204. Priyanka Chopra Jonas: How to Care Less About What People Think

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I chased desire.

I made sure

I got what's mine.

Welcome to We Can Do Hard Things.

Today we have one of the wisest love bugs on the planet.

Priyanka Chopra Jonas is a multifaceted talent, New York Times best-selling author of Unfinished and one of the most recognized people in the world.

She is an actor and producer with more than 60 international and Hollywood films to her credit.

60.

She stars in the new Amazon series Citadel and the new movie Love Again.

The Padma Shri, one of India's highest civilian honors, was conferred on her in 2016.

And she was named one of the most influential people in the world by Time magazine.

A real slacker, this one.

She is a global UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador and a Global Citizen Ambassador and is involved in efforts to protect children's rights and to promote the education of girls around the world.

Are you tired, Prayanka?

Gosh.

You know, it's always so strange when

you kind of sit through an intro

and

you know, my toes are curling and my hair is standing and it's like, go.

Why is that so cringy feeling?

It's like, you know, we should be proud of it.

It's like, if I actually, if I turn my logical brain on, every time we hear of our achievements, you should feel like, yeah, man, I did that.

Wow.

Good on me.

I could achieve that.

But we're just so trained to just be, oh,

I know.

That's something to unpack and we should at some point.

I've seen so many people do it.

And I don't know, is it what we're taught to react like?

Is it honest?

Is it not?

Is it subliminal?

Is it society?

It's just something interesting.

Is it honest?

I love that question.

Is that reaction honest?

Well, it's like, how do you want to live?

Do you want to live in your past or do you want to live in your present?

Right.

And like, that's.

Or are you even allowed to live a certain way or you're supposed to, you know, like, did my, was my instinct to immediately go to like, oh my gosh they're talking about all my achievements like sort of you know cringe a little bit why aren't we taught that our instincts should be proud of ourselves somehow it's like accepting a compliment as soon as someone says you're

anything to you we're taught to be diminish that thing instead of instead of elevating our gratitude for it exactly you articulated it way better than i did that's why you do this as a young profession and I don't.

But that's exactly it.

It's like we're taught humility is almost directly

proportional to performing in a humble manner versus

feeling humility.

You know?

Yeah.

Yes.

I was at a table recently at my little birthday party and people were saying nice things about me around the table.

And all I could think of is this will be over soon.

this will be over soon that's what i mean and it reminds me why are we trained that way well are we trained it could be gendered i don't know but i've never seen a man like get smaller and cringy like when someone reads his accolades like women do never oh my gosh for sure but there is that william blake quote that i think about all the time that is we are put on this earth to learn to endure the beams of love and it's like it feels like an enduring when someone does something or says something nice only with priyanka do we not even get through the bio without like a deep philosophical exploration.

So good.

And that's what people need to know about this woman.

Like everybody on earth knows who she is because of her fancy things, but she's a fucking philosopher

for real.

Okay.

Priyanka, last time we talked was two years ago and it was during the pandemic and your book unfinished was just coming out and your marriage was just a few years new and your multi-marie did not exist.

You seem to have found your little slice of heaven at this moment.

You've taken full charge of your career.

You're producing, you're launching diverse voices, you've settled into life with your great love and now multi-marie.

But I like to talk about hell rather than heaven because it's more of my comfort spot.

So let's start this conversation.

in my idea of hell, which is the middle school cafeteria.

I want you to take us back to when you were 13,

having just moved from India to America alone, and you're going to middle school in Cedar Rapids.

What was it like to be Priyanka at 13?

A couple of layers to that.

I

coveted wanting to come to America at 13 because to me,

think of this girl in...

a small town in India called Bureli.

I go to this all-girl school and we all wear uniforms because in India, we don't wear uniforms because it's fancy.

We wear uniforms because the socio-economic background of all the students is not the same.

So if you give them a uniform, there's no one showing up trying to make the other person look bad.

You know, that stuff like kind of gets mixed, which is great.

It's just boring for a teenager.

But that's why I love uniforms.

I was a teacher and that's why I love uniforms.

We should all have uniforms.

Well, that's 13.

I hear them.

That's right.

This is coming from.

It's your perspective.

Hold on.

This is a style icon.

It's coming from somebody

who didn't wear uniforms.

I wore uniforms.

And when you're in it, it sucks.

But when you're out of it, you're like, damn, I really miss those uniforms.

Yeah,

now I'm like, okay, they were cute.

But at that time, when you're in it, it's just really,

really annoying.

But I was that girl, and I used to watch like TV shows like.

90210 and Saint by the Belle and high school in America was just such a wondrous thing because there were these lockers and then there were boys and then there were more boys and

that was a big attraction for me.

And you thought they all looked like Dylan McKay, I bet.

I did.

I even thought that I could be Kelly Kapowski.

What was I thinking at 13 sitting in Bareli, India.

But when the opportunity arose and my cousins lived here and

we used to write letters to each other at that time and they used to write to me about their new schools and all the different things.

