WDWDY #47: Enya says hello

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Speaker 3 Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Speaker 2 Some might say too many. I have one already.
I don't have any because there are enough.

Speaker 3 Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Speaker 3 Why is that? Are they scared?

Speaker 2 Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Speaker 3 Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

Speaker 2 We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

Speaker 3 What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 3 All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Speaker 2 Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life.

Speaker 3 Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushton.

Speaker 2 And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome.

Speaker 3 to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 3 Hello and welcome to Midweek Mayhem from the people who normally bring you what did you do yesterday. I'm Max Rushton and he is David O'Doherty.

Speaker 2 And we are joined on the podcast today by Oscar winner Cuba Gooding Jr.

Speaker 2 Welcome.

Speaker 2 We're not, but I just thought it'd be fun to just write some checks we can't cash there. Wow.
I don't know. Do you think that would move the dial if we had Cuba Gooding Jr.
on?

Speaker 2 I don't think there's many. I mean, normally if people are on Taskmaster on, but if Cuba Gooding Jr.
was on. Move the dial.
I don't know.

Speaker 3 I'm not sure. I think you'd get a few idle interests from the United States.

Speaker 2 They'd be like, oh, you know,

Speaker 3 there are probably some Cuba Gooding Jr. Ultras.
I haven't really followed much since Jerry Maguire, if I'm really honest. Anyway, David, I have a bone to pick with you.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. Because of Cuba Gooding Jr.
Nope. Show me the podcast.
That's what I would say right at the start.

Speaker 3 I don't want this to cause a fault line in our relationship.

Speaker 3 I've noticed you've been doing the podcast rounds. You did Adam Buxton.
Okay, you recorded that 55 years ago, but it went out.

Speaker 2 Plugged this.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Adam Buxton plugged this. That's very exciting.
Then you did Richard Herring's podcast, Rehearlustepe. Yes.
Now, I've done podcasts where I've talked about this podcast.

Speaker 3 And I've said, and I do it with David O'Doherty. Everyone loves him.
He's the greatest guy in the world. He's so funny.

Speaker 2 You must love him. Can I give you the direct quote? Oh, God.

Speaker 3 Who's a football fella from The Guardian? There we are, that's it.

Speaker 2 You're ashamed.

Speaker 3 David, you're a shame.

Speaker 2 What the listeners can't see is that on the little Zoom where we record this, you are simply just a football with two little legs at the bottom.

Speaker 2 You're a 1970 Brazil World Cup football with the black patches on it.

Speaker 3 And one of those birthday cards that you got when you were 10. That's me just cheering, going, hooray.

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 2 Hooray for football. I am so sorry.
Hey, not even the

Speaker 2 indefinite article.

Speaker 3 A football fella from The Guardian. There we are.
Introduced to that.

Speaker 2 I know that there was a lot of editing going on. I could see while we were recording it.
Just a bunch of editors in the corner.

Speaker 2 They were editing it like George Martin would edit the Beatles, like strips of tape, and they'd be holding them up.

Speaker 2 So they probably just chopped out the bit where I talked about my warmth for you and how for a guy associated with football, actually you contain multitudes.

Speaker 2 Although, you know, I do like apples.

Speaker 3 So perhaps finding a simplicity was the right thing. Now, this is exciting.
You sent this to us, David.

Speaker 3 There's an article in the Irish Times of which the headline is, why did a woman with a congenital heart disease choose to lose her virginity to a man in whom she had little interest?

Speaker 2 How are we in the first paragraph of this article

Speaker 2 that's a bad headline isn't it emotionally i don't really know it doesn't grab me

Speaker 3 it's by bridget o'dea ode and bridget o'd my apologies Let me read the first two paragraphs. There are many things I miss out on because of migraines.
Listening to podcasts is not one.

Speaker 3 Friends will be familiar with my habit of interrupting conversations with random information I have acquired from hours of audio detailing how sushi is trending in Pakistan or that according to David O'Doherty, Lululemon make the most comfortable underpants.

Speaker 3 Podcasts demand little of migrainous eyes and if you choose the right one, little of the migrainous brain. Is it good or bad that people can listen to this while they've got a full migraine?

Speaker 3 Again, what does that say about us?

Speaker 2 Normally the first paragraph sets up the headline, I would have thought. Bridget is a great journalist, but it's nice to be mentioned.
In the Irish paper of record, that means that's 100% true.

Speaker 2 And is it having any effect on the sales of Lululemon? Absolutely not. They are still tanking, I believe.

