Wild Camping

We're back, Beby.

Hello.

Hello.

Summer beans.

Summer beans.

It's been summer, isn't it?

It's going to be a hot bean summer, that's what people are saying.

So we've been getting bean body ready, haven't we?

Over the last month.

I've been eating nothing but beans.

Yeah.

As should be plain to see from people who are experiencing the visual.

Well, it's been a pulse, a sort of pulse salad, hasn't it?

It's been get your pulses and pulse them, double pulse.

It's been gassy, sure.

Oh, yeah.

It's been protein-rich.

The catchphrase is, eat your pulses to get your pulse up.

To get your pulse pulser.

It's one of the few diets that tries to get your pulse up.

Well, first of all, you pulse the pulses in a.

So I'm just trying to remouse.

Sorry, Henry's having a terrible time putting his glasses on.

I forgot.

Wow.

I've forgotten how to put glasses on while wearing headphones, which to be very is quite hard because I've got to kick one ear.

I've got one.

You've got them perched on top of your

cans.

I don't think I've seen you do that before.

You're using your cans as is.

Do you think you still have to use your ears as is?

Well, no, so the ears are still operational

within the can carapace.

Yeah.

But what I'm trying to do is...

So this is what happens when you have a month off because people forget, don't they?

We completely desk.

You know what?

It's a bit like being an astronaut.

We become slightly flaccid, don't we?

Over the night.

It's a bit like being on the international space station.

This is why NASA did try two months on, one month off with their astronauts, but

the consequences were absolutely catastrophic.

This is what happens.

I've completely forgotten how to put because I've been trying to put it on.

I find this quite stressful to watch.

Do you know what I mean?

And you know what?

So

it's a multi-factorial problem, actually.

Because one, you're in zero-g

one, I'm in zero-g with Katie Perry.

How is Katie Perry doing?

She's suffering badly as well.

She's actually got stuck in a glasses headphones loop, which we can't break her out of.

All we can do is we think in Katie's in a music studio and then

bury that as deep as we can below the Earth's crust.

And in six months, she'll either be dead or she'll produce an incredible album, a Mercury-nominated album.

Just because we'll get emails, she's not eligible for a Mercury prize.

Because

she's not related to a milliner.

Or a dentist.

And if you do look at the winners,

since its inception,

it's millinery.

And dentistry is written.

It's the millinery.

Nepo babies, again, it is.

It's because she's not British.

I think it's best British album, isn't it?

The Mercury Prize.

Well, yeah, that's the story.

The Millinery.

Yeah, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's because she's British.

But it's not because millinery was dying out

as a trade in the middle of the last century

and they moved from making headphones for what?

Hats.

Well, headphones are sort of hats for the ears, aren't they?

Well, that's what milliners do these days, isn't it?

Because there's less top hats needed than they make when they

put a glossy mercury sheen on headphones.

Exactly.

Yeah, no, so just know, so there's a few different factors.

One is I'm trying to get the headphones, I'm trying to get the arms over, but also keeping an ear free at all times.

That's what's difficult about it.

So you've also recently clearly, you're looking very smart you've clearly de-frictioned your head as well

defriction my head which is making everything very very smooth yeah too smooth I would say because actually I've gone balder which we didn't think was possible

scientifically but I'm actually still going bald but the beard remains bristly and strong yeah the beard remains full of friction so maybe you just need to get some different arms on your glasses that actually go through

your jawline rather than over your that won't solve it oh so attach oh attach them the other way around yeah

Anyway, no, I've had all kinds of glasses stressed over the last month, actually, because

I'm stuck in the loop again.

Sorry.

Sorry, so that was also made hard by the fact that I can only see things that are close through the bottom of the glass, I think.

Are you bifocaling?

No, I'm very focaling.

It's so complicated, no one's ever managed to explain it to me.

So very focal is where you get a sort of like short-sided bit of the bottom or long-sided bit of the top or something.

And then in the middle is a sort of like a sort of kaleidoscope vortex

magic eye thing.

If you cross your eyes, you can see the face of heaven.

The good news is, one, yes, it is basically a giant Ryman's escalator that runs into it, into the middle of it.

As we suspected.

So that's good news.

Basically, one of my arms fell off my glasses about six months ago.

And you simply haven't had time to sort it out.

No, no, no.

I got on it quite fast.

They sent off for a new arm from,

I think it's Germany, possibly, where they're made.

That took months and months to arrive.

It finally arrived.

So it's in the meantime, they gave me a spare arm, which

the optician loaned me.

And we've talked about opticianry before.

It's quite a kind of,

it feels quite sort of unregulated and quite sort of dark, weirdly, and quite sort of medieval.

Look into this prism.

Look into this prism.

Exactly.

Do you see the the face of the queen?

Or the face of a knave?

Don't look in the bottom left.

That's just Satan.

You'll just see Satan.

You'll just see Satan.

And it's all like favours.

It's like, yeah,

yeah, enjoy these glasses, Henry.

And I've got my eyes on you in more ways than one, though.

It's all that kind of thing.

Because you remember I had the whole thing where I was offered a free glasses box.

Yes.

But you weren't.

I've got this kind of cryptic relationship with my optician where it's all sort of favours.

It's like, I'll look out for you, mate.

Yeah.

It'd be awful if I was to to um burn out burn out one of your eyes

wouldn't it during one of your exams that'd be a shame wouldn't it you've been receiving your gcses

let it go henry

i think gcses are like driving tests you really ought to be doing them every five years

how much of that stuff have you retained

i had a story about someone i've grown up who genuinely did sit at i think it was ancient greek or something or it knows a language of some sort but they they sat in something that wasn't a particularly popular GCC with not a big population as a grown-up and did so extraordinarily well that they basically sort of had to reset the mark boundaries.

And probably most of the kids that thought they were going to get an A went down to a B

because of a single born middle-aged person in Hertfordshire.

He's ruined it for everyone.

Yeah.

You know, you can do GCSEs at any age.

Yeah.

And I just feel like I would smash them now.

Right?

Even without work.

With a bit of work, because you know, you've just got a general level of common sense that kind of accrues through your life.

You know what?

You've just pitched so hard into middle age, Ben.

This is tragic.

What you're saying is absolute bollocks, complete bollocks.

Yeah, said with

common sense my way through.

Exactly.

I'm going to deduce using common sense how the arse of a tortoise works.

University of life, mate.

Which GCS is that, Henry?

If I can retar the inside of a High and Dive 10, I think I can work my way around a Geography GCSE.

