259 - Chrysalis

Hey, Jeffrey Kraner here.

It is nearing your last chance to get holiday gifts.

Listen, gift buying is so stressful, believe me, I know.

So, finding a single shop where I can get many things for many people, including some things for myself, is a dream.

One of those places is our Night Vale store because we have great Night Vale-branded items for you or the Night Vale lovers in your life: t-shirts, blushies, phone cases, jigsaw puzzles, etc.

But we also have many incredible things for people who like or even know of Night Vale at all.

Things like holiday sweaters that feature an axe-wielding snowman or creepy ass tea towels or a t-shirt that says anything's a pinata if you hit it hard enough.

We're putting in new items all the time, so check back regularly.

Plus, we're removing old items constantly, so don't miss out on things that you've always wanted.

But if you're getting holiday gifts, now's your chance.

Do it now.

Just go to welcometonightvale.com and click on store.

Couple of last little things.

Our Patreon book club starts in January for Weird Scout or hire members.

Our first book will be Vacation by Deb Olin Unfirth.

This novel was really formative in the creation of Nightvale's particular voice and style.

These book club discussions will be led by me and Joseph Fink, so go read Vacation and join our Patreon, patreon.com/slash welcome to nightvale.

Finally, season two of our other fiction podcast, Unlicensed, is out now exclusively on Audible, and the Night Vale role-playing game is available for pre-order.

Check the show notes for a link to that.

And hey, thanks.

Summer is turning to fall, which frankly, rude of summer to do.

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I got an adorable dress for my daughter, which she helped pick out.

She wore it at her first day of school.

She loves that dress.

It has pockets, if you know, you know.

I also got myself a mulberry silk sleeping mask.

And every night since has been a luxury, I have never gotten better sleep than with mulberry silk draped upon my eyes.

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hey jeffrey kraner here it is nearing your last chance to get holiday gifts listen gift buying is so stressful believe me i know so finding a single shop where i can get many things for many people including some things for myself is a dream one of those places is our nightvale store because we have great nightvale branded items for you or the nightvale lovers in your life t-shirts blushies phone cases jigsaw puzzles, etc.

But we also have many incredible things for people who like or even know of Night Vale at all.

Things like holiday sweaters that feature an axe-wielding snowman or creepy ass tea towels or a t-shirt that says anything's a pinata if you hit it hard enough.

We're putting in new items all the time, so check back regularly.

Plus, we're removing old items constantly, so don't miss out on things that you've always wanted.

But if you're getting holiday gifts, now's your chance.

Do it now.

Just go to welcome to nightvale.com and click on store.

Couple of last little things.

Our Patreon book club starts in January for Weird Scout or hire members.

Our first book will be Vacation by Deb Olin Unfirth.

This novel was really formative in the creation of Nightvale's particular voice and style.

These book club discussions will be led by me and Joseph Fink.

So go read Vacation and join our Patreon, patreon.com/slash welcome to nightvale.

Finally, season two of our other fiction podcast, Unlicensed, is out now exclusively on Audible, and the Night Vale role-playing game is available for pre-order.

Check the show notes for a link to that.

And hey, thanks.

Be brave.

And if you can't be brave, be quick.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, a dread day is here.

The chrysalis is stirring.

After who knows how many centuries, that great navy blue chrysalis attached to the statue of the town founder is stirring.

The chrysalis has always been there, covering the founder's face and most of their body, making it impossible to discern anything about their identity.

But now, the chrysalis is showing signs that it may soon open, and who knows what horrors or wonders may emerge from its...

Oh,

uh, sorry.

I have to take this.

Yellow?

Hey, Cecil.

Steve here.

Is this a good time to talk?

Oh, sure.

I always have time for my brother-in-law.

Great.

It's just that I have a little bit of a predicament and I'm not sure what to do.

I'd love to just talk it out with you.

Okay, lay it on me.

Right.

So I got a letter today that I'm not on the air, am I?

Uh

like live on your show?

I'm not, right?

Steve, let me call you back.

So forget you heard that.

Where was I?

Oh, well, I better get to the headlines.

It seems our recent swap meet in the county fairgrounds was so successful that organizers have decided to make it a regular event.

If at any point you have something and you want something else, just wander out to the fairgrounds and try to make an exchange.

Hours are not posted and location is approximate.

So just head on out there any old time and see who or what is waiting for you.

The city council has declared the triangle the official protectors of Nightvale.

This was against the single dissenting vote of Tamika Flynn, who felt that the town did not need an official protector and that it would be better to invest in community modes of safety, such as mental health specialists and traffic cameras.

But the many-voiced, many-headed other city council member outvoted her 15 to 1.

