WWDTM: Brian Jordan Alvarez

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Go to ShipBob.com for a free quote. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm not just eye candy.

I'm also ear candy.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Sudebaker Theater and the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody.
Thanks, everybody. It's great to be back with you.
We were all excited to do a special Halloween show for everybody, but we realized we were just going to miss it by a couple of days. So taking inspiration from the local Walgreens, this is now a Christmas show.
So later on, we're going to be talking to the amazing Brian Jordan Alvarez. He's the star of English Teacher on Hulu.
But first, get on our nice list. Call in, play our games.
Give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi, Peter. How are you? I'm well.
Who's this? This is Megan Cain from Westfield,

Massachusetts. I know Westfield.
What do you do there? Well, I was a stay-at-home mom for a while.

Now I work part-time. I'm a mentor for fifth and sixth graders at one of our public elementary

schools. And coming up soon, I'll be working at the polls for election day on Tuesday.
Well,

good for you. That is important and patriotic work.
And I appreciate it. I'm also interested in the fact that you were stuck at home with your own children and you couldn't take it anymore.
So you decided to go get stuck with other people's children. A glutton for punishment, I guess.
Exactly. Well, Megan, let me introduce you to our panel this week.
First up, it's the comedian and fashion designer, really, whose latest project you can see at bbspoke.shop. It's Brian Babylon.
Hey, Brian. Next, it's the comedian you can see at Union Hall in Brooklyn, New York, on November 23rd.
It's Emmy Blotnick. Hello.
Hi, Emmy. And he's the host of the daily podcast, TBTL, and the public radio variety show, Live Wire, live this weekend at the Alberta Rose Theater as part of the Portland Book Festival.
It's Luke Burbank. Hey, Megan.
Megan, welcome to the show. You're, of course, going to play Who's Bill this time.
Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize.
Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready.
Now, your first quote is the one word that everybody seems to be using to summarize something that's been going on but will finally end on Tuesday. Here is that word.
Garbage.

That was used by both candidates and many other people in the final days of what?

The election cycle.

The election, yes.

We're only a few days away

in the remaining hours, really, before election day.

Both candidates are making their final push to voters.

Harris's closing argument was that Trump represents a fundamental threat to democracy,

while Trump's closing argument was Puerto Rico, am I right?

Of course, we have to be aware of this.

Tuesday will not be the end.

We might not know the result of the election for weeks.

Arizona campaign officials say it could take until Donald Trump is president to count all the ballots.

On the plus side, I have made text friends with some very important people.

Really?

If you saw the people that have been texting me, Luke Burbank, it's wild.

Are they counting on you, Luke?

I mean, I assumed I played a fairly significant role in this election, but I had no idea. Now, of course, I mean, it doesn't seem, it seems like this always happens.
Kamala Harris had this amazing rally on the ellipse, and Joe Biden kind of stepped on it by when he seemed to call Trump supporters garbage. His aides say that's ridiculous.
He would never say that in public. And the Trump campaign, because they love this, they immediately embraced Biden's gaffe about garbage.
In Wisconsin, the very next day, Donald Trump dressed as a garbage man and drove around in a garbage truck. And get this, he picked J.D.
Vance as his running mate. But you know, the funny thing I saw when he put on that orange garbage thing, he looked like a candy corn.
Did you see that? I think someone posted from the orange vest to his face to that hair. It was straight candy corn land.
It was... No one told him, hey, hey, hey, man, don't...
No, go ahead. The tension between Trump's political instincts and his team and his handlers and their sort of political instincts was in its most stark when he got into that garbage truck.
Because you could tell that four people tried to say, sir, do not get in that garbage truck. This is not a good look for you.
Yeah. It was touch and go.
He was like trying to kind of, first he couldn't get the door open, then he was trying to reach up onto these handles. There's like four secret service dudes that are like, do we help him? Are presidents compostable? You're just standing there, which bin do I throw him in? Is he litter or? All right, Megan.
Megan, here is your next quote. Lions and tigers and beers.
That was a scientific journal summing up a new finding that what is much more common in the animal kingdom than we thought? Drinking? Yes, drinking alcohol. A new study finds that deliberate alcohol use among animals of all kinds is far more widespread than we thought.
From chimpanzees to fruit flies, apparently they are also watching this election. I mean, we've known that they do this, but this new study says that they do it much more than we thought.
And even more than that, they do it apparently for the same reasons we do. For example, this is true.
They found male fruit flies turned to alcohol after they were rejected by a potential mate. That's true.
And the bartender is like, don't worry, pal. You only live a week.
You should see them when there's a round of layoffs. Like fruit flies that have just been fired really go after it.
Oh, yeah. You should see them drop.
And also, this is true. I want to share this with you.
The more alcohol they consume, the less discerning female fruit flies become about potential mates. What kind of, first of all, high-powered microscope was the scientist using? And what drugs was he on to be like, yeah, you know what? His feelings are hurt right now.
I like the idea of the scientist looking at what seems to be a regular Petri dish, and it's just, you know, organized, and just keeps enhancing, enhancing. And then it's just like a bar.
That's what I'm saying. Like inside the barn and just like one fruit fruit fly that can't get laid.
In this little world of these animals. Do you know who can hold their liquor? Hornets.
Hornets apparently can ingest an 80% ethanol solution with no effect on their behavior, unless of course you count their yelling, no, I'm okay to drive. Now, of course I should say these animals, insects, they're not like downing shots of vodka.
It's rather they're getting drunk and fermented fruits and fruit juice, right? It's more of a brunch thing. Bottomless plums.
So this is really just bugs, not people's household pets are sneaking, hey, man, I thought I had some pinot in this fridge. Let bugs be bugs, bro.

