Teddi Mellencamp: How to Stay Strong, Positive & Courageous During Bad Breaks + Defy the Odds in Your Life! (Pt 1)

I looked at my dad and all my friends.

I'm like, I cannot stay in here another day.

I can't live like this anymore.

I am so miserable.

I feel like everybody would be better without me.

How has your dad shown up for you?

Oh, he has been beyond the things that I wouldn't be capable of doing without my dad, not only for financial reasons.

He has stepped in.

He's helped me have a nurse.

He calls me every single day.

He makes sure that I'm okay.

Was he an involved dad like that growing up?

No.

He was always 100% there if I needed him, but I think that was the quote, if I needed him.

If I asked him,

he was always there.

Now he's there whether I ask or I don't ask.

Do you feel closer to him now than ever?

How do you stay positive and hopeful when you're in a season of setbacks and when it feels like one bad break after another?

How do you hold hold on to faith and belief that things will turn out in your favor in the midst of what feels like the rug being pulled out from underneath you or feeling blindsided or receiving horrible news that you never saw coming?

How do you reconcile your faith and your spirituality when it makes no sense why God would allow something so awful to be happening?

Our incredible guest today, Teddy Mellencamp, is a television personality who rose to fame on The Real Housewives at Beverly Hills.

She's also the co-host of the wildly popular podcast called Two Teas in a Pod, daughter of musician John Mellenkamp, a mom to her beloved little ones, Slate, Cruise, and Dove.

She's also the stepmother to Isabella, and I'm so grateful to call her friend.

As her impact and following continues to explode, she's also going through the unimaginable and the fight of her life in this very moment, right now.

Teddy was recently recently diagnosed with stage four melanoma, which she shared has metastasized to her brain and lungs.

And today's episode of the podcast is unlike any before.

So get your tissues out and get ready to feel overwhelming gratitude and perspective for the blessings in your life right now that can be so easy for us to take for granted when we have them.

And of course, we have a little fun too and get the inside scoop on what really happens behind the scenes of your favorite reality TV shows and so much more.

I don't know what you call somebody that you were married to and then you filed for divorce and then you got cancer so then everything went on hold.

I don't hate Edwin.

Like Edwin will always be my friend.

I think it shows by he was the person that I called to take me to the hospital.

If he wanted to, he could still be filing and finishing this divorce off right now.

But like my dad and family just said like I don't think this is the right thing for her to be able to try to navigate right now or figure out.

I wish when I did have stage two, I would have talked to Edwin about it more and what I needed.

Because I think men so often want to be the protector and the provider and the this and the that.

We're like, I just wanted somebody to come lay in bed with me and watch a movie.

You know, like I wanted just someone to

collapse with me for a little bit,

not fix me.

Once you do that, once you take the care out,

it's really hard to make it.

It's really hard to make it.

And I'm lucky to this day.

Like, I mean, we're staying in the house together.

Some weeks he'll stay at our other house, but like this week I told him I'm really sick.

And he's like staying downstairs in the bedroom at our house right now.

We can live in the same house.

We can live in the same house.

I would be fine with him dating.

You know, like I,

he's being, he's, yeah,

I would be.

Is he fine with you dating?

I don't know.

I talked to my therapist about it.

I'm like, if I feel the urge, if I get asked on a date or if somebody wants to take me out, she's like, you should go.

She's like, anything

that you want to do right now and you feel in your heart that you want to do, Do it.

She's like, it could even be,

it could be a date with, if he asked you on a date and you wanted to go.

Nobody's setting any rules for you.

I just want him to be happy and I want our kids to be happy and I don't want to do anything to hurt him.

But I don't know that I need to like,

I kind of, I kind of know how our marriage works.

And do you think it could change?

The doctors checked and they're like, no, your melanoma that was on your shoulder metastasized and you have nine tumors in your brain and you have two tumors in your lung.

It immediately became surgery.

Never would I have I had guessed that my cancer had metastized and no doctors had said anything to me about it.

I would be lying if I said I didn't also have a little bit of anger.

Why did this happen to me?

So I have to keep fighting.

It's okay to feel sad.

A lot of people feel sad.

And it doesn't have to mean that you're going to die.

And this is a struggle and I'm going to have to keep fighting all the time i can't live my life so afraid that i'm gonna die that i don't live at all what is the prognosis right now that doctors say

i would say probably 50-50

but like i truly believe this when i say this and it's gonna make me emotional i truly believe that i'm gonna live

i need to believe it

because if not it's just too sad

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Teddy Mellencamp.

Welcome to the Jamie Kern-Lima Show.

Thank you so much for having me.

I mean, even your intro made me emotional because I feel like so many of these things have happened and you've been there.

Like I've known you throughout,

you know, it's been over six years now.

And so I when I had baby dev,

I can still remember the flowers that you sent.

