Get Your Sh*t Together: This 85-Year-Old Badass Does More Than You & Me (Steal Her 7 Amazing Secrets to Life)

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Speaker 1 Go to amika.com and get a quote today. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.

Speaker 1 I am so excited for today's conversation because we're going to talk about longevity. And by longevity, I don't mean how do you live forever.

Speaker 1 I mean, how do you live a long, vibrant, connected, happy, healthy, and purpose-driven life? How do you do that? What are the guidelines, the keys, the secrets?

Speaker 1 What are the mistakes that people make that prevent them from doing that?

Speaker 1 And in order for us to really dig into this topic in a fun and entertaining and helpful way, I thought, why don't I just track down

Speaker 1 the most badass woman that I know? in terms of somebody who's in their 80s. Who am I talking about? I'm talking about my mother-in-law, Judy Robbins.

Speaker 1 Every single time I post some photo with her or some video with her on social media, you guys hammer me with questions. How does she have biceps and a six-pack at the age of 82?

Speaker 1 How can she hold a plank for two minutes and 30 seconds? That is true. In fact, we were in bar class the other day and we walk in and I go and grab the five-pound weights.

Speaker 1 She freaking grabs the eight-pound weights. Show off.

Speaker 1 No, I'm joking, but seriously, I have been so impressed because she has been a widow since she was 69 years old and she lives her life in a way that makes me want to be as connected and happy and optimistic and vibrant as she is at the age of 85.

Speaker 1 She inspires me. And you guys ask a lot of questions about her secrets every time you see her.

Speaker 1 In fact, I posted a photo of my family holding her up like a little doll because she's so petite at our daughter's graduation.

Speaker 1 And she had just taken a cubby and was dancing with us at a graduation party. I mean, she's just an absolute hoot.
And I'm not the only one who feels that way. Her friends feel that way about her.

Speaker 1 And everywhere we go, people are stunned that she is as old as she is because she doesn't act that way and she doesn't look like it. And so I thought, you know what? Let's get her on the podcast.

Speaker 1 Let's answer your questions and let's dig into what she believes are the habits, the mindset tricks, and the values and priorities in her life that have led to living such an incredible life in the last chapter of her life.

Speaker 1 I mean, how amazing would it be for us all to wake up at the age of 85 and truly authentically feel like the best days are in front of us? Because you know what?

Speaker 1 With small changes, they can and they should be. And that's what we're going to dig in today.
So, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, meet my friend and my mother-in-law, Judy Janks Robbins.

Speaker 1 Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. So there's a lot to cover, but I just have to have some highlights here.
So how old were you when you ran your first marathon with me?

Speaker 2 70.

Speaker 1 How old were you when you jumped out of an airplane for the first time?

Speaker 2 81.

Speaker 1 God, woman. You're over 31 years older than me, Judy.
And the woman rocks a bikini. She has a six-pack.

Speaker 1 She's got just ridiculously cut biceps she exercises every day she has more fun than anybody that I know and she has an enormous group of friends and I want to know

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 what what is it where do we even want to start like I to me you are a complete badass so maybe what we should do is divide this into a bunch of questions okay yep hold on I'm starting to get hot I got to try on the AC

Speaker 1 see I'm having a hot flash past that stage.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 God, I'm past that.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 let's boil it down to what you do every morning. What's a day in the life of Judy Robbins look like?

Speaker 2 You want to know specifically?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what time do you wake up?

Speaker 2 I wake up very early because I'm old and you do when you're when you're when you get old, you wake up too early. Um

Speaker 2 I have a sauna in my house. Yep.
So I go downstairs, I turn my sauna on.

Speaker 2 Then I make myself

Speaker 1 water

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 the orange, you know, 1,000, you know, those packets.

Speaker 1 Oh, you have an emergency? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 I have an emergency in water. Okay.

Speaker 1 Vitamin C. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Then I make myself a nice latte. Yeah.
I get back in bed.

Speaker 1 God. Okay.

Speaker 2 I have, I can do that now. You know, I don't have kids running around.

Speaker 2 And then I go through my mail.

Speaker 1 In bed yeah on my phone you go through your mail on your phone yeah oh you mean your email yeah you are doing the exact opposite of what i tell people to do by the way keep going and um

Speaker 2 i play one hand a bridge on your phone yeah on my phone it's a practice hand okay i never seem to win but i play it every morning then i go downstairs i get in the sauna I have a mantra that I've, actually, it's a fairly new mantra that I've learned from a woman up here, which is mind-blowing.

