462 - Cancelling Kimmel, Fired From Riyadh, & The Prison Housing Market

A happy place comes in many colors.

Whatever your color, bring happiness home with Certapro Painters.

Get started today at Certapro.com.

Each Certipro Painters business is independently owned and operated.

Contractor license and registration information is available at certapro.com.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tin Dillon Show.

Let's address it out of the gate.

Let's talk about the biggest free speech issue right now in the world.

Let's

tackle it head on.

Everyone is talking about it.

Everyone

wants to know what it means.

I was fired from the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

It is the most important free speech news.

Everybody has a take.

Everyone has an opinion.

It's inescapable.

Go to a lunch.

It comes up.

You're at a christening.

you think you're safe, you're not.

Did you hear comedian, podcaster

Tim Dylan fired from Saudi Arabia's first comedy festival?

Shocking developments.

What does it mean?

What does it mean?

I'll tell you how it went down,

and then we'll address that thing at ABC with Kimmel.

I also heard that there's an issue there,

but

my agent called me and

told me,

first of all, I'm going to, I'll lay out the whole thing.

I was supposed to perform in Dubai.

I mixed up Dubai and I said, Abu Dhabi.

Apparently, this is a big deal over there.

This is like a real problem.

My agent called me and he goes, you said on Joe Rogan that you are performing in Abu Dhabi and you're actually performing in Dubai.

They're cities and they have a rivalry.

And I go, dude, who gives a fuck?

What do I stop?

I made a mistake.

This is not a malicious

slander.

It's a mistake.

He goes, well, they're very angry and they sent an email that you need to be controlled.

I said, well, good luck.

Whatever.

I don't have to do it.

I don't care.

And then he called me.

A few days later, and I thought he was going to talk about the Kimmel thing.

I thought he was going to talk about the Kimmel thing.

But he called me and he said,

They heard what you said about them having slaves.

And I said, I was being positive about it.

I was defending them.

He goes, Well, I know that.

I know you were defending them.

I said, I was defending them for having slaves.

I literally said, Slaves are probably hard workers and, for the most part, agreeable,

But they didn't like that.

You can literally support somebody too much.

I've learned this.

You could actually, by the way, in life, this happens.

Too many compliments, too much, too much support, and then they turn on you.

I was saying that slaves were proud of some of the buildings they built.

That's what I was saying.

I was saying that if I was a slave,

not that I I want to be, if I was a slave, and I built a really nice thing, I might say to my slave children, daddy built that.

That's what I was saying, that I would have said, hey, daddy built that.

When my slave children said, ooh, look at that.

I'd say, you know, daddy built that.

I was going that angle.

Apparently, this got to the people in Saudi Arabia and they were unhappy about it.

They're huge fans of comedy over there.

Now, I am very clear about the way I will do a gig.

If I accept a gig, I am not going to break the rules of the gig.

Meaning, Amish people call me.

They go, Tim, we're going to pay you a lot of money.

We want you to perform.

in the Amish

Pennsylvania Dutch country, but we're Amish.

So we don't want to hear about iPhones or Kalchi, which they should hear about.

It's phenomenal, this Kalchi.

We'll get to it later.

But if that was a rule, I would respect it while I'm there,

while I'm in Pennsylvania, Dutch country, eating shoe fly pie, respecting their culture.

You have a culture.

You've got Sharia law.

Would I like Sharia law?

No, I don't want it.

Actually, I don't want it.

I'm good.

But you have it.

So I don't, it's not like I have bits in my act about the prophet anyway.

So I certainly wasn't going to show up in your country and insult

the people that are paying me the money.

One, it's illegal.

So I wasn't really planning to go to a Saudi jail.

But on my own show,

in my own country, where I have the freedom to speak and say the things I want,

I'm going to be funny and I'm going to be who I am.

And if you're not buying that,

you don't have the right to tell me on my own show.

People were coming up to me saying, Why would you go to that country?

They have slaves in Tribeca.

They're assaulting me, these people.

I'm just leaving a lunch and they're coming.

They have slaves, they say.

And of course,

I

addressed it in a funny way and they fired me.

And then they told me, they go,

my agents, they all call me, you don't have to talk about this, they say.

Don't talk about it.

Remember when you talked about Joker?

I said, what?

They go, it hurts you to talk about these things.

In what?

In what is even left, you bums?

The only thing left is what I'm doing.

Nobody, what?

What are you talking about?

So, and what I mean by that is like

there's the business doesn't have any teeth anymore.

They can't tell me what to do or say.

They're not even offering anything.

They're not even offering anything.

We don't want people thinking you're a problem.

But they already, how do they not think that?

How could they not think that?

A Google of me and

a 60-second scroll.

You buy me, you buy what I'm going to do.

Joker was a bad movie.

Why would I lie and say it's good?

Everyone thought it was bad in the world.

Okay?

Every article that came out was like, hey, this thing sucks.

What was I supposed to do?

By the way, I was in it.

for a second and I made no money.

What loyalty am I supposed to have?

And the director was mean to me.

So I'm supposed to go out there and talk about how great it is.

Well, you're actually just misunderstanding the movie.

It's actually really good.

The Joker doing dance numbers is good.

It's good that it doesn't have a plot.

It's actually good.

It doesn't work.

Who the fuck wants to watch that?

You know?

So they, you know, they were like, well, you don't have to tell people that you're not going because, you know, we don't want people thinking you're that person that gets fired.

Yeah, whatever, think it.

What do I give a fuck?

I mean, what?

Who cares?

I'm going to get fired again.

I'm going to get fired again from people that are not even Saudis.

I'm going to get fired by people who don't chop hands off.

I'm going to get fired by reasonable people.

