WWDTM: Lewis Black

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Sink your teeth into me, North Carolina. I'm your hot and saucy Bill McHugh.
I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at DPAC in Durham, North Carolina, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.
Thank you, everybody. Thank you all so much.
We are delighted to be back in Durham, a place known for polite and kind Southern gentlemen, just like the Jason Isaacs character in The White Lotus. Later on, we're going to be talking to the comedian Louis Black, famous for his back-in-black rants on The Daily Show and for playing anger itself in Inside Out, and also a proud graduate of the University of North Carolina.
I know that's a little surprising, but that's why he sometimes shouts at people in a drawl.

We want to hear your delightful regional accent.

Give us a call to play our games.

The number is 1-888-924-8924.

That's 1-888-wait-wait.

Now let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hey, Peter, this is Tim calling from Swarthmore, Pennsylvania,

right outside of the greatest city in the world, Philadelphia.

Okay.

I'm glad you clarified because I wasn't quite sure what you were going to say.

Philadelphia.

Swarthmore, I know, famous for its college.

What do you do there?

Correct.

I actually don't work at Swarthmore, but I work in higher ed communications at another local university.

Oh, really?

So you live in Swarthmore where Swarthmore College is, but you're like to hell with you when you work for somebody else.

You got that right. You know, sometimes you just gotta get away.
Yeah, I understand. Rebel, why don't you? Yeah.
Well, welcome to the show, Tim. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.
First, he's a comedian you can see at the Wall Comedy Club in Bakersfield, California on May 3rd. It's Alonzo Bowden.
Hello, sir. I'm having Alonzo.
How are you? I'm good.

How are you doing?

Next, he's a comedian

and the host of the 5 o'clock

Somewhere News on Instagram,

and he'll be opening

for W. Kamau Bell

at Chicago's Den Theatre

on April 26th.

It's Adam Burke.

Hello.

Hi.

Adam, good to talk to you.

And she is a comedian

you can see on tour

in Honolulu,

April 25th, Nashville, May 2nd, and St. Louis on May 3rd.
It's Dulce Sloan. Hello, Dulce.
It's-a me! Tim, welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill, as he always does, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.
If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail.
Are you ready to go? Let's do it. Let's.
Your first quote is about a university's response to threatened funding cuts. It's like Goliath versus Goliath.
That was a comment in a New York Times article about what university that, to many people's surprise, is standing up to the government?

Harvard.

Harvard, yes!

The Trump administration is trying to yank $2 billion in funding from Harvard after that

university refused to cave to their demands.

Harvard's stance does seem brave, but like all Harvard students, if they lose their funding, their dads can take care of it. Were you guys surprised to see Harvard taking this stance? I don't know if I was surprised considering $2 billion to Harvard is like, what, 20 bucks? Yeah.
You know, like, yeah, we'll go through the couches, we'll get the spare change, we'll cover the $2 billion. Now, Harvard, of course, they had the advantage of having an example of what happens if you do cave,

which is what Columbia University did recently.

Now, Columbia, I know, but they're paying for it.

Now, they are required to devote most of their research to studying if the water is making us gay.