Thanks very much.

I think so, mate.

That's what I think.

I reckon I could smash Geography GCSE tomorrow.

So rude and insulting to the people at this moment suffering.

I barely remember anything of my amphibian bowel movements, GCSE.

Only that.

No, tortoises aren't amphibians, are they?

No wonder I got a C.

There I go.

Instagram has been chucking me loads of tortoise stuff over the last month.

Have you been getting tortoise stuff?

I'm not on Instagram.

No, I haven't

been tortoise algorithmed.

I'm getting so much tortoise content.

So have either of you...

This is the thing that happens with Instagram and

I think TikTok, which I think Instagram now imitates TikTok, I think, doesn't it?

Which is you just get sent millions and millions of like short films

as I see them

by the great directors yeah it's a wonderful medium but but then so you're living in this echo chamber chamber of stuff which which you know the algorithm has decided you're into

you click on it sometimes just out of interest i mean mike if i was to yeah put a pic if i was to tell you that i've uh i'm i if i was to put in front of you the idea of sorry about pam i think she's just because you are sounding a little bit like a uh

a telegraph opinion piece at the moment so she's i think that's why she's getting a bit itsy

because she's so excited about it.

She's so excited about it.

She's

she every time you leave her next to the laptop, she tries to subscribe you to the Telegraph with her voice.

She's getting closer and closer every time.

You know, actually, this is something else I noticed that I realized the other day.

Obviously, I don't, I don't, I mean, well, not obviously, but I don't read the Telegraph, but the Telegraph are very good at coming up with article headlines online that you click on, you start reading and it fades.

You're like, oh, my God, do I need?

maybe I do need to subscribe to the Telegraph?

Like, they've worked it out perfectly.

And it's always, isn't it?

It's always like a tortoise, something to do with the

fact that we're spending the government spending too much money supporting single-parent tortoises.

Whatever.

Anyway, I find that the Times has started doing this to me.

I'm in the Times algorithm somehow.

They think I'm in their crosshairs, basically.

So online, I'm just getting constant adverts to try and subscribe to the Times.

And I'm not a Times reader.

Yes, but you do think you can do all your GC.

You do think that common sense could get you through.

Yeah, you're giving off some kind of middle-aged man musk.

Yeah,

you're giving off a musk.

It's

a bit like sort of Battenberg cake, isn't it?

It's got a bit of sweetening.

Yeah.

If you can imagine a kind of scotched Battenberg cake.

Yeah.

Incorporated into some.

It's sort of pipe-smoked as well, isn't it?

Smoked, scotched Battenberg.

Smoked.

So breadcrumbs, sausage meat, Marsie pan, pink and yellow sponge.

Yeah, woods.

So it's basically, yeah, it's just a common sense meal, isn't it, Ben?

It's a common sense meal that you'd come up with if you were running a high-end restaurant.

You probably could do it just using your common sense.

But weirdly, the adverts for the Times that are the things that are trying to get me to hook in are always the same.

It's a woman, a good-looking woman, who says, At 50 I divorced, and now I'm just getting shagged bandy by 20-year-olds.

What?

Not in so many words, but it's basically that.

Uh-oh.

Lewde content warning.

Lewde content and content and content.

That's something to do with the Saab, Ben, isn't it?

That feels like that.

That feels like it.

Because it's hard to work out where you fit into that narrative.

Which one are you?

Because I feel like you're not ultimately.

I'm not sure if you're what the 50-year-old woman's looking for, but I didn't think you were what those 20-year-olds are looking for.

Well, maybe you are.

I think, no hang on a minute are you the 50 year old woman you're getting closer to being her

because perimenopause we hear about it a lot with women but it does very weird things to men doesn't it

it's a stretch it's a stretch though isn't it so the fifty year old woman is going i'm i'm recently divorced and i'm actually shagging my way through a bunch of um sort of greek islands greek islands i think this is the learning at the same time so learning about the ancients ancients and getting absolutely seen to.

I'm about to smash my ancient Greek GCSE.

As soon as I stop sitting on the face of Professor Winkelstein once.

No, Professor Winklstein is too old for me.

The whole point is that she's

able to access a younger lover now.

Professor Winkelstein's grandson.

Or son.

I don't know.

So for some reason, like versions of that story are being piped at me all the time.

And it's the same thing where you click through and you can't actually read it.

You just have to read the first three sentences.

But you get into the.

And Ben, I can see

it's hooked doing, isn't it, that story?

What the hell is making this 50-year-old woman tick?

And you're reading as each line gets more and more faded, you're trying harder, you're straining.

I'm sure I can get some information out of that 90% faded line.

If I just try hard enough,

if I just scroll down fast enough, maybe I can't catch another line.

Well, anyway, so look,

we've been away for a month, so we need to get we're a bit undisciplined here with the chap.

So we've created a few strands.

Let's try and reel them in, get back to the mother strand.

Which is?

Well, I was talking about, so we have to go back, but the previous thing was tortoises on, tortoises online.

I'm getting sent a lot.

And this is the funny thing which happens, right?

Which is you start watching.

This tortoise got divorced at 50.

Which basically makes it a teenager.

It's got loads of.

It's not as equivalent as it sounds, is it?

His whole life is ahead of it, though.

Because I'm following these various accounts.

So I get updates on this tortoise every day, or these various different weird accounts I'm following.

And I assume that other people know about it because you just do.

But because

we grew up in a linear media environment, didn't we?

Where everyone was watching Tomorrow's World, for example.

Everyone was watching Tomorrow's World simultaneously.

Yeah.

So I could have assumed that there is a sort of water cooler moment available to me where I could say to you guys something like this, which is, wasn't it heartwarming how well Rockolina has come on?

And neither of you will, but actually neither of you know know what the hell I'm talking about, do you?

No.

Do you know who Rockolina even is?

I have no idea, no.

I'm imagining that she's a tortoise of some sort.

She is a tortoise who's badly neglected for 50 years and is now being nursed back to health, and it's just incredibly heartwarming.

It's so weird, isn't it?

We're all living in these like our own little emotional microclimates to do with stuff like this.

So you're both getting a lot of second spring stuff, it sounds like, to me.

Yeah, you're right.

It's renewal, it's rebirth, isn't it?

Because Rockolina is, and it was 50 years, weirdly.

Yeah.

She was for 50 years.

And is she being looked after by loads of sort of sexy 25-year-old men?

She is now, yeah.

She's loving life.