I'm going to get fired by people that don't practice Sharia law.

I will be fired by many races and religions.

I'm going to be fired by others.

I will, this is the most controversial the people who fire me will ever be.

Let me relish in this.

Let's take this win.

The future people that fire me will be good mothers and fathers, family people who probably fire me for a completely rational reason.

You know?

You know, I just rolled out of bed and I just decided to do something they didn't like.

And that's completely fine.

It is what it is.

This is the first time I've been fired by people

that actually

do really bad things.

So let's take this win.

Let's take this win.

I'm now with Iran.

Iran's against them.

I'm with Iran now.

You've pushed me into the bosom of Iran.

Do you understand that?

I'm going to Tehran to do their comedy festival.

I don't care.

I'm being pushed into the arms of Iran.

Those types of Muslims.

What are those ones called?

Shia.

I'm Shia now.

I was going to be Sunni.

I think Saudi is Sunni and Iran is Shia.

Right?

Yes, maybe?

I'm Shia now.

Shiite?

Right?

Shia.

That's what I am now because you've done this to me.

You've fired me and created a Shia

problem.

I'm a Shiite problem now, Biach.

So

who cares?

By the way, I get to keep...

My agent knows this.

He knows often if you represent me, you're going to get calls if people are unhappy.

He just thought it would be like the usual suspects the people around this town this dispiriting dump called Los Angeles he thought it was going to be those people at the you know whatever the Riviera Country Club calling me going we don't really this guy's like what is he doing why did he have Candace Owens why does he open his mouth what's wrong with him why is he dressed up like a Muslim then a Jew what's going on I don't get it

That's the normal calls.

He didn't think he was going to get a call from the Middle East.

He didn't think I was going to get fired by a theocracy in the Middle East.

Neither did I, but I'm with Iran now.

That's what happens.

This is geopolitics.

Do you understand?

This is why the Middle East is so effed up because there's no fucking unity.

There's no goddamn unity.

That's all.

So I will be with Iran.

I don't know what to tell everyone.

Now let's talk about Jimmy Kimmel, which, by the way, I think is much less interesting than what happened to me.

But as usual, it's dominated the headlines.

Jimmy Kimmel, I don't know Jimmy.

I've never met Jimmy.

I don't watch a show.

My friends know him and really, really like him as a guy.

He's like less annoying in real life than he is on television.

This is what I hear from people.

whom I trust.

I think Jimmy was a funny guy.

I don't watch what he does now.

It's very political.

It's very like kind of annoying to most people.

Even the people that are in the middle, it's annoying.

To people that are apolitical, it's annoying.

It's way over the top.

Colbert, him, everybody went way over the top.

Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter.

He should still be on the air, and I'll get to why.

But setting the stage here, they all went way over the top.

Johnny Carson said years ago, I'm not political.

I'm here to put Americans to bed.

These guys went fully the other way.

They alienated half the country.

It's their right, by the way.

It's their right.

Is it a great business move?

Probably not.

Probably not.

You know, if you opened the pizzeria, you wouldn't call it like, you know, fuck Trump pizza unless it was like in Portland or something.

You know, if you're trying to appeal to a demographic of people that is of many political stripes, but they're not.

They've given up on that.

That's fine.

That's their right.

It's their right to politicize their show to a point where it's unwatchable.

And by the way, that's anyone's right.

Okay?

I'm going to play the joke he made.

It's a weird joke, and it's a

not factually correct thing, but here's why I'm going to not only defend it, but I think it is ridiculous to pull this guy off the air.

I think it's ridiculous to pretend it was about money.

I think it's ridiculous to pretend.

that it's not a political hit job.

It's a political hit job, and we know it.

Was ABC, is it the cash cow it was 10, 20 years ago?

Absolutely not.

We know late night TV is dying.

We know all of that.

That's not why this show got yanked.

And pretending it is is an insult to people's intelligence.

Okay?

It's an insult to people's intelligence.

This was a hit, politically motivated hit job.

Okay.

It's

Something that most people who talk for a living should care about if you talk for a living.

If you're making money, entertaining people, informing people, whatever it is you think you're doing out there, anybody who's doing that should care a little bit about this.

Let's watch his joke and then let's talk about the fallout.

We had some new lows over the weekend with the MAGA gang desperately trying to characterize this kid who murdered Charlie Kirk as anything other than one of them and doing everything they can to score political points from it.

In between the finger pointing, there was grieving.

On Friday, the White House flew the flags at half-staff, which got some criticism.

But on a human level, you can see how hard the president is taking this.

My condules on the loss of your friend Charlie Kirk.

May I ask, sir, personally, how are you holding up over the last day and a half, sir?

I think very good.

And by the way, right there, you see all the trucks?

They just started construction of the new ballroom for the White House, which is something they've been trying to get, as you know, for about 150 years, and it's going to be a beauty.

Yes.

He's at the fourth stage of grief, construction.

Demolition.

Construction.

So,

so here's the thing.

Not a bad, you know, it's a fun joke.

The setup to the joke where it's like they're doing everything they can to pretend this guy's not a MAGA guy.

Nobody thought this guy was a MAGA guy.

People thought he was a far-right internet kid or a far-left internet kid.

No one thought he was like a card-carrying member of the MAGA group.

So he's presenting the premise as false, whatever.

Highlighting Trump's absurd reaction when asked about Charlie Kirk, you start talking about a ballroom,

dude.

I mean, it's the president's own words.

And then he does, you know, joke about he's at, you know, he's at the fifth stage of grief, fourth stage of grief, construction, whatever.

You know,

it's kind of,

now listen,

it's being done in a climate that's very charged emotionally.