And I remember we went for a vacation and I asked my aunt and my mom if I could stay back.

And my aunt took me to the school and we met the counselors, got my visas done.

It seemed to be a lot easier then than it was now for a lot more students, got it done.

And suddenly I was going to an American high school in ninth grade.

But

in my head, it was so different than what it ended up feeling like in my head

I like I said was Kelly Kapowski but in reality I wasn't I was a 13 year old girl that had come from India that looked felt spoke different did not have any friends now here I was with like a schedule trying to figure out what the hell a homeroom is like I didn't have any of those things and I was kind of thrown into the thick of it and so I was a little bit scared a little bit trying not to make a fool of myself because I kind of wanted to show up for myself and my people, which I didn't see a lot of anyway.

And suddenly everything was just new and I had to navigate new waters.

But I come from a military background, not me personally, but my parents were both in the Indian Army.

And it was a sense of discipline and a work ethic that my dad specifically had.

that I really

imbibed, enjoyed, and he kind of bestowed upon me, especially the fact that you, you show up.

When it's your job, you just, you show up and you, you get it done and you do it with the right attitude and

you respect people's time and the discipline of

just figuring it out and following through.

We used to move every two years because that's what you do in the military.

I remember the first time I was in kindergarten and I had a fit with my dad.

And I was like, I'm not going.

I have a best friend here.

I'm doing really well here.

I love this school.

And he like made it into this game for me.

He said, you know, how you're not doing well at math here and you don't think that teacher likes you.

When we go to the next school, no one will know anything about how you're doing at math or, you know, you could start afresh.

And it started becoming like this thing for me where it was not hard to just pick up and start somewhere else because I wasn't materially attached to anything.

I was attached to my spirit.

I was attached to adventure.

I was attached to like, how

do I win in this situation?

So I was trying to win in ninth grade by just navigating this completely crazy waters while I had a crush on this guy.

I'll keep his identity hidden, except I'll say his name was Seth.

And he had green hair, and my hormones were like crazy anyway, while I'm navigating these new waters.

It was, it was really interesting.

I wanted to actually make a TV show around like a young girl, a teenager, you know, having to navigate that.

Yes.

It's a funny show.

So when I was about that age, a little bit older, I

used to sometimes eat lunch in the bathroom because I like just couldn't do it.

I would stand there.

You did.

I did.

I did.

The first few weeks I did.

I didn't know how a cafeteria worked.

Like I didn't know.

And every school is different.

Like do you pay there?

You know, you have to pick up a tray, you have to put a tray down.

Like we brought lunch from home back in India.

We everyone brought lunch and lunch break was great because we were in our classes and everybody would pull out different kinds of food and it would be a big potluck.

And

so here it was like, it was, it was so adult, you know, and

I wasn't.

I wasn't used to that.

So I watched for the first few days.

I watched.

I remember there was a staircase that went down and I could watch the hall, the cafeteria and I watched students do the thing and then somebody would slap on some food and then you would get a drink and then you'd find your table or your click of friends.

And I didn't have that.

So I remember my aunt used to give me $1.50 or something for

lunch.

And I used to go to the vending machine, grab a bag of Doritos and go eat it in the bathroom,

save that dollar and at the end of a month, go to Express and and buy a new shirt.

Wow.

God, in a nice thing.

Which you would then put in your book bag, right?

Because that wasn't allowed.

Yeah.

Your aunt was very conservative.

And so you would bring your like booty shorts in your book bag and change when you got to school, right?

I used to leave it in my locker.

When I emptied out my locker, there were more clothes than books in school.

Amazing.

I used to do that.

I used to wear different outfit to school than, and I used to steal my mom's shit, like just take her earrings and whatever and then return them

but i this is how smart i was i actually did that each day but i had my school picture taken with all the on

wow so my mom was like really like wow

wow just not the perfect crime so very smart you decide at some point though to leave america so i decided in high school one moment walked into the cafeteria and said nope this shit is crazy this is lord of the flies i cannot do this one more day walked into the counselor's office and said, I'm out of here.

Send me somewhere else.

I'm not moving.

And I ended up in a mental hospital, which was better.

But you left American High School and went back to India.

I know.

It wasn't the cleverest decision.

It was more of an emotional one at that point.

I didn't realize that

I

was going to doom myself to complete an utter academic failure by going in 11th grade to India.

Those are the two most crucial years in a student in India's life.

And India is very academic.

The math was like years apart.

The science was so far forward than what I had even touched in American high school.

So I arrived and I was feeling myself when I arrived back in Burili living with my parents because I left as a flat-chested 12-year-old and I came back.

American hormones and all, you know, really,

really, yeah.

Yeah, your dad didn't even recognize you when you came back.

No, because I grew like I really grew tall and I was wearing high heels and my mom really wanted to present me in the most flamboyant and shocking way to my father.

Just, I don't know, is that marriage?

Like you want to do that to each other?

Yes, I guess.

Yes, it is.

Now I know.

Now I know.

