The Best Advice We’ve Ever Received (Best Of)

Hello friends!

As you know, back to school season, meaning back to crazy bananas life season, is officially here.

And speaking of bananas and overscheduling, I've been leaning hard on my Whole Foods Market runs right about now to keep everything on track.

Between packing lunches, planning quick dinners in the 13 minutes we have together, and just trying to stay sane during busy weeks.

They've seriously come through.

One thing that's been a total game changer is the 365 by Whole Foods Market brand.

I started picking up their frozen waffles and breakfast sausage and all kinds of things like that for the hectic mornings.

And this is like magic because the kids get a good breakfast.

We all get out the door on time.

It's a win-win-win.

And for lunches, they have organic granola bar multi-packs and they have reduced sugar juice boxes, bagged apples, all the things that are fast, easy, and you feel good for them to be eating.

Explore so many ways to save on on Back to School Finds at Whole Foods Market.

Life is hard, but when it comes to sleep, that's hard too.

Enter the Chili Pad by Sleep Me.

Chili Pad is a water-based mattress topper that lets you customize your sleep temperature from a crisp 55 degrees Fahrenheit to a cozy 115 degrees Fahrenheit.

So you can finally fall asleep and wake up feeling refreshed.

Chili Pad funnels a thin layer of water underneath you as you sleep, achieving active and consistent temperature control.

Plus, you can schedule automated temperature changes too.

Visit www.sleep.me slash hard things to get your ChiliPad and save 20% off with code HARDTHINGS.

This special offer is available for We Can Do Hard Things listeners and only for a limited time.

Order it today with free shipping and try it out for 30 days.

You can return it for free if you don't like it with their sleep trial.

Visit www.sleep.

S-L-E-E-P dot M-E slash hard things to try Chili Pad.

And finally, make sleep the easiest thing you do.

Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.

You are in for a...

life-changing week, we hope, on this pod, because what we have decided to focus on this week is the best advice we have ever received.

The advice that has changed our life or helped us see the world in a new way that has made a real difference in our life.

So what we are saying to you, pod squad, is that if your life is not a little bit better after this week, then we have not done our jobs.

Then we will give you all of your money back that you did not pay to listen to this pod.

So what we have decided to do is this first episode is going to be the best advice that Amanda, Abby, and I can possibly offer you.

Then we have a little treat from Sarah Borellis and a special guest.

And then Thursday's episode is going to be all of the best advice that we have collected from the pod squad.

You all called in your life-changing advice and damned if it didn't.

help us a hell of a lot.

So stick with us for this week.

We're going to fix life.

That's our small ambition.

We're going to fix life this week together.

Let's go.

Sister, no pressure.

You're first.

What's the best advice you've ever heard?

Damn.

Okay, so

most recently,

I don't think it was meant as advice, but it was a shift that I have internalized as advice.

So Glennon, you and I were having lunch and this incredible woman, Justina Blakeney.

Oh, God, Jungalow.

She's the absolute best.

Yes, yes, she's amazing.

I was sitting beside her at the lunch and they brought around this dessert tray and

she said, are there any non-dairy items on that tray?

And there were like five delicious things.

And the gentleman said,

Oh, no, there isn't.

And she was like, okay, I pass.

And I looked at her and I said, oh my gosh, you don't eat dairy and there's no choices here.

And I'm so sorry.

Do you want me to go ask if they have anything else?

And she said the following.

She said,

No sorries.

It's self-sovereignty.

This is what she says to me.

Not sorry, self-sovereignty.

And she proceeds to tell me about how

she has

recently decided that the decisions that she is making that make her feel better

are

understood to her to be from a place of self-sovereignty as opposed to like something that is happening to her or like something the world is doing to her.

Depriving.

It's not depriving her.

Yes.

It's not deprivation.

It is a decision that she is making of her own authority instead of something something that the world is imposing on her.

And I thought, well, I'll be damned.

And so she said, yes, it's self-sovereignty.

It's for the good of the realm.

For the good of the realm.

So her

world

is her realm, her family, her people, her ecosystem, her business.

And when she decides that something is good for her,

she makes the decision through her own self-sovereignty and then declares it for the good of the realm and then she waves her arm please understand she waves her arm as if she's gesturing to her realm to her broad and bountiful realm and she says for the

good of the realm and i have taken that internally as

my

new thing that I like to say.

So if I'm going on a walk and the house is chaotic and there's too much to do and it's vastly inconvenient for everyone involved, I just wave my hand as I walk out the door and say, for the good of the realm.

And then I do what I need to do.

Can we get

into that a minute?

Because

that is funny and beautiful and queenly.

Justina is very queenly.

Everyone should just go to her Instagram at jungalo and just see her so that you can like

understand how amazing this is.

What Justina has done is reframe the entire bullshit of,

but if I do this thing for myself, it's selfish.

