160. Fortune Feimster: A Queer Debutante Walks Into a Hooters . . .

Hi, everybody.

You are in for a treat today

because

we have Fortune Feemster here and this team over here is really excited.

Oh my gosh, this is a pretty great group right here.

I'm telling you.

And we're all very good looking.

Yes, we are.

That's the

so glad.

I've been waiting, what, 150 episodes for someone to do this that quickly?

The smartest one we've had so far.

This podcast is called Eye Candy Today.

Yes.

Eye Candy

Hard Things.

I knew that was coming, sister.

Fortune Feumster is a stand-up comedian, writer, and actor.

Her first Netflix special, Sweet and Salty.

So freaking good, was nominated for a Critics' Choice Award.

And her new comedy special, Good fortune so freaking good is streaming now on netflix fortune was a writer and panelist on the hit show chelsea lately this show loves some us some chelsea and starred in the mindy project she has also appeared in two broke girls the l word generation q

fortune welcome Thank you.

This is so cool to be on here.

I appreciate it.

Oh, my, we appreciate you.

So the first question that I'm sure everyone

asks you as soon as they see you is,

clearly you were a debutante.

Yes.

Right.

Clearly.

I mean, I think that my manners and ladylike behavior comes across pretty quickly.

Yeah, I joked in the sweet and salty special about it because I never thought that would be something I would reveal to anyone.

I thought it would be something I...

hid deep down in my treasure chest of memories.

But my friend was like, you have to tell people about that it's crazy because it's not anything i wanted to do or be a part of but my mom was one and very determined for me to be one literally was working at a recreation apartment in town lining softball fields and then leaving and going to like you know these parties where you'd eat little sandwiches this is culture is so amazing you need to tell us my sister has tried to explain it she went to college in the south and so she has friends yeah who did all of this extravaganza it's amazing what happens yeah it's very like ladylike like you have to wear like a dress or a skirt which i had none of and my mom i think made me go to like lane bryant or something and buy lots of stuff with shoulder pads luckily a friend of mine did it with me and so we we would just like have fun but it was a lot of like shaking hands and then thanking people for having us to their home.

And thank you for the iced tea.

It was like, yeah, a lot of manners.

And what's the point of it?

You're being introduced to society as an available wife.

I guess.

Honestly, I haven't read the history of it because I'm too scared to.

I don't want to know.

Tell us, Fortune, this is your

lineage that came from this.

So the whole thing started in England.

It was this idea of when aristocracy, children of aristocracy and very wealthy means were presented their daughters to the court.

This is where we get homecoming court, right?

Oh, no.

Presented to the kings and queens and court of

this, this daughter is now of breeding age and available for marriage.

And the idea was, so Debuton is debut, right?

Your first coming out.

So this is, yes, you're coming out to the world.

Fortune, did you know it was called a coming out party?

Oh, I wrote it.

Yeah, I said I came out twice.

The first one was just the wrong coming out.

The opposite, in fact.

I knew I was being presented to society, but I honestly didn't know what that meant.

Right.

And I, yeah, at the ripe age of 18, was not ready to A, get married or B, get married to a man.

Yeah.

So I'm glad that it was only in practice, like, oh, we're gonna do this for like the the like fun party right um but i no one i wasn't promised to anyone and your mom was into it your mom my mom was so into it because my family had come from money uh my grandfather was this very prominent um contractor he built all these things all over north carolina schools churches houses uh but he died unexpectedly my grandmother made some bad business decisions there's a lot of things So, by the time I came up, we had no money.

And so, there was this big juxtaposition of like, my mom came from this world and I am not in that world.

I would say that I would come home and like the couch would be gone.

And I was like, where's the couch?

And she was like, I had to pay for that debutante party.

Oh, my gosh.

Are you kidding me?

Is that not the epitome of like,

here's your fancy dress.

So go out there and look rich and try to get rich, but don't try to sit on the couch because we have nothing.

I mean, our house was empty and I was going to debutante parties because you have to pay for all this stuff.

And I was like, mom, we don't have any money.

Like, we can't do this.

You have to buy a big white wedding gown for this ball.

And that's

an actual wedding gown I'm wearing.

It's nuts.

And I say that my brother walks me down the aisle in a tuxedo.

It looks like we're getting married.

There's so much wrong with it.

Wow.

And so against my personality and anything that I want to be a part of.

It's amazing.

I mean, the whole southern culture is so fascinating.

Can you tell us about your grandmother, about the bridge games?

Because this feels like part of the ritual that is so.

ingrained in southern culture, which is so beautiful and brutal.

Tell us about the bridge games that you used to have to.

My grandmother was such a lady, like very, like I said, prominent lady back in the day.

