641: Paul or Nothing Edition

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This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Mint Mobile, Aura Frames, and by the new emergency redaction device, the Epstain Remover.

The Epstain Remover.

It's just a Sharpie, but if we advertise it like this, Trump will pay six grand for it.

And now, The Scathing Atheist.

As somebody that was born and raised in Florida and is now a proud Canadian citizen, I can confirm we didn't in fact evolve from filthy Monkey Man.

It's Thursday.

It's June 12th, And it's Magic Day.

Was this your podcast?

It was.

I'm No Illusions.

I'm Eli Bosnick.

I'm Heathen Wright.

And from Aaron Burrs, New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Wake Ross, Georgia, this is the Skathing Atheist.

Oh, this week's episode, America Doesn't Want to Get a Shot.

Peter Thiel explains why his list of anti-woke grievances is the literal Antichrist.

And Don Ford will escape from his box again.

But first, the diatribe.

I'd love to believe that our side is better than theirs.

And I do believe that.

I believe that if the left's equivalent of Donald Trump rose up, a vicious idiot who threatened fascism but did so in pursuit of our goals, we would reject him.

Or at least enough of us would reject him to keep him from being a viable candidate.

But sometimes our side starts rhyming with their side to such a degree that I have to wonder if that's just wishful thinking.

Case in point, the literally dozens of listeners who have now sent me stories from disreputable sources with outlandish, unevidenced claims that Donald Trump stole the goddamn 2024 election.

Now, let me be super clear here.

I am not both sides in this shit, right?

It's not the equivalent until Kamala Harris is saying that Trump stole the 2024 election.

And we're nowhere near that.

But the fact that so many people are willing to entertain an unevidenced conspiracy theory just because it tells them the thing they wanted to hear is truly disturbing.

These are no doubt the same ding-a-lings that were sending me Jill Stein-inspired recount bullshit back in 2016.

And it's not just this one thing, right?

The more reality turns against us, the more we seem to turn against reality.

I'm seeing more and more social media posts.

They're sharing fake Trump tweets and fake Elon Musk tweets and fake headlines, completely unevidenced Twitter claims, the exact kind of misinformation bullshit that got us into this situation in the first place.

And far more disturbing, I'm seeing more and more people on our side who don't seem to care if what they're sharing is true.

I've seen several people post fake tweets with some sort of, I don't know if this is real, but proviso up front.

Motherfucker, if you don't know if it's real, don't share it.

Even better, spend the one fucking second it would take to check and see if it is real before you share it.

The lesser form of this, by the way, is the retreat to, I thought it was pretty obviously satire.

That's become a pretty convenient lie along the lines of, I'm just asking questions when it comes to forgiving oneself for sharing misinformation.

I mean, I'm sure some people have shared obvious satire and then had to defend it in that way, but I've far more often seen this as an excuse being retroactively applied to a piece of propaganda that in no way is obvious satire.

I've also seen it deployed in instances where the OP's commentary makes it super clear that they thought it was real when they posted it and are now just trying to save face.

And as our side gets sucked into the vortex of rigged voting machines and vote harvesting, it reinforces the both sides of the same narrative that the self-congratulatory do-nothing centrists tell themselves in order to sleep at night.

And again, it isn't, right?

It isn't equivalent.

The shit on our side is being led by fringe elements and on their side, it's being led by the top of the ticket.

Those are wildly different propositions, but we need to hold ourselves to a higher fidelity to truth than better than Trump's side.

And look, I'm not even saying that Trump didn't rig the election, right?

I mean, given the systemic effort by Republicans to dismantle the Voting Rights Act, pass voter ID laws, shut down polling stations in minority areas, gerrymander districts and otherwise encumber voters of color ever since Obama was elected, it would be downright dishonest to say otherwise, to say it wasn't rigged, right?

And it's true that every Trump accusation turns out to be an admission.

And it's true that he already tried to steal one election, so it's not a crazy accusation to say that he's tried to steal another one.

And it's true that Elon Musk is as devoid of ethical qualms as an air fryer.

All that being said, if Trump did steal the election that Harris otherwise would have rightfully won, I don't think the story is going to be broken by the Economic Times of India.

and then be ignored by mainstream American press.

And even if it was, the evidence they presented would have to be a lot stronger than some of these results seem awfully suspicious to people who don't know very much about the data that they're looking at.

Right?

That's what people have been sending me.

This is all basic fucking skepticism here.

Questions like, is this source generally reliable?

And is the evidence they're presenting true?

And would it be convincing even if it were true?

Are some rationality 101 type questions that you need to ask before you share a piece of information on a fucking text thread with your friends, let alone

posting it on social media, or worse yet, sending it to somebody with an international audience in hopes that they'll spread it for you.

And hey, to be clear, this is not some, they take the low road, we take the high road shit.

Okay, misinformation is not a fight-fire with fire type adversary.

If we divorce our aims from reality, we lose our ability to rationally assess those claims.

I mean, nobody knows better than atheists how dangerous it is to give your ideas divine sanction, even if those ideas are good, right?

You can't selectively abandon the truth.

When you build a pathway to implementation for your ideas that bypasses the truth, you can't burn it down behind you.

You've created that for everyone.

I mean, look, you can't stop misinformation from spreading, but you can stop from spreading it.

You can be a bulwark against it.

And when you accidentally err, and we all do, you can own up to it, admit it, apologize, retract, correct.

And I know that in this environment, fighting against misinformation can feel like you're bailing out a sinking boat with an eyedropper, but the other option in this equation isn't just watching the boat sink around you, it's drilling another hole in it.

They're talking about your Jesus.

Joining me for headlines tonight are the guy about to get married and the guy about to marry him, a true statement that gets way less adorable with context.

Heath Enright and Eli Bosnik.

Fellas, are you ready to have and to hold in sickness and in health?

Okay, I guess if health happens, I'm still cool with it.

