HTDE: Tom Hanks, Hot Dogs and Chimp Butts

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Speaker 3 Hey guys, it's Peter and you are about to hear the latest episode of How to Do Everything by Weight Weight producers Mike Danforth and Ian Chillock.

Speaker 3 This week they talk to Tom Hanks and about monkey butts, but they do not talk to Tom Hanks about monkey butts.

Speaker 3 And hey, this is something for the obsessive How to Do Everything fans that are upset that in order to get the episodes of their favorite podcast, they have to endure this weekly news quiz thing that keeps polluting the feed.

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Speaker 3 You can find it in your favorite podcast app and listen to it without being afraid that somehow your enjoyment will be ruined by hearing my voice.

Speaker 3 Except, of course, when the guys, Mike and Ian, ask me to endure something repulsive to capture my reaction, which is a thing they like to do.

Speaker 3 So every week, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me will be right here on the Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me feed.

Speaker 3 And also every week, How to Do Everything with a new episode every week and archives over on the How to Do Everything feed. Ain't Life Grand?

Speaker 4 It is film festival season, and all reports say that standing ovations are out of control.

Speaker 7 The room next door, filmed by Pedro Almodovar, got 18 minutes at Venice last week.

Speaker 8 How do you handle that if you're the one everybody's clapping for?

Speaker 10 Tom Hanks, you've experienced this, right?

Speaker 4 I think you got a 12-minute standing ovation for Elvis?

Speaker 12 Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah.
Well, that was at Cannes. Okay.
Let me tell you a story. Okay, one little jaded show business story.
Okay.

Speaker 12 The first time I went to Cannes was many years ago. I was with a film by the Cohen brothers called The Lady Killers.
Okay. Joel and Ethan are highly revered filmmakers in France.
Sure.

Speaker 12 It was a marvelous movie. Had a great time doing it.
And it did absolutely no business in the United States of America once. I mean, you're talking literally, literally, all but no.

Speaker 12 And that happens sometimes. Okay, that's fair enough.
But that was the first movie I ever went to Cannes with Cannes, went with to Cannes.

Speaker 12 Now, because it was the Cohen brothers. I'm gonna say we got probably an 11-minute standing ovation after the end of the screen

Speaker 12 in the grand in the Grand Palais. And it was a whole bit, man.

Speaker 12 The limousines and the red carpet and the screaming fans and the photographers and the swooping television coverage as you're walking up the grand staircase, the tuxedos, the whole bit.

Speaker 12 And the movie played marvelously well and received a lengthy. I'm gonna, I'm gonna

Speaker 12 give me 11 minutes here. Yeah, it was, it It was about that long of a standing ovation.
Yeah.

Speaker 12 To a movie that did absolutely no business in the NS. The second time I went to camp

Speaker 12 was with the Da Vinci Code.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 12 We went there. We promoted the movie by getting on a special train in London and we came through the tunnel.
We blew across France doing press all the way. We arrived.
It was the big deal.

Speaker 12 And had the same thing. Limousines, red carpet, screaming fans

Speaker 12 the that didn't that not only did not get a standing ovation

Speaker 12 but by the time the movie had finished playing i'm going to say two-thirds of the audience had left

Speaker 12 so as the score was playing over the the closing credits uh you actually heard the sound of the seats folding up as the last few people in the net

Speaker 12 and that movie went on worldwide to make about a billion dollars okay so there you have the yin and yang of what a standing ovation can.

Speaker 13 So so you're there.

Speaker 14 The movie's ended. Whether or not it's Elvis or the lady killers.

Speaker 6 What do you do for 11 minutes?

Speaker 12 You stand there.

Speaker 12 There's nothing else to do.

Speaker 4 But I guess like everybody's looking at you. They want to see how you're reacting.
Do you have to think about, like, do you go through all the faces you have?

Speaker 10 What do you, what's going through your mind?

Speaker 12 Well, I've only got two faces.

Speaker 12 You know, one's the honest one and one's the liar. So you go back and forth between those two.
You know what you do? You know, you nod your head a lot.