But when I was young, she used to have bridge games over to her house and it was this whole to-do.

And all the these proper ladies had their bridge tables and they would kind of march us in to, I would say, the pleasure of allegiance.

And we had to learn how to properly shake a hand, you know, look someone in the eye and like make it a strong handshake.

And then we had to like go go around and ask everyone how they're i mean i was like six like six or seven years old yes ma'am no ma'am you know i had that thick southern accent and just yeah like do you need anything else to drink

can we talk about what why the hell the pledge of allegiance was required before a breach honestly don't know

As she got older, she stopped doing that thing and she loosened up a bit.

She wasn't as like rigid, she was very into manners and how you're supposed to act.

And uh, so we always, my brothers and I have great manners, we're always except for eating.

I'm a little like a bit of a beast that did not stick with me.

Uh, my wife's always like, Why are you licking your fingers?

You are a debutante, you should know this.

This is my favorite part of the whole thing because we have this southern emphasis on ritual and respect, and and the debutante lady so obviously this family that has these southern values would spend your birthday

where that's where would you spend at a tea room fortune would you spend it at a tea room we would not go to a tea room we actually went to hooters

it was my 21st birthday and

I was in the closet because, you know, being from the South, I just didn't have examples of gay people.

I didn't know any gay people i went to a very small um ironically women's college uh where you think it would just be chock full of lesbians not the case you guys

i picked the one women college with no lesbians so i i was a late bloomer and i remember my family wanted to take me uh to hooters because it was like a place that you know we've gone to many times uh before

But this was back when if it was your birthday at Hooters, they would like six Hooters waitresses would grab you and parade you around the restaurant.

And this is when Hooters was at the top of its game.

It was very popular.

Yes.

Now everyone's like, ah, boobs, we've seen them.

But back then, everyone was like, boobs.

So

I'm telling everybody, like, do not tell them it's my birthday.

I don't want that attention because it was, the place was packed with these like old school guys.

And I'm like, they don't want to see me being paraded around by a bunch of Hooters waitresses.

So they, my brother's girlfriend told them.

And sure enough, they came and grabbed me and walked me around the Hooters.

And I always said it felt like a gay Salem witch trial

where I was about to get Scarlet Letter in the town hall

because they grabbed a bar stool.

this was a tradition back then and they make you stand on this barstool in the middle of the restaurant all these guys were like what's what's happening here

and the girls circle around you and your present is that they jump up and down and you get to look down from your perch

and see boobies flopping that's your present happy birthday fortune

so i just could not believe it that that was my present.

And my whole family was like cheering and taking pictures and

cheering and taking pictures of Fortune on the barstool looking at boobs.

And no one knows that Fortune is gay still, including Fortune.

Well, my brothers claim that they had a pretty good idea, but my mom totally thought I was like looking for a husband.

My mom was out to lunch.

She did not.

Maybe that's why she gifted you to Hooters.

She's like one of these guys.

She's

yeah.

I mean, even when I came out to her, she's like, are you sure?

I'm like, I'm pretty sure.

But your brothers, when you came out, said.

I came out to my brothers.

I was like, you guys, I'm gay.

And my brother said,

yeah, duh.

And I was like, well, you know, thanks for telling me that.

And then I go, well,

why did you think i was gay this whole time what you know

what gave that away and he said well once when you were seven you got hit with a soccer ball and you yelled out my dick and i was like what

it was wild but you lived in north carolina when did you move to la

I moved to LA after college.

I graduated college when I was 22, moved to Spain for a year randomly to like

live and teach English.

And then after that, so I moved to LA in 2003.

Okay.

So you get to LA.

What was that like moving from your small town to LA?

I mean, a total shock.

I think if I had not gone to Spain for a year, I would have arrived to LA and left like six months later.

But I think because living in Spain was so hard and there was that language barrier that I was like, well, if I can do that, I think I can do anything.

Because when you talk about doing hard things, that was very difficult.

And the whole time I was like, why am I here?

I don't know why I chose to do this.

But I think because I was from a small town, my town was like eight or nine thousand people.

My school was tiny.

I always just felt like there was more.

And I was like, I gotta, I gotta get out of my bubble.

I gotta see what's out there.

I gotta like learn about the world.

I was like, I'm gonna go to Spain.

I had no money.

I got like eight jobs that summer and earned the money and went.

And it was awesome.

It was hard, but awesome.

I learned so much and grew up so much so that when I got to LA, I was like, well, at least I can understand what people are saying.

And that's sort of hard.

How many people do you think you were teaching English to?

I was just tutoring.

So it was like maybe four, only like four because I was like going to language school and then tutoring on the side.

But I'll tell you this.

