The Best Advice We’ve Ever Received (Best Of)

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Speaker 2 Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.

Speaker 3 You are in for a

Speaker 2 life-changing week, we hope, on this pod, because what we have decided to focus on this week is the best advice we have ever received.

Speaker 2 The advice that has changed our life or helped us see the world in a new way that has made a real difference in our life.

Speaker 2 So what we are saying to you, pod squad, is that if your life is not a little bit better, After this week, then we have not done our jobs.

Speaker 2 Then we will give you all of your money back that you did not pay to listen to this pod.

Speaker 2 So what we have decided to do is this first episode is going to be the best advice that Amanda, Abby, and I could possibly offer you.

Speaker 2 Then we have a little treat from Sarah Borelis and a special guest. And then Thursday's episode is going to be all of the best advice that we have collected from the pod squad.

Speaker 2 You all called in your life-changing advice and damned if it didn't help us a hell of a lot. So stick with us for this week.
We're going to fix life.

Speaker 7 That's our small ambition.

Speaker 2 We're going to fix life this week together. Let's go.

Speaker 2 Sister, no pressure. You're first.
What's the best advice you've ever heard?

Speaker 4 Damn. Okay, so

Speaker 4 most recently,

Speaker 4 I don't think it was. meant as advice, but it was a shift that I have internalized as advice.
So Glennon, you and I were having lunch and this incredible woman, Justina Blakeney.

Speaker 2 Oh God, Jungalow. She's the absolute best.

Speaker 4 Yes, yes, she's amazing. I was sitting beside her at the lunch and they brought around this dessert tray and

Speaker 4 she said, are there any non-dairy items on that tray? And there were like five delicious things.

Speaker 2 And the gentleman said,

Speaker 4 oh, no, there isn't.

Speaker 5 And she was like, okay, I pass.

Speaker 4 And I looked at her and I said, Oh my gosh, you don't eat dairy, and there's no choices here. And I'm so sorry.
Do you want me to go ask if they have anything else?

Speaker 4 And she said the following: She said,

Speaker 4 No, sorries,

Speaker 4 it's self-sovereignty.

Speaker 4 This is what she says to me: not sorry, self-sovereignty.

Speaker 4 And she proceeds to tell me about how

Speaker 4 she has

Speaker 4 recently decided that the decisions that she is making that make her feel better

Speaker 4 are

Speaker 4 understood to her to be from a place of self-sovereignty, as opposed to like something that is happening to her or like something the world is doing to her.

Speaker 10 Depriving.

Speaker 2 It's not depriving her.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 4 It's not deprivation. It is a decision that she is making of her own authority instead of something that the world is imposing on her.

Speaker 4 And I thought, well, I'll be damned. And so she said, yes, it's self-sovereignty.
It's for the good of the realm.

Speaker 9 For the good of the realm. So her

Speaker 11 world.

Speaker 4 is her realm, her family, her people, her ecosystem, her business. And when she decides that something is good for her,

Speaker 4 she makes the decision through her own self-sovereignty and then declares it for the good of the realm.

Speaker 2 And then she waves her arm. Please understand.
She waves her arm as if she's gesturing to her realm.

Speaker 4 To her broad and bountiful realm.

Speaker 2 And she says, for the good of the realm.

Speaker 4 And I have taken that internally

Speaker 12 as

Speaker 4 my new thing that I like to say.

Speaker 4 So if I'm going on a walk and the house is chaotic and there's too much to do and it's vastly inconvenient for everyone involved, I just wave my hand as I walk out the door and say, for the good of the realm.

Speaker 4 And then I do what I need to do.

Speaker 2 Can we get

Speaker 2 into that a minute?

Speaker 5 Because

Speaker 2 that is funny and beautiful and queenly. Justina is very queenly.
Everyone should just go to her Instagram at jungalo and just see her so that you can like understand how amazing this is.

Speaker 2 What Justina has done is reframe the entire bullshit of,

Speaker 2 but if I do this thing for myself, it's selfish. I can choose myself or I can choose my people.
And so I choose my people. No, you can't.
False dichotomy.

Speaker 2 When you serve yourself and make the decision for yourself, that flows out into everyone else and they see your power and they see your strength and they get permission to be that way.

Speaker 4 And even if they don't, it doesn't matter if they don't pick up the message. Who the hell cares?

Speaker 4 You know that you are doing it for the good of the realm, whether they see that or not, or understand it or not. That is their business.

Speaker 4 Your business is to be self-sovereign and to be the expert of yourself and to do the thing that you need to do and then declare it for the good of the realm.

Speaker 4 And all of the minions in the realm may or may not appreciate this about you.

Speaker 13 It's so true.

Speaker 2 We can't tell you.

Speaker 4 It reminded me of episode 33, really early on when we were talking about what the hell does brave mean.

Speaker 4 And

Speaker 4 maybe brave is just being the expert of you

Speaker 4 and just doing that, whether or not people understand it. That's the self-sovereignty part.
It's like, no, I'm doing this not as a reaction to a collective decision.

