243 - Lost and Found

Did you know that Nightfall is not just a podcast, it's also books?

That's right.

It's like movies for your ears, but in written word form.

We have four script collections that are fully illustrated with behind-the-scenes intros for every single episode.

And then we have three novels.

The first Welcome to Nightfall novel, in which two women have their lives turned upside down by a mysterious man in a tan jacket.

We reveal the origin of that, the man man in the tan jacket in that one.

Then the New York Times best-selling thriller, It Devours, in which we really try to get to the bottom of a certain smiling god.

Finally, my favorite, The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home.

Part Pirate Adventure, Part Haunted House, all Faceless Old Woman.

Find the three novels and four script books wherever you get books.

Okay,

enjoy this episode of a podcast.

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You can't spell team without me.

You also can't spell it without T

or EAT or

huh.

These New York Times puzzles are tricky.

Welcome to Nightvale.

Listeners, as you may have noticed, recently we introduced a simple lost and found section into our radio broadcast.

We are always searching for a way to better serve our community.

After all, we are community radio and we take the community part of that very seriously.

We also take the radio part of that very seriously since it requires a lot of expensive microphones and mixing boards and a big broadcast tower that is generally a huge pain.

Especially now that I've had to act as both host and manager of the station ever since station management.

Ever since.

Well, now that I'm acting station manager, it's been a lot.

But I'm getting away from my point, which is unlike me.

I'm usually so laser focused and on topic during these broadcasts.

It's just the stress of having to make sure our HR policies are up to date and order coffee resupplies for the break room and feed the hound that lives in the basement.

It's all too much.

I'm sorry, I digressed again.

The point is that we've gotten so many lost and found requests that I will be devoting this entire show today to them.

Hopefully we can find everything lost and reunite everything found.

That's the goal anyway.

Let's get right to it.

We'll start with an update on the Florida keys.

Now, you may remember that several went missing only to turn up in Sri Lanka.

Sri Lanka was happy to ship them back and it looked like we were heading to a satisfying ending to this story.

But unfortunately, there has been a mishap.

The shipping company, Big Dawn's Logistics and Slightly Stale Bread, mislabeled the package and the keys have instead been delivered to the county of Cumbria in the far northwest of England.

Locals there have indicated that they will not give up the keys.

Are you kidding?

said the mayor of the small town of Warkington.

There's now a bunch of warm tropical isles right here and you want us to give that up?

Get lost, mate.

Oh, I'm so glad I got a chance to demonstrate my perfect Northern English accent.

I think you'll agree, it was flawless.

In any case, Florida is demanding their keys back, and talks between the two parties have become tense, but I wouldn't worry.

It doesn't seem likely that the British government would start a war over the ownership of a few sparsely inhabited islands.

I'm sure it will be fine.

Meanwhile, Big Don, of Big Dawn's Logistics and Slightly Stale Bread, has apologized for the mistake.

That was our bad for sure, Don said, and we are happy to make good on it with some free bread, which I think you'll find is mostly still edible.

Well, I hope things work out for the best.

They rarely do, but it never hurts to hope.

Let's get to our headlines.

The Grove Park Beautification Initiative is launching with a gala at the community center this Saturday.

The initiative board president, Alondra Ortiz, said that that the goal of the program is to restore Grove Park to its natural beauty, as it was before all these ugly benches and fountains and trees and birds were added.

Dirt, cried Alondra, standing on a corner in Nightvale's commercial district, while holding a sign that also said, dirt.

She concluded, all will be dirt and ash, before wandering into the coals to buy some new socks.

An opposition group called the Grove Park People for Grove Park for the People has formed, saying that honestly, they think trees are pretty neat and that benches are good for sitting.

When asked about this opposition, Alondra said that it stank of communism and that she would see them before the committee and then refuse to answer any further questions, saying she was shopping for new socks and to please leave her alone.

This has been Headlines:

More lost and found

Lost.

A baby.

A newborn baby, all squalls and needs.

Last seen transforming into a toddler, capable of making you laugh and making you growl in frustration within the same chaotic minute.