But she put me in the shortest dress.

And I was like, are you sure?

I'm landing in a Delhi airport looking like this.

And she was like, yeah, dad will love it.

She sounds tired.

I was even wearing a push-up bra that thing.

Dad will love it.

Oh, yeah.

Dad didn't love it.

He looked me up and down.

And I think I just saw panic across his face.

And he immediately looked around.

and just held my shoulders and sort of put me in the car and was like, we'll discuss this when we get home.

And I haven't seen my dad in four years.

So I'm like, okay, this is a little not warm.

And

no hug, nothing, but he was like terrified of teenage me for it.

It took him at least four or five months to kind of figure out what to do with a teenage daughter because I just kind of like landed into their lives after three years of

not being with them.

I think that's a thing, a real thing.

I think some fathers struggle.

when their daughters begin to become fully human and like it's obvious that they have sexuality and desire and i think it's like a freezing thing that parents do definitely oh definitely especially coming from a culture like mine

you don't talk about that stuff it's not like it doesn't exist you know it's like ew we don't we don't discuss that But my dad never liked anybody I dated anyway.

And I just made my peace with it.

I was just like, he's never going to like anyone I dated with.

But I do think he would actually really like my husband.

If there was anyone that my dad would be pleased with, it would probably be Nick.

What would he like about him?

If you put your dad and Nick in a room, what would be different about him that your dad would uniquely see?

I think Nick is,

he has quiet confidence,

which is real confidence.

You know, you don't have to like shout it.

You don't have to be dripping with ice.

You just kind of walk into a room and you own your space.

My dad did that very well.

And he, you know, could always see through.

He would like see through my boyfriends and pick them apart and be like, he did this because of this.

He did that because of that.

But I feel like this is one thing about Nick, which is very, like, he's very steady.

He's rooted.

I think my dad would have really liked.

And he's a musician.

My dad's first love was music.

But when he was young, he was denied that because that was not an accessible career.

So he had to go into medicine.

And he always felt like that would have been his life's dream.

And so when I went into entertainment, he was so excited because it was in his way, like a step closer to what he loved.

So I think just watching Nick on stage would, the stage was my dad's favorite place.

So that would have been really something that

would have moved and inspired my dad.

I also think Nick's like a really family guy, and my father was that as well, Patriarchal, like of like the patriarch of the family.

Not patriarchal, patriarch of the family, but at the same time, just like making sure everyone's together, everyone's happy, super creating experiences for everybody to feel at home, to feel comfortable.

And so, those are really important traits that would have mattered to him.

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I just noticed something about what you said that connects to, we just interviewed Michelle Obama, and obviously Both of you are such incredible,ly powerful women.

And she said the same thing about about her father.

He was a working class black man at a very different time.

He was an incredible artist.

He had a scholarship for art and it was his passion, but that wasn't expected or accessible for him.

He had to go get a job and he worked in a water factory in Chicago.

Like that wouldn't have been an appropriate thing for your dad to do is to be at that age.

He had to go be a doctor and support his family.

Is is there something that we're cutting off from men and is there a correlation between raising daughters that are

do whatever is inside of you bring it out whether it's a quote unquote expected of you or not it reminds me of glorious dynam saying like great we've gotten to a place where we are raising our little girls like little boys, but we'll really have made progress when we start raising our little boys like they're they're little girls.

Like allowing the creativity and the softness and the art.

The vulnerability and

the ability to cry.

Totally.

My dad was such a softie too, but he would never cry.

And if you cried, he would always cry alone.

I don't think I ever saw him cry, but I know he was a crier because he cried in movies.

And I know because my mom told me when he did, but he never allowed it.

I do think that my generation, for sure, we have made many strides

where I think men and women alike kind of feel a sense of ability to express or make choices.

And that is because our parents before us kind of sacrificed that in doing what they did and built a life like my father and my mother gave me the ability.

while they worked and sacrificed their dreams to build a life for myself where my voice wasn't questioned, questioned, where I had options, where if I wanted to be in art, my dad was like, Yes, you will go into art.

You know, if I wanted to travel the world, my mom was like, no one will stop you.

So I think they fought for my ability to have that freedom.

And now it's my responsibility to be able to take something out of whatever baggage my daughter and the next generation will carry.

Like, what are we going to fix?

And for me, a lot of it was, you know, being able to

have agency and be able to

share the same kind of respect and have some sort of equality and have the same voice.

And, you know, especially when you're delivering a job, when it's work,

work,

there shouldn't be no place for gender at work.

That should be merit, you know.

And

I think that those are things that I feel like our generation is making massive strides in where women are finding our own agency.

I'm sitting here and talking to incredibly powerful women that you have built your own lives with your own two hands.

You are opinionated, you're inspiring, you have taken your voice and turned it into your careers.

You have thought-provoking conversations which inspire the next generation of women.

That's what I mean.

There are so many incredible women I see around me.

right now that have taken charge of their own careers instead of waiting for men to create space for them.

