Zach Drops By the Set

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, it's the lonely island and Seth Meyers podcast show.

Speaker 3 Hey, everybody. Welcome to the podcast.
It's really just a novel week because it's what we call in the biz a two-hander. You want to guess who the other hand is? He's about to say hello.

Speaker 2 Hi, guys. Akiva Schaffer here.
So glad to be here without some of the dead weight.

Speaker 3 I know. We're really just off and running tonight.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Andy did say he is going to join, but he didn't give us an ETA.

Speaker 3 No. And

Speaker 3 Jorm kind of.

Speaker 2 He said he feels like shit.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Jorm played the card that, to be honest, I'm shocked he hasn't played more often because he's been very, you know, upbeat about this whole thing, but I think he had a tough day.

Speaker 2 Like Andy was saying early in this, that if it was any of the rest of us, we would just be gone.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you would never hear from us again.

Speaker 2 No. And so Jorm occasionally pulling the I don't feel well card is well earned.

Speaker 3 Yes. And we were scheduled to do this a couple days ago, and I was the guy who last last minute remembered I had to go to a potluck at my kids' school.

Speaker 2 Now, Seth, do you ever think about we've set up an entire podcast that has a finite number built in? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, Smartlist will always, much like your talk show, there'll always be somebody else out there who needs to promote something to come on as a guest. Right.

Speaker 2 And your family trips, I mean, I guess you don't get the same person on twice because they'd have to come up with new family trips to talk about. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But there's a pretty large pool of potential guests out there when you consider it kind of is the entire human race.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but we've done this and without Andy here to say, you know, that he hates the idea that this could go on indefinitely, I think he takes great solace in the fact that he knows that it will come to an end.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but we both know that can't happen.

Speaker 3 No, of course not.

Speaker 2 We got to keep it going. Yeah.
Not for us, mind you, of course, for the Quads.

Speaker 3 For the Quads, for the Quade Army. You can't build an army and then just turn your back on them.

Speaker 2 Exactly. That's just bad.
Bad leadership.

Speaker 2 I like to think of us as leaders um what what is the next iteration i don't have an answer to this i mean obviously true crime interesting is it's there for us

Speaker 2 interesting do you think it's where we kind of jump in and see if we can solve one of the cold cases is that the best take on it for you yeah we fully like season one serial it where we we dig up something something spicy and just uh

Speaker 2 yeah i mean obviously the ones that get a lot of clicks are on video first off yeah and the the quads are always pretty vocal about being annoyed that they can't see what we're up to.

Speaker 3 I was really, I don't know what the right word is.

Speaker 3 I had a little joy from the fact that multiple people told me this week their favorite part of the podcast was when Yorm got up and we were all just shocked.

Speaker 2 Oh, an audio play.

Speaker 3 As an audio play, that worked. And that made me, because that was certainly my favorite part of the podcast.
That and then the coda of it, which was Yorm didn't quite understand why we were shocked.

Speaker 3 When he came back, he's like, yeah, I went, I walked over and we're like, what do you, we don't know what the rules are.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And he had crutches, but they were off-camera, too.
So he just popped up. It was just gone.

Speaker 3 It would be like if like Professor X, just halfway through X-Men, just like kind of got up and got his coffee. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He just poured a coffee, sat back down.

Speaker 3 I'd be like, wait, what is he? So wait, is it getting better? Like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 Very, that is very naked gun to have a character in a wheelchair the whole movie.

Speaker 2 And then in the last few seconds, you know, just in some key moment, just gets up to get a cup of coffee, sits back down.

Speaker 2 I feel like I've seen a joke like that in one of their movies, but maybe it's even a different one where there's characters that are handcuffed, and then one of them just reaches out of the handcuff at one point and puts it back in, and you just never talk about it.

Speaker 3 It's great, yeah, of course. Very good.

Speaker 2 Um, I hate to bring up uh anything spelling B related without Andy, but this is more this is also your chance to say something with no chance of rebuttal.

Speaker 3 This is more like, do you feel like New York Times Games is paying sort of granular attention to to the work we're doing on this pod. Because in one week, these are three things that happened.

Speaker 3 Lettuce was a word in Spelling B.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 3 And two different crossword answers this week. Doppelganger was a crossword answer.
And like a boss was a crossword answer.

Speaker 3 I mean, at two, I was willing to say it was a coincidence, Keith. At three.

Speaker 2 This feels like a conspiracy.

Speaker 3 This does at this point.

Speaker 2 Wow. I think it's an honor.

Speaker 3 It's certainly an honor. I think the real honor would be if the clue was proper response to Quaid Army.

Speaker 3 If the answer was righteous kill.

Speaker 2 Yes, but that's asking a lot from their audience. They're instead, they're sending us secret codes.
Dog whistles.

Speaker 3 They're not right. Because, of course, none of those were requiring you to listen.
They were sending messages. Those are

Speaker 2 all things people say. And Leica boss is in the culture now.
And doppelganger is a word. And yeah, but they're sending dog whistles to the Kuwait Army.

Speaker 3 And they're tipping their cap to us.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
They're getting all of our attention, not just the four of us,

Speaker 2 but they're getting the entire armies. And then you got to wonder why.

Speaker 2 Like, when's the other shoe's going to drop?

Speaker 2 They're saying it's like when spies would put like, you know, classified ads in and they had a code. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, they put it in at some long thing, but then somebody else has the coder and knows it's every 50th word and it's the third vowel.

Speaker 2 And that's how they get the meeting point for the drop.

Speaker 3 My favorite, and there was a little of it in one battle after another, but my favorite thing in movies are Cold War movies where a guy's like listening to a radio broadcast with like a ham radio and writing down like every fifth word.

Speaker 2 Yeah, decoding live.

Speaker 3 Love live decoding. Yeah.

Speaker 3 We were talking about closet organizer. We talked about Daryl's house and we were saying, were there any other callback sketches?

Speaker 3 Tim Robinson and Kevin Hart had Z-shirts.

Speaker 2 I remember Z-shirts, but I don't remember well enough to remember that there was two parts.

Speaker 3 It's really good.

Speaker 2 Is the second part like a complete twist and surprising on the first part or is it just like another part of it?

Speaker 3 it's a complete twist and surprise i like it uh here's just some comments from uh recent episodes keefe uh someone said chrysal was a great fill-in for yorm considering the literal first thing he said was i don't remember

Speaker 3 so he immediately fell into the yorm role just perfectly yeah true uh

Speaker 3 this and sometimes look i feel like i kind of cracked the door open for these kind of comments and uh you know i think the uh quaint army has learned it for me so i do bear the weight of some responsibility here But someone,

Speaker 3 Joram left last week saying, I got to bounce. And someone wrote, did he say the same thing when he fell off the ladder?

Speaker 2 Oh, did he say it to like, did he pray? God. Yeah, Andreas.
I got to help. I hope I don't just land hard.
Hope I just bounce back up.

Speaker 3 We talked about how somebody yelled out in a movie theater once when I was watching the trailer after the American Pie Trailer, and somebody yelled out more pie fucking.

Speaker 3 This is a comment that really made me laugh. The best thing I ever heard someone yell in a theater is the word silence right before the movie Silence was about to start.

Speaker 2 It's really good.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, that's probably a pretty rowdy crowd just chatting and chatting so loud.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the pre, the pre-silence crowd.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's an unknown, just ruckus in that room.

Speaker 3 We asked Will Forte about closet organizer memories, and he did not have many, but he did say in the message that he had been going crazy at work.

Speaker 3 And a couple of people wrote in and said when they heard that, they pictured him as the closet organizer. Like that his job was still being a closet organizer and that was him being crazy work.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Have you read recent comments on Sergio?

Speaker 2 No. Like on the old post of Sergio on YouTube, gone back to the actual video? No.

Speaker 3 A lot of people saying, wish I could enjoy this, but my eye line keeps getting jumped.

Speaker 2 So sarcastic. So people are being sarcastic.
How dare you?

Speaker 3 Then a bunch of other people saying, I feel like even hearing Keeves criticism, I enjoy this great deal and don't even know what he's talking about. So,

Speaker 2 you know what? Next time I've learned my lesson, I'm not going to be so honest.

Speaker 3 I think you should keep being honest. I personally, for me, it was A.

Speaker 3 Um, court-martialed is when you get kicked out of the military. Gary marshalled is when you get kicked off the pod for not knowing enough pretty woman facts.
These are just things people send in.

Speaker 2 I like it a lot. Well, you worked with Gary Marshall too.
I did in New Year's. That's quite an honor.