Speaker 1 Now, hold on a second. When you go in the sonda, are you wearing a towel? Are you completely nude? You're completely nude.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Now, do you wax at your age? You just let the hair grow? Do you shave? Do you grow hair at your age down there?

Speaker 2 You lose hair.

Speaker 1 You do down there?

Speaker 2 I have no hair under my arms.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 2 And not much between my legs.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 So I don't need to have a Brazilian.

Speaker 1 Yes. No, you don't.
I'll never forget when we had our kids up here visiting you one summer. Kendall was here with a couple of her friends.
I think they must have been 11 years old, right?

Speaker 1 Do you remember the memory I'm talking about? You guys are all at the pond and they were skinny dipping in the middle of the day in the sun in the pond here in Vermont.

Speaker 1 And you stripped right down in front of them. And they stared at you because they saw that your pubic hair was gray.
And they were like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 they were

Speaker 1 I've always admired that about you, how you are such a free spirit.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, why not?

Speaker 2 I mean, what am I? I have nothing to hide.

Speaker 1 That's true. You know?

Speaker 2 And I think, don't we all want to be with people that are real?

Speaker 2 You know, there's so many people that you can spend time with and you just say to yourself, just be honest with me. Right.

Speaker 2 You know? Yeah. Tell me what you're really thinking, not what you're talking about.
Yep.

Speaker 1 True. Anyway.
So we're back in the sauna.

Speaker 2 Okay. So I meditate in the sauna for like 15, 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 And what's your new mantra? Are you allowed to share it? Sure.

Speaker 2 It's called Sa Ta

Speaker 2 Ma Na. And they sing it first.

Speaker 1 They go, Sa Ta Ma Na, Sa Ta Ma Na.

Speaker 2 And they do that for probably 25 times and then they whisper it.

Speaker 1 Sa ta

Speaker 2 and then they do it silently in your head and while you're doing it you use your hands what do you do with your hands

Speaker 1 oh so you do the fingertips

Speaker 2 and you touch your first finger from the second to your thumbnail now the woman that teaches it here in manchester yep

Speaker 2 She's a yoga teacher, but she has taught this all over the world to people with Alzheimer's and dementia and has actually proven

Speaker 2 that she can stimulate your brain if you continually do that every single day.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't doubt it. I mean, if you listen to some of the brain experts, you're basically talking about what I believe is called,

Speaker 1 I'm going to forget the name. It's like neurobics, where you are combining a

Speaker 1 intentional thought with a physical movement. Oh, okay.
And it's one of the fastest ways to create new neural pathways. It's a whole field of study called neurobics.

Speaker 1 And that's what you're doing. You're basically pairing intentional thought with a physical movement of touching each one of your fingers to your thumb.

Speaker 2 And I had my group, I have a group called the Vermont Chicks, which are my old, old friends from many, many years. And we were up here in your gym.
Yeah. And we had her over here for a private class.

Speaker 2 And now every one of my friends is doing it. Wow.
Every morning. Wow.

Speaker 1 And what do you notice when you do it for yourself personally?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think I'm convincing myself that I'm remembering more things.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's all in your mind, right?

Speaker 1 It is true. Or it's not in your mind.

Speaker 1 Okay, so then after the sauna, what do you?

Speaker 2 Then I come upstairs and I make myself a kombucha, apple apple cider vinegar, and a fresh squeezed orange juice.

Speaker 1 Okay, like all together. Yeah, drinking.
That's one thing. That's similar to the farmer's

Speaker 1 Switzel, Swischel, something, Switzel, Switcher, something like that that my grandmother used to drink and my mom drinks, which is hot water, apple cider vinegar, a little bit of honey, and some lemon.

Speaker 2 Well, you have to mix apple cider vinegar with something because it tastes terrible. Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, so now we've got our day done.

Speaker 2 And no, then I go and walk for five miles.

Speaker 1 Okay, now this I think is really important.

Speaker 1 How long have you walked five miles a day?

Speaker 2 Well, I used to run. I used to be a runner.
Yep. And I think I stopped running,

Speaker 1 I don't know,

Speaker 2 when I was like 75.

Speaker 1 Let's say you're 15.

Speaker 2 And then I started walking.

Speaker 1 Okay. When did you start running? A lot of the questions that we get because you were so physically fit.

