WWDTM: Jim Gaffigan

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Speaker 3 From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Frosty the Anchorman, Bill Curtis.

Speaker 3 And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

Speaker 1 Thanks, everybody. It's good to see you again.
We have got a great show for you today.

Speaker 1 Later on, we're going to be talking to Jim Gaffigan, one of the most successful and prolific comedians in the world. And he has done it two decades now without ever swearing.
It's true.

Speaker 1 Our mission, provoke him enough, so that ends today.

Speaker 1 Sadly, you will have to obey NPR standards when you call in to play our games. The number to call, of course, is 188-WAITWAIT.
That's 1-888-924-8924.

Speaker 1 Let's welcome our first listener contestant this week. Hi, Iron.
Wait, wait, don't tell me.

Speaker 4 Hi, Peter. This is Lynn calling from Minnetonka, Minnesota.

Speaker 1 Minnetonka, Minnesota.

Speaker 1 Minnetonka, I know, is a beautiful western suburb right there on Lake Minnetonka. It's gorgeous.
What do you do there?

Speaker 4 I am a corporate lawyer just trying to stay warm.

Speaker 3 I understand.

Speaker 1 To warm your cold, cold lawyer's hearts.

Speaker 1 Well, welcome to the show, Lynn. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

Speaker 1 First up, he's a writer, performer, and co-host of the podcast, Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, which has a shiny new Patreon page. It's Adam Felber.

Speaker 3 Hi, Lynn.

Speaker 3 Hi, Adam.

Speaker 1 Next is the comedian and host of the podcast, Fake the Nation, where you can hear the upcoming Godfather trilogy recaps featuring me.

Speaker 1 It's Nageen Farsad.

Speaker 1 Hello!

Speaker 1 Hi, Nageen.

Speaker 1 And finally, a comedian who will be bringing his cocktail comedy show, Shaking with Laughter, to Gaelic Park at Oak Forest, Illinois on January 24th.

Speaker 3 It's Adam Burke. Hi, Lynn.

Speaker 3 Hi, Adam.

Speaker 1 So, Lynn, you're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

Speaker 1 If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail.
Are you ready to go? I am ready.

Speaker 1 All right, your first quote is from Parents Magazine, trying to explain the concept of, quote, brain rot.

Speaker 3 Skibbity, Ohio Riz.

Speaker 1 So they say that sentence is an example of brain rot, which is why the Oxford English Dictionary just named Brain Rot 2024's what?

Speaker 3 Word of the Year. Word of the Year.

Speaker 1 Yes, this is big news for all of you people who play fantasy lexicography.

Speaker 1 If you drafted Brain Rot for the OED's Word of the Year, you won your league.

Speaker 1 Now Brain Rot describes the condition of absorbing so many online memes through constant scrolling that your brain just doesn't work anymore.

Speaker 1 Rot, though, that's harsh. Your brain isn't rotten, it's just fall off the bone tender.

Speaker 1 Is it an example of the fact that brain rot is taking hold, that the OED has made their word of the year two words?

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 They don't just celebrate it.

Speaker 3 They have it.

Speaker 6 Well, when I first heard the term brain rot, I thought it was referring to the worms in RFK's brain.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 3 And then...

Speaker 1 No, no, Magin.

Speaker 6 And then I realized that, like, by thinking that I myself have exhibited brain rot.

Speaker 1 That's true. And besides, if RFK's brain was rotten, the worm wouldn't have eaten it.

Speaker 3 It has standards.

Speaker 5 Was that applause anti-RFK or pro-worm?

Speaker 3 You never know.

Speaker 3 Pro-worm, I think.

Speaker 1 Now, this is fascinating. According to the OED, which does, you know, word origins, brain rot was used by Henry Thoreau in 1854.

Speaker 1 Hashtag Walden Pond, hashtag a different drummer, hashtag life of quiet desperation.

Speaker 6 He was such a lifestyle influence.

Speaker 3 He really was. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why are you punctuating your text with all these little pictures, Henry?

Speaker 6 Obsessed with that, Thoreau.

Speaker 1 By the way, in case you're wondering, previous Oxford English Dictionary words of the year include goblin mode, which won in 2022.

Speaker 1 In 2017, it was youthquake, a word that my brain rot prevents me even from remembering. And of course, back in 2 AD, it was vow.

Speaker 6 Wait, you're forgetting that last year it was Riz,

Speaker 6 which means this word is already over. Like, we shouldn't even be saying it right now.

Speaker 5 Riz didn't have enough Riz. To like.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 1 All right, Lynn, your next quote is from President Joe Biden back in June talking about his son Hunter.

Speaker 3 I will not pardon him.

Speaker 1 So what did Joe Biden do this week?

Speaker 3 He pardoned him.

Speaker 3 He did.

Speaker 1 He gave his son Hunter Biden a complete pardon. People say he was acting as a father, not as a president.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 If I was convicted of federal crimes, my father would just say, you know, a little prison builds character.

Speaker 1 Why some might see this as a little unfair, right, to other people who've been convicted and don't have fathers who happen to be presidents, it's not like Hunter is avoiding punishment.

Speaker 1 He is currently grounded at the White House with no with no screen time and no crack time.

Speaker 5 I only think it's fair to say this because Joe Biden likes to bring up his Catholic faith a lot in his secular job.

Speaker 7 But

Speaker 5 I was raised Catholic and we're supposed to follow Christ's example.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 5 And Jesus asked his his dad to get him off of his little legal contrast.