Speaker 3 Somebody sent me a link. I didn't even open the link because it was too painful, but it was the headline was eight Seth Meyers movies people have forgotten about.
Eight.

Speaker 3 And I'm pretty sure I've only done eight. Yeah.
So, you know what I mean? Like, that's fine.

Speaker 2 It was all of them.

Speaker 3 It's all of them. Like, that's fine if it's like eight Robert De Niro movies people forgot about.

Speaker 2 I can't name them. No, I can't.
I mean,

Speaker 2 the one you just said, already gone.

Speaker 3 I didn't even say it.

Speaker 2 Did you say Marshall movie?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but see, you can't even name it.

Speaker 2 It's well, was it New Year's? Yeah, News Eve. Okay, and then Journey to the Center of the Earth.
Two. Where you're the doctor guy.
Yep. And then

Speaker 2 you were officially cut from Popstar, so that's not getting me there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, officially cut from Poststop Starstar.

Speaker 2 Fuck, I'm not even close. Give me just a taste of the other six.

Speaker 3 Nick is the first word of a movie.

Speaker 2 Nope.

Speaker 3 Nick and.

Speaker 2 Oh, Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist?

Speaker 3 I have a cameo, Nick and Nora's safe playlist.

Speaker 2 So does Andy. So you and Andy are in a movie together.

Speaker 3 We are in a movie together. And I thought I'd be in Popstar.
That would have been our second.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, deleted scenes counts, but go ahead.

Speaker 3 Let's see.

Speaker 3 What's another one?

Speaker 3 God, now I'm not going to even remember him.

Speaker 3 American Dreams was a movie that was with Mandy Moore and Hugh Grant, which was like sort of an American Idol.

Speaker 2 I'm vaguely remembering.

Speaker 3 Kind of a political satire film that didn't quite work, but was a very good now.

Speaker 2 In any of these eight, are you playing Seth Meyers, the host of a live?

Speaker 3 I'm not counting movies where I played Seth Meyers because I've stacked a few of those.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because that would have been Pop Star 2, so maybe that would not have happened.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I wouldn't have counted. So even I can only make it to four.

Speaker 2 I guess we both need to read this article. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But it's like the better article would would be like the three Seth Meyers movies everybody remembers.

Speaker 2 Seth, have you been listening to the Rosalie? This is more of an Andy question, but if you would show up, but have you been listening to the Rosalia album? Is that how you say it? I haven't.

Speaker 3 Is this this new album that everybody says is the best album of the year? Yeah, it's real good.

Speaker 2 I've only heard it once through so far.

Speaker 2 I was listening to it real loud in my car, and it was so good and interesting that I wanted, you know, when you're like listening to a book on tape or a great NPR story and you get to your destination, but you don't want to get out of the car because you want to hear the end of a section.

Speaker 2 Yeah. This is the first time that's happened to me in a very long time with music where I was like, I just want to see what she's going to do next.
And I can't even understand any of the words.

Speaker 3 That's pretty exciting. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought it was fantastic.

Speaker 3 We used to have a band on my show and we used to also have bands come on my show. Yeah.
They were both the victim of financial realities of current linear television.

Speaker 3 But I will say, like, that was a very cool thing for somebody who's getting older to have like a new band come through once a week.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's a really curated, curated, you're getting to still go to concerts in the comfort of a chair and behind a desk.

Speaker 3 I wrote when Dochi was on Colbert, I had to like text and say, I have palpable jealousy that this happened like 100 feet from your desk.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was a memorable performance too. Yes.
Those are few and far between.

Speaker 3 Geese is the band that has been on my radar in the last like three months and their album.

Speaker 2 I have not listened. I've heard of it, but I have not listened.

Speaker 2 I'll give Geese a little go. Yeah, geese it.

Speaker 3 Geese it and goose it.

Speaker 3 From the Not a Gonk guys. That's the name of the album, Not a Gonk.

Speaker 3 Is it us? It is you guys.

Speaker 2 Okay, great. I knew I liked it.

Speaker 3 So I had Zach and Tim on my show, and it was wonderful, ostensibly to promote Chair Company. Then we didn't really talk about Chair Company at all.
We talked a lot about Spider League.

Speaker 2 Are you familiar with Spider League at all? Only from your show. Only from your show.

Speaker 3 But they were saying to me, I went out to dinner with them afterwards, like their offices are right next to your offices.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, they wrote, I think you should leave, literally in our office, and then kept an office in our office for writing.

Speaker 2 But then when chair company needed a bunch of space, they rented from our landlord the floor above us. So now we're an elevator ride away from each other.

Speaker 3 I'm very happy that you guys are in the same physical space because that is the thing you miss the most post-SNL is like not just being close to people who are working on other things that you can go and hang out with.

Speaker 2 It's a joy to just go, like while they were editing, to be able to just go up there and watch a scene and then walk for coffee even though the neighborhood's kind of gross uh but we do coffee walks and it feels really like snow when you have multiple things going because dan go also yeah takes the office there so he'd be over in one writing whatever tv show he's working on dan gore who uh one of the creators of brooklyn 99 exactly and then uh when we were writing naked gun we did it there and truly it'd be like john solomon and those guys and sometimes like patty harrison writing in one room and we'd be 50 feet over in our room writing at the same time.

Speaker 2 And it's the closest I've gotten to that SNL feel.

Speaker 3 There is something to, I was talking to somebody who is, you know, they're doing SNL UK. Yeah.
And the SNL UK team is some of them are over watching SNL this week.

Speaker 3 And so I was just sort of chatting with them, which is really fun. Yeah, that's cool.

Speaker 3 And they were saying how they were walking the hallway and it was like, oh, I haven't felt like this since college. And it's like, yeah, no, it's exactly like college.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 In that everybody's working, but not on exactly the same thing.

Speaker 2 Yes. That 17th floor feels like a dorm floor.
Yeah. I'm writing that.

Speaker 3 And like, if you hit, if you hit like a stumbling block sometimes, like instead of just going out and talking to somebody who's not in your world, like it's really fun to just like walk into an office with other people who are working and just like hoping you'll get a little of that like comedy dust on you just as you like walk room to room.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's the part we all miss the most, I think. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, there's also like different levels of optimism among people. Like we both love Spivey so much.
Spivey wrote so many bangers over the year.

Speaker 3 I never walked into her office and had her say anything better than, like, I'm just shitting out a turd. Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, never.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 3 She never made you feel like she was running circles around you, even though she definitely was.

Speaker 2 You could definitely feel also just when there's like a rain cloud in certain offices that you're like, nope, that's not the energy I'm trying to go into. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 As opposed to the one with the big laughs, that's probably not the one that's writing, honestly.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, to be honest, to go where people are laughing is almost to assure they're not working.
Yes.

Speaker 2 You're like, oh, yeah it's it's just normal office water cooler stuff it's just that everyone's trying to think up the silliest things yeah so you do think you were here for the galfanakis show yeah at some point but i was i was semi-disengaged certainly and i definitely noticed that he was you know what i remember i remember being a little bit jealous because i had never met zach galfanakis and he was the hottest thing in comedy from the hangover that year and we all thought he was so funny and chrysal had a relationship already with him through the tim and eric show and And I think I showed up late into this week and he was, I had already made a short.

Speaker 2 And I remember the jealousy was just like, oh, that's so cool that you guys are friends.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 This was also kind of a big deal when you have somebody who, because again, you were jealous of him on an alt comedy level. And then he sort of showed up.

Speaker 2 as like also now a mainstream star and you really wanted him to like have a good show because it would be your fault if it wasn't yes he's showing Zach is showing up as another one of our, you know, could be and ended up being as, you know, like a jack black or, you know, somebody who can come in and meld right with the cast and elevate the show.

Speaker 2 And he did.

Speaker 3 And he immediately showed up like embracing the idea of crushing on the show and while also bringing like a tone that was very different, both his, his current, like, I don't know, mainstream success, but also that like indie thing that he had that was really fun to watch because he did a, you know, he had this move that he'd been doing for years years where he would sit at a piano and do like one-liners, and it was a very old-school move with a very new tone.

Speaker 3 And it was really exciting to watch it just crush it SNL in a monologue.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's still so enjoyable. Does he do it that much these days? I don't know.
I miss it.

Speaker 3 He and I did stand-up together once at Michigan Tech. This is pre-hangover, Zach.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I'm SNL me. And I think it was booked for him to open for me, but I knew very well that he was by far the superior stand-up.

Speaker 3 And I sort of managed to convince them that I should open for him, which was

Speaker 3 a real grace.