I am not meant to be a teacher.

um my wife's was a teacher for 12 years my mom was a teacher for 30 something years my wife's mom's a teacher for 35 years i tutored these young lads and all they wanted to do was have fun they wanted to like laugh and play games and so i would come up with like improv games these boys came from a very prominent family and i don't think they were allowed to have much fun no one told me that the six-year-old had like homework every week and tests every week in english that I was supposed to be helping him with.

No one told me this.

So every week we're just having fun, learning about animals and things in English.

So it's my last day.

I'm about to leave Spain forever.

And the nanny tells me that the six-year-old has failed English.

And I was like,

I have to go.

I have to go.

That is exit stage left.

But it makes me laugh thinking about these kids walking around Spain having like the southern draw.

Yeah, do they have a North Carolina accent?

I cannot believe in hindsight they hired me because this is a family that definitely wants their kids to speak like British English, not this.

So I don't know what they were thinking because, oh, those poor boys.

They're walking into job interviews now going, Hey, y'all.

Yeah, hey, y'all.

Yeah, so best year of their life.

They had more fun than ever, but did did not learn anything.

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So you get to LA.

This was like pre-GPS, right?

Yes.

So you did some kind of strange things to find your way around.

And is it true that you found a bunch of L-word

bootlegs on Craigslist?

Oh my gosh, you really did a deep dive.

Yeah, I did.

Wow.

Yeah, so I was living in LA and that was pre-GPS.

So that's when you were given a Thomas guide,

a book of grids that you were just supposed to be like, I need to go to like the Grove.

C9.

Yeah.

You know, like you're like, what?

So yeah, I was like finding my way out here and I was not out yet.

I think I was obviously something was bubbling inside of me because I remember that was when they had the gay pride weekend on the like local access channel.

I'm like, what's this?

But again, I didn't know any gay people.

I didn't know many people at all in LA.

And

so I was just curious about the world and what it meant to be gay.

And I just wanted some like information.

And the L-word, I think, was maybe like one season in, and I didn't have showtime because I was poor,

could not afford it.

So yeah, you could like buy bootleg copies of it on craigslist

and

and i bought the entire first season of the l-word on craigslist and it just showed up and it was you know just those blank dvds there was like eight of them or something i was like all right here we go like put it in and just

it blew my mind i mean not even the like salacious part of it which it had plenty just like seeing women go get coffee together or be in a relationship or have these friendships like i had never seen that before in the terms of a gay world a lesbian world and that i was like oh my god that's the thing i've been missing or you know that kind of thing and i didn't come out still right away but it definitely like got that going for me where I was like, well, this looks pretty fun.

Yeah, I remember that time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So, did you watched it back then too?

Or later, because I for sure did, I'm new.

Yeah, I figured Abby did, she's new,

I'm newbie.

I missed that whole wedding.

I wanted to be Shane, and also I moved to LA shortly thereafter, around the same time as you.

And I kept going to the places that I watched that I saw on the screen, and I'm like, Where are the fucking lesbians?

Oh, well, you know what, Fortune did fortune.

Tell Abby what you signed up for in order to find the gays.

Well,

once I came out, I was like, I got to find gay people to like show me the way.

So I started joining like all these teams, like sports teams.

I joined a soccer league.

I was like, there's got to be lesbians in the soccer league.

There are.

Yeah.

And I joined a softball league.

That's always

pretty on the nose.

There they are.

Because soccer's like, because soccer's like, there's lesbians and then there's also straight girls that just want to have fun.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And then I joined an African drumming class in Venice.

I was like, I'm going to meet some lesbians here for sure.

Wow.

So

I just started spreading my gay wings.

Innovators of you.

But it wasn't the L-word that even made you, like so many of us, what did it take for you?

Yeah, what was the aha moment?

So the aha moment is very embarrassing.

I would love to be able to tell you that some

amazing lesbian walked up to me and just laid one on me and rocked my world.

That did not happen.

That took a very long time to happen.

What happened was I was at my house flipping through the TV channels and I came upon a lifetime movie called The Truth About Jane.

Oh my God.

And it was this girl in high school who was kind of in this coming out journey and she

was trying to figure out who she was and her mom played by stockard channing was very like boo she did not agree or support this

but but the girl had a gay teacher um who was very supportive and very attractive it wasn't like that it wasn't inappropriate but i can say that to you it was exactly um

so then the girl eventually realizes she's gay and comes out and is very proud and i think gives like a speech or something at her school.

And then her mom's like loves her and proud of her.

And I was sitting there watching this like 17 year old

go through this journey and be very brave.

And here I was, I think it was like 25 or something.

And I was like, oh my God.

And I said out loud for the first time in my life.

I was like, I'm gay.

