WWDTM: James Gunn

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From NPR, I'm WBEasy Chicago.

This is Wake, Wake, Don't Tell Me, the NPR news quiz.

For now,

I hope you've got treads on those boots because my voice is so smooth you might slip.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill.

Thank you, everybody.

We have such a good show lined up for you today.

Later on, writer and director James Gunn will be joining us to talk about his new movie.

You might have heard of it, Superman.

But first, you may have heard that this week Congress voted to take back all of the funding for public broadcasting.

And that is bad.

That is bad.

I'm going to admit it.

Not good.

But what I found personally upsetting was that in all of the debates, all the condemnations of NPR and why it had to be defunded, this show was never mentioned once.

We

have been unworthy of public support for more than a quarter century.

We want recognition.

So I guess we'll just have to try harder to bother them, and we're going to need your help.

The number to call is 188-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-9248-924.

Let's welcome our first listener contestant.

How are you running?

Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Hi, this is Pat from Rochester, New York.

Hey, Rochester is a great place.

We've been there.

What do you do there?

I'm a computer programmer that's training to be a rock and roll clown.

What?

Wait a minute.

Oh, that's

the story as old as time.

Yeah, I know.

What differentiates a rock and roll clown from your normal, everyday, terrifying clown?

Probably just the leather pants, really.

That's it.

You just say, clown, leather pants, rock and roll.

Great.

All right.

Well, Patrick, welcome to the show.

Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First, he's the comedian who will be at CG's Comedy Club in Bolingbrook, Illinois, August 22nd and the 23rd.

It's Adam Burke.

Hi, Pat.

Hi, Adam.

Next, he's a comedian you can hear on his latest album, Soldier for Christ.

It's Bobcat Goldthwaite.

Hey, Popcat.

Hey.

And she's a comedian you can see at the North Shore Center for the Performing Arts in Skokie, Illinois in September 27th.

And she's the host of the weekly podcast.

Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone.

It's Paula Poundstone.

Hey, Pat.

Hey, Paula.

So you're going to play Who's Bill this time.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize.

Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail.

Ready to go?

Yeah.

All right, here is your first quote.

When I saw the news about coffee, I thought maybe this is Yopan's mumma in the sun.

That was anthropologist Christine Falch.

She was talking about how we might all be drinking something called Yopan soon, now that coffee will be so very expensive due to what?

Tariffs.

Yes, tariffs.

Because

of massive tariffs on Brazil and some other countries, the price of coffee is expected to skyrocket, so people are looking for alternatives to get their caffeine.

So it is time for North America's only caffeinated plant, Yopan.

Now people who love this stuff say that Yopan is a great caffeine alternative for us to use as soon as we run out of our coffee, our tea, Mountain Dew, Red Bull, and whatever that lemonade is that's killing people at Panera.

I'm envious of coffee drinkers.

I've never been a coffee drinker.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh my god.

Yeah, I'm going to have to start drinking Yopon.

Yopon is what it's called.

Oh my God.

I'll get the merch going.

Don't speak to me until I had my Yopan.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So President Trump said he is imposing tariffs on all these countries to bring manufacturing back to the U.S., but we can't make coffee here, right?

But we do have Yopan.

It's been here forever.

In the South, they actually call it Carolina tea, which is scary because whenever a food has this cute regional nickname, it always ends up being testicles.

Why?

What product had a cute name before?

Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Oh, is that?

Yes.

Really?

Yes.

Yeah.

And who's

I mean,

I know a guy named Rocky Mountain Mike, but he only had one set.

It's not Rocky Mountains oysters, it's a place.

Isn't that funny that Rocky Mountain oysters are testicles and they're still less disgusting than regular oysters?

All right, very good.

Patrick, here is your next quote.

People love as many of them as possible.

If space were no issue, we'd add another couple in the center console.

That was an engineer at Nissan talking about how all customers want out of their car these days is more what?

Could it be cup holders?

It is cup holders.

Good for you.

Good for you.

According to a survey of 100,000 new car buyers released this week, the number one issue these car buyers care about is cup holders.

They get angry when there aren't enough of them or the ones that are there that are not big enough, which is a challenge now that the most popular Stanley cup size is the oil drum.

One psychologist and marketing consultant explained that cup holders, believe it or not, add to our sense of safety in the car.

She said, and this is a real quote, What was the key element of safety when you were a child?

It was that your mother fed you and that there was warm liquid, unquote.

True.

So she says, you're high up, your big SUV, with your warm drink in your cup holder, you're reliving the comfort of being held by your mommy as an infant.

