Teddi Mellencamp (Pt 2) How to Reconcile Your Life’s Meaning, Summon Strength & Hold Onto Hope During Setbacks!

Coming up in this incredible part two episode with Teddy Mellencamp.

What I can say is:

did I do things that hurt other people?

Yes.

To this day, does it still hurt my heart?

And I wonder if that's why I got cancer?

Yes.

It was my payback.

So it.

Nothing goes without payment, I guess.

It was all over the press.

It was everywhere.

And, you know, you're trying to...

You're trying to minimize everybody's pain.

You end up maximizing it.

I kind of know how our marriage works.

And do you think it could change?

I think if I was willing to change.

But I don't think I am anymore.

What do you mean?

When you say too that you had resentment, he had cheated.

I think it wasn't necessarily the act.

It was...

I'm not saying that I

didn't make huge mistakes

in my marriage post that.

But that broke me.

And I never really opened up about it.

A financial thing was why the person was coming forward.

And that was like

even

more heart-wrenching because I was like, you'd be willing to do this to my family for money?

And not even a lot of it?

Disgusting.

And I had to, I had to.

I had to beg Edwin to want to stay with me.

I had to beg him.

I don't think he was in love with me at that point.

I think we've gone through times in our marriage where we've been madly in love with each other, but that wasn't one of those times.

I've never

talked about it at all.

Were you in love with her?

If I didn't beg you, would you have stayed with me?

If I didn't book the show, would you have stayed with me?

If I didn't start making money, would you have stayed with me?

Do you even love me now?

Are there other people?

My actual actual soul-to-soul relationship with God, I don't know if

I don't know how to get it to where it needs to be.

And that's just an honest answer, you know?

Like, I

believe in God.

I believe he's protecting me.

I believe that I'm going to heal.

I also believe...

How come sometimes the people involved with God

do some of the most hurtful things?

I talk to God every night before I go to bed and I talk to God in the morning.

I mean, I have conversations with God

and I tell God

how afraid I am and I just want to keep being positive.

And I just want to be okay.

And I believe

that he feels that way too.

Have you dated anyone since or got on any dates?

And I'm on a hinge.

You're on hinge?

I'm on hinge.

Right now.

Right now.

But I changed my age range and now I don't know that I can be on hinge.

Why?

Do you use your real name on hinge?

It just says Teddy.

My hinge is about to blow up.

By the way, Ryan, why didn't you let me in?

Do you use your photo?

Your real photo?

And Teddy?

Yes.

On Hinge?

Yes.

If Edwin asked you on a date, what would you say?

It's interesting you're calling it a break, too.

Well,

I don't know what to call it.

What do you call it?

What do you call it when you're on a divorce?

Yeah.

And then somebody gets cancer, almost passes away, so then you have to put it on hold.

Hold?

Hold sounds worse than break.

Yeah.

There's no good answer.

I mean, I could just say husband, but then people are like, you're married?

Well, yes, but I mean, that's not, that's not going to fit on my hinge profile.

No.

Our incredible guest today, Teddy Mellencamp, is a television personality who rose to fame on The Real Housewives at Beverly Hills.

She's also the co-host of the wildly popular podcast called Two Teas in a Pod, daughter of musician John Mellencamp, a mom to her beloved little ones, Slate, Cruise, and Dove.

She's also the stepmother to Isabella, and I'm so grateful to call her friend.

As her impact and following continues to explode, she's also going through the unimaginable and the fight of her life in this very moment right now.

Teddy was recently diagnosed with stage four melanoma, which she shared has metastasized to her brain and lungs.

And today's episode of the podcast is unlike any before.

So get your tissues out and get ready to feel overwhelming gratitude and perspective.

for the blessings in your life right now that can be so easy for us to take for granted when we have them.

And of course, we have a little fun too and get the inside scoop on what really happens behind the scenes of your favorite reality TV shows and so much more.

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Please share this with every single person that you know who might need some inspiration today or perhaps a boost in their self-belief.

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I talked to my therapist about it.