Speaker 12 You, you look around, you turn around and look at the, you know, you wave and nod your heads. Thank you to

Speaker 12 the balconies that are above you. And by the way, they're not moving either.
They're all standing there

Speaker 12 looking down at you.

Speaker 4 Is there a point where you start wanting it to end when it's going on on that long or do you is it just like i love it no uh it's honestly three minutes thank you

Speaker 12 let's let's keep let's keep going look i mean it's it's uh it's nice you know the attention is great but after a while that that much attention is uh you know look i gotta tell you it comes at the end of an exhausting experience yeah It takes an hour and a half just to get from the limousine, the car,

Speaker 12 up to the stairs, you know, and then it takes about another 45 minutes to get from the stairs to your seat. And then it takes another 20 minutes for the movie to begin there.

Speaker 12 So it's a, it's a, you know, you've, you've been on your feet getting ready for this thing for the better part of six hours.

Speaker 6 Would you ever consider wearing sensible shoes, knowing you're going to be on your feet for 11 minutes, maybe compression socks?

Speaker 12 Oh, I have. Oh, believe me, yeah, there's a, there's a whole sensibility that goes along with that.

Speaker 12 I know there are some women who make sure they wear long enough flowing gowns so that they do not have to have crippling shoes on their feet.

Speaker 5 Really?

Speaker 12 So

Speaker 12 they can have something sensible underneath there.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 You know what we should do is we should make this episode

Speaker 4 exactly the same length as the longest standing ovation there is. So that just so all of us can experience what that span of time is.

Speaker 8 So we can imagine standing up and clapping for the entire length of this podcast.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so looking it up here, Pan's Labyrinth holds the record. They got 22 minutes at Can.

Speaker 17 22 minutes.

Speaker 4 All right, we're at minute five right now of this podcast. It's going to be a great 17 remaining minutes.
This is how to do everything. I'm Ian.

Speaker 17 And I'm Mike.

Speaker 18 On today's show, How to Tell Chimpanzees Apart.

Speaker 16 But first...

Speaker 10 Phil, what can we help you with?

Speaker 19 Yeah,

Speaker 19 the other day I was driving down the interstate and I saw a sign for a world famous, JB's world famous foot-long hot dog in Statesville, North Carolina. And I've been to JBs probably 30 years ago.

Speaker 19 I don't remember at that time whether they achieved world fame or not, but they were good hot dogs. But it just got me wondering,

Speaker 19 how do you become world famous and how do you validate that claim to fame?

Speaker 20 I wonder if the way to do it would be to find the city that is or the town that is the furthest from the town where the establishment is, on the opposite side of the earth.

Speaker 20 Find the closest place with any people to that point.

Speaker 22 Call them up and ask,

Speaker 20 have you heard of this place? Have you heard of these hot dogs?

Speaker 20 And if they say yes, I feel like you can legitimately say you are world famous.

Speaker 19 I think you're on to something.

Speaker 20 What is the name of the town that this place is in?

Speaker 19 Statesville, North Carolina.

Speaker 20 Okay. Statesville, North Carolina.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 23 All right, Phil, we're going to dig into this and we'll get back to you.

Speaker 19 Thank you both. And again, welcome back.
So glad to have you on the air.

Speaker 4 Hey there, can you first identify yourself for us?

Speaker 21 Sure. I can.
My name's David Gonzales.

Speaker 21 You can call me David. I'm one of the elected counselors at the city of Perth.
What time is it, David? You don't want to know. It's

Speaker 21 about 3 a.m.

Speaker 5 3 a.m. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 21 You caught me at a very interesting time because

Speaker 21 I'll actually be attending a conference in the U.S. and I was literally preparing for that.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 14 Well, it's either that or you're a vampire.

Speaker 15 So I feel like this is of the two, this is the right, this is better for us.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So the reason we're calling, we spoke to a business here in the United States. They are located, they are the antipody of Perth, Australia.

Speaker 4 They are on the opposite side of the earth of Perth, and they claim to be world famous. So we figure if that is true, you, as a representative of the city of Perth, would have heard of them.