Speaker 2 It makes sense that it went that way. I mean, he's one of the greats, and he was probably, you know, doing it every night.

Speaker 2 And you're working at, that was your little side hustle, and it was his main thing. And so he probably had a fantastic 45 minutes.
It was incredible.

Speaker 3 But it was also the, we did it the upper peninsula of Michigan. I believe the school was Michigan Tech.
And it was the, it was so far north.

Speaker 3 And I remember the next day, I don't know how he got home, but our plane couldn't take off because when they would de-ice one wing, it was like a tiny regional plane.

Speaker 3 By the time they would de-ice the other wing, the first wing had been frozen.

Speaker 3 And so there were eight people on the plane, and we all went to the rental car place, and there was like only four rental cars. And so we just all paired off.

Speaker 3 And I remember I drove to the nearest airport with a guy who was like a veterinary professor at Auburn University, who had been like a visitor.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's a holiday movie.

Speaker 3 That was a holiday movie. And then I just left.
Did you guys kiss? We didn't kiss.

Speaker 3 But I remember when he got out of the car, I ran to him. You know, he was getting, you know, he was getting his luggage out and then he was going his way.
And I did, I did run to him.

Speaker 3 And I will not say what we said to each other, but I'm glad it was said.

Speaker 2 There was something that needed to be said and gived a little closure to

Speaker 2 the day.

Speaker 3 Support for the Lonely Island and Seth Meyers podcast comes from Airbnb. You know, this past summer, I took my son Ash to Amsterdam.

Speaker 3 It was fantastic because we stayed in a lovely home by a canal and the apartment was just filled with those strope waffles, which are just like sort of circular flat candied waffles.

Speaker 3 They're very good. I highly recommend them.
But it was an incredible experience that got me thinking, you know, like imagine if they stayed in my home.

Speaker 3 Like imagine if you could spend a weekend and both look at one Emmy on a bookshelf as well as the spaces I've cleared for 32 Emmys that I was nominated for and didn't win.

Speaker 3 A classic hardcore jinx situation. And then think about it.
You know, if you host your home on Airbnb while you're traveling, it's a great way to offset some of the costs of your own trip.

Speaker 3 The extra income you make can be put towards an upcoming trip, a splurge of an eyeing home improvement projects, et cetera.

Speaker 3 And if you've got a lot of trips ahead of you, hosting is a pretty cool and unique way to make some money back.

Speaker 3 And I doubt he's listening, but obviously with home improvement projects, Jorm, you're going to want to bring in some outside contractors. Your home might be worth more than you think.

Speaker 3 Find out how much at airbnb.com/slash host.

Speaker 2 Support comes from Fiori. Now that it's fall, I am wearing the beach fleece crew.
How does it look on me, honey?

Speaker 5 Oh, so cozy.

Speaker 2 It is the ideal fleece to wear as the weather starts to get chilly. It's even made from 71% recycled fabrics.

Speaker 5 And now you think it's chilly in LA at 72 degrees.

Speaker 2 Brrrr. Yes.
And that's why I needed my beach fleece crew.

Speaker 2 All right, let me tell you something else, Liz. Are you listening? Sunday performance joggers are awesome.
I just want to scream it from the rooftops.

Speaker 5 The people or the pants?

Speaker 2 I guess, yeah, I guess I do love Sunday performance joggers. That's what we call those people that jog by our house so fast.

Speaker 5 Performance art, but they're also jogging and they're Sunday performance joggers.

Speaker 2 But you're talking about the pants. Oh, you're saying it was a negative.
Like, oh, those showers. No, God.
No, very. I'm driving in my car and I'm like, you guys are performance joggers.

Speaker 2 These aren't real joggers. They're not doing it for exercise.

Speaker 2 They're showing off. They just want to jog because it's their viore and they want to jog all over town to show off their performance joggers.
It's performative jogging.

Speaker 5 Performative jogging.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, they make me sick. But their clothes are awesome.
They wick moisture and the fabric is so comfortable. They have five functional pockets, three with zippers to keep things safe.

Speaker 2 Now, we've talked about that you really have been buying stuff there. How's it been holding up? You've been liking your viori.

Speaker 5 It's great. I play tennis in my Viore and I really like it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Seth has commented that the people should really trust you about this. Yes.
Oh, wait.

Speaker 5 And then I was playing the other day and my partner went, is that Viore for real? And I said, it is. She goes, I love Viore.
It feels so good, doesn't it? Oh, those look good. Which ones are those?

Speaker 5 So really making some waves on the tennis court.

Speaker 2 Wow, that was a genuine testimonial. I'm just going to say one other thing, and I don't want you to argue with me about this, Liz.
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Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery.

Speaker 3 When I look through this run list, the sketch I think about the most is Bidet.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna need reminders on all these.

Speaker 3 Hold on one second, Akiva. I've got a child in my site.
CS, what's up? Good night.

Speaker 2 Have we ever just had two people on this pod? Because it's harder because a third is always the peanut gallery to like insert dumb shit. You know what I mean? I know.

Speaker 3 Can't wait for the feedback to see how empty this feels to people.

Speaker 2 Well, before you go into Bidet, I just am thinking about the opportunity of not having the other two and about what the future may hold. And I guess I want to put it to the quads.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like picture like a guided meditation. Put yourself into the future right now.
Think about when we're doing, I don't know what's the last one. Is it the pop star episode? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because after that, we're going to retread, you know, like, are we doing a Palm Springs episode? Are we doing a, I don't know, maybe. But let's just.

Speaker 3 I think there's a, there's a hope for some of us quads of who I count myself as one, that maybe there's new music.

Speaker 2 Right. Yes.
We could start doing ones where we put a new song in it if we're ready for that. You know, we have to focus up and fix our hips and stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But there's going to be a moment when we're current, is I guess what I mean. Yeah.
When we're just right here, just the beginning of the pod when we goof around and talk about our week. Yep.

Speaker 2 That's all we have. But you need something else than that.

Speaker 3 You know, I think it is guests, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but there's four of us. We'll never be able to schedule a fifth person.
Yeah. That's a guest where you have to cater to them.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's a real, I think you're right. Quades, sound off.
Yeah. We really need you guys to come to our rescue.

Speaker 2 We're going to need some idea. If you're the one that comes up with the idea that you can be on the pilot in the first episode.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we'd love to have you.

Speaker 3 All right. So the day.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do we have this episode up so we could like remind ourselves? So it says on here, it said Joe Solomon. Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 I think Joast and Solomon used to go on, well, we actually have a voice note from Solomon. So I asked for a voice note from Joast when I thought we were doing this on Wednesday night.

Speaker 3 I said, can you get me one in six hours? And he said, And by the way, so that was like at one o'clock on Wednesday afternoon.

Speaker 3 And he said, I'm finishing some stuff up for the show. I'll try.
So it's crazy.

Speaker 3 Based on what we did when we were there, the fact that it's one o'clock in the afternoon on Wednesday and Joast hasn't turned his scripts in yet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for the table read that's imminent. Yeah.
Within within two hours.

Speaker 3 Then we pushed, then we pushed our record two days. And he wrote me like 12 hours later, sorry, I was too busy.
And I was like, no worries. You have 36 more hours to send one.
Didn't

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 he didn't quite pull it off. He didn't get that.
Solomon did. Okay.
So John, who co-wrote it, I asked for his memories for Bidet. And let's listen to that now.

Speaker 8 Bidet is a sketch that Joast and I wrote after a trip to Puerto Rico. We got two sketches from our Puerto Rico trip.
The other was a sketch about a lighthouse with Dwayne Johnson and Kristen.

Speaker 8 And then this one was because we went to a hotel called the Horn Dorset, which is a very nice hotel in Puerto Rico. And they showed us the bathroom, and there was a bidet in the bathroom.

Speaker 8 And I think you could say that Kristen and Zach's concerns about the functionality of the bidet

Speaker 8 easily mirror Joast's and my concerns and interests. So it was very easy to write.

Speaker 8 And Andy, fantastic performance as a straight man. And obviously, Kristen and Zach were so, so funny.

Speaker 3 Thank you, John. And I'm going to share a screen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do we need to watch a little of it? Let's watch a little bidet.

Speaker 4 We have another guest here right now.

Speaker 2 Oh, do we? Who? Oh, I can see Chrysal. Chrysal's here.

Speaker 3 Oh, oh, Chrysal's here. Hi.

Speaker 4 Hi. Hi.
Hey. I want to watch Bidet.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
Welcome, Chrysal. It's only us because Yorm isn't feeling well and Andy is just late.

Speaker 3 Kind of just not a great podcast host.

