The Moth Radio Hour: For the Ages

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Speaker 7 This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Suzanne Rust.

Speaker 7 Moth story slams are magical. Each evening has a theme like Lost, Busted, or Love Hurts.

Speaker 7 Brave people from all across the country show up with a five-minute story that relates to the theme and drop their names in a hat for the chance to step on the stage and share it. No notes.

Speaker 7 This week's hour, which features stories from these slams, explores how we reflect on our worlds at different ages and stages of our lives. From childhood and teens to adulthood and later life.

Speaker 7 From personal experience and non-scientific observation, I think it's pretty safe to say that in middle school, confidence levels are not an all-time high.

Speaker 7 So the last thing thing most kids want is to be the center of attention.

Speaker 7 Our first storyteller found herself in that position and lived to tell the tale. Anne McNamanie-Keels told this at a Chicago slam where we partner with public radio station WBEZ.

Speaker 7 Here's Anne, live at the moth.

Speaker 8 My story takes place in 1998 at a school on the south side of Chicago, no joke.

Speaker 8 But this was a a Catholic school on the south side of Chicago, and I was the student.

Speaker 8 I,

Speaker 8 it's 1998, it's April of 1998, Tuesday morning.

Speaker 8 I am in my polo shirt and my ugly uniform skirt with a very heavy backpack full of math, science, and religion textbooks with my head down, getting onto that black top behind the church, behind the school, before the first bell, just kind of quietly slinking in as I normally do before the first bell.

Speaker 8 To say I was not the cool girl in eighth grade is kind of an understatement. So I'll tell you what I was at this school.

Speaker 8 I was the kid who had shown up, transferred to the school in fourth grade, which doesn't sound like a big deal, but at a K through eight Catholic school, it's kind of like I had shown up to the birthday party after the candles had been blown out, you know, like

Speaker 8 songs had been sung, alliances had been formed, and there I was.

Speaker 8 Also, no one had told me when I I signed up, when I got to this school, I didn't sign up, I was sent there,

Speaker 5 that

Speaker 8 the main form of like

Speaker 8 social capital was the sports you could play and the sports teams you were on. And I was the kind of kid who all but broke out in hives if I was like a couple feet from a volleyball.

Speaker 8 I'm like the opposite of athletic. So I was on zero sports teams.
I was a music theater art nerd at a school with no music theater or art. So

Speaker 8 I became the kid who at lunchtime could be found reading a babysitters club book over her peanut butter and jelly instead of talking with my classmates.

Speaker 8 And my goal was to like, I'm, it's April of eighth grade, right? So I'm putting my head down, get through. That's the goal.
So I literally have my head down, getting onto that black top. And

Speaker 8 but something weird is going on. I hear like weird murmuring when I get there and I look up and it seems like all the girls in my grade are looking at me.

Speaker 8 They are talking, I think, about me and they are pointing at me. Oh my gosh.
So I look down, like, do I have a stain on my uniform shirt? Did I spill something? I don't think so.

Speaker 8 And I'm like, oh God, did someone tell the entire grade who I have a crush on again?

Speaker 8 But that doesn't seem to be it. And then Emma walks up to me.
Now, Emma's like the closest that I have to a good friend in my grade. We're friends sometimes and Ned nodded other times.

Speaker 8 But today she seems very excited.

Speaker 8 She says, oh my gosh, have you seen the May issue of Teen Magazine? Now for the young people, I just need to do a little quick background.

Speaker 8 In the late 90s, Teen Magazine and others of its ilk, 17, YM, they were our Instagram,

Speaker 8 our Facebook, our Pinterest, our TikTok.

Speaker 8 They were how we knew how to dress, what kind of makeup to do and how to do our hair.

Speaker 8 They were how we knew that we were not thin enough and we were not yet pretty enough, but we could be if we follow their advice.

Speaker 8 Also, there was always like some weird story about a girl in white pants getting her period in front of her crush.

Speaker 8 I'm not clear what that was, but they were our Bible. And so she's, Emma says, do you have, did you see the May issue? And I say, it's April.

Speaker 8 And she says, oh, like everyone in the grade has a subscription. We get it a week early, which is like another check against me.

Speaker 8 And so she hands me the teen magazine May issue, and she opens to page 14. And on page 14, y'all, is me.

Speaker 8 There is a picture, my school picture, frizzy hair, blotchy skin, all of it.

Speaker 8 And then I remember months prior when I had been going through the issue and, you know, like back the, you know, December issue for like the third time and I'd seen the tiny fine print because I'm a big nerd and it said that they were looking for girls who wanted makeovers and I sent in

Speaker 8 I sent in my school picture along with a letter detailing how my frizzy hair is a problem how I can't find makeup because I'm a redhead how my eyes are too small and my face is too blotchy and please help so did they give me a makeover just to be clear they didn't give me a makeover

Speaker 8 They didn't send me makeup samples. They didn't even tell me they were using my picture.
They just put my picture there along with a makeup artist telling me all the things to fix all my problems.