You know, every psychologist is not good.

But here's something that apparently car manufacturers aren't realizing, which is you can go to Pep Boy's and get a beverage caddy, as it's properly called,

that just clips on the door.

Really?

So you don't have to buy a whole car.

I don't have those, what are they called?

The things that you put like on a piece of furniture.

Coasters.

I don't have coasters, but if I have guests over and I serve them drinks and they're looking for some place, you know, to put, I say,

here are my keys to the car.

Right.

And they just go out and suck it down in the car.

You don't park like a tota Camry near every seating area, so they just...

No, exactly.

Yeah.

Also, the fact that cars have like 17 cup holders in them and you're not allowed to drink and drive, doesn't that feel like entrapment?

A little bit.

Patrick, here is your last quote.

I'm a grown man.

To go by myself, people are going to look at me a little weird.

That was a man in Georgia explaining why he, like a lot of others, is excited to visit a new adult version of what well-known chain of children's video game arcades.

Oh,

I think we have one coming.

It's Chuck E.

Cheese.

Yes, Chuck E.

Cheese.

That's right.

Chuck E.

Cheese, the chain that has made a generation of parents open their kids' birthday party invitations and whisper, oh no,

has announced and started to open a new chain of arcades for adults called Chuck's Arcade.

Chuck's Arcade, for those who are excited, will have all the classic video games.

It's a nostalgia project.

It'll have the classic video games like Ms.

Pac-Man and Mortal Kombat, but some of those games have not aged well.

For example, Super Mario lost his plumbing job thanks to a Mi-A-Too scandal.

Are they going to have like the animatronic band?

No, they're not going to have the animatronic band.

And here's...

Oh, wow.

People have to text their friends and say, those plans I just made with you were canceled.

Not only are they not going to have the animatronic band, they are not even going to serve alcohol.

I know!

What are they thinking?

Because a big part of Chuck E.

T's is like getting the tickets, right?

Yeah.

And the only way you can get tickets as an adult is like, you know, speeding.

Right.

Yeah.

Gosh, wouldn't it be great if you could turn those tickets in, like, when you got enough speeding tickets?

Yeah.

You could get like a stuffed animal.

That'd be fabulous.

Bill, how did Patrick do in our quiz?

Patrick is terrific.

He got three in a row.

Congratulations.

Patrick winner.

Patrick.

Thanks, everyone.

Thank you, Patrick.

Thanks, everyone.

Bye-bye.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Adam, an interesting thing happened at a Cold Play concert this week.

Oh, you've heard of this?

I think they were requesting something interesting happened at a Cold Play.

Can't be.

So, Cold Play Play has been putting up this big screen for basically a kiss cam to show romance happening in their crowd.

And one couple saw themselves up in the screen and quickly dove as quickly as they could off camera.

And looking at this, Cold Play lead singer Chris Martin said, well, either they're having an affair or they're just shy.

So, Adam,

were they having an affair or were they just shy?

I'll take door number one.

Yeah, they were having an affair.

The gentleman is the CEO of a pretty well-known software company.

She is the HR manager there, and they are both, of course, married to other people.

Well, they both, as of Showtime, are married to other people.

And if you haven't seen it, you should, it's incredible.

All of a sudden, the camera is on them.

They're projected under this enormous screen.

They're embracing, right?

They see they're on the the screen, they instantly separate, and he drops directly, downwards, out of the frame.

Yeah.

Like

he's standing on top of a special, you just got caught cheating trap door.

Boom, gone.

Isn't he the CEO of a company?

And aren't they called like astrologies?

Yeah, they are called astrologies.

Yeah, he should have seen that coming.

After this footage blew up online, Coldplay, This is True tweeted, starting with our next show, we're introducing camera-free sections for people and their side pieces

which is funny

which is funny but you know there's like a tragedy here imagine you've been married for years your husband tells you oh they're working late and the next day you find out

they like cold play

Coming up, our panelists ask to bluff or not to bluff in our bluff the listener game called 1888 WaitWait to Play.

We'll be back in a minute with more of WaitWait Don't Dummy from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR news quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Bobcat, Gulth Waite, Adam Burke, and Paula Pound Stone.

And here again is your host at the Stude Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill.

Right now,

it's time

for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff the listener game call 1888 WaitWait to play our game in the air.

Or if you prefer, check out the pinned post on our Instagram page.

That's at WaitWaitNPR.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter.

This is Tim from Cocoa Beach, Florida.

