Harpoon Man

Andy and I are drinking a little coffee.

Yorma is drinking out of an insanely large, irritatingly large.

It basically looks like a hot sauce.

I think it's bigger than a hot sauce.

It looks like a hot sauce.

Yeah, it's full of ketchup.

Yeah, he's just sucking ketchup out of a giant bottle.

Starbucks has a block on these, but these are very popular, guys.

Who drank the most?

I know the answer is me, but who do you guys think drank the most coffee at SNL?

You.

Oh, of everybody there, you were the craziest?

Of the four of us.

Oh, yeah.

Who do you think drinks the most now?

Still me.

Is it really?

How How many cups a day?

Three, probably.

Oh, I think I might up you beat.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I think I go four.

Something like that.

Really?

I thought you quit.

Me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Last time I saw you, you wouldn't have any.

I quit drinking.

I didn't quit.

Like, coffee is actually, I would say, way harder to quit.

You wouldn't have any coffee, Jorm.

Yeah, you told us you fully quit job.

I thought you were drinking NCCs, non-caffeinated coffees.

Yeah, you were off the job.

Aren't you the NCC guy?

No, I'm on the job and I'm also like micro-dosing.

You know what I mean?

But wait, Yorm, are you denying that at any point you were off the job?

That you didn't come to LA and refuse coffee with us and say, sorry, I'm trying to not drink that for my.

You guys are conflating my non-alcohol.

I don't drink alcohol anymore.

This is insane.

You actually have black spots in your brain that you don't even fucking drink.

Gaslighting.

We were both there.

You guys are liars.

Do you think that Jorm read a book about how to be the dominant alpha?

And one of the chapters was...

Claim that you don't drink coffee.

This massive gaslighting of I'm off the job.

And then you guys would leave and then he would go get his own coffee.

Yeah.

You make people doubt their own thoughts.

It's like the first thing you do.

Step one, tell people you're off the job.

Then when they bring it up, say they're lunatics.

But also, because he was on the job, but presenting us off the job, you guys would probably think, man, how does he get his energy?

Yeah.

Here we are.

Well, from clean living was what he was pretending.

Yeah, clean living.

That's what I was claiming.

Yeah.

Just like, oh, it's just exercise, bud.

Nonstop.

Wait, I can't believe this.

You genuinely are telling us no time in the last five years, you totally stopped drinking coffee.

Even for just a week.

If I claimed that, it would have been for three days total that I tried to do that.

And it just happened to be the three days you were with us.

Maybe.

I mean, like, I'm only with you guys in fits and starts.

So.

Can I tell you why this is a yellow card?

This is a social yellow card to me.

I think you have to be off the job or off the carbs or off the gluten, whatever you're off for a week before you start telling people you're off it.

I would agree with you, except for that job, I think is a different situation because you could be like, I'm not doing this anymore.

I'm not doing this anymore.

You know what I mean?

So you could freak out about that one.

And then three days later, you're like, you know what?

I went on.

You wouldn't freak out about gluten the same way.

I'm just not having it.

I'm not going to have gluten anymore.

You wouldn't have done that.

I'm done.

I am fucking done.

You know what I mean?

This is the first time on this podcast I wish people could have actually seen us because Jorm's performance there was really stirring.

I think based on hearing it, they're going to be able to picture pretty close to what he was doing facial.

Oh man.

I'm not doing this anymore.

I fucking love that.

Was that your memory of when he told you he was off the job?

No.

No.

My memory is he's like staying in my guest room and Liz has made a pot of coffee.

And I go, You want coffee?

And he goes, Oh, no, I'm not.

I'm not having caffeine in the mornings anymore.

That is not true.

You're a liar.

And then we all hung out and we're working.

And I remember distinctly when they were like, hey, coffee.

He's like, oh, no, no coffee for me.

I'm off caffeine.

No, not for me.

And then day two, fuck you, like, inject me.

Which, which was notable because we knew you always say yes.

On the set of Popstar, there was a sign up that was a picture of Jorm Xeroxed with do not give this man caffeine.

And it was on the coffee station.

Yeah.

Because he was too, at the time, he was too on the job.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He would get on the job and then he would keep jobbing throughout the day and sort of like tweak out the vibe.

Okay, that's that's true.

All of that's true, but don't do that to the director.

You can't co-director put up signs saying that the co-director, one of the directors can't have coffee and the other one just fucking can.

Like, no, that's got to be a DGA.

I like to think that on a workday when Jorn walks out of the house, Mari looks him in the eye and says, Remember, on the job, off the job.

There you go.

So, me and Mari, early in our relationship, we were trading things that we would like the other person to do.

I wanted her to go record shopping.

I was like, that's a really nice thing for me to do.

I got her like used record player and we did like a couple trips to like Aaron's records and 1971.

exactly and then her thing was i like to wake up slowly with a nice cup of coffee i know you don't drink coffee i would love for you to have coffee with me day one as soon as i had my first cup she was like never drink coffee again i don't want you to do this with me you're ruining coffee for me and i don't know

why she said that okay

Hey, just want to clarify, the reason we're talking so much about Jav and whether or not Yorma's offer on it is because the digital digital short we're going to discuss today stinks.

Stinks.

Yeah, we got to talk about anything else.

Welcome to another Lonely Island Seth Meyers podcast.

We're going to talk about two digital shorts today.

And we're also going to talk about what now when you look back on it is just a very fallow period to start this season that culminates in the Christmas show, which is next week's episode.

And again, I do think you want to listen to this one to really enjoy the comeback story of next one.

Yeah.

Suspense.

You're going to finish the first half of your second season with Dick in a Box, which is the game changer.

It's the third runaway hit, right?

Yep.

Lazy Sunday, Natalie Rap, Dick in a Box.

Yeah.

Your words.

My words.

But certainly the third one that we were like, whoa, that worked.

It's your okay computer.

You're not the first person to say that.

A lot of people are saying that.

I'm not the first person to say.

It might have been me the other times too.

But here's the thing.

I'm going somewhere here.

I read this really great Mike Nichols autobiography by this great writer named Mark Harris.

And I would have told you Mike Nichols only had hits his whole career.

And yet you read the book and it's just highs and lows.

And looking back at the first half of the season for you guys is a real reminder because my memory was, oh, yeah, once they started making digital shorts, they were all hits.

Not the case.

That's not the case.

Nor was it ever.

Nor was it ever.

Yeah.

That's the nature of SNL.

That is the nature of SNL.

And life.

Yeah.

History forgets the duds and remembers the good ones.

And that's nice.

I thought you were going to say remembers the studs.

That's why you got to just interrupt sometimes.

All the mics are live.

You can just get in.

Yeah.

Wait.

So say the first part.

Keeve, say the first part.

Well, you know, that's why history forgets the duds.

And remembers the studs.

The other thing that they say is that the job sinks to the bottom.

You know what I mean?

The cream rises and the job sinks.

Yeah.

You got it.

Guys, I think, though, what you're saying, Keith, is very valuable because I'm messing it up.

There's some version of a Jack Lemon quote where he says, look, people are going to remember you for your best work.

Don't beat yourself up for the duds because excellence is what we remember.

Because one day we'll remember the studs.

I mean, why wouldn't he have got it right?

That's definitely what Jack Lemon said.

I think that might be the tagline to Grumpy Old Men 2.