Speaker 8 So of course I'm like horrified, right? Like, oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing. But I look up and all these girls, they do not look like they're making fun of me.

Speaker 8 They look impressed, maybe even jealous.

Speaker 8 Remember, this is before social media. I am in a magazine, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Speaker 5 It's on the front, along with Jeff Club.

Speaker 8 And Titanic has just come out. Everyone is looking at this magazine, and there I am.
So the girls are freaking out.

Speaker 8 All the girls are making great, and they're coming around me, and I don't know what to do with this attention. We get in school, and somebody shows a teacher, and it spreads like wildfire.

Speaker 8 Teachers from all over the school are coming in to see the magazine that I am in, because they had me in previous years. Later in the day, I get a call over the PA.
Ms.

Speaker 8 Harris, when you sent aunt Mac me to the principal's office. I never do anything wrong, but of course I'm terrified because what if I accidentally did something wrong?

Speaker 8 So I go to the principal's office. I hate this, but I get there, and my principal, who I can only describe as looking like Mr.
Potato Head, like very round face, you know, mustache glasses, like Mr.

Speaker 8 Potato Head. He is sitting in front of this desk all these important papers, and on top of all those papers is TV magazine with my picture.

Speaker 8 And he says, this is very impressive. And I think, is it?

Speaker 8 Later, there's an announcement over the PA, and it just keeps keeps going from here. I get home, my mom has already heard, she's bought every copy she could find in the city.

Speaker 8 My grandma, my aunt, a second cousin, my mom's second cousin gets a call from her sister saying, buy Teen Magazine. We have a relative in it.

Speaker 8 It's a really big deal.

Speaker 8 I go to my dance class, they've already had the picture up frame behind the main

Speaker 7 desk.

Speaker 8 And it's really exciting for a while. And then the excitement, it's there, but it just, it kind of starts to fade.
And eventually everybody forgets, to be honest with you. And the frame comes down.

Speaker 8 And some other girl got in the newspaper for something, and now she goes up. And everything just kind of got quiet.
And,

Speaker 8 you know, I think I thought it was going to be like the movies or something.

Speaker 8 I thought it would be like a 90s movie that my hair would get straightened and I would buy the makeup, which I did, and put it all on my face, and I would be different.

Speaker 8 But the reality was I just did exactly what I was planning to do. I kept my head down.
I got through eighth grade. I got to high school, and things got a little better.

Speaker 8 And recently, I was going through boxes in my basement, and I went through a box that was all the stuff from my childhood bedroom, books, journals, and in it, I found the 1998

Speaker 8 May issue of Teen Magazine, and there I was on page 14, just a normal-looking

Speaker 8 13-year-old girl. And I wish I could talk to her.
I wish I could tell her that her hair would stay curly, but I would like find products to fix it, you know?

Speaker 8 I wish I could tell her I could even, she would eventually even figure out the makeup thing.

Speaker 8 There was this thing called contouring coming up, and it was going to be a big deal and a really game changer.

Speaker 8 And mostly I wish I could tell her that sports really weren't going to matter. No one's going to make her play dodgeball after like she was 15 and

Speaker 8 that eventually she would get to live where she wanted to live and do the things she wanted to do and find her people and eventually she would feel like lifting her head up.

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 7 So that was Anne McNamee Keels, an educator and a moth Grand Slam winner. She is also the host and producer of Lapsed, a podcast about growing up Catholic.

Speaker 7 Anne lives in Oak Park, Illinois with her family. Anne told me that the most positive thing that came from her experience was realizing how many people she actually had in her corner.

Speaker 7 She didn't receive any of the blowbacks she feared. Instead, everyone in her life was very supportive, including the intimidating cool girls at her school.

Speaker 7 She says that it took her years to realize that they were all likely just as insecure and confused as she was at that time in life.

Speaker 7 To see photos of Anne's 15 Minutes of Fame, go to themoth.org.

Speaker 7 Those first jobs that we take as teens often allow us to reinvent ourselves and make new personal discoveries and connections.

Speaker 7 Our next story, set at a famous fast food franchise, pits two young employees against each other. Matthew Dix told this story at a Boston slam where he partnered with public radio station WBUR.

Speaker 7 Here's Matthew.

Speaker 10 I'm sitting in the break room of a McDonald's restaurant in Milford, Massachusetts. I'm eating an Egg McMuffin and I am not happy.
It is the spring of 1987.

Speaker 10 I'm 16 years old and it's not the Egg McMuffin that's causing me to be unhappy because an Egg McMuffin is the most guaranteed source of joy in my entire day. But not on this day.

Speaker 10 I'm upset because I'm about to meet my mortal enemy for the first time and I know it's not going to go well. I've been working at this restaurant for two months now.

Speaker 10 I actually live three towns away in Blackstone, Massachusetts, but I found out that this place pays $4.65 an hour and that's 20 cents more than the White Hen Pantry five minutes from my house.

