Listener Q&A Episode 9 | The Lonely Island and Seth Meyers Podcast Episode 91

Speaker 1 It's the lonely island

Speaker 1 and Seth Meyer's podcast.

Speaker 1 I wanted to just start off by saying I haven't listened to the last episode. I sent in a voice note.
Since then, I did re-watch Cherry Battle. And I thought it was really good.
It was super fun.

Speaker 1 Doesn't stay too long. It has a couple of quick little turns and gets out.
And there's the funny little singing cherry. It's a little, a little easy guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 An easy guy guy is a perfect way to put it. It's an easy guy.
And we got a nice text from John Hamm, right? Yeah. Yeah.
He said it was his favorite one all time, right? This is a quote.

Speaker 1 For me, it's the best. Like Tucker said, this is now a quote within a quote.
You guys had some tricks left in the bag. Made me crack up hard when I saw it.
So yeah, he's saying it's criterion.

Speaker 1 Oh, did you tell the story of how Tucker said that to us after the show? I did. I remember that.

Speaker 1 And I remember, I basically phrased it that that's kind of what solidified it in my head as something I was proud of. Oh, great.
I also, I really like my little cherry guy, too.

Speaker 1 I thought I did a really good job going,

Speaker 1 like that.

Speaker 1 And you still got it. You still got it.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Is that the sound you made when you fell off the ladder?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 so wish. Like when we were talking about

Speaker 1 what happens in a tragedy, and we were like, I guess this is what, who I am as a person. I wish that's exactly what I said.

Speaker 1 Yorm, do you remember, did you do a yell? Was it like a no or something?

Speaker 1 Oh, for sure. Yeah.
When you hit the ground or in the air, was there something? The minute I hit the ground, I was like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, give me a fucking ambulance.

Speaker 1 Give me a fucking email. And it was like 10 minutes of me saying, Give me a fucking ambulance.
But you didn't scream, you didn't scream during the fall. It just happened.
I don't think so.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't. That would have been cool if I had like a cartoon been like,

Speaker 1 or if you were like, let's fucking go like that.

Speaker 1 That would have been amazing. Kevin wants us to go less than 10 minutes before we say, Seth isn't here, guys.
Well, guess what? I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 1 And Kevin can go to hell and bird and hell, which I believe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Kevin, get out of here and take your licks.

Speaker 1 It's the Christmas season, and people are busy. But the reason he's not here, I don't think it's a spoiler to say because we're excited.

Speaker 1 We haven't heard it, but the Criterion episode, part two, has been recorded without us.

Speaker 1 It's not a spoiler. This is

Speaker 1 teasing it. He's recorded.
It's Lynn Manuel Miranda and Amir Quest Love Thompson. And we're very excited to hear what they chose.
Two greats. Two greats.
Two greats.

Speaker 1 Let's see if we agree with their, see if their opinions are as great as their legends. Speaking of people saying, let's fucking go when falling off a ladder.
I had some

Speaker 1 a small rat problem in the garage.

Speaker 1 And there were lots of little, it was one of those things where I just went out there one day and was like, What are you looking at?

Speaker 1 Luckily, I didn't touch them with my hand, but it turned out it was rat poop and like little twigs and nuts and stuff. So it was like nesting and pooping everywhere.
Oh, there we go.

Speaker 1 Wait, that's good. Let that play.
That's my rat music. Okay.
Well, it's actually my food. Okay, yeah.
I'll be right back.

Speaker 1 So, just to be clear, Yorm ordered food to be delivered during the podcast record. So he can be chewing

Speaker 1 during During the podcast record. Yeah.
No, it's just, that's just good thought-out stuff, you know? Hey, this pod is woven into our daily lives at this point. It's really nice.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that's nicely said, actually.

Speaker 1 So, Keeve, did you hear the voice note I sent in? Yeah. And did you feel like it was...
I didn't hear it when it was cut in, so I don't know what context it fell into our pod, but I listened to it.

Speaker 1 Got it. And you felt like we had the same memory of everything? Yeah.
We both remembered the car ride that it was like right when we were getting out of the car.

Speaker 1 You know, the only difference is, Andy, the way you phrase it sounded like we took the car to the same location and both went home.

Speaker 1 But I think I was hopping out and you were still in and the driver had to kind of sit there while I while we talked and then you had to drive home. Correct.
Are you still talking about rats?

Speaker 1 It's not important, but it was a distinction. You're right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause you would get out on 10th Street and I would go to Grove.
Exactly. Grove.
We can say it now.

Speaker 1 We don't live there anymore. Where the friend's exterior is.
You said, I just need to live as close to the friend's exterior as possible. And you nailed it, man.
You were across the street.

Speaker 1 That's right. So cool.
Little owl. Yep.
And I wanted to be, of course, closer to Carrie Bradshaw. And I got there, but I was like two blocks off.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought you were going to say the Lazy Sunday building. I wanted to, yeah, and I nailed it.
I got the very, I got the bedroom, not only the front stoop, I got the bedroom from it. So sick.

Speaker 1 So sick, bro. Oh, you're my.
I stopped my story because you, because it was a let's fucking go. So this guy came, he set some rat traps, he cleaned it up.
Yeah, I think I never saw it.

Speaker 1 And then like four days later, one of them caught it and I was like, oh, God. And I saw it.
It was really, it wasn't grotesque or anything. It just looked like the rat had was just frozen.

Speaker 1 It was like it was just stopped there. And it was not something I wanted to see.
I felt bad for the rat immediately, but there is like germs involved.

Speaker 1 Anyways, I didn't know how I ethically felt about any of it. I called him.
He came. I said, Oh, it's in there.
He's like, Oh, we got one. And then he went over, and when he looked at it, he was like,

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 The guy likes his job. That's not the way you teed it up.
I was 110% sure he was going to say, let's fucking do it.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Nope. He did later.

Speaker 1 He did later, but

Speaker 1 the cool was the first most important part.

Speaker 1 And he meant it. He meant it.
He wasn't being suspected. He was like, oh, cool.
Oh, Anita. It works.

Speaker 1 It was like an Aziz character had just walked in as an Exterminator. You're like, yeah, I guess.
He's like, oh, you don't understand. It never works.
This one never.

Speaker 1 That's what I mean. He's like, I sent them all over town hoping for this moment.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 But the fact that he could get, yeah, he loved his job. I love that.

Speaker 1 Keep, did we, did we talk about, just because I still love this, did we talk about when you had the snake problem in the show?

Speaker 1 And Keeve was saying that he had a snake guy, and I was just starting to do the impression of it. He was putting up snake fence.

Speaker 1 This is the snake guy.

Speaker 1 Well, we'd be in the studio recording songs for Popstar. And my phone would ring, and I'd be like, oh, shit, I got to get it.
It's my snake guy. And you guys are like,

Speaker 1 oh, it's the snake guy. It's the snake guy.

Speaker 1 Do you have 10 minutes to talk?

Speaker 1 He wasn't half-snake. He was just putting up some snakes.
And the guy who dealt with snakes, he wasn't a snake. He's a slither.

Speaker 1 It's one of the main reasons you also don't want rodents, because then if there's rodents, that's snake food, and then the snakes come.

Speaker 1 But, like, it's known that a snake man is what you call a half-snake, half-person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What about a snake man? Yeah, or or snake guy like the Marvel comic. You don't think a snake guy would be like a just laid-back man? Who is half snake? I don't think they would.

