241: Impractical Reactions? Ft. Sal Vulcano

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Speaker 1 We're rolling. We're here.
This is exciting. I'm excited.

Speaker 2 Pleasure to meet you.

Speaker 1 I'm so excited to have you. Thank you.
I've been panicking over what stories I'm going to read for you for probably 20 hours now. Really?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let them rip.

Speaker 1 I was literally on a, like a red eye from London for our honeymoon, and I was like, oh, my God, Sal's coming on. What the fuck am I going to read?

Speaker 1 And I hope I delivered to that.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take it. Okay.
I'm excited because I don't know what I'm going to get into right now. I know.
It's an air of excitement right now for me. Hi, guys.
Congratulations, by the way.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I know.
It's lovely.

Speaker 2 I love love.

Speaker 1 It's quite surreal. I'm like, I want to do it again.
It was so much fun.

Speaker 2 What does it feel to you? What does it feel like to be remarried?

Speaker 1 It's good. It's really good.
Really good.

Speaker 2 Have you sound around my husband this, my husband that yet?

Speaker 1 I used it for the first time today, and I was like, oh, God, that sounds weird.

Speaker 2 It sounds weird. It's going to go right away.

Speaker 2 Okay. It's fun, though, right?

Speaker 1 It is really fun. Like, all of our friends are texting us after the wedding.
They're like, I don't know how you guys are doing, but we're depressed. It's over because it was so fun.

Speaker 1 Wow, that's awesome. So they're like, we need to do an anniversary party every year.
Like, you need to keep throwing these parties. And I'm like, okay.

Speaker 2 Did you have a banger wedding?

Speaker 1 It was like, I mean, we had a camel, we had a donkey, we had a magician.

Speaker 2 Well, you did have the camel. Oh, yeah.
Okay, good, good. Yeah, we got it all.
A camel, a donkey, and a magician. Yeah.
Three

Speaker 2 tarot readers. I would have never guessed you said that.
You would have said it.

Speaker 2 Tarot reader, hat bar. The magician would have blew me away, but somehow in the third position there, I wasn't that impressed with it because you started with camel.

Speaker 1 And it's hard. Did you have camel rides?

Speaker 2 Donkey rides?

Speaker 1 Donkey was passing out beer. Did you have a nativity scene?

Speaker 2 What was going on? Love her boy.

Speaker 1 You know, that would have been a really good idea. People probably would have really loved a baby Jesus.

Speaker 2 You got a camel gun? Yeah, I got a camel girl.

Speaker 1 How do you do that? She's got two of them. Did you just Google Camel Girl? My mom's friends got two camels.

Speaker 2 Your mom's friends,

Speaker 2 your mom's friend is the one who has a girl. Yeah, she owns two camels.

Speaker 2 How does that happen?

Speaker 2 Don't camels need to be somewhere where camels be?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's in Minnesota.
They survive there, I guess.

Speaker 2 Minnesotian camels? Yeah. Wow.
They do okay. All right.
They do okay. Was the magician good?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. His name's Chris.
He is amazing. I still am sitting here like, I don't understand some of his tricks.

Speaker 2 Just kind of walking around during the reception, just blowing people's balls off.

Speaker 1 Yes, exactly. Yeah.
I feel like you would really, you'd really fall for it.

Speaker 2 Oh, I love magic.

Speaker 1 You seem like that vibe.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's fun. Why not? I love it.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have magician friends and I and I sometimes they'll tell me little tricks and stuff. The Carpinaro.
I have kids. Well, I have more than, yeah, more than the other.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, I know him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like he's actually magic.

Speaker 2 Have you gone to the Magic Castle? Yeah. Okay.
It's like one of my favorite places.

Speaker 2 I was invited and I went and they turned me away at the door because they didn't like my pants. And my three friends who I went with went in.

Speaker 2 And then I walked in a, in a, in a, in a stiff leather opera, by the way. I walked to Ross for Les, about eight miles away to try to get pants to get back in time to see the show.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And I went there. I was like, literally had blisters.
I get there and I took a a pair of slacks from Ross for Less. They weren't hemmed.
They were like proper slacks that weren't hemmed.

Speaker 2 So they were like a foot too long. They cuffed them inward.
Okay. And I walked back to the magic castle.
By the time I got up there, they were all done again.

Speaker 2 I had new slacks on and I got up and I'm not even joking. It was like clockwork.
My friends were walking out. The whole night was done.
I missed the whole entire thing.

Speaker 1 I've got a pass if you want to go. Do you?

Speaker 2 Oh, you even have a pass. Yeah.
Oh, you can have it. You can have a pass?

Speaker 1 Well, like, we have like a friend who's, she's got tickets and she's just like, here, here's a pass for you.

Speaker 2 Yes, I do want to go. Okay.
Next. But I don't want to take a pass that you have.
I got to get out of jail free card that you, what's that? I get to bring five people.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
It's me plus five.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. I do want to go again.
I really do. I want to see.
I got you.

Speaker 2 I love immersion.

Speaker 1 I love to be immersed. Put me.
Okay. We're immersing you today.
Here we go. Terrible at introducing my guests per usual, you guys.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to another episode of Two How Takes. I'm your host, Morgan.
I've got Sal Volcano over here. Not to be confused with Tonka Jahari.
I know that's a common misconception. This is not Tonka.

Speaker 1 This is Sal.

Speaker 2 I'm not Tonka. I'm not Chikrispy.
I'm not Cranja Snake Basketball. I'm not Prince Herb.
These are all names I've gotten from that show.

Speaker 1 It's not raining today.

Speaker 2 So that's positive.

Speaker 1 So let's get into these stories, shall we? Yes. Let's dive in.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by Ollie. Women always come first with Ollie.

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Speaker 1 Be a little self-serving and get loving libido at a retailer near you or at ollie.com so you can get yours. That's o-l-l-y.com.

Speaker 2 The way you have prepped me for this, I am so intrigued.

Speaker 1 Okay, our first one, I'm easing you into it, okay? I can't just

Speaker 2 fuck you up at the beginning.

Speaker 1 So this first one is coming from our slash Today I Fucked Up. It is nine days old titled Today I Fucked Up by Microwaving My Socks at Work.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So I biked to work. This morning it poured on me halfway there and my shoes and socks were absolutely soaked.
By the time I got to the office, my feet were pruned like raisins.

Speaker 1 I thought, quote, okay, I'll just dry them out real quick in the break room microwave. I'd seen people do gloves in there before.
No big deal.

Speaker 1 I take off my socks, toss them in for two minutes, go back to my desk. About 45 seconds seconds in, I smell something awful, like burnt hair mixed with wet dog.
Then the fire alarm goes off.

Speaker 1 Turns out the synthetic material in my socks basically melted and filled the entire office with smoke. Everyone evacuated.

Speaker 1 Building management shows up, asks where the fire is, and all my coworkers are standing around shivering in the parking lot while I admit to, uh, it was my socks. Wow.
Now the microwave is trashed.

Speaker 1 HR sent an email reminding everyone not to cook clothing.

Speaker 1 And I have achieved permanent nickname status, Hot Socks. Today I fucked up.

Speaker 2 Did you, though? I mean, this, what I heard right there is a core memory. I heard life.
I heard a story that is only laughs now that it's past.

Speaker 1 Hot socks is a pretty cute nickname.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got it. You got a nickname in it.
Hot socks. This is like, I don't know if you fucked up.
Sometimes like, you know, as a comic, I mean, that's, that's amazing.

Speaker 2 We look for things to happen like that.

Speaker 1 What's your, what's your biggest work fuck up?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I'd have to think back across my whole life here.

Speaker 2 My biggest work.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to think. I know.

Speaker 1 It doesn't have to be impractical jokers.

Speaker 2 I wasn't even, oh, I wasn't. You were going way back.
I was just going to my jobs.

Speaker 2 I don't even consider it. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, because

Speaker 2 on the show, it's like, that's what you do. That's what it's like.
That's literally. Every moment, yeah.
I was trying to think if I I might have messed up in any like real way.

Speaker 1 What jobs have you had before?

Speaker 2 I've only had like four jobs in my life.

Speaker 2 What are they?

Speaker 2 My first job, I worked at a deli

Speaker 2 for four years through high school. Okay.
I delivered pizza for four years through college. And then after college, I began working at Prudential Securities.

Speaker 1 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 2 My aunt worked there. Oh, really? Yeah.
Yeah. So I worked at like the home offices in New York and I, from different departments.
And then I wanted to focus on comedy and stuff.

Speaker 2 So I left and started bartending. My plan B was to own a business if I didn't like breakthrough in comedy.
So as I was bartending, I was learning that business as well as I could.

Speaker 2 And toward like the ninth or tenth year of being a bartender, I bought a bar

Speaker 2 with some friends. Very cool.
I started a business. And in that exact, I mean, I bought this bar.
I put in like half my life savings into it. Two months later, I got the television show.
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Which is wild because I needed to, you know, when you start a business, you need to dedicate all of your time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're kind of all in.

Speaker 2 I know. I basically won the lottery after all these failures.
And I got this show. And you need to put all your energy into that.
So for the first two seasons of that show, I had the bar and the show.

Speaker 2 And I would do

Speaker 2 the show all day. And I would go and be at the bar until four in the morning.
New York is four o'clock. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 So I'd be there, you know, three or four nights a week till four o'clock and then filming at nine o'clock, eight, nine o'clock.

Speaker 1 That's a grind.

Speaker 2 It was.

Speaker 2 was it wasn't good and after two years and the show still being on i took a leap of faith and i i relinquished my shares in the bar wow yeah i always got so scared watching people with the little meat slicer thing like every time i watch someone slice a meat for a sandwich i still have a scar from slicing my tip of my finger off i'll never forget the lady who wanted a half a pound of pepperoni no see that counts that's sliced it off it like you looked at it and it was like sliced off it was so painful i went to the hospital and i put it in iodine It was, it stung so badly.

Speaker 2 And I still to this day.

Speaker 1 You can feel the dent.

Speaker 2 You also see the scar on it because, like,

Speaker 2 my fingertip doesn't have the fingerprints on it right here. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a good way to not get identified.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I guess I fucked up there, slicing my finger in the slicer. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 But there's definitely, I definitely have stories because I didn't always, like, I definitely messed up somewhere in some way, shape, or form. But I, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would, I would have been hesitant putting clothes in the, in the, in the microwave. I know.
Microwave's dean. Because sometimes they have those little, like, yeah, those fibers in there.

Speaker 1 I mean, you'd be, plates sometimes spark.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's insane that it was raining and it got evacuated and everyone had to go outside.

Speaker 2 And HR sending that thing that said, don't cook clothing is really a nice passive aggressive little dig from HR. I love it.

Speaker 2 That is mortifying. Yeah.
How do you come back from that? You feel like an, I imagine this one felt like an idiot. Hot sword

Speaker 2 forever. I thought you said she.

Speaker 1 You know, no mention.

Speaker 2 I don't know why I was picturing it being a woman.

Speaker 1 See, I was picturing it being a guy. Because I don't think a woman would be a guy.

Speaker 2 You pride. That's definitely got guy written all over it.
Yeah. I don't know why I thought it was a woman.

Speaker 1 This next one has guy written all over it, too.

Speaker 1 This is coming from AITAH, seven months old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Taking My Brother-in-Law to Small Claims Court for a Prank?

Speaker 1 I recently took my brother-in-law to small claims court over a prank he pulled on me. And now my wife and her family are furious.
I need to know if I'm wrong here.

Speaker 1 A few months ago, we were at a family barbecue. I had a few too many beers and I fell asleep in a hammock with my shirt off.