She's getting buffed from all angles.

She's decided to say yes to everything.

Yes, exactly.

It was probably a mistake to agree to being the puck in the uh

in the World Series final of ice hockey, wasn't it?

Uh, yeah, so there was that.

Anyway, and before that was just glasses stuff, which wasn't that interesting, but basically, I've had a bit of a glasses daybark.

They sent off for a new arm.

It took months.

In the meantime, they lent me, and a temporary one.

Yeah, the new one's finally arrived, so I can go and get it replaced.

Go and replace it on the lent me.

And you couldn't write it.

This one's fallen off at the same bloody time.

Well, you wouldn't write it.

You certainly wouldn't write it, not if you expect a career in publishing.

You'd be

good luck getting a job writing the E-numbers on a bloody pack of fruit passports, mate.

Yeah.

So, so I've got seven.

So now I don't know what to do, which is do I get a brand new pair of glasses

or send off to replace this one?

That'll take months again.

What's going on?

Would you like to lend an arm in the meanwhile?

Then they'd be lending me another arm.

We're getting a bit trigger's broom, aren't we, with this?

We're getting a bit trigger's bloody broom.

I also need a new prescription, so I've been thinking of getting more chunky.

Well, just a chunky pair of glasses.

Do you have Elton John style?

Maybe.

I was thinking maybe Elton John.

I did see that Elton John has brought out a new range of spectacles, the Elton John range.

This is real.

How fun are we talking?

Are we talking like pink, kind of like pineapple Tropicana style glasses?

So, these ones we have to exit

the specsaver sideways to get out

once they put them on,

yeah.

Using their trench as well so you can get through the door.

The specsaver's trench that they have to dig.

Also, the test is not usual because normally you sit behind a small table, don't you?

And they lower the glasses and dry.

This one you have to sit behind the piano, don't you?

And the glasses actually come up through some dry ice.

Now, can you read the next line of Rocket Man more easily now or more easily now?

And can you read the next line of Rocket Man more easily now?

Hang on.

Here we go.

Does the lyric about it's just your job now, six to seven days a week, make more sense now or now?

It doesn't make any sense either way, does it?

I'm just having a laugh.

Have you ever thought about going for these sort of the perfectly round intellectual styles?

They're quite sort of James Joyce-looking ones people wear.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because the trouble is, you can't run away from your head shape.

The head is

a slightly amorphous

amorphous globule, isn't it?

Or at least heads vary a lot in shape, whereas glasses are glasses.

They're solid.

They're structured.

But there's a huge amount of variety in the human head shape.

So what happens is

you can see just how an amorphous or globule your face is when something structured structured and with a formal perfection symmetry is put on it.

Do you know what I mean?

You suddenly see.

Do you see what I'm talking about?

It's sort of a day when you might discover that one of your ears is lower than the other, for example.

Exactly.

And that will happen on a glasses day.

It will happen when you first wear glasses.

You start to raise these kinds of things.

It's similar with hat and head size.

You never really know how big your head is until you try and put a hat on.

Because I've got the strange thing with my head, which is my head is both massive, but also way too small for my body.

It's the right size for your legs.

It's the right size for my legs, but nothing else.

So

if I'm getting changed at the beach,

the 1950s style sort of like curtain thing that just covers.

Yeah, people assume you're a novelty sandwich board.

Yeah.

They try and read you for the special offers.

Yeah, and people can't wait to be guessed.

Sorry, mate, then don't embarrass you a bit.

All the sandwich information has fallen off

your board.

It's just guesswork, really.

Can you please tell us what the specials are today?

Obviously, I'll say cheese pastrami and then let's get in the car and go home.

But you know what it's like, weirdly, from an illustrator's point of view.

It's one of the hardest things you can do as an illustrator is draw someone riding a bicycle.

I've really noticed because I can draw a bicycle and I can draw a person.

So, a bicycle is like the glasses.

It's formal perfection, it's symmetry, it's a yeah, it's a structured piece of stuff, which is really easy to draw, actually.

Like a pair of glasses is really easy to draw.

Actually, weirdly

a pair of glasses is actually the same as a bicycle.

I don't know what that means.

It's quite frightening.

That's what I'm going to look into.

God.

I think we've learned something that humans were never supposed to know.

Shit.

Glasses and bicycles are basically the same thing.

Humanity isn't ready to deal with that information.

Dora's box is truly open.

And aide has just run into Kirstarma's room with a bad face.

It's happened until lockdown.

Downing Street is taken off.

I can sort of draw a human, but what happens is if you're drawing a person riding a bicycle, is for example, you'll draw the bicycle and then you'll try and draw a human on, and you'll realize that the humans you draw have to be contorted into this grotesque shape to fit the bicycle that you've drawn.

Do you see what I mean?

Or you draw a human, then you draw the bicycle to fit the human you've drawn, and then the bicycle looks crazy and doesn't look right.

So to get the two, the form, to get the evolved universe and the humanly created universe to coincide correctly.

It's all stuff I shouldn't have been talking to the optician about.

I mean, she's busy, she had a load of witches, she had a load of other customers to see.

Especially when it was Bernie Torpin, he's a busy man.

It's almost like you see the fallen nature of your own physical form when you put this perfect thing on it.

Anyway,

it's all about different face shapes.

So,

my face shape, I think, looks okay with these.

I put some square ones on, I look really, really

gratesque.

I mean,

the optician had a special sort of siren she hit.

I've had an idea for a jingle that I've been wondering about for a while, actually.

Yeah.

Because Henry will often give us the illustrator's view.

Yes, that's true.

He will very often tell us that from an illustrator's perspective, this and this, this.

So I wondered if we could maybe create a jingle for that.

I'd love that.

It's a great idea.

Pens, colour weave.

Pencils, the vanishing point.

Perspective, the horizon.

Not technically a profession in the the traditional sense.

Eraser.

Crayon.

Charcoal.

A view from the illustrator's chair.

With Henry Packer.

And I thought to myself, that beaver needs one thing.

It's either a moustache or a bow tie.

But it can't be both.

But I was wrong.

Okay, let's sit on the bean machine.

Yes, please.

This week's topic, as sent in by Sean from Exeter.

No way.

I've not heard of Exeter.

Anyone know where that is?

Jewel in the South West's Crown.

Exeter.

Yeah.

Exeter.

The world's only rural city.

Is that correct?

I don't know.

It's technically a city, but it does regularly have tractors driving through it.

So, Mike, before we press on, what are your views on Sean?

You mates?