I'm like, if I feel the urge, if I get asked on a date or if somebody somebody wants to take me out, she's like, you should go.

She's like, anything

that you want to do right now and you feel in your heart that you want to do, do it.

She's like, it could even be,

it could be a date with, if he asked you on a date and you wanted to go.

Nobody's setting any rules for you.

But like right now, I'm not in that place.

I'm not.

wanting that from him.

I just want him to be happy and I want our kids to be happy and I want us to be able to have a good friendship and relationship.

And I don't want to do anything to hurt him.

But I don't know that I need to, like

I kind of

know how our marriage works.

And you think it could change?

I think if I was willing to change, but I don't think I am anymore.

What do you mean?

I think I would, the old me would have gone above and beyond

to do anything

to make sure that he's can go to this event or that I could attend this with him or that we could

go on this trip, that I would be home by this time because that would make it more convenient for him and the kids or whatever it may be.

And I don't have, I'm not like that anymore.

Do you think he could change for you or would?

I think he has changed certain things.

I think by being in the hospital with me, by taking me to the hospital, by learning from doctors, because I think if this would have happened three years ago when this first was diagnosed, and he would have had more of a

kindness to him about it, and not, well, it's only stage two, not many people die from stage two of cancer, you know, like those types of things that just men say out of passing or that their friends say to them and so they repeat.

Maybe, I don't know for sure, but maybe I would have responded differently.

But I had already had resentment by then.

I don't want to explain it to you.

Go online and look it up.

I don't want to explain to you why I'm scared that I have stage two cancer.

I don't want to explain to you why I'm afraid that I don't have health, you know, like

life insurance.

I don't want to explain to you, I still to this day, whether it's him or someone else, like, I don't want to explain to you why now it's

now that my thyroid's messed up, that I'm having some different medical issues.

And it's because when you're on

immunotherapy, it attacks different parts of your body.

So now all of a sudden I have either hypo or hyper, I can't remember which one it is, thyroidism.

And I couldn't figure out why I was shaking so much.

So then I had to go back to that.

But it's like,

once I tell you what the diagnosis is, either call my doctor,

talk to me a little bit, only if it's with love.

Like, I just, I don't have the patience for it.

And then I get annoyed.

And I don't know that that will change once I don't have cancer.

Because I know I can do it.

I know I can, if somebody tells me something about them and it's not something they want to talk about, I can research it.

Heck, I do it every single day on the podcast.

Mm-hmm.

When you say, too, that you had resentment, and I know this has come out now, which is why I'm going to ask you.

Was it when he had cheated?

It's been reported in the press that nearly 10 years ago, just before Teddy and Edwin made their debut on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Teddy discovered Edwin had been having an affair with one of her close friends at the time.

The couple decided to stay together, and Teddy says Edwin had remained faithful in their marriage ever since.

I think it wasn't necessarily the act.

And was it with your best friend or a good friend?

It was with somebody I knew.

Yeah, it was with somebody I knew.

And I mean, I'm not saying that I

didn't make huge mistakes

in my marriage post that.

But that broke me

that was the first time in my life where I was like

how will I show up every day with a smile on my face

and raise these kids and be this perfect wife and start a television show

and become somebody that people like or they think are funny or people say,

why do you seem different than when you were on your first season of Housewives, like when we listened to your podcast?

And I never really open up about it, but that's why.

That's what I was going through.

My first season on Housewives, that's what I was going through.

So people say, oh, you seem kind of quiet, or you're kind of passive, or but that's not really who you are.

And I was like, well, I wasn't faking who I was, I was coping.

I was coping, and I was so scared that someone was going to find out and ruin my family's life.

Did you tell anybody?

Did anyone know?

My best friend that I told the day it happened.

Like I have one,

I went and stayed at her house the day that it happened,

or the day I found out.

And ultimately, you know, it came down to like

a financial thing

was why the person was coming forward.