Speaker 5 And even Jesus' dad was like, trust the process, son.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 There's something fun about like this Biden's attitude, well, screw it all, you know, of his last month or so in office. We'd call it his senior slide, but in his case, that sounds like a diagnosis.

Speaker 1 So he's having fun, Biden. You know, it's really sweet how he brought back Commander the Dog and said, just eat whoever you want.

Speaker 3 Go.

Speaker 1 It's my staff. It's your smorgasbord.

Speaker 3 Go.

Speaker 6 I know. It's not, he could be having so much more fun.

Speaker 1 Which is kind of like, why isn't he like going nuts? He could. He's

Speaker 1 never running for anything again. Why not enjoy himself?

Speaker 6 Start and only fans. What are we doing?

Speaker 6 I'd subscribe. Would you?

Speaker 3 Come on. Come on.
Of course.

Speaker 5 Just him doing car noises in his underwear.

Speaker 3 Eating ice cream.

Speaker 1 All right, Lynn, your last quote is someone talking about a theme restaurant that was big in the 90s that suddenly all the rage again.

Speaker 3 The fear that a mechanical elephant might glitch out while you're halfway through your entree. It's the thrill, the drama.

Speaker 1 That was somebody describing why they really like to go to this echo-themed restaurant chain. Which one is it?

Speaker 8 I believe it's the Rainforest Cafe.

Speaker 3 It is, yes.

Speaker 1 This is great news. Such a relief.
A new report finds that after years of just being decimated, the rainforests are coming back. No wait, it's the Rainforest Cafe.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 1 Oh, next best thing. Yeah, I know.
People say it's the lungs of the otherwise dead mall.

Speaker 1 In a year that has seen Red Lobster, Applebee's, and TGI Fridays all go bankrupt, the surprising survivor is, of all things, Rainforest Cafe.

Speaker 1 It's known for serving traditional rainforest cuisine like Creole mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 It's surging in popularity with both millennials who are enjoying 90s nostalgia and Gen Z who enjoy making fun of millennials.

Speaker 1 This is true.

Speaker 1 One of the reasons Rainforest Cafe is surging in popularity is because a couple of YouTubers decided to travel to every remaining rainforest cafe in the entire country. They posted a video about it.

Speaker 1 It went viral. Another bunch trying to repeat the success tried to do the same thing with waffle houses, but they died before they even made it out of Georgia.

Speaker 1 There aren't that many rainforest cafes left.

Speaker 3 Yeah, there's about a dozen or maybe 15 or so.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there was like a massive deforestation.

Speaker 3 Exactly, as it were.

Speaker 6 The Brazilian government did not want those cafes to stand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, many of them are now palm oil plantation cafes.

Speaker 5 I've never been to one. Is it just one of them?

Speaker 1 I've never been to one.

Speaker 3 I've never been to one.

Speaker 3 This is like a great panel for all the subjects.

Speaker 3 It's our panel.

Speaker 3 This is actually.

Speaker 1 The story of Rain Forest Cafe is great.

Speaker 1 Now, if you've never been to one, and apparently you haven't, I went to one many years ago with my then young children, and the idea is that it's like inside a rainforest, and it's got like these incredibly elaborate displays of animatronic animals and foliage, and every 20 minutes or so, the rain starts, and the thunder, and the animals start moving.

Speaker 1 It's all very creepy and strange, and actually, at least to my children, terrifying, which is why we never went back.

Speaker 6 My question is, is like the hard rock cafe like so mad right now?

Speaker 1 But nobody apparently has the same nostalgia for like eating next to one of Slash's guitars as they do for eating next to an animatronic gorilla.

Speaker 3 Exactly, right? Like Slash.

Speaker 5 Yeah, for example. Because Slash would actually hang out at the Hard Rock Cafe.

Speaker 5 It wasn't even an animatronic, it was just him reaching over and grabbing your fries.

Speaker 1 Bill, how did Lynn do in our quiz?

Speaker 3 He is very good. He got him all right.
Congratulations, Lynn.

Speaker 1 And try to stay warm. Take care.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Speaker 1 Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Speaker 1 Nagin, a convenience store in Japan, it's getting mixed reviews for the new beverage that they're offering their customers. It's drinkable

Speaker 3 what?

Speaker 6 It's drinkable

Speaker 3 bread.

Speaker 1 No, although it is something that is normally spread on bread.

Speaker 6 Oh, drinkable cream cheese.

Speaker 1 You spread cream trees on bread.

Speaker 5 Also, all cream cheese is drinkable if it's warm enough.

Speaker 3 True. It's true.

Speaker 6 Butter. Drinkable butter.

Speaker 3 No?

Speaker 1 Something else that you spread on bread?

Speaker 3 Peanut butter?

Speaker 1 Often on sandwiches.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise.
Mayonnaise.

Speaker 1 Drinkable mayonnaise.

Speaker 1 Although, you know, all credit to them, but all mayonnaise is drinkable if you just suck in the straw hard enough.

Speaker 3 Where was this?

Speaker 6 Japan.

Speaker 5 You really think white people would have come up with this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 As a white person, I'm a little embarrassed.

Speaker 1 Okay, you may think komu mayo, that's what they call their drinkable mayonnaise, sounds gross, but it also tastes gross.

Speaker 1 And it looks gross and for all I know feels gross, but I'm not going to touch it.

Speaker 1 Who decided we needed this?

Speaker 1 Don't have time to eat that BLT before you go? Here, just take along this can of the worst thing about it.

Speaker 5 I really want to see the television commercials for this. I want to see a bunch of people on the beach playing volleyball.
Like, man, I worked up a sweat.