Speaker 1 I just don't think anyone would ever see a half-human man, half-snake, and go, who would win? It's a snake guy.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Who would win guy? Spider-Man or snake guy? There's no guy.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I have a snake guy. He exists, Andy.
Now you're just getting weird. No, no, no, no.
That guy exists, and he should be called a snake guy. You did nothing wrong.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 I think that, Andy, to answer your question, and to answer your question seriously about that of Spider-Man versus Snake Guy, it depends because I think that if it's in a contest of who can relax more, I think a snake guy is going to win that contest.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah, and that's a pretty common contest to have when you're talking about people versus each other. Also, Akeeva asked the question, you are off the rails.
You need to quit.

Speaker 1 You know what? No fucking way.

Speaker 1 Wait, so wait, he did say, let's fucking go. It's less interesting, but it's similar in his enthusiasm, which is that he had come the month before because there had been some ants.

Speaker 1 He had found a paving stone on the grass in the backyard that he had lifted up. And he's like, I think I found the colony.
And I just dumped a bunch of liquid down there. Let's see.

Speaker 1 And as of a day after it, I never saw another ant in the house. And he asked about it.
He said, what about the ants? And I was like, haven't seen them since you found that colony.

Speaker 1 He was like, let's fucking go. Yeah, yeah.
It's out of control. Let's fucking go is out of control.
This is our stand-up, collective stand-up now. Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, actually, I don't know if he used that for word on it. He probably just said, let's

Speaker 1 It wouldn't be professional. I don't want to

Speaker 1 sell.

Speaker 1 We would do a short about it now. It would cut around.
You'd show like a doctor pulling a baby out during a birth. Yes,

Speaker 1 it's reached everybody. Yeah.
What's another example of where it would happen? Well, somebody said that to me today while driving in Brooklyn, but I don't think that they meant it. Like it was fun.

Speaker 1 Like it was like... They're like, you're going too slow.

Speaker 1 It's anywhere stuffy, like a ballet or like someone's hitting a bunch of moves. Yeah, because he also yelled, fucking drive right after that too.
So he meant it in a different way.

Speaker 1 What's funny is that he was crossing the street and wanting me to drive, but I had the light where I was like, dude, you're illegally crossing the, like, he screamed it at me too.

Speaker 1 When Keeve says it is at the ballet, though, he's talking to his wife, saying, like, let's fucking go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not cultured. It's because she just said, go get some Doritos.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's go get some fucking Doritos. No, it's because she said, you want to go home and do it? And then I said, you're like, oh, let's fucking swing.
You said the other way. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's cool. It would be pretty good in traffic to yell at somebody that's not moving, but yell it the way as if you're.
It's a positive way, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like they're not going, you're like, honk, honk, honk, honk. Let's fucking go.

Speaker 1 And they're like, wait, what do you want me to do?

Speaker 1 Like, you're celebrating the fact that I was texting at the red light. That's weird.
Yeah. Okay.
Okay. Speaking of that, I have always wanted to do this as a bit.
Have I talked about this on the show?

Speaker 1 Probably. The pay-it-forward bit.

Speaker 1 This is kind of the opposite of the, I think you should leave sketch, where it would be a pay-it-forward bit where you pay for someone behind you, like going onto a bridge.

Speaker 1 And then when they drive up next to you, then you flip them off super hard and like

Speaker 1 so that you're left with just like, well, I don't know how'd they pay for it? Yeah, like that guy hates me, but you took my money.

Speaker 1 He's like, no, I didn't. Let me say, if that happened to me,

Speaker 1 my takeaway would be, yeah, what?

Speaker 1 They just bought a free getting to flip me off yeah you know what i mean that's that's exactly what it would be yeah if if if i had done it to you and you saw me that's what it would be god

Speaker 1 i mean if someone did that to me i would laugh very hard obviously

Speaker 1 and be confused for like a half hour it's a great one it's a good you should actually try it out although not in new york though yeah

Speaker 1 anyways all right so what are we talking about guys dude well so we don't have seth they did criterion we haven't heard it so we can't reply also it's not gonna air till after this it's not gonna air air Post?

Speaker 1 It's not going to post.

Speaker 1 Okay, I guess this guy is running a movie studio. Go see a dinosaur.

Speaker 1 A movie studio? Movies don't air? Theaters are dead. You could have said like a network

Speaker 1 or a radio studio. I'm about to stream Avatar 3 on my phone the way it was meant to be seen.

Speaker 1 I don't think that made any sense.

Speaker 1 Yeah, more like my Apple Watch. What else is smaller, Yorm?

Speaker 1 No, that's it. That's the smallest.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
I do have a bunch of questions since we're just fucking around here. Where's the burrito from, Yorm? Buddies, buddies, burritos.

Speaker 1 I love the way the guy says it. He says, hello, buddies.

Speaker 1 Do you call him in order, like old school style? When I do call him, I didn't call him, though, this time. This was just a regular order.
And I'm sorry that it got here. Well, I shouldn't be eating.

Speaker 1 This is disgusting. I'm sorry.
I'm going to say. Oh, really? No.

Speaker 1 That's not why I brought it up.

Speaker 1 Is my mic hot enough for you? Yeah, we only have one one hour

Speaker 1 the whole week, but by all means,

Speaker 1 disgust us all in the ear holes with your burrito gunk. I thought it was going to come earlier.

Speaker 1 But he's pretty laid back.

Speaker 1 He's a burrito guy. He's more of a burrito guy.
He's not a burrito man. A burrito man would be on fucking time.
When it says 6:40, he would be here at 6:40. Burrito guy, fucking chilling.

Speaker 1 You never know what you're going to get.

Speaker 1 I think maybe you got your burrito made by a snake guy, is what happened. Snake guy.

Speaker 1 Remember Karate Guy Guys? I like to kick it. I'm a burrito guy.

Speaker 1 Kiya.

Speaker 1 Chomp, chomp. Yum, yum.
So good. I think Karate Guy is easily my favorite of our songs.
It's definitely our best song. Hit us in the tittis.

Speaker 1 Criteria. The verses of Karate Guy are very funny, and I stand by it, and I like them.
Karate Guy's funny. Yeah, we'll do an episode on it.
It's definitely our best and most popular song.

Speaker 1 That's all I'm saying. People are always quoting about the backwards logic, like backing into.

Speaker 1 Do you remember what the verses are, Andy? They're all just like... Bing and cowboy.
When I say kick it, I don't mean

Speaker 1 kicking it. Yeah, I mean chilling, but it doesn't have to be cold.
It can be any temperature. Yeah.
60 or 80.

Speaker 1 God, like brain dead.

Speaker 1 It's frustrating. It's just saying one thing and then backtracking, trying to explain it the entire time.
I wonder if there's any karate studios that have played that to like motivate people.

Speaker 1 Probably not, I would guess. It's a missed opportunity.
Oh, I haven't been on since I finally saw the show, HaHa, You Clowns. Have you guys seen it? Keeve, I know you have.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, I've seen them all now. All the ones that are out.
Yorm. You're going to love it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I highly recommend. Anyone out there who is a comedy person.
It's an adult swim. Oh, okay.
It's on HBO app. It's an adult swim.
It's 10 minutes long.

Speaker 1 I won't say anything more. Yeah, yeah, great.
There's only nine of them so far. Spectacular.
Why don't we talk about it next week now that we'll have given Jorm and the Quaids a moment to catch up?

Speaker 1 Perfect. And then we talk about it the whole up while Seth stares at us.
Great.

Speaker 1 What do you think Questlove said? Do you think he said that Terry Battle's his favorite of all of them? I kind of feel like, no.

