The Big Suey: Being Attacked In a Public Forum (feat. Dave Dameshek)

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Welcome to the Big Sue,

presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? It's a podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lepatard podcast.
I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that.

In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's prize if they're just there.
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This episode of the Dan Lepatard show is presented by DraftKings. DraftKings, the crown is yours.

I was very happy to see that the Ravens extended the immortal Mark Andrews a few days ago, three-year contract. I was legitimately shocked when I read his age, though.

You guys want to take just a guess? Maybe you guys won't be shocked by this, at how old Mark Andrews is, because it seemed to me that he would be a lot older than he actually is. Is he 29?

No, he's 30 years old, but I just thought he was Kelsey's age and Ertz's age and Gronkowski's age for some reason. He's the career leader in Baltimore in yards, in receptions, in touchdowns.

It just seemed to me that he was older than 30, but I think it was the nacho libre mustache. I think the mustache comes in.
You always attributed a mustache to Mark Andrews that never existed.

It's a weird, he never, he always had full scruff. Yeah, since playing college with Baker.

You guys are telling me, I did this somehow. We've done this show.
No, no, no. I didn't do this show.

We did the Simoni Fontecchio show where you guys said he didn't have a mustache, and I am just seeing magical mustaches everywhere.

Maybe one brief November, there was a time time where I saw a mustache. No, I know what you're doing.

You're thinking Baltimore, you're thinking white guy, you're thinking Joe Flacco Fu Manchu, and then attributing that to Mark Andrews. Thanks, it happens.
Yeah. Thanks, Doug.

Damashek is with us now. Football America is on Monday and Fridays, and I keep telling you that it is an excellent show.
You will find yourself informed and entertained.

But before we get to that, Zazzlo, can you just give me some things that were

so about the earth the last time that LeBron James scored fewer than double digits in a basketball game in 2007. I can do that, Dan.

How about when this streak first started, Cooper Flag had been alive for 15 days?

How about...

How about the popular shows on television, Dan?

The Big Bang Theory

and Mad Men would debut later that year before Mad Men. So it wasn't even on television yet.
It wasn't even on television yet.

How about Calvin Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Joe Thomas, Marshawn Lynch? They were drafted three months later.

Nick Saban was with the Dolphins. That's right.
Nick Saban was the Dolphins head coach. Do you want to guess who his quarterback was the week before LeBron Streak started?

Cleo Lemon. Cleo Lemon.

Nice guest. That's right.
I know ball, Jeremy. Do you want to know how much music Adele had made at that point? None.

None.

You guys are not playing this game right. What do you mean? You're doing great.

There was no iPhone, no Instagram.

There was no iPhone. There was not.
Good, Dan.

How about... You guys are locked in.

How about a black president? What? Impossible. That would never happen.
Impossible. Never alive.
It was a pipe dream.

Damashek is with us now. Football America, please check it out because, as I said, it is something far different than what you will normally find around your football.
Damashek is with us.

And among the games this weekend, Colts, Jags, Bears, Packers, Texans, Chiefs, Steelers, Ravens, those are a couple of 500 teams.

Those are four or five hundred teams at the end there, but they're still big games. The biggest of them is what, Damashek? Well,

the greatest rivalry of the 21st century in pro football is Ravens-Steelers.

That's dodging your question a little bit.

Bears-Packers is real juicy. That's the greatest rivalry of the 20th century, and they've never really lined up in this millennium.
I guess there have been a couple of moments.

The Jay Cutler hurts his knee, and Caleb Haney almost takes the Bears to the Super Bowl, except that B.J. Raji picks sixes him and runs it in.
If not for that play,

we may still be talking about a Super Bowl-less Aaron Rodgers. He may never have gotten to a Super Bowl were it not for that.

And otherwise, it would have been Caleb Haney starting for the Chicago Bears in the Super Bowl against the aforementioned Pittsburgh Steelers. I have so many things I want to talk about.

My head's swimming after listening to you guys for the last half hour or more now. Mark Andrews damning with faint praise

when you say he's the all-time leader in the Ravens' pass-catching departments, who's the best receiver, otherwise, in Ravens' history?