Do you hang out?

What do you think of...

Yeah.

We've got to be very careful about what we say about each other in Exeter because it's a small place.

Yes, I know.

I do know a Sean.

Yeah.

I like that Sean a lot, and I don't see him as often as I'd like to.

Is it the same Sean?

I don't know.

Probably not.

But now you've opened the door for this, Sean, to spend some time with you.

I'm just saying the Sean precedent is good so far.

The Sean's scene, the Sean vibe, as I've experienced it in the South West, has been very positive.

Henry, what's your general vibe on the name Sean and the kind of people you meet who are called Sean?

Well, the thing I just wanted to clarify about that was obviously an X to that that can mean Sean as in they've been Sean.

Can't it?

Because Because obviously, X is still divided into the Sean and the non-Sean.

That's how people are named in Devon by the first thing that happens to them

when they get out into the world.

That's why you meet a number of people called de-pelted.

Accidentally dropped in a bin.

That's quite a common one.

I just want to say that Britain's most rural city has to be St.

David's in West Wales, right?

Is that technically a city?

It's literally just a cathedral and

it's going to take the crown then.

Yeah.

We'll take the English one.

And how does one define rural?

Is it to do with how many of those picnic benches things are in the area?

When my dad worked for a council once, it was his job to work out if a place was deemed to be rural for the purposes of how many pharmacies you need per square mile.

Nice.

So if it's an if it's an urban area, there's a number of pharmacies that are expected to be there.

Yeah.

And if it's rural, there are fewer pharmacies.

The standard is lower.

But these have bigger suppositories, don't they?

Exactly.

They're going to go into the arse of a shy horse.

Exactly.

The rule is, if it's rural, basically, are you somewhere where you, at the end of the day, you need to check yourself for ticks?

And are you somewhere where there are creatures you shouldn't walk directly behind?

Which actually also extends to the pharmacists, doesn't it?

In rural areas.

Very rural pharmacists will lash out

behind.

Well, in a rural area, a pharmacist is something growing on the side of a farmer's neck.

Lovely stuff.

And often they'll be the size of a Doberman

with the personality of a Doberman

and the legs of a Doberman.

Yeah,

I don't think my father ever told me what the criteria was.

No.

But he sort of had to go to these places and say, this to me is rural.

Shut that pharmacy down.

Shut them all down.

But the one that you have, because it's so much of it, is massive, massive suppositories, isn't it?

Oh, they're like a tank shell.

Yeah.

So, so the rural pharmacist,

there's almost no shop floor and shop front.

It's almost all storage for, so the proportions of the shop change are almost all storage for massive suppositories.

It's a bit like that scene at the end of Indiana Jones and and the

massive suppository.

The suppository of Doom.

Don't look directly at the suppository with your ass.

Don't you have to close your ass with a sword?

What will the grail have been made of?

Cold?

Wood?

No.

A series of melted down suppositories.

That scene at the end of Indiana Jones and the

what was the first one called again?

I've forgotten.

That scene at the end where there's the huge, huge warehouse and he's wheeling a little thing.

It's like that, isn't it?

It's a huge warehouse of different kinds of suppository.

They're all lined up.

And that, of course, is where the shop Argos was invented, isn't it?

Because it was originally called Arscos, wasn't it?

It's such a long way to get to the Arscos.

You've got Ben's pharmacist thing, very neat, very snappy, pithy, out in a moment, on the other end of the spectrum.

Something's got to put the working.

No, because what would happen is essentially what would happen in those places is there would would be almost all suppository storage and then a small shop front where there'd just be the pharmacist and the farmer chatting and gossing talking goss about the asses of his various flock of his various animals in his flock and herds

and children yes and children yeah yeah so that's um and then it got bastardized okay so anyway sean's topic that he sent in yeah and he submitted it at enter the beam machine dot boats very good like to do that enter the beam machine dot boats the only place to do it is wild camping

oh

This is very.

This is in the Zeitgeist in our neck of the woods.

Oh, is it?

Well, there's some landowner in Dartmoor who's just lost a case.

He's been trying to stop people wild camping on his land.

How did he lose the case?

Because I thought in England, wild camping isn't really a thing.

Well, it sort of is a thing, and there's sort of right to roam.

And I think he'd, I think, I'm going to get this wrong probably, but I think he'd made various sort of bogus arguments about the wild campers were going to spoil the special sort of farming farming he was doing, but it sounds like he's actually just like a

bit of a feudal tosser, really.

He's just a very wealthy man who owns more land than he needs.

And he was just trying to stop people roaming in huge areas of Dartmoor and occasionally sort of camping overnight.

Because there are huge expanses of this fine isles.

There aren't.

There are.

There are huge expanses of wild terrain, aren't there?

And I only really realised this yesterday when I was watching a

I was watching a documentary about squirrels yesterday.

Yeah.

What red squirrels?

Yeah.

I saw a red squirrel only last week.

Basically, red squirrels are the good squirrels.

Yeah, grey squirrels are.

Well, the grey squirrel origin stories is one of the facts

you tell your child when you're rearing them.

That's it, basically.

Yeah, the grey squirrel.

Well, as an extra person.

Grey squirrel origin story, Phases of the Moon.

You're ready for the working world.

There you go.

And where was this documentary well it was set in cumbria okay that is a big expanse yeah there were some shots of the cumbrians

countryside i just couldn't believe

i i just literally couldn't believe what i was looking at

it was just huge expanses of sort of

been up there i've not been to cumbria okay have you been to any expanses i've not been to that many expanses actually weirdly it's not the first thing you you sort of think of isn't it for a holiday let's go to an expanse i think lots of people do think they go to expanses yeah they'll go to northumberland or lake distribution and i suppose that's wild campers is it right who do that kind of thing some of them are wild campers some of them are formal campers so when you lived in glasgow henry oh yeah and you traveled between glasgow and london did you just keep your eyes hard shut all the way or my eyes were absolutely riveted as if with hard iron onto dostoevsky's heft

yeah riveted my eyes were riveted to his prose i had and i would only unrivet them so as to turn the page and then the rivets would go back on.

Rivet it hard.

Lefty loosey, turny pagey, righty tighty, rivet them back on.

And did you never go north?

Did you ever go north of Glasgow?

You get into proper mega expanse, right?

No, North Scotland.

So I do associate it with Scotland because I did do some.

I did some wild camping, in fact, in Scotland.

So here we go.

Intentionally?

Because wild camping feels like the sort of thing you might do accidentally

and then rebrand later.

