HTDE: Tom Hanks, Hot Dogs and Chimp Butts

Hey, guys, it's Peter, and you are about to hear the latest episode of How to Do Everything by Wait Wait producers Mike Danforth and Ian Chillock. This week, they talk to Tom Hanks and about monkey butts, but they do not talk to Tom Hanks about monkey butts.
And hey, this is something for the obsessive How to Do Everything fans that are upset that in order to get the episodes of their favorite podcast, they have to endure this weekly news quiz thing that keeps polluting the feed. Well, I am so happy to tell you guys that you don't have to put up with it anymore because How To Do Everything now has its own feed.
You can find it in your favorite podcast app and listen to it without being afraid that somehow your enjoyment will be ruined by hearing my voice. Except, of course, when the guys, Mike and Ian, ask me to endure something repulsive to capture my reaction, which is a thing they like to do.

So every week, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me will be right here on the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me feed. And also every week, How to Do Everything with a new episode every week and archives over on the How to Do Everything feed.
Ain't life grand? it is film festival season and all reports say that standing ovations are out of control. The Room Next Door, filmed by Pedro Almodovar, got 18 minutes at Venice last week.
How do you handle that if you're the one everybody's clapping for? Tom Hanks, you've experienced this, right? I think you got a 12-minute standing ovation for Elvis? Yeah. Yeah, I do.
Yeah, yeah. Well, that was at Cannes.
Okay. Let me tell you a story.
Okay. One little jaded show business story.
Okay. The first time I went to Cannes was many years ago.
I was with a film by the Coen brothers called The Lady Killers. Okay.
ethan are highly revered filmmakers in france sure it was a marvelous movie had a great time doing it and it did absolutely no business in the united states of america i mean you're talking literally literally uh all but no and that happens sometimes okay that's fair enough but that was the enough. But that was the first movie I ever went with Toucan.
Now, because it was the Coen brothers, I'm going to say we got probably an 11-minute standing ovation after the end of the screening in the Grand Palais. And it was the whole bit, man.
The limousines and the red carpet and the screaming fans and the photographers and the swooping television coverage as you're walking up the grand staircase, the tuxedos, the whole bit. And the movie played marvelously well and received a lengthy, I'm going to, give me 11 minutes here.
It was about that long of a standing ovation to a movie that did absolutely no business in the universe. The second time I went to camp was with the Da Vinci Code.
Okay. We went there.
We promoted the movie by getting on a special train in London, and we came through the tunnel. We blew across France doing press all the way we arrived arrived.
It was the big deal and had the same thing. Limousines, red carpet, screaming fans.
That didn't, that not only did not get a standing ovation, but by the time the movie had finished playing, I'm going to say two thirds of the the audience had left and so as the score was playing

over the the closing credits uh you actually heard the sound of the seats folding up as the last few people and that movie went on worldwide to make about a billion dollars okay so so there you have yin and yang of what a standing ovation can be.

So you're there.

You're... So there you have yin and yang of what a standing ovation can be.
So you're there. The movie's ended, whether or not it's Elvis or the Lady Killers.
What do you do for 11 minutes? You stand there. There's nothing else to do.
But I guess everybody's looking at you. They want to see how you're reacting.
Do you have to think about like, do you go through all the faces you have? What's going through your mind? Well, I've only got two faces, you know, one's the honest one and one's the liar. So you go back and forth between those two.
You know what you do? You know, you nod your head a lot. You look around, you turn around and look at the, you know, you wave and nod your heads.
Thank you to the balconies that are above you. And by the way, they're not moving either.
They're all standing there looking down at you. Is there a point where you start wanting it to end when it's going on that long? Or is it just like, I love it? No, it's honestly three minutes.
Thank you. Let's keep going.
Look, I mean, it's nice. You know, the attention is great.
But after a while, that much attention is, you know, look, I got to tell you, it comes at the end of an exhausting experience. Yeah.
It takes an hour and a half just to get from the limousine, the car, up to the stairs, you know, and then it takes about another 45 minutes to get from the stairs to your seat. And then it takes another 20 minutes for the movie to begin there.
So it's a, you know, you've been on your feet getting ready for this thing for the better part of six hours. Would you ever consider wearing sensible shoes, knowing you're going to be on your feet for 11 minutes? Maybe compression socks? Oh, I have.
Oh, believe me. Yeah, there's a whole sensibility that goes along with that.
I know there are some women who make sure they wear long enough flowing gowns so that they do not have to have crippling shoes on their feet. Oh.
So they can have something sensible underneath there. Yeah.
You know what we should do? Is we should make this episode exactly the same length as the longest standing ovation there is. So all of us can experience what that span of time is like.
So we can imagine standing up and clapping for the entire length of this podcast. Yeah.
So looking it up here, Pan's Labyrinth holds the record. They got 22 minutes at Cannes.
22 minutes.