By remembering him for Grumpier Old Men 2 at the end of that sentence, you've negated everything that was the point of the sentence.

That's true.

You could have said, oh, Billy Wilder wrote that on the apartment or something, but instead you went to Grumpier Old Man 2 proving everything wrong.

It just seemed like a likelier tagline for that movie.

So we are in the John C.

Riley week.

John C.

Riley is someone we're very excited to work with, right?

Yeah.

He is a dude who we know both as a fantastic dramatic actor.

And I feel like we're catching him on this sort of second path of really funny comedy actor as as well.

And of course, now known as sort of a mouthpiece for the Waldorf school community.

You think that is going to get you like a discount on tuition or something?

No, I just think it's an interesting fact.

I didn't know this about him.

Everyone I know that knows him now, all they talk about when they talk about him is like, man, that guy loves Waldorf School.

What are Waldorf schools?

Waldorf School, my kid goes to Waldorf, and Waldorf School is basically like sending your child to pagan school.

Like when you think that they're going to come home learning math or like reading or whatever, they've just learned to sing an ancient song about autumn sort of thing.

So it doesn't actually help you in life.

And at one point, this is a real deviation here.

I was worried about like my kid going from Waldorf school to like eighth grade.

And I was like, what's that like?

And they were like, oh, it's great.

This kid just did it.

He went to public school.

They were having a presentation, like a report about spice traders.

So as a Waldorf kid, he, of course, made his own Spice Trader outfit out of leather and sewed himself a pouch and actually made coins for the presentation.

And I was like, that's my nightmare.

During the pandemic, my kids spent a whole year going to a forest school.

So they just would be outside for like six hours a day.

And I can tell you that, and again, they're still young.

They're not crushing reading or writing at the average level, but they can recognize almost any plant and they can whittle the shit out of a twig.

And the other day, my five-year-old Axel at a flea market wandered into the woods to take a whiz.

And some lady was like, Don't let him go in there.

There's poison ivy.

And he just looked over his shoulder midways and said, I know what it looks like.

Yeah.

There's some images.

So there you go.

Now, again, we've talked a lot about Jav, now a lot about Waldorf School.

Obviously, we're avoiding talking about harpoon man.

John C.

Rise.

Can I say, maybe I'm the only person on this podcast.

I fucking love Harpoon Man.

Maybe I love the failures.

It's possible.

Did you re-watch it before this?

Yes.

I did.

I just re-watched it as well.

And it was better than I remembered in some ways.

And then there were some ways that were dated.

Yeah, there's some cringy moments for sure.

To the moments where I was like, ooh, I wish I could erase that.

Yes.

You wouldn't do that now.

I agree with that.

And when people re-watch it based on my comment, some people will dislike me as a person because I said that.

That's not the parts you like.

Yeah.

It's not the parts I like.

But I have a real fondness for this particular short, personally.

Do you guys remember the impetus for the idea, Harpoon Man?

Is there any memory of how this got off the ground?

Gosh, I really don't.

Can I also say, Andy, I'm a giant fan of you as a singer.

It's terrible.

This isn't your wheelhouse.

Honestly, like, I was cringing the whole time watching it.

It's maybe your bottom three vocal performance.

I mean, I struggle to think of a worse one.

Maybe Daiquiri Girl, but that was on purpose, you know?

Yeah.

This is is noble that you're admitting that this was an effort was being made to sound cool and Berry Whitish.

I mean, this was so early on.

Like, we had never even attempted this type of song before.

So, this was like a classic SNL thing where you're like, what if we do it like in the style of one of those?

And just sort of winged it and did it really fast and throw away, and it sounds bad.

Wait, Keith, will you describe what Harpoon Man is for our audience, real quick?

Yeah, well, it's kind of a shaft-style 70s black exploitation song.

So it's mostly spoken, but in a deep, kind of Isaac Hayes-y kind of voice.

Would you say that's a fair way to put it?

I would say it's like a spot-on Isaac Hayes impression.

Yeah, spot-on.

Like you close your eyes, you think we got him to do it.

We got chef from South Park to come by.

Yeah.

And it is John C.

Reilly, and he's dressed like the Gordon's Fisherman, like full yellow slicker, and he's got a harpoon.

And the narrator, Andy, is telling the story of this guy and his legend.

And the parts of it I like is that it's him on the streets in New York, and he's in this ridiculous outfit.

And it's John C.

Riley, who's a pretty big star.

And we just went out with a camera, no crew, and he just ran around Times Square, Midtown area in this ridiculous outfit.

And you can tell we just really did it with no security or anything like that.

He was a whaler in Alaska till bad guys killed his family.

Now he's in the big city looking for vengeance, and they call him

Harpoon Man.

The only dude who wields a big-ass harpoon and knows how to use it.

Harpoon Man!

Yeah, looking good, Harpoon Man.

He's a cool custom move with moves that'll make your head spin.

But don't you cross him, he got his name for a reason.

And then at a certain point, the narrator is insulting him over and over.

Like it goes from saying he's legend to saying things that are rude about him.

And he starts looking at the camera like, what the hell's going on?

And don't you judge his premature ejaculation?

Don't worry, harpoon man.

It happens to lots of guys.

And all of a sudden, he's not doing these feats around New York.

He starts going into 30 Rock, hitting the elevator, going through the hallways, finds the recording studio, and finds Andy in the recording booth doing the song in real time, dressed as a orca killer whale, his natural enemy.

Oh, what are you getting mad, Harpoon Man?

You're never gonna find me.

moron.

And I forgot all of that.

The whole back half, the fact that there was a point and that it kind of excused all the rude things to some degree.

To some degree.

Because that's just who the whale is.

Yeah, the whale.

It was the whale.

The whale is a piece of shit.

It's an orca, a killer whale who would have no regard for anyone.

Yeah, no remorse.

Well, especially not a harpoon man who wants to kill him.

True.

There's a directing complaint I have about it, which is there's lots of close-ups of the whale's mouth in the booth, but you can see part of the the whale costume in the close-ups.

See, but I didn't notice because I forgot it was coming.

So I would say we get away with it.

Yeah, I think you only notice it if you remember the whales coming.

Got it.

I think it's forgivable for the first viewing.

I don't think any viewers were tipped off.

Why wouldn't we have just made some black bars on the side, though, as a style choice, just to make the frame smaller?

Or just made the shot more straight on instead of from the side.

I don't think you would have liked that either.

Andy's trying to deflect away from his singing with these soft directing notes.

I couldn't be more on the record of saying, I suck in it, and it's not my fave.

I enjoy how much you're owning this one.

I think that it suffers as well from it, it has a similarity to young Chuck Norris.

It's a lot of the same locations.

Yeah, yeah.

The rock in Central Park, it's outside 30 Rock.

I think we've seen the wall of 30 Rock now and maybe five or six shorts.

Yes.

And you guys do start going farther afield the more budget and thrust gets behind the digital shorts.

Yeah, I was going to say part of it is what we were limited to.

I mean, we were not like cut loose the way they are now with like, here's tons of money to go shoot this epic thing.

It was like, go make something and we'll maybe air it while we change sets.

And at the time, it didn't bum me out, but knowing where digital shorts go, watching these old lo-fi ones, you're kind of waiting for.

Yeah, but the lo-fi was part of the charm.

Of course.

Because the show is so slick that then when you get something where you can tell we just ran out with the camera, that was, I think, part of what made them special for a while.