A guy got shot in the face.

His wife and kid will watch that for the rest of their life, his wife and children.

The reactions to it, some of them were abhorrent.

Some of the reactions to that were, including some of the mainstream media opits, were wild.

Scoring political points on the guy with a hole in his neck, it's insane.

And it's radicalized a lot of people.

And I'm not saying that was everybody's reaction, but there were people that reacted in a way.

Now, by the way, again, I'll say it again.

I dressed up like a dead healthcare CEO and satirized

how

people

feel

when someone divisive dies.

I'm not against people doing comedy, dark comedy, black comedy, whatever you want to call it.

I think that the reactions to the Kirk thing were people that were rationalizing,

not in a satirical way, but in a very genuine way, rationalizing this guy getting shot,

rationalizing him being killed.

Going, this is good, more of this.

We need this.

okay?

And

if you're on that side where you believe people that you don't like should just get shot in the face,

hey, what am I going to do?

But it's abhorrent to many people.

It's not a bit, it's not a joke.

There is a difference between a guy that's denying life-saving treatment to people.

who's a healthcare CEO and a guy sitting on college campuses debating kids.

I don't care what you think about his views.

There is a substantive difference between those two people.

And I wasn't for the healthcare guy getting shot in the head.

I'm not for random people getting shot in the head.

I'd gladly pay higher taxes if people got healthcare.

They never seem to.

Taxes go up and they never seem to get that.

But there is a substantive difference.

And the idea that like, People watched this whole thing and some of the reactions were so beyond the pale, pale.

It's going to be hard to get those people to care about what's happening to Kimmel.

It is.

Folks, I'll tell you right now, you got to get healthier about Lucy, 100% pure nicotine, always tobacco-free.

Lucy breakers or nicotine pouches with an extra surprise.

Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken up to release extra flavor and hydration.

Set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered straight to your door.

God, I love all of the Lucy flavors.

It's amazing.

They're so good.

I use a medium strength.

It's fine.

Let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy.

Go to lucy.co/slash TIM, promo code TIM to get 20% off your first order.

Lucy has a 30-day refund policy if you change your mind.

Again, that's lucy.co and use code TIM to get 20% off.

And here comes the fine print.

Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age-verified.

Warning, this product contains nicotine.

Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

People just want scalps.

That's what they want.

No one in this country has any interest

in a bipartisan standard

where people

agree that they're going to be bothered.

America's about being bothered all the time by people you don't like.

People in this country are going to make a lot of money saying things you don't like.

You may be listening to one of them right now.

That is annoying.

People don't like that.

They're never going to like it.

It'll never be

satisfying to hear someone you don't agree with

say things you don't like and get paid lots of money to do it.

But that's part of the deal.

It's part of the reality of living in America.

Nobody likes this.

You either turn it off or you hate watch it

or you project onto this person

things that you believe they are.

Maybe you're right.

Who knows?

But you can't,

you can't

think it's a great idea that the FCC, the chairman of the FCC, goes on a podcast and goes, we could do it the easy way or the hard way.

We could think about revoking broadcast licenses and then pressures affiliates

to drop this show

because this guy said something the president of the United States doesn't like.

The president of the United States then also follows it up by going, hey, Seth Meyers, you know, Fallon, Seth Meyers, you're next.

You know,

you're next.

Do we have the FCC, see if we can find the video of

Carr?

I forget his first name.

Yeah, going and talking about this.

Okay, let's listen to this.

There's actions that we can take on licensed broadcasters.

And frankly, I think that it's really sort of past time that a lot of these licensed broadcasters themselves push back on Comcast and Disney and say, listen, we are going to preempt.

We are not going to run Kimmel anymore until you straighten this out because we, we, licensed broadcasters, are running the possibility of fines or license revocation from the FCC if we continue to run content that ends up being a pattern of news distortion, so I think, again, Disney needs to see some change here, but the individual licensed stations that are taking their content, it's time for them to step up and say, this garbage,

to the extent that that's what comes down the pipe in the future, isn't something that we think serves the needs of our local communities.

But this sort of status quo is obviously not acceptable.

They're building

China.

It's what they're building.

It's why all of the tech people decided they were Republicans.

It's why

all of the contracts are going to build AI models

that look at speech that they don't like from students that attend to protest.

They're building China and they don't want you to notice.

And if they can weaponize politics

so that you stop caring,

they can transform America into something that's kind of unrecognizable.

This isn't without precedent.

During the 2020s, lunatics ran through a lot of the institutions in America, from the media to the universities, demanding that people they disagreed with be fired.

They demanded those people be deplatformed.

They demanded those people be made,

you know,

into

sacrifices publicly.

Those people, they wanted those people to be broke.

They wanted those people's families to be targeted and harassed.

And we watched this in the 2020s.

And it was disturbing to me.

I remember the Covington kids, that grimacing little kid.

was standing there and the Native Americans beating the drum in his face.

And then celebrities, people I know, were calling for the doxing of that literal child and his family, who then, upon further reflection, didn't do anything wrong.

This is a human

impulse.

It's a human impulse to get whipped up into a frenzy and join a mob and run around with pitchforks and proclaim that you.

are morally superior to other people.

This is something human beings enjoy doing.

There's not that many things that get people off.

You know, this is one of them.

Going

and joining, picking up a pitchfork and running down the street with the mob is something that people get great enjoyment out of.

It's fun.

They like it.

They like tearing people limb from limb.

And

the problem with that is that it doesn't end.

See, it doesn't end.

The left does it to the right.

The right does it to the left.

And then eventually the government decides that people hate each other in this country enough that the government can then chop this thing up,

sell it for parts,

while you all hate each other and fight each other.

