Local Hour: Sports Broadcaster Handshakes

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Why were you guys talking about who you think has the best handshake in broadcasting?

How did this conversation come about?

I was complaining about Iron Eagle and Charles Davis being split up, even though J.J.

Watt, good reports coming from his first couple weeks there, so I'm gonna give that a pass.

I haven't heard it yet, but I was complaining about that group being split up.

And then it just, Charles Davis seems like a stand-up guy, seems like he has a great handshake.

So that's where it started.

And then it started, turned into other broadcasters with good handshakes.

Someone said Lewis Riddick.

I don't really see that one.

And that's where we are.

Charles Davis seems like the kind of guy that'll give you a handshake and say, how the hell are you?

Exactly.

Exactly.

Put it on the poll, please, Juju, at Lebatard Show.

Charles Davis seems like the kind of guy who would give you a handshake and say enthusiastically, how the hell are you?

I would like to understand what you guys are doing here, though, because I don't know that I can assess firm handshake based on appearance.

You feel like you can do that?

Yeah, and then Troy Aikman was thrown out there, but then Jeremy pointed pointed out he's a look-and-me Louie handshake guy like he's gonna go overly hard too much where you're just like all right you're trying too hard here I think you'd surprise you with that like you you'd give him a handshake brings you in a little bit like maybe like finger snap and pull you in a little bit well so you're assuming that someone so in this category the way you guys are doing this Trevor Mattich you're making all the big guys all the thick guys have you're saying that that I've had some of the limpest handshakes I've ever had from you seen Aikman with his shirt off well no Aikman's a different character when you said Aikman you made me rethink my position because aikman is country thick and you went out a category outside of the one you were doing which is it was strong black men for a while for what it is that i heard like uh well i mean there are those photos of troy aikman looking like jay-z

lewis riddick was nominated

Who else would you nominate here?

When, Billy, did you have any thoughts on this?

A person that you can size up on their appearance and be like, yeah, that person clearly has a good handshake.

I don't know what you guys are doing.

Does Brad Williams have a good handshake?

Like, what are you guys doing?

Whoa, where'd you bring it?

What does that mean?

A weird pool?

Yeah.

You know who I bet had a firm but comforting handshake?

Vince Cully.

I bet that was a perfect handshake.

Just exactly firm enough to where he was saying, Hey, how are you?

But without overdoing it, like Troy Aikman.

I think you mentioned the Brad Williams thing, having shaked his hand on several occasions.

It is like

the bro hug when you set up.

Like, you do have to, it works out the quads.

What Jeremy is saying there,

what are you smiling about, Roy?

It works out the quads.

I mean, it's one of those handshakes that you have to work out in your head before.

Like, I can't do eight in a minute.

Get those quads in, man.

Troy Aikman, for some reason, it's too vigorous.

I don't know what we're doing there.

I'm not sure what we're.

What the hell are we doing?

We've established you have no idea what we're doing.

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I'll let people see just behind the scenes a little bit here because there are several things about Chris Cody that are very red.

One of them is how red he turns during that open when he sees how close we are as a media company to televising his kulo.

We are very close.

His legs are flapping around and the shorts are open and we are seeing undergarments and skin.

And every time, Chris, are you fearing that we are going to see the entirety of the whole of your butt?

Thank God for Boxer Briefs.

They do a lot there to protect me.

There is that brief moment where you kind of see it.

Little puckered up red starfish.

We don't need to zoom.

I see the video team trying to find an.

Well, we do, though, because I don't believe that this is something that other media entities, they're willing to go this close to the audience.

All right, we got it, guys.

Yes, look how happy you are.

You look so happy.

Back to Dan.

I'm enjoying my dad.

I'm a good son.

Pablo Torre is going to join us here in 40 minutes.

Everywhere he goes these days, he's just spilling information that no one else has.

So you're going to want to be here for that, I would assume.

He's doing better journalistic work in sports than anybody is.

And Jeremy said before we started here,

Jeremy nominated Vin Scully for someone he assumes has a firm handshake.

And the reason that I don't know what we're doing here is I don't assume that old people ever have a firm handshake.

Like none of them.

I don't, I'm never going in.

Maybe Jeff Conine's dad.

Jeff Conine's dad one time took me off guard because he's like a champion racquetball player.

And as soon as he shook my hand, my elbow hurt.

Like he did it.

He had unbelievably strong hands.

When Niner came in studio,

we knew this reputation around the Conine family and the racquetball racquetball thing and whatnot and we'd heard the legends of Jeff Conine's handshake so we all got on the same page and like we're gonna give it to him yeah and

I'm proud of report like I gave it to him I won that no yeah I won that I won he's like if you mentally prepare like this guy's gonna try to rip your hand off in this handshake you go in and like

you go in prepared and I definitely so when you definitely dominated the handshake okay so this he underestimated you is what happened the reason I said no the way that I did is because he prides himself on his handshake and I'd never seen my brother.