Speaker 3 Hand me the mail.

Speaker 1 Coming up, our panelists pick up a prescription in our Bluff the Listener game called 188-WATWAT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of WaitWait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

Speaker 1 Hey, it's Peter Sagal. Before we get back to the show, we want to say a big thank you to our listeners.

Speaker 1 It's because of you that we get to bring on famous people and ask them about very silly subjects. Just this year alone, we've questioned Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen about Antiques Roadshow.

Speaker 1 Can I phone a friend? You have arm security. You can do whatever you want.

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Speaker 9 God, see, I was really bad at quizzes and I always did see when I didn't know the answer. So go ahead, ask your question.

Speaker 1 And asked English actor Gary Oldman about hobby horses.

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Speaker 8 I have seen it.

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Speaker 3 From NPR at WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.
We're playing this week with Nageen Farsad, Adam Feldber, and Adam Burke.

Speaker 3 And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

Speaker 1 Right now, of course, it is time for the Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff, the listener game.

Speaker 1 Call 1888, WaitWait to play our games in the air, or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at WaitWaitNPR. Hi, you're on WaitWait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 10 Hi, Peter. This is Amy Dunham calling from Atlanta.

Speaker 1 Oh, so what do you do there in Atlanta?

Speaker 10 I work for Habitat for Humanity.

Speaker 3 You do?

Speaker 3 You do. Now,

Speaker 1 that, of course, is the nonprofit that builds homes for the people who need them, which is wonderful. And of course, it's famous because Jimmy Carter used to volunteer for them all the time.

Speaker 1 Did you ever run into him on one of your projects?

Speaker 10 No, unfortunately, he had retired from public life by the time I started.

Speaker 1 You know, knowing him,

Speaker 1 I know he's in hospice right now, but he still might show up.

Speaker 1 He is unsure. We have not rolled it out.

Speaker 1 Well, welcome to the show, Amy. It's nice to have you here.
You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Amy's topic?

Speaker 3 Well, I wasn't expecting that from my drug.

Speaker 1 Ah, drug side effects, which we all know is those things that make commercials really long.

Speaker 1 This week, though, we heard about a unique side effect of a pharmaceutical. Our panel is going to tell you about it.

Speaker 1 Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the wait-waiter's voice of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm I'm ready.
All right, let's do it.

Speaker 1 Let's first hear from Adam Burke.

Speaker 5 Sebu Satiki, starting flanker for New Zealand's All Blacks national rugby team, was one of the side's most devastating defensive players, shutting down opponents and once making 85 tackles in one game.

Speaker 5 That is until he started taking a homeopathic recipe for a shoulder injury. As teammate Bodhi Acosta explains, it made his shoulder better, but he started to play a little differently.

Speaker 5 His teammates noted Sebu wasn't as aggressive in defense.

Speaker 5 Then he'd strike up conversations with the other sides in the scrum, says Acosta, referring to those big eight-man rugby huddles that look like rattan made of meat.

Speaker 5 When team medics took a closer look at the remedies Satake had been taking, they learned it had been linked to huge increases in empathy and compassion as a side effect.

Speaker 5 By the time we figured out the issue, he was stopping us from stepping on ladybugs on the pitch, says Acosta. I mean, empathy is great, but not when France is thwacking you 21 to nothing.

Speaker 1 An herbal drug makes a member of New Zealand's much-feared rugby team not very fearsome at all. Your next story of a little something on the side comes from Naguin Farsa.

Speaker 6 When kids across Spain were sprouting huge tufts of hair all over their bodies in what is scientifically called hypertrichinosis, but is funifically called werewolf syndrome, Their parents were concerned and jealous because these weren't just a bunch of random kids.

Speaker 6 They were the children of parents who suffer from baldness.

Speaker 6 After extensive analysis, and don't worry, the analysis came with the celebrated 2 o'clock Spanish siesta, they found that a parent in each case had been taking Minoxidil, the popular hair regrowth drug.

Speaker 6 That's right, the bushy-crowned dreams of a bunch of balding Spanish dudes led to an uptick in werewolf syndrome, an affliction so rare that it's only been documented 100 times since the Middle Ages.

Speaker 6 A spokesperson for Minoxidil probably said, hey, we told you the drug works.

Speaker 3 We didn't say where it works.

Speaker 1 Parents and caregivers who are taking Minoxidil accidentally make their own babies hairy, your last unexpected effect comes from Adam Felber.

Speaker 1 As wildlife levels drop across this great land of ours, one ecosystem that's been bucking the trend is the population of fish, frogs, and waterfowl in the area surrounding Florida's massive the villages retirement community.

Speaker 1 And now, thanks to a new study, we know why. No, it's not reduced pollution from those newfangled Tesla mobility scooters, and it's not from all those oldsters feeding the ducks.

Speaker 1 No, according to the research, the cause for the burgeoning wildlife population is runoff from all that Viagra and and Cialis in the wastewater.

Speaker 1 The sunfish are funfish, the horny toads are hornier, and the ducks, well, you get the idea.

Speaker 1 This unexpectedly virtuous and virile chemical spill is already causing ecologists to stand up and take notice.

Speaker 1 A proposed senior center near an important headwaters in Washington state now has the full support of the Audubon Society as a means of saving the salmon population.

Speaker 1 They've even got a slogan to promote senior sex. If you've got game, so will we.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 So this week we heard a story about a drug that had an unexpected side effect.

Speaker 1 Was it from Adam Burke, an herbal medicine taken by a rugby player that made him just too nice and pacifist to play rugby?