I can choose myself or I can choose my people.

And so I choose my people.

No, you can't.

False dichotomy.

When you serve yourself and make the decision for yourself, that flows out into everyone else and they see your power and they see your strength and they get permission to be that way.

And even if they don't, it doesn't matter if they don't pick up the message.

Who the hell cares?

You know that you are doing it for the good of the realm.

Whether they see that or not, or understand it or not, that is their business.

Your business is to be self-sovereign and to be the expert of yourself and to do the thing that you need to do and then declare it for the good of the realm.

And all of the minions in the realm may or may not appreciate this about you.

It's so true.

We can't tell you.

It reminded me of episode 33, really early on when we were talking about what the hell does brave mean.

and

maybe brave is just being the expert of you

and just doing that, whether or not people understand it.

That's the self-sovereignty part.

It's like, no, I'm doing this not as a reaction to a collective decision

and understanding that this is the right thing for me.

I'm just doing it because I alone am the expert of me.

And that's the sovereignty part.

And then I also know that as the leader of this realm, what is good for me is good for you, whether your ass knows it or not.

Yeah.

For the good of the realm.

And I know I'm probably for you focusing too much on the other person, but I think what people think is what that means is what is good for me is the same thing that's good for you.

So we're good.

And I don't think that's what it means.

I think it means what's good for you is to see me doing what's good for me so that you too will understand that you need to do what's good for you.

Yes.

It's a modeling of a process, not a particular thing that's going to be good for everybody.

So let's think of some things that pod squatters can do for the good of the realm today.

Like, for example, if you're home and your whole family is driving you bat shit and you walk into your bedroom and you're going to take a nap before you go close the door, you yell out your door for the good of the realm.

And then you close the door.

Yes.

And then this sort of thing.

Well, and I just want to say, I think that there's so many folks that are listening listening right now that are probably thinking, that sounds nice in theory.

How do I begin this?

Right.

Like, it does take an act of bravery to begin this escapade, this like active adventure into becoming self-sovereign.

And I think that one thing that I have learned from Justina is that she is regal and that kind of regal honor that she gives herself actually makes me want to do that for myself.

And so when I think about our children and I think about all the things that, especially teenagers, they don't really listen to necessarily the words that are coming out of our mouths, but they watch what we do.

And if we are acting in service of ourselves, then they will start doing that for themselves.

And I just, I know that it's hard, but just try it.

Yeah, I love it.

I love it.

It reminds me of, like, I walk around, I'm like, so good in all these areas.

And I'm like, oh, isn't it cute and funny and kind of quirky that I'm not good at taking care of myself?

That's bullshit.

The self-sovereignty, that is the difference between

the people we see as martyrs and the people we see

as regal in the ultimate self-integrity sense.

You can't be both, you can't be

sovereign and not be sovereign over yourself.

That's right.

Then you're not sovereign.

You're something else.

You're like, you're performing goodness.

But when you apply the same wisdom in decision-making and the same efficacy towards yourself as you do to everything else in your life,

that's when you

are a realm creator.

That's when you're really doing it.

It's really good.

Yeah.

And when you're, you know,

the sovereign thing versus like the servant thing, which is what I was always taught in Christian culture: like, be a servant, be a servant, be a servant.

There is such a bitterness that comes with that that you can't help but

be

when you're in that place.

And that sort of bitterness of martyrdom is such a burden for people around you, like for your kids, for whatever.

It's like

such a shift in giving them a gift and a

baton of freedom as opposed to giving them the burden of knowing that You really believe in your heart that you're dying for them.

And Justina's like, I'm living for you.

My role is to live for my realm, not to die for my realm.

That's really good.

Yeah.

It also, for me, it makes me more comfortable around people and trust people more and feel less

self-conscious or insecure around people who I know are this way.

I have a friend, Laura, who does

what she wants.

who says what she thinks, who will not do things begrudgingly or what she doesn't want to do.

Yeah.

And the freedom and ease I feel around her, because I'm never questioning, oh, is she mad about this?

Or is she, does she really want to do this?

That is all taken care of.

Like, she wouldn't be doing it if she didn't want to do it.

Yeah.

There's just like a freedom in that in a relationship because there isn't this questioning situation.

Yeah, you know what you're going to get.

Trust's trust.

Yeah, love it.

It reminds me of what Lizzie said to me when I was trying to decide whether to leave my marriage that was sort of already broken, but I was giving her the whole spiel of like,

but he's a good man and he's this and he's going to be sad forever and I can't do this to him and I can't do this to him.

And she said, it's so clear that you are desperate to liberate yourself.

And what you need to remember is that there's no such thing as one-way liberation.

I know we've said this before, but I'll say it again every sixth episode.

When you're tied to somebody who you're not supposed to be with, or you're in a place you're not supposed to be, and you're staying out of some sense of obligation, when you're in a shitty relationship, whether it's a friendship or whatever, the other person is usually not also living their best life.