Alright, Megan, here is

your last quote. If you do see anybody

selling some cheap cheddar,

can you let us know?

That was a cheesemaker in the UK

pleading for help after what happened

to his cheese.

Oh, um, I might need

a hint. Was it stolen? It was

stolen. You didn't need a hint.
That's right. It's being called the, quote, great cheese heist of 2024.
$400,000 worth of cheddar cheese was stolen. That's 22 tons.
They are going to have to steal so much lactate. Yeah.
Sounds like some savoir faire. A group of old-fashioned cheesemakers, the guys who do the stuff by hand, make the good stuff, say they were contacted by a man who said he represented this big French grocery chain, and he wanted to place a huge order.
And they were so convinced he was real. He said, so anyways, I'm looking for some fromage.
And they shipped off the cheese. And when they didn't get paid, they realized they'd been ripped off and they were heartbroken.
One cheesemaker said of his stolen cheeses, quote, and this is real, I feel like I knew each one individually. So you know what? And if I was a detective for this, you start at their charcuterie boards and go back.
You know what I'm saying? Wherever there's an explosion in charcuterie boards, usually hot cheese right after that. Right.
But I would say, to Brian's point, look for the criminal gang that hasn't taken a number two in a while. Yeah.
Yeah. That's how they found them.
There's your guys.

Actually, they did catch a guy.

Somebody is in custody as of Showtime,

and all they needed to do was wait for someone to buy 4,000 cases of Triscuits.

Bill, how did Megan do in our quiz?

Fantastic.

She was really hot and gets us off to a good start.

Well done, Megan.

Congratulations. Thank you so much.
Okay, panel, it is time for a brand new game that we are calling What's Dame Helen Mirren up to this week? So, Luke, you're our player for this inaugural edition. What is Dame Helen Mirren up to this week? So Luke, you're our player for this inaugural edition.

What is Dame Helen Mirren, the legendary British actress, up to this week?

Is it A, talking with great emotion about aging, her career, and how, quote, if you

love what you do, it never feels like working.

It's playing.

Or B, she was talking about aging and how, quote, it's so sad that Kurt Cobain died when

he did because he never saw GPS. I pray to God it's number two.
It is, in fact, BS. Congratulations.
During an interview with the Evening Standard newspaper, the celebrated actress, completely unprompted, started talking about Kurt Cobain and GPS, something she loves, and she says she regrets that Cobain never got to experience it. Shockingly, this is not the first time that Dame Helen Mirren has talked about Kurt Cobain and technology.
In the past, she mentioned how sad she was that he had never seen a laptop or been on the internet. Somebody needs to check Dame Helen Mirren's like trapper keeper

because I feel like she has written on there Mrs. Helen Cobain over and over again.
This is an old

school crush. Yeah.
This guy's taking up a lot of real estate in her brain. No, she's imagining the