It's very weird that they've never figured out the pass-catching position over there. The diminishment of LeBron continues to fascinate me.

I don't know, in a world of actual beginning of the end, diminishment. I agree.
I agree. It is the beginning of the end.
But like Dan just said, he's an old man.

I mean, how long do you want him to be good for? I mean, sweet Jesus. I mean, you could argue it's the beginning of the end of his life as well.
Like, he's all old.

Yeah,

he's old. He's an old person.

Yes, it's remarkable what he has done.

I don't understand

the ongoing desire to take shots at LeBron, who came into what is not just in sports, but one of the hardest things that's always held up in life to do, which is replace a legend. You know,

the list is very short. Danny White did it successfully, but came up just a tick short in the early 80s in replacing Roger Stauback.
He almost got to three straight Super Bowls.

He didn't and is in a Hall of Famer and is forgotten about. And then I guess after Mr.
Roper and Mrs. Roper moved away from the apartment building, Mr.

Furley did a keen job of filling in there with the trio who lived overhead. But I mean, I think that's the extent of the, well, oh, I have one more for you.
Royal like this.

Mario Lemieux coming into the league when Wayne Gretzky was the greatest of all time and outshining the greatest of all time as soon as he got there. By the way, Roy, I hope you're watching

Lemieux's child, Kid Crosby. LeBron may have the gout, but Crosby's still in his prime.
Look out for them penguins, right? Crosby had the mumps. Remember that? Mumps? Yeah, you had the mumps.

I'm surprised LeBron hasn't had it yet. Roy, how do you feel about Damashek's hat right now? He's doing it despite me, Dan.

He keeps wearing the Crosby's backhand hat, and he shouldn't do that to you. It feels disrespectful.
Because it is.

Okay. Well, at least you're clear on that disrespect.
Damashek, that's an excellent Mr. Roper and Danny White reference for all the 80-year-olds listening to our show right now.

If Lamar loses this game on,

I'm assuming it's Sunday, although I shouldn't assume that. If he loses this game on Sunday, what does the conversation around Lamar become? Throw him out the league.
You understand

that

the notion is that there are two women living together in this apartment, and then they need a third roommate.

So Jack Tripper comes on. I heard you get caught up in the air.
You're distracted by them garlic rolls.

That's right.

He's addicted to garlic rolls.

He wanted to make his threes company joke, and he was going to stay in, and he got distracted by the garlic.

how's your turkey dave like oh it'd be a lot better with some of them garlic rolls from down in uh your bread

so bad your breath smelled like

why would come in i don't wake up at this hour to to be attacked by you in a public forum now Who is going to get attacked in public forums, not just in Charm City, but across Football America, is one Lamar Jackson because this is,

if they were to lose this game, I mean, the division should be theirs it is stunning that we continue to have the conversation about is it is it Josh Allen's year is it Lamar Jackson's year they and their pal Patrick Mahomes may all miss the playoffs this is this is just the wackiest football season we've had but you know how much longer can you endure who is one of the most dynamic one of the great quarterbacks in the history of people in Lamar Jackson but having to deal with with the grim reality that he misses long stretches almost every year for him.

And if they don't get over the hump this week against a Steelers team that is just obviously in tatters,

it's the worst kept secret in the world. And it feels like Mike Tomlin is in his final days there and everything is aligning for these to be the last few games for him in Pittsburgh.

But what if they go into Charm City and win that game? What's the conversation around Lamar Jackson?

Does he need to make the guy who LeBron always gets compared to Michael Jordan midway through his career and then Kobe after him both right in the middle of their careers decide like, oh, I'm not as dynamic anymore.

I can't attack the rim. I have to become a mid-range jump shooter in order to dominate the next decade.
And so they did. What's Lamar's adjustment going forward now?

Something has to change in his style of play because he keeps getting hurt every year. And it's weird because it's not like he's running away from guys.
Ah, they got him.

Oh, he he hurt his knee see he can't be that dangerous running around like RG3 did it's weird it's a sort of wait Lamar's hurt again kind of thing after the game midweek kind of conversation like wait what's wrong with him now because you don't even see on tape in the game like oh that's the play he got hurt but The facts are facts.