Speaker 4 and understanding that this is the right thing for me. I'm just doing it because I alone am the expert of me.
And that's the sovereignty part.

Speaker 4 And then I also know that as the leader of this realm, what is good for me is good for you, whether your ass knows it or not. Yeah.
For the good of the realm.

Speaker 2 And I know I'm probably for you focusing too much on the other person, but I think what people think is what that means is what is good for me is the same thing that's good for you. So we're good.

Speaker 2 And I don't think that's what it means. I think it means what's good for you is to see me doing what's good for me so that you too will understand that you you need to do what's good for you.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 2 It's a modeling of a process,

Speaker 2 not a particular thing that's going to be good for everybody. So let's think of some things that pod squatters can do for the good of the realm today.

Speaker 2 Like, for example, if you're home and your whole family is driving you batshit and you walk into your bedroom and you're going to take a nap before you go close the door, you yell out your door.

Speaker 2 For the good of the realm. And then you close the door.

Speaker 10 Yes.

Speaker 10 And then this sort of thing.

Speaker 14 well and i just want to say i i think that there's so many folks that are listening right now that are probably thinking that sounds nice in theory how do i begin this right like it does take an act of bravery to begin this escapade this like active adventure into becoming self-sovereign and i think that one thing that i have learned from justina is that she is regal And that kind of regal honor that she gives herself actually makes me want to do that for myself.

Speaker 14 And so when I think about our children and I think about all the things that, especially teenagers, they don't really listen to necessarily the words that are coming out of our mouths, but they watch what we do.

Speaker 14 And if we are acting in service of ourselves, then they will start doing that for themselves. And I just, I know that it's hard, but just try it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 4 I love it. It reminds me of like, I walk around, I'm like, so good in all these areas.
And I'm like, oh, isn't it cute and funny and kind of quirky that I'm not good at taking care of myself?

Speaker 4 That's bullshit. The self-sovereignty, that is the difference between

Speaker 4 the people we see as martyrs and the people we see

Speaker 4 as regal in the ultimate self-integrity sense. You can't be both.
You can't be

Speaker 4 sovereign. and not be sovereign over yourself.
That's right. Then you're not sovereign.
You're something else. You're like, you're performing goodness.

Speaker 4 But when you apply the same wisdom in decision making and the same efficacy towards yourself as you do to everything else in your life,

Speaker 4 that's when you

Speaker 4 are a realm creator. That's when you're really doing it.

Speaker 2 It's really good. Yeah.
And when you're, you know,

Speaker 2 the sovereign thing versus like the servant thing, which is what I was always taught in Christian culture, like be a servant, be a servant, be a servant.

Speaker 2 There is such a bitterness that comes with that that you can't help but

Speaker 11 be

Speaker 2 when you're in that place.

Speaker 2 And that sort of bitterness of martyrdom is such a burden for people around you, like for your kids, for whatever. It's like

Speaker 2 such a shift in giving them a gift and a

Speaker 2 baton of freedom as opposed to giving them the burden of knowing that you really believe in your heart that you're dying for them. And Justina's like, I'm living for you.

Speaker 2 My role is to live for my realm, not to die for my realm.

Speaker 15 That's really good.

Speaker 4 Yeah. It also, for me, it makes me more comfortable around people and trust people more and feel less

Speaker 4 self-conscious or insecure around people who I know are this way. I have a friend, Laura, who does

Speaker 4 what she wants, who says what she thinks, who will not do things begrudgingly or what she doesn't want to do. Yeah.

Speaker 4 And the freedom and ease I feel around her, because I'm never questioning,

Speaker 4 oh, is she mad about this? Or is she, does she really want to do this? That is all taken care of. Like she wouldn't be doing it if she didn't want to do it.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 There's just like a freedom in that in a relationship because there isn't this questioning situation.

Speaker 14 Yeah, you know what you're going to get.

Speaker 2 Trust's trust.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Love it.
It reminds me of what Lizzie said to me when I was trying to decide whether to leave my marriage that was sort of already broken, but I was giving her the whole spiel of like,

Speaker 2 but he's a good man and he's this and he's going to be sad forever. And I can't do this to him and I can't do this to him.
And she said, it's so clear that you are desperate to liberate yourself.

Speaker 2 And what you need to remember is that there's no such thing as one-way liberation.

Speaker 2 I know we've said this before, but I'll say it again every sixth episode.

Speaker 2 When you're tied to somebody who you're not supposed to be with, or you're in a place you're not supposed to be, and you're staying out of some sense of obligation, when you're in a shitty relationship, whether it's a friendship or whatever, the other person is usually not also living their best life.

Speaker 2 When you decide to remove yourself from a situation that is not meant for you, it automatically gives the other person

Speaker 2 liberation to find where they were meant to be or with whom they're meant to be.

Speaker 10 It's for the good of the realm, as it were. As it were.
Yeah.