Cocoa Beach, Florida, they're on the Space Coast, right?

What do you do there?

Oh, yeah, you bet.

I'm a plumber.

Oh, right.

You'll always have work.

That's great.

LA, a lot of pipe.

Yeah.

Oh, you randy little goat, you.

You've tried that one before, haven't you, sir?

I've been practicing.

I bet.

Well, Timothy, welcome to the show.

You're going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction.

Bill, what's Timothy's topic?

Secrets of the Bard.

Little is known about the real William Shakespeare.

Was he a pseudonym for another more well-known writer, a group of different writers, just a room full of monkeys with typewriters?

This week, we heard about a recently discovered secret of this elusive genius.

Our panel is going to tell you about it.

Pick the one that's telling the truth.

You'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail.

You ready to play?

Yes, sir.

All right, first, let's hear from Adam Burke.

Something we've all guessed without needing it confirmed: England's greatest playwright, William Shakespeare, was fond of smoking weed.

In a book to be published this year, author Sam Kelly examines the evidence, such as cannabis residue found in pipe fragments from his garden.

That, and if you add the words like or man to any of the soliloquies, they sound like a deadhead three edible then.

To be or like not to be, all the world's like a stage man.

It would also explain why he thought his comedies were funny.

Plus, half the things he's written sound like a leaf barista recommending some dank cush down at Yeoldie William Hemp Dispensary.

We've got some flower, aka a rose by other name, aka darling buds of May, before offering you a hit, a most palpable hit from a huge antique bong called Titus and Chronicus

Shakespeare was a pothead

your next suspicious sonnet comes from Paula Poundstone

In one of his father's Henley Street homes in Stratford on Avon, amateur Shakespeare historian Susan Winter made an amazing discovery of a musical version of Hamlet, including songs such as To be or not to be, that is the question.

Whether it is nobler, nobler, nobler in the mind to suffer the swings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of big, bad troubles

and brave.

Brevity, brevity, brevity, brevity.

I said, brevity

is the soul of wit.

He was so far ahead of his time, says Winter.

The song with the lyric, there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in our philosophy, was to be sung by the whole cast in a conga line.

Lysall has already tried to get the rights to something

is rotten in the state of Denmark, pewy, pewy, pewy, pewy.

Hamlet originally a musical.

After the discovery of the score,

your last who knows prose comes from Bobcat Goldwaite.

Shakespeare, the father of RuPaul's drag race.

William Shakespeare is considered one of the greatest writers of all time.

But did you know that he is also credited as putting the drag and dragon?

Yes, Shakespeare invented the modern drag competition.

In the 1500s, women were not allowed on stage.

Men played the female rose.

So Shakespeare decided to hold his casting calls for these female parts in front of the general public at the Old Globe Theater, which was then known simply as the Globe Theater.

The audience loved watching the medieval queens battling it out.

The competition for the roles was so popular that soon many new queens flooded the kingdom looking for their place to shine and sparkle.

The competitions were even more popular than the plays, and they soon began charging admission.

So remember, the next time you're watching your favorite drag queen or kings compete on television, you can thank the bard.

Because before Kim Chi could sachet, Lady Robin Graves was battling it out to play Lady Macbeth.

All right.

Which of these is a true

or at least plausible discovery about Shakespeare.

Was it from Adam Burke that his muse was some dank weed?

From Paula Poundstone that Hamlet was originally written as a musical, or from Bobcat Goldthwaite, that in order to find the best players, male players, for his female roles, he invented the drag queen competition.

Which of these is the real story about Shakespeare that we found in the week's news?

Oh, these are outrageous.

I guess I'm going to say A.

Okay.

You're going to pick A, Adam's story about Shakespeare being into the weed.

Well, to bring the real story, we spoke to someone who is an authority on it.

It makes complete sense that Shakespeare would have smoked weed.

Good!

That was Cassidy Cash, host of That Shakespeare Life, agreeing that Shakespeare probably got stoned.

Congratulations, Timothy.

You got it right.

You earned a point for Adam.

You've won our prize, the voice of your choice, on your voicemail.

Congratulations, and thanks so much for playing with us today.

Thanks, Peter.

It's a great time.

Bye-bye.

And now the game we call not my job.

Writer and director James Gunn is known for turning obscure comic book characters into blockbuster movies and shows like The Guardians of the Galaxy and my personal favorite, Peacemaker.

He is now the co-head of DC Studios, and his new film introduces the world to his most obscure character yet, a guy named Superman.

