8 Micro Habits of Women Who Always Get What They Want

Does it ever seem like some women just get everything they want?

The love, the success, the money, the opportunities.

It's like things just always work out for them.

Well, it doesn't just seem like it.

It is actually happening.

But I promise you this: it is not luck, and it's not because they are working harder than you, and it's definitely not because they're better than you.

It's because they're moving through the world differently.

So, today, I want to share with you the eight micro habits of women who always seem to get what they want so you can start showing up in your life this way too.

And make sure to stay till the very end because I'm saving the most unlikely and surprising one for the last.

Hi, it's Hillary.

Welcome to the Hillary Silver podcast.

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Okay, so let's get into it.

There is definitely a way of being in the world that attracts what you want.

And the women who seem to always get what they want and the things just always seem to work out for them, they know this and they operate in the world like this.

And the difference is their presence.

It's what they think and how they feel and what they believe about themselves.

And this translates into their behaviors.

And it's a vibe that is just truly magnetic.

So let's break it all down to micro habits.

So habit number one, they don't give just anyone access.

One of the biggest shifts that I had to make myself and that I teach all my clients is this, be discerning.

Be discerning with who gets access to you.

These women who always get what they want, they understand that their time, their energy, and attention is a valuable and finite and highly desirable commodity.

And they don't make themselves available to everyone and they don't make themselves available to just anyone.

It's not just doing this, but it's knowing it.

in your soul, in your very being that makes the difference.

Believing this about yourself is where it all begins.

And then that translates to the behavior.

You must know that your time, your heart, your concern, your thought, your capacity to give of yourself is so valuable that you carefully curate the inner circle of those who get access to it.

You don't just hand out a backstage pass to everyone.

For me, I will do anything for those people who are closest to me.

But if someone I hardly know or don't have a close relationship with is asking to pick my brain about business or someone who wants my two cents about their relationship, that's a no.

It's not because I don't care about them.

It's just that I care more about me.

It is not my job to hand over my hard-earned wisdom, my years of investing time and money into developing myself in every way as a skilled clinician, as an eight-figure business owner.

So I don't have to hand that over to anyone for free just because they're asking.

I value myself and I know my worth.

So I know this may be hard for some of you who just want to help everyone all the time and it's kind of the bleeding heart do-gooder mentality.

Bless you for that, but no,

this is pick-me energy.

It's scarcity energy.

It's seeking energy.

And it's let me help you so I can feel good about myself energy.

The women who always get what they want take good care of themselves and they gatekeep access.

to them.

So this isn't about not caring.

It's about valuing yourself and not not being fully available to anyone and everyone.

It makes it easier to show up more fully, freely, and wholeheartedly to the people who have earned their way in.

So when these women show up, they show up all in and fully available to those who are in their innermost circle, those who actually deserve to be there and have that access.

This leads me to habit number two.

Yes means yes.

and no means no.

Women who always get what they want, mean what they say, and say what they mean.

They communicate truthfully, openly, and directly.

They are fully expressed, meaning they don't hold back their truth to please or avoid conflict.

They are just simply honest.

It's hard to believe that this is rare and special, but it is actually.

Women who get what they want don't say yes out of obligation or because of shoulds.

And they don't lie and agree to something they don't agree with or sign up for something they don't want to do.

So when they say yes, it's because they mean yes.

The yes is an authentic yes.

It's in full alignment with her values or her priorities.

It's authentic.

And when they say no, they say no without an explanation or an apology.

This means she is trustworthy.

You can trust her.

She isn't lying to make you happy.

And then you are wondering if she really wants to be there or if she really means it.

Ultimately, what this says about her is that she belongs to herself, is strong in herself, and is in full integrity.

This is a high vibe way of moving in the world and that is magnetic to the things that you want.

Things just start coming to you when you are in that emotional state and in that vibrational energetic level.

Habit number three, they believe they are worthy of receiving that which they want.

Women who get what they want don't wonder if it's possible.

They assume that it is.

They know who they are and they have big big dreams and they believe they are worthy of every single one of them.

They don't have this like inner naysayer running the show.

There's no nasty inner critic keeping them small, doubtful, and holding back.

That means that they're not carrying around the weight of imposter syndrome, always looking over their shoulder, questioning themselves, or waiting for someone else to discover that they really truly don't have what it takes.

This means that they don't get stuck in research mode.

What an old mentor of mine used to call getting ready to get ready to get ready.