Insta handle like at Kurt and Helen, you know, she's right. Eat some dip and dots.
You think

about Kurt. And that he never had them.
Yeah. Coming up, business or pleasure in our Bluff the Listener game, call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TIL-PLAY.
We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for NPR and the following message come from Betterment, the automated investing and savings app.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.
We are playing this week with Emmy Blotnick, Luke Burbank, and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
Thank you, Bill. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game.
Call 1-888-Wait, Wait to play our game on the air, or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at Wait, WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you were on Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi, Peter. This is Yvonne in Olympia, Washington.
I love Olympia, Washington. One of my favorite places.
I have good friends there. What do you do? I am an artist and a middle school art teacher.
And I also play in a band called Sticks and Bones. Sticks and Bones.
Nice. What kind of band is it? It's a queer women-led honk band.
All inclusive. All abilities.
Honk music? Is that like where you just show up and just honk on your instruments? Well, that's what I do because I don't know how to play. Ivama, welcome to the show.
You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Yvonne's topic? Traveling for business.
Oh, the work trip. They're so great.
It's a chance to meet colleagues all over to see new places. And finally, enjoy anything you want from the minibar because you're not paying.
This week, we heard about chaos on a work trip. Our panel is going to tell you about it.
Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the wait waiter of your choice on your voicemail.
Are you ready to play? Yes. All right.
First up, it is Luke Burbank. Robert Baluku, a Ugandan delegate to the United Nations, recently found himself between a rock and a hard place.
As The Guardian reported this week, a UN conference in Cali, Colombia had so many delegates in attendance that the city completely ran out of hotel rooms. So Baluku and others ended up staying at Motel Desires, an hourly rental sex motel, with rooms featuring stripper poles, sex swings, circular beds, and mirrors on the ceilings.
The setup is quite different from other hotel rooms, said Baluku, who has now been declared Uganda's minister of understatement. But motel manager Diana Echeverry made it her goal to welcome the delegates, even cooking them a fresh breakfast each morning of eggs, coffee, and traditional Colombian bread.
And it seemed to work.

According to the article, the delegates kind of loved motel desires. We are enjoying ourselves,

Baluku told the Guardian. This motel is more comfortable than many of the other places we've

stayed. Now, if you can excuse me, I need to stare at my reflection in the ceiling and practice my

presentation for tomorrow. Delegates to a very serious UN conference in Cali, Colombia, having to stay in a sex hotel.
Your next out-of-office message comes from Emmy Blotnick. When Samantha Myers started her internship at a Canadian construction company, she thought it would be straightforward.
She never thought she'd be sent on a clandestine business trip to broker a deal with the Quebecois Mafia. According to the Globe and Mail, Samantha took some liberties under the special skills section of her resume.
I saw it as an aspirational space, Samantha explained. Her special skills were mentalist, hostage negotiation, and perfect French.
Unfortunately, her skills were just the

thing her employer needed to broker a major deal with a rival. They needed 100 tons of gravel at

a low price, so they sent Samantha to the province to meet with the head of the construction mafia.

Samantha took her can-do attitude and two weeks of Duolingo French to the meeting

and came home with an incredible

deal. A hundred tons of well-made Quebecois gravy.
The French word for gravel is gravier,

so I got confused. But really anyone could have made this mistake, explained Samantha,

the only person who could have made this mistake. The gravy will be mixed into concrete,

and so now all Ontario roads will smell like slow-cooked beef. It's a win-win.
A woman sent to negotiate with the Kippecla mafia to get gravel and came back with gravy instead. Your last story of getting all up in somebody's business travel comes from Brian Babylon.
Archaeologists from all over the world

gathered in Chicago this week

for the Global Archaeology Conference

were amazed by a discovery

that would change everything

they thought they knew about the ancient world.

One exhibit booth showcased

newly unearthed relics

from an excavation somewhere

in the Egyptian desert.

Items include an ancient tablet

adorned with hieroglyphics spelling out LOL and ROFL, a ceremonial cup with an embedded QR code, and a clay tablet engraved with what looked like an iPhone. Professors from top universities were soon gathered around, nodding seriously, with Dr.
Viva Cohen, a specialist in Egypt's third dynasty, proclaiming, perhaps what we have been calling hieroglyphics the whole time were secretly emojis. She spent 30 minutes analyzing the tablet until a student scanned the QR code, revealing a YouTube video of cats dressed as pharaohs.
Gasp, turn to laughter, as a group of PhD students reveal it was a prank. Most professors took it with stride.
With Dr. Cohen laughing, it's a reminder that we need to think outside the tomb.
Ha, ha, ha. Now, if you will, I need to go look at that cat video again.
So something happened recently when some people left their offices at home to work abroad. Was it from Luke Burbank some diplomats at a serious UN conference in Cali, Colombia, having to stay at a hotel for a more hourly clientele? From Emmy Blotnick, a woman who was sent by her boss to get some gravel came back with gravy instead because of her poor French or from Brian Babylon.
Archaeologists gathering in Chicago were fooled by what seemed to be a discovery of ancient high technology. Which of these is the real story of a work trip? So I'm going to go with Luke's hotel sex desires.
All right, well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter who reported on that story. They took out some of the sex wings and chairs,

so they tried to like slightly de-sex it. That was Phoebe Weston, a biodiversity reporter for

The Guardian who visited the sex hotel along with the diplomats. Congratulations, Yvonne,

you got it right. Luke was in fact telling the truth.
I see sometimes that.