And it was all from watching this lifetime movie.

And I was like, are you kidding me?

This is the thing.

This is the catalyst that made me finally say it.

But it, that's the truth.

That's the truth about fortune.

Were you scared?

That's the truth about fortune for sure.

That's the title of this episode.

Yeah.

Were you scared?

Were you ecstatic?

Were you like, what, how did the aftermath of that?

realization go for you?

I was like, a lot of things.

I was

scared about how my family would react.

I think I ended up not telling them for like six months.

I wanted to like kind of figure out that world a little bit myself before I went and just, you know, pronounce this thing about myself.

But there also was this like giant weight lifted off my shoulder because my whole life I had felt like something was missing.

Something's not right.

And I don't know what what it is.

I could never pinpoint it.

I could be like

constantly racking my brain, like, what is this thing that's missing?

And I never had that thing with like guys where I wasn't like dating guys, we just had that thing where we'd like immediately high-five.

We had a very bro

vibe with each other.

Growing up, I was getting rejected in a way that I didn't even realize.

I wasn't the object of affection for you know guys in that way, so I just didn't have have that.

So I just remember always feeling a little empty, like I'm missing that love or affection that all these other people have gotten to experience.

So I think I was just like relieved, like, oh my gosh, I finally know

what to even look for now.

Before, I just felt like I was just sort of, you know, aimlessly looking around.

So it felt like I had a direction now in a weird way.

And I felt free.

This is who I am.

And

I get to now be that person and figure out who that person is.

And it was a really like

lovely thing to feel.

And I also started comedy that year.

And I don't think it's any accident that both those things found each other in my life at the same time.

Why?

Why do you think it took the one to get the other?

Because

based on how I am as a comedian, I tell

my story.

And I think it would have been really weird to get up there and pretend to be something I'm not.

I don't, I think people would have like seen through me right away.

And that authenticity, which I value and try to share with people, would have been missing.

And I think that's a big piece of who I am as a comedian.

Yeah.

Can you imagine me up there like, well, my boyfriend?

Timmy.

Timmy, Timmy.

you just said i can't imagine pretending to be something i'm not

but

not to get too anthropological about like the southern lady thing but you grew up in a world where

sweet ginger your mama would take you to hooters but then swear to God when she was dating a conservative man that she had never been to Hooters.

And then you're, you're out playing the role of a debutante, but you have no couch at home.

So like, there's a lot about that life that is sort of pretending to be something you're not, right?

So where does that ethos come from you where you're like, no, I need to be fully integrated in who I am?

I'm sure that like seeing my mom go through her journey of like

trying to be something she wasn't, you know, to please a man.

I think that definitely bothered me back in the day.

That whole

I have never been to Hooters, you're just like, we have been there my entire life.

And now you're trying to act like you're a whole different person.

Like, I hated that.

I hated seeing that.

And so I think there was that, like, probably internal thing of like that.

I don't want to live my life like that.

I don't want to be somebody I'm not to try to please somebody else.

And she eventually grew out of that too.

She is not like that either.

Because there is a point I think that you reach in your life where you're like, I don't want to try to be something I'm not so that you'll like me.

That doesn't feel good.

And I think I just got to that place

where I was just like, I just want to be me.

I know it's taken me a long time to figure out who that even is, but now I have a better idea of that.

And that's all I want to be.

I don't want to be a debutante.

I I don't want to be straight.

I don't want to be whatever it is, you know, I think, and that's where I think the weight lifted off came from because I didn't have to pretend anymore to, you know, please my mom or whoever it was.

It's exhausting.

It takes so much more effort to be something that you're not.

And, you know, comedians, I think, have this beautiful.

way of being truth tellers.

And it would be pretty backwards if you got up there and you were like, I'm straight.

And

yeah, I'm looking for a guy.

Anybody knows anyone?

Did your coming, bringing your truth to your mom, did that precede her?

Because I know she,

where was she in her journey to come into herself?

Because I'm wondering sometimes it's like, when you say you weren't the object of affection of boys, it made pretending to be that impossible.

Is it like, and your mom was walking that line where she sort of effectively was pretending?

Was your coming out

a kind of watershed and her just being like, fuck it.

I'm just not pretending anymore.

I'm trying to think where she was at in her life.

She was no longer with that very conservative man who I'm have a feeling if I had come out earlier, it might not have gone over well because she was in the thick of that relationship and,

you know, was really enamored with this person.

And it had sort of

taken over her senses a little bit too much.

So, I think I had to get to a certain place in my life.

And unfortunately, it lined up better with where she was at in her life.

So, she might have been single at the time.

For her, there was acceptance from the beginning, which was amazing.

I know not everyone is so lucky.