Like sitting on the bench in full uniform while everyone else is out there on the field playing, having fun, living life, winning.

You want in, so you stand up, but then what if I get hurt?

What if I mess up?

Maybe I need to practice more.

So you sit back down again.

Stand up, sit down.

Stand up, sit down, up, down, up, down.

Meanwhile, life and your dreams are passing you by while you sit there ruminating and chasing your tail.

I call it sitting and spinning.

Sitting and spinning in your head, ruminating, doubting yourself, questioning yourself, second guessing yourself, not knowing if you have what it takes, not feeling worthy of getting what it is that you want, questioning yourself all the time.

Women who get what they want just get out there and they know that whoever they are as they are right now is enough.

to be out there.

They belong out there.

And if something doesn't go as planned, they will figure it out.

It's not a reflection of their worth if it doesn't go the way they want it to.

They don't hold themselves back.

So it's not sitting on the sideline, having this inner naysayer and this self-doubt and these limiting beliefs holding you back.

It's fully believing that you are worthy of having what it is that you want.

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So habit number four, the women who always get what they want, they focus on what they do want, not on what they don't.

And they don't see obstacles as a sign that it's not meant to be.

So these women are fully 100% focused on what they want because where your focus goes grows, right?

You've heard that before, which means if you focus on what you don't want to happen, that is what you'll get.

If you plan for the problems and prepare for the problems and focus on the problems, you're going to get more problems.

If you wait for the other shoe to drop, it inevitably falls.

It makes sense why people do this to to prepare for the worst in case it happens, but this is an anxiety response.

It's a lack or a scarcity response.

And it's not like problems don't occur for people.

Shit always happens, but trusting that if and when they do, you will handle it and be able to just move on is the key.

I want you to remember this and repeat after me.

I deal with problems.

I don't dwell on them.

Okay, say that again.

I deal with problems.

I don't dwell on them.

This is your new mantra, okay?

By focusing only on what you want, you are in solution-focused mode, you are outcome-focused, and you're not getting caught up in all the obstacles that keep you bogged down and stuck.

Some of my ready-for-love clients have asked me over the years, Hillary, now that I'm out there dating again, how can I spot the narcissist?

How can I avoid getting involved with another one of those people?

And my answer is: stop looking for them.

If you're looking for these guys out there and you've got your binoculars on and your microscope out and you're looking for them so that you can avoid them, you will get more of them in your life because you get what you expect.

And what you focus on is what comes to you.

So instead, focus on what you do want.

And what you do want is not the absence of what you don't.

Let me say that again.

Focusing on what you do want is not the absence of what you don't want.

Women who get what they want expect good things.

They're not bracing for disappointment.

They're expecting success and that is what they get.

Habit number five, these women keep their word to themselves.

So we've all heard the definition of integrity, which is doing the right thing even when no one else is looking, right?

Well, guess what?

Guess who's always looking?

You are.

And what you think matters above all, right?

It matters more than what anyone else thinks.

So women who always get what they want are impeccable with their word, especially to themselves.

This means they always follow through on the things that are important to them.

If they say they're going to do something, they do it.

And if they say they are no longer going to do something, they stop doing it.

Period.

When they say, I'm done with this, they're done.

And when they say things like, I'm getting up early tomorrow to work out or move my body, they get up.

And when they say, I'm not going to tolerate that kind of treatment again, they hold the boundary, even when it's uncomfortable or hard or even when it's inconvenient.

Here's why this is so important.

Every time you tell yourself that you're going to do something and then you don't, you chip away at your own trust.

You give yourself evidence that your word doesn't really mean that much, that you're not someone that you can rely on.

And in relationships, when you don't have trust, you have nothing, right?

Trust is the the foundation of everything.

You don't build a house on a faulty foundation with cracks.

And in this relationship with yourself, if you can't trust yourself, you fail to have a relationship with yourself at all.

And over time, and without even realizing it, that becomes self-betrayal.

And that becomes the reason that you hesitate or procrastinate or keep doubting yourself.

So women who get what they want have built rock-solid self-trust.

And the way they've done it is simply by following through and doing what they say they're going to do for themselves.

Habit number six, women who always get what they want take radical responsibility for themselves in their life.

I know this one might sting a little, but it's the truth that will completely set you free.

Women who always get what they want are not sitting around blaming their ex, their boss, their parents, their past, their kids, their hormones, their DNA, or the timing of their life.