For once.

For once.

For once.

And you have won our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose.

Congratulations, Yvonne.

Thank you.

And keep honking.

I will.

Take care. And now the game we call Not My Job Actor Brian Jordan Alvarez Didn't wait for some network to let him do a sitcom He spent years making TV series And movies with his friends Putting them on YouTube Between his acting jobs Finally, FX on Hulu got the hint in his new show, English Teacher, which he created and stars in, is their latest hit.
Brian Jordan Alvarez, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you for having me.
So welcome. You have had this remarkable career, but right now it has brought you to this new sitcom on Hulu, which everybody loves.
It's called English Teacher. And for people who don't know it, it is about, in fact, an English teacher.
Is that right? Yeah, exactly. And I do.
I've cast myself in the role of the titular English teacher. Right.
How'd you get the part? Did it like a killer audition? I talked to the guy who created the show and he was like, you have a good look. And we wanted you to do this.
Which was me. The character is openly gay and sometimes has to deal with all these expectations that people have of him.
Yeah. And I accept that about him, by the way.
You're very, you're very, yeah. It's very open-minded for you.
I was like, it's okay. You're right.
That's cool. My own way of, my own sort of way of thinking.
Yeah. Have you been like contacted by some of the teachers you had when you were growing up saying, it's me, isn't it? That, that part where he's really sensitive, that's me, right? Not, not saying it's me, isn't it? But I, I have had a lot of, um, sort of Facebook support from my, one of my teachers, Phil White, who, who is, is, he would perch on his chair.
He would always be squatting on his chair and he would spill coffee all over himself. And so, yeah, I had a lot of great English teachers though, Claire Reichman and Tom Gladstone.
And I just like to name drop my English teachers. Right, right.
We get it. So when you're crouching in a chair, spilling coffee all over yourself, you say, this is because of the great teachers I had.
Yeah, exactly. The show is set obviously in the present day.
Did you have to

research how high school has changed since you were there? Did you bring in... I had to research

the present day because I live in the past. I'm so stuck in the past.
No, what it is is that I'm

very online, as they say, sort of terminally online. Part of me, a part of me that I'm

Thank you. No, you know, what it is is that I'm very online, as they say, sort of terminally online.
Part of me, you know, a part of me that I'm always trying to improve is the part of me that can't get through most film and TV because I'm on TikTok too much. So then I think that's to the show's benefit.
I sort of know, you know, how people are talking right now and what people are arguing about online. And so some of that translates translates so You made a name for yourself by posting all of these videos to YouTube and tick-tock.
You've got self-made movies You've got TV shows. You've got a video just one I picked at random called Dancing to cheeseburger in paradise, which is literally just you dancing shirtless to the Jimmy Buffett song cheeseburger in paradise.
Yes. Yeah.
That was a lot of these are sort of COVID outgrowths where it's like you're in your apartment so long. And as a creative person, you just start coming up with nonsense.
Really? And you say, what am I going to do today? I don't know. I'll dance around to cheeseburger in paradise and put it on the internet and then I'll go have lunch.
Is that like your thought process? Yeah. It's just like, how do I keep releasing content even when my only idea is to dance in my underwear? Then I'll just, then I'll just post, post that.
You're kind of in a, you're having a big moment with that again, Brian, because you've been doing this meme, like this film, what can you offer my daughter? And the guy says nothing and then does this dance you've done roughly 1 000 of those in the last week yes 1 000 yeah how did you land on that so that's a tiktok trend i saw somebody do it i thought it was really funny i i personally i've actually i don't think that i'm aware i've ever been part of a sort of a traditional tiktok dancing trend until now and English Teacher, I'm very proud of, you know, the critics loved it and a lot of people were watching it, but I wanted more people to watch it. And so I started doing this TikTok dancing trend and I say stream English Teacher and apparently it has quite seriously affected the numbers.
And it's just sort of like people are saying it saying they feel like they're watching like a bird do a mating call. And you have used this to successfully market your relatively, I say, mainstream sitcom on Hulu, a big streaming service.
Is this like going to become a thing? Are they going to go up like Kathy Bates, who's the star of the new Matlock reboot, and say, Kathy, we need you to. Kathy, just do one.
I love your daughter video. Come on.
I have to ask you though, but another thing you are famous for, apparently, you know, they say he's big in Japan. Well, you are big in Australia because they think you, out of all the people who attempted do the best fake Australian accent.
Is that the case? Exactly. I have been on the news in Australia for how good my Australian accent is.
And I've never been to Australia, actually. Okay.
And your Australian character is a weightlifter of some kind. Yeah, Rick.
Yeah, he's a weightlifter. Right.
And I think having set you up as the finest fake Australian accent, I think we need to hear from Rick or anyone else you might want to. Okay, okay.
I don't know. I don't usually do it on this,

