Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer

Welcome to part two of this amazing conversation with Gabby Bernstein. I gotta tell you, Jamie, this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done.
I mean that. I hope you can really feel it.
Ever. This is the work, baby.
This moment right here is your chance to change your life.

So the thing that I often feel the most is, oh, I'm not enough. We transform, not because we stop a behavior or force ourselves or judge ourselves or will ourselves into stopping.
It's because we befriend these parts of ourselves. I'll just like wipe my tears off while you're doing that.
In the personal development space, people can oftentimes get into this pattern of spiritually bypassing the actual issue. You miss the miracle if you try to override the experience.
I'm getting so emotional. Like, I just right away, I felt like she's like, I just need to be seen.
I just need to be seen. Like, I just need you to just be here with me and just see me.
I'm here to tell everyone that these are just parts of who you are that are working really, really hard to numb, impermissible feelings from your past. My addiction, she worked hard.
When I got sober early in my recovery, someone said to me, I wish you a slow recovery. And I love that because it's in the slow steadiness of our recovery that the miracles happen.
Are you ready to master You're manifesting and become your own inner healer? Gabby Bernstein has been hailed as a next generation thought leader. She's also the creator and host of the podcast, Dear Gabby.
And today I am so excited to share that she's releasing her 10th book called Self-Help. This is your chance to change your life.
Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life.
Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring.
Jamie Kern Lima. Can you talk about the role of spirit guides? This is like the best conversation ever.
I believe that we all have these guides of great wisdom. So we have human people who left their bodies, like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer, my grandmother, ancestors, who we once knew in the human form, who have now deceased, and take on a form of guidance.
So they become a spiritual guide in now in this lifetime. And we also have angelic realm of guides and angelic realm of guides.
And these guides, their pure mission is to help guide our thoughts back to love. So when we have a fear-based thought and we call on a prayer, it's the angels that will come through and help us reorganize our belief systems to be the bridge from fear to love, to bring our thoughts back to God.
Do we all have them? We all have them. Even if we don't believe in them, even if someone's like, that's a bunch of crap, they still have them.
We all have them. Yeah.
If you don't believe in it, that's no problem. Whatever is right for you.
Yeah. But the more faith you have, the more you'll hear.
And sometimes angels really can't intervene in our life unless we ask. We have to ask.
There are instances where people be like, you know, I was in a car accident and I heard, you know, get out the left door. And I heard it as a voice inside.
Like that's an angelic guide or a spirit guide. And even if they don't believe it, there can be those moments of intervention when it's not your time.
So if there is a moment where there's severe catastrophic event and it's not your time to go, that's when an angel or a guide can come through. But most of the time, day to day, you can have that presence like a best friend by your side, or it can be completely shut off, but they're always there.
And there's also just the presence of that energetic field that's what is the resonance of the guides and angels. So the way to connect to this energy, to these spirits, is to attune your energy, to be in spiritual conversation like this, or to be grounded in meditative state, or to be in joy with a child.
Or often when I'm in a therapy session or with someone that's like a healer, I'll see those sparks of light. Or right here with you just talking about my son, he just gave me that little signal.
Like I'm here. It's like a little spark of light, kind of like a tinsel coming through the sky.
That can be an image of an angel. Or you can feel a sensation move through your body.
You can see I'm channeling now because my left hand goes numb, right?

So I'm a medium also.

I'm not sure how much you know about that, but I can channel these angels and guides. And so you don't have to speak about it.

I speak for it.

You know, sometimes I'll say things.

Can I just tell you the wildest thing?

Yeah.

You know how we turn that light off behind you?

Yes.

It keeps going on.

Yes.

Is it really going off?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's just been on and now it's off. And I'm like, what is happening? But I keep going.
Okay. That's what's happening.
That's what's happening. Because the angels and guides will play with technology.
Like technology will just like wildly blow your mind when you're in these situations. Light flickering is a very common way that they'll come to you.
Very, very common way. Okay.
Real elementary question. And because I want to know this.
So with our spirit guides, this is for everyone listening as well, are your spirit guides always somebody that maybe was in your life, but has passed? Or can it be someone you don't, you've never met? No, you can have guides that were maybe a teacher, maybe a figure in your religion, or guides can come in many forms. Yeah.
Okay. And then you're angels.
You can have guides that are, that are, just have like symbolic meanings. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
And you can't choose them, right? Do they choose you? They choose you and the deceased family members you can invoke, you can ask them, you can say, but here's the, here's the, the, the key is always to just invoke this presence with a message like this. I welcome the guidance of the highest truth and compassion, because just like a party in the real world, in the, in the physical realm, you're not going to open your door in Montecito and be like, Hey, everybody come on in.
Right. Like Oprah, you can come in and Gabby, you can come in and Gabby, you can come in.
And you're going to have a guest list, right? Your neighbors, right? Your friends. But you're not going to just open the door and let everybody flood through.
And so it's the same thing with guides. You don't want to just let all kinds of energy into your space.
You just say welcoming the guidance of the highest truth and compassion. So for everyone listening at home, if this is or watching us right now, if this is their first time welcoming their spirit guides into their life, so for everyone watching us right now or listening to us, and maybe this is the very first time they're gonna actually go, you know what? Right now, in this moment, I'm gonna welcome my spirit guides into my life.
What exactly should they say right now? And I'm gonna invite them to say say it with us too. You would say, thank you guidance of the highest truth and compassion for entering into my life right now, or thank you guidance of the highest truth and compassion for revealing to me what I need to know about whatever it is that we want to know.
But the thank you is very important because it's affirming that we know and believe that that guidance is real and that it's present in our life. And do you do the same for calling on your angels? Thank you, angels.
And when you say thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion, I think you're calling on your angels, calling on your guides. But sometimes I'll talk directly to the angels.
Like at night, my son and I go to sleep and we talk to the angels every single night. He has such faith because I've taught it to him.
And so we will say, thank you angels for no bad dreams tonight. And he'll go like this.
He'll go, huggies for everyone. And he starts literally just going like this, like he hugs all the angels.
And then he goes like this, does your little symbol, your little I love you symbol. And he just, thank you for, now every time I see you doing this, I think of my son doing that with his angels.
And he pulls all of his angels in, and we talk about the sparks of light, and he sees them.