Also lost, toddler.

Last seen transforming into a little girl who reminded you that imagination wasn't merely a tool, but a place where one could dwell.

Also lost, little girl.

Last seen transforming into a bigger girl who furrows her brow over homework, who is starting to have ideas of what the rest of her life might look like, who sometimes wins arguments because she is right and you are wrong.

Also lost, bigger girl, last seen transforming into a teen, capable of making you laugh and making you growl in frustration within the same chaotic minute.

Also lost, teen, last seen transforming into an adult woman who no longer needs you, not really, although sometimes she wants to need you, just as you always want her to need you in some small way.

If you have any idea where all the previous versions of this person went, all the little people who disappeared as she aged, please call Bernard Sampson at the dollar store.

He just wants to know.

He just wants to understand.

Found, a sense of purpose.

I already have one, so if anyone needs a spare, please stop by 544 Milkweed Lane.

Purpose is being offered as is, with no guarantees that it is worthwhile or noble.

Lost.

A song.

Sung by Darren Buchanan in Oklahoma City in 1975 while washing the dishes.

It was a catchy little tune, but the next day he had forgotten it, and no one ever sang it again.

Found.

Dog.

If this is your dog, please provide the first four digits of its serial number as proof.

Lost.

The sunlight as it was on your 18th birthday.

The way it felt on your skin, which was so new because you were so beautiful.

Beautiful in a way you were unable to understand at the time.

The way that the sunlight fell through the windshield as you drove around aimlessly with your friends, listening to that song that you listened to over and over that year?

The way the sunlight seemed to usher you into each day, a welcome mat for a world that belonged to you.

There have been warm days since, but the sunlight has never been that sunlight.

If found, please return to P.O.

Box 617.

No questions asked.

Found $409 in a plain paper bag.

I won't be returning it.

I just wanted to let you know.

Lost.

Hat.

If found, please.

Don't approach.

More lost and found soon.

But first, a word from our sponsors.

Today's sponsor is Bisquick.

When all is said and done, when everything is over, when the last of it is at last gone, when dust springs up from the earth, when the clouds gather again and again, pouring rain onto nothing, when the oceans are empty right down to the dark silt at the bottom, when the buildings have leaned and teetered and crumbled and returned to the earth, When the last human is no longer a memory because memory is no longer a thing that happens.

When the sun begins the long, slow swallowing of the earth.

When the mountains are ground down to nothing and then new mountains form, and then those mountains are ground down to nothing, when all is said and done, when the last of it is, at last, gone.

This will be the time of Bisquick.

Await us.

This has been a word from our sponsors.

And now for the children's puzzle section.

First, the maze.

Okay, so there is a mouse and it is trying to get to the cheese.

Should it go left, right, right, left, left, you turn right, left, or should it go right, right, right, left, left, right, left, right through?

Now connect the dots.

Please make the sounds that go in the blanks to form the shape of a fun animal.

L.

This may not look like much on its own, but once you connect the dots, who knows what it will be.

And finally, the family fun comic.

Okay, so there's a little boy and he's walking down the sidewalk with his grandpa.

And he's holding a little toy boat and the boat is full and I mean full, just overflowing with blood.

And this comic is in black and white, but the blood is bright red.

May in fact be drawn with real blood.

Unclear on that.

And the grandpa has turned his head away.

He knows what the boy is holding, but hasn't yet admitted to himself that it is real, let alone the terrible truth about the child that this implies.

And the boy knows the truth, knows what the boat means, and he relishes it.

He hungers for the terrible and violent future that awaits him, for he knows that deep down he is a terrible and violent person.

And there's a caption below showing what the boy is saying, which is, I think my boat has a boo-boo.

Okay, so that's the children's puzzle section.

Enjoy, kid.

And now for more lost and found.

Lost.

Any sense of perspective.

Any ability to tell which moments are emergencies and which are just the everyday entanglements of of human existence?

Which moments are impossible, sheer walls, and which are small obstacles that can be pushed through with a little determination?