He keeps getting hurt and that's bad.

I don't know if you've heard that cliche about the greatest ability is availability, but it seems to be proving true.

Mike, did Garlic Breath give you good advice on what it is that you should experience in Pittsburgh when you went last week?

He did. It was my first time ever in Pittsburgh, and I loved the city.
I love how walkable it is. I got to hang around PNC Park, which looks like a beautiful place to walk for a game.

Yeah, the three rivers converging. Everybody's super nice, but I cannot say that.
I cannot believe what a terrible football atmosphere that is for a nine-time national champion in Pitt.

People want to give Miami shit for Hard Rock Stadium for like a noon start. I have never been in in a worse environment for football than Pittsburgh.
It was so sad. It was pathetic.

You could hear winds howling.

They were throwing up highlights of the 2017 Kenny Pickett game. Kenny Pickett's first start.
You would think if they did that at Hard Rock, everybody out of their chairs. Yeah, amazing.

Like one smattering of applause. I was...
flabbergasted. This is a program with rich tradition.
Dave, you're a pit guy. You're root on the Panthers.
I did not know it was that shocking.

It looks bad on TV, but it's even worse when you're in person. What happened to you, Mike?

I mean,

are you swept up in this angsty character you've chosen to play this last fortnight at least on behalf of the you and how you've been wronged or are in line to be wronged?

Is that where this comes from?

I wished you nothing. I offered you my own childhood bed to sleep in last weekend.
And this is your response is to attack my beloved homeland and the football.

Of course, I grew up going to Pitt Stadium on campus. That's where it's at.
I don't understand where

the notion, well, I do understand where it comes from that the idea, hey, we're sharing, we're playing in an NFL stadium. And this then should

pique the interest of 18-year-olds. Like, oh, I'm in an NFL stadium.
That means in four years, if things break right, I'll get to play in an NFL stadium.

It holds no allure, I don't think, to the citizenry. I don't think it has much appeal to the 18-year-olds either.
The on-campus stadium is where it's at.

UCLA, by the way, as I'm sure you've heard, is tracking to make the exact same mistake and go to SoFi, but they're already in the Rose Bowl, which isn't all that close to UCLA. But why is it so sad?

Why is it so sad? They're not that good.

They were playing for a spot in the ACC championship game. They were ranked.
They were ranked against a top 15 team. Like, what's the excuse?

That's not true.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I liked, see, I need Crystal Ball's little sound effect that he closes out interviews with Zaz with.

It's the holiday season. Fantasy football probably not going your way like most of America.
Your football team, hopefully you're still in the mix.

If your college football team is in the mix, congratulations. You've made it this far.
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Can I tell you something?

I don't know, it was maybe like a month ago, and I decided to watch Pitch Clock. And I told Jeremy, Stugats, this is a good show you're doing.
This is the Don Lebatar show with the Stugats.

I'm not here to answer questions for you about a mid-tier ACC team. Instead, I want to redirect you, Mike, on this.
Why is nobody talking about the among the gilded class in college football?

Why is nobody taking shots at Bama right now? I get that the battles between the U

and Notre Dame right now and who deserves it more and all of that. And I ultimately agree with you that the U has the head-to-head.
So, what are we talking about?

Like we talked about, Mike, on Football America last week.

It is crazy that we had to get away from the argument, the poll-based argument, where all hash was settled on New Year's Day every year at five bowl games, the 10 best teams playing.

When you put your head on the pillow at the end of the night as the Orange Bowl and Sugar Bowl wrapped up, you knew nine times out of 10, you were pretty satisfied and understanding.

We all collectively agreed, like, yeah, that's the best team in the country. But we had to get away from that.
That was no good. So then we had the two team, then the four team.

Now we have the 12 team. We'll ultimately wind up with at least six team.
And we've arrived in the exact same place, which is the conversation.

Forget about the big fancy computer polls and the head-to-head results. It still has come back to this weird, bespoke, sort of gilded class encouraged sort of conversation around like.

Yeah, but you know they're better.