Speaker 1 And you look so young. I mean, you're going to be 86 and most people peg you in your early 70s.
And

Speaker 1 have you ever had any like facelifts?

Speaker 2 Every now and then I will have, you know, a shot here and there, but not very, not very often. I have been lucky that way.
I've never had a facelift. No.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 So you walk five miles and you have walked five miles a day since I've known you.

Speaker 1 And we've known each other almost 30 years.

Speaker 1 And you get really grouchy if you don't get your walk in.

Speaker 2 If I I don't exercise, I do get grouchy. But don't you?

Speaker 1 Well, some days.

Speaker 2 Well, if things become a habit and you can't do it, it makes you kind of, you know,

Speaker 2 upset. Yes.
Because it's something that you want to do and it's part of your routine.

Speaker 1 It's what makes you feel like yourself. Yeah.
Exactly. So I think this is a really important thing because you have walked or run five miles a day since I've known you.

Speaker 1 And that is a core habit. And what do you notice about your

Speaker 1 about people that you know your age who have continued or who are mobile versus people who are more sedentary?

Speaker 2 Well, I think people that are more sedentary at my age,

Speaker 2 I think they're depressed.

Speaker 2 I I mean, I have a lot of older friends that

Speaker 2 not even admit that they're depressed, but they don't go out or they don't, you know, there's always something wrong.

Speaker 2 You know, I would have done so-and-so today, but look at the day, it's raining. Yep.
As if raining has anything to do with

Speaker 2 their day. Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 2 But I have a lot of younger friends, and that's very important as you get older to have a lot of younger friends. I have a lot of friends.
That's also very important.

Speaker 2 I think being social is almost more important than exercise.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 2 Because it makes you feel loved.

Speaker 2 And if you can wake up every day and know that you've got people that love you,

Speaker 2 you feel good about yourself.

Speaker 1 We have a lot of people that write into this show who say they have no one.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 If you were to talk directly to somebody who feels like

Speaker 1 they don't have anyone who loves them in their life, because I'm always surprised by the number of people who write in about this.

Speaker 1 What would your advice be about how to get started?

Speaker 2 Without skipping a beat,

Speaker 2 I would start by taking the hospice training

Speaker 2 and go and take care of somebody because who you take care of is going to give you love and is going to make you feel so good about yourself.

Speaker 2 Even if you don't have your neighbor or your friend, if they don't love you, the person that you are taking care of will love you.

Speaker 2 It makes a very big difference. I've been doing hospice for over 40 years.

Speaker 2 And, you know, people say, I don't know how you do that. You know, these people are dying.
It is the most rewarding thing that you can do. And, you know, your husband does it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do you get out of it?

Speaker 2 A tremendous feeling of satisfaction that I've contributed to somebody's life. You know, like Judy, like I went and saw her this morning.

Speaker 2 And even if I only spent an hour, this is a very good friend, as you know, of mine who has Parkinson's. You know, if I only came in for 15 minutes, she's grateful.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 2 You just have to make the time. You can't say that you're too busy.

Speaker 2 And so for the people that feel very lonely, that don't have anybody that love them, they they can create love by taking care of somebody else.

Speaker 1 That is

Speaker 1 such beautiful advice because we do start to look outside ourselves and look for other people to fill a need. And what you're saying is the truth.
Fill it for yourself first.

Speaker 1 And the way to bring more love into your life is to give it to a perfect stranger. being part of the hospice community.
That's an incredible piece of advice.

Speaker 2 You know, Mel, why don't we pause right now? Okay. And then we can hear from your sponsor.
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Speaker 1 Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins and I am here with my 85-year-old mother-in-law, Judy.
And by the way, she's here because you wanted her here.

Speaker 1 You had so many questions about how an 85-year-old woman could be walking five miles a day and still have biceps. And so she is spilling her secrets for living a long, vibrant, and meaningful life.

Speaker 1 So, Judy, tell me more about your day.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm active, obviously. I play golf a little bit.

Speaker 1 In fact, you played 18 holes today.

Speaker 2 And I walk. I don't take a cart.

Speaker 1 So did you walk your five miles and then go play 18? No, I didn't. Okay, because the walking 18 holes serves it.
Yes. Okay, so you play golf.
What else do you do during the day?

Speaker 2 I play bridge. Yep.
Which I think is good for the mind.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 2 I have an organized group that plays at my house. Yep.

Speaker 2 I have like 40 women on the list, but I can only take 16, so I arrange them.

