Hour 2: I Happen to Have Heard (feat. Jessica Smetana)

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This is the Dan Labatar Show with the Stu Gats Podcast.

Jessica thinks Zaz is a liar.

Zaz thinks LeBron is a liar.

We'll get to the lies in a second, but I just want to tell you guys a quick story I heard Sean Penn tell the other day, a funny story.

As he was training for the movie Cops, Sean Penn was going out on, you know, he was going out on drives with officers.

He was training.

He actually ends up in a drug bus where he's doing some of his things that he's learned, where he's got a gun out.

He's got it on his.

What is that?

What is that that you're doing?

I think it's like this.

You're talking about having the flashlight and the gun so like people can see stuff.

Yes, that's what I'm doing.

I'm doing the flashlight and the gun.

And he's been trained to also do the quick peek around the corner.

And it's a quick peek.

And if you see a gun, you shout gun.

But the way that you can do the quick peek, nobody's reflexes are fast enough to shoot somebody who's doing a quick peek.

So.

And we're talking about childhood friend of Charlie Sheen, Sean Penn?

Yeah.

Sean Penn, yes.

Okay, got it.

Sean Penn is training for the movie Cops, and they've got five drug dealers who are on the sidewalk on their knees.

And the other cop hears Sean Penn shout gun after the quick peek.

And so they bring in reinforcement.

There's a helicopter, everything else.

And Sean Penn is terrified.

And then he realizes on his second quick peek, it was his reflection.

He was seeing his own gun in the reflection.

And all of the other cops were making fun of him because they were brought in by helicopter and everything else just because he shouted gun at his own gun.

Amateur.

We all would have done much better in that spot, I'm sure.

Jess, thank you for joining us.

Why is Zaslow a liar?

What are the specifics of his story that do not ring true that he had a two-stop two-stop flight or a one-stop flight oh it was one stop

a first-class flight to south bend that stopped in chicago that he thought was a plane on the second leg and was a bus on the second leg i listened to this story yesterday and i was like there's just no way i have never heard of this happening i have never heard of this in my life there is no way that he did this i just don't believe it and i was about to text him and tell him what a liar he was and then i decided you know what let me just google this first sure enough American Airlines started this service three weeks ago.

You're one of the first ever customers.

Congratulations.

This motor coach from, but thank you.

I mean, I was listening to this.

Wow.

And my first thought was: there's no way he left from an actual gate at O'Hare.

There's no way he left from inside the terminal.

Yes, and pulled up to a terminal in South Bend.

It's

unbelievable that this happened.

I don't believe that.

That's a hilarious detail.

Vindicated.

They dropped you off at the South Bend airport.

Yes, at the terminal.

I arrived at the gate in South Bend.

Daz, I asked so many people who go to Notre Dame games for work on a regular basis, former students.

I said, have you ever heard of this before?

They all said, no.

There is just no way.

And I said, how did he book this without knowing that it was a bus on the second leg?

And they said, well, to be honest, that part is believable from everything you've said about this guy.

So credit to you, Daz.

Whoa, okay.

He's making the story more believable.

First of all, I said he's like a Miami sports radio guy.

They're like, oh, I guess, yeah, makes sense.

First of all, whoa.

Second of all, if you pull, I pull up, I could actually do it.

I still have the boarding pass, and on the boarding pass, yup, that was exactly the bus.

And on the boarding pass, there is a symbol of a plane, not of a bus, of an airplane.

It's like, it's, isn't that false advertising, Dan?

Did you see what it was written on the door?

Landlight.

It literally says operated by landlocked.

I know, I know, I know.

That's the new service.

It's called, and it says American Airlines.

Jess, here's the thing.

Why was I seemingly the only one confused when I was walking onto the shuttle bus?

Everyone is going to their assigned seats, and I'm literally saying, who the hell cares about an assigned seat?

We're taking a shuttle.

It's going to be 30 seconds to our plane.

I was the only one who apparently had no idea.

I'm sorry.

This is genuinely one of the funniest travel stories that I've ever heard.

I kept waiting for it to be like, oh, and then we went to the plane and it was a small plane.

Oh, but no, like you went all the way to South Bend airport.

I think it's so, so funny.

It's probably one of the least efficient ways to get to South Bend.

Well,

but it certainly is if they don't take you to a bus station and for some reason they then take you again to another airline gate in the bus.

I mean, I guess so you can like rent a car.