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Speaker 14 off.

Speaker 2 Babe, do you have a best advice? Yes.

Speaker 3 Oh, great.

Speaker 5 I do.

Speaker 14 I've been given a lot of advice in my life. And mine is a little bit too pronged because I've evolved it in my own personal way, which I think is really important in all pieces of advice.

Speaker 10 Cause

Speaker 14 blanket statements may be good for you, but not totally. Long ago, when I was training on the national team, somebody said to me, and I can't even remember who it was so long ago, they said,

Speaker 14 you never know how good you can be unless you try.

Speaker 14 And that really, really rang true for me because on the national team, our whole thing is like, we're just pursuing growth and excellence sometimes that means we win sometimes that meant we lost i mean we won more than we lost let the record show yeah let the record show but as an athlete you're trying to make these marginal gains and every single day you're going out and you're trying to get a little bit better a little bit better and it can become really difficult in your mind to understand like well what am i doing this for

Speaker 14 and you're searching for a dream or a goal that's never been attained And how does somebody do that?

Speaker 14 And honestly, it's like the continuing to show up

Speaker 14 every single day and to try to get those marginal gains.

Speaker 14 But the other piece of this puzzle that I didn't understand until my coach Pia Sundahaga came into my life is that you can believe in something.

Speaker 14 But you also, I believe deeply in my bones, that you have to have a community around you that also believes in that something too, for you.

Speaker 14 So, a lot of the people who are in sports are like, when you have goals, write them down. And when you have a goal, tell somebody about it.

Speaker 14 But Pia in 2011 just kept whispering in my ear. And I think I've talked about this before.
She just kept whispering in my ear,

Speaker 14 best player in the world, 2011. Best player in the world, 2011.
And I didn't know that that was a thing that I could even be thinking about as something to strive for.

Speaker 14 And so she just kept reinforcing this thing. The beginning of every camp, she would whisper it in my ear.
Now, I didn't win it in 2011.

Speaker 14 I ended up winning it in 2012, but it's something that was like this little dream bubble inside of me

Speaker 14 that I couldn't necessarily communicate to the outside world because it felt so surreal and so unattainable.

Speaker 14 And then this other person comes into my world and she starts putting this idea that rang true to me in my head and in my body that it's like the universe made it happen.

Speaker 14 I honestly don't believe that I had much to do with it. I know that I had to go out and play and do my thing.
But because

Speaker 14 from the time that I was a little kid, I was dreaming about something that wasn't even possible, dreaming about being a professional athlete.

Speaker 14 dreaming about playing women's soccer, wasn't even a professional sport, dreaming about it, dreaming about it.

Speaker 14 And the only reason why I was able to actually fulfill this thing that wasn't even possible when I was a child is because I tried.

Speaker 14 You know, so, so many of us, we start our lives and we think about our days and we think about our dreams. And so many of us,

Speaker 14 I don't know, I feel like

Speaker 14 if you don't try, you will never ever have a chance at whatever your dream is.

Speaker 14 And so it's the idea that, yes, you never know if you can do something unless you try, and surrounding yourself with just one other person that might believe that to be true too.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 14 That's why I'm like the biggest believer of all of us in our family.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I feel like this is something that's really a difference or like a point of

Speaker 2 friction in our family. And, and,

Speaker 2 right? Like,

Speaker 2 Abby, in many ways, has been, you know, in Michelle Obama's episode, she talked about like Barack Obama being her biggest disruptor and vice versa.

Speaker 2 And Abby has been for sure the biggest disruptor in my world, meaning like a lot of my worldviews, a lot of my ideas about the way things work,

Speaker 2 she just

Speaker 2 challenged. And so I'm in a lot of more flux than I used to be.
Now,

Speaker 2 the way this dreamer, believer thing plays out, it's like every good thing can also be a challenge, right? So, with the kids, one of the kids applying to college and Abby's like,

Speaker 2 I believe you're going to get into every single college that you apply to. Now,

Speaker 14 you should have seen Glennon's face when I said that.

Speaker 4 This is irresponsible recklessness.

Speaker 2 It is. That's what I said.
Like, I smiled in the moment and then we went in the thing and I was like, you can't do that. First of all,

Speaker 2 we could do a whole nother episode on the unbelievable impossibility of college for kids right now and getting in. But I am

Speaker 2 so much more comfortable or I feel like it's more responsible or kinder to hedge bets because

Speaker 2 I'm so afraid that if Abby says this amazing thing is going to happen and I believe, then if it doesn't happen, the kid will feel like it's a disappointment. Like Abby will be disappointed.

Speaker 2 Or, and so my take is like, we don't know what the hell's going to happen. Of course, we believe in you, but we don't know this process.
We don't know the world. And so, anything could happen.

Speaker 2 And no matter what happens, it's going to be okay. We're going to work through it.
You likely couldn't get into all the call. And then we go the other way.
Like

Speaker 2 one of our kids is dating someone, and I can't. Oh, my God.
We didn't have a lot of dating before for the older kids. It feels so scary.