They can hand the country over to oligarchs.

Many of them are friends.

They all have dinner in Washington, D.C.

They're all talking about how they reach out to people in the media, people like me.

You know, they reach out to everybody and they tell you that it's going to be good, that they are the guardians of free speech.

They care about your ability to say things that ruffle feathers.

They're with you.

And

they're actors.

And behind them are very wealthy people, some of whom you know, many of whom you don't, by the way,

and I don't.

And we could look them up and have trouble finding them.

Not in some crazy conspiracy Knights Templar way.

but in the genuine way of like many of the people

who have huge ownership stakes in companies are not public figures.

They exist on the periphery.

They have large sums of money and they're pretty quiet about it, but they funnel that money into places and they strangle

industries.

And all these people want to merge.

They want to do mergers with their companies.

They want to monopolize industries.

They want government money and they want government grants.

So they shut up and they they don't say anything about kind of this encroaching,

you know,

autocratic

system.

And it doesn't come from any one angle.

You know, all these people think, well, it'll just, it'll just, I don't care.

I'm, I'm, people go, I'm from the right.

It'll come from the, you know, it'll come from the right.

It'll silence everyone I don't like, and which you shouldn't want anyway.

But it will never work like that because what is left and what is right isn't fixed.

It's changing.

It's changing.

Three years ago, the right wing solidly supported Israel.

Right now, they don't.

Three years ago, it was unthinkable for a majority of the right to have turned against America's funding of Israel.

Now you are seeing people under 40 on the left and the right agreeing that America should not be funding whatever the hell Israel is doing, you know, building.

you know,

you know, Las Vegas on the Gaza Strip.

Nobody's in for that.

Nobody's in for that.

When the Israeli finance minister comes out out and goes, hey, we spent a lot of money on the war.

We got to get paid back a little bit.

We're doing a real estate project.

It's on Trump's desk.

It's all fine.

People under 40 are going, hey, man, I don't, I can't own a house.

I can't pay back my student loans.

Why are my tax dollars funding you guys going and building Miami in Gaza?

Who's that for?

Who's that for?

And why are people funding it?

You know, if you work at a 7-Eleven for 12 hours a day on your feet, dealing with every drunk who walks in, grabbing, you know, they want a pack of cigarettes, they want this, they want a hot dog, they want, you know, you got protein bore, whatever.

And you do that job, which is not an easy job.

Whatever job you do, but think about that.

And you're getting paid whatever.

I don't know what 7-Eleven pays, but let's imagine it's not ideal

your tax dollars are going so that real estate developers can build luxury condos with like floating bathtubs in gaza there's no way anyone elected trump for this there's zero possibility that people elected donald trump so that their tax dollars could go to luxury real estate development in gaza or in qatar

there's zero way

that any of this

take a look at that

to be fair it does look nice to be fair it's a little bit of an ai rendering

but nobody elected him for that and now if you criticize that they'll take your visa if you're a foreign student They'll just shut you down.

So shut the fuck up.

Get out of here.

You know?

So

Kimmel was losing money for ABC.

Maybe, I don't know.

I heard he wasn't.

I heard he wasn't making a lot of money, but I heard he wasn't losing it.

But by the way, whether he was or he wasn't, who cares?

He was losing it last week and he wasn't off the air.

It's directly related to that joke.

The FCC commissioner said it.

I don't think it was a particularly good thing for Jimmy Kimmel to say this guy was MAGA.

He wasn't MAGA.

By the way, it's easily correctable.

You can correct the record without destroying someone's ability to speak.

This is something that, you know, you try to die on the hill of this.

Now, the only thing left in this country, unfortunately, seems to be power.

Everybody thinking that Jimmy Kimmel being removed and indefinitely suspended from ABC means that you are winning,

you're a fool.

Your tax dollars are going to build casinos in Gaza.

You're not winning.

This is not what winning looks like, by the way.

Kimmel had planned to address Carr's comments on his show Wednesday night, according to people familiar with the matter.

Before his on-air appearance, Dana Walden, co-chairman of Disney Entertainment, spoke to the host about his plan.

The people said,

After the conversation between Kimmel and Walden, she and other senior executives thought that the star's approach could make the situation worse.

People familiar with their conversation said.

I mean,

one of these issues is that Kimmel writers room

is a monolith.

I don't think there's anybody in there that voices any alternative opinion here and says maybe we should slow down with this.

Again, not a reason for the government to get involved and for the president to be threatening other late-night hosts.

But there's an element

of the right wing

that wants this stuff to keep going on.

And it's because they felt culturally powerless for a very long time.

And they want

these institutions to kind of bend the knee to the president.

And it's happened in other countries.

People bring up Hungary and Viktor Orban and all that stuff.

Obviously, people like Putin.

Nobody wants to live in a country where a late-night comedian

is,

you know,

subject to removal because he says something that the president of the United States doesn't like.

Also, here's a sidebar.

Is Jimmy Kimmel the deep state?

You know, well, Tulsi Gabbard goes out, who I like, but she goes out and goes, you know, Obama's guilty of treason.

And they don't really present a ton of evidence.

And then they just drop it and they move on.

And then they go, well, this guy and that guy and this guy and that guy.

And then the Epstein files, they all vote to not release them.

And then they go, well, Jimmy Kimmel, let's get him out of here.

And then, you know, Steve Bannon's got a documentary with 20 hours about Epstein.

We'll release that.

You got all these hours.

Nobody

over there, they all think you're really, really dumb.

And they're treating you the way you treat.

a young child who wants something that they're not going to get.

You try to distract them with other things.

You can see, I don't have kids.

I'm around people that have kids all the time and they'll go, I want to do this.