Sure.

I'm just saying that Ann has earned your kidneys at this point, Heath.

All right, she is committed.

She deserves this.

Oh, Anne's healthy.

I meant me and you.

No, I did too.

Who would want Heath's kidneys?

And that's true.

And hey, they're not great.

If you want a chance to congratulate Heath on his nuptials in person, perhaps you could do so at God Awful Movies Live in Cleveland, Ohio on July 19th.

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Wait, no, that's the wrong month.

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And with that advertisement out of the way, it's time for another, this time from our first sponsor this week, Mint Mobile.

My family will be there.

And they'll see your ass.

Yep.

They've probably seen your ass.

Yeah.

Okay.

How about here?

It hurts everywhere, man.

Everywhere that's red.

I need it.

Okay.

No need to be snippy.

Hey, guys.

Eli, why are you oiling up?

I keep telling you guys, oil slalom is never going to be an Olympic event.

Not with that attitude, it's not.

But no, Eli's helping me out with my burn.

Oh, you got a sunburn?

Worse.

I got burned by my cell phone company.

All those roaming charges, extra data plans, and who knows what else, meant I paid a heap this month on my cell phone bill.

He really did.

Well, Heath, why don't you just try Mint Mobile?

What's

what's Mint Mobile?

Right on the burn.

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All right, thanks.

No problem.

Can I get you anything else for that burn?

Yeah, some more frozen peas.

I've been lying on these since this morning and they're like lukewarm at this point.

Oh, it's horrifying.

Ooh, can we still make Shepherd's pie?

Yeah, why not?

Nice.

Gross.

And now back to the headlines.

In our lead story tonight, if one of your major concerns going into the 2024 election was that there weren't enough measles, Congratulations on your electoral victory.

If your goal was anything else you lost, you know, regardless of how much you wanted to own the libs or fuck over trans people, unless you can die of measles at them somehow, the election didn't go your way.

And we were reminded of that even harder on Monday when health secretary and amateur whale sculptor Robert F.

Kennedy Jr.

abruptly fired all 17 members of the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices, the nonpartisan advisory board that guides national vaccine policy.

Okay, just circling back, I think you can dive measles at somebody.

Like just send me a tweet at Ethan Wright with a picture of your measles-ridden dying body, like right in my face.

There you go.

Yeah.

Putting someone on a ventilator is vote shaming now, and it is not okay.

And you're right.

Yes, absolutely.

So if you're unfamiliar with the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices or ASIP, you probably belong to a group called Almost Everybody, right?

It's a pretty behind-the-scenes panel that you only know about if you're A, in the medical field, B, in the medical insurance field, C, an anti-vax nutter, or D, a skeptic who has to spend way more time than is healthy with anti-vax nutters bullshit.

But it's basically just a group of industry experts that help the health department craft vaccine policy and help insurance companies decide which vaccines to cover.

Or at least that's what it used to be.

Cool.

No idea what the reconstituted version will be once Kennedy rounds up enough lackeys to fill out all the seats.

Yeah, it's going to be an advisory committee on immunization denial.

So acid, that's a cool

acronym for them.

Nice.

The committee advises rubbing some Tussin in it.

Oh, no.

Right.

Now, okay, so the official line on this shit is that all of the members had conflicts of interest that disqualified them.

Conflicts, mind you, that they disclosed before being approved to join the fucking board and conflicts that they're required to further publicly disclose at the start of every fucking meeting.

Because of fucking course, vaccine industry.

industry experts are going to have conflicts of interest, right?

And if you restricted your panel to people who know a lot about vaccines but never worked in the industry, you'd probably be getting really shitty experts.

But Kennedy insists that, quote, a clean sweep is needed to reestablish public confidence in vaccine science, end quote.

Because, you know, what would bolster public confidence more than a whale-sawing, brainworm-hosting, shit-swimming, anti-vaxxer, handpicking all the experts making vaccine decisions for us?

I'm sorry, Noah, but that's not enough.

We need a panel of 11 newborn babies.

That's right.

We lock them in a conference room with all the available vaccine science and let them build from the ground up raw data only.

I like it.

I like it.

And it's important to be intellectually consistent.

That's important to Republicans, right?

So I'm sure we'll be seeing the entire Treasury Department get replaced because of their previous work in the finance industry.

Yeah.

Right.

And it couldn't come sooner.

Trump nominated Scott Besant to be Treasury Secretary, despite Besant's career with the Soros Foundation and their financial

spread the word.

Trump's definitely working with the lizard aliens in the deep state.

That's happening.

That's what I heard.

Obviously.

And while I'm sure the whole board probably suspected something like this after Kennedy postponed their February meeting and changed COVID-19 vaccine recommendations without consulting them, the whole thing still came as a surprise.

One Elsted member told the Associated Press that they all received emails on Monday that basically said, clear out your shit.

He lamented to the same reporter, quote, up until today, ACIP recommendations were the gold standard for what insurers should pay, what providers should recommend, and what the public should look to.

It's unclear what the future holds.

Certainly provider organizations have already started to turn away from ACIP, end quote.

Okay.

Well, I'm sure the medical insurance industry is going to be responsible about it with the

regulation.

Is it an invisible hand that slaps away the vaccination?

Yeah.

Meanwhile, all the Americans with a brain are going to have to copy our medical care off of Switzerland's homework for the next couple of decades.

This is fun.

We were saying it's fun.

Yeah.

And industry watchers aren't holding back on this move, by the way.

Dr.

George Benjamin, the executive director of the American Public Health Association, called the move a coup and pointed out that Kennedy specifically promised not to do this shit during his confirmation.

Dr.

Tom Frieden, president and CEO of Resolve to Save Lives and former director of the CDC, was even harsher in his criticism, saying, quote, make no mistake, politicizing the ASIP as Secretary Kennedy is doing, will undermine public trust under the guise of improving it, adding, quote, we'll look back at this as a grave mistake that sacrificed decades of scientific rigor, undermined public trust, and opened the door for fringe theories rather than facts, end quote.