but I'm probably going to fail.

So let me say that.

But let me see.

Hey, guys.

Just wanted to say that I'm so glad

we're all here together tonight.

And it's a privilege to be able to talk to this crowd

and to show off my amazing biceps

and to lift kilos and lift so many kilos. Something like that.
And I just love, I love, I love the fact that somebody in Australia saw that and said, that man's a hero. Yeah, exactly.
We need to bring him onto our air just to praise him for his fake... Is there a secret to your brilliant fake Australian accent? Yes.
It's not a secret. It's that I watched several seasons of Australia's Next Top Model.
And one of the key phrases is this

not such a nice

thing to say, but is

this guy was, he was talking

to one of the models and he goes, look, waist up,

it's great, but waist down,

you've got a lot of work to do because you're not going to fit

the clothes and if you don't fit the clothes, you don't get

the job.

Wow, that was amazing.

That's exactly the speech Peter gave me backstage.

Yes.

Well, Brian Jordan Alvarez,

it is so much fun to talk to you,

and we have asked you here to play a game

we're calling...

English Teacher?

Meet an English Creature.

And by English Creature,

we of course mean the Hedgehog.

That adorable spiny thingamajig that's under severe threat because apparently we just can't have good things. Answer two or three questions about hedgehogs correctly, Brian, and you will win a prize for one of our listeners.
A hedgehog. No, actually not that voice for their voicemail message.
Bill, who is Brian Jordan Alvarez playing for? Kate Smith of Orlando, Florida. All right.
Here's your first question. Hedgehogs, of course, are beloved in England.
And in 2006, the Hedgehog Preservation Society, a real thing, won an important battle on behalf of the hedgehogs. Was it A, they won a court case that led to hedgehogs being legally classified as, quote, tiny spiny persons? B, every town is required to have at least one hedgehog highway, a lane at the side of the road reserved for hedgehogs.
Or C, they got McDonald's to redesign their McFlurry cups because hedgehogs kept getting stuck in them. Oh, it's B or C.
I think C. You're right, Brian.
That's what happened. It took six years of lobbying and presumably television commercials with sad hedgehogs with McFlurry cups on their heads, but it did work.
McDonald's did change the design of their McFlurry cup. Look, and we all miss the old McFlurry cup, but you got to be sure.
It's all right, man. It's for the hedgehogs.
It's for the hedgehogs. Okay.
Now, as we've established, English people love their hedgehogs, but maybe not as much as Americans do, who went so overboard for that animal that what happened in 2019, A, the American Kennel Club had to change their rules to officially exclude hedgehogs from being entered into the Westminster dog show.

B, the CDC had to issue a warning that kissing your hedgehog could give you a rare form of salmonella. Or C, the Met Gala kept Zendaya from entering while wearing a cape made of 24 live

hedgehogs. I think it's B.
You think it's B. You're right.
The CDC had to put out a warning.

Stop kissing your hedgehogs. It is not sanitary.
Shake their paws firmly. Okay.
All right. Last question.
You're doing very well, Brian. Hedgehogs are very familiar animals, but there are still some mysteries about them.
For example, nobody knows why hedgehogs occasionally do what? A, refuse to eat anything but cheese pizza,

B, blow up like a balloon,

or C, get into formation and do what really looks like

a synchronized dance number.

I think it's, I could be wrong, but I think it's B.

Blowing up like a balloon.

You're right.

Wow.

They do that.

People do that sometimes too.