Speaker 1 So you have 16 women that come and play bridge once a week at your house? Yep. Wow.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And I do hospice. I go see Judy.

Speaker 2 And I try and keep. in touch with my grandchildren.

Speaker 2 And it's an interesting concept

Speaker 2 because I think that older people,

Speaker 2 and believe me, I've thought about this:

Speaker 2 why don't they call me?

Speaker 1 I'm old.

Speaker 2 Why don't my kids call me? Why don't they pick up the phone and say, you know, JJ, how are you? But because I am healthy

Speaker 2 and I have my own social life,

Speaker 2 they wait for me to call them. How are you?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 in some ways, that's

Speaker 2 a good feeling. Rather than feeling sorry for myself that my kids don't call me,

Speaker 2 once they start calling me, I know it's because they're worried about me. And if they're starting to worry about me, then they know something I don't.

Speaker 1 Right. Well, I think there's a bigger takeaway for everybody, which is

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 so many people.

Speaker 1 sit around and waste time and build up resentment and stress for themselves by wishing wishing things were different or wishing more people would care.

Speaker 1 And you don't sit around and do that. You, I have witnessed, are someone who

Speaker 1 is focused on her life.

Speaker 1 And as hard as it may be as a grandparent or as a mother to sit back and go, oh, well, they're busy. They have busy lives.
I'm not the center of their lives. They don't have to call me.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 If I want to have a closer connection, I have to create it. And so I see you in every area of your life creating what you want.

Speaker 1 And that you don't sit around and get angry about the fact that the grandkids might not call as much as they should, or your sons might not call, or your daughter-in-laws might not call as much as you wish that they would.

Speaker 1 You've created this ability to basically give people the freedom to live their lives, to just pour the love out.

Speaker 1 And if it doesn't come back in the way that you want it to come back in terms of the frequency of phone calls, you don't get your knickers in a pinch about it.

Speaker 1 I don't ever call you and have you go, haven't heard from you in a while.

Speaker 1 I don't. And we don't talk all that often.
Right. Ever really on the phone.
No, we don't. I never call you.

Speaker 2 No, you don't.

Speaker 2 But I understand that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I get that. You're a busy woman.
We text.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 2 You know, you'll say, come on over and I come.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 2 You know, everybody has their busy life. You just have to understand that.
You know, it doesn't center around you.

Speaker 1 Right. That's true.
It's important. I noticed you're a big reader.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Do you read every single day?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I listen to a book when I walk.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 So I'm always got a book on Audible.

Speaker 1 And why do you think that matters?

Speaker 2 Because I don't want to be in my head for all that time without something to listen to.

Speaker 1 Oh my.

Speaker 2 I tried that when we practiced for the marathon, remember? Oh, God. Oh, my God.
16 miles. I was like, no, I have to listen to a book.
And it gets me going.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, I want to know what's happening. So as soon as I get out of the house and I start my book, I'm on my way.

Speaker 1 Well, what's also nice about that, especially for those of you that feel like you don't have a lot of friends in your life, is that if you're listening to a book while you're out, you actually are with somebody.

Speaker 1 You're listening to the narrator. You are learning something.
You're having input, which is very, very important when you're lonely. And it's active input.

Speaker 1 It's not you sitting on the couch mainlining a series alone in your house. You're out and about and moving.
And it's true. You are always listening to a book ever since I've known you.

Speaker 1 You've had books on tape in the car.

Speaker 1 Now you've got books in your ears as you walk.

Speaker 2 I try and and read every afternoon for an hour or two if I can.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I want to just kind of hit some topics because I remember I took you to a bar class

Speaker 1 at this place where we rent a beach house every summer in Rhode Island. And every time we walk into a bar class, you're lifting heavier weights than me.

Speaker 1 You are super bendy and stretchy and you're sitting there pumping the iron and your biceps biceps are bigger than mine and everybody is floored that you're as old as you are.

Speaker 1 You and I once did a plank challenge. You held a plank at the age of 82 for two and a half minutes.
That's incredible. And so I've got questions from listeners.

Speaker 1 And people want to know, have you always worked out or did you start later in life?

Speaker 2 No, I definitely started later in life in my 30s.

Speaker 1 You started exercising?

Speaker 2 I had children. I didn't have, but that's exercise in itself, three kids, you know? Yes.

Speaker 2 But no, I never had a routine. My husband and I started running in our 30s.

Speaker 1 How do you maintain the motivation to do it every day?

