me of Hawk's old pirate song using the We Didn't Start the Fire music as we wait as Jeremy waits

Speaker 1 to see if his song will play?

Speaker 9 Scurvy, Buried Treasure, Raymond James, Stadium, Test of Birdie, Keyshawn Johnson, Ken O'Birkfell, Ed Ott, Dave Parker, Leroy Selman, Chuck Bucket, Michael Stott, Ketakovi, Richie, Zinbrick Rushall, and John Gruden.

Speaker 1 We are scared.

Speaker 1 It is the ultimate recap song. Yes, and so Jeremy is going to catch me up on three and a half weeks.
Dolphin seven and a half is a good question, but I have, I'm rarely right with Valerie.

Speaker 1 I'm usually actually wrong. I don't even mean like she's doing anything.
I'm just often wrong. And so I was confused by her just being like, no, I think most people would enjoy.

Speaker 1 jumping into the deep sea here and seeing what's here and love the possibility of that.

Speaker 1 And I was saying to her, well, I just thought we'd be going in like a lagoon or a bay or something where I could see

Speaker 1 giant turtles. Well, look, all I'm saying is if it's 150 feet of visibility, if I've got good stuff on my eyes and I can see, but I can't see near the ocean floor, I don't want to be there.

Speaker 1 Like, and I think some people who are outdoor people, like I think there are many people listening to this thinking we are wasting our use of South Florida if we're not.

Speaker 1 better there.

Speaker 1 Like that we live in one of the great places for all of that stuff and we are failing because we are land lobbers who can't appreciate why it is so many people live in this wonderful paradise we have down here.

Speaker 1 Like I don't think we're exploring South Florida correctly. I love being in a boat on the ocean.
That's great. I don't like being a couple of Miller lights.
Yeah, I don't like being outside of a boat.

Speaker 1 I don't like being underneath where the boat is sitting. That's a road game.
No, thank you. Yeah, I mean, I live nine miles from the Atlantic Ocean.
I can count on one hand the times in a year.

Speaker 1 I'll whoop a shark on land. I treat the deep ocean the way that an SEC team would treat its non-conference schedule.
Yeah, yeah. Or just playing these games at home.

Speaker 2 I'll just stand there for like five minutes. Now what you got, shark?

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe. Maybe Old Dominion.

Speaker 7 There's monsters in the ocean that you can't see.

Speaker 1 We know more about outer space and aliens. Then we know about the deep ocean.
I go to the beach once a year for a Panthers celebration of a Stanley Cup win. That's it.

Speaker 1 We sound like idiots. I mean, Ron McGill would be infuriated by what we're saying here.
I did. No, well, no,

Speaker 1 I took motion sickness medicine before I went, and it's medicine that took me out for two days after. Oh, gee, I'm dramatic.

Speaker 7 Were you wearing the deal behind the ear?

Speaker 1 I've done, I've done all that. I did do the deep sea snorkeling in Hawaii against my better judgment.
I threw up just, I got seasick within the sea.

Speaker 1 But all the other people on the excursion were very happy because all the beautiful fish, they came to eat my puke.

Speaker 1 This was,

Speaker 1 I'm not, let me throw a few things out at you first.

Speaker 1 None of them being Jeremy's songs. None of them being Jeremy's songs, but perhaps a few more of Hawk's Pirates.

Speaker 1 I think I wouldn't mind hearing just a few more of Hawk's pirates from this song 15 years ago when we did it the first time, not well.

Speaker 1 We are scared of pirates.

Speaker 1 They are always scary and they're never caring.

Speaker 1 We are scared of pirates,

Speaker 1 and we will not fight them, but we will start crying, crying,

Speaker 1 perish, Congo, Congo, cruise ship, cruise ship, Gruden, Bruden, Parish, Congo, cruise ship, Gruden, Parish, Congo, cruise ship, Gruden, Parish, Gruden, did you guys talk at all and recapping while I was gone?

Speaker 1 Did you guys

Speaker 1 talk at all about Gruden winning that leaked emails lawsuit? Because basically some judges got together and they were like, No, it's ridiculous. Goodell can't be the defendant and the arbiter on this.

Speaker 1 Oh, that is. No, we missed that topic.

Speaker 1 If only there were a way that we can find out the topics that we may have missed on vacation, but there's no way that's going to discovery. Congrats to John Gruden on a settlement.

Speaker 1 You can't help but laugh at what we're going to put in front of judges, okay? Hey, what do you think of this? Okay, so

Speaker 1 Goodell runs this hugely popular league, and Gruden does a bunch of bad stuff by email, and they probably, you know, character assassinated him with a bunch of leakage.

Speaker 1 And you know who's going to hear the arbitration?

Speaker 1 The defendant, Roger Goodell.