Yeah, its technical name is balloon syndrome,

and nobody knows exactly what causes it. It's very dangerous for the hedgehogs, and the cure, and I am very serious, is to deflate them.
Whoa. Bill, how did Brian Jordan Alvarez do in our show? He has entered a rare group.
Three in a row. Yes! Congratulations.
Wow, Brian. Whoa.
Brian Jordan Alvarez is the creator, producer, writer, and of course star of English Teacher on Hulu. Brian Jordan Alvarez.
Yes, binge English Teacher on Hulu. Binge it.
Binge it. Do not sleep.
Do not eat. Bye, sir.
In just a minute, Bill goes for gold in Mario Kart in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-wait-wait to join us on the air.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.
We're playing this week with Luke Burbank, Emmy Blotnick, and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Zagel.
Thank you so much. In just a minute, Bill finds it hard to hold a candle in the cold November rhyme.
In our listener Limerick Challenge game, if you'd like to play,

give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, some more questions

for you from the week's news.

Emmy, the New York Times this week

made a plea to wedding planners

to look out for a marginalized group

of people at weddings.

Who are those people?

Are they single people?

They are, in fact, the single people.

One of them is here.

Yes, apparently.

Single people, yes.

You know, everybody's there to celebrate true love between two people.

But what about the sad spinsters?

Not to mention, of course, the spinstos.

This article recommends, for example,

that people who are organizing weddings should cancel the slow dances because those can be hard for the people without a date. The article even mentioned one woman at a wedding who felt so awkward, she tried to get on the slow dance floor by dancing around with her dinner roll.
What a goof. I wonder why she's single.
Who goes to a wedding and makes it about them? Why would you, this is my day. How dare, no, I'm not.
Brian Zilla. Yeah.
I also think that the premise, having been married a couple of times, not to brag, the premise that the single people are the sad people misunderstands the nature of some committed relationships. Heading on home, doing whatever you want to do.
It's not a bad feeling compared to tense car ride home. Wait a minute.
So you're telling me. Someone tried to break out their moves to jungle fever.
At your weddings, the number indeterminate at this point. you were there.
That's for the courts to decide.

You were there getting married, looking at the dateless people who were leaving alone going, those lucky bastards. Not in those moments, but I'm just saying this cultural idea that we have to feel so bad for folks who are single, like their life is such a living hell.
I would just say, spend a Saturday morning with them and see how unhellish it is. Yeah, they're asleep.
They're asleep.

They're chilling.

Nobody is messing with them.

It's a pretty good scene. You know what? I will say I've been to some receptions and they put people at the single table.
So it's that old auntie, a couple of teenagers and a few single people. Throw some joints on that table and keep it stepping.
You know what I'm saying? Do you catch a bouquet, go home. I'm just imagining, you know, they throw the garter in the air or whatever they throw in the air, the bouquet, right? And some people are going, whoa.
Luke, managers have tried a variety of incentives to get employees back in the office, even this long after the pandemic. Things like ping pong tables, massage chairs, but one company in Sweden may have topped them all by adding what feature? Is it experiential? Yes.
Is it like some kind of a trampoline or slide? Oh, yes, a slide. Very much like that.
I'll give it to you. It's a roller coaster.
A roller coaster. Yes.
The Great Exhibition Design Studio, that's the name of the company, they made waves this week by becoming the first office in the world, as far as anyone knows, to feature a fully functional indoor roller coaster in the office. It's the perfect addition to lure back employees who love both fun and filing workman's comp applications.
The roller coaster, which has a 10-foot vertical drop and is 200 feet long along its course, can carry a single rider on a trip throughout the office, through the halls and the lunchroom and the workrooms, right by the desks of all the employees who are like, good Lord, Sven, I'm on a Zoom call. Could you not? I like the idea that if you go to this company's website, everyone's profile pic is that photo they sell you at the end.
Exactly. What have you got? Do they do that like when you laid off? You just get into the roller coaster and then you look up and you're at your car with your box and stuff.
It seems like it would be, I guess, a good way to wake yourself up if it was like you're hitting that low-key point in the day. But it also seems like a tremendously poor use of the space of the office building.
Especially for just one person. One person at a time?

Don't you want to do that with your friends?

That's even more important.

Friendship?

No, a one-person roller coaster sounds dumb.

What does the company manufacture or sell or do?

They're a design company.

They do design installations.