And for her, it was, I'm worried that your life is going to be harder because of this.

And there's nothing that you've done

that you're just being who you are.

But she knew based on just being a person of the world and how people act, there are going to be people that literally hate me

because of this piece of information now.

And I think that was really hard for her and it made her sad.

Like, I don't want.

you to have to deal with that.

And I go, well, on the flip side, you know, not being who you are is a personal pain that to me is much greater than any hate someone's going to spew at me.

I would much rather be happy with myself and my life than, you know, than be, like you said, accepted

by everyone.

So I think, you know, it just took her a minute to sort of wrap her head around what my life would look like.

And

as a parent, you've envisioned like, oh, like my kid's going to get married and have kids you know they have this traditional view probably and i think she just needed a minute to like rework that vision

and she did is it and she did didn't she become the president of p flag in her town she did yeah in in gassin county uh which is a very conservative area in north carolina there was a p flag group but it was small and um not doing much and she went in there and uh eventually became the president And they were very busy and doing things for years.

Like she would go to gay pride parades and those parents would write

posters of support and love for gay people and stand in front of the, you know, the people with the hateful signs.

And, you know, she, they would say, like, I love my gay child.

Just

support.

And I would get emails and tweets constantly from people like, I saw your mom at this event or this pride parade.

parade, and my parents didn't accept me coming out and seeing your mom, you know, be that way and love you no matter what gives me hope.

And

it was amazing.

I think she did it for like, gosh, like 10 years.

And she had to finally take a break during the pandemic.

I was like, you've done your gay work.

Take a break.

Take a break.

God bless ginger.

Yeah, she really resonates with a lot of people because she's a spunky, full of personality woman and just very active and supportive of the gay community.

Thank you, Ginger.

Our mom does that too.

Our mom's all

over the place.

She's planning trans

celebrations at her church.

She actually changed churches.

She went to from a

what was she, sister?

She was Episcopalian.

She was Catholic.

Then she, then she's Episcopalian, then she moved to Universal Unitarian.

Yeah, you know, it's a gay slippery slope.

It's like where he's blind the needle.

Yeah, my mom talks about that a lot because she's Methodist and there's been a lot of internal stuff going on with the church.

So she's very vocal about that.

There's one side that wants to accept, you know, the gay clergy and all that stuff and another side that doesn't.

So they're, I don't know where they're at with that right now, but she's always real.

real annoyed by it.

Thank you for being annoyed, Ginger.

We appreciate that.

She's trying to get those Methodists set straight in a gay way.

Good luck, Ginger.

It's so cool because it's like, it seems like a dramatic shift, but really it's just the refunneling of that energy.

Because when it's like all the passion, then the sacrifice she was willing to make, she's getting rid of all the furniture in your house so you could be a debutante trying to like make your life good, right?

The way she sees it.

And then it's just a shift in being like, oh no, this is where she needs me.

She needs me over here instead of over here.

And so it was just like a refunneling of that passion.

That's beautiful.

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we talk a lot about the i'm so scared life's going to be so hard for you i think there's so many parents who out of fear try to change their kid

because they're so scared the world's going to be, and so it's a different shift to say, Okay, no, I'm not going to change my kid, but I'm going to work to change the world for my kid,

which is what your mom chose.

Yeah, right.

It's a beautiful,

I think it's a better choice.

Absolutely, I would agree.

And you know, I'm in a weird place.

I didn't just like come out and like I'm living my life back home.

I'm a very out there

person.

You know what I mean?

I'm doing comedy specials where I'm talking about coming out.

I'm bringing my wife on stage.

I'm sharing very personal things about my life.

So it does open you up to get criticism, to get hate, but

to get to be that, you know, some representation for people that I didn't get to have growing up, you know, to me, makes it worth it.

If you can like, help someone in their journey.

I think that's so great.

Yeah.

So you're not having having to bootleg the l word to access

other gay people i mean it's so important i just think anybody who's put themselves on television or in a public way um putting themselves out there as themselves as a gay person in the world i know that i look back and i think about all of those moments in the late 90s and the early 2000s that totally changed the trajectory of my life.

Yeah.

And for you to be doing that now, it's like, I can imagine it's not just like a couple of kids that are getting changed.

It's thousands and thousands of people who are looking at you, not only standing up there talking about it, but being proud of it.

Right.

Yeah.

I mean, that was a thing that blew me away during the pandemic because my sweet and salty special came out and then the world shut down a month later.

And I found that All these people were starting to watch it with like their parents.

And maybe they wouldn't have spent that same kind of time with them otherwise.

And I was getting so many emails from young people saying, like, they were scared to come out, but so they had their parents watch my special

and they would like watch, they would watch their parents watch the special and see if they laughed and like if there was joy or, you know, some positivity in their face.