So I read about this and there's, they're doing this at a few smaller regional airports now, including there's like an O'Hare connection that goes from O'Hare to Rockford, which is like a really big city outside of Chicago and Illinois.

There are a few, if you're flying to Philadelphia, they'll take you to smaller cities inside Pennsylvania.

So I understand like the gist of it.

It makes sense.

If you don't want to rent your own car at O'Hare and drive yourself there, or if you don't want to, I guess, just get on another plane because the flight from O'Hare to South.

No, I do.

I want to get on another plane.

I really do.

It's surprising, folks.

It's amazing.

Dan.

It's amazing to me.

Dan, here is my boarding pass.

I still have it.

Chicago, South Bend.

Is that a symbol of an airplane or a bus?

But

at Levittard Show, because I don't know the difference between an airplane and a bus.

At Lebitard Show, put it on the poll.

Have you ever bought a flight and ended up on a bus?

Dan's like, this is not a first-class ticket.

I cannot read this.

I got where you were going, Chris.

The only way your story could have been funnier is if the guy next to you is selling shower curtain rings.

The problem, problem, or one of the problems, with Zaslow's story is that is a first-class flight.

He is

that is.

You just can't end up on a bus when you've got a first-class flight.

That doesn't make any sense.

There was no in-flight service either.

There was no like what the people's name is.

They used to call them stewardess.

What is it now?

Attendant.

Flight attendant.

Yeah, flight attendant.

Did your tray have to be a business?

They still love money, though.

Was Ralph Cramden driving the bus?

Reference.

I got it.

I mean, that bus driver.

That's a honeymoon.

That's a honeymooner's reference.

That bus driver.

No, that's not a.

No.

Just because you don't get the reference doesn't mean it's a bad.

I got it.

But it's a 1950s bus driver on television, Jackie Gleason joke.

And it was rebooted with Cedric the Entertainer in 2005.

Ralph Cramden, not Jackie Gleason.

He's right.

He's not right.

Yeah, Jackie Gleason.

Cramden was the bus driver.

Played Ralph Cramden in the Honeymooners, a television show that ran from when to when, so that we can just have have live back in my days with him talking about the origins of television.

Dan, I'm not sure you're familiar with how acting works.

See, the actor isn't actually a bus driver.

He's portraying a character who is the bus driver.

So Ralph Cramden is the answer there.

Jackie Gleason was just a guy who worked there.

Originally aired from 55 to 56.

Well, originally, but it went into the 60s.

Syndication.

Jessica, college football and all things college football are something that's an area of expertise for you.

But I wanted to talk about what happened with Russell Wilson and Sean Payton before we get into the meat of the college football talk.

It hasn't been often that Russell Wilson called someone classless in public.

I think a lot of people sided with Russell Wilson on this one.

Rare win for Russell Wilson publicly.

Oh, absolutely.

Ever since that stupid Netflix movie with Kevin James as Sean Payton Dan, I've been like, how are we just brushing past this whole what?

I mean, it was a ridiculous movie.

Of course it was ridiculous.

I said, what are we doing?

Okay, I'm glad we're in agreement.

I mean, it's just absurd for Sean Payton to take shots at Russell Wilson, who's like no one's favorite quarterback at this point, but absolutely justified in going after him on Twitter.

And the let's ride at the end was a perfect comedic chef's kiss of a retort from Russ.

So yeah, I'm team Russell Wilson.

That was just mean.

Like, what's the point of that?

I happen to have heard from a singular person and not verified with someone else that Russell Wilson Wilson bought a premium luxury box for that game, thinking that it was going to be his triumphant return to beat Sean Payton.

And then he got benched and couldn't flip the luxury box.

John Elway told you that?

So, what is that?

I happen to have heard issues.

I have friends.

I happen to have heard a little piece of gossip that I wasn't able to verify

with multiple sources from a singular person, but I do trust this source that told me Russell Wilson had an entire box and then, after being benched, tried to sell the box and found no takers.

I don't trust this source.

Wow.

Wow.

Happen to know is two sources.

Happen to have heard from a single source is a less, it's a diluted form of reporting.

That's why it doesn't have imaging.

Untrustworthy source, I would say.

The Notre Dame USC game that you were at, Jessica, you felt how you were not at it?

Oh, I'm sorry.

No, I was in New York watching it, just biting my nails the whole time.

It was terrifying, but it was so fun.

Exhilarating, I would say.

And your your thoughts now on USC's, I'm sorry, Notre Dame's remaining schedule?