And it's just incredible. I mean, it's the truth of who we are, and we just turn it off.
We just turn it off. What's the difference between guides and angels? Well, I think that guides often can have more of a personal connection to us or a guide can be maybe have a different energy as well.
And same with angels too, but you can feel the energy of the presence. So for instance, when Wayne Dyer comes to me, who's with me quite often, he's my late mentor and friend, Dr.
Wayne Dyer. If he comes to me, it's really calm energy.
I call on Wayne before I give a talk

because he was just such a masterful speaker. And I'll just call on his energy and it just puts me

just into the seat of my truth. And anything I say is exactly what it needs to be.
Louise Hay

comes to me often, usually very rapid energy, kind of like, I got something to tell you,

we got to get to work. And I know that she's using me now to carry the message.
And so I'm in the devotional commitment to her mission and carrying out her mission in this lifetime. And then I have an angel guide called Lily.
And I just know her name is Lily because I've always just known it. I can see her in my mind's eyes.
She's very young and she's like very long blonde hair and she's very, very angelic looking. And I had a reading many years ago, like 15 years ago with a friend.
And she said, who's Lily? It was like a psychic reading. And she goes, who's Lily? And I was like, okay, thank you for the confirmation.
And now every time I have a different reading with somebody else giving me a reading, they'll always ask me who's Lily, or they'll say, I hear an owl name. And it's just confirming that that is my guide.
So I've had this happen twice to me, where in a reading, they've said Mary Magdalene. Yes, exactly.
Is like all around you. Mary Magdalene.
I'm like, Mary Magdalene? And so what do you think that means? Well, I think that all kinds of beautiful archetypes and figures and the presence of spiritual essence can come to us in unique ways. So I think that it's funny that you said that Mary Magdalene was the energy because it was actually one of the examples I was going to give, because it's like some people can feel like they have a Christ-like nature around them, an energy of Jesus around them, or some people might feel like they have an energy of Gandhi around them.
But when you were saying it earlier, I was thinking about Mary Magdalene. And so it's just, it's not a surprise that that's who you've said.
And so it's the guide that's chosen to come to you. And sometimes it's because it's coming in a form that we might resonate with, right? So the images that we might see as an angel or a guide could be in a physical vision in our minds, because that's how we can interpret it as maybe this archetypal figure or as a family member or an image of an angelic presence that we can resonate with.
And I think, you know, we're in a loneliness epidemic. It's only getting worse in some ways as we get higher and higher and more and more advanced with technology.
And would you say, Gabby, that like us learning how to call upon our guides and angels is also a way, much like people practice faith in part for this as well, a way to feel less alone and to know we're not alone. Absolutely.
I believe that when we have that relationship, we no longer feel alone. And it's a relationship that I access daily.
Let me give you an, you know, struggling with some of this hormonal stuff recently. And I was, was in a pharmacy kind of like, okay, I got to get on track.
And a while back, my very dear friend had told me about this doctor in LA. And I was like, oh, okay.
But I was seeing somebody else at the time who I really trusted and she was amazing. And I just sort of filed that name away.
And then I was in the pharmacy, like looking for some estrogen kind of supplement or whatever. And I looked at this woman, she looked middle-aged like myself.
And I was like, um, perimenopause and menopause. And she looked at me and she goes, oh, and she said the name of the center, right? And she's like, this is where I go.
And this is the whole, you know, makeup, and I feel amazing. And immediately I was like, that sounds so familiar.
And it was the exact thing that my friend had referred me to several months earlier. Fast forward, you know, that day, I was like, I'm not going to ignore this sign.
My guides have led me to this sign. I spoke up randomly to a woman in a store.
She gave back to me the exact referral I had six months ago. I'm not going to ignore it.
And last night I had the appointment with her and it was just like, she just opened my eyes to so much more. And so listen and don't ignore the messages and the synchronicity.
And the synchronicity. I think all of us have had our guides, whether we acknowledge that's what it is or feel that's what it is or agree that's what it is.
They've all told us, oh, you're dating the wrong person. Oh, they really didn't lose their phone for three days.
Oh, they didn't. They're not telling the truth and it's easy to go.
Pay attention. I'm going to ignore that and all that.
But then when we choose to listen, do you believe, do you believe, Gabby, we all have divine callings in our life? Mm-hmm. I do.
I believe that when we are in spirit, before we enter the body, that we sit down and we look at a checklist and we say, okay, I'm going to go through this and this and this and this and this, because my soul needs to experience all these things so that I can transcend them and learn X, Y, Z lesson in this lifetime. And so I know for myself that my soul looked at that list and said to my guides, here's what I want to learn.
Here's what I want to go through. And it didn't look so easy, but it had a purpose.
And the purpose for me was to transcend fear and know what love, living in love and living in light means, to know it. And I've said yes to those difficult moments so that I could be here here now and be where I've been along the way, because you can be going through really tough stuff and still do great healing work in the world, even in the midst of some of your darkest moments.
You know, sort of a, one thing you've talked about a couple of times now, just in this conversation that I want to call out for everyone