Yeah, yeah, that became a big problem last week.

That's what happened.

I remember this was the moment.

So, so there you go.

More measles, more whooping cough, more death from vaccine-preventable illnesses, fewer facts, less reason, and incidentally, higher health care costs, even before you factor in the Medicaid cuts, is what they voted for.

Got us.

Got us.

Yeah.

Got us.

And in Supreme Courting Theocracy News, as the Supreme Court spent the last few years gutting the First Amendment and smashing through the wall of church-state separation, we hear the scathing atheists have been able to comfort ourselves that this is only happening because of bad politics.

If Obama hadn't fallen for high road apologetics, if RBG had retired when she was just an octogenarian, or most importantly, if people had voted for Hillary Clinton, we wouldn't be in this mess.

The highest court in our nation might be composed of actual legal scholars rather than the political cronies and goons it now contains.

Well, I hate to rein on our comfort parade this week, but we got a stiff reminder that actually

everyone on the Supreme Court is in favor of a little theocracy now and then, as the Supreme Court handed down a unanimous decision this week that all charities that are even vaguely religious in nature should benefit from certain religious tax exemptions.

Hey, it's exactly what I said was going to happen when we talked about the case in Wisconsin last year that just got overruled by the Supreme Court.

Also, let's see.

One year from now, the Supreme Court building is going to have.

Okay, okay.

No idea how we're going to give that many crocodiles rabies, but if you insist, figure it out, read the diagram he gave, he sent it, he emailed.

Right, first off, big thanks to Arlette, who sent us this story as her very first submission to scathingnews at gmail.com.

By sending us atheist news to scathing news at gmail.com, Arlette joins an elite society of people who do my job for me so I don't have to.

Arlette, expect your robe and sconce in the mail.

And really settle into that expectation for the long haul.

Yeah, get braced for it.

So, the case in question is Catholic Charities Bureau Incorporated et al.

v.

Wisconsin Labor and Industry Review Commission et al., and is all about the Wisconsin Unemployment Compensation Act.

According to the WUCA or WUCA, if you're nasty, all employers in the state are required to give money to the government to help eligible citizens temporarily benefit when they are out of work because

that's how unemployment works.

But in 1972, religious nonprofits were declared exempt from that law.

Specifically, the law said that nonprofits that are run by a church/slash ministry and operate, quote, primarily for religious purposes, end quote, do not have to pay into the system.

Why?

Because

not touching can't get mad.

That's why.

Nonsense.

Yeah, they're saying, like, we'll subsidize your soup kitchen, but only if

you ladle the soup Christianly.

That was the law.

Yeah.

And none of the courts ruled, yeah, that's fucking stupid.

None of that.

Even the courts that ruled against the Catholic charity just pretended that wasn't insane as a general concept and focused on the technicality about religious purposes.

Right.

Right.

And the most fucked up part is that those are also the groups that we exempt from civil rights laws in hiring.

Right.

So the one group that could fire you for like being gay, you're pregnant and out of wedlock or whatever is also the one that doesn't have to pay for the safety net that they just shoved that pregnant lesbian into.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So in 2023, an appellate court ruled that the Catholic Charities Bureau, along with four of its subentities, was not eligible for that exemption.

Because yes, those groups are run by religious groups, but they do things like assist with job placement, provide food services, and help people with developmental disabilities.

And look, I'm not going to pretend I understand or agree with the idea that there should be religious tax exemptions for anything.

But if the goalposts of tax-free have now moved to any good thing done by a religious person, that's going to include most nonprofit activities.

And more importantly, it's going to serve as a substantial motivator for religious groups to continue to dominate the nonprofit space more than they already do.

And yes, you did hear that correctly a moment ago from Eli.

The CCB helps unemployed people,

but they're refusing to pay taxes to help unemployed people.

That's why this case existed.

Yeah.

No, their argument literally is, well, if we have to contribute to the public good, what's the point of contributing to the public good?

Literally, yes.

Yes, exactly.

So like I said, this week, the Supreme Court overturned that ruling.

And now

all fucking religious nonprofits are unemployment tax-free, which would be bad enough as it is.

But as Noah pointed out, what's worse is what's coming down the road.

Because as we've talked about on this show before and we'll talk about again, religious institutions are also exempt from things like Title IX protections and discrimination laws.

And this decision has just pointed an arrow straight to any somewhat religious nonprofit no longer having to follow any of those laws, including the really important ones we need charities to follow.

Point is, you really should have voted for hillary clinton but sometimes sometimes bad things were going to happen no matter what you did so yeah there's some comfort and in sextry sextry read all about it news fantastic we have a story about newsboys that's the band made of 145 progressions and divorce dad energy was heavily featured in the god's not dead franchise because of their allegedly uplifting message about good christian values well their lead singer for the last 16 years michael tate was the subject of a two and a half year investigation that got published last week and it found out exactly what you're thinking after i mentioned a famous christian person horrific allegations from multiple men span more than two decades and they mention a whole bunch of drug-addled grooming and sexual assault Well, yeah, but luckily nothing motivates Christian rage like groomers, so I'm sure they'll be ethically consistent.

Oh, Oh, I'll get right on that, yeah.

Although, honestly, it's a gay black guy, so maybe they will in this instance.

I don't know.

And a big thanks to Stephanie, Joseph, Paul, Chris, Ed, Logan, the Christian Post email list, Maxwell Daniel, other Daniel, literally, and other Christian Post email, literally, for sending us a link to scathingnews at gmail.com.

No prizes for this one, but thanks for keeping us informed.

So I'm going to skip the details of the allegations.

They're terrible, just like you'd assume.

Also terrible was the long-running cover-up.