Speaker 1 My brother-in-law, who was completely sober, thought it would be hilarious to fill my belly button with super glue.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 At some point, I must have touched it because when I woke up, I had glue partially dried in my belly button and on my finger. We tried to remove it, but it was stuck.

Speaker 1 The glue had adhered to my skin, and when we attempted to peel it off, it caused some tearing around the edges. Unfortunately, my jobs insurance has a $1,000 ER copay, but I had no choice.

Speaker 1 I had to go to the ER. They used a solvent and an ointment to remove the glue, and after everything, I was left with a medical bill of $2,253.

Speaker 1 Wow. I asked my brother-in-law to cover the cost since he caused the situation.
Yeah. He refused.
After trying to resolve it privately, I took him to small claims court, and I won.

Speaker 1 However, However, he still hasn't paid. This has caused a major rift in my family.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 My wife is upset, and her family thinks I overreacted. So, am I the asshole for taking him to court over this?

Speaker 2 His wife is upset at who?

Speaker 1 Him.

Speaker 2 Wow. So he's the villain in this.

Speaker 1 He's the villain.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, like, why would court even be necessary?

Speaker 2 I just feel like if you had to go and you couldn't, you didn't have the means and you had to go get that bill, then your, then the the brother-in-law should be like, oh, I, I done fucked up.

Speaker 2 You don't have the means, and this is all because of me. And I thought that they would pay.

Speaker 2 When you first just said the top line, am I the asshole for bringing my brother over a prank? I was like, yes, you are. Then the more I listen, let's be reasonable.

Speaker 2 I mean, like, it's like, you know, like they, this was their actions that caused it. You endured embarrassment, pain, a scar, and a bill that you couldn't afford.
And then you appealed to them, and

Speaker 2 there was nothing you could do to strike a maybe a 50 50 split i don't know yeah no but also that's that's moronic though like what did they think what did they think the net net was going to be putting super glue in someone's belly button super glue yeah like that they're going to get that's not going to be an easy one oh so like that's also like

Speaker 2 that was it's not like you know they put like uh tickled in their nose with a feather when they were sleeping so the person like slapped their face like yeah you like that was going to adhere to their skin from the get and everyone is mad at

Speaker 2 no one in that family on the other side sees any reason. Like, there's not a, it's not a distribution of fault, if, if anything, everyone is just mad at this person.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we do get a little bit more info on that.

Speaker 1 The reason my wife was upset is because her brother was going through a divorce and between jobs. Everyone knew he did it.
He even admitted it. He blames his ADHD.
I don't want to garnish his pay.

Speaker 1 The reason I didn't try more to clean the glue off of me was because I have scars in my navel from gallbladder surgery about three years ago.

Speaker 1 My mother-in-law has offered to pay the bill, but she is on a fixed income and I would feel like an ass for taking her money.

Speaker 1 Of course, I'm the villain and only my sister-in-law is on speaking terms with me. My wife is only barely on my side.
It was her that took me to the ER, not thinking it would cost that much.

Speaker 1 I figure blood is thicker than water. I didn't expect this thread to blow up.

Speaker 2 Whoa. Yeah.

Speaker 2 i mean i would have also like did the er have some magic solvent i would have just went on google first and been like you know crazy glue skin what do i do i'm not gonna google that i'm like wondering like there's got to be some like home remedies and stuff i mean there's like 3m adhesive remover 90 bucks from uline i would have tried everything i could before going to the er

Speaker 2 but the bottom line is it's not that person's fault that they had to go to the er no what it's not and i honestly think that, and to blame ADHD is a bonker. I don't even know what that means.

Speaker 2 Why would ADHD make you put like, you know, crazy glue in your brother-in-law's belly button while he sleeps?

Speaker 1 I mean, you like, I've heard of procrastination.

Speaker 2 You know, that's not one of the hallmark symptoms of ADHD. No.

Speaker 2 No, and I have it.

Speaker 1 I'm like, extreme impulsivity.

Speaker 2 So the umpteenth. I've never even thought of that.
No.

Speaker 1 Because we have brains.

Speaker 2 That's the person's moronic. I mean, I mean, look, you can't start editorializing here.
Let's just talk about the facts. He did this to me.
This was moronic to do. This person wasn't thinking.

Speaker 2 It caused me this. You can't start

Speaker 2 being like, well, he was in the middle of a divorce. He's got this.
He's got what? How does that excuse the behavior? I wonder why he got divorced.

Speaker 2 You know, like, I mean, this person, I just feel like they make poor choices, right? I know. I feel like I feel bad for this person because I feel like they're being villain.

Speaker 2 If I was the brother-in-law, I'd be like, look, it's going to take some time, but I will pay this all off eventually. Hey, like, I mean, we're adults here.
Come on. Yeah.
Let's start working on this.

Speaker 2 What is the payment plan? Yeah. That is reasonable enough for you to do the right thing.
And let's just start from there. We don't need to like cause a rift in the family here.
No. This is bonkers.

Speaker 2 I know. Yeah.
Well, that's crazy. So I feel for this person.
Now, do they ever report back resolution?

Speaker 1 So we don't.

Speaker 2 You can't garnish the wages because at the end of the day, you got to be the bigger person.

Speaker 2 That's tough.

Speaker 2 You also have to front money you don't have. Exactly.
So like, where is everybody else's empathy for you or sympathy for you? Yeah. You know?

Speaker 1 No update on this one. I don't see any comments from OP.

Speaker 2 This is going to bother me personally.

Speaker 2 Because I'm going to now be thinking about this, like what came of this. Because I almost want to be like the, like, like, I almost want to be the representative of this person.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I want to have like a, you know, an intervention call with the family. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I want to just speak my mind because this person's getting the short end of the stick i know they really are the top comment does agree with you not the asshole i can't believe your wife isn't with you on this yeah pranks shouldn't involve the er

Speaker 1 next comment and thousands of dollars yeah i feel like that's pretty straightforward i don't know who would think otherwise except the people in that family it's weird yeah it's super weird but uh moving along to this next one yes okay this is coming how am i doing you're doing great you're doing great i think you're you're nailing it.

Speaker 1 Very empathetic takes. Coming at it from all angles.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love it.

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Speaker 1 Okay, so this one is coming from r/ai th.

Speaker 1 It's five days old, titled, Am I the Asshole for Refusing to Stop Washing My Hands just because my coworker is sensitive to smells? I have this coworker who always says she's sensitive to smells.

Speaker 1 No one's allowed to wear deodorant, let alone perfume in the office, because she throws a mini tantrum if she smells anything except clean, undiluted oxygen.

Speaker 1 Usually she just complains to the boss and then everyone gets a generic company-wide email saying we're a scent-free zone and blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 Eye roll, everyone back to work.

Speaker 1 Now, she's been extra annoying these last few weeks. She keeps saying she smells perfume.
No one will admit to wearing any. We get emails about office smells almost daily now, and nothing changes.

Speaker 1 So she's decided to take the law into her own hands, so to speak. Like two to three times a week, she starts walking up and down the aisle.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Sticks her head into each person's desk.

Speaker 2 Oh, get out of here.

Speaker 1 Takes a big whiff and moves on to the next desk, all to try and find the culprit. On Friday, she did this again.
I had just come back from the bathroom when she got to my desk.

Speaker 1 She did her smell test on me and immediately lost it. Apparently, the perfume that she's been smelling the last few weeks was coming off of me.

Speaker 1 After she made a scene in front of everyone, we determined what she was smelling was hand soap that I used in the bathroom. She wasted enough time of my day by that point.

Speaker 1 I professionally told her to fuck off and I'm not going to stop washing my hands because she's a hypochondriac.

Speaker 1 The way I phrased it was like, quote, hand washing with soap is a non-negotiable hygiene practice, and I will not stop doing it. You can't reasonably expect me to avoid that.

Speaker 1 This was Friday, and now I'm dreading going back tomorrow. Our boss was off Friday as well.
So I expect I'm going to get pulled into a meeting. Am I the asshole, or are these just the Sunday scaries?

Speaker 2 Okay, so.

Speaker 2 Let me say this. I am hypersensitive to smells.
Are you? Yes. And cologne and perfume give me

Speaker 2 like a migraine headache. Okay.
And make me nauseous when they're really strong. You ever like walk into an elevator and like someone in here today.
Yeah. You know, like it's when it's just too much.

Speaker 2 Or if like, if I have a flight and the person next to me is really like loaded up, or if I get in an Uber, I've gotten, I've gotten in Ubers and like, I'm so sorry I have to cancel this Uber because I can't, because by the time it's not worth giving myself a migraine, I don't know if I'm allergic or something.

Speaker 1 No, a lot of people are sensitive like that.

Speaker 1 Especially like smoke smell, like that's a really hard one.

Speaker 2 I wasn't always my whole life. Well, smoke or like body odor is another, whole nother thing.
But perfumes like can, you know, but I wasn't always like that, but like I am now.

Speaker 2 So I understand the plight of the other woman. Okay.
But she's completely overextending herself. It's wild to go around sniffing people.

Speaker 2 And again, I don't really understand how people just can't come to a very logical, simple conclusion before like they get to this state at all.

Speaker 2 The woman's crazy for walking around smelling people and then making a huge to-do when she looked at it. It's not about her.
No. She's not.

Speaker 2 Everyone in the office doesn't have have to bend to her they shouldn't have to do anything they don't want to if they still want to wear the perfume that's their prerogative if she's kind about it and they want to oblige her because

Speaker 2 she presents it in a way that is amenable and it's like motivates them to be like on her side and like you know what i can take this for the team for you like but that's not the way she's approaching this but i would even just have been like oh my god you know what I think you might have the scent of the hand soap in the bathroom on there.

Speaker 2 Obviously, you have to wash your hands.

Speaker 2 Would you be okay if I bought the soap of your choice that's unscented? Oh, and I'll put that in the bathroom and like whatever you like. Yeah.
And this way, we both, you know, it's a win-win.

Speaker 2 You know, like there's ways around these things.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, and clearly the office is trying to accommodate her.
I mean, they send out emails. We're a scent-free zone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Like the office is kind of catering to this person. So I feel like...

Speaker 2 This feels like an HR overreach.

Speaker 2 This feels like a bit of a Karen situation.

Speaker 1 It's starting to feel a bit like harassment, especially her going desk to desk.

Speaker 2 Like, if my I would be like, I would be like, hey, listen, man.

Speaker 2 You got to stop. I'm smelling something too, and it's fucking crazy.
I'm smelling something. Maybe it's you.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's you. Can you imagine? I'm just envisioning her.

Speaker 1 And I know she's probably not doing this, but I'm just envisioning her like going up to these people and like lifting their arm and like smelling their armpits to be like deodorant.

Speaker 2 That's crazy. That.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. You'd rather.

Speaker 2 It's not like a peanut allergy. No.
Where there's peanuts in the air and like someone could die.

Speaker 1 You'd rather smell people's body odor than deodorant.

Speaker 2 Right. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 No, no. There's something about like deodorant lately, and maybe it's because we were traveling, but like not enough people are using deodorant.
I know. What is up with that?

Speaker 2 I'm always shocked when I smell someone that doesn't smell good because I'm like, you, you have to know. I don't

Speaker 1 know how because when I start to smell, like I can tell. You immediately know.
I'm like, I need to go home.