James Gunn, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you.

I was excited and a little intimidated to discover that that you and I are about the same age and that you, like me, grew up in the suburbs and you, like me, loved comic books and zombie movies and action movies and stuff like that, right?

That is everything I grew up with.

Comic books, you know, punk rock music and zombie movies, yeah.

All the things I love.

Punk rock, right.

So if I hadn't chose Broadway musicals instead, perhaps I'd be successful.

Yeah, that's the only difference.

When did you start making your own things, your own comics and films?

I started writing and drawing my own comics probably when I was nine years old and then started making movies with my brothers at about 11 or 12 years old.

And what were some of those first movies?

Do you remember?

Do you have them?

I do.

I have some of them.

There's one with Playmobile figures that I stopped motion animated, but it was very bloody, so they're just, you know, cutting each other up and getting bloody.

Then I had another one in which it was a zombie movie in which one of my brothers became a zombie and ate the other one.

That was also very bloody.

And then I had another one where one brother killed another brother.

There's a theme thing.

And the folks didn't take you to therapy?

I'm noticing a theme here.

Yeah.

Did your brothers ever complain?

Like, James, we know you're the creative genius in the family, but could we do something other than kill each other or were they into it?

My one brother has a ketchup phobia.

I won't say who's

but this is true.

He cannot be around ketchup because I made him lie on the cold

floor in cold ketchup for too long.

And if he's around ketchup, he freaks out.

Really?

Yeah, that's 100% true.

So he goes to a diner and they bring him his burger and somebody puts the bottle of ketchup on the table and he's like, ah!

Yes, yes.

He just softly moves to the other side of the table.

Were you, when you were growing up and you were a comic book nerd and a film nerd, were you the kind of kid who would like write angry letters to movie directors about how they got some little detail wrong?

No, no.

I was the kind of kid that used to write to the comic book writers and artists and tell them how much I like their work.

And sometimes they wrote me back, which is pretty cool.

I still have letters from the comic book artists who wrote me back as a kid like John Ramita.

Oh wow.

You realize that

You are that figure now to a generation of young people like James Gunn, the guy who did Guardians of the Galaxy.

And you must have that experience a lot, right?

Like at Comic-Con or that type of things, guys coming up to you and shivering and shaking with excitement.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that happens.

But I think because I know what it was like meeting Stanley or people I looked up to when I was a kid,

I try to be as present as possible with those people while that's happening.

You do seem good at dealing, and this has been overwhelming for some other people, but you do seem really good with dealing with people on social media.

You have managed to make these movies and not like piss off the fandom.

They still love you.

Is there a secret to it?

No, I think that the secret is I've pissed off plenty of people.

I just don't care that much.

Oh, that also helps.

It doesn't bother me.

Well, I want to talk about Superman, which I loved, as I have loved pretty much everything else you've done that I've seen.

I have this theory why it's so good, and that's because...

You take the emotions of all these characters really seriously, but you're not afraid of admitting that like superheroes can be really silly.

So, for example, your new movie, Superman, starts.

Immediately, Superman falls in the sky, hits the ground, and we see right away that the underwear is back on the outside.

Yeah.

Okay?

I was so excited.

I love the bottoms.

I love his bottoms.

His trunks.

It leaves something to the imagination.

Yeah.

Superman's wholesome.

I don't want to see his junk.

Yeah.

And so, and so, and then the next thing that happens is he falls to the ground and he is rescued by Crypto the Superdog, who is this fabulous mutt, who is wearing a red Superman cape.

And you're like, okay, one thing I know about this Superman movie, there will be no brooding.

I mean, listen,

I love all of that crazy stuff that was in the comic books that I grew up with.

Flying dogs and giant monsters and robots and sorcery.

And and that's just part of the fun of it all for me.

I want to ask about the dog.

Everybody loves the dog.

The dog is a CGI creation that's based on your own dog, your rescue dog Ozu.

Ozu, that's right.

Yeah, yes.

And so does Ozu know

that he is now an international movie star?

Ozu doesn't know anything.

He barely knows where he was two seconds ago.

Even for a dog, he's not very smart, but he's very.

Are you asking if he's not?

So he also, he attacks himself every time he sees himself.

No, really?

Yeah, he hates crypto.

He hates crypto.

Every time crypto's on screen, he attacks the screen.

Oh, wow.

He's a maniac.

But I will say the one thing that's really been cool is last week,

interest in adopting dogs went up over 500%.

Yes, I saw that.

Yeah.

Then those who's a rescue dog.