And that was like

even

more heart-wrenching because I was like, you'd be willing to do this to my family for money

and not even a lot of it

disgusting

did you find out because that person came forward that person called me

that person called me and told me

And it was a couple days before filming.

Of your first season?

Of my my first season.

And

I had to beg Edwin to want to stay with me.

I had to beg him.

I don't think he was in love with me at that point.

I think we've gone through times in our marriage where we've been madly in love with each other, but that wasn't one of those times.

And there was a while that I thought, maybe I'll leave.

And then it got better.

But I think people oftentimes think that if this happens in a marriage and it you know, even if it's reversed,

which, you know, people have said a lot of different things about me too,

is that

you're doing it

because you don't have care for other people in your life.

Sometimes you just don't have enough care for yourself.

Sometimes you just don't have enough care for yourself to do its best.

And it's not trying to hurt other people.

I don't think Edwin was trying to hurt me.

I don't think throughout any of the mistakes I've made throughout my life I've been trying to hurt my family or Edwin or of course not my kids.

But people don't make these conversations open very often

because everybody's scared of being judged

when most of the time a lot of people are affected by it.

And

I mean, I one million percent have done many things in my life that

I wish I could turn back time.

And there's some things that I can say

I needed to do that to move on.

Can you talk about

this?

Was everywhere in the press.

So,

the horse trainer.

Yeah, I've never

talked about it at all

just because of the kids, and I've never wanted anybody to have,

you know, a guarantee whether it happened or didn't happen.

But what I can say is:

did I do things that hurt other people?

Yes.

To this day, does it still hurt my heart?

And I wonder if that's why I got cancer?

Yes.

Like it was my payback.

So

nothing goes without payment, I guess.

But

yeah, the entire

that entire,

however long it was, that it was all over the press, it was everywhere,

and you know, you're trying to

minimize everybody's pain, you end up maximizing it.

Whereas if you feel like you could just open up, because now not only do you have yourself, you have

your significant other, your kids, the other person's significant other, their kids.

I mean, so many people are hurt in the wreckage.

But I can say this from knowing.

The wreckage doesn't happen on its own.

It never had happened to me.

What do you mean?

Like, I think I was so broken as a human being during that part of my life that I

did things out of my better judgment.

You know, earlier you mentioned sometimes you do things and you regret it.

Sometimes you do things because you needed to

go to that next place or to.

And do you think that

that season

was because it was something you needed to then go to the next season or I think I was so sick during that stage because remember how I told you there was like months of headaches and stuff like that

I was looking for comfort

anywhere I could get it

I kne I felt so much pain I felt so sick I didn't go to the doctors I didn't and I just felt some certain kind of way and the pain was so much that I had gotten to the point of like almost

hating waking up in the morning, which I had never been that kind of person.

I noticed things about myself that just like I would just,

I wasn't myself.

And I'm not going to blame that I was sick,

but I do think

a bunch of things happened in my life all around the same time

and I had zero control of any of them.

Like I just was running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Will this make me feel better?

No.

Will this, will this, will this, will this, will this?

How is your faith, how's your relationship with God

through this and right now?

We need to pause for a super brief break.

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And now, more of this incredible conversation together.

How is your how is your

faith, how's your relationship with God

through this

and right now?

Um,

do you want me to be honest about this?

Okay,

um,

my

faith took a turn,

Not my faith, but my relationship

with God took a turn.

I went to a couples therapy

where we went out of town.

And this is when I think I was fighting for my marriage the most.

And I felt like it took away the last couple bits of fight that I had left in me.

And I wondered, how is this possible?

How is this possible?

This is supposed to be that moment

that we're going to be able to change things.

I'd already had the, you know, the first cancer thing.

I hadn't had the brain cancer yet, you know.

the past stuff with Edwin, that damage was way done, but I still needed to move on.

And I remember sitting there and talking to the person and saying, I need to, in order to move on, I need to know what happened.

I need to know every bit of the story.

And I remember him looking at me and saying, No, you don't.

And I remember thinking in that moment,

if this is the person Edwin is going to, we will never change.