I want to do this.

I want to do that.

And then you go, hey,

what about this?

Take a look at that.

Isn't this cool?

Look, a dog.

This is that.

This is that.

I mean, Kesh Patel is walking around

like the most compromised person on earth.

If Kesh Patel is not afraid of something, I don't know what fear is.

These people are running around.

They're going to unmask everything and expose everything and whatever.

Again, I wasn't the one who ran on that premise.

They were.

And none of that has happened.

In fact, whatever cover-up's going on, they're extending it.

They've now become a part of it.

They are helping facilitate it.

Every comment under everything these people post is, what the fuck are you doing?

Speaking of a 7-Eleven, I don't think Cash Patel could solve a robbery at a 7-Eleven without fucking it up, by the way.

It's just

the guy's the head of the FBI.

I love Helix.

I'm telling you, it's the best mattresses in the world.

Everyone that comes and stays with me says, why are these mattresses so great?

And I say, it's Helix.

Go to the, you got to go.

This Labor Day sale is amazing.

It's too good.

I'm telling you right now, you will never regret getting a Helix mattress.

It is the best thing that most people are going to have in their house.

I'm telling you, everybody's sleep is better with helix.

You get some nice fall air and a helix.

You are good to go.

It helps with snoring, back pain, sleep out in the ass.

It helps you sleep through the night.

If you sleep too hot, it cools you down.

Go to helixleep.com slash Tim D.

I'm telling you, helixsleep.com slash Tim D.

Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you.

Okay,

the Labor Day sale is killer.

It's 20% off site-wide.

Are we nuts?

25.

25% off site-wide.

It just went up 5% in a second.

That's how good it is.

Helixleep.com slash Tim D.

It doesn't make any sense.

I don't care if you hate Jimmy Kimmel.

I'm pretty sure this administration,

when they came in and they were talking about America first,

they weren't talking about Jimmy Kimmel.

But this is how they distract you from what's actually going on.

Let's get rid of Jimmy Kimmel because he's pissed us off.

By the way, Sam Altman, let's give him more and more money because we're in an AI arms race.

Well, who does that help?

Not very,

I don't know, 20 people, 20 Trump voters.

And they were all at that dinner in DC.

You know, is your life better?

Are you making more money?

Do you feel better?

Do you feel financially more stable?

Are you excited about the Israeli real estate project in Gaza?

Does that get you going?

Do the renderings make you happy?

Get the renderings up again.

Do the renderings make you happy?

You don't have healthcare.

Do the renderings do it for you?

They're nice renderings.

But does that make you excited?

Is that what you voted for?

Is that what you're you're happy about?

Is this what you're excited about?

Do you show them to friends of yours who have recently lost their jobs?

Do you show them the renderings and go, take a look at that?

That's going to be pretty fucking nice.

Imagine that.

Some of them, you could walk right to the beach.

They'll probably have a long boardwalk.

You go right to the beach.

That's what this is about.

This city of the future that's being built on the mass grave of all of these people that we're funding, That's what it's about.

An AI city of the future built on a mass grave.

You're funding that.

Oh, Jimmy Kimmel said a joke that people don't like.

Let's see what this is.

We're not even a year into this administration.

It's very obvious that this whole thing, the wheels are coming off.

Tucker Carlson's become a liberal hero.

Is that because things are going well?

Is that because things are going well?

Is that happening because things have gone in the right direction?

It's wild to watch.

Every liberal friend I know in L.A., okay, cocoons himself in a blanket, drinks a matcha, and watches Candace Owens for 19 hours a day.

And I like Candace, but is that because

they're doing a great job in Washington?

Is that because things are going well?

You know?

You know what I mean?

I'm just telling you,

you have a situation

here

that's starting to look more and more

like a very big

op

that a lot of people

are going to be easily distracted

by

Jimmy Kimmel

or whatever.

We're still in the Ukraine war.

We're still doing this.

We're going

into World War III.

I imagine we're going into World War III.

How do you get out of this?

without World War III.

How do you get out of the levels of corruption being exposed without a world war

i hope we do it would be nice to

but how do you get out of it it's clear

that a lot of people want a wider regional conflict i think netanyahu does i think putin does

and it would be nice if there was someone in our country who didn't i i mean

I don't know, but we're heading.

You can feel it.

The pieces are coming together.

We see

different

parts of the world aligning economically.

We'll see it militarily.

We see a lot of things happening that we don't have.

There's not a ton of significance to some of these events, but there will be later when you look back and you go, yeah, that wasn't good.

That wasn't great.

That didn't make a lot of sense.

Russian warplanes breach NATO airspace in dangerous provocation over Estonia.

Israel is bombing like 12 countries a day.

We've got problems,

you know, all over the world.

We have a pamphlet being handed out, I believe, in Taiwan saying, everybody, get ready.

Get ready, everybody.

Taiwan issues handbook to prepare citizens for Chinese invasion.

What a lovely read.

What a nice read.

Get ready.

They're coming.

So

during all of this,

all of this is happening.

We're talking to Jimmy Kimmel.

Talking about Jimmy Kimmel.

And it's important to talk about,

it's important to talk about me being fired from Riyadh.

It's the most important thing, perhaps,

next to the World War III.

You know?

And the fact that the people in charge of the country believe it's their job to colonize Mars and make us an interplanetary species, and you're not getting a knee operation.

You're not, you're not getting a knee operation before they make us an interplanetary species and colonize Mars.

And a lot of people in America think it's cool.

They think it's cool.

I mean, I don't know what to tell you.

I don't know what to tell you.

I really don't.

I don't know.

I don't know what to tell you.

It's the wildest time that I've been alive, including COVID.