And that's like an amazing time to be around women.

It's so powerful.

One of the things that's most inspiring to me about you is you're this international celebrity, but you know

where the line is

where

nobody gets an explanation from you.

And so you're an 18-year-old high school person, and then you become what appears to be overnight, an international celebrity through Miss World.

And right after that, Miss World, just stop for a second.

She won Miss World of the world.

Real quick.

I didn't do the world of all the people.

Of the world.

Five years before you were Kelly Kapowski eating Dorito.

She's like, I can't cut it in Cedar Rapids.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to win the world.

Okay, so that happens.

And so, you're kind of thrust into this overnight.

And I was fascinated by when you had to get that surgery with your nose, and the world was commentating, commentating, and

you neither defended yourself nor explained yourself.

And Glennon has this line in her book where she says, the most revolutionary thing that a woman can do is refuse to explain herself.

And you have embodied so much of that.

How do you decide what goes on what side of the line?

And

do you have any peace yet that you have been able to establish with deciding to let whoever think whatever and that it's none of your business?

What to fight back and what to leave alone?

That's such a tricky question because I still navigate it in a big way.

But

the incident with my nose, which for the unversed,

I was missworld and there was some accident where the bridge of my nose collapsed and my face really changed.

And I had to have reconstructive surgery to fix it.

And, you know, my dad was a surgeon, so it was highly traumatic for him because he was like, how could this happen?

And how do I fix it?

And

for me, I was 18 years old.

I had seen these big dreams of this big career, which I saw crashing in front of me.

I wouldn't look at my face in the mirror.

I didn't recognize the person that was there.

I didn't know

what to do.

I was being kicked out of movies because people were like, oh, she looks bad now.

And

it was just the worst time.

I think at that time I didn't comment because I didn't know what to say.

I just, I was hiding and I was just trying to survive and keep my head above water.

I did movies with smaller roles in them.

just to kind of bide time so I could find my feet.

And my dad held my hand and and he was like, I know my doctor friend and he was in the OR with me when my reconstructive surgery happened.

He did it with his friend and

he, my dad didn't do it.

He was in the OR with the friend that did it.

And slowly my face started becoming familiar.

It was still not the same, but it started looking normal.

I shot for a bunch of movies while these surgeries were happening.

So I didn't know what to say.

I didn't know how to to say it.

And I just kind of navigated it and tried to deflect from

the truth of what was actually happening in my life.

And I just played the game, honestly, in the beginning.

I was flashy, I was giggly, I was, you know, sassy, I was on the carpet saying the funny things, I was wearing the best clothes, I just played the part, honestly, till a few years in and I started like, you know, the waters calmed a little bit and I kind of found my ground.

My movies were doing well.

My face kind of remained consistent.

I became familiar with this person.

I understood how to be an actor and what the craft requires.

And I was kind of finding my own footing a little bit.

And just then, like six of my movies didn't do well.

I had back-to-back controversies with some reason or the other.

And I just remember, This was not an overnight thing, but it was me

being really upset about some salacious piece of news or whatever that had

come in.

And my mom or someone who was sitting in my trailer was like, you know, today's news is tomorrow's trash.

Today's news is tomorrow's trash.

Like, who gives a shit?

And I was like, no, I must respond to this person and I must correct them.

And it's just another news cycle.

And then it becomes another news cycle.

And then you're correcting them.

And suddenly you look back and six, like a week has just been about you because you can't stop talking about it and correcting it for someone.

And this kept happening.

And I remember somebody said today's news is tomorrow's trash.

So if you validate it today, you're validating it for tomorrow and then another news cycle.

And

people are just making a lot of money off of you.

And you're kind of doing it to yourself.

Yes.

And it was like in a movie.

I'm not even joking.

So street food in Mumbai is a big thing.

And I love street food.

Okay.

So outside Mehoop Studios in Mumbai, where I film a lot and most people film, it's an iconic studio in Bandra in Mumbai.

There is a street stall guy and I used to always get like sandwiches or some snack from him.

And he used to always put the snack in a newspaper and send it.

So the snack came in a newspaper.

And I swear to God, I'm sitting in my trailer eating it.

And that paper was that salacious article about me.

And it was my trash for the day.

Ah, so good.

Thank you, Universe.

how crazy and that's the day i realized i was like i have given this silly thing legs because i was just like i needed to validate and correct and i'm going home my parents don't care we had a great dinner we're laughing we're watching movies my family and friends and that's the day i really decided i decided that

As long as my inner circle knows my truth, as long as the people that actually give a shit about my joy, my success, that are actually happy for my good times and that are sad in my bad times with me.

As long as those people are not hurting, I have not done anything deliberate to hurt anyone, I don't need to talk about anything because my fame is a byproduct of my job.

My job is not to be famous.

My job is to go to set and work and create movies and entertainment that people enjoy enjoy watching.

There's a degree of separation.

Me as a person, I go home, I try to be a good daughter, I try to be a good mom, a good wife, family, friends.

I'm normal.