listening at home is you are so in flow with instantly assigning a meaning or a belief to

the things you've gone through as if they were absolutely for you, because now you're helping

other people get through them. And now you're, right? And so what most people, what most people default to sometimes without knowing it is, oh, I just went through X, Y, or Z.
It could be I went through some of the things we've talked about today already, postpartum, where I've went through a really tough setback, or I've struggled with addiction know, I'm in menopause or any of those things. And then they sit in that space as though this is my hardship I'm in.
And, you know, and everyone, everyone listening and watching, maybe you picked up on this too with Gabby, but you're so quick to say, you know, I transcended that.

And of course, you've shared how.

And that was meant to happen to me because then I'm sharing it. I'm now helping so many other people through that.
And I think that that is such a beautiful place, not only of your journey of how you heal through things, but also your purpose and your power. And I think a lot of people, they may not be able to do a profession that has to do with the thing that they have gone through, but they can do a profession, but separately to be able to tap into the things in their life and get to a place where they go, wow, maybe this happened for me, even though I would never wish it on anyone else.
Maybe it happened for me. And maybe actually I can get to that place where I can help other people go through it and then getting that deep sense of purpose from that.
Because a lot of people feel that they don't know what their purpose or their divine calling is, and they feel lost, and they feel like something's missing. Right.
How can people help, I guess, especially when they haven't put in the reps of being able to, or maybe, you know, they haven't been able to transcend a hardship yet. You know, how, how would you say in the most simplistic terms, I guess, is the way to start going, well, wait a minute, maybe I look at that hardship and instead of saying this, this defines me, maybe it's like, oh, maybe learning to transcend it and turn it into purpose.
I'd be careful not to do it too soon because we don't want to give purpose to our pain when we still need to experience that pain. Yeah.
Oh, talk more about that. When we're in a moment of grieving or we're in an experience of discomfort, we don't want to override that experience.
We can be curious about it. We can be compassionate towards ourselves.
We can do, we can do, I mean, it's, it's perfect segue because it's, it's, it's exactly, it's exactly what I've been, what I've been talking about in this new era of my teaching, which is really about being not overriding our experiences and whether it's an actual life experience or it's an experience inside an emotional experience. And so when we, it's, there's, there's a balance between being the victim and being, and moving too quickly into possibility.
And so we want to just stay in sometimes this space that we're in and you can have the inquiry of, okay, what would you have me learn from this? That's a beautiful prayer. What would you have me learn from this? But also I don't want to rush past it.
When I got sober early in my recovery, someone said to me, I wish you a slow recovery. And I love that because it's in the slow steadiness of our recovery that the miracles happen.
And it's slow doesn't mean that we have to be living in this victim mentality. Slow means that we're taking our time to nurture the activated parts of ourselves that have needed our attention for so long.
And so when something terrible happens to us as a child or even in adult life, it needs attention. It can't be pushed past.
And it's in the spiritual space and in the personal development space that people can oftentimes get into this pattern of spiritually bypassing the actual issue. This is so good.
And then if you do that, right, or you go on TikTok and go, I need some positivity, and then you're like, I'm just going to, then you may never actually heal the thing. And it's not that we wouldn't want to lean into the possibility or lean into positivity, but it's exactly correct.
You miss the miracle if you try to override the experience. How do you, this is so good.
This is going to give someone permission today to just be. How do you know, like, how do you know where you're at in that process? This is for everyone listening, watching.
How do you know when it's time to go, oh, I'm ready to kind of transcend? Well, I think that every moment of titration into the experience and opportunity to heal is an expansion. It is a transcendence.
Yeah. Because it's not transcendence as it means, okay, I'm in perfect harmony right here, right now.
It's about the glimmers of hope and harmony. And as we, like I said, the word titrate's an important word.
As we titrate into the feelings or the sensations or the experience or the parts of us that are activated, and then we do a little adjustments, and then we can come out and just live our lives. And maybe we want to do a little like, you know, Instagram scrolling or Netflix binging or whatever we need to do.
And then we titrate in a little bit more next day. And it's those little moments.
Define titrate. So it's about not ripping off the band aid, but slowly opening the door.
So it's, it's a, it's a slow pacing of relief, right? You don't want to just like, you know, when you have a pressure cooker, if you just turn that pressure cooker on, it just explodes, right? But if you let it simmer, let it simmer. And so the tight training is sort of like an entering into the feeling and then a release and then entering into the experience and then a release.
And so, you know, that's why that,

that's actually why, so there's this four-step method in, in self-help and it's the answer to

this question because it doesn't matter where we are in our life or what we're, what's going on in

our life, good or bad. There's parts of us that can get really activated.
So even when good things

happen, we might have a part of us. It's like, this is too good to be true.
And there's a self

sabotage, right? Or if a bad thing is happening, there's a part of us that's like loves that