So it's less surprising than if we're, say, a payroll processing company. It would be great if it was like safe co-insurance.
Yeah, exactly. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank.
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Also, you can check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything. This week, Mike and Ian talk to two of your kids' favorite celebrities, Josh Gad from Frozen and the Secretary of Transportation, Pete Buttigieg.
Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Jenna from Cincinnati.
What do you do there in Cincinnati? I am a project engineer for a large steel company and mom to a rambunctious three-year-old son. How very cool.
And I'm talking about the sun. I got one of those big deal.
I'm talking about the steel because you know, it's the modern world. People who call in their teachers, their consultants, their IT professionals, you make something.
Yeah, it's really actually kind of cool. Right.
Do you like take steel home from the office? I can't say yes or no. Right.
Well, Jenna, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.
He'll stop suddenly. That's when you'll know it's your turn to fill in that last word.
And if you do that two times out of three, you'll be a winner. Ready to play? Yep, let's go.
Here is your first limerick. Though the slime factor is making me chokra, for my health, I am going for brokra.
For the good of my bod, I'm distilling green pods, and I'm drinking the water from... Okra.
Okra, yes. Okra is the...
In a new health trend that is supposedly going to lower your blood pressure and aid your digestion, people online are drinking something called okra water. I was worried we were drinking opra.
No. There's only two ways that limerick ends.
Pretty much. Okra would have been better.
Okra water is, I am sorry to report exactly what it sounds like, it's the perfect drink for anyone who's looked at, you know, water and thought, sure, this is good, but couldn't it be more mucilaginous? So to make okra water, you just leave lots of slices of okra in water overnight, and then in the morning you throw out the okra and you drink the bitter, gloppy liquid that's left over. The trend started after someone said, you know, I'd like to drink my own snot, but there's not enough of it.
What if Rocky Balboa did that in the morning? No, that stuff, he never would have had a boxing career. He put it down, walked away.
That's too gross. Gaston from Beauty and the Beast makes raw eggs in his okra water.
Yeah.

No one's thick as Gaston. No one slimes like Gaston.
All right, Jenna, here is your next limerick. Though the internet answered with rage, I did not lock my tot in a cage.
I merely chose paint that is boring and faint.

Now the baby's room's

color is...

H. lock my tot in a cage.
I merely chose paint that is boring and faint. Now the baby's room's color is...
Beige? Beige. Yes, that's right.
Instead of the bright primary colors that we're all used to with children's stuff, more and more baby toys and decor and clothing is being made in beige and other neutral colors. Even the beloved TV character Bluey has become beigey.
Well, there is a shortage of accountants in America, and the only way to get more of them is raise them in a beige bedroom with babies. Here is your last limerick.
Though not buff, I won't fave any shaming. With controllers on screens, I am Amy.
New Olympic events will appear four years hence. I'll be getting a medal in...
Gaming. Yes.
Yes, very good. Three in a row.
Wow. An official at the International Olympic Committee said recently that they, quote, cannot ignore the staggering numbers, unquote, of video game players out there.
So video games will

probably be added to the Olympics sometime in the near future, say by 2032, when the top medal

winners in the games will be the US, China, and the Mushroom Kingdom. So this is going to replace

because they breakdancing clearly. Oh, yeah.
So thanks, Ray Gunn. Yeah.
Bill, how did Jenna do

in our quiz? Jenna is solid as steel, three in a row. Congratulations, yeah.
So thanks, Ray Gunn. Yeah.
Bill, how did Jenna do in our quiz?

Jenna is solid as steel, three in a row.

Congratulations, Jenna.

Thank you all so much.

Jenna, take care.

You too. Bye.
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Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Luke has four.
Emmy and Brian each have two. All right.
So I'm just going to arbitrarily choose Brian to go first. Here we go.
The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank.
Okay. On Monday, federal authorities started an investigation into the fires that destroyed blanks in Oregon and Washington.
Wildfires. No ballot boxes this time.
But yeah, they were like wild in there. On Tuesday, the CDC confirmed that 15 people contracted E.
coli linked to food from blank. McDonald's? Yes.
On Wednesday, rescue workers confirmed that 1,200 people were still trapped after Spain experienced massive disastrous blanking. Floods.
Right. Saying they pose a risk to their health, schools throughout the country are banning students from blanking.
Texting. No, wearing Crocs, the shoes.

On Monday, Apple unveiled the first features of their new blank feature.

Articles of Intelligence?

Yes, Apple Intelligence is called.

Best known for her roles in Young Frankenstein and Tootsie,

blank passed away at the age of 79.

Damn.

Terry Garr?

Right.

This week, a pizzeria in Wisconsin apologized to customers

after they ran out of cooking oil and ended up using blank instead.