My brother liked to wander around and

have these fights.

He used to do it with your dad, Chris, where he'd have these, because your dad has a good, strong hand.

Your dad has a firm handshake, but my brother only lost one time in his life in a handshake off where he's going in to try and hurt someone's hand and they're going in trying to hurt his.

Like, that's where the starting point was.

My brother was undefeated.

Because he defeated your dad, Chris.

He was undefeated until he met Jeff Conine.

And so that was my surprise when you said you beat him him at the handshake, but you were prepared and he wasn't.

I had the keys to the game.

Jeff Conine could not have wanted to be here any less than he wanted to be here the day he was here.

He felt that way.

I've never seen anyone be more miserable than Jeff Conine was the day that he was here.

He's pretty dry, and it was hard to get a read on it.

And we were told that, oh, no, he really enjoyed it.

Could have fooled us.

Let's call Jeff Conine now, please, and let's find out about the handshake.

That'll go well.

I'm going to give you his telephone number.

Oh, I thought you were going to ask him if he enjoyed it.

Just give it to us right now.

Yeah, we're definitely.

We have phones.

Billy, that's a good contribution by you.

I'm not going to give it to you over the air, though.

I would like you to call him, though.

I'm going to send you his number right now because I do have questions, but let's continue the conversation about the firmware.

This is shit-stirring, right?

Like, I'm not going to know it when you do it.

Like, you don't have, like, this is shit-stirring.

Third-dimensional shit-stirring.

This is shit-stirring that Jeff Conine will and would enjoy.

And if I'd been here that day, as much as he enjoyed the day he was here, because everyone keeps telling us, no, he really is like a pleasant guy with such a good sense of humor.

It's like, no, no the guy's a stick in the mud dude don't give dan more reasons to put him on i was beginning to say if i had been here that day

i probably would have explained to you that throughout my life for deadpan humor in athletics no one funnier than jeff conine about making people uncomfortable with his stoicisms so that they think that he hates them when he doesn't hate them he just amuses himself by seeing discomforts like that so i would like to talk to jeff conine about whether he was thinking about you and your handshake in any way and if you could defeat him at the handshake if he were trying because his racquetball hands and baseball wrists are something that make his hands inordinately strong.

I'm not going to abide by Jeff Conine now claiming victory when he lost to me too.

Like that's twice in one week, pal.

I'll tell you this.

I happen to know that both

Chip Karen.

Oh my god, he knows.

He happens.

No, he doesn't get one of those.

Come, everyone.

Come and listen.

He said the thing.

No, but it's he happens to know.

He said the thing.

It's not just.

And that was very quick of a turnaround right there, Chris Cody.

Jeremy is not.

Forgive me because Jeremy is a sideline reporter.

He's a professional broadcaster.

He's got credentials.

But Jeremy has not to date been someone with sources who breaks news.

I don't have that wrong.

Do I don't mean to underestimate you?

First-hand account here, Dan.

I happen to know both Chip Carey and Dan Shulman.

Great handshakes.

Is it?

I mean, the Dan Schulman.

That's where he got me, Dan Schulman.

I want to talk about where the Dolphins are in a second, but before Pablo Torre comes on, and I want to talk a lot of football today because last night's was interesting.

Mike, I argued with you all of last season, telling you that I thought Green Bay's defense was good only because their front four gets pressure without needing help.

And now they have Micah Parsons.

So Jaden Daniels hasn't had that kind of pressure in his entire career.

And that's what it looks like for all of them when that's that's the pressure, except for sometimes Lamar Jackson.

There are certain guys

are okay against that, but the Packers defense was good before and added Micah Parsons.

We'll get to that game in a second because

the Jordan love throw that he made that got, I mean, he makes a bunch of them, but the 40-yarder that got overturned by a holding call,

it's just an absurd talent they now have at quarterback.

Like, that team's going to be good for a while if it's healthy in a way that's obvious to everybody and replaces Aaron Rodgers.

And they're going to have three great quarterbacks in a row, which is insane because that's a little bit hard to do.

I think fans locally are pretty jealous of the fortune Green Bay's had when they've had a Hall of Fame quarterback backed up by a Hall of Fame quarterback.

That quarterback takes over, puts up a Hall of Fame career, and then backed up by another future all-pro because Jordan Love is looking the part.

It's not just that, though.

Looking the part in the modern age with the way that football is played today, running over a safety on third down.

I did not know he had that in him.

Okay, but this will be fun to watch.

The Packers aren't going to do, we just saw their downtime, and Jerry just traded them a pass rusher.

Like, wait, their downtime was to get him before now.

Now, Jordan Love is not only going to be great, Jordan Love is also value because he costs, doesn't he, about what Tua does?