And I can still remember,

you know, knowing that when we started reaching out by this pod, that you would understand when I said I got a new phone number.

Yes.

And I didn't even give anybody it.

I just call the old one, my tumor phone, and I wanted to be rid of it.

Yeah.

And when the right people needed me, they would find me.

Yeah.

Well, thank you for being here and thank you for everything you're doing.

Oh my goodness.

I mentioned to you when we were walking in that the first time I ever saw you post a picture right behind your shoulder when you had stage one,

skin cancer, I went and got checked.

And I'm just thinking about the number of people you're impacting right now through you sharing parts of your story.

Millions of people are going through this journey with you.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's so important.

I mean, I always was one of those people that was like, well if it's not hurting it's not bothering me.

You know so when it came to the melanomas on my shoulder I went through that process for about three years

and I had I think over 17 removed but the highest stage I ever had on my arm was stage two.

And I had massive surgeries and then I kind of thought once I went in for my three-month checkup I was done and then nobody suggested anything else so I just went along my life thinking that I was healed

and then for about I was doing the podcast I was actually working the Super Bowl

and

I just started feeling really like I had the worst headaches.

I was riding horses.

I was doing all the things that I had always been doing, but my headaches had started taking over my life.

Like I was like, gosh, am I having migraines?

What are these?

I tried migraine medication.

All it would do was make me anxious.

I couldn't figure out what it was.

And I was working the Super Bowl and I looked at Tamara, who's one of my co-hosts, and I said, I need to do the morning shift because I need to leave.

And she's like, what do you mean?

You've never called in sick a day of your life.

And I'm like, I can't remember what I'm talking about.

And she's like, what?

And I'm like, or if I just get silent, you have to fill in for me because I cannot remember.

And she's like, like, you can't remember what company we're here for.

And I was like, no.

So I flew home the next day.

I told my ex-husband, I don't know what you call somebody that you were married to and then you filed for divorce and then you got cancer.

So then everything went on hold.

I don't know what it's called, but

I called Edwin

and I said, I'm at the house.

I just got back from the Super Bowl and I can't see and I can't talk.

Please come take me to the hospital.

And that's when I went in, and immediately,

I mean, as soon as they saw me,

I thought everybody had kind of thought brain aneurysm.

They're like, why would something happen so quickly?

But then the doctors checked and they're like, no, your melanoma that was on your shoulder metastasized and you have nine tumors in your brain and you have two tumors in your lung.

It it immediately became surgery and it was so

beyond me that I had zero idea

that this is what was going on with me.

You know, like some different things had happened in my life and I started feeling a different way.

But never would have I had guessed that my cancer had metastasized and no doctors had said anything to me about it.

Now I do the research and I'm like, oh wow, that's actually pretty common that that could happen.

I mean not for it to turn into stage four that quickly but it

you know it's one of those things it's a big learning process and I've obsessively talked to you about this

guys not only should you get checked everything checked you also need to get life insurance

because I waited only till the first spot on my arm came and I was rejected so you can get life insurance at any time You can get it as a kid.

You can get it as an adult.

You can get it at any point in life that something major has happened.

Just think life insurance, oh, just getting married, oh, we should get life insurance because waiting now I don't have that to fall back on with my family,

and that's a scary feeling

when I know that had I done something like that that's so simple,

I mean, there's a million companies that do it.

Why I didn't, you know, why I thought I could wait till I was older.

This was a reminder, Teddy, mid-40s, you're old,

Go get checked.

So do people.

I already know beyond me have gotten checked because of your story.

I know a lot of people have been praying for you

just for years through this whole journey.

And

where are you at now with everything?

I would say when it comes to like my relationship with God,

I have days,

you know, like I speak to a therapist, therapist and then I also, I go, I don't go publicly to church right now, but I have somebody who is a pastor and speaks to me and takes the time to kind of, you know, talk about the positivity and believing that I no longer have cancer and that God wants me to heal.

So, I mean, I have a lot of positivity when it comes to that.

But I would be lying if I said I didn't also have a little bit of anger.

Why did this happen to me?

I was, you know, like in my my mind, I was so healthy.

I was taking care of myself.

I have, you know, all these amazing kids.

I play sports.

Once I found out that I had sun, you know, skin cancer from the sun, I stayed out of the sun.

Like, why me?

What, you know?

And

so I think it ebbs and flows, and I think that that's how my life goes.

And I think when I first came out of this journey, I felt better than I do now

because I thought it was going to go go right away.

You thought what?

I thought it was going to go right away.

Like I thought that after I had my surgeries from my brain tumors that then I was going to go in for that first scan and they were going to say the rest of the tumors are gone, you're healed.

And then they didn't.

And then they said you'll probably be in immunotherapy for another two years.

So in those moments,

you know, there are some times that I'm like, I need to be so happy because I remember when they told me my chances of living.

