Anti-episode episode-isode

Hello, everyone.

It's February.

Hello.

It's February.

F-E-B-R-U-A-R-Y.

And in case you're wondering, yes, Henry did just interrupt Ben saying hello, it's February, to say hello, it's February.

It's called pressure on speech.

It's a symptom.

It's not his fault.

Mike, please say hello.

It's February.

Hello, it's February.

There we go.

And we've just had a pre-discussion where Henry got confused that it's the 5th of February.

And Henry got very worried that that meant that it was a 5th Wednesday.

It's the 5th.

But it's not

the 5th Wednesday.

It's the first Wednesday.

It's the first, but it's also the 5th.

And

it's not a leap Wednesday.

It's not a leap Wednesday.

It's a legit Wednesday.

Can I say February and Wednesday are both words I've struggled to spell over the years?

February has the extra R.

And Wednesday, there's just no explaining it.

It's just the R is missing.

It's Wednesday.

It's basically Wensley Dale

with a few less letters in it.

And that's how I remember it.

It's basically Wenceslas.

That's where it started, was it?

Is it?

No.

I don't know.

It's Woden, you mad fools.

Who's Woden?

Is it Odin's Day?

Woden's Day.

The mischief maker.

No.

Mike, I don't know about any of this.

Who's Woden and what's going on?

Odin, it's the other way of

in

Jörldi Hinglesche Norse speak Sprach Spruch.

Yeah, some would have called him Huodin, rather.

But who is Odin?

Well, in Norse mythology, I believe.

I've always thought of myself as an Odin character.

He is the mischief maker, the thunster.

No, he's the king of the gods.

You're thinking of Loki.

Okay.

Can I say I was low-key wrong about that

and i've always thought of myself as bjorn the weirdest one from abba

the fool the tapster

who is the the namesake of bjornsday the secret day

the antidote to between thursday and friday definitely around 4 a.m for highly productive people yeah those people who get they get more done in a week than you can you don't understand how it works it's because they experience bjornsday Bjornstein.

You know, there are some people apparently who apparently, is it back in the days of like Samuel Peeps?

Are you going to say slept twice?

Samuel Pepys.

Yeah.

Or I was going to say,

yes, slept twice.

Yeah.

Yeah.

The double dayers.

The double dayers.

We've talked about this, haven't we?

Double day up.

Double, double, double deal.

Because you get up in the middle of the night and you go, double day up,

and you pop out of bed.

That's why Sting does it, doesn't it?

Double day up.

And you pop out of bed and you start writing quite good sort of cod scar music.

unfortunately it's only cod scar

whatever you do will come out as cod scar even if it's a different genre for example if you're making a pottery if you're making a vase it'll come out as a cod scar pot won't it so mike are you telling me that wednesday is named after the the the the king of the nordic gods

yeah wow that's good

what about monday tuesday thursday

more of a meaty day but say again what about a monday tuesday well for thor's day is thought thursday is Thor, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How do we not know this?

And Friday is Freya.

Tuesday is Tyr, isn't it?

Who's that?

Another Norse god?

Is it all Norse?

I don't think it's all Norse, because I think Monday is Moon, isn't it?

And Saturday is Saturn Day.

I feel like in general, as a country, we don't sort of lean on or claim our Nordic ancestry enough.

No.

We could start sort of selling ourselves as a kind of proto-Scandinavian country if we wanted to, right?

There's fun to be had, definitely.

Although I would point you towards the success of Mamma Mia

and I'd point you towards the success of the ABBA experience live show thing.

That's true, because it's chiming with our deep ancestral past.

That's what it is.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I do think so.

Certainly like the north of England, all of the place names are kind of Dane.

Dane.

They're all Vikings up there.

It's true.

We don't

lean into that enough, especially because being Scandinavian is quite a lot cooler than Daniel.

It's basically the coolest thing to be, right?

Why don't we lean into that more and just why don't we we sell ourselves?

They've got absolutely great branding, haven't they?

Exactly.

So we could sell ourselves as the fifth Scandinavian country after Finland, Helsinki, North Poland, and Denmark.

Couldn't we?

We could be the fifth Scandies.

All we need to develop a hooger.

Was it North Poland?

We could develop a hooger mentality.

Yes.

We could start jumping into cold baths more often.

My partner's currently in Denmark.

Very good.

Yeah.

Scandinavian country.

Yeah.

And it's all like getting in a sauna, jumping in a fjord.

It's just so wholesome and great.

Instead, we're just like trudging to a fucking Wilkinson's and buying some parcel tape.

Yeah.

What's Wilkinson's?

What's Wilkinson's?

Come on, mate.

If you want to buy anything in the provinces, you go to Wilkinson's.

Even though about Wilkinson's.

And if they threaten to shut down the Wilkinsons, the city panics.

Seriously.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's when the warning pyres go up.

Blimey.

Although, sadly, I think most of them have actually now closed.

R.I.P.

I didn't know.

I have bought parcel tape today, though, Ben, so I know what you're talking about.

I trudge around buying parcel tape loads.

Yeah, but where did you buy it?

Buckingham Palace.

What?

Rumpkins and Sons?

Was it a Rumpkins purchase?

Well, I'm going to talk about Rumpkins, but not today.

I've basically a little teaser for future episodes.

I found my Rumpkins.

Oh, wow.

Do you feel at home in the rumpkins?

I loved it in there.

Okay.

It was absolutely brilliant.

Nice.

Can I give you a little clue?