Speaker 1 That surprised me a lot that Ham was as geeked on it. I mean, I think it's great.

Speaker 1 Here's a question about their criterion that we'll learn when the Quads learn: is do you think they went just from the Mike Schur Tapper episode the next chunk, or did they do all from the start up to there?

Speaker 1 Like, did they re-litigate the ones from the beginning? Oh, right. Kevin, you can tell us.
Next chunk. Or Jeff.
He wrote Next Chunk. Oh, he wrote it.
Sorry, they picked up.

Speaker 1 They didn't talk any shit about the previous guys. But he meant like, get to the next chunk, you fucking

Speaker 1 next chunk, please. Next chunk.
Move on. Next chunk.
Or he's saying one of us is going to play the next chunk in Lagooni sequel. Oh, I would book up for that.

Speaker 1 He's like, looking at you, you're the next chunk. You know, we always talk about on this pod.
We're always talking in chunks. We're like, oh, then we'll do a chunk on Cherry Battle.

Speaker 1 Then we can do a chunk on QA's.

Speaker 1 Check it up. Okay, we did Snake Guy.
That's it. Hey, remember when we did the chunk on Winter Soldier?

Speaker 1 A perfect pod episode is six chunks. It took us a while to figure it out, but then we figured out a podcast episode is made of six distinct chunks.

Speaker 1 I'll be honest, I know that one was eight chunks, but it still worked for me.

Speaker 1 Shut down. That's what's so crazy about.
I was listening to Good Hang, the polar podcast, and it was like, the chunks were all over the place. And I was like, you can't do that.

Speaker 1 I do not listen to podcasts, so I didn't really get that reference. You've been on it, so I know you do.

Speaker 1 I'll have to take your word for that. You just thought you were just having a good time.

Speaker 1 He's only on podcasts. I mean, she's my friend.
Is that what you mean? She's on my friend. I thought she was just recording your conversation.
Yeah, I mean, for posterity.

Speaker 1 is that what that means yeah she was like i just want to get this down i just want to remember you

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Speaker 1 We want to wait till the end to hear what I did on Spelling Bee. Is that right? Yes, yes, please.
Otherwise, everyone tunes out. We know.

Speaker 1 We have the metrics, Andy. All right.
If they hear what you got, they leave. Then they don't hear the ads.

Speaker 1 Jeff, how many ads do we do because we never hear it with the ads and then in this q a doc you gave me you gave me somebody complaining that there's too many ads yeah we get a lot of complaints about the ads but we don't do that many do about like four an episode usually four ads or four breaks it's usually two breaks with two ads in each sometimes we'll do up to three ads in a break that's not that bad so question did that comment come from youtube does youtube ads end up compounding because there's the ads in the podcast and then the youtube ads that is correct on YouTube, yes, but we don't control the YouTube ads.

Speaker 1 Did that comment come from YouTube?

Speaker 7 That came from the email. I don't know where that person

Speaker 1 where they listened. But I bet you it's that.
I bet you that we're getting double ads on the YouTube ones. Just to be clear, we do not consider the ads a chunk.
Definitely not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, our six parts do not include the ads. No, no fucking chunks.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I also just want to point out, Yoram took more bites of his burrito.

Speaker 1 I did, but I was doing it while Kiva was wasting time talking about fucking ads.

Speaker 1 wasting time wasting time i was trying to there's a quaid we first off we love our quads for someone who claims to care about quade army yorm that was pretty fucking cold dude yeah

Speaker 1 sure we love our quads we do it all for them yeah and the ad money is negligible

Speaker 1 it is let's see here

Speaker 1 we'd have better luck buying a bunch of scratchers Guys, how about that powerball? It's up to like 1.2. You guys get a ticket? 1.2 Billy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I do like getting involved when it's up that high, but no. I meant to buy one today because it sends my kids into like a fantasy land for the few days before.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like just like you could buy an island of candy. Yeah.
They're just like, wait, this piece of paper could be worth that much money? And they just start, well, we wouldn't get rid of our house.

Speaker 1 We'd just get another house, right?

Speaker 1 They're thinking it all. They just immediately go to all the crap.
I'm like, well, first thing we'd have to do is they always make you take a photo.

Speaker 1 So we'd all have to hire a film prosthetics guy to give us all all disguises because I explained to them how people that win the lottery get targeted. Right.
That's what you do.

Speaker 1 So I started making it kind of like more of a nightmare scenario. I'm like, also, you lose drive.
You don't understand what to do with your life anymore.

Speaker 1 Once we live in a capitalist society and it's so ingrained in you that if money gets taken completely off the table, you float in a, in a completely aimless way. Yeah.
How do they take this?

Speaker 1 Because I don't think that this is a joke that you said this to them. Then I just hang the ticket in their bedroom so they have like kind of nightmares about it.

Speaker 1 Like Like a dream catcher, like a reverse dreamcatcher. And then by the time the numbers are called, they're hoping to lose.
Gotcha. And then they celebrate the life they had all along.

Speaker 1 You know what I say? I'm like, what is it at? 1.2 billion? Yeah, if you win that, then maybe you can pay for private school.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Andy. You're very welcome.

Speaker 1 Can't wait for your Quibby special.

Speaker 1 Oh, Andy, we forgot to tell everybody that because he says Quibby so much, Quibby's back. Quibby's back.
They want him to be the first special. Bro, if Quibby came back, I would do

Speaker 1 how many of it would be like nine, 10-minute chunks. I mean, Quibby's kind of the original chunks.
I think they were five minutes. Were they 10? Maybe they were.
I think they were 10 mostly.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I never, this is going to sound weird, but I never watched something on Quibby.
I know I'm the weird guy.

Speaker 1 Hey, guys, James says, I'm an avid listener of the podcast, but it seems like there's been progressively more and more ads every week.

Speaker 1 It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm pressing the skip button 40 times every episode.

Speaker 1 I was listening to the cherry battle episode and thinking about how I was finally going to write and complain about it, but then Seth made the comment that you guys make a podcast with four hosts and it's half ads.

Speaker 1 At first, I felt vindicated that Seth acknowledged all the ads. Then I got irritated that you're self-aware and do it anyways.

Speaker 1 Thanks for making content that's 50% entertaining. Well, first off, I take umbrage because we put work into some of the ads to make them a little bit more entertaining than your average ad.

Speaker 1 But you wouldn't know that, James, because you skip them.

Speaker 1 We try. We do try, but we can try harder to make the ads funnier.
But, anyways, we already addressed his complaint, so you know, fair enough. Yeah, no, no, no, I mean, it makes me feel bad.

Speaker 1 I'll say that. Let's just say, James, I wrote my kids into them and you skip past them.
You should look in the mirror, James. Think about what kind of person you want to be.

Speaker 1 You've already seen this, Keith, but I wanted to pop this in. Wait, are you guys all reading the questions? I'm not reading them.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I've just popped in something I made today and sent to Chris Parnell and Matt Murray, who wrote the sketch in question.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah, good. So there's a movie out called Merv about a dog,

Speaker 1 and I got the poster and added the perv under it because Carnell used to do a sketch called Toey Dechanel and Charlie Cox and rom-com. Wherever the perv.
It's Christmasy, there's mistletoe above them

Speaker 1 or above the dog. I choose to think in this rendition, that mistletoe is the dog, and he's got his head tilted, and he's right in front of you.
Clearly, Merv's his name.