Thank you. that can get really activated.
So even when good things happen, we might have a part of us, it's like, this is too good to be true. And there's a self-sabotage, right? Or if a bad thing is happening, there's a part of us that's like, loves that victim mentality or just living normal life.
There's parts of us that will just control everything or be obsessing over some kind of obsession because we don't want to feel something else. And so have you ever said, Jamie, that there is a part of me that does X, Y, Z when this happens? Of course.
Yes. Do you have an example of that? Gosh.
Yeah. I'll notice granular details that aren't perfect when I'm overwhelmed.
There you go. So you seek perfection when you feel overwhelmed.
So it's like a little bit of a perfectionist part. how can I control something when everything else is out of control? Yeah.
Very, very familiar for most entrepreneurs, right? Yeah. Is we seek control to feel safe.
Yeah. And so I had a controller part, which I'll just call it a part of me.
And that part of me had been around for many, many years, right? And it was trying to keep me safe ultimately, but it was creating a lot of issues, right? So it might have been a little aggressive at work, or it might have been a little bit obsessive about things, or, you know, making things difficult in my marriage. And that controller really ran the show for most of my life.
In fact, at one point, it was so need to control was so extreme that it turned to drugs to create that control, right? And so that control is actually a protection mechanism. And who is that control protecting? For me, that control protection mechanism has most of my, throughout my life, the majority of my life, been protecting the little girl who experienced trauma as a child and had nowhere to go with it.
And the only way that she could survive was to try to control the experiences and control the life that felt so out of control. As a little girl, I did it by freaking out about my pigtails not being straight.
And as a teenager, I did it by being completely anxious and trying to make all the plans and know every plan. And as a 20 year old, I was doing it to with through cocaine and relationships and just controlling all of the outcomes in my work.
And then in my twenties, late twenties and thirties, I did it through my work. And, you know, so that, that controller isn't a bad part of who I am.
It's not a bad quality. It's a protection mechanism.
And so throughout this book, I'm helping the reader recognize that these extreme patterns and behaviors that we have, whether it's binging or drugs or alcohol or control or busyness, busyness or rage or checking out with Netflix or dissociation or, or, or even things that might be seemingly great, right? Those of us who are really big workers, workaholism is something that's praised in our society, but it's actually a protection mechanism, right? Because if I'm working, I don't have to feel those impermissible feelings. Or if I'm in control, I don't have to feel that things are out of control, or I don't have to feel the fear.
And so there's young exiled parts of us that were traumatized as children and they were never tended to, and we shut them down. We say, I never want to feel that again.
It could also be in adult experiences, like if you've had, if someone's had a violence or if they've lived through a catastrophic event, that's, they exile those feelings. I never want to feel that again.
And so I'm going to, you know, even spiritually bypassing as a protector. And I'm calling it a protect, it's a protection mechanism, but for the sake of the book, I'm calling it a protector part.
It's a part of you. And so we have all these parts of us inside that are managing these big feelings, the little children.
And so what do we do? We live our lives from trigger to protector, trigger to protector, trigger to protector. I mean, anyone that's walking through life feeling anxiety, anxiety is a protector.
There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not gonna wanna miss it.
But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams, you stay stuck at the level of your self-worth.
When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life. And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life for You.
If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you. In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness.
Overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome. Achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them and so much more.
Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth.

Get your copy of Worthy plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below.

Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you.

It's time to find out with Worthy.

Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in you.

My weekly free inspirational newsletter is packed with tips and tools to help you find out.

It's called One-on-One with Jamie and it's delivered right to your inbox each Tuesday morning.