Speaker 1 From Naguin Farsad, caregivers using monoxidil or rogaine to grow their own hair ended up growing it on their babies because they kept touching them.

Speaker 1 Or from Adam Felber, the ED medicines used by the senior citizens at the villages in Florida leading to a burst of wildlife in the neighborhood.

Speaker 1 Which of these is the real interesting side effect we heard about in the week's news?

Speaker 10 I'm going to say something I've never thought I'd say out loud, which is I'm going to go with the Spanish werewolf babies.

Speaker 1 I'm ashamed to admit how often I've uttered that.

Speaker 1 All right, you are choosing then Naguin's story of the Spanish werewolf babies.

Speaker 1 To see if you're correct, we spoke to a reporter covering this real phenomenon.

Speaker 11 It's known as werewolf syndrome and it was connected to oldness medication.

Speaker 1 That was Hattie Wilmoth. She's a food and nutrition reporter at Newsweek who reported on the real story of the Spanish werewolf babies.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, Amy. You got it right.
And if you ever start a band, now you have the perfect name for it.

Speaker 1 You're in a point point for Nagin and you've won our prize the voice of your choice in your voicemail congratulations

Speaker 3 well done Amy

Speaker 1 take care

Speaker 1 and now the game we call not my job Jim Gaffigan has been one of the most successful comedians in the country for more than two decades he's routinely called

Speaker 1 He's often called America's most prolific comedian, which I think is good, yes? His latest special is called The Skinny. It's out on Hulu now.
Jim Gaffigan, welcome back to Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 1 Good to see you.

Speaker 1 And speaking of seeing you, congratulations on the new special, The Skinny, and the reason for its title, which is that you have lost a lot of weight as you open up the show with by demonstrating and talking about.

Speaker 1 Yes. Has that been a positive experience?

Speaker 1 Do you like it when people congratulate you on having lost a lot of weight, or is it like a mixed experience?

Speaker 8 Well,

Speaker 8 there's a certain imposter syndrome because I, you know, I use an appetite suppressant, so it's not like I put any effort or changed any behavior.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 8 You know, in other words, I'm kind of like, it's the ultimate Nepo baby.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 1 Are you having like a thin like me experience walking around the world, being thin, and finding out what it's like for those people?

Speaker 8 Well,

Speaker 8 I joke in the special that I, you know, I used to be a fat guy and now I'm just, I'm thin, therefore arrogant, because I always viewed thin people as arrogant. But I do feel like, I mean, I love it.

Speaker 8 My knees don't hurt. It's, you know, with the appetite suppressant, I'm just kind of, it's not like I don't eat, I just eat like a normal human.
I'm less consuming like a dog.

Speaker 1 Did you ever worry, because, I mean, I know, for example, that there are people who feel like that if they're, if they stop drinking or if they start taking antidepressants, they won't be creative creative anymore.

Speaker 1 Did you worry that if you weren't fat, you couldn't be funny anymore?

Speaker 8 You know, in my 20s, I was thin, and granted, I wasn't very successful at stand-up.

Speaker 1 So, the special comes out at the end of what I understand has been a pretty remarkable year for you. For example, earlier you went with about 200 other comedians to the Vatican to meet the Pope.

Speaker 1 Is that right?

Speaker 8 Yeah, I mean, that shows you the position that the Catholic Church is in right now.

Speaker 3 They're like, okay, time to call in the comedians. Yeah, what do we got?

Speaker 1 We got nothing. Nobody else will come see us.
The comedians, mind.

Speaker 3 Why, I mean, why in the world did Pope Francis,

Speaker 1 why

Speaker 1 did he want to have 200 comedians come to the Vatican?

Speaker 8 Well, there was a really...

Speaker 8 intellectually sound reason, which he believes that humor is a really important part of dealing with everyday life. And so he wanted to articulate that.

Speaker 8 But the reality of sitting in a room in the Vatican with, you know,

Speaker 8 Jimmy Fallon, Chris Rock, and Mahmoud Youthf you feel like it was just a gathering of every kid who couldn't behave in church.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 1 I don't know if the nun can do it for these guys. We better go to the Pope.

Speaker 1 You said in your Instagram post about it that the Pope told you, Pope Francis told you, Jim Gaffigan, that you were his favorite comedian.

Speaker 3 What? Is that true?

Speaker 8 That is not true at all.

Speaker 8 That was me trying to be funny.

Speaker 3 Making one of your little jokes.

Speaker 8 But I posted it and I was like, you know what? Are people going to think that I'm serious?

Speaker 1 It would have been funnier from a fat guy.

Speaker 8 It was, yeah, because, you know, some of it is, you know, English is probably the fourth language that Pope Francis knows. So I didn't really bother to say anything.

Speaker 8 I just kind of like nodded and kind of,

Speaker 7 you know,

Speaker 8 just kind of was polite and move along. Because that's what's so amazing about religion and politics.
It's like the entertainment industry, but there's, they don't get paid anything.

Speaker 3 It's brutal. That's true.
That's true.

Speaker 1 I actually read that you once opened for the Pope in a way. Is that when he came to the United States a few years ago? Is that right?

Speaker 8 Yeah, well, I opened for the Pope Mobile.

Speaker 8 And I essentially did 10 minutes of stand-up outside in Philly.

Speaker 8 I followed, you know, a team of dancers, and then I went out, and I was sarcastic. I essentially bombed for 10 minutes, and then the Pope Mobile drove in.

Speaker 8 So it wasn't as glamorous as it sounds, really.