Tate's been a major figure in the Christian music scene since he rose to fame with the band DC Talk starting in 1987.

Their 1995 album, Jesus Freak, spent 79 weeks on the Billboard Top 200 and it went triple platinum.

And using all that influence he had, Tate was able to keep the allegations quiet pretty much this whole time.

If only the allegations had managed to do the same to him.

Yeah.

I, for one, am shocked that a person who makes their living tricking young people into thinking they're listening to pop music instead of a sermon could be so two-faced, right?

Shocked indeed.

Yeah.

Yeah, it wasn't until a new revelation from earlier this year that Tate decided to step down from Newsboys.

He claimed it was just part of his spiritual journey.

No mention of anything else as a reason.

His post on Instagram said, I've made a monumental and heartfelt decision that it's time to step down.

Amidst prayer and fasting, I have clarity that this is the right decision as we are reminded in matthew 6 33

but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well i truly believe these words and although nervous about the future i'm excited about what it holds for both myself and for newsboys as we all seek first his kingdom and his righteousness

All right.

I'm sorry if I'm focusing on the wrong thing here, but fasting, prayer and fasting.

Well, you might think some of these thoughts I had while I was well nourished, but I assure you, these were hungry thoughts.

So

I just like that he's like, watch this space.

But hey, everybody, not too carefully.

Okay.

Yep.

Well, the band released a statement in response that

wasn't great.

It wasn't great.

I guess it wasn't terrible either.

It was the best you might expect from four Christian guys named Jeff, Jody, Adam, and Duncan, but nothing from David A.

R.

White about the star of the band in his multi-million dollar Christian movie franchise.

Yeah, the only good news to come out of this whole thing was what I learned when I googled David A.R.

White.

He's got a new action thriller coming out.

Yes, he does.

Starring himself, of course, along with Cuba Goodig Jr.,

Jason Patrick.

Yes, that Jason Patrick from that speed too.

And goodness, Scott Bayo.

Oh, wow.

Four washed-up actors in their 50s and 60s.

This is amazing.

Glorious.

Just slow-motion dive rolls for two hours.

Am I yep?

All right.

Well, clearly we've got a gambling schedule to rearrange.

So we're going to take a quick break for a word from our second sponsor this week, Aura Frames.

Hey, podcast listener, I'm Eli Bosnik, an impossible to shop for dad.

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You're getting a tie.

Yeah, I'm also getting you a tie.

That's fair.

And we're back next up in headlines in natural porn killers news.

The Southern Baptist Convention is meeting in Dallas this week to try to figure out how to make more of America hate them.

And here's what they've landed on.

They want to outlaw same-sex marriage, which only 29% of Americans agree with them on.

They want to outlaw sports betting, which only 27% of Americans agree with.

They want to outlaw porn, which only 32% support.

Weird that that's the highest of those three numbers.

Also, they want to do something about, quote,

willful childlessness, end quote, abuse so antiquated that polling firms don't bother to fucking ask about it.

Yeah, and keep in mind, they demand abstinence before marriage.

So the penalty for first-degree willful childlessness would include anyone who doesn't get married.

Right.

And since they're banning same-sex marriage, that would include just being a gay gay person, but the SBC didn't have to say that explicitly, but that's what they're doing.

Right.

Also, a reminder that the opposite of willful childlessness is

rape babies.

Just clear what the goal is.

Their goal.

Sure is.

Rape babies.

Quick thanks.

I don't want to put his name right next to rape babies like this, but quick thanks to Jersey Dan for sending this story to scathingnews at gmail.com.

Jersey D.

Jersey Dan, if you defeat two other people who sent stories that we use to scathingnews at gmail.com in single combat, you will be entered into the international tournament to see who represents our fandom in the podcast fan kumite of 2027.

True.

Scathingnews at gmail.com.

Kumite.

Kumite.

I love it.

Pocket Sand Jersey Day.

No rules.

Pocket Sand Jersey Day.

Yep.

No rules.

So, yeah.

Just right.

So

this story is about the annual meeting of America's largest Protestant denomination, which we should never fail to remind members was founded when American Baptists split over the issue of slavery with the SBC being the pro-slavery side.

And they get together a couple of times a year to see how they can be more regressive.

And they are betting a thousand on that since slavery people.

You got to admire it is what I'm saying.

So in addition to going after gambling, porn, same-sex marriage, and childless cat ladies, the itinerary would also like to have a word with the group for being too damn liberal on the issue of gender equality.

Specifically, yeah, they're once again debating a proposal to ban churches with women pastors.

They do that on an annual basis, sometimes twice a year, actually.

And on the day that we're recording this, they're set to debate calls to defund their anti-abortion public policy arm for being too pro-abortion.

Specifically, it's so far refused to support laws that would charge people criminally for having abortions.

If we can't have Boba Fett hunting pregnant people leaving Texas, what are we even doing here?

I don't even know what we're doing here.

What's the point?

Right.

And of course, in any other year that we've been doing this, I'd be kind of celebratory about our enemies staking out positions that are so broadly unpopular with the American public.

But given how malleable Trump supporters are and how inordinate the amount of power these idiots wield is, I feel like they can actually do most of the shit they're trying to do.

Or

even all of it.

And even any of it would scare the hell out of me.

So, you know, there we are.

Yeah.

And in Osatan You Sinu.

Nice.

You know, I like to think we're pretty funny here at Scathing Atheist.

The atheist movement can be a little serious, a little solemn, a little passionate, if you will.

And I like to think that we add some much-needed levity to the cause.

Exactly.

But sometimes someone does something so goddamn funny,

all we can do is step aside and bow in.

awe and that is very much the case as the satanic temple announced the president's huge most beautiful tremendous satanic abortion clinic will officially launch on Donald Trump's birthday, June 14th, providing telehealth abortion care throughout the state.

They should offer you a discount if you sign over the remaining adrenochrome or whatever.