He was from a terrible situation.

He was in a hoarding situation.

And now he's, you know, such a loving and lovely pet.

You know, I wouldn't get too carried away with this idea that people are adopting dogs because they like the dog in the movie.

Wait till they find out that their dogs won't wear a cape.

We're having too much fun, but we have work to do.

James Gunn, it is such a joy to talk to you.

And we have asked you here to play a game we're calling.

James Gunn, meet the t-shirt gun.

Superman, classically faster than a speeding bullet, but can you be faster than a speeding t-shirt?

Shot from a gun.

Answer two to three questions about t-shirt guns correctly.

You'll win our prize for one of our listeners.

Bill, who is James Gunn playing for?

Ava Lewis of San Diego, California.

All right, you ready for this?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He's ready.

Here's your first question.

The technology behind t-shirt guns, as we know them, was developed during World War II

as a way to fire grenades.

But it wasn't until what happened that the inventors realized that this pneumatic gun had other applications.

A, one of the scientists was trying to pack efficiently for a trip and stuffed his socks in the barrel of the gun.

B, the inventors forgot to bring grenades when it was time to demonstrate the weapon and they had to improvise with beer bottles and potatoes.

Or C, one inventor went to clown college and later retooled all his wartime ideas for use in his act.

Oh, good gosh.

Okay, so I don't think it's three.

So it's either A or B.

Right.

I'm gonna,

I'm gonna go B.

You're gonna go B, and you're right.

Yeah, you're right, James.

They realized they didn't have any grenades.

We had to demonstrate it for the hires up, and they found out it was just the perfect size to launch bottles and potatoes very fast and very far.

In fact, it was so successful, they even used to shoot potatoes at actual planes in wartime.

Boy, how humiliating would it be to be brought down by a potato?

It's true.

All right, let's leave the Irish Army out of this.

Here's your next question.

That's very good.

The modern-day t-shirt gum was developed by a college mascot and it's soon spread around the world, but not all mascots were equally good at using it.

Like, for example, Chip, the mascot of the University of Colorado at Boulder, who once did what?

A, launched a t-shirt that went into the marching band's tuba and got stuck so tightly that eventually they had to cut the tuba with a hacksaw to get it out.

B rolled up the shirts so badly that they only flew three feet before opening up and fluttering to the ground.

Or C, accidentally held the t-shirt gun backwards and launched a shirt directly into his own crotch.

It is boulder.

I think it could be any of those three things.

Yeah.

I'm going to go with C.

You're right again.

And yes, you can watch it on YouTube, and when you do, you'll discover not only are t-shirt guns powerful, but those mascot costumes not as padded as you might think.

Judging by his reaction.

All right, let's see if we can make this perfect.

Your last question.

Not everyone should use a t-shirt gun.

In fact, an Oklahoma woman was arrested for using a t-shirt gun.

Why?

A, she was trying to rob a t-shirt store.

B, she was using it to shoot cell phones and drugs over the walls of a prison to a friend inside.

Or C, she had it tucked inside her coat and did not have a concealed t-shirt gun carry permit.

Okay, this is, I don't want to let Ava down, so I'm hoping that it's B.

It is, in fact, B.

Wow, here you go.

The proudest moment of my life.

She stood inside the prison when

she shot the supplies into the prison.

Bill, how did James Young do in our quiz?

He is a super man.

Getting all three right.

Good going, Jayden.

James Gunn is the director, writer, and the co-hat of DC Studios.

His new movie, Superman,

which starts with Crypto the Super Dog and gets better from there, is in theaters now.

James Gumm, what a joy to talk to you.

Thank you so much.

We'll talk to you soon.

Bye-bye.

Bye, buddy.

Bye-bye.

In just a minute, Bill casts a spell in our listener limerick challenge called 1888 WaitWait to join us on the air.

We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR.

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From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis.

We are playing this week with Adam Burke, PubGat Goldwaite, and Paula Poundstone.

And here again is your host at the Studa Beaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill.

In just a minute, Bill gets pulled over for going over the legal limerick limit.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1888.

Wait, wait, that's 1888 9248924.

But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Bobcat, on Thursday, the UK announced they are lowering the voting age in that country to 16 for the next national election.

But they're getting resistance from one group who says 16-year-olds do not have the mental capacity or the maturity to be trusted with the vote.

Who are these doubters?

I don't know.

Well, I'll give you a hint.

They would know.

Oh, the 16-year-olds.

The 16-year-olds, yes.

