98 - Flight

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Those who remember history are also doomed to repeat it.

Welcome to Night Vale.

Despite the best efforts of Hadassah McDaniels and her team of five-headed dragon lawyers, her brother, Hiram McDaniels, is scheduled to be executed today for his crimes against state and city.

City government promises that by the end of this broadcast, Hiram McDaniels will be dead.

Well,

Nightvale's executioner, Dale Salazar, has once again been raised from the graveyard.

When asked for a comment, Dale coughed through disused vocal cords for a while before finding his soft voice, not used since the last public execution more than three decades ago.

Secret executions are much more common.

I hope to provide a quick and humane death, he said.

If it has to happen, and I'm told it does, then I will have it happen with as much mercy as possible.

He then lowered his canvas executioner's hood, painted with a screaming monster face, and began marking his chest with the ritual signs of the Bloodstone Circle.

Hadassah and her lawyer, Miriam, were fuming, literally breathing fumes of fire in their anger about Mayor Cardinal's complete refusal to budge on the issue of the execution of Hadassah's brother.

Hiram is a citizen of our world, not yours, Miriam said.

To inflict on him the justice of mere humanity is a crime against not just one dragon, but all dragons everywhere.

Hadassah added, if you touch one head on my brother's five necks, I will end you and your puny world.

Hiram himself has showed no worry about his forthcoming departure from our plane of existence.

Let's just say I don't plan to be around when they want to make it so I'm not around, his gold head said.

And then his gold head winked and his violet head rolled his eyes about the wink wolves cannot hold us roared his green head or they can up to now but they will not for much longer

it seems despite the news of his escape plans being um accidentally broadcast on the radio recently hiram is confident they will continue without a hitch due to his careful planning and the help of an unnamed accomplice who he would only say was quite old and completely faceless.

Hiram has worked his way out of more difficult situations and so my worry isn't with him but with Old Woman Josie.

Her broken hip has led to an infection and she has been mostly confined to her bed for the last couple weeks.

She was not able to come to league night at all and I'm worried about her ability to bowl ever again.

Her friend Sarah Sultan took her place on our bowling team last week and was a surprisingly good bowler, but it's it's not the same without Josie.

She continues to be positive about it and says that it's just one of those things and she'll be out and about in no time, but I don't know.

I just don't know.

Well,

we will keep you updated about Hiram as the day moves on, but in the meantime, I will move on to the news.

Everything's fine with the water, came an unprompted announcement from officials.

The officials emphasized that, despite what you may have heard, the water is safe to drink and even to let touch your skin in moderate quantities and for a limited period of time.

The officials dipped their gloved hands into the water and brought the water up to their mouths.

Mm,

the officials said, clearly letting the water splash out of their hands without ever getting near their clamped, shut mouths.

Look at us, drinking this delicious, clean water!

Definitely it is safe and normal water and there is no need for testing or even looking at it too closely.

The officials then disposed of the gloves and retired from the press conference without answering questions, citing their need for an immediate chemical shower.

Lieutenant Regis of Unit 7 of the local National Guard station and KFC Combo Store said he wasn't surprised at all.

Something like this had been due to happen, and it was only a matter of time.

Most everything's a matter of time, he said.

We exist in it.

Time.

And space, he added thoughtfully, then snorted and said,

but of course space is just the physical aspect of time in the same way that meat is the physical aspect of sentience.

He laughed at his joke, although it was not clear to anyone else what the joke was, or even which part of what he had said had been the joke.

The lieutenant was burying himself in the sand wastes until he was covered to the hips, just a torso sticking out of the sand.

Thanks for reaching out again, he said.

Always nice to talk to old friends.

He smiled, made finger guns at a passing cloud, and began beautifully to sing.

This has been the news.

The countdown continues to the planned time of Hiram's death.

Dale Salazar has completed his bloodstone rituals and is now doing some preparatory stretching and light aerobics.

He explained, It's important that your body be literally warmed up in order to prevent injury.

We don't want any injuries except obviously the fatal ones I will be inflicting, but no cramps or torn muscles, you know.