But I just brushed right over those and went right on over to,

I'm healing, so how long until I heal?

How long time back to me?

And nobody knows.

Right now,

how much

of your energy goes to fear and how much of it goes to full belief?

I would say a lot of my energy, it's

goes to belief, goes to belief, mainly because then I have to thank a lot of people on social media, mainly because the amount of people that have reached out and said, I got checked or my mom had this or you know, whatever it may be, just those little bit of contacts, or even my friends,

They've given me that belief that

no matter how many

maybe not so great things that I've done, this is one of the great ones.

You know, like this is helping somebody get fixed, or this is helping somebody know that it didn't happen only to them, or it's okay to feel lonely, or it's okay to feel sad.

The anger mainly comes, I mean, I kind of know it to a T.

It's like the morning.

I wake up, and that's when I'm used to hopping right up, getting my kids ready for school, working out, following my routine.

I have no routine anymore.

And And I think that was a big wake-up call that like

life isn't perfect.

You don't have to be perfect.

You just have to show up.

And if you show up and

you do what's going to make you feel good enough, most days I end up feeling great.

But if I just stay there in that moment,

it'll be a terrible day.

But I can control that.

I may still feel sick or I may have stomachache or be bummed that I have to miss something that one of my kids is doing.

But

I'm in control of something.

Maybe not healing, but how I show up for myself.

What is the prognosis right now that doctors say?

I would say probably 50-50.

But like, I truly believe this when I say this and it's going to make me emotional.

I truly believe that I'm going to live.

I think that I'm going to have like some rough years.

Truthfully, I think I'm going to have some lonely years because not many people know how to talk to somebody who have stage four cancer.

I mean, you see in their eyes, they,

you know, but I've been very open with my kids

and my loved ones and my friends.

And I would say everybody kind of handles it differently, but

I've been pretty steady in the fact of like

I want the sadness to go away, but I know I'm going to live.

So I have to keep fighting.

And I have one woman who reached out to me and said, I had what you had, but I didn't leave my room for six years.

And just hearing her say that gave me so much strength.

Like, I can leave my room.

I can do this.

And it's okay to feel sad.

A lot of people feel sad.

And it doesn't have to mean that you're going to die.

And this is a struggle.

And I'm going to have to keep fighting all the time and showing up for the people that I love so they know.

But it's taught me to be very open.

Like, I'm very open with my kids about, like, it's just going to be one of those days today, guys.

I love you so much.

But if I only swim for 10 minutes and then I seem like I'm tired, please don't take it personally.

I just, I don't feel my best, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything in the world.

How has this impacted your kids?

Every one of the kids, it's kind of different.

Slate,

the 12-year-old, she is kind of my

probably like my mini-me in the way that, like, everything's just so, and here we go, and this is our plan, and we're sticking to the plan.

And, you know, so I definitely created some of those things in her.

I'm like, gosh, that's going to cause you some trouble later in life.

But she's very much,

you know, the second that she could tell I'm thirsty.

Like she's there with like the PD light the doctor told her one time to give me.

So now it's like still to this day.

She's like, PD light stocked.

And then Cruz, who before was my most timid of children, like he'd have the most fear or he had, you know, didn't like sleeping in his own bed.

Like he was

kind of the one that had the most worries.

He stood up.

And he is, I mean, like he went to his first camp this year.

He's doing all these things that he would, he did like a sleepover birthday at like a theme party.

You know, like all these things that he would normally say no to, he's saying yes to.

And he's like, mom, I just really want to live a good life.

Wow.

And I want you to know that like

I'm the man of the house.

I know is I'm not the sweetest.

He's only 10.

And then Dev will do just about anything to make you laugh.

So

I don't know if she really knows what's going on, but she says she wants another haircut and she'd like it bald.

And I was like, let's go with a bob to start.

What do you think the three of them would say or what do you hope they would say about who their mom is?

I think they'd say.

We need to pause for a super brief break.

And while we do, take a moment to share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire.

Because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration they need to hear today to keep going, to remember that they matter, and to feel less alone and more enough, more connected and more worthy.

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And now, more of this incredible conversation together.

What do you think the three of them would say or what do you hope they would say about who their mom is?

I think they'd say I was a fighter.

I think they'd say that

when they look back at their mom or when they look at their mom, their mom's a good mom.

She's fun.

She has amazing friends, good family.

I may not have a huge circle, but who's in my circle, we all live or die for.

And I think that that's very true.

Like, I think my kids see that.

And I think it gives them so much strength about who they want to be, the kind of people they want to be.

You know, it's not about knowing thousands and thousands of people.

It's about the 20 that

you really love.

