174: Is it That Outrageous?!

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Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Kraft Mac and Cheese. Kraft Mac and Cheese is the best thing ever.
It's even better than a juicy dating story.

Speaker 1 Kraft Mac and Cheese will fill you with joy and giddiness without any of the secondhand anxiety. Because while Kraft Mac and Cheese is definitely cheesy, it's never cringe.

Speaker 1 Pick up a box in store or online today. Kraft Mac and Cheese, best thing ever.

Speaker 1 Are you ready for this? Dun dun dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun dun.
I don't want to see no yawns, no yawns, Justin.

Speaker 1 It might be 11, but we're ready to dive in.

Speaker 2 You're freestyling now?

Speaker 1 I am a freestyler.

Speaker 1 I know a lot of people don't like the singing, the jingles, but it's all a part of the

Speaker 1 charm.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Or I guess if you hate it, then it's the opposite for you. But

Speaker 1 you know, if you can't handle me at my jingle, you don't deserve me at my poop knife

Speaker 1 or ass rag.

Speaker 1 Yeah, ass rag. And a lot of you are probably wondering, what is an ass rag? Go over to the Midwest married episode that Justin and I did and you will find out.

Speaker 1 It is by far one of the wildest stories I've had.

Speaker 1 I kind of joked. I was like giving that story to my brother and Amy, you know, my sister-in-law's podcast was, like, giving up a favorite kid.

Speaker 2 Like it, it was so good. Giving up the favorite kid.

Speaker 1 It was so good. But the episode just came out this week that we did with them.
It'll be linked in this show's description as well as the episode we had with them last week. Check it out.

Speaker 1 It is such a good show. And I kind of, I kind of commandeered it.
So if you like this show, there's a good chance you'll like that one.

Speaker 2 Commodeered.

Speaker 1 Commodeered.

Speaker 1 I've been using big words today. I use the word grifter to describe someone.
And the person I was with goes, grifter?

Speaker 1 What is that?

Speaker 1 And then I read the definition and she goes, oh, yeah, he's definitely a grifter.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 2 Had you been reading or what? I

Speaker 1 have been reading again. How do you know?

Speaker 2 Well, because you wouldn't have just pulled that out.

Speaker 1 I know a lot of big words, Justin.

Speaker 2 If you could have AI go through every word that's spoken on this podcast, that's the first time that one's ever been said.

Speaker 1 If there's anyone out there that's heard me use the word grifter before, please provide a timestamp. I've used that a lot.

Speaker 1 Grifter.

Speaker 2 Not to me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, the theme today. Are you ready for it?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I don't know what words I'm going to use, but I haven't read a lot of these stories. I was powering through trying to get this theme ready for us after we fed the ponies tonight.

Speaker 1 They're so cute, you guys. I'm going to have to include some pictures in the podcast and Instagram.
No, I haven't really shared pictures. And I've had such a fun week with them.

Speaker 1 I made homemade applesauce popsicles they've been eating. I brought out a splash pad.
They hated that. They love their carrot ball.

Speaker 1 I also got like a squishy pig that I put molasses on and then they have fun with that.

Speaker 2 What do they do with that?

Speaker 1 They lick it and chew on it because I put the molasses on it. Oh.
Really cute.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 1 we have ponies in our backyard, so I was taking care of them. And I was like, oh, I got to get this really good theme together.
And I found the stories.

Speaker 1 But it's based on the title, it's a lot of like, is it really that outrageous? Like,

Speaker 2 really?

Speaker 1 It's not that outrageous, right?

Speaker 2 So, outrageous. Tis the theme.

Speaker 1 Outrageous overall. Outrageous.

Speaker 2 Cool. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Outrageous.

Speaker 1 Outrageous.

Speaker 2 That's outrageous.

Speaker 1 That's so stanking outrageous.

Speaker 1 Let's dive in.

Speaker 1 Okay, our first story this week. It's coming from our very own Too Hot Takes subreddit.
It is only a day old, coming from Tricky Interactions.

Speaker 1 It is titled, I lost respect for my fiancé and want to break up with her after she panicked during a house fire a couple of nights ago. Hi, everyone.

Speaker 1 I'm really struggling with something that recently and need some outside perspective. A couple of nights ago, there was a house fire that started in our kitchen.

Speaker 1 My fiancé, my sister, and I were all home at the time. The smoke alarms woke all of us up.
When I woke up, I yelled for my fiancé and my sister to wake up and told them we needed to get out.

Speaker 1 My sister has always been quick to respond in emergencies. She grabbed a wet towel to cover her face and ran to help me.

Speaker 1 We got the fire extinguisher and started trying to contain the fire as we were trying to figure out how to escape. But my fiancé, on the other hand, completely panicked.

Speaker 1 She started crying and screaming that we were going to die and that we were trapped.

Speaker 1 I tried to calm her down and get her to help us, but she was just panicking too much and she was just not acting rationally. My sister saw my fiancé's panic and she pretty much took charge.

Speaker 1 She told me to handle the fire while she got my fiancé out of the house. My sister pulled her to safety and called 911.
Once I got the fire under control enough to safely leave, I joined them outside.

Speaker 1 But seeing my fiancé react that way really disappointed me. I know it was a terrifying situation, but because she couldn't stay calm, it just made everything more dangerous for all of us.

Speaker 1 It was just the complete opposite to how my sister reacted. She took control of the situation and helped get us all out safely.

Speaker 1 I feel bad about it, but I just feel like I've lost a lot of respect for my fiancé because of how she reacted.

Speaker 1 I love my fiancé, but her panic just makes me question how she would handle future emergencies.

Speaker 1 I've spoken with my sister and she thinks I should just break up with my fiancé because the way my fiancé reacted was unacceptable.

Speaker 1 What if we were to have kids in the future and they were in a serious emergency? Would I be able to trust my fiancé to handle the situation with calmness? We haven't set a wedding date yet.

Speaker 1 I only proposed to her a couple of months ago, but I just don't know if I want to marry her anymore.

Speaker 2 Tis the end.

Speaker 1 That's the end, folks.

Speaker 2 That doesn't feel, at least for me, does not feel breakup worthy. I would honestly feel really bad for my fiancé in that case, having gone through that.
And,

Speaker 2 you know, sure.

Speaker 2 You could worry about how they'll react in the future, but I mean, this sounds like it was like

Speaker 2 ablaze. Like this sounds like put a wet towel over your face.
Like this is a, this is a, at least how it's described. This is a fire.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 sir and ma'am, sister, brother, you don't try to firefight on your own. If there's a fire in your house, get out of your house.
There's trained professionals for a reason.

Speaker 1 Like him trying to be like, I got the fire contained.

Speaker 1 Get out.

Speaker 2 Get out. Oh, of course, get out.
But I think a lot of people,

Speaker 2 when it's like

Speaker 2 if the house isn't collapsing on top of you, like you see in the movies, I think a lot of people think, I'm going to try and fight this thing. I'm going to try and save my house.

Speaker 2 I think that's probably not far off, at least for a dude, to be like, I'm going to fight the fire.

Speaker 2 I feel like that would be my last.

Speaker 2 I just think it's

Speaker 2 people panic. Think of all the people that fall into water and the only reason they drown is because they panic.
If they just

Speaker 2 relaxed and just floated and just treaded water, you'd be fine. 99% of the time, I think it's the panic.

Speaker 2 And so that is something

Speaker 2 for her to, you know, suss out now that she's been through a panic-worthy situation.

Speaker 2 But for that to take your relationship out and your bond, and it's essentially giving you that big of an ick, that's kind of what it feels like to where you're done.

Speaker 2 Then

Speaker 2 maybe be done. If that's all it's going to take for you guys to be done, then get it over with.
Because I don't see you guys making it through

Speaker 2 other tough things. No.

Speaker 2 And not just her reaction to a justifiable panic moment, but other just it seems like anything that she could do wrong or that gets difficult, it's going to be like, Yep, you know, we haven't set a date yet, so I think I'm out.

Speaker 2 Like, just do it if that's your perspective on this person.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, and it's like I would be scared if I got woken up in the middle of the night and all of a sudden there's a fire I can't see.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I might say, like, oh my God, are we gonna be able to get out? Like, I'm scared. Ah, like, I think everyone's first reaction is to kind of like

Speaker 1 react

Speaker 1 in some way. way.

Speaker 1 But what I find really weird is like, he's giving obsessed with my sister. Why is your sister's opinion about breaking up with your fiancé more valid?

Speaker 1 And like, you'll listen to that more than your own feelings.

Speaker 2 And it was like out of nowhere.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, I talked to my sister and she just said, yeah, you guys should break up.

Speaker 2 My sister was the hero. She saved us that day.
And I fought the fire. My fiancé just dragged us down.

Speaker 1 Which, like, yay, great for your sister that she can calmly, rationally handle a fire and

Speaker 1 an emergency situation. That's great.

Speaker 1 But you can't marry your sister. So it's in Game of Thrones.
It's not House of the Dragon. Like,

Speaker 1 you know, if you're not a Targaryen, like, you can't marry your sister, dude. So maybe evaluate your own feelings and talk to your fiancé versus listen to your sister's opinion on breaking up.

Speaker 2 Well, I just don't think that should kill your relationship.

Speaker 2 Who can predict how they're going to react in something like that?

Speaker 2 No one. No one can.
What mentally prepares you for that unless you're a firefighter or unless you've been through very traumatic things like this?

Speaker 1 I'm sure even firefighters get scared, but they're

Speaker 1 brain.

Speaker 2 But a firefighter, I feel like, is one that would have a better chance of waking up and being like, okay, here's what we do. Instead of being like, oh my God, we're all going to die.

Speaker 2 You know, which there's no shame in being the, oh my God, we're all going to die person.

Speaker 2 But that's also something to work on. Where when crazy things happen,

Speaker 2 take a breath and think logically. Because the people who panic are often the ones who die.

Speaker 2 The problem for me,

Speaker 2 there's always some shit I'm going to have to grab. You know, I'm not a wake up in a fire and blast out the back door kind of guy.

Speaker 2 I'm making a pit stop and I'm grabbing a couple things and then I'm outside.

Speaker 1 I wish you have time.

Speaker 2 Well, no, no, no. That's why I sleep with it.
Like it's specific like jewelry, it's specific things that are very sentimental that cannot be replaced by insurance or anything.

Speaker 2 That's why I sleep with certain things right by my,

Speaker 2 literally right by my head.

Speaker 1 It is smart. On the nightstand.

Speaker 2 It is pretty smart. And I'm taking the time to go

Speaker 2 grabbing that shit and I'm out. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 2 I'm not going to lose my life over it.

Speaker 2 But I'll take, you know, 1% more risk to grab them.

Speaker 1 Okay. I always think about that on the planes when they're like, and as a flight tenant, I went through this, but when they're like, do not grab anything in case of an emergency.
Proceed to the exit.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, but my purse would be easy. It's right there.
It wouldn't affect egress. It just goes on my little body.

Speaker 2 God, I would have such a hard time not putting on my backpack. I always think about that.

Speaker 1 Dude, this thing has my life on it. It usually has two to three episodes of two hot takes on it at a time.
Like my computer, it has everything.

Speaker 2 When I used to carry that hard drive, that is all my pictures from like the last 15 years.

Speaker 1 That's risky. We got to get a fireproof safe.

Speaker 2 Well, I doubled up. So now I have hard drives in different locations, but I used to carry it and it would fly with me.
And I'm, you know, I'm grabbing that thing before I get off. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. At least she didn't lock you in the house with the fire.
Like that guy that locked his wife and niblings in their yard with a vicious dog. Next one down also talks about it.

Speaker 1 It was his wife and his nephews, not even the wife's family members. That was beyond forgivable.
But this story, does this remind anyone of that story we had a while ago where

Speaker 1 the guy was on a boat with his friends and they got stuck in a storm and his fiancé was like on the boat panicking the whole time, like screaming the entire time, like, we're gonna die we're gonna die i mean see that doesn't help anything i agree

Speaker 2 like that's not cool yeah but it'd be like let's talk about this

Speaker 2 and not and try to not react this way in the future yeah but i wouldn't look at you and be like

Speaker 2 sorry i'm calling it off that seems like love is so fragile in that sense it's too fragile to where What's your relate? The foundation of your relationship doesn't seem very strong. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, in that, I get it.