The British government

announced, as I said, that the UK would lower the voting age to 16 for the next general election because they feel it's so important to give a voice to the people who paid to see the Minecraft movie.

But about half of the 16-year-olds polled say this is a terrible idea.

One said, quote, we're 16, we're not fully developed yet, we're easily influenced.

Another said, quote, the frontal lobe doesn't develop until 24 or 25.

Man, British kids even sound mature when they're talking about not being mature.

Yeah, that's impressive that they are aware of that.

That's good for them because it's a terrible idea.

You think?

Yeah, I do.

You've known some 16-year-olds.

I have.

And I've been 16.

You know, it's a horrible issue.

It will change the experience of elections.

The number of people voters accidentally driving backwards to the wall of the polling place are going to go through the roof.

Is that a thing that teenagers need, just one more responsibility to shirk?

Yeah.

You're going to vote?

Yeah, yeah.

I'll vote.

Yeah, I voted.

I voted, mom, yeah.

The dog ate my vote.

And yeah, I mean, for the next four years in a landslide, he's going to be the right-in candidate, Dee's nuts.

In a surprising move, the U.S.

is following suit with the Trump administration announcing they will allow 16 people to vote in the next general election.

Paula, there's a new dating app for adults who love going where

to Disney.

Yes, exactly right.

Did you know that or did you just want it to be true?

No, I just guessed it.

You did.

I did.

I love Disney.

I wouldn't want to go with a date.

Well, but I do love Disney.

Well, if you would like to go with a date.

Are you asking me?

That's so sweet.

Well, if you weren't busy.

Yeah.

No, you can get this app.

It's called Single Riders, right?

And it's named for that line that you have some of the rides in Disneyland where single riders can get on, right?

And it matches...

Disney lovers, right?

It's a great idea, right?

You go, you meet, of course you have your first date at Disney World.

You're on Space Mountain and your new match screams, whoa, we both just peed our pants, right?

It makes sense that there would be a theme park based dating app because a lot of the women I've met on dating apps have been like you must be at least this tall.

Before this app, which isn't quite out yet, but it's going to be beta testing soon, Disney adults, as they call themselves, have had to subtly signal their interest in Disney to potential dates by dressing entirely in Disney merch and talking about it for hours hours without stopping to inhale.

But the question is: can the most G-rated place on Earth be good for, you know,

spicing things up?

Do you slip the Pirates of the Caribbean operator a five to make sure the ride breaks down just when you get to the sexy part with the winches?

No, you know, that isn't the sexy part for everybody.

No, really?

No?

Some people like a shanty.

That's what I'm saying.

I like the dog.

You know, the key.

The dog holding the keys after trying to with the keys.

Yeah.

There's something about that that just feels hopeful to me.

You should definitely mention that in your profile.

Yeah.

What's it called, single riders?

It's called single riders.

Shouldn't they call it like beauties and beasts?

Yeah, honestly.

Single riders sounds so

loser.

Yeah.

It shouldn't have a name.

It should just be a thing that.

It shouldn't have a name, but it should be a thing like yeah, should be oh how'd you meet, you know on

Yeah, on the thing.

Okay, what thing that almost sounds sexy doesn't it

How to do everything is Wait, Wait Don't Tell me's sibling advice podcast where we take your how-to questions and get ridiculously overqualified people to answer them.

We've had people like Tom Hanks, Martha Stewart, Justice Sonia Sotomayor all here for you.

Whatever your question is, get it to us now at howto at npr.org.

That's howto at npr.org.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank.

But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 188-WATWAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924.

You can see us most weeks back at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or come see us on the road.

We'll be at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on August 28th.

Tickets and information are at nprpresents.org.

And if you love our show, but you wish, you know, if if it was only eight seconds long, well, check out our TikTok at Wake WaitNPR.

Hi, everyone.

Weight Wait, don't tell me.

Hey there, this is Andrew Kissack calling in from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Oh, how are things in Pittsburgh?

One of my very favorite cities there is.

A little bit of rain, but otherwise doing just fine.

That's great.

And what do you do there in Pittsburgh?

I'm a mechanical engineer for the University of Pittsburgh.

Oh, wow, mechanical.

I've never quite understood what that means when you're like an engineered institution.

Do you like fix stuff?

Do you build stuff?

Do you turn it on?

So I personally design the stuff that eventually gets built.

And my job centers around things getting fixed.

And there are a lot of broken things that need fixed.

Right.

That's the technical explanation.

What are you working on?

What thing are you working on now fixing?