Somehow,

there's more of an eerie feeling now than COVID.

Somehow, it feels like we're waiting for something to happen.

I don't know what it is.

It feels like that.

And not in a, again, not in a crazy, you know, Fibonacci sequence.

What are the numbers?

What are the dates?

Not in that way, but just in a general sense of malaise that people have.

People have this.

You talk to people about it.

You go, how does it feel?

Nobody feels good.

Nobody feels great about this.

We aren't in.

Listen, we've probably never been in control.

Now it's obvious.

how little control we're in.

It's really obvious.

There's a group of people.

There's a group of oligarchs, there's a lot of highly placed interests that all have agendas, and they're all breaking bread, and they're all carving it up.

And most people in this country

don't have much of a say.

And you just got to hope that they have your best interest at heart.

You just got to hope that

you figure into their grand plan.

When Peter Thiel or Sam Altman or any of these people or, you know, Bezos or any of these guys talk, Zuckerberg, when any of them speak, you just have to hope that they're like,

they're thinking about you.

They're thinking about you and your family and your ability to pay for things.

They're already going out and going, don't own a house.

It's not for you.

It doesn't make sense.

Buy stock.

Buy crypto.

Why would you own a house?

By the way, not owning a house hurts your social life.

You can't have people over.

You can't sit in the backyard with people.

You can't talk to them.

You can't go, hey,

what's going on here?

You can't share experiences with them.

You live in a tiny apartment.

You're embarrassed about it.

Nobody comes over.

There are no social bonds.

That's the point.

That's the point.

You don't get to talk about

the future of your community.

That's exactly the point.

You just sit there in your tiny little apartment.

I have friends in New York, and I did this for years.

When I was doing comedy, you sit in your tiny little apartment in New York City or whatever city, by the way, Cleveland, doesn't matter.

You sit in this little apartment, you don't have anyone over, and you consume the internet.

Get online more and more and more and more.

It's a tiny little cell that you live in, and then you radicalize yourself on the internet.

Some of us are schizophrenics, go do crazy things, then the draconian surveillance and police state comes in.

They don't have an interest in people having a yard.

They don't want you outside.

They don't want you outside.

It doesn't help them out.

Putting your phone

in a drawer and going outside and sitting down with six people and having dinner and talking about your community isn't helpful to them.

It doesn't make any sense.

They want you on the phone in a cell that you rent.

They want you paying more and more money every year for a cell.

And all of these companies related,

you know, all of these mega-conglomerate corporate landlords, everything's a mall.

They build these malls, and then on top of them, they have apartments.

It costs $6,000 a month to live on top of insomnia cookies, pig.

Whoa, DoorDash is really easy.

They just throw the cookie in the window.

It's disgusting.

No one should live like this.

No one's supposed to live like this.

And everybody thinks it's okay or it's whatever.

Why did Jimmy Kimmel say?

You're paying a lot of money to live in a cell.

You can't have friends over.

It's disgusting.

It's absolutely disgusting.

For most of you to have your friends to your apartment.

It's embarrassing.

It's shameful.

I've been there.

I couldn't have my friends to my apartment and my friends are animals.

And it was still embarrassing to have your friends in your apartment because it's a tiny little apartment.

You've got a corner of dirty clothes.

You have a takeout in the garbage.

It is a, you live in a cell.

And then the behaviors of someone who lives in a cell

are what they want.

Someone who can sit in their backyard and have a glass of wine and invite the neighbors over and go, what's going on?

How are you?

What do we feel?

What's going on in the schools?

What's going on in our society?

They don't want that.

They want you to be afraid of your neighbors.

They want your neighbor to scare you.

That's what they like.

They like the idea that your neighbor terrifies you.

I have neighbors.

They scare me.

I don't want to see them.

I hope I don't see them.

You know, that's how you destroy an entire country.

You don't just do it.

You do it with the first with the way people live.

This is the way you destroy a country.

You make everybody afraid of their neighbors, fearful.

You tell everyone, don't assimilate at all.

You don't have to.

In fact, we don't want you to.

We don't want you making friends with anyone.

Why would you assimilate?

Speak your own language.

Have your own customs.

Do your own thing.

Don't go near anyone else.

Don't assimilate.

Don't become an American.

Don't think like a free American person.

Live in the cell.

There's a cupcake ATM.

Get the cupcake out of the ATM.

You know,

you have to plan for the unexpected.

It's so important.

And especially for your family,

your children, husband, wife, ethos.

You can get life insurance in minutes, not months.

There's no complicated process to 100% online.

No medical exam required.

You just answer a few health questions.

Get a quote in as little as 10 minutes.

You can get same-day coverage without ever leaving your house.

Life insurance is more affordable than you think.

With Ethos, you can get a free quote and customize a rate that fits your budget.

You can get up to $3 million in coverage.

Some policies as low as $2 a day billed monthly.

Ethos is a trustworthy company that disrupts the traditional life insurance industry.

As of March, 2025, business insider named Ethos, the number one known medical exam instant life insurance provider.

3 million families have completed their applications and trusted Ethos to help find the right coverage.

Ethos has 4.8 out of five stars on TrustPilot with over 2,400 reviews.

Protect your family life insurance from Ethos.

Get your free quote at ethos.com slash T-I-M.

That's E-T-H-O-S.com slash T-I-M.

Many people are struggling with hair loss, and I'm telling you, the best way to handle it is Neutrophil.

Neutrophil is number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement, trusted by over one and a half million people.

You can feel great about what you're putting into your body since Neutrophil hair growth supplements are packed by peer-reviewed studies and NSF,

content certified, the gold standard and third-party certification for supplements.

I'm telling you, see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in three to six months with Neutrophil.