Like, when you.

No, he signed a big extension, but they're smart about their extensions.

I don't know about you, but I was like fixated on Micah Parsons last night.

I love watching that dude play.

Michael Parsons.

I love how Dallas used him and Green Bay is using him in a similar fashion, probably even

amplifying his versatility across the line.

He played every position across that line, from what I could tell last night.

They reserved him a little bit.

You could tell

the back injury, they're still trying to, you know,

wade him into those waters.

That's wild that he is still technically hurt because he's so fast.

Oh, he had like nine snaps midway through a sentence.

He's easy how fast he is.

He chased down

last week when he had his sack, and it felt to me like Jared Goff was surprised.

You know, Jared Goff has some familiarity of when people are around him, but that got there faster than other things get there.

When you look at the way they measure those people, because I've told you guys,

I saw LT's Prime.

I watched that.

And now when I watch TJ Watt or Miles Garrett, I'm like, yeah, that, I mean, it's pretty close.

And this is better than those things.

To my eye, Miles Garrett is as good at that as anyone I've ever seen.

Seeing him sack Joe Burrow three times, I believe Miles Garrett is the only thing on this earth that scares Joe Burrow.

I don't think there's anything else that scares Joe Burrow.

I think to my eye that Miles Garrett is better, but numerically he's not.

When Micah Parsons is on the field, he creates more pressures than any player in the sport.

And Bill Barnwell had this stat empirically.

Since they've had Micah Parsons when he was in Dallas, when he was on the field, they were the best defense in the league over that time.

When he wasn't, they were the worst.

This is a player that is what Charles Haley was once upon a time when Dallas needed a missing piece.

You can never get that guy.

Now he's a little hurt, but he's available to a defense that's already good.

We'll get back to that in a second.

Hey, listeners, it's Mike.

Hey, Billy Gill.

Hey.

Hey, Billy, as a proud member of your inner circle, remember when we were hanging out last weekend?

Oh, yeah, fishtail palms.

The fishtail palms, the great memories we made, kids playing in the pool and in our hands, a nice ice-cold can of Miller Light.

It was so hot out.

I know, but it was so cold in my hand.

We took that first sip.

It was crisp.

It was refreshing.

Oh, man, there is nothing like cracking open a Miller Light with your crew and your inner circle bones.

Hell yeah.

We fist bumped.

Whether it's, we actually really did.

Whether it's that touchdown.

It didn't make a sound, but it just thought.

Bam!

Boom.

Whether it's that touchdown you didn't see coming or just arguing about fantasy lineups, you and I did plenty of that.

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Howdy folks, it's Mike Ryan.

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Don Lebatard.

Boodball.

Football.

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Stugats!

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This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

The peanuts in front of me.

I am curious why it is David Sampson during his star turn turn here on Pablo Torre, because Pablo Torrey is elevating all yachts around here.

David Sampson was with Amin El Hassan giving real expertise so that Pablo Torre is now miles ahead of everyone else, the NBA, the Clippers.

It felt to me over the last couple of days seeing Adam Silver talk before the next episode dropped, I saw a whole tide shift.

in that sport and in that league from where it is Ballmer was when he was with the board of governors and everyone was laughing with him and believing that he was saying it's a fraud.

Like, I just got defrauded.

I just got conned.

He's at the board of governors.

Everyone there likes Ballmer.

Ballmer has done good work on behalf of the owners.

And the first step was for Silver to get out there, just like Mark Cuban, and defend Ballmer.

And then the next news dropped.

And it makes them look foolish because they didn't know what the next news was going to be, where it's a little closer to the Clippers than it was before.

And they were talking in protection of Ballmer.

That's not the mood in the last 24 hours.

In the last 24 hours since this Pablo story broke, I have talked to enough people that they are now more

inclined to believe that Ballmer knew more than what it is that was going on at those governor's meetings when he was insisting the same thing that he insisted to Ramona Shelburne.

Like,

you guys have to understand.

What does any of this have to do with peanuts?

That David Sampson was eating peanuts throughout the episode.

I didn't understand why he was eating peanuts throughout the episode.

Forgive me.

Probably because they're damn good.

I don't know if he had Hampton Farms, but he should have.

Let's know, you have to circle back to the Packer game, too.

You are weaving quite the web today.

I was wondering if he was talking to peanut farmers or trying to figure it out.

I'm personally hoping he forgot about the Conine thing.

I gave the number to Chris and Billy.

My phone's off in the corner because something's wrong with it where I turn the sound off and it keeps making sounds anyway.

So I have it under a bag in the corner.

Is your phone in timeout?

I'm going to send it to Roy now.

Oh.

Yeah, well, I need somebody to get me Jeff Conine so I can ask him about this.

Damn, I reminded him he was definitely going to forget.