I think that they're going to be favored by a lot of points in all the remaining games.

And so if they lose a game, it would be a tremendous disappointment.

And if they win out, they will probably be in the college football playoff.

Even though Miami not holding up their end of the bargain last weekend, Dan.

But we'll see.

We'll see how Miami's end of their season shakes out too, because they don't have that many more difficult games on their schedule either.

Yeah, you can't take those for granted in today's college football era to say, well, they're going to be a big favorite for all of them.

In fact, Marcus Freeman's lost plenty of big games as a big-time favorite, but that was the toughest score.

He's lost more of those games than he has like the ranked games, I would say.

That's like, but to be fair, a couple of them, the Marshall game and the NIU game were both like season home openers early in the season.

These teams under him have tended to get better.

throughout the year.

I think the only issue now is once you get into November, now you have way more players getting hurt.

But that's across all of college football.

It doesn't matter though what Miami does.

Like, yeah, Miami lost, so maybe the win, you know, or the loss to Miami doesn't mean as much for Notre Dame, but Notre Dame just wins the rest of their games, they're in.

And if they lose at a game, then they're out.

Like, it doesn't really matter.

As just highlighted, they lost to NIU.

So if Miami loses the rest of their games, it won't necessarily stack up to even that loss.

And it didn't end up mattering because Notre Dame went all the way to the college football playoff final.

Yeah.

Where are you, Jessica, on Mike's contention that Notre Dame fans don't like hearing very much that the Notre Dame job might be a stepping stone job for Marcus Freeman?

Well, that's how they're processing it.

I'm not applying that.

Like, they can.

I don't think that's true.

Like, I'm not applying that, even though it happened with Brian Kelly, where he left them for an SEC.

And I understand why fan bases get bothered, especially a program so tradition-rich like Notre Dame and a team that literally just competed for a national title.

I find it flattering that the NFL is interested in Marcus Freeman, that the 40 Gators and Penn State, two two big programs.

Our dream number one candidate is Marcus Freeman.

What Diana said is right, by the way, when we had Diana earlier, Jess, and we asked her specifically about the Chicago Bears' interest, is Marcus Freeman's a bit different than all these other coaches that are a little dirtier when it comes to these things.

He is about his team when he is with his team.

If they are in it, and the problem last year with the Bears was Marcus Freeman kept winning.

in the college football playoff and he was like keep that away.

It does, although it work in line with what I'm hearing that if Notre Notre Dame does lose another game this season, if that happens to happen, then it's kind of a green light for his agents to take some of these conversations a little bit more seriously.

Yeah, I mean,

I don't know.

I'm not plugged into that world.

This is just a lot of it is also posturing to get raises.

So I mean, I hope he doesn't leave Notre Dame, but we'll see.

I don't know what you want me to say.

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Don Lebatard.

Jez, you can't talk about double-digit national titles when every single call of you winning the national title sounds like this.

Oh, there's Chubby Jacker running down the sideline.

If the audio, yeah, that's not true.

Yeah, and there's a World War II veteran pitching into another white guy and he avoids another white guy.

Oh my God, not a name.

The fighting Irish have done it again for the eighth time.

I'm paying white people.

Spoogats.

Chubby Checker.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

He's black.

He's black.

And I was really going to white named Chubby Checker.

And I picture, like, I'm sorry, man.

I'm improvving here.

It's a pretty cool riff.

Why is that?

Chubby Checker running down the side of the bus.

He spells it differently.

All right.

His name is Chubby.

Maybe you didn't hear me correctly.

His name is Chubby Checkers.

There's an S at the end.

I feel like that should be the largest of five.

And Chubby Chuckett.

It sounds like a college football name.

This is the Dan Levatar show with the Stukats.

I have a question for you.

I asked this earlier.

No one on the show could answer me.

If Notre Dame needs to pony up extra money to keep Marcus Freeman, can they call the Pope and the Vatican and say open up the coffers?

Well, I think he went to Villanova, so I'm not sure.

And like, you know, there's

different Catholic orders running both schools.

So would say it's a maybe,

but if that's something that they have to do, like maybe Pope Leo's open to it, he's a Chicago guy, isn't he?

It does lead to a legitimate question, which is Brian Kelly presumably left for a couple of different reasons, but also he did get a raise in leaving Dallas Hue, and money could have been one of the answers as to why on earth would he leave Notre Dame when he had such success there.

