102. Ashlyn Harris & Ali Krieger Double Date!

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Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, before we get into it, I just need to level set the listener of what is happening today.

Welcome back to We Can Do Hard Things, first of all.

And second of all, I'm going to take the intro and the bios here because

these friends are what I brought into my marriage.

You did.

You did bring them to me.

I did.

And you all learned.

There was something that you brought that was good.

I just need to introduce you both because

you two are just outrageous.

I'll begin with Ashlyn Harris.

She is a two-time World Cup champion, two-time CONCACAF champion, and a three-time She Believes Cup champion.

She believes.

She currently plays for Gotham FC of the National Women's Soccer League, the NWSL, and leads the NWSL with the most saves of any goalkeeper, of any goalkeeper, folks.

Wow.

She's a champion of self-expression and self-love.

Ashlyn is also known for her style and her extensive tattoo artwork.

Allie Krieger is an Olympian two-time World Cup champion and a two-time She Believes Cup champion.

She's a key part of the defense that held opponents scoreless for 539 consecutive minutes during the 2015 World Cup.

That is how long every game feels.

Recently, Allie was named...

Yes, exactly.

Recently, Allie was named number seven most marketable athletes in the world and currently plays for the NWSL Scotham FC.

No way that there's six more marketable athletes in the world than Allie Crocker.

Yeah, Ash is one of them.

Are you serious?

What number is Ashlyn?

She's three.

Are you serious?

I got the boot.

Oh, my God.

Well, in 2019, Ashlyn and Allie married.

And in February of 2021, they welcomed their new baby, Sloan.

They're also parents to two puppies, Logan and Storm.

My goodness, I love you both so much.

Thank you for joining us today on We Can Do Her Things Double Date.

And we got to kind of just dive in because

heels.

We're so happy to be here.

Honey, take the first question.

Yeah, thanks for having us.

Of course.

Thank you for being here.

We list love you so much.

We wanted to start by talking about your wedding.

Yeah.

Because that was just a ridiculously magical, wild, beautiful day.

Yes.

That was the first time I really got to meet you all.

Can you tell us what's the most memorable moment of your wedding day for each of you?

It doesn't have to be the most because that's too stressful.

I think

what was so magical was being in one place for the first time

with all of our

surrounded by so much love and to be able to like express it to your like chosen family your family like all your people who have helped you get to that point and it'd be such a celebration it's probably the first time it ever happened and it quite possibly could be the last time we have that opportunity And it was such a moment of visibility for two queer women.

We really wanted to capture that.

We didn't want to be selfish.

We wanted to like

really show it to everyone.

And I just feel like we executed we had a vision and we totally executed it.

It was literally the most magical day of my life.

I think for me, walking up those stairs, it's kind of similar to how you expressed it, but walking up the stairs, I was actually probably more nervous than playing in a World Cup final because of just the feeling and the emotion that I had and the chills of like getting up to those last few steps where you start to see everyone and how everyone was standing there looking at us and just you see your favorite people in the world all in one place.

And I think that specific moment for me and then making kind of the walk around,

that was like truly amazing.

And I can't really articulate that feeling that I felt in that moment.

I didn't take my eyes off of her the whole entire time.

No, I watched you.

I watched you and I had tears just stream.

I'm a crier at weddings to begin with, but like knowing you both and knowing all that the queer community has gone through over the last, you know, centuries to see not only you both getting married, but to be getting married in the like the most fashionable fucking way.

Well, the costumes, you guys.

The

wedding costumes.

Oh my God.

Okay.

So since you asked me, I'll tell you my top five memories from your wedding.

Okay.

I'm excited.

So do you remember when Sydney read the freaking reading?

Their

reading at the ceremony was Justice Kennedy's decision-making same-sex marriage law of the land.

We were crying.

You were crying.

Actually, I was crying inside.

I don't cry on the outside because the Lexa Pro like stops my tears right at the,

but I cry on the inside.

Does anyone remember when Sydney forgot to?

So Sydney was doing

the officiating, and she was so amazing.

And then she didn't let any of us sit down.

My poor grandparents.

I know.

And I was looking around, like, oh my God, I feel so bad for all.

Like, and a lot of our friends were actually pregnant.

She was

like, she was very nervous.

She did a great job.

She just forgot the one thing, like,

you all may sit.

But it was appropriate.

I was like, actually, damn it, we all should be standing.

You're right.

you're right if there's any wedding that deserves it it's this one and then do you remember when kyle

kyle's allie's brother yep did the freaking toast maybe i have it here um okay so he said your love is a beacon of hope for so many gay young people who don't get to see happy endings reflected back to us

you are our happy ending yep you are our gay happy ending jesus what a moment.

He was amazing.

I mean, he winged half of it, probably.

He just got on a roll, and he's just so incredible, and such a

pillar for our relationship, too.

Um, in the way we kind of live our lifestyle, and he's just been there every step of the way, and so that was an incredible moment for both of us just to see him up there.

I mean, he was so nervous,

but he was just we were laughing,

laughing, it was just he's great.

He's the absolute best, and you know what?

Actually, before Glennon,

Kyle was the first sober person I've ever met.

And so when I was going through my early days of sobriety, he often came to my mind like, okay,

if Kyle can do it, like I can do it.

You know, and then I met Glennon and everything kind of changed.

But at the end, he's like such a beacon of hope to begin with.

And, you know, it doesn't hurt to look at him.

Yeah, he's so unattractive.

Your family really struggles in that area.

Do you remember the best moment of my life?

The best moment moment of my life.

We were on an airplane.

Oh, yes.

This is good.