Should we talk about the rumpkins now or not?

This

give us a rumpkins taste.

Well, a little quick quick taste of rumkins.

So basically, do we need to give the context for this or not?

We talked about old-fashioned hardware stores that you'll find in every town.

There'll be a man wearing a sort of tan.

overalls and a flat cap.

But in the modern day, you can't just go there.

You have to actually actively not be looking for it and and then you'll find it.

You, for example, probably found it because you're probably looking for a place where you could discover the difference between a Scandinavian and a Nordic country, for example.

I was trying to find a cumbling panini.

Yes.

I found mine when I was trying to find somewhere to fly to a fridge.

So you're never looking for it.

It's like a 3D picture of a dolphin or whatever, isn't it?

It's when you relax your eyes, the dolphin comes at you out of the wall, out of that 3D picture.

So, no, no, but people pointed out in the emails, because I was looking for a tiny gnat, a tiny steel gnat, that I needed to fix a scale, I've got a kitchen scales.

A few people said, look out for your, yeah, or no, Ben, you had the thought, I think, of that little scale.

Find out the rumpkins.

Find the little rumkins.

And I found it basically a few days later.

I stumbled across it.

It's been there under my nose the whole time.

And

a few little hints, I'll give you a few little tasters about it.

In the window, it had a sign written on a piece of ripped up old cardboard that said, back back in two minutes right and it's permanently in the window it's been there since 1968 yeah yeah

and i think he was i think he probably was back in two minutes

i think it probably was true at the time that just hasn't moved it's just there forever back in two minutes um

but uh

okay a few amazing old-fashioned till yeah that had a thing where the till is kind of encased in a kind of plastic see-through plastic case that's exactly the same shape and size as the till.

So

you had to really wham the numbers through it.

I think it's like a dust guard or something.

Anyway, there were loads of different kinds of polyfiller.

There were loads of different.

Did you get your nut?

Loads of greases, loads of varnish.

Yeah.

And did I get my nut or not?

Tune in next month

for the full-length anecdote.

Full-length anecdote.

Very nice.

Because this isn't an episode.

Let's just sound very clear.

We're not here.

There'll be no normal episodes of of three bean salad for the rest of February.

However, the party continues over on Patreon where we'll be doing a weekly bonus episode.

So if you'd like to have the beans in your life on a weekly basis throughout this month.

It's a great time to join Patreon because it's the first time, isn't it?

We've got new brand new brand new concepts coming at you.

Yeah.

It is

because we always used to have that third month off from us.

Now we don't.

Yeah.

There's also exciting news if you've got bean hunger,

if you're a member of the Metropolitan Elite,

or if you're brave enough to venture into London, you've got a bit of news, haven't you, Henry?

Do you like challenging theatre?

Do you like game-changing event moments?

Do you like it when things are described as seismic

by the person doing it?

By the person doing it.

Because if you do, I'm doing some work in progress shows for a brand new solo project called Illustratinator.

It's a radical reinvention of the idea of humor

and some

and

a kind of slow-motion explosion of

the whole history of visual art.

yeah

just to be clear this is this is a comedy show it's a comedy show so yes it's it's it's a one-man comedy show it's it's but it's work in progresses so i'm i'm throwing around some ideas it's going to be very loose very jazz very raw very raw very very raw but not like raw beef which you can't eat this is raw chicken

very dangerous very

you can't you can't eat you can watch the show but you can't eat the show you can't eat the show so i'll be doing so i've got a few work in progress gigs booked in i'll be doing shackled.

Unshackled by the shackles of Benjamin and Michael.

Exactly.

Finally,

those two huge, lifeless, concrete slabs.

I've broken free of them.

And I'm soaring.

Soaring like a parrot.

Like a beautiful, beautiful parrot.

You look at you like, how is there a parrot in London?

Is it one of those ones that came over in the 70s, apparently?

Anyway, I did.

so

so basically so now basically I'll be doing a bit of there'll be some cartooning and some stand-up can those things be combined they probably can't

can they when you think about it so anyway

not satisfactory not satisfactorily certainly um so so I'll be doing the Museum of Comedy that's in London's central London on the 6th of March at 8 30 p.m.

That's a Thursday.

I'll also be doing the Bill Murray, which is in London's North London, on Thursday, the 3rd of April, 6:30 p.m.

I'm also doing the Museum of Comedy again, which is

in the glittering heart of London's near Hoban area.

The same place it was before.

Same place as it was in the first gig, unless I've had to move it

following the amount of complaints.

This is a direct result of the first gig.

And the inevitable revenge arson.

Ravarson.

So, yeah, that's

That's a Sunday.

Nice thing to do on a Sunday, 13th of April, 7pm, Museum of Comedy.

Get yourselves down there.

It'd be a lot of fun.

I think that sounds like an excellent way to spend your Sunday at 7 p.m.

And the other dates and times.

Indeed.

Exactly.

Yeah, cheers.

Nice.

I'll put

links to buy tickets in the show notes for you.

Yes.

And if you go to www.henrypacker.com.

I'm not sure what happens.

I'm going to find out now.

This site can't be reached.

You can buy this site.

Sell it to Henry.

Still get price.

You've got to move fast, though, because this is the kind of thing that Henry will put on his to-do list, and I'll probably get around to it certainly before

autumn.

So get moving.

All right.

So, yes, we're not back until March, unless you're on Patreon, in which case we're going through February.

So, we'll either see you over on Patreon or see you in March.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.