Speaker 17 Perfectly.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 Have you heard of JB's hot dogs in Statesville, North Carolina?

Speaker 21 No, I don't think so.

Speaker 15 Oh, shoot.

Speaker 6 Have you heard of Statesville, North Carolina?

Speaker 24 Have you heard of North Carolina?

Speaker 21 I've heard of North Carolina.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 21 I didn't realize it was the exact opposite end.

Speaker 10 There's a little bit of wiggle room.

Speaker 4 You are the closest city with 100,000 people or more to the Antipope of Statesville.

Speaker 11 Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 23 David, do you like hot dogs?

Speaker 21 Yeah, I guess so. In New York or somewhere.
Sure. Where you can kind of get the craving for that.

Speaker 21 Otherwise, probably not.

Speaker 16 Can I ask this is a question?

Speaker 6 There's a lot of Australian slang for things that is fantastic.

Speaker 9 What do you call hot dogs in Australia?

Speaker 21 Oh, I'm just.

Speaker 21 Actually, there is.

Speaker 21 You'd get your sausage roll.

Speaker 3 A sausage roll.

Speaker 21 You get your sausage roll when you go to vote. So on election day, it's a bit of a tradition here in Australia to get your sausage roll on when you go to vote.
Really? And that's usually part of the

Speaker 21 community tradition outside polling booths.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay.

Speaker 10 And what's voter turnout like?

Speaker 4 Because it feels like that would help.

Speaker 21 It does help, but it also helps that voting in Australia is compulsory.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 21 what's better than having a hot dog in your hand and then going to determine the future of your country?

Speaker 10 I feel like I am always skeptical when I see world famous.

Speaker 4 We should just, I think, why don't we just call, find a bunch of places that claim to be world famous and see if they actually have a legitimate reason.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 19 Thank you for calling Fredgies. Our business hours are 9.30 to 4.37 days a week.

Speaker 5 Hello.

Speaker 24 Welcome to the World Famous Clown Motel, Tonapa, Nevada, USA.

Speaker 26 Thank you for calling World Famous. This is Taylor.
How can I help you?

Speaker 6 Can you tell me when you guys became world famous?

Speaker 26 So we've been world famous for over 50 years, but I think it's been like around 30 years that we were in this location.

Speaker 6 And what happened that made you world famous?

Speaker 26 I'm not sure.

Speaker 19 World Famous Monkey House Camp You.

Speaker 6 Can you tell me how you became world famous?

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 6 Hello, Famous Lunch. Can I ask you, at what point did you become world famous?

Speaker 19 Well, shortly after World War II, a local was stationed over in Russia, and he missed his Troy hot dogs.

Speaker 5 Okay.

Speaker 19 So, what he did is they got together and they packaged a bunch of hot dogs up in dry ice and they sent it overseas to her. So, we became from Famous Lunch to World Famous Lunch.

Speaker 5 Wow.

Speaker 5 Thanks for calling the barbershop.

Speaker 23 This is Josh.

Speaker 6 Hey, Josh, can you tell me when you guys became world famous?

Speaker 5 I think it was in 1964 he was born,

Speaker 5 and John became one of the most famous barbers out the womb.

Speaker 16 What happened that made him so famous?

Speaker 16 So I believe it started around the first time he discovered he can rip a phone book in half.

Speaker 5 What?

Speaker 4 So he was the first one to rip a phone book in half. And then

Speaker 5 he was an arm wrestler and he would challenge all the clients to arm wrestle. And he became real famous like that.

Speaker 16 Wow, is he still around?

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 15 And is he still cutting hair? Uh-huh.

Speaker 15 Does he cut your hair?

Speaker 19 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 15 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 11 Have you ever arm wrestled Barber John?

Speaker 5 Uh no, not at all. But you're welcome to try.

Speaker 4 Mike, I have to say, at this point,

Speaker 4 I personally am surprised how many of these places actually have a legitimate claim to world fame.

Speaker 6 Yeah, I went into this believing that none of these places or no one is actually world famous.