With your friends and your circle have friends, can you talk about what they mean to you, how they've supported you,

and also as a friend because to your point earlier a lot of people are like I don't know what to do yeah and then they don't know what to do and so for everyone listening how do they best support a friend going through something really hard well I would say the first thing is

And I don't love to say don't at the beginning of a sentence, but try not to ask a million questions of your friend if she's feeling sick.

For me, I always respond best to, hey, I'm here for you.

I love you.

If you need anything, let me know.

That's just like the basis of like just if your first time just reaching out to somebody who's not feeling well.

Yeah.

That relieves the pressure of feeling like I need to respond and how I need to respond or how I need to show up for this person because all of a sudden I've created this thing in my head that this person is expecting of me, which is not the truth, but it's what I've decided.

So I would say that that's the first thing.

But I had about 15 friends that came into the hospital with me because I had to be for 19 days.

I was in the ICU and so it had to rotate between family and, you know, because I mean, asking somebody to be there that many days would have been a lot.

So my friends rotated in and out.

And I had to, I didn't even have to do it.

They just learned to do it.

not take things personally.

When you're struggling and you're in the hospital and you don't understand, like, I didn't even know I was there.

I didn't know when I could leave.

I didn't know what day it was.

Every day somebody would come in and ask me the date

and I wouldn't know it.

I wouldn't even know the year.

And then I would get so mad

that I then started trying to lie about it.

I'd write it down as soon as they'd tell me, and then I'd put it on the side of my bed.

And then the next day, I'd think I was some kind of genius, and I could read it from there, not thinking I needed to add a day.

But they

all said, you know, we can't take things personally.

You're going through so much that, like,

we just need to love you.

And I can say that after this process, I mean, there's so many things that I feel like I've done, I could have done differently, but more than anything, I feel like a softer person.

I feel like I have more love in my heart.

I feel like I have more empathy for my friends and my kids and

my family.

And I think that's because of them, because they supported me at my worst.

I know you said also when, like, it's so helpful if someone sends you a text to say no need to reply.

No need to reply

because

there is this, there's something in this

World that we live in now, especially now that it's even on social media like somebody will be like, did you see the post that I did?

No, I didn't see you.

Sorry, I didn't see the post.

But even that, I'll be like, Yes, I'm just scrolling Instagram constantly looking for people's posts to like.

And yes, there are different stages in our life where maybe we are like that.

And I'm not shaming anyone, but like when we say it like that, it's like, you've let me down by not seeing my post.

Like, did you see my daughter's birthday post?

No.

And then there's the part of me that wants to have the anger and be like, I didn't even know when my daughter's birthday was, so no.

So I have to then be like,

take a deep breath.

I didn't.

Can you text me a picture of it?

I would love to see it.

And then, you know, show that, show that level.

But it kind of, if somebody just says, like, I'm here, I love you.

If you need me, I'm more inclined to be like, hey, I heard it was, you know.

daughter's birthday.

I'd love to talk to you.

Do you want to meet for coffee?

You know, like all those things.

I'm more inclined to want to make an effort than when people expect it.

Yeah.

And I think it's beautiful what you shared.

It's going to actually be helpful for so many people because when you're going through something, oh my gosh.

And I think a lot of people don't realize if they just reach out and say, how are you?

What's the latest news?

What's it?

They've now, of course, they're doing it because they care, but they've now created work for you.

They've now created a to-do list for you.

And I think that's such a powerful takeaway of just

sending a text, checking in and saying, no need to reply.

No need to reply.

Because it's just like, okay, like it's you know what I mean and then I may find three months later like oh, no, who I really want to talk to is this person.

Yeah, and then I'll go back and I'll see that there was a text message.

Yeah, and then I feel that same feeling that they were hoping I was gonna feel three months ago.

It doesn't disappear.

Yes, yes, it just goes, wow, they were there for me then.

Yeah, and I didn't even know it.

Yeah, I love this conversation because it's a, it's a hard conversation in the sense of that so many people just don't know what to do.

And then a lot of times, you know, when someone's going through something hard, they also, you said earlier, I can see in someone's eyes when they don't know how to respond to that they're maybe talking to someone with stage four cancer and they don't know what to do or what to say or how to.

And then a lot of people, when they feel that way, they just kind of turtle or they don't.

They turtle or they make, they look at you with sadness.

And then all of a sudden I'm like,

well, no, like

we're beating this, you know, like, but there's, there's been so many incredible stories of just strangers that I have met who've shared information.

I mean, there was one gentleman I was sitting with my daughter.

She rides horses.

I don't know him at all.

And when I met him, I had my riding helmet on.

So you wear like fake hair.

Yeah.

And so like I had my hair on.

I'm sitting with my daughter.

And

he said something along the lines of like, oh, my daughter's really putting me through it these days.

And I'm like, oh, I'm so sorry.

Why?

And he's like, I'm like, what do you think it is?

Teenage years?

You know, something.

And he's like, her mom passed.