Speaker 2 And you get gross. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 I mean, maybe someone like can't do anything about it they're out and about and they've already gone whatever they jolly whatever the hell they did but like but sometimes it's just a person who wasn't working out that smells horribly and you just like you can't even speak to them i don't think some people believe in deodorant i know but they got to do something something that that is

Speaker 2 that's that's that's terrible i mean that's yeah i mean i know i know because it's i feel like i'm imprisoned like if you get into a taxi or something again it smells

Speaker 2 like i have I have hung my head out the window like a dog. No.
I just a whole entire ride like this. And I can't,

Speaker 2 I don't try to try and insult anybody, but I, I've gotten to the point, I have a weak constitution. So I have

Speaker 2 like I, I, my stomach is like, I will throw up. I get, like, I, if I'm grossed out, oh my God, I will at least dry heave.

Speaker 2 And, and, and it only takes a few dry heaves for, before a full VOM, I think.

Speaker 2 You know, so like, I don't. What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. You're a person with emetophobia's like biggest fear.

Speaker 2 Emetophobia means.

Speaker 1 Isn't that the one where they're scared of puking?

Speaker 2 Puking? Yeah. I'm not scared of puking.

Speaker 1 No, clearly.

Speaker 2 No, but yeah, like someone who is scared of puking. Yeah.
No, but like my friends sometimes try to gross me out just because they get me going.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So like I, it's like, I don't even want to be mean, but I almost can't hide my disgust.
No. I've done like this.
And like right and leaned out the window like this.

Speaker 2 It's like, once I'm in, like, and I can't do anything about it.

Speaker 2 Once you feel trapped, I have to take it into my own hands and do whatever I can. So I really do understand this, this woman, but it's like, she's being unreasonable.

Speaker 1 You have to draw the line at some point.

Speaker 2 Being unreasonable.

Speaker 1 Top comment, not the asshole. If there's an issue with the scent of the soap, whoever stalks it will have to get unscented soap.
There it is.

Speaker 1 Although at this time, I'd say your workplace is justified in requiring medical documentation. Otherwise, it's time for you and your coworkers to file a complaint of harassment and her creating

Speaker 2 a hostile workplace.

Speaker 1 Next one down. If she actually had a problem with the soap, wouldn't she have smelled it herself when she washed her own hands after using the restroom?

Speaker 2 The plot thickens. Yeah,

Speaker 2 she's using the same soap. Or does this person not wash her hands? Nope.

Speaker 1 Nope. That's what the next comment thinks.
Bold of you to assume she washes her hands.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's disgusting. Yeah, that is.
That's another epidemic. People do not wash their hands.

Speaker 2 I'd walk around smelling hands for the ones that don't smell like the soap, and I'd HR them.

Speaker 2 That's a thought. You know?

Speaker 1 Ugh, watching people walk out of the bathroom. See it all the time.

Speaker 2 No. I'm in airports all the time.
So I'm in there. And I got to tell you, a surprisingly high number percentage of people do not wash their hands.

Speaker 2 Well, I think it's like that's why when I walked up and shook your hand, I wish I had just washed my hands, by the way.

Speaker 1 Same.

Speaker 2 I just, yeah, same. I came where I came from.
Every time I'm done with something, I wash my hands. Yeah, yeah.
And I have the stuff, the

Speaker 1 sand back.

Speaker 2 I I got a big guy over there, just ready. And so I was fine to,

Speaker 2 but I will wash my hands. Yeah,

Speaker 1 well, I know you're like a like, you're kind of a dermaphobe.

Speaker 2 It's not when I'm meeting someone like you one-on-one, we're about to sit down and have a conversation. Yeah.
But people approach me all day long and put out their hand.

Speaker 2 And if I shake 20, 30 hands a day, I'll get sick.

Speaker 1 Honestly, so here's a stat that might not make you want to shake any more hands.

Speaker 1 If you shake someone's hand or like just like touching doorknobs or whatever throughout your day, you're like on average touching 10 dicks a day. Yes.
Because people don't wash their hands.

Speaker 2 If I touch one person's hand, it's 10 dicks.

Speaker 1 Or just like going about your day, like if you touch a doorknob, like someone could have touched your hand.

Speaker 2 Doorknob, definitely, I could see 10 dicks. Yeah.
But one person's hand, one dick.

Speaker 2 How about this? I wash my hands before I use the bathroom and then again right after. Here.
Because I don't want to touch, I don't want my dick to touch 10 dicks.

Speaker 2 That's the thing. But no, but I people wash after.
I'm like, hello?

Speaker 1 Some people do.

Speaker 2 Do you got to wash before and after?

Speaker 1 I literally have a family member and he is like, no, I don't wash my hand after. I just touched myself.
Like, that's fine.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, yeah, but you got to touch somebody else after that. Yeah, no, they don't.
I love, by the way, that stuff.

Speaker 2 How do you, what's the scientific estimation for 10 dicks on the doorknob? I'm going to look it up. That's so funny to me.
That's so funny.

Speaker 2 10 is such a

Speaker 2 funny. And I want to know the formula.
I want to know the formula someone used to get that on average.

Speaker 1 There's a bunch of different things things coming up that says it's actually more. It's actually, you come into contact with 15 penises.

Speaker 2 How do you estimate that? But I will tell you this too. Once I wash my hands, I take the paper towels and I open the

Speaker 2 with that paper towel and then I throw it away. Especially on planes.
Of course. And I also make sure everyone sees me coming out doing that.

Speaker 1 No, same.

Speaker 2 I have a clumba and I open it. I like open it all the way.
And then you like,

Speaker 2 and then I just like throw it in there and like hold it open my foot. Yeah.
And because I want someone to extend the same courtesy, like, I want, you know, yeah, I'm with you. I'm glad about that.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I, um, I was a flight attendant for a while.

Speaker 2 And like, the amount. Oh, wow, I could never, ever.
I hate flying.

Speaker 1 I know, I'm terrified of flying. And people are like, Morgan, how you were, how were you a flight attendant? I'm like, I don't know.
I think it was like, it's kind of like car anxiety.

Speaker 1 I have really bad car anxiety, but if I'm driving, I'm fine. It was kind of like that.
Like, I know I'm not flying the plane, but you're just kind of like in more control.

Speaker 1 But the amount of people that walk into those bathrooms on planes without shoes on, it is atrocious. And you guys know that's not water on the floor, right? That's piss.
Yeah, that is

Speaker 2 piss on the floor. I don't even, when I go, I don't, first of all, I won't go unless it's an emergency situation.
Really?

Speaker 2 And if I go to like a regular bathroom, like in a public, wherever a public space, you know, at the urinal, I don't know if you know this, but you look down, there's a puddle in front of every urinal.

Speaker 1 That's one, that's, that's, that's a, that's wrong with you guys.

Speaker 2 That's a concoction. That's a cacophony.
That's, that's just everyone's piss in a puddle.

Speaker 2 And I go, I put my legs apart further than shoulder width, my feet. So I am not in, I don't touch any of the piss if I can help it.
Yeah. My shoes have never, ever, ever been on in my home in my life.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, that's good.

Speaker 2 And there's just piss everywhere. And I, I've seen this happen.
I, I've seen this. I've seen people go in there and I almost convulse.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who raised them?

Speaker 2 What are their concerns? How are they, how are they walking into a piss-riddled bathroom in their socks?

Speaker 2 And then those socks go in the shoe. And then those shoe, those inside of those shoes always have everyone's piss in them.
And then you go home, you change socks, you put them back in.

Speaker 2 Those people's piss are with you for life.

Speaker 1 I'll never forget this girl. She had Uggs on, like the Uggs you slip your feet into.
She took her Uggs off, walked into the bathroom, and then came back to her seat and put her feet back in her Uggs.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. What? It's fuck.
It's sickening. It's disgusting.
As a flight attendant, I have two questions. Okay.
And this is one I always wonder because I don't think it's real. I think it's fake.

Speaker 2 And I don't really believe that anyone's ever done it. Do you feel like someone has actually been in the mile high club?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 How is it

Speaker 2 they try it? But okay, so a couple things.

Speaker 2 What is your responsibility if you think that's happening? And have you ever experienced anything like that?

Speaker 1 I didn't. I think you're like, you're supposed to knock on the door and get them out.
Also, like a flight attendant can open that locked bathroom door.

Speaker 2 You don't want to open an accidental. But like, how do they try? Like one person goes in and it's maybe like a late night flight.
This is the only way to

Speaker 2 go up. I'll be in in like 30, like one minute, I'll go in.
And then everyone's kind of, it's dark, everyone's sleeping. Then they both go in.
But then it's so small in there.

Speaker 2 And then you both got to come out. And also, if anybody recognizes, you have to sit the rest of the plane ride, either being scolded or reprimanded or called out or people knowing you did that.

Speaker 2 I just can't see who would ever pull that off.

Speaker 2 And so they wouldn't get in any type of bigger trouble trouble than just excuse me you have to get out i feel like you could get banned from the airline right i never encountered it and honestly have you ever do know a flight attendant that's encountered it no and it's this what i feel like it's fake we didn't talk about it in training but i feel like there's like those airlines now that are coming out with like like the crazy ones where it's like 20 000 a ticket and you get your own bed and like if i'm flying to dubai and i have a shower and i think then it's like assumed it's like a hotel room yeah you know so i think people are doing it in those for sure i think that's a little different even though it's still weird but people try it though people people like use autopilot and have sex driving their car people are getting weird i didn't know that either i never thought of that yeah and then what about like when just somebody blows up that bathroom and you're that's where you sit

Speaker 2 yeah no that's you dealt with that that has to be like every other flight now yeah because i was on the jump seat we have spray um a lot of times it wouldn't help so you try to like does everybody do you just like look does everyone just look the other way do you like, is it like you don't even want to be

Speaker 1 kind of a thing?

Speaker 2 You just make believe nobody makes everybody just makes believes that, like, like that they don't, they don't acknowledge.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like everyone poops. So it's just kind of one of those things that you just got to kind of get through.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's also something I think about all the time.

Speaker 1 If I like, have you never pooped on a plane?

Speaker 2 No, no, not in my life ever, and nor will I. What? Nor will I.
I will never ever in my life.

Speaker 1 What if you have a really long flight?

Speaker 2 It's going to be

Speaker 2 whatever I need to do to not go to that

Speaker 2 restroom ever. I won't do it.

Speaker 2 I won't be, I wouldn't think I'll be able to do it. I mean, I understand with an emergency situation.
Luckily, I've never been in a thing where it's like, it's either in my seat right now or in there.

Speaker 2 I suppose in that scenario, but I would also try some, I don't know what I would do. I'd maybe say a rosary or something.

Speaker 2 I'm not even particularly, I'm not particularly religious, but I don't know what I would do. But I can't even imagine sitting, hovering.

Speaker 2 I can't imagine like people outside knowing that's what's going on in there. I don't want to be the person that walks out after that.

Speaker 2 I just, I, I wouldn't put my body, my, my skin anywhere near that area. It's just not going to happen.

Speaker 1 My

Speaker 1 husband over there now, so fucking weird to say, he, I don't know if he's going to be mad at me for sharing this, but he just pooped.

Speaker 2 He's right there. You can clear it with him first, but you're choosing not to.
I'll just call that out.

Speaker 1 He just pooped for the first time on a plane like a month ago. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Was it horrifying or was it not bad? Great.

Speaker 3 I'm a few times in now.

Speaker 2 No way. It opens the floodgates for you.

Speaker 1 He likes it.

Speaker 2 No way. It It was great because of the relief.
Because prior to that, you would suffer.

Speaker 3 Well, and there's a little turbulence, so I felt like I was on a Disney ride at one point and my stomach kind of went up and felt like I was floating. Oh my gosh.
Like, this is incredible.

Speaker 2 Also, the actual biological physical sensation was heightened.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and now you're chasing that fie.

Speaker 2 Now you're chasing it.

Speaker 3 It feels different at 30,000 feet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like you're leaving for the airport. You're like, I'll wait till I get there.