Speaker 16 And I think my takeaway so far is that I need to be more trusting and that people are good.

Speaker 2 People are honest.

Speaker 4 The problem is with us.

Speaker 16 We're too cynical.

Speaker 4 And maybe if we believed in world fame, maybe the world could heal.

Speaker 27 All right, I think it's time. Let's do this.

Speaker 15 Let's call JB's in Statesville and see if they truly are world famous.

Speaker 4 I can't tell you you how much I need this. Thank you for calling, JB.

Speaker 25 Hey, can I ask you a quick question about your store?

Speaker 23 Yes. Can you tell me how you guys became world famous?

Speaker 19 Well, I've been here 42 years, and I've just had people from all over the world come in here to eat.

Speaker 12 I'm not saying every country,

Speaker 5 but a lot of people.

Speaker 13 What is it about your hot dogs that brings people from all over the world? Well, what it is, is we use our hot dogs especially made for us. They have no filler.

Speaker 12 They have no internal organs in them whatsoever.

Speaker 5 They're whole meat. Oh, wow.

Speaker 20 I imagine people from around, you know, hot dogs are such an American thing.

Speaker 20 I imagine a lot of people that are visiting your place from other countries, it might be the first and only hot dog they've ever had. Could be.

Speaker 5 Oh, I'm just happy to be where I am, bud.

Speaker 2 All right, sir.

Speaker 6 You know, thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

Speaker 4 All right, I think let's uh let's see where we're at in this standing ovation clock.

Speaker 7 So we're now 14 minutes into this standing ovation. Imagine you've been standing and clapping since you first heard Tom Hanks.

Speaker 4 Or maybe you misunderstood what we were doing here and you have actually been standing and clapping while listening to this podcast the entire time.

Speaker 4 In which case, thank you first, but also we're sorry.

Speaker 25 And please sit down, but keep clapping.

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Speaker 23 So, Ian, you and I are both humans.

Speaker 8 We're human beings.

Speaker 6 Oh, thank you.

Speaker 9 And we recognize each other by our faces.

Speaker 25 Dr.

Speaker 18 Mariska Krett has been researching how chimpanzees recognize each other.

Speaker 9 Dr.

Speaker 16 Kret, can you tell us about that?

Speaker 29 Yeah, sure. So in our experiment, we found that chimpanzees are really good at recognizing each other from their behinds.

Speaker 13 From their butts.

Speaker 29 From their butts, yeah. They have a a very fast butt recognition system.

Speaker 29 Yeah, so we humans, we are very good at recognizing each other by the face. We recognize each other instantly.
And chimpanzees also have that when they are looking at other chimpanzees' butts.

Speaker 29 Sorry, I can't say the word butt anymore.

Speaker 22 Okay, and humans do not have this ability. Humans, to your knowledge, cannot recognize each other by their butts.

Speaker 29 No, no, no, they don't have that. Very fast recognition system.

Speaker 22 So I imagine for your research, you would have had to test your human subjects to see if they had the butt recognition ability or not.

Speaker 29 Yes, actually we tested chimpanzees and human participants.

Speaker 29 So we presented them different pictures of faces and behind and some control images to have to indicate which one matched the one that they saw before.

Speaker 14 But you did this with butts too, right?

Speaker 29 Yes, exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 22 So for the humans, how many butts would a human subject look at for you to be able to determine what you needed to know?

Speaker 29 Oh, they saw a lot of butts.

Speaker 29 Not that many different ones,

Speaker 29 actually,

Speaker 29 because I also had to collect those photographs, right? So.

Speaker 5 Oh, sure.

Speaker 22 Wait,

Speaker 22 these images, the butts, was it stock photos or was it other people?

Speaker 22 You know, were you taking pictures of of butts?

Speaker 29 You really want to know?

Speaker 22 I do.

Speaker 5 Oh, okay.

Speaker 29 So, of course, I needed to have at least three, right? Because in a match or to sample task, you have one butt of person A and then

Speaker 29 another picture of the same butt, person A and a person B. Okay.
So I had to have three butts. So I asked two of my best friends.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 22 And the

Speaker 22 remaining

Speaker 22 but

Speaker 22 was

Speaker 14 you?