Speaker 14 What did you say to our kid?

Speaker 2 So when a child falls in love, it is the the most out-of-control, scary thing in the world for a parent because,

Speaker 2 let's face it, it doesn't end well.

Speaker 2 It just doesn't end well. Is that true?

Speaker 4 If I'm a betting man, I'm going on

Speaker 4 X nay with a love A. Right.

Speaker 2 But I'm going to explain to you what I did, and then I don't want any voicemails about it. I want the pod squad to know that I know this wasn't the right thing to do, and I am

Speaker 10 growing,

Speaker 2 and I am telling you in a vulnerable way. And I have learned since then.
But

Speaker 2 what Abby wants me to tell you, so I will tell you,

Speaker 2 is that

Speaker 2 my kid came home.

Speaker 15 She's in love.

Speaker 2 We did the whole thing. Yay.

Speaker 8 Yay.

Speaker 14 Was when she first came home with a massive crush.

Speaker 2 A crush, right? Yeah.

Speaker 15 Okay.

Speaker 2 And I said to her, we got in the car and I said, baby, do you know why they call it a crush?

Speaker 2 And she said,

Speaker 10 why?

Speaker 2 And I said, because it always crushes you. Like

Speaker 2 in the end, it's like it feels good and happy and butterfly and open, but it will crush you. There is going to come a moment where it all breaks bad and your little heart is going to be

Speaker 2 smushed and crushed. I said that to my child.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 2 That is what I chose to say to my child about love. Love wins.
Love warrior.

Speaker 2 You will be crushed.

Speaker 4 Carry on warrior right until you're crushed.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 3 I got home

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 2 I explained to Abby the conversation that we had. And Abby looked at me

Speaker 2 like a murderer. And I was a murderer.
I was a murderer of love.

Speaker 4 Different kind of love warrior.

Speaker 13 But

Speaker 2 I guess these are diverging paths of advice. The hopeful,

Speaker 2 it will happen. You can do it.
Now, I want to tell you something. Abby keeps telling our children that these amazing things can happen

Speaker 2 that I feel like are reckless. And then they keep happening.

Speaker 2 So I don't have a lot of proof for my worldview yet.

Speaker 2 But I know

Speaker 10 eventually

Speaker 2 it's going to all break back and I'm going to be right.

Speaker 14 It's not about being right though. My belief in whatever they want to go for in their life doesn't mean that they are going to always get it.
But one thing I know that is certain is if they don't try,

Speaker 14 that is what the failure is. If they don't try to go after the things that are the most important to them, that they feel the most passionate about, that they feel most pulled to do.

Speaker 14 If you don't try to go towards those things, that is when you actually fail. It's not whether they get into every college or not.

Speaker 14 I just think it's more important for a person on this planet to feel something, to be activated

Speaker 14 and to be drawn to the thing and to go for it.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to say, I like your way better.

Speaker 2 And like, I feel, because I think the goal is for them to have their hearts open i think what i was telling is i'm so scared that your heart's going to be broken that i'm telling you this right now so you will keep part of your heart closed and that is the opposite of what we want we want our kids to go into the world open-hearted and try

Speaker 2 it's like and try it's like the idea of like yeah the world will break us but we're not going to break them first like

Speaker 2 Let the world tell them they're not good enough. Let the world whatever, but they're not going to not find belief from the people who love them the most.

Speaker 9 And also, I don't think the world is going to break us.

Speaker 14 I think the world is going to teach us.

Speaker 14 I think language does matter here. Like every heartbreak of my life was the most important lesson I needed to learn.
I know. And it sucks to watch your kids go through it.
You're the one who said.

Speaker 14 Grab your kids' hand, walk them through the fires of their life, because what our job is, is to teach them that they are fireproof.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that advice was for other people.

Speaker 2 No, I 100% know you're right. It's just the fear in me that shows up and then wants to protect and protecting your kids from their lives and from love is tragic.

Speaker 14 I think it's ironic, though, because you are one of the most fearless lovers. You love

Speaker 14 these children.

Speaker 14 I don't know. Maybe it's a protective measure for yourself.

Speaker 10 For sure it is. 100% is.

Speaker 14 Cindy, what are you going to say?

Speaker 15 Tell me more about that.

Speaker 4 Well, first of all, I want to say, Abby, your part about

Speaker 4 trying to curb, like

Speaker 4 you would never have had the audacity to say, I want to be the best player in the world unless someone else affirmed it for you as a

Speaker 4 conceivable goal. And so what you're doing is trying to say, like, don't tamp down your potential.
Don't self-edit your dreams. Be as audacious as you want to.

Speaker 4 be or that any part of your desires wants to be because that's how you find out. And that's a beautiful thing because of all the self-editing that happens, especially with girls.