It's a One-on-One with Jamie, and it's delivered right to your inbox each Tuesday morning. It's a love letter from me to you, from my soul to yours, and I hope it brings you the words and messages you need at just the right moment.
Plus, when you're a part of my free inspirational newsletter community, you'll be the first to get behind the scenes content, inspirational messages, and be the first to learn about upcoming events and more. It's the place to be.
And I sure hope you'll join me there. So if you're not on the list yet, you can sign up for free at jamiekernlima.com or click the link in the show notes below.
And here's to becoming unstoppable together. And now more of this incredible conversation together.
We live our lives from trigger to protector, trigger to protector, trigger to protector. I mean, anyone that's walking through life feeling anxiety is, anxiety is a protector.
if we're living with, if we're living with just, you know, we can't actually manage our feelings or we're enraged or whatever it is, these are protection mechanisms. We numb through food or work or any of those things.
Numb through food, numb through work. So self-help, self-help, self-help.
This is your chance to change your life. This is Gabby's 10th book.
It is out. Now you've got to grab it.
I'm so excited about this. And you say self-help offers a revolutionary practice to radically shift your core beliefs and help you become your own inner healer.
The book leverages the teachings of internal family systems, IFS therapy that you say has been life-changing for you. Oh my gosh.
Let's dive in. We've already started diving in.
Of course, I know. Because everything I just shared is the beginning of it.
Is the beginning of it. And so much in the beginning.
Yeah. This whole conversation.
Yes. So wherever you're picking up in the conversation, for sure, so many elements of the book.
And can, can you explain, um, for everyone listening at home, watching, uh, what this book will do for them? So on the, the covers is self-help and then the subtitle is this is your chance to change your life. And I'm going to stand behind that with full body conviction because the four-step practice that I've created in this is based on a therapy that changed my life.
And it was my mission. I went and got trained in this therapy called internal family systems therapy.
And I got trained by the IFS Institute. And with that training, I knew it was my mission.
Literally God told me to democratize this work, to take it out of the therapist's office and give it to people in everyday life. And maybe they will go on to do IFS therapy, or maybe they'll just use my four-step practice.
But it's a four-step self-help practice that's informed by IFS. And really what I started teaching already, and I know it will change their life if they choose to do it, that's it.
And the four-step practice is exactly what I've already begun to share. In IFS, we're taught that we have these young children, these little experiences that were so, these extreme experiences to little parts of ourselves, any type of experience that was too big for us to handle, and we exile it.
So that's called the exiles. There's a little, little people inside that we don't want to feel those feelings ever again.
And then we build up the protectors, all the protection mechanisms. We talked about them, binging, you know, overworking, controlling all the stories.
And we live our lives and we're just like, why do I have chronic pain? Or why do I have anxiety all the time? Or why am I ruining my marriage? Or why am I making everybody at my job hate me? Or maybe we don't even ask the why. We're just sort of like, well, this is who I am and I deserve to be like this.
And we're very righteous about these behaviors. Or we are struck in really deep addiction and we just don't know how to get out.
And these extreme patterns take over our lives and they become so much part of our identity. We think that's who we are.
But I'm here to tell everyone that these are just parts of who you are that are working really, really hard to numb impermissible feelings from your past. And my addiction, she worked hard.
That addictive part worked really hard to push it down. The workaholic, she worked really hard.
And they're not bad parts of us. They've just been put into extreme roles.
And so the work in this four-step practice is to bring self-energy, right? So we talked about earlier that God energy, that spiritual presence,

and self-energy is that inner parent inside of us, the God within us, the love within us, the truth within us, is to connect to these younger parts from that self-energy. And so self, to just simplify it, is just sort of this energy of these C qualities.
So calm, courage, creativity, curiosity, connectedness, compassion, and confidence. And these C qualities that we have when we're in our resourced self.
And so the steps are based on these qualities and extending these qualities to these young protection mechanisms inside of us. So let's say you woke up this morning, Jamie, and you were like, I'm in that controller part.
Okay. She's trying to get everything done.
She's, she's making me a little crazy or, you know, I'm feeling it. You could practice it like this.
You could say, I'm going to choose to check in. That's step one.
I'm going to choose to check in. And that's really important.
The choice is important because like any little child, if you try to force them to tell you what's going on, they'll be like, no mommy, you know? So you have to just make sure like, am I in the mood to do this right now? Okay. So choose to check in.
And that's when you just get a yes inside, like, okay, I can do this. And you focus your attention inward.
The second step is just curiosity. So offering curiosity questions to that feeling, or maybe you call it the controller.
Maybe you just have a feeling inside and you just start noticing that experience inside and you start asking it questions. So, okay, what images or thoughts or sensations do you want me to see right now? Or how old are you? Or is there a shape that you are? Is there an energy that you are in my body? Or where do I hold this feeling in my body? And why do you ask a question? You want to become curious instead of overriding this part and just pushing past it and checking out more, you check in.
This is why it's called the four-step check-in. So the curiosity lets this part of you reveal information.
And so it might say to you, how old are you part?

And it might be like, I'm really young.

How long have you been around?

I've been around forever.

And you start to flesh out this information.

It might give you an image and you might see yourself like on the playground when that

kid was bullying you or you just start to, it creates connection, right?

Curiosity creates connection.