Someone walks up to us.

He goes,

I'll watch you in the goal or something to you.

He's like, awesome at soccer.

I watch you in the goal.

Congratulations on your wedding.

And then he walked away and I was like, I feel like he said some soccer things, but I don't understand.

And then I go, oh, my God.

That guy thinks we're Ashland and Allie.

Ashland and Allie, yeah.

And then she was like, should I tell him?

I was like, no.

Would I to ride this out.

She was like, ready to play the part.

So then, Ashlyn, you gave a toast at the wedding.

And during the toast, you said so many beautiful things, but you actually, during the toast, talked about your friendship with Abby.

And I didn't understand, I don't think, the depth of all of your friendship.

So until that toast.

So tell us how you all became.

friends and what yeah i can't wait to hear your perspective oh my gosh this is so good it's so interesting when I think back because I was so young and like it was such a vulnerable time for me.

And I don't know how we ended up like connecting,

but

Abby's ex-wife was one of my childhood friends.

So that's how the connection was made.

So it was my first professional year in the league.

And I was making minimum contract and I just suffered a ton of injuries in in college.

So I was kind of just like finding my way a little bit.

And Abby and I like hit it off.

We were brothers from the moment we had our first conversation.

And it was such like a weird time in my life.

I really believe people are like placed in certain moments for certain reasons.

When I was.

In that moment, when I was like giving my speech, like she would let me come to terms with my sexuality because I wasn't comfortable at the time being like, I'm gay.

It was, I have these weird feelings for friends and like, I don't know what's going on and I'm super uncomfortable.

And she just like loved me through the journey and was a good friend to me and showed me like how to live life because I came from nothing.

Like I didn't experience

very much outside my bubble and like my small world.

And she just would take me on these freaking wild ass excursions.

She would be like, hey, drive your car to 95.

We're doing a cross-country trip in an RV with seven people.

Sure, I'll be there.

I have no money.

No problem.

I got you.

And it's just like, we did life together.

Some of my greatest memories are with you.

And like meeting Allie and like coming to terms with my sexuality.

I just remember sitting on your couch folding your laundry talking about

that sounds familiar.

Yeah, like what gay looked like for me.

And it's, it's like a really important moment in my life because she just like took care of me.

And I was super young.

I was super naive.

I really don't think I had much to offer her at the time, but she just loved me unconditionally and like took me under her wing.

And then our friendship, we were always by each other's side from then on out.

We had each other's back, like still to this day.

So good.

I just remember that time.

You know, you were young and I just remember seeing a kid who

it's not that you needed any help because I knew you'd figure it out.

You're very, very strong and you had the kind of a moral compass that I, in many ways, wished to have.

I feel like you knew.

a little bit more right from wrong than I did.

I had a little bit of a wild streak in me and you did too, but I think that you had an ability to pull in the reins way better than me.

And

I think that what you just said is, it touches me so much.

And

the thing that you gave me was longevity.

When a new kid who comes to a team is so open-minded and you weren't filled with ego.

You were like, yes, like whatever it takes.

And as an older veteran player, it made my career last longer because, first of all, it made me feel like I was doing something good.

And second of all, like your youthfulness made me feel like, oh, you know what?

Like I still, this is something that I still want to keep doing because you made it so easy every day in the locker room.

So Allie, did you also have a long journey with accepting your gayness?

Or like, do you have a similar story to Ashlyn?

Or was it different for you?

I think it was different for me because when I went to college, I didn't know like two women could actually be together.

I didn't know that that was a thing and that could be like normal.

And so I was a bit confused.

And then I started to explore my sexuality in college towards the end of my four years.

And then when I got to Germany, I, you know, dated a woman there and I had a really great relationship for a couple years.

And then when I met Ash.

I was like, whoa, like this is a thing and this is like real and this isn't just like a face, you know?

So I was pretty open and

yeah, open to any relationship when I was overseas and throughout my college career.

And then when I met Ash, obviously, and Abby was there since day one

through that experience, I think I just knew it was like a different feeling for her that I had with.

anybody else.

I remember even telling my brother that experience too, that once we met, I was like, wow, just something is different within me and in the way that that I feel.

And I think also what I value about our relationship the most is that we gave it a chance to build a really good foundation.

So we were friends for the first

year, I think, before we really started to kind of change that emotional connection into a physical connection.

And I feel like that kind of set us up for success.

Absolutely.

Through now.

So when was the moment that you

saw each other in that love way?

Like who made the first move?

Yeah.

We got to know.

Okay.

So Ashlyn is pointing to Allie right now.

And Allie doesn't seem to be

rejecting that idea.

Is he calling me from Germany?

She must be lonely.

And I was like, you better be picking up

because it's a lot of money.

I had to pay Skype bill after Skype bill after Skype bill.

And I'm like, well, she better send money along with that like mixed tape.

She was sending me boxes of mixed tapes.

I was like, still were like, you know, sending gifts to each other.

Maybe it was just like care packages.

It was so cute.

I don't know.

I think it was when, and, you know,

it was obviously before the World Cup.

So 2010 was that year.

And then obviously, you know, through the World Cup, it was.

And I mean, Abby was there through this experience, but it was also like everything was new and we were, you know, I don't know, just on a different platform.

And a lot of things were changing for me personally and also just as a footballer.

So I think I needed to just kind of navigate through a lot of different obstacles at the time and my feelings included.

So it wasn't as easy at the beginning, but, you know, eventually I knew that she was the one for me and then just blossomed from there.

Blossomed, such a good word for it.