They aren't stuck in complaining mode and whining mode, okay, about what they didn't get or the cards that they were dealt.

They're not waiting for the stars to align or for someone else to come along and poof, magically change and make things different in their lives so that they can be happy and get what they want.

If something isn't working, whether it's in their career or their health or their relationships or their finances, they ask one powerful question: What's my part in this?

They ask, how am I contributing to this?

What am I allowing here?

Where are my actions and my words out of alignment with my values and who I am and what I really want?

They're asking, what needs to change and what is within my power to change right now?

This isn't about self-blame and it's definitely not about shaming.

And it's not about beating yourself up.

It's about taking back your power.

Because here's the thing about blame and victim energy.

It is the lowest vibrational state that you can be in, just one tiny notch above death.

It is completely powerless and it keeps you stuck, small and spinning and suffering.

Victim thinking sounds like, why me?

Why is this happening to me?

It's not fair.

I can't help it.

I've tried everything.

There's nothing I can do.

It's poor me thinking and somehow the universe has conspired against you.

But women who get what they want don't live there.

They don't live in that place.

Maybe they fall into it momentarily because we're human, but they don't build a home there.

They don't stay there and reside there because they know that when you stay in blame, you stay in bondage.

You are completely stuck.

Blame is giving your power away.

It's putting the key to your happiness and success in someone else's hands.

And you're stuck waiting for someone else to unlock the door for you.

And all of this speaks to core concept number one of self-centered living, which is that in your life, you are always the problem and you are also then always the solution.

You're not powerless.

And that's what women who get what they want know deep in their bones.

And they don't hope and pray and wish and dream or wait, okay?

They just take action and know that it is up to them.

if they want a change.

This is super high value and how you become truly magnetic to the things that you want.

You can't help but have things come your way when you are in that state of being for all the things to always work out in your favor.

Habit number seven, the women who always get what they want embody abundance and cheer for everyone to win.

This might surprise you because it's the opposite of what most people think it takes to succeed and to win.

A lot of people walk through life believing that getting what they want means that they have to hustle harder, compete, or outshine someone else.

Or that if they win, it's taking away a win from someone else.

Like there's this weird connection between your path and journey and somebody else's.

But women who always get what they want know that that is scarcity energy and it repels everything that you want.

Here's the secret.

You don't have to fight for your piece of the pie when you know that you can just bake another pie anytime you want.

The women who always seem to have the love, the success, the opportunities, and the joy, they aren't looking around at other women thinking, must be nice, and begrudging them their happiness and joy.

They're not comparing and thinking, why can they have it, but I can't.

They're not secretly hoping that someone else fails so that they can win.

They're not feeling smaller when someone else shines.

And they also know that when they shine, it doesn't dim the light of anyone else.

This is the thing that may be a little bit hidden.

And most people don't realize that they do this, but some people think

if other people are winning, then I can't win.

If they make a lot of money, oh, they're taking from me.

But some people carry a belief, a subconscious belief that, well, if I win, then someone else has to lose.

And if I make a lot of money, that somehow is taking away from somebody else.

Neither are true.

Both are completely false.

The women who always get what they want understand that there is more than enough of everything for everyone.

They are expansive.

They are generous, and they are rooting for every woman in the room.

I like to say a win for one woman is a win for all women.

More begets more.

When one of us has love, it creates more love for love to go around.

And when one of us succeeds, it creates evidence that success is possible for everyone.

So when when you embody that belief, when it's not just an affirmation on your mirror, but the energy that you walk into the room with, it's magnetic.

Remember that iconic moment on Oprah when she stood on stage and surprised everyone with a car?

A car for you and a car for you and a car for you?

That is the vibe.

There's plenty and the woman who wins is the woman who wants everybody to win.

It's I want all of us to have this.

So walk into every room with that abundance inside of you and be silently or outwardly cheering for everyone.

And by the way, you cannot like someone or believe in someone or agree with someone and still be happy for their success because it doesn't detract from your own.

What's really powerful about this is that when you celebrate someone else's win, you are telling the universe, I'm ready for my turn.

And when you see someone else winning, it's evidence that you too are able to win.

But when you're stuck in resentment or envy or comparison, you're energetically saying, there's not enough.

There's not enough for them and me.

I don't believe it can happen for me.

And the universe listens to that energy too.