Speaker 2 Wow, so now the plane. Okay, so if it was only recently, why did you abstain forever?

Speaker 1 Why did you abstain? Yeah, that's a good question.

Speaker 2 Like, so, because, like, what are your reasons that you never did it? And now, what,

Speaker 2 now that you've seen the light, now you, like, you, you've done it multiple times already now. So, like, what were the reasons you didn't do it prior to, like, only recent?

Speaker 3 I don't really know. Maybe some of the same concerns you had.

Speaker 2 So when you were walking in for this first one, did you feel like, oh, you know, I have no choice. I'm going to do this for the first time.

Speaker 2 I don't know what to expect right now, but I feel vulnerable or I feel weird. And,

Speaker 2 you know, like, here we go.

Speaker 3 Well, to alleviate some of the concern, I did it on a plane where there were two dedicated bathrooms right across the aisle from each other. Or it was a plane with two aisles, a big plane.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, because he didn't want someone to be waiting for him outside that door.
Right.

Speaker 2 Knowing that he. The Starbucks bathroom, the single bathroom thing, never.
Right.

Speaker 3 Especially when there's a line, can you imagine? Sure.

Speaker 2 no chance. Yo, you don't know what you're opening that door back up to, though.
Three or four people could have congregated there.

Speaker 3 Well, and your clock starts to tick faster when you're inside a bathroom or you know people are waiting outside. Yeah, it starts to speed up.
You're like, oh God, I've been in here for five minutes.

Speaker 3 Right. I've been in here for 10 minutes.

Speaker 2 10 is an eternity.

Speaker 2 If someone's waiting, it's in a turn.

Speaker 1 He sits on the toilet way too long. I'm going to be honest.

Speaker 2 At home, I do too, though. That's where I get my reading done.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I sit on the toilet, don't go. You're going to get hernia.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I know, but like, but 10 minutes, I mean, everyone knows what you did.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you probably didn't end up doing it because you're too in your head about everyone leaving. Yeah, but now you've, you're, you feel completely liberated now.
You have no bones about it.

Speaker 2 You got to go, you're going right in.

Speaker 3 Probably 50-50.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. I don't think anyone could be really fully comfortable.

Speaker 1 I have a trick for you in this next story. Okay.
They're introducing us to something that might help you poop on a plane.

Speaker 2 Okay. Oh.

Speaker 2 It's not going to happen, but all right.

Speaker 1 Okay. So this one is coming from Today I fucked up 11 days old titled Today I fucked up by mooing on the toilet and discovering it actually works.

Speaker 2 Mooing. Mooing.

Speaker 1 I know you know a thing about a cow because you have inseminated one.

Speaker 2 Oh, I delivered a baby. Oh, you delivered.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You, you were fully up there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, up to my shoe, up to my shoulder, I was in it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So you know about a moo.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I, 36 female, had a hysterectomy last week and surgically is basically just finding out how many ways your body can betray you. Sneezing feels like being stabbed.

Speaker 1 Coughing is a crime against humanity and pooping.

Speaker 2 LOL, good luck.

Speaker 1 So I'm up late googling tips because I'm desperate. And I find this random comment where someone goes, quote, just moo like a cow.
It relaxes your pelvic floor. I rolled my eyes so hard.

Speaker 1 You want to moo, don't you?

Speaker 2 I was lightly mooing.

Speaker 1 Let's hear it.

Speaker 2 Moo.

Speaker 1 Did you feel anything?

Speaker 2 Moo.

Speaker 2 I suppose. Okay.

Speaker 1 The next morning, I'm on the toilet, sweating, bargaining with the universe. Just clipped a moo.
And thought. For the socials.

Speaker 2 Just three seconds.

Speaker 2 That's it. Two hot takes.

Speaker 1 And I thought, fine, let's moo. And I did.
Like a legit deep from the chest.

Speaker 2 Moo.

Speaker 1 And it worked immediately. Like my body just went, ah, yes.
Cow mode, engaged. Anyways, here's where I really fucked up.
My husband was literally walking past the bathroom as I was mid-moo.

Speaker 1 He opened the door. We don't usually lock it and just caught me.
We made eye contact. I froze.
He froze. And then I absolutely lost it laughing.
Except laughing after abdominal surgery.

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Feels like being ripped open from the inside. Yeah.
So now I'm sitting there on the toilet.

Speaker 1 crying, clutching my stomach, half laughing, half mooing, while my poor husband is sitting there like, what the actual hell did I just walk into?

Speaker 1 He didn't know whether to comfort me, call 911, or just back out slowly and pretend that none of it happened.

Speaker 1 So yeah, today I fucked up by mooing on the toilet and learning it actually works, but also permanently scarring my marriage in the process.

Speaker 2 That's so funny.

Speaker 2 I've never heard that before at all.

Speaker 1 You're going to try it the next time, though.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't know if I'd feel like what you, because it's not going to be necessarily alleviating anything so i don't know if i have a you know what i mean like a point of reference to understand that it's it's working you'd have to be like really backed up and that's like your last resort and then if it works then you know that is who even discovered that i don't know that's funny but i like it

Speaker 1 top comment girl i'm dying i couldn't help myself I tried a deep moo and I could feel my pelvic floor relax and my man one room over yelled, why are you mooing?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's, I mean, I can't imagine not one of your listeners. Every last person is going to moo next time they go now.
Oh, 100%.

Speaker 1 Yeah. 100%.

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Speaker 1 Okay, you ready to get into the tea of two hot takes?

Speaker 1 Let's do it. I've been like a little light on you.

Speaker 2 Hot gos?

Speaker 1 Yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 1 This next one is coming from our very own subreddit. So because of the show now, we have a place where we kind of take a listener right in.
Oh, okay. So this is from one of us.

Speaker 1 It is a day old titled, My Fiancé Edits Me Out of Our Vacation Photos.

Speaker 1 I, 29 female, have been with my fiancé, 31 male, for four years. We love traveling, taking photos, making memories.
Recently, we went on a week-long trip to the mountains with some friends.

Speaker 1 When we got back, I started going through our photos. I noticed something weird.
In a bunch of the group shots, I wasn't there, but I know I was. I asked him about it.

Speaker 1 He admitted that when he saw a picture where he didn't like how I looked, bad hair, tired face, etc.

Speaker 1 He used his phone's editor to crop me out or replace me with a view of the background.

Speaker 1 He said he did it so the trip looked cleaner, so the pics would look nice on social media without me standing there off balance, etc.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 The pics would look cleaner and she wouldn't be standing there off balance? Sorry to interrupt, continue.

Speaker 1 I told him that hurt me, that I want authentic memories, even if I'm not glam and all of them. He said I'm too sensitive and that photos are just illusions anyways.

Speaker 1 Now I don't know if I trust memories with him. Is it weird to feel like I'm erased?

Speaker 2 I would file for divorce.

Speaker 2 There's no coming back. What a, what a, what a, what a weird, like, it sounds like this person has issues.
Yeah. Does he do that with him? With his own photos?

Speaker 1 No, he just picks the one where he looks the best.

Speaker 2 So he's worried of people judging his wife? Who's going to do that?

Speaker 2 Or he's worried of people judging him for his wife, removing her from photos because he wants to post them on social media and thinks she doesn't look acceptable enough in the photo for the

Speaker 2 viewing public. That's what it's like.
That is, there is a lot going on to unpack there.

Speaker 2 There's a lot to unpack there.

Speaker 1 Top Comment has some thoughts.

Speaker 1 Top Comment says he's single online. Like basically, he's trying to look single online.

Speaker 2 Well, if he does, does he put, does he do it with every photo he posts? It sounds like he didn't do it every photo, but it doesn't matter. Like that is problematic behavior.
That is very weird.

Speaker 2 That's a person that is that I'm telling you, that's a person that,

Speaker 2 I mean, that could be a serial killer, that guy.

Speaker 2 It's that's insane. That is so highly insulting.

Speaker 1 Well, and what he said, too, it's like, I edit you out when you look like shit, when your hair is bad, your voice is not your choice.

Speaker 2 You could say to me, hey, Ann, I want to post this. Cool.

Speaker 2 And let her decide, like, yeah, I don't care. Oh, actually, I don't like that.
Don't post that one. Yeah.
You need to post the one where I don't look good.

Speaker 2 So you need to edit me out and put more mountain in the background. That's insulting and weird.

Speaker 1 Well, and is he doing it to anyone else in the photos? Or is it only

Speaker 2 his partner? It sounds like it's only her, which is like, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. To like take it upon himself to deem when his wife looks presentable or not enough for whom

Speaker 2 why do you care and he didn't tell her also i know that's weird that he's been doing it for how long and then she had to approach him about it and then the reason he gives also is paper is is is is absurd i want it to look nice

Speaker 2 meaning that it doesn't look nice if i'm in it and you don't like the way that i look if i look did they say if i look what'd she say if i look like

Speaker 1 just bad like bad hair tired face yeah that's she did it so the trip looked cleaner that's so stupid what does that mean how did the trip look cleaner if one person removed her because they look tired that's so

Speaker 2 I'm I'm getting angry I'm getting angry right now I just don't understand

Speaker 2 what is wrong with you well and there's no way everyone looks good how well does she know this they're married for four years uh fiancé been together for four years you're with someone for four years and they're about to get married they're photoshopping you out of photos when they think you look tired because they don't want that to be seen by other people and they're not telling you that that is a fian still time there's still time to get out of that

Speaker 2 i would get out of that i know i can't make an excuse for this person no i mean he's 31 he's old enough to 31 there's i i'm i believe me i try to play devil's advocate here i got nothing for this guy i got nothing no i don't except i think i said that is very strange behavior Well, to me, I'm like, he's trying to hide something.

Speaker 1 Like, there's people that do that. They like want to look better on social media, but, but then he's like, what did he say? Like, social media is fake or something along those lines.

Speaker 2 Pictures are an illusion or something like that.

Speaker 1 Photos are just an illusion.

Speaker 2 This person's full of shit.

Speaker 1 Well, why not keep me in it then?

Speaker 2 Can't be true. Yeah, like, right.

Speaker 1 Why not post only the solo show? What does that mean?

Speaker 2 But what does that even mean? It's an illusion. What are you talking about? What shit are you talking? That's coming.
Just,

Speaker 2 I mean, what the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 1 I don't know. That's

Speaker 2 look,

Speaker 2 if he doesn't put her up at all,

Speaker 2 it's simple. He's cheating on her.
He wants people to know he's seen. That's easy, but it doesn't sound like it's all the time because

Speaker 2 she noticed that she was missing in some, right? Yeah. So this is like maybe someone who

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 If you're that ashamed of your wife,

Speaker 2 that's crazy.

Speaker 1 No, and what happens, like, as you go through life? Like, what, like, what happens if they're together and they decide they want kids and she gains a little weight? And, like, oh.

Speaker 2 Are you photoshopping yourself out of photos where everyone else looks good? And, and, and when you look tired? It's like, also, that's still weird behavior.

Speaker 2 Like, it's like, I can't, this is the, and the females writing in on this,

Speaker 2 is there a follow-up here? You're going to, you know what you're going to do? You're going to leave me with a nervous tick.

Speaker 2 I'm going to leave here and I'm not, I'm never going to forget these situations. I need closure on these things.

Speaker 1 I don't have any comments yet. No update.

Speaker 2 It's only a day old. I need closure.
And they don't say anything. We just know she's 29F.

Speaker 1 Nothing yet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll let you know, though, if I get an update.

Speaker 2 I'll send it your way. Oh, but this was sent to you.

Speaker 1 It's on our own.

Speaker 2 And so this is coming from a listener or a viewer. Very likely.
And so they're going to see this.