So that extending of curiosity to this younger part of us creates a connection from our resourced self to the part. And then the third step is compassionate connection.
And this is where we would say, what do you need? Asking that part of us, what do you need? And it might say, I need to rest, I need to play or I need to feel seen. I need to dance.
Needs to go back into its child role that it was taken out of at such a young age. And then once it feels a little sense of that compassion, I want to do it with you.
You'll check and you'll see. The fourth step was, do I see those C qualities? And I see in your eyes right now that there's motion coming through right now, because I think you were doing the check-in with me.
Doing it with you. I'm getting so emotional because while we're talking about controlling stuff earlier, I'm thinking, okay, what is the thing I often feel the most? And I'm going through this step with you.
And, you know, so, you know, I write about self-worth, right? So the thing that I often feel the most is, oh, I'm not enough. That's sort of where I go.
And what's so powerful about what you just took us through that I'm doing with you right now is like, okay, you know, I check in. It's like, oh, I feel I'm not enough.
And when I ask, you know, well, what age, what age are you? And I go right to like, little girl, little girl. And then when you said the next, you know, you're curious, you say, what age are you? You know, I literally see myself right now as a little girl.
I see moments. When you ask her what she needs, I'm slowing you down a little bit, okay? Because it's easy to go right back into the interviewer.
But if we want to work with this girl for one moment, if you asked her, what does she need? What did she say? Or do you know what she said? That's the part that got me emotional. When I ask her, what does she need? Gabby, I'm going to cry.
Like I just right away,

I felt like she's like, I just need to be seen. I just need to be seen.
Like, I just need you to

just be here with me and just see me. Yeah.
Does she feel my presence with her? Does she feel that

I'm seeing her right now? Yeah. It's really beautiful.
Yeah. How does she feel about that? It feels great.
It feels really great. Does she feel a little bit more calm? Yeah.
And also just like kind of just here and enough versus kind of like looking everywhere else. Yeah.
Really locked in. Right.
Right. Yeah.
Really, really locked in. How else does she feel? Describe it.
Kind of joyful right now. Yeah.
When it's interesting, when I saw her, she's alone. When I saw her, she's alone.
And I saw the ages like four, six, eight alone. Does she know that you're here right now? That's a really profound question.

I think so.

I think now she does.

Yeah.

I think I've never, ever, ever done this or thought of this before.

And this is really powerful.

How does she feel towards you right now?

Mm. Like I'm strong enough to have her back.

Yeah.

And I'm strong enough to like hold her hand.

And I'm strong enough to see her. Yeah.
Yeah. Do you feel any sensations of compassion towards her? Yeah.
Yeah. Like literally my whole heart is warm right now.
Like my whole chest is warm. Nice, nice, nice, nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is self-energy.
So that compassion and that connection that you're describing, you're describing connection. And the safety that you're establishing for her, right? That's that confidence.
These are the C qualities of self. And so you're letting her, the little girl, know that self is here.

And if she knows that now from this one experience,

she now knows that she can check in.

She can check in all day long.

She can check in once a day.

She can check in whenever she needs you.

Because she knows you're here now.

And does doing this help her feel safe and protected so that maybe I'm not seeking out elsewhere.

Let's ask her, how does she feel?

Does she feel safer right now?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She feels magnificent.

She feels magnificent, right?

Like her magnificence is seen.

Her magnificence is seen.

She's sweet and she's kind and she's like a light.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

She's free.

She's free to be a little girl.

Yeah.

This is the work, baby.

This moment right here is your chance to change your life, Jamie, because you're experiencing right here in this moment that she can know that you are here, that self is here,

and that she's not alone, that she's seen, and that she's safe. And now she can just exercise this practice and just build more and more trust in this self energy that you have.
And the more she trusts you, the more she can relax. And the more she relaxes, the less the protectors are on guard all day.
The protectors can say, okay, well, no, no, no, we got self. We've got Jamie, got self with a capital S.
You can always go to self.

And as we start to accept that and know that, whatever we're faced with, whatever trigger comes to us, the desire to go act out or even an hour into doing the extreme behavior, come back to self. There's always a place to turn to now.
And the stronger and more in practice we get in this, the less likely the protectors that maybe come out in all kinds of ways don't need to be there. The nice thing is the protectors don't have to go anywhere.
They just need to take a break. Yeah.
They just need to relax. Yeah.
Because you know what? Your controller, mama, like my controller wrote 10 books in 14 years. We need her, right? But we just need her to be a little less extreme.
Yeah. For me, it's always been achievement, work addiction, food, food addiction, those three things.
And these protectors can stop being extreme, right? And when they're not in their extreme roles, they can take on their natural role. Okay.
So the achiever can be in that natural leader, continuing to achieve, create, and serve, right? And the controller can run this big empire that you've been running forever, including your family and your home and your world, and do it with ease. And even the binging, right? Now that it can relax, what can it do now? It can enjoy its food.
It can relish in tasting things and can just really enjoy the experience and nourish you. It can nourish you.
And we transform, not because we stop a behavior or force ourselves or judge ourselves or will ourselves into stopping. It's because we befriend these parts of ourselves.
We befriend them. We let them know that they're not alone.
We remind them that they're safe. And we really show them through this four-step simple inquiry, there's a presence of lots of love and security inside.
Gabby Bernstein, just crying my makeup off. Makeup still looks great.
Oh, my goodness. The four-step check-in process.
And Gabby goes, of course, so deep into how to do this in self-help, in self-help. And, you know, I first also want to say thank you for that.
I'm always here to- Didn't see that coming. I'm always here to check in with you.
Yeah. I know you are.
You're an amazing, you're an amazing friend. And I love to just throw things out here because there's going to be a lot of people also who have already been impacted by your work who are joining us right now.
And, you know, you never know how people are behind the scenes. And I'll never forget one of the first times that we met.
And I think I was launching my very first book, Believe

It, and you are so generous. And you're like, oh, and I remember you promoted my event and

you were just so generous. And not everybody is.
And I think that it's just beautiful.