Speaker 1 So another accomplishment that happened this year, you got the chance to play Tim Waltz on Saturday Night Live. Now,

Speaker 1 when you saw the announcement that he was going to be the vice presidential candidate, did you just start hovering by the phone waiting for Lorne Michaels to call?

Speaker 8 Maybe I've just been kicking around long enough where I had, you know, I've been burned so many times that I didn't want to emotionally invest in it.

Speaker 8 And so, when, you know, the internet kind of, after Steve Martin turned it down, they kind of identified every Midwestern doughy guy.

Speaker 8 I was like, I was, yeah, I mean, I definitely wanted to do it, but

Speaker 1 the irony would have been, oh, Jim, we wanted you to play Tim Walls, but you've lost too much weight.

Speaker 7 Right.

Speaker 1 You're not doughy enough. It's a shame.

Speaker 8 Well, that's the good thing about being a Midwestern doughy guy. It's like you can lose the weight, but you still look out of shape.

Speaker 1 Well, Jim Gaffigan, it's great to talk to you again, and this time we have invited you here to play a game we're calling Your Weight Weight Gift Guide.

Speaker 1 Now, the holidays are right around the corner, so we're going to ask you three questions about gifts you can buy for your loved ones.

Speaker 1 Answer two questions correctly, and you'll win a present for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone from our show they might like. Bill, who is Jim Gaffigan playing for?

Speaker 3 Liz Wilder of Phoenix, Arizona.

Speaker 1 All right, first question.

Speaker 1 There are lots of high-tech products you can buy, including a whole category just meant to improve your sleep, including which of these?

Speaker 1 A, a smart pillow, which uses AI and motors to nudge you when you start snoring. B, a smart mattress that flings you out of bed if you hit snooze one too many times.

Speaker 1 Or C, a smart fitted sheet with a speaker that tells you step by step how to fold it correctly.

Speaker 8 Well, it can't be the fitted sheet.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't that be great though?

Speaker 8 I feel like it's gotta be the smart pillow.

Speaker 1 It is, it's the smart pillow, the DiRuchi smart pillow.

Speaker 1 Can sense, it says, if you're snoring and then uses these motors in the pillow to nudge your head, which will either make you stop snoring because you've moved, or you'll just learn not to snore to avoid that punishment.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 Second question, it wouldn't be Christmas without the goop gift guide.

Speaker 1 And this year, in the sexy holiday section of the gift guide, Gwyneth Paltrow suggests that what might be just the thing to spice up your love life: A, a pet parrot so they can repeat your pillow talk back to you, be a replica of the 1995 Batman costume, you know, the one with the nipples,

Speaker 1 or C, a printed photograph of a classic 1951 Ferrari 212 sports car.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 They're all so hot it's hard to choose. There's something.

Speaker 8 I think it's the third one. It's the photo.

Speaker 1 It's the picture of the Ferrari. You're right.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Why did you think it was that one?

Speaker 8 Because there is something about the

Speaker 8 not that I understand goop logic,

Speaker 8 but I think there's the nostalgia of the beauty of the past that is timeless, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 8 And so that would be my reasoning.

Speaker 1 But is it erotic?

Speaker 3 What was the word of the year again? Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right. Here's a third question.
See if you can be perfect. Of course, if you want to give for the person who has everything, you always turn to Neiman Marcus.

Speaker 1 And this year, in their holiday gift guide, they are offering a $48,000 Moé Chandal vending machine, which lets you have 35 bottles of champagne available to your friends and family at the touch of a button.

Speaker 1 There's a catch, though, and what is it? A, the $48,000 price does not include the champagne. B, the machine only holds those single-serving mini bottles of champagne.

Speaker 1 Or C, it'll cost you an extra $1,000 to have it delivered.

Speaker 8 Oh,

Speaker 8 I think it's the $1,000 delivered.

Speaker 3 It is.

Speaker 1 It's the first one. It is both the first one and the last one.

Speaker 3 They're all true. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 So for $48,000,

Speaker 1 you get basically an empty vending machine that says Moe Shandon in it.

Speaker 1 Which I kind of want. Do you really?

Speaker 5 But there's nothing worse than when the champagne gets jammed and then the next person comes along and gets two bottles of champagne.

Speaker 3 I hate that. You're drinking my champagne.

Speaker 1 It's the worst.

Speaker 8 You know, why insert,

Speaker 8 whatever happened to the days of refrigerators?

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 1 You know what else is frustrating when you're trying to get your champagne and you keep trying to get your $100 bill there and it keeps rejecting it? It's just the worst.

Speaker 1 Bill, how did Jim Gaffigan do in our quiz?

Speaker 3 Three of the row. Perfect.
Excellent. Jim, congratulations.

Speaker 3 I mean,

Speaker 1 it's not being the Pope's favorite comedian, but it's something, so congratulations.

Speaker 8 Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Jim Gaffigan is a comedian and actor whose latest special, The Skinny, is on Hulu now. It's fabulous.
Check it out. Jim Gaffigan, thank you so much for joining us again.

Speaker 1 We'll see you next time, I hope. Take care.

Speaker 1 In just a minute, Bill brings you the most disgusting drink you've ever tasted. And our listener, Limerick Challenge, call 188.
Wait, wait, to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR.

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only.

Speaker 3 From NPR at WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the Get VR News quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.
We're playing this week with Adam Felbert, Nagin Farsad, and Adam Burke.

Speaker 3 And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Bill.

Speaker 1 In just a minute.

Speaker 1 In just a minute, Bill reads his limericks just in the nick of rhyme in our listener limerick challenge game. Yes, that's right.
We've reset those jokes back to the beginning.