Speaker 10 And I figured even though it's a 30-minute drive, the 20 cents will absolutely make up for the time and the gas, which it does not.

Speaker 10 But it changes my life in a really significant way because when I arrive here, I discover the joy of a clean slate.

Speaker 10 I'm growing up in a tiny town, 82 kids are in my class, the same 82 kids I knew in kindergarten, and they remember everything.

Speaker 10 And so when you want to be something different or you decide you could be something better, no one lets you because they remember everything.

Speaker 10 They still talk about the time in sixth grade when I exposed myself to class because my gym shorts a little too short and my underwear was a little too big and it was a little too much man spreading.

Speaker 10 They talk about it to this day.

Speaker 10 And they remember the braces and the buck teeth and the bad haircuts and the free and reduced lunches and all of that has prevented me from becoming something that I think I could be and being trapped in what they think I should be.

Speaker 10 But I've arrived in this new town. Nobody knows me.
And on the first day of work, Erin Duran comes and asks me if I have a girlfriend in the way she's hoping I say no.

Speaker 10 And that's never happened to me before. So this is something.
And it turns out that because they don't know me, I can be the thing I think I can be.

Speaker 10 And suddenly I have more friends than I've ever had in my life. And I'm good at my job, shockingly good.
In the 1980s, the job at the McDonald's that is the hardest is running the bin.

Speaker 10 I have been a public school teacher for 24 years, and I can tell you that I have not had a day in my classroom as taxing as a day running the bin at McDonald's during rush hour in 1987.

Speaker 10 It is coordinating a kitchen full of 16-year-olds and 60-year-olds and convincing them all to do work for you at the same time and watching a drive-through screen and listening to cash registers and figuring out how much food needs to be here at any moment without causing waste and making sure profit.

Speaker 10 It's really hard. And for some reason, I can hold all this information right here and I'm good at it and people respect me for it.
But as soon as I got good at it, all I heard was one word, Benji.

Speaker 10 You're great, but Benji's better. Benji's the best bin person in this restaurant.
Actually, he's the best person in this restaurant. He is fantastic, and everyone loves him, and everyone respects him.

Speaker 10 And I hate Benji. All they do is tell me how great he is.
And with every single word they say, I hate him more. And then I discover they're telling him about me.

Speaker 10 And they're saying how this guy came in, and he might be better than you. They're spreading gossip about me to him.
And so we have never met each other, but we hate each other.

Speaker 10 And so this day we're coming together for the first time. Our shifts are crossing and I'm going to meet him.

Speaker 10 And so I go out into the dining room at the end of my break just to see him because he's already working and I see him. There's nothing to this guy.
Like he's not that good looking.

Speaker 10 He's not an athlete. He's got the body of a bass player in a failing high school rock band.
He is nothing.

Speaker 10 But I watch and a couple minutes later, I realize I'm wrong because he's funny. Effortlessly funny.
And he's endearing to everyone.

Speaker 10 He makes the older customers who are waiting for Big Macs actually happy to be waiting for their Big Mac. And the managers love him.
And he's good at the bin. Like he is really good at calling Bin.

Speaker 10 I hate him so much.

Speaker 10 And because he's doing my job, I have to run for drive-through today, which is the second hardest job in the restaurant. 80% of the orders go through the window.

Speaker 10 So 80% of the food will pass through my hands.

Speaker 10 But that means I need to work with the bin guy the whole time to coordinate and negotiate and make sure everything runs, which means I have to work with Benji.

Speaker 10 And so for the first hour, we don't talk to each other unless it's about work. And we clearly hate each other.
We're not hiding it in any way whatsoever.

Speaker 10 But unless it has to do with work, I don't say a word. And then after an hour, it gets like awkward.
And I start to think maybe he thinks I'm afraid to say something to him.

Speaker 10 So I'm like, no, I'm going to do something here. And so I go up to him and I say, why are you coming in at 10.30 on a Saturday? What's 10.30?

Speaker 10 And he says, I watch Saturday morning cartoons, which in 1986 is a thing. All the new cartoons, the Smurfs and the Snorks and Super Friends, are all out in the morning.

Speaker 10 And we eat sugar-disguised cereal, and we watch these things.

Speaker 10 And he says, the gummy bears start at 9.30 and they end at 10, and then I come to work. And he says it without irony or embarrassment.
I can't believe it.

Speaker 10 And so I walk over to the drive-thru, I drop a bag off, and when I come back to the bin, I say, listen to me.

Speaker 10 Dashing and daring. courageous and caring, faithful and friendly with stories to share.
And I take some food and I walk back to the drive-thru.

Speaker 10 And as I come back over, he is singing before I get to the bin. He says, all through the forest, they sing out in chorus, marching along as their songs fill the air.

Speaker 10 And standing next to the bin with Benji, we sing together. Gummy bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere.
High adventure that's beyond compare. They are the gummy bears.

Speaker 10 There's a second verse, a bridge, and another chorus. I will not share them with you, but we sing them that day.