For limited time, Neutrophil is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to neutrophil.com and enter the promo code Tim Dylan.

Find out why Neutralful is the best-selling hair growth supplement brand at neutralful.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com, promo code Tim Dylan.

That's Neutrifull promo code Tim Dylan.

T-I-M-D-I-L-L-O-N.

It really is just the way people live.

So when these billionaires are telling you you don't need to own a house, it's not just that they don't think it's a good financial investment.

Their interests are not served by you

having block parties and seeing other people.

They'd rather you live in a cell

where people bring you Thai food and you watch YouTube videos about people or reality shows about people that do have homes.

That's what people do.

People in Los Angeles go to their cell

on top of a PF Chang's.

Eat those lettuce wraps, which are good, and then watch reality shows about people that can afford to have a home.

That's pornography now.

You come thinking about having a place to see your friends,

but they don't want you to have any friends.

They don't want communities.

It's the hollowing out of the entire thing that serves their purposes.

And the only thing left is the bread and circuses and the Kimmels and the this and the that.

It's the only thing left.

And you're radicalized easily one way or the other.

And they're pulling strings because you have less and less of your own shit.

You don't have a community.

You live in some global world where like every single thing is the most important thing.

And then you go online and go, you know, my take.

You're supposed to care about shit that's like in a 10 block radius of where you live.

You're not supposed to be involved in the Middle East.

You're not supposed to be funding a real estate project in a place you've never been in Gaza.

It's not natural.

It's insane.

You're just not supposed to do that.

You're supposed to care about things.

You're supposed to know who got murdered two blocks away.

Why did that person get murdered?

You're supposed to know that.

You're supposed to be interested in the crime in your area.

Why?

Because you live there.

But now that dead there doesn't exist, it's malls and cupcake ATMs, it's fucking you know, private equity companies that build, you know, megastructures that look like storage lockers, and you just sit there and get mad all day on the internet, and you don't know your neighbors, and you don't care if they get murdered.

In fact, you might want them to.

You have no stake in the game,

and all of this

isn't new and it's being expedited at a level I've never seen.

It has never been more obvious that they are trying to get rid of human beings and human relationships and human communities at an incredibly fast clip.

Human behavior puzzles them.

Sam Altman doesn't know what humans do.

Sam Altman's confused by human behavior.

He doesn't get it.

He finds it inefficient and messy.

It perplexes him.

Okay?

And allegedly, that guy that worked for him died in a real weird way.

Okay?

And Sam Altman, when Tucker pressed him about that, acted like I did when my doctor asked me if I went to McDonald's.

So let's get real here.

These people don't care and they think human behavior is a problem.

Cultural

practices that they don't understand.

They don't understand people going to church.

They don't understand festivals and fairs.

They don't understand

people having a community where they exchange goods and services in physical locations.

They don't understand people that care.

Their job is to make you terrified and broke.

They want you on the citizen app.

They don't want another person telling you, hear what happened to Bob.

They don't want that interaction happening.

They want you on the citizen app all day hearing about crime that you don't care about because your communities aren't tight-knit communities where people know and care about each other.

They're strange

corporate hellscapes filled with like part-time residents and they've turned every city in this country into a foreign Dubai like Disney wonderland where people can launder money

and then take a bunch of launder drug money and go buy Laboo-Boo smoothies at Erewhon.

They don't want anything resembling life.

It's obvious they don't want anything resembling human life.

You're supposed to just walk around and participate in some viral scam.

That's the only reason you exist to these people.

The only reason you exist to Sam Altman is so that he can monitor you in some way and that you can take part wittingly or unwittingly in some viral scam

that someone's cooked up.

That you can buy some food item or little critter

or cryptocurrency that someone is hawking.

That is the sum total of your humanity to these people.

Why buy a house?

You don't need a house.

What a bad investment.

What does that word even mean?

Investment?

What are you talking about?

You know what's a really good investment?

Sitting there with seven people in your backyard having dinner and talking about life.

They don't want it.

It's a threat to them.

It's actually a big problem.

Every business has an ambition.

PayPal Open is the platform designed to help you grow into yours with business loans so you can expand and access to hundreds of millions of PayPal customers worldwide.

And your customers can pay all the ways they want with PayPal, Venmo, Pay Later, and all major cards so you can focus on scaling up.

When it's time to get growing, there's one platform for all business: PayPal Open.

Grow today at paypalopen.com.

Loan subject to approval in available locations.

A happy place comes in many colors.

Whatever your color, bring happiness home with CertaPro Painters.

Get started today at Certapro.com.

Each Certipro Painters business is independently owned and operated.

Contractor license and registration information is available at Certapro.com.

So I, I mean, it's in a, it's in a tremendous clip.

It's in a, it's, it's the, the

frequency of which this is happening, how quickly it's happening everywhere.

It's not just any one thing.

It's architecture.

It's business.

It's political.

It's cultural.

But really, at the end of the day, it's all of these things working together to take you out of the world and put you on the internet where they want you to live.

You're a view.

You're an anonymous source of data.

You're something to be marketed or terrified, but they don't consider you a person with inalienable rights.

They don't consider you

in any form or reflection of God or greater intelligence outside of the thing that they're going to create.

They consider you an obstacle and that the way you live is an obstacle to their ultimate goals.

That's what they consider you.

You are something that's in the way.

Your football game and your a couple of beers outside, or you invite people over to your home,

your family, your faith, your community, your culture, your all of this to them.

And I don't care if it's liberal or conservative.

I don't care if you're a fundamentalist Christian.

I don't care if you're Jewish, Muslim.

I don't care if you're an atheist.

I don't care if you do the winter solstice.