My job just creates

the thing.

And it's like something that I had to come to terms with, but that's when I realized I was like, you know, this whole thing of like responding and making statement after statement and needing to clear it up.

Sometimes, yes, it's required for important conversations.

But most of the time, it ends up being tabloid gossip and you know i don't want to be run down like that i don't want my life to be a more dinner conversation than it already is by nature of my job um so when it needs to be public i'm very graceful and gracious about it i'm very aware of when I'm in public moments and when I need to belong to the people who have paid to buy tickets to my movie, you know?

And then there are those times when I know are private to me and I'm very good at hiding

it's so dignified i got so confused about this for a while because i believe in accountability for myself like i believe in accountability and so

i for 10 years

have been confused that accountability means that i should be accountable to millions of people on the internet it's impossible like really you can't make anyone happy as soon as you become a public person in whatever way way or form, mine is by being an actor, yours is by being an author, whatever your version.

Once you springboard onto being a public person for whatever reason, your life and what people say about you will never be in your control.

And that's just the deal that you make.

And I think it's for everybody.

I think this applies to every single one of us who's listening to this right now.

I have just as many calls from friends who are not in the public sphere and are dealing with the freaking PTA talking shit about them or their in-laws thinking one thing about them.

Totally.

Right.

It's like, it's a, it's a phenomenon that is unavoidable.

And the idea, I get most of my advice from ancient spiritual texts or memes.

I have nothing in between.

Okay.

And the idea of you, first of all, you do not have to attend every argument you're invited to.

Right.

Oh, I love that.

Yep.

And the idea of let whomever think whatever.

Yeah.

And it it is even if it's in your PTA, even if it's in your WhatsApp group or your

friend's dinner circle.

Like, I used to struggle with that a lot:

oh my gosh, I've had a tough day at work.

I'm tired.

And if I don't go, what will they think of me?

Like, when I was younger, I used to think about all of those things, or, you know, will people think that I'm not supportive?

Will people think that I'm not being a good friend?

And

I think that your point is so

important and I think needs to be iterated that it's impossible to make everyone happy.

And we are somehow trained that every single person that you meet should react to you with extreme and utter joy and wonder because we're perfect.

And we're not.

And of course, I didn't learn this in my 20s.

But every single thing that we're struggling with, our insecurities, our problems, our drama, you know,

when other people go to bed too, they're also having difficulty sleeping.

They're also thinking about a million things that are keeping them up at night.

You're not alone in this.

And I feel like people feel very alone and we let the fear of

needing to validate everyone or make everyone happy become so large that it becomes overwhelming.

It's an epidemic of people pleasing.

Yeah.

Or being understood.

It's like, I want you to understand where I'm coming from.

You get me, right?

Doesn't that mean, but the truth is, you only need a couple people that get you.

Yeah.

that's it everyone does not need to understand your reasons your decisions and that's actually better said like for me going back to the earlier point of why not clarify why not explain it's the same thing is

i can't live my life explaining every decision i make so many decisions i'm an adult I consider myself a person with values, with virtue, with someone who tries to be a good person every day.

I work really hard.

I hustle really hard and I push myself and I try to keep my family together.

And that's like each and every one of us, you know?

And within that, you just be the best person that you can be.

You cannot explain all your decisions to every single person.

Some will be good, some will be bad, some will be in the middle.

And, you know, as long as every day you're just trying to get through it, making memories and, you know, sticking to your ambitions, being one step forward and being nice in the best possible way.

And it's not all or nothing this is where i went like i think people are either i'm going to prove to the world i'm a good person all the time or it i don't care what anyone thinks and that's not it you can have moments yeah i do believe in accountability it's not i don't care what anyone thinks it's i care very much what these people who have earned my trust and who i know in real life and who i love because i have a small circle and and there are many people in that circle who will look at me when i'm sitting they'll be like that's horseshit and i'm like oh yeah and that's what you need yeah instead of having sycophants in your life that are like wow you're amazing what you said was awesome you have to have a tight group your inner circle of people that will turn around and say that was bullshit that'll turn around and say i don't think you should have said that or that'll actually give you the real you know because everyone doesn't have the courage to do it and um especially when you're sort of like a

you know bigger personality and you have opinions and i'm not like subtle exactly.

And your dad, maybe when you were five, would turn to you at the kitchen table and say, Priyanka, what is your opinion about this?

When you were five?

He would.

I thought having an opinion was awesome.

I've found friends and family that think the same.

And, you know, I think we have to all, each one of us individually, just we have to protect ourselves, especially right now.

We are in such a

different time.

And our generation is going to be one of the last generations to have gone through the

coming in of the internet, right?

And what that did, and how the world became such a small place.

And now suddenly we have a barrage of information coming at us.

And young kids, when I was 14, 15, I did not know what was happening around the world as much as I do today.

So I can't even imagine.

how much information kids get.

And, you know, necessarily, like, we have to really think about that.

That's powerful.