All right, we're at minute five right now of this podcast. It's going to be a great 17 remaining minutes.
This is How to Do Everything. I'm Ian.
And I'm Mike. On today's show, How to Tell Chimpanzees Apart.
But first... Phil, what can we help you with? Yeah, the other day I was driving down the interstate and I saw a sign for a world-famous,

JB's world-famous football team. What can we help you with? Yeah.
The other day I was driving down the interstate and I saw a sign for a world famous,

JB's world famous footlong hot dog in Statesville, North Carolina.

And I've been to JB's probably 30 years ago.

I don't remember at that time whether they achieved world fame or not, but they were good hot dogs.

But it just got me wondering, how do you become world famous and how do you validate that claim to fame? I wonder if the way to do it would be to find the city that is, or the town that is the furthest from the town where the establishment is, on the opposite side of the earth. Find the closest place with any people to that point, call them up and ask, have you heard of this place? Have you heard of these hot dogs? And if they say yes, I feel like you can legitimately say you are world famous.
I think you're onto something. What is the name of the town that this place is in? The one is Statesville, North Carolina.
Statesville, North Carolina. All right, Phil, we're going to dig into this and we'll get back to you.
Thank you both. And again, welcome back.
So glad to have you on the air. Hey there, can you first identify yourself for us? Sure.
My name's David david gonzalez um you call me david um i'm one of the elected counselors at the city of perth what time is it david you don't want to know it's uh yeah it's about 3 a.m 3 a.m oh my gosh you caught me at a very uh interesting time because uh i'll be uh i'll actually be attending a conference in the US, and I was literally preparing for that. Oh, okay.
Well, it's either that or you're a vampire. So I feel like this is, of the two, this is better for us.
Yeah. So the reason we're calling, we spoke to a business here in the United States.
They are located, they're the antipode of Perth, Australia. They are on the opposite side of the earth of Perth, and they claim to be world famous.
So we figure if that is true, you, as a representative of the city of Perth, would have heard of them. Hopefully, yeah.
Okay. Have you heard of JB's hot dogs in Statesville, North Carolina?

No, I don't think so. Oh, shoot.
Have you heard of Statesville, North Carolina? Have you heard of North Carolina? I've heard of North Carolina. I didn't realize it was the exact opposite end.
There's a little bit of wiggle room. You are the closest city with 100,000 people or more to the antipode of Statesville.
That makes sense. David, do you like hot dogs? Yeah, I guess so.
In New York or somewhere where you can kind of get the craving for that. Otherwise, probably not.
Can I ask this as a question?

There's a lot of Australian slang for things that is fantastic.

What do you call hot dogs in Australia?

Oh, I'm just... Actually, there is.

You'd get your sausage roll.

A sausage roll.

You get your sausage roll when you go to vote.