Speaker 3 But this could move the dial, being in those kind of stories about

Speaker 3 people choosing to lose their virginity with, who was it with? Someone with just little interest. I've got some, this is interesting.

Speaker 3 This is from Ross, who says, Dear Max, DOD in Mars Bar, regards off-menu murders.

Speaker 3 I wanted to get in touch about the recent episode with Anya Magliano, in which it was suggested that Acasta and Gamble, LLP, have their guests murdered after appearing on off-menu.

Speaker 3 It feels worth pointing out that in the Ed Gamble episode, he mentions receiving a text from David saying, do a murder.

Speaker 3 So perhaps we need to take another look at who's actually behind these killings.

Speaker 3 Could it be that this is a message that David sends to Ed and James frequently and that it was nothing to do with making the episode with Ed interesting as was previously suggested, just a thought.

Speaker 2 I have sort of brainwashed them to the point where I just say, do it now.

Speaker 2 And they don't even remember doing the murder. Yeah.
Yeah. They just carry it out.

Speaker 3 They're sort of zombie on CCTV that they are frequently caught on. But because they are so high up in celebrity world, they can get away with anything now.

Speaker 2 It's a tale as old as time. They just get away with it.

Speaker 2 They're not like ordinary people like us, Max. They're different.

Speaker 3 Ed has been in touch. He took a moment away from murdering guests to get in touch on an important subject and i can't remember when we were discussing rowdy roddy piper and the cattle prod

Speaker 3 who are we talking to about rowdy roddy piper and the cattle prod please this is a message to you please tell max that rowdy roddy piper never used a cattle prod next message that was the mountie next message roddy had bagpipes next message he may have used the cattle prod against in capitals the mountie once on further research but it was not his signature weapon hope you're well kiss how do you use bagpipes as a weapon i know there some people don't necessarily love the sound of them but a cattle prod unless he electrified the bagpipes

Speaker 3 I guess you could. If I'm going into my WWF mind, what you could do is you could fill the bag with some kind of noxious gas.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 And then when you played it to them,

Speaker 3 pumped the gas, it would knock them out. And then you could get a chair and bash bash them on the head.

Speaker 2 It would also knock you out, you would imagine, as well, as the player of the bagpipe.

Speaker 3 No, because you're just exhaling, aren't you? You're exhaling the noxious gas, you're just blowing it out of the bagpipe, and when you breathe in, you look away. That's classic bagpipe.

Speaker 3 Ask Alistair Campbell, you look away,

Speaker 3 inhale, and then you're back to the bagpipes, blah blah blah blah blah blah, and then you knock out the mounty.

Speaker 2 So, you think Aleister Campbell, who plays the theme music to the rest of his politics live before every episode,

Speaker 2 he fills his bagpipes with noxious gas and sort of semi-sedates Rory Stewart such that he agrees with him on everything.

Speaker 3 Yeah, on matters of politics, yes.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 And not many people know that about that podcast.

Speaker 2 We've cracked it. Wow.
They'll probably ask us to edit that out, but it's staying in. It stays in.

Speaker 3 In 1992, the Mountie faced rowdy roddy piper for the intercontinental title which was very much the sort of europa league of wwf belts rowdy roddy piper secretly wore a shockproof vest then he so when the mountie prodded him he pretended to be electrocuted and then he took the prod and he got the mountie himself so i had misremembered so thank you to ed for doing that i appreciate it

Speaker 3 connor's been in touch This is good. This is the latest update from the Enya News Desk.
Hi, Max, David and and Marsba. Great episode with Angela Scanlon.

Speaker 3 The chat about the oddities of Enya reminded me of a story.

Speaker 3 A few years ago, I used to own a chipper in Dublin, and one Tuesday evening, a fellow was in the shop, and we struck up a conversation while he was waiting for his dinner.

Speaker 3 I asked him what he did for a living, he said he was a stonemason, and that he'd done some jobs for a few eccentrics over the years, but one of today's was on another level entirely.

Speaker 3 He told me he'd been working at a castle overlooking the bay in Killenny.

Speaker 2 Killiny, yeah.

Speaker 3 In Killiny, owned by a well-known singer. He arrived mid-morning and was met by an older man dressed like Delboy, slick back hair, the works.

Speaker 3 The man bore him into the kitchen to discuss the job, where he was met by a standing but completely motionless Enya.

Speaker 3 The older man, it turned out, was her manager. The stonemason said it was all a bit strange, but he cheerily said hello.

Speaker 3 Enya leaned over, whispered into the manager's ear, and the manager said, Enya says hello.