I think that is the main reason that he left.

I think Notre Dame did not want to pay Brian Kelly.

This is just me guessing.

I'm not like reporting this.

I think that Notre Dame had a long and very successful relationship with Brian Kelly that came with a lot of things that, you know, lose some tough losing seasons, embarrassing things, him screaming on the sidelines, him not ever getting the team to the place where they could beat in Alabama or Georgia.

Obviously, it's a different era of college football now.

And I think Marcus Freeman coming in when he did is much better positioned to beat those teams.

I think there's way more parity in college football now.

I think a lot of of the advanced analytics bear that out.

And I would say most importantly, the school is more aligned with athletics now than they were when Brian Kelly was the coach.

I think they're more committed to actually helping the football team do things to win games without, you know, obviously sacrificing their identity, et cetera, et cetera.

That's what Notre Dame would tell you.

But I think that it's sort of hard to compare apples to apples because I do actually, I have seen a much bigger commitment from the school with Marcus Freeman and trying to make him successful than they ever kind of were with Brian Kelly.

So, like, I guess the really efficient question for me is: if it gets to the point where schools are offering and think they have a legitimate shot at getting Marcus Freeman for $15 million, will Notre Dame climb up to that salary, make him the highest-paid coach in the sport to keep him?

And if they call the Pope, will he open the coffers?

I don't know.

I mean, Mike,

who knows?

I don't know.

Maybe, yes.

I mean, they signed him to a huge extension last year.

Clearly, you don't want to see him go, but I'll.

Oh, my God, who knows?

If you were asking me to speculate on like Notre Dame's financial

acumen in this situation, I think they have the money to do that.

Obviously, it doesn't mean they have the appetite to pay someone that much money.

And I think a lot of these college coaching contracts are a little bit absurd if you're talking about coaches getting...

$100 million buyouts to stick around in 10 years and we have absolutely no idea what college football is going to look like in 10 years.

But also Marcus Freeman's current contract is not public.

Speculated that he's paid among the three highest paid coaches in college football.

So, I mean, I don't know.

We'll have to wait and see.

Speaking of money, what did you make of the Holiday Bowl?

Exploring the idea of a college football bowl game in Saudi Arabia.

Ah, come on.

Oh, man.

This was one of those things that came out of some of the public records requests, I believe, from North Carolina.

And

from my reading on the topic, the Holiday Bowl has a bit of a financial strain because of the two games being canceled in 2020 and 2021 because of COVID.

So they are looking to recoup some of that and be a bowl that can offer a higher payout to teams and would get more money if they did play in Saudi Arabia.

It sounds like the ACC pretty quickly shut it down, but they were exploring that.

The other part of it that's sort of funny is that the Holiday Bowl gets money from the city of San Diego because it has an obvious big economic impact on the city when they host the bowl game.

And so if that were to be the case, if they were to move the game, they would have to give that money back, of course.

It's not really that much money in the grand scheme of things, but it is to sort of demonstrate like the financial situation of a lot of these bowl games that have become a lot less prestigious now that there's 12 teams in the playoff.

And, you know, the holiday bowl used to be a game that was...

two of the better bowl eligible teams would play and had a lot of good ratings in that bowl game.

It was more one of the higher tier, like premium tier bowls.

Really?

And yeah, yes, Greg.

Really?

I remember that.

I mean, it's not like, I mean, it's,

yeah, the one at San Diego.

I mean, it's not.

It's Harbor's Day of holidays.

It's not a New Year's Six Bowl, obviously, but it's also not like, you know, the Bahamas Bowl or one of these other smaller, smaller team bowls.

It'd usually be like two.

I think Pac-12 and ACC are the two teams in the holiday bowl.

Anyways, I digress.

I think the point is that this kind of demonstrates the financial strain on a lot of these bowls in the 12-team playoff era.

And I never ever want to see these bowl games go away.

I would be devastated if we didn't have a full bowl slate

in the postseason.

But I understand that things are different now.

Things are changing pretty rapidly.

Texas Tech has a ridiculous controversy going on.

They have the tortilla throw, which is adorable.

We celebrated earlier this year with the Hamptons Farm nuttiest fan.

But apparently the Big 12 wants them to stop.

They're going to threaten penalties.

Texas Tech having one of their best seasons in a long time.

Their head coach, we're about to play this sound, gave a way too serious press conference about tortillas.

This is Kirby Holcutt their AD.