Speaker 1 And it's Merv the Perv, and he's like, huh? Want to kiss? Because there's mistletoe right above it. Yes, by the way, that's describing a huge part of my life.
Like, my dog is definitely,

Speaker 1 he's Fang the Perv, but he's full-on perf. Yeah.
Maybe you should have named him Merv. So, anyways, I sent that to Parnell and Matt Murray, and I said, you guys sold out.

Speaker 1 They wrote the Merv the Perv story and turned him into a dog?

Speaker 1 And Panther said, Matt Murray said, sold out? You have no idea how long it took Parnell to get into that makeup. Oh, it is Parnell.

Speaker 1 And he's not just doing the voice. He is the dog.

Speaker 1 Fucking Panther. What a killer.
Can we get fucking Panther on the show? Jesus.

Speaker 1 Yes, Kevin, I agree. Merv the Perv is one of my all-time favorite sketch theme songs.
I don't remember how it went, but yeah, sing it for us, please. It's love,

Speaker 1 it's a crazy roller coaster ride.

Speaker 1 There's no jokes in it. Yeah, but he's Mervv the Perfect Perfect Perfect.
Living and laughing and living life together. Merv the Perv.
That's Merv the Perf. It's pretty much just that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's really good. It's like an 80s sitcom.

Speaker 1 It feels like it's based on Three's Company almost, because Three's Company is a very pervy theme song as well. I just couldn't, I just couldn't disagree more with what you just said, Yorm.

Speaker 1 Oh, it doesn't, and it's not based on Three's Company. Jeez, Andy's got a little bit glassy-eyed.
He's really the kisses are hers and hers and his Three's Company, too.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't think that line was? Yeah, it might be. You very well may be right.
I take back my anger that was so

Speaker 1 overwhelming that I started crying. Let's fucking go.
Let's fucking go.

Speaker 1 You can only do it now, guys. Conk, honk, honk.
Oh, actually, I was wrong. We do have one wood coffin left.
Let's fucking go.

Speaker 1 That was another example. All right, I have a cool photo.
I'll just skip to the important part. This is from Laura.
She's from the Bay, and she made a patch for a Vietnam-era U.S.

Speaker 1 Army jacket that she has. Okay.
And it's pretty cool. Oh, diggity-do.

Speaker 1 Share screen. Oh, that is sick, bro.
That is really cool. Oh, it's a Kuwait Army patch.
It's a Kuwait Army patch, and it's fully embroidered. Which she told me how she told us.
Hold on.

Speaker 1 This is my design, hand-embroidered with cotton floss on a Vietnam-era U.S. Army jacket.
So, yeah, so it's got six parts. It's almost like, what would you call it, like a coat of arms?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, almost. Yeah, exactly.
The things that represent us. And it's got a pirate flag for Jack Sparrow.
It's got a boat. It's got a little cat that says click, click, pew, pew, pew.

Speaker 1 It's got sushi. It's got cupcakes.
And it's got the boxes. And it says Quade Army, very lovely underneath.
And then here's the whole jacket just so you can see. That is so sick.

Speaker 1 Whoa, what else is on it, though? I want to know what kind of company we're.

Speaker 1 All right, yeah, what's she into here? What else is in there, yeah? Cool spider web designs. So it looks like the top is like a cornucopia of flowers with maybe a spider web.

Speaker 1 Maybe there's a little spider right there. And then this looks like a little kitten kind of one, like a button.
Is it gonna make like a kid?

Speaker 1 Maybe this is like another spider spider web going up to some sort of a tall redwood tree. Yeah, okay, I fucks with this.
This one looks like it's one of the SS kind of armbands.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was why I was saying zoom in.

Speaker 1 And he fucks with it. Moving on.
No, that's not what I did.

Speaker 1 All right, wait, I got another one. You'll be able to see it right here.
That's so great. Yeah, that's

Speaker 1 beautiful work. Here's another, you know, Quaid Army out in the real world.
Keith thought you might like this custom-made font-accurate license plate frame. What do you guys think?

Speaker 1 Criterion or copyright infringement? Quaid Army for Life, Queen Be All You Can Be. P.S.
My Son thinks young fans should be called Quaidlings. Oh, strong agree.

Speaker 1 So he blurred his license plate number so we can't see it. But look how good that thing is.
That's also

Speaker 1 really good. So that's the total recall font for Quaid Army.
Yeah, and then the Righteous Kill font for Righteous Kill. Although I'm not sure.
Oh, really good. Really good.

Speaker 1 What is this little hill with a little blue sun or an EKG? I'm not sure what those are. It could be an EKG, but it just looks good.
Maybe just a design choice, but but lovely. You should sell those.

Speaker 1 Great. Yeah, that's awesome.
And give me the profits. Sell them and give us the profits.
Oh, that's Hamilton. Hamilton.

Speaker 1 You know, a woman named Julie just sent me some pins that she made that were wonderful. And the best one said, ask me about my Razzie nomination.
So that's really appreciated.

Speaker 1 That's very good. Really, really like that.
Thank you, Julie. She made a bunch of different ones.
Maybe I'll bring it down in a little bit, but yeah, it's okay. game.
All right.

Speaker 1 So I've got a section here on ideas on how we could keep the podcast going, but I feel like that should have Seth. Yeah, and maybe not have me.
Yeah, exactly. Although one of them.

Speaker 1 John's going for his burrito. Sorry.
Sorry. Yeah, shout out, Piggy.
One really stuck out to me, which was an NYPD Blue rewatch podcast.

Speaker 1 I kind of thought that might be good, where if it's all of us and all our homework assignment is they're probably 42 minutes, 45 max. Every week we just have to make sure we each have watched it.

Speaker 1 And we're like, all right, we're on season one, episode four of NYPD Blue. What happened this week, guys? And we just talk about what happened on that week's episode NYPD.

Speaker 1 It might be unbearable for us, but it sounds really funny. It sounds like very, very funny.
It's a good performance art, if nothing else. I think it's that.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I think you've cracked something on that one, too. Oh, yeah, it wasn't mine.
I mean, these are the, these are, these are

Speaker 1 submitted. A lot of fucking quit artists.
These are just wonderful people. Yeah, I can hear the tinfoil and paper from your burrito pretty warm in my ears.
Hello, buddy. You know what?

Speaker 1 Let's just stop for a second. Yorm, is it good?

Speaker 1 It's okay.

Speaker 1 What's in it?

Speaker 1 It's very basic. It's very basic.
Is it Bay Area style? It looks like a big fatty. It's a big fatty.
It's just a chicken burrito, but I would say it's real normal.

Speaker 1 It's not really worth talking about as much as I'm interrupting. Let me throw this out there.
LA has amazing Mexican food, obviously. Why wouldn't it? Yes.

Speaker 1 But what it doesn't have that oddly New York has is rip-off style of San Francisco Bay Area burritos.

Speaker 1 That is true, but but if you order burrito, I'm gonna beep that when that comes out of my mouth, beep that.

Speaker 1 You spend, I think, $28 to $30 to have a burrito delivered to your house, which is not worth it. It's tiny.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 But there's a few places, like even the one you're eating right now looks like a Bay one.

Speaker 1 And I'm saying there's almost nowhere here, even though they have amazing burritos, but they're just different style. And for some reason, no one has opened a burrito place.

Speaker 1 Like on some level, Chipotle is the closest you're getting, and that's not really close, but at least it's the size and style of route. You're saying like mission style.
Yeah, a mission-style burrito.

Speaker 1 But why, why don't they exist down here? Why don't we open one? Since culturally,

Speaker 1 it's not appropriation. It was just like, you know.
But shout out to Sonoratown for an amazing burrito, but it's just not that style. It's a very gift.