Speaker 3 All right, here we go. Bidet.

Speaker 9 And the bathrooms in each of our executive suites come with a whirlpool tub, radiant heating, and a rainfall shower head.

Speaker 2 I see.

Speaker 9 And if you'll follow me, I can show you the master bedroom.

Speaker 10 And the bidet

Speaker 10 comes standard.

Speaker 9 Yes, you'll find a bidet in all our executive suites.

Speaker 11 And there's no additional charge for using the bidet?

Speaker 11 No per-use fee or debit system?

Speaker 9 No, ma'am. Use of the bidet is complimentary.

Speaker 2 Very nice. Very nice.
Good enough.

Speaker 9 Would you like to see the master bedroom?

Speaker 12 And the bidet, is it in good working order?

Speaker 2 The bidet?

Speaker 9 I believe so, yes.

Speaker 10 And there's a sturdiness to it.

Speaker 10 The bidet.

Speaker 10 It can accommodate a fairly heavy carriage.

Speaker 9 I think it's a very standard bidet.

Speaker 13 I see. I see.

Speaker 12 And the water pressure?

Speaker 10 Oh, yes. And the water pressure

Speaker 10 in the bidet?

Speaker 2 Should it prove insufficient?

Speaker 10 Is there an adjustment that could be made

Speaker 10 to possibly increase the pressure substantially?

Speaker 9 I don't think so, no.

Speaker 9 Our sheets in the bedroom boast a 600 thread count.

Speaker 10 And the bidet?

Speaker 10 Should it break? Is there a

Speaker 10 bidet repairman on site?

Speaker 9 If there's any problem with the bathroom

Speaker 2 in the bidets,

Speaker 9 we would just call a plumber.

Speaker 11 And this plumber, he can handle even the most extreme bidet problems.

Speaker 9 He's a very competent plumber.

Speaker 10 And should the bidet

Speaker 10 be damaged beyond repair,

Speaker 2 how soon...

Speaker 10 Would you be able to replace it with a new bidet?

Speaker 9 I really don't know the answer to that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't like that.

Speaker 9 Yeah, I'll like to hear that.

Speaker 11 And should we have an unexpected overnight guest? Do you offer a rollaway bidet?

Speaker 9 I don't believe that exists.

Speaker 10 Huh, 2010, he was very.

Speaker 11 It was a plan.

Speaker 10 And are there any hidden cameras in the bathroom that might record whatever's taking place in or around the bidet.

Speaker 10 Perhaps a toilet cam.

Speaker 9 No, there are no cameras anywhere in the bathroom.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's a shame. That's too bad.

Speaker 11 And the nearest hospital

Speaker 10 that would be?

Speaker 9 St. George Medical Center.
It's about three miles east of the hotel.

Speaker 10 And their ambulances? They have bidets?

Speaker 10 Or would there be a gap between the hotel and the hospital, bidet-wise?

Speaker 9 I doubt the ambulances have bidets. I also doubt the hospital has a bidet.

Speaker 10 And with the doctors at the hospital, there's an understood confidentiality, correct?

Speaker 11 They're seasoned professionals. They've seen it all, so to speak.

Speaker 10 They've had their gag reflexes removed, haven't they?

Speaker 3 I mean, no complaints.

Speaker 3 i enjoyed every second of that also thinking about it through the lens of john's voice note he left saying that those were the questions that him and jost had in puerto rico about their bidet that's worry worrisome it's uh i i know one of my other hopefully john won't mind me telling the story that they would go on surfing trips together and one time they were surfing and talking uh to a female surfer who uh thought they were a father and son i think it's happened more than once yeah they're probably 10 years apart.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
But Joast is very young looking for his age, and Solomon is just very manly. He's tall and he's got some nice salt and pepper hair.

Speaker 3 It's more, I would say it's more, it's more man-boy than like any actual thing of like, you look old, you look young.

Speaker 2 I'm shocked they didn't just think that they were lovers, but it's delightful that that's what they thought. Yeah.
There were people that were genuinely touched, if I recall.

Speaker 2 We could ask Solomon about it, but it was like genuinely like, this is so nice to see a father and son out here, like surfing the waves together.

Speaker 3 So, Solomon knows Joast better than maybe anyone knows Joast. And he thought it might be unlikely that Joast would come through with the text.

Speaker 3 So, he sent a second voice note with even more information.

Speaker 2 Oh, great.

Speaker 8 The most important thing to say with regard to Bidet is that Joast and I were on this trip to Puerto Rico, and he's 12 years younger than me. He had a full beard at the time.

Speaker 8 And we were standing on the beach, and this probably 60-something-year-old man came up to us, and he asked us directions. And we gave him directions to some restaurant or something.

Speaker 8 And then he looked at Joast, and then he looked at me and smiled. And he said, That's nice.
I'm on a trip with my son, too.

Speaker 8 So he thought I was Joast's dad. And then I believe that same day, maybe it was the next day,

Speaker 8 I was at the front desk of our hotel, and I was checking out, and I asked the woman at the front desk if she had any postcards. And she said, Oh, someone else just asked me that question.

Speaker 8 She points to Joost, who's sitting across the lobby, and she says, Your son.

Speaker 8 Because Joast wanted postcards to send home. So two separate people in Puerto Rico thought I was Joe's dad.

Speaker 8 And then the story doesn't end because years later we were on a trip and we were going to Catalina with a bunch of friends.

Speaker 8 And my friend, who I've known for a long time, looked at Joast and he said, Is that your son?

Speaker 2 I don't, I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Oh, presumably, the woman who works at the hotel knows they were in separate rooms with different last names.

Speaker 3 Although, based on this bidet story, they maybe were in the same room.

Speaker 2 Oh, maybe they shared a room. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Two surfer bros just heading down there and they're like, Which surfer bro, like a surf lodgy type place?

Speaker 2 Sharing a room would definitely lead lead me to some conclusions.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's a bummer when they're like, I don't know, I don't know who they're judging that they're like, they can't possibly be a gay couple.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Why is why does it immediately go to that? Yeah, there's a lot of age gap gay couples out there.
Like, it's very believable.

Speaker 2 Um, anyway, Joast has taken the time two weeks in a row to text me and Andy a photo that's actually very nice of the wall in the uh post-production, like where they do the shorts now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and there's a nice picture of us in the uh sushi glory hole

Speaker 2 Outfits on the wall. So he, he's got his phone on him, I guess is my point.
Could have sent one.

Speaker 3 Cray, so we were talking about your, so what is your friendship with Zach when he comes and hosts? How well do you know him?

Speaker 4 I knew him pretty well because he had been on Tim and Eric's show many, many times.

Speaker 2 And had you guys even done those absolute vodka ads at that point?

Speaker 4 Those probably had been done. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, definitely. And I think that was it.
It was a similar thing where he was like, what are you doing here? And I'm like, I'm working here now. And he was excited.

Speaker 4 And I don't know if you guys already talked about this, but I remember the table read was kind of awkward. We're like, Zach's the funniest guy.

Speaker 4 And then it was like, that's not where he shines, you know, like he's so about like massaging language. And yes.
But I think he was like, hey, I have this idea.

Speaker 4 He came to me and go, I want to just be wandering by a set and just kind of like interrupt it. Is that an idea? I'm like, okay.
Yeah. let me see if we can do that.
I don't know.

Speaker 4 But at the time, like the hangover hadn't been out that long at that point. Right.
So I think I just started bringing the idea to Andy or somebody. And like, Andy was just do that.
That's great.

Speaker 4 Like, I need a week off. It felt like.

Speaker 3 It was very much, yeah, it was a host idea. And it does speak to what you said about like Zach ended up being a great host and always

Speaker 4 totally was amazing.

Speaker 3 But I think there was, we were saying before he came on too, like Zach was that weird thing where he was like super comedy cool for the previous 15 years.

Speaker 3 And then he was mainstream cool for the previous like three months.

Speaker 3 And it was a weird thing of, I think we were worried about like the people who expected him to be like hangover Zach, but we always knew that there was this other, you know, not more interesting Zach, but like that he was like this incredibly layered, nuanced comedian.

Speaker 3 And I feel like this was a great version of that Zach, the walking on set.

Speaker 4 Yeah. But then it became like logistically, this is complicated in a way, because first you have to call all these places.

Speaker 4 The thing was, all the New York shows that we're shooting at the time, they were so excited.

Speaker 4 And I was thinking about it, I'm like, if you're doing a show sort of day in and day out, law and order, and they're like, hey, Zach Alfanakis wants to come by and shoot something like right before lunch or whatever it was, and they're going to put it on SNL.