And then you got to talk to Cash Patel and Dan Bongino at the FBI.

You could probably sell them the Adrenochrome so they can destroy it, you know, or like, or use it for science, like

all the cocaine byproduct from Coca-Cola.

Do it like that.

Exactly.

Yeah, exactly.

So, this is actually not the first spike-named telehealth abortion clinic opened by the TST.

The right-to-your-life satanic abortion clinic already exists in Virginia, and Samuel Alito's mom's satanic abortion clinic is located in New Mexico.

And as with the other locations, patients at the president's huge, most beautiful, tremendous satanic abortion clinic will receive all healthcare services for free and will only need to cover the $91 cost of the prescription.

All right.

Well, that makes my discount idea all the easier to implement.

Call in the next 10 minutes and you get a tiny little tote bag.

And I know what you're thinking, podcast listener.

Eli, that

is.

Ah.

And I know what you're thinking, podcast listener.

Eli, that is a fantastic prank ward.

But is there a way that I can participate?

And yes, Virginia, you can.

You can celebrate the opening of the president's huge, most beautiful, tremendous satanic abortion clinic by purchasing the president a birthday card from the temple for $6.66,

which will be sent to the president on his birthday.

And just a reminder, in order to get people to come to his birthday party, he had to order the military to send 7,000 soldiers.

The card reads, quote, Dear President Trump, on your special day, filled with fun and cheer, we wish you joy throughout the year.

Happy birthday, Mr.

President.

A donation was made in your name to honor you and the president's huge, most beautiful, tremendous satanic abortion clinic, Maine's newest abortion clinic.

Hail Satan, the Satanic Temple.

So, yeah, that is fantastic.

And again, sometimes all you can do is sit back and admire in awe the work that others are doing.

And if you want to participate, link in the show notes.

And finally, tonight, in teleological fallacy news, fantastic.

Billionaire venture capitalist, Republican benefactor, and steroid Olympics organizer Peter Thiel made headlines this week regarding a series of bizarre lectures he gave about the rise of an Antichrist

concept thing.

Spoiler, it's woke stuff.

He's mad about woke stuff, and that's the Antichrist.

And just like the Antichrist of the Bible, Thiel is pretty sure the Antichrist of wokeism is creating a communist, one-world, totalitarian system.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Well, why else would so many woke people want a backhand and/or a headbutt me?

Think about it.

Back of hand, forehead.

Wake up, sheeple.

Also, Keith, I don't like to give notes on air, but if you open with Teal's Super Sweet Steroid Olympics idea, people are going to be confused when we say he's a bad guy.

Listen, it's important to have nuance.

That's a great idea.

He's too nuance.

All the rest of his stuff, pretty bad.

Such a great idea.

Okay.

Well, a big thanks to Eric for sending the link to scathingnews at gmail.com.

Eric gets to ride one of the super woke DEI scorpion horse locusts when we bring him in.

Yeah, that'll be fun.

So that Antichrist theory from Peter Thiel is insane.

But before we get into the details, I got to mention the other reason he made the news this week.

That would be the revelation that his company, Valar Ventures, was heavily funded by Jeffrey Epstein in 2015 and 2016.

And since those years are bigger numbers than 2008, that investment was taken after Epstein's conviction for paying for sex with a teenage girl.

So Peter Thiel is really hoping people focus on his rise of the Antichrist hot takes in the news.

And

no, let's talk about the Epstein thing a bit more.

Yeah, I'd like for us to chat about that.

Here's the web of evil characters first up we have epstein obviously and we're going to get back to him full circle actually then we have peter thiel a co-founder of paypal and the guy who bought a senate seat for jd vance and made that guy possible so yeah peter thiel murdered pope francis he murdered the woke pope that's right we also have elon musk also a co-founder of paypal and the guy who bought the white house for vance and donald trump and of course we have the messiest public breakup of all time between Musk and Trump that escalated so fucking fast and very quickly landed on Elon posting that Donald Trump is in the Epstein files.

I bet all the people who voted for him after seeing photos of him with Epstein and his hand on underage girls in those photos and after seeing him convicted of felonies and adjudicated a rapist sure will change their mind based on that revelation, huh?

Oh, for sure.

Yeah.

Information is important.

They're actually a little busy right now, being upset that someone might disrespect the flag.

Oh, right.

People are disrespecting the flag by having other flags sometimes, apparently.

Oh, my God.

You saw.

Okay, good.

I'm so glad.

That made me so happy.

Because I've never seen a Republican fly any flags other than the United States one.

Certainly not one that was like an enemy in a war.

No, of course not.

It represents slavery.

No, not a big deal.

So, in fairness,

I was a Wolverine.

I was about to say, in fairness to Peter Thiel, which sounds insane, but

in fairness to Peter Thiel, there's no evidence of him being in the Epstein files.

Maybe he is, maybe he isn't.

We just don't know.

Except now we definitely know that he's in some of the Epstein files, just not those Epstein files.

According to a previously confidential financial analysis of Epstein's estate that was recently reviewed by the New York Times, Epstein invested $40 million in Peter Thiel's company, and now that's worth about $170 million.

Very unlikely to go to all of Epstein's victims.

And on top of taking money from a convicted pedophile, known, Peter Thiel wrote an op-ed earlier this year.

We talked about it on citation needed.

It started with the actual sentence, Trump's return to the White House augers the apocalypsis of the Ancien Régime's secrets.

Or in human words, Trump is sword-mouthed Jesus, and he's here to kill the Antichrist of wokeism.

It bothers me that we even have human words for that.

What do we call the things that Peter Thiel says human words?

It seems like it's no, no, we were translating them into

human words.

And here's the rest of Peter Thiel's theory.

Theorem.

It's just so much word salad.

I'm going to do the best I can.

It starts with the Antichrist of the Bible and the idea of taking over the world by saying Christ-like stuff and getting people on board and then doing a fascist takeover.