Speaker 1 If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8-924.
Right now, panel some more questions for you from the week's news.

Speaker 1 Adam Feldber, there's something new to complain about at the airport. According to the Washington Post, getting to what has become a time-consuming nightmare just about everywhere?

Speaker 3 The bathroom. No.

Speaker 1 The Rainforest Cafe. Technically, it's it's usually outside the airport, increasingly far away from the

Speaker 1 lot. Getting to the lot where you pick up a Uber attack.

Speaker 3 Yes exactly.

Speaker 3 It's absolutely a problem. It really is.

Speaker 1 According to the Washington Post, calling a rideshare at most airports have become an absolute obstacle course.

Speaker 1 It's like entering the labyrinth, but instead of a Minotaur at the center, it's a Hyundai Elantra with way too much air freshener. If only I could take a lift to get to the Uber lot.

Speaker 3 There you go.

Speaker 6 You know, they should do what cabs do, where they just line, they're in a line and then you just have to get into the first Uber you see. Right.
And then you go to wherever that person paid for.

Speaker 6 I feel like that's the solution.

Speaker 1 It would be great. You'd see new things, meet new people.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Adam Burke, the entire downtown of Springfield, Tennessee, lost power last week after the mayor drove into a telephone poll. Now the mayor insists it wasn't his fault and instead he blamed his what?

Speaker 5 His

Speaker 5 chauffeur who is a dog.

Speaker 1 No?

Speaker 3 His

Speaker 2 death wish.

Speaker 1 I'll give you a hint.

Speaker 1 It wasn't as far as we know a McMuffin. He wouldn't have stooped to the store brands.

Speaker 5 Oh,

Speaker 5 was he eating his breakfast?

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, he blamed his sausage biscuit.

Speaker 6 Oh, because the biscuit was on the steering wheel that he was driving.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was drunk, so he had the biscuit drive. No.

Speaker 1 Or in the mayor's words, he quote, leaned over to grab my sausage biscuit, and before I knew it, the pole was in front of me.

Speaker 1 Now you might be asking.

Speaker 3 I'm asking a lot of questions.

Speaker 1 Well, one of the things you might be asking, and I'll anticipate this question, is did the accident, which hit the telephone pole, also cause a bunch of live wires to fall into a funeral home, setting it ablaze?

Speaker 1 Yes, it did. That was my first question.
I know. Yeah.

Speaker 6 I feel like this story would be more respectable if he was just texting like the rest of us. Yes.

Speaker 1 Texting, I would like a sausage biscuit.

Speaker 5 Is the city now suing the sausage biscuit or are they holding it on criminal charges?

Speaker 3 Because

Speaker 5 they'll take it in for question where it's going to be grilled.

Speaker 3 Oh,

Speaker 6 go have a mayonnaise drink.

Speaker 3 You've earned it.

Speaker 1 Now it's time for a new game that we're calling.

Speaker 3 That's disrespectful.

Speaker 1 So this week we saw the word disrespectful pop up a lot in the news. So we decided to ask you about some of the instances we saw rapid fire, true-false style.
Get your question right. You get a point.

Speaker 1 Ready to play?

Speaker 3 Sure.

Speaker 1 All right, Adam Burke, we'll start with you. True or false, this week the city of Glasgow was called disrespectful for putting safety warnings directly on people's Christmas decorations.

Speaker 1 True. No, it's false.
They were called disrespectful for placing safety warnings directly on people's gravestones

Speaker 5 Nagin, it's a little late.

Speaker 3 A little late. Yeah.
This might hurt you, sir.

Speaker 1 True or false, Naguin, last week a man was called out online for being disrespectful after he showed up just two minutes late to his cousin's Thanksgiving dinner.

Speaker 3 Uh

Speaker 1 false. That is false.
He was called disrespectful after insisting on reviewing each dish out loud to the table immediately after tasting it, and his reviews were not positive.

Speaker 1 Adam Burke, true or false, this week a wedding guest called a bride and groom, quote, disrespectful for not having a vegan wedding cake at their reception.

Speaker 1 Oh, gotta be true. No, it's false.
She called them disrespectful for only having a vegan wedding cake.

Speaker 3 To, quote, trick people into eating vegan food.

Speaker 1 And finally, for Unigame, the story that inspired this game, True or False, an MNA fighter said of her opponent that it was, quote, disrespectful to elbow my anus.

Speaker 1 True. Of course, true.

Speaker 3 That's not respectful.

Speaker 5 What body part should she have used?

Speaker 3 That's a good question.

Speaker 1 That's it for the first ever edition of That's Disrespectful. We'll have to do it again unless you people start being nice.

Speaker 1 Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, Carla, leave a message at 1888-WAITWAIT.

Speaker 1 That's 1-888-924-8924. You can catch us most weeks right here at the Studa Baker Theater in downtown Chicago, Illinois.

Speaker 3 Or come see us on the road.

Speaker 1 We'll be back at the legendary Carnegie Hall in New York City on December 12th next week. For tickets and info, go to nprpresents.org.

Speaker 1 Also, you can check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything, this week. Mike and Ian get a question so complicated, they have to call in the United States Army.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm on Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Speaker 12 Hi, this is Morgan Shalou from Boston, Massachusetts.

Speaker 1 Hey, Boston, Massachusetts. I'm going to ask you, being a part-time Bostonian for much of my life, when people say they're from Boston, they usually don't mean Boston.
They mean someplace near Boston.

Speaker 1 Do you mean Boston?

Speaker 12 I'm in Boston proper, the neighborhood of Jamaica Plain.