Speaker 4 They're like, yes, this is so fun.

Speaker 4 And I remember Gossip Girl, which we didn't end up going to, was like, yeah, you should come here. They were shooting in Grand Central.

Speaker 2 Oh, that would have been good.

Speaker 4 That would have been awesome. But I can't remember.
You know, it was one of those things where their schedule shifted and then they couldn't accommodate it.

Speaker 2 Should we watch it? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can do it.

Speaker 3 All right. You do it.
Yeah. I do want to, before we say, right off the bat, a perfect performance from Brian Williams.
And when you realize he's doing it for comedy,

Speaker 3 it is totally dry.

Speaker 3 Everything you would want. Like sometimes people give you too much.
It is a perfect performance for beat one, which is obviously very important.

Speaker 2 This is NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams.

Speaker 2 Coming up tonight on the broadcast, as we wind down another week, Senator John McCain tries to refire his political hopes in his home state of Arizona while he was the GOP standard-bearer last time around.

Speaker 2 He suddenly finds himself with a viable primary challenge in Arizona. Show time!

Speaker 2 That's the ball!

Speaker 3 Dr. Os has not aged as well as we might want.

Speaker 2 That's the amount you want to have in your belly. Remember, it's not the fat in your thighs and your bass that hurts you.
It's

Speaker 2 yeah, that's it.

Speaker 2 That's the fat.

Speaker 3 I'd just like to stress how I watched this earlier today, how lovely it is that the first three beats are all very different.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And the middle beat with Showtime with Apollo is like, I don't know what you'd call like MTV Movie Awards slash Forrest Gumping, right?

Speaker 2 Like you just pulled some random Showtime with Apollo and then shot a shot of him in a fake crowd.

Speaker 2 So you're also keeping me on my toes in terms of he's really behind Brian Williams and then he's really at Dr.

Speaker 4 Oz. I think that's because like we kind of are, I mean, he just gave me that and I just made a list.
I'm like, well, here's the ones we can fake and here's the ones we we can.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's keeping it by getting it.

Speaker 3 It's fun, too, because when the Dr. Oz one starts, I, for a minute, wonder if he's being like composited behind him because now I know that's part of the game.
Right.

Speaker 3 And then it's, it's fun when I realize, oh, no, he's physically with Dr. Oz.

Speaker 4 No, but I was remembering this is just a technical thing, but Akiva, you came in and go, I can edit part of this for you if that helps you. And you did the Dr.
Oz part, which was super helpful.

Speaker 4 I remember just in the scope of the week, just to have another person.

Speaker 2 just to have anybody else yeah relate to me well i'm very glad i did i remember i know as soon as it started in the footage i was like oh i'm really familiar with this but i don't know exactly why which parts did i only do dr oz or did i do some of the other ones that part but that was helpful but anyway yeah yeah you just need that was in the building dr oz was like yeah he was on the seventh floor yes look he's here and he's in looks like a shock jock just joined at the end we're in the middle we're in the middle yeah we actually started late we started three minutes ago.

Speaker 3 So we're just going to go.

Speaker 2 I got to go pretty soon. Just kidding.

Speaker 2 So, why were you late? I had important business meetings, bro. Business meeting.
SNL short reference. That's cool.
Thanks. All right, here we go.

Speaker 11 Kenneth, I need you to distract Tracy for the afternoon so I can read a script.

Speaker 2 Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 11 I'd love to, but it just doesn't feel right.

Speaker 2 Are you guys doing a TV show or something?

Speaker 9 I was in a Rascal Flats video once.

Speaker 2 Do you remember, did you shoot that at 30 Rock the TV show set or at 30 Rock the Building?

Speaker 4 No, at the set.

Speaker 2 At the set. At, what's it called? Over in Long Island City? Silver Cup.
Silver Cup. Yeah.

Speaker 3 So I have a question. You were saying, like, everybody's so psyched.
Like, oh my God, we're going to be in digital shorts that's on SNL. Were they also psyched at 30 Rock?

Speaker 3 Because that show already felt like it was at SNL?

Speaker 4 I just remember they were into it. And then I heard through the grapevine, Tina needs to approve the fake script.

Speaker 2 Got it. That makes sense to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 And then it was. Yeah.
Perfect. I think somebody on their staff tweaked it a little bit.

Speaker 2 But it also makes sense for it to be Jack McBride and Kurkowski because they are not X SNL people. Yes.
Like if it was Tracy and it was Tina, it would just be too close. But that at least took it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, even Alan would feel too close. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't even think about that. And did you guys get money from Werther's originals?

Speaker 4 Yes. No, that's just a classic grandparent at church kind of thing that Zach just loves that kind of thing.

Speaker 3 That's a real, I mean, I was saying, Werthers and Rascal Flats are some real Zach touches.

Speaker 2 Yes, no one else. He's definitely presenting that bag to camera, making sure we know exactly what he's punching on.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 The Foley artist work is like insane. The loudest rapper.

Speaker 13 Thanks. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. This is a little check.

Speaker 2 I held on it for so long. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's also

Speaker 3 what I really like about that is you obviously know he's going to be at the birthday party at this point.

Speaker 3 And so then the comedy has to be more than the reveal. And so the fact that he's just looking dead down the lens for that long and then wants to.

Speaker 4 Which I noticed he was doing in Bidet as well. He looked into the camera.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, did he? I think he was looking for his cards.
Yeah. Yeah.
That was funny. I'm in Bidet.
I think that's the only thing I was in that week. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we watched the full thing.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's why you said bloodbath.

Speaker 2 Yeah, everything got cut.

Speaker 3 You're great in Bidet.

Speaker 3 I mean, it's a real straight man, Andy, but you really, really nice performance.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 thank you. I love that sketch so much.
Solomon sent a voice note, but you can listen to the pod next week when it comes out.

Speaker 3 Do you notice real quick?

Speaker 3 We are the classic Law and Order text. Do you see the home we're at?

Speaker 2 Carmen Yonks.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's a Matt Yonks ref.

Speaker 3 That's a little for it. That's foreshadowing.

Speaker 2 We're going to get a little Yonks action here.

Speaker 9 Seems like a nice enough girl. Always paid a rent on time.

Speaker 2 She ran a high-class call girl already. You ever looked the other way in straight for the Laxon? Nah, man, that's crazy.
I ain't that kind of guy. Really?

Speaker 9 You know what? She kept better books than you towns.

Speaker 2 We're all over her record.

Speaker 9 I might have said a law and order right here.

Speaker 2 So guys coming in from her apartment.

Speaker 9 Might have been a few, I think. They're talking to a bad guy.

Speaker 10 How you doing?

Speaker 14 Is this part of the show?

Speaker 2 It's lawn order.

Speaker 3 Freeze!

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm right here. I'm with them right now.
Hold on, hold on one second. Hold on one second.

Speaker 14 It's my Aunt Louise.

Speaker 9 All right, look,

Speaker 14 take it back to the top.

Speaker 2 Anthony.

Speaker 2 Pew! Phew!

Speaker 2 Pew!

Speaker 2 That's really good. What a maniac.

Speaker 4 Okay, so they're shooting on order right there. And then we just come in and they finish their scene.
Someone talks to them for a couple seconds, they go, All right, man, come over here, take over.

Speaker 4 What are we doing?

Speaker 2 I think I was there, I think I went with you. Good for them.

Speaker 4 It was terrifying because they were just such a well-oiled machine. Like, what the hell is this? But they were really, they were nice.

Speaker 2 They do like 11 pages a day. That's how they do every scene.
All right, what are we doing here? Somebody say something.

Speaker 4 It was their cameras, it was all their stuff.

Speaker 2 No, was it their cameras? Did they give you the tapes, or did we show up with our crew and step in?

Speaker 4 I definitely had our crew, but yeah, maybe we did switch over to our cameras, but it was there. AD was running it.

Speaker 2 And, like, I was going to say, it looks exactly like the show. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yonks was good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's great. Yeah, he's really real New Yorker.
Why do you think it was Carmen? Do you think that's the name of his mom or something? Or a dad? I bet it's his mom.

Speaker 2 I wonder why we didn't just go Matt Yonks.

Speaker 4 I thought his wife's name.

Speaker 2 His wife. Yeah.
It's his wife? Yeah. You didn't know that, Akiva? Shit, cut this out.
Yonks is going to

Speaker 2 be here out there. I knew, and Keeve didn't.
I knew. That's pretty wild.
Chrysalis definitely knew. Seth is weirdly beating it.

Speaker 2 If you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 10 Not too many people doing some brake skating.