When you decide to remove yourself from a situation that is not meant for you, it automatically gives the other person

liberation to find where they were meant to be or with whom they're meant to be.

It's for the good of the realm, as it were.

As it were.

Yeah.

It's the beginning of a new school year and also classroom sniffles and sneezes that go along with it.

From home to school and back, stock up with Kleenex ultra-soft tissues.

Start the school year off the right way by preparing for the messes that come with it.

You don't want to be caught without a tissue on hand to help.

Kleenex Ultra Soft Tissues are soft and absorbent to stand up against runny noses, to keep you and your family clean and comforted as the school year starts.

This back to school season, make sure to get the classroom essential that teachers and students can rely on.

For whatever happens next, grab Kleenex.

Did you know the average bottle of water contains 240,000 tiny particles of plastic?

Yeah, it's shocking, especially with recent research showing microplastics in our bodies and even our blood.

That's when I knew it was time to ditch plastic and get a water filter that actually works.

I switched to the Life Straw Home Water Filter Dispenser and haven't looked back.

It's the only water dispenser that filters over 30 contaminants, including bacteria, PFAS, and yes, microplastics.

And it actually makes your water taste good.

I've noticed a big difference.

No more weird taste, no more guessing what's in our water, and we're skipping plastic bottles now, which is great for the universe.

Plus, for every product sold, a child in need receives a year of safe water.

That's more than 11 million to date.

Skip the plastic, go with LifeStraw.

Your body and the planet will thank you.

Use code HARDTHINGS for 25% off your first purchase of a LifeStraw home product at lifestraw.com and say goodbye to microplastics forever.

As summer winds down and fall winds up and life is crazy and the last thing you need to be worried about is what to wear, I need to remind you about my go-to, Quince.

Their pieces are that perfect blend of elevated and easy.

I've been living in their distressed denim shirt dress.

Am I looking cute in an actual dress?

Yes.

Is it secretly denim?

Also, yes.

Does it look great but also not touch my skin?

Is it under $50?

Yes, yes, and yes.

Also, because bathing suit shopping is just another reason to cry, I need you to please do yourself a solid and peruse Quince's bathing suits.

All summer, I wore their Italian v-neck bikini top and Italian high-rise bikini bottom, each for under $25.

Elevate your fall wardrobe essentials with Quince.

Go to quince.com/slash hardthings for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's q-u-i-n-ce-e dot com slash hardthings to get free shipping and 365-day returns.

Quince.com/slash slash hard things.

Babe, do you have a best advice?

Yes.

Oh, great.

I do.

I've been given a lot of advice in my life.

And mine is a little bit too pronged because I've evolved it in my own personal way, which I think is really important in all pieces of advice because

blanket statements may be good for you, but not totally.

Long ago, when I was training on the national team, somebody said to me, and I can't even remember who it was so long ago, they said,

you never know how good you can be unless you try.

And that really, really rang true for me, because on the national team, our whole thing is like, we're just pursuing growth and excellence.

Sometimes that means we win.

Sometimes that meant we lost.

I mean, we won more than we lost.

Let the record record show.

Yeah, let the record show.

But as an athlete, you're trying to make these marginal gains.

And every single day, you're going out and you're trying to get a little bit better, a little bit better.

And it can become really difficult in your mind to understand like, well, what am I doing this for?

And you're searching for a dream or a goal that's never been attained.

And how does somebody do that?

Honestly, it's like the continuing to show up

every single day and to try to get those marginal gains.

But the other piece of this puzzle that I didn't understand until my coach Pia Sundahaga came into my life

is that you can believe in something,

but you also, I believe deeply in my bones, that you have to have a community around you that also believes in that something too, for you.

A lot of the people who are in sports are like, when you have goals, write them down.

And when you have a goal, tell somebody about it.

but pia in 2011 just kept whispering in my ear and i think i've talked about this before she just kept whispering in my ear

best player in the world 2011 best player in the world 2011 and i didn't know that that was a thing that i could even be thinking about as something to strive for and so she just kept reinforcing this thing.

The beginning of every camp, she would whisper it in my ear.

Now, I didn't win it in 2011.

I ended up winning it in 2012, but it's something that was like this little dream bubble inside of me

that I couldn't necessarily communicate to the outside world because it felt so surreal and so unattainable.

And then this other person comes into my world and she starts putting this idea that rang true to me in my head and in my body that it's like the universe made it happen.

I honestly don't believe that I had much much to do with it.

I know that I had to go out and play and do my thing, but because

from the time that I was a little kid, I was dreaming about something that wasn't even possible, dreaming about being a professional athlete, dreaming about playing women's soccer, wasn't even a professional sport, dreaming about it, dreaming about it.