Mayor Cardinal watched in solemn silence as everything was made ready for the death of her attempted murderers, four out of five of the heads of Hyra McDaniels.

The only one not sentenced is the Violet head.

But in a statement, Violet shouted repeatedly from Hiram's prison cell, We are different heads, but a single being!

We don't know what will happen to me if the other heads die!

This is murder!

Murder!

There was a follow-up statement from Hiram's green head saying, stop mueling and help us with the wall!

Then Gray issued a statement saying, well, now you've told them about the wall, it's all ruined.

And Gold issued a final statement saying, he just meant, folks, help us examine how impenetrable and secure this wall is.

No one could ever escape from here no matter how many extremely clever heads he has.

Later, Hiram was seen wandering the exercise yard, casually leaving a trail of dirt and pebbles behind him as he walked.

Meanwhile, Hadassah and her fellow dragons have been moved to a designated free speech cage, which is heavily reinforced and electrified for the protesters' protection.

They will remain in the free speech cage until they stop breathing so much fire at people.

And in news, I cannot help but focus on...

Josie has been feeling

lethargic all day.

The Erikas, whom she insists I call angels despite how deeply illegal it is and how that could get me in a good deal of trouble, are all standing out in her yard, their heads bowed, moaning low and crying, which isn't a good sign, obviously.

I'm worried about Hiram, of course, and I'm also worried about Josie.

I am worried about my friend.

And now a station editorial.

There has been much talk lately about the danger of dreams.

And yes, we concede.

It seems like madness that our brains force us to experience apparent realities that we have no control over, and that are often confusing and frightening.

We could be spending that time in our own reality that we have no control over, and that is often confusing and frightening.

While the recreational use of dreams is understandable in moderation, dream advocates don't want to stop there.

There are reports of dreams being given to young children or even babies.

That said, we also cannot get behind the current push to ban dreams altogether.

You'll have, of course, seen the flyers and posters pointing out alarming statistics, such as that three in five dreamers do not even own a properly registered dream journal, and that there is currently a loophole where anyone who sleeps can just have a dream without going through any kind of background check.

But dreaming is our right.

It is a foolish right, one that was instituted by people living in a different time and with little thought as to the ramifications through history of their incomplete grasp of the world, but a right nonetheless.

If dreams are criminalized, then only criminals will have dreams.

For this reason, dreams should not be banned.

But we do believe there needs to be common sense restrictions on dreaming, such as banning the more powerful and dangerous forms of dreams like night terrors and daydreaming, and requiring all citizens to report their dreams to specifically programmed satellites that will take those dreams and carry them whizzing around the earth.

Someday, when all of us humans are gone, the satellites will continue to whirr in the cold vacuum above, carrying the dreams of the long dead.

And in that way, with their tiny mechanical bodies, we will live on.

This has been a station editorial.

And now it's time for the children's fun fact science corner.

Please use the materials we sent you to follow along at home.

The first thing you're going to want to do is make an incision just above the main artery.

You see the pulsing thing.

Right, so put a finger on that, and then cut just above your finger.

Great!

Now, there's going to be some oozing, but isn't there always some oozing, kids?

Oozing is natural.

It's what separates us from the machines.

Oh, speaking of machines, now is when you're going to use those wires we sent.

Insert them in the incision.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, very good.

If you're having trouble getting them in there, just push really hard.

Okay, now ask your parents to help you with this next bit, as it could be a little dangerous.

Once you have pushed the wires all the way into your heart cavity, you're just going to need to get any normal household car battery and attach the wires to that.

Following the experiment, you might have some side effects like a general movement outwards, a sagging of the insides, or joust jaw.

If you experience any of these, please do let us know, as that data is helpful to us.

This has been your children's fun fact science corner.

We have reached it, listeners.

The time scheduled for Hiram's execution.

The guards walk down the corridor to retrieve him.

Dale Salazar hops up and down and makes a series of soft grunts.

His municipal executioner's rifle held high above his head.