Speaker 4 Is that too ambitious? Is that too aggressive? Is that whatever it is? And then

Speaker 4 G-Bird, of course, it's like they're loving reading a book and it's the best and they're falling in love with the characters and whatever.

Speaker 4 And you're like, well, I just want to tell you because I see you just, and that trends this way.

Speaker 10 This is how it is.

Speaker 4 So are you sure you want to keep going? Are you sure you want to keep going?

Speaker 3 I'm preparing you.

Speaker 4 But that's not the way. It's a fiction.
Like that's not going to, that's not going to change what they decide to do. You know, it's going to end that way, very likely.

Speaker 4 And you just have to wait for it to play out.

Speaker 2 And it's not going to stop the heartbreak part. It's just going to poison the love part.

Speaker 6 It's just going to poison her.

Speaker 4 Or it's going to poison her relationship with you because I doubt it even poisons the love part. You're giving yourself a lot of credit of getting through to her.

Speaker 3 There's no way in hell that she believes like.

Speaker 2 Put something in the back of her head that maybe,

Speaker 15 I don't know.

Speaker 4 I don't know. I think she's probably just as in love as she was going to be before you said that and is going to be just as crushed as she was going to be before you said it.

Speaker 4 It's a fiction that you think that you're going to prevent it.

Speaker 14 It's yes, but it's also a truth that Glennon is searing into that when it happens, because it will likely happen at some point in her life. She will get heartbroken.

Speaker 14 She will remember when her mom said this to her. And she will remember that, oh yeah, my mom.
And so that's the moment.

Speaker 14 It's not now, it's when it happens, is that she might draw that conclusion, like in a bad way, you mean? I think so. You've rebounded from it.

Speaker 14 We've had the conversation because I was like, that's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 That's not right. Yeah, we circled back.

Speaker 10 Circle back. Circle back.
Circle, circle back.

Speaker 4 And just psych, everything's great. It's going to be awesome.
You'll probably get married.

Speaker 2 No, we explained that it was mom's fear, and that sometimes she tries to control beautiful things by warning everyone that they will end.

Speaker 4 Exactly.

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Speaker 4 Birdie, what is your

Speaker 4 best advice you've received?

Speaker 2 So here, I want to tell my precious beloved pod squad this, that I have been thinking about this episode for several weeks.

Speaker 2 Usually what I tell myself is, think about this interview today, and then I think about it all day. This one, I have been thinking about forever.

Speaker 2 And I find it amazing because I am a human being who has written lots of books with what could be considered advice in it, who has been talking for a decade and a half with what could be considered advice, I guess.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 what I want to tell you is that I could not think of anything.

Speaker 2 And when I say that I could not think of anything,

Speaker 2 finally, yesterday morning in my yoga class, I was like, oh, I think you're just supposed to talk about how you don't have any. I don't think it's going to pop into your head.

Speaker 2 And you're going to have the thing. I think the thing is

Speaker 2 that you're supposed to talk about how at this point in your life,

Speaker 2 there is nothing that I can think of that I could say is correct and true all the time.

Speaker 2 I keep thinking about that Ernest Hemingway thing, like all you have to do is write one true sentence. That was advice to writers.

Speaker 2 But if you told me that that was my assignment right now, I could not do it. I cannot think

Speaker 2 of any set of words that I could say that feel like they would be applicable to everyone at all times. Like the truest thing I know right now is, I guess, just like sitting in a room with someone.

Speaker 2 I got this tattoo a decade and a half ago. It says, be still.
Like

Speaker 2 that,

Speaker 2 no,

Speaker 2 that's not true all the time. Like sometimes the last thing I need to do is be still.
I need to move my ass.

Speaker 4 Suzanne Stabile just came on here and said, your ass needs to be doing.

Speaker 10 Which is true, right?

Speaker 2 Like, like make a boundary. You know, I bounded myself up so much that I turned into a freaking island that no one could reach.
Love everyone.

Speaker 2 No, I extend myself so much and then I get bit in the ass. Like, no, it's like,

Speaker 2 I don't know

Speaker 2 anything.

Speaker 2 That is what I'm telling you.

Speaker 13 I don't know anything.

Speaker 2 And I find it.

Speaker 2 feels a little bit alarming.

Speaker 14 I mean, you are the most serious person I have ever ever met in my whole life. First of all, you are the smartest person I've ever met.

Speaker 14 And also this simple exercise you can't do is the most amazing thing. And it's true for you.

Speaker 2 It has driven me batshit. But what I'm telling you is I don't think that I'm not smart.
I'm not saying I'm not smart. So I don't know anything.

Speaker 2 I'm saying I think I am finally smart enough to know I don't know shit.

Speaker 10 Oof.

Speaker 2 I think I am.

Speaker 4 So do you not know shit about you or do you not know to say to someone else because there's a difference are there true things you can say about you no

Speaker 2 oh okay what i know is that i got sober when i was 25 years old i'd been lost addiction since then i was 25 started having babies baby baby baby building the business doing all the things telling all the people saying all the words i have

Speaker 2 not been in touch with my own self and my own body and the fluidity of being human and being a creature on the earth. And so, what I know is what I need to do, or want to do, or feel into next.