And then rebrand.

Yeah.

As that was actually a wild camping experience we just went on.

So actually, rather than calling for my head on a platter, you should actually be paying me.

Yeah, and Steve is currently wild drowning.

That's right.

Because not unbeknownst to him, he actually did sign up for and tick the box for the wild drowning experience.

Yeah, so I know I did go wild camping in Scotland because I had a friend while I was in Scotland called Raymond.

Everybody who goes to lives in Scotland for more than six months is given a friend called Raymond.

It's a lovely thing.

It's a lovely feature of visiting Scotland.

Everyone is yeah, you're

yeah, you just have to short form you fill in.

Are you presented with your Raymond or do you have to find your Raymond?

Well

you can choose.

I went for finding Raymond which was more fun.

He was hidden under some heather, yeah.

How do you know that the Raymond you find isn't already someone else's Raymond?

Well actually that's how me and Raymond fell out because it turned out he was actually Raymonding for three or four other people at the same time.

And you get held.

he had the scent of others upon him.

He had the scent of others upon him.

So you know, I had a good friend of ours now called Raymond.

He took me while camping.

We went to the Isle of Aran.

Lovely.

It was absolutely brilliant.

I mean, I'm not a camper.

It's just not in my blood to camp.

Yeah.

And to be around things like tents and metal things that screw into each other.

I just don't give a shit.

It's not that I didn't give a shit.

It's less than that.

It can't be asked.

It can't be asked.

It does nothing for me.

Like the idea of navigation or like knowing north from south or a map or recognizing that a small picture of a tree on a map is a tree.

Well, yeah, go fucking figure.

I'm looking at an actual tree and I know it's a tree.

But like some people love that process.

So the illustrator has no respect for the cartographer.

That's all we're saying.

Interesting.

It's true, actually.

I mean, they're basically failed illustrators.

I've got to draw the trees on the hill where they actually are.

I can make up trees

um

you could ruin a map couldn't you i could absolutely fuck up a map easier sneezing i don't know if it's not in my essence to to to say i so i would never wild camp off my own bat i so generally associate camping with extreme discomfort i think that's because my earliest experiences were like that I got forced to go wild camping in Scotland as a small child, for example, by my own school, somewhere kind of a bit north of Inverness, and they said we're camping, and then we got to sort of the middle of quite high up but quite a wet heather covered hill and they give us these sort of orange plastic bags to put over our sleeping bags and that was it we were we were done that was the end of the evening isn't that basically a body bag

just filling just filling the details

body bag yeah write your name on on sh with sharpie in these little boxes here and away collection yeah so i think that's one of my earliest memories of camping and that's all i i've put i've put it very much in the sort of torture sort of terrifying torture

Think you're going to have your head pulled off by a lynx in the middle of the night, kind of,

you know.

Well, that would be a person dressed as a lynx, I think, wouldn't it?

If it would be, if they were pulling your head off when people are reintroducing lynxes, yeah, they the first phase is always to get someone to an out-of-work actor to dress up as a lynx because you've got to get the population used to the lynxes first.

Yeah, pull a few people's heads off so that they're not a good idea.

Pull a few people's heads off just so they get, yeah, because you can readjust.

So, a village can deal with that sort of tragedy and doesn't have to pop in society.

It's like, oh, we lost another boy to the lynx head people.

It just becomes part of the local law.

Part of the local law, the infrastructure's set up for it to deal with.

Now, Raymond, Raymond, next time you're befriending one of those southern types, maybe don't tell them about the lynxes pulling people's heat

because it'll reduce tourist numbers.

That sort of thing.

Yeah, exactly that.

At what point, Henry, did you realise that your Raymond was actually a lynx in a human costume?

I think

it was when I asked him if he could make me a sausage breakfast and he replied by going...

Yeah, that was when I first started to suspect.

You know what?

I do love the Highlands of Scotland, right?

Absolutely love them.

But this is how I interact with the Highlands.

I've done this with a few different people.

So when I was living in Scotland, I fell in love with the Highlands in a very, very deep way.

But

in a way which was both very deep,

but also didn't involve me leaving a car.

No, I would have preferred to have seen it from a helicopter.

Yeah, ideally.

Imagine falling in love with a woman,

but she's always outside of the car.

And you're always inside the car.

It was sort of like...

You don't quite love her enough to walk up her.

No, no.

You haven't got a strong enough shoes, probably.

You haven't broken those ones from out of my Especially given how many midges come out of her mouth.

Because that has the problem with

Scotland is like this lovely, and then it's actually you're just getting bitten upwards of a thousand times by tiny, tiny little flies.

So that that happened to me on on on my on my wild camp.

But but my my um my love of the Highlands is very much now because I do because I am such a city person that my mind gets absolutely blown by the countryside occasionally because I just can't I just can't really I just have no preparation, mental preparation for it.

So, so what I'll do is I like to drive around the highlands, drive over a hill, stop the car, just look at the hills, just go, bloody hell, can you believe this?

And keep driving.

I actually witnessed this recently, Mike, when I gave Henry a lift back from McCunthouth Comedy Festival.

Drove him to Cardiff where he's getting the train.

And

Henry's mind got blown by some very mid-countryside.

Really?

So true.

He was like,

what's this area called?

I don't think there's even a name for it.

It's literally just a field.

It absolutely blows my mind.

Like, nice countryside, especially in Britain.

Even Brown Belt will do it for me.

Even basically Brown Belt.

I can only see two Rymans from there.

It's incredible.

In the Highlands, I went to Britain's most...

remote pub, I think was their claim, which you can't get to by road.

Ooh.

Please tell me it involves a boat.

It's boat or foot, and we definitely did boat.

Wow.

And it was fantastic.

We weren't camping, but it was...

So we got there.

I had quite a crap venison burger.

Yeah.

But, you know, it was all part of it.

Doesn't matter.

And think of how inaccessible that venison burger was.

And then that adds a whole new layer of flavour, doesn't it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the bun was quite stale.

But in a way where you think, well, of course it is.

Yeah.

It's had to get here by boat.

It's in a couple of weeks.

Exactly.

And then we left the pub went for a little walk and i saw a golden eagle it was like a proper like what

yeah i do think i knew that they were native to that bit of yeah

scotland only i think i think golden eagles are gradually coming down south and you know why i know this

it's because for some fucking reason i get tortoise stuff and loads of eagle stuff sent to me online i don't know on instagram loads of like birds loads of avian information i know that golden eagles for the first time are being seen in Birmingham.