And? And, well, we'll find out. Research takes time.
I have to say, personally, it is so exciting to see people finally rooting for Harvard. This is a change.
I actually wore my Harvard t-shirt out in public the other day, and instead of people shouting, hey jackass, they yelled, way to go jackass. Wow.
I can't believe you figured out a way to work out to include that you went to Harvard into that sentence. Well, that was so deft.
Well, I mean, I've been doing that for years, but now for the first time ever, I may not get mocked for it. So how could I resist? All right, here is your next quote.
We're going to put the ash in astronauts. That was pop star Katy Perry talking about her trip where this week with a crew of other women? Into space.
Into space, yes. Jeff Bezos' rocket company Blue Origin launched the first ever all-female crew into space this week, including Perry and Bezos' fiancée Lauren Sanchez.
It was an inspiring moment for women, including little girls everywhere, who now know that you can do anything if you have a rich boyfriend. Which is what I've been trying to teach these girls.
People are criticizing, you know, this 11-minute flight up and back for being like just a dumb PR stunt, but it is a step forward for women in space. Think about it.
The last time a woman went to space, they left her there for 11 months. I have to say, Peter, as a comic, when we do shows, the worst thing is when a bachelorette party walks in.
And this, now the whole country gets to see why we don't like bachelorette parties. This was just a giant bachelorette party.
Look how rich we are. We're going to fly to space for 11 minutes.
Then we're going to come back and get drunk. And they...
Yeah, well, isn't that the issue? Because that's the problem that people said, when they said, like, this is feminism and inspiration. If they just called it space brunch, nobody would have cared.
You know what I mean? It's just zero-G karaoke. It would have been fine.
I know. I should say, by the way, some of the commentary about this seems a little sexist.
So I just want to say, for the record, that I also thought it was stupid when Michael Strahan went up there. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Get off my boy Strahan now. Oh.
I do know at one point they're up there and they're all taking selfies and someone gets their attention and goes, hey everybody look at the moon. Let's look at the one thing we can already see from the earth.
But they were marginally closer, you know. I should say that on board this ship were Lauren Sanchez, Gayle King, Katy Perry and two women with bad publicists.
Ah, could you imagine being in the Ann Moore on the bottom of this article? No, it definitely seemed like a crew that was picked by guys, you know, in the Blue Origin boardroom saying, okay, what celebrity deaths could our company recover from? Wow. First straight hand, now Gail King.
How dare you? Also, Gail King was defending this, and she said, you know, she said, look, this is actually, this is science, and this trip proves that we, one of the things that Blue Origin is trying to do is show that we can shoot waste products into space. Which feels like a bit of a self-own.
A little bit. A little bit.
All right. Your last quote is a description of a particular vacation resort outside New York City.
It's like summer camp, except with a really fancy bed and premium craft cocktails. Right.
Now, that resort was appealing to the growing number of vacationers who are trying to recreate trips from when? Bless you. Their childhood? Yes, their childhood.
Very good, Tim. People are setting out to recreate their childhood vacations.
It's a trend the Hilton Hotel chain in their newsletter is calling, quote, time travel. And they say it is, quote, about recapturing the sense of joy, stability, and comfort those memories are built on, unquote.
Memories like the time your sister bit you in a Motel 6. Vintage vehicles are also back.
This is true. That sounds amazing.
I'd give anything to once again ride completely unrestrained in the back of a Chevy Caprice station wagon. Again, are these people who had nice childhoods? That is my supposition.
Yes. But the other part of this is that your family's not there.
That's the other part of a childhood vacation is that you went with your family. I mean, urns are pretty transportable.
Okay. This is true.
There's a lot of nostalgia for like old school style travel. So like they brought back the Pan Am airline brand for like charter trips.
You can fly Pan Am again. And for extra versimilitude, one third of the flights will be hijacked to Cuba.
What word did you just say? Versimilitude. That's that Harvard panel.
That's Harvard. In case Trump is listening, realness.
Bill, how did Tim do in our quiz?

He gave us a great start.

Three and O. Well done, Tim.
Thanks, Peter. Bye-bye.
Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Alonzo, the drugs we take often pass into drains, toilets, and then into rivers and lakes.
And it turns out that anti-anxiety drugs are doing what to wild salmon? Stopping them from spawning? No. It's sort of affecting their behavior.
They're swimming downstream. Whoa.
How about a hint? I'll give you a hint. If you see a salmon riding a motorcycle without a helmet, now you know why.
They're daredevils now? Yeah, it makes them reckless. Reckless wild salmon.
Scientists wanted to see what the drugs we're putting into the rivers via our wastewater were doing to the fish who live there. So as an experiment, they dumped a bunch of anti-anxiety meds into the water where some certain salmon were spawning.
And they found out those salmon ended up being far more reckless than the others. These salmon were like, come on, guys, it's just a bear.
What's it going to do, catch us in the air? What is reckless behavior in a fish? That's a good question. Is it like it lets itself get caught because it wants a lip piercing? Something like that.
Was this one of them schools that lost funding? Can I order Xanax salmon at the restaurant? And is that more? And of course, the medicated fish were more likely to make it back upstream to spawn, but as many of us have experienced, once they got there, they weren't really interested. Gonna have to start spilling some Viagra.
Yeah. Coming up, our panel is trying some Easter innovations in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-Wait--Wait-Til-Play.
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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.
We are playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Adam Burke, and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host at DPAC in Durham, North Carolina, Peter Sago.
Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much.
Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Bluff the listener game.
Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page.
That's at Wait, Wait, NPR. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Hi, this is Anthony Olivera calling from

St. Louis, Missouri.
St. Louis? We love St.
Louis, despite being from Chicago. We're cool that way.
What do you do there? I'm actually a zookeeper here. Wow.
One of the great zoos. Do you get to work with like the big fun animals like the tigers and lions and stuff? No, I actually work with the insects.