Speaker 2 And so, I can't put that into words because it won't be true in four minutes.

Speaker 14 Fuck, it's so annoying how true this conversation is.

Speaker 2 What I know is that I can have moments of truth with another human being, that I can feel truth when I'm outside, that I can feel the truth of love when I'm next to someone.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 putting things down into words and saying that this is true, I don't, I can't, I can't do it. I feel like that in itself is a moment of freedom and truth for me.

Speaker 4 But you have gotten

Speaker 4 advice in the past that has led you to that.

Speaker 4 I remember when Martha Beck

Speaker 4 told you

Speaker 4 go towards what feels warm. and go away from what feels cold.

Speaker 4 That was advice that triggered you to understand that you weren't in touch with yourself as a creature and that

Speaker 4 there was a thing that would eventually, if you paid attention to it enough, feel what felt warm and what felt cold.

Speaker 2 Yes. And then there was a moment in my life this year that

Speaker 2 when I got an anorexia diagnosis, that nothing felt harder and more horrible and colder than going towards the

Speaker 2 understanding of that diagnosis. And then I still knew that I needed to do that.

Speaker 2 There have been guiding forces. I would say, right now, the closest I could get,

Speaker 2 I thought about this one. I thought about saying this one.
I was talking to Liz Gilbert about some things and

Speaker 2 my relationships, and she said something very simple that was, it is amazing how when you take care of yourself, the universe takes care of everything else.

Speaker 2 I know that sounds so simple, but that is where I am right now. That is not, I don't think that's possible for you with your children's ages.

Speaker 15 I don't.

Speaker 2 It was true for me when I had a bunch of little kids in a new business.

Speaker 2 There are things, like principles that have guided me well through certain periods of my life and then are completely untrue in the next part of my life.

Speaker 14 It's like, is truth even possible? Like, what is truth?

Speaker 2 Togetherness,

Speaker 2 I think, aligned is a good thing for me right now. Like, I feel like I need to be aligned, meaning when I am

Speaker 2 doing the things that keep me calm, when I'm staying present, when I'm getting fresh air, when I'm drinking my water, when I'm doing my stretching, when I'm doing the most basic things, I seem to be prepared, not in a way of like, I used to be prepared.

Speaker 2 I used to prepare by overthinking, by controlling, by making sure I knew everything that was going to happen. Now I feel like preparedness is a calm nervous system, is

Speaker 2 being so

Speaker 2 filled up that I can respond, that I can be responsible, meaning I can respond to something someone says or a problem someone brings to me in kindness and like a feeling of joy and not scarcity.

Speaker 2 I can be prepared, meaning I am fully here, I'm fully calm.

Speaker 2 And then that makes me feel aligned. Sometimes recently I'll be like, I can't believe that like

Speaker 2 that happened and then I was able to say that thing. Whereas had I been stressed and busy, I would not have been able to meet that moment.

Speaker 2 There is like an alignment that comes with really being in touch with what is happening inside my body and I need in the moment. And then I'm able to meet what other people need in the moment.

Speaker 2 what the world needs for me in a moment in a way that I haven't been able to do before.

Speaker 2 Because I've come with too many preconceived notions and advice and rules and expectations and whatever. And now it's like everything is constantly shifting.

Speaker 14 And I think for a person like me,

Speaker 14 the way that you're thinking and talking about this feels the most true, but also it feels like the most scary because I like to have more structure.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like advice is dogma. It's like it's like a religion.
Like it's, you know, we put together all the words and then, yeah. And then what if it's not true tomorrow?

Speaker 4 When you said that, I just realized for the first time ever that responsible means able to respond.

Speaker 4 I mean, responsible doesn't mean coming with your script of exactly what you need to say and exactly what you need to do because zero part of that involves a response.

Speaker 4 That's just a soliloquy or a sermon. But when

Speaker 4 you are able to respond,

Speaker 4 then you're responsible. Huh, that'll get you thinking.

Speaker 2 We think of responsible as like, I have taken on all of these burdens.

Speaker 2 I am

Speaker 2 responsible for this for whatever, as opposed to responsible being what I've done, whatever I need to do to be able to respond fully to what comes in this minute, in this hour, in this whatever.

Speaker 6 So,

Speaker 2 once again, I fucked up our advice episode. Sure have.

Speaker 4 All right, I tried to get you to say something.

Speaker 10 Love wave.

Speaker 4 Sarah Borelis will tell us something. We asked her when she was in that amazing episode 141, one of my favorite episodes ever, how to remember yourself.
And she came back to tell us her best advice.

Speaker 4 So let's hear from her on that.

Speaker 2 So, Sarah, what is the best advice that you've ever received from another human being that you keep with you?

Speaker 10 Carol King.

Speaker 6 It's easy.