Speaker 1 And it wasn't even unanimous. It wasn't all the judges saying this is ridiculous.

Speaker 1 It was fun. And congratulations, John Gruden.
You're not a homophobe or a racist, even though we saw your leaked emails. You are a freedom fighter and a martyr.
There you go. Democracy lives.

Speaker 1 Taken apart by the NFL and its greedy,

Speaker 1 greedy means. You guys didn't talk about that at all.

Speaker 2 We missed that one.

Speaker 1 Jeremy is going to be hurt now because he wants to recap the last few weeks. What did I miss that I really would have wanted to talk about? Do you guys?

Speaker 2 Maybe we talk about it after the song.

Speaker 1 The song could help.

Speaker 1 Okay. But also, pissing off Jeremy is appealing.

Speaker 2 Will Jeremy mention his own racism in his song?

Speaker 1 All right, let's play. Let's play a song.
Let's play start of the day here. Let's do a statue.

Speaker 13 Start of the day, start of the day. It is the start of the day.

Speaker 13 Start of the day, start of the day. It is yes, start of the day.

Speaker 13 Start of the day, start of the day, it is the start of the day.

Speaker 13 Start of the day, start of the day, it is the start of the day.

Speaker 2 A few weeks ago, I said on here, gave out some betting advice that if there's anything I know in the world, it's you always bet against Trevor Rodgers.

Speaker 2 I gave that advice probably

Speaker 2 a little bit more than a month ago.

Speaker 2 Here's a fun stat. Among 173 pitchers with 60-plus innings pitched this season, Trevor Rogers is 1.41 ERA is the best in Major League Baseball.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 So my advice,

Speaker 1 pretty bad.

Speaker 2 And in my defense, Trevor Rogers was bad with the Marlins and something happened.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 this is a good entry point point to just talk about what a laughing stock this show's coverage of the AL East has been over the course of the last 18 months, led by me and Chris Cody.

Speaker 1 I told you when I saw the Orioles, their minor league system, and what they did last year, I told you that the Orioles would be good for 10 years.

Speaker 1 They are not because they have no pitching. Their best pitching is Trevor Rogers, who Chris Cody said, and I agree with him.
I said, he's a five, five ERA, no matter when he pitches. Best in baseball.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I also said,

Speaker 1 because of how good the Orioles were, and how good the Blue Jays are, and how good the Rays are, that the Yankees were closer to the bottom of the division than the top when the season started.

Speaker 1 I did this because of how good I thought the Orioles would be. They are not good.

Speaker 1 But Trevor Rogers for them

Speaker 1 has been amazing. That concludes our embarrassing AL East coverage.
We have gotten nothing right. You were kind of, the Yankees have been not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I thought Baltimore was going to run that division. You don't understand how loaded their farm system was.

Speaker 1 Like they just, they've had so many injuries and pitching is a difficult thing because it's those arms get hurt too much. It's, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 I just got a text from Jeremy. What the?

Speaker 1 I got one that said Orioles talk?

Speaker 1 Okay, wait a minute. What, that, that guy, what, he took time off from uttering slurs to text you guys.
That is true. He is a racist.
And now he's cursing at us. Bad work environment.

Speaker 1 Toxic work environment. I feel like that's bullying.
Why is he cursing at us? Is there more of that Hawk Pirate song that you got there? Are we all out of pirates?

Speaker 1 Out of pirates. Is he racist or xenophobia? Yeah, that's true.
Well, that's a slur. Right.
I don't know. But it was just like honed in on Irish people.
Yeah, it really was. Fine-tuned.

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Speaker 14 Warning, this product contains nicotine.

Speaker 1 Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

Speaker 2 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Man, these days are getting way too short.
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Speaker 2 And our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash DLB. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash DLB.

Speaker 8 This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. You know that switch from the lazy days of summer to the chaos of fall?

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Speaker 1 Don Lebatard. What do I got here? I got a magnum condom.

Speaker 1 We won't get that out. That's shocking.

Speaker 1 Stugats. Here's a picture of Christopher when he was like three years old.
Right next to the condom. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's got a shot. He has a little reminder.
Yeah, forever.

Speaker 1 Never forget it.

Speaker 6 This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

Speaker 1 Billy, that haircut is coming.

Speaker 1 That is looking good.

Speaker 1 Lucio is doing a bang-up job here of of cleaning up our people look at this i don't know about his binder his uh barber bind but you guys would say if your barber has left for lakeland he's no longer your barber barber right like say for a while you don't chase a barber he chases you wow yeah well what if it's a good barber no i don't think you don't you don't have this kind of intimate relationship with your barber because you don't care about these things billy does i did recently switch barbers because like he switched locations and i just didn't like that location as well.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. I think this might be a three or four Americas thing.
There are absolutely culturally here people, a whole whole bunch of people who have relationships with their barbers.