Speaker 1 Oh, fucks with Sonoratown.

Speaker 1 Let's not get it twisted. Hey, guys, a small other thing.
I mentioned Britbox very fast last week when I was trying to figure out where we could watch Graham Norton.

Speaker 1 And they sent to our office a little gift thing that was a pair of scissors and some gift wrap and some ribbon. Just saying, hey, to wrap your gifts.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's nice. Yeah, why not? I guess.
So I suppose we answered the question. You can be bought.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Very easily.
That was a free ad. Send us more shit, whoever we talk about.
The pistachio lobby's pissed right now.

Speaker 1 They're like, why do we pay when this Brit Box just sent over some wrapping paper and a pair of scissors?

Speaker 1 If you want, send Akiva a single pistachio and he'll probably shout you out.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? Speaking of things that got sent to us, tell us about the Spotify thing that for some reason you got and none of us did. Okay, it's very strange to me.

Speaker 1 And I think that Jeff needs to hop on and explain it, but I got an award from Spotify, and I assumed you guys got the same one, although it was very specific. And it said that

Speaker 1 I was all-around great guy and a crate digger. And it was the wrapped award.
And I don't know what it was about. But it's like is there heavy Yorm? It looks legit.

Speaker 1 It's like a legit award, but then the little plaque on it looks like it was like, hey, let's around and slap this on there for this guy, which is it's still a very nice gesture.

Speaker 1 And they came with some very nice chocolates, as I made you jealous of, because I assumed that you also were on FaceTime playing video games, and Yorm was like, you know what?

Speaker 1 The Spotify chocolates are actually pretty good.

Speaker 1 And I was like, and I got this cool water bottle i was like what are you talking about i'm gonna throw up look you have food you have food on your face stuck in your beard and you're so close to the mic i'm my father's son andy

Speaker 1 an excuse i want the chocolates you want to put the chocolates put one chocolate in the mail i'm the eating guy stop eating i'm sorry i'm sorry i can't it's dinner time here andy i'm my father's son and my father's son holds zero water well it explains the food all over my mouth.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is from Barbara. Hi, Lonely Island and Seth.
I am a most unlikely soldier in the Kuwait Army. I'm a 43-year-old mom living in Asheville, North Carolina.

Speaker 1 First off, that I think is pretty normal, but in high school and college, I watched SNL sporadically, but not every week. Sure.
I have not kept up with SNL over the past two decades.

Speaker 1 I have never seen Late Night with Seth Meyers, and I have never heard of the Lonely Island. Okay, starting to become more of an unusual idea like this so far.

Speaker 1 I was a freshman in college when Dick in a Box first aired on SNLA, so I definitely knew that song, but I didn't know it was created by The Lonely Island.

Speaker 1 I know this email may be starting off like a slap in the face. I was going to say it kind of makes me feel insecure.
Quite an accomplishment. This is the demo I want.

Speaker 1 But I think it's quite an accomplishment to gain a loyal follower from a person who has virtually zero ties to any of you. I have listened to and, Caps, loved every single episode of the podcast.

Speaker 1 I have learned about you, and I feel like I've gotten to know each of you through listening each week.

Speaker 1 The unique voice and personality of each of you that each of you bring to the table is just perfection.

Speaker 1 At first, I would watch the digital short before starting an episode, but honestly, I don't even do that anymore.

Speaker 1 I love listening to the four of you banter, reminisce, rag on each other, love on each other, and talk about queen beings. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I don't like the ragging. I don't like the ragging, and I would like it to stop.
Okay, just keep up the great work work and all the winter souls. Try not to get food on your mic, please.

Speaker 1 Well, that is unique. Prime example.
Prime example.

Speaker 1 I certainly would assume that anybody, Barbara, that listens to this, at least minimum has a point of entry of being either into the Lonely Island work or Seth Meyer's work, or at least SNL overall in a serious way.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I would like a follow-up from Barbara. It's just how it happened that you would stumble across this.
Yeah, why did you ever hit play? Barbara, we have a follow-up.

Speaker 1 Why did you ever hit play in the first place?

Speaker 1 Hit us back, please, on the tittis. That's the surprising part.
Hit us near on or

Speaker 1 anywhere near a tittis. Some kind of tittis.

Speaker 1 In the general vicinitis.

Speaker 1 Vicinitis. Just hit us in the general vicinitis of the tittidus.
Of the tittis. That's a real punchy in the jeans.
It's not good enough. I was workshopping it live and it backfired.

Speaker 1 It's like Berbiglia's, right, Yorm? Your neighbor. Yeah, yeah, you got to get it on its feet.
You got to try stuff, guys. Perfect place to do it.
Okay, next one is from Zachary. Hi, Quaids.

Speaker 1 I just want to follow up on Shana's email from the Cherry Battle. Just so you know, Andy, Shana during the Cherry Battle, is a New York Times writer, but works for Wirecutter.

Speaker 1 And we discussed Wirecutter because she was like, I don't work for the games. Wirecutter is the thing that reviews products.
Oh, so it's like a consumer reports for online? Yes, correct. Great.

Speaker 1 You've never heard of Wirecutter? Really? Nope. He's not.
He's not a real selective New York Times. He's just on the games.
This guy's myopic.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I also work at the New York Times, but not for New York Times games. Although I did write the New York Jets Connections game a couple months ago.

Speaker 1 I work at the Athletic, and I have read things from the Athletic. I know that you guys like sports, and you don't care who knows from Wimbledon to the Super Bowl, so I think you'd like it.

Speaker 1 I've read articles on the athletic before. It says sports thing.
When did you become a fucking sports nut, man? I feel kind of a betrayal here. No, I don't look for it.

Speaker 1 It's because I read the New York Times, and then it'll sometimes get to an athlete, and I'll be just scrolling down looking for articles, and then a headline will grab me. Gotcha.

Speaker 1 Something that interests me. Like,

Speaker 1 Taylor Swift goes to a game, you know, or like that's the time.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.
No, I haven't. Jaylo's going to play the halftime show.
You know, whatever it is. Like, check out their butts.
There's a lot of cute butts on the football team.

Speaker 1 You know, they write articles like that. Yep.
That's the athletics.

Speaker 1 You know what? I'm sold. I'm going to check in.
Great. Cute butts on the football team.
That was an article written by the Scooch for Mondo Butts. It's a Mondo Butts.

Speaker 1 It was trying to be a Mondo Butts reference. You got to check out the butts on the football team.
I couldn't quite get my Mondo Butts. Ditch a ditch.
That's now legendary, never aired, and not good.

Speaker 1 Zachary's email goes on, but it ends with, will you guys be doing an I Think You Should Leave episode? Would love to hear Tim and Zach come on the show. Yeah, we could probably do that.

Speaker 1 Just like a general one. Yeah, those guys are real funny.
Or make them talk about one sketch for a while. Do they ever do podcasts? One thing they love doing is explaining their jokes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what they love during their show. Yeah, they hate it, but so do we when they're fresh.
This is a different thing. Okay, this is another New York Times person.
Ready? Okay.

Speaker 1 So basically, I guess when we gave shine to one New York Times writer, the others heard it and are like, what about me? Michael. Hey, Quads, loyal listen here.

Speaker 1 Although, I will admit, I usually turn the pot off once I find out whether or not Andy has quibbied. Thank you.
Keep it at the end.

Speaker 1 Unlike some of your emailers, I actually do work for the New York Times games. Oh.