So on election day, it's a bit of a tradition here in Australia to get your sausage roll when you go to vote. So on election day, it's a bit of a tradition here in Australia to get your sausage roll on when you go to vote.
Really? And that's usually part of the community tradition outside polling booths. Wow.
Okay. And what's voter turnout like? Because it feels like that would help.
It does help, but it also helps that voting in Australia is compulsory. So what's better than having a hot dog in your hand and then going to determine the future of your country? I feel like I am always sceptical when I see world famous.
We should just, I think, why don't we just call, find a bunch of places

that claim to be world famous

and see if they,

they actually have

a legitimate reason.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling Fredgy's.

Our business hours

are 930 to 437 days a week.

Hello.

Welcome to the world famous

clown motel,

Tonopah, Nevada, USA. Thank you for calling World Famous.
This is Taylor. How can I help you? Can you tell me when you guys became world famous? So, we've been world famous for over 50 years, but I think it's been like around 30 years that we were in this location.
And what happened that made you world famous? Um,

I'm not sure.

World famous monkey house company.

Can you tell me how you became world famous?

I don't know.

Hello,

famous lunch.

Can I ask you at what point did you become world famous?

Uh,

well,

shortly after World War II,

a local was stationed over in, uh, Russia. Mm over in Russia.
And he missed his toy hot dogs. Okay.
So what he did is they got together and they packaged a bunch of hot dogs up in dry ice and they sent it overseas to her. So we became from famous lunch to world famous lunch.
Wow. Thanks for calling the barbershop.
This is Josh. Hey, Josh, can you tell me when you guys became world famous? I think it was in 1964 he was born.
And John became one of the most famous barbers out the womb. What happened that made him so famous? So I believe it started around the first time he discovered he can rip a phone book in half.
What? So he was the first one to rip a phone book in half. And then he was an arm wrestler, and he would challenge all the clients to arm wrestle.
And he became real famous like that. Wow.
Is he still around? Yeah. And is he still cutting hair? Uh-huh.
Does he cut your hair? Oh, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Have you ever arm wrestled Barber John? No, not at all.
But you're welcome to check. Mike, I have to say, at this point, I personally am surprised how many of these places actually have a legitimate claim to world fame.
Yeah, I went into this believing that none of these places,

or no one, is actually world famous. And I think my takeaway so far is that I need to be more trusting

and that people are good.

People are honest.

The problem is with us.

We are too cynical.

And maybe if we believed in world fame, maybe the world could heal. All right, I think it's time.
Let's do this. Let's call JB's in Statesville and see if they truly are world famous.
I can't tell you how much I need this. Thank you for calling, JB.
Hey, can I ask you a quick question

about your store? Yes.

Can you tell me how you guys became world

famous? Well, I've been here

42 years and I've just had people from all

over the world come in here to eat. I'm not saying

every country, but a lot

of people. What is it

about your hot dogs that brings

people from all over the world?

Well, what it is is we use our hot dogs specially made for us.

They have no filler.

They have no internal organs in them whatsoever.

They're whole meat.

Oh, wow.

I imagine people from around, you know, hot dogs are such an American thing.

I imagine a lot of people that are visiting your place from other countries,

it might be the first and only hot dog they've ever had. Could be.
Oh, I'm just happy to be where I am, but. All right, sir.
You know, thank you, sir. Thank you very much.
All right, I think let's, let's see where we're at in this, this standing ovation clock. So we're now 14 minutes into this standing ovation.

Imagine you've been standing and clapping since you first heard Tom Hanks.

Or maybe you misunderstood what we were doing here,

and you have actually been standing and clapping while listening to this podcast the entire time.

In which case, thank you, but also we're sorry. And please sit down, but keep clapping.
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Thank you. And we recognize each other by our faces.
Dr. Mariska Krett has been researching how chimpanzees recognize each other.
Dr. Krett, can you tell us about that? Yeah, sure.
So in our experiment, we found that chimpanzees are really good at recognizing each other from their behinds. From their butts? From their butts, yeah.
They have a very fast butt recognition system. Yeah, so we humans, we are very good at recognizing each other by the face.
We recognize each other instantly. And chimpanzees also have that when they are looking at other chimpanzees' butts.
Sorry, I can't say the word butt anymore. Okay, and humans do not have this ability.
Humans, to your knowledge, cannot recognize each other by their butts. No, no, no.
They don't have that very fast recognition system. So I imagine for your research, you would have had to test your human subjects to see if they had the butt recognition ability or not.
Yes, actually we tested chimpanzees and human participants.