Because he doesn't see me as the same.

And it's heartbreaking.

I knew that day.

We sat out on the beach that day, everybody left early.

We sat out on the beach and we played pickleball.

That was our best day there.

We got to laugh and have fun and remember what we liked about each other, but still, at the very end, I asked, please tell me exactly what happened

with the affair.

And he said, you even heard.

You don't need to know.

It's only going to hurt you.

You can only hear that so many times.

And did that,

what did that mean to you that made you know this is done?

Because somebody

I had been asking for however many years,

seven years, maybe more.

I mean, I've been asking almost, now it's been 10 years, but I had asked so many times what the details were.

I needed to understand how it started.

I needed to, like, there were certain things.

I don't need to know, like, the actual serious physical things, but I needed to know the mental side of it.

How did you start talking to this person?

What was the first time?

Were you in love with her?

If I didn't beg you, would you have stayed with me?

If I didn't book the show, would you have stayed with me?

If I didn't start making money, would you have stayed with me?

Do you even love me now?

Are there other people?

I don't know.

He would answer you.

He would probably answer me present day,

but I still don't know that we would ever talk about her.

And

is it something inside you that just needs to know?

I don't need to know anymore.

I don't need to know anymore.

And that's the first time in however many years I haven't needed to know.

Just something in me went,

you don't need to know.

And I don't need to know if it's the truth.

I don't need to know if it's a lie.

I don't need to know anything.

And that gives me peace.

Did that change your relationship with God?

I don't think it changed my relationship with God.

It changed my relationship to how I'm in a communication with God.

Like, I don't, my support system is now not through the church.

I have a lot of very close friends that are very close in the church that talk to me a lot about this

and

help me.

And I also have somebody who is very faith-based that's my therapist.

But my actual soul-to-soul relationship with God,

I don't know how to get it to where it needs to be.

And that's just an honest answer, you know?

Like,

I believe in God.

I believe he's protecting me.

I believe that I'm going to heal.

I also believe

how come sometimes the people involved

with God

do some of the most hurtful things.

And it's really hard for someone like me, everything's a certain way, you know, like I've definitely loosened up.

I mean, I used to not even be able to give hugs.

The fact that I can even do that now is

big stuff.

up.

But

I'm trying.

I think I'm a learning process and I think through all of this

I'm trying to find happiness.

I'm trying to find the right way

and trying to believe that

things happen for a reason.

Do you believe that and also in your relationship with God, do you doubt God exists ever?

I don't doubt God exists.

I would say I don't put the time and effort I should into my relationship with God.

And it's because and I'm not blaming.

I haven't put

the time and the effort I need to into my relationship with God.

I think there comes a lot of when you've known people that are super religious.

Yeah.

And you see certain sides, then for me it can be a

pull away.

because then I see them being humans.

And that's hard for me to decipher.

Has your diagnosis and

in particular the one most recently in April of stage four,

has that

have you had a conversation with God about that?

Oh, I've had many conversations with God about it.

I mean, I talk to him.

I talk to God every night before I go to bed and I talk to God in the morning.

I mean, I have conversations with God,

and I tell God

how afraid I am, and I just want to keep being positive,

and I just want to be okay.

And I believe

that He feels that way too.

And so they're just small conversations,

but it's definitely,

you know,

it's one of those things where you do your best.

I hope that my kids build more of a

belief in people and God than I have.

Like it's very hard for me to trust

myself, other people,

God.

because of what you've gone through.

So we can go back a million more years.

We don't have that kind of time, but it's been a lot.

Yeah.

When

things we do not wish upon

anyone happen to us, things that we would never, ever want in a million years,

do you, is there any part of you that believes

or I guess just has faith that even though it doesn't make sense, even though it's awful, like

it's happening for me, I'm going to come out of this?

Yeah, I mean I that's that's how I believe this is happening.

Like I

before I was diagnosed with the

you know, the one in my

the eight in my or the nine in my chest and my lungs and all that.

I was really in a poor place, and I think my spiral would have gone down in a different way because of you know things that were going on in my marriage and our life.