That's what Antichrist does in the Bible.

And Peter is pretty sure all the progressive ideals like equality and social justice are just a trick by the Antichrist of wokeism to sound like Jesus.

The big trick is convincing people to worry about Armageddon more than they worry about a one-world government.

Apparently, there's a false dichotomy dichotomy of Antichrist versus Armageddon in religious terms or one world versus none in secular terms.

Not clear who Peter's arguing against, but he wants a third path.

Just him, just him wants a third path.

He says, quote, one world or none, those are the two options if you're a political atheist.

And he thinks all the political atheists are making it hard to see a third option.

And that's why he prefers the biblical language of Antichrist versus Armageddon.

He also ranks the risk of the false dichotomy

that he identified, which is a weird thing to do.

He's pretty sure we're all focused on preventing Armageddon too much, but the real issue is preventing

the UN from being so goddamn powerful.

I don't know.

But

why would Christians want to prevent Armageddon?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's part of their thing.

Also, can we just take a moment to enjoy the fact that there is nothing more right-wing tech bro than claiming you believe in the actual rapture that millions of people believe in as a metaphor for you getting mean tweets sometimes?

It's precious.

So from there, he explains how the latest version of that Antichrist trick is making people worry about AI destroying the world.

But instead, we should all be worried about the Antichrist taking over, who might be using AI for woke propaganda, or the Antichrist might eventually be made of AI.

It's confusing.

It's a word salad.

Also, just apropos of nothing, Teal's company called Palantir just got a $480 million contract with the U.S.

Army to implement an AI-driven weapons system.

So that type of AI is good, but the part that does woke stuff.

is bad because that's actually the literal Antichrist.

You know, almost all of the Western fiction of my lifetime has either been about how to prevent a fascist takeover or how to prevent an AI-driven weapon system or both.

Clearly, we've learned nothing.

Silly Noah, Republicans can't read.

So

the teleological fallacy I was talking about, it's actually worse than I thought.

By the end of all that, we had an ontological fallacy based on another ontological fallacy and a teleological fallacy about the purpose for another teleological fallacy about the biblical purpose of the universe.

It's actually impressive, I guess.

He made up a thing that doesn't exist based on a thing from the Bible that doesn't exist and explained the cosmic purpose of the thing he made up.

And that purpose is to battle against the intelligent designer of the universe, a teleological fallacy in itself, who created a guy to fight fight him and lose.

It's like fallacy Voltron, and all the lines are just yelling at each other in pretentious philosophy language.

And having somehow found even wronger depths of wrongness to plumb after all these years, we're going to wrap the headlines for the night.

Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

Jumanji.

And when we come back, Don Ford will be fully preheated and ready to go.

Hey, podcast listener, do you love god-awful movies?

Do you want to see it live with all the unedited, nudity-filled shenanigans you know you've been missing?

Well, guess what, Middle America?

You just got lucky because we're coming to Cleveland, Ohio, on July 19th.

Cleveland rocks!

Cleveland rocks!

That's right, Rock City.

It's time to show the coastal elite that you show up for our shows just as much as they do.

And your city has a lot more than just corn.

That's the river being on fire.

So if you love God Awful movies, join us July 19th at the Hotel Cleveland in Cleveland, Ohio by getting your tickets at GodAwfulMoviesLive.com.

But don't wait.

These tickets are gonna sell like hotcakes.

Those are hot cakes.

God Awful Movies Live in Cleveland, Ohio.

Do you rock Cleveland?

Or were you just saying that?

How does running mono red make me Hitler?

It just does.

Adolf Elizabeth Hitler.

I don't think that was his name.

You know who would know that?

Hitler.

Hitler, exactly.

Hey, guys.

Are you ready for a Bible Peace Theater?

You mean the part of the show where we act out the Bible so our listeners don't have to read it?

We sure are.

Yeah.

Oh, hey, Don.

When did you get here?

Oh, right.

Eli pretended to be a new job I got a few months ago and then told me that the summer retreat was all expenses paid trip to Aruba and then the plane I got on was just an elaborately set dressed box truck and he drove me here.

So you fake worked for Eli for like months?

Yeah, I mean, I should have known something was wrong when they spelled company C-O-M-P-A-N-I-E.

Yeah, you really should have.

So where were we in the Bible?

Yeah, well, we just left Saul preaching and doing miracles.

We made Tom do cliff clubs while his neck was dislocated.

We sure did, yeah.

So, so Peter does a little healing, a little dead raising, and now it's time for some confusing names.

I mean, all the names have been confusing.

It's the Bible.

Jay, you haven't seen anything yet.

Hey, hey, you!

Oh,

an angel!

I'm having a vision.

Are you Cornelius?

Yes, it's me, Cornelius.

And are you a centurion of the band called the Italian Band?

I am.

Matt Arilla!

Oh, so sorry.

We just finished practicing.

Sure, sure.

So, you need to send your men to Joppa to find Simon Peter.

He lives with Simon

the Tanner.

Wait, is this a new guy?

Um, which one?

Simon Peter.

No, that's Peter.

The eager guy?

Yeah, Jesus changed his name.

Oh, right.

I feel like I remember that so his name is a simon peter now yeah you'd think it would just be simon like whatever his last name was before but it's it's not wait but was before because the implication is that his name was a peter peter peter peter exactly yeah obviously and the other simon oh that's just a guy named simon oh that's confusing yeah

Okay,

I'll send the guys.

Thanks, Street.

Excuse me.

excuse me oh uh hi yes are you simon peter yeah that's me people just call me peter or sometimes simon i guess sure

why are you on your roof oh yeah um i had a dream last night that god lowered a big sheet of animals from the sky and told me to kill them and eat them and i was like oh i don't know god those are sky animals i'm not supposed to eat anything unclean yeah it's a weird reaction to have to that It was a weird reaction for me to have.