Speaker 2 What happened on the boat?

Speaker 1 Um, I think they broke up.

Speaker 1 I don't, we're gonna have to look that up.

Speaker 2 Huh. I feel like you'd be pretty good in panic scenario.

Speaker 1 I sometimes freeze, but other times I'm like quick with it.

Speaker 2 Momentarily. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then other times I'm pretty quick with it.

Speaker 2 See, it's better than being the screaming, we're all going to die kind of thing.

Speaker 1 I don't usually scream unless it's with a big rat in the trash can.

Speaker 2 Well, that's a

Speaker 2 scream. I'm saying that

Speaker 2 screaming the words.

Speaker 1 No, I'm usually a freeze. But there's, you know, there's freeze, flight, fight.
Like, it just depends on the situation. But yeah, this is interesting.

Speaker 1 I mean, I think moral of the story, like your feelings are your feelings, they might not be as valid in this one.

Speaker 2 It doesn't seem like a reason for a normal

Speaker 2 person to break an engagement with somebody.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 So evaluate.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, moving along. So we're moving on to this one that's from Am I the Asshole? It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Wanting My Husband to Hold My Hand During Birth?

Speaker 1 I, 35 female, am seven months pregnant. I am married to a family medicine doctor, 35 male, and we've been together for 10 years.

Speaker 1 Throwaway Reddit because my sister-in-law follows me on Reddit and reports everything to my husband.

Speaker 1 I'm reaching out to all of you to ask for your advice on a fight my husband and I are having on our birth plan. My husband really wants to deliver the baby, which I can understand.

Speaker 1 It's not uncommon for doctors to deliver their own kid.

Speaker 1 There is still an OBGYN there monitoring everything, and the doctor father steps in at the last minute as mom is crowning to just basically catch the baby.

Speaker 1 My husband has, I guess, always dreamed of being the one to pull the baby out. While I pictured it very differently, I thought he would be up by my head, holding my hand and helping me through it.

Speaker 1 He says he will do that, but the easiest part is the very end, where I won't need him anyways. He said, if I really want someone there, his mom can step in.

Speaker 1 I've been on my own since I was a kid living in my car, so I don't have anyone I'd want in there with me except him. I don't really even want his mom in there.
She's great, but he is my person.

Speaker 1 I know it would be cool for him to deliver our baby, but I really feel like I need him there.

Speaker 1 I personally didn't want our doctors to know he was a doctor because as soon as any of my doctors or even our vet finds out he's a doctor, they talk exclusively to him.

Speaker 1 I don't even want him to go to the prenatal appointments anymore because no one talks to me. They all talk to him.
And I can't ask my questions to anyone but my husband at home.

Speaker 1 But he's already told everyone he'll be delivering his first baby. I guess I don't want this because I wanted him to be there as a husband and a father and not a doctor.

Speaker 1 I see him as a doctor 95% of the time and I wanted to experience this with my husband and not my husband, the doctor. I wanted him to be there for me as this is my first birth and I'm terrified.

Speaker 1 He just keeps telling me I'll be fine. He pulled in friends and family who also don't understand my point of view.

Speaker 1 They said this is his first child too, and to just let him have this since I had the honor of being pregnant.

Speaker 1 I just really wanted him to hold my hand all the way through it and to be able to share this experience as parents and people instead of a medical professional.

Speaker 1 I was hoping we could see the baby at the same time and just be equals in this. Am I being selfish for wanting this to be my way?

Speaker 1 This is not outrageous on her part. This is so outrageous of him.
I am so mad.

Speaker 1 I did not read this one and I want, I want to chuck my computer. Like, I am so mad at him.
I'm so mad and like just angry and sad for her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't, it's bringing. Okay, I need to start.
I need to start from a solid point.

Speaker 1 Am I selfish in wanting this to be my way?

Speaker 2 No. No.
Because no matter what, there's no debate. Whatever the person who's carrying the child and going through the birth of the child says, wants, anything,

Speaker 2 that's the word. That is the law of the land.

Speaker 2 Anything else is just like

Speaker 2 noise in the background. It doesn't matter.
I get you like all hoity-toity, like, oh, I'm a doctor. Like, I've done this a million times.
I'm going to do it for our kid.

Speaker 2 And my friends and all my family think the same thing. Like, you'll be fine.
Who fucking cares? You're not the one pushing out the kid.

Speaker 2 She's terrified. She needs you there.
the entire time, not just 95% of the time. And then you're going to like run down there and be like, I'll catch him.

Speaker 2 Like, give it up. Give it up.
Why is that so important to you?

Speaker 2 Versus just the fact of you guys are having a kid. She's the one going through it.
And there's certain needs she has. And you just can't get over yourself to

Speaker 2 support her and fulfill those needs.

Speaker 1 It's baffling to me because I get like maybe it's an ego thing, but it him being like, oh, well, I'm just gonna I'm gonna go down there when you know it's the easy, the easy part comes.

Speaker 1 The hard part will be over. I'm just gonna, you know, you're crowning.
I'll catch the baby. You're an internal medicine doctor.
Yeah, maybe you had a rotation in OBGYN or obstetrics or whatever.

Speaker 1 You're also not her doctor.

Speaker 1 You're her husband. Okay.

Speaker 1 And everyone's saying, oh, this line really pissed me off. This one, especially.
He pulled in friends and family who also don't understand my POV. They said that this is his first child, too.

Speaker 1 And to just let him have this, since I had the honor of being pregnant, which I will say,

Speaker 1 being pregnant, being able to have a child is a beautiful, beautiful, miraculous, incredible little thing. It blows my mind every day.
But the honor.

Speaker 2 It's the context, though.

Speaker 1 It's the way they're implying. Like,

Speaker 1 if I could have Justin be pregnant, I would do it a million times over. I would give up

Speaker 1 my pinkies, maybe a toe or two for you to be pregnant instead of me.

Speaker 2 We're clapping.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just, I don't know what to do with my hands. I'm so mad.

Speaker 2 The couch is moving. I'm just like, I'm so pissed at this one.

Speaker 1 This is probably the more angry I've been in a while. And I just, I'm sad that, like, she doesn't have anyone in her corner.

Speaker 1 He pulled in family and friends, and it's like, oh, well, you know, my mom can step in and be there. Your mom isn't you.
You're my partner. I don't want your mom.
I don't have anyone.

Speaker 1 I don't have a mom. I don't have a person I can pull in and have in my corner.
So it's like 20 against one. And the one's opinion, like you said, is all that matters.
It should be her birth plan.

Speaker 1 It also pisses me off that she can't even ask her providers questions. They all turn to him.

Speaker 1 Doesn't matter if he's a doctor. That's not your patient.

Speaker 2 That would be annoying.

Speaker 1 That is not your patient. You need to explain things to the person that is quite literally going to be the one going through it.

Speaker 1 That's your patient. That's who you need to make sure understands and is asking the questions and can choose what they want.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm pissed.

Speaker 1 No, you're not selfish. This.

Speaker 1 This would really aggravate me if I were her in her shoes.

Speaker 1 And maybe maybe I'm just a little spiteful because I'm pissed off right now, but I would sit down and I would say to him, you are not doing this. I need your support.
I need you up by me.

Speaker 1 If you choose to try to leave and go down and deliver our baby, I'm going to have the nurses remove you. You won't be welcome.

Speaker 1 Like if that's what you're going to try to do, You won't be welcome because you need that support up by you, holding hands, putting ice cubes on your neck. Like you need that support.

Speaker 1 And he's making it quite literally about him versus them and them experiencing this together. So remove him.
If he's going to try to play doctor and step in, he doesn't need to be there.

Speaker 1 His role is support. And that might be

Speaker 1 a little petty, but get out of the room.

Speaker 1 Get out of the room. If you're not going to be doing your job supporting me, get out.

Speaker 2 Or if he does go down there and you really feel like,

Speaker 2 you know, you're losing control of the bowels, just push a little harder

Speaker 2 in the bowel region and just.

Speaker 1 I mean, they have nets in there for a reason.

Speaker 2 Well, you know.

Speaker 1 Or a lot of chucks.

Speaker 2 Move the net for a second

Speaker 2 right when he gets down there.

Speaker 1 Just blow it out at him. Yeah.
He's an internal medicine doctor. He sees a lot of that as it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it'd just be, it's nobody. Yeah, but nobody wants that.
Come on. Oh, Oh, you're, yeah, I'm a doctor.
I love that. Cool.

Speaker 1 Top comment on this one. Not the asshole.
Your husband may be a doctor, but he is not your doctor. Thank you.
His role in the delivery room is to support you while you give birth.

Speaker 1 You are the patient, which means that you and only you are in control of what happens/slash who is allowed in the delivery room.

Speaker 1 We are on the same page, consistent leopard 71. You don't want his mother there, which is completely understandable.

Speaker 1 Childbirth is a medical procedure, and while it may be cool for him to deliver your baby, the goal here isn't to make this a cool experience for him.

Speaker 1 Your husband is only seeing this from his point of view and is completely downplaying how physically and mentally challenging childbirth is.

Speaker 1 You need to make him understand exactly how you feel about everything you posted here. Have you told him?

Speaker 1 OP responds multiple times in all of the ways I can think of.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 It's a deep-rooted issue here.

Speaker 2 He needs to be go.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. At this point,

Speaker 1 kick him out. Kick him out.
I'm sure your nurses will be more supportive than him trying to go down there and catch the baby.

Speaker 2 Can't you just see just because they said vets too, right? Yeah. So can't you just see them going in like the

Speaker 2 vet just trying to explain something? He's like, oh, yep, yep, got it, yep. I'm a dog.
Yep, I got that. Yeah,

Speaker 2 and then she asked questions, and he probably, no, no, no, yep, I got it, I got it.

Speaker 1 I got it. Yeah, I just saw this in a 71-year-old, you know, came in.
Differential diagnosis was this, this, and this. But, you know, I did, I did get to that same conclusion.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 just in my world, the

Speaker 2 only person delivering the baby is the person pushing.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 2 Like, I get

Speaker 2 there's a necessary role.

Speaker 2 I like that take. The only person delivering the baby is the one delivering the baby.
I like that.

Speaker 1 That's a new one. I like that.

Speaker 1 Next comment down after OP's response. You know the brutal truth? He doesn't even need to be allowed in the room.

Speaker 1 It's your body and your medical procedure, and he can legally be kicked out at your whim. So he really needs a wake-up call as to who's in charge during labor and who needs the support.

Speaker 2 I love that we are just.

Speaker 2 New TikTok series.

Speaker 2 Fights in the delivery room and people getting escorted out.

Speaker 1 Dude, I've seen some of the most ridiculous, ridiculous videos on TikTok. There's one where this husband was sleeping the entire time of her labor.

Speaker 2 Where are you seeing this?

Speaker 1 TikTok. She posted a video.

Speaker 2 This is just your for you page?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I get some crazy shit. There's another guy that had to bring his PlayStation into the labor floor, their hospital room.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 That PlayStation

Speaker 1 would be smashed. Sleep? Yeah, you can have a nap or two.
You know, I'd like some rest as soon as the baby gets there. So you can get a little bit of a game.

Speaker 2 We'll bought a little

Speaker 2 game on the phone, kind of.

Speaker 1 If you want and bought a Game Boy, sure, but you better have Donkey Kong on it so I can play too.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, we'd probably be passing the thing back and forth like we always do.

Speaker 1 Donkey Kong was elite. Raymond.

Speaker 2 Raymond.

Speaker 2 You're just in the middle of like everything and you're like, my turn.

Speaker 1 I just don't even know if I would be able to think straight for that. I'm going to see if there's any other call.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 We have an update.

Speaker 1 We have an update.

Speaker 2 Is this news to you?

Speaker 1 It, I didn't read this one. I just, I knew off the title.
I'm like, it's going to be debatably outrageous or not.

Speaker 2 Oh, like, do you think this is post-baby update?

Speaker 1 It doesn't look like it. Oh.

Speaker 1 No. But I'm going to get into some of the older comments first.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So someone quotes OP and goes, he pulled in family friends who also don't understand my POV. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Who are these people? And why does everyone defer to your husband this way?