Speaker 3 Like, ah, check it out.

Speaker 3 This kid's real good.

Speaker 2 He's doing the stare. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's repeating the showtime at the Apollo slash birthday party stare. Wait, is that wig next to him, though? No, I don't think so.
It looks like wig and body fusion or something.

Speaker 2 It's great. Just a background.

Speaker 3 But the fact that he's a kid is really funny, but a kid with a beard is

Speaker 3 way funnier.

Speaker 2 He was at the Robin Williams show. Yeah, yeah, that's a classic show to be at.
Good job, Chrysal. That was not technically an SML digital short, did not have the logo, but it's

Speaker 2 made it made it in here, though. Yeah, deservedly so.
It had a title card, but it's Zach drops by the set. I'll tell you one thing about it.
It played hot. Played hot.

Speaker 2 They're on board right away, as soon as it starts. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Real quick, Jack Black.

Speaker 2 Spelling beat.

Speaker 2 Spelling beat.

Speaker 3 And now, Andy, what about give us the update?

Speaker 2 Two hints.

Speaker 3 Yeah. What were they?

Speaker 2 They were gimme's. Uh-huh.
What did you get, Seth?

Speaker 3 I'm really mad because I got memetic and missed memetic.

Speaker 2 See, I'm sorry, say those words again?

Speaker 3 M-I-M-E-T-I-C. Mimetic, I got me.

Speaker 3 Yeah. M-E-M-E-T-I-C.

Speaker 2 I did the exact same thing. Yeah.
And then you're ready for the all-time boof of my year? Yeah. Titmice.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Like Like the most gimme of all gimmies.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I was really proud that I finally got titmice. And by the way, head out of the gutter, Quaid Army.

Speaker 2 What, because of the thing I said about you, about Yonks' wife?

Speaker 3 No, I'm just saying, like, but I know everybody's snickering at home who's listening to Tit Mice, but that's the name of an actual mammal.

Speaker 2 Yeah, everyone, head out of the gutter on titmice, okay? That's the name of an animal.

Speaker 3 Yeah, just like a little mouse.

Speaker 2 So titmouse is the name of the animation company that does Digman. That's true.
There you go. Digman plug.
Catch it on. Paramount plus, if it still exists.
Probably will now.

Speaker 3 Do you enjoy the season? If so, hit us in the tit mouse.

Speaker 2 Now, this is a bit of repeating, but I think it bears repeating. Seth, there's a conspiracy that Seth uncovered happening over at New York Times Games.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's some dog whistles, some secret code being sent out specifically to us and the Quaid Army.

Speaker 4 Uh-huh.

Speaker 3 In one week, Andy. Yeah.
Lettuce was in the spelling bee. Right.
And these were answers in the crossword. Doppelganger, like a boss.

Speaker 2 Ooh, are they putting some digi shorts up in there? They're trying to get our attention.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we think they're trying to get our attention.

Speaker 2 A little, I rubbed your back, you rubbed mine. Yeah.
The clues are not Lonely Island-based clues. They're just

Speaker 2 putting enough of them in there to let us know that that's the space to be watching for our orders. Now we got to keep our eyes peeled.
If so, that's the coolest, by the way.

Speaker 3 Last week, there was a,

Speaker 3 I remember the clue was good idea, and the answer was sushi glory hole. Wait.
And I'm like, like, that seems, that has to be you guys.

Speaker 2 Seth Oda.

Speaker 3 I also got a really good, O'Brien sent me a thing. He's like, hey, I'm having dinner with somebody who knows Sam Bazerski at the spelling bee.
He thinks he can get him on.

Speaker 3 He goes, I would love to help you guys talk more about my least favorite part of the show.

Speaker 2 What a jerk. You're like, we're way ahead of you, bud.
We're way ahead of you.

Speaker 3 We got Sam's number.

Speaker 2 Seth, your show has just been a a parade of my friends this week.

Speaker 3 It's been a hot week of your friends. Miliati.

Speaker 2 Zach, Miliadi. Yep.
And then who's the other one?

Speaker 3 Who else are you friends with?

Speaker 2 I want you to say somebody crazy.

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, I know. Joachim Trier.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 3 Norwegian director Joachim Trier.

Speaker 2 Joachim Trier, who I went to.

Speaker 5 High school with.

Speaker 3 Hey, by the way, that movie.

Speaker 2 Wait, did you see the...

Speaker 3 I saw that movie, Sentimental Value. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 The one with Stellan Sarzgaard and

Speaker 2 El Fanning. Yeah.
How was it?

Speaker 3 I'm excited. It's incredible.
Yeah. It's truly incredible.
I can't believe it. One of those movies,

Speaker 3 One Battle, same thing. So bummed when it was over.

Speaker 2 I am positively jazzed to see it. I know that sounds slightly sarcastic, but I'm pretty hyped up for that.
Obviously, I'm a big worst person in the world, head.

Speaker 3 Yes. And Renata Ranceva is in it, and L.
Fanning's in it. Stellan, it's amazing.

Speaker 2 And Seth, on Monday, your guest was King Hippo from Tyson's Punch Out. Yeah, it was Sambur's mother.
My God.

Speaker 2 I've been meaning to ask, did he still have the piece of tape over his belly button?

Speaker 2 Support comes from Quince. Hi, Liz.
Hi. Here's my little holiday hack.
And tell me if I'm lying. When in doubt, give the gift of cozy.
True or false?

Speaker 5 Ooh, yes, true.

Speaker 2 That has been my thing. I've been turning to Quince for bedding because it's soft, stylish, built to last, and honestly, it's just as good to keep for yourself.

Speaker 2 So sometimes I buy a gift for somebody and I just snatch it up for our bed. Have you noticed that?

Speaker 5 Well, yeah, the new comforter on our bed is from Quince.

Speaker 2 Yep, but I had bought that for my mom, and then I was like, screw her.

Speaker 5 And now our daughter has it on her bed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you paid for that one. I paid for that one.
Yes, that's how much we like it. Yeah, so tell me, that's why I invited you in to do this ad because it said, Tell us something personal.

Speaker 2 And I thought, well, Liz actually bought something. So our daughter was getting a bigger bed and then needed a duvet and the duvet cover and some shams.

Speaker 5 And I was like, well, I love the one on our bed from Quince.

Speaker 2 So you bought her both from there and it's very fluffy and nice.

Speaker 5 And she loves it. She thinks it's very cozy and she does a little like

Speaker 2 when she gets up. It's a little hard to get her up in the morning.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that's kind of like a positive and negative. Right.

Speaker 5 I would say. So cozy, but can't get her up for school.

Speaker 2 Okay. This was

Speaker 5 feedback for them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe make it a little less cozy so we can get our daughter on for school at 6.40 in the morning.

Speaker 2 Okay, this is just off the top of my head liz but i just want to say to top it off they're quilts comforters and duvet inserts oh so it's called a duvet insert by the way that's the puffy part okay you said you we bought a duvet and a duvet cover you would think it would be a duvet cover because it's covering a duvet but i think a duvet must be the entire thing together and then you get a cover and an insert okay is that french is it related to the bidet Oh, that did you know that that's what we talked about on today's episode?

Speaker 2 Bidet? No! Because there's a Gothanakis sketch about bidet.

Speaker 2 no way yeah all right duvet cover bidet cover very different things i don't know what a bidet cover is okay but and duvet inserts bring plush warmth and inviting texture layers that feel every bit as premium as they look but always priced for real life give the gift of a retreat this holiday quince bedding makes any bedroom a place you'll want to linger go to quince.com slash island for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada too.

Speaker 2 That's Q U I N C E dot com slash island. Free shipping and 365 day returns.
Quince.com slash island.

Speaker 2 Support comes from Fabric.

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Speaker 3 Oh, you said Tim and Zach wrote you. about Spider League or no.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I wrote to them because I had a bone to pick, but I don't have a good answer.

Speaker 2 So I'll just put them on blast here, which is that they keep saying, they keep explaining it to you, and you can confront this next time they're on the show.

Speaker 2 It can wait, but with the idea that they all take pictures of spiders, and then they text them, and then they put it into an app, and the app tells them which one would win.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, what kind of an app pits fighters

Speaker 2 puts spiders against each other? And I don't know.

Speaker 2 It sounds

Speaker 2 to me like they made that part up. Sounds like a lie.

Speaker 3 I think it almost just, I think Spider League exists to like trick Brooks into breaking rules he doesn't know exist. Our friend Brooks Whelan.

Speaker 2 But I have a feeling if you accuse them of lying, they're going to have an explanation. I think it's real.
Yeah. But it sounds like a lie, but I bet you it's true.
Yeah. They wouldn't lie about that.