So my job centers around air conditioning systems.

So pretty much that's my day-to-day is just a lot of blowing a lot of hot and cold air around the buildings.

Sure.

I kind of do that myself.

Well, welcome to the show, Andrew.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner.

Here is your first limerick.

I got spells that will help make me rich, and a curse on my office mate, Mitch.

She did not ride a broom, but just logged in on Zoom.

I went online and hired a

witch?

Yes, witch.

And I'm personally grateful that that's the rhyming word you chose.

More and more people are using Etsy to buy spells from witches.

For just a few dollars, you can buy a love spell, a money spell, you can even jinx an opposing sports team.

People swear by these crafty sorceresses, saying it's brought them just what they wanted, right?

Or you could just do it yourself, you know.

Last week there was an amazing Prime Day deal on Eyes of Newt.

He's done it.

He's brought back American manufacturing.

He has.

The witches say they're making great money selling their spells and potions.

They're within Etsy's terms and agreements as long as they do not promise outcomes, right?

But it's easy enough to check if the person you're buying from is legit.

Just click the little button that says, I'm really a witch, and it throws her into a well to see if she floats.

Here is your next limerick.

I feel like I own too much junk.

All I need is a desk and a bunk.

I don't need a permit to live like a hermit.

I'll renounce life and live like a

monk?

Yes, monk!

Great news, fellow bald guys.

Our time has come at last.

The new style icons are monks.

Hashtag monk mode is trending with young people sharing inspo pics featuring, quote, single beds, open windows overlooking tranquil gardens, and conspicuously few belongings.

They do not post the InspoPics of all their other stuff shoved in the opposite corner.

Monk mode supporters say eliminating distractions is good for your peace of mind and productivity, not to mention everybody looks good in loose brown fabric with a rope accentuating your waist.

Wow.

So young people like this monk thing?

Yeah, they're into it.

Huh.

A lot of them, they're just like, they're getting into it.

They're going like, I'm going monk mode tonight.

Me and my bros are going to get so devout.

My guess guess is they're not trying to be like monks in every way right probably not like

religious devotion but rather just celibacy probably not that just just accepting the fact that young people are not going to have money for the next

lifetime yes

here is your last limerick when work is admittedly crappy Stop being so cheerful and yappy.

Don't fake an emotion to get a promotion.

It's toxic to always be

happy.

Happy, yes.

Constantly staying positive and seeming happy is terrible for office morale.

It's called toxic positivity.

And let me tell you what, this has not been an issue at NPR this week.

According to experts, too much positivity can create acute stress because no one believes someone can actually be happy all of the time.

It is frustrating.

Like when the boss comes in and he's like, Good news, we're doing a round of lay-ons.

You know what?

I should be like a hot property

as an employee at this point because I'm pretty miserable.

That's true.

You can certainly counteract all that toxic positivity.

Yeah, exactly.

That should really make me like a good get for people.

Yeah.

Bill, how did Andrew do in our quiz?

He was perfect.

Got it all right.

Thank you, Andrew, for playing.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much.

Bye-bye.

Bye, Andrew.

Happy.

So happy.

How happy.

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Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer now worth two points.

Bill, can you give us the scores?

Paula and Bobcat each have two and Adam has three.

All right, Paula and Bobcat are tied for second.

So that means I will pick one of you arbitrarily to go first, and that will be Bobcat.

So here we go, Bobcat, fill in the blank.

This week, the federal prosecutor who led the cases against Jeffrey Epstein and disgraced hip-hop mogul blank was fired.

True?

I mean,

disgraced hip-hop mogul blank.

Oh, diddy, did he, did he?

Yeah, diddy, diddy, diddy.

On Tuesday, the Department of Defense awarded a $200 million contract to Blank's AI company.

Not Musk.

It was Elon Musk?

It was Elon Musk, yeah.

This week, a sex and blackmail scandal has rocked a popular blank in Thailand.

K-pop band.

No, a popular Buddhist monastery.

On Tuesday.

Oh, geez.

Told you.

Monk Corps.

On Tuesday, astronomers detected the collision of two blanks, each more dense than 100 suns.

Black holes?

Right.

According to a new study, dogs can be used to detect Blank's disease years before the symptoms emerge.

Alzheimer's?

No, Parkinson's.

This week, a man in France drove 180 miles before realizing he'd left blank at the gas station.

His keys?

No, his wife.

It's even worse than it sounds.

This is France.

It wasn't just 180 miles away.

It was 300 kilometers away.