I should also say, to give John C credit where credit is due, the C is for credit.

Oh, yeah.

John Credit Riley.

He's having a real fun time.

And again, this is a movie star in the streets of New York dressed like the Gordon Gordon fisherman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And he's just rolling around with a harpoon.

Yes.

I was just about to say the same thing, Seth, which is that him being out there looking goofy and playing along with the jokes very gamely and then being very funny at the end when he finds the whale and kills it and yells breakfast, which is funny.

Gotcha.

Hey, man.

The first 30 seconds, the idea is he is sort of like a renegade cop, throws a harpoon to stop Hater from mugging someone.

Right.

Yeah.

It's got a little bit of lobster claw handlebar, if that's what you're getting at.

Don't think I didn't feel that.

Weird that you guys managed to finally crack that problem and I was no part of it.

Anyway.

Well, it clearly didn't work great.

I want to say say late night with Seth Myers producer Hillary Hun.

Oh, yeah, she's in it.

Plays

Harpoon Man's Wife.

So this is a moment that doesn't age particularly well.

Nope.

One of a few.

There's quite a few that don't age well.

The orca says, I slept with his wife.

Yeah.

At this point, we still think the orca is a human, though.

So we're not thinking there's some weird.

That's true.

That's true.

Then we just catch her sadly eating a sandwich in the mother lover spot where the mother lovers will eat a sandwich later.

Yeah, and then he throws a harpoon through his own wife.

Yeah, because everyone has boned his wife.

Wait, does that happen?

Did I just blink and miss that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, she gets harpooned.

She's eating by the side of a fountain.

Yeah, I don't like that now.

I have somehow missed that.

I wonder if I was diligently taking notes during that moment.

There's quite a few things that we would have not done if this had been made now, but probably not made it at all.

Listen, we're so tired from hot rod still.

I know, I'm wondering, because we are still in the hot rod hangover, and you are still actively working on hot rod as well.

We are editing it, and we're even editing it on Mondays and Tuesdays.

And then every time we're pulled away from it to go back to the show to make make something, there is a part of us where our brains are just 100% on, we shot a movie and we need to get it edited.

Yes.

And now we're here and we're having to shift gears.

I know I've talked a big game about how this is and golden era.

I do feel as though going over the run lists for these shows, we maybe are just on the precipice of when I would want to begin and golden era.

This might be the spring training slash preseason of Anne Golden Era.

That's fair.

I think that's fair.

Some very fun things, but some lumpy moments.

In any given season, no matter the cast and writers and everything, there's shows where it all comes together and shows where you're like, woof.

Like, if you could lose a couple every season.

Well, when you guys say, though, that like if you see a good episode of S Now, like maybe even a great episode, that it's still like, I don't know what percentage you guys would put it at, but I would still put it at like 40%

great.

You know what I mean?

Like, it's a great episode.

It's hard to make live TV when there's somebody in the the booth saying camera one, camera two, camera, and everything is timing in comedy.

It's hard to get that right.

And I just feel like a great episode of SNL is still going to have maybe 50% like,

I mean, obviously everyone has a different opinion, but there are certain ones, like I would argue, the Justin one we're going to talk about on the next episode, where when you look at the rundown, you're like, all this killed.

Or like Melissa McCarthy had a few like that, where you're just like, oh my God, every sketch destroyed i should say when maya comes back to host i don't know if you guys are still there that was a monster top to bottom so there are a few it definitely happens yorm is all i'm saying i guess i don't mean that though i mean for your actual comedy taste like what percentage of a show has to be good to like have you because like i don't mean the audience like loving everything i mean like you being like fuck that was fire i think if it's over like 60 or 70 percent that's considered like a smash Well, that's quite good.

To me, if it was like at 50, that I was like, fuck, that was really funny.

I thought that was like hilarious because there's always like sketches that I'm like, oh, yeah, that's not for me, but it was quite good.

The truth is, if you watch any episode of SNL and there's one sketch you're really excited about, it's a huge deal.

100%.

I remember one season near the end of the year at the Thursday rewrite table.

I read through every episode and had the writers say whether it was a win, loss, or tie.

That's a good idea.

And it was pretty much even numbers.

And I think it was a good season.

Yeah.

But it was sort of like seven, seven, and seven, or seven, six, and seven.

And sometimes it's a loss because you are bummed that you, as a writing staff and cast couldn't rise to the level of the host.

Right.

You know, so you're great on a curve.

When you had a really good host and it felt like a fine show, you sort of take the L.

To your point, Andy, though, like when we first got to the show, I remember this distinctly because me and Keeve, how old were we when we watched that Kelsey Grammar episode, Keeve?

We watched an episode of the show when we were children.

The sketch is that Kelsey Grammer is a film noir detective and his voiceover just somehow keeps going back to that he wants to go to this all-night suit and burrito shop, that he's obsessed with burritos.

And we thought it was so fucking funny.

I think it's a McKay one.

So I think we were probably teenagers.

I remember watching it over, like we had recorded it, or like, I don't know, like just stuck in my head.

I was like, this is the best funny, and this murdered.

Like, it was so fucking funny.

And then when you get to the show, when we first got to the show, there's an SNL post post server, which we didn't know existed.

And you can watch dress and air for every episode of the show starting in like 1970, like two years after the show started.

And we rewatched that particular episode.

And I don't remember anything else from that particular episode of the show, but I was like, this murdered and it was the funniest thing ever.

And I still thought it was fucking hilarious.

But when we re-watched it, we were like, oh, this didn't do very well.

Like, it's your personal take on the show.

Like, if you find a sketch that like speaks to you, it was completely worth watching that particular episode.

Everyone has those particular sketches that like meant the world to them.

And yet no one, and we've done some straw pulling, no one feels that way about Harpoon Man.

That's right.

There was no age in which Harpoon Man hit the sweet spot.

But Seth, you've pinpointed it, though, when you said it's because we feel like we let down a good host.

Like John C.

Reilly is so funny.

That's why it really hurts because we made a mediocre thing and he was game and he's funny and he deserved better.

And that's one of the reasons we're beating ourselves up about it.

Yeah.

Seth, were you there?

It was a year or two before we got there when David Allen Greer hosted.

No, missed it.

I remember that episode as being one where I was like, fuck, that killed.

Yeah.

Off the top of my head, I can think of two sketches that were so funny, the like death row bloopers and all the commercials, like Maya Angelou for Fruit Loops and all that shit.

He's one of those guys that I'm sure was, I mean, again, he did in Living Color.

Yes.

I think he used to do Maya Angelou on In Living Color even.

Yes.

The real deal, top to bottom, that dude.

Yeah.

I do want to move on from the John C.

Reilly show because we're going to talk about one other short, but there were some failed shorts because only one other short airs before Dick in a box.

And there's no indication based on the trajectory of the shorts that lead up to it that Dick in a Box is about to happen.

What are the dates of this show that you're talking about?

John C.

Riley is October 21st.

Was there no...

Sorry.

Sorry.

That's okay.

What do you got?

Was there no Seth's corner that week?

Oh.

John C.

Reilly, I don't think much happened over in Seth's Corner.

There's some Seth Corners coming up.

The next week is Hugh Laurie, who I really adored as a host.

He's a little bit like David Allen Greer because he was a sketch comedian before he did house.