You have... You work in a zoo

for insects?

Do they...

Are they responsive to your care, the insects?

Like, when you walk up with leaves,

do all the centipedes crawl over and, like, sit up

and beg?

No, they're really not great for companionship.

Okay.

Well, Anthony, it's nice to have you

with us. You're going to play the game in which you have to

Thank you. and beg? No, they're really not great for companionship.
Well, Anthony, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction.
Bill, what's Anthony's topic? Easter? I hardly know her. Easter is this weekend, and if you are sick of the normal Easter traditions like the Easter bunny or wondering what the hell is exactly inside a Cadbury cream egg, there is somewhere a brand new Easter trend on the rise.
Our panel is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail.
Are you ready to apply? Yeah, I'll try my best. All right.
First, let's hear from Adam Burke. When Irving Berlin wrote In Your Easter Bonnet, with all the frills upon it, back in 1933, little could he have imagined that his rocking ode to Vernal Millinery would still resonate with the youth some 90 years later.
But so it is, with some of the biggest influencers on social media not only celebrating the colorful headgear, but making bank doing so. I first did a shoot of me in a homemade Easter bonnet as a joke, says popular Instagrammer Tabitha Clack,

who boasts two million followers online.

When the pics proved a hit,

high-end fashion supply company Seems Pricey reached out for a collab, as the kids say.

Before long, Clack realized she could fit multiple sponsors

on a single bonnet,

with one of her 2023 pieces sporting a bottle of air freshener,

several candy brands, and a fifth of vodka, all artfully attached to her festive crown. This in turn motivated the competition, with rival influencers trying to see how many promotional items they could cram onto their seasonally adorned noggins.
I might have overdone it last year, says beauty influencer Skylar Schapp, who somehow managed to attach five shoe brands and a compact air fryer onto her Easter 2024 bonnet, injuring her neck in the process.

Undeterred, she plans to return this year with some Tylenol-branded haberdashery with

matching neck brace, of course.

Easter bonnet influencers on the rise. Your next story in your Easter basket comes from Alonzo Bowden.
While Leah Winley of York, Iowa loved clothes, she also loved Jesus. So this year, she and her friends, Andrea and Debbie, all gave up buying clothes for Lent.
Well, new clothes, that is. Vintage is fine.
Now, as Easter nears, Leah's Lent fashion has started a huge craze. Everybody's wearing the new Easter vintage look around York.
And it's not just regular vintage, they've gone Victorian. But apparently the local cineplex hasn't shown a Christmas carol for a while, so they're guessing how to wear the different items.
When Andrea arrived at church in a corset,

she was told by the very agitated minister

that a corset isn't actually a shirt.

Debbie thought her bustle skirt was quite elegant

when she put it on, but it was also huge

and she lost half of it climbing out of her Uber.

The church elders, while impressed with the young women's efforts,

asked that perhaps next year they could give up fruit or chocolate instead.

Vintage Victorian Easter wear gets popular in Iowa. Your last bunny tail comes from Dulce Sloan.
In today's edition of Voting Does Matter,

cooks and homemakers on the internet are suggesting we dye potatoes for Easter because eggs are too expensive. Yes, I said potatoes.
It's a move that had one our writer asked, what in the Great Depression is this? So this year we will celebrate the resurrection of my Lord and Savior by releasing hordes of well-dressed children into a backyard to search for colorful tubers.

There's even a recipe for deviled potatoes, too.

That's got to be an unsettling experience.

You think you're biting into an egg, but no, it's a potato.