And the only reason why I was able to actually fulfill this thing that wasn't even possible when I was a child is because I tried.

You know, so, so many of us, we start our lives and we think about our days and we think about our dreams.

And so many of us,

I don't know, I feel like

if you don't try, you will never, ever have a chance at whatever your dream is.

And so it's the idea that, yes, you never know if you can do something unless you try.

And surrounding yourself with just one other person that might believe that to be true too.

Yeah.

That's why I'm like the biggest believer of all of us in our family.

Yeah.

And I feel like this is something that's really a difference or like a point of friction in our family.

And,

right?

Like

Abby in many ways has been, you know, in Michelle Obama's episode, she talked about like, Barack Obama being her biggest disruptor and vice versa.

And Abby has been for sure the biggest disruptor in my world, meaning like a lot of my worldviews, a lot of my ideas about the way things work,

she just

challenged.

And so I'm in a lot of more flux than I used to be.

Now,

the way this dreamer believer thing plays out, it's like every good thing can also be a challenge, right?

So with the kids, one of the kids applying to college and Abby's like,

I believe you're going to get into every single college that you apply to.

Now,

you should have seen Glennon's face when I said that.

I, this is irresponsible recklessness.

It is.

That's what I said.

Like, I smiled in the moment, and then we went in the thing, and I was like, You can't do that.

First of all,

we could do a whole nother episode on the unbelievable impossibility of college for kids right now and getting in, but I am

so much more comfortable, or I feel like it's more responsible or kinder to hedge bets because

I'm so afraid that if Abby says this amazing thing is going to happen and I believe then that if it doesn't happen the kid will feel like it's a disappointment like like Abby will be disappointed or and so my take is like we don't know what the hell's gonna of course we believe in you but we don't know this process we don't know the world and so anything could happen and no matter what happens it's gonna be okay We're going to work through it.

You likely couldn't get into all the college.

And then we go the other way.

Like

one of our kids is dating someone.

And I can't take it.

We didn't have a lot of dating before for the older kids.

It feels so scary.

What did you say to our kid?

So when a child falls in love, it is the most out of control, scary thing in the world for a parent because

let's face it, it doesn't end well.

It just doesn't end well.

Is that true?

If I'm a betting man, I'm going on ex-nay with a love A.

Right.

But I'm going to explain to you what I did.

And then I don't want any voicemails about it.

I want the pod squad to know that I know this wasn't the right thing to do.

And I am

growing.

And I am telling you in a vulnerable way.

And I have learned since then.

But

what Abby wants me to tell you, so I will tell you,

is that

my kid came home.

She's in love.

We did the whole thing.

Yay, yay.

Was when she first came home with a massive crush.

A crush, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

And I said to her, we got in the car and I said, baby, do you know why they call it a crush?

And she said,

why?

And I said, because it always crushes you.

Like

in

the end, it's like it feels good and happy and butterfly and open, but it will crush you.

There is going to come a moment where it all breaks bad and your little heart is going to be

smushed and crushed.

I said that to my child.

Okay.

That is what I chose to say to my child about love.

Love wins.

Love warrior.

You will be crushed.

Carry on, warrior, right until you're crushed.

And

I got home

and

I explained to Abby the conversation that we had.

And Abby looked at me

like a murderer.

And I was a murderer.

I was a murderer of love.

Different kind of love warrior.

But

I guess these are diverging paths of advice.

The hopeful,

it will happen.

You can do it.

And I want to tell you something.

Abby keeps telling our children that these amazing things can happen

that I feel like are reckless.

And then they keep happening.

So I don't have a lot of proof for my worldview yet.

But I know

eventually.

It's going to all break back and I'm going to be right.

It's not about being right though.

My belief in whatever they want to go for in their life doesn't mean that they are going to always get it.

But one thing I know that is certain is if they don't try,

that is what the failure is.

If they don't try to go after the things that are the most important to them, that they feel the most passionate about, that they feel most pulled to do.

If you don't try to go towards those things, that is when you actually fail.

It's not whether they get into every college or not.

I just think it's more important for a person on this planet to feel something, to be activated

and to be drawn to the thing and to go for it.

I just wanted to say, I like your way better.

And like, I feel, because I think the goal is for them to have their hearts open.

I think what I was telling is, I'm so scared that your heart's going to be broken that I'm telling you this right now.

So you will keep part of your heart closed.

And that is the opposite of what we want we want our kids to go into the world open-hearted and try

it's like and try it's like the idea of like yeah the world will break us but we're not going to break them first like

let the world tell them they're not good enough let the world whatever but they're not going to not find belief from the people who love them the most.

And also, I don't think the world is going to break us.

I think the world is going to teach us.

I think language does matter matter here.

Like every heartbreak of my life was the most important lesson I needed to learn.

I know.

And it sucks to watch your kids go through it.