Speaker 2 Okay, so there's

Speaker 2 possibility for closure here. Please.
Oh, so if you're looking at 29F, look at me.

Speaker 2 This is not normal behavior. You have to take this up with them and you have to get to the bottom of this.
And you should not stand for this. No.
It's very, very weird.

Speaker 2 Now, I'm private, so I don't post my family online, but that's not what this is. No.

Speaker 1 It's not what this is. No, he's posting all of his friends.
He's posting stuff from his personal life. Yeah.
But editing out the one person who seemingly should matter most.

Speaker 1 I mean, there's another comment here. There's no innocent explanation for editing your fiancé out of photos.
That's not about aesthetic. It's about hiding the relationship.
Huge red flag.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then there's another one that says, it would be a pity if they got married and she has a zit and was edited out of all the wedding photos.

Speaker 1 After she's 30 or 40 and gets wrinkles, is she banned from photos? Looks like the fiancé needs an inflatable doll, not a human.

Speaker 2 I agree. There's going to be wedding photos of just him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. If he doesn't like the way she looks in a certain photo.

Speaker 1 It is giving a little self-centered.

Speaker 2 I feel like all of all of these things, like we're not giving, I'm not giving any hot takes.

Speaker 1 You're just off.

Speaker 2 I feel like a hot take, by definition, isn't a hot take like something that goes a little bit against the grain. I feel like I'm being the voice of reason.

Speaker 2 I feel like I'm giving an ice cold or a lukewarm take.

Speaker 1 You know, maybe this next one will throw a wrench in your because I want to, like, none.

Speaker 2 I don't think in any of these, I've been like, I'm on the side of the.

Speaker 1 I mean, try to, you said you can't devil's advocate this one. Maybe the next one I've got, you can devil's advocate.
You know, maybe, maybe it is just a joke. You ready for this next one? Okay.
Okay.

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Speaker 1 This one is a little inappropriate. It's got a not safe for work badge on it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Again, coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit, five days old, titled, My Boyfriend Cheated in Front of Me, but claims he was just joking.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 2 This podcast is making me feel better about myself.

Speaker 1 That's the goal. Okay.

Speaker 2 That's the goal here. I'm like, I'm a great person.

Speaker 1 Me, female 21, and my boyfriend, I'll call him Ryan, male 21.

Speaker 2 Why call him Ryan? That's so funny. She doesn't give her name.
No. Me, F21, my boyfriend, Ryan.
Ryan. Okay.

Speaker 1 We were at a college party together two nights ago, just for context.

Speaker 2 How old is Ryan? 21. Okay.

Speaker 1 Just for context, me and Ryan have been dating for two months, and there were around 100 people at the party.

Speaker 1 I was having fun drinking and hanging out with my friends, but overdid it a little and felt dizzy. I asked Ryan to sit down with me on the couch while I drank some water.
He said, Sure.

Speaker 1 While we were sitting, Ryan's best friend, I'll call him Jake, came over and was talking to Ryan. I don't know how we got to the topic, but Jake dared Ryan to suck his dick.

Speaker 1 They both were laughing and looked at me for a reaction. I still didn't feel good, and I thought they were just goofing around, so I just sat there listening.

Speaker 2 It's not, I could have never imagined you were about to say that. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Ryan then said, quote, okay, then I'll do it. Jake unzipped his pants and Ryan started sucking his dick.

Speaker 2 I think, are we being trolled in the subreddit? Like, let's see you read this one.

Speaker 1 I will investigate. No, I'm going to investigate.

Speaker 2 Because there isn't enough.

Speaker 2 I'm almost about to explode on camera.

Speaker 2 I'm going to need so many details. I have so many questions.
that are not going to be able to be answered. I've seen a pattern and I'm going to leave here now.

Speaker 2 And I'm feeling better about myself, but I'm going to leave here. I'm going to leave here like also like with something boiling under my blood because I, I, I, I, I don't understand these people.

Speaker 1 It only lasted for a few seconds. They both laughed and high fived.

Speaker 2 And then Jake.

Speaker 1 And then Jake zipped his pants up and walked away. I was so stunned and disoriented in the moment, I didn't say or do anything.
Soon afterwards, we went home and I immediately went to to bed.

Speaker 1 Yesterday, I woke up and remembered what happened and asked Ryan why he would do that. He said it was just guys being guys and doing silly party dares.

Speaker 2 It's just, it's so irrational. Even that response back, these are,

Speaker 2 listen to the conversation. Let's play this conversation out.
Ask me, I'm Ryan. You're 21F.

Speaker 2 Okay. It's the next day.
Yeah. Approach me about it.

Speaker 1 Why did you suck your friend's dick?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 I saw you. You sucked his dick.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's just guys doing guys, guys being guys doing fun party things.

Speaker 1 It sounds like you're gay.

Speaker 2 Who speaks like that? Who would be like, it's just guys being guys doing fun party things? Is that what you said? Fun party things?

Speaker 1 Doing silly party dares.

Speaker 2 Silly party dares. Who speaks like that?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? It's a silly party dare. Sal, I'm going to get through this story and then I'm going to replace it.
I sucked my friend's dick because it was a silly party dare. It's guys being guys.

Speaker 2 You never heard of silly party dares

Speaker 1 so ofi goes on to say i mentioned that it felt like cheating in a way and he said i was overreacting because it was just a joke he seemed annoyed and shut down the conversation oh my god now he's taking this

Speaker 1 god i'm home now and i don't know how to feel i'm not even mad i'm just so confused about what to make of this i haven't told my friends about this yet because i feel kind of embarrassed any advice would be helpful because i'm just not sure what to do okay first of all this is two months in abort

Speaker 2 You're out of this one. And relationships.
You're out of this one.

Speaker 2 If this is real, the only thing that I could surmise is that her boyfriend is maybe bisexual and is trying to look for an in way to let her know that maybe his best friend is more than his best friend.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what I'm getting. And like, this is like, all right.
Let's, when we're all feeling loosey-goosey, let's, but, but wait a minute. There was a hundred people there.

Speaker 1 Sounds like a a frat party. Like I was picturing frat party in college, like at some of the ones that I was.

Speaker 2 I would like to know what the other 97 people, how they reacted. Like that's still not normal behavior.
Even at a frat party, you're not like, best friend, blow me. Silly party games.

Speaker 1 I mean, they were definitely like hookup rooms in college at the parties.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's a, that's an offshoot. Yeah.
These people are in the lobby here. They're in the main room.

Speaker 1 I was envisioning offshoot because she felt kind of dizzy. So I was envisioning she like kind of was like, can we just like go get some air?

Speaker 2 So the three of them went to an offshoot room. Yeah.
It's just the three of them.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm envisioning. So how is it?

Speaker 2 How is that a silly party, silly party trick?

Speaker 1 Dare.

Speaker 2 How is it a silly party dare now when you're one-on-one with somebody? I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's not like the room's watching and I'm like, I'm going to, for the sake of this, I'm going to be this outrageous because I'm going to make this whole entire place go nuts. And it's crazy.

Speaker 2 No, you're in a, you're in a room, an offshoot room. Yeah.
And you're like, watch this silly party dare. Well, you're half in the bag, by the way.
This is going to be a silly party. Who's it?

Speaker 2 Who's silly? Who's daring?

Speaker 1 I'm going to be honest. Like, I don't understand it, but like, I know people are messed up.
So, this is pulling from the vault of this show. That is my brain.
This is a story, not this.

Speaker 1 There was a story I read a couple of years ago now, and it was coming from the Ask Me Anything subreddit. And it was a post that was verified by the moderators of the sub.

Speaker 1 And it was a post that was titled, I've had a sexual relationship with my mom. Ask me anything.

Speaker 1 And the kid now got.

Speaker 2 How do they verify, verify what? So how could they verify that's true?

Speaker 1 So the person was a part of a study by this psychologist. The moderators of Reddit got in touch with a psychologist and verified the story.
Isn't there HIPAA, though?

Speaker 1 If like the patient signs off on it. So I think like they connected with the mods.
Like either way, it was verified. It's still up.
Like Reddit has like strict guidelines about fake stuff, typically.

Speaker 1 And they verified this. And this, this person basically tells a story of like, when I was 16 or 17, I broke both arms.
I was super frustrated and mean to my parents. So my mom started jacking me off.

Speaker 1 And there's stories like that. That like

Speaker 2 illegal?

Speaker 1 Probably, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 So it's like, there's stories like that.

Speaker 2 Wait, I'm sorry, but he broke both arms and was mean to his mom.

Speaker 1 He was mean. He was just like very sexually frustrated.

Speaker 2 Or did she start

Speaker 2 doing that to her son?

Speaker 1 I know. I'll send you the link if you want to read it.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know if I want to.

Speaker 2 It seems like a leap, though. Like, what about making him some food?

Speaker 2 Putting his feet up. I mean, lending him an ear.
Like, I wouldn't. It wouldn't be my first time.
You're being real mean to me. I know you don't have both arms.
Let me just, let me just do this.

Speaker 1 Her husband, dad, was aware of it.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 And it progressed. It got further than just hand jobs.
It was really bad.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, then they're, okay, so they're not a well family, unfortunately. No.
Okay, so that the explanation there is that they're all unwell.

Speaker 1 So like, I mean, I, I find this, like, I know, you know, Reddit can obviously have fake stories, but like, I genuinely, after seeing all I've seen over the past couple years, nothing surprises you.

Speaker 1 No, I could see this happening.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because it's, but it's not just like a, they've done it before. Oh, yeah.
You're not two best friends that are alone in an offshoot room, and you're like, here's a silly little dare.

Speaker 2 No, let me suck you off. And then, by the way, the friend to be like,

Speaker 2 yeah, I gotta do it.

Speaker 2 It's like, no, you do this.

Speaker 2 This is like how you are, this is how you were introducing it to her.

Speaker 1 And it feels like they were trying to test boundaries and be like, if she would have been into it, I feel like they would have been like, threesome. You want to go to Paris?

Speaker 2 Like, what are we, what are we talking about?

Speaker 1 Right, right. Like, I feel like it was definitely.

Speaker 2 Was that an Eiffel Tower joke?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow. I can't believe I got that.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 That was a joke about the thing they just call an Einfold Tower. Yeah.
So like on Waldenjo High Five, that thing?

Speaker 2 I only vaguely knew what that, I only kind of, you know, I've heard that before. And I can't believe I made the connection.
But that was a real.

Speaker 2 Was that an easy connection to make? Was that like an obvious joke? I don't. Is that something you said before? Want to go to Paris? Is that something that they say? Want to go to Paris?

Speaker 1 I feel like, I feel like this is kind of like a

Speaker 2 hip that I got. Are you with it? Yeah, like, but I can't, but I, but

Speaker 2 I took a minute and I'm like, uh-oh. No, you got it.

Speaker 1 I saw the wheels turning. Yeah.
So I feel like this is just testing of boundaries. They want to be a thruple or something.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The way he reacted to being confronted with it is weird.

Speaker 1 Which makes me think he's like dealing with some feelings.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Okay, so and is the question is, is she, is she the, no, this is an ask me anything.
No, what is this one?

Speaker 1 It was just like, any advice would be helpful. I'm not sure what to do.

Speaker 1 I haven't talked to my friends because I feel kind of embarrassed. Okay.

Speaker 2 Has someone in the comments mentioned what we just mentioned, that they were testing boundaries and the person is probably, you know, bisexual and wants to see if she's cool with that?

Speaker 1 Top comment, not a silly dare, and your boyfriend is not straight, LOL.

Speaker 2 Okay. And did she write back?

Speaker 1 Let's see if we have any comments from OP.