Women who always get what they want know that the fastest way to block your own blessings is to resent someone else for theirs.

But the quickest way to multiply your magic is to be the woman who is the first to celebrate another.

It's the most unexpected power move there is.

It's not push, it's pull.

It's not competition, it's creation.

Because abundance isn't just a mindset, it is a way of being and moving in the world.

Finally, habit number eight, the one that I said at the very beginning would be the secret sauce to it all.

The women who always get what they want live today like they already have what they want.

So they live now like they already have what they want before they actually have it.

And I saved this one for last, honestly, because it might just be the most life-changing of all.

And it's the one most people completely miss.

Women who always get what they want aren't waiting for the dream job, the soulmate, the money, the bank account, or the right time to start living the life that they want.

They're already living it now.

They don't say, I'll be happy when I lose 10 pounds.

They are happy now.

Or they don't feel, say, I'll finally feel lovable and worthy when somebody loves me.

They know that they are lovable now.

That isn't how this works.

In order to get what you want, you have to live today like you already have it.

You have to be the version of you now who is capable of creating it and living that life once you have what it is that you want.

Okay, I know that's a mouthful.

You have to live today

as the version of you that you need to be in order to create the thing that you want and then to live the life that you will have once you have what you want.

Play that back and listen to it again and again.

The old adage of seeing is believing is completely backwards.

First you have to believe and then you will start seeing.

Okay.

You have to believe that it's possible, believe in yourself, believe that you can do this, believe you are worthy, and that's when you start seeing the external and outward results in your life.

Changing your identity comes first.

So this is also a self-centered core concept.

In your life, you have to go first.

You have to think like the woman who already has what you want.

You have to talk to yourself like the woman who is already living the life that she wants.

And you have to act like it too.

You have to walk into every room, the woman who has a million dollars in the bank.

You have to carry yourself as the woman who has an amazing partner who makes her a priority and loves her truly through and through.

You have to talk to yourself as the version of you who is already living the life that you want.

Here's where most people get it wrong.

It's not when you get the thing that you become the person.

It's when you become the person that you get the thing.

The love, the success, the dream life that you want.

It's not out there waiting to finally choose you.

It's waiting for you to choose yourself to align your thoughts, your actions, your energy with the version of you who already has it, to stop putting your desires on layaway, to stop saying someday, and start living like it's happening now.

And that's when the things that you want just come right into your life.

This is not about faking it.

It is not delusional.

It's not magical thinking.

It's about embodying this.

It's about asking yourself every day, how does the woman who already has what I want think, feel, and act and move through her life?

And then choosing that, does she start her day rushed and reactive or grounded and intentional?

Women who get what they want live in alignment with their future self now.

Their actions today match the life they're calling in.

tomorrow.

And this isn't just mindset work.

It is full identity work.

It's training yourself to be that upgraded version of you now so that when all the goodness arrives on your doorstep, you recognize it, you notice it, you welcome it, and you easily receive it because it feels normal and it's expected and it's already familiar to you.

Otherwise, here's what's happened.

And maybe you've done this before and felt this before.

The good thing comes, the opportunity shows up, the love comes knocking, but you're not ready.

Okay, it feels unfamiliar.

It feels unsafe.

It feels foreign to you.

It feels too good to be true.

You don't trust it and you sabotage it or you push it away or you don't even recognize it right in front of your face.

Okay.

Because your body and your soul and your being have not yet practiced receiving what you say you want.

Okay.

I know this is a major kind of thing that

I'm dropping on you right now, but it is so important.

This was life-changing for me.

It continues to be life-changing for me.

I created the daily journal by accident, the journal that I mentioned mentioned earlier.

I did this work for myself and it worked.

And it's worked now for thousands of other women.

It is the how to train yourself, to grow your capacity for more.

It's the how of doing the identity work.

So stop waiting.

Stop putting your joy on hold, your peace on hold.

Stop putting your confidence, your fulfilled life, your dreams, your desires on hold.

You have to live it now because when your body and your soul know what it feels like, you won't just attract it you'll be able to hold on to it when it comes so those are the eight micro habits of women who operate in a way in this world that allows them to just always get what it is that they want so tell me which of these eight powerful micro habits really spoke to you today which ones are you really going to focus on which ones are you really going to strengthen drop it in the comments i'd love to hear from you and if this really resonated make sure that you are subscribed so that you never miss one of my episodes episodes thanks for being here and i'll see you next time