Speaker 2 Guilt.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 You know how everybody talks about 10,000 steps?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 2 I look at my freaking phone to see whether I've done 10,000 steps. And if I haven't, I feel guilty.

Speaker 1 Well, this is what psychologists call good guilt. Good guilt motivates you.
Yes. Why do you think 10,000 is the magic number?

Speaker 2 I don't know. They write about that.
And I believe all that stuff I write.

Speaker 1 And what's your favorite? I believe that's true. You read the New York Times.
I do. Yes.
What's your favorite way to stay active?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 2 getting up, like you say, right away and moving. Yep.
Just moving. I have stairs.
I have three floors. And a lot of my older friends say, well, you know, why would you get a condo with three floors?

Speaker 2 Well, it's the best thing you can do. I will always walk the stairs, always.
My laundry's down the lower level and my bedroom's up above.

Speaker 1 What do you think is the biggest challenge to staying active as you age?

Speaker 2 Just making it a routine. I would think that's a challenge.
Not to

Speaker 2 say, okay, well, I think I'll take a week off.

Speaker 2 I don't think that's a good idea.

Speaker 1 I don't either.

Speaker 2 You take a week off, then you can take 10 days off.

Speaker 2 So I don't take days off.

Speaker 1 What is

Speaker 1 your

Speaker 1 secret to staying young at heart and young in your mind?

Speaker 2 Staying connected.

Speaker 2 Staying connected to your friends, old friends.

Speaker 2 I've always had a man in my life. I've been very lucky about that.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? I've always had a man in my life.

Speaker 1 Because how long were you married?

Speaker 2 45 years. He died of cancer.

Speaker 1 How old are you?

Speaker 2 68.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 And about a year and a half later, I met a man.

Speaker 2 And I thought I'd fallen in love. And my children thought it was way too early for me to have a man in my life.

Speaker 1 I didn't feel that way.

Speaker 2 Well, you're not one of my boys.

Speaker 1 I don't think Chris felt that way either.

Speaker 2 Well, the other two did.

Speaker 2 But I don't think they remembered that Ken was sick for two years. That's true.
So I was alone for two years as far as having someone loving me.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I was with Bill for a while, and

Speaker 2 we had our differences. And after two years, we went our separate ways.

Speaker 2 And soon after that, I met another guy who is local. And,

Speaker 2 you know, Hans and I were together for 10 years.

Speaker 1 10 years? Yeah, can you believe that? No. Yeah, we were.
Wow.

Speaker 2 But he's the nicest, sweetest man, as you know, but he just doesn't have the energy that I have. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was constantly, you know,

Speaker 2 arranging all our social life and all our trips. We did a lot of traveling, but it was,

Speaker 2 I was the one that was

Speaker 2 doing it.

Speaker 2 And so I eventually got him to move back into his own house and then

Speaker 2 down the line into a retirement community, which he's very happy. And I still see him.
And we're very good friends. Yes.

Speaker 1 Very good friends. We love hands.

Speaker 2 And then I met another guy who's in town. And actually, actually it was me who met John.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I knew John, but I saw him at

Speaker 2 this artist thing. You were there.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is when I first moved here, and I was having constant anxiety and hating my life. And

Speaker 1 thinking,

Speaker 1 I'm now going to a place where people live when they're about to die. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I didn't realize that's where you met him.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Well, I didn't meet him. I already knew him.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 something else was happening later in the week. I don't know, some concert or something.
And so I just went up to John and I said, would you like to go? And he said, yeah.

Speaker 2 But he also had a girlfriend in Canada. So that went on for a while.
And then he gave her up.

Speaker 1 And he picked you up. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so we're together and he makes me very happy. And he has a lot of energy.
And he organizes everything. Like Like going to a dude ranch.
We just got back from a dude ranch, as you know.

Speaker 1 Yes. So 85 years old, the two of you go off on your first trip together and you go to a dude ranch in Montana where I understand you are learning how to herd cattle on horseback.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we did. We did a cattle drive.
It was awesome.

Speaker 1 And you're not like a horse person. Well, how long had it been since you had truly been on a horse, though?

Speaker 2 I don't know, 40 years.

Speaker 1 All right. So staying connected.
But this goes, but you went for long periods of time, not in relationships, though.

Speaker 2 No, I actually,

Speaker 2 I probably started seeing Hance about a month after I broke up with him.

Speaker 1 Jesus shooty. Wow.