Speaker 1 Just because you guys don't care about your hair,

Speaker 1 this is an intimate act. You're having someone groom you.

Speaker 1 It's not.

Speaker 1 Not many men are doing a lot of other grooming professionally that they're handing out to others because of whatever our repressions are there. I just look at it as a haircut.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't look at grooming. I mean, come on.
It's a haircut. Okay, it's looking good and taking care of how it is that you look.
Billy, how is it going back there?

Speaker 1 Was your mistrust, was your mistrust misplaced?

Speaker 4 No, I always trusted Lucio. That was not in question here.
What are you doing with your barber? That's so intimate, by the way. That's more than just a haircut.

Speaker 1 I'm just, you don't normally lend out, a man doesn't normally lend out his grooming to others.

Speaker 4 Okay. Lucio, how's this going so far?

Speaker 1 This is really good. No, this is almost finish.
Almost finished in five minutes more. Okay, Garasio's good decision there, Billy.

Speaker 4 What's your favorite color, Lucio?

Speaker 1 Great. All right, cut him off.
How do I penalize it anymore? There we go. Thank you, Billy.
Appreciate all your good work in there.

Speaker 1 Keep it coming. Wait, one more question.
Dolphins, over-under, seven and a half. This one's for Lucio.

Speaker 4 Lucio, do you think the Dolphins are going to win more or less than seven and a half games this year? There's 17 games, as you know.

Speaker 1 Seven and a half.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so are they going to win eight eight games are they gonna win seven games or more than eight or less than seven that's how that's asked

Speaker 1 i think maybe more than eight wow

Speaker 1 what do you make of the big darren waller news today i don't have idea okay

Speaker 1 we're all kind of in that position right now not me i'm in a different position

Speaker 1 the only darren waller back

Speaker 1 i want i am rooting for darren waller thank you for all your good work there billy and lucio not since love the sound of clippers not since big mac have we had such uh good work coming out of another part of the build

Speaker 1 it is a good sound you're right

Speaker 1 nice

Speaker 1 oh

Speaker 1 it's a great sound

Speaker 1 Jeremy's so mad

Speaker 1 Jeremy's song recaps what kind of things. Have any of you heard it?

Speaker 2 Yes, I've heard it. It's just obscure things on this show.
There are some news story items in there, but it's a lot of just mundane stuff from the show.

Speaker 2 Just kind of give you a feel for what you missed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, main line, what you missed out on. Cliff notes of the show over the last close to a month.

Speaker 1 And should we get to that, though? Or at this point, we're five minutes from ending the show. And how long is that song? Jeremy tends to be pretty long-winded.

Speaker 1 And if I could talk about Zach Wilson for a while, I'd like to do that.

Speaker 2 I think the song might inspire some topics. Oh, you talked about this, why? So I would like to give a little back-end time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and also, we kind of want to incentivize the creativity that Jeremy Tashay is bringing, which is, of course, doing a parody of a parody song because Hawk did it first.

Speaker 1 But what if I wanted to talk about like the sadness that came over me because Mariana Rivera tours Achilles during an old-timers game?

Speaker 7 Well, how did you find out about it when you were in Hawaii and you were, you know, disconnected?

Speaker 1 2 a.m.

Speaker 2 check.

Speaker 1 It's what I was looking for when I fell down that flight of stairs and bloodied myself in a way that would make me a victim. Marian, no, no.
Totally sober at 2 a.m. in the deep sea.

Speaker 1 I was totally sober.

Speaker 1 You say Mariano, no, no, and I I was wondering if we do analyze Zach Wilson, can we play because of the Zach Wilson experience of every once in a while he'll make a throw and you'll be like, hey, that's John Elway.

Speaker 1 And then there's just the rest of the time.

Speaker 1 So can we have, can we use on this show Tom Hanks yelling at that volleyball Wilson to sort of chronicle the sound that a Dolphin fan will feel this season if Tua does indeed go down?

Speaker 1 And now you're stuck with the Zach Wilson experience of he's probably going to give you three interceptions, play a lot of, make a lot of bad throws, and make two throws a game that you're like, that's the best throw I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 Ooh, I don't even know if he's QB2, though. Quinn Yuri

Speaker 1 lit the town ablaze. I never heard of a 4 for 16 talked about so positively.
It was crazy. Yeah, other than those two lost fumbles, though, really.
I mean, really good.

Speaker 1 How did a dolphins practice get so bad that it reached across a deep sea to me in the deep ocean where I was

Speaker 1 disconnected and people were talking about that bad dolphins practice? Yeah, but did someone explain to me what happened?

Speaker 2 You didn't follow the next day's news where they were like, they were better.

Speaker 12 A little better today.