Speaker 1 Your request is totally reasonable. And your husband's lack of understanding is pretty glaring.
Not the asshole.

Speaker 1 His mom, sisters, and our really close friends that I guess are technically more his friends than mine, I haven't brought it up to my friends because I'm just not comfortable having our friends weigh into our relationship the way he is.

Speaker 1 I think his mom just likes his plan because it pulls her into the room, which I attempted to veto early on. I do love her so much, but I wanted this to be our experience.

Speaker 2 Fair.

Speaker 1 Someone goes, What do you mean you attempted to veto? It's your birth. Every single attending is optional, including your husband.

Speaker 1 The only one that has to be there is you, the nurses, and your doctor. Literally, you need to start saying no outright.
No, your mother will not be in the room with us.

Speaker 1 No, the opinions of others do not matter here. What I want matters here.
No, I need you to hold my hand and support me. Not make this about you.

Speaker 1 They have a bunch of other examples that are really great.

Speaker 1 Put your foot down. You do not have to go along with this because everyone else is talking over you.
Not the asshole for expecting your husband to be a husband and not a narcissist.

Speaker 2 That person really popped off. Yeah.
Really popped off. Well, that was all one thing there.
Yeah. Okay.
I thought those were just rapid fires, but no.

Speaker 2 So do you just have a temporary doctor for pregnancy and birth?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not really sure how it works.

Speaker 2 It's not your regular doctor. It's like one that you acquire come pregnancy, and then they also are through there through delivery.

Speaker 1 Well, it depends because I know my, like my gynecologist, the one that I see, you know, once a year, she also does labor and delivery.

Speaker 2 So you could like.

Speaker 1 Yes, she could follow me through my pregnancy and birth. Like

Speaker 1 it could be her, but I know some other people will find a more specific doctor. than just their gyno.
I think it depends on your, your specific healthcare provider or what you want.

Speaker 1 Like some people want a doula and a hospital. Like there's so many different ways you can create a birth plan.

Speaker 1 And your gyno might be at like their own private practice, but you want to deliver in more of like a hospital birth center.

Speaker 1 So then you would have to switch to a provider that works within the center you want to give birth at.

Speaker 2 Ooh, so you couldn't like a la carte your doctor into a different.

Speaker 1 There's some medical groups that will partner.

Speaker 2 It just depends. But it's very like, this is our turf kind of thing.

Speaker 1 It depends. Healthcare is just, it's so, from my understanding,

Speaker 1 which is limited in terms of obstetrics and all of labor and delivery and all of that. Yeah.
It really depends. Like, it's, it's a crazy little world.
There's just so many different things.

Speaker 1 Tis. Yeah.
We need, we need our labor and delivery NICU people chiming in. I know there's a lot of, a lot of you out there.

Speaker 1 I just, I just met the last show we had someone that actually worked in a NICU.

Speaker 2 When are people going to start flipping back onto all fours to give birth?

Speaker 1 There's a lot of people that do, actually. There's a lot of people that will bounce on balls up until the last second.

Speaker 2 Like a workout ball? Like a

Speaker 2 yoga ball. Is that what they are? Yoga? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Basically.

Speaker 2 No, they're used for a lot of ab exercises, I guess. I don't know what they're called.
I'm blanking.

Speaker 2 Balls? No, the big, the big.

Speaker 2 I just call them balls.

Speaker 1 But there is another comment. Not the asshole.
But you both have visions of how your baby will be born. So you need to talk it out.

Speaker 1 Chances are, the very last part of the birth, you're not going to be holding hands. He's going to be with you in the delivery room either way.
But this is something the two of you need to resolve.

Speaker 1 It's not enough to say, I want, I want, I want. Find a compromise.

Speaker 1 For example, if he holds your hand the entire time, you are in labor and only steps in as doctor for a few minutes of actual birth, would you both have a win?

Speaker 1 Focus on having a healthy baby and creating a family instead of on scenes you've created in your imagination. And that applies to both of you.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 Did you listen to what OP was saying?

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter if they listened.

Speaker 1 That's literally what he wants to do, but it's not what OP wants for their birth plan.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 OP says, I don't see that as a compromise. That's exactly what he wants to happen.
But the entire birthing process is incredibly emotional and exhausting.

Speaker 1 I don't want him to step away for those moments because they are what I picture to be the most painful and exhausting. I want him with me until the baby is out and we can hold her.

Speaker 1 I don't want to be abandoned during my birth while he and the other doctors catch the baby and begin the baby's workup.

Speaker 1 He's going to deliver the baby and hold the baby all while I won't be able to see anything because my legs will be in the air.

Speaker 1 I'll miss my husband holding and seeing my baby for the first time And I'll feel completely by myself and like I'm missing out on those crucial first moments.

Speaker 2 Fair.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Why are we talking about compromise?

Speaker 2 There is no compromise needed. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Weird. None.
No. There's no like meeting in the middle.

Speaker 1 And OP does go on to say in this comment, maybe you're not a woman, but nothing sounds worse to me than having my legs up in the stirrups immediately post-birth with a sheet draped over my legs where I can't see my husband or baby meeting for the first time.

Speaker 1 Someone else goes, this is really worrisome. In all of my deliveries, the baby was placed on my mother's chest right after birth.
I thought that's what's recommended nowadays.

Speaker 1 I would make it very clear to your actual doctor that this is what you want to happen if possible. And remind your husband, he doesn't have to be in the room at all if he can't respect your wishes.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 1 I love, love, love

Speaker 1 most of the support OP is getting. Like great recommendations.
Advocate for yourself. Talk to your medical professional.

Speaker 1 If your doctor is unwilling, your labor and delivery doctor, nurses, whatever is unwilling to listen to you, get a new one.

Speaker 2 That'd be crazy.

Speaker 1 Get a new one.

Speaker 1 It's never too late.

Speaker 2 Never too late.

Speaker 1 You're pushing. You hate your doctor.
Get a new one.

Speaker 2 Look at them Zock Doc reviews. You know what I'm saying? I love Zock Doc.

Speaker 1 I genuinely love Zock Doc. Like they have been a partner for a while now, but I genuinely love Zock Doc.

Speaker 2 Well, we used it long before. So it's like we would be talking about it if they never were a partner.
It's just

Speaker 2 very reviews.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go on there. Not that I'm pregnant or anything, but I kind of want to go on there and see what is out there for labor and delivery nurses now or doctors now.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 So the update from OP before we move along.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't. So there's, okay, Sorry, I lied.
There's one comment before the update.

Speaker 1 I can't see the comments on Am I the Asshole anymore, and I'm pouring through comments to muster the courage to stand up to him.

Speaker 1 Everyone keeps saying to show him the comments, but I lost all of those comments. I'm still considering that approach, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to repost it if I decide to take that approach.

Speaker 1 I apologize for any confusion. I think OP posted on relationship advice that got removed.
So then they posted on Am I the Asshole.

Speaker 1 Anyways, not sure the right way to update, posting it here here as well. Update.
I'm going to confront him tonight when he gets home.

Speaker 1 He's already going to be upset because we both have restrictions on how much time we spend on social media sites, and I have significantly surpassed that today and yesterday, which he'll know as soon as he reviews the router logs.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 We just...

Speaker 2 We just went to a whole different place.

Speaker 1 I don't like this.

Speaker 2 A whole different place.

Speaker 1 I'm hopeful I can catch him before that makes him too upset.

Speaker 1 I did reach out to some of our mutual friends just to see what he has told them for why this is so important to him, only to learn he never discussed this with them.

Speaker 1 I think he made up what he has been saying they said.

Speaker 1 They were really shocked to learn we've been having this disagreement and were actually quite supportive of an expectant mother controlling her birth plan.

Speaker 1 I'm quite nervous about his reaction to this as well, and I'd like to get ahead of this. Wish me luck and cross your fingers for me.

Speaker 2 Why? Why are we wishing luck?

Speaker 1 Dude, that was posted six hours ago. Really? There's no update since.

Speaker 2 Hey, listen, there's a lot more going on than this birth.

Speaker 1 This is actually,

Speaker 1 oh, just, I'm like very

Speaker 2 use the router logs.

Speaker 1 I'm very concerned now. This is

Speaker 1 granted, it's one comment, one comment, but it is describing a very unhealthy, controlling, potentially abusive relationship.

Speaker 1 Lying and saying, oh, our friends, our friends are said to this and that. So you're lying, you're manipulating, you're controlling, like

Speaker 1 really, really bad vibes.

Speaker 1 I'm not crazy about that.

Speaker 2 What are the comments on that?

Speaker 1 Someone replies and goes, OP, are you okay? This post and some of your comments make it seem like you don't feel very safe with your husband.

Speaker 1 The fact that he even controls your internet usage is very concerning.

Speaker 1 If you don't feel safe, I think you should reach out to your friends and family and let them know what is actually going on in your marriage.

Speaker 1 They will hopefully be able to support you and help you leave if necessary. Good luck and stay safe.
Yes. Next comment: checking router logs is not a normal activity.

Speaker 1 Someone already asked this, but are you sure you're not in an abusive relationship? This does not sound healthy, OP.

Speaker 1 We wish you luck, and I hope you get the support you need.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 well, that was quite the uptick.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 I'm really,

Speaker 1 I hope, I hope, I hope everything

Speaker 1 goes okay, and she can find some support.

Speaker 2 You know, to be that scared to bring something up,

Speaker 2 which

Speaker 1 yeah, it's really concerning. It just makes you feel sick, really concerning.

Speaker 2 I'm like trying to glance at other comments before we move along, but I know it's just the like I'm gonna hopefully try and catch him before he looks at the router logs, and then he'll be really mad.

Speaker 2 Like, come on, that's that's no way to live.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not seeing a lot of other comments that kind of mention situations that the husband is controlling or abusive in.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Um, But

Speaker 1 that is very, very concerning. And I mean, it is kind of like OP, you know, mentions, I don't really have family.
I lived in my car. So it's kind of like, if he is controlling and abusive, it's like,

Speaker 1 I don't know what, like, the correct way to put this, but he almost found the perfect victim. An easy target.
An easy target. She doesn't have family.

Speaker 1 She doesn't have a lot of friends or at least like friends that she's comfortable sharing marital stuff with.

Speaker 2 She doesn't share the relationship stuff.

Speaker 1 So it's like he has someone that's secluded or easy to seclude.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 so scary.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm following the account. We all need to keep our eyes on this.

Speaker 1 The username, if you want to find it, I'll be sure to link everything, but in case the account gets suspended, like, I don't know what else to do. I hate when Reddit does that.

Speaker 1 But the username is specific-koala1721.

Speaker 1 Let's keep our eyes peeled for this, you guys. OP, if you're listening, not normal, advocate for yourself.
Get exactly what you want during your birth. Otherwise, kick him out because he's useless.

Speaker 1 If he's not by your head, he's fucking useless.

Speaker 2 And re-evaluate everything else.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no more controlling router logs. That is,

Speaker 1 that is outrageous.

Speaker 1 Absolutely fucking outrageous. If anyone listening is in a relationship where you're like, oh, that sounds kind of similar to my partner checking my Apple Watch or my Fitbit or whatever.

Speaker 1 Out fuckingrageous.

Speaker 2 There's the theme right there.

Speaker 1 Moving along.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Out Takes is brought to you by Wayfair. This is not your first rodeo.

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Speaker 1 I don't think I can swear in the theme title.

Speaker 1 This is coming from AITAH. It was posted 10 days ago.
It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Not Telling My Parents That the Event They Were Missing Was My Wedding? Buckle up, guys.

Speaker 1 This will be kind of long. So I, 27 female, have a younger brother, Mike, 21 male.
He is the definition of a man child and a mama's boy, always complaining, always expecting others to bow to him.

Speaker 1 Just overall, an asshole. Ever since he was born, my parents fussed over him for everything.
He's not special needs or had a traumatic birth or anything of the sort. He was just born.

Speaker 1 And my parents completely discarded me. My mom, 50 female, especially.
She went from being a loving mother to one of those boy moms that people make fun of on the internet.

Speaker 1 My father, 50 male, still showed me love and support, but he's always been too much of a coward to stand up to my mother and let me win at least once.