That's what everything comes down. Yeah, but you know, bam and soaked in ego.

What are we talking about?

Well, that's not the results.

The results are supposed to be everything.

And the team you're not talking about is Alabama. If Georgia beats them, it more or less, in my mind, negates their victory over Georgia.
And now they're a three-loss team.

Why are they just being kissed into this without question over the U in Notre Dame? They lost to Florida State. That's a way worse loss.
That's a way worse loss than SMU, who is a good team.

I'm with you. And they haven't had the benefit of playing well as a season.
Like Notre Dame, they're playing their best ball. Miami, they're playing their best ball.

We have not seen Alabama play an FBS team well in a month.

And like I mentioned earlier on the show, it's a shame for Notre Dame fans when they do get shut out because they will be shut out that they haven't had a month-long propaganda fight against the likes of Oklahoma and Alabama because they are better than those teams, as is Miami.

And because it hasn't been framed that way, it's only been framed as Notre Dame and Miami. And ultimately, Miami's got the win in hand.

That sucks for them because Notre Dame can win a championship this year.

I don't know how this became a college football segment. Football America doesn't do much in the college.
You cut him off right when he was agreeing with me.

Yeah, and while you were agreeing with him, yeah, it was really nice to hear.

I'm not a fan of today's show. Yeah, you mentioned this.

You might be a fan of Football America. Ryan Shazier, you should check out the YouTube channel as a guest today.
So is Von Miller.

The

football, professional football, Denver, New England, and Chicago, I don't believe that the people listening to this actually believe that those are going to be Super Bowl champions because they didn't believe it before the season.

And so you've had 12 games to be played here. And I think that people still don't believe it.
Should they?

They absolutely should. And of course, everybody has to turn into curmudgeon, being fed grapes.
And

I'm going to need to see it before I believe it.

Well, believe this, in this century, and we can go back deeper through the Super Bowl annals, and I will point out to you the number of young quarterbacks who win their first Super Bowl in their second year, in their fourth year, their fifth year.

This is the sweet spot, especially in the 21st century. I know we like to swoon and we like to bend the knee to Brady and Payton and everybody else.
And I get it.

And then that has informed the same sort of reaction to Mahomes and, like we talk about Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson, everybody else.

But the sweet spot for winning the Super Bowl is guys between their second and sixth seasons. That's when in the last 25 Super Bowls,

they have been won by, I think, they've been won 14 times by a quarterback in his second to sixth season. After that, in years seven to 12, it goes down to six Super Bowl victories.

The time to win is right now. That means Bo Nicks, Drake May, Caleb Williams are in line to go to the Super Bowl.

And by the way, when you get the one seed, I know this is obvious information, but when everything feels like a coin flip, when every game between two halfway decent teams feels like a coin flip, playing one less game is everything.

So if you get the one seed, which is what it seems like Denver and New England's going to get, and if the Bears take care of business against Green Bay, they may get the one seed too.

They should be the favorite based on the last 25 years, based on this millennium's history.

It all points to those guys being the right teams to look at and circle, even if you like to swoon over the bigger brand name guys who, like I said, five minutes ago, some of whom aren't even going to be in the tournament this year.

I want to ask a handful of questions about last night's game.

Since you guys were so ready earlier this week, based on the last three games, to ignore the last 30 years of Jerry Jones's resume and declare that he was indeed a good GM based on the last three games of fixing the defense.

After the one-game sample of last night, is he now a bad GM? Yes. Okay.
The next question is. I feel like you were talking directly on me there.
Was that a safety?

Last night, I thought that was a safety. I did not know the rules on it.
I hate that about this sport. And that's like the most obvious example ever.
of it being a safety.

Everyone loves a safety and the referees refuse to fuse them. It's like the most exciting play.
So we've been told it's like where the contact is initiated and where the football is.

Both those things happen in the end zone. Why does no one want to call a safety? I did not know the rule.
I saw, I was impressed by Ross Tucker last night, another hard-working sport.

The hardest worker.

He explained the rule instantaneously where he said, in that instance, if you didn't see it, Dak Prescott was trying to get out of the end zone and it seemed like some of the football was still in the end zone.