But at the same time, it's extremely overwhelming, overbearing, can change the outcome of how we think because of this extra added pressure that people, not just kids, but people feel that you know, the best version of our lives is on Instagram, including me.

I'm not putting my morning face up there

without a filter.

Like, not even Miss World, people.

Not even Miss World.

No, no.

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You have to tell us a story of the night that you fell hard for Nick at the Met Guy.

I love this story.

It's my favorite.

Please tell us.

Because of my social anxiety, I really love this story.

I know, it's such a weird story.

I don't know if I fell in love with him that day, but I kind of was like,

this, you know, it was like the

today's news is tomorrow's trash moment where I was just, I saw my face in this oily samosa oil.

And I was like,

wow, universe.

Way to like hit the nail on the head.

Yes.

You know, that is not subtle.

I took that shit and threw it in the trash.

I love it.

So this was one of those moments.

And I've had a few of these play up in my life.

I really believe in destiny.

I really believe in what is meant for you will come your way.

You just have to kind of take one step at a time, you know, one foot forward instead of thinking about the end game or where you want to go, just one step forward and what was meant for you will come to you.

And oh, this was so funny because here I am trying to like hop a music career, which is not happening.

And I started doing a TV show, which was for ABC, and it suddenly like

did really well so I was really feeling myself because I was like oh phew finally I was so afraid that I was gonna have a failed music career and no career at all and then finally now I have a hit TV show so I was kind of like really happy that

I'd risen from the ashes but

What was terrifying was I was in this completely new country.

I didn't know people here.

I didn't have friends here.

I don't know the industry folk, like how when you grow up, you go to parties, you're like, you know each other.

You kind of like meet people where you've worked with each other across paths.

I didn't have that.

I came from a completely different industry altogether.

So

when my first met was happening and

I was going with Ralph Lorraine, very excited.

And I don't know why.

I still don't have an answer to this question.

Because I don't think it's a normal thing to do.

They asked Nick and I individually, if we both, you know, we were both going alone, if we both would go together on behalf of the brand.

The same force that put that oily samosa in your hand.

Yes,

so weird.

Was it your mom?

You know, can you imagine if she, like, we find out 10 years later she orchestrated it?

I mean, she and Ralph were having

Ralph.

Hey, Ralph, just

one thing.

She's like, and put Priyanka in heels and a push-up bra.

Facts.

True.

Anyway, so we arrive at the Met, and

he was just super quiet in the bus.

The bus, my train took up the entire bus because my train was spread out and had to stand against the corner of a wall because there was no space for him.

And very.

So he passed that test.

That was testing.

I wasn't testing him at that time, but now in retrospect, he passed it.

It's a retro test.

That's what we call it.

Yeah.

He's standing against the corner like this, didn't say much, quiet.

People are futzing over me.

Someone's touching something, someone's pinning something.

The bus doors open.

He steps out, turns around, gives me his hand.

And I was like, oh, that's so nice.

And we stepped out together and we walked the carpet.

And he stepped away and gave me my individual moment and did his individual moment.

And then we walk inside.

You know, we said hi to Anna Vintour and all the other cohorts.

You do.

We absolutely do at the men.

And I'm learning all of this too, but this is my first time.

And Nick's kind of giving me the lowdown on what happens.

And we walk into the exhibition, and I was looking at something, and I turned around and I didn't see anyone.

I didn't see him.

I didn't see people.

I started hearing a little bit of chatter.

So I walked around the bend and I just saw a sea full of people that I had only seen on television.

Like I did not know anyone.

And I was spinning out in my head about what my next step is going to be.

High school cafeteria.

Was there a vending machine?

Were there Doritos?

You're like, all I need is this bathroom.

Can this tray fit in the bathroom?

Where are my bag of Doritos when you need them?

And I don't know.

I feel like I had these big eyes, and I was just staring into the room to what to me felt like at least 10, 15 minutes.

But I just suddenly heard Nick's voice and my eyes focused in on his face and he just showed me his hand and he said, shall we?

And I was like,

we shall, Nick.

We shall.

Let us.

I let a breath out.

I think I wasn't breathing or something.

I let a breath out and we had a great night.

And he didn't leave my side all night.

We met up with his brother and his fiancé at the time and friends.

And I met my friends.

I suddenly realized I was like, wow, I actually do know people at the men.

But at that time, when I was on the carpet, it was so overwhelming.

I knew a few people who, after having a little bit of liquid courage and going to the after parties, I was like, oh, I could do this better next year.

But it was such a night in shining armor moment.

He was paying attention.

Shall we?

I think so.

I think so.

I think he may have turned around and saw my panic-stricken face.

But it's such a like...

charming thing to say, shall we?

It really is.

Anybody who saves you from, I will marry anyone who saves me from being alone at a party this weekend we were at an angel city game so we're really involved with this new soccer team in la oh amazing and they have all these like uh people who run around with remote controls what are they called like cbs cbs just to make sure everyone's okay oh wow you mean like walkie talkies

walkie talkies i'm like remotes right whatever so abby goes to the bathroom okay this Priyanka, I've been at these things like 60 times.