Speaker 7 This one's easy. I was standing side stage at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony.
I was honoring Laura Nero

Speaker 7 and I was singing a song of hers and I was standing next to Carol King. And that was the first time I ever met Carol King,

Speaker 14 who is a hero of mine.

Speaker 14 I was so nervous.

Speaker 7 I was singing a song I didn't know that well, honoring an artist I didn't know that well. All my imposter syndrome stuff was like so loud.
And

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 7 was like just shaking in my boots standing side stage, getting ready to go on. And Carol just put her arm around my waist and she's like, get out of your own way.

Speaker 7 Go do the thing. Just like, get out of your own way.

Speaker 10 They already love you.

Speaker 7 And

Speaker 7 I mean, she was the same way we performed together on the Grammys a couple of years later, singing Brave and her song Beautiful, a mashup of that.

Speaker 7 And she's just a real beacon of like, if I could, I'll have what she's having.

Speaker 10 Like she's

Speaker 7 got so much generosity of spirit. The coolest people I've ever met are not holding on to

Speaker 7 any of it. You know what I mean? Like they're just like, there is enough for everyone.
Give it away. Generosity of spirit.
Go do the thing.

Speaker 4 You're so badass.

Speaker 7 There's so much to give. And the more you give, the more you get.
It's so cliche, but it's really so true. And that was a moment I'll never forget.

Speaker 7 And I fucking killed it.

Speaker 8 Yes.

Speaker 4 And she got a snap out of herself on that stage, I bet.

Speaker 7 And I looked so cute.

Speaker 7 My hair was behind my ear.

Speaker 2 Does it get better than Sarah Borrellis?

Speaker 4 It does not, indeed.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. So before we wrap our first advice episode, I want to talk about one of the best advice givers that I've ever known in my life.
I would say probably Liz Gilbert and then Mrs.

Speaker 2 Yalen. Okay, Mrs.
Yalen. She's going to be pissed.
I know. Okay, Tina.
Tina Yalen is my seventh grade government teacher. Okay.

Speaker 2 She has been in my life since seventh grade.

Speaker 4 Also my seventh grade government teacher. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes. Tina Yalen.
She still comes to our house. She now loves Abby, maybe even more than me.

Speaker 2 she sends me cookies every hanukkah yeah she sends cookies to us too she's been a guide and a sage and a friend to so many of her students here's just one story about mrs yale and there's been seven million but a lot of years ago i decided to become a minister

Speaker 2 okay like a real minister meaning applied for and got accepted to a seminary correct applied to and got accepted to seminary Okay. I was going to become a minister of a church.

Speaker 2 And honestly, this had always been a little bit, you know, I started monastery. I started it because of my obsession with monasteries when I was little.

Speaker 2 My mom told me when I took my first career aptitude test, it came back and said I should be a nun.

Speaker 10 Okay. That's interesting.

Speaker 2 So this has always been in me, right? So

Speaker 2 I call Mrs. Yalen

Speaker 2 and I'm like, I just got accepted to seminary. I'm going to go to seminary.
And she goes, why?

Speaker 2 I said,

Speaker 15 well,

Speaker 5 because I want, I just feel like I want to be like

Speaker 2 the leader of a church.

Speaker 5 Like I want to

Speaker 2 create

Speaker 2 a community of people who are doing good things and who are loving each other and the truest, most beautiful little world I can imagine.

Speaker 2 And she goes, you're already doing that.

Speaker 2 And I said, What? And she said,

Speaker 2 You already have a church. And I said, No, I wanted like a church with walls, like an actual church, not like an internet church, a church with walls.

Speaker 5 She goes, What could be worse than a church with walls when you have a church without walls already?

Speaker 3 Why do you need walls?

Speaker 4 So, what you're going to seminary to get walls. That's what you're doing.

Speaker 2 And so I said,

Speaker 2 Okay, I guess I'm not going seminary.

Speaker 10 Mrs. Yellen said no.

Speaker 4 Please send more cookies while I process this new information. Mrs.
Yellen said no.

Speaker 2 Thank God. She's the best.
So the reason we're bringing up Mrs. Yellen is because

Speaker 2 our beloved Tina, sorry, she's the man said I like yelled at us the last time she was here.

Speaker 14 She said, once and for all, she goes, call me Tina.

Speaker 2 She goes, I heard you call Michelle Obama Michelle. If you can call Michelle Obama Michelle, you can call Mrs.
Yellen Tina.

Speaker 2 So Emily from our team sent us an email with a voicemail in it the other day. And she said, I think your friend, Mrs.
Yalen, left us a voice.

Speaker 10 Tina.

Speaker 12 So

Speaker 2 just please listen to this, Pod Squad. This is the Tina Yalen leaving a voicemail

Speaker 2 on our machine.

Speaker 4 And a good time to shout out all the teachers everywhere who are not only do they do

Speaker 4 talk about ministers of the people

Speaker 4 doing God's work every damn day for all the people.