The mayor still stands in determined silence.

Hadassah hisses.

at the electrified bars of her cage.

The door is opened, and...

Hiram isn't there.

Instead, there is only a hole in the wall.

Yes, listeners, it appears that Hiram has been digging a hole in his wall, hiding it behind the poster of a hole in the wall that has been hanging in his cell this entire time.

The faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home was clearly able to smuggle him some simple tools, since the prison cell was technically his home and so, according to the rules of her existence, she was already inside of it secretly living there.

He used these tools like a jackhammer and scaffolding and several meters of tunnel lighting and a generator to slip out of Night Vale's grasp just as his time had come.

What a clever dragon.

The guards rushed to the window to see him winging his way up into the searing blue sky, truly free.

for the first time in over a year, flexing muscles that have not seen use during his captivity.

Green howls with joy, blue and gold caught up in the moment join him.

All of us in Night Vale follow this escape with rapt attention.

I think I can see him from my studio right now.

Even Josie at home in her bed, weak but still awake, listens to Hiram's escape and feels in his flight some sense of rising, some sense of the possibility of escape for us all.

Hiram is a criminal, but in this moment, he is also a kinetic monument to joyous animal freedom.

And

oh,

oh, I

um

we take you now to the weather.

You know he's never coming down, down, down.

You know I'm never coming down

I heard they pray all week I heard they play for keeps I feel him grabbing at my feet I heard him say don't speak I just hit another level Watch him try to pull me down With the petty, with the heavy put the devil in the crown

What can I say to you?

I'm too right-brained for you Twain my communique You, you are what's in Supreme Fuckboy starter pack I'm huckfin, huck shit, hustle living art in fact.

I see deceit, I see them backstab, I got no need for that.

I'm sliding off like the goddamn pizzerat.

I'm out, I'm out, with that free that I just found.

My sound and it bumps.

Look when I'm out for the jump, and I'm never coming down.

I am living lawless, thinking I will come down, come down, down, down.

I am flying high now, thinking I will come down, come down.

I am living lawless, thinking I will come down, come down.

I am flying high now, thinking I will come down, come down

You know he's never coming down

All the doubters, they can shout out from the towers I just laugh, I just stay up, what a way to waste your hours

I'm not wasting, I'm not wasting, boy, I'm racing, got no patience, I ain't stressing.

Count my blessings, I go right into it.

Burn the brightest till it's done, right right into the sun.

More cognitive than dissonant.

They call me Icarus.

I'm stretching my whole frame out.

They ready in their tank downs from the safe ground.

Pulling all they blades out.

Cut me up, cut me up, cut me up, fuck me up.

What did it really gon' take?

Cuff me to the truth to fair.

Hey, that's okay.

Why are you living like a store?

I go on my own, far from perfect.

Let no person put a verdict on that.

No way.

Cannot touch me, cannot touch me.

I am beauty, I am ugly.

I am living art.

Ay, okay, play your part.

I am living lawless, thinking I won't come down, come down.

No,

I am flying high now, thinking I won't come down, come down.

I am living lawless, thinking I won't come down, come down.

No,

I am flying high now, thinking I won't come down, come down.

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I'm Amy Nicholson, the film critic for the LA Times.

And I'm Paul Scheer, an actor, writer, and director.

You might know me from the League Veef or my non-eligible for Academy Award role in Twisters.

We come together to host Unschooled, a podcast where we talk about good movies, critical hits, fan favorites, must-sees, and in case you missed them.

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We all know

what happened.

We all.

Night Vale, there has been a death.

Let's start there.

Just start with the fact of it.

I'm still in shock, so.

I'm sorry.

This won't be up to the strict, neutral, journalistic quality you've come to expect from me.

I'm just.

I'm just so shocked.

I'm just so...

There has been a death.

One who was once living is not.

It happened during Hiram's escape.

He rose into the air and our hearts rose with him and I listened from my booth.

In her bed, Josie listened too.

We are free!

Green warred.

No cell can contain me.

This is the least sad I've ever felt, Gray said.