So we presented them different pictures of faces and behinds and some control images to have to indicate which one matched the one that they saw before. But you did this with butts too, right? Yes, exactly.
Yeah. yeah so for the humans how many butts would a

human subject look at for you to be able to determine what you needed to know oh they saw

a lot of butts not that many different ones uh actually because i also had to collect those

photographs right so oh sure wait these images with the butts was it stock photos or was it

Thank you. had to collect those photographs right so oh sure wait these these images with the butts was it stock photos or was it other people you know were you taking pictures of of butts you really want to know i do oh okay so uh of course i needed to have at least three right because in a match uh or to sample task you have one butt of person a and then another picture of this of the same butt person a and a person b okay so i had to have three butts so i asked two of my best friends wow okay and the the remaining but what was you and remaining but yes nobody ever asked this question so you can you can you can ask yourself who's crazy here what did you tell your friends they were giving those pictures up for?

Did they know?

Yeah, of course they know.

Okay.

Yeah, for the science.

For the science.

Everything for the science, right?

Yeah.

Well, Dr. Kret, this has been fascinating.

Thank you so much.

And thank you for all you've done. And we do mean all you've done for science.

Yes. Thank you.
Well, that does it for this week's show. What'd you learn, Ian? I do wonder.
I think there are people who are good recognizing faces. Yeah.
And there are people who are not. I wonder if the same is true with chimpanzees.
Are there just are there chimpanzees who find themselves? I'm so sorry. I'm really bad with butts.
Oh, yeah. Have we met? Have we met? I have to confess I'm a little butt blind.
What did you learn today, Mike? Well, I learned that a lot of the places that say they're world famous actually are world famous. Yeah.
The thing that that I would worry about, though, is a place that's infamous.

I don't want to eat an infamous hot dog. No hot dog should have a reputation for infamy.
It's certainly not international infamy. How did you become infamous? Well, I don't want to say a lot, but it was before the Heimlich Maneuver was invented.
How to Do Everything is produced by Hina Srivastava. Technical direction by Lorna White.
Our intern is Sadie Puente. Sadie, thank you for all that you did this week.
We wish you the best of luck and the best of gum health in your family. You know what? We still got a few more minutes in this standing ovation.
Wait, where are we at? 20 minutes? Hanks, are you still here? Mm-hmm. Man, this is like back during the Soviet Union when you weren't allowed to stop clapping, you know, for whoever was running the country, else you'd be sent to a gulag.

Yeah, it wasn't safe. Gotta keep clapping.
Keep smiling, everybody. Keep waving.
Wave and smile. Wave and smile.

Tom, if you're in this situation, at what point do you turn and clap for the audience to acknowledge their effort here?

Oh, that's a good move. Yeah.
Oh, by minute 19, you've done that three or four times. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. I think we've pretty much done it.
We together, Tom, Mike, we have endured, uh, 22 minutes of, um, this episode, Tom, you've been through this before, but if, if I may, I'm going to, I'm just going to, I'm going to do it right now. We're up here up here oh look at that oh he's standing oh wow i'm gonna say thank you hey you guys are great i'm applauding you wait but don't you need to stand up at some point because you want to acknowledge us oh yeah i i yeah because you do have to stand so all right i'm standing too man what a podcast what a podcast What a podcast.
Man, oh man. These guys,

I've seen good podcasts, but these two guys, Del Toro would not have as good a podcast as my good

friends, Mike and Ian. Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you, Tom.
What an honor.

You're welcome, guys. All right.
Good luck with it all.