Speaker 29 And the remaining butts. Well,

Speaker 5 yes.

Speaker 29 Nobody ever asked this question. So

Speaker 29 you can ask yourself who's crazier.

Speaker 14 What did you tell your friends they were giving those pictures up for? Did they know?

Speaker 29 Yeah, of course they know.

Speaker 29 Yeah, for the science.

Speaker 5 For the science.

Speaker 29 Everything for the science, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Well, Dr.

Speaker 18 Kret, this has been fascinating.

Speaker 14 Thank you so much.

Speaker 14 And thank you for all you've done.

Speaker 1 And we do mean all you've done for science.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 25 Well, that does it for this week's show.

Speaker 8 What'd you learn, Ian?

Speaker 23 I do wonder.

Speaker 4 I think there are people who are good recognizing faces,

Speaker 4 and there are people who are not.

Speaker 4 I wonder if the same is true with chimpanzees.

Speaker 4 Are there chimpanzees who find themselves...

Speaker 4 I'm so sorry. I'm really bad with butts.

Speaker 17 Oh yeah.

Speaker 13 Have we met before?

Speaker 16 I have to confess, I'm a little butt-blind.

Speaker 4 What did you learn today, Mike?

Speaker 8 Well, I learned that a lot of the places that say they're world famous actually are world famous.

Speaker 17 Yeah. The thing that I would worry about, though, is a place that's infamous.

Speaker 4 I don't want to eat an infamous hot dog.

Speaker 8 No hot dog should have a reputation for infamy. It's certainly not international infamy.

Speaker 10 How did you become infamous? Well,

Speaker 4 I don't want to say a lot, but it was before the Himuck maneuver was invented.

Speaker 25 How to Do Everything is produced by Hines Ravastova. Technical direction by Lorna White.

Speaker 4 Our intern is Sadie Puente. Sadie, thank you for all that you did this week.

Speaker 25 We wish you the best of luck and the best of gum health in your family.

Speaker 3 You know what?

Speaker 4 We still got a few more minutes in this standing ovation.

Speaker 2 Wait, where are we at?

Speaker 7 20 minutes?

Speaker 11 Hanks, are you still here?

Speaker 12 Man,

Speaker 12 this is like back during the Soviet Union when you weren't allowed to stop clapping, you know, for whoever was running the country, else you'd be sent to a gulag.

Speaker 15 Yeah, it wasn't safe. Got to keep keep

Speaker 12 clapping. Keep smiling, everybody.
Keep waving, wave it, wave and smile, wave and smile.

Speaker 16 Tom, if you're in this situation, at what point do you turn and clap for the audience to acknowledge their effort here?

Speaker 6 Oh, that's a good move.

Speaker 12 Yeah, oh, by

Speaker 12 minute 19, you've done that three or four times.

Speaker 5 Okay, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Okay, I think we've pretty much done it. We together, Tom, Mike, we have endured 22 minutes of this episode.

Speaker 14 Tom, you've been through this before, but if I may,

Speaker 4 I'm just going to do it right now.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm up here.
Oh, look at that.

Speaker 12 Oh, he's standing up. Oh, wow.

Speaker 12 Thank you. Hey, you guys are great.
I'm applauding you.

Speaker 23 Wait, but don't you need to stand up at some point because you want to acknowledge us?

Speaker 12 Oh, yeah,

Speaker 12 because you do have to stand. So, all right, I'm standing too.
Man, what a podcast. What a podcast.

Speaker 12 Man, oh, man, these guys,

Speaker 12 I've seen good podcasts, but these two guys,

Speaker 12 Del Toro would not have as good a podcast as my good friends, Mike and Ian.

Speaker 16 Thank you so much.

Speaker 13 Thank you.

Speaker 23 Thank you, Tom.

Speaker 8 What an honor.

Speaker 12 You're welcome, guys. All right.
Good luck with it all.

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