Speaker 1 The only one who stood up for me was my grandpa, 76 male, who always called my parents out on their bullshit and never liked my brother.

Speaker 1 I reminded him of his late wife, my grandma, and we have a very special bond. But he lives on the other side of the country and I could never see him that often.

Speaker 1 Mike knows our mom prefers him and loves to shove it in my face. Because of this and his behavior, we've always been at odds.
He's spoiled, a brat, and an awful human.

Speaker 1 I can't remember how many times I ended up in trouble for things I did better than him or for things he framed me with. His only talents are his football skills.

Speaker 1 He won a scholarship to a nice college out of state. My parents didn't spend a dime on my education because apparently my fun had been used to cover expenses after a fire.

Speaker 1 Just for me to discover years later, that said money was given to Mike to buy a car and a house.

Speaker 1 It's at Public University that I met Lucas. He was the first person I was really drawn to there.

Speaker 1 Of course, I met new people who are now my dearest friends, and thanks to them and Lucas, who was my best friend for years before we got together, I managed to move out of my parents' house.

Speaker 1 Now, both Lucas and I are well known in our fields and have very good salaries. Now, to the main issue.
Lucas proposed to me a year ago.

Speaker 1 We're very private people, so we didn't post it on social media or anything. And when I told my parents, they dismissed it with a, quote, that's nice.

Speaker 1 I'm starting to think they downright don't listen to me at all. We decided that we wanted a nice but simple ceremony and reception with our friends and relatives.

Speaker 1 Lucas convinced me to invite my parents and brother, but they never responded to the invite.

Speaker 1 And whenever I went to visit and began to talk about my wedding, without mentioning it was a wedding, my mom would always speak over me about my brother's accomplishments and wild adventures.

Speaker 1 At one point, I got fed up with it and interrupted my mom to tell her that there was an event I was planning, whose date was unmovable.

Speaker 1 She told me that they couldn't attend because my brother was playing the last game of the season that very same day.

Speaker 1 And they wanted to be there for that.

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 1 Of course, this favoritism doesn't surprise me. They missed my ballets, shows, and both my high school and university graduation for things about him.
At this point, I wanted to be petty.

Speaker 1 I told both my parents that I wasn't a problem to miss this event, purposely omitted the fact that this event was my wedding, and didn't insist further. Flash forward to a few weeks ago.

Speaker 1 I got married. It was perfect.
My family, Lucas's family, and our friends were all there, and we had a blast. My grandpa was happy to give me away, and it was just perfect.

Speaker 1 My relatives asked me multiple times why my parents weren't there with us. I was honest and simply said they had my brother's game to attend and couldn't come.

Speaker 1 They gave me a few looks, and my grandpa was visibly angry for a while, but otherwise, nothing strange happened.

Speaker 1 After the reception, Lucas and I left for our honeymoon, and we were phone-free for the whole duration of the trip. But once we got back, we discovered that a shitstorm was welcoming us home.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I turned my phone on and was unable to even unlock it before a storm of notifications popped up. Most of them were from my mother and brother.

Speaker 1 Mike called me all sorts of nasty names and insulted me because apparently one of my paternal aunts posted the photos of the wedding on Facebook and captioned it with a very obvious dig at my parents,

Speaker 1 especially my mom for missing the wedding. The post apparently went viral in my parents' community and they've been publicly shamed for their mistreatment of me.

Speaker 1 It also turns out that my grandpa personally visited my parents to go on a tirade to shame my father, his son, to the point of tears.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 1 And this seemed to be my father's breaking point because he was so distraught for missing his only daughter's wedding and for his father's disapproval that he finally rebelled against my mom and is threatening divorce unless she makes it up to me.

Speaker 2 That's okay. That's redeemable.

Speaker 2 That's redeemable.

Speaker 1 I think that's the reason why my mom has been spamming my phone with messages. At first, insulting and threatening, and then downright pitiful, full of begging and pity parties.
Now

Speaker 1 I'm at home with my husband, deciding how to approach the situation.

Speaker 1 Most of my relatives, even those I didn't invite to the wedding, reached out to apologize for what I went through and to claim they had no idea this was happening at home.

Speaker 1 Can't blame any of my relatives. They all live with my grandpa on the other side of the country or in another state.

Speaker 1 But my mom's sisters and friends are belittling me for not telling my mom about the wedding because now she's inconsolable at the thought of having missed my wedding.

Speaker 1 Personally, I think she just claims that to save face. Yep.
But I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 The latest messages from my father and mother seem extremely saddened and hurt for missing my wedding.

Speaker 1 Now my family is divided on three fronts: the majority who are sticking to my side, my maternal aunts shaming me for hurting my mom's feelings, and my maternal grandparents, who are adamant that I forgive my mom in light of her, quote, atonement.

Speaker 1 My best friends are telling me not to listen to them. So, Reddit, am I the asshole?

Speaker 2 No. And you know what? One line

Speaker 2 makes that ever so clear.

Speaker 2 The wedding was perfect.

Speaker 2 It was perfect.

Speaker 1 I love that for them.

Speaker 2 And if the wedding was perfect,

Speaker 2 my only gut feeling,

Speaker 2 which I'm a little confused on the dad, I'm just a little, just, I need to get there.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 having them there.

Speaker 2 especially the mom and the brother,

Speaker 2 for me, makes me feel that it potentially would not have been perfect.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 So, given the fact that it was perfect, I think you made the right call.

Speaker 2 I think if they had cared in the slightest, it probably would have been really easy to figure out that you were talking about a wedding. I would have taken the same course

Speaker 2 the moment someone goes, oh, that's nice. to letting them know you just got engaged from a parent to say that, I probably would have done the same thing.

Speaker 1 It's a very odd response.

Speaker 2 You dangle the carrot just a little bit to say, hey, I know you want to keep talking about my brother.

Speaker 2 I'm planning this thing. The date is unchangeable.
If you ask me one simple question, you can figure out what this event is. What event are you planning?

Speaker 2 Do I need to literally bring you a light up sign, neon, that says, I'm getting married?

Speaker 1 I don't think it would have mattered.

Speaker 2 I don't think it would have either. And so this.

Speaker 1 She sent out formal invitations.

Speaker 2 No, I know. She played it

Speaker 2 so perfectly. I think you, I think your now husband was correct in saying send the invite.

Speaker 2 Because now,

Speaker 2 where you're at right now,

Speaker 2 you did absolutely nothing wrong. You sent the invites.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you were vague when you were talking about I would too. Just to you're seeing if they care even the slightest bit.

Speaker 2 Now, on to the dad.

Speaker 2 I've seen, you know, not necessarily in like my family, but I've seen with friends, and

Speaker 2 there are families where

Speaker 2 the dad will be so wrapped up in whatever,

Speaker 2 you know, the situation is with the mom being like controlling everything and just kind of have given up.

Speaker 2 And I can see

Speaker 2 how

Speaker 2 you know, it's it's still

Speaker 2 you're not forgiven for not being at the wedding, but the fact that you are now finally taking that stance, it's just hard after so many years of going along with it, right?

Speaker 2 When someone goes along when it's clearly wrong, like favoring the brother, we're going to games where, oh, your graduation doesn't matter because he's got a game or he's got, he wants us to come over for dinner or something.

Speaker 2 I can imagine it's something stupid like that.

Speaker 2 The fact that he's taking a stance gives the relationship between her and her father some hope.

Speaker 2 There's something redeemable. Yes, you missed my wedding.
Yes, you missed most of my life and all these important things.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I'm willing to,

Speaker 2 at least, like if this were me, I'd be willing to have some kind of relationship in the future.

Speaker 1 There's a sliver of hope with it.

Speaker 2 There is not saying the rest is forgotten, but God, is it just poetic justice? What's happening with the mom and the fact that they went on the honeymoon and did a phones free?

Speaker 2 Like, it's literally like their phones. If someone in the family had died, like, no one, they wouldn't have known.
Like, they went off the grid.

Speaker 1 This is so satisfying.

Speaker 2 And then to turn the phone on and just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like all that.

Speaker 1 So sadly, it's just

Speaker 2 now on to the how to proceed.

Speaker 1 I think you just go on living your life. You let them demonstrate they're sorry or they care about you in the efforts they make going forward.

Speaker 1 There's nothing they can do to remedy missing the wedding. It is what it is.
It doesn't matter because you had such a great time.

Speaker 1 But you say to them, if you want to work on our relationship and you're truly sorry, make an effort going forward. Ask me out to lunch.
Get involved in my life. Ask me about me.

Speaker 1 If I have something important come up, be there to show support for me. That's how you work on this going forward.
That's how you show you're worthy of forgiveness.

Speaker 1 But otherwise, there's not much left to say. Our relationship is what it is because of actions you've taken.
We're not close. You've treated me like garbage.

Speaker 1 You've prioritized my brother over me when it didn't need to be like that. You could have loved us both equally.
You could have shown up for both of us equally.

Speaker 1 But instead, you missed high school graduation, college graduation, and now my wedding.

Speaker 2 For a game.

Speaker 1 For a game.

Speaker 2 For the last game of the season.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 So, you know what I think? Stupid. I think the mom and the brother are only

Speaker 2 so just beside themselves, can't

Speaker 2 unconsolable, inconsolable. Because no, they're not.
You know why, but you know why they're like that right now? Because they look like shit to the public opinion. Everyone else's opinion.

Speaker 2 The dad, so my gut feeling is

Speaker 2 for the next at least little bit of time, I would go radio silence.

Speaker 2 I'm not responding

Speaker 2 to mom or brother. I might,

Speaker 2 might

Speaker 2 have some sort of conversation with my dad, but

Speaker 1 let's sit them all down, though. You know, because while he was nicer to OP,

Speaker 1 sometimes, and this might be a hot take, sometimes I think the person that enables the bad behavior and doesn't stand up or set a foot down, in some situations, is worse than the one who's being cruel because he sees it.

Speaker 1 100%. He recognizes it's bad.
And yet he let one of his children be fucking roadkill on the side of the road and just get ran over car after car.

Speaker 2 Unforgivable. Car after car.
100%.

Speaker 2 Well, and there's something to be said. The ultimate badass in this whole story is the grandpa.
I love the grandpa. I love the grandpa.

Speaker 2 I feel like the grandpa going and having that,

Speaker 2 I don't know if it's a conversation.

Speaker 1 I hope you tore him a new one.

Speaker 2 Or the berating. A new asshole.
I think for the dad, I think what I'm trying to get to, redeemable was the wrong word to say in the beginning. It's not forgivable.
It's not any of that.

Speaker 2 It's just there's a sense of hope for him. Okay.
Even if it's just as an individual.

Speaker 1 I mean, I appreciate the fact he's going a little nuclear on him. Like, step up finally.

Speaker 1 I appreciate that he's now there. Yes.

Speaker 2 It's not to say, oh, we're all happy and perfect. And it's like none of that happened.
No, it's never going to be erased. It's just a little

Speaker 1 satisfaction.

Speaker 2 Yes, which we're never going to get from the mom and brother. That's it.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 That was a whole.

Speaker 2 I do that, though. I confuse myself and then it comes out all confused.
But, you know, my rider dies will know what I'm getting. We get there eventually.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Top comment, not the asshole. Actions have consequences.
Mike is the golden child to the point of things being dysfunctional. You have created your life accordingly based on what they have done.

Speaker 1 Your mom controlling everything and your dad enabling her. And now they're unhappy because they've been shamed for it.
Too right.

Speaker 1 I am, however, pleased. Your dad might be waking up.
Pleased. Appreciate.
I use the word appreciate. Pleased.
I'm pleased. He's going nuclear.

Speaker 2 That's a good idea. That's what my 20 minutes of talking was trying to say.
I like it.

Speaker 1 Please give a hug or high five to Mr. Grandpa from me, depending on what kind of guy he is, for the star that he is.
You go and live your best life where people value you.

Speaker 1 Also, congratulations to both you and your husband. You've done absolutely nothing wrong.

Speaker 2 Definitely a big hug. Definitely a big hug.

Speaker 1 Yep. Not the asshole.
They were invited. They gave a reason they weren't attending.
You accepted their non-participation.