Speaker 2 So you see, I haven't been alone.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 You're funny. Yeah, no,

Speaker 2 I'm very fortunate that way.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, you create what you want.
Yeah. And you put yourself out there.

Speaker 1 And I also notice that connection to friends is very important.

Speaker 2 Extremely important.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jude, we need to take a quick break and hear a word from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 But when we come back, I want you to share with us how you've stayed connected to your friends over the years, even though you guys all live in different parts of the world.

Speaker 1 I want you to spill those secrets, Judy, when we come back.

Speaker 1 When our daughter Kendall moved into her first apartment, she called and she's like, mom, I need help. I have no furniture.
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Speaker 1 Welcome back. I'm here with my 85-year-old mother-in-law, Judy Robbins, otherwise known as Jage.

Speaker 1 JJ, Judy is a cutie, and she's also a little energizer bunny Spitfire who has managed to keep close relationships with lifelong friends.

Speaker 1 And it is one of the reasons why she she says she has been able to create a meaningful, purpose-driven life. And so, Jude, what is the secret?

Speaker 1 I'm very impressed by the fact that you have stayed connected to the women that you raised your kids with.

Speaker 1 Like the women that are your friends to this day are the women that you knew when my husband was a baby. I mean, we're talking 50 years here.
So, what is the secret, Jude?

Speaker 2 Well, I actually, Mel, I have to give you some credit here. Me?

Speaker 1 Yes, you.

Speaker 2 Because after Ken died,

Speaker 2 and I didn't have anybody in my life, and I'll never forget this either. This is before you started into the business.
I rented an apartment in New York, as you remember?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 By myself, which was a... kind of a lonely experience actually because I would went to dinner by myself and

Speaker 2 but of course as soon as people realized I had an apartment they started coming. But it's still,

Speaker 2 being in a big city alone can be very lonely.

Speaker 1 Right, because you see people everywhere. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I was right next to the Hudson River, so I was running and I took my bike. So I stayed active physically.

Speaker 2 But I remember mentioning to you that I was going to go to Florida.

Speaker 2 I didn't know what I was going to do.

Speaker 2 And you said to me, pick up the phone and call some of your friends and make sure you have something on your calendar before you hit the ground in Florida.

Speaker 2 I'll never forget that. And it made a difference because I had something to look forward to.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Otherwise, I just had a blank slate and I probably could have felt pretty sorry for myself.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But even

Speaker 1 beyond that,

Speaker 1 you have kept in close touch with your women friends.

Speaker 2 Yes, it's very important to do that.

Speaker 1 And how do you do that? You pick up the phone and call them.

Speaker 2 You know, it's

Speaker 1 so many people go around the back door.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to give you an example. I have a good friend who has Alzheimer's, and she's young.

Speaker 2 And she admitted that she has Alzheimer's. So she's very open about it.

Speaker 2 And she recently, her husband got her on the new drug, the Alzheimer's drug by Biogen.

Speaker 2 This winter, he was very glad that he did, and she was glad that she was on it.

Speaker 2 Three days ago, she went out to lunch with a very good friend of mine and said to her friend and my friend, you know, I just had a physical, and I'm 100% all right. I don't have Alzheimer's.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 2 So obviously she's coming all the way around into the denial,

Speaker 2 which she wasn't before. So this is what I, this is my point.
Shirley said, do you think I should call Marcia and tell her, Marsha being a good friend of yours?

Speaker 2 And I said, well, why would you do that? Why don't you call Bob, her husband? Why don't you go directly? to Bob. He might already know that she said that, but he might not.

Speaker 2 And say to him, I just had lunch with Connie, and this is what she said.

Speaker 2 And this is what's so important in life is that if you have a good friend that you want to talk to, you talk to them. Don't talk to your other friend that's a friend of your friend.
Right.

Speaker 2 You know, if you want to talk to somebody on the phone, call them.

Speaker 2 And I don't think a lot of people do that.

Speaker 1 They talk about their friends, but they don't talk to their friends. That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you're thinking about somebody, pick up the phone and call them. If you have something that you're concerned about, pick up the phone and call them.
Don't talk about what you're concerned about.

Speaker 2 Well, we have another friend that is now into dementia, but is not admitting it. And the scary thing is that they're thinking maybe her husband has it too.

Speaker 2 And I haven't said anything, but I'm thinking that I need to go to Sally and say to her, Are you worried about yourself?

Speaker 2 Because everybody's talking about her, but nobody's talking to her.