The stakes are too high, and we need to help not risk penalizing our team again for throwing tortillas.

Simply, let's not do it.

The situation is on me.

I leaned into this of throwing tortillas at the beginning.

of the football season.

Now I must ask everyone to stop, and I must ask our staff to enforce it on game days.

I don't know why.

I think that's funny.

Why is his hair so dark?

How did he lean into it?

Like what did he do?

Well he's reading also.

I think earlier in the year he was pushing back on the Big 12 be like how can he he had the interaction with the coach where he's like what do you want me to do?

He was the only I think he was the only Big 12 athletic director to to vote no on penalizing the tortilla tossing in the offseason which he did like as a stand like I want to protect this tradition.

But yeah now that the Big 12 decided there's going to be 15 yard penalties if you throw stuff stuff on the field, the situation has continuously escalated since the Kansas game a couple weeks ago, which we talked about last week.

There was an alleged pocket knife being thrown, which now very clearly was not thrown by fans.

They believe that it was dropped by a Kansas coach on the sideline.

Still, the fines have continued to escalate.

And so now the athletic director is like, no one can do this anymore.

I imagine there will be more tortillas than ever thrown this upcoming weekend.

But I also thought it was funny because Chris, to your point about like the seriousness of it, I read in the athletic that they're offering to let people discard their tortillas at the game by giving them to like officials who can dispose of them.

So it's like, I guess you smuggle the tortilla in your pants.

That's what people do.

And then you get there and you have second thoughts and you're like, yeah, I shouldn't do this.

I don't want to get ejected or banned from athletic department events.

So I'm going to take the tortilla out of my pants and hand it to an usher.

That's a morning for me.

Like the visual of that is very absurd to me.

I do love a microwave tortilla.

You're going to say, I do love a microphone cough.

Cody, Cody's gotten away from the cough, but and the cough got him so much that he'd let his body.

Let me back up.

Let's go.

Oh, we didn't hear it.

Is that a tortilla in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

What a waste of food, by the way.

What a waste of time.

Is that a tortilla in your pocket or are you not happy to see me?

Right.

That's a good point, Mike.

A soggy, damp tortilla in your pocket.

You offer that to the food bank.

Food bank goes, no, thanks.

We're not that up.

Is there a food that you'd prefer to see in thrown at stadiums?

I don't like the idea of wasting food like that.

People are starving all over my neighborhood.

There we go.

I would give them

the stray cats in my neighborhood.

What?

Yeah, we have stray cats problem in our neighborhood.

Some lady in my dad's neighborhood collected all the stray cats and had them fixed.

Yeah, against their will.

But you do it.

Against their will.

You do it for the.

Do you think the spay or the neuter is sometimes with the will of the animal?

Oh, yeah.

Well, you ask the animal, and if they don't answer you, you go ahead.

And they say, meow.

Remember the no comment that the lion gave us earlier

when we were talking about it.

Thank you very much.

By the way, a quick comment.

I respect Amin trying to get a serious answer about the Vatican contributing to NIL and buyouts and stuff like that.

If Notre Dame has an opening, why doesn't the Pope coach Notre Dame?

Because I picture him on the sideline in full regalia with the big pointed hat the whole bit.

It would be a great draw, great television draw.

Fans would love it.

What's he doing in the Vatican?

I don't think

I don't think the Pope works real hard.

I think he's got time to coach a football team.

What's in the coffers?

Bregan, imagine the endowment growth if the Pope was the head coach.

Yes.

The boosters are coming out of the woodwork.

Every Catholic in the world.

I don't think you guys really are that plugged into the ongoing,

I don't want to use the word schism here, but the ongoing disagreements disagreements that a lot of Catholics have over the last two popes.

It may be very alienating.

The Pope should, I mean, well, I don't want to get into too much here about

as Catholics.

You're supposed to be like, yes, the Pope, what the Pope says, you know, that is what we believe to be true.

And a lot of Catholics lately have been like, well, the Pope's being a lib, so we don't like him, actually.

The whole thing about like feeding the poor, we believe to be optional.

So I don't know, know, maybe you guys should just not be Catholic anymore.

Because when I grew up, the reason that I have Catholic guilt is because of the things that I was taught about, like Catholic social teaching and like helping people in need, treating your neighbor as thyself.

But those things don't seem to be important to a lot of Catholics right now.

Jessica, I care about that.

That would be quite controversial.

Jessica, I care about you.

You're talking right now like a character in a damn brown book who's gonna get killed very soon.