Speaker 1 Next comment down, right. They were sent an invitation.
When I get invitations, they are hung on the refrigerator as a reminder, and I have the decency to respond.

Speaker 1 They got a formal invitation. That's all a parent should need.

Speaker 2 You know, they're opening that mail, too. Come on.
They looked at it. How do you not, how do you not see that?

Speaker 1 If my parents didn't put our wedding invite on the fridge,

Speaker 1 I would go nuts.

Speaker 1 Nuts. Your mom doesn't even put anything on her fridge, but if that's not on her fridge, Chris, I know you're listening.
That better be the one thing that goes on your fridge.

Speaker 1 Does she have a bulletin board?

Speaker 2 Uh,

Speaker 2 no. I don't know where things like that go.

Speaker 1 It's going on your fridge.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, it's funny. A lot of people always ask me, like, oh, like,

Speaker 2 what do you think about being an

Speaker 2 only child? What was it like?

Speaker 2 Would you have rather had siblings? It's like, how am I supposed to know? We all grew up the way we grew up.

Speaker 2 How am I supposed to know what it would have been like to have siblings? How?

Speaker 2 I can't compare. But a story like this

Speaker 2 makes me kind of, you know, kind of happy to have been an only child.

Speaker 2 Because there's no potential for a golden or a non-golden. I guess you just are the golden.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There's no competition.

Speaker 2 But I'm not spoiled in a fucking asshole like he is.

Speaker 1 True. There are a lot of edits on this.

Speaker 1 One, I did inform my parents about my wedding. I sent a traditional invite on paper to all of my guests and was notified that all invites had reached their addresses.

Speaker 1 I did not receive any answer from my parents and Mike. a few very distant relatives and some people on Lucas's side.

Speaker 1 I did reach out to all of them through messages to double check, and those who hadn't replied told me they couldn't come. I asked my parents and brother via text, but they didn't respond.

Speaker 1 I was left on red. Knowing them and given all the things, I had to plan.
I didn't bother on insisting.

Speaker 1 Edit two, I didn't repeat the date of my wedding because I had already been told there was my brother's game.

Speaker 1 Plus, every time I insisted on highlighting my celebrations to get an answer, I was always told that it wasn't that important and to not be pissy and a bother.

Speaker 1 Because some things things were simply more important than me. At this point, I think it's fair to me to not insist anymore.
It's not worth the effort. No.
Three, I didn't keep my wedding a secret.

Speaker 1 I avoided telling my parents that it was my wedding to see if they would be interested in the slightest. But surprise, surprise, they weren't.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Despite this, I did openly talk about my wedding with my aunts and uncles. My mother was in the room with us a few times when I discussed venues or dress shops with my aunt.

Speaker 1 The Facebook post post one. But sometimes mom was on the phone, and other times she was just chatting with other people.
She never paid attention.

Speaker 1 When I talked about it during reunions, she smiled and said, That's great, dear, and then would change the subject: radio silence on dad and Mike.

Speaker 1 Four, I kept in contact with them because, well, at times I tried to go to contact in the past years and I've been harassed.

Speaker 1 I've tried after my high school, bachelor's, and master's graduations, to which they never bothered to show up for for reasons involving my brother.

Speaker 1 Every time I was shamed for daring to turn my back on family by my parents, my brother, my maternal aunts, my maternal grandparents.

Speaker 1 I think the turning point here is that all those times, Lucas wasn't by my side. Edit five, my parents and I are not in the same city.

Speaker 1 I live in a city an hour drive from my parents, small town, and they don't know my new address because once my brother tried to break into my apartment to steal some cash, and my mother backed him up, claiming that siblings share their goods.

Speaker 1 Now I moved, and I'll be sure not to tell them where I live. So he's a klepto, too.

Speaker 1 A thief.

Speaker 2 A thief. It's time to cut them off.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Six, my parents didn't buy my brother a car and a house before he even started high school.

Speaker 1 They bought him a car for his 16th birthday and a house near his college when he began freshman freshman year. They didn't spend the money of my fund right away.

Speaker 1 They just lied to me to use it later for my brother, keeping it stored for later in the meantime.

Speaker 2 So, dad,

Speaker 1 dad's worse than an enabler. I know, I'm kind of eating my words now, but no, but we didn't know, like, that wasn't included.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it can be assumed. Like, we should have known that

Speaker 2 all the bad stuff, it's not like he's uninvolved, just sitting there not knowing.

Speaker 2 He knew.

Speaker 2 All I was trying to say is that he is at least the one person out of the three that is attempting to make a change for himself and do better for himself

Speaker 2 and to be just a better person.

Speaker 2 Not that it changes anything about him and her's relationship.

Speaker 2 He's the only one that really has a chance to become

Speaker 2 a better person.

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Speaker 1 That's o-l-ly-y.com. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Speaker 1 Well, guess what? We have an update.

Speaker 1 I did not know this existed.

Speaker 1 And it was posted only 10 hours ago. So, update.

Speaker 1 First of all, I want to thank all of those who are interested in my story and those who wished me and my husband a happy life and beyond grateful for your messages.

Speaker 1 To those who believed my story was fake, I want to say that I'm happy your family life is better than mine, to the point of thinking that my reality was a fantasy.

Speaker 1 But I would appreciate it if you stopped harassing me in my DMs, claiming that I'm writing a fake story for attention.

Speaker 1 If I've missed a few details in the original post, it's because I was overwhelmed and crying my eyes out because of my family's harassment.

Speaker 1 You're not forced to read my story or think it's true, but I think keeping the smallest amount of decency would be nice. Oh, and before diving into the update, let me clarify a few things.

Speaker 1 One, yes, the invitation specifically stated it was a wedding. There's no excuse.
Two, my maternal side of the family didn't come to the wedding.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, I didn't make that clear in the original post. Most of them were busy, and the others just gave me excuses to send a gift, but not come.
That's it.

Speaker 1 Don't ask me why they didn't discuss my wedding with my mom. It's not like I live in their brains.
Three, my mother's atonement is in fact that she apologized via text.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Atonement.

Speaker 1 Now on to the update. Things have been a little crazy this past week.
I got off of Reddit for a couple of days to gather my thoughts. Then I had a lengthy conversation with Lucas about how to proceed.

Speaker 1 He's been my rock, and I don't think I could ever love him more than I already do. My parents were always a taboo topic, but he hit me with a brutal reality check that I absolutely needed.
Nice.

Speaker 1 We reached the conclusion that the fact I kept in contact all this time, stuck around, and didn't go no contact, isn't healthy. I realized that.

Speaker 1 The reason I never fully went no contact was that deep down, I just wanted their approval, even now, for once. Pathetic, I know.

Speaker 1 Not pathetic, OP,

Speaker 1 human. But it's like a drug being with my parents.
They can be loving, funny, caring, and warm until they're not.

Speaker 1 The little love they give makes you crave for more, and you want their approval so badly, you destroy yourself for it. But that's enough.
I promised myself that things are going to change.

Speaker 1 I've thought about it and decided to start therapy and to go no contact with all of those who made an issue about this situation for good this time.

Speaker 1 After the days dedicated on reflecting on how I feel, I ended up messaging my father to tell him that. If he wanted to talk, I would meet him, mom, and Mike in a neutral location the following day.

Speaker 1 He immediately replied and agreed, and we met at the park. My father's sisters and brother accompanied us for damage control.
My father looked distraught and as if he had been crying for a while.

Speaker 1 My mom looked the same, but I think it was more out of anger and embarrassment. My brother looked annoyed.

Speaker 1 I told the three of them about how their behavior and preference in regards to my brother always hurt me, and that their abusive behavior made me realize that I didn't want contact with any of them again after that meeting.

Speaker 1 My mother tried to cut me off multiple times, but my aunt, the one who posted on Facebook, shut her up every single time.

Speaker 1 When I asked them why they would treat me this way, they didn't know what to say. My father kept crying and apologizing without giving me an answer, and my uncle reprimanded him for it.

Speaker 1 My mother seemed as if she was asking herself that for the first time. But well, in the end, she just said that she simply disliked me.

Speaker 1 Great. Plain and simple.
And my brother, he just liked the attention and making me miserable as some sort of sport. I went on with my questions.

Speaker 1 When I asked why they never responded to my invite, they claimed to have never received one. I showed them the text, but they denied receiving them.

Speaker 1 And well, it turns out that they hadn't, in fact, received my wedding invitation. When it arrived at their house, they weren't there.

Speaker 1 The only one in the house was my brother, who had come visiting for the weekend. He saw the invite and, as many of you guessed, ripped it up and trashed it.

Speaker 1 And then, when I texted my parents, he deleted the messages. Wasn't hard to do.
According to him, they kept my chat archived and didn't get the notification.

Speaker 1 So my parents never actually got a formal invitation. I was just distraught.

Speaker 1 I asked Mike why he would do that, and he just shrugged and claimed that it wasn't as important as the stuff they had in program, anyways. I had to stop Lucas from punching him in the face.

Speaker 1 Strangely enough, my parents were upset and started reprimanding him. He actually began to throw a tantrum and cry crocodile tears.

Speaker 1 And I must admit that I was kind of satisfied. But then my mom claimed that all was resolved.
There was no need to fuss over a misunderstanding.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 And it was time for me to clear their name. That set me off.
And I interrupted her, telling that they weren't forgiven at all.

Speaker 1 That just because Mike trashed the invite, it didn't mean it automatically canceled all of their neglect.

Speaker 1 Plus, all that time, it was still very obvious that I was having a wedding and they should have asked about it. You want to know what my mother's response was? She said something along the lines of,

Speaker 1 I did hear you talking about a wedding of yours, but I just thought you were being delusional and seeking my attention with exaggerated scenarios.

Speaker 1 She was convinced Lucas didn't actually like me, nor would he ever marry me.

Speaker 1 When I tell you, I was about to trash her face, do you believe me? Another thing came up. It turns out that my brother didn't have a football game to go to at all.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 My parents used the fact that my husband, friend, and I know little to nothing about football. We prefer soccer.

Speaker 1 And the fact I stopped asking about it when Mike would mock me during his time in high school to make up a story to avoid my event.

Speaker 1 At the time I wrote the original post, I couldn't confirm or deny the presence of a game because my brother has private social media and Lucas and I are blocked.

Speaker 1 And I foolishly trusted my parents' word. But no, you want to know where they went with that man-child? They went to Disneyland because Mike wanted to go.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 They used the football story to cover for my brother's hundredth tantrum holiday. And apparently, they did it multiple times in the past months.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 We're still not done.

Speaker 2 How do you get there with a kid? Like

Speaker 1 by creating a spoiled, rotten, monster sociopath of a child.

Speaker 1 To rip up your sister's wedding invite, to delete messages, to go to her house and steal money.

Speaker 1 This dude is off his rocker.

Speaker 2 He's got it coming.

Speaker 2 That shit catches up to you.

Speaker 1 At this point, I was just completely burnt out and overwhelmed by this amount of information. The fact that I had been fooled this badly, that I was so gullible, genuinely made my blood boil.

Speaker 1 And I snapped. I stood up and told my father he was a sad, weak man, unable to stand up for his kids unless his wife approved of it.

Speaker 1 I told my brother he was a little dipshit, a poor excuse of a man that will not accomplish anything in his life, and that he'll always live like the leech that he is, babied to the point of uselessness.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 And to my mom, I just

Speaker 1 told her that she was the worst narcissist, pathetic little woman on the earth, and that she didn't even deserve to be addressed and judged for her irrelevance.

Speaker 1 That not even God could help her out because she is just too rotten. Harsh, I know.
My mother shot up from her seat to scream at me halfway through my rant to her, but I was just too mad.

Speaker 1 I shouted at her to shut the fuck up and sit down and listened for once. She got so mad, it felt like steam was coming out of her ears.

Speaker 1 I don't remember much after that, just that I kept talking and talking. It felt as if all of my anger and hurt just flooded out.

Speaker 1 At one point, I'm pretty sure the whole park was silent.

Speaker 1 I spat at my parents and Mike that I was disowning them all and that if they're smart, they'll think before reaching out again.