Speaker 1 Oh, there you go. Jamaica Plain.
JVP, I know it well. What do you do there?

Speaker 12 Monday through Friday, I am a fundraiser at an independent school, and on Sundays, I direct music at a local church.

Speaker 3 Do you?

Speaker 12 I sure do.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 1 I was just coming up with something interesting to say about that. And not.
Well, Morgan, welcome to the show.

Speaker 1 Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing missing from each.

Speaker 1 If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner.

Speaker 3 You ready to go?

Speaker 1 Ready to go.

Speaker 1 Here's your first limerick.

Speaker 3 Electronic flexor supports. Soon I'll wear on pickleballed courts.
And then I'll go dance in that pair of V-pants. I'll be wearing some mechanized shorts.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Engineers have finally invented what we've all been waiting for, robot shorts.

Speaker 3 They're called walk-ons.

Speaker 1 And you can wear them over your everyday clothes to help you expend less energy while you walk. All right, thanks guys, but I am not going to buy these until they can pull out their own wedgie.

Speaker 3 How can those work? Am I walking wrong?

Speaker 1 I can't think of anything that shorts covers that would help you.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, if you think about it, you know, it's sort of those tendons and muscles at the top of your legs, and they sort of help you move as you walk along. I've been doing it all with the feet.

Speaker 6 Are they like cargo robot shorts where they have extra pockets?

Speaker 1 Is that what you're concerned of?

Speaker 6 I was worried about that for a second.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, they've got sort of like braces that go around your midsection and then they reach down into your thighs. Can I get them in a variety of colors or is it just a one? No, it's just magical.

Speaker 5 This has turned into QVC.

Speaker 5 We only have 15 pairs left. Call in now.

Speaker 1 All right, here is your next limerick.

Speaker 3 With this pencil, I'm flexing my noodle. Try to cow, but it looks like a poodle.
Though critics may quibble that I merely scribble, I'm training my brain when I do it all.

Speaker 1 Yes, drawing has long been known to be good for your mental health. Now, one expert's saying that if you can't draw, you should do it anyway, because bad drawing has the same positive effect.

Speaker 1 You may think of yourself as a terrible artist, but just spend a few minutes every day drawing whatever comes to your mind, and then you'll have proof that you are.

Speaker 1 Artist Darren Fisher says pointless scribbles can help you enter a flow state, which can help you become less self-conscious and overcome mental blocks.

Speaker 1 Those random lines sharpen your drawing skills, sharpen your focus, and give you something to draw mustaches and boobs on for your next doodles.

Speaker 1 So, the idea is: if you can't draw, draw. If you're a bad driver, get out there anyway.

Speaker 1 And who is med school to tell you you can't do surgery?

Speaker 1 All right, here's your last limerick.

Speaker 3 If Santa won't answer your wish, leave this milk with a stale cookie dish. Make a malt or a shake with what swims in the lake.
We made milk by just grinding up

Speaker 3 fish? Fish!

Speaker 1 Yes, a non-profit foundation in Indonesia is developing a new alternative to cow's milk, fish milk.

Speaker 1 It contains all nine essential amino acids and tastes just like normal milk, according to that foundation's production manager, who is lying.

Speaker 5 How is that still less gross than drinking mayonnaise?

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, if you combine them, you're almost at a drinkable tuna milk.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 3 No, it's not a...

Speaker 3 It's great.

Speaker 1 No, it has so many uses. First of all, for all of you people who never knew what beverage to pair with fish.

Speaker 1 And of course, I should say, they're not literally milking fish, right? You can't milk fish. The fish are caught.

Speaker 3 You can try. Yeah.

Speaker 6 Wait, you would pair a glass of fish milk with fish?

Speaker 1 What better?

Speaker 6 It's like pairing a cheeseburger with a glass of cheeseburger.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm listening.

Speaker 1 What I find hilarious is like of all the things I've mentioned so far, that's the one you object to.

Speaker 3 It's like you can't, no, you pair a nice dry white with fish, Peter. What are you talking about?

Speaker 3 Bill, how did Morgan do on our quiz? God bless him. Morgan got him all right.
Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for playing to Morgan and say hello to that great ice cream store down there in JP.

Speaker 12 I sure will. Thanks so much.
Take care.

Speaker 1 This message comes from Schwab. Everyone has moments when they could have done better.

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Get market insights, education, and human help when you need it. This message comes from Michelin.

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Member FDIC.

Speaker 1 Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill-in-the-Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can.

Speaker 1 Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

Speaker 3 Adam has two, the other Adam has two, and Nageen has five. Whoa!

Speaker 1 Since both Adams are tied, I will choose Adam Felbert to go first, fill-in-the-blank. On Thursday, lawmakers passed a no-confidence vote against the government in blank.

Speaker 1 France. Right, after being hit with a 7.0 earthquake, residents in California were then warned of a possible blank.
Tsunami.

Speaker 1 Right, on Monday, Donald Trump announced plans to visit Paris for the reopening of the blank.

Speaker 1 Notre Dame Cathedral. Right.
This week a church in Switzerland said the congregants could now give their confessions to blank.

Speaker 3 Their computers.

Speaker 1 No, to an AI Jesus that is affixed to the confessional wall.

Speaker 1 On Tuesday, budget airline Blank announced it was adding first-class seats to some planes. Spirit.
No, Frontier.

Speaker 1 According to a new study, eating small amounts of blank daily could reduce your risk of diabetes. Dark chocolate.
Right.

Speaker 1 This week a man was arrested at LAX after he was caught trying to smuggle 70 pounds of meth by blanking.