Speaker 3 For the next five or ten minutes, every question the poor lad asked was answered by Enya whispering to her manager, who'd then relay the response.

Speaker 3 When the business was finished, Enya simply turned and walked out of the room. The manager smiled and said, Enya says goodbye.
Keep up the great work, everything is showed, Miss Connor.

Speaker 2 It can't be true.

Speaker 2 Can't be true. It's why, you know, if I really work at my contacts, Enya would be a bad person to go and watch you do yesterday because everything's got to go through Delboy

Speaker 3 be worth trying wouldn't it sort of like having like a translator as a football manager that's yeah you know

Speaker 2 Enya says she hit the snooze button twice before going downstairs to make a cafeteriere of decaf

Speaker 3 actually the worst bit would be before you record producer marsbaugh has to tell enya to go to call settings and then enya's manager has to go to call settings that palav will take forever.

Speaker 3 As happens in many podcasts, we go straight from Enya to Vinny Samways. We had a number of emails on this topic.
Hello, says Mark.

Speaker 3 Long time, first time.

Speaker 2 Just to fill in, in my A to Z of things I like, the V was Vinnie Samways, who was a creator supreme player for Spurs in the era when I would have been most animated by the goings-on in Whiteheart Lane.

Speaker 3 He says, listening to midweek madness, he he calls it, but you know, the close listeners can call it that. 12th of November, 2025.

Speaker 3 I am compelled to remind both of you, Spurs-supporting hosts, that Vinny Sideways Samways can boast FA Cup winner's medal in both 91 with Spurs and 95 with Everton, as well as scoring the only goal in the 95-96 Charity Shield season curtain raiser.

Speaker 3 In it for life, everything is showbiz from Mark.

Speaker 3 Thank you very much, Mark. We had a lot of messages about that.

Speaker 2 I'd said he never won anything.

Speaker 3 I think someone sent me a photo of him lifting a trophy in spain that's good so we have done the dirty on vinnie samways yeah i'm sorry he's won so many trophies that when you interview him his manager is there and they say vinnie samways says hello so a conversation between vinnie samways and enya it goes on for ever doesn't it

Speaker 2 if we can make it happen

Speaker 2 Wow, what a podcast that would be. And to look back on this week's Cricket in the Ashes this week,

Speaker 2 We're joined by Vinny Samways and Enya.

Speaker 3 It's just Vinny and Enya, and they're just talking shop. You know, it's just sort of pop culture.
They're just shooting the shit. They're just good friends, just getting along.

Speaker 3 Except it's all done through their managers.

Speaker 3 This is a good one. This is from Kieran.
Gentlemen, I'm writing to inform you that both myself and my wife have been influenced by your latest podcast, Read Toasters.

Speaker 3 Toast is a beautiful constant in our lives when most people would reach...

Speaker 2 What a sentence.

Speaker 3 when most people would reach for a small little chocolate bar after their dinner as their daily sweet treat. No, no, it's brown bread or sourdough toast for her.

Speaker 3 The single slice of toast is always of a certain colour, and there's absolute disdain if the toast is not the correct level of toastiness.

Speaker 3 Recently, our own cheap toaster has been incredibly inconsistent in its toastiness, and more often, it's giving us slices of charcoal.

Speaker 3 A new toaster has been on the cards for quite some time now, and it's something which we've never really gotten around to.

Speaker 3 That is until your most recent podcast the absolute joy of hearing people talk about a duelit toaster was fueled to the fire i was met with comments of oh my god they're talking about them dua lits toasters on what did you do yesterday we have to get one i laughed and jumped in the car to go to work and started listening on my commute needless to say when i heard the enthusiasm in david's voice a simple whatsapp message do it was enough

Speaker 3 Today, whilst in the office, I had a single photo sent to me of the Duelit on our kitchen counter. Now, finally, our son has gone to bed.

Speaker 3 I'm walking the dog, and the good brown bread has been taken out of the press. I've left a bit for you, is the message I've received.

Speaker 3 Even though I know this toast will be cold on my arrival home, I'm excited to begin my new toaster journey. I really hope it lives up to the hype.
P.S.

Speaker 3 I was very disappointed Diamax does not, in fact, have said toaster. How does he live with his lies? Stay sexy and relatable.
Everything is showbiz, Kieran.

Speaker 2 Imagine the email that is being drafted right now from the CEO of Duelet, who's seen what happened to Lululemon following our endorsement. Can you please stop talking up our toasters?

Speaker 2 For the record, Mr.