And if there was, they came out to them after watching it.

And I

couldn't believe it.

And then on the flip side of that, I had so many parents reach out to me and say, I had this feeling that my kid might be gay.

And so we put on your special to show them

that they could like be safe to come out.

And I was like, oh my God, you put this stuff out.

You don't think about these

things that can come of that in that kind of way.

And that just,

it blew me away that that could have that impact.

And I'm really grateful that it did.

I feel like that like more than makes up for those four kids in Spain that you screwed up.

Thank you.

I'm just looking for a bad thing.

You're netting out.

Yeah, you're netting out really well.

Let's switch to the opposite of parents who are afraid and shouldn't be.

Can we switch to being children of the 80s and dealing with parents who should have been afraid, but were not for us?

Yes.

Yeah, I love in that every comedy bit to do some sort of throwback

um in my sweet and salty i talked about being a terrible swimmer yeah oh my god that part

and running across the pool um

which was very true i still do that after being like tweaking from the six pounds of fun dip you had fun dip okay kids cocaine yes um yeah so i thought what would be another like fun throwback?

And I was thinking about like how I, you know, my wife's a kindergarten teacher for 12 years.

And she's so like good and hands-on and very, you know, careful with the kids.

And I'm like, thinking like, it wasn't like that for me.

And I've legitimately found a picture of me in kindergarten class.

And we were outside hammering, hammering nails.

And

I'm beside my teacher, so there was supervision.

but I'm like, why at five years old

were we hammering nails?

Like that just seems like too soon.

Yes.

And then it got me thinking about, yeah, the recess out there was

just crazy because they did used to.

have these large tires these it these random

big tires that they would push up this hill in the back of elementary school.

And we would run up there and get into the middle of these tires.

And our teachers would push us down these.

Like, I'm not talking like a little tiny hill.

I'm talking about like a ski slope size

hill.

And we would just be going, ah, you know, and crashing into like a wall.

It was so dangerous.

I got a black eye at one point when I was in kindergarten, just because we were just left to our own devices and nobody cared.

No.

Nobody cared.

I mean, nowadays, the school, the teachers would get sued and

it would never happen.

And then the metal, the metal, all the metal and the burning hot and the all the slides were made of aluminum melting in the sun.

Yes.

And the merry-go-rounds.

Oh, cool.

Someone got stuck underneath it every day.

I mean, now you get an ice pack if you have a headache.

That's right.

I'm like, this kid's kneecap has

been

open.

Nothing.

And I don't even know if our teachers went outside.

I think they just stayed in the room.

In the smoking lounge.

In the smoking lounge.

Yeah.

So I really love like doing that throwback because anyone that grew up around that time was everybody's like, oh yeah, oh yeah.

That's how it was.

I know.

We watched the special with one of our kids the other night.

And I look over at her whenever you go to a Throwback 80s story.

She's just like this.

Glazes over.

She's like, no idea.

And we're rolling.

We're just dying.

Yeah.

It's funny to see people when I talk about that little part about the calculator and writing boobs.

It's the best side.

Or how long

was the good one, too?

Wait, was it?

I thought it was zero zero six five is it eight it's uppercase or lowercase yeah it depends on what your boobs what your boobs are i mean four

uppercase boob kind of a cap i wasn't all caps baby

when i watched the special i was like i think she got it wrong i think she got it wrong it's just because you had small boobs i was small boobs i'm more small

we're a lowercase boob family yeah but six does work That is lowercase boob.

We live in this little neighborhood and this woman, I had just watched her special and I was outside.

My son was playing in the front yard.

He's 10.

And this woman who's walking across the street

from our house and she is, her face is like blanched, freaking out.

And she's screaming into my yard.

And she's going, is that your kid?

My kid's friend had just walked over to our house.

Okay.

Lives five houses down,

walking over, and she goes, I just saw a kid walking down the street alone.

And I was like, wow.

Oh,

and it just made after watching a special, I'm like, this woman is about to call 911 because she's seeing a kid just walking about.

And I was like, she's going to report you.

Yeah, she's going to report us.

And when I was that age, I was babysitting actual baby children.

Yeah.

We used to babysit baby children.

They'd be like, are you old enough to call 911, but are you young enough to not have your boyfriend come over and make out after he used to sleep?

Like that was.

Yeah, I think I started babysitting at 10.

Yeah.

Yes.

I was like calling my grandmother saying how scared I was.

And can she come over and protect all of us?

Can you come over and babysit me?

You're like, I'm not sure this 75 cents an hour is worth the stress.

It was, yeah, because I remember we would leave the house at like, you know, 10 a.m.

on our bikes and be gone till 6 p.m.