We, I mean, oh my god, this Louvre heist of the jewels, did you not think immediately of the Da Vinci Code?

Of course.

It was so good.

The first thing I thought about was Rudy Gobert not being able to guard the high, pick, and roll.

But then

I thought about Dan Brown, and I realized that it wasn't a Dan Brown story because there wasn't enough misogyny in it.

Oh, that's such a good point.

You're right.

Surely you and Amin have connected over Adam McKay's project, The Chair Company, right?

We have, Dan.

And don't call me Shirley.

Amin, did you watch episode two?

I am am all the way caught up.

That was good.

That was good.

So Leslie Nielsen doesn't.

It's okay.

Is that what it is?

I love the old references that I actually understand.

The thing about Tim Robinson shows, like I think you should leave and Detroiters, is I feel like I can't recommend them to everybody.

I feel like I have to know you well enough to know if you're going to like really...

think it's funny or not.

And I feel that way about the chair company.

I've been very reserved in recommending it to people because I know that there's a lot of people that will watch that show and say this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

But I'm sitting there watching it and I am laughing so hard at it.

I think it is so funny.

It is a Tim Robinson scripted series on HBO Max or HBO, I think we call it, do we call it HB?

I don't know.

HBO Max.

HBO Max.

Okay, cool.

It's a mystery, but it's also a comedy.

There's perfect amounts of goof and also intrigue in it.

And Tim Robinson sort of playing the same character he always plays but just with more I think with more depth than than in some of his skits.

So Jessica the interesting thing about this as opposed to his prior shows is it's shot like a thriller suspense show.

Yeah.

It's not shot even I'm not just talking like a sitcom.

It's not a sitcom.

It's down to the music, down to the camera angles and the shots.

It's all shot like a like a whodunit basically.

So there's if you're not paying attention or if you didn't know anything about him you go in you're like why is this such a silly shit?

Why are they acting silly?

Am I supposed to laugh here or not?

But if you know, Tim Robinson's hilarious and it's very funny.

The other funny thing is, I thought the name, the chair company, was going to be like an analogy to something or a metaphor.

And it turns out to be very literally

about a chair company.

Not the one that he works at.

He makes malls, which, by the way, just when was the last time you were at a mall?

It's been a really long time since I've been in a mall.

I think you've been in a mall.

You just probably didn't realize it.

Mall gore.

I don't think I've been in a mall.

no you've been in a mall you just didn't realize it probably that's because they don't look like malls anymore is this a mall am i in a mall right now i think you're in a mall right now the restaurant the restaurant is a mall uh zaz was creeped out uh zaz was creeped out by uh friendship the tim robinson movie he's made uh anxious by the awkward the awkward comedy really it's just robinson and nathan fielder who are doing this incredibly awkward comedy i mean i i watched friendship on my plane ride to europe what a week and a half ago And five minutes in, like, I'd never seen any of Tim Robinson's stuff, but I know the shtick.

And it is my kind of humor.

But five minutes into the movie, I didn't know if I was going to be able to get through it because I had very bad secondhand embarrassments.

And there were times in that movie, Friendship, where I thought I was going to have to hit the pause button and just go walk up and down the aisle and cool off.

Oh, man.

I got to see that with my good friend Michael Ryan right here, who got me advanced screening passes to it.

And it was, like, Mike, it was such a great environment to watch with people I don't know it's a good movie if you had watched it with people as opposed to maybe that's why I because I watched it alone in my living room and I was just like okay I kind of know what they're trying to do here no I enjoyed the movie it's just like I was very uncomfortable sharing in the awkwardness with others though is an experience which is why we need to bring our rated comedies backtrack speaking of awkwardness I do have an awkward confession I need to make to Jessica

Jessica we've been texting for a couple months now we talked about lethal weapon we talked about like, oh, you're excited about this show.

I'm like, oh, I love it.

And up until this morning, I had no idea that that was you and you had changed your number.

I texted you over the summer and I was like, this is my new number.

I kept looking for context clues and I couldn't find them.

And I was like, okay,

I'm just going to keep having this conversation as if I know who I'm talking to.

Wait, so what gave it away this morning?

So Amin was asking me, look, I keep getting a message from this number and I have no idea.

I'm like, read me the number.

Maybe I have them in my

contact list.

Where is it, Mike?

And then he started rattling it off.

I'm like, this has been Jess the whole time.

And he had no idea.