Speaker 3 Waddling. No,

Speaker 1 by converting it into a liquid and soaking all his clothes in it.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 According to TSA agents, the man was caught trying to check a suitcase that contains 70 pounds of meth-soaked clothes. It's a rookie mistake.

Speaker 1 Everybody knows the way to get your meth onto an airplane is in dozens of little three-ounce containers.

Speaker 1 Bill, how did Adam Selber do on our quiz?

Speaker 3 Four rights, eight more points, and ten gives him the lead. All right.
Not much of a lead.

Speaker 1 It should be said. But thank you.

Speaker 3 Thank you. Thank you, Mr.
Adam Burke.

Speaker 1 You're up next. Please fill in the blank.
After his declaration of martial law was overturned, six different political parties filed impeachment articles against the president of Blank.

Speaker 5 South Korea. Right.

Speaker 1 On Monday, a judge once again rejected Blank's now $100 billion pay package from Tesla. Elon Musk.
Right.

Speaker 1 This week, the Supreme Court heard arguments in a case regarding gender-affirming care for blank. Minors.
Right. On Thursday, opposition forces in blank recaptured the city of Hama.

Speaker 1 In Syria. Right.
After falling into a well in Thailand, it took a Chinese tourist three days to be rescued because blank.

Speaker 5 He hadn't gone to the souvenir shop.

Speaker 1 No, because everyone confused his cries for help for a ghost wailing.

Speaker 1 This week, a man who tried to rob a church in California was foiled because the pastor was blank.

Speaker 5 Oh, just

Speaker 5 armed to the teeth.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 1 he was a trained mixed martial arts fighter.

Speaker 1 The robber, thinking the church would be empty, broke in and was leaving with an armload of valuables when he was met by the pastor who greeted him with the Holy Spirit of jiu-jitsu.

Speaker 1 Bill, how did Adam Burke do on our quiz?

Speaker 3 Well, we have a very close game. He got four right, eight more points.
His total of ten ties Adam Felber. There you go.
All right.

Speaker 1 So how many then does Nagin Farsad need to win?

Speaker 3 Three to win, Nagin.

Speaker 3 How few to blow it?

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, Naguin, this is for the game. Fill in the blank.
After questions were raised about Trump's pick for defense secretary, Blank's name was then floated as a replacement.

Speaker 3 DeSantis.

Speaker 1 Right, according to a new report, the Atlantic Ocean could lose all its blank by the end of this decade.

Speaker 6 Fish? Icebergs.

Speaker 1 Ice, yeah. This week, NASA engineers successfully restored contact with the Blank probe.

Speaker 6 Mars.

Speaker 1 No, Voyager, way out there. On Wednesday cryptocurrency blank broke $100,000 for the first time.

Speaker 3 Bitcoin.

Speaker 1 Right, this week a man in Wales says he has a solid plan for recovering the blank that his wife accidentally threw away.

Speaker 6 The

Speaker 6 engagement ring.

Speaker 1 No, the hard drive containing $500 million in Bitcoin. On Monday, Elton John revealed that he had lost his blank.
Vision? Yeah, his eyesight.

Speaker 1 On Thursday, Pantone announced that Mocha Moose was their blank of the year.

Speaker 3 Color.

Speaker 1 Right. This week, a Minnesota woman was busted for stealing a car after she blanked.

Speaker 6 Wait, busted for stealing a car after she blanked.

Speaker 1 After she blanked.

Speaker 6 Started doing car karaoke.

Speaker 1 No, after she wrote in her journal, quote, totally stole a car today.

Speaker 1 The investigators that already suspected the woman when they found the incriminating diary entry. and arrested her.

Speaker 1 It didn't help that her next entry after that was, and if the police come looking for me, I'll hide down in the laundry room.

Speaker 3 Bill, did Nagin do well enough to win? Well, coming up on the outside, she got five right, ten more points. Her total of 15 wins this week.
Yay!

Speaker 3 Thank you so much.

Speaker 6 It was a pleasure beating you.

Speaker 1 Pleasure being beaten by you. Coming up, our panelists predict now that Rainforest Cafe has made a comeback, what will be the next big concept restaurant to take the nation by storm.

Speaker 1 But first, let me tell you all that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPRW BEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Hero Car Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Speaker 1 Philip Godeker, Reserve Limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donnell.
Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theater, B.J.

Speaker 1 Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Stormboss, and Lillian King.
Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey. Our skibbity toilet?

Speaker 1 Well, that's Peter Gwynne. Emma Choy is our vibe curator.
Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.
Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Speaker 1 Our senior producer is Ian Chillog. And the executive producer of Wait Wait Don't Tell Me is Michael Michael Danforth.
Now, panel, what will be the next concept restaurant? Naguin Farsad.

Speaker 6 Middle school cafe, where you can experience the thrill of puberty, incessant bullying, and crippling insecurity, and immersive acne comes with every meal.

Speaker 1 Adam Felber.

Speaker 1 In keeping with the endangered species theme, you could travel back to another era when you visit the Cafe Congressional Democrat

Speaker 5 and Adam Burke, a shell oil-themed restaurant which will move in on and tear down all of the Rainforest cafes.

Speaker 3 Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell you.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Adam Selberg, and again Farsade.

Speaker 1 Thanks to our side wheels audience here at the Cedimaka Theater, each and every one of them. And thanks to all of you, each and every one of you, wherever you might be.

Speaker 1 And Peter Sagan, we'll see you next week at Carngee Hall.

Speaker 3 This

Speaker 1 is NPR.

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