You're the one who said, grab your kids' hand, walk them through the fires of their life, because what our job is, is to teach them that they are fireproof.

Yeah, that advice was for other people.

No, I 100% know you're right.

It's just the fear in me that shows up and then wants to protect and protecting your kids from their lives and from love is tragic.

I think it's ironic though, because you are one of the most fearless lovers.

You love these children.

I don't know.

Maybe it's a protective measure for yourself.

For sure it is.

100% is.

What are you going to say?

Tell me more about that.

Well, first of all, I want to say, Abby, your part about

trying to curb, like

you would never have had the audacity to say, I want to be the best player in the world unless someone else affirmed it for you as a

conceivable goal.

And so what you're doing is trying to say, like, don't tamp down your potential.

Don't self-edit your dreams.

Be as audacious as you want to be or that any part of your desires wants to be because that's how you find out.

And so that's a beautiful thing because of all the self-editing that happens, especially with girls.

Is that too ambitious?

Is that too aggressive?

Is that whatever it is?

And then

G-Bird, of course, it's like they're loving reading a book and it's the best and they're falling in love with the characters and whatever.

And you're like, well, I just want to tell you because I see you just, and best joy ends this way.

Best guy.

So don't be afraid.

Are you sure you want to keep going?

Are you sure you want to keep going?

I'm preparing you.

But that's not the way.

It's a fiction.

Like, that's not going to.

That's not going to change what they decide to do.

You know, it's going to end that way, very likely.

And you just have to wait for it to play out.

And it's not going to stop the heartbreak part.

It's just going to poison the love part.

It's just going to poison her.

Or it's going to poison her relationship with you because I doubt it even poisons the love part.

You're giving yourself a lot of credit of getting through to her.

There's no way in hell that she believes that.

She put something in the back of her head that maybe,

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think she's probably just as in love as she was going to be before you said that and is going to be just as crushed as she was going to be before you said it.

It's a fiction that you think that you're going to prevent it.

Yes, but it's also a truth that Glennon is searing into that when it happens, because it will likely happen at some point in her life, she will get heartbroken.

She will remember when her mom said this to her and she will remember that, oh yeah, my mom.

And so that's the moment.

It's not now.

It's when it happens is that she might draw that.

that conclusion in a bad way you mean i think so you've rebounded from it we've had the conversation because I was like, that's ridiculous.

That's not right.

Yeah, we circled back.

Circle back.

Circled back.

Circle, circle back.

And just psych, everything's great.

It's going to be awesome.

You'll probably get married.

No, we explained that it was mom's fear, and that sometimes she tries to control beautiful things by warning everyone that they will end.

Exactly.

How would you like to feel calmer, think clearer, and sleep better, all in just two minutes?

Meet TrueVega Plus, a handheld device that uses gentle vagus nerve stimulation to help calm your body's stress response.

In just two minutes a session, TrueVega helps shift you out of fight-or-flight and into a more relaxed, balanced state.

By naturally supporting your body's nervous system, you can quiet mental chatter, ease anxious feelings, and promote deeper, more restful sleep.

So you wake up feeling refreshed and clear-headed.

There are no pills, no side effects, just safe, clinically backed technology developed from decades of neuromodulation research.

Ready to try it out?

Visit truevega.com and use code WCDHT25 at checkout to receive $25 off your purchase.

Take action today and upgrade to feeling better every day with TrueVega.

Visit Truevega.com and use my code WCDHT25 to receive $25 off your purchase.

Feel calmer and sleep better with TrueVega.

As summer winds down, now is the perfect time to ease back into learning.

Whether kids are gearing up for school or enjoying the last days of break, IXL is an award-winning online learning platform that helps students build true understanding across subjects.

IXL adapts to each learner's level, pace, and needs, making it a powerful tool for catching up, staying sharp, or getting ahead.

It's also a time saver.

One subscription provides access for the whole household across all grade levels.

And when extra support is needed, IXL is a smart, affordable alternative to expensive tutoring sessions.

IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S.

Make an impact on your child's learning.

Get IXL now.

And We Can Do Hard Things listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixllearning.com slash we can.

Visit ixllearning.com slash we can to get the most effective learning program out there at the best price.

So if my dogs had a credit card, I'm 100%

sure that they would use it to order Ollie.

After switching to Ollie, I've never seen them this excited for mealtime.

They drool, they're jumping up and down.

In fact, Hattie is now like getting onto the counter.

She's put her paws onto the counter looking for Ollie.

That's the Ollie effect.

Ollie's fresh turkey with blueberries.

This has been our dog's instant favorite.

And the fact that it's made with human-grade ingredients and zero fillers or preservatives, that matters to me.

They're family.

Dogs deserve the best, and that means fresh, healthy food.

Head to ollie.com slash hardthings.

Tell them all about your dog and use code hard things to get 60% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today.

Plus, they offer a happiness guarantee on the the first box.