And I was like, I'm so sorry.

And then time passed throughout the day.

I went and changed.

I came back.

I was bald.

And he said, I didn't know earlier when I told you that,

that

this could have affected you and what I said.

And I said, it affected me in a good way that you felt comfortable enough to say it, that it wasn't wasn't so shameful.

And I said, do you mind me asking how?

And he said, through cancer.

And

he goes, the fact that you can even talk about it

is going to do a lot for you because it's so much, there's so much that we hide when we're not perfect.

Yes.

Even when it comes to health, there's so much.

But if you can just let it out or you can let somebody else know, even if you don't know them, what's the story?

I can't live my life so afraid that I'm going to die that I don't live at all.

And you talked earlier, too, about,

I guess, perfection and control.

And,

you know,

one of the things that I've always known, or I should say, admired or celebrated, is, you know, I love a strong woman.

And I remember when we first met many years ago and you were building all in and

and

I used to admire you know your ability to have accountability because I'm like trying to get on a treadmill like twice a week and I'm like trying to get do my morning walk and I have to really tell myself like I get to I don't have to I get to go walk and

and I know you've talked about

accountability and and control and your morning routine and your schedule and discipline and perfection and your body and all of those things.

So how has

who you are

and your nature and your personality and the things you prioritize,

how those, if they have, shifted through this?

I would say that

sometimes I've picked up swimming.

I've learned other things that I love to do that I can do.

I swim almost every day.

Not like competitive swimming, but I love being in the water.

I can move my body.

I can get my heart rate up a little bit, but just really finding things that I love, but I would say that's one of the positives is figuring out what I love.

But I would say at the beginning, I mean, it was extremely hard.

Like I was one of those, and I still am.

I believe in all in, and I believe in our company, and it's holding yourself accountable to things in your life that you want to change.

And I think for so many years, I needed that accountability, maybe to even get me to where I am today.

Maybe it's not the same things.

Maybe it's not I don't need to be held accountable to walk on the treadmill, but I do need to be held accountable to show up for myself, to do these things, to know that I'm worth it.

And maybe it's not on the time schedule that I wanted, but I remember when I first got out of the hospital, they checked me into like a different facility for a week where it helps you like immerse yourself back into real life because they're scared you're going to just like

it's just going to be too overwhelming.

Yeah.

And it was the first time I'd like really seen myself in a mirror.

And I was so like emaciated and skinny and like I didn't have a muscle on me.

And I was like, what is happening?

Like what is happening?

And then not a week later, I'm not kidding, I had gained 25 pounds.

because they put me on all the steroids.

So all of a sudden, now I'm mad because I'm on the steroids, because I'm like,

super amped up all the time.

Now I'm gaining weight.

Now I can't work out.

So I went from two emotions, like, where did all my muscles go?

I've worked so hard to be fit

and now I look sickly to, okay, now I'm jacked up, uncomfortable, still can't work out.

And so I just had to finally say, you're going to have to let this all go.

You're going to have to let this physical part go.

And that has been a lifelong struggle.

Because at the end of the day, if my mental isn't there, I can't do any of it.

So yeah, maybe some days it's going on a little walk.

So maybe it's 10 minutes.

And I start just trusting people's opinions, you know, like something small, like somebody goes to me, do you like the color red?

And I go, actually, no, it's my least favorite color.

She goes, once a week, will you wear red on your walk?

I have a feeling.

I'm like,

And I mean, I've been doing it.

Who knows if it's doing anything?

But it gives me that little feeling whenever I put on my red workout outfit.

I got this 15 minutes.

Remember when that lady told me about the red?

You know, like

it's the little things.

How has your dad shown up for you?

Oh, he has been beyond.

I mean, it's

really,

and I don't know a better way to say this,

but the things that I wouldn't be capable of doing without my dad, not only for financial reasons when it comes, I used to take such pride in saying, I've done all of this on my own when it came to my life, like my work, buying a home, all that stuff.

You know, now it's like, no, with all of these medical treatments and everything, like he has stepped in.

He's helped me have a nurse.

He calls me every single day.

He makes sure that I'm okay.

And I, because I think when we first stepped into it, we thought, oh, she'll just have the surgery and she'll come out and she'll be able to manage things.

I can't.

And I most certainly can't probably,

like, I mean, there's even things like my medications.

There's stuff that, like, some days I don't know that I could organize it.

So now we have somebody that comes over, you know, once a week, sets me up, puts me in, and like, these are things I wouldn't have known

even existed.

And there's so many people that don't have that luxury, and I feel so grateful that I do.

But it's so while you guys are listening, and yeah, even if you don't have that luxury, you may be somebody's grandfather or sister or brother and go, What's one thing that I could do for my sister who's struggling with cancer?

Help her organize her meds.

These are things that seem so easy to us when we're feeling good,

but when we're not, they feel impossible.