Speaker 2 And maybe she would say to me, what are you talking about? I'm fine.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 Or maybe she'd break down and say, it's true. I don't know what I'm really doing.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because she doesn't.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 There is one other thing that I would love to touch on because service has been such an enormous part of your life and volunteering. After your husband of 45 years, Ken died, you moved to Cambodia?

Speaker 2 Well, I didn't move.

Speaker 1 Well, what did you do? You did something that is just incredible.

Speaker 2 Well, I went on a bike trip to Vietnam and I visited Cambodia and I fell in love. I fell in love with the people in Cambodia.

Speaker 2 So I said, and I was with Bill at the time, I said, I'm going to come back here and teach English.

Speaker 2 And so I got a hold of this NGO, Cambodia Living Arts, and asked them if they could find me someplace where I could teach, which is really quite ballsy since I don't know anything about teaching.

Speaker 2 I just know

Speaker 2 I know how to talk English or speak.

Speaker 1 I know she talks English well, everybody.

Speaker 2 But that's it. Anyway,

Speaker 2 yeah, they got me a position in this school that

Speaker 2 the kids go to a regular school, but they come here to learn English after school. Yep.

Speaker 2 And I mean, I had monks in that class. I had mothers in that class.
I mean, I had, oh my God, it was hysterical.

Speaker 1 How many years did you go to Cambodia? Six. Six years.
You'd live there for almost three months and teach seven days a week.

Speaker 2 Plus, your daughter came.

Speaker 1 And our daughter, when she was in eighth grade, went over and

Speaker 1 fell in love. And she's actually on her way back because of that experience as we speak.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Talk to us us about staying young at heart. I mean, because every, at the heart of every one of these stories, there's very similar themes.
You have to create what you want in your life.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 You

Speaker 1 connection is incredible.

Speaker 1 And you have this wonderful sense of humor about you where you just try it. Like you don't even stop yourself.

Speaker 1 And think, well, how's this going to work? I'm moving to Cambodia. I'm 69 years old.
I'm going to do this alone. Am I like, I don't even know what I'm doing? Like, how is this going to work?

Speaker 1 Where am I going to? You just are like, okay, let's do this. We're going to figure it out.

Speaker 1 So, how do you stay young at heart? What do you think that's about?

Speaker 2 Well, I go back again about living in the moment.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I don't take any day for granted that I have.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm really grateful for every day I have.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that's the only thing I can say. I mean, I think most people live their lives like,

Speaker 2 well, of course they'll be tomorrow.

Speaker 2 There was yesterday, they'll be tomorrow. They'll be next week.
I can do this. I can do that.

Speaker 2 Well, who's to say?

Speaker 2 We have a friend who just was on his motorcycle, bingo.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that keeps me

Speaker 2 positive

Speaker 2 because I'm grateful.

Speaker 2 I'm so grateful. First of all, I have a fabulous life.
I have an incredible family, all these grandchildren.

Speaker 2 I'm not sick.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm healthy.

Speaker 2 I have all my knees and all my hips. So

Speaker 2 I'm very grateful.

Speaker 1 You don't have your hair between your legs, though.

Speaker 2 Well, some people pay for a Brazilian.

Speaker 1 That's true. You're grateful you don't have to pay for that.
No, I don't.

Speaker 1 But seriously, there's a lot of people around the world that have their health, that have a great family, that have friends around them, and they're miserable.

Speaker 2 Well, because they're expecting something else that they don't have.

Speaker 2 And there is nothing else.

Speaker 2 You have what you have right now at the moment and don't expect anything more.

Speaker 2 And I think people live in a lot of disappointment because they think about what they'd like to have or what their neighbor has or

Speaker 2 something other than what they have this moment.

Speaker 2 And that creates the stress because if there's something out there that you want and you don't have it, that's stress in itself.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Well, what's also amazing about that perspective is if you're not happy

Speaker 1 and grateful for the things that you have now, Why on earth do you think you're going to be happy and grateful when you get something you don't have?

Speaker 2 And how do you know you're going to have it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like you need to learn how to appreciate everything on the way.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 1 And until you do that, you're never going to be happy. No.
Because you're always going to be expecting something more and wanting something more and then thinking that you deserve more.

Speaker 1 And that mindset also keeps you from not only appreciating everything that's right in front of you, like the day that you have,

Speaker 1 but it also makes you,

Speaker 1 somehow it like prevents you from realizing you can create it.