Around Birmingham.

They've been seen using the

canal system.

Because that's how persistent they are chasing their prey.

They're so cold-eyed and deadly.

They will hire a pole boat.

They'll hire a narrow boat.

So patient.

And instead of flying at 40 miles an hour, they'll put along at two miles an hour.

If that's what it takes to track down and eat the eyes of Michael Portillo,

then that's what they'll do.

It's the long game.

And Waitley's wearing the bright red trousers so no one will notice the blood, giving you time to escape via the canal system again.

So when you were, Mike, when you were in your plastic bag on the side of a mountain in a sleeping bag, To me, that sounds like there would have been some fun.

I would have been quite excited by that.

Or were you just just fully just this is rubbish?

It was all a bit brutal.

I think it was the sort of thing that could have been really fun as a whole experience, but I think that I think the people in charge really wanted to toughen us up.

Oh, no.

Like, there was another day where we were sent out, and there was a handful of air rifles, which people got quite excited about.

We're sort of dangerously fighting over.

Were you being trained by the IRA, by the way?

Trained by the IRA.

What was this?

And then it emerged that they were taking us out into a field and and they wanted us to kill rabbits.

Oh, God.

And

I didn't like that much.

And we weren't particularly interested in engaging with the fact that all of us there were meat eaters and

probably some of us had eaten rabbits, but we didn't want to kill that many rabbits.

And a couple of people gave it a go, and mercifully were no good at shooting, so no one managed to kill anything.

But that kind of stuff, I think they

wanted to teach us about from the field to the table.

And then the camping thing was like a big old march.

It wasn't a camping thing that ended up with with a big bonfire and let's play some songs and all that kind of stuff and have some marshmallows.

No, it was like we're marching up.

You had your tea earlier on.

So, no, no, there is no, of course, I'm not going to make you a burger.

Don't be ridiculous.

Lie down there, get in this plastic bag.

We'll walk back down the hill in the morning.

Was this through your school?

Was it the Church of England?

Which institution was behind this?

This was my primary school.

So this wasn't even my sort of martial secondary school.

So, Mike, how old are you at that age?

Primary school?

I think when we went on this trip, we were probably eight or nine years old.

It may have been a Falklands recruitment thing, Mike.

I mean, that was been and gone.

Cod wars, maybe?

Yeah, that's right, Mike.

The Falklands War isn't still going on.

Keep taking your mainstream media pills.

I don't know what the intention would have been.

But

it was pretty hardcore.

Well, when I was at school, we did a thing called Forest School Camps.

See, that is the opposite of what Mike's talking about.

Yeah.

You probably did a little bit of archery.

You probably fed a rabbit.

Whereas Mike fed it hot lead

at the other end of the country.

We actually put on a musical performance of Watership Down with a happy ending.

Meanwhile, I'm sprinting naked through the highlands.

I have to make my own set of clothes out of thistle and wet mud.

Fistfights with wolves, different kind of thing.

Yeah, no, forest school school camps was it sounds incredibly forest school camps.

It was bespoke, it was sustainable.

I've got a hideous anecdote from this, which I think I have, I think I've maybe told it during one of our live shows.

It's one of my sort of seminal anecdotes.

This was literally away for like two nights.

I got a letter from my mum.

I didn't want to get a letter.

How?

How?

How would she be able to triangulate you in the peak district?

My post office just isn't what it used to be, right?

She must have been shadowing me the whole time.

But I just remember reading the letter from my mom, which was just talking about stuff going on at home, crying onto it, and what and

looking at the writing goal blurry as I cried

onto the words.

Onto the news of London.

Onto the news of London.

The latest theatre you were missing.

We think Pinter may have gone too far with this latest pause, Henry.

It's a three-hour pause.

But luckily it's so long that you might be able to get back from forest school and see the rest of the place.

Basically, this is quite a gross story, but anyway,

the toilet was a thing called

a lat.

They called it a lat, short for literature.

It was basically a trench dug in the ground.

Yeah.

A hole in the ground.

And around it, there was a kind of

something you wouldn't have had in your one, Mike, but there was a kind of, there was a sort of modesty curtain area around it.

Yeah, yeah.

Whereas in your one, it was like, wake up, everyone, wake up, everyone.

Mike's about to have a shit.

Wake up.

Gather around.

Put on your rabbit skull helmets.

So there was a kind of curtained off area of like old fabric, but it was quite far from the hole with you.

The hole was kind of in the middle of the space, and you couldn't reach it with your hand.

So you had to stand, legs akimbo, over the latrine hole.

I see.

So there's no seat.

No one's moving.

No seat.

And anyone could walk in at any time.

Yeah.

There was no knocking.

You can't knock fabric.

And they knew that.

So what happened was I decided early on.

Do you one of your Alan Bennett monologues?

I'm going to do an Alan Bennett monologue.

No one wants to see that.

I decided I'm holding it in for a week.

Interesting.

And I made a deal with myself in that moment and with my own arse.

And I made a deal that goes against thousands of years of human science and understanding of the human digestive system.

Digestive tract talk.

And of

just fecal health in general, which is to hold it in for a week.

So I held and I held it in because I was so embarrassed.

I was so embarrassed about being seen, witnessed, you know, legs of Kimber over a latrine.

So I held it in, held it in, held it in.

And then on the last day of the camp, we had to do this really, really long walk.

Is this an angle that ends with overflow diarrhea?

Not exactly.

Right.

Was it more like a ship's mast?

It actually rose me 25 feet into the air.

Raised me.

Into a sort of crow's nest.

Push your head up like a sort of Pez, like a Pez head on a stick.

So So we had to do this long, long walk over rocky terrain.

There came a point during the walk where I'd been holding in for weeks.

I couldn't hold it in any longer.

Oh no.

And I said to the teacher, Look, I can't hold it in.

I've been holding it in for a week, I can't hold it in any longer.

What can we do?

And he said,

Well, you're going to have to do it.

Well, Henry, you're going to have to do something called a cat lat.

So the other one was a lat.

Yeah.

The thing surrounded by the fabric thing said, you have to do a cat's lat.

And I said, What's that?

And it's basically, he just

shit on the ground over there.

What's the cat bit you short of?

Named after Katrine?

Katrine's Latrine?

That's named after my aunt, Katrine.

It was last seen taking a shit on that bit of ground over there.

It was next to a very, very, very steep slope.

It's probably not a good idea to do it, actually.