He says it's the opposite of the goal line. He says the goal line, when you score a touchdown on offense, all you've got to do is touch the goal line on a safety.

All that has to be in the end zone is a piece of the football still in the end zone. And it looked on video like there was still football in the end zone.
So how was that not a safety?

It was a safety and they got it wrong. And Jake Ferguson did not commit OPI and they got that wrong too.

So, you know, if we're going to overreact to what we saw on Thursday Night Football, I guess I don't know.

If the Cowboys would have survived that game, we would be having a different conversation than the one we're having.

And if Jake Ferguson gets to, if that play doesn't get overturned, then that might be the conversation that the Cowboys are going to the playoffs and the Lions are finished. But I guess that's why.

Here's the other thing about safety. Are we so limited? You're a wordsmith, Dan.

Explain to me how we came up so short that we had to use the word safety to describe two things in football. I get it with the position, the position of safety.
It's the last line of defense.

If all else fails, at least we have somebody on the back end to keep us safe. What's safe about a 300-pound man landing on you in the end zone? It's the opposite of safe.
That's not safe.

Why did we just, was it 4.59 p.m. on a Friday?

We'll just call that a safety too. Two points for that.
And by the way, the one thing that does save, it's the most exotic symbol in all of sports, right?

I love, I love when the please stop doing that. Please, you're belly dancing.
It's a bit sensual. I need you to stop doing that.

I'm being made uncomfortable, as I was when Tony came in here and, with a profound disrespect for history, proclaimed today that Jameer Gibbs is the modern-day Barry Sanders. I did say that.

I actually said that a couple weeks ago on my Tony's Top 5, where I said Jameer Gibbs is better than Barry Sanders right now. What?

Howie long said Jameer Gibbs is the best player in football a couple of weeks ago, and I was struck by that. And I wonder who you would nominate if it's not Jameer Gibbs right now.

Oh, quick question for you before you answer that one, too. I asked Von Miller this, and now I ask it to

the gang here. You can only have one, gold jacket or Lombardi.
Which would you guys choose?

Super Bowl champion.

Players would all choose Gold Jacket. They would all choose Gold Jacket.
Lombardi. Lombardi.

You all would? You know what's funny?

Every guy and i've asked a bunch of guys this question the only guy to ever get it wrong in my opinion was uh you'll be stunned uh the only guy to ever say gold jacket well actually two people have said it cam newton took the gold jacket over the lombardi and uh and antonio brown they're being honest gold jacket over the lombardi they're being honest so many more guys win the lombardi than go to the we had we had this question that we posed to robert horry one time because for i'm just going to say years around here we were having some version of the discussion of would you rather beat Charles Barkley or Robert Ory?

Robert Ory won six times, and we asked Robert Orey, and he said, I'd rather beat Charles Barkley.

Dave, if there was a gold jacket on the field in Super Bowl 50 as opposed to a loose football, would Cam Newton have gone for that? Ah,

I get it.

He didn't jump on the ball.

The answer is. What kind of laugh was that? What kind of laugh? A fake one, agonizing one.
A fake one. Pity.

Who chooses to enter my city and have a gay old time, run amok, and then disparage it on his way out of town?

May as well just go up to the Franco statue and knock the football out of his hand before you board your flight. Ah, Frank.

Damashek, good talking to you.

That is the thing that I will remember for this particular encounter.

Can I tell you something before I go? It's important yeah

all right this is listen the high stakes obviously not just the division title and a playoff spot for the afc north but in this rivalry between pittsburgh and baltimore these are the stakes and if you're on the fence about which side to choose here

The Steelers are named after the mid-century heroes who forged the steel that built the tanks and ships used to defeat the Nazi scourge. That's one side.
The other is

the Nazis. The Ravens are named after a poem written by a Boston native who married his 13-year-old cousin, moved to Baltimore, got drunk, and died.

Go ahead and root for Baltimore and root for Mussolini while you're at it because you're anti-freedom. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Steelers.

Holidays, fun.

Holidays as a dad? Tough. Travel, gifts, matching pajamas.
Don't get me started on matching pajamas. It's hot in Miami.
My wife says, why don't you want to do this with us? My daughter's crying.