Speaker 1 I took my purse and left with Lucas, Anna, and Francis, leaving my parents' brother at my aunt and uncle's mercy.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I think at some point the reality of what I had just learned and said finally hit me, because I ended up having a panic attack on the way home.

Speaker 1 Lucas was driving, so Anna helped me through it until we stopped in a parking lot to calm me down. I'm beyond grateful for their help.
Once home, I just fell on the bed and went to sleep.

Speaker 2 I bet.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to go with you guys' advice and post the whole threat on Facebook, but given my work and career, I couldn't expose myself like that.

Speaker 1 One thing is, sharing my story from an anonymous throwaway on Reddit, the other is on Facebook with my name and face plastered everywhere. I couldn't go down that path.

Speaker 1 Instead, I did something better.

Speaker 1 I made a folder with all of my mother's insults, messages, and awful comments and sent it to the woman in charge of my mom's church.

Speaker 1 It's a tight-knit community my mom worked her ass off to enter into, but that is also extremely judgmental. And being shunned by them is a death sentence.
And well,

Speaker 1 that's exactly what happened. Just like clockwork.
The scandal spread like wildfire, going out of the church and reaching the rest of the small town.

Speaker 1 You can imagine what this means to my mother and father.

Speaker 1 Because of my little spill, I did find other messages from my maternal side of the family belittling me even more for upsetting their sister or daughter and insulting her.

Speaker 1 I just didn't care anymore at that point. So I followed you guys' advice and told them that from now on, they will no longer be a part of my life.
They can talk shit all they want. I just won't care.

Speaker 1 Instead, they should be grateful I don't send their nasty text to their employers and spouses. I blocked every single one of them, grandparents included, on everything.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 1 I did find a lengthy message from my father.

Speaker 1 He apologized for not being strong enough to face my mother, agreed that what I said was true, and couldn't believe that he had lost so much of my life because of her.

Speaker 1 He told me he is going to divorce her no matter what my decision will be because he is tired of being controlled. He would like a relationship with me to make up for all the years that passed.

Speaker 1 I did reply to him to tell him that as of now, I don't really want to see him or forgive him. He replied that he'll try his best to win me back and that he loves me.

Speaker 1 That's really sad.

Speaker 1 I replied back that as of now, I find that hard to believe, and then I blocked him too.

Speaker 1 Frankly, his slimy way of trying to have an out from this situation by throwing my mother under the bus is pathetic. At least she was hateful and owned up to it.

Speaker 1 He is only able to blame others for his choices. I don't want to surround myself with people like that.
My mother and brother are blocked similarly to my maternal side.

Speaker 1 Mike wrote other messages to taunt and insult me. I just blocked him.

Speaker 1 My mother threw herself a pity party for being shunned by her community and for her marriage going in a shambles, and I just replied, good riddance, before blocking her too.

Speaker 1 As for my grandpa, he has decided to stay with us for a while to stick by my side. He really is the best and has read some of your comments.

Speaker 1 He isn't going to admit that he's flattered by them, though.

Speaker 1 Since then, a few days have passed and all has been quiet. Lucas is spoiling me rotten, and I'm starting therapy soon.
I know this isn't the drama-filled, revenge-filled update you had hoped for.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 But well, this is it. I'll let you know if anything changes or evolves.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for the love and support you showed me. I think I'm going to log out now.
As for now, goodbye.

Speaker 2 Happy ending.

Speaker 2 How is that not the drama-filled update we all wanted?

Speaker 1 That was very fucking eventful.

Speaker 2 That's one of the most fulfilling, satisfying updates. we've ever had.

Speaker 1 Am I the only one with like tears in my eyes?

Speaker 2 That's probably one of the best stories and updates that has ever happened on this show. Really? Yes.

Speaker 2 I know it's not like poop and throw up and whatever. This, though, that's like, I don't know.
I felt like it was in a movie.

Speaker 1 Do you guys agree? Like, do you guys listening? Is that

Speaker 1 shit? Top for you? Because

Speaker 1 I feel very satisfied. I'm very happy for OP.

Speaker 1 Very sad that she had to go through that.

Speaker 2 But think about the weight lifted off. This is what she needed.
Yeah. This has been 20-some years building up to that.
Yeah. And to be able to just let it out.
And I know it was shocking.

Speaker 2 I know it's panic, like panic attack,

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 imagine being so wrapped around that, you know, stuck in that,

Speaker 2 I don't know, system, that dynamic for so long.

Speaker 2 And to finally just drop the hammer and let it all out.

Speaker 2 Because the the situation is, it's tough when you do it, but think about the rest of life going forward.

Speaker 1 So much better.

Speaker 2 Think about the peace in her life and in her marriage and just in,

Speaker 2 you know, her and all the family that stuck by her. Think about all of their relationships.
And just,

Speaker 2 you know, it sucks to lose a sibling and parents, but you never really had them. That's true.
All they did, all they did was suck energy and life out of you. You know.
And, you know, it's,

Speaker 2 it's chosen family. And what well, it's chosen family paired with an amazing grandpa.
Well, but all the other family that stuck by us, and I feel

Speaker 2 the other heroes besides the grandpa are the aunts and uncles who were there during

Speaker 1 actually the ones stirring the pot on Facebook.

Speaker 2 We didn't know what yeah, but I'm saying

Speaker 2 during the

Speaker 2 park scene. What do we want to call it? The intervention? No, the intervention.

Speaker 1 Confrontation. Confront.
I just

Speaker 1 reckoning.

Speaker 2 Okay. Can we call it the reckoning? I like that.

Speaker 2 During the reckoning, the aunt and uncle, the people who were there, like, nope, motherfucker, you better sit your ass back down and shut up like that stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then the fact that she and Lucas leave

Speaker 2 and the aunt and uncles are there.

Speaker 2 Imagine being

Speaker 2 there when she and Lucas walk away.

Speaker 1 Shit storm. I'd love to be a fly on the wall.

Speaker 2 I mean, do you just like.

Speaker 1 Get your popcorn. Get your popcorn.

Speaker 2 Get it. And when they try and talk, can you believe this? You're just kind of like.

Speaker 1 I mean, what do you expect, bitch?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Come on.
That is absolutely wild. I just.

Speaker 2 Epic. Just crazy that this stuff

Speaker 2 is out there.

Speaker 1 Also, I'm like very confused in the edit. OP was like, it's real, guys.
Like,

Speaker 1 this is not that absurd of a story to be fake.

Speaker 2 No, but also

Speaker 2 way too detailed to make up.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The fact they went to Disneyland.

Speaker 2 What assholes.

Speaker 1 Oh, you missed your daughter's wedding and went to fucking Disneyland. Dumb, dumb assholes.

Speaker 2 I want that lightsaber. I want the costume.
I want that food.

Speaker 1 How old is the brother again? Because he sounds like a fucking toddler still. What an idiot.

Speaker 1 This episode of Two Hot Takes is presented by DiSerono. This holiday season, I'll be raising a glass with DiSerono, the world's favorite Italian liqueur.
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Speaker 1 1525, The Legend of DiSerono begins. Okay, that was juicy, but we still got a couple more stories to get to.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Potentially lightening the mood a little bit on this next one.

Speaker 2 Potentially. I haven't read it.

Speaker 1 I'm just going based on the titles. I really wanted to be a part of this journey with all of us today.
I wanted to have a lot of blind reactions. So, this is coming from AITAH.
It is two hours old.

Speaker 1 It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Checking Out of My Relationship After My Wife Said She Wished I Had a Bigger Dick, but we don't always get what we want.

Speaker 1 My wife, 34 female, and I, 34 male, have been married for eight years, and we have a five-year-old son. Over the past few months, my wife and I have occasionally been having arguments on finances.

Speaker 1 The main argument we've been having is that I I want to take our family out on a vacation to a different state, but my wife wants to save up so we can travel abroad next year.

Speaker 1 Last month, my wife and I were having an argument again about this, and I was telling her a vacation would be really good for our family and our son.

Speaker 1 We talked back and forth, and I could sense my wife was getting exasperated, but I stood my ground. I told her we could take a vacation now and we could also go abroad next year.

Speaker 1 And my wife just lost her cool and said that the finances made that impractical, and that she also wished I had a bigger dick, but in life, we don't always get what we want.

Speaker 1 That stung me. I am aware I have an average-sized dick, but I've never had any complaints from anyone on it until now.
And to hear it from my wife, it just numbed me.

Speaker 1 I then checked out of the conversation, and my wife instantly apologized after she said that. I told her it was okay, and then I went to sleep.

Speaker 1 From the next day on, however, I distanced myself from my wife and just focused on work and my son.

Speaker 1 My wife tried to initiate a conversation and apologize multiple times, but I usually just ignored her or told her to let it go. I also started eating out as I did not want to eat my wife's dinner.

Speaker 1 My wife initiated sex one night and I told her to get off me. My birthday was a few days ago, and I ignored my wife when she wished me a happy birthday and when she tried to kiss me.

Speaker 1 We didn't do anything for my birthday, and when my wife gave me a gift, which was packaged with also a handwritten letter, I told her to return it.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what was the gift or what was written in the letter, and I really don't care. I am at my limit now, and I know this is not healthy or sustainable.

Speaker 1 So I have seriously started considering divorce, but I also wanted to get an opinion from the people I trusted most in the world, my two siblings.

Speaker 1 My brother thinks I should at least consider marriage counseling first before proceeding with divorce, as he doesn't think this is worth jumping straight to divorce for.

Speaker 1 My sister has the opposite opinion, and she thinks I'm still young and fit, and I have a long life ahead of me.

Speaker 1 And it should be very easy for me to get someone who's much more beautiful than my wife, both on the exterior and the interior.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole for checking out of my relationship and considering divorce?

Speaker 2 Really, everyone sucks.

Speaker 2 This is really what I'm saying. That's what I would vote because

Speaker 2 the comment was very unnecessary.

Speaker 2 And I don't know why it had to get taken there

Speaker 2 when

Speaker 2 it seems more of a strategy thing of like, can we do this or can we not? Let's crunch the numbers.

Speaker 2 Here's what I think we could spend on a trip here. And then by the time we get next year, year, we'd have this.
If it doesn't make sense, then we need to figure out which trip we would like to do.

Speaker 2 That's what relationships are. You'll run into a lot of

Speaker 2 circumstances where one person really wants one thing and the other person really wants another thing. And you got to figure out how to,

Speaker 2 in this case, unlike the other story, compromise and figure out what is a good solution because we're not just going to live forever being mad about, oh, we can't do my trip or doing yours, or we get like

Speaker 2 both of you grow up.

Speaker 2 We're going to comment on dick size now that we're married and we have a kid together. Like,

Speaker 2 cool. You signed up for this.
You married me. All that's going to do at this point is make me feel bad about myself.
So completely unnecessary. And if you want something else, leave and go find it.

Speaker 2 Don't like take me down because you feel that way. And then also on his end, you're taking it way too fucking far.
Way too far. If your ego is that hurt,

Speaker 2 I agree. The comment is ridiculous.
But that's a moment where, sure, the first night you kind of step out of the conversation, you check out.

Speaker 2 go to bed, process whatever. After that, if it's still bothering you that much, have an adult conversation.
Thank you. Don't shut down.
Don't turn down. Like, it's fine.

Speaker 2 If you didn't want to have sex that night when she initiated,

Speaker 2 maybe then start in a mature adult conversation and say,

Speaker 2 I'm not really feeling it tonight. And here's why.
And I'd love to talk about it. Not, we're going to turn you down.
Oh, and my birthday,

Speaker 2 we're not doing anything. And I'm going to reject your gift.

Speaker 2 Like, I could not with

Speaker 2 if this was the scenario, I could not ever do that to you.

Speaker 2 I, even during, I think about it all the time, but even during the engagement, the little bits that I had to like lie and manipulate just to make it happen and try to hold on to some bit of surprise, I still feel bad over, let alone turning down a gift in a handwritten note where you're actually trying to make an effort to right the wrong and maybe initiate a good conversation that helps us not just divorce divorce and self-destruct, but actually helps us get through the problem and get stronger from it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yet this guy is now,

Speaker 2 he thinks he's getting a divorce because he's so offended by this comment, yet he's causing all of the problems at this point.