Speaker 3 They take Spider League very seriously. And then they talked about Spider League on the show.
We posted on Instagram. And then Brooks commented on the Instagram post.

Speaker 3 And then Brooks texted me that now he's in trouble because you're not allowed to post on Spider-League.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's a lot of rules, and he's because he's currently suspended from Spider-League, so he's not allowed to post. But they don't like your tone, Seth, on the show.

Speaker 3 They don't like my tone, they think I'm an enemy of Spider-League.

Speaker 2 They think you're making fun of Spider-League and that you're bringing it on to like kind of laugh behind their back. Like, tell me more about Spider-League.

Speaker 2 Spider-League's interesting because Timmy is acting very casual and like grounded about it, but his behavior is kind of similar to like his character on Chair Company about it. His obsessiveness?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like slightly like psychotic. Yeah.
Well, they're lying about it or it seems like they're lying about it. I don't want to accuse them of anything.
It just sounds like a lie.

Speaker 2 Keith, did you tell everyone that you went back to your favorite store? That's your exact style? My dad flashes.

Speaker 2 Went back this time, brought Maya and Andy. That's right.
I wanted to have more eyeballs on it. And all he got? One pair of sweatpants.
No, and a t-shirt. Oh, and a t-shirt.

Speaker 2 But I couldn't get out of there without buying anything, especially when you got two sets of eyeballs. Maya's a very stylish lady.
She is. She approved the sweatpants.
I got to get them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you know what? Your first pair, too small. Yeah, yeah.
And to go up in size, Chrysal chime in, bro. Yeah, dude.
Do you want to see the sweats or what?

Speaker 4 Where's the, what's the store?

Speaker 2 Oh, we could never

Speaker 2 get it. I gatekeep it hard.
I gatekeep it hard. He can't buy us.

Speaker 3 He'll take you off-pod. Yeah.
He will talk to you off-pod about this, but this is not for everyone.

Speaker 2 Unless they come with the free stuff offered. Then, once again, I'll talk about it every week.
But yeah, it was really, again, just want to thank Maya.

Speaker 2 Thank Andy for both coming and pretty woman, pretty womaning it for me so that I could come out.

Speaker 4 But Andy, it wasn't for you.

Speaker 2 I just feel like I'm covered for the fall.

Speaker 4 Oh, okay, good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But Anna Kiva, it was an honor and a privilege.
Well, thank you. And by the way, I think everything in there would look great on Andy, and I'm always encouraging him.

Speaker 2 I'm holding up things going, you should put on this thing. Everything in there I would wear, and I think he would too.
But he hears me appreciating you, brother.

Speaker 2 He doesn't have the energy for it, or he's just in there. He's like, I'm the couch guy, and you come out of the dressing room.
You model it for me, and I say yes or no.

Speaker 3 We have pre-fights when we go to try on clothes with Alexia and I. She's like, I want to go get you new clothes.
You have to have energy for this. Yes.

Speaker 3 She's like, don't show up immediately, get frustrated when the first pair of pants doesn't work because I'm such a petulant loser.

Speaker 2 Nothing is sleepier than wardrobe fittings. Like you show up excited to shoot.
a video and then they're like, we got all this amazing stuff and it's all so good.

Speaker 2 And I'm like for Sushi Glorhole, she killed killed it. Those wardrobe was amazing.
And you're still in there and you're just getting so sleepy 20 minutes into trying on shirts.

Speaker 2 It's the sleepiest thing. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Andy and I would go, I would go clothes shopping with you, Andy, at places like opening ceremony. Yes.

Speaker 3 Do you remember how mad you were the one time we took a seaplane to Vancouver Island and we went to a store and I wanted to buy the same sweater as you?

Speaker 2 I was like, we see each other all the time.

Speaker 3 You were really genuinely mad.

Speaker 2 I'm like, we can get away with it. You're like, no.

Speaker 2 I'm like, we won't wear it on the same day. You're like, it'll look like you're wearing my sweater.
And do you remember what you did? Was it at the lobby of the hotel? No. No, was it Roots?

Speaker 2 It was Roots. We flew.

Speaker 2 And Seth was like, fine, fine, I won't. And then, and then he bought it without telling me.

Speaker 2 And then he wore it as soon as we got back. That's great.
We went out to dinner and he was wearing it. I was like, god damn it.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 That'd be like if you showed up in the sweats we just bought. Exactly.

Speaker 2 It was a burn. If you and Maya Maya circled back and both bought the same sweats.
It was a good burn.

Speaker 4 We got to go to the root store in Toronto through Lorne. It was like, you get to pick out anything you want in the store because it's his friend.
So cool. And I was just walking around.

Speaker 4 What I ended up with was a varsity jacket, but that's a vest. Huh.
Which seems like you could wear like a hoodie underneath it. But it was always like, That's a lot to try to pull off.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. A vest.
I think we might need.

Speaker 2 Do you still have have it can we get or can you find a photo this podcast has a history with vests with questionable vests that is true I think the people would like to see it Kevin what is this in the chat part of your bloodbath is a guidance counselor got cut do you remember guidance counselor I don't oh is it a feature it's an update feature let's go I can't wait to be vindicated that it shouldn't have got cut

Speaker 14 This week, a study showed that most high school graduates believe their guidance counselors offered little meaningful advice on college and career choice.

Speaker 14 Hear not a comment is high school guidance counselor Rick Stinson.

Speaker 3 Oh no, ponytail.

Speaker 2 Long ponytail.

Speaker 1 Seth, thanks for having me.

Speaker 14 So, um, Mr. Stinson, uh, you believe this study is unfair, is that correct?

Speaker 1 Absolfly, Seth.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 1 This report is a travesty. Look, I've been a guidance counselor for 13 long weeks.
And I assure you that what I've done is help my students.

Speaker 14 Okay, so could you give us an example?

Speaker 1 I'd love to. Okay, this one time I was talking to this little dude and he was all, where should I go to college? And I was all, man, come on.

Speaker 1 Slapped him a fiber and then we just rapped about jazz.

Speaker 2 That's a very bad example.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, well, how about this other time? I was talking to this little lady, and she's like, I think I might be pregnant.

Speaker 13 And I was all, la, la, la, too much info.

Speaker 13 And then we just kicked back and rapped about jazz.

Speaker 14 So kids are rapping about jazz a lot.

Speaker 13 All the time. Seth.

Speaker 14 Again, this is not really convincing.

Speaker 1 It's hard to explain, okay? I've got a certain finesse with the kids that you have to see to truly grasp.

Speaker 13 Okay.

Speaker 2 Alright.

Speaker 14 Well, why don't you show it to us? Let's roleplay.

Speaker 14 I'll be your student and you give me advice as you would in a normal meeting at school.

Speaker 13 Okay, and you got to pop.

Speaker 14 Are you smoking?

Speaker 1 Well, I want it to be like a real meeting.

Speaker 14 Yeah, but you can't smoke in here and you can't smoke with students present.

Speaker 1 Okay, fine, fine, fine. You want a 40 dog?

Speaker 10 You can't drink alcohol either.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay.

Speaker 13 Bite my head off.

Speaker 1 We'll just stick with the mellows. No!

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 1 Come on, Seth. I do it so the kids know I'm cool, you know? I'm not the man.
I'm just a friend that they can talk to about jazz.

Speaker 14 What about college?

Speaker 1 Oh no, I did not go to college.

Speaker 2 No, not you.

Speaker 14 Do you talk to the students about college? What?

Speaker 1 Why the smurf would I do that? That's smurfing crazy.

Speaker 13 Why do you keep saying smurf?

Speaker 1 That's how the kids talk these days, Seth. Wake up, man.
It's 1986.

Speaker 13 It's 2010.

Speaker 13 What?

Speaker 13 My life!

Speaker 13 My life!

Speaker 2 All right, oh my god, you okay?

Speaker 1 Rick Sitson, everyone!

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 14 A lot of moves. A lot of moves that you could argue.

Speaker 1 Get all your stuff out of here. I'm taking these.

Speaker 14 Eric Stenson.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Well, I love that we got a real old English 840 on there. Keeve, you're listed as a writer.
I know. I must have come in and helped punch up.
Probably the Smurf stuff.

Speaker 3 Do you think the Smurf stuff was here?

Speaker 2 Was it the Smurf stuff?

Speaker 2 I was like, what if we added Smurfs all over this?

Speaker 3 But like, you were like, let's do it at the top and then write when people forget it a bunch like in a row.