He was hosting for house, but he had lots of moves in the comedy world.

And I think maybe a lot of American audiences didn't quite know how deeply funny he was.

I remember I didn't until it was announced, and they were like, oh my God, he did all this British comedy.

And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And Bill was like, yeah, man.

You didn't fucking know about all the media.

And I was like, fuck fuck you, you piece of shit.

You know what I mean?

A bit of Fry and Laurie, I think was the name.

With Stephen Fry.

That's right.

Also, a deeply funny person.

You know who you sound like?

Who's that?

Fucking Bill.

Yeah, hater.

You piece of shit.

All right, buddy.

He's going to listen to this.

I fucking love him.

I miss him.

I got to call him more often, man.

I got to call him more often.

Let's get spotted was cut after dress.

Yeah.

Right.

Not a great loss.

No.

Let's get spotted.

I forgot I existed.

It It was an interesting experience, though.

And it does speak to an earlier, a very thin slice of culture,

which is the spotting of celebrities publicly.

Gawker was sort of the main thrust behind it.

And I think we went to Us Weekly.

You did go to the Us Weekly offices.

You went to the Gawker offices and the Us Weekly offices.

The premise was that Andy and Fred were disappointed that they'd never been spotted by one of the many websites or magazines that would spot celebrities.

And so then you just sort of walk around the city loudly proclaiming who you are and what you're doing.

Yeah.

Walking out of Starbucks, wearing Yankees hats and sunglasses.

Oh, God, just coming out of Starbucks, just place where people get spotted.

Then you show up in the actual Us Weekly offices pushing a baby stroller walking through.

So this is a question.

I did not know if those were the real offices.

Yeah, those are real.

Yes, they were.

And you're seeing the staffs of those places being like, why are these two assholes walking through our office with a camera?

Giving them a taste of their own medicine.

Was that really their vibe?

Did they really feel that way or were they psyched to have?

Did we tell them ahead of time?

I don't remember.

I mean, we had to get permission.

We had to figure out where it was, but I think those are the real employees at the real time.

And I think we just kind of let everybody just work, do what you're doing, ignore us.

And then you guys just walked through like once or twice and we were like, thanks and ran out.

Yes.

Do you remember the celebrity cameo, Andy?

No.

Matthew Broderick.

Was in it?

Matthew Broderick is in it.

You guys all of a sudden see the actual Matthew Broderick and you start walking with him.

I should try and be spotted with him.

Yes.

And then that is the culmination of the piece is that someone writes on Gawker, I saw Matthew Broderick walking with two idiots.

And you and Fred says we're famous.

And then you high five.

And my biggest pet peeve of how sketches ended during my era of SNL happens.

Do you guys know what my biggest pet peeve is?

Freeze frame.

Freeze frame.

Was it a freeze frame before the actual high five?

Yes.

The freeze frame happens before the high five i'll give you credit that i enjoyed that but then it's like guitar music after a freeze frame i had a second pet peeve that i'm pretty sure yorma did three times no in the course of five weeks why would i which is sketches ended with somebody falling out a window you love mugless i love mugless but that's years later oh my god i remember earnestly saying to the writing staff i was such a what's the word for somebody who's a huge drag debbie downer um just a scold just like a scold, being like, guys, we got to stop ending sketches with freeze frames and jams.

And then for like the next five weeks, that was all anybody wrote.

My favorite one to end a sketch that was subpar at the table was to play the SpongeBob SquarePants song Best Day Ever, which was just a hateful way to be like, and this won't get picked.

Oh, but I will say, so Let's Get Spotted Gets Cut.

Hugh Laurie, I wrote a sketch.

So can we pop into Seth's Corner?

Seth's Corner, you're all invited.

Seth's Corner, it's happening right now.

Take it wasted.

You guys know, I mean, Bill gets all the credit for it, but I love British comedy too.

Just keep it a little closer to the vest.

So I wrote a sketch for Hugh Laurie, and it's a real wheelhouse sketch for me where he was the guy who goes to hotels.

He works for the queen, and he's the advanced man who shows up a day early to make sure everything will be to her liking at the hotel.

The whole sketch was Hugh Laurie dryly laying out insane things.

Firstly, please remove all sheets and replace them with rubber sheets.

With rubber sheets?

Yes.

Do you think you can find some?

Yes, of course.

Of course.

Good.

Now, the Queen may have one or two friends over.

Of course.

So please procure 40 bottles of Belvedere vodka

and place them on every flat surface in the room with the cap half twisted off.

Make sure there is no distance greater than eight meters between bottles.

I'm going to write this down.

My favorite was he wanted her, it was Wig.

He needed them to take the mini fridge into an adjacent room and then fill that room with other mini furniture.

Because at the end of the day, the queen liked to relieve stress by pretending she was a giant.

That's a cute joke.

I like that.

Excellent.

And the end was that she likes to keep her valuables in the toilet.

Thank you.

Oh, and one more thing.

Her Majesty does not trust safes, so she keeps all of her valuables in the toilet.

And what do I need to do about that?

Well, you need to take this 400 pounds and give it, with my apologies, to whoever cleans out the safe.

Oh, my God.

That's good.

Wait, did it air?

Yeah.

Yeah, that one aired.

It aired aired really well.

And I mean, I forget exactly how Hugh Laurie said, but Hugh Laurie went to read his list and took glasses out of his pocket and he couldn't get them open.

And then he said, Fortunately, these are just an affect and threw them over his shoulder.

Now, the reason I don't include the following requests in the facts is that they require an added layer of discretion.

Am I understood?

Yes, of course.

Fortunately, they're just an affectation.

Excellent.

The rare improvised moment.

Did the audience know he did that because they wouldn't open?

Yes, because he gave a real good effort and then they watched him bail and he gave a little bit of a smirk.

He let him in.

It wasn't a planned goof.

It was not a planned goof.

And a version of this would return, but I don't want to get ahead of ourselves.

Wow.

Actually, maybe you guys are gone and we're never going to get to that episode.

But I think Marica Sawyer, the great Marika Sawyer, when Martin Short hosted years later, she said, you should do that sketch again and he should be the OBGYN for.

Yeah, we were gone, but that was an incredible sketch.

So it was the same thing.

And the thing I'll say about that sketch, now I'm way into the future, but they said, how do you want Marty to look?

And I said, oh, whatever he chooses.

And he had the craziest, the first time I saw it, he had the craziest fucking wig and the jankiest fake teeth.

And do you recall anything that he said to you about it?

The only thing I recall, do you remember there was like a monkey that got lost in an Ikea that was wearing a fur coat?

That sounds like a make-em-up as an L.

That's ringing a bell.

There was a photo of a monkey that somehow escaped and got like lost in IKEA or something.

There was a picture of a monkey in a fur coat and I basically wrote a sketch where Marty was a monkey in a fur coat.

And I remember being like, how do you want me to do this?

And I was like, like Martin Short.

I literally said like Martin Short.

That's a good direction.

And the week after he hosted and was one of my favorite weeks.

Another episode comes to mind, Larry David.

Yeah, after we're all gone.

Yeah, but I remember watching it being like, fuck, this episode's killing.

Yep.

Really great.

Support for the Lonely Island and Seth Meyer's podcast comes from Viore.

Yorm, you know what?

I remember you saying to me once.

Ooh, I can't wait for this dish.

What?