Speaker 1 Like you can learn how to wake up every day and be grateful for this day and just put your head down and do the work to create what you want.

Speaker 2 Be thankful what you do have. Don't think about what you wish you had.
I'll always remember, and I think this is true of every little, every child.

Speaker 2 My mother used to say, you know, you're going to wish your life away. Because we'd say, oh, I wish I could have.
I wish I could do. I wish I could go.
You know, as a child, we're always wishing.

Speaker 2 She'd say, you're going to wish your life away. Well, what are you wishing for? Just be grateful for what you have right this minute.

Speaker 2 Because who knows what you're wishing for might not be right anyhow. It's true.

Speaker 1 It's true. And as soon as you wish for something else, you're rejecting what you have.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Wow.

Speaker 1 Is there anything else that you want to share or that you can think of or mistakes that you think people make?

Speaker 2 I think one of the things that I think about when we talk about staying in the moment is that

Speaker 2 we don't realize that the process that we're going through in life is really the most exhilarating.

Speaker 2 The best part is the process. It's not getting there.

Speaker 2 So often, whether you're building a house or whether you're going on vacation, it's the process.

Speaker 2 You think about, oh my gosh, you know, when we go, we're going to do a dude ranch and we're going to do this and we're going to do that.

Speaker 2 It's the anticipation that's so exciting. Right.

Speaker 1 And then once you're there, it's like, oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 it's the wishing. Don't wish for something else.
Just be so thankful for what you have right now.

Speaker 1 Judy Robbins. Everybody? She's going to be 86 and she's dropping knowledge.
Go, Judy. I love you.
I love you. I love you.

Speaker 2 I love you too, Darling.

Speaker 1 You know, one reason why I love you so much, Jage, is because

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 are a child at heart, and you've been a lifelong learner.

Speaker 1 And you have been an inspiration to me because you have proven to me it doesn't matter how old or young you are, you have everything that you need to do the work to create the life, the friendships, the mindset, and the daily habits that you want in your life.

Speaker 1 Stop waiting around for other people to do it for you and wake up every day and be grateful that you have this day. And yes, I'm talking to you.

Speaker 1 Whatever it is that you've been putting off, whatever griping you've been doing, whatever it is that you think you need to achieve in order to be happy, I hope you take everything we talked about today to heart.

Speaker 1 And I hope you start waking up and being grateful for what you have. I hope you don't wish your life away.
I hope you make today the day where you say, that's it. I'm going to wake up every day.

Speaker 1 I am going to create a morning routine that works for me. I'm going to stay close to my friends.

Speaker 1 And if I don't have any friends, I'm going to reach out and I'm going to volunteer at hospice or I'm going to do something that makes somebody else feel better because that will bring what's missing in my life to me by me by doing something for somebody else.

Speaker 1 I got so much out of today's conversation. You can reinvent yourself whenever you want.
So listen up. Your age isn't stopping you from doing anything.
Your excuses are. Now,

Speaker 1 I love you. I believe in you.
Get out there and go create the life that you want. Because I need you here.

Speaker 1 We're doing life together, and I want your life to be long, happy, and fulfilling so we can lock arms and do it together. I'll talk to you in a few days.

Speaker 2 All right, I'm testing you right now. See how my voice sounds.

Speaker 1 I think it sounds pretty sexy.

Speaker 1 Good. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10.

Speaker 1 What about this one? All right, here we go. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. You got to hold the mic up to your beautiful mouth with your gorgeous pink lipstick.

Speaker 1 Hold the mic up to your mouth, woman. Yep.

Speaker 2 Why do you take a probiotic?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but talking to the microphone.

Speaker 2 Why do you take a probiotic?

Speaker 1 Well, here, you can look at me, but just make sure the microphone's there.

Speaker 2 Okay, wait a minute, I'll be 86.

Speaker 1 When did you turn 85?

Speaker 2 Remember, we had my birthday,

Speaker 2 we celebrated my birthday late.

Speaker 1 Oh, at my house last year, we threw your murder, yes, yes. Oh, my God.
See, I'm losing my mind, and I'm only 54.

Speaker 2 How fun!

Speaker 1 Isn't this fun?

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 oh, and one more thing. And no, this is not a blooper.
This is the legal language. You know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you.

Speaker 1 This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm just your friend.

Speaker 1 I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good.

Speaker 1 I'll see you in the next episode.

Speaker 1 Stitcher.

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