Speaker 1 I know, I was going to say, like, yes, was the initial conversation

Speaker 1 not great? Was that comment off-putting and rude and cruel? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But are you the asshole for checking out since? I would say yes.

Speaker 1 If you're not mature enough to have a conversation, my feelings are hurt. This is X, this is Y, whatever.
Or like, hey, I don't want to have sex with you.

Speaker 1 I don't feel comfortable having sex anymore after the comment you made about my penis. Like, I really think we should go to therapy.
I really think we should talk about this.

Speaker 1 If you're not mature enough to do that, and now you're just punishing her again and again and again, you're eating up because you don't want to eat her meals, you're rejecting her gift, you're rejecting her note, you don't even want to kiss her.

Speaker 1 Like, you're the one that ruined your marriage. Not that comment.
And I'm sitting here, and it's like, obviously, I don't have a penis.

Speaker 1 I would be upset if you called me fat. Like, I'm trying to consider what an equivalent for me would be.

Speaker 1 Would that be upsetting? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But would I go this nuclear over it?

Speaker 1 Probably not. Like it feels.

Speaker 2 It feels like honestly, it'd be like someone.

Speaker 2 It'd be like, I feel like it's a little more where it's like someone would say like, you're ugly, but I just deal with it. Or just something like something where it's like you can never

Speaker 1 take it back. Your vagina feels like sandpaper and it's brutal every time we're going to be able to do it.
Something like that, I guess.

Speaker 2 Like something that, you know, and I get,

Speaker 2 I don't really know where I'm going, but I just feel like it's just, he's taking it as such an attack.

Speaker 1 Like, it feels like he's being a little sensitive over it. And maybe that's wrong of me to say because I can't relate at all.
But

Speaker 2 is your ego that hurt?

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, growing up as a guy, I know you don't deal with as much of the...

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 meanness and the whatever that girls do. I think girls can really get...

Speaker 2 Well, and guys can too. Girls are kind of vicious.
Like locker rooms are not. I think girls have a really, really hard time, especially in those transformative years where

Speaker 2 you just like girls that I saw just got so mean towards each other. I know.
And it just tore each other's like egos and just everyone's sense of confidence.

Speaker 1 But I feel like guys were like that in the locker rooms and stuff too. Yeah, but guys do it.

Speaker 2 And then it's more of like a joking thing, at least in my experience. But I just feel,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 1 I had two high school boyfriends that like really, really both got harassed because of their penises.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, I, I, I think what I was leading to is growing up as a guy, though there isn't as much

Speaker 2 of what I think girls go through, one thing that always is this, the topic is that.

Speaker 2 And it's like, oh, you know, small dick, whatever, this, this, that. It just

Speaker 2 that for some reason, you grow up as a guy having

Speaker 2 before you really mature, so much of your ego tends to relate to that.

Speaker 1 Well, and it's like he's taking it so personally. So, like, like a honestly, like a little boy, yeah.
So, maybe me calling him sensitive, like, isn't fair.

Speaker 1 Again, I can't really relate, but it feels like it's just

Speaker 1 a bit nuclear given

Speaker 1 the comment, and she immediately apologized after. But again,

Speaker 1 terrible comment for her to make. I don't know why that was the first example she thought of.
Like,

Speaker 1 you know, I would love to win the lottery, but we can't always get what we want. I'd love a brand new car, but we can't always get what we want.

Speaker 1 There's so many other things she could have put in that. So for her to say,

Speaker 1 Dick, like, I wish your dick was bigger, it is really interesting. And I can see why he would be hurt, but not

Speaker 1 so hurt to then follow up with all of these cruel, punishing reactions and not just having a conversation to try to get back and save your what seemed happy marriage.

Speaker 2 Well, and if he really can't get over it, stop torturing her.

Speaker 2 And if that is a big enough hit to you to where you're like,

Speaker 2 I'll never, sex will never be the same. And I'll never, like, I'll always just think she's just

Speaker 2 with me and we have a kid now and she's stuck and I'm not providing her the satisfaction she needs. If you're going through that forever and you really think that it was that serious,

Speaker 2 then

Speaker 2 you can proceed in other ways to end this marriage instead of just constantly dragging this shit out.

Speaker 2 If you're going to make that decision, then fucking make it. But we're not going to do this forever because this is ridiculous.
She had a shitty comment and it was the wrong way to handle it.

Speaker 2 But this is a just way, just giant overreaction.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I'm really trying to put myself there.
Like, I don't know an equal equivalent, but like the equivalents that are close to me, like you're fat, you're ugly.

Speaker 1 You know, insert the typical stuff. I don't think I would react like that for a month.

Speaker 1 Like the effort to punish someone who you supposedly love and have been with and have a five-year-old child with, like,

Speaker 2 it's too far. It's a little

Speaker 1 unhinged. Top comment: the comment itself is an asshole move, but in my opinion, the bigger problem is that she said it in anger, which means she intended it as a weapon to hurt you.

Speaker 1 Anyone who would do that isn't someone you can feel safe being vulnerable around.

Speaker 1 If you want to try to stay, then marriage counseling is mandatory, as is individual counseling for her to figure out why her mind even went there in the first place.

Speaker 1 Any refusal from her on that should be immediate game over. That said, nothing in your post indicates that you do want to stay, just that you think maybe you should.

Speaker 1 If you really don't want to stay with her, don't. And that, like, that is what I said.
Like, I'm very confused why she jumped there.

Speaker 1 Like, is that something she knew he was insecure about?

Speaker 2 Or has she just been waiting for a moment to like, oh, I'm gonna really get him?

Speaker 1 But there's so many other things. Like, I wish I could win the lottery, but we don't always get what we want.
Like, we can't have both trips, babe. Financially, we can't do it.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, that's that's way more just normal.

Speaker 1 I'm so just confused.

Speaker 2 It was an opportunity to really strike.

Speaker 1 And maybe that person said it best. Like,

Speaker 2 it is cruel.

Speaker 1 She went for the jugular. She really just

Speaker 1 went in and knew to hit him where it hurts.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 And so to be with someone like that,

Speaker 1 but I still don't agree with like the punishment for that long. Like if you're that hurt, communicate, work on it, or be done.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 1 But maybe there's some people out there that would say it's justified.

Speaker 2 Fight fire with fire a little bit.

Speaker 2 It's too much fire.

Speaker 1 There's no comments from OP.

Speaker 1 The next comment down after the top. Thank you for pointing this out.
Words can't be taken back once said out loud. That should always be remembered, even the most heated of arguments.

Speaker 1 Also, you don't say things you've never thought about before because they don't really pop up out of nowhere in a completely unrelated fight.

Speaker 1 It's true that you don't say things that you never thought of before, but it's also possible for it not to be personal. Like I've used lines I've heard in sitcoms during arguments before.

Speaker 1 I know embarrassing. It's definitely on the day before I go to sleep reel.
I wonder where it actually came from for her.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I don't know. Other comment not related to that top thread.

Speaker 1 If a husband told his wife he wished her vagina was tighter or boobs bigger and she came to ask for advice, everyone would be like, divorce. He crossed the line.
Interesting reading the comments.

Speaker 1 This is something she had locked and loaded, waiting to use. That is the part not sitting right with me.
She has been holding on to that, knowing it was going to hurt you.

Speaker 1 If this is something you don't want to work through, then just tell her she killed killed your love for her in that moment and call a lawyer and mediator for child custody.

Speaker 1 If you want to work through it, marriage counseling, not the asshole.

Speaker 2 Right. But if you want to work through it, actually work through it.

Speaker 2 This isn't working through it

Speaker 2 at all.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 This is like just throwing it just in a downward spiral.

Speaker 1 I know. I would really.

Speaker 1 I'd really love the wife's side on this as well for a more complete picture. Cause he's like, you know, this, this all started from a vacation argument.

Speaker 1 We've had this vacation argument again and again and again. I want to take a trip out of state.
She wants to go abroad.

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Maybe this was just like

Speaker 1 the final straw for her where it was like, please just get it already. Like, I wish you had, like, you know what I mean? Not right.
Not right.

Speaker 1 And if he really wants to leave, leave.

Speaker 2 It's all over a trip.

Speaker 1 Don't torture someone in the process. I don't know.
I'm really torn. Like, just really torn on this one.

Speaker 1 Maybe your initial gut of everyone sucks here is better.

Speaker 2 Still there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
I think I'm I think I'm on boat everyone sucks.

Speaker 1 This one was hard for me because I did use that comparison. I said the vagina, your vagina is like sandpaper and I hate it.
Hurts every time we like have sex.

Speaker 2 So you want to do that the rest of your life? Like,

Speaker 2 what are we gaining here by making any of those comments? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I just want to be clear. I don't think he's the asshole for wanting a divorce or wanting to divide.

Speaker 2 No, but just do it. If you're going to do it,

Speaker 2 do it. That's not.
Why are we dragging this out?

Speaker 1 I don't like the lack of communication.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's what I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Your comments on that one. I'm a little scared for him, guys.
I'm a little scared for him, but I'm excited for the conversation we're about to have. Moving along.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. Oh, what fun.
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Speaker 2 At Nordstrom,

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you a choice on the last one, sir.

Speaker 2 No need.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 We'll just flip a coin.

Speaker 1 Well, there's three choices.

Speaker 2 We'll flip a three-sided coin.

Speaker 2 Hmm. A triangle.

Speaker 1 Okay, this first one. It is titled, Am I the Asshole for Spray Painting My Neighbor's Dog?

Speaker 1 Second option, My Husband's Hobby is ruining us.

Speaker 2 Nope, the dog.

Speaker 1 Or three,

Speaker 1 I forbid my partner from using my bathroom.

Speaker 2 Nope, the dog.

Speaker 1 The dog? You're going with the dog? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 This is coming from Am I the Asshole posted one day ago. Again, Am I the Asshole for spray painting my neighbor's dog?

Speaker 1 I, 24 female, live with two roommates, 23 female and 24 male, in a small three-bedroom townhouse. All the houses on my street share walls, forming a row of connected homes.

Speaker 1 My next-door neighbor, 60 female, recently got a grudel dog, and it's clear she has no interest or training.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is a grudel?

Speaker 2 I'm surprised you don't know. You know all the dogs.

Speaker 1 Well, it's a fake breed.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 1 It's a mix of a golden retriever and a standard poodle.

Speaker 1 The grudel, also known as the golden doodle.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, okay.

Speaker 2 Who calls it that?

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 The grudel.

Speaker 1 My next-door neighbor, 60 female, recently got a grudel dog, and it's clear she has no interest in training or disciplining it properly.

Speaker 1 About two months ago, my roommate found dog poop and a chewed-up toy in our backyard. I was baffled as to how the dog got in, but informed my neighbor.

Speaker 1 She apologized half-heartedly, and I thought that would be the end of it. The very next day, though, more dog poop appeared.

Speaker 1 For a month, I consistently told my neighbor she needed to keep her dog on her side of the fence because it was almost daily that I found dog poop or some kind of torn-up paper, toy, etc.

Speaker 1 I spent hours trying to find where the dog was getting in, to no success. Finally, I sent one last warning to my neighbor, stating that if I saw her dog in my backyard again, I would spray paint it.

Speaker 1 It's now obvious this isn't an accident. Every time I've brought it up, my neighbor dismissively claims she's quote working on it.
But I've never once seen her walk the dog or even leave the house.

Speaker 1 While I understand she's elderly, adopting a dog you can't properly care for is simply irresponsible and cruel, and I shouldn't have to deal with it.

Speaker 1 The other day, I found poop in my yard for the third time that week. My roommates and I decided to follow through on our warning.
We bought some pink, pet-safe spray dye.

Speaker 1 Yesterday, I finally caught the dog in my yard. As I distracted it with treats, my roommate sprayed a pink line down its back.

Speaker 1 This morning, my doorbell rang incessantly. I answered to find my neighbor red-faced and irate with her now pink-streaked dog.
She accused me of being cruel and claimed this was animal cruelty.

Speaker 1 She then had the audacity to say it was unfair because she's old and can't stop the dog from running into my yard. Now I'm torn.

Speaker 1 Am I the asshole for following through on my warning after months of my neighbor's neglect and disregard for my property?

Speaker 2 So the yards are just connected. It sounds like there's one grand yard.