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Don Lebatard. I saw a post on Twitter yesterday how the Toronto Maple Leafs

won the division. Guess what? It's been two years, and that's two years too long.
Stugats. Take that ass too.
Oh, we're taking two asses. This is the Don Lebatar show with the Stugats.

At Levitzard Show, put it on the poll. If you're rooting for the Ravens, are you rooting for Mussolini?

Also. Nancy Scourge.

Also, I think he asked a good question.

I don't know why it's called a safety. And I don't know why in football they have safeties playing on defense and call it a safety when you get two points.
Do any of you know why it's called a safety?

Do we have the origins of why it is that they named it a safety? Because I don't actually know the answer to his question.

And as happens very often with Football America, he leaves me to ponder a lot of irrelevant things that I had not pondered before.

Jeremy. Here is Jeremy has the answer.
It comes from an old rugby strategy because at the beginning of football, you would start with the ball placed near your goal line.

So the safe strategy was to potentially run out of the back of the end zone in the same way that the safety on the other side of the field is the last line of defense.

Thank you, and thank you as well to Damashek.

I was thinking during the game last night as I'm changing just rules all over the place, because there are only, this is, it is funny to think about the fact that professional football only has,

most games, about 10 to 11 minutes of actual action. Most of it is just milling around, huddling, doing, but the action in an NFL game is about 11 minutes.

And so I'd like to just eliminate the quarterback sneak. I'd like to have it banished from football.
I don't want it anymore in the game. It's not an interesting play.

I want a team to have to run an actual play on fourth and short or third and short that has a chance of being contested. Is anyone with me on this just banishing the quarterback sneak?

If you're going to only give me 11 minutes of action, I don't want any of it to be tush-push. I don't want any of it to be quarterback sneak.
So give me actual football.

We're talking the quintessential Brady quarterback sneak, right? Under center, he takes it, he gets a yard. You want to abolish that.

I want to get rid of it because if you're only going to give me 11 minutes of action, I don't want any of the action to be that. It's too precious and it's not a real play.
It's nonsense. It's boring.

Give me an actual football. So you'd rather a fullback trap instead of football.
That's correct. Give it to Ingold.
That's what I

want the ball in Ingold's hand. I want to bring back the fullback.

Look at Damashek still arguing from the beyond.

That's right.

I want back on.

I have more to say.

I'm not done yet. I'm going to sit here and keep talking so you can turn my mic on or not.
Now,

here's what would jazz up the QB sneak and football in general. Let's move the goalposts back up to the goal line.
Forget about them at the back of the end zone. Let's put them right there.

What a utensil for the offense

to be able to run the beats.

Oh, it'd be the greatest. And by the way, you line the ball up.
Did they do this?

I've asked old people about, I'm an old person now, too, but did they use to just line the ball up directly in front of the goalpost? Because what's the defense for that?

If you just run the ball, like, I'm going to QB sneak it right into the goalpost, defender. The goalpost is there, so you can't be there physically.
Touchdown.

I think that, but I like where your head's at. And by the way, it's going to be real weird if the Eagles do win.
It looks less and less likely.

But if they win the Super Bowl on the back of the push again, and then the NFL abolishes it, those titles are going to feel real weird that a primary reason they got them is a rule that has now been eradicated.

That'd be very strange, right? Dave, what year did they take the goalposts and move them to the back of the end zone? I don't know.

It was.

Must have been, what, like 66 or there? What does the Canadian Football League do with its actual goalposts? The goalposts aren't in the back of the end zone in the Canadian football. They're 10 deep.

I mean, there have to be so many videos in the CFL from the CFL days of guys just smacking into those things, right? I mean, you can use them.

I'm guessing that's why they moved. There's no crossing route there.
I had to just guess. I'm going to say, like,

you mentioned safety. That seems to be something that would be deeply unsafe to have just basically a barricade in the middle of the...
It's a steel beam, Dan. Call it what it is.

It's a steel beam defender. I just like the idea that one day, like this literally happened, right?