While you do that, Dan, let me remind the audience of our Hampton Farms winner of the week.

Congrats to the Alabama fan who did not like Kalen DeBoer.

They are this week's nuttiest fan of the week, presented by Hampton Farms, the official snack nut of the tailgate.

Keep an eye out for Lucy Rodine at West Virginia this week if you think you are your team's nuttiest fan.

We had the Miami fans with the lemur versus the Alabama fan who doesn't like Kalen DeBoer.

And two weeks in a row, Alabama fan wins.

We had middle finger guy last week, and now this week we have, we're going to play it here, a fan outside of a gas station saying what she would do if she won the lottery.

I'll tell you exactly what I'd do with the first 70 million.

I'd pay off Kalen DeBoer and get him the heck out of the University of Alabama, and then I'd take whatever else it took to get rid of the AD.

So that's the craziest fan, thanks to Hampton Farms.

Roy, I have put you on a text with Jeff Conine.

I see that, yes.

Not a lot of detail.

I just saw the text.

You love that move.

I'm busy doing something.

I can't.

I can't just text Roy the number and he can handle it.

I did that with Billy and Chris.

How'd that work out for me?

We did that on purpose, though.

Sometimes producing is saying this is a bad idea.

That's what we do.

And sometimes producing is not saying this is a bad idea, just talking amongst yourselves that it's a bad idea and hoping you forget.

It is never a bad idea to talk to Mr.

Marlin.

Oh, that was a very long hour we did with Mr.

Marlon.

Speaking of bad ideas, do you want your Ray Hudson call?

Yes, thank you.

It sinks his flaming spear into the hearts of Real Madrid.

Alba inside.

It's Message!

Again, the Medicine Mine arrives and sinks his flaming spear into the hearts of Real Madrid.

Wow, echoes, echoes.

Wanted to repeat it for emphasis.

It was pretty smooth.

He should have cut it off there.

Only 183 more of those.

Good.

I'm feeling World Cup fever, I got to tell you.

Either that or COVID.

The AC did turn off.

Billy came in here today for some reason fired up about Shador Sanders.

Why were you fired up about Shadur Sanders?

I wasn't fired up.

I just, you know, saw Tony Rizzo talking about Shadur Sanders.

Tony Rizzo was there and he was giving us, you know, exclusive information that Tony Rizzo got.

Because, as you know, Tony Rizzo is a big name in the Cleveland market as far as the Browns go.

So you have to trust anything that Tony Rizzo says.

So Tony Rizzo reported in Cleveland radio, Tony Rizzo, that

he heard that Shadur Sanders

isn't even really participating on the practice squad at the moment.

So it's kind of like, what are the Browns doing?

with Shadur Sanders?

I don't quite understand why they didn't just release him when they had to cut a quarterback if they're not even going to use him in the practice squad.

It is an interesting situation that the Browns have because their purported savior is this fifth-round draft pick.

And it just so happened to be in a year in which they drafted a quarterback ahead of them.

So maybe we trust the evaluation there and say like maybe Dylan Gabriel, I know it doesn't make sense to our eyes and Shadur probably fits what you envision a franchise quarterback looking like certainly more than Dylan Gabriel.

But they have two of these rip cords that they can pull at any time that can release what is an intoxicant for Cleveland Browns fans, hope at the quarterback position.

I also don't want to speculate on things, but there were reports that Kevin Stefanski did not want him to be on the team and didn't want to draft him.

And then they went around him and drafted him anyways and forced that pick.

So it's entirely possible Kevin Stefanski is like, you know what?

I didn't want you on this team.

I'm being forced to have you on this team, but you're not really going to be on this team if I have anything to do with it, which is absurd.

It was a haslen call.

There is no reason to pay pay attention to the Cleveland Browns this season because I'm about to get there.

That's what I was going to do.

He was bought in.

Guys, what is this?

The Cleveland Browns are in the position that they are in because you cannot have that much dead guaranteed money from a quarterback who isn't playing for you.

So they're handcuffed in a way that will make them uninteresting all season, even though they have Miles Garrett.

But you also have like your potential future quarterback who's a fifth-rounder, so you make up for that there, right?

Like if you could get a first-round quarterback at a fifth-round price, then that kind of offsets some of the dead money for Deshaun Watson.

Well, but the problem with that is more structural than you know, because when you have that much money tied up in Deshaun Watson, the rest of your team isn't quite good enough to make sure that Shador Sanders is protected the way a first-time starter who's a fifth-round pick must be at the beginning of his career because that position is hard to play.

Their team is really bad, and they had a chance to win the opening game and start the Bengals the way that the Bengals always start.

But once you're starting Joe Flacco with your season at this point in his career, that season has no chance.

That season's not going to end anywhere good.

And by the time Shador Sanders can play, even if he can play, that team's not good enough to make him better.