I just need to say that in that 2011 World Cup, a lot of people talk about that big goal we scored at the end of the game against Brazil that sent it into penalties.

And not enough people in my mind talk about how we actually won that game and went forward with that game.

And it was by the penalty of Allie Krieger.

I remember you yelling at me on my way up to kick the ball.

Because I started walking and I think everybody was so nervous.

And like, you know, the four players before me, I think it was Abby, Abby, Carly, Pinot,

Boxy, Boxy.

I mean, just absolutely rocked their PK.

There was like, no question.

I was like, oh, God, I got to like screw it up.

Yeah.

And I started kind of walking.

And Abby goes, don't walk, jog.

Like, like,

and I just remember it.

I was like, oh.

And I kind of like snapped into it, not out of it.

I snapped into it.

And I really like focused from then on.

And I was like, I can't screw this up.

I haven't, I can't have it up.

I'm telling you, it is one of my biggest pet peeves, people walking to to a penalty, because there's too much thought that goes on during a walk.

Like when you're jogging, your body's in motion.

Like, let's go.

Let's get this done.

You know what you're doing.

Put the ball on the spot.

Put it in the goal.

Let's go.

I'm glad that I said that.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings in any way.

No, no, no.

You didn't hurt my feelings.

You actually like made me more.

I'm going to furline.

Stop talking.

Well, probably.

It was, I was exaggerating a little bit.

It was just, you know, come on, Greg.

Yeah.

That's us in a nutshell.

But I did want to mention, Abby, like you also knew how to get the best out of all of us.

younger players.

I really appreciated that.

Not only I know Ashlyn has an amazing connection with you and such a brilliant friendship story.

And throughout the years, it's obviously grown so much.

But I don't know if you realize, like, you obviously knew what you could get out of people.

And you always knew how to get the best out of us.

And I just really appreciated that.

And I really value that about you.

Obviously, you're one of the greatest leaders we've ever had.

And I have to say, like, I know like we've we've kind of mentioned this story before, but I think it's a really important story to share with everyone is in your final game, your retirement game, like I understood at the time you weren't in a great place and it was like a really difficult time for you.

And you, I'll never forget, like plays in slow motion like a movie in my mind.

You came into the locker room and you're pissed because we lost, which you should be.

And you took your captain band and you took it off and and your shirt and you just threw it into the dirty laundry.

Thank God, Ash in this story.

And when no one was looking, I took out that captain ban and I took off my jersey and I wrapped it and put it in my bag.

And still to this day, I have your last captain ban wrapped in my jersey that I wore.

Because like that is the impact you had on the people around you.

And maybe you didn't know it.

And I just knew there was was going to be a time where you wanted that back.

And I like can't wait to deliver that to you when I see you face to face because that's the effect you had on people that you didn't even know.

And it was so powerful and it was so moving that like,

I need to give you back that last captain van.

Like that's important to me for you to have it because that's the impact you had on the people around you.

I'm not crying at all.

That is friendship, is seeing somebody have a moment where you know that's not them in this moment and they're going to want this moment back and saving it for them.

Yeah, I was, I was struggling so much at that time and there was a lot going on in my personal life and that was my last game.

So it was of course like super emotional.

And I was just so pissed to leave the game on a loss.

I think I've come to more better terms with it now, but it still irks me.

I'm like, how the fuck?

How the fuck could we win so many games and championships and I lose my last one?

Like, that's the way I'm going out?

Are you serious?

Thank you, Ashlyn.

And Allie, like what you just said meant means a lot to me, especially now, like, you know, five, six years out of my, my career, into my retirement.

You know, my kids, they think that what I did was really cool, but like, they're my kids.

They don't think that highly of me.

So it feels my ego is filled up.

Thank you.

Being vulnerable and authentic, and having

a handful of struggles, like that's also what makes the experience so great.

And us to be human beings.

And we're not always going to be perfect, and we're not always going to be so strong all the time.

And it's actually refreshing to know that even the best of us

can also struggle and fight through it.

And that's something that I think Ash and I really appreciated about you too.

That's not always going to be, you know, rainbows and butterflies.

Yeah.

It just isn't.

Like, if we were to get really honest, and I'm sure both of you now in your club teams and having some time apart from the women's national team, like being a professional athlete is a really intense

way of life.

And everything in many ways suffers, right?

Like your body suffers, your mentality suffers, your emotions suffer.

Your relationships suffer.

The relationship you have with yourself sometimes suffers.

I'm like now just getting to a place in my life where I don't have to traumatize my body to feel good about myself.

Like the self-esteem that I get from working out hard, I'm trying to like fix because I can't maintain that for the rest of my life.

I'll be incapable of walking with knee problems and ankle problems as I get older because I'm just brutalizing my body day after day.

And so I'm trying to figure this out.

What did you guys honestly think when Abby told you that she was going to marry a previously straight 40-year-old Christian mother of three?

I love this question.

Were we at the Super Bowl when we first met?

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah, I remember.

Yeah,

so nice to me.

It was so terrifying that night, but you were very kind to me.

Well, I just remember how Abby spoke about you and like how happy she was and how she was like growing as a person and in this like extremely low, like she's still trying to talk to me about how her life is so incredible and amazing.

It's like, like, not even the place to be having these like very serious conversations about like how life is changing and it's so great.

So she's like, okay.

But honestly, like she was glowing

and she was so happy.

And she like couldn't wait to talk to me about it.

And it was like such a moment where I was like,

she must be like really freaking awesome.

And I met you and I could tell you were like pretty like reserved around me and quiet.

As I like started meeting you more and more, I could really like feel your fun side.