Physics is merely a mathematical expression of the joy of movement, said Blue.

I was against this from the start, said Violet.

Then he conceded, but I was wrong!

Higher!

Let's fly higher!

And Violet laughed.

Hadassah and Miriam roared in joy.

Mayor Cardinal tightened her lips.

Let him run, the Mayor said.

We will find him again.

But Dale Salazar wasn't interested in that.

He had been raised from the grave to do a job, and he did not let simple things like escape get in the way of that job.

He began jogging underneath the flying dragon, saying, Hup, up as he ran.

He could not keep up with the power of the dragon's wings.

It's okay, shouted the mayor.

He's gone, Dale.

It's okay.

But Dale did not hear.

Dale Salazar began to fire at the escaping dragon.

No, you don't, he screamed.

His mask had fallen off during his running, and his face was red.

His eyes were wide.

He fired at Hiram.

No, you don't!

He screamed again.

Your bullets are useless against me, Green said, and they were useless against him.

They missed Green completely.

It was Violet who was hit.

The bullet entering just beneath his jawline.

It only took one shot.

I don't think Violet suffered at all.

On the downstroke of a wing, Violet was alive and united with the four other heads that made up the whole of Hiram, and on the upstroke,

Violet was dead.

And the other heads reeled.

at the loss of a part of themselves.

There was a gap in their being that they had never experienced, should never have experienced.

Hiram's body faltered, suddenly clumsy, regaining only some semblance of flight.

The rest of him continued on, the dead violet swinging below.

Mayor Cardinal shouted, No!

But only after what was done was done.

The no was not a command, but a regret.

She opened her mouth.

She closed her mouth.

She didn't know what to say.

She said nothing about situational irony.

She said nothing about unnecessary tragedy.

She said nothing more about anything.

Hadassah screamed in impotent rage and despair.

She clawed over and over at the bars of the cage.

Powerful electric shocks ran through her, but she felt none of them.

She clawed and clawed, howling with a voice even she did not recognize.

At home, Old Woman Josie put her hands over her face.

She felt a plunging inside.

And it was this sorrow that gave her the energy to slowly get out of bed, to hobble out into the front yard and join the Erikas.

She put her arms around them.

They surrounded her in a deep, glowing blackness, and together they shared their surprise and their grief.

Dale Salazar, job more or less done, or at least someone killed, returned satisfied to his grave, buried again until the next public execution is needed.

And I

sit here in front of my microphone,

making

useless sounds with my useless mouth, discovering the weightlessness of stories before the heavy weight of the world.

Stay tuned next for

I don't know,

I don't care.

Good night.

Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents.

It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner and produced by Joseph Fink.

The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin.

Original music by Disparition.

All of it can be found at disparition.info or at disparition.bandcamp.com.

This episode's weather was Icarus by Sims from his new album, More Than Ever.

He is also currently on tour.

Find out more at doomtree.net/slash Sims.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcometonightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at Nightvale Radio or think about what it might mean to be a different person.

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We're gonna need art more than ever soon.

Today's proverb.

So there's this commercial and it's like this is a baby and she's not getting along with the dog.

She's like a little afraid of the dog and the dog is like a big and beautiful golden retriever and so it's like the golden retriever like feels sad because he can't be with his family because the baby doesn't like it.

But so the dad sees that the baby likes the

stuffed animal that she has, which is a lion.

So the dad goes and orders a lion mane for the dog, and then he puts it, he puts it on the dog, and then the dog, the dog walks in as the lion, and the baby loves it, and the dog is happy because it can be part of the family again as a lion.

Thank you.

Are you squeamish about horror movies, but kind of want to know what happens?

Or are you a horror lover who likes thoughtful conversation about your favorite genre?

Join me, Jeffrey Kraner, and my friend from Welcome to Nightvale, Cecil Baldwin, for our weekly podcast, Random Number Generator, Horror Podcast Number 9, where we watch and discuss horror movies in a random order.

Find, here's the short version, Random Horror Nine, wherever you get your podcasts.

Boo.