And sure, dyeing and decorating eggs is the Easter tradition. But do you know why? No? Me neither.
All right, here are your choices. From Adam Burke, influencers on Insta and elsewhere taking up the Easter bonnet to show off their paid promotions.
From Alonzo, a group of ladies in Iowa go all Victorian in their Easter wear. Or from Dulce, because of the price of eggs, more and more people are hiding Easter potatoes on the lawn for their kids to find.
Which of these is the real story of a new trend in Easter? I'm going to go with Dulce's story about dyed potatoes. Died potatoes! You're choosing Dulce's story well.
To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone who is familiar with it. Potato skin is not the same color as eggshells.
Which is part of the reason that they're not a good substitute. That was Amanda Mactus, the associate editor of Delish,

who commented on the real story of potatoes being used in place of Easter eggs.

She doesn't recommend it, neither do we.

However, Anthony, you got it right.

Dulce was telling the truth.

She gets a point.

You win our prize.

The voice of your choice on your voicemail.

Well done.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you. And now the game where we have local celebrities on to answer questions about things that are far away.
Now, you might know Louis Black as one of the most successful comedians of the last 30 years, or from his comedy specials, or from his Back in Black segments on The Daily Show Show or from his role playing the actual embodiment of rage in the Inside Out movies. But did you know he is a proud University of North Carolina alumni.
We are happy to welcome him back to the place where he learned his genteel manners. Louis Black, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
Well, thank you. It's great to have you.
It's nice to be here. So you are very well known and have been for a long time for your rants, for getting angry and upset about things.
Was that something you did from the beginning, or did you discover it one day? I discovered it. I mean, and I really, I wasn't angry on stage.
I realized that I was suppressing the anger. Yeah.
Finally, as I was rolling along, a friend of mine, another comic came up who was, and he said, you know, you're really angry, and you should let it come out. You should go on stage and yell everything.
And he said, I'm on stage yelling all the time, and nothing that I'm yelling about should anybody be angry about. Right.
I mean, this is a guy who put plumber's helpers on his head. And so I did it.
And it literally was, I went, that's it. There you go.
So your life was changed by Gallagher. That's amazing.
Who knew? So, I mean, they used to say about Don Rickles, who did insult comedy, that he was an absolute sweetheart in real life, nicest guy you ever met. Is that like you? Are you like actually in real life, not that angry? No, I mean, who could be that angry? It's exhausting.
I thought you actually, I thought you were the best at it. Well, I am, I wake up and either, I'm looking at a newspaper, I'm turning the TV on, or I'm looking at my phone, and within five minutes, I'm livid.
Something has occurred that has driven me completely nuts. Yeah.
I think everybody listening and watching you right now have had that experience, but none of us have figured out how to make a living at it.

Yeah.

You don't work up to it.

You don't go like, I'm going to be irked first and then slightly annoyed, just straight to rage.

Oh, yeah.

There's no pedal.

That broke.

Lou, I don't know if I ever told you this.

And to everyone, Louis Black is a friend and one of my comedy heroes. I had to stop watching you so I didn't do you.
Because the rants just come out, and then you realize, like, wow, I'm as mad as Louis Black. I'm doing really good here.
I got to calm down a notch. Love you, man.
Love you from day one. The same.
You've become so well-known for it and so successful at it. It's what people expect.
And I'm wondering if it's ever hard, if you ever have to take a moment, meditate, and find your unhappy place. No.
Just always right there. And I'm sure you've experienced the same.
I can be standing off stage talking to somebody about their, like their new dog, or you've got a puppy, and kind of be waxing on with them about it, and then it's like showtime, and literally, that's it. Boom, and now we're off.
And I just started. Wow.
There's, it's just the way it is. I mean, I've been doing it so long, it's automatic.
Do people like, because you're well-known and beloved, do people ever come up and go, wow, Louis Black, hey, condemn me. People, I have achieved something that is so bizarre, they will actually tell me and I can't, will they just say, what happens if I say the word? You can do whatever you want, because who'll know? Go ahead.
Yeah, okay. So they will say, could you write, could you give me an autograph for my brother-in-law and just write, f*** Tommy? I'm like, okay.
And I have literally was approached time after time. Can we take a picture? Do you want to do this? Yeah, let's do this.
It's true. Yeah.
For the radio listeners, a rude gesture was made. See, and that's a professional note that they're not going to have.
The one thing that we found out about you

that I was genuinely surprised by

is that you have been the paid spokesman for Aruba,

the island of vacation destination.