And I'm like,

This chick is freaking awesome and perfect and challenges her and it's balancing her in all the like most perfect ways.

And like, I get why you guys work because you guys are such incredible people.

You deserve to be happy.

I love that, like, we all get a second chance in life.

And the fact that you guys found each other when you did, like, I know you saved her life, but like.

she chose to save her own and do her own work in her own steps and you just like added and enhanced this richness that was already there so like i'm just so happy that you guys both found so much happiness in each other.

Like, this is the best, like, we're like family now.

And I love that.

I love that, like, I have you in my phone and I can pick up like whenever and just call you guys and get the best advice or just like

a hangout, talk shit session.

It's just like the same banter as when we first met.

And now, Glennon, that you're a part of it.

It's like it's a complete circle.

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who proposed like how did you all do the proposal how did this happen i knew i wanted to marry her the moment i met her no

I literally bought her ring.

I bought her.

I remember telling her

clearly, if you don't marry me, I will drag you down that aisle myself.

I actually had the wedding ring for three years because I already knew.

And then I was like, well, what, what was, like, what was your thought process in those three years?

Were you like, I just knew that, like,

even though I was ready and my time was ready.

Took you so long.

She was waiting on you, Alex.

Yeah.

She was waiting on you, sister.

Yeah.

I remember.

I saw that ring.

I get it.

I get it.

I had the ring for three years because I knew this is what I wanted.

And there was no doubt in my mind.

But I also didn't want to be selfish.

Like I needed her to be ready.

Oh, I get that.

Yeah, I wasn't ready.

That's so beautiful, though, that you knew that, that like you were able to like press pause on something that was really important to you because you knew long term, if I put her in this corner, she's going to be gone.

We would take like random trips, weekend trips, just to get away and get away from work and soccer and all the things.

Staycations.

Yeah, just to refresh and recharge.

And, you know, it's only about an hour and a half from Orlando.

So it was nice.

It was just like a normal weekend.

Like I didn't think anything of it.

I was like, yes, we get to go, I don't know, walk the beach and hang out and sit by the pool and, you know, have a cocktail or whatnot and go to dinner just by ourselves and be able to talk about anything and everything outside of soccer, which is always so nice.

And it was just a random weekend.

And we went down to the beach and we brought, you know, I think champagne.

I was just thinking it was like a normal evening.

I'm like, and there's like full Tom Brown kit.

There's nothing about this.

Yeah, I thought I was a kid too, right?

There's nothing about this.

It's just a regular evening.

Yeah.

But there's like this rock, these rocks.

I don't know what you would call it, but it's just kind of like a bank of like rocks going out into the ocean.

And people kind of stand on, take photos.

And then it was just the way the light was hitting.

The clouds were so beautiful.

The sunlight was coming, setting through the clouds.

And there were just, it was unreal.

And then there were sailboats out in the water.

And I was just like, this is like,

this is so beautiful.

So I said, can you come over to the rocks and take a photo of me for Instagram?

Because I need my, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I need my like, you know, perfect segue.

Yeah.

And I was like, but just by myself.

Yeah.

Just put my cute outfit on.

Yeah, yeah.

You can take it.

You can take it.

I'm going to go stand over here.

Your shadow.

And then the camera.

You're doing great, cheating.

You're in my shot.

Your shadow's in my shot, honey.

I know.

And I'm like, here, hold my camera and you know uh take a few shots anyway so then she goes okay well now can i actually get into the photo and i was like well yeah you can come now come on come on so we sat there and i was just holding the phone up um in selfie mode and before someone else had come and taken a photo but she had her hand up like in between us like holding the ring as she's clicking all the photos i'm clicking i'm like put your hand down like what are you doing here ruining like the same

moment your hand is up

i literally have it holding and like, and I'm like, I can't see the sailboat.

Like

right in between us, there was like a sailboat and her hand is here.

And I'm like, okay.

And then she like brings it around.

I think I still have that photo.

Yeah.

I have like so many photos of her holding it.

And she brings it around the front.

And she was like, you know, said what you are.

The whole thing.

Said the whole thing.

And, you know, asked her to marry me.

Yeah.

Will you marry me?

And I just,

I didn't hesitate.

No, you did not.

I said, absolutely.

I, on the other hand, was like, girl, your hands,

you better not drop this ring in these rocks in this water.

That's all I kept thinking.

I put it right on.

I put it right on.

I was not going to mess this up.

Yeah.

My hands have been tested my whole career.

I was not going to drop this ring.

And I remember we called Sid like right away.

Yeah, we called our family,

our parents.

Yeah.

It was great.

It was great.

We'll send you guys the photos.

Okay.

Yes.

We would love that.

How did you know after

a few years of being married that you were ready to become parents

we had actually spoke about adopting the first moment we met about how we like what we talked about our hopes and our dreams and like all this foundation was built like 10 years ago and as soon as covet hit and the olympics were pushed back like soccer just wasn't moving us like it did we were like another year year.

We're just like, oh no, we should start planning for something.

You know, it's like Abby said, like, it is, you have to sacrifice it all.

And at some point, you come from a place of, holy smokes, I just sacrificed 20 years.

And now I'm in my later 30s.

And it's like, now what?

And I just felt that

we were so ready for this moment.

And

we were like, why not?

Like, we've built this foundation.

We have this stability.

Let's not do things just for a paycheck.

So, like, this was our moment to kind of break free.

And I think it was a really good time for us because we weren't happy within that bubble of traveling all the time, blah, blah, blah.

So when COVID hit, we were like, oh my God, I love you so much.

Like people were struggling during COVID.