And our parents had no idea where we were.

And they would walk outside.

It was getting dark and they would yell.

My mom would just yell out into the ethers for us to come home.

And somehow that sound traveled like a mile.

Yes.

And I was like, it's time to go home.

Yep.

It's dinner.

It's food.

My mom actually locked us us outside, she would

lock the doors, so we'd have to like pee in the bushes and drink water from like the hose tap on the stock.

Oh my gosh, that's heroic, that's a heroic,

but yeah,

so you different times.

You mentioned Jax, and that she was a teacher.

Can you talk to us?

Because you guys are so sweet and cute

and biggie, and biggie.

Yeah, tell us

how you met.

You and Jax met.

We met

seven years ago at Chicago Pride.

Yeah, I never in a million years thought I would have any significant relationship that came out of Pride.

But it was weird.

It was the day after marriage equality passed,

which seemed so wild because I remember I was doing a Pride show and it passed that day.

And everybody that night, there was just this electricity of like, oh my God, like we never thought we'd get here, you know?

And I remember like going through all the ups and downs of Prop 8 in California and being so devastated and gathering in big groups to just sort of have this like, you know, solace with each other.

And here it was like, oh my God, how historic.

And I had never thought about marriage, truth be told.

I didn't know that I would be lucky enough to have that.

I didn't envision it for myself, probably because of growing up, not having those relationships.

So I felt very hopeful.

And I remember walking down the Minneapolis airport, and there were like, they have it all the time, but it's like a rainbow corridor of lights.

And

I remember like walking down this being like, holy crap,

we

get to get married.

That's insane.

And then that night I met Jax.

I walked up to this event.

I was there for like maybe 15 minutes.

They had asked me to come host and I was watching the performers and

she just walked up.

She walked up with a friend and

started chatting and I thought they were together and

we took a picture and

I was like, this girl's really cute, but I guess they were together.

Oh, well.

And she came back like 10 minutes later, uh, saying her picture was bad.

I was like, Oh, yeah, sure, sure it is.

And I got this like false sense of confidence

thinking that she was coming to like hit on me, and which I never thought.

I was always that person that was like, Oh, you like the person behind me, right?

So I just was like, I was like, Oh, I think she's like trying to come back and talk to me.

Um, so it made me be like a little bit more,

I don't know, like, what's up?

Yeah.

What's up, girl?

And

we kept running into each other all night.

Yeah, right.

And we ran into each other all night.

And there were all these different distractions trying to like kind of keep us apart because it was pride and crazy, but we just kept finding.

each other in this giant crowd and

yeah, started getting to know each other, hung out that whole weekend and then dated

long distance for like a year.

But I remember leaving Chicago that weekend being like,

there's something different here.

This doesn't feel like some random person I met.

And she never felt like a stranger.

I'd never had that with anyone.

We get that big time.

Yeah.

We met in Chicago also.

You did?

I didn't visit Chicago.

Yeah.

It was like Pride, but it was a librarian convention.

Yeah, it was amazing.

Yes,

same.

We loved them.

We loved those librarians.

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Do you have a moment where you knew right away that it wasn't just a normal, casual

experience?

Do you remember any times where you were like, oh shit, this is my person.

We're going to be together.

I'm going to propose.

Yeah.

I mean, pretty early on,

even in that long distance situation, we went a couple months before we had that like

talk of like, what are we kind of thing.

But even early on and then I was like, I feel like this,

this is a significant person.

for me.

We just clicked and

a year into being together, we kind of came to an impasse.

She was a teacher.

So, for her to move, she had to do it in the summer or else it was going to be a whole other year.

She didn't want to disrupt like kids' lives by uprooting and leaving them midway through a school year.

We both were so exhausted from traveling because I was touring.

So, we were touring and trying to see each other often.

So, we were both just like, are we going to do this?

Like, it was a little less romantic than

it should have been.

It was like, I'm tired.

You're tired.

Let's be tired together forever.

Yeah.

So we

decided, let's do it.

And I'll tell you, that was one of the, even though I knew like this person is incredible.

And I would be so lucky to be like with this person forever.

It was so scary

because I had never been in this kind of significant relationship before.

She had to make the decision to uproot her entire life, leave her friends, a job she loved.

And I kept thinking, Am I ruining this person's life by having them come be a part of this circus that I'm in?

That is comedy.

And there was so much fear for both of us, but we weren't really talking about it.

We just were like, Let's let's just do it.

So, we got her packed up and drove her cross, we drove cross country,

and it and i realized that we had um

both had such fear and not talked about it but it came out in a very crazy way

we stopped in oklahoma city and

um we went to dinner and

um

i ordered this like giant fried chicken dinner that came with like 10 sides.