Yeah.

God bless.

Yeah.

That was a great gig.

I bet it was.

That really was.

But I'm thinking to myself,

like, what was the process

where, like, some advertising agency said,

okay, Aruba, beautiful, lovely, laid back, I know, Louis Black.

The idea was that I obviously hated everything, but I liked Aruba.

And reason enough for everyone to get on a plane and go there.

I remember the slogan, Aruba. It's f***ing gorgeous.
Was the idea like it transformed you? So they'd say, like, Mr. Black, I'm afraid we've lost your hotel reservation.
You can't stay. And you'd be like, okay.
It was really something. But we shot, you know, it was like we shot five ads in like three days.

It was a lot.

Oh, yeah.

It was...

Tough three days in Aruba.

But it was 110 degrees and get me some sunblock.

And does anybody have an umbrella?

It's, I'm dying here.

I love the idea.

Like, the whole idea of the campaign is that Aruba is so lovely,

it can even make Louis Black happy.

And while making these ads, you are, in fact, miserable.

Yeah.

It's genius.

It really is.

Because he's more Louis Black than Aruba is Aruba.

Exactly.

Well, Louis Black, what a pleasure to have you here. We have, yes, it is.
Yay! We have invited you here to play a game we're calling. Hush now, stop your ranting and go to sleep.
Since you're all about getting riled up, we thought we'd ask you three questions

about calming people down,

specifically babies.

Oh, seriously?

Seriously.

So all you have to do

is answer two out of three questions about shushing

and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners,

the voice of anyone they might like for their voicemail.

Bill, who is Louis Black

playing for? Jolene Dugas of Durham, North Carolina. All right.
First question, most people, of course, soothe their babies to sleep with lullabies. And one lullaby written by a father for his own little baby went on to become incredibly famous.
Most people know that lullaby

as what? A, the theme from Jaws, the theme from Jeopardy, or C, Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back. I can't hear you.

When I hear the ee. You think it's C? It's B, right? It's got to be the Jeopardy thing.
It is the Jeopardy thing. Merv Griffin wrote it for his son, and he went on to create Jeopardy, and by virtue of it being used

as the theme song for so long,

Mr. Griffin earned about $70 million

in royalties from it, so...

Wow. What was the song?

What were the words?

No, there's no words. It's ta-ta-ta-ta.

No, they gotta be,

go to sleep, you little prick.

There has to be words.

Now you owe Marv Griffin

three million dollars.

There are words now.

That was very well done. Two more

questions here. Lullabies are

common around the world, but they change as

per different cultures.

So, for example, a popular lullaby in Brazil has parents singing what to their child? A, someday you will grow up to improve your looks with plastic surgery. B, a monster crocodile is coming to get you.
Or C, Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back, but in Portuguese. It's got to be the crocodile.
It is the crocodile, yeah. A lot of, it's apparently, a lot of global lullabies threaten babies with terrible outcomes if they don't quiet down.
Then I could have had a child. Yeah.
You didn't, you would have had a gift. Or falling out of a tree.
All right. Last question to be perfect.
There are other ways to soothe babies. In fact, some parents swear by what soothing technique? A, playing YouTube videos to babies of Jim Cramer's show on CNBC.
B, playing recordings of the baby's own crying back to them to see how they like it. Or C, placing them comfortably and snugly inside the gallon-size Stanley insulated cup.
Wow. Yeah.
I think they play the baby crying. You're exactly right.
Yeah. Yeah.
What? Yeah, the idea is that babies are fascinated by other babies, even themselves, even when crying, so it works. Bill, how did Lewis Black do in our quiz? No ranting about this.
He won it all. Three in a row.
Woo! Lewis Black is a comedian, actor, and host of the Rantcast. You can find his tour dates at lewisblack.com,