Which moments are crushing defeats and which are normal setbacks?

If anyone has found any sense of perspective at all, please reach out to Nilanjana Sikdar down at the science lab next to Big Rico's.

She could really use it right now.

Found

Orb.

If you've lost orb or even just want orb, please email orb at orb.org.

Use subject line orb.

Lost.

Spacecraft.

We lost a spacecraft somewhere over the American desert around 1947 and we've been looking for it since.

If found, please don't be weird about it.

We get the vibe, you all would be really weird about it.

Found.

A summer's day from 2018.

Seems nice, waking up late but without a hangover because it was before your body really had hangovers, not as you understand them now.

Seeing which of your friends were up to hang and then just hanging.

Maybe at a pool or a lake or out on the lawn?

The world seemed to vibrate at the exact same frequency as the pulsing energy of your body.

And the sunset was a gorgeous, billowing purple, and you put your arm around someone you loved, someone you thought you would love forever and ever, although this feeling would not survive the coming autumn.

But for that moment, it existed as the sky deepened into night.

If you would like this day back, please let me know how because I desperately want it back too.

Lost.

hat.

I cannot emphasize enough that you should not approach this hat if you find it.

The hat has teeth.

It's a very special hat, and you should run if you see it.

More of what is lost and what is found after

the weather.

I wanna hear that old radio,

but I lost it somewhere long ago.

Fly when you're high, cry when you're low.

I wanna hear that old radio.

I wanna hear that old radio.

I ain't in my bed, they list all the dedications.

And I'd wish I had someone I could make one for, but instead,

I'd slide in and take away till they played my favorite song.

I would hit record and then

it was mine.

By the name on the spine,

I don't wanna hear that old radio,

but I lost it somewhere long ago.

Fly when you're high, cry when you're low.

I don't wanna hear that old radio.

I don't wanna hear that old.

Driving by myself,

I roll all the windows open and turn the volume up as loud as it would go.

But I yell,

flying high along the highway with nothing on my mind.

But the music in the room can say

I was free.

They were all

saving me.

I don't wanna hear that old rail.

I lost it somewhere long ago.

Fly when you're high, cry when you're low.

I don't wanna hear that old radio.

I don't wanna hear that old

radio.

Sometimes when I'm in the dark,

it still echoes in my heart.

It still goes in my head.

I just wanna hear that old ring.

Got lost in somewhere

ago.

Fly when you're high, cry when you know.

I wanna hear that old ring.

I wanna hear that old ring.

I wanna hear that old

Hey, it's Jeffrey Kraner with a word from our sponsor.

You're on a desert island, but not a deserted island.

Someone else is there.

Something else is there.

In the water, surrounding you, lurks a mythical beast with two large eyes and many long arms.

You're just now hearing of this beast, but you're not afraid because you don't plan to swim.

Though that water looks nice, you're good at talking yourself into things, and soon you are in the sea, frolicking and splashing.

You even squeal, thinking you're all alone.

But you forgot what I just said.

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It winks and tells you kraken rum is ideal for Halloween cocktails and disappears back into the dark, briny depths.

Visit the official sponsor of Welcome to Night Vale, Kraken Rum.com to release the Kraken this Halloween.

Copyright 2025, Kraken Rum Company, Kraken Rum.com.

Like the deepest sea, the Kraken should be treated with great respect and responsibility.

You chose to hit play on this podcast today.

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I've received this lost notice, which frankly is a little long.

Let's try to be more concise, people.

But as a service to the community, I do feel an obligation to read this out as written.

Lost.

Sarah.

Last seen laughing up a storm on a night that was like any other night, except that it was the last night that was like that.

Last is an adjective only visible in hindsight.

Sarah was at a bar with a friend.

The friend had just said something funny.

I can't say what it was, not because I don't know what it was, but because it was only funny within the context of of several events in their lives that I do not have time to summarize here.

The point is that it was funny, and Sarah was laughing, and her hand was on the table, and her friend's hand was on the table, and they weren't holding hands, but still, there was a deep intimacy there.