Speaker 2 OP?

Speaker 1 Original poster. Okay.
That's what we call them on this side of things.

Speaker 2 Well, he was trying to see if she was down with OPP.

Speaker 1 We do have some comments.

Speaker 2 You know that song by Naughty by Nature, OPP?

Speaker 1 No, that one.

Speaker 2 You're down with OPP. Yeah, you know me.
No. You know the song, the group, Naughty by Nature, a hip-hop group from the 90s? Okay.
They had a hip-hop hooray. Ho.

Speaker 2 Ghetto Bastard. It was a big, that was, that was their first big hit.
Okay. And you down with OPP, yeah, you know me, stands for other people's property or other people's penis or poster.

Speaker 2 It's what it was.

Speaker 2 It was dirty, but that was a clean version of it. And are you down? And so OP and so I just made a little, I made a fun little like reference.
Yeah, that was good.

Speaker 1 Now that I understand.

Speaker 2 I was throwing one back at you at the end of the Paris one.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So OP goes, we have talked about sexuality before. I'm bi.
And he was very clear that he was straight and not interested in men. I guess that makes this feel confusing.

Speaker 1 I'm reading all the comments as they come in. I feel a little better hearing others say that this was cheating and I'm not overreacting.
He really made me feel like I was being ridiculous.

Speaker 2 What I had to say to her is that two months in, and my advice would be taking from the three of them,

Speaker 2 bye-bye, bye.

Speaker 2 I would end it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is confirmed that there was a frat party. Ryan and Jake are in the same fraternity.
We all do marching band and they're in the music frat.

Speaker 1 I didn't know music frats were.

Speaker 2 I didn't know it. Yeah.
Well, they're marching to their own

Speaker 2 drumsticks.

Speaker 1 We get an update.

Speaker 2 You have one? Yeah. Oh,

Speaker 2 finally. If you're watching and you're a fan of the show, do us a favor, please.
We need closure on these things. So always send an update, even if it's not what we want to hear or it's not

Speaker 2 the last update, continually update. Yeah.
Because it's only fair. You know, we're putting this out there.
We're all listening. We're all consuming this.

Speaker 2 And we'd like a beginning, a middle, and end to these things.

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't know if I'm speaking out of turn. No, but I'm just trying to give you this for your own for your own.

Speaker 1 People love an update. I actually just did a whole episode that basically all had updates.
So next time you're on, I will make sure that every single story has an update

Speaker 1 just to, you know.

Speaker 2 I'm not trying to give you extra work.

Speaker 1 No, it's easy. It's easy.
So update. I broke up with Ryan.
He was really annoyed at me and doubled down that he is just a funny guy who goofs around with his friends like that.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to argue too much, just insisted that we're done dating. Thanks to everyone who left helpful comments.
I was so shocked and in my head about the situation.

Speaker 1 I guess I wasn't thinking big picture. I don't want to even try working things out with a cheater.
Also, I have an appointment this week to get STI tested.

Speaker 1 I'm strict about using protection, and this story is the only evidence I have of cheating, but I want to be really safe just in case. Thank you to everyone who posted a funny comment.

Speaker 1 I'll admit, some of you made me laugh. Some of my friends are on their way over for a boxed girls' wine night.

Speaker 1 After I debrief them on the breakup, I'll have to show them this post and some of the comments. It's better to laugh than cry.

Speaker 2 LOL.

Speaker 2 She was well-adjusted. STI is, what is that?

Speaker 1 A sexually transmitted infection.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 STD, STI.

Speaker 2 Well, STD, I know. Yeah, they.
And I knew what she was getting at, but I never heard STI.

Speaker 1 They've updated the term.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, because disease is

Speaker 2 disease is a little bit, yeah, like

Speaker 2 an S Ti, yeah, that should be what it is. Yeah, yeah, come in, I agree with that, Jane.
Coming with the Times, yeah,

Speaker 1 okay,

Speaker 1 before you see more, Tonka Jahari, I mean, Sal, we're giving you guys a little bonus story. So, an extra story, thanks to Ollie Wellness.

Speaker 1 We've been talking about women's health and wellness a little bit more, and something I want to touch a little bit more on is libido, which is why I've got Justin here, my hubby. Hubby? I don't know.

Speaker 2 We haven't tried that yet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we haven't tried that yet.

Speaker 1 But I feel like something that you can get a little lost in the sauce on is like you can slip into roommate mode or you're just not lining up when like I want it, you're falling asleep.

Speaker 1 And when you're ready, I'm not in the mood. I'm just not feeling it as much.
So that is where Ollie's love and libido comes in.

Speaker 1 It's formulated with traditional ingredients like ashwagandha to help boost desire, enhance arousal, and even support satisfaction.

Speaker 1 So we're going to get into this story and see how intimacy can be a little touch and go sometimes, but a a little effort can go a long way.

Speaker 1 And I'm really going to need your inputs and hacks too, you guys. I saw them for the period towel time convo and it was so good.
You guys had such good tips and recommendations.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to need a lot of input on this one too.

Speaker 1 Okay, so this is coming from relationship advice, eight months old, titled, I, 28 female, want so badly for my libido to increase for my boyfriend, 29 male. What can I do?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 What it says in the title: I would love to have such a high libido because I enjoy having sex so much when we have it, but the thought of having it when we're not in the physical act, I just cannot be bothered.

Speaker 1 I am super attracted to him and I love him more than anything. So the relationship is not to blame.
It's literally just me. What can I do to increase, please? Supplements, reading spicy books?

Speaker 1 If so, what ones? I'm open to anything. I want to have sex with him all the time.
Please help.

Speaker 1 You're just smiling at me. What are your thoughts?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I just feel like I can relate to both sides. Oh my gosh.
Yeah. It would certainly be frustrating that when you want to,

Speaker 2 you just can't mentally get there or it just feels like, oh,

Speaker 2 it sounds really great, but man, I

Speaker 2 have to do so much to get there. And it's a lot of work.

Speaker 2 You got to check in. I'm tired.
I'm hungry. I have to do this.
It's like you can almost work against yourself in that way.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, and I think like for me, we just ran into this the other night and I told you you needed to amp up the razzle dazzle. I don't know where this came from, you guys.

Speaker 2 I was like, you know, a little razzle dazzle, Justin, a little this, a little that.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 you almost need like a little bit of initiation sometimes from your partner to like get you in the mood.

Speaker 1 Like, I feel like you need to just like get a a little butt squeeze or a little come up behind and feel me up.

Speaker 1 And I like, I need that to almost be like, oh, okay, get out of your head, get into the mood, get, get in that mindset. And like, obviously that's not going to work every time, but

Speaker 1 I think sometimes you can just like

Speaker 1 get so like comfortable with like just kind of this like

Speaker 1 norm. Roommate mode is easy to fall into, especially us.
Like we got so busy with wedding planning and then getting back and cleaning and getting life together.

Speaker 1 It's like it can be easy to slip into that and just like not even tune into yourself, your body, your desires, and like what you want. Cause like this person wants it.

Speaker 1 She's just like, but like my libido, which is where something like Ollie, love, and libido could come in. I've been trying it here and there for the past week just to see what the deal is.

Speaker 1 And I don't know if Ollie's gonna like me using this word, but like, at least for me, like, I've felt like a bit hornier. And they're, Ollie, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 What? Hornier?

Speaker 2 Hornier.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. I will say, you guys, I tried to find a synonym and the other synonyms, synonyms that come up are Aroused and Randy.

Speaker 1 So I think Randy. My choice was better.

Speaker 2 What are you doing, Randy? What are you doing, Randy?

Speaker 1 But I just think it's something that is worth a shot. No one wants to feel disconnected from their partner.
And like intimacy can be a big part of people's relationships.

Speaker 1 We do have some really good comments on this one as well. And I know you guys are going to show up and add more.

Speaker 1 This person goes, I used to struggle with pretty much non-existent libido, and here's what works for me.

Speaker 1 Less stress, generally speaking, women need to be relaxed to want sex, while men can relax through sex. Lessening my workload helped.

Speaker 1 Preach, right? Like literally right there. I'm like, when I get out of my own head and I stop like the mental checklist of like stress and anxiety and things I have to do,

Speaker 1 then I'm like, okay, no, I'm, I'm like tuned back in. Uh, female pleasure-centric erotica is their next recommendation.

Speaker 1 Sensual exercise, dancing, or anything that can help you feel more focused on your sexuality and make you horny. There's that word again.

Speaker 1 Uh, next one goes, Have you tried getting yourself in the mood? Obviously, we love intimacy. I think we all do.

Speaker 1 Everyone loves a good cuddle, a good shag, a good this, a good that, whatever you're into. But wanting it and experiencing it don't always go hand in hand.

Speaker 1 Ollie gets that, whether it's love and libido, so you can get yours, or Period Hero for PMS support. I'm in desperate need of that right now.
Ollie is wellness that shows up for women.

Speaker 2 You can find Ollie supplements at retailers nationwide or at ollie.com, O-L-L-Y.com.

Speaker 1 These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Speaker 1 Can't wait to see your comments and let's get back to sal. Thanks, Ollie.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving on to this next one. You've got some really, really good tattoos.

Speaker 2 Oh, I have some bad tattoos.

Speaker 1 You've got really good tattoos.

Speaker 2 I mean, bad tattoos.

Speaker 1 You've got Jaden Smith on your leg.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thigh.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Two? Do you have two Jaden tattoos?

Speaker 2 Two.

Speaker 1 How do you, do you still, like, do you want to cover up? Do you still, you like?

Speaker 2 It wasn't in the spirit of how I receive them. Okay.
The joke was that it's funny because they're permanent and I commit to jokes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It wasn't my joke, but I understand that it's funny. And so I choose, at least thus far, to keep them.

Speaker 1 Do you have like, I've always wondered this when watching the show. Do you guys have like ground rules for your punishments or is it truly just a free-for-all?

Speaker 2 It's a little of both. I think it's truly a free-for-all.
Okay. I think that we

Speaker 2 are good at understanding what the line is. Okay.
You know, we go right to it. Yeah.
And if we don't know, we have techniques. So for example, we wanted to put leeches on Murray.
Oh, my God. And

Speaker 2 we didn't know if his take on it. And what we don't want to do is move forward with an idea and find a location and put and write for it and get there.

Speaker 2 And God forbid, you know, he's like, no, because not every punishment is a surprise, but a lot are.

Speaker 2 And so we have to, we have to, you know, take a liberty thinking like, you know, well, they're going to go through with it. Yeah.
Well, they can go through it.

Speaker 2 There's been times I, one or two times I physically was unable to do it, even though I really would have wanted to do it. Okay.
And then that is problematic because you can't lose a day.

Speaker 2 That's budget. That budget is out the window.
Yeah, you've got the whole thing. And so someone else has to take that punishment.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And we don't want that to happen because that's not really fair. So what we'll do is

Speaker 2 we'll go to James and I'll say to him, hey, we have an idea. We want to put leeches on Q.
And I'll get his temperature for what it is for Q. And so if he's like, oh, that's hysterical, do it.

Speaker 2 I'm like, you just made your own bed better. You put yourself in that.
Yeah. But if he's like, oh, that's, I would, I would talk to him about that because that's like, that's a tough one.

Speaker 2 And he might not like that. And then, you know, like, all right.
We probably can't do it to him. Okay.
Yeah. So there's like little ways to do it.

Speaker 2 If we don't know what the line is, but we know each other so well and doing the show so long that I think we, we, we are, we have a, we are a good judge of if like what we can do and what we can't do.

Speaker 1 Do you feel that anyone gets the worst punishments?