And then that kind of happened, and it forced all of us to take a breath and remember what's important.

Yeah, it forced all of us to go, hey, guys,

you've all made mistakes.

Take a breath.

This is not the priority here.

This is.

Have there been things you've decided I'm just going to forgive?

I think,

yeah, I mean, throughout my life, I think there's certain things that I'm going to forgive.

I would say there's also certain things that, like, I don't know that I'm angry about.

I think I have a lot of figuring out still to do.

And I feel like so much of my life I've done this because

people expect me to be a certain way.

And part of all this is learning, like,

I got to be just the way that I am.

You know, I'm not the best spoken half the time.

I'm going to make mistakes.

I'm going to say this.

I'm going to say that.

But I can also be really fun and loving and kind.

And that's kind of who I am.

And I've had to be a little bit more take me or leave me.

Do you feel more free?

I feel more free.

I mean, I don't even look anymore what people say about me on social media.

It's a daily occurrence.

Some new massive thing.

And I'm like,

I removed Google Alerts.

I stopped looking at all of those things because, I mean,

I was so confused on how much time to be on social media when I was in the hospital getting brain surgery that I was like, should I post this?

And Kyle was like, Absolutely not.

What do you mean, should you post this?

Like, it just becomes such, like, a

part of your life.

And, like,

there were parts that I just couldn't even believe that I would even consider doing.

Is it because you're so trained to like

you were so public?

Yeah, I was so public.

And so, like, keeping people in the loop of what's going on.

people are not gotten to wonder where I've been for blah, blah, blah.

And then finally, it took like an entire team of people to be like, Teddy, we'll all come up with a plan to share.

You don't need to be in the hospital, not fully comprehensive to what's going on, sharing any of this.

Sit here and heal.

You know, like people always say, well, then why do you do a podcast where you talk about people for a living?

I'm like, I'm recapping a reality television show.

Don't take it so seriously.

And if you do,

I hope you really enjoy it.

Because that's really what it is.

It's a reality television show.

So with this whole shift you shared earlier, you are dating someone recently, which

I know what you're talking about because I saw it come out on page six.

And I think it came out in a bunch of places.

And you were saying, by the time y'all or in the press were talking about it, I had already broken up with that person, right?

Is that what happened?

And

of course, anything that you do,

if you breathe and you smile, people have an opinion on everything, right?

That's the world that we're in nowadays.

And I read a quote where

you said, you know, I just don't want anything serious right now.

Well, I think right now there's only so many days where I'm going to feel my best or feel my strongest.

Yeah.

And I don't know them until later.

So I can't be in a place where I need to be planning, helping somebody else plan out their life or their day-to-day activities.

Yeah.

Like if it all just works and it's

company and it doesn't matter, great.

But I'm not looking to, like, I don't want to, I don't have any plans like getting married again or doing these things right now.

Like, I'm just trying to beat this thing.

Yeah.

And

I, and I think that's the biggest thing.

And I don't have any ill will towards the guy I was dating, poor thing, that I'm like,

sorry, tried to warn you.

He's really private, right?

Yeah.

Everywhere.

Yeah.

I'm like, sorry about it.

But

there was never anything negative about it.

It was more just like, on the days I feel good right now, that's all I got.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry.

He wanted more serious.

And so.

He didn't necessarily say, but I could feel it.

Yeah.

But such a good person and so, like,

you know, maybe at a different time in my life.

Like, such a nice guy, so, like, caring, helpful.

And you,

there are certain personality types that are caregivers.

And, like, he was so excellent at it.

But then I just started feeling like almost like bad.

Like, I was like, I need,

I need to make sure that I'm in the same...

Hold on.

How do I phrase this?

I didn't want it to get to a point where he was more serious than me, and then I had to end it in a way that was dramatic.

I have enough dramatics in my life.

I have enough.

If I can catch it but the pe the people that send me messages and like, how dare you ever go on a date?