I love that he was like complaining about something for four hours and only figured out his wife wasn't there when he finally stopped to say, so anyway, what do you think about it?

Bill, how did Bobcat do in our quiz?

Three right, six more points, total of eight, puts him in the lead.

All right.

Paula, you're up next.

All right.

I'm ready.

Fill in the blank.

After suggesting otherwise in a meeting with lawmakers, President Trump said it's unlikely he will fire blank.

The Fed chair.

Right.

Jerome Powell.

This week, an injury forced WNBA superstar blank to pull out of the All-Star game.

Caitlin Clark?

Yes.

Weeks after they devastated parts of Texas, the White House announced it would be shutting down a database that provides information on flash blanks.

Flights.

Right, on Tuesday, rideshare company Blank made a $300 million investment in RoboTaxis.

Uber.

Right, fans were upset and gasping when Wimbledon champ Iga Swiatek said eating blank helped her win.

Mice.

No, eating pasta with strawberries and yogurt in it.

For the first time in history, the MLB's all-star game ended with a blank.

Tie.

No, a home runoff to break the tie.

At an auction on Wednesday, the world's biggest rock from Blank sold for $5.3 million.

The Moot.

No Mars.

This week, two senior citizens in the UK were celebrated after they managed to blank in front of a Google Street View car.

They blanked in front of a Google Street View car.

They were celebrated because they blanked in front of a Google Street View car.

I don't know, made out.

Pretended to choke each other.

Oh, boy.

Two friends were out for a walk together in their little village when they saw the Google Street View car and did what any of us would do in that situation.

they immediately put their hands around each other's throats.

And it was fun.

And they did get on Google Street View.

You can see them there, and they had a great time until they stopped doing it.

And one woman was like, I think the Street View car got a picture of us.

And the other said, what Street View car?

Bill, how did Paula do in our quiz?

Pretty good.

Four right, eight more points.

Her total of ten puts her in the lead.

All right.

Until Adam comes along.

How many then

does Adam Burke need to win?

Adam needs only four.

Here we go, Adam.

This is for the game.

Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, the Department of Transportation said it would cost $31 billion to build a new blank control system.

Air traffic control?

Yes.

On Tuesday, the Pentagon said it would remove the 2,000 National Guard troops sent to Blank.

L.A.?

Right.

This week, geologists said that a new hole had formed at Blank National Park.

Yellowstone?

Yes.

This week, German authorities intercepted smugglers who were trying to hide Blank in a container of chocolate sponge cake.

More chocolate?

No, 1,500 tarantulas.

Sure.

Right.

On Monday, the U.S.

Postal Service announced a new line of SpongeBob blanks.

Stamps?

Yes, on Wednesday, the medals for the 2026 winter blanks were revealed.

Olympics?

Yes, this week a prisoner in France managed to escape his jail by hiding in blank.

Um...

Like a big croissant.

No.

By hiding in another prisoner's luggage while they were being released.

According to officials, the man tucked himself away in his cellmate's luggage and just got carried straight out of the prison.

Or maybe rolled out.

I'd love to have been there when the warden turned over all his possessions.

Okay, one pack of cigarettes, another wallet, one suitcase that keeps saying, ha ha ha, they'll never find me.

Bill, did Adam do well enough to win?

I think he did.

Well, he had the luck of the Irish.

Five rights, ten more points, 13 gives him the lead and the win.

Yay!

Congratulations!

Congratulations, Adam.

Coming up, our panelists will predict after Yopan what will be the next brand new way to wake ourselves up in the morning.

But first, let me tell you that Wait Way Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Hair Car Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Philip Godeker writes our limericks.

Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.

Our tour manager is Shana Donald.

Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studi Baker Theater.

BJ Lederman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Robos, and Lillian King.

Special thanks this week to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey.

Would a rose by the name Peter Gwynn smell as sweet?

Emma Choi is our vibe curator.

Technical directions from Laura White.

Her CFO is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer is Ian Chillog, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr.

Michael Danforth.

Now, panel after caffeine and Yopon, what will be the next thing we do to wake ourselves up in the morning?

Bobcat Goldwaite.

A swift kick in the nuts.

Adam Burke, just good old-fashioned existential dread.

And Paula Poundstone.

Cocaine-infused carnation instant breakfast.

Hey, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Delta.

Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Adam Burke, Bob Cat, Goldbreak, and Paula Poundstone.

Thanks, all of you for listening.

Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studio Baker Theater and everyone out there, wherever you might be.

I'm Peter Sagal.

We'll see you next week.

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