Speaker 10 Because I watched the gummy bears too. And to this day, I can sing that song.

Speaker 10 And that's it.

Speaker 10 A single theme song to a cartoon melts all the ice between us.

Speaker 10 And 37 years later, he is still my best friend.

Speaker 10 It is the most significant relationship in my life, with the exception of my marriage. When I get thrown out of my house when I'm 17, Benji takes me in and lets me live in his college apartment.

Speaker 10 And when I'm 21 and I need a credit card and can't get one, he gives me his extra card and says, just use it and pay me when you can. He saves my life again and again and again.

Speaker 10 And this day, we live in Connecticut, two miles from each other.

Speaker 10 And when I think back on that day that I stood at that bin and sang a cartoon song to him,

Speaker 10 I'm reminded how little

Speaker 10 it takes to sort of reach out to someone and like just open the crack of a window. And you just get the window open and then it becomes a door and it becomes a lifetime.

Speaker 10 I stood at a bin in a McDonald's in Milford, Massachusetts, and sang a cartoon song. And I ended up with the best friend of my life.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 7 That was Matthew Dix. Matthew is an elementary school teacher, best-selling author, and a nine-time Moth Grand Slam champion.

Speaker 7 Some of his favorite things, play golf poorly, tickle his children, and stare at his wife. Oh, and also hang out with Benji.

Speaker 7 They live 15 minutes away from each other and often get together for long walks and talks where they never run out of things to say.

Speaker 7 I asked Matthew something that he loved about Benji back then that he still loves about him today.

Speaker 10 When we were teenagers, Benji believed in me and genuinely thought I could do great things when almost no one else in my life thought that to be true.

Speaker 10 He would tell people that I had a great future ahead of me even when I didn't fully believe it. It meant the world to me.

Speaker 10 Even today, more than 30 years later, he remains one of my biggest cheerleaders.

Speaker 7 To see some photos of Matthew and Benji, head over to themoth.org.

Speaker 7 In a moment, Youth Under a Looking Glass and Adventures on the High Seas when the Moth Radio Hour continues.

Speaker 11 The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

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Speaker 7 This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Suzanne Russ.
And in this hour, we're exploring stories that look back on the different ages and stages of our lives.

Speaker 7 So much of adolescence involves internal dialogue and struggle. And while our friends and family may observe the behavior, the material does not become fodder for the whole country to see.

Speaker 7 Unless you're Kate Greathead.

Speaker 7 She shared her story in New York, where WNYC is the media partner of the month. Here's Kate.

Speaker 12 When I was in first grade, some people came to my school and made a movie about me.

Speaker 12 First, they followed me around for a few days to show what my life was like, and then they sat me down on a couch and asked me all these questions, like, did I believe in God?

Speaker 12 Was America a free country? What was the difference between black people and white people?

Speaker 12 When they'd shot all the footage they needed and it it was time for them to leave, I cried because nothing this wonderful had ever happened to me.

Speaker 12 Would they promise to come back and make another movie about me? The good news was yes, they did. The bad news was not for seven years, which is a long, long time to wait when that's how old you are.

Speaker 12 So the film is called The Up Series and the premise is take a bunch of seven-year-olds from different parts of the country, different socioeconomic backgrounds, interview them every seven years of their lives, see how they turn out.

Speaker 12 It's a sociological, psychological study kind of thing. And if it sounds familiar, you've probably heard of the famous British up series, This is the American Bootleg.

Speaker 12 When I was seven, I attended a private school on the Upper East Side. So I was chosen to be the privileged kid, the one everyone is rooting for.

Speaker 12 A seven-year-old's dream come true is a 14-year-old's nightmare. When the film crew returned, I had some serious reservations.
It was like, well, my parents had just gotten divorced. We'd moved.

Speaker 12 I went to a new school where I had no friends.

Speaker 12 And you know when you're the new kid in school and you have no one to sit with at lunch, so you come out with your tray of food and you find yourself weaving between the tables and the cafeteria waiting for some kind soul to take pity on you and invite you to sit down.

Speaker 6 Imagine doing that with a film crew following you.

Speaker 12 It was very dignifying.

Speaker 12 So the reason I had no friends was more than just the fact that I was the new kid. It was because I had no personality.
I'd recently come to realize this

Speaker 5 and

Speaker 12 It made me very nervous for the interview portion of the shoot because how do you answer questions about yourself when you have no self?

Speaker 12 So the interview began with a lot of political questions, which was good because my parents were liberal Democrats, so I knew all the right answers.

Speaker 12 How did I feel about the death penalty? It was bad.

Speaker 12 The president's sex life, that's nobody's business.

Speaker 12 So I was doing okay. And then the interview shifted gears and there came a question I was unprepared for.

Speaker 12 How did I feel about my parents' divorce? So, my parents had

Speaker 12 recently split up, very recently, and how I felt about it was sad, very sad. And for that reason, the only

Speaker 12 I agreed to participate in 14 under one condition, which is that I wouldn't have to talk about it. And I'd been promised by different members of the film crew that this would be honored.