You have, you have this, you have that, I'm like,

guys,

we all gotta do what just

makes us happy in the moment, let's try as long as we're not hurting anyone.

Like, like, it's there's gotta be a happy medium.

We can't be so judgmental of everything that everybody does because we don't know what people are going through.

Yes.

Have you dated anyone since or got on any dates?

No, I mean, I'm on a hinge.

You're on hinge.

I'm on hinge.

Right now.

Right now.

But I changed my age range and now I don't know that I can be on hinge.

Why?

I changed it to older.

I was like, maybe I need to be with some

Maybe I need to be with somebody older because

I don't know.

This is just a theory and then I put it older and then I was like getting all these messages and I was like nope this is not what I need not what I need they send too long of messages they write hahas

I was gonna say I would think you'd go younger if you want like nothing super serious well that's well I was thinking once somebody's married and had because it has happened twice to me where two people that I've

Dated said they didn't want kids, said they didn't want to get married, and then all of a sudden there's a flip around like I would

I never said I wouldn't it's just not something on my radar well no no it's on nobody's radar when they're single

but I was asking for a reason are you do you use your real name on Hinge it just says Teddy my hinge is about to blow up by the way Raya why didn't you let me in ah okay

do you use your photo your real photo yes and Teddy yes on hinge yes Where else am I going to go to meet somebody?

Like, what am I going to text you and be like, hey, do you know anyone good for me?

Like, everybody I know knows Edwin.

Right.

I want to be respectful to him.

I don't need to be like, hey, Edwin, met the guy you played pickle with three weeks ago.

It's a cute one.

Like, but we do laugh about this stuff.

He's like,

the other day I came in and I had flowers in my room and he's like, did somebody send you flowers?

I'm like, yeah, look what it says.

And it says the secret, love your secret admirer.

And he goes, what?

And I go, it's from the kids because I asked them for red flowers

so okay so you said you'd be fine if Edwin dated yes when my shit feel nothing I also don't it's it's not even that I feel nothing but it's like why am I getting all the wrath like where's Edwin's like nobody's tracked down who he could potentially be dating but they're on me I breathe on someone and that's my new boyfriend

yeah

Erica was so funny.

She was like, it's because they don't care about the guys.

I tell you, I think people are harder on women for sure.

Yeah.

Every woman who's ever, you know, had a public role of any kind

or a government role or anything.

I definitely think people are harder on women.

So if Edwin asked you on a date, what would you say?

If my kids were there or not my kids.

Both, either way.

Okay, a personal date, one-on-one, like, can we go on a date?

I would say no.

But if he said, do you want to go to dinner with the kids?

I would say yes.

Or if he said, do you want to go to dinner?

I would say yes.

But if you made it like it was a date,

I would say no.

I think both of us, regardless of whether the future holds, I think both of us need

this time.

And I was always one of those people before.

Believe me, back in the day when he didn't really want to be with me, I did not believe in breaks.

But now, you know, I don't know.

I don't know anything.

All I've learned from all of this is I don't know anything.

Yeah.

I know I got to just one foot in front of the other day by day.

Well, it's interesting.

You're calling it a break, too.

Well, I don't, I don't know what to call it.

What do you call it?

What do you call it when you're on a divorce?

Yeah.

And then somebody gets cancer, almost passes away, so then you have to put it on hold.

Hold?

Hold sounds worse than break.

Yeah.

There's no good answer.

I mean, I could just say husband, but then people are like, you're married?

Well, yes, but I mean, that's not, that's not going to fit on my hinge profile.

No.

That's so funny.

This conversation with Teddy Mellenkamp is so powerful and vulnerable and inspiring.

We made it into three parts.

Coming up, we're lightening things up around here.

Teddy is sharing what really happens behind the scenes on your favorite reality TV shows and how much of it is really real.

Plus her best tools and tips on how to navigate online criticism and her hard-earned wisdom on how you can best help your friends and loved ones navigate hard things in their lives and so much more.

Teddy is opening up like never before in this final part three of this conversation coming up in the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

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