So if you're not completely satisfied, you'll get your money back.

That's olie.com slash hardthings and enter code hardthings to get 60% off your first box.

Birdie, what is your

best advice you've received?

So here I want to tell my precious beloved pod squad this, that I have been thinking about this episode for several weeks.

Usually, what I tell myself is, think about this interview today, and then I think about it all day.

This one, I have been thinking about forever.

And I find it amazing because I am a human being who has written lots of books with what could be considered advice in it, who has been talking for a decade and a half with what could be considered advice, I guess.

And what I want to tell you is that I could not think of anything.

And when I say that I could not think of anything, finally, yesterday morning in my yoga class, I was like, oh, I think you're just supposed to talk about how you don't have any.

I don't think it's going to pop into your head

and you're going to have the thing.

I think the thing is that you're supposed to talk about how at this point in your life,

there is nothing that I can think of that that I could say is correct and true all the time.

I keep thinking about that Ernest Hemingway thing, like all you have to do is write one true sentence.

That was advice to writers.

But if you told me that that was my assignment right now, I could not do it.

I cannot think

of any set of words that I could say

that feel like they would be applicable to everyone at all times.

Like the truest thing I know right now is, I guess, just like sitting in a room with someone.

I got this tattoo a decade and a half ago.

It says, be still.

Like that,

no,

that's not true all the time.

Like sometimes the last thing I need to do is be still.

I need to move my ass.

Suzanne Stabile just came on here and said, your ass needs to be doing.

Which is true, right?

Like, like make a boundary.

You know, I bounded myself up so much that I turned into a freaking island that no one could reach.

Love everyone.

No, I extend myself so much and then I get bit in the ass.

Like, no, it's like, I don't know

anything.

That is what I'm telling you.

I don't know anything.

And I find it feels a little bit alarming.

I mean, you are the most serious person I have ever met in my whole life.

First of all, you are the smartest person I've ever met.

And also this simple exercise you can't do is the most amazing thing.

And it's true for you.

It has driven me bat shit.

But what I'm telling you is I don't think that I'm not smart.

I'm not saying I'm not smart, so I don't know anything.

I'm saying I think I am finally smart enough to know I don't know shit.

Oof.

I think I am shit.

So do you not know shit about you?

Or do you not know shit to say to someone else?

Because there's a difference.

Are there true things you can say about you?

No.

Oh, okay.

What I know is that I got sober when I was 25 years old.

I'd been lost addiction since then.

I was 25, started having babies, baby, baby, baby, building the business, doing all the things, telling all the people, saying all the words.

I have not been in touch with my own self and my own body and the fluidity of being human and being a creature on the earth.

And so what I know is what I need to do or want to do or feel into next.

And so I can't put that into words because it won't be true in four minutes.

Fuck.

It's so annoying how true this conversation is.

What I know is that I can have moments of truth with another human being, that I can feel truth when I'm outside, that I can feel the truth of love when I'm next to someone.

But

putting things down into words and saying that this is true, I don't, I can't, I can't do it.

I feel like that in itself is a moment of freedom and truth for me but you have gotten

advice in the past that has led you to that i remember when martha beck

told you

go towards what feels warm and go away from what feels cold

that was advice that triggered you to understand that you weren't in touch with yourself as a creature and that

there was a thing that would eventually, if you paid attention to to it enough, feel what felt warm and what felt cold.

Yes.

And then there was a moment in my life this year that

when I got an anorexia diagnosis, that nothing felt harder and more horrible and colder than going towards the

understanding of that diagnosis.

And then I still knew that I needed to do that.

There have been guiding forces.

I would say right now, the closest I could get,

I thought about this one.

I thought about saying this one.

I was talking to Liz Gilbert about some things and

my relationships, and she said something very simple that was, it is amazing how when you take care of yourself, the universe takes care of everything else.

I know that sounds so simple, but that is where I am right now.

That is not, I don't think that's possible for you with your children's ages.

I don't.

It was true for me when I had a bunch of little kids in a new business.

There are things like principles that have guided me well through certain periods of my life and then are completely untrue in the next part of my life.

It's like, is truth even possible?

Like, what is truth?

Togetherness, I think aligned is a good thing for me right now.

Like, I feel like I need to be aligned, meaning when I am

doing the things that keep me calm, when I'm staying present, when I'm getting fresh air, when I'm drinking my water, when I'm doing my stretching, when I'm doing the most basic things, I seem to be prepared, not in a way of like I used to be prepared.

I used to prepare by overthinking, by controlling, by making sure I knew everything that was going to happen.

Now I feel like preparedness is a calm nervous system, is a being

so

filled up.

that I can respond, that I can be responsible, meaning I can respond to something someone says or a problem someone brings to me in kindness and like a feeling of joy and not scarcity.

I can be prepared, meaning I am fully here, I am fully calm.