Did he know to find someone to do that?

He knew, so he was the one that suggested having like a place to go for a week.

There was something that when I was in the hospital that I said that concerned everybody on one of my last days because they kept telling me I was going to be able to leave

and

like they were like we think tomorrow is going to be the day you leave we're just going to do the test and they kept saying that And then I got my test work back.

And it was something like, my salt would never get high enough.

I don't really remember why.

A lot of details just, whoof.

So if I say anything wrong, I'm not a medical professional.

I'm just trying my best.

But my salt wouldn't get high enough.

And

they said I had to stay another day.

And like, I looked at my dad and all my friends.

I'm like, I cannot stay in here another day.

I can't live like this anymore.

I am so miserable.

I feel like everybody would be better without me.

And at that moment, like everyone just, it kind of like

they were like, what?

Nobody would be better without you.

What do you mean?

And I was so

scared

to go home and not be the me that I was when I left home.

It was frightening.

And so that's when he was like, let's get you a nurse.

Let's get you set up so that when you get home, you know, you got got to remember, I was so weak, I couldn't give myself a bath.

I couldn't take a shower.

I had ginormous holes in my head.

Like, all these things, and it doesn't matter what level of cancer you have, like, or what kind.

When you have kids, or even if you don't have kids, you are just like,

how am I going to be me?

And so, he was the one that helped me get the nurse that came and taught me all these things.

And then also taught me, it's okay to have an emotional day.

Like,

today, I'm

day five post-immunotherapy.

I have it once every three weeks, and it's my most emotional day.

And I almost called my publicist and said, cancel the podcast because

I know I'm gonna get upset.

And then, like, midway through it, and I go, Actually, keep it

because people need to know it's okay to be upset.

Upset in what way

There's a sense of

That I never felt before I got sick, but there's a sense of

Sadness

that comes along with not

feeling your best

and when you have the dips the highs and lows, there's a sense of that, that just like

that's the hardest part for me still to this day,

is, you know, that unknown.

I know that I go in and two weeks from now and I get my next scan.

And like, I fully believe, as I'm telling you right now,

they're going to tell me I'm cleared.

If I'm not, there'll be a come down from that.

But it's what I need to do to get me through these next two and a half weeks

I need to believe it

because if not it's just too sad

thank you for sharing that you're welcome with um with everyone that you have around you at work you're working a lot doing five or six podcasts a week that's a lot yeah that's a lot of work it's a lot of prep um with your circle of friends your close circle of friends, with your family,

have you

sort of intentionally made sure that the people you keep around you also believe?

You know, I've learned that I can't control the way others think.

I can see when their fear is coming out and kind of the way I handle it.

And I'm not saying this is the right way to handle it, but I make a joke.

I I make a joke.

I'll be like, get it together.

You don't want me to get all upset and dying on you, do you?

You know, like, and I'm not saying that that's, and my sister will get so mad at me for talking like that.

But it's able to bring that moment of like,

because it's tight, it's heavy.

Yes.

Yes.

And even if that may bring her a moment of tears, then she'll go, you're right.

You are.

You're going to be fine.

And we all know it.

Because we were just on a vacation together.

That's why I was thinking of my sister because when I'm not feeling good, you know, through the day, it's

riding a roller coaster is my mood.

Yeah.

And

she was like, you're not feeling so good today, are you?

And then she kind of started to do the pity thing a little bit.

And I said, I got mad.

And, you know, when I say I got mad, I'm not like, I don't have that much energy to even really get mad, but I'm like, you know, enough.

When you're sick, you don't want to feel like everyone's looking around or you're waiting for you to die.

I'm like, I came here because I wanted a fun vacation with you.

Let's have one.

And she was like, sobbing, and she's like, let's have one.

She's like, so you do still want to go on the boat tomorrow?

And I'm like, yes, and quit asking me.

I'll tell you.

I'll tell you if I don't want to do something or if I'm not.

Believe me, I'm not doing it for you.

I'm doing it for all of us and me.

I need it.

I need you.

I need you to be my person.

And my person can't be looking sad when they're looking at me.

My person needs to be my person that's going to laugh with me, make stupid mistakes,

gonna, you know, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

We need to stay that way, the way we've always been.

When you talk about the way we've always been with them, I'm just thinking about this and I'm curious because it's,

you know so beautiful when people show up for us yeah it's so beautiful when people show up for us and

I'm just thinking about your dad did he is there anything that surprised you about this is he showing up different now than he did growing up or is he a person that you fully expected oh yeah he's gonna show up in full colors if something like this ever happens I

didn't expect this at all.

I didn't expect, you know, it's gone to the point where like he has given me such good advice and it's not, you know, I feel like with a parent before, like sometimes advice is like the advice that they think is going to be best because ultimately this is how it's going to behoove all of you.