And I was like, we were thriving.

We were like, this is what people usually do.

Like they have time to hang out and go to the, you know, go for a walk at sunset or not have to like surround your entire day on working out and recovering and sleeping and i just could like shut off 25 years of just

dedicating my entire life to this craft and allie and i were like let's do this this is our time and we matched in three weeks because we all yeah but we also were like this could be three years we don't know maybe you know we were still planning on wanting to go to to the olympics and be a part of that experience and the team um at the time because it was we just got home from the shibelies or a tournament um right before everything shut down and we were like well we don't even know how long this is going to take so let's just put our names in and see what happens and you know we'll go from there well then we get a call like three weeks later and we were like we were like do we want to do this yeah you were like wait hold on i was like good thing i'm sitting down once we do this like this is is it.

Yes, it is.

Our life, like, different.

We're not selfish anymore.

It's not about us.

Yeah.

And we were like, let's do this.

Well, and I just want to give a little context to the listener because I think that you all play in the NWSL, which is a professional team, which is a little bit less traveling than it is on the women's national team.

So when you're talking about.

settling down more and maybe not playing on the national team as much, you're still playing in the club system, but you have a little bit more, more of a quote-unquote normal existence, a day-to-day schedule where you're not at the mercy of traveling for months and years at a time to train.

Interesting, though, to go from what Abby always calls, and you're referring to as a very,

not even a negative way, but self-centered existence where you're constantly worried about your own body and your own,

you're your own planet.

And then you become a mother of an infant, which is the most self-sacrificing existence on earth, right?

You went from extremes.

How did you do that?

Yeah, what did you do?

What was that transition like?

It was, it's the hardest thing we've ever done.

It's, we didn't sleep.

We actually hired a night nanny because we were like, listen,

we.

we are fit right now.

We don't want to like have to do this all over in 12 weeks.

And we want to be there for the team.

and we still felt like we could actually go to training and just figure it out but we only took two weeks out of the 12 weeks um yeah of maternity leave and

yeah our night nanny would go 48 hours on and then we would take the next day 48 hours on we would take the next day so we were like kind of flip-flopping

but it was so hard as you know yeah no i don't know i was not soccering soccering

like Allie, we had shifts.

We just were like high-fiving in the high in the hallway, like 2 a.m.

I would go to sleep at 9 and Allie would be up till midnight.

And then I would do

the 2 a.m.

to the 6 a.m.

And then I would do that morning.

Yeah, she would do the morning.

We'd get up and have to be at training by 7.45.

Nope.

In Orlando, Florida.

100 and something degree.

I would just someday show up and cry.

You guys would turn around.

I didn't know what was going on.

I didn't even know what planet I was on.

I would just cry.

And then I would be like, all right, I'm good to go.

I'll go home and I'm going to be the best mom ever.

Yep.

Did you guys, okay, okay.

Okay.

It's wild.

I know.

It's so wild.

So

physically, that's unbelievable.

But emotionally, also, because when you have a new baby,

you just start hating each other.

There's just nobody.

I don't know anybody who honestly, I feel like if there's anyone, it's you guys.

So I just want to know,

did you hate each other during that time?

Because even if you're emotionally intelligent and you love each other and you're good friends, when you're not sleeping, we revert to this animalistic version of ourselves.

Oh my gosh.

Did you fight?

Do you baby fight?

What are your baby fights?

I mean, I'll just add this too, is they both have the exact same job.

So it's not like one person is going off to work and another person's staying home, but like you guys both are sharing the exact experience on the soccer field.

So like there was no reprieve.

There was no like get out of it.

Did you fight a lot?

No, I don't.

Well, you were like,

no,

I wasn't like, yeah, we fought.

Get your story straight real quick.

Yeah.

No,

no, we don't.

We didn't fight at all.

I think just, I'm just laughing because the very first night, Ash was probably like, great, I need to buckle.

Can I just

wild?

Because this is going to tell you a lot about our relationship.

And I think, Abby, you're going to really appreciate this story.

And Glenn, and so will you, because you're going to get it.

So

the first night, first off, they just hand you the baby and they're like, here you go.

Put it in the car seat.

Well, that looks great.

See ya.

We took all these courses through adoption.

I have no idea what I'm doing with this child.

It's just like.

A stranger has been put into my arms.

So we get home.

We drive.

So our child was born in Tampa.

So we drove home.

I'm driving so slow.

I'm like,

I just can't like didn't change lanes, how like careful I was driving.

So we get home and like, we're doing our thing, right?

We're good.

Every two hours, this baby needs to eat, sleeps the whole time.

So nighttime comes around.

And like, we're, you know, how competitive we are.

So Allie and I are like, the first week, we're doing this.

No night nannies.

Like, this is our time to laugh.

Like, we're going to own this.

We're like, this is is our moment the first night allie is like literally white knuckling the bassinet

the child moves sloan's trying to get out of this like swaddle thing they have her and straight god yeah it is literally the baby is and you can't have at the time like any blankets anything in there so all you hear is like the

like a track suit yeah you're running out of like an old babies track suit so every time sloan's moving, Allie's like, oh my God.

And she like gets up out of bed and she's like looking into the bassinet.

And I'm like, okay, she's fine, honey.

And then she has this like light button.

She has a night light in there.

She's pushing this frantically.

She looks over to me and she's like, it's too cold in here.

Okay.

I go and I turn the air up, right?

And then Sloane's still, you know, doing the jig in the crib.

She gets back up and she's like, the vents.

It's three or four o'clock in the morning at this point.

The vents.

It's too close.

It's too cold.

Go close the vents.