And then that makes me feel aligned.

Sometimes recently I'll be like, I can't believe that like

that happened and then I was able to say that thing.

Whereas had I been stressed and busy, I would not have been able to meet that moment.

There is like an alignment that comes with really being

in touch with what is happening inside my body and I need in the moment.

And then I'm able to meet what other people need in the moment, what the world needs from me in a moment in a way that I haven't been able to do before.

Because I've come with too many preconceived notions and advice and rules and expectations and whatever.

And now it's like everything is constantly shifting.

And I think for a person like me,

the way that you're thinking and talking about this feels the most true, but also it feels like the most scary because I like to have more structure.

Yeah, it's like advice is dogma.

It's like, it's like a religion.

Like it's, you know, we put together all the words and then, yeah.

And then what if it's not true tomorrow?

When you said that, I just realized for the first time ever that responsible means able to respond.

I mean, responsible doesn't mean coming with your script of exactly what you need to say and exactly what you need to do because zero part of that involves a response.

That's just a soliloquy or a sermon.

But when

you are able to respond,

then you're responsible.

Huh, that'll get you thinking.

We think of responsible as like, I have taken on all of these burdens.

I am

responsible for this, for whatever, as opposed to responsible being what I've done whatever I need to do to be able to respond fully to what comes in this minute, in this hour, in this whatever.

So

once again, I fucked up our advice episode.

Sure have.

I tried to get you to say something.

Love wins.

Sarah Borrellis will will tell us something.

We asked her when she was in that amazing episode 141, one of my favorite episodes ever, how to remember yourself.

And she came back to tell us her best advice.

So let's hear from her on that.

So, Sarah, what is the best advice that you've ever received from another human being that you keep with you?

Carol King.

It's easy.

This one's easy.

I was standing side stage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.

I was honoring Laura Nero

and I was singing a song of hers.

And I was standing next to Carol King.

And that was the first time I ever met Carol King, who is a hero of mine.

And I was so nervous.

I was singing a song I didn't know that well.

honoring an artist I didn't know that well.

All my imposter syndrome stuff was like so loud.

And

I

was like just shaking in my boots, standing side stage, getting ready to go on.

And Carol just put her arm around my waist and she's like, get out of your own way.

Go do the thing.

Just like, get out of your own way.

They already love you.

And

I mean, she was the same way we performed together on the Grammys a couple of years later, singing Brave and her song Beautiful, a mashup of that.

And she's just a real beacon of like, if I could, I'll have what she's having.

Like, she's, she's got so much generosity of spirit.

The coolest people I've ever met are not holding on to

any of it.

You know what I mean?

Like, they're just like, there is enough for everyone.

Give it away.

Generosity of spirit.

Go do the thing.

You're so badass.

There's so much to give.

And the more you give, the more you get.

It's so cliche, but it's really so true.

And that was a moment I'll never forget.

And I fucking killed it.

And she got sick out of herself on that stage, I bet.

And I looked so cute.

My hair was behind my ear.

Does it get better than Sarah Borellis?

It does not, indeed.

Oh, my God.

So before we wrap our first advice episode, I want to talk about one of the best advice givers that I've ever known in my life.

I would say probably Liz Gilbert and then Mrs.

Yalen.

Okay, Mrs.

Yalen.

She's going to be pissed.

I know.

Okay, Tina.

Tina Yalen is my seventh grade government teacher.

Okay.

She has been in my life since seventh grade.

Also, my seventh grade government teacher.

Yes.

Cool.

Yes.

Tina Yalen.

She still comes to our house.

She now loves Abby, maybe even more than me.

She sends me cookies every Hanukkah.

Yeah, she sends cookies to us too.

She's been a guide and a sage and a friend to so many of her students.

Here's just one story about Mrs.

Deal, and there's been seven million, but a lot of years ago, I decided to become a minister.

Okay, like a real minister.

Meaning applied for and got accepted to a seminary.

Correct.

Applied to and got accepted to seminary.

Okay, I was going to become a minister of a church.

And honestly, this had always been a little bit, you know, I started started monastery.

I started it because of my obsession with monasteries when I was little.

My mom told me that I took my first career aptitude test.

It came back and said I should be a nun.

Okay.

That's interesting.

So this has always been in me, right?

So

I call Mrs.

Yalen

and I'm like, I just got accepted to seminary.

I'm going to go to seminary.

And she goes, why?

I said,

well, because I want, I just feel like I want to be like

the leader of a church.

Like I want to

create

a community of people who are doing good things and who are loving each other and the truest, most beautiful little world I can imagine.

And she goes, you're already doing that.

And I said, what?

And she said,

you already have a church.

And I said, no, I wanted like a church with walls, like an actual church, not like an internet church, a church with walls.

She goes, what could be worse than a church with walls when you have a church without walls already?

Why do you need walls?