Now all of a sudden it's like, no, he's giving me advice that like I need to hear sometimes for me.

And he's also just, I mean, even the fact that he calls me every single night and it's just,

it's not relenting.

like I may not call him back a couple nights but he'll still call every night at the same time and finally I'll be like hey dad and I'll be like why didn't nobody loves their dads anymore why you not answer the phone and I said because I'm not feeling good and he's like still answer the phone and then just hang up on me or something but I want to talk to you even if it's for a second and I mean he's right and then I think why don't I have that second and And the reason I don't have that second is sometimes I don't want the people I love to see me struggle.

But he wouldn't care.

He didn't care.

I was just with him in South Carolina and there was one day and he goes, if you get up one more time to run around the house and do some little thing, he's like, he's teasing me.

He's like, I'm going to give you, I'm putting you over my knee and give you a spanking.

And I was like, dad, I just wanted to get a water and then I wanted this and then I I wanted that.

And he's like, you're running around too much.

Just let yourself.

And that's something that you realize when you're not feeling like 100%, you got to remind yourself to be at peace.

Was he an involved dad like that growing up?

No.

He was always my best.

Like if I had work advice or if I had, you know, athletic advice or if I had anything that I needed to talk to him about.

He was always, he was always 100% there if I needed him.

But I think that was the quote: if I needed him.

If I asked him,

he was always there.

Now he's there whether I ask or I don't ask.

Do you feel closer to him now than ever?

I do.

I think there's also a part of me when it comes to my siblings, my dad,

my kids.

I appreciate different things in all of them now.

You know, like my little brother, when I was home with my family, he said so casually and so nonchalant, he's like, can I paint a picture of you and Justice?

Justice is my sister.

He's like, I'd really just love to paint one.

But he said it like it was no big deal.

So I was like, yeah, sure, bud, whenever.

You know, then I didn't really even follow up on it.

And then two days later, he's like, can I start that picture?

Because you're leaving in three days.

And I'm like, Oh, this is like a real thing.

And he's like, Yeah.

And then, like, he painted this beautiful portrait of my sister and I that like we'll have for the rest of our lives.

And, like, it's like makes me cry just even looking at it.

But it's like, he had just such a warming, effortless energy, I didn't put any pressure to it.

And it was just like, it's something I'll never forget.

And even those moments of my sister and I sitting in our little like chairs, like, doing our pose for our photo and like laughing and like, I want the cuter nose, or like

those are moments I'll never forget.

That's beautiful.

Yeah.

With

you know,

family and decisions and

all of it.

You mentioned when we opened.

So, so

you and Edwin were met were married 13 years?

We were married 13 years.

Yeah.

Together 16 years.

Yeah.

And then

probably a couple of months before

I was diagnosed with the cancer in my brain and my lungs, we had separated.

And it was,

we had not even separated.

We went right to filing.

We filed for divorce.

And like we were, I didn't really realize how much I never, you know, gotten a,

I'd never gone through something like that before where I was like, oh my gosh, everything's, my entire life's being turned upside down.

I didn't even know this was going to come into play, a conversation or anything like that.

Or what do you mean, like, we're going to talk about custody?

Or what, like, all of those things you don't necessarily think about, especially like

there was never a part of me still to this day, like,

I don't hate Edwin.

We need to pause for a super brief break.

And while we do, take a moment and share this episode with every single person that you know who this could inspire.

Because this conversation can truly be the words and inspiration that they need to hear today to keep going, to remember that they matter, and to feel less alone and more enough, more connected, and more worthy.

Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief.

And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me.

If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you.

If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl.

Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes.

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i don't hate edwin

Like Edwin will always be my friend.

And so I kind of knew, I mean, I think it shows by he was the person that I called to take me to the hospital.

I always knew he'd do the right thing by me.

And I think that same goes for, I mean, he could still, if he wanted to, he could still be filing and finishing this divorce off right now.

But like.

My dad and family just said, like, I don't think this is the right thing for her to be able to try to navigate right now or figure out.

And it wasn't even a second.

It was like, yeah, of course.

No, we'll wait.

We'll wait till she's better.

And then we'll figure it out.

And you were married 13 years at that point.

You had stage two that you knew about.

Yeah.

And then you guys decided to file.

And then when you got the news of stage four,

then you paused.

Yeah, so when I had stage two, but then I had gotten this massive surgery and they had removed it.

And I had already had two checkups on my skin because those were the stage two was on on my back.

I thought I was cancer-free,

but I just kept not feeling well.

And we were having,

you know, some issues in our marriage that I wish when I did have stage two, I would have talked to Edwin about it more and what I needed.

Because I think men so often want to be the protector and the provider and the this and the that.

We're like, I just wanted somebody to come lay in bed with me and watch a movie.

You know, like I wanted just someone to

collapse with me for a little bit,

not fix me.