Speaker 12 I would no questions about the divorce. So, when the question came, I assumed there was a mistake, that the director had gone rogue.

Speaker 12 And as I sat there waiting for another adult in the room to intervene,

Speaker 12 this didn't happen. The camera continued to roll and the room got really quiet.

Speaker 12 The kind of quiet that's loud.

Speaker 12 And the lights got really bright and I got hot and my skin started to like burn and prickle like when you're standing next to a bonfire and then my eyes started to water like I was crying because it took took me a moment to realize I was crying and the camera continued to roll and no one yelled cut.

Speaker 12 So a few months later age 14 in America comes out and in one of the reviews a critic wrote the shattered look on Kate's face speaks volumes about the effect of divorce on adolescence and I was so mad because I was like How is that supposed to make me feel?

Speaker 12 And then,

Speaker 12 yeah, it was just, it was an upsetting experience. A few years ago I went to a hypnotherapist who told me that in moments of acute psychological distress

Speaker 12 where you feel trapped, you emotionally amputate part of yourself. And so you survive, but you're broken.
And she said,

Speaker 12 Then she told me to close my eyes and we were going to take a journey back in time so I could

Speaker 12 rescue my exiled selves and become whole again.

Speaker 12 This was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard and I couldn't believe I'd spent $150

Speaker 12 on it.

Speaker 12 But I also kind of knew what she meant because looking back, the most upsetting aspect of the whole experience of being filmed for 14 was this sense of like a human disconnect. The distance between

Speaker 12 my experience of that dismal chapter in my life and the detached curiosity of the viewers who would be watching it on TV.

Speaker 12 And

Speaker 12 after the film crew was done for 14 and they packed up and left to go torment the next kid, I remember feeling diminished, like they'd taken a part of me with them.

Speaker 12 But every time I get the opportunity to tell the story of it and convey my experience, it feels like I get a little piece back. Thank you.

Speaker 7 That was Kate Braithhead, a Brooklyn-based writer. Her new novel, The Book of George, is out now.

Speaker 7 Kate said that being a subject of a documentary had lasting effects on her life.

Speaker 7 Seeing herself from an external perspective compelled her to think think more about herself with an objective framing, and she believes that's what led her to become a writer.

Speaker 7 Middle-age can be tricky, so sometimes you just need to do something new to get your C-legs and your groove back.

Speaker 7 This story was told by Linda Grosser in Boston, where we partner with public radio station WBUR. At a quick note, the story contains a little sexual content.
Here's Linda.

Speaker 9 So I'm in Burlington, Vermont

Speaker 9 and

Speaker 9 I'm heading out for a run on the bike path where it turns into the causeway out onto Lake Champlain and it's cold and miserable.

Speaker 9 But I am desperate to shake off this anxiety that I have because I have to sleep on this boat tonight.

Speaker 9 I am not far from where my friends are, where I'm staying, and I'd been coming up there quite a lot,

Speaker 9 mostly right after I had left the family home and left my husband of 25 years.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 9 going to Vermont became like a respite because I had such tension, you know, keeping the secret of my marriage that was failing.

Speaker 9 And in Vermont, I could sit on their porch, look at the water, just relax and breathe.

Speaker 9 So this trip, I'm actually taking a sailing course where I'm going to be spending the entire week living on board this boat, and I have claustrophobia.

Speaker 9 Six o'clock, I suck it up and I head on down to the harbor. I go in and these couple of guys are scurrying around, picking up these parcels with overflowing groceries.
We trudge out to the boat.

Speaker 9 It's dark and rainy.

Speaker 9 We shove everything away.

Speaker 9 Right away, I say, guys, it's okay. I am going to sleep in the saloon tonight.
That's the middle area that's between the cabins, and the ceiling is a little bit higher, so I'm hopeful.

Speaker 9 The next time I open my eyes,

Speaker 9 I slept through the night. I was so happy and the sun was shining.

Speaker 9 So, meanwhile, I really didn't ask a whole lot of questions about this trip. I am on this boat, me, and these two middle-aged men.

Speaker 9 The other student is the chef from Toronto.

Speaker 9 And right off, he starts making these lewd comments.

Speaker 9 But I am ignoring Dennis

Speaker 9 because the other guy is tall and lean.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 9 his looks and his competence on the boat

Speaker 9 was the most ridiculously sexy combination

Speaker 9 that I I could possibly imagine.

Speaker 9 His name was Errol.

Speaker 9 Every morning we would have some kind of lesson, navigation, trimming the sails, and then we would go out and we would sail for the whole afternoon in the wind and the sun, and we would find a quiet cove to anchor at night.

Speaker 9 I felt such freedom that I hadn't felt in a long time.

Speaker 9 So it was maybe the third night, and we're out on the deck, the three of us,

Speaker 9 and it's cold.

Speaker 9 Errol grabs a blanket and throws it over him and me.

Speaker 9 And then

Speaker 9 we're holding hands,

Speaker 9 and my body,

Speaker 9 my body is responding.