It was humongous.

And she ordered meatball sliders.

And I was like, oh, are we, we're just going to share everything?

And she's like, sure.

And our food comes, and I'm literally eating like a feast for like eight people.

And I go reach for one of her meatball sliders.

And she's like, oh, you have like

eight things.

And I was like, I thought we were sharing.

And because I'm just like so obsessed with food.

And she's like, yeah, but I just actually want this.

And I'm like, who said we were Sharon?

And she was just like, I can't do this.

And I've got like, you know, gravy coming down my face.

Like, what?

What'd I do?

And like, we almost, like, she like left.

We almost broke up over a meatball slider on the way for her to move to be with me.

But I realized, we realized after that night, it was because we were both so terrified and just couldn't say that to each other that we were like fighting over a meatball slider.

Isn't that

the meatball slider?

Yeah, she's like, I've given up my friends, my family, my job, my student.

Just let me have the fucking slider.

Let me have my meatball sliders.

And I'm like, but I want a meatball slider.

I was such an idiot.

We got to LA, and I remember we went to bed that night, woke up, and just all that pressure, all that fear just melted away.

It It just went away.

We had to kind of have that like

and get it out.

And then she, like, as soon as she moved in, it felt like, oh, this is, yeah, this is what it's, we're supposed to be together.

We fit like right away.

We spent all of our time together and never got tired of each other.

And it's still like that.

So, yeah, you just, you just have to tell each other you're scared, but it's so hard

to do that, you know?

Yeah.

Do you share food now?

I want to share everything.

Okay.

And she's still like, yeah, I don't

like, you can have some of it, but we, I'm still like so obsessed with food.

I'm like, I want to try eight things on the menu.

And she's like, just order your one thing.

You're good.

You don't have to have all of it.

So when you say share, you mean I want to also take yours.

Yes.

Yes.

That's what

Glennon also is prescribing in that.

Oh, are you?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm like, I've ordered what I ordered,

knowing exactly how much I want to put in my face.

Sharing is caring.

No.

Sherry is caring.

I say that too.

Don't you love me?

Don't you love me?

Don't you want me to have some of that?

She's like, no.

Okay.

This is called We Can Do Hard Things.

Tragically, we only have another minute.

What's hard for you right now?

Yeah.

Well, I'm such a workhorse.

I am

just like on that path of like trying to do everything.

You know, I'm so lucky to be at a place in my career where people want to come to shows or that I'm getting opportunities to act or whatnot.

I would say juggling all of this is difficult.

I'm

trying to remember to find balance because

I want to work and do this because I love it so much, but I want to make sure that my wife is okay,

that our life is good, and that I'm not so consumed with

trying to quote unquote make it or

be successful that I'm ignoring

the big things in my life that really matter, like my family, like my wife and us being happy and balanced.

That's beautiful.

We don't relate at all, but

we relate big.

We relate, big.

We relate, big.

Orchid, thank you for

just making that decision to be you and

be you out loud, because it's really

helping the world.

It makes a huge difference.

Wow.

I appreciate that.

You guys are, you do the same thing, like having your example of

who you guys are and your love and who you are individually and who you are together.

I think that means so much to people to see your example.

So, thank you.

Ditto to you, my friend.

We love you so much.

And we're going to have to have you on next time, another time, because

Jax, maybe you can come forgetting you and Jax.

And I just need to know more about the butcher

thing that lives inside of you.

The bit that has started forming conversations between the two of us.

Well, y'all know I am a Debutant.

So I guess you just can't get rid of some parts of yourself.

Such a lady.

Such a lady.

Well, this is awesome.

Thank you for having me.

Thank you, Fortune.

Sissy, did you want to say something?

You looked like you were about to say something.

Sissy.

Oh, I was just saying

big shout out to Biggie.

Biggie, Biggie.

I mean, if you think you love Fortune, wait till you meet Biggie.

That's your best.

My dog is adorable.

My dog is the best.

We're so obsessed with him.

And we wake up every day happy because he's looking at us

with unconditional love.

And it is, there's no greater feeling than waking up to him and coming home to him.

We went down a Pomeranian rabbit hole after your show because we also too are equally as obsessed with Biggie as you are.

If Jax finds another one like that, that's a rescue.

Can we just have her?

We're looking because Abby told me you wanted to find one.

So we'll let you know.

Thank you.

Thank you.

We love you.

Go watch Fortune's shit.

Go to her shows.

Good fortune.

Good fortune.

Good fortune.

Do not miss it.

Good fortune.

Watch it with your family.

We love you.

Thanks.

Thank you guys.

Bye.

See you next time all.

Bye.

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