And structurally, organizationally, they've got these problems that make it why when Aaron Aaron...

Aaron Rodgers goes from the Jets to the Steelers, you see how that ends up looking different.

That is a bad franchise and has been a bad franchise almost the entirety of my lifetime.

Even if Shador Sanders were good, he would drown there because they've made no one good at that position since Bernie Cozar.

Well, I mean, Baker did have like a good season and did win a playoff game on the road for them.

And we all know now that Baker Mayfield is a pretty damn good quarterback.

I would buck up against you saying that the Browns aren't interesting, just sampling, you know, debate television.

Shador Sanders,

whether he can play or not, that's still TBD.

But in terms of having it as a sports conversation, he's had that for years.

Oh, but, oh my God, the reason I say it's uninteresting is just because that's all going to fail.

Deion's kid is going to drown in the dysfunction that is Cleveland because everyone does.

It's always happened.

A lot of fifth-round drafts also fail.

But also, like, had he been drafted fifth or whatever by the Browns, then people would have been excited.

But because he was drafted in the fifth round, then all of a sudden it's a guaranteed failure.

Like, I don't entirely agree that it's just going to be kind of like an uninteresting team.

They have storylines, and you are going to have a legitimate QB battle, not just amongst a drafted quarterback and a franchise quarterback, but two drafted quarterbacks.

What's working against them, though, Dan, is a schedule because this week they're at Baltimore.

And that's going to be a tough one.

Then they host Green Bay.

That's probably another loss.

Then they're at Detroit.

I mean,

I don't know.

We don't know exactly exactly what the Lions are going to be.

This is a big week for the Lions.

Maybe.

Then you have the Vikings, Steelers, Dolphins.

I mean, this is just a murderer's row at the beginning of the season.

Yeah.

It's going to be rough.

Check after the bye.

After the buy?

I mean, you have Miami, New England headed into the byes.

That's kind of get-right time.

Then you have the Jets.

Well, is this a spot where you put in Shador?

You guys are doing.

You guys are doing a funny thing with the Browns because I don't think anyone listening to the sound of my voice would put the Browns in the top 15 of their teams in the league, in wherever it is your power rankings are on such things.

And I don't think that anyone listening to this also thinks that Shador Sanders would make them appreciably better than that when that's what he'd be inheriting in his first year.

Well, I don't know if you were following what we were doing.

Yeah, they don't have a win.

They might have a week until win seven.

Or week seven.

So they're only going to be interesting because they're dreadful.

I mean, but you've run off how many teams already after one week.

Look, they played close to the Bengals.

The Browns have this weird thing about them that when when they're bad, they're an interesting type of bat.

They've been a topic for being even when they're really bad.

You have to bet and be right.

You guys would put futures on the Browns making the playoffs.

No, I don't know that they're going to make the playoffs.

There's either like they're terrible or they're going to win the super teams.

We have them at 0-7.

What are you talking about?

We have them at interesting.

That's what we have.

No, but half the teams in the league aren't interesting because they don't have a chance to win.

And half the teams of the league are in the playoffs.

And as someone that has lived through several Browns' bad seasons, they have found a way to be interesting always because of the hope that is represented in a young draft pick at quarterback.

And now they got two of those, and no one wants the higher draft pick to succeed.

In sampling the Cleveland Browns fan base, they're all shouldor people.

Well, Kevin Stavansky wants the higher draft pick to succeed, it would appear.

You sound like a Browns fan again.

No, no, no, no.

I am informed.

I didn't unfollow Browns'

accounts.

I got my finger on.

Sounds like you're a little more informed on the Browns than you might be on, for example, I'm going to say the Seahawks.

Well informed.

Don't do that to me.

Don't project that to me.

No, I think you're biased here again.

No, I'm not.

I think I see some bias.

I didn't introduce the topic.

I'm a Bucks and the Titans guy.

I think you're crawling back to the Browns.

No, couldn't be further from the truth.

They had a chance.

They didn't trade up to get Cam Ward, and now I'm tightening up.

Chris Cody, Billy mentioned once, I think, Tony Rizzo from Cleveland.

Do we have some sound of him?

What was he ranting against?

The parade?

He was complaining against a potential Owen 16 parade for the Browns.

If you're one of the people out there that is planning a parade for Owen 16, I will fight you.

Come down and see me right now.

I am at Buffalo Wild Wings.

Do you have the clip where he said that we were such a well-produced show?

Like a training ground for producers.

So you're alleging, Billy, that Tony Rizzo happens to know.

You gave him, I gave Jeremy, Chris gave Jeremy happens to know.

I thought that was the exclusive domain of reporters around here.

People who were doing reporting and were offering information that no one else had because they're reporters.

That's your biggest scoop, Jeremy?

That.