including, I should say, a date coming up in just a week. Yeah, April 29th, I'll be at Memorial Hall at Chapel Hill.
Lewis Black, thank you so much for being with us. Thank you.
Here in Durham. What a thrill.
Yay! Thank it. In just a minute, Bill chows down on his Jurassic lunch.
It's our listener Lumeric Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air.
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Stop by a Warby Parker store near you. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.
I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Burke, Alonzo Bowden, and Dulce Sloan.
And here again is your host at DPAC in Durham, North Carolina, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.
In just a minute, Bill insists on reading us some of his latest poems. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge.
If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.
Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Dulce, a lot of people claim they don't have time to exercise because they're too busy doing chores around the house, but a new study suggests you can still get the benefits of exercise by doing what? Dang.
It's not that. Not that.
Oh. Did I get a hint? Go, go, empty the dishwasher.
Go, stop, come on, go. Doing stuff fast? Yes, doing your chores faster.
These sound like the same people that came up with stand-up discs. Maybe.
Using a data set that tracked the daily movements of thousands of people, they found that people who did not exercise got some of the same benefits just from doing their daily activities faster. So don't just iron your sheets, iron man your sheets.
Who's ironing sheets?

This is a great point This is

Some people do

I'm not

What?

They do

Who are these antebellum researchers for?

Well they're heating the irons in the fireplace as one does

Unless you're a really persnickety clan member

Who's ironing sheets?

This is great

I mean

You know what?

They're never wrinkled

Thank you. Unless you're a really persnickety clan member.
Who is there an interesting... No, this is great.
I mean... You know what? They're never wrinkled.
See? How do you... That doesn't come naturally.
No, all you have to do is just do everything quickly around the house. Is it because it adds more steps? Yeah, it adds more steps.
It stresses your heart just like regular, say, exercise does. It increases the load and so you get benefits.

That just sounds like a way to break all of your dishware.

Yeah.

And should you make things heavier too?

Like should you have a broom made out of lead?

You should make your bed with a weighted blanket. You should clean your toilet with a brush attached to a 40-pound kettlebell.

I'm just wondering how big would your house have to be to be able to build up speed doing chores? I mean, if you could afford a house that big, you could get a personal trainer. That's true.
And also someone to do the chores for you. Adam, this week we read about a mathematical formula.
BDE equals FAM6 plus FR2, and it goes on. It's part of a complicated new equation that calculates the perfect what? I think I know what BDE is.
Not that. It doesn't stand for that in this case.
Okay. In fact, I'll give you the B and the E.
It's best D ever. And it's still not what you're thinking of.
Oh, is it literally a formula for happiness? Yes, it's the best day ever. It is the formula for the perfect day.
And here it is, everybody. You've always wanted to know.
Didn't Lou Reed already come up with that? I think he did, yeah. But the formula, because everybody wants to know what the best day ever is, here it is, ready? Six hours spent with family, two with friends, two of exercise, less than six hours of work, one hour of eating and drinking, and 1.5 hours of, quote, extra socializing.
This replaces the former perfect day model, Bloody Mary, Big Lunch, Learn Something Bad Happened to Your Ex in Bed by 10. So I'm supposed to believe that the best day ever don't include no sex time? That's a lie.
I'm supposed to believe that hanging out with my mama is better than a s***. wait, wait.
Or is that what... Lies, lies! Or is that what they're calling extra socializing? I think actually that is, now that I think of it.
All right, just making sure. I was thinking of asking you, Dulce, what your perfect day is, but we have children here, so...
I mean, listen, my perfect day, watching my favorite TV show, having a delicious treat,

being at the beach, and then adult time. All right, now express that as a formula where A is adult time.
All right, look at me expressing M-Y-B, mind your beard. Oh, baby.

Oh, baby.

Heavenly.

Oh, baby. Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.
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Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Peter, this is Alice. I'm calling from Park City, Utah.
Hey Alice, how are you? It's nice to hear from you. I'm good.
Park City is great. I'm sorry you just lost the film festival.
Are you sorry about that? Not really. No, Sundance, of course, was in Park City and they just moved it away.
You didn't enjoy that? I'm okay with not having

the tourists here. Okay.
Well, welcome to the show, Alice Bilker. This is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each.
If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. You ready to go? I am.
All right. Here's your first limerick.
I used to crave foods that the swine adore, But now I eat kale with a primal roar.

With Diplodocus feasts. I used to crave foods that the swine adore, but now I eat kale with a primal roar.

With Diplodocus feasts, my gut health has increased.

Now I chomp on raw greens like a...

Or?

No, it's a three-syllable answer.

Oh, carnivore.

Oh, so close.