Girl, we have 12-foot ceilings.

What?

What am I supposed to do?

Go in the garage and get the ladder.

Now it's four o'clock in the morning.

I'm trucking outside.

I have the ladder.

I'm trying not to make any noise.

I'm going up the glass staircase.

And a garage is like detached to the back of the house.

Go outside, Phils, through the walkway.

It's 4 a.m.

now, right?

I close the vents.

I'm literally haven't slept.

My mind's mushed.

I'm 12 feet in the air closing every vent in the house.

We're baking, literally baking.

Sorry.

So then Saloon's still moving.

And finally, like my patience at this point, like I'm so patient with Allie.

I love her to death.

But at this point, I'm like, honey, like enough.

Enough.

At this rate, we will never sleep again.

And she's like, I have to keep her alive that

dramatic that dramatic the next morning that's her exact words the next morning i called that night nurse and she was there by 3 p.m the next day right i'm like this we can't do this

that was the first single night that's probably our only fight then we learned that she liked to be swaddled up

so that's why she was this movie she was this one

she wanted those hands out

because she had to be yeah so this that was our one and only fight, and it wasn't even a fight.

My patients were very like, and then we would run like breathe through the other, like, you know, frustrations.

I'd be like, okay, why don't you just go take a nap?

Or like, why don't you,

she's so, she was so good with me because I was on fumes.

She was like crying and like upset, not crying all the time, but you were just like, you were just so tired.

And she doesn't sleep as it is.

She just struggles to sleep.

That's just like how you are, tossing and turning.

That's always been a thing.

thing.

So then I was like, oh gosh, bringing a baby into this, she's going to be.

So I would have to take like extra shifts just because I'm like, you got to train.

You got to be like good.

You got to show up and do your job and do it well.

So we need to like figure something else out.

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Oh my god, everyone should have babies with people on their teams.

You knew how to be teammates already.

This is something that married people don't know or understand.

Teamwork.

Just how to be on the same team and take care of each other.

And as it comes to like fighting, how do you fight like in general?

Like what are your fighting styles?

Or communicate?

Because it doesn't sound like you fight.

Yeah.

When your feelings are hurt with each other or you

have to like have a conflict, is one of you more afraid of conflict than the other?

I think we're just so honest with each other.

And I don't know if sports has helped like

diffuse honesty.

Like she can be very honest with me.

And I'm like, damn, that was harsh.

But I'm so used to it because that's my job.

I want to surround myself by people who are going to like tell me the truth and not what I want to hear.

So I can get better.

We are so good at saying that to each other.

We just in a nice

nice way.

We're just very respectful.

This is bothering me.

This is how it's making me feel.

And like, boom, I understand.

Like I'm going to have to be better and figure it out.

And we compromise.

I feel like that's marriage in general.

But I think communicating is like so like huge for us because if something's bothering me, I'll like tell it right away and not like let it build up and build up until the fifth time.

And then it just explodes.

I think that's been really helpful for our relationship, just to kind of like, I'm pretty calm.

Sometimes I'll snap here and there when I'm like a little annoyed at something that I didn't address sooner.

And that's like on me.

And I'm like, listen, I'm really sorry, but that's the biggest thing is the little, talking about all the little things because sometimes we're like, are we ridiculous?

Because this lesbian relationship talks about talk about every little thing, but it actually is so helpful because.

when you ignore the little things and they build up and build up and build up and then you freak out.

Yeah.

And also just learning.

I think your partner is so important because then you can help cater to their needs a bit more.

Like, I know for Allie, she's such a yes person that she gives, gives, gives, gives, gives.

And like, she gets to a point where she's so fragile and tired that that's when the cracks start to come out.

And I have to like step in and be like, honey, you can't do it all.

You can't.

be here and there and flying all over the place and then be a mom.

And then mom guilt creeps in.

Like she suffers a lot from mom guilt.

So it's a lot of times just me taking care of her, like in a way where don't feel bad about saying no to people.

Like we also have to own our own time.

And I think that's the hardest thing she struggles with.

So I try to like come in sometimes and be like, maybe we don't have to do that.

Like it's okay to say no.

I try to balance it a little bit more.

I don't know.

I guess really just getting to know each other and knowing in this moment she might need me because I can say no and feel no like regret or no like kind of way.

And she's like really sweet and nice and she's just always wanting to do good things for people.

But then it leaves her kind of like tired and not yeah and empty a lot of times.

But we're talking about it in therapy.

Yeah.

You know, I'm talking that out with my therapists a lot.

So we're trying to figure that out day to day.

It's getting better.

That's why they're so healthy.

That's why you're so healthy.

Are you, I'm like, for sure, there's there's therapy going on here.

So, are you

both in individual therapy?

And do you ever do marriage therapy?

No, we haven't done marriage therapy, which I would be open to.

It'd be really like

fun to continue to build our relationship stronger and stronger.

But individual for me, yes, because I'm dealing with a lot of trauma from you know, childhood and

like grieving and

mom guilt.

So, those

I just,

I want to be

good at everything.

So I want to be like the best soccer player I can be.

I want to be the best activist I can be.

I want to be the best mom I can be.

And I know that each of those kind of take and the best sister and the best daughter and the best wife.

And sorry, I didn't mean to put that last, but you know, all the things you want to be like so good at and give.

equal amount of time to everything.

But, you know, when I don't feel like I'm doing that,

it becomes really difficult.

And I struggle with, I guess, just accepting that something's got to give and you're going to sacrifice a little bit of time here and there.

But ultimately, I've been feeling better about going to training and then giving myself some time before I come home because I don't want to come home and not have a smile on my face and not be happy.