I mean, I'm the only person here who works as a reporter, like literally by definition.

Yeah, that's his main job.

This is what I do for a living.

But you don't break news.

No, but he reports.

Sideline reporters don't often break news unless they're like, so-and-so went into the dugout, so-and-so is in the locker room.

We'll give you an update here.

But no,

what's happening today?

Are we all right?

That was a good football game.

Is this because we haven't delivered Jeff Conine?

Yes.

I can't understand why you would sort of diminish the credentials of me as a reporter.

I mean, tonight, when I'm working as a reporter on the Marlins broadcast, I'll be going around asking trivia questions to Marlins fans in the concourse with the deal being for everyone they get right, I buy them a hot dog for Dollar Hot Dog Night.

If that's not reporting, then I don't know what is Dan.

Walter Kronkite.

We will spend the entire season analyzing the sport i listened to dan's show while i was in florida last week you know i listened every day came in in the afternoons got a good show it's got a very good show oh it's impeccably produced i mean oh goodness that is like a um like a like a training uh show for kids on how to produce radio

get me conine

I mean, we're certainly not that anymore.

Get me Conine.

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That's a fee.

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Don Lebatard.

I may take it one step further.

Wait a minute.

We haven't.

Wait a minute.

Wait, let's go.

You're getting sexier by the moment.

Slow down.

We haven't even gotten.

Stugats.

Jason Sanders, you're unnoticed.

What in spite of him?

Oh wow.

I love you, Duke.

This is the Don Levatar Show with these two guys.

What is the going on payoff exactly?

Like, what are you going to ask the paychecks?

Did you have fun when you were here?

That's right.

When I wasn't?

That's right.

The big payoff is...

It was alright.

You know, in 2003, Chicago.

I was like, we get it, buddy.

You won a World Series 23 years ago.

Do you remember your handshake with Mike Ryan?

I don't know.

Not really.

Two thoughts.

Thank you, Jeff.

Mike Mordecai.

Okay, we get it, bud.

Here's the problem with what you guys are doing.

You take no inventory of consequences that befall me.

Correct.

You have ruined my relationship with World Series MVP Mike Lowell.

No,

my relationship is Renelle.

No.

No.

Because I thought we were all cool and I mentioned something about his defensive prowess at second base and he took it super personally.

Okay, again,

not taking consequences.

You were responsible for forever ruining my relationship with World Series MVP Mike Lowell.

I don't know.

Now you're being disrespectful to Mr.

Marlin.

You're shit, Siring, because I'm not being disrespectful.

He's also saying you guys are not taking accountability by the fact that you've ruined all of my relationships.

I literally just said, no, that's my bad.

I said, hey, man, I thought we could crack jokes about you playing second, and apparently Mike Lowell is not down like that.

It's impeccably produced.

So that's my bad.

I feel bad about it every day.

This is me taking accountability.

Mike Lowell certainly wasn't as cool with me as well.

You said you could beat him in a foot race, is where you lost.

I don't recall that at all.

You were disrespectful to him as a player.

He was a little bit of a sword.

You were disrespectful to me.

Did I say that part?

I think he took offense at like the defensive thing.

I don't know.

It was very, very strange.

You tell me.

I apologize personally.

I've had two of these in my life.

No, three of these.

One of them was because Jeremy Roenick had too many on a golf course.

That guy was.

That was bad.

Yeah, he kept calling my PD trying to get me fired.

But you know what?

He has his reputation.

I got mine.

Thinking back to the Conine day, didn't you also tell Jeff Kona, like, you had a terrible game three or something?

Like, you just went over how horrible his game was.

But you were trying to build him up because it was like you bounced back.

He had the game-winning hit.

Yeah, you had the game-winning hit.

But you were so bad.

Dog shit before that game-winning hit.

Grounded into a double play,

got caught stealing.

But he did deliver the one run, and I was trying to credit it.

What the hell was he doing trying to steal from the game?

I don't think I have a problem with Jeff Conine, but we'll find out.

Landon Donovan also had to apologize directly because he was very sensitive, but whatever.

We're good now.

We did a show.

I had way too many Miller Lights, not really thinking that that game would end so quickly.

So to be clear, Dan's relationships were ruined by you, and it wasn't you.

It was them not receiving the information the way they should have that ruined.

So really, they ruined their relationships with Dan if we're following this correct.

It's not a they, and it's not relationships.

No, Landon Donovan.

No, that was Mike Lowell.

I took accountability.

No, but it was them because they received it wrong.

So you didn't ruin it.

They ruined it by not receiving it properly.

So that's why they ruined.

Look, they ruined their relationships with Dan.

Settled.

I'm being accountable.

I thought I was closer to these people than I actually was.

They're like, only my friends can talk to me like that.

And you, sir, are not my friend.