You said, if you ever find a new perspective on performance apparel, call me yesterday.

Definitely sounds like me.

Well, I've got one, Yorm.

It's Viore.

It's incredibly versatile, comfortable.

If If you're sick and tired of traditional old workout gear, hate it.

Viori is for you.

It's super easy to find the product you want on their website.

It's designed to look great in and out of the gym.

I know that's important to you since you're going back and forth constantly.

You at the gym, I remember people are always yelling in or out because you're always leaving the door open.

It was funny because I go to two gyms and they're very, very close to each other.

So they don't realize that I'm going to the other gym each time.

Oh, you go back and forth.

Yeah, exactly.

There's a men's core short.

I love it, Yorm.

It's one short.

Works for every sport.

Classic athletic fit.

Falls just above the knee.

I know that's right where you like it to hit just above the knee and i like to play two sports at once as you know so like that sounds great for me well this is the kind of versatility you're gonna love jorn viori is an investment in your happiness for our listeners they're offering 20 off your first purchase it's a very easy to navigate website i know that's important to you too jorn oh boy yeah thank you get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at viori.com slash island that's vu o r i.com slash island not only will you receive 20 off your first purchase but enjoy free shipping on any u.s orders over 75 in free returns.

Go to viori.com/slash island and discover the versatility of Viore clothing.

Alec Baldwin comes next.

Now we're at November 11th.

We're getting closer to the Christmas show.

Still not much happening.

Remember now, at this point in the season, all we have is Cubicle Fight, Fine, Harpoon Man, Harpoon Man.

And now it's an Alec Baldman show.

And a cut sketch.

And a cut sketch, right?

Let's get spotted.

And I think technically we shot another one that didn't air, but would air later.

Right.

So, but not good enough.

And we will discuss Nurse Nancy when we get to it.

But not another best of.

Is that four or five?

I think four now.

Okay.

Best of the four that you've shot.

So not going good.

Not going great.

There's no shorts in the Alec Baldman show.

There is a jogger from 1992.

So what were our lines in 90s jogger, Keeve?

Do you remember him?

I feel like you're not.

No, I don't remember.

I couldn't.

Yeah, no, I don't.

And now a moment with the out-of-breath jogger from 1992.

Oh,

oh,

Did you see Homo 2 yet?

He's lost in New York.

It's nuts.

Spin doctors!

George Bush totally barfed on that Japanese dude

that George Bush is president now in 1992.

Oh, I'm so out of breath.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Crystal Pepsi.

This has been a moment with the out-of-breath jogger from 1992.

Yeah, I do remember that being a nice hard cut out.

A Wikipedia of the year 1992 will get you that script pretty fast.

Daris S.

Corner though.

There is a sketch that I remembered.

I looked it up today because it's one of my favorite Alec lines.

A A sketch called Bossa Nova Bar.

Do you remember Bossa Nova Bar?

Not by name.

You're in it, Andy.

I'm in it.

Yeah, you're just in it.

But there's like Brazilian music playing, and he's just walking over and flirting with people while Bossa Nova music plays and people keep throwing drinks in his face.

Ah, music.

The language of allure.

Damn, this moves me.

I am Rick Cornman.

First time in Brazil?

I came here 20 years ago.

I never left.

I don't know how to put this, but your body is, what's the word?

Slammin'.

Boo.

Turns out I didn't know what word.

Do you model?

Well, you should.

Because in my mind, you're modeling for me right now.

Click.

I just took your picture in my mind.

Guess what?

You're topless.

And bottomless.

It's a white suit.

I'm going to give credit to Emily Spivey for this wonderful line.

This is Bossa Nova music playing.

Alec walks over to Amy.

When I hear this music, it's impossible not to think of two souls connecting.

Hi, Rick Cornman of room 512.

You know what part of a woman I like best?

And I'm not kidding about this.

The vagina.

Knew where he was headed.

Loved going.

Still really nice

of room 512.

If you want to know what Yormo is doing, why he's not on Jogger, it's because there's a cut-on air, Evil Speed Reader, which is a forte to Coney Solomon Spider, which did eventually air.

That was, by the way, a great speed reader.

I'm surprised that it didn't air.

Who did it eventually air with?

Because I remember it with Baldwin, but did he do it another time with Baldwin?

That was the one time I remember doing it.

What I remember about Evil Speed Reader, and this did not happen often in my time at SNL, it ended with Forte singing evil speed reader to the tune of Dreamweaver,

walking into the audience at the end of the sketch.

Oh, yeah.

And I think at one point he is going like, evil speed reader.

And he's singing very high Forte.

And he points at a woman and goes, this lady knows what I'm talking about.

His superpower is that he can read really fast and it's impressing people.

He's very cocky about it.

And I believe in that one, he reads the Bible super fast and makes that

as he's flipping pages, and he gets to the end.

And then he says, done, poor Jesus.

Oh, yeah.

He speedreads like this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's his brain sucking up information.

That's how he impresses people.

That line about my favorite part of the woman is the joy of writing for Alec Baldman, who would dryly deliver lines like that.

One of my favorite lines ever that Paula Pell wrote for Alec was the Tony Bennett show.

Rest in peace, Tony Bennett.

Alec did an incredible Tony Bennett impression.

And in the Tony Bennett show that was written by Paula Pell, the sponsor that week was Dr.

Scholz.

And he says,

you know, women, they got delicate feet.

I once made love to a lady's foot for seven hours, but then the nurse came in and said, Mr.

Bennett, she's gone.

Oh my God.

Said dryly,

fantastic.

He was.

He was making love to a corpse's foot.

Yeah.

That's his stage pattern.

And also because of the way Alec does Tony Bettit, which was so affable and beloved, like it weirdly like didn't seem no, it was just fun.

And Paula knew that.

Paula knew.

Do you remember Tom Cruise's expensive bill, Andy?

That was an update feature.

No.

What is that?

There was a news report.

I do want to talk about an era of time where if Andy saw a news report or an article or a headline, he would just drill down and write an update feature real fast.

Yeah, because it was the only way I would ever get on update.

So Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes supposedly spent $10,000 at a restaurant and you came on as the waiter and Amy asked you to explain how somebody could spend $10,000 and you were like, well, it adds up pretty fast.

Okay, so you start with the appetizers.

Tom had the shrimp cocktail, which at our restaurant goes for $12.

Okay.

Katie had the house salad, which is great, by the way.

$9.

Throw that on there.

Okay, so far, you know, that's not expensive at all.

Well, maybe not yet, Amy, but trust me, they were just getting started.

So, next up, main course, Tom had our New York strip, which is gonna set you back a cool $26.

While Katie ordered the plank roasted salmon, no bargain, at $18.

Okay, you're gonna go ahead and add that to a $35 bottle of one of our finest burgundies.

$35

again, that's

carry the two.

There it is: 10, 100.

Oh, no.

And very quickly, I should say that you did not overstay your welcome.

Get to this conclusion.

I think I overcharged them.

The whole joke is that I overcharged them $10,000.

Yeah, you did not.

And by the way, you got there fast.

You didn't bum anybody out.

Do you remember the genital herpes?

One of my favorite commercial parties of all time.

Pretty certain it was written by Harper Steele, which was Baldwin and Amy sitting next to each other talking to camera, giving a testimonial about Valtrex.

It made little sense to me that two married people without any history of genital herpes could then suddenly be infected.