Speaker 9 So Dennis had discreetly gone below,

Speaker 9 and in quite short order, Errol and I had gone below into his tiny cabin,

Speaker 9 which, by the way, the walls are about as thick as a sheet.

Speaker 9 He is fumbling for a condom,

Speaker 9 which he promptly loses.

Speaker 9 And I hear, oh crap, that was the only one I had.

Speaker 5 And I say, I don't care.

Speaker 9 And he says, aren't you worried about getting pregnant?

Speaker 9 And I'm thinking, he has no idea how old I am.

Speaker 9 That sex

Speaker 9 was the first time

Speaker 9 in at least five years

Speaker 9 and

Speaker 9 25 years since I had had sex with a man other than my husband.

Speaker 9 It was a week of adventure.

Speaker 9 I mean the physicality of learning how to handle this boat

Speaker 5 and the absolute magic of

Speaker 9 traveling and living on the water

Speaker 9 and reconnecting with feelings

Speaker 9 that had been shut down after a lot of not so happy years in my marriage.

Speaker 9 That was a week I reclaimed my life.

Speaker 9 Thank you.

Speaker 7 That was Linda Grosser. Linda loves photography, teaching storytelling workshops, and producing shows that help build emotional human connections.
Alas, that romance with Errol fizzled.

Speaker 7 They just live too far apart. But Linda still loves sailing, feeling the wind on her face, the physical and technical challenge of navigating, and the romance of just being on the water.

Speaker 7 To see a photo of Linda at the helm, go to themoth.org.

Speaker 7 In a moment, Must See TV for Kids and a story about reclaiming connections from the past when the Moth Radio Hour continues.

Speaker 11 the moth radio hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts.

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Speaker 13 What's up, world? It's Von Miller, Super Bowl MVP, chicken farmer, and now host of Free Range. This is a show where I go off the field and off the script.

Speaker 13 We're talking what's hot in music, film, trending news, and everything blowing up your feet. If you love football, you'll feel at home.

Speaker 13 But if you're here for the vibes, the internet deep dives, the conversation, this is your podcast. Join me every Wednesday.

Speaker 13 Follow and listen to free range with me, Von Miller, everywhere you get your podcast.

Speaker 7 This is the Moth Radio Hour. I'm Suzanne Rust.
And in this episode, we're hearing stories that reflect on different times of our lives, from adolescence to our later years.

Speaker 7 Being an adult with a career that requires you to tap into your youth, to figure out what kids like requires a very particular set of skills.

Speaker 7 Skills that our next storyteller, Ron Hart, happens to possess. He told this at a Los Angeles slam where we partner with public radio station KCRW.
Here's Ron.

Speaker 5 I co-created a show for the Disney Channel so I'm a pretty big deal

Speaker 5 to 12-year-olds. I think I ended up writing for television because I grew up addicted to sitcoms.

Speaker 5 I wanted to be cool like Fonzie, tough like George Jefferson, funny like Alf, and I wound up with a body like Norm from Cheers.

Speaker 5 I write with a partner, always for other people's shows. We tried to get our own shows on the air for years, and just it never worked out.

Speaker 5 And all those disappointments, it snuffed out my passion for television. My dream job became just a job.

Speaker 5 And when Disney Channel approached us, I wanted to write for them about as much as most adults want to watch them,

Speaker 5 but they were going to give us a shot. We needed them.
They constantly studied their audience. So we were like, so it's a show about an older sister mentoring a younger sister.

Speaker 5 And they said, actually, our research shows that kids are fascinated by twins.

Speaker 5 So we said,

Speaker 5 so it's a show about twins?

Speaker 5 I wanted them to love the show more than I wanted to love it myself.

Speaker 5 Now, this is how the the process continued until eventually we were picking out a title for the show and we pointed out to them there were a lot of kids shows like Austin, Ann, Allie, Sam, Ann, Cat, Bucket, Ann, Skinner.

Speaker 5 Could we just not name the show after two characters? So in the summer of 2013, Live Ann Maddie premiered.

Speaker 5 A show I created was on the air. I had the job I aspired to have my entire adult life, and I sucked at it.
There were all these decisions to make. Which color to paint the lockers?

Speaker 5 What kind of dress would Maddie wear to the prom? Our research shows that Liv should have a best friend or a dog. Which one?

Speaker 5 I was supposed to be the guy with a vision, but it's not like this show sprang out from a passion burning inside of me. I had no vision.

Speaker 5 But once we were on the air, it was time for us to become part. of Disney Channel's research.
Focus group testing.

Speaker 5 We went to an office park, sat behind a two-way mirror, and watched middle schoolers shred my life's work.

Speaker 7 We did okay with the girls, we did okay.

Speaker 5 But they showed an episode to a room full of 12-year-old boys.

Speaker 5 They all took their hoodies and pulled them all the way over their faces.

Speaker 5 They hated us more than broccoli. They told the interviewer things like, this show is dumb.
And Disney Channel guy is just scribbling away next to me.