Speaker 2 That's the comedy. Yeah.
That's like the calculation you make.

Speaker 3 You know, when Tim and Zach were on, I can't remember what it was now, but they were talking about an update of theirs that got cut. One of the first updates they wrote together for Timmy.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then, oh, Titanic. Yeah, it was about a guy who was building another Titanic.

Speaker 3 And then on the show, Timmy burned Baze for cutting it.

Speaker 2 Oh, Baze catching strays.

Speaker 3 And then Baze at the end, when we were walking out to get on the elevator, Baze yelled down the hallway like, I didn't cut it.

Speaker 2 He goes, listen to the podcast.

Speaker 3 I think Baze is really hopeful that people will finally stop

Speaker 3 blaming him for their update failures.

Speaker 2 Is it weird that even though he's explained it in detail, that I still blame him?

Speaker 3 No, it's not weird. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because, like, Seth, you're my friend.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I know. It's healthy to it.
It's healthy.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I dropped into Guidance Counselor Voice. It's just so infectious.

Speaker 3 Do you get asked to do it a lot by fans?

Speaker 2 All the time. They're like, do my life.
No, Chrysal, this was March, so there's a couple more months. Did you stay on till the end of the season?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I stayed on till the end of the season and then half of the next season.

Speaker 2 And do you remember like what it was like? Like, were you getting assignments after this? Because now I'm back. Next week we do boombox.
So you were a free agent now.

Speaker 2 So are you writing your own things? Are you kind of getting assigned things?

Speaker 4 That's a pretty question.

Speaker 4 But I was watching another one today. I'm like, oh, yeah, the Jane Lynch one.
I don't know when that one popped up.

Speaker 2 Did I I work? Yeah, did you work on that, though? I remember working on that, but maybe you did it with me.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think we did like a couple together. Maybe that was the one that we did together.

Speaker 4 Yeah. And they were like, I would just start doing regular pre-tape.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just working for the show.

Speaker 4 But not commercials and not.

Speaker 2 And then only half of the next season? Why only half of the next season?

Speaker 4 Well, my son was going to be born. And that was part of it.
I was like, I can't figure, I can't figure this out with a child.

Speaker 2 When did you start Portlandia? Did you guys shoot the pilot in the summer? In this summer? This summer?

Speaker 4 It was right after this season. We're going to do a pilot at the beginning of the summer.

Speaker 4 And they have like three weeks to decide if they're going to do the show. And then if they are, then we're going to do a whole season of five more episodes.

Speaker 2 When were those going to get written?

Speaker 4 When did we write those?

Speaker 2 But you did it. Did you write through the whole season that summer?

Speaker 4 It felt like we did. I mean, the writing time was so short.
I mean, it was like a couple of weeks just get out there and start doing it. So it was a very fast turnaround.

Speaker 4 But yeah, then i was there in the beginning of that next season editing portlandia all the editors came to new york and it was that was like a little bit too much yeah that's what i was trying to remember and then you knew you had a different job because portlandia was working so you also it's easier to leave that was part of it snl because you have portlandia and i was also gonna do other things but yeah because they were like do you want to stay for five years and i said i just but the part of it was the child thing it just seemed like i was imagining my nyu days of like i'm gonna be living in like the worst apartment with like walls caving in and like that to me was new york living there so i the thought of bringing a child into that then i was like oh no there are other places because i think i went to a place that you had right after your daughter was born or something i was like oh this oh yeah people are

Speaker 3 it's just i knew it but i couldn't really understand it and i was living in la i had like a house and like it was you know like i thought okay this is a world i can bring a child and it makes sense yeah you're settled it's crazy that you were working on snl and portlandia at the same time it's even crazier and i still cannot wrap my head around the fact that fred was working on two sketch shows and being excellent in both of them at the same time you have an idea and go that's a portlandian

Speaker 4 this one will be for snl yes it's crazy we did get a um sort of old snl sketch sack of jawea that fred had maybe done at the table or something and then yeah and it was like well of course that won't work but for portlandia it was like perfect.

Speaker 4 So, he had this track of his brain that was kind of accumulating these ideas that are like, Oh, that won't work, but it'll work right.

Speaker 2 Kind of like, I think you should leave. Yeah, they definitely use some stuff that didn't go there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, somebody asked me today, like, oh my God, like Zach and Tim talking about sketches of theirs that didn't work. Like, they'd be so good for a second-chance theater on your show.

Speaker 3 I'm like, their second-chance theaters, I think you should leave.

Speaker 2 Yes, we took a Tim and Zach sketch that didn't work on SNL and put it on the Michael Bolton Valentine's Day special, even where he's a Chef Roy and he's making cakes.

Speaker 2 I don't want to tell the whole comedy premise of it, but it's on there. Yeah.
That's how much you can reuse those things. You just need to get permission.
Way to drive those views, Keith.

Speaker 2 Yeah, finally. So on Valentine's Day, everybody goes see the stage.

Speaker 3 Put a pin in that before four months from now.

Speaker 3 I can't remember if it aired or not that we were talking backstage with him.

Speaker 3 He was playing the Richard Attenborough character from Jurassic Park, who was also a wedding DJ.

Speaker 3 And he was DJing a wedding while he was getting a call that the dinosaurs were out.

Speaker 2 And it was just him. That's the craziest premise.

Speaker 3 What was the name of the island?

Speaker 2 Drafam Jurassic Park?

Speaker 2 Isla Newbar, maybe?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was he was at Isla Newbar. A wedding was being held at Isla Newbar, and he was a wedding DJ.

Speaker 2 He was just like, Well, tell them, tell them to get the containment team.

Speaker 3 And then go and spin more.

Speaker 4 A big thing that was because when I was there, and then you came back, and then I feel like Yorma was coming back too. Yeah.
And then I was just like a fly on the wall, wall.

Speaker 4 And you guys were having these very intense conversations that I was just like a child with their parents.

Speaker 4 Not that they were angry, but you guys were like, what are we doing? Like, what's happening? Like, are we doing this movie that Jason Manzukas wrote?

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Totally forgot about that.

Speaker 4 And it was just a lot of, and I'm like, I'm just back here, like trying not to.

Speaker 2 Well, because the coming summer is when we made turtleneck and chain, right? And so we were trying to figure out what we were doing.

Speaker 3 Also, it really does say how Lauren really liked what you had done while you were there, right? So that he wanted to keep you around, even though those guys were back.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that was nice.

Speaker 2 Um, Seth, I do feel like it's kind of important to mention that I got Queen Beat clean yesterday, though. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Okay, yeah, sure. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off earlier when we kind of were drilling down at your failures today.

Speaker 2 Anything you want to talk about from Wednesday? Tuesday, I got it clean. Wednesday, though? Honestly, Wednesday, I was like out of my body.
Okay,

Speaker 2 I didn't want to blow up your spot, bro.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 man. I think that I had like a particularly intense workout sesh, maybe.
Oh, that sounds like you. That sounds like you.

Speaker 2 And then I was just like, the endorphys were just pumping me so hard that I was like, I can't focus.

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 I'm going through the wall like a Kool-Aid man, right, Seth Lee?

Speaker 3 Yeah, totally.

Speaker 2 Now, Andy, and John, you guys been playing the Rosalia album? Oh, it's so good.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I've only heard a couple of songs off of it.

Speaker 2 I threw it on a day and was like, yup. It's shockingly good.
Me and Seth talked about it. He was like,

Speaker 2 what? Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not surprised. I loved your last one.
This feels monumental. Oh, yeah.
So good. It's a big one.
Yeah. It's a biggie.
That's my review.

Speaker 2 That's what I was listening by myself in the car. I just kept going, whoop, it's a big one.

Speaker 3 Do you roll down that window and yell it out to people as you pass them?

Speaker 2 I try to make eye contact just like, you're hearing what I'm listening to? Yeah. I want a lot of credit.

Speaker 10 Keeve will go, new shit.

Speaker 2 Pew, pew, pew, pew.

Speaker 3 All right. Well, guys, this is wonderful.
Andy, thanks for joining. Kreisel, thanks for joining.

Speaker 2 I joined late, but I'm desperate to leave.

Speaker 3 And, Andy, do give us honest feedback on how it felt with just Keith and I kicking it back and forth.

Speaker 2 You know, I will, Seth. You know, I will do that.
And I won't hold back. And I also won't hold back on my compliments.

Speaker 3 Okay, great. Yeah.
All right. Love you guys.

Speaker 2 Love you. Love you, dudes.
Chrysal, good to see you, buddy. Thanks for having me.
Later, Arnold.

Speaker 1 Later, Quaits.