Many of these were carnivores. Older, very old, prehistoric carnivores.
Herbivore. Am I just like barking up the wrong tree? A little bit, a little bit.
I'm just going to give you the answer. It's dinosaur.
The latest food trend involves eating handfuls of, you know, your kale and lettuce and greens right out of the bag without any toppings or dressing at all. They're calling it dinosaur time, but I'm calling it just giving up.

It's so weird. Dinosaur time used to be what you called it when you dated an older gentleman.
That's called paying your rent. This is a great way to get your important veggies in because it's so time-consuming to make a salad.
On the other hand, no, it isn't. I just did it while standing here.
Here is your next limerick. Chords and sockets make night rest real sweet, though I'm still not quite clear on the deets.
Night terrors I'm shedding by grounding my bedding. I sleep when I plug in my...
Sheets? Sheets, yes. Yes, indeed.
Companies like Down to Ground and Earth and Moon are making headlines for their sheets that you plug in to an electrical outlet. Surprisingly, these headlines are not couple murdered by their sheets.
Here's how it works. You take these sheets, they've got a cable, and you plug it just into the grounding plug of your electrical outlet, and they say, as your body produces static electricity throughout the night, the sheeps ground the electricity and keep you balanced.
It's simple. And according to the website, it's quote, science backed.
So it is definitely legit. This is just an electric blanket.
No. This is half an electric blanket.
Well, an electric blanket does something. It warms up, keeps you warm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This does nothing.
These guys make the MyPillow guy seem like Thomas Edison. Really true.
All right, here is your last limerick. When AI learns to translate, we all win.
Under sea clicks and whistles we'll call in. A bottled-nosed swimmer will be this round's winner.
The limericks won by a... Dolphin.
Yes, dolphin! There you go. Researchers have developed a large language model that will hopefully eventually use AI to understand the language of dolphins.
The lead researcher says the goal would be to one day speak dolphin, which is not going to be pretty knowing dolphins. They're going to be saying, hey, you check out that trainer.
I'd like to balance his balls on my nose, if you know what I'm saying. It's not me.
It was the dolphin. It was the dolphin.
It's not me. I didn't write that.
Scientists hope that when they deploy this in the wild this season, they can understand dolphins' conversations with one another because that will be an important step toward our next goal, blackmailing dolphins. We already, like, we taught, you know, Coco the gorilla is a prime example of us teaching animals to communicate.
Right. And she didn't really have nothing to say.
Because that's the thing that y'all keep forgetting. We be trying to talk to these animals.
Maybe they don't want to talk to us. Have you met us? I don't.
I feel the other way about it. I don't want to talk to a dolphin.
I don't trust anyone that smiles all the time. Yeah.
Bill, how did Alice do in our quiz?

Alice will be swimming with the dolphins.

Two out of three. Right is

a win. Congratulations, Alice.

Thank you.

Take care.

Thank you. Take care.
Bye now.

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Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.
Each quick answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

Adam has one, Alonzo has two, Dulce has four. Dulce, you're clearly in the lead.
Alonzo is in

second, and Adam is in third place. So, Adam, we start with you.
Here we go. Fill-in-the-blank.

On Wednesday, a federal judge threatened to open a contempt inquiry against the blank.

Trump administration. Exactly.
On Tuesday, researchers in Texas said funding cuts

Thank you. Fill in the blank.
On Wednesday, a federal judge threatened to open a contempt inquiry against the blank. Trump administration.
Exactly. On Tuesday, researchers in Texas said funding cuts have slowed that state's response to the blank outbreak.
Measles. Right.
On Thursday, the Supreme Court said they'd hear arguments on Trump's plan to end birthright blank. Citizenship.
Right. On Monday, the FAA announced plans to test a new system made to detect unregistered blanks.
Drones? Right. This week, authorities in Kenya caught two teens trying to smuggle blank out of the country.
Four giraffes. No, 5,000 ants.
On Thursday, NASA confirmed that the James Webb Telescope has detected a possible sign of blank on a distant planet. Life? Right.
On Wednesday, a judge dismissed a lawsuit against the New Orleans blanks for their use of a fleur-de-lis. Saints? Yeah, the Saints.
After his wife explained that money was tight and they couldn't afford their annual family holiday, a man in the UK came up with an ingenious solution and blanked. Took him on the vacation he had when he was a kid? No, he He booked the vacation anyway with the kids, but not his wife.