Speaker 3 Duelet, Mr. Arthur Duillet, I actually have a DeLongi in my kitchen.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 3 Sarah's been in touch. This is good.
Hi, Max, David Marsba, and producer Will.

Speaker 3 I was on my way home from work tonight, heading east on the Elizabeth line and listening to some top draw midweek, What Did You Do Yesterday mundanity when producer Will mentioned that the week before he had been heading east on the Elizabeth line and noticed a woman listening to What Did You Do Yesterday on her phone.

Speaker 3 I couldn't help wondering if it had been me. Was it on Thursday? Did he happen to notice whether it was the Jonathan Wilson episode?

Speaker 3 And got so distracted by this tantalizing possibility that I missed my stop. I had to get a train going back the other way, but it's a small price to pay.

Speaker 3 for this potential brush with the what did you do yesterday universe i suppose it might not have been me but frankly i'm not even even entertaining that possibility keep up the good work raking over those minutiae in it for life everything truly is showbiz sarah god yeah i thought it was going to be more i thought it was going to be another part to i got the trend back and i bumped into producer will and we are now married you know yeah sorry sarah it wasn't enough for david that

Speaker 3 if you could find one of our previous guests bump into them on the elizabeth line and have a sordid affair with Omid. I always pick Omit.
It's not fair.

Speaker 2 Joe Wilkinson. Yeah.
Friend of the pod Joe is in the Waitrose Christmas ad. Have you seen that before he falls in love with Kira Knightley? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, I generally don't get sucked in by these Christmas ads, but because it's my friend in it,

Speaker 2 it's very well done. Just the falling in love part, the the rom-com falling in love, sort of five or six cuts, and they fully make out at the end of the hour.
Joe Wilkinson.

Speaker 2 I mean, I presume you just kind of put your mouths against each other and move them around a bit. But yeah, he's officially made out with Kira Knightley.

Speaker 3 And who's a urologist from Devon, writes.

Speaker 2 What a link that is.

Speaker 3 Hello, I just finished the pod with Anya Magliano. Absolutely loved it.
Had a few comments. I had a friend at university called Rickin, who's a lovely chap.

Speaker 3 That was after Chicken and Rickin and us feeling sorry for Rickin, but it's a real name. I hate to smash Anya's love for the co-op radio.
I worked for New Look in the 90s.

Speaker 3 They had New Look FM with Richard Goodenson. It's not a radio, but a bloody 20-minute tape played on repeat for a whole bloody month, he says.
Can you imagine?

Speaker 3 I'm spreading the word about your fantastic podcast. I was trying to describe it to my friend Rachel, who's a GP.
The only joke I could remember was how much cum fills a bath. It's a joke.

Speaker 3 Scientific experiment. Don't start with that, Ange, for goodness sake.
She was very quiet.

Speaker 3 I thought I may have put her off, but I'm pleased to say she put a lot of thought into variables such as ejaculate volume and bath size. So I think you may have a new listener.
Lots of love.

Speaker 3 Ange.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 And as a urologist, I see how that was the thing that interests Ange the most. That was the first thought of all the thousands of topics we have discussed.

Speaker 2 You know, it wasn't like, oh, you'll really like it. One of the hosts loves apples.

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Speaker 3 David Squires has been on. I don't know if I've read this message, the excellent guardian cartoonist.

Speaker 3 He says, The final episode of Monster, the Ed Gein story, G-E-I-N, includes a scene where two FBI agents interview a serial killer in prison.

Speaker 3 During the conversation, the killer, who has a shoe fetish, tells the agents that it's easy to fill a stiletto with jizz, but takes ages to fill a sneaker.

Speaker 3 Naturally, I commented, ha, you want to try whole bathmate? To which my wife Sarah not unreasonably said, what?

Speaker 3 Anyway, should we do their just normal countries?

Speaker 2 Let's do their just normal countries.

Speaker 11 I am the one and only.

Speaker 11 What country could I be?

Speaker 11 I am the one and only

Speaker 11 where in the world could our listeners be?

Speaker 3 Before we go to the quiz, thanks for the jingle. Love the fact that somebody didn't know that jingle was an actual song just walking around a shop in the States.
Hello, gents. I hope you're well.

Speaker 3 Congratulations on the live show. It's a great night and a roaring success.
Turns out the chemistry is still there, whether in the shed or on stage.

Speaker 3 Knowing that two-thirds of this trio are fellow Tottenham fans, having enjoyed the separate work from all three of you previously, with David's keyboard comedy always bringing laughs, Max's podcast antics, an amusing tendency to throw Barry under the bus, and Michael's dulcet tones on quickly Kevin Willie's score.