It's beautiful to acknowledge when someone's as amazing in real life and behind the scenes as

Thank you. I mean, you mean it.
I'm going to start texting you. And this is also just like, you know, it's so congruent.
And that's what's so beautiful. With, you know, with your journey so far, you know, of all of it, you know, manifesting spirit guides, course in miracles, you know, IFS and, and to have the founder of IFS write the forward for your book.

Um, that is a really, really big deal because, uh, to, to support it in a way and say, oh, I'm actually not afraid of someone else doing this. This is actually really powerful and spot on.

And I read his forward and, um, beautiful, beautiful. And he starts it out with tears in

his eyes. He's a very dear friend.
I mean, that was one of the greatest gifts I've ever received

I'm going to go ahead. on and I read his forward and- Isn't it beautiful? It's beautiful.
And he starts it out with tears in his eyes. Oh, goodness.
He's a very dear friend. I mean, that was one of the greatest gifts I've ever received in my life.
You know, for somebody who is maybe brand new to your work, can they start and dive in? Because we got 10 really good books that Gabby's written and all bestsellers, several number one New York Times bestsellers. I remember long before I even saw you on a stage, people were recommending your books to me.
And but for someone who's maybe brand new today, is Self-Help a great book to start with? Well, I would say, yeah, I think that I would work backwards. Yeah.
Because if you get this, then all the manifesting books and all of the spiritual books will just lock in so much faster for you. Because we can do all of the manifesting methods and we can have all the spiritual faith in the world and all of that matters and it counts and it gets us closer and closer to consciousness and it gets us closer and closer to the healing modalities that we need to get to this place of knowing this self inside.
But if you can start with self, oh my God, like work backwards, people. I spent 20 years figuring this out for you.
So go backwards. Yeah.
Go backwards. I mean, at the same time, I really think you read it when you need it.
And so if someone's like something of a book's calling to them, or sometimes books will fall off the shelf, or maybe you'll buy a book like self-help and it'll sit on your shelf for a year. And then a year later you read it.
It's like, you read it when you need it. And I look, I put the cover as self-help.
It's for the willing. It's for the willing.
And so if that's too much for somebody right now, don't push it. Go read The Universe Has Your Back.
Go read Super Attractor. It's okay.
Whatever feels right. Or read Worthy, whatever they need.
Or Spirit Junkie. I love that you keep remembering Spirit Junkie.
I love it. That's like my big book.
And it like second book. I love that you were referencing it.
So many great books. That's so beautiful, so powerful.
I, you know, right now self-help is available anywhere, anywhere you get your books, anywhere books are sold. Um, Gabby also has, you know, oh my gosh, first of all, one of the most sought after

keynote speakers in the world, speaking in all, one of the most sought after

keynote speakers in the world speaking in on all types of stages from big corporations

to Oprah, all kinds of stages.

And and you also have courses, all of it.

So can you share for everyone in addition to picking up their copy of self-help today?

Where's the best place?

The best place is get inside my Gabby coaching membership app. It's like having me as your coach in your pocket.
So I'm going to make sure that it's in your pocket because what we just did, there's actually a whole self-help section. So there's like 11 check-ins that I do with the listener so they can actually do the check-ins with me.
But there's hundreds of meditations and daily two-minute practices, and you can pull in affirmation cards. You can get hundreds of meditations, workshops.
It's literally like having me as your coach in your pocket all year long. And it's my way of making these principles accessible to people anywhere, anytime.
And I'm so proud of it. Like we've been a year in this technology space and it's like a whole new world for me to recognize what's possible.
And I, so yes, I would just go to deargabby.com forward slash app. Okay.
Deargabby.com forward slash app.

I feel like we need to pull a card for you.

I'll just like wipe my tears off while you're doing that. Let's go into the Gabby coaching app.
Okay. And you're going to scroll to the right and then tap on a card and or scroll to the left, wherever you want.
And I want to see what card you pick. when I surrender my will to the care of spirit and the universe, I attune my energy with an ever-present stream of well-being.
Here we go. Let me see the card.
Yes, ma'am. When I surrender my will to the care of spirit and the universe, I attune my energy the ever-present stream of wellbeing.
And this is exactly what we've been talking about. When you're in that presence of self, you're in the stream of wellbeing.
When you're in that presence of self, you're free. And that's the secret to manifesting.
So we started this conversation with how do I manifest? How do I, how do I attract that work? We did, that four-step process put you into the stream of wellbeing, your own words. I feel magical.
I feel joyful. I feel free.
That is the energy that manifests greatness. So that's the pathway in.
You know what I love so much about our conversation is, you know, everyone in my audience, just like every audience, has so many different beliefs. Some are very strong and rooted in a particular religion or faith.
And, you know, they're all different. Some do not believe at all.
And I feel like what you've done such a beautiful job with is no matter what your beliefs are, here's how you apply these tools. And here's how you apply this

practice. Here's how the book Self-Help fits into your life.
Because for people who believe, okay, I'm made in God's image, then self-energy becomes that, right? For people that believe. So I just think this is beautiful and powerful.
And I want to thank you so much for this experience and doing this live with you.