But then I explained it that that was the end of it, and there was no need to talk about it.

Our doctor told us about Valtrex, which lowers the chance of passing the virus during sex.

At first, I didn't think it mattered because we both already had the virus and neither one of us was planning to go outside the marriage for sex.

So true.

But here's where you really just have to trust your doctor and not get all caught up in the logic.

Even if you don't have multiple partners, like us, it's a good idea to use Valtrex.

Because it's important.

That's why.

There's really no need to overthink it.

Is there?

Really good performance by both of them.

Which episode was National Anthem in?

I think it was one of the ones you just went through.

Yeah.

Did you guys re-watch National Anthem?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

I've re-watched it so many times over the years, though, I will say.

I want to talk about National Anthem because I remember, and shame on me.

I would sometimes read blogger reviews of our show.

And I remember someone saying, it was in the Hugh Laurie show.

This speaks to how uninventive SNL is.

They did a sketch, an entire sketch, which was just Maya Rudolph singing the national anthem.

And I feel like if there's one person I'd like to meet and say, shame on you two, it's the blogger of this.

Ladies and gentlemen, here tonight to honor our country by singing the national anthem, please welcome Pamela Bell.

The what

Sopa Raho

baby we hear

Last play he made

there are 12 different moves, I think more.

I mean, it is.

It goes forever.

It goes forever.

But of course, it can only live within the confines of the lyrics of the national anthem.

Yes.

But it's also Maya, who is, you know, one of a kind forever, who can really genuinely sing.

So she can choose when to make it sound right and when to make it completely insane.

Yes.

She both can sing beautifully regular.

She's maybe the best impressionist of singing styles

and can do them.

None of it would work if she was a bad singer.

It's either her or Yorm.

Go, Yorm.

When the rockets red glass.

See, that sucks.

The bones.

What?

And that's Elton John.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, go on, Seth.

Watching it again, there were things that I remembered, and it was so joyous to see them again.

Instead of saying what so proudly, she says, Do what?

What?

Do what?

Which, by the way, we all remember it because it was written that way.

Yes.

CRM was supposed to improve customer relationships.

Instead, it's shorthand for customer rage machine.

Your CRM can't explain why a customer's package took five detours, reboot your inner piece, and scream into a pillow.

It's okay.

On the ServiceNow AI platform, CRM stands for something better.

AI agents don't just track issues, they resolve them, transforming the entire customer experience.

So breathe in and breathe out.

That CRM was then.

This is service now.

Is this with Liz?

Did Liz write this?

Or is Liz...

I don't know.

Liz is maybe gone now.

Might have been Lutz.

Yeah, it says Rudolph Lutz on the thing.

Okay.

Bright RARS.

Pronounces stars RARS.

Pronounce Ramparts Ramrods.

And then...

I mean, we'll have to play it.

I'm not going to do it any justice.

The way she says gave a little proof.

Oh my god.

And the rockets, red glare,

the bombs bursting up in the air.

Give a little boo

through the night

and work on the air

to this day, I bring it up to her all the time.

She's like, I remember, I remember.

Adds a one, two, three strikes your out,

spells brave,

doesn't say it, spells it, and then waves the mic in front of her face a lot.

So it sounds like she's far away and then close and far away.

And the other great thing about it, which I really made me happy re-watching it, is

you have Bill and Jason are the announcers.

And there's a few laughs when it cuts to to them looking shocked, right?

But at the end, the audience cheers, the SNL audience, because it's so good.

And it cuts to those dudes, and they also seem to have been won over.

And that makes me happy that it didn't end with them being like, oh,

get that lady out of here.

Really, I think sketches that will live with me forever.

That is right up there.

Ludacris is up next.

And no Digi, but a genuinely great Andy sketch sketch.

No Digi, but one Blizzy.

Blizzy.

Blizzard Man.

Blizzard Man, one of my all-time favorites.

The first Blizzy.

The first Blizzy.

Played great.

I remember being like, holy shit, that felt like a new thing where we actually wrote a character sketch live and it went and worked.

It was very well written because it was self-contained.

The moments where you got to be funny, cameras just on you, getting to be funny.

So just to clarify, Ludacris has hired Blizzard Man.

Well, you explained it, Andy.

You'll get the hip-hop terminology better than me.

Uh, Keeve, me again, do we all write it?

I know Matt Murray was part of it.

We did.

Yeah, I was part of it.

Ludacris is in the studio.

Keenan's running the boards, his engineer.

And then he's got the biggest hook guy in the game.

At that point, I think they referenced Nate Dogg, who was probably the biggest hook guy, but you know, the person who sings on hip-hop records.

And Ludacris is very excited about it.

And in comes Blizzard Man, and it's Andy, and he's dressed in 90s, kind of vanilla ice-looking, I would say, like a Color Me Bad vanilla ice vibe.

And Ludacris never lets up his enthusiasm.

Like, this guy's the shit.

Keenan has never worked with him before.

And then every time it goes to Andy, he is just terrible in an outdated and just would have always been terrible.

It was a very 90s and just terrible way.

Yeah, yo, yo.

I'm about to say it.

Yo, turn on my headphones.

Come on, check my style out.

Raps on, raps on.

We do our raps, and then the crowd goes wild, and then it's time for the after party, and we hang out and do lots of sections, girls.

Yo.

Woo!

Hell yeah.

Eat it.

Man, what was that?

I know, right?

My man is a straight genius right off the bat.

I think one of the things that actually saves it the most is that Ludacris is always so hyped.

Yeah.

Like, damn.

Like, just backing it up as if what he just heard was incredible.

Yes.

There's a nice clean dynamic for Keenan and Ludacris because Ludacris is super into it and Keenan gets a laugh every time that he's like, no.

Weren't Sudekis and Maya also like record executives in the studio as well?

Yeah, yeah.

Like they're also very not juiced by the flailing that's going on.

Did they all start with rap song too?

Rap thong, rap thong.

Yeah, the first take always it's rap thong he would have preambles like you know turn on my headphones and you'd be like oh shit this guy's about to rip yeah right as much as a guy who looked like that character was going to i do like as well that you cracked the code doing a live character sketch hardest thing in the world cracked it also you kind of cracked it by repackaging a lot of shit you liked to begin with yes it felt very like original to us it was definitely our stuff it's different from the rest of the show not that different from other things we do.

No, we are so good at rapping.

Who wants to mess with us?

You'll totally get shot with a gun.

Don't you be a jerk.

It's bad for the party and the ladies get scared.

Yeah, not a lot of rhyming going on.

Hear you smoke this doobie.

Let's cool out and get in the hot tub.

What a fancy shin dig.

There are some real bodacious babes.

They see our soggy joints and they shake their boobs and my thingy gets excited.

By the way, my favorite thing about reading this is between dress and air, you changed it from my wiener gets excited to my thingy.

That's a cross-out.

Wiener crossed out, thingy, but in solid change.

And then did it always end boo-boop booblyoo?

Oftentimes, I think, ended with boop, boop, booby-doo-doop.

I think the last one, right?

Yeah, the last one.

Kind of a rave-out.

Yeah.

It's kind of an outro.

We wrote something together.

I'm looking at that rundown.

What's that?

It was one of the very few times I pitched something at the table.

Wait, how many shows did we just go through?

Here's what's happened: John C.

Riley, harpoon man.