Speaker 1 I'm writing to ask that you please refrain from future discussion of other New York Times sub-brands, including the athletic, cooking, audio, and especially Wirecutter.

Speaker 1 Your listeners don't want to hear about boring shit like smoke detectors. Give them what they came to you for.
An extended discussion of Pentafecta strat. This is great.

Speaker 1 We're getting into some like turf wars now. Yeah, some beef.
This is crossing.

Speaker 1 This is cross-office beef. P.S.
George Zimmer was my friend's dad and coached my youth soccer team. I guarantee it.
Wow. So many Zimmer connects.
Fucking Zimmer is like just a menschel.

Speaker 1 And I guess these are bay people then as well. Or, and this is just a theory, it's all a lie.
This guy doesn't even exist. He wrote it in.
Whoa. It's a catfish? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yo, you're talking about the matrix. Well, I think the person who wrote it exists.
I just think that they may have made up a person on it. They don't, Keeve.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 You think the cat spirit is doing it to us? That's an AI person. Dude, even in the Matrix, though, people exist.
They're just in those little pods. No, they don't.

Speaker 1 They're just batteries. You got to see the movie.
Dude, you're saying this dude's a battery. No, wait, wait, wait, Keeve, Keeve, Keeve.
Sorry, sorry. You're saying Michael's a battery.
No, we got to.

Speaker 1 The movie doesn't even exist. We got to lay off off your arm.
I just realized he has burrito brain. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought you were going to say you have to lay off me because that's ribbing, and we don't do that anymore.

Speaker 1 No, we definitely do that, but I'm going to take it easy on you because our little guy's got burrito brain. Oh, my God.
Giving me an option. He's going to need a major case of the BBs.

Speaker 1 Oh, look, he's going to, he's doubling down. He's going to eat more.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 That's how you pay everyone back for handcrafting you gifts for your own dumbass choice to climb a ladder. It was already established, Andy, on Reddit that I was faking it.

Speaker 1 What are you doing on Reddit? Get off of there.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 we read things. I don't read it.
Promise. Oh, you were on Read It? No.

Speaker 1 Why does that get me?

Speaker 1 Why is that funny at all?

Speaker 1 Support comes from Viori. Now that it's getting cool out, I'm wearing my beach fleece screw.
How cool do I look in that?

Speaker 1 When you see me in my beach fleece screw, you're like, damn, my dad looks good, right?

Speaker 4 He looks ready to shop a bunch of errands.

Speaker 1 I look ready to shop a bunch of errands at hip cool stores.

Speaker 4 Sure.

Speaker 1 You heard it here. It's the ideal fleece to wear as the weather starts to get chilly.
It's even made from 71% recycled fabrics. That's nice.
Leaving something for your generation, am I right?

Speaker 4 I mean, I'm in the climate action team at school, so I'm in full support of recycled materials.

Speaker 1 Thank you. For casual, I wear the Sunday performance joggers and they're awesome.
They wick moisture and the fabric is so comfortable. Do you have something to add? Oh yeah.

Speaker 4 So when my mom wears Viori, she looks ready for tennis and she looks like she's about to ace her first serve. And usually, I think she does.

Speaker 1 Oh, and you attribute that to her Viore looks.

Speaker 4 It could definitely play a factor in her winning.

Speaker 1 That's a really, really strong theory. You guys heard that here.
Well, when I'm going to exercise, I wear my favorite core short, the one short every sport.

Speaker 1 They are stylish and comfortable enough to wear all day, which I do. And you always say, oh my god, dad, you've been wearing those shorts all day.
Are they comfortable?

Speaker 4 I do ask that, and you still haven't answered.

Speaker 1 It's my little secret. They're soft and lightweight, and they have four-way performance stretch with a breathable boxer brief liner.
Is that TMI? Definitely.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you didn't need to know about my boxer brief liner, but now you do and it's, you know, that's part of life.

Speaker 1 Okay, the last thing I ordered on there i'll tell you this was the seaside pullover hoodie and the seaside straight leg sweatpants and it was some new stuff that have like they're like relaxed and i think they're like lightweight with a heavyweight feel i mean i i haven't actually got them yet but i'm pretty excited for it look them up For our listeners, they are offering 20% off your first purchase.

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Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions.

Speaker 1 Support for the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast comes from Airbnb. Hey, everybody, Akiva here.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tell you a little story about when we went to North Carolina and we needed somewhere to stay on a lake.

Speaker 1 We were meeting up with another part of Liz's family, some people actually flying in from Denmark. So we rented this big house and it was right on this lake in North Carolina and it was a blast.

Speaker 1 We had, you know, the kitchen and the backyard had a hammock. And, oh, somebody's here.
Hello? Hello. Oh, who are you?

Speaker 4 I'm Sarah, and I'm here to tell you, have you ever considered that while you're on vacations, that you could put your own house on Airbnb at the same time?

Speaker 1 Wow. So you're saying when I'm at the lake paying for a house on Airbnb that I found through Airbnb, I could actually put my home that I own on Airbnb and be making money.

Speaker 1 And so then it's like a free vacation?

Speaker 1 Is that right, sarah yes and you could even end up getting paid more than you're paying oh my gosh so i could actually make money to go on vacation possibly that's what i'm saying thanks for the great information and good advice you're gone now okay well i'm on my own well your home might be worth more than you think find out how much at airbnb.com slash host

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Speaker 1 Here's some common questions, guys. Gremlins is not child-appropriate, according to many quads, because one of the characters says that Santa isn't real.
Oh, that's

Speaker 1 quite true. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, it's not child appropriate because it's scary. Yeah, they throw one in a blender and shit.
It scarred me when I first saw it. No way.
It's hilarious.

Speaker 1 But Seth is the one that asked, and he's not on here. So he's not getting that information right now.
No, but that's a real. And is it proven in the movie that Santa's not real, though?

Speaker 1 You can't prove it. Literally, you want to prove it to me right now.
Yeah. You're right.
And you're right. You're right.
That's why it's always fine. You can never prove he doesn't exist.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 Exactly. That's what this pod's actually about.
Listen, a lot of Quads responding to Akiva's Airbnb read that I did with one of my kids, and we talked about how my in-laws from James. James didn't.

Speaker 1 James doesn't know about this. No, he doesn't.

Speaker 1 And we talked about how my in-laws came and they stayed in Airbnb. They're wondering why I don't have a big enough house for my in-laws.

Speaker 1 They assume I make enough money for movies and podcasts to afford a bigger house. No, you're just a dick.
No, but I don't, actually.

Speaker 1 There is one extra bed in our house, but it's in the room I'm using as an office that I'm in right now. And it has the exercise machine, and it's a mess.

Speaker 1 Keith, open your wallet.

Speaker 1 I don't make enough, guys. So thanks for rubbing it in.
Okay. Well, then here's an idea, genius.
Make more!

Speaker 1 The fuck? I want to, but James won't sit through the fucking ads.

Speaker 1 James, it's your fault. I think we just realized why Keith will sell out for a single pistache.
This guy's hard up.

Speaker 1 I couldn't afford wrapping paper.

Speaker 1 It was great.

Speaker 1 Abigail. Hello, Quaids.
First off, I want to tell Yorma that I'm really glad he ended up all right after the fall, even if this message is a bit delayed.

Speaker 1 I would also like to give my condolences to Seth for Frisbee, another delayed message. I am a 14-year-old human being who dressed up as your old boss, Lorne Michaels, for Halloween.