His wife said that this extensive house renovation they had just done meant they wouldn't have the money to all go on vacation. The husband said, I guess you're right, went ahead and booked one for him and the kids and not her.
It's a really smart financial decision because from now on, he'll never have to worry about going on vacation with his wife ever again or even living with her. Bill, how did Adam do with our quiz? I think he did rather well.
He's way out in front. Six right, 12 more points, total to 13, then the league game.
All right. Alonzo, you are up next, fill in the blank.
On Wednesday, the White House confirmed tariffs of up to 245% on some products from blank. China.
Right. On Tuesday, blank gave his first public remarks since leaving office.
Biden. Right.
This week, officials in Puerto Rico said the cause of an island-wide blank is still unclear. Blackout.
Right. On Tuesday, two attendees at blank's town hall were tased with stun guns.
Marjorie Taylor Greene. That's right.
According to new data, millions of people in Sweden are currently glued to their TVs watching Blank. Hockey.
Watching 24-hour live coverage of this year's moose migration. On Tuesday, director Chris Columbus said he wishes he could remove Blank's cameo from Home Alone 2.
Trump. Right.
This week, a woman went viral because she refused to take off a Zoom filter that made her face look like a plate of breakfast during Blank. A meeting? Well, specifically, she refused to stop using that filter that made her face look like a plate of breakfast during a job interview.
Doing it over Zoom, she left the breakfast filter on entirely, her eyes superimposed over fried eggs, her mouth on a slice of toast. She explained to the somewhat confused interviewer that she was, quote, not feeling well today and using the filter to help.
That's one way to be memorable. She was not...
That's how you get a job at Waffle House. Yeah.
Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz? Well, he's making it a very close race. Five rights, 10 more points, but his 12 is one short of Adam.
All right. Well, how many then does Dulce need to win the game? Five to win.
Here we go, Dulce. This is for the game.
They're on your side. Here we go.
On Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg took the stand at an anti-chuss trial to defend his company, blank. Facebook? Yeah, meta, but Facebook as well.
According to a new study, blanking faster could reduce risk of abnormal heart rhythms. Breathing faster? Walking faster.
This week, an election debate in Canada was delayed two hours so that it didn't interrupt blank. Hockey.
Right. On Monday, the Vatican announced they were putting architect Anthony Gaudi on the path to blankhood.
Sainthood? Right. This week, Twinkies announced that they were now shifting their marketing away from families and towards blank.
Single men. No.
Stoners. Single men! Twinkies is embracing its destiny and going right for the stoners.
They announce the creation of the Munchie Mobile, which will tour the country's dispensaries and hand out free snacks to the customers there. It's like the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile if the Wienermobile kept forgetting to pick its little brother up from middle school.
Bill, did Dulce do well enough to win? She got four right, eight more points, 12. That means she's won behind the Irishman who wins.
Wow. Adam Burke.
In just a minute, now that we know people are recreating their childhood vacations, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the next surprising vacation trend. But first, let me tell you all, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Gotica writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell.
Thanks to the staff and crew here at DPAC. A very special thanks to everyone at WUNC.
BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grombos, and Lillian King.
Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Missing Peter Gwynn.
Do not chase. Reward if found.
Our jolly good fellow is Hannah Anderson. Emma Choi is our vibe curator.
Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.
Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog.
And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will be the next vacation trend? Alonzo Bowden.
Walking, because no one can afford to fly. Adam Burke.
Jeff Bezos is going to unroll Blue Origin Economy,

where it's a square-shaped capsule.

It's just Amazon delivery driver.

He just becomes an Amazon delivery driver.

Don't say slow.

IG baddies are going to the Poconos instead of Miami because the Poconos sound like islands.

And if any of that happens,

we're going to ask you about it on Wait.

Wait, don't tell me.

Thank you. of Miami because the Poconos sound like islands.
And if any of that happens,

we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke,

Alonzo Baldwin, and Jose Sloan. Thanks to our fabulous

audience here in Durham, North Carolina.

Thanks to all of you for listening, wherever

you might be. I'm Peter Sagan.

We'll see you next week. This is NPR.
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