The Triangle has accepted this responsibility with the gravity it deserves, solemnly reciting their new official motto, There's three of us.

And last but not least, the moon is going to crash into the earth, which is, according to many scientists, going to be a little bit of a bummer.

So keep an eye out for that if you're a star peeper.

This has been Headlines.

And now for real estate listings.

There are several apartments for rent in the Ravine District.

Brand new state-of-the-art studios, one-bedroom and two-bedrooms are all on the market, and the prices are are rock bottom.

Although not as bottom as the actual rock at the floor of the ravine, which is estimated to be at least 100 meters deep.

No one is sure because whatever lies in the deepest shadows of the ravine has never allowed any expedition to return.

But don't worry about what's living at the bottom of the ravine because you'd be safely ensconced in the ravine's damp sticky walls.

For more information, call Taco Bell and tell them you want the special nachos.

They'll know what you mean.

In sales, there is a beautiful one-bedroom, four-bathroom cottage over in the sickly Codger housing development.

It has a newly updated kitchen, 0.004 acres of lush yard, and a panic room under one of the bathrooms, in case you panic.

and need a room to calm down in.

Asking price is two of your toes, and they can't be be the little ones.

Finally, for those looking to build their own dream home, there are hundreds of acres available in the sand wastes.

If you do not mind some sand and also some wastes.

Good luck out there.

This has been Real Estate Listings.

A crowd has formed to watch the opening of the chrysalis.

In the same way a crowd might form to watch, say, the moon hurtling toward us through our atmosphere.

Sometimes we wish to witness our own doom because comprehension of something gives us the illusion of power over it.

There is now a tear in the chrysalis.

The interior is inky darkness.

No light from the outside is able to penetrate into that strange cocoon.

The crowd breathes anxiously in unison, in

and out,

trembling.

You know what?

I do need to get back to Steve.

Okay, let me just put you all on mute.

Sorry, listeners.

And

there.

Done.

Hello?

Sorry, I'm back.

What's up?

And I'm not on the air?

Well, I hit the button that I believe mutes my microphone.

Either that or it sends an electrical shock through the floor of the punishment cell in station

Good enough for me!

So listen, I got this weird sealed envelope.

It didn't come in the mail.

I found it taped to my bathroom mirror when I went to shave this morning.

It was sealed with old-fashioned wax and had my name typed on the front by a typewriter.

When I opened the envelope, there was an intense smell of dried roses and orange peel, but also rusty metal, like old playground equipment left in a flood zone, you know?

Sure, we've all gotten letters like that.

Well, I opened it and- Hold on there, Steve.

I'm getting a message from intern Henry that the button I pressed is not mute, but instead the one that turns on the emergency siren on the outside of the station.

It seems I caused a bit of a stir and was also broadcasting this entire conversation on air.

I'll call you back.

Hokie-dokie!

And now for a word from our sponsors.

Chick-fil-A.

Yes, we know what you're going to say.

We've had some criticism in the past and we hold certain controversial beliefs.

Did we want to dig a tunnel to hell and blast open the gates with dynamite just to see what would happen?

Yes.

Did we suggest that we should toss people into active volcanoes because the volcanoes might be hungry and that would be a way to give them little treats?

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Did we possibly fund terrorist organizations in exchange for stolen artifacts?

No, we did not.

That was Hobby Lobby.

That's real.

Look it up.

But yes, we did suggest that draining the oceans might, quote, get rid of a few of our problems.

So sue us.

We have some misguided beliefs.

But where else are you going to get a chicken sandwich that is perfectly okay?

If you want a chicken sandwich that you could honestly describe as fine and probably better than a chicken nugget, where else would you possibly get that?

That's what we thought.

Chick-fil-A.

Yes, we're going to use your money to shoot a big bullet at the sun.

What are you going to do about it?

This has been a word from our sponsors.

Let's have a look at the community calendar.

Tuesday will be Remembrance Day for all those who lost their lives after their ice maker failed and drained onto the floor, and they were chasing their dog named Cumberbund calling, Cumberbund, you need to take the medicine for your ulcer.

And they slipped on the water and died.

For everyone who died this way, may your memory be a blessing.

Wednesday is the half marathon down at Grove Park, raising money for cancer research to find out once and for all what is up with the water signs, you know?

Unfortunately, organizers say they could only secure the basketball court, and so the entire marathon will have to be run in a circle around the court.

Fortunately, that's only 260 easy laps around the court.

Simple.

Thursday is the feeding.

Please do not try to interfere with or prevent the feeding.

You will only make things worse.

Things could be so much worse.

Friday is Ladies Get In Free Night at at the Cemetery.

Saturday is A Lost Cause.