Speaker 1 It may sound surprising, but I do have friends, though none of them know who Lorne Michaels is. Those mugless losers.
Anyway, love the pod and, of course, the digital shorts.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Seth, for the late nighting. I watch your show every morning before school.
Andy, you're just kind of awesome and funny with everything.

Speaker 1 Akiva Naked Gun was so good and I wish I could watch it again, but I don't have Paramount. And Yorma, I can relate as I'm also the short one of all my friends.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll take it. Bring balconies to second chance theater.

Speaker 1 Also, can we have Lauren and Arnold as guests on the pod? And then there's a photo, though. Let's see what this photo is.
Hold on.

Speaker 1 Can I just say, while we're looking at this photo, Abigail is like one of my favorite names of all time. I use it all, like anytime I'm making up a a story, it's Abigail.
Oh, Abigail, you're rad.

Speaker 1 Oh, and you have a little Emmy just as

Speaker 1 just as Lauren holding the award. Oh, my God.
Abigail, me and Keith were the shortest people forever.

Speaker 1 The moment we cracked five feet, we talked about this on the pod, I'm sure, but like, ugh, you're great. And our kids are

Speaker 1 equally short. I was also very short.
I don't know why you're excluding me. Well, now you're

Speaker 1 at you in. Well, because we were buds in seventh grade.
By the time we met you, we'd all had a little growth spurt. Yeah, but in junior high and freshman year of high school, I was short.

Speaker 1 And then I have this other one here. This is from Philippa.
How would you say that in a British accent? Philippi. This is

Speaker 1 Philippa. Philippa.
In England, a Christmas gnome is also called a gonk, proof attached. So every time I walk past a large display of gonks, I say, not a gonk

Speaker 1 for nobody's enjoyment except my own. Love the pod, and happy holidays from truly very foggy London town.
Wild because she's saying it when it is a gonk. That's a gonk.
Now here it is.

Speaker 1 Wait, does it say gonk? You got to zoom in on the label down there. Does it say gonkkins? Well, she did it for us.
Oh, happy gonk. These are happy gonks that would cost this much.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got to move there. And then the happy gonk extra large is $19.99.
Well, that's pounds, Keith. What is it in dollars?

Speaker 1 $24. Don't ask Jorm.
No, Yorm. It's not good.
No, no, $24. Let me guess.
Oh, God, I hope I'm right. I feel like it's become equal.
It might be right. But maybe that's not still true.

Speaker 1 Andy, you're the last one who was in fucking no pounds worth more come on oh i was way wrong it's 26.7 yeah so it's 0.34 you're right andy it's still something i was right i i'm i'm not right no you're not unbelievable so andy you're right

Speaker 1 i'm the stats guy now no you're the burrito boy with burrito brain

Speaker 1 oh there it is maybe both why do we have to label everything

Speaker 1 yeah that he has burrito.

Speaker 1 He's like scarfing his fucking burrito that he admitted he doesn't like.

Speaker 1 I'm almost done. It's fine.
It's sustenance. It's fine.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Hey, speaking of other things I watched, I watched Sarah Sherman's comedy special and loved it. Oh, I bet that's great.
Highly recommend, but I will also say, not for the squeamish or the squirmish.

Speaker 1 It is fucking disgusting, and it's so incredible. Will you give one example of how disgusting it is? There are visuals that you will never be able to unsee.

Speaker 1 Like it's very, very aggressively disgusting on purpose. Okay.
Like Cronenberg-y level disgustingness. Okay.

Speaker 1 It's like if like Pee Wee and Cronenberg made a special together and the host of it was Sarah. Golly.
Okay. It's very funny though.
I laughed hard.

Speaker 1 I got beat recently by my PT guy, Sean, who when I said Gali, he was like, whoa, are people saying that? And I was like, well, I'm not saying golly, right? Like, I'm saying golly. That's different.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? What's the difference? That's cool. Well, golly would be like, I'm like a 1950s guy, but you know, like, golly, golly, beef.
But golly is like, I'm like 2027. Golly, like that.

Speaker 1 That's how you say it, not me. I found that offensive.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like I say it, like E40 would. How would he say it?

Speaker 1 Like how you just said it. Yeah, you said it.
No, we're going to cut mine. I say it like good old Jimmy Stewart.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, golly.

Speaker 1 Oh, but it's still in the posi two-syllable way. I just go, golly.
Golly. Yeah, golly, that horse has the biggest penis I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 That's exactly how I say it. Yeah.
Oh, hey, I think this case of the BBs might be contagious. Yeah.
Yeah, it's different because you're doing an impression of someone doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Andy, what's your excuse? Because you seem like you've got the burrito brain a bit. I'm not going to fret.
I got a little burrito brain. Woo-ee!

Speaker 1 Tail it off.

Speaker 1 It's almost Christmas. Let's listen to a voice note and then the spelling me and then later.
Yeah, I like, I like that. God, I hope it's ED.

Speaker 8 Hey, guys, I'm a huge fan, and I have been since awesome town. I always made people watch your videos.
I'm like, do you know this song? Oh my God, that reminds me of a Lonely Island song.

Speaker 8 You got to watch it. And I recently did that with my 11-year-old son.
He is super prim and proper, though. He won't let me curse and he does not like talking about inappropriate things.

Speaker 8 And it did not occur to me until three videos in that all of your songs are about penises.

Speaker 1 Not all.

Speaker 8 He did not think they were funny. He just thinks I'm a pervert.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 thanks.

Speaker 8 Bye.

Speaker 1 Big apologies. Okay.

Speaker 1 Could have done through it on the ground, but that does have getting taste in the button. When we were kids, I feel like I didn't know any kid that wasn't cool with swearing.

Speaker 1 11 is like, I think when you get your first horrible cursing tapes.

Speaker 1 But I guess my point is not to disparage this caller, but to to talk about how my kids won't curse and when they even are singing along to their favorite songs by like Olivia Rodrigo let's say and it gets to the the F word they mute themselves right or they do the radio version even if the one playing is the dirty version

Speaker 1 my kids are horrendous my daughter's favorite song is a Rilo Kylie song called Better Son Daughter and it has a

Speaker 1 and sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on and she is like if we talk over it, she's like, go back. That's the best part.
So I'm a bad screen.

Speaker 1 It's crazy because I feel, I'm more like Keith. Like when I am in the car with my kids, if I play anything even a little, like UGK Pregnant Pussy or something, they're like, dad, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, what? It's a class. You got to listen to the lyrics.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I'm just picturing Quaid, the Quaids out there now going, oh, I'm going to throw on the UGK pregnant pussy. What the fuck? Oh,

Speaker 1 you're in for a treat if you haven't heard it. It's a shocker, guys.
It's a shocker.

Speaker 1 No matter what we say here, it will be a shocker.

Speaker 1 That's classic material.

Speaker 1 Get back to us about your feelings after you listen to it.

Speaker 1 God, there's 14-year-olds listening to this. I feel bad.
No. Well, congrats on 20 Years of Lazy Sunday, guys.
Just to wrap this up. Thanks, Justin Radha.
Thank you for mentioning it.

Speaker 1 It probably wasn't really that long, though, right? Probably was more recent. No, no, we're getting younger.
I feel younger.

Speaker 1 Feels weird. Your.
We'll just skip right past it. Yorm.
Yeah, what's up? I hope this isn't a rib. Oh my God, please.
Remember when we could pound like four burritos each without getting BB?

Speaker 1 And now it's like halfway through my first fucking burrito. I'm like, oh, goddamn, I'm coming down with a major case.
And it's, and it's so, it's so fucked up because they don't tell you that.