Speaker 4 Remember, she was going through the national board certification process when during the time we had her, which is the highest certification you could get for teachers.

Speaker 4 She was doing that to do it, like just to do it. And Bobby's teacher this year, Mrs.
Hughes, she was going through the same process. And teachers are so badass.

Speaker 2 Side note, when I was an eighth grader, I was so in love, like deeply, passionately in love with this boy named Chris, who was a senior.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 6 And he was like, You were in eighth grade?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he didn't know who I was. I just was like, I was infatuated and obsessed.

Speaker 14 It was a crush.

Speaker 4 It's called a crush because it's going to crush you.

Speaker 2 It did crush me. Chris was so hot and he had long blonde hair.

Speaker 4 He was a total metalhead.

Speaker 2 I was a total metalhead. Headbanger's Ball was my favorite show.
I was in love with Janie Lane.

Speaker 2 Janie Lane, Sebastian Bach. I wanted to marry Sebastian Bach.

Speaker 14 This story sucks.

Speaker 2 Skid Row.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, here's the deal. They all had really long hair.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it was my, it was a gateway. The point being

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 I was just obsessed with a senior named Chris. And then I walk into like senior teacher day, and Mrs.
Yalen had arranged for Chris to be the teacher because she knew that I was so obsessed with him.

Speaker 2 And then she put me right in the front row. Oh, boy.
And I was so excited and she just sat there and laughed at me the whole time.

Speaker 14 I hate this story.

Speaker 10 I hate any crush stories that you have.

Speaker 2 All right, let's hear from Mrs. Yalen.

Speaker 16 Hi, this is Tina Yalen. I don't miss an episode, but this is the first time I've actually called in.
You asked about things that delight us and I just knew I had to respond.

Speaker 16 I am hit with intense delight whenever you invite me into your home for a visit and give me a couple of hours of your precious time.

Speaker 16 We talk about things light and deep, we laugh, we might set a tear, but every time I leave, I am deeply joyful, knowing I was given a gift.

Speaker 16 To me, there is nothing more worthy of delight than when people you love give you their time.

Speaker 16 I feel this delight with many of my former students, like you, Glennon, who have chosen to keep me in their lives. and grateful doesn't even begin to capture that for me.

Speaker 16 I'm already looking forward to our next visit. The only thing that would make it even more delightful would be if Amanda, who was also a student of mine, were there with us.

Speaker 16 To all of you podcasters out there, know this. These incredible women are exactly who you think they are in person.
Authentic, honest, thoughtful, insightful, curious, kind, and funny.

Speaker 16 I love them, and nothing gives me more delight than being in their company.

Speaker 8 Thanks.

Speaker 14 Tina!

Speaker 2 what i think we should have missed tina on the podcast we should i tell you what she comes over and this woman is just a ball of energy what she calls herself she's a whip a work in progress yeah and i love that and i will tell you i just remembered she says something to me repeatedly when she leaves our house each time And I think this one might be true.

Speaker 2 She says to me, because she was.

Speaker 4 Wait, people, Glennon's about to admit that something might be true.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, don't. Don't roll, please.
I actually don't she

Speaker 2 listens to every

Speaker 2 every single podcast so she knows all of our stuff and all of our struggles and so she grabbed me by the shoulders before she left last time and she said Glennon

Speaker 2 please understand

Speaker 12 that there is nothing

Speaker 2 wrong with you

Speaker 4 Now that is some good ass advice.

Speaker 2 So I can admit that that is true for everyone else.

Speaker 4 You squad squatters. A ridiculous human.

Speaker 6 What I want to

Speaker 2 say to you is I want to hold you by the shoulders and say, there is nothing

Speaker 2 wrong with you. And perhaps the only thing that has ever been wrong with us.

Speaker 2 is the wild wrong idea that there is something wrong with us.

Speaker 2 And I think what Mrs.

Speaker 2 Yellen is trying to say to me after 70 years on this earth is please stop wasting your precious time on this planet, thinking that you are a mystery to solve when there is so much beauty to just enjoy.

Speaker 2 Damn.

Speaker 14 It's good to end on.

Speaker 2 We love you, Pod Squad. There is not a damn thing wrong with you.
Love you, Tina.

Speaker 2 Bye. Bye.

Speaker 2 If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do these three things. First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things?

Speaker 2 Following the pod helps you because you'll never miss an episode and it helps us because you'll never miss an episode.

Speaker 2 To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right-hand corner or click on follow.

Speaker 2 This is the most important thing for the pod. While you're there, if you'd be willing to give us a five-star rating and review and share an episode you loved with a friend, we would be so grateful.

Speaker 2 We appreciate you very much.

Speaker 2 We Can Do Hard Things is created and hosted by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle in partnership with Odyssey.

Speaker 2 Our executive producer is Jenna Wise-Berman, and the show is produced by Lauren Lograsso, Allison Schott, Dina Kleiner, and Bill Schultz.