Speaker 5 I thought we were going to be canceled before I got my parking validated. But then

Speaker 5 one boy one brave beautiful boy

Speaker 5 said

Speaker 5 I think Liv is hot

Speaker 5 now

Speaker 5 The same actress played Liv and Maddie, but I was not about to judge this goddamn hero

Speaker 5 because with a heart of a lion he shrugged off all the other boys laughing at him and told that interviewer our show was kind of funny.

Speaker 5 And that courage cracked the door open just enough for the others to come out. And they all admitted they watched the show too.
And once they were out of the closet, the dam burst.

Speaker 5 They liked the little brother. The Halloween episode was their favorite.
One kid said he liked to sing the theme song to himself, but was afraid that other guys would catch him and tease him.

Speaker 5 They started quoting scenes to each other. These dudes weren't just watching the show, they were fans.

Speaker 5 And Disney Channel Guy had no idea what was going on.

Speaker 11 But I understood.

Speaker 5 Because when I was 12, I was addicted to Laverne and Shirley.

Speaker 5 But I would lie and say, my sister likes that show. 12-year-old me could not say he liked a show about girls.

Speaker 5 But in that conference room, these 12-year-old boys' minds were melting because they realized

Speaker 5 They weren't freaks for liking Liv and Maddie. One kid choked back tears and said,

Speaker 5 I thought I was the only boy watching.

Speaker 5 And it struck a nerve for me. For the first time in years, that spark of passion that had drawn me to television had fuel to the fire.
As a producer, I don't want boys to be ashamed to watch my show.

Speaker 5 As a human, I don't want boys to be ashamed to watch stories about girls. I knew we had to tell the boys out there watching Living Maddie and their secret closets of shame that it was okay.

Speaker 5 So I came up with this episode. Listen to this crazy storyline.
The little brother of Liv and Maddie is a secret fan of this girly show we made up called Linda and Heather.

Speaker 5 His friends catch him singing the girly theme song, and they make fun of him.

Speaker 5 But he has the heart of a lion, and he tells them he loves Linda and Heather, and that cracks the door open just enough for all of his friends to admit they love the show, too.

Speaker 5 The network didn't think this was going to work, and I got to say, actually,

Speaker 5 our research shows that kids will relate to this story.

Speaker 5 But when it was time to write the speech where the little brother has to declare his love for Linda and Heather, I had to think about why I loved Liv and Maddie.

Speaker 5 And I realized I was proud of the show. It was funny.
We had positive messages. Our audience loved us.
And the crew got excited for this Linda and Heather episode.

Speaker 5 The writers even told me they had taken it upon themselves to write the theme song to Linda and Heather.

Speaker 5 Pink, pink, pink, girls, girls, girls, glitter, glitter, glitter, twirls, twirls, twirls, together forever. We're Linda and Heather best friends.

Speaker 5 It was so horrible, and it was exactly what I wanted. I had a vision, and they were following it.
I had learned how to run a television show by creating a fake one.

Speaker 5 I remembered why I was writing for television, because I loved it. It matters to people.

Speaker 9 It matters to me.

Speaker 5 I have a passion for my job again because I co-created a show for the Disney Channel. So I'm a pretty big deal to 12-year-olds.

Speaker 7 That was Ron Hart. Ron is a writer and producer who has worked extensively for Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel with his writing partner, John D.
Beck. They are currently developing a new show.

Speaker 7 Ron, a self-confessed TV addict whose favorite shows growing up were classics like I Dream of Jeannie, The Brady Bunch, and Morphin Mindy, believes that if people are having fun on set, that energy will show up in the episodes and the audience will be drawn to it.

Speaker 7 So he says that he makes a joyful workplace a priority.

Speaker 7 I asked Ron what he has learned about children over the years, and he said that writing for an audience of kids really showed him that the stories and characters they watch mean a lot to them.

Speaker 7 Which reminds him that even when he's making something very silly, he needs to treat it seriously because it matters so much to them. To see a photo of Ron, go to themoth.org.

Speaker 7 One of the beautiful things about life is that when you least expect it, surprise connections can come your way and full circle moments are always possible at any stage of our lives.

Speaker 7 This final story was told by Karen Mooney Lasher in Portland, Oregon, where we partner with Oregon Public Broadcasting. Here's Karen.

Speaker 9 It was Mother's Day 2010 and I had gotten up and took a little bit of extra time getting ready that day,

Speaker 9 which was unusual for me,

Speaker 9 and went to church and then came home and got ready to celebrate with my family. And this was a little bit odd in my life because

Speaker 9 for two reasons. And the first reason was that I was in the restaurant business and I usually spent my Mother's Day managing the celebrations of others, not celebrating myself.

Speaker 9 And the second reason was because,

Speaker 5 well,

Speaker 9 Mother's Day was kind of muddy waters for me.