Speaker 1 You know, when you're younger, you just see old people complaining and you think, what are they talking about? I'm young. You got to switch to NABs.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Some nabs?

Speaker 1 What do they take out? What is the NA for?

Speaker 1 Non-Asada burritos. Fuck, yeah.
Some nabs. Let's get a nab.

Speaker 1 I can't do full. Non-asada burritos.
You know what?

Speaker 1 People, agents were calling us the other day being like, do you guys want to try to do a celebrity-endorsed brand, you know, like the way that a few different people we know have the non-alcoholic beers?

Speaker 1 And I think we now just found ours. Right.
So if non-asada. If

Speaker 1 And the ads are just, you know, doing reenactments of someone coming down with a case of the BBs and then somebody else going like, hey, has this happened to you? I can't get my work done.

Speaker 1 I've got burrito brain. Yeah.
Yeah. Not again.
Oh, once I hit 40, it was just like all of a sudden the burrito brain was lasting longer, coming on stronger, faster.

Speaker 1 I can't stop eating burritos, so what's the alternative?

Speaker 1 No, like, I hate, yeah, I hate that I stopped. And then I'm like, Yorma, you keep eating them.
What's your secret? How are you doing it? Well, Keeve, I'm glad you asked. NAB is.

Speaker 1 It'll be just like Tom Holland with his nine o'clock beer, where I think Mulaney has one that he's been advertising. No, that's cool.
I would never, ever bring up someone else's product on our cast.

Speaker 1 Ever. Right, right.
I would never do that. You think Spidey would send a voice note to promote his nine-occolic beer? Is it tie-in? You think he would? Yeah, maybe.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought you were talking about Spider-Hand. Spidey? Oh, you're right.
It's Spider-Man or Spider-Hand. They're both

Speaker 1 Spider-Man. Yeah.
Sober. Hey, I'm one too.
A what? I'm a spider. Oh, yeah.
What's your guy's name?

Speaker 1 It's a great question. He has a name.
I got one too. Keep, you're the only guy who doesn't have a fucking Spider-Man.
Oh, yeah. You're the one pointing at each other, right? You're doing this.

Speaker 1 You're doing the me. I'm the 1969 guy.
Yeah, I'm the coda. I'm the first one.
What the fuck?

Speaker 1 How are you both Spider-Man and I'm just fucking sitting here with fucking burrito brain like a fucking tool?

Speaker 1 A lot of cursing. Who are you trying to impress? Probably the man in the mirror.
No, Phil Lord and Chris Miller. So they make me a Spider-Man.
There's a third movie coming. Oh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, come on, Phil and Chris. Make Keva Spidey.
Come on, guys. Look in the mirror.
Guys, hit them up on Twitter. Let them know.
Let's start the campaign.

Speaker 1 It will be as big as when Donald Glover was going to be Spider-Man. This will be the next one for all the same reasons.
You guys, I was kidding. Obviously, I know I'm Ben Riley.
Relax. There we go.

Speaker 1 You fucking, it took a while.

Speaker 1 I did look it up.

Speaker 1 You did too. I saw your face last time.
Look at my phone. Does it look like I looked up characters from Spider-Verse? No.
Oh, my God. And what is Yorm's? 1967.
That's my home screen. He is 1967.
1967.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I just, literally, I just have to say one thing.
I'll do it. Like, yeah, and I'll be that Spider-Man whenever there's a bunch.
Exactly. Like Yorm, a fake one.

Speaker 1 You know what? I had the coda. I was pointing.

Speaker 1 Listen, guys, I don't want to get into politics, but Donald Glover, you know, he showed up in the last one as one of the alternate ones, kind of acknowledging the big campaign that was online to make him like a pre-Miles Morales first black live action Spider-Man.

Speaker 1 And I feel like we could get a similar momentum going for me in a similar way because nobody with burrito brain has ever been Spider-Man.

Speaker 1 You don't want to get political.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 I feel like there's I thought you don't have burrito brain.

Speaker 1 No, that product. Now it seems like you're campaigning for Yorm.
No, the product we were talking about was a joke product that doesn't exist. You think NABs exist?

Speaker 1 No. My burrito brand got usurped.
Keeve now owns it and he's got it. I was saying that my burrito, that I go half a burrito now and I'm like, I've got it for hours now.
Seth has teeth.

Speaker 1 Keeve has burrito brand.

Speaker 1 Yes. It's your

Speaker 1 stats. We all have burrito brands.
We all have our stats. And I'm saying I get it now way earlier.
In our 20s at SNO, we could pound burritos.

Speaker 1 Now I go half a burrito. I'm fucking burrito branding all over the place.
You know what you are is you're zonked. Yeah.
And there's never been, people don't talk about it enough.

Speaker 1 There's never been a Spider-Man with burrito brain.

Speaker 1 That we know of. Yeah, that's true.
There's so many iterations.

Speaker 1 There's so many old comics. Come at us.
We don't know what people were struggling with. Exactly.
Hit us in the tittis again about if a Spider-Man had burrito brain.

Speaker 1 If you know if a Spider-Man or anyone you know has had burrito brain.

Speaker 1 Can I point something out, Andy?

Speaker 1 If it's in, if it's canon, Spider-Ham and Ben Riley are canon. They're from the old one.
And the moment when the Spider-Men are pointing at each other, I believe, is too.

Speaker 1 That's how it got pulled from the cartoon. That is the thing.
That is accurate. So a Spider-Man with burrito brain, that's not a deal breaker.
It's a deal maker.

Speaker 1 I was saying there hasn't been one in the movies.

Speaker 1 The same way there was a Black Spider-Man, Miles Morales. There just wasn't one in the movies.
And there has not been one with burrito brain.

Speaker 1 Now, some people could argue that Jake Johnson's Peter Parker that's like eating pizza. Right.
He's fat in the first Spider-Verse. Yeah, that's tangential, but yeah.
Kind of has burrito for it.

Speaker 1 It had burrito brain? Yeah. But he has more, he's more pizza brain.
More New York. Why do you think he's constantly eating pizza? Because he's from New York.

Speaker 1 Well, because people know they weren't ready for a burrito-brained Spider-Man. So they put pizza in his hand because they weren't ready to.
Eased into it, yeah. Let me in.
Start the campaign, guys.

Speaker 1 We have a pizza-brained spidey. Now we need a burrito-brained spidey.
And you're saying that's as important as Miles Morales.

Speaker 1 You crossed the line. I crossed the line.
I'm asking questions. I said we weren't getting political.
Oh,

Speaker 1 so if you say we're not getting political beforehand, anybody who gets political at all, it's their fault. Yes.

Speaker 1 If they put.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 are you going to ask me if I got Queen Bee so I can go or not? Yeah, all right. I want to drag this out a little bit more.
Spelling bee.

Speaker 1 Spelling bee.

Speaker 1 I got it clean. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
Put that close to the screen so I can read it. What does it say? You found everything.
All 32 words worth 141 points. Share your achievement.

Speaker 1 I did share it.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I shared it with Seth.

Speaker 1 My last word was palliative, and it was the pangram. Palliative? Yeah, bro.
That's not a fucking word, dude. Hit us in the titties.
That's not a word. Don't hit us in the titties.

Speaker 1 We know that's a word. Yeah, yeah.
Let's take it back. No.
It's a hospital. This guy's got a case of the BBs.
Don't even worry about it. All right.
Yep. Happy holidays, guys.
Love you. Love you guys.

Speaker 1 Later, Arnold. Later, Quaids.