So I know like I have to make myself a priority too, or else, you know, Sloan's going to always just see me upset and unhappy in the house.

And that is like the absolute last thing I want.

So I have to make sure at times that, you know, I split the time and

understand that giving her everything means also giving myself

more time and more grace.

That's so beautiful.

And one thing I'll just say to that is that was a complex that I had

big time when I retired.

And I was like, okay, I'm going to be the best at everything that I do.

And for me, that left me feeling really sad because

what we were able to do as a soccer player in terms of just like the evaluation process like it's also relative but like being on the best team in the world like that's something that like i'm really proud of and that's something that like i identified as so much as like a national team player but in all the other components of my life, I think it doesn't serve me

because there is no way to be the quote unquote best parent in the world.

But here I was trying my like my hardest to be the best parent in the world.

As if there was going to be a medal ceremony.

Yeah, I was waiting for it.

Nobody was giving me any trophies.

This was like very

weird situation to be involved in.

But what I've learned over time, Ali, and I don't know if this will help you in any way, but what I've learned over time that with parenting, especially,

it's not about how good or bad you are.

It's about how you show up.

And as a parent, I've like let myself just by showing up be a success.

That has been, I think, really a hard transition from what we do as soccer players to like, quote-unquote, normal life, as I would say.

You just have to give yourself a little bit of grace that there is no trophy.

Yeah, there's no parenting trophy.

There's no trophy.

That's such a good point.

I feel like I,

you're right.

Like, I think that are we doing the best?

we being the best of the best of the best?

And like at the end of the day, though, like Sloan's going to see how hard her moms work

and how

much of this life that they've created and how they stand for things that most people are scared to stand for, lend their voice to people who don't have a voice.

Like we work around the clock.

And I want her to see.

how we're trying to change the narrative, how we're trying to make the world better for her.

i want her to be proud of that like i saw my parents work two jobs like i took something from them that like i wanted to be better for my kids and that's what i hope she can see one day that like yeah mom works a lot but she's working for all the right reasons yes and that is mothering yeah there's this idea of you know don't change don't prepare the world for the child like prepare the child for the world And that's actually kind of horseshit.

Mothering is at home with your kid or, you know, you're creating, helping create the person they'll be, but it's also out in the world, helping create the world that they will inherit.

That's right.

Right.

So much of your mothering is done when you're not even in the room with Sloan.

Right.

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What do you all talk about in terms of being a same gender family and a mixed race family?

Like, how are you approaching your particular type of family?

And how do you raise Sloan

to

be who she is in the world, even if it's not completely reflected in you too physically?

Yeah, it's a great question.

We have to first start with ourselves and educating ourselves more every single day, just to be able to give her the tools to succeed.

And we never want to tell her what to do or how to do things.

We just want to teach her certain tools to help her navigate her own life.

And so I think that definitely starts with us and educating ourselves continuously to be able to help guide her.

And through these tough conversations that I'm sure we're going to be involved in.

And we've taken that diversity course as well through the adoption process, which is a must.

And I think we should do that every single year.

And I think it definitely starts with me and you.

Yes, she's going to know at an early age, we talk about this often, that we're

different.

We are a normal family, but we have our differences.

And so we're going to have to sit down with her and be open with her right from the get-go.

Because I think

with us, we value communication with our family value communication.

And so I think with her, that's going to be really important

as soon as she can understand.

Yeah.

And I think it's so so interesting, right?

Like we grew up in a time of what do you want to be when you grow up?

And it's always like the police officer and the firefighter and the professional baseball player, whatever the case is.

And Ali come from, we're like parenting and wanting to come from a place of like, I want Sloan to use the terms like, kind.

I want to be kind.

I want to be like compassionate.

I want to be understanding.

And I don't think we're trying to raise good humans, just like good machines that are going to help us like follow the dreams that we fell short in.

Like parents do that.

They just like push their hopes and dreams on their children.

And I don't want that for Sloan.

Like I want her to be.

a kind human who knows how to navigate life because it's hard.

And I didn't have those tools to hold on to when I was young.

And I like want to be the parent who not snowplows everything, but hands her the tools to navigate this journey.

And then she can own her own decisions.

But like, as long as she functions through the world and this sense of like clarity and being open-minded and coming from this family that looks beautifully different,

I'm hopeful I'm going to raise a really good human that's going to do great things.

And she's going to be centered in who she is, not what she is.

It's this unbelievable thing we talk about all the time.

It's like such proof that we are so capitalistic in our brain.

Like the only thing we look at these unbelievably divine human things and we're like, what occupation are you going to have in 35 years?

Like they don't freaking know.

They just know that adults have no idea how to talk to kids.

And that's the one question adults can think of.

So they ask them what they're going to be with.

And then they don't even, I was a teacher.

So I know most of the time they're just making something up.

They're just like, these adults want to hear a word.

So, firefighter.

We used to talk all the time with our little ones.

Who do you want to be when you grow up?

And more importantly than that, who are you now?

Not even like this arrival thing, because that teaches them that one day they're going to grow up and become adults.

Are you still waiting?

Because I'm still waiting.

When am I going to wake up and be this other thing that I'm supposed to do?

Oh my gosh, because I keep just waking up and I'm just me.

And it's terrifying.

Every day.

Right.

Yeah.

When you all are going to retire from soccer, it's like you have this identity crisis because everything's based in in the what.

And the what is the least important thing.

The soccer is the least

exciting thing about you too.

Right.

That's right.

Like there's so, it's who you are.

And that is so

beautiful.