One day, there was a meeting and someone in that meeting said, yo, that huge steel beam in the middle of the end zone, maybe we do something about it. I love how you're talking about it.

It's in the past, when every CFP committee meeting moves a goalpost back.

Ah, look who's still raw. Again, with the college football analysis.
Thanks a bar. Damage.

Hey, Cache and Zaz. Tell Dan about the great list we talked about.
Both have passed through Football America's halls recently, and we've had great.

You sent me that list by email, and I want you to stop bothering me with that list.

It's the greatest list I've ever put together, and I've put together all the great lists. Get him out of here.
What say you?

Football America, I'm telling you, it's a fun and informative listen. And I'm really enjoying it.
We have never had quite this sound of indignation on our show before

from any of our cast members.

I don't even think that's his longest one. And that's just the one.

That's the reaction to an accusation that I don't believe he can deny, but if he were to deny it, he would do so with bad breath, which is his garlic breath-up tale about me.

This is what you've got. I saw me two dozen garlic rolls at Flanagan's, Dan.
His breath smelled like it. It smelled like a garlic factory.
Tony and his fake news. I don't like this talk.

I don't like it one bit. Get out of here.
Go back to talking about Crosby. No.

Get out of here. No.
Damashek Football America.

If you want.

Pittsburgh Penguin Center Iceman may be the greatest position group for one franchise in the history of people.

That's Robert Downey Jr. going to a knee in Tropic Thunder and saying, I'm a land farmer, motherbelie.

Hoping to lose Serenia, too.

Oh, I'm sorry, concussed quarterback. When you wake up, you're going to find out two points against you.
Why? Safety. Get out of here.

He's hurt. Don't you see he's down on these days? It's not safe what happened to him.
Football. It's the opposite.
America is the name of the podcast. Please stop belly dancing.

Damashek, I could smell your garlic breath from here.

You ate two dozen garlic rolls. Take that hat off.

You ate two dozen garlic rolls. The girl's like, you want another? No, it was staggering to watch.

The Dolphins' greatest rival is the Jets. That's what I learned from Mike.

Thank you. Thank you.
Control the program. Just leave him picture and picture talking to himself.
I don't want to hear his voice anymore on the show.

If you want more Damashek, you can hear him and watch him on YouTube. Football America is the name of the podcast.
Mike Ryan

had a really

lovely

innocence about a first uh joyful experience with his daughter that he has not been able uh to do before and i'm wondering if the rest of you took the same kind of delight in lying to your children and tricking your children with the uh and spoiler alert spoiler alert because i got in trouble when i did this with santa claus spoiler alert

the tooth fairy there have been allegations that perhaps that's not a real thing

and uh not verifiable there may indeed be a tooth fairy but did you guys have fun with the tooth fairy experience? I think you talked around that well.

So we got, I got. Some parent was like, all right, I don't think he's going to do it.
And then he did it. Yeah.

I've got allegations.

Let me talk around this. Fake.
All right, I've got three people that are dads to

older children. So I'm curious your.
First one's expensive.

Yeah. Well, that's another thing I want to talk about.
What's going right for a tooth these days? But my daughter was a total pro. I was trying to help her out with it.

I got so queasy trying to to pull a tooth out of my six-year-old daughter's mouth. And she just got it like a piece of floss.
And she's like, I got it from here. Hey, don't worry.
We're good, bro.

Just like Colin Coward and LeBron James and Ben Simmons. We're good.
You can do the door method, too. Yeah.

I want to do the football one where you tie like

a piece of floss. You just got to make sure that it's really ready to come out.
Yeah, this one was really ready. And so...

We've been prepping for this because it's been loose for a couple of weeks. So we got this very, way too sophisticated receptacle for the tooth.

It's in a pouch, but inside the pouch, there's a vial with like a little like bottle top on it that you have to pop off. And she decided to put the placement of it hanging above her bed on

like a post. Oh, wow.
So I had to sneak in there like Ethan Hunt. Wow.
And have to undo this entire contraption. And also there was a slit.
for money and I had to find cash.

I haven't had cash since the Obama administration, but I got cash. You can't Venmo her? I can't Venmo her.
She doesn't have a Venmo.