Speaker 2 We all feel we

Speaker 2 I will say everyone has bad punishments. Yeah.
We all feel like, you know, we'll compete to, well, I'll argue. I know what like I was electrocuted a lot of times or shocked, I should say.
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 With like large animal collars all over my body. And I learned after this, because they did it in one bit, and then the next season they did it again.

Speaker 2 And then we had a live show where they did it to me for a little bit too. And I only recently learned that I might have taken a couple of couple of decades off my life by doing that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what if you had a heart condition?

Speaker 2 The jury is still out as to how damaging this was to me. But like, we all, you know, but I will say that historically,

Speaker 2 cumulatively, I think probably James Murray has gotten it the worst.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Yeah, it's that was my pick. The nipple piercing was that's nothing.

Speaker 2 That was pretty bad. Oh, come on.
I mean, I mean, on a on a scale, like that's a one to me.

Speaker 1 Oh, see, I'm like, that one was, that one was bad. Watching him skydive.

Speaker 2 Cry dive.

Speaker 1 That was like, you could just feel his anxiety. Like, you felt so bad.

Speaker 2 I did feel bad on that.

Speaker 1 But then again, you got put in a room with a tiger and you're like really scared of cats.

Speaker 2 I mean, I just had nothing to do with cats. I was like, that was, I didn't think that would make the movie because I just didn't think it was funny.
It was sheer terror. And I, I couldn't even speak.

Speaker 1 The bear cage was kind of another one.

Speaker 1 They really like to fuck with you with animals.

Speaker 2 Yeah. The bear cage, I get.
I'm behind a steel cage.

Speaker 2 They were right here in front of my face, grizzlies, and they could reach in a little bit, but I do feel like I was tucked away enough that they wouldn't.

Speaker 2 They did get into a fight right in front of me, the two bears. And that, that's that's unbelievable.
But the tiger was on one little chain that was tied to the shower pole.

Speaker 1 And like, there wasn't a hand, was there a handler in there?

Speaker 2 There was a handler in that room. I didn't know that.
I didn't know it at the time. Yeah, but also, what are they going to be able to do? What are they going to do with the tiger?

Speaker 2 Not knocking her, but it was like an older lady.

Speaker 2 And she was like fragile. She was like, you know, she wasn't like a brick shithouse.
She was like a little bit frail. You know what I'm saying? Well, like, look what happened to that one guy in Vegas.

Speaker 2 Yeah. With the tiger.
Roy? Yeah. I mean, he has a name, Morgan.

Speaker 2 He's not that one guy. The man who was, you know, the man as a headliner in Vegas for like decades.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, I know, Roy. I mean, Roy

Speaker 2 raised tigers and the thing took him out. Yeah.
I mean, if the thing lunge with me, it's going to rip out the tile and get me. And I don't know what the handler's going to do.
Nothing.

Speaker 2 I just said, my first thing I asked was, and I think I stayed in the movie, was like, how do we get insurance for this? I was dead serious. And then I almost couldn't even move.

Speaker 2 I started to think they sense my fear. So even me not speaking, just what, what, whatever pheromones are coming off of me right now, if that's the right word,

Speaker 2 this thing senses the fear. I didn't understand how, you got to understand, my mind is blown in that scenario.
They shoved me into a roadside motel room.

Speaker 2 I was talking to them, and I shoved me in there and closed the door. And then there was no knob to get out.
And I didn't know, and I just heard a growl. And I literally,

Speaker 2 I just glued myself. to the corner and this thing just nonchalant, a white 600-pound tiger just nonchalantly walks out.
And I just was like,

Speaker 2 the level of irresponsibility here. Like, I, I don't care what someone told you, there is a percentage that I will die from a tiger right now.
Like, there is, you cannot tell me that it was risky.

Speaker 2 You can't tell me 100%

Speaker 2 foolproof that I, that something might not go wrong. It's all right.
And I'm like, how in the world can you take this liberty with me?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the chance is never zero.

Speaker 2 And I was actually

Speaker 2 as angry as I was terrified in that moment, but like, I couldn't move or speak. I was, I, I, it was, it was a feeling I've only had

Speaker 2 two or three times in my entire life. One time I thought I was going to drown.
And one time I misplaced my daughter. So those were like the three most fearful moments I've had in my life.

Speaker 1 Did you like just place her in a shopping cart? And like, we got her.

Speaker 2 She's fine. Okay.
She, no, it was, I was,

Speaker 2 I just told us on a pod, but like, she just, we were just loading up the car on vacation. She was standing right next to us.
We had extended family all over the place.

Speaker 2 and i put and then i looked down she wasn't there and called her name didn't hear ran to the street ran both ways ran back into the yard looked in the pool the whole time i have a heartbeating out of my chest oh god now everyone's everyone's screaming her name and as a parent what you feel in that moment it blows away the tiger yeah i i i was about to have a full-blown heart attack i was about to i mean i'm break down the most vulnerable i've ever felt in my life I don't wish it on anyone.

Speaker 2 No. And everyone's screaming her name and everyone's dispersed.
And this all unfolded within 30 seconds. You know, like

Speaker 2 not seeing her, screaming her name, looking both ways, going down, running down the block, running down the other block, looking in driveways, knowing that a car passed. Did someone take her?

Speaker 2 Is she in someone's yard? Where is she? Did she go in the back? Is she in the pool? Did she go into the pool? God forbid.

Speaker 2 She's young. And then my wife found her sitting in the SUV that we rented.
So she just got in and she heard everyone screaming and didn't say anything. So she was sitting in there.

Speaker 2 The second I found out that she was in there, my body collapsed. I took a knee on the ground.
I had shooting stomach pains and I just started his crying because, yeah, well, it's something else.

Speaker 2 It's a real, it's a crazy visceral.

Speaker 2 It's, it's, it's, it's something that you like

Speaker 2 completely biological that's happening. And uh, oh my God.
And I'm like, I don't, I don't wish that on my worst enemy.

Speaker 1 Really scary.

Speaker 1 But back

Speaker 1 to the tattoo. Yeah.
This is coming from R/slash Tattoo Advice. And it's titled Advice on My Grandma's Tattoo.
Second pick is the layout inspo. Hashtag bad tattoo.
What do we do?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I don't understand what second pick is the layout inspo, meaning.

Speaker 1 So they included pictures for this one.

Speaker 2 Oh, go on.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to show you the picture of what the inspiration was supposed to be for the tattoo. Okay.

Speaker 1 It is

Speaker 2 a

Speaker 1 like paw print.

Speaker 2 If love could have seen you, you would have lived forever.

Speaker 2 Charlie, love. Okay.
And what is that? Like a framed kind of piece of

Speaker 2 a picture or whatever?

Speaker 1 It looks like a frame. So you see like this cute little golden retriever's picture in the paw print.

Speaker 1 A quote: If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever. Charlie's collar with his little dog tag on it.

Speaker 2 I can't wait for this.

Speaker 1 And then we get a picture of Grandma's tattoo.

Speaker 2 I can't wait for this. Okay.
Grandma, too, huh? Grandma.

Speaker 1 Really loved, loved, love Charlie.

Speaker 1 So this is the tattoo.

Speaker 2 Oh gosh. Can I take this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tell everyone what you're seeing.

Speaker 2 Wait. Oh, my.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 What does it say?

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 It's not good.

Speaker 2 It's not good artistically at all.

Speaker 1 Does that look like a golden retriever?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 I thought it was a different type of dog. It was a golden retriever.
Golden retriever. This,

Speaker 2 you would name every single breed of dog before you said golden retriever for this dog.

Speaker 1 It looks like a Maltese.

Speaker 2 It looks like a Maltese. Yeah.
Yeah. It does.
It looks identical to a Maltese. There's nothing on here.

Speaker 2 Not one thing on here that looks like a gold, not one trait, nothing at all. Nothing.
Everything else is bad too. The lettering is bad.
It's really bad. But the kicker here.

Speaker 2 And by the way, even the letters are are crooked. And I don't mean like crooked going the wrong way.
Like, like

Speaker 2 the spacing is off on the letters. And like one letter will be this way and one letter is a little this way.
It's very wobbi-sobby. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It says, yeah,

Speaker 2 it's like it's imperfect. Yeah.
It's perfect and it's imperfection. So I'm getting, I'm, wobbly-sabby would be a good thing.
If love could have saved you,

Speaker 2 you would.

Speaker 2 you would

Speaker 2 have lived forever.

Speaker 2 So the person, the person wrote you would twice in a row. And then there's a massive space in between would have, and then no space in between lived.

Speaker 2 And then there's a heart. It looks like that looks like a period after lived, even though the word forever comes after it.
And then there's also one, two,

Speaker 2 three different fonts.

Speaker 2 And then there's another heart after love that actually just looks like a birthmark or like a pine cone.

Speaker 2 And the shading is horrific as well. it's really bad and i wonder do people can people get lawsuits i always wonder that also

Speaker 2 you would the first you first of all it says if love could have saved you

Speaker 2 you

Speaker 2 would

Speaker 2 you would so the word you is three times out of four words so

Speaker 2 But the first you and the second you preceding it immediately are different fonts.

Speaker 2 It's pretty bad. Yeah, but so also, like, where is the head of the tattoo artist?

Speaker 2 If you wrote, you would like you're not going, it's not like you're jotting it quickly down.

Speaker 1 No, don't they like map it out on like a piece of paper and then like stick it to you, and then that ink transfers?

Speaker 2 Oh, but this is screaming, like you know, when you're trying to make a sign in school and you don't leave enough space, and at the end, it's like the one word has like seven letters and this much.

Speaker 2 This screams that it's giving freehand, yeah, it's giving it, oh, it's freehand without a doubt. But, like, how do you not realize that you've it's not even just you, it's not like you would, would.

Speaker 2 It's you would, you would. You start, by the way, you start on the second you.

Speaker 2 You're already, now you're adding a second you, right? Where it shouldn't be.

Speaker 2 You don't notice about the second would even.

Speaker 2 You, would, you.

Speaker 2 I'd have.

Speaker 1 They must have been on drugs.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like something.

Speaker 2 I do wonder if, because I, because I follow an Instagram page with bad tattoos.

Speaker 1 Oh, the cover-ups are crazy.

Speaker 2 And I do wonder if people can get, have a lawsuit, but I guess how much are you going to sue for? Because it's like, it's not just the price of the tattoo, though.

Speaker 2 You're permanently

Speaker 2 embarrassed or what have you.

Speaker 1 Apparently, you can sue a tattoo artist for certain types of harm, such as infection from unsanitary practices, an allergic reaction, or if the final tattoo is demonstratably different from what was agreed upon.

Speaker 2 There you got it right there. So I'd say, yeah.
So, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, or stupidity. Stupidity should be in there.
It should be. Well, that's demonstratedly different.
It's not, it's extra words.

Speaker 1 It's not even the same dog.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 But it's like, what do you think?

Speaker 2 What do you sue this person for, though?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I can't, I can't. That person, I don't think they have much to give.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't think so. And it's like, I think grandma, like, oh, this is really dark.

Speaker 1 But like, Granny, does Granny want to go through a cover-up or just like deal with this for the rest of her days? You know, I don't know. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 That's pretty bad. That's bad.
Pretty bad. The person wants to know what they should do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so like...

Speaker 2 That's their grandma? This is the grandma writing.

Speaker 1 This is their grandma. So they're like, maybe the grandma's not online.

Speaker 2 Is the inference that the grandmother hasn't noticed?

Speaker 1 No, I think grandma's noticed and is upset. Okay.

Speaker 1 And just basically people are just like, yeah, it's understandable why she would be very upset. And the next comment, yeah, that's a shit tattoo.