Yeah,

so basically the irony of this story is, and it's quite rare, isn't it, that an anecdote or a story happens to you in life which has this kind of meaning to it or kind of, well certainly in my anecdotes, that it has a kind of, you know what I mean?

Like, like it was, it was so, it felt like the universe was teaching me a lesson because I tried to hold it in out of you know, privacy, sense of vanity, maybe, or privacy or shame.

Anyway, yeah, man's vanity, isn't it?

So I had to then squat while the entire camp walked past.

Everyone, like hundreds of kids, walked past

while I was catlatting on the side of the path.

Not realizing

they were seeing hubris with their own eyes.

They were smelling hubris.

The deep, rich stench of hubris.

And the only other thing I remember is, I remember is

when a boy had to be sent back to the camp to get me some lu-roll.

And I said to the boy, you know what?

I think you're going to have to get me some new pants while you're at it.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Sorry, everyone.

I didn't put wild camping in the bean machine.

Thank you, Sean.

Thank you, Sean.

Can I do a mini plug?

Of course.

I'm going to do a mini plug in the name of independent cinema.

I went to see the bannered of Wallace Island the other day,

and it's brilliant.

It's superb.

It's Tim Key and Tom Basden's long-awaited debut feature.

And it's out now in cinemas.

I had a ticket to see it yesterday.

Yeah.

I didn't go.

This is almost like an anti-plug now.

Yeah.

Because I was at my auntie's birthday party.

Oh.

And it was coming time to leave in order to get to the cinema on time.

And then they brought out the trifle.

Oh, come on.

Yeah.

And I, yeah.

An auntie trifle as well.

Was it an auntie trifle?

It was made, I think, by my own mother.

So it was a maternal trifle.

You'd have been ice cold to.

You can't turn that down.

No, they wouldn't.

I understand.

And I think you're probably eligible for a full refund as well.

Were you lucky?

I mean, tell us, were you lucky?

Did you get the pigeon's head?

Steeped in custards.

So, yeah, so I guess my take on that film is I do want to see it, but not as much as I want to eat a trifle.

I think that's still a plug, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, it's still a vote.

I should plug.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But it's good, Mike.

It's very good, is it?

It's extremely good.

I absolutely bloody loved it.

And I think I'm going to go probably to see it again.

Also, mini plug for our tour.

Last month we put the Glasgow date on sale.

You might have missed that.

So if you're in Glasgow or nearby, why not check that out?

Go to threebeansalad.org.

And there's a link there to the tickets.

Let's read some emails.

Yes, please.

Paddy emails.

Hello, Patty.

Dear Beans.

I'm a new listener who listened to the entire back catalogue over the course of months while building my kitchen from scratch.

Wow, cracky.

I'm not the world's most proficient carpenter, but it turned out nice and nobody got hurt.

So thanks for that.

So, no three-bean salad injury?

No, yeah, very good.

Oh, that's good.

Has he double-checked it yet?

Well, he then writes: unfortunately, I did cut off my finger whilst listening to Beef and Dairy Network two years ago.

And that's why we always recommend the upgrade, don't we?

Upgrade it to three-bean salad as soon as you can, because you'll just be losing larger and larger bits of your body if you sit with Beef and Dairy.

It was was a Bob Triskothic heavy episode.

That's the character that Mike plays in Mike Podcast Beef and Dairy Network.

So Henry's really the only one of you who's totally blameless for this.

Thanks, Henry.

They put the finger back on,

but without the knuckle.

Okay.

And where?

Which was forcibly ejected across my wood shop and wasn't found until later.

All the best, Paddy.

My sort of take on it would be: this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my whole life by quite far.

I literally had a knuckle flying across the room.

But also, how do you put on a finger without a knuckle?

Well, I guess it's just it's not going to be able to do as much as it used to, right?

Unless they manage to fashion a kind of knuckle somehow.

I've no idea.

Hand surgery is quite a special specialty.

Yeah, it's kind of

because the more knuckles you take out of it, the closer it gets to just being a sausage, doesn't it?

Just being a useless flattered hand sausage.

I like the sound of Paddy.

Hold on, Paddy.

Yeah, nice, Pedty.

Stoical.

We've had an email from Hugo.

Hello, Hugo.

Hi, Hugo.

Hi, Beans.

The other morning, I was walking from the tube to my office in Westminster.

An MP, perhaps.

Rifkind?

Who's Hugo Rifkind?

Is he a-it's Malcolm Rifkind's son, who's a Times journalist.

Got divorced at 50 and has been shagbandy by 20 rather than

walked from the tube to my office in Westminster, feeling every inch a part of the Metropolitan Elite.

When who should I see emerging from a very swanky-looking apartment block but Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber, accompanied by a small dog?

Oh, dear.

Really?

He'd have been hiring that room by the hour.

It's the dark, dark secret at the center of his empire.

Then he works as an escort for dogs.

He works as an escort for dogs, and that's

how he gets all the money to fund the big projects, mate.

It turns out that

all of your handbag dogs, so your mini shihtzus, your micro shihtzus, pomeranians,

your micro pom-poms, your pom shihi tzus, and your shit poms, all fancy Lloyd Weber big time.

I appreciate this is somewhat light as an anecdote.

If it helps, when I googled Andrew Lloyd Weber plus Dog, which I have to say you should not do if you're listening.

Please do not do that.

Please do not do that, Google.

Although, whenever he makes a fifth fifth reservation, it's always for himself plus dog, isn't it?

And if you invite him to a party, it's Android Weber plus Dog because

he's always working, so they'll be

he'll be doing escort duty for uh for a micro dog.

He doubles up, he doubles up.

If it helps, when I googled Android Webber plus dog to verify my site sighting, I found out that the dog is called Mahito and that Android Webber got him certified as an emotional support dog to help him through the critical shoeing that the cats film received.

Thanks, Hugo.

Wow, that is that's a lot of information.

Um, that's it, I didn't realize cats got a shoeing.

I assume

film.

Yeah, yeah, the film.

The Judy Dench thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

You got hammered.

Let's not put it all on Dench's shoulders.

It also had Cordon, Idris Elba.

Yeah, yeah, fine.

But

between the three of us,

the story on the street was that Dench absolutely stank it out.

Took one notch off high treason there.

No, I know.

How many Jackie?

I'm sure she was amazing in it.

She's wonderful.

Last email from Autumn.

Hello, Audum.

As in the season.

As in the season.

A lovely name.

During your fifth week non-episode, you mentioned the people who complete marathons while dressed up like a rhino.