Okay.

This is like we're, we are involved.

Abby goes to the bathroom.

So I I don't know what to do with myself with all these people who I actually know.

So I go out to the hallway and stand by myself, and I'm pretending to be on my phone.

And someone with the walkie-talkie walks over to me and she goes, Are you okay?

And I was like, Yeah, I'm just standing here.

And she goes, I know, but we were told if you were alone to come and make sure you're okay.

And I was like, Actually, I'm not.

Can you stand here?

I don't know where I told on you.

Everybody knows.

I've told everybody if Glennon is alone, go stand.

She's terrified.

Everybody has like Abby,

a rider with their very specific.

the only one on Glennon's rider is, please don't let me be.

She's terrified.

She's terrifying.

Shall we?

Shall we?

Shall we say so good?

So, Priyanka,

sweet Malty Marie comes into the world

and she spends 100 days in the NICU.

We have so many NICU moms that listen here.

What do you want to tell us about that time

with Malty?

And if it's nothing, you say nothing.

Yeah, exactly.

No, I remember when she was born, she came so early that

I can deal with a lot of things, but when I don't see a solution forward, I kind of become stuck.

I don't know if you guys have ever had this reaction where I can't move, like physically

cannot take the next step forward and it doesn't happen very often but

right before my dad died i kind of just felt like i became a statue like i couldn't move because i had done everything in the world i could i traveled him i flew him to singapore to sloan kettering everywhere and now

here he was in a coma and it was it was happening and it was happening and i just could not move and

i felt like i needed somebody to pick up my hand to move it And that's exactly what happened

when Malty was supposed to come.

And I just couldn't move because I knew that was

very early.

And she was just,

it was just terrifying coming from just medical history that I'd had.

And I just remember getting.

stuck and sitting in front of the fireplace for like six hours that day.

And

when nick came home

i was just like just tell me what to do and he was like just change we're leaving and we went to the hospital and then everything happened but i just couldn't move when i heard um and i needed him to come and physically pick me up tell me to go wear my jeans instead of my robe and sit in the car and

The one thing that I will tell people who go through a NICU journey, NICU NICU parents, once you see your child

in

a neonatal intensive care unit, it changes you forever.

And especially a newborn, I know I was someone who had to go into the PICU, which is the pediatrics ICU many times, because I was asthmatic as a child.

I was, you know, a sickly kid.

So hospitals were familiar to me.

My parents were both doctors.

I kind of grew up with my parents, but there is something about these little, little,

little humans

that just, they don't even look

real.

They look like specimens or something.

And the people that work with them.

And

all I remember

was saying, let's just go to one more day, just one more day, one more day, you know, two o'clock in the morning.

You know, know, she would cry or her temperature would go up.

And the nurse was like, just one more day.

And that's all I thought of in my head that I'm just so grateful and so lucky to be in a position where my daughter could have this kind of health care, where she could survive and be alive today.

because we had the ability to get her that kind of access.

I have traveled around the world.

I was just on a recent trip to India even,

where there are so many parts of the world that do not even know what a neonatal intensive care unit is, where babies don't survive, they don't have a chance when they are premature,

where there's like

no access to care like this.

It really sitting in the NICU for hours made me feel so grateful for the opportunity, the privilege, the luck that we had the ability to give our daughter, and that because of that, she could survive and today thrive.

But it just made me very grateful and it bonded me forever.

I met so many NICU parents after, you know, our story and when we talked about our journey.

There are so many babies that are born premature and then survive and thrive.

So many in my own family and friend circle that I didn't know were premature.

And it's a journey for a lot of of parents, but it's the hardest thing that I know Nick and I have ever done.

And we held each other up.

It was COVID time, so there was no one else allowed except him and I.

When I had a bad day, he held me up.

He had a bad day, I held him up.

We just took shifts.

He would do day shift, I would do night shift.

Or,

but you know, we made sure every single day she was never without one of us.

Um,

but we just,

it was the hardest thing I've ever witnessed or gone through because

she was just so little and so helpless.

Thank you for that.

I'll be honest.

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I want to end with this.

You have said

of little Malty Marie, I want her to be able to.

I can hear her battling outside right now.

She's like, two minutes, mom, two minutes.

So you said, I want her to be able to look back and be proud of my choices.

I want to do right by her.

It's so interesting circling back to accountability and who we need to care about, what they think of our decisions and who we don't.

She seems like perhaps she'll be one of your greatest accountability partners.

If I know anything about parenting, that will be true.

What does it mean to you to do right by her?

I think I want

her like I am.

I'm so proud of my parents.

Like, I'm proud of having my parents as my parents.

Like, I'm proud of the people they are.

I'm proud of the decisions they made.

Even in their tough times, I was proud of the fact that they were okay with

going through the tough times, but we did it together as a family.