Not romantic, not exactly, but two people whose lives are folded into each other's in ways that feel so wonderfully inextricable.

Except that her friend got offered a job that next morning in a city that was a several hour flight away and they celebrated and acted like it was no big deal.

After all, phones and video chats exist.

We can see each other just as much as ever if we want.

Except that they didn't see each other just as much.

They tried at first, but things came up.

And they'd have to reschedule, which was definitely no big deal.

And then no big deal again when they had to reschedule once more, and then it wasn't a big deal when they weren't able to talk for a few weeks, after all, work was busy for them both and they would be best friends for the rest of their lives, so what was a few weeks here and there in the long stretch of it?

And then she and her friend did not talk for two years.

Neither of them could believe it was happening, but there were always so many other things to think about, so they never had time to think about their dying friendship.

And when they finally talked again,

it was all different.

Because they were all different.

Their lives were no longer intertwined.

They were no longer wonderfully inextricable.

Without her friend, Sarah became a different person.

She was always herself, but who that self was felt slippery, unstable.

So, I'm looking for Sarah.

Last seen in the mirror seconds ago, but that's not the Sarah I'm looking for.

I'm looking for the Sarah that sat in the bar laughing up a storm at a joke that honestly even I don't remember the context of anymore.

Only that it was so funny and that I laughed so hard.

If you find that Sarah, please bring her back to me.

I'd just like to be her again, even for a little while.

Also, I found a hat.

It's honestly kind of weird.

Lot of teeth.

If it's yours, please get it out of my house.

It seems hungry.

Well, this has been Lost and Found.

I hope everything lost gets found, and everything found gets...

Uh lost?

Sorry, the tagline got away from me a little.

Stay tuned next for the Barks on Wii terrible jazz hour, featuring only the worst jazz for an entire hour that will feel much longer than that.

Brought to you by Britta Filters.

Good night, Night Vale.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents.

It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Craner, and Bree Williams and produced by Disparition.

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

Original music by Disparition.

All that can be found at disparition.bandcamp.com.

This episode's weather was Old Radio by Robbie Hecht.

Find out more at robbiehecht.com.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Instagram and Tumblr at nightvaleofficial.

We now have a TikTok at nightvaleofficial as well, if you're a teen.

Most importantly, check out welcometonightvale.com where we have a twice-monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you.

It's time that we made the internet about people talking directly to people again.

You can learn about things like our live show, The Attic, which is touring in Europe and the UK right now and returns to North America for tour dates in April.

Today's proverb.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, but it ends with sort of a really tired limping motion.

That's a long way to walk.

I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veep or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We love movies, and we come at them from different perspectives.

Yeah, like Amy thinks that, you know, Joe Pesci was miscast in Goodfellas, and I don't.

He's too old.

Let's not forget that Paul thinks that Dune 2 is overrated.

It is.

Anyway, despite this, we come together to host Unspooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-sees, and in case you missed them.

We're talking Parasite the Home Alone.

From Greece to the Dark Knight.

We've done deep dives on popcorn flicks.

We've talked about why Independence Day deserves a second look.

And we've talked about horror movies, some that you've never even heard of, like Kanja and Hess.

So if you love movies like we do, come along on our cinematic adventure.

Listen to Unschooled wherever you get your podcasts.

And don't forget to hit the follow button.

Hey, Jeffrey Kraner here to tell you about another show from me and my Night Vale co-creator, Joseph Fink.

It's called Unlicensed, and it's an LA Noir-style mystery set in the outskirts of present-day Los Angeles.

Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators whose small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy iceberg.

There are already two seasons of Unlicensed for you to listen to now, with season three dropping on May 15th.

Unlicensed is available exclusively through Audible, free if you already have that subscription.

And if you don't, Audible has a trial membership.

And if I know you, and I do, you can binge all that mystery goodness in a short window.

And if you like it, if you liked Unlicensed, please, please rate and review each season.

Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement.

So go check out Unlicensed, available now only at Audible.com.