And Sunday is Buy One, Get One down at the Big Lots.

Don't miss it.

This has been the community calendar.

The chrysalis has split, and from it has emerged a human arm.

The arm is covered in a pale blue slime and its fingers are long.

The arm has not moved or showed any sign of life.

The crowd is pushed in closer.

They want to see.

They want to know.

Even if it burns them from within, they must know.

From the chrysalis comes a song with words that are not words, but hold the shape of words or are in a language that never ended up existing.

The crowd sings along.

They do not know this language, but they know the melody, because it is the one they hear when they are all alone and listen closely to the silence.

Okay, hold on.

I'm gonna put you all on mute for real this time

because I really should get back to my brother-in-law Steve.

Howdy do?

Hey there, Steve.

I definitely pushed the mute button on my microphone.

Okay.

Or it's the one that makes the coffee maker in the break room shoot poison tarts.

I have a lot of buttons and none of them are labeled.

Well, I opened the letter.

Yeah.

And I looked at what it said.

Yeah.

And it...

Could you just double check you're actually muted?

Yes.

I am actually muted.

See, if you look at my levels, I am...

Oh, no, I'm still broadcasting at top volume.

Um, no one touched the coffee maker?

Steve, I'll call you back.

But first, A message from the dental underground.

We are a friendly association association of dentists, and we mean you no harm.

We are as ancient as jaws and teeth, we precede humanity, and we mean you no harm.

We are only dentists.

We come bearing warnings, warnings of tooth rot, of bone pain, and of our equally ancient archenemy, the winged tooth.

The winged tooth stands for everything we do not.

We are a friendly association of dentists, and we live in a secret place under the earth, where we watch you using a variety of devices and methods, and we mean you no harm.

We are only dentists.

The winged tooth creeps atop rooftops and peers at you from clouds.

Do not trust their sweet voices, which tell lies and melt enamel as surely as sweet foods.

They want the meats and mush that lie at the core of your molars.

Do not trust what they say about us.

None of their information is verified.

All of our information is verified.

We are a friendly association of dentists and we skitter beneath your floorboards in a friendly fashion and we take small bites from your limbs in a friendly fashion and we follow all relevant guidelines and principles.

We are the dental underground and you will never see us, but we are always nearby.

I really need to call Steve, but okay, I've learned my lesson.

I just

don't know which button mute is.

So here's what I'll do.

I'm going to go find somewhere private to make this call, away from my microphone.

And in the meantime, you have a look at the weather.

See you moving through the air without a care.

Floating on the open sea

to me, try to find your way to land.

You're not quite scared.

But you're not quite free.

See you moving through the air without a care.

Floating on the open sea,

do me.

Try to find your way to land.

You're not quite scared.

But you're not quite free.

Maybe you'll find out that this life is all we're ever gonna get.

Maybe this music that I make is gonna be what you forget.

I know these words inside my mouth will never be inside your head.

I know you take what you can get, so I will get with you instead.

Get with you instead.

Get with you instead.

See you moving through the air without a care.

Floating on the open sea to me.

Try to find your way to land.

You're not quite scared,

but you're not quite free.

See you moving through the air without a care.

Floating on the open sea to me, try to find your way to land.

You're not quite scared,

but you're not quite free.

Maybe you'll find out that this life is all we're ever gonna get.

Maybe this music that I make is gonna be what you forget.

I know these words inside my mouth will never be inside your head.

I know you take what you can get, so I will get with you instead.

Get with you instead.

Get with you instead.

Hey, it's Jeffrey Kraner with a word from our sponsor.

You're on a desert island, but not a deserted island.

Someone else is there.

Something else is there.

In the water, surrounding you lurks a mythical beast with two large eyes and many long arms.

You're just now hearing of this beast, but you're not afraid because you don't plan to swim.

Though that water looks nice.

You're good at talking yourself into things, and soon you are in the sea, frolicking and splashing.

You even squeal, thinking you're all alone.

But you forgot what I just said.

You're not alone.

Something wraps itself around you.

It lifts you high in the air, waving you about at dizzying heights.

You You look down and see the mythical kraken.

You start to scream, but in its other tentacles are bottles of kraken black spiced rum and kraken gold spiced rum.

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You high-five the beast as it sets you back down on the island, along with the bottles of kraken rum.

It winks and tells you kraken rum is ideal for Halloween cocktails and disappears back into the dark, briny depths.

Visit the official sponsor of Welcome to Night Vale, Kraken Rum.com to release the Kraken Kraken this Halloween.

Copyright 2025, Kraken Rum Company, Kraken Rum.com.

Like the deepest sea, the Kraken should be treated with great respect and responsibility.