A few years ago, I competed in a half marathon in London for a small but worthy charity.

During this event, I quickly realized two things.

Firstly, that I was incredibly unfit and hadn't trained enough.

Secondly, getting overtaken by a man dressed as a giant rhino or a cardboard big Ben is incredibly demoralizing.

Luckily for me, the race route took us us over Tower Bridge.

It was a very windy day.

I had an absolutely brilliant time overtaking these costumed knobs as they battled with the winds, falling over, grabbing onto the guardrails, battling to stay upright.

My laughter was not subtle.

To the horror of the charity plastered on my chest, this was broadcast live on Eurosport and BBC One, chasing not a small degree of negative PR.

I had fun, though.

Kind regards, autumn.

Ah.

Lovely name.

Not such a lovely person.

Sometimes that's the way, isn't it?

Sometimes you meet an absolute dick called autumn summer, and actually quite a nice person called winter.

Winter's also a nice name.

Winter is a nice name.

So it's spring, autumn, and the other one.

Summer.

Good stuff.

Thanks, Autumn.

It's time

to play the ferryman.

Patreon.

Patreon.

Patreon.com

forward slash free bean salad.

Thank you to everyone who signed up at our Patreon.

Yes, thank you very much indeed.

Thank you.

Patreon.com Ford Slash 3 Bean Salad.

Two points of admin.

This is all a bit boring.

It used to be the case that there was some benefit to you joining near the beginning of the month because it used to be that all payments came out on the 1st.

That's no longer true.

You'll be billed on the day that you...

Oh, God.

Ryan, if I just leave.

Then you're fine to wrap things up here.

I certainly can't listen to that again.

You'll be built on the dates that you joined up, so it doesn't matter when you join up, there's no benefit in waiting till the first of the month, as there used to be.

That's what I want to say.

Secondly, just to remind you, don't sign up using the Apple app because that costs you more and it also costs us more.

It's just bad for everyone.

So, sign up using your browser.

Sorry, that's boring, but just trying to save people some pennies.

Yeah, important stuff.

But at what cost, Ben, at what cost?

Really?

There are various things.

There's lots of bonus episodes.

There's video episodes if you want them.

And if you sign up at the Sean Bean tier, you get a shout-out from Mike from the Sean Bean Lounge, where Mike was on the weekend, were you?

I certainly was.

And

it was very exciting down there, wasn't it?

Because

it was the Sean Bean Lounge amateur production of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Starlight Express.

It was.

Thank you, Benjamin.

There we go.

Here's my report.

It was the Sean Bean Lounge amateur production of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Starlight Express last night at at the Seanbean Lounge.

Freddy White took the lead role of Rusty the Steam Train seriously, going so far as to have Tasha replace his gastrointestinal tract with a series of pistons and cylinders, and his arse with a coal-fired boiler.

Unfortunately, Simon Mayhew Archer, who was supposed to source premium coal, saved money by buying cheap house coal with an overly high sulphur content from Scott Robertson.

This led to Freddy's Rusty exceeding the emissions allowance for the lounge, requiring him to be decommissioned and scrapped immediately.

The part then went to Beck Weikes and Charlotte Bradbury, who between them claimed to have access to a pair of roller skates or the nearest equivalent and a battery-operated kettle.

Other major players in the piece included Benedict James Carpenter as a menacing Olivier-esque version of rambling Popper McCoy, Sam Tuck as Greaseball, albeit with the voice and mannerisms of Sam Tuck and often with the words of Sam Tuck and not Greaseball, and Jen in Utah who somehow managed to pull off a live stop-motion animation Elektra.

Michael Moyle reckoned he was more of a skateboard guy than a roller skater and so refused to play a train and instead portrayed leaves on the line.

Tambo gave a definitive definitive rail replacement bus service, while Mannon Usher showed her absurdist theatre chops by playing a buffet trolley that stocked nothing but a single onion sandwich for $17.99.99.

There was also a cameo from Sarah C as a train toilet with an unpredictable electric door.

Given the audience consisted only of Sean Bean, Champagne Charlie Knolson, Jakob Dalskar, Nick Thompson and Jamie Stansfield Bowles, converted all the available theatre Malteses into a single mega Maltese, which Sean Bean set about with gusto.

Gusto soon gave way to gut trouble and Kiefer D420, Sarah and Lucy were drafted in to purge the Bean Patriarch before the process began anew.

To test the safety of this practice, Jonah was subjected to a near-identical feast and purge in Theatre Dressing Room 3, using an Ursatz Mega Maltese, aka an extraordinarily large celeriac.

Matthew Bryce monitored Jonah's vital signs until there weren't any and raised the alarm.

Sean Bean needed to be saved from the ultimate snack and so Frederick Ward broke the glass on the emergency alternative script box, handed it to crisis conductor Ellie Wood, and the remaining songs in the show were performed simultaneously, causing improvement.

As the final curtain came down, Henry Swarbrick threw his body over what remained of the Mega Malteser, allowing Izzy and Alex to detonate it safely.

Thanks all.

Right, let's finish off with the version of our theme tune sent in by one of you lots.

Yes, please.

And this is from Bradley.

Now, Bradley is the music director and conductor of the Niagara Symphony Orchestra.

Good lord.

Crikey.

A premium Bradley.

So Bradley writes, After returning home from some time on the road, I found myself catching up on the pod whilst making breakfast one morning.

I listened to the ham salad episode while frying some bacon, and it put me in a remarkably peaceful state.

Although my profession is as a classical musician, I was inspired to reflect this mood by reimagining the beam theme as ambient spa music.

Very good.

Oh, nice.

Nice idea.

My first foray into this genre.

I've replaced the traditional rain and water sounds with a recording I made of the very bacon frying.

Believing that the sound of the ham cooking on the pan will be a more relaxing atmosphere for the gentleman of the pod.

That's found.

Cheers, Bradley.

Yeah.

That's quite a brilliant.

That's amazing.

Thank you ever so much, Bradley.

So that's the end of the episode.

We'll see you next time.

We look forward to our Niagara Falls Symphony Orchestra CoLab coming up.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Bye.

All right.

Bye.

Cheerio.

I wish he hadn't told us it was bacon frying.

It makes it less relaxing for some reason.

It would be really relaxing otherwise.

Just think about the horrible, horrible process of frying bacon and all the various different levels of horror that are involved in that.

That's really good stuff.

I'm fully in favor of some sort of meat spa, I think.