My go-in rate was $20.

But

it was $20. That's a ton.
It's the first tooth. Parents get excited.
It's a thing. Yeah.
That's a lot of money. So the teeth.
We're going to explain inflation later. Okay, but you're going to...
So

you're telling me that your children find that the tooth fairy gets on increasingly hard times after that first time and gets cheaper. Like the tooth fairy evidently has a budget problem.

problem she will learn the tooth fairy is broke twenty dollars sounds like way too much at lebotard show put it on the poll tooth fairy tooth twenty dollars over or under i got a dad chat and there are some people that throw 50 bucks around whoa no twenty dollars sounds like too much for me a five dollar first tooth then a dollar the rest of the way so you you you get their expectations high with the first one and then you start undercutting them it's like yeah it's a molar it's where they learn hey sometimes in life i would have thought that you were such an asshole that you did it with Bitcoin.

I'm holding up though, though. I'm holding on to that.
But first, I want to ask the dads here that have done this before,

placement of the tooth. Have you ever been caught?

What's your method? And then you can tell me like the money that you lay under there. But

it's kind of like thrilling because

you're like Indiana Jones. You can't let her set the rules.
You should have told her on the front end, hey, the tooth fairy will not take the tooth unless it's under the pillow.

I know you want to do this cool contraption thing, but we can't do it because I heard the rules. Why are you like the Colts quarterback? You know the rules.

We haven't done it yet. Her baby teeth haven't come out yet.
So we have to have that extracted at the dentist.

Claire. How old is Claire? Eight.
Claire. Whoa.
Yeah, I think. Graceland's lost like 12 teeth.

It's going to be so weird to tell her there's a tooth fairy when she's 24 and you're taking out her first tooth. I can't believe she's eight years old.
Because

I thought Claire was older than Juliet, but I. She is? Yeah.
Yeah, but two years older and hasn't lost a tooth? That sounds unusual.

Yeah, it seems like I'm going to end up paying her $250 at 26 years old. Well, but the first tooth comes out.
But does $20 not sound like a lot to you?

I feel like I probably gave $20 on the first tooth. I feel like your son broke your kneecap and told you, hey, give me $50.

I feel like $5 is the right amount to give a charge. You have no idea about money.
You can give them a piece of paper and they're like, oh, yeah, cool. All the more reasons.
I owe you.

You can tell them that $5 bill is $500.

You can give them a $1 bill and be like, this is a million dollars. Okay, a little judgy.
I was excited. No, I like that.

No, I think I probably did $20 the first tooth, too. Even though I'm saying five now is the right name.
No, but it's rich. You guys are going very...

That's heavy-handed for a child to give $20 for a tooth, especially if

you're going to walk it back in some way. You're looking at a golden cane, Dan.
He's good for it.

You want to talk about inflation. Ever since I joined, it's gone up like 5K every year.
This is insane.

I imagine that the players have gotten a lot more expensive than the pandemic started.

I just pieced it together.

Never mind the extra stuff, Dan. Just figured out.
So none of you have had a wonderful or innocent tooth fairy experience? Well, he's asking the opposite. Have we gotten caught?

Have you been busted? No, I've not. Because if you put it under

the pillow, you also have to make sure, like, how under are we talking? Is it central in the pillow? Because then you want to talk about Indiana Jones and the sandbag. Like, how do you do both?

In my experience, once these kids are actually asleep, you could pick them up and move them. Like, these kids don't like...
waking up by being nudged a little bit.

And even if they wake up, you could be like, This is a dream. And then they just go back to sleep.
But this guy's a good dad. You're a good dad.
This guy's a good dad. A dad.
This isn't real.

You can make it scary too. Like, I'm gonna kill you.
Like, whoa.

Probably not a good idea.

My daughter's into scary dreams right now. None of you had an innocent experience with this where you just delighted in the doing of it.

It was wonderful.

It was a real rush. Heart was pumping.
You don't want to wake them up. Wow.
And it's, you know, it's a benchmark. It's a cute little thing.

I can't believe I can't wait for Roy to do it when Claire is in high school.

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