They don't either.

Their entire thing is to get rid of physical communities that are based around these things and usher people into a digital landscape by telling them not to own houses, not to drive cars, not to own things, to use ride shares, to be on the internet, to live in a cell and to be happy.

It is what it is.

You'll own nothing and be happy.

It's a famous article.

We all bring it up, but it's true.

And

what Jimmy Kimmel says

at the end of the day

doesn't really affect your life in the way that you think it does.

He should have a right to say it.

He should be criticized for saying it.

People should attack him

on the facts, not physically.

You should attack the facts because they weren't present in what he said.

Okay?

But there's something bigger going on and everyone feels it.

And it worries me that other people don't.

There's something bigger going on all over the country.

And it's not about Jimmy Kimmel.

And it's not really about left versus right.

It's about

this inertia that's moving humanity into a perpetual state of constant war, depression.

anxiety, anger.

I'm not proselytizing.

I'm not telling you to do this or do that.

I'm not saying to you that you can only find meaning in life one way.

I believe there's many ways to find meaning in life.

However, it's clearly obvious that the algorithms are manipulating us to hate each other and kill each other while everyone else is building resorts

in other places of the world, in Gaza, in Qatar.

They'll be building them in the Ukraine soon.

Watch.

And all the while, your life gets worse.

You become

angry.

You lack the ability to live

the life your parents did or their parents did.

And all they have to say to you

is how lucky you are.

How lucky you are that you don't live in a place like China.

Wow.

How lucky you are that you don't live in a place like China as they make America more like China every hour.

So,

you know,

you just have to understand what's happening.

You have to resist it in the ways that you can.

Don't listen to them when they tell you not to buy a house.

Don't listen to them.

Do not listen to them when they tell you that it's worthless to have a patch of dirt and grass and friends and a community.

It's absolutely not worthless.

In fact, it's the only thing that may save you.

Don't tell them it's worthless to

learn how to cook or grow food or be sufficient because everything is at the click of a button.

Don't tell them that it's worthless.

Don't listen to them when they say that it is worthless to try to see the humanity in somebody who doesn't agree with you.

You know,

it really is disturbing.

The people

right now

that run the show are not people.

They make these mistakes.

They do these interviews.

Guys, someone keep them behind closed doors.

They keep being interviewed.

Frankensteins keep coming out to be interviewed.

And I think Frankenstein was actually good.

I didn't read that book.

Was Frankenstein good?

Yes.

Yes.

Well, that's not what I mean then.

Who was bad then in Frankenstein?

The mob?

Yes.

That doesn't apply here.

Why did they fire me?

It's not fair.

But what I'm telling you is this.

Take a minute.

Charlie Kirk was a human being.

He was not a dangerous radical.

You may not have agreed with him.

Who gives a fuck?

The guy was a human being.

You have to rediscover that you are a human being

as well.

You don't have to like me.

You don't have to think I'm good.

You can hate me.

You know, I'd like if you didn't shoot me.

But, you know, at the end of the day,

getting rid of human communities, replacing them with digital communities that are created via hate

and algorithms and moving people

out of these

physical places and destroying the bonds we have with each other.

Be very suspicious of people who tell you to not own a home.

Be very suspicious of people that tell you they talk about investments and they own 12.

Be very suspicious of all these people.

And I've been saying things like this for a long time, but it does feel now that we're getting to the point where we're getting close to the point of no return.

And if we're easily distracted and we're just fighting each other, we're not going to be able to demand that we stay human

because there are interests and agendas operating at very high levels that want to rob us of our humanity and they're winning and they're succeeding.

I hope everyone has fun at the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

I will continue to live like a Saudi in my own country

because I can.

I am now fully with Iran.

Against Saudi Arabia.

I didn't want it to be this way, but it is.

Alliances shift constantly.

This is the game.

This

is the game.

I hope everyone enjoys it.

And if you're a Saudi, I hope you

continue to listen to the program.

Continue to listen.

Continue to support us here.

And again, it's no reflection on you.

I blame

a few people

who ended up being cowardly.

I do not blame the Saudi people.

Even the executioner who's doing the behanding.

I don't even blame you.

I don't blame you with the mask on doing the behanding.

I don't blame you.

I actually don't blame you.

I don't blame you.

Truly, I don't blame you.

Okay?

I blame Joker too.

Every business has an ambition.

PayPal Open is the platform designed to help you grow into yours with business loans so you can expand and access to hundreds of millions of PayPal customers worldwide.

And your customers can pay all the ways they want with PayPal, Venmo, Pay Later, and all major cards.

So you can focus on scaling up.

When it's time to get growing, there's one platform for all business, PayPal Open.

Grow today at PayPalOpen.com.

Loan subject to approval in available locations.

A happy place comes in many colors.

Whatever your color, bring happiness home with Certapro Painters.

Get started today at Certapro.com.

Each Certopro Painters business is independently owned and operated.

Contractor license and registration information is available at Certapro.com.

What happens when Delta Airlines sends four creators around the world to find out what is the true power of travel?

I love that both trips had very similar mental and social perks.

Very much so.

On both trips, their emotional well-being and social well-being went through the roof.

Find out more about how travel can support well-being on this special episode of The Psychology of Your Twenties, presented by delta fly and live better listen wherever you get your podcasts

who knew you could get all your favorite summer fruits and veggies in as fast as an hour with walmart express delivery crisp peppers juicy peaches crunchy cucumbers and more at the same low prices you'd find in store and freshness is guaranteed

if you don't love our produce contact us for a full refund you're definitely going to need a bigger salad bowl order now in the app the walmart you thought you knew is now new

Subject to availability, fees, and restrictions apply.