You guys, I love that so much.

You all, you three are all so lucky.

I just want to talk a little bit about traveling soccer family and

what you are thinking about heading into a retirement from the good old game.

Are you talking about that?

Has anyone retired?

What's going on with the soccer?

Yes,

we talk about it often.

Gosh, we are just like barely crawling out there at this point.

I'm like, maybe I overshot, you know, my thoughts of really keeping up.

I know.

No, but we're actually so much happier where we're at now with Gotham FC and just having this experience for a couple of years in New Jersey and New York and being so close to the city, like it's actually really refreshing for us to kind of get out of our small, comfortable life in Orlando.

And it's just to get out and explore and kind of just be challenged again, because that's when you grow the most, when you're put in these uncomfortable situations.

And so I feel like we're really excited about this opportunity.

But yes, our bodies are like, wow.

You need to take a moment.

Yeah.

And she's at the front door.

So I think we're more, I think we're more players than trainers.

So like, you know, we don't train as much as we used to.

And, um, but we're like, you know, gamers and can show up and be good.

We literally play this game because we love to compete.

Like I love to compete.

I am a different animal human.

I don't know what it is, but it's like, it's therapy for me.

It really is.

I'm out.

I mean, Abby, you know, I'm out there.

I'm like doing all that.

it's just it's so therapeutic to be able to go and just compete because the way i operate in life is a lot of times too much for for the people around me so it really is therapeutic and it like how i i can get it out and then i can come home and be nice and calm and mom and gentle and soft and then i can be really aggressive and harsh in my my professional career.

So maybe I should be in like WWE or something.

What's going to be next?

It's actually so quick.

I can see that for sure.

Right.

A.

And then B, what you just did was actually cleared something up for me that I've been considering.

Like, why did I play so long?

And I, cause for a long time, it wasn't about the soccer because I couldn't stand it at the end.

It was about the competitiveness and the need to win, the need to be in this like.

no holds barred environment.

So that's like really helpful.

And I also just want to say this, whenever you do decide to hang up the cleats, there's a transition period that's that's super different.

I'm not going to say hard because I don't want to put any experience onto what yours might be, but there's a transition period that you will go through that I will be here for.

And I want that to be known by both of you.

Nobody.

told me that when I retired.

I didn't have somebody to be like, am I going wildly nuts here?

Or like, is this normal?

And we will be here for you.

And I just think that what you're doing with your own lives and the decision you made to bring Sloan and make a family for yourself is one of the most brave and beautiful things that I admire the most of you both.

Um, to do it while you're still playing and to create this ridiculous, gorgeous family.

You guys are so good looking.

It's ridiculous.

Yeah, it's annoying.

So annoying.

But remember that time that they thought that we were them?

Yeah.

Just to circle back.

We guys are so perfectly beautiful.

I know.

What are you talking about?

This is so nice to hear from you both.

We can do hard things, remember.

Yes.

Abby.

But we, if I've learned anything from Glennon from afar, is we can do hard things.

We can.

Together.

Together.

We admire you both.

We love you both.

And we just appreciate everything you do for the community, for us

as individuals and a family.

We just look up to both of you and just appreciate everything you do.

So, I want to make sure we say that and we value you so much.

So,

we love you.

Please come back.

Bring the baby.

Bring the baby.

We are not coming.

Listen, we are coming.

We're going to do around the couch.

It's going to be called around the couch.

Yes.

We're going to be folding Abby

on long underwear.

Yeah, I probably will.

Like we did.

That's probably more.

Ali's

going to be strong and baby.

Bona and I will probably be doing something.

And if during this, you know, transition time that you're talking about, if you need to like spend a lot of time, you know, reaching into your psyche or whatever, I can babysit during that time.

Okay.

We will hold you to that.

Yes.

We can't wait to come visit.

All right.

We love you both so much.

Thank you for this hour.

We loved every minute.

Thank you for who you are in the world.

We will be in your corner forever.

That's right.

Thank you.

And to the rest of you,

well, it'll never get better than that.

So I hope you enjoyed this last hour.

And we will

see you back here next time when we can do hard things.

Bye.

I give you Tish Milton and Brandy Carlisle.

I walked through fire.

I chased desire.

I made sure I got what's mine.

And I continue

to believe

that I'm the one for me.

And because I'm mine,

I walk the line.

Cause we're adventurers, and heartbreaks on map.

A final destination,

you lack.

We've stopped asking directions

to places they've never been.

And to be loved, we need to belong.

We'll finally find our way back home.

And through the joy and pain

that our lives

bring,

we can do a hard pain.

I hit rock bottom, it felt like a brand new start.

I'm not the problem, problem.

Sometimes things fall apart.

And I continue to believe

the best

people are free.

And it took some time,

but I'm finally fine.

Cause we're adventurers, and heartbreaks on that.

A final destination

we lack.

We've stopped asking directions

to places they've never been.

And to be loved, we need to be known.

We'll finally find our way back home.

And through the joy and pain

that our lives

bring,

we can do a hard thing.

This were adventures

and heartbreaks on that.

We might get lost, but we're okay.

That we've stopped asking directions

in some places

they've never been.

And to be loved, we need to be known.

We'll finally find our way back home

and through the joy and pain

that our lives bring,

we can do hard

things.

Yeah, we can do hard things.

Yeah, we

can do hard

things.

We Can Do Hard Things is produced in partnership with Cadence 13 Studios.

Be sure to rate, review, and follow the show on Apple Podcasts, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Especially be sure to rate and review the podcast if you really liked it.

If you didn't, don't worry about it.

It's fine.