This is so deep and so personal. Holy moly.
So personal and so deep. And you shared this earlier in the conversation that we really, truly can learn so much from other people's stories.
And I think, you know, whether it's you guiding me in this beautiful experience and me doing the four-step check-in and bawling my eyes out, maybe someone at home is doing alongside with us in their own way and having a revelation in their own journey, or it's them connecting with some of the things you shared that you've gone through as well. I just think that this is really powerful and I want to thank you.
I got to tell you, Jamie, this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. I mean that.
I hope you can really feel it. Ever.
Your courage to go there and your curiosity, it's all self-energy. And then just sort of the spontaneous experience of having self come through is just everything.
I'm so grateful that our friendship has deepened in this last hour and a half. Oh, my gosh.
I've never had lights come on and off, but in the middle of a show. Hang out with me.
Oh, my goodness goodness. Oh my goodness.
Everyone get your copy of Self Help and go to DearGabby.com. And of course, if you want to get in the coaching app, go through all of the check-ins and all of it.
DearGabby.com slash app. I love you.
Thank you. I love you.
If you loved today's episode, my only ask is that you please click on the follow or subscribe button for the show on the app that you're listening or watching on. Give it a rating or review, and then share the episode with everyone you believe in.
Share it with another person in your life who could benefit from it. Post it and share it online with others or in your community who just might need the

words and tools and lessons in this episode today. You never know whose life you're meant to change today by sharing this episode.
And thank you so much for joining me today. Before you go, I want to share some words with you that couldn't be more true.
You right now, exactly as you are, are enough and fully worthy. You're worthy of your greatest hopes, your wildest dreams, and all the unconditional love in the world.
And it's an honor to welcome you to each and every episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Here, I hope you'll come as

you are. Heal where you need, blossom what you choose, journey toward your calling, and stay

as long as you'd like because you belong here. You are worthy.
You are loved. You are love.

And I love you. And I cannot wait to join you on the next episode of the Jamie Kern Lima Show.
Do you struggle with negative self-talk? Living with a constant mental narrative that you're not good enough is exhausting. I know because I spent most of my life in that habit.
The words you say to yourself about yourself are so powerful. And when you learn to take control over your self-talk, it's life-changing.
And I wanted to give you a free resource that I created for you if this is something that could benefit your life. It's called Five Ways to Overcome Negative Self-Talk and Build Self-Love.
And it's a free how-to guide to overcome that negative self-talk to build confidence and develop unshakable self-love so that you can dream big and keep going in the pursuit of your goals. Don't let self-sabotaging thoughts hinder your progress any longer.
It's time to rewrite the script of your life, one filled with self-love, resilience, and unwavering belief. If you're ready to take charge of your narrative, build unwavering confidence, and empower yourself to persevere on the path to your dreams, you can grab your free guide to stop overthinking and learn to trust yourself at jamiekernlima.com slash resources or click the link in the show notes below.
Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox from me.
If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure're on the list, and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl.
Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. I am so excited for this book.
You know why? Because it's going to save so many people. It's going to save you.
Worthy, your new beautiful book, Worthy. Get this book.
This book, I'm telling you. It's a book that can change anybody's life who picks it up.
Anybody who's ever felt that they were not good enough, didn't measure up, something's missing in your life. I have to tell you.
It's powerful. It's happening.
It's worthy. Imagine what would you do if you fully believed in you? I went from struggling waitress facing nonstop rejection to founder of It Cosmetics, a billion-dollar company, by learning how to overcome self-doubt and believe I'm worthy of my hopes and dreams.
And I'm sharing how you can, too, in my new book, Worthy, How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life. If you're ready to truly trust yourself and break through that barrier of self-doubt and know that where you come from or even where you are right now doesn't determine where you're going, then Worthy is for you.
It's time to go from doubting you're enough to knowing you're enough. It's time to step into all of who you are and into the person you were born to be.
And it's time to believe that you are worthy of it. Because in life, we don't become what we want.
We become what we believe we're worthy of. Join the worthy movement today by grabbing your copy of Worthy anywhere books are sold and head to worthybook.com now for free gifts, including my five-part course on becoming unstoppable and my 95-page Worthy Workbook Action Plan that teaches you how to implement the tools from the book into your real life right now.
Worthy is groundbreaking. Yo.
Oh my god. Worthy, you are worthy.
This book is going to change lives. This book literally will teach you how to actually feel worthy so that you can have the strength, you can have the confidence.
The lessons in this book and the strategies will will change your life you will never be the same again after you read this book jamie's book worthy is a must read it is going to inspire you empower you give you the hope that you need and the kick in the rear end that you deserve jamie's book worthy is incredible the gifts are going away, but they're all free right now on worthybook.com. It's such an honor to share this podcast together with you.
And please note, I'm not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional.

If you love this incredible episode with Gabby Bernstein, I promise you,

you're also going to love this life-changing episode of the Jamie Cran Lima Show with Oprah,

where we talk about how to hear your intuition, tap into your purpose,