I will be a good teammate and not reveal the cavalcade of relationships Dan's ruined for me.

Oh.

Give me the broadcasting person who won our handshake competition and get me Jeff Conine.

Who's the broadcaster that you guys would point to and say that's the guy.

You think you can beat Trevor Madich?

Like,

if I say Trevor Maddich has the firmest handshake in all of broadcasting, you know Chris Fowler probably has.

Oh, dude, that's a, yeah, I don't want that smoke.

Don't want that smoke.

But Chris Fowler wants to show you.

Yeah, well, he's vascular.

What about Mark Schlereth?

I don't want that smoke either.

Alyssa Lang looks like she has a good handshake.

Mark Schlareth is another one of my beefs, but I think we're all right.

I think Schlareth's handshake would be gnarled.

I would think fingers are gnarled there, that there would be trouble sort of,

and I'm not mocking him.

Yeah, but it's a meat hook.

You don't want any part of that.

The hockey guys, Roy, have to...

They're Eddie Ocek.

Well, I mean, Kawhi Leonard, one of, I'm not going to say it's the reason Kawhi Leonard's so good, but one of them is the size of his hands makes him in the lane someone's impossibly strong.

You cannot take that ball out of his hands.

How often do you see Kawhi Leonard stripped?

Like the way that he has the ball is at least in part because his hands are inordinately large.

He will shake your elbow if he's shaking your hand.

Is he in the contest if we make it sports, if we go into sports, if we go not just broadcasting, but the athletes?

I would say if you have to grip a tool, like a golf club, a bat, hockey stick, tennis racket, you're probably in that tier.

Wow.

Well, but this is why I think, Jeff Konite, I think the racquetball and the bat, right?

You're doing so many reps of things with your hands that require hand strength.

That's why I tell you that it was something.

My brother all his life did this.

He tried to have handshake offs with people like Boog Shambi.

You know, Boog Shambi is.

Good handshake.

Oh, of course, Boog Shamby.

Boog Shambi has taken me and my brother with

both of them.

Boog Shambi is uncommonly strong.

And so me and my brother grabbed him from the sides one time and he threw us the way that Chewbacca did in the original Star Wars.

Like he would just, he just threw the both of us with both, yeah, with both shoulders.

That's Hulk strength.

Yeah, I mean, it was ridiculous.

It was, and, and, and so, but he would tell you, Jeff Conine's hand, there cannot be a firmer handshake anywhere in sports.

Roy, I did shake Brooks Kepka's hand one time.

How'd that go?

Nothing to report there.

I thought I thought it was fairly even.

Okay.

Why did you share that story?

Well, you were saying the people that hold clubs.

I'm like, I'd love to tell the tale.

Tools.

The idea of tools, that if you're doing something that often, your hands are going to be, you know,

unusually strong.

If you guys don't get me conine for the payoff on this segment, I'm going to call Tony Rizzo and see if he wants to hire all of you.

Oh, shit.

Are you.

He'd love to hire all of us.

He glowing praise.

I mean, you're lost, but he values us.

Yeah, exactly right.

Would he pay?

I don't think this one's on us.

This one might be on Niner.

What if Niner doesn't want to do it?

It's your fault, I guess.

Back to the packers no before we i'll i've got something for them but before we get to that and before we get out of the local hour did you do on your special owned owned platform of university of miami hurricaning where you are an insider a booster a reporter and a jack of all trades uh did you do the five-hour live stream uh with guests for usf and miami a game between top 20 teams this week uh we did not do a special five-hour Hurricane Marathon on Keynes Insight, but Keynes Insight is available daily.

I was on the show on Wednesday.

We had Josh Appell, friend of the show, former intern, preview our opponent.

And I'm super into this game.

It's a top 20 matchup that doesn't have a lot of juice for, you know, they're playing for the McGuffin.

Am I breaking this to you?

I have liked South Florida and UCF for the last decade, getting sort of the spillage that there is in Florida football.

And I know South Florida's had some bad teams here.

I I don't think this is one of them.

The University of Miami is a really good team.

USF has pulled off back-to-back ranked wins.

I did re-watch the game against Florida.

I didn't think USF played particularly well in that game.

And that's really impressive when a team can pull off an upset of close to 18 points without playing their 8-plus game.

But I think Miami is ultimately too deep, too big, and it'll look a lot like last year's game did where Miami pulled away late.

But again, they're playing for the McGuffin.

And I don't think you were familiar with that because you just kind of,

as a good producer, you wouldn't circle back around and point that out.

I would hope that you would support me and just keep it moving.

I didn't come close to answering your question.

I just did a little dance on USF and UCF's history over the last 10 years.

But you're supposed to protect me in those spots instead of exposing me.

I was just going to explain what the MacGuffin is.

The McGuffin is this fictional trophy that people date back to the dawn of college football, Rutgers-Princeton.