Speaker 1 It sounds like there's a fence. There's no OP doesn't have a link to like a picture of the fence.
I'll see if there's any comments clarifying the fence,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 don't know. Like maybe it's a tiny dog and it's getting through.

Speaker 2 Cause like picture our fence, right? We're fairly enclosed in the back. Tall brick fences.

Speaker 2 If we started finding dog poop just randomly out in the back, that clearly was, it's not horses, like dog poop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it'd be like someone's throwing it over the fence. I would,

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 would

Speaker 2 instantly have a camera that's like, okay, motion detected. I'm figuring out how that dog's getting in.

Speaker 2 And this has gone on for too long. I would install some cameras.
Do you not have a simple camera to figure out how. And then when you saw the dog.
I just want to know. Well, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then when you saw the dog in the yard, are you not?

Speaker 2 I would

Speaker 2 go out there

Speaker 2 and treats, and like, I would see how it got back. Because I'm picturing someone, if it is a fence, I'm picturing someone lifting the dog over.
Okay, go potty, go potty.

Speaker 2 Okay, come here, pick him back up. Yeah, but if

Speaker 2 unless all the yards are just connected, then no.

Speaker 1 Well, when

Speaker 1 there's a fence, there's very clearly a fence.

Speaker 2 So is the dog just hops? Like, just

Speaker 1 springs? It's athletic as fuck. Not the point.
Dog is shitting in her yard. O.P.
said, I'm going to spray paint your dog if I catch it again. O.P.
spray-painted the dog.

Speaker 2 Right, but she's torn.

Speaker 1 Is O.P. the asshole?

Speaker 2 No, it would have been the asshole if you actually spray painted a dog.

Speaker 1 It's pet safe.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So send the message.
When the message

Speaker 2 clearly isn't being received, you have to find other ways to send the message. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This, for me, is totally fine because clearly message was received this time. And no harm, no foul.
Yeah, the dog might be pink for a little bit, but there's no health risk or permanency about it. No.

Speaker 2 Dog don't care. Dog's like out there sporting a, yeah, and the dog's like, look at me, I'm looking fresh.
Yeah. I got this

Speaker 1 racing stripe.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So, pin stripe.

Speaker 2 I think it's fine. I like sometimes pettiness is required in life.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not opposed to this. Do I think OP could have easily went to Home Depot, Lowe's, Ace Hardware, local hardware store? Maybe start at local if you can.

Speaker 1 and gotten some chicken wire or you know kind of

Speaker 1 should they have to though shouldn't have to but if i was dealing with this for months, I would go crazy. I would have to get some

Speaker 1 thinner stuff to line the slats of my fence so it couldn't get in.

Speaker 2 So you think it's sneaking through, I guess. I want a picture or video.
I want to see said fence.

Speaker 1 Same. There isn't one.
I checked OP's comments. No clarification on the fence.

Speaker 1 But dog came back.

Speaker 1 60. This old elderly lady is 60.
My dad's 65. He's still cruising.
Everyone is different. I get that.
But I do think OP has a point.

Speaker 1 If you can't properly take care of an animal, train it, walk it, make sure it's, you know, got a safe enclosed yard, because the dog right now is not safe.

Speaker 1 It can escape her yard, which means it could get hit by a car.

Speaker 1 I think OP is. teaching this woman a valuable lesson.
You got to keep an eye on your dog.

Speaker 1 If your dog is getting through my fence repeatedly, you're not keeping a good eye on your dog, which means your dog could be at risk of getting hit, stolen, injured, picked up by a hawk.

Speaker 1 I don't know, but bad things.

Speaker 2 People do steal dogs.

Speaker 1 There's a big, big, big dog stealing ring, especially special, rare breeds.

Speaker 2 And you're lucky that the only thing that happened to your dog was it got dyed pink a little bit with pet safe dye. Literally.
And

Speaker 2 you clearly, obviously, have received what I've been trying to get through to you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So overall vote on this one. What do you think it is?

Speaker 2 Not

Speaker 2 the asshole.

Speaker 1 Overall vote is everyone sucks.

Speaker 1 Top comment. What a grown-up does is take pictures of the dog, then call animal control or the cops.
What a child does is spray paint a dog. Everyone sucks here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but that's more fun.

Speaker 1 Next comment: Doesn't boohoo. Spray paint the dog is bad, but calling animal control or the cops is even worse.
Animals have lost their lives that way, directly or indirectly.

Speaker 1 OP is definitely an asshole, an immature and cruel one at that. Punishing an innocent animal over the actions of their owners is insane to me.

Speaker 1 No matter how much OP thinks, it doesn't hurt the animal or through it treats.

Speaker 2 What's hurting? What? Okay,

Speaker 2 I would have been there if it was if we're spray painting a dog with spray paint from Home Depot. I would have been right with you.
I would have been right there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I don't think this dog is going on traumatized from.

Speaker 1 I wonder if OP edited the post since we're seeing it.

Speaker 2 And it didn't say

Speaker 2 pets safe.

Speaker 1 That makes sense because otherwise I'm like.

Speaker 2 Otherwise, then that's like.

Speaker 1 Why are people going nuts?

Speaker 2 That's like spray painting someone's car and shit.

Speaker 1 I know. Well, and then there's another comment: Everyone sucks here.
Obviously, the neighbor is an asshole for not picking up after her dog and for lying about it.

Speaker 1 You're an asshole for involving the innocent dog with your retribution. I guess technically it got treats and probably doesn't care about the pink dye, but still.

Speaker 1 So, Edit. Hi, guys.
Thanks for your feedback. But I felt as if I should clarify some things here.

Speaker 1 Includes a link for the pet's spray paint. That is the spray paint that we used.
Completely safe for animals.

Speaker 1 I can also assure you, when the dog was getting spray painted, which is probably the wrong word to use in the beginning, he was completely fine.

Speaker 1 And it took maybe one second to do a small stripe down his back. And then he got treats and also some belly rubs.
People asking how we knew the dog was the one popping in my yard.

Speaker 1 My other neighbors do not have a dog, nor does their neighbor. Also, I'm not calling her old.
She used her age as an excuse for why she can't properly care for the dog, which she is not doing.

Speaker 1 Me and my other roommate work from home, and have only ever seen her take that dog out on a walk a handful of times in the months that she's had it. Hence why he is pooping in our lawn.

Speaker 1 Also, my only other option was to call animal control, which would not have ended up any better for that dog. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I understand that it could have done something something towards my neighbor and not the dog, but I warned her if she allowed him back on the property, I would do it.

Speaker 1 Also, she was more than angry, so mission accomplished, I guess.

Speaker 1 Look, in future, me and my roommates will probably handle this better, but in all honesty, the dog probably got more treats and attention in that time we put the color on his back than he has in months.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 2 Sad.

Speaker 2 I think you did great.

Speaker 2 I applaud you.

Speaker 1 I'm cool with it. And OP does have a comment that the spray paint washes off.
The dog paint washes off

Speaker 1 with just water.

Speaker 2 Okay, what are we freaking out about, everybody? That's fine.

Speaker 1 Oh, that comment from OP,

Speaker 1 it actually says, the spray paint we used was pet safe, as in specifically designed for dogs and can wash off with water. It got downvoted 20 times so far.

Speaker 1 Huh.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I feel like this one's not that outrageous.

Speaker 2 I kind of understand. Big animal lover.

Speaker 1 I kind of understand.

Speaker 2 Big animal lover. And this does not like,

Speaker 2 you know, strike any chord. It's just

Speaker 2 sending a message. You're not taking it out on the dog.
The dog was just the messenger in like a totally not harmful way. I like it.

Speaker 1 Sometimes people need to be

Speaker 1 need to be shown a little tough love. And the dog got a cool dew, and now maybe he'll get some attention as she washes him.

Speaker 2 Truth. And a much-needed bath, probably.
I'm sure.

Speaker 1 I'm very sure.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 it's all I got.

Speaker 1 It's all I got.

Speaker 2 G-O-T

Speaker 2 got.

Speaker 1 Not Game of Thrones.

Speaker 2 No, but

Speaker 2 yeah, my wife went there for sure.

Speaker 1 I have so many other really, really stories I have for this theme, though. They will be going to Patreon.

Speaker 1 There's a couple I just want to tease for you guys.

Speaker 1 One is, am I the asshole for refusing to take my sister to Ren Fair because of what she wants to wear?

Speaker 1 Haven't read it at all. Very curious about the outfit.
I like really want to go to a Ren Fair this year. That's like on my list for summer activities.

Speaker 1 The one in Minnesota is supposed to be like one of the best ones. Did you know that?

Speaker 1 I really want to go. We also talk about Ren Fair a lot because of Audrey on Group T on Patreon.

Speaker 2 I don't think I've ever called it that, though.

Speaker 1 Renaissance Festival?

Speaker 2 Well, that, but not Ren Fair.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's like an abbreviation.

Speaker 2 Ren Fair. I know.
It's just, yeah.

Speaker 1 But also another reason to come over to Patreon. We have not had our July Group T yet.
It's going to be scheduled for a little bit later in the month. So hop on.
We do Zoom sessions. We catch up.

Speaker 1 We really get to know you guys personally. You know, we have our friend Coralie in Denver, who helped us secure a pony hotel when we drove my pony from Denver to LA.

Speaker 1 Pony's doing great. Again, you guys will see some pictures.

Speaker 2 Right there. Right back there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. We have Steph, our trauma llama in Canada, who is an amazing mental health therapist.
I mean, there's so many people we meet on Group T.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to start giving our Group T people shout outs every episode. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I really do love our Patreon family, and it is so special to like really get to know you guys and have faces and names.

Speaker 1 And like, I can talk about you guys when I have a story that reminds me of you or a problem you're being faced with. So please come over and join us.

Speaker 1 Even if it's the free tier, there's going to be a really, really good free story this month. I think it's going to be this one.
It's kind of a wedding vibe.

Speaker 1 It's titled, Am I the Asshole for Suggesting My Brother and His Fiancé Bring Out Out a Cake at Midnight on Their Wedding Defrandma's 80th Birthday?

Speaker 2 Will grandma still be there? Man, that's late. No, not

Speaker 2 like at the wedding that late.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. I thought you were saying something else.
And I was like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 By midnight at the wedding we were just at, we were like the last probably 20 people.

Speaker 1 Dude, my grandma parties at weddings. My grandma rages.

Speaker 2 Your grandma's going to make midnight.

Speaker 1 She sure is.

Speaker 2 Oh, I guess your your grand. Yeah, she stays up late as shit.
She's up till like 2 a.m.

Speaker 1 Should we call her right now? See if she's up. Oh, that's three.

Speaker 1 She went to bed at one probably.

Speaker 2 Are you going to order us costumes?

Speaker 1 For our wedding?

Speaker 2 No, for Ren Fair. Yeah.
And then are we going to do a Ren Fair episode? Ooh.

Speaker 2 I would like to do that. In our costumes.

Speaker 1 I would really like that. I kind of want to do, I'm just like really big into House of the Dragon right now.

Speaker 1 I kind of want to do our Ren Fair costumes and then put dragon wings on the horses and we'll record it in the backyard. Let us know if you guys want that.
If you don't, totally fine.

Speaker 2 It's not what they want. It's what we want.

Speaker 1 Totally fine if you don't want.

Speaker 2 If we want to put dragon wings on the horses, we will do it. It's cool.
Nope. I won't be hurt.

Speaker 1 I'll be hurt. You better want it.
But also, if you guys have any costume links, I don't know what I want to. I just want to be like a cute little barmaid.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be Shrek.

Speaker 1 Like Germans get to wear their Grindel.

Speaker 2 Paint me green.

Speaker 1 You're gonna be Shrek? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Huh.

Speaker 2 I'll shave my head, too.

Speaker 1 No, you won't.

Speaker 2 Isn't Shrek bald?

Speaker 1 We will put a bald cap on you.

Speaker 2 He's got no hair.

Speaker 2 Dude, I don't know how you do the ears. They got weird ears.
He's got super weird ears. They're like tubes.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 1 Thanks, guys, for being here for another episode of Two Hot Takes.

Speaker 1 Until next time.

Speaker 2 Until next time. Bye.