And I was even looking at our text messages that he sent over today, because I was like, Can you remind me of the dates?

And blah, blah.

And I just looked at the way he responded to the texts and the way I responded to the texts.

And like, we wouldn't text each other like that now.

Really?

And what do you mean?

Like, it's like, I'm like, like, oh yeah, I just got back from the doctor with Kyle's.

They think I have melanoma.

And he's like, like cancer?

You know, like it's just so flippant.

It's like we're asking what we're ordering from the supermarket later.

And I wish, you know,

if you're in a marriage and you're trying to figure out if you can make it work, is give each other as much care as you can.

Give each other as much care as you can.

I think that Edwin and I did a lot of work in our marriage.

You know, we had gone to marital retreats, we had gone to church every week.

There were parts that

we were working on.

And I think

it ultimately depends on

if you're 100%,

and I'm not blaming him or me, I'm just saying in general, if you're 100% authentic to what is really getting at you,

and also

when

you ask for something, when you're direct with somebody,

I need you, I need this softness right now,

getting it.

Because people are only going to ask for things a couple times.

And then they're going to,

at some point, they're going to shut off.

And I would say that's ultimately what happened with me.

I just...

wanted certain things that

I don't know if he didn't know how to give.

And, you know, then it all turned into,

I was no longer in a place where I would

go

above and beyond to make sure that this person was happy.

I had kind of gone into

do whatever makes you happy.

Because I'm I've asked.

I've asked for enough years and now I'm done.

What were you asking for that you needed?

Just I needed

presence,

not gifts, like his presence.

And he's very good at multitasking and he's so good at business, but I needed a little bit.

Like, I was one of those people that, yeah, it'd be a Saturday and I'd want to plan out the day.

Like, I'd be like, do you want to have people over and we can swim in the pool and then we can do pickleball?

And he'd,

back then, he didn't like it.

Now I see him doing the same thing.

Because, like, once you've got the kids, you do want to have a slight general idea of what organizing you're going to do so that you guys can all have a fun, productive day.

But he kind of just was

just slow to the punch.

And, you know, I think we also had years and years of past stuff that we didn't fully work through.

And

I think

he wanted me to just naturally work through it.

And I think my natural response was just to push back.

And I think once you do that, once you take the care out,

it's really hard to make it.

It's really hard to make it.

And I'm lucky to this day.

Like, I mean, we're staying in the house together.

Like some weeks he'll stay at our other house, but like this week I told him I'm really sick and he's like staying downstairs in the bedroom at our house right now.

We can live in the same house.

We can live in the same house.

We don't argue.

I would be fine with him dating.

Yeah.

I would be.

Is he fine with you dating?

I don't know.

We've talked about it.

I think there's different.

I think everyone in my life is is worried about me in general.

So for a little while, I was dating somebody.

It went all over the press, and everybody's talking about it.

And I'm like, one,

this is long enough ago that by the time you found out who the person was, I wasn't dating the person.

So you can only believe so much that you read.

But also,

I talked to my therapist about it.

I'm like, if I feel the urge, if I get asked on a date or if somebody wants to take take me out she's like you should go

she's like anything

that you want to do right now and you feel in your heart that you want to do do it she's like it could even be it it could be a date with if he asked you on a date and you wanted to go nobody's setting any rules for you

but like right now I'm not in that place I'm not

wanting that from him.

I just want him to be happy and I want our kids to be happy and I want us to be able to have a good friendship and relationship.

And I don't want to do anything to hurt him.

But I don't know that I need to like,

I kind of know how our marriage works.

And do you think it could change?

This conversation with Teddy Mellencamp is so impactful.

We made it into more than one part.

Coming up, how do you stay positive and hopeful when you're in the season of setback and what feels like one bad break after another.

How do you hold on to faith and belief that things will turn out in your favor in the midst of what feels like the rug is being pulled out from underneath you or you're feeling blindsided or you just keep receiving horrible news?

Teddy is sharing so many more powerful and beautiful insights that she's never shared before.

And that's coming up in this incredible part two conversation in the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

Remember this episode's not just for you and me.

Please share this with every single person that you know because it can be the impact and change that they need in their life too.

And if you love today's episode, click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening to it on or watching it on.

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Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it.

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Please share it with others online or in your community who just might need the words and tools and lessons in this episode today.

You never know whose life you are meant to change today by sharing this episode.

And thank you so much for joining me today.

Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true.

You, right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy.

You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world.

And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

Here, I hope you'll come as you are.

Heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay as long as you'd like because you belong here.

You are worthy.

You are loved.

You are love.

And I love you.

And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.

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Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you.

It's time to find out with worthy.

Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief.

And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter.

to you delivered straight to your inbox from me.

If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you.

If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love, hitting your inbox, I'm your girl.

Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes.

And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.