You chose to hit play on this podcast today.

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And you're sure that we're off the air now?

Steve, I'm huddled in a closet, far away from my microphone, in between the usual janitor closet stuff like mops and beach towels.

Unless you think that the former station management wired our entire office so to broadcast our every movement on air without our knowledge, I think we're fine.

Well, that's a relief.

So I can finally talk about what the letter said.

You know I love my job at the bank.

Sure.

Bank guy.

That's your whole deal.

Right.

Well, this is a job offer, and a really good one.

From who?

Detour, that ride-sharing app?

Or I guess from their parent company, which is some tech company called Labyrinth, I think.

I don't know.

They're kind of vague on the details, but they want me to do an interview with them at their headquarters in a couple weeks.

Oh, where are their headquarters?

In the industrial district on Sandpiper Road.

Sandpiper Road?

That's the bad part of town.

Don't I know it?

But the pay would be outrageous.

Well, that's great, Steve.

I'm really happy for you.

I just don't know.

The bank depends on me, and I can depend on the bank.

It may not be a great job, but it's a stable job.

You know how the world of big tech is.

The whole thing could disappear in a matter of weeks because some big investor gets cold feet.

And then what would I say to my family?

Well, I am part of your family.

And I can say that we'll be there for you because sometimes you have to take a risk for yourself.

You have to believe in yourself.

And they don't appreciate you enough at the bank.

They just don't.

And we all know it.

Thanks, Cecil.

You know...

They think I'll do it.

It couldn't hurt to just do an interview, right?

Heck yeah.

I'm so proud of you.

Oh, Steve, I gotta go.

Apparently, there's something happening with the chrysalis.

Okay, sure.

See you dinner, buddy.

Okay, let me just get back to my desk.

Oh boy, this is a longer walk than I remembered.

It's almost like the station changes dimension and layout every day.

And

here we go.

Hello, listeners.

Cecil here.

Sorry for the dead air.

Some news on the Chrysalis.

It has fully opened, and from it walked a woman with very smooth skin.

Her hair was soft and fluffy like the hair of a newborn.

She was wearing a light blue suit.

And now that I look at her, she has the same basic dimensions and profile as the town's founder.

Huh, that's interesting.

She is walking among the people who have gathered, caressing their cheeks gently.

She is cooing.

Finally, she stops in front of a man.

The man is broad-shouldered and handsome.

She smiles shyly, and he smiles shyly.

She places one hand on each of his shoulders and cocks her head in question, and he nods his head in answer.

And then she

oh

she has unhinged her jaw

and

she is swallowing his body whole

i can only see his legs sticking out of the inky dark of her mouth

and now

he is gone

She is not distended at all as the result of this unholy feast.

She is still trim.

Her suit still sits well on her torso.

Her skin is even softer now.

So,

anyway,

that's what happened there.

Stay tuned next for a woman with soft skin and soft hair, gently putting her hands on your shoulders, and wordlessly asking you a question that you do not want to answer, but you will answer, and you already know what the answer is.

Good night, Night Vale.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale.

It's a production of Night Vale Presents.

It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Kraner, and Bree Williams and produced by Disparition.

The voice of Steve is Hal Lublin.

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

Original music by Disparition.

All of it can be found at disparition.bandcamp.com.

This episode's weather was Adrift by Tinfold.

Find out more at the link in our show notes.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Blue Sky at Nightvale Radio or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at Night Vale Official.

Or be the person you always dreamed you could be.

Just go on.

Do it.

Most importantly, check out WelcomeTonightvale.com, where we have a twice-monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you.

Today's proverb, I double dog dare you.

I two cute little puppies dare you.

I two elderly companion dogs who have grown into you just as you have grown into them dare you.

I dare you the most fleeting but beautiful canine companions.

Mike and Alyssa are always trying to outdo each other.

When Alyssa got a small water bottle, Mike showed up with a four-litre jug.

When Mike started gardening, Alyssa started beekeeping.

Oh, come on.

They called it truce for their holiday and used Expedia Trip Planner to collaborate on all the details of their trip.

Once there, Mike still did more laps around the pool.

Whatever.

You were made to outdo your holidays.

We were made to help organize the competition.

Expedia, made to travel.

I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies, and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-season, and case you missed them.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone.

From Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks.

We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unspooled wherever you get your podcasts.

And don't forget to hit the follow button.

Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale.

Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast.

Join me, Meg Bashwiner, and fellow tri-hosts, Hal Loveland and Symphony Sanders, as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Night Vale.

Come for the insightful and hilarious commentary, and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories.

Good morning, Nightvale, with new episodes every other Thursday.

Get it wherever you get your podcasts.

Yes, even there.