Yeah, but then he was like, my sky animals aren't good enough for you.

Don't be an asshole.

Ah, well, that's quite a thing.

You want to come with us?

Yeah, yeah.

The Holy Spirit's telling me to go with you guys, so I will.

I'll come right down.

Okay.

Hi, Cornelius, right?

It's me, Cornelius.

I heard it the first time you did the bit.

You sent for me?

Right.

I'm here to to worship you.

Oh, no, don't

do that.

I'm actually just a man like you.

Oh,

you are?

Yeah.

Honestly, I wouldn't even be here, but I had a dream about a big sheet of animals, and I feel like it was about you.

I'm a big sheet of animals?

Yes, I think you are that.

Yes.

Okay, well, I saw an angel, and he told me to send for you.

So, yeah, here we are.

Yep.

Here we are.

I

feel like you were gonna say something or do something.

Oh.

Oh, do you know about Jesus?

No, who's the dead?

Oh, great.

So he's like God and stuff.

He came down and he killed him.

He went to heaven.

There's no heaven without him.

Oh.

Why didn't the angel just tell me that?

I don't know.

I do not know.

Um,

I don't

but but do you guys want to fall down and get baptized it kind of feels like we should a little anticlimactic if we don't

no no I I agree

there it is

hey Peter what gives yeah oh hey fellow apostles what's up yeah we heard you were eating with the uncircumcised okay we should come up with a better term for people that aren't our religion right yeah no we really should but but what's the deal yeah jesus is just for us jews okay so the other night i had this dream that god lowered a sheep full of animals and i didn't want to eat them but god was like don't be a snob

Okay.

Okay.

So then these guys show up and they bring me to this other guy's house and he tells me that he had a dream where an angel told him to send guys to me.

So I told him about Jesus and now he's Christian.

Well, that sounds anticlimactic and boring.

It does.

It was, yes, especially since someone reading this might have already experienced the story before my retelling.

But the point is, the point is, we can tell everyone about Jesus now,

not just Jews.

Okay.

Got it.

Hey, are you going to add this part of the story where you tell us the story to the Bible?

I mean,

maybe.

You're getting paid by the word?

I said, maybe.

I said, maybe.

So the Jews go around converting even more people, not just other Jews now.

And all this gets James killed and Peter thrown in jail by Herod.

The guy who tried to kill Jesus when he was a baby?

No, this is that guy's grandson.

Yeah, Herod is a title, like Caesar at this point.

Were names expensive?

Was it expensive to make new names?

I mean, yes.

Anyway, Peter's in prison when he gets rescued by an angel.

Yo, yo, what up?

Wakey wakey, eggs and cakey.

Don't you mean bakey?

I very much do not.

Ow, why did you do that?

Freed you from your chains.

You're welcome.

Okay, you had to be able to do that without kicking me in the ribs.

It was explained to me several times that it was possible, and I definitely chose not to.

Chose not to.

Great.

Thank you.

No problem.

Okay, I'm going to go now.

Cool.

Hey, is it a piece of cake?

It's the entire cake.

Entire cake.

Yep, that's what I thought.

I knew it when you said it.

Whole thing.

Hey,

anybody?

Fellow Christians, you guys in there?

That sounds like Peter, but he's in prison.

Hello, anybody?

John, John, come here.

What's up, Rhoda?

It's Peter.

It can't be Peter.

You must be crazy.

Hey, guys, an angel broke me out of prison.

Oh, it is Peter.

Let him in.

Peter, you're alive.

Yeah, an angel broke me out of prison.

Amazing.

Go tell the others.

I will.

I'm going to go tell them right now.

Hey, you accused me of being insane, like, right away.

Yeah, sorry about that.

Are you mad?

We'll talk about it later.

Oh, she's mad.

Yeah, she's mad.

So now it's time for Herod to get his comeuppance.

Hello, my people.

It is I, Herod.

Wow, he must be a god.

Totally sounds like a god.

Not on my watch.

Give up!

Oh,

never mind.

Got smited.

Yep, seems like it.

Hey, great job smiting Herod, Sarah.

Thanks, Tai Tai.

Hey, by the way, do you hear that Big Balls and I are ring shopping now?

Don't, don't bring this here.

We're not even the same characters.

You don't know.

All right, so now it's time for Saul and Barnabas to get in on the action.

All right, here we are at Pephos.

You sure this is where we're supposed to be?

I mean, that's what the Holy Spirit said.

Remind me again who that is.

It's not super concrete yet.

Santa's gonna punch a guy over it.

Sure.

Well, hey, if it isn't my old disciples, uh,

who are you?

You don't recognize me.

I'm the prophet you speak of.

Wait, dude, are you saying you're Jesus?

Because if you are, we're going to have to use our God powers to smite you.

Oh,

uh, no, I'm not.

I'm

Bar Jesus.

Sorry, your name is Bar Jesus.

Yep.

And does that have anything to do with the TGI Fridays we're standing in front of?

Well, no.

No.

It wouldn't make sense.

Anyway, Fridays isn't a bar.

It's a casual dining establishment that also has a wide variety of delicious alcoholic beverages at the bar area.

Sorry, it's true.

Okay, okay.

Well, we're not going to call you our Jesus.

We're going to call you Eli Moss.

Oh, well, why are you going to do that?

Because you were reductive of America's never-ending party?

Keith.

I mean,

because you're a liar.

Okay, you know what?

Why don't we just use our God powers to make this guy blind, and then we can just be on our way?

Oh, man.

How long am I going to be blind for?

I don't know.

A while.

Oh, man.

Forget for lying about celebration in a booth.

Okay.

Okay.

It's a wonderful restaurant.

Meanwhile, Paul is stirring up shit in Antioch.

All right, everyone.

Quiet down.

We have a special guest today, Paul, from all the way in Jerusalem.

So, yeah, go ahead, Paul.