Hugh Laurie was Let's Get Spotted Cut.

Alec Baldwin was nothing.

Ludacris, also nothing, but we got a Blizzard man.

So you guys earned your money.

Don't get me wrong.

What did we write together, bud?

So it ended up airing first sketch after the monologue.

And I remember being kind of proud because it was like I had thought of an idea that just seemed like an SNL idea as opposed to, I don't know.

Anyways, it's a hip-hop idea.

It's for Ludacris.

And it was the idea that he was selling a CD of duets the way that in modern times, it's like Lady Gaga and

your guy you were just talking about.

Yeah, together.

And so it's the idea that he took classic songs, and now he's gonna be the hype man.

Featuring Harry Connie Jr.

It had to be you, yeah, it had to be us, baby.

It had to be you, it couldn't have been nobody else.

What, what, what?

I wandered around.

Tell them what you was doing.

And finally found.

Tell them what you found, boy.

The somebody who New York City makes some no

do you remember who you played in that hype duets sketch, Andy?

No, I was in that.

You were in it because there were impressions for all the singers.

First up, it was uh Jason as Harry Connick Jr.

Then it was Maya as Barbara Streisand.

And it was really fun.

Maya would sing like memories, and then Chris would go, oh no, she's recollecting, y'all.

Then it was James Blunt.

There we go.

Fuck it.

Hey, he made it up.

He's laying down smoking tracks with his dog, James Blunt.

You're beautiful.

That ass.

You're beautiful.

Keep talking about that ass, y'all.

Beautiful, ass true.

Nobody is begging, baby.

Fuck what?

You must have been proud, Keeve.

Up top of the show.

That was a hard feat.

Well, it's a shot for Myers.

Yeah.

Myers has a second credit on there.

Yeah, you got a Trojan horse with Myers.

Exactly.

I got Trojan horses.

Being a young whippersnapper, they'll never give you top of show.

It would have taken me all all week to write it.

I needed a pro to just whip up the format real fast and get it done.

I do remember that Eric Henward added Young Douglas Hypes the Classic is available at Best Buy, as well as on Canal Street and the mixtape spot at 14th and 6th.

Speaking from experience, I have another tidbit to throw into the mixture.

Yep.

I believe in the Chris Ludacris Bridges show, Yorm got a joke in the monologue that he had been telling for many years.

Oh.

Which was another rapper named Ric Diculous.

Dickulous.

Is that true?

Oh, yeah, that's correct.

Everybody, this is Rick Barnes.

We grew up together in Atlanta, Georgia.

What's my name, yo?

Rick Barnes.

No.

What's my name?

Rick Barnes.

Uh-oh.

It's

Rick Dickulus.

Yeah.

Rick Diculus.

Man, you know you straight up stole my style, son.

Yo, can I get a beat?

No, you cannot.

Can you get off stage, please?

Oh, that's cool.

That's cool.

I'll make one myself.

I'm Rick Nigga Listen.

I'm here to say I'm the badass rapper in the U.S.

Fun fact: once that got in, I remember Stiller being upset about it because that was the original name of the rapper in Tropic Thunder.

And then he didn't want to seem like it had been a rip-off of SNL.

Oh.

Yeah.

Wow.

Look at that.

But they had also thought of it.

Yes.

Originally, that's what it was going to be.

And then it got used by moi.

Rick Dickulous.

Got it.

Snagged it.

As Seth likes to say, tough titties, Ben Stiller.

Yeah, exactly.

Sorry.

You leave SNL to go make movies with their long-ass lead times.

That's how it's going to break for you.

To be fair, I don't know how upset he was.

You warned get swooped.

So it should be noted, Ludacris, no digital short, but you guys brought a lot of what made digital shorts great and appreciation of hip-hop to the show with two very nice sketches.

Looking back, it's crazy we didn't try to do a song with Chris.

Yeah.

We probably just didn't have the bandwidth because of Hira.

Oh, no, no.

Like, I'll go to Yorm's Corner now.

I was tapped.

Dorm Corner.

This is the salt.

Dorm's corp.

Okay, go on.

I was tapped by Steve Higgins, who you all know how many years he was talking about Tuespock as a rapper and wanted to do a Tuespock rap.

Oh, wow.

And I wrote, I wrote that with Higgins.

And honestly, I was so nervous to be around Chris of Ludacris and was just excited that we got to record it.

Chris of Ludacris.

Of Ludicrous family.

I was very excited that we got to record it.

We got to record it in our office of the band Ludacris.

Wait, so now, hold on.

I should note that Higgins talked about Two Spock forever.

Yes.

Do you remember what Two Spock would say?

I wrote it and I don't remember.

Something like live long and prosper, but what was it?

Live large and prosper.

No, diggity dope.

Tiggity dope.

It's a dope.

Really out.

Higgins had been making that joke for 12 years, waited for Chris of Ludacris to show up.

Yeah.

And then have me think about it.

And then made you write it.

And it ate shit.

But that was a table read thing.

It wasn't to be a pre-take.

Yes.

I remember it being too long.

Yeah, that was the problem.

It had the sound of the doors, I believe, in the beat.

Starts with Daryl Hammond as William Shatner.

Except he has a tight brown fro and mustache.

Oh, yeah.

We're off to a great stand.

Saturday 5, 21.76, Captain's Log, Brown.

Oh, my God.

The first joke is Captain's Log, Brown.

Captain's Log is a piece of shit.

Yeah.

Oh, he's logging his log.

Yeah.

Wow.

At least it's healthy.

Oh, my God.

This is the most Higgins star.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is the best Star Trek convention talent show I've ever been at.

And no matter what, I think we're all winners.

I'd like to leave you with one final thought.

What if DeSillu Studios had decided not to cast William Shatner and DeForest Kelly, but instead Captain Kirk had been played by Leon Askin, of of course, General Burkhalter from Hogan's Heroes.

Thank you.

And in the role of Dr.

McCoy, Don Knotts, I think episode 62, of course, Spock's Brain, thank you, would look something like this.

Oh my God.

I don't know what any of that meant.

No, no, that was for the heads.

It meant that Daryl would be doing impressions.

Yeah, I didn't understand anything that was said.

Oh, my God.

I remember staying up late for this one.

Drinking that job.

Page four is when TwoSpock enters.

Do you want to wear out?

You're welcome.

And then, how long is the Tuespock rap here?

Well, Maya starts and she sings the hook.

Daddy was a Vulcan, Mama was a human, Tuespock motherfucker, no ordinary crewman.

And then Ludacris sings, Vulcans don't test me or stress me.

I got my phaser unstunned to the death G.

I keep it at warp speed, but it's always thug life.

I love life.

Smoke and cling until I'm dumb nice.

Half Vulcan, half human, half gangster, half rich.

You half dead when my phaser's on kill.

You half bitch.

Travel 20 parsecs just to get me some dome.

Not a medical doctor, but they call me bones.

I'm illogical.

I mean, it's not terrible, but.

Can I just say something?

If anyone out there listening to this puts what Seth just did to a beat, I will be so happy.

Okay.

Do the rest.

Oh my God, it keeps going.

I ride for my Vulcans, straight die for my Vulcans.

Klingons talk blorp.

I leave that cremlock smoking.

I've had all types of hoes on every Class M planet.

Still my splocks on rock and harder than space granite.

Tricorder full of numbers, never calling them back.