He thought you were pissed off at him.

Yeah, that's the other thing.

I've been texting you on your old number.

And I'm like, they're green bubbles.

I think she's blocked me.

Jesus.

I mean,

first of all, I want to know what gave it away.

Was it when I was like, hey, hard rock's not even that awesome?

They were just like...

That narrowed it down.

I was like, okay, hold on now.

Farts.

Hold on.

On Hard Rock Stadium, like, oh, it's a sports mecha.

It's in the middle of nowhere.

It is a dump.

Easy south bend they had plastic in the nachos that we got there's plastic everywhere there's plastic in people's balls exactly right no those are micro plastics this was a macro plastic this is the kind of plastic you have to get removed by a surgeon because it's lodged into your probably better right than the micro that's why i lost six dollars on the valuation no extra charge put it on the scientists are sure like what the microplastics are doing yet so i i would still i can guarantee they're not good because they're not supposed to be there yeah

says me.

I don't know.

I'm just a lot by Tony.

I can guarantee microplastics in my balls, bad.

I think they're great.

I vermectin.

Can we do Tony's top five, like, health-related?

We could.

It'd be a great list.

Check out her weekly Notre Dame podcast.

Democratic shutdown stops.

Finally, the guy.

The Echoes with Mike Golick Jr.

Again, weekly Notre Dame podcast.

Jessica, thank you.

Bye.

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Don Lebatard.

I heard that as a woman faking

pain.

I didn't think that sounded real.

I really didn't.

You know?

It was not fake.

It was in no way fake.

If you can spot a woman faking it, Stugats.

Yes, I can, Jess.

Expert.

I've been married 40 years.

This is the Don Lebatar Show with the Stugats.

I wanted to get to the LeBron story that took us a half hour to get to the LeBron story where Zaz thinks LeBron's a liar

after being called a liar by Jessica, and I guess Jessica has now walked that back.

You have proven to her because you're credible and a journalist and a lawyer and a judge.

And a race war expert.

You have once again proven to be someone who is credible.

Your story was true.

Are you reporting something on LeBron, or do you have an opinion about LeBron lying to me?

I have an opinion.

I have an opinion which I think is correct.

All right.

Dan, he's in world-class shape this guy all right he spends millions of dollars on his body every year on fitness he spends millions of dollars he doesn't have an injury keeping him out of games till mid-november apparently which then they're gonna reevaluate okay he has an injury that your grandmother has all right like i don't care that he's 41 years old 42 years old world class shape sciatica stinks i'm sure it does

when you're when you're a grandma okay There is no way.

This is straight out of the LeBron playbook, is what this is.

Like last night, the Lakers losing, even though Luca looked awesome.

By the way,

he looked for it.

Right now, right now, Luca's got to be at the front of the MVP conversation, okay?

Right now.

Hold on.

Yes, that's right.

Right now, Luca, he's at the top of the MVP conversation.

LeBron, this is straight out his playbook.

He loves that loss last night.

LeBron would love more losses because then, oh, look who you need to return.

What are you alleging?

What are you alleging here?

Are you alleging he's withholding services?

Yeah, I'm alleging super passive-aggressive behavior.

Hold on.

That's right.

Time to throw away all journalistic credibility and get reckless.

Here is something we like to call reckless speculation.

You're good.

Oh, you don't want me?

You're not centering the team around me anymore.

I'm not the number one guy.

You don't want to give me a multi-year deal?

Okay, let's see what we look like when I have to be re-evaluated a month and a half into the season with an injury that your grandmother has.

Get out of here.

It's straight out the LeBron James playbook.

I'm not going to go as far as to say he's faking the injury.

As someone who's dealt with back issues for years, it happens.

It doesn't matter how much you do.

Not like I do a lot, but still.

But

I will agree with you on this.

Inside, he's not going to admit it, but inside, he's like,

definitely crumble without indefinitely didn't you have gout yeah

i'm not in world-class shape

that's an old person

i'm not lebron we know this i don't hairline i don't spend millions of dollars on my body every year he has sciatica and he's going to be re-evaluated in a month that seemed that yeah that's weird that's weird you you'd think that number one if he were younger he probably wouldn't have it but you'd probably be more incentivized to play.

This could also be a low-key thing that he gets on the same page with the front office.

Hey, let's wait and see.

This is kind of like player maintenance a little bit, potentially.

No, hold on.

I just remembered something.

So, Steve Nash had sciatica, right?