Speaker 1 Better practice. Played dolphin football.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whatever that means. And do you know what dolphin football means? I don't anymore.

Speaker 1 I don't know anymore what that means because this season at least, they're going in again with no expectations. Like they did that thing.

Speaker 1 They did the same thing the Browns did with Jarvis Landry and Odell Beckham and Baker Mayfield for one year.

Speaker 1 One year of expectations.

Speaker 1 You, the Bills and the Browns, will be the laughingstocks for 15 years in the entire league. The Bills will climb out of it.

Speaker 1 The Browns will

Speaker 1 go back to Flacco. That's not going black to Flacco.

Speaker 1 That's a totally different thing.

Speaker 1 And the Dolphins are here, and I'm in the deep sea, and a guy's saying over, under seven and a half.

Speaker 1 And I'm looking at the Jets, and I'm looking at the Patriots, and I'm like, no, don't trust their quarterback to stay healthy.

Speaker 1 And I'm going under. And I don't don't feel comfortable about it, but it's just football is going to happen to them.
And they're not going to be able to withstand when football happens.

Speaker 1 Did he have a follow-up?

Speaker 1 Well, he went off without a boogie board, and I was still motion sick

Speaker 1 on the deck of the boat.

Speaker 1 And they're giving me a boogie board, and it was very, it was pathetic. It was like, sir, would you like,

Speaker 1 they saw I was a little green.

Speaker 1 They saw it.

Speaker 1 They saw it. You want some help here.

Speaker 1 But you laugh. I believe our audience right now,

Speaker 1 do you guys think I have this wrong? Is saying they cannot believe that we live in South Florida.

Speaker 1 And between the all of us, there's no one who would want to go see a reef in the keys where you'd see the most amazing fish you've ever seen in your life and have very little likelihood of anything actually eating you.

Speaker 1 I would think that the bigger danger would be currents and wind, honestly.

Speaker 1 But you're talking about scuba diving, right?

Speaker 1 You're talking about scuba diving, not just snorkeling. Snornling is what he's talking about.
You got to go way down there to see anything interesting.

Speaker 1 If you're just snorkeling five feet below the ocean top, you don't see much, right?

Speaker 1 That is not accurate.

Speaker 1 And I'm not talking about scuba tiving. I'm talking about snorkeling.

Speaker 1 And I'm also talking about the overall ignorance of the show displayed just there by not knowing anything about the ocean or the outdoors because we're fundamentally incompetent.

Speaker 1 But poorly, poorly, we have led to Jeremy, and I feel too bad and rested and sun-kissed from vacation to actually not play the kids' song. So catch me up, would you?

Speaker 9 Famous who look worse when thin, E.G. Rug takes out the lens.
Aged Burnett, fat, James, Izzy, happy Gilmore too.

Speaker 9 Jesus eating hot pockets in Albert Pulo's rooms with Samson Brights up for fur at Manfred. No, really, Dan, that's true.

Speaker 9 Deion had cancer, Mike wanted him in the dirt.

Speaker 9 Songs you hear at CBS, sharing birthdays with celebs Obama's from Pittsburgh, Dan, you haven't heard Shack My Asshole is the name of a good Tiaran scrub text.

Speaker 9 Really didn't get fired.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had it and

Speaker 1 we didn't get canceled.

Speaker 9 David visits Marlin's Park to attack Obalia. Billy asking David, would you kick that fish or not? Parkin' where that cuz he's black, Magic Johnson's huge contract.

Speaker 9 David went to the new beach with Larry Bones.

Speaker 9 Moon five copyright, Marcy in a mash fight. Jeff go nine in for the day, Mike and Gritch know what to say.
Beaten down by streaming, so much f and wrestling.

Speaker 9 Bob LaTorrent making stories, what about upstate?

Speaker 1 No, we didn't say it. Nothing big we racist.
Billy dignifiers.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had it in, I

Speaker 9 Dolphins backup quarterbacks and there's one till dough attacks Ethan kicked his top for seed Not the first time that makes three Aerithus Taylor Swift Bowling scores your practices Sazzlo kitas on IG and Honolulu is he

Speaker 9 Uh-oh Greg Cody study life tennis matches for his wife Tony's crash out alien earth Scamming four varmits for shirts Cancer shaming Jerry Jones Carrie Elliot's on JFK Florida and Tony's ball in LA.

Speaker 1 We dignified it.

Speaker 1 No, we didn't say it. Nothing big or racist.
Then we dignified it.

Speaker 1 Well, maybe I did, but I totally didn't need to.

Speaker 1 It was seriously an accident. Like, who knows what that word means anyway?

Speaker 1 Very good.

Speaker 1 Lovely. He's talented, man.

Speaker 1 I like the Don Slot one better.

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Speaker 1 Nicotine is an addictive chemical.