Cause once I get them in the sack, sack, they old like Sarek.

My libido is hitting harder than photon torpedoes, and I always shoot first like Han Solo shot greedo.

What?

Getting libido in there.

I mean, I think looking back, the real huge problem here is that Tuespock didn't join this scene until page four.

Yeah.

I would say the biggest problem with it probably is the premise.

Yeah.

That it's bad.

So you just the very, very beginning.

Its existence.

Let's keep in mind that Higgins is a very funny person.

Oh, yeah.

Agreed.

This is loving ribbing.

We're just doing some loving jibes.

We're just doing some loving rib-a-dibs.

All right.

So there is a digital short in Matthew Fox, which does not air.

It gets cut.

Then it airs in the next episode, which is Annette Benning, which is strange.

I guess it's happened to you guys a couple times because now there was the Scarlet.

Johansson was in a digital short the week after she had hosted.

The tangent.

And this happens again.

This is a very Fred-driven.

digital short.

Says it was written by Lutz, but I have no memory.

But it seems like a Fred bit.

This is one that would not qualify for our rule that comes up later, which our rule was it had to have two of us involved to get the SNL Digital Short logo later on because that came to represent a lonely island short.

Top quality, like Harpoon Man.

And that it was ours.

This I did direct and edit as an assignment, but it's not ours, really.

And Andy is in it, but only peripherally.

I don't remember shooting it.

It mostly is a good example of how funny Fred can be with a little thing, which is Fred getting mad at people in a, it's sort of a a fast food place.

He's giving them a pep talk for the holiday rush.

And anytime somebody asks him a question, A plus wig on Keenan in this, that would be my biggest takeaway from this.

He's like, one second, I'm over there.

I'm punching him in the face.

Jeff, five seconds.

I jump over this table, kick you in the neck.

That's sort of the game.

And very slight idea, very fun performance from Fred.

And we now, thank you for clarifying, Keeve.

This would not qualify as a digital short by today's rules.

But it is one.

It's got the logo.

And I don't even think I helped you edit on this at all.

I don't know, though, because after you guys left, like the last two seasons where you guys both had left and would come back periodically, we definitely put it on ones that I did without you guys.

Right.

So we broke the rules.

And there's more coming that break the rule too.

But at some point, we kind of had that rule.

I'm going to jump in and say, as long as it was an Andy idea, it should be a digital short.

And especially later, because that came to be.

The other thing is all three of you were at the show at this point.

So if only one of you worked on it, it's a little different.

Sure, sure.

But it's the same as Cubicle Fight.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

It's the same as Cubic Fight.

So really the takeaway here is you guys aren't really doing a lot of digital shorts this year until next week with our friend JT.

Correct.

And it was still pot rod stuff.

We were like, oh, that was funny at the table.

Let's just do that as the short because they want a short.

Here is something that I found very jarring.

I remembered I wrote a sketch.

It was a morning show called I Hate This Town, where it was just the anchors talking about how much they hated the town they lived in.

But I also realized I wrote a sketch called Poetry Class, and Andy, I did not remember Poetry Class, so I asked Kevin to send it to me.

Do you remember Poetry Class?

I don't.

Do you remember the Pete Davidson sketches, Chad?

Yes.

It's Chad.

I'm not saying anyone stole it from us, nor when I saw Chad, did it jog my memory that I had written a similar sketch.

That you hadn't even done it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is not me pointing fingers.

I'm just saying that Annette Benning plays a poetry teacher and she is obviously having an affair with you, a 16-year-old boy.

Oh, I do do remember this you want to know why i remember it because annette who was so lovely but a like classically trained incredible actor yeah kept saying all week she had trouble with cue cards and she was like i'm just going to memorize my lines and everyone kept saying like oh you don't want to do that because there's changes between dress and air and that sketch there was a lot of her like grabbing my face and like ruffling my hair and being like oh you know whatever my name was this and that and then she would lose the line and need to turn and look straight at the cards and the eye line was a little wonky and i remember coming off and somebody saying to me like ooh and there were some pauses there or something like that it does speak to why chad probably has endured more as it was a piece of film as opposed to a sketch where there were eye line issues yeah maybe maybe

but um got there first obviously gonna take legal action Let me just say, I am a fan of how Chad heightened over his run.

I obviously got out after one.

I couldn't keep it going.

That was your actual real mistake was not franchising it.

I should have franchised it.

Yeah, Achilles heel.

I always missed the franchise.

We should have just made it the short in hindsight.

Yeah, no kidding.

You guys are fucking picking all these real duds to short it up.

Could have shorted up poetry clubs.

Whoa, what about Fred's thing you said that was nice and he made a lot out of a little idea?

I don't know.

It was before I realized I could have had a franchise.

Where was Nurse Nancy in all of this, by the way?

Nurse Nancy is going to air later, so we'll talk about it then.

Okay.

But we did make it one of these weeks and it didn't air.

So that, that I guess brings us to the fact that we are now going to, and we'll obviously discuss it next week.

I will say, for whatever reason, I still remember being bullish about digital shorts because I'll save it for next week.

I remember a conversation I had with Lauren about how you guys were trying to write a Christmas digital short for Justin Timberlake.

So, I feel like internally at the show, people still thought they were a big thing that was on the upswing.

But it is weird to go back and look at the first half of your second season and realize that it was pretty dry land.

Yeah, I'll say this: knowing us, I'm guessing we we were being very vocal about how hard it was to do them and also edit the movie.

No, what?

We were complaining?

I'm tired.

Just know that there's some real crow eating a coming for me because my conversation with Lauren might have been pointing a lot of this out.

I will say, though, that we did have the advantage, like looking back at some of these and the sort of podunk quality of the filming, literally the quality of what we were making, I do think had the advantage of seeming very different from the rest of the show.

So, I do think that people were excited to see something new, and it also had that slight advantage of, like, what the fuck is this?

Yeah, what is this janky non-HD shit?

Yeah, as you guys discussed at length earlier, the show is very uneven.

So, even these ones, I think, that are kind of fine, they're not like embarrassing.

They're just weird to talk about 10 years later as if they're something to talk about because they're mediocre.

But so much of the show always has to be mediocre.

It's not like people are noticing they're bad because the show is bad.

And the speed of which we're telling jokes is faster than a normal sketch.

So I think that that also helped too.

Like we're banging through shit, even if it was stupid.

It was like, at least it's fast.

This is going to wrap it up.

We're going to wrap it up right here.

Okay.

It's very exciting.

I'm going to take us out.

Yorm's going to do a spot-on impression of one of his many singer impressions.

This one is

Neil Donne.

Neil Donney.

Adele.

Oh, it's Adele.

He's doing Adele.

Hello.

Wait, I got one at a time.

Okay.

Hello.

No, that's Lionel.

That's not Lionel.

Yeah, that did sound like Lionel.

I'm down.

I'm a truck stop.

There's Neil Diamond.

Fucking killed it.

Okay, now Lionel Richie.

Now Lionel Richie.

You really got a hold on me.

Nope.

Okay, he's done.

All right.

That was worth it.

Oh, what a good podcast.

It should be noted in Jorm's defense, he has recently either gone on or off the job.

You might be crashing hard.

All right.

I love you guys.

Love you.

You too, Turkey.

Love you, buddy.

See you next week.

Let's do it.

For the good app.

For the good one.