French fry oil. No cannabis oil.
You know how it is. You run out of oil for your pizza you're making in a communal kitchen and accidentally you grab the bottle that somebody else was using to make pot brownies.
About 70 customers reported getting super high after eating the pizza, which is, of course, the reverse order of the way it usually happens. Things got even worse when the restaurant ran out of those little Parmesan cheese packets and thought, well, we'll just send these little baggies of white powder instead.
Bill, how did Brian do in our quiz? All right. Eight more points.
A total of 10 puts him in the lead. All right.
Emmy, you're up next. Here we go.
Fill in the blank.

According to a new report, Elon Musk has been in regular contact with blank for at least two years. Putin.
Right. After serving 120 days in prison, former Trump chief of staff blank was released on Monday.
Steve Bannon. Right.
This week, the Los Angeles Dodgers beat the New York Yankees to win their eighth blank championship. World Series? Right.
On Wednesday, Starbucks announced they would no longer charge extra for blank. Like one of those alt milks? Right.
Yes. Non-dairy milks.
This week, a group of skateboarders fulfilled the wishes of their recently deceased friend by blanking. Quitting? No, by turning his headstone into a quarter pipe skating ramp.
For the first time in 130 years, the peaks of Mount Fuji in Japan don't have any blank on them in October. Snow.
Right. Passengers flying from Seattle to Anchorage were outraged this month after a man blanked while in flight.
From Seattle to Anchorage? Not important. Okay.
All right. Not even sure why I mentioned it.

What did he do, Peter?

He opened a can of tuna.

Oh, no.

So a TikToker named Allie Jackson was sitting there,

and she started filming when the person sitting next to her just reached into his bag, pulled out a can of tuna,

popped it open, and just started eating it with a fork.

The smell quickly

filled up the plane, which was terrible for everyone except that family of cats traveling

in row 34. Bill, how did Emmy do on our quiz? Really good.
Five right, ten more points. Her total of 12 puts her in the lead.
All right. So how many then does Luke Burbank need to win? Four to tie, five to win.
Not impossible, Luke. Here we go.
Ready? This is for the game. Fill in the blank.
After their opinion editor was prevented from publishing a presidential endorsement by their owner, over 250,000 people canceled their subscription to the blank. Washington Post.
Right. In a move that sparked international outcry, Israel banned the UN group supporting refugees from blank.
Gaza. Right.
This week, several economic experts confirmed that America has managed to avoid a blank. Recession.
Right. On Monday, a new rule went into effect requiring airlines to automatically refund passengers whose flights are blanked.
Delayed. Right.
Or canceled. This week, a Canadian man was arrested for driving under the influence after he was caught blanking.
Drinking maple syrup. No, driving a Zamboni into the sides of an ice rink while dressed as a kangaroo.
On Thursday, the USDA announced plans to test raw milk for blank. Botulism.
No, bird flu. After months of complaints online about their portion sizes, blankank announced they were returning to, quote, consistent and generous portions.
Chipotle? Right, after residents of the UK started posting pictures of the Northern Lights on social media, authorities revealed that Blank. It was, uh, it was a children's drawing of the Northern Lights.
No, they were actually just the lights shining up from a tomato factory. A recent solar storm has caused the aurora borealis to be visible far closer to the equator than any time in recent history.
Sadly, this, though, was not that. This was the lights from the plant over there that processed tomatoes.
If you're wondering how to tell the difference, the clues were the glow in the sky was shining upwards and it was red, and some observers reported the moon hitting their eye like a big pizza pie. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Bill, did Luke do well enough to win? Five right, ten more points, 14 gives him the win. Good job, Luke.
Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that we know that animals drink alcohol, what will be the next surprising vice that we learn they have.
But first, let me tell you all that, wait, wait, don't tell me, is a production of NPR and WBEZ, Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Gotica writes our limericks.
Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell.
Special thanks this week to our old friend Gary Yeck. And thanks, as always, to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater.
BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.
Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Our intimacy coordinator is Peter Gwynn.
Emma Choi is our vibe curator.

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Our CFO is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer is Ian Chilag.

And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

That's Michael Danforth.

Now, panel, what wild things will animals be getting up to?

Brian Babylon.

It comes to find out that McGruff, the crime dog,

has been selling drugs the whole time. That's what he keeps under the trench coat.
Makes perfect sense. Emmy Blotnick.
Horses are doing human tranquilizers. And Luke Burbank.
They'll become addicted to gambling, but the slot machines, when they come up cherries, it will be actual cherries. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it right here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Thank you so much, Bill Curtis. Thanks to Brian Babylon, Emmy Blotnick, and Luke Burbank.
Thanks to our fabulous audience who came out to see us at the Studebaker Theater.

And thanks to all of you for listening out there, wherever you might be.

I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week.

Thank you.

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