And basically, it's a title belt that gets handed down.

So whoever won that Rutgers-Princeton game was a McGuffin champion, and whoever beat them got to be the McGuffin champion.

Florida won the McGuffin championship when they beat Ole Miss last year, but now USF is a McGuffin title holder.

Now, this would be Miami's seventh McGuffin reign, and they also one time held the McGuffin for 800 dates.

Wow.

Yes, so this is a big deal.

This is a huge deal going on, as if I can make football in the CW seem any bigger.

But usually when Miami has a top five team and they play a ranked team, there's more juice to this.

I love it when these two teams play.

Neither of these programs are afraid to schedule one another.

I know they play again in 2028.

I would totally sign up for this being an annual rivalry.

I love taking trips out to Tampa.

I love USF's gumption when it comes to scheduling these games.

And I'm expecting a pretty good one in which Miami will, look, in the first three weeks, Miami has an opportunity to beat two ranked opponents.

That's pretty damn good I don't think that they've done that since 2017 beat two ranked opponents I mean to Dan's point about liking UCF and USF you know for the last decade or so there's only two teams in the state of Florida who ranked in the top 25 in the Cully Matrix a nationally recognized poll by the NCAA put it on the poll please at Lebatard show is winning the McGovern USF and UCF top 25

You can kick them out.

That's all right.

I think most people would back that.

They'd want that.

It's good context.

No Knights, though.

Yeah, no Knights.

Bounce House.

You're self-reporting.

That's good.

Dane, do you see that UCF like officially renamed their stadium the Bounce House?

It was just a nickname before, and now it's actually the Bounce House.

Interesting.

Are you not into this game?

Do you not believe in USF?

Do you not want to talk to football editors?

I thought you wanted to come in Friday to talk ball.

We talked ball, and you're like, well, let me talk to Mr.

Morland.

You got to circle back to the Packers.

I will eventually.

Put it on the poll.

Get me Conine.

Is winning the McGuffin a big deal?

And also,

gumption.

I'm not hearing that word a lot anymore, and I'm certainly not hearing it very much around football in my football analysis.

All of you here, when Mike Ryan, for some reason, tells you he's impressed by a team's gumption.

Is that analysis that you guys have heard anywhere else?

That any, like, who leads, just tell me, who leads the NFL in gumption?

No, I meant the athletic department's gumption in scheduling games.

I don't know if there's an NFL team.

Gumption doesn't really play itself out on the field, Dan.

This is more of a mindset.

I would argue that the CFP committee probably takes into account gumption.

I mean, that's basically SOS, right?

You guys want football?

Let's do the bucket and get me Jeff Conine.

Like, somebody get me Jeff Conine, but let's do the bucket,

the Dentech bucket.

I have told you before that this, that Dentech, this is something I have used because I was grinding my teeth at night.

Look at you.

The grind never stops for this guy.

It was helpful.

It was helpful.

It stopped the headache.

So I can say that honestly.

The helmet that we have in front of us, I have not lost

in a year.

I never lost last year.

Like the McGuffin.

Billy, you lost last week.

I did not lose.

I did?

Yes, you lost last week.

You were the only loser last week.

I did not lose all of last year.

We are going to do the bucket again.

Again, the Dentech bucket.

Mike Bryan, you select first, please.

Where is the bucket, Roy?

Right here.

Roy's going to select first.

It's the bucket.

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Okay, I have.

Thank you for your service.

Who would take Army?

Yeah.

I would take Army.

Army is on the by.

I won with that Helmer Pole last time.

Whoa, Jesus damn it.

All right, let's fix this.

Let's fix it.

Put him back in.

We had a fumble.

We got a fumble.

Ball's on the ground.

Okay, actually, dramatic tension.

Ball, ball, OSCE.

Dramatic tension.

Hold on a second.

I'm going to go to break.

We got to get ourselves in order.

The game has been.

I got it in order.

The game has been compromised.

Go to commercial.

The game has been compromised.

And give me going on.

Hey, listeners, it's Mike.

Hey, Billy Gill.

Hey.

Hey, Billy, as a proud member of your inner circle, remember when we were hanging out last weekend?

Oh, yeah, fishtail palms.

The fishtail palms, the great memories we made, kids playing in the pool and in our hands, a nice ice-cold pan of Miller Light.

It was so hot out.

I know, but it was so cold in my hand.

We took that for a sip.

It was crisp.

It was refreshing.

Oh, man, there is nothing like cracking open a Miller light with your crew and your inner circle bones.

Hell yeah.

we fist bumped.

Whether it's we actually really did, whether it's that touchdown.

It didn't make a sound, but it just thought BAM!

Boom!

Whether it's that touchdown you didn't see coming or just arguing about fantasy lineups, you and I did plenty of that.

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What?

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