Hi, everyone.

So, y'all know our religion?

Nicely.

Yes, yes, we know it.

So, just a bit of an update.

Turns out God has a kid, and he came to earth, and now we're worshiping him.

What?

Come on.

And

we've got eternal life now.

Lots of benefits.

Oh, come on.

Don't, don't go.

What?

I'm leaving.

I'm getting out of here.

No, I'm not.

But he's seriously like super cool.

Excuse me.

Are you talking about Jesus in here?

Oh, hi.

Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

But everybody just like left.

Well, I'd love to hear about Jesus.

Oh.

You would?

Are you Jewish?

I'm not, but I'd really like to hear what you have to say.

I am both curious and intrigued.

Wow.

Wow.

Uh, really started laying out this bullshit fantasy right away, huh?

Oh, yeah, you sure did.

All right, everybody, bye.

Thanks for being Christian now.

Thanks for making us Christian.

Hey, hey, Paul.

Paul.

Oh, hey.

Hey, Juice.

Um, what's up?

How come you made everyone else Christian, but not us?

Well, uh, I tried, but you guys yelled at me and left.

Irrelevant.

Now we're going to talk a bunch of shit about you.

Oh, all the time.

Okay, well, then I'm going to leave.

We're going to tell everyone that you're a demon.

Yep.

Whatever.

I'm filled with the Holy Ghost.

That's crazy.

We don't even know what that is.

No, we don't.

Me either, but Santa is going to punch a guy, and then we will know.

Who's Santa?

Yeah, I don't know that either.

So Paul and Barnabas go around healing people, converting people, and raising the dead some more.

And it all goes pretty swimmingly till they get to Lystra.

All right, there you go.

All healed.

Thanks, Mercury.

Sorry, what?

Yeah, sorry to give away your game, guys, but we kind of know how stuff goes around here, and we know your friend is Jupiter and you're Mercury.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no, you guys got it wrong.

We're actually just men.

You are?

Yeah.

Oh.

Alright, well, then we're going to sacrifice you.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, the gods are going to love that.

Hey, hey,

don't kill us.

Yeah, um, stone us instead.

I mean, isn't that like pretty much the same thing?

Okay.

Ow!

Is

he dead?

I mean,

I would like it if you didn't check.

Oh, you got it, man.

See ya.

Hey, Barnabas.

Oh, hey, Paul.

You're alive!

Yeah, yeah, I woke up outside the city where they dumped my body, apparently.

Pretty loony tunes tunes of them, right?

Right?

Yeah, so um,

you want to do some other cities?

Yeah, no, let's go do some other ones.

And hey, next time someone says yes to stoning, duck, yeah, duck, got it.

Important.

Has Paul learned his lesson?

Find out on the next installment of Bible Peace Theater.

Before we shift from anticipation to memory, I want to remind you to check the show notes to pick up your tickets to see us live in Cleveland, Ohio on July 19th.

Come for the live god-awful movies.

Stay for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the other things that I'm sure Cleveland also has.

Anyway, that's all the blessing we've got for you tonight.

We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more.

If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our Sister Show, The Skeptic Add, dating at 7 Eastern on Monday, and an even newer episode of our Sister Show's Hot Friend, God Awful Movies, dating at 7 Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of Perhaps Sister Show's Citation Needed to dating at Noon Eastern on Wednesday.

I got most of the words in there.

Obviously, the show would lack a certain showness if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for finally giving those of us who have been following his love life far more closely than he's comfortable with the resolution that we so desperately hope for, assuming she doesn't leave him standing at the altar, right?

Not sure why would I bring up that possibility since he's already got so much to be nervous about.

Before I said that, weird.

Also, I want to thank Eli Bosnik for less momentous stuff, but only because this is really Heath's week, next week being Anne's, of course.

I also want to congratulate Lucinda Lusions, who has now made it a stunning nine days without a cigarette, but is still a bit too frustrated to add read a bunch of misogyny news to her list of chores.

So she'll be back soon.

I also want to thank that Reformed Floridian for providing this week's Farnsworth quote.

Incidentally, my Farnsworth quote, well, is starting to run a little bit dry.

So if you'd like to promote your podcast or your TikTok or your blog or your YouTube channel or your Etsy store or whatever, or if you just get a kick out of hearing your voice on the show, send your recordings to no illusions at yahoo.com.

Please try to keep them under 20 seconds and free of AI generated voices.

But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipods, Jack, Eric, Daniel, Eddie, Lost in the Woods System, Chase, Wanda Bean, Audrey, Paul, Don't Blink, and Mandible Man.

Jack, Eric, Daniel, and Eddie, whose condoms are too big to be constructed in dry dock, lost Chase, Wanda Bean, and Audrey, whose IQs are so high they have to put little lights on them to warn air traffic, and Paul Don't Blink and Mandible Man, who are so hot thermometers can't tell if they have a fever.

Together, these 11 elegant electuaries elevated our elaborate elegies for elections this week by giving us money.

Not everybody has the alliterative qualities.

it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash skatheadiest, whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingadius.com.

Notice how much more careful I am about enunciating that part of the intro.

And if you'd like to help, but you're saving all your money for Heath's wedding present, you can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media.

And speaking to social media, Tim Robinson handles that for us, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission.

If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact template on the contact page at scathingadious.com.

We'll be breaking down a terrible Christian movie and nope, not going to say that's not, it's Detroit is rock city.

This is it's rock city.

It is decidedly not.

Fucking

rock city.

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Today, we're exploring deep in the North American wilderness among nature's wildest plants, animals, and

cows.

Uh, you're actually on an Organic Valley dairy farm where nutritious, delicious, organic food gets its start.

But there's so much nature.

Exactly.

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Extraordinary.

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Learn more about their delicious dairy at ov.coop.

This is Bethany Frankl from Just Be with Bethany Frankl.

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