Speaker 9 You see, as far as the world knew, I had become a mother nine years earlier when I gave birth to my daughter. But in reality, when I was 23,

Speaker 9 on May 6, 1987, I had given birth to a little girl.

Speaker 9 And for the few days after she was born, I held her oh so tightly, but not too tightly, because people tell you you can't really form a bond. as if a bond doesn't exist between a mother and a child.

Speaker 9 As if I hadn't carried her for nine months, as if I hadn't talked to her for the last five months, as soon as I could feel her move. I talked to her every day, she was part of my life, we had a bond.

Speaker 9 But I kind of followed their advice, and I would just come to the hospital a few times a day, and sometimes I would just look at her through the nursery, and sometimes I would hold her.

Speaker 9 And

Speaker 9 On Saturday, she was born on Wednesday, and on Saturday,

Speaker 9 I came to the hospital, and they gave me a little room, like a little private room, kind of like an office kind of thing. And they set me in there, and the nurse came and brought my daughter to me.

Speaker 9 And we sat in that room, and I held her, oh, so tightly, and I wished her health and happiness, and joy, and laughter, and a handsome prince, and grand adventures, and everything that a mother wishes for her daughter.

Speaker 9 And I said goodbye.

Speaker 9 And the next day was Mother's Day.

Speaker 9 And I went to my parents' house to celebrate Mother's Day with my mother.

Speaker 9 And I put on a pretty good face. I think we all did.
But at some point, I retreated to a bedroom and I lay down on a bed and I cried.

Speaker 9 No, I sobbed.

Speaker 9 I think it's more like wailing, that deep within where I didn't know pain could be so deep.

Speaker 9 On that same Mother's Day, there was a young woman who had wailed those same wails for years because she couldn't have children. And she came from a huge, large family.

Speaker 9 And on that Mother's Day, she gathered with that huge, large family, all of them together, and they welcomed this little girl into their family. And she held that little girl.

Speaker 9 And in

Speaker 9 that moment, in the wake of her immeasurable grief, there was great joy.

Speaker 9 And it was a great celebration.

Speaker 9 So Mother's Day was a little complex for me.

Speaker 9 And so, but on this Mother's Day, I was there with my husband and my daughter.

Speaker 9 And my parents were there, and a few of my siblings were coming later in the afternoon with their kids, and we were having a celebration.

Speaker 9 And there was this sort sort of nervous excitement and anticipation in the room and the doorbell rang

Speaker 9 and I went to the door

Speaker 9 and I kind of took a deep breath

Speaker 9 and I opened the door

Speaker 9 and the 23 year old version of myself stood on the other side.

Speaker 9 And she looked at me and she said, well, wow, I would would sure know you were my mom if I saw you walking down the street.

Speaker 9 And we laughed and we cried.

Speaker 9 And her mother was there, had brought her. And her mother said to me,

Speaker 9 on Mother's Day,

Speaker 9 you gave me the greatest gift ever.

Speaker 9 And on this Mother's Day, I wanted to give that gift to you.

Speaker 9 And in all those years of grief,

Speaker 9 after all those years of grief, there was great joy.

Speaker 9 And it was a huge celebration.

Speaker 7 That was Karen Mooney Lasher. Karen lives and travels the Pacific Northwest in her happy day van, where she says her mission is to encourage and promote positivity, authenticity, and love.

Speaker 7 She is lovingly known to many as Karen the Dancing Lady.

Speaker 7 I asked Karen what some of her thoughts were when she first met her daughter. It's a lot to reconnect with a child that you have released for adoption.

Speaker 14 You don't know what's happening in their life and what's happening in your life at that time and just all of it. So it has been lovely, lovely getting to know her.

Speaker 7 Her name is Allie.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 14 I think for me, the things that strike me are

Speaker 14 it really, it released me from the wondering.

Speaker 4 For the first 10 years after she was born were very difficult for me.

Speaker 14 And I remember distinctly feeling like when I'm 40,

Speaker 14 My daughter will be 18. And that's where when she could find me if she wanted to find me on her own.

Speaker 7 To see a photo of Karen with her daughters, go to themoth.org.

Speaker 7 That's it for this episode of The Moth Radio Hour. I'd like to thank our storytellers for sharing a little part of themselves with us, and all of you for listening.
We hope you'll join us next time.

Speaker 11 This episode of the Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, and Suzanne Rust, who also hosted the show. Co-producer is Vicki Merrick, associate producer Emily Couch.

Speaker 11 Grand Slam Coaching by Chloe Salmon.

Speaker 11 The rest of the Moss leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Sarah Austin-Janess, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Marina Cluche, Leanne Gulley, Brandon Grant, Sarah Jane Johnson, and Aldi Casso.

Speaker 11 Moth stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift.

Speaker 11 Other music in this hour from Trombone Shorty, Matchstick Piano Man, Steve Fawcett, John Schofield, RJ D2, and Duke Levine. We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts.

Speaker 11 The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. Special thanks to our friends at Odyssey, including executive producer Leah Rhys-Dennis.

Speaker 11 For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us, your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.

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