So what you, you're going to seminary to get walls.

That's what you're doing.

And so I said,

okay, I guess I'm not going to seminary.

Mrs.

Halen said no.

Please send more cookies while I process this new information.

Mrs.

Halen said no.

Thank God.

She's the best.

So the reason we're bringing up Mrs.

Yellen is because

Tina, beloved Tina, sorry, she's the man said I like yelled at us the last time she was here.

She said, once and for all, she goes, call me Tina.

She goes, I heard you call Michelle Obama, Michelle.

If you can call Michelle Obama, Michelle, you can call Mrs.

Yalen Tina.

So.

Emily from our team sent us an email with a voicemail in it the other day.

She said, I think your friend, Mrs.

Yalen, left us afloat.

Tina.

So

just please listen to this, Pod Squad.

This is the Tina Yalen leaving a voicemail

on our machine.

And a good time to shout out all the teachers everywhere.

Not only do they do

talk about ministers of the people

doing God's work every damn day for all the people.

Remember, she was going through the national board certification process when during the time we had her, which is the highest certification you could get for teachers.

She was doing that to do it, like just to do it.

And Bobby's teacher this year, Mrs.

Hughes, she was going through the same process.

And teachers are so badass.

Side note, when I was an eighth grader, I was so in love, like deeply, passionately

in love with this boy named Chris, who was a senior.

Okay.

And he was like, you were in eighth grade?

yeah but he didn't know who i was i just was like i was infatuated and obsessed it was a crush it's called a crush because it's going to crush you it did crush me chris was so hot and he had long blonde hair he was a total metalhead i was a total metalhead head banger's ball was my favorite show i was in love with janie lane

janie lane sebastian bach i wanted to marry sebastian bach

this story sucks skid row well i mean here's the deal they all had really long hair Yeah.

So it was my, it was a gateway.

The point being

that

I was just obsessed with a senior named Chris.

And then I walk into like senior teacher day, and Mrs.

Yalen had arranged for Chris to be the teacher because she knew that I was so obsessed with him.

And then she put me right in the front row.

Oh, boy.

And I was so excited.

And she just sat there and laughed at me the whole

time.

I hate this story.

I hate any crush stories that you have.

All right, let's hear from Mrs.

Yalen.

Hi, this is Tina Yalen.

I don't miss an episode, but this is the first time I've actually called in.

You asked about things that delight us, and I just knew I had to respond.

I am hit with intense delight whenever you invite me into your home for a visit and give me a couple of hours of your precious time.

We talk about things light and deep.

We laugh.

We might shed a tear, but every time I leave, I am deeply joyful, knowing I was given a gift.

To me, there's nothing more worthy of delight than when people you love give you their time.

I feel this delight with many of my former students, like you, Glennon, who have chosen to keep me in their lives, and Grateful doesn't even begin to capture that for me.

I'm already looking forward to our next visit.

The only thing that would make it even more delightful would be if Amanda, who was also a student of mine, were there with us.

So all of you podcasters out there, know this.

These incredible women are exactly who you think they are in person.

Authentic, honest, thoughtful, insightful, curious, kind, and funny.

I love them, and nothing gives me more delight than being in their company.

Thanks.

Tina.

I think we should have Mrs.

Tina on the podcast.

We should.

I tell you what.

She comes over and this woman is just a ball of energy.

What she calls herself, she's a whip, a work in progress.

Yeah.

And I love that.

And I will tell you, I just remembered she says something to me repeatedly when she leaves our house each time.

And I think this one might be true.

She says to me, because she was like, wait, people, Glennon's about to admit that something might be true.

No, no, no, no.

Don't girl, please.

I actually don't.

She listens to every

single podcast.

So she knows all all of our stuff and all of our struggles.

And so she grabbed me by the shoulders before she left last time and she said, Glennon,

please understand

that there is nothing

wrong with you.

Now that is some good ass advice.

So I can admit that that is true for everyone else.

Hot squatters.

A ridiculous human.

What I want

say to you is I want to hold you by the shoulders and say,

there is

nothing

wrong with you.

And perhaps the only thing that has ever been wrong with us is the wild wrong idea that there is something wrong with us.

And I think what Mrs.

Yalen is trying to say to me after 70 years on this earth is please stop wasting your precious time on this planet, thinking that you are a mystery to solve when there is so much beauty to just enjoy.

Damn.

It's good to end on.

We love you, Pod Squad.

There is not a damn thing wrong with you.

Love you, Tina.

Bye.

Bye.

If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things.

First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things?

Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode.

To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

And then just tap the plus sign in the upper right-hand corner or click on follow.

This is the most important thing for the pod.

While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five-star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful.

We appreciate you very much.

We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey.

Our executive producer is Jenna Wise-Berman, and this show is produced by Lauren Lagrasso, Allison Schott, Dina Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.