Speaker 2 But if she's not agreeing with it and if you or she can't pay to cover it keep it to yourself for the most part and tell her to find a different artist by the way it's on the grandmother's entire arm from her shoulder to her elbow it is a massive tattoo yeah massive which is which is wild in the first place to get a tattoo that big and then just wouldn't she throw it just a uh just hit throw a rock and whoever it hit she's like tattoo me probably this person cannot have worked at this as an establishment this screams out of my basement oh that sucks.

Speaker 2 I said, tattoo artist. I wonder if they have like, they wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.
Like, because that's a mental error.

Speaker 1 Do you think the bad ones care? Or do you think like they're so like, I did good work today? I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Even like

Speaker 2 a tattoo artist worth their salt. I wonder if that's like a common theme.
Like they, they wake up, like, oh my God, like I accidentally doubled up a word or something like that.

Speaker 2 I probably would have that.

Speaker 1 I mean, I would. I had like server nightmares, like where you're like, even still, you're like, oh my God, I forgot the water for that table.

Speaker 2 Like in your dreams, you're just like, oh.

Speaker 2 I used to bartend. I've had dreams where I

Speaker 2 work a full,

Speaker 2 full,

Speaker 2 nothing. You know, when you're in like a dream, you're like, I was at your house, but it wasn't your house.
And then, you know, you know, Matthew McConaughey was there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, we rode a bicycle. Like, I had dreams where I clock in for a bartending shift and I work an eight hour shift and then wake up.
It feels like I worked an eight hour shift.

Speaker 2 And I'm like literally like, like, like filling up the ice, wiping down everything. Like, I felt it in real time.
Do you ever wonder if you're living in another reality? All the time.

Speaker 1 There's people that get sucked into their dreams for months.

Speaker 1 Like, that's a real thing. Where they go to sleep for one night, they feel like in their dream, they live for like two months in their dreams.
And they have a boyfriend, a different apartment.

Speaker 1 They've got like sometimes kids in those other like dream worlds. Like, they get locked in.

Speaker 2 I never heard that. That's fascinating.
Yeah. I have to say that.
It's a big thing. It's a big thing.
Oh, my gosh. I know.

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Speaker 1 Okay, I'm giving you a choice on this last one I i have for you option number one am i the asshole for making a joke after my fiancé got a speeding ticket

Speaker 1 or option two which i have read at one of our live shows walked in on my mom eating my dad's ass and i want to die

Speaker 2 oh my God i don't know if i'm equipped for the second one you gotta go second one i mean give the people what they want. Okay, so this is kind of like...

Speaker 2 If I would have chosen the first one, you would have just heard the yelling

Speaker 1 screaming in your ear.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, God.

Speaker 1 I'll still read the first one for you guys on a different episode.

Speaker 2 You'll still get it.

Speaker 2 It's almost like I'm punishing myself here.

Speaker 1 You are.

Speaker 2 This is crazy talk.

Speaker 2 This is crazy. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 All right. I'm bracing for this.
I thought we wouldn't, I mean, I thought we heard it all. No.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 1 This is coming from r/slash true off my chest, again, titled, walked in on my mom, 56 female, eating my dad's 58 male ass.

Speaker 2 That's such a funny way to type in that. It's like a police, it's like a police report.

Speaker 2 You sound like an officer. I know.

Speaker 1 And I want to die.

Speaker 2 It's so funny, too. They're like, I don't even understand.
I don't know if the parents' ages are necessarily relevant there.

Speaker 1 But it makes it worse.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it does. You're right.
It makes it it worse. It is, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm still shaken up about it.

Speaker 2 It was 56F and 58 male. 56F, 58M.
All right.

Speaker 1 I'm still shaken up about it, and I haven't been home since. It happened last night when I was scrolling on my phone.
I noticed my battery was low.

Speaker 1 And remember that I lent my charger to my mom earlier that day. So I went to my parents' bedroom and I didn't hear anything strange before entering.

Speaker 2 How are you? How are you eating

Speaker 2 your spouse's ass when all the family is home?

Speaker 2 that's got that's that's like you got to wait till they go to work you got to wait till they go on maybe on maybe on a walkabout i would wait until my daughter's like you know what i want to find myself in amsterdam i'll be back in six months then i eat the ass you can't be eating ass when someone's downstairs you're playing with fire this is insane they deserve what they got but nothing could have prepared me for what the sight i saw was I don't want to get into detail because I'm still pretty scarred, but basically my mom was eating my dad's ass.

Speaker 1 I was so fucking traumatized that I closed their door immediately

Speaker 1 and ran back to my room. I don't know what to make of that imagery.
At times, I felt like I was going to have a full-blown panic attack, but I eventually calmed down after a little while.

Speaker 1 And luckily enough, I found my old charger in my drawer.

Speaker 2 So the story has a happy ending.

Speaker 1 I love that she let us know she found found the charger at the end of it oh my god i've been at my friend's house since

Speaker 1 so it could have been worse she could have seen it and then not found the other charger not been able to go on tick tock i've been at my friend's house since this morning and i have no idea how i'm gonna come home my parents called me a few times but i don't think i can call them back for the time being even in anonymity it takes balls to type this into this Because you're putting it out, you're legitimizing it.

Speaker 2 You're typing it, and now we've taken it and now we're talking about about it, and it just makes it more real.

Speaker 2 I would almost start to like make myself believe it was an illusion, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It was a bad dream, I had a gummy, yeah, like it didn't happen. What?

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, no, now, so, okay, this is something I need to know. Was this like a

Speaker 2 and the parents didn't know, or did the parents know that she saw it?

Speaker 1 We don't have any mention of it.

Speaker 1 Top comment: that's why we got a knock on doors before entering, Comrade.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Comrade.
Russian replied. Yeah.
That's just, that's their vibe.

Speaker 2 That's tough, man.

Speaker 2 You take that to the grave.

Speaker 1 Apparently, like, I'm trying to find the original sub because this was pulled from a screenshot I have. And this does happen quite often to people.

Speaker 2 You can't find your children and you see ass eating a dude.

Speaker 1 A lot of people walk in and see people eating each other's asses.

Speaker 1 Um, this one is five months old.

Speaker 2 I could, I mean,

Speaker 2 it's the specificity is like I walked in on them having sex, yeah, but it's like no, it's eating ass. By the way, this wasn't a problem even over 10 years ago, maybe even five.

Speaker 2 This is a new trend I'm hearing now. That's like ass eating.
I mean, if you got F58 and

Speaker 2 F56 and M58s doing it, but honestly, this was never what it was. I don't even think

Speaker 2 I don't even think it occurred to anybody prior to 2016.

Speaker 1 Ass eating? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 had a college roommate that broke up with a guy because he asked her to give him a rim job. And that was back in like 2013.

Speaker 2 This is what I'm saying. It was unheard of.
Yeah. I mean, he was really putting himself out there back then.
If he would have waited about three, four years, it would have been a discussion.

Speaker 2 It would have been fine. Yeah.
It would have been fine. I don't know what to do because that person now,

Speaker 2 till the day she leaves, even when she doesn't want to, not that she ever wants to, but like, that's going to be an intrusive thought that can pop into our head at any given moment in time every time you look at your

Speaker 2 quite some time in the immediate that she can look her parents even in the eyes and not think of that imagine if mom tries to give her or him like a little kiss love you babe yeah love you sweetie lord don't come near me with that mouth mom yeah

Speaker 2 what i would have to do

Speaker 2 What I would have to do, first of all, thank God my parents divorced when I was four.

Speaker 2 What I would have to do is I would have to soul search. I have to sit down and say, you know what? I'd have to make it so that I could say, good for them.
You know what I mean? Good for them.

Speaker 2 Who am I to judge? I mean, like, come on here. We're all, we're all got our things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, everyone's got their kids.

Speaker 2 They're their own people. And this is going on everywhere right now.

Speaker 2 And so be it. Yeah.
So be it. Good for them.
I don't know how I get there mentally. Also, in order to get there mentally, you got to think about it.

Speaker 2 So you're going to really be banging that around in your head in order to get there. And if you don't get there, then you're just really digging a hole deeper.
But that's tough, man. That is tough.

Speaker 1 The way you come to terms.

Speaker 2 That was the closer. It was the closer.
It was good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you want to feel a little bit better, you go on the subreddit dead bedrooms, which is all these people that have no intimacy anymore, haven't had sex in like five years. They're still together.

Speaker 1 And then you look at it and you're like, well, at least my parents are still having fun.

Speaker 2 This is the thing, dead bedrooms. I'm not on Reddit, so I don't really know.
That one's the whole world out there.

Speaker 2 It is a rabbit hole. So what is her, what has come of this? She just let us know? That's it.

Speaker 2 She had to let us know that.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's all I got.
Wow. It was just a true off my chest.
Just had to get, had to share with someone because if I have to live with it, other people need to.

Speaker 2 I guess I get that because it would never occur to me to see that or any of these experiences you said and then run and like be like.

Speaker 1 I mean, you're not going to tell your real life friends. They'll judge you forever.
You tell the internet where it's anonymous. right?

Speaker 2 The one thing I would love to know if the parents knew that this person saw,

Speaker 1 but um, hoping it was quick and she was, you know, mom's head was you know, buried deep, and dad maybe was

Speaker 1 down and doggy.

Speaker 2 Well, we don't know what the angle is. I mean, uh, if I'm just going over to my head, there could have been various different ways it could have happened.
But

Speaker 2 let's hope that dad wasn't on all fours facing the door.

Speaker 1 Fingers crossed, right? Fingers crossed, Sal. Thank you so, so much for coming on.
You are on tour right now.

Speaker 2 Yes, I am on tour.

Speaker 2 You can get tickets at my website, salvolcanocomedy.com.

Speaker 1 It's the Everything's Fine Tour.

Speaker 2 It's Everything's Fine Tour. So if you saw my special Terrify, which is streaming on HBO Max, this is 100% new material.

Speaker 2 I got like 30 or 40 cities up now, but I'm touring all the way through 2027. I've been touring this since 2024.
Whoa. So, yeah, so if you don't see your city, I'm getting to every single city.

Speaker 2 Just check back. Eventually, it'll happen.
But I have some bigger shows coming up.

Speaker 2 November 14th, i'm at the chicago theater and november 15th in appleton wisconsin okay december 27th at the beacon theater in new york city um so notable ones uh the ryman theater in nashville uh april 12th um and in austin february 1st atlantic city february 28th and so on and so forth any minnesota stops minnesota i was there i was there recently already i am going to rochester minnesota

Speaker 2 okay and um there might be there might be another minute but i was in mini but um i'm also i have a new talk show coming out called minoosh oh yeah and that'll that'll be out on YouTube, on my channel, and on where you get podcasts

Speaker 2 late fall, early winter. This is a fun one.
It's short for Minusha. It's a really like absurd tongue-in-cheek interview show.
It's like really, really big guests, really, really small talk. Okay.

Speaker 2 And it goes in and out of conversation and sketch comedy. I love that.
I'm working on that. I'm shooting it in 10 episode seasons.
So I'm shooting the first season now. That's amazing.

Speaker 2 And yeah, what else?

Speaker 2 And Joker season 12 is airing on TBS. I love it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 All of Sal's links will be in the description. Check everything out.
Go get a a ticket to one of his shows.

Speaker 1 Funny guy. Thank you.

Speaker 2 This was so much fun. Okay, I'm so glad you're.
I would love to come back.

Speaker 1 I'll have you back and I will only give you updates.

Speaker 2 That's on you. I don't want to put that on you.
No, it's easy. But I won't, I won't, I won't, you know, get mad if you did that.
Okay, I would do that for you.

Speaker 1 Until next time, guys. Bye.