That was why Steve Nash, when he'd be on the bench, he'd be lying on his back.

Seems like LeBron's sitting on the bench, probably not a good thing for sciatica.

Two and a half hours or something?

Nothing wrong with him.

Wait a minute.

The reason, actually, that I I would say that that is imprudent, it's not even

the unethical idea that he would be faking injury in order to just lie and collect money and load manage.

The reason that it's not wise is Luke will take that team and go 17 for 27 without him out there for the rest of the season.

Like,

not having to share usage rate with LeBron James is the best Luca that there is.

Like, he doesn't, if he doesn't have to share the ball with anybody, he will go 17 for 27 in every game he plays the rest of the season.

Well, they need to win.

Like, if they're losing, who cares?

By the way, how long before they go full metal jacket on DeAndre Eaton?

Yeah.

They're putting bars of soap in socks.

He stinks.

I was like, oh.

Dominant.

They won.

Like, Dan, that team minus LeBron, like, that team's not that good.

There was, I mean, you want to call LeBron a liar.

The New York Post had an article that was interesting that might lend credence to this.

There was a Laker group chat that had all the Lakers' players in it.

anthony davis was on that team anthony davis was traded from that team and announced it to the group chat now what we know about this trade and what we assume is that

this was gone

do you have anthony davis's actual words from the group chat yeah in the group chat well i'm not going to say all the words uh did these guys just trade me you said these guys you didn't say guys oh and lebron WTF

okay

after Anthony Davis left the group chat caught him off guard.

Wait, he said that after he left the chat?

The way that I understood the article was, did these guys just trade me?

Anthony Davis leaves group chat.

LeBron James, WTF, in front of all his teammates.

It's got to be hard to be a phony all the time.

It does.

It has to be hard.

Greg?

What would be LeBron's incentive for faking an injury?

So late in his career, getting paid for it.

You have to figure every game he plays is a gift.

Why would he fake an injury?

Give me more money.

Give me a multi-year contract.

He doesn't view it the same way Joe Flacco does.

You think my time's up right now?

All right, let's see how you do without me.

That's the incentive.

Getting paid the same amount of money to not play and prove a point.

Well, I don't even think it's to not play.

I think it's to prove the point.

It's about you need me.

Oh, you don't think you need me?

Watch this.

I'm not the number one option anymore.

I'm not the guy you should come to with all the decision-making questions.

Okay, let's see how you do without me.

But take into account what we just said about how we assume LeBron James was behind the scenes, understanding that Rich Paul's client, Anthony Davis, was going to get moved.

That establishes some sort of buy-in that we're getting away from Anthony Davis and we're bringing in Luca.

Now,

I'm not putting it past LeBron to be like all about that move and then once it happens to use it as a point of resentment for the Lakers.

Is that what we're alleging?

Because they don't mesh together.

Him behind the scenes,

forcing Anthony Davis out and bringing Luca in to help him win a championship.

And then being upset when Luca arrives to the team, being a younger superstar, being the very clear and obvious face of the franchise going forward.

How does this mesh?

Seems very familiar to the story from your own Weitzman of him being very pro-Russell Westbrook out loud and behind the scenes, kind of like, get him out of here, get me Curry Irving.

You saw what I was doing.

I was asking the question for the audience, but I know what he's doing.

He's playing Beauchash.

The thing that we're not talking about from last night and talking about everything from basketball last night is that it is in game one interesting to watch Golden State when Jimmy Butler wants to go get 16 free throws, makes all 16 free throws, says after the game that he's bet Steph Curry that he's going to shoot better from the line this year than Steph Curry.

Why are you waving him off?

Game one.

Game one.

Talk about Syatta.

That guy backs out in like two weeks.

Right now, though, Jimmy Butler's in the MVP conversation.

Not as high as Luca, though.

Don't even dare.

You agree or you don't agree?

I don't agree.

He's got to be in the conversation.

He's in the conversation.

He's not number one, though.

Shagun.

Shangun ahead of Jimmy Butler.

The Gooner.

The Gooner.

I'm back in basketball this season.

He is an all-star.

That guy is good.

That guy's great.

MVP race right now, tight.

Man, you know about that Shangoon?

Not that tight.

The Rockets are getting rewarded for tanking.

This team needs a point guard.

The Rockets are tight for me.

They have

so many young players from just double-checking.

Everybody's 6'11.

The entire team is 6'11.

He's got 6'11 guys running around all over the place.

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