You know, it was always a chopra family discussion as a family on the dining table the four of us we would talk things through

we were just a unit and i just feel so proud to have been raised with

nothing being overwhelming because i had my family

It was such a powerful feeling for me as a child.

And my family, I don't just mean my parents.

I mean my grandparents, my mom's sisters, my aunts.

I lived with so many people.

I just never felt like I couldn't do anything in the world and I'd be alone because I had such a support structure.

And my parents created that world for me.

They gave me the access and the ability to have those relationships with my family, my friends.

They gave me the freedom to be able to make decisions, to travel the world at 12, 13, trusted my independence, their upbringing.

So I think going by

how I feel about my parents, I hope that you know, when she grows up, she kind of is proud of me.

She's kind of proud of the human being that I am, the artist that I am.

I hope she feels inspired by me, by the choices I've made.

Like, and she looks up to me, maybe, and says, You know, my mom's cool.

I would love if she thinks I'm cool.

She won't, she will not.

You know, I know, I know, I know you would say that.

I know, until she's your age, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Just wait about 40 years, and she'll be like, My mom is so cool.

I'm gonna aim for a cool

the rest is doable, the rest is doable, Priyanka.

You

are one of my favorite people out in the world.

Yeah.

I just think that who you are and the way you show up and the way you speak and what you speak about and what you don't speak about and the way that you are raising your family, you just don't change a damn thing.

Thank you.

Other than maybe your expectation that you're dying.

Maybe just change that, but nothing else.

I'm going to keep aiming for it.

If anyone can do it, you can, Priyanka.

I'm striving to bring this upside down cap back and see, see already.

It's not working yet.

No one's buying it, but I'm going to keep striving at it.

And I'm going to keep striving and making my daughter think I'm cool.

You know, when she pushes my face and she's like,

I'm like, wow, this is so telling of my future.

Yes.

Like, this is a good thing.

So it's humble pie.

Humble pie.

She'll come around though.

In the teenage years, she might be like,

but then I think in the 20s.

Yeah, because if they think you're cool when teenagers, you're definitely doing something wrong.

You're like mean girl's mom.

Okay,

definitely.

We love you.

Carry on, don't change a thing.

Guys, thank you so much for being so amazing and talking about really incredible things and just having people have conversations.

It's such a powerful thing.

Well, this has been

Pod Squad.

I always love talking to you, babe.

Me too.

And you, Abby, and you, Manda.

So nice to meet all of you.

Totally.

Bye, Priyanka.

Bye, Malty Marie again.

Bye, Paul.

Citadel.

Go re-watch Chronico.

Go restrain.

Citadel.

Citadel drops April 28th.

First two episodes, terrifying and exciting at the same time, because I did take a little bit of a second, you know, with Malty being born and just I needed a second.

So now I have these two big projects back to back coming out.

And it just feels like I'm ready and I'm ready to take it on.

and love again is amazing because for the rest of history I'll always be in Celine Dean's acting debut.

Yes!

That's it.

Can't take it from you.

Can never take it from you.

There's your cool ticket.

There it is.

There it is.

And she's so good in the movie.

It's an amazing romantic comedy.

You know, that kind of,

you know, the romantic movies that Sleepless in Seattle, that heart, that made you cry.

This is that movie.

It makes you feel the feels.

And we deserve that at this moment.

We do deserve that.

So I hope that people really enjoyed it.

It'll be a fun ride.

Sure will.

Thank you, Priyanka.

Pod Squad.

We'll see you next time.

Pod Squad.

Thank you.

If this podcast means something to you, it would mean so much to us if you'd be willing to take 30 seconds to do each or all of these three things.

First, can you please follow or subscribe to We Can Do Hard Things?

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To do this, just go to the We Can Do Hard Things show page on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you listen to podcasts, and then just tap the plus sign in the upper right-hand corner or click on follow.

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I give you Tish Melton and Brandy Carlisle.

I walked through fire, I came out

the other side.

I chased desire,

I made sure

I got what's mine

And I continue

to believe

that I'm the one for me

And because I'm mine,

I walk the line

Cause we're adventurers and heartbreaks on map The final destination

we lack

We've stopped asking directions

to places they've never been

And to be loved, we need to belong

We'll finally find our way back home.

And through the joy and pain

that our lives bring,

we can do a heart pain.

I hit rock bottom, it felt like a brand new start.

I'm not the problem,

sometimes things fall apart.

And I continue to believe

the best

people are free.

And it took some time,

but I'm finally fine

Cause we're adventurers and heartbreaks on that.

A final destination

we lack.

We've stopped asking directions

to places they've never been.

And to be loved, we need to be known.

We'll finally find

our way back home.

And through the joy and pain that our lives

bring,

we can do a hard thing.

We're adventurers and heartbreaks on that.

We might get lost, but we're okay with that.

We've stopped asking directions

in some places

they've never been.

And to be loved, we need to be known.

We'll finally finally find

our way back home.

And through the joy and pain

that our lives

bring,

we can do hard things.

Yeah, we can do hard things.

Yeah, we

can do hard

things.