Speaker 3 I had very high hopes for what did you do yesterday, and you've certainly all delivered. Good job on a great podcast.
There is, however, one small issue. Uh-oh.

Speaker 3 At the live show, Max rejected me from having a guest for their just normal countries, the one and only, because of my name, and my friends have been relentlessly mocking me ever since.

Speaker 3 I assume it was primarily because I was set upstairs rather than down in the stools. and you needed someone who had easy access to the stage to participate.

Speaker 3 So all can be happily and readily forgiven from this earlier doctor loyal fan and regular introducer of the podcast to others keep up the great work everything you show is in it for life and they really are just normal cheeses all the best michael suurinam and i

Speaker 3 you see you're still not sure here's michael suurinam because we said your guest had to be your name if your name is a country to narrow it down and he yelled out suinam and i didn't believe anyone was called michael suinam but michael suinam is a real person so yeah our apologies.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but that isn't our guess because we've got a different guess.

Speaker 2 He was there with Johnny United, our remembrance, and I think it was the two of them together.

Speaker 3 The trouble was, I wanted to do the gag again, but the first country that always comes into my head is Chad, and that doesn't work because Chad just is a name.

Speaker 3 So when I was stuck on Chad and I couldn't get out, I couldn't get away from Chad. Anyway, we should remember Michael Surinam maybe for next week because Nicole has been in touch.

Speaker 3 Aka Namastequila in the Spotify comments. Hello, Marsbar, Jonathan Man 3, and DOD.
First of all, Marsbar, you've created a haunting earworm.

Speaker 3 Every midweek mayhem, I brace myself for the upcoming ghostly rendition to kick off their just normal countries.

Speaker 3 This week I decided to skip ahead 15 seconds, and I must admit, I missed the unearthly cooing wiggling into my ear canal. On to my guests.

Speaker 3 Since the BOC Chat GPT conversation was such a smash hit, I figured I'd give ChatGPT a whirl to see if it could help me figure out a country to submit.

Speaker 3 First, I asked ChatGPT to rank every country based on the percentage of the country's population that listens to podcasts.

Speaker 3 When the list returned, suggested I should admit Japan as my guess, I started over. Somewhat smug, my job is safe from AI for a few more weeks.

Speaker 3 Next, I asked it to provide a list of the six countries with the smallest population. Since one of the results was Vatican City, I added a second layer for ChatGPT to analyze.
Blimey.

Speaker 3 Reranked the provided countries based on their annual tourism rates in 2024. I want an area with a low population, but a somewhat decent rate of visitors to hit that sweet spot of one.

Speaker 3 What did you do yesterday, listener? It is with this logic in mind I submit my guess of Palau.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 Everything is show, biz. Cheers, Nicole, aka Namastequila.
So Marsbar is Palau a one-listen country.

Speaker 2 Wow, all that work. Wow.
Where is Palau?

Speaker 3 How many listeners in Palau, please?

Speaker 2 At the time of this quiz, zero listeners in Palau. And in fact, Palau doesn't even appear on the database of countries to show.
So we could have a lot or we could have none.

Speaker 2 I do also want to use this very quickly to address, I'd say, an increasing amount of discontent in the inbox

Speaker 2 around the fact that some of the listener picks, Faroe Islands and I think Northern Marianas Islands are not actually countries.

Speaker 2 They are, I think, commonwealths and other variants of it.

Speaker 2 Now, I'm getting a lot of heat for this. Okay, well, that's your job.

Speaker 3 Your job is to protect us from this kind of stuff. Thank you, Morris.

Speaker 2 Well, I don't think they're out to get you. I think they're out to get me because they believe that somehow I control all the data for podcasting in the world.

Speaker 2 I think the issue is with, and I can't remember how it came about, but the name of the quiz being they're just normal countries has sort of misled certain people so that when someone either guesses a country that isn't a country, people get annoyed because they're like, I would have guessed that.

Speaker 2 However, it's not a country.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but it might not be a country, but it is a normal country. So that is our get at.

Speaker 2 So I just would like to caveat and say any and all territories, principalities, countries, they are all up for grab. That's not a clue.
I don't know that any of them are correct.

Speaker 2 I would just like to open up the entire world to people's guesses, and people can please stop emailing in.

Speaker 3 Thank you for clarifying.

Speaker 2 Palau, if you're wondering, the Republic of Palau is an island country in the Micronesia sub-region of Oceania in the Western Pacific Ocean.

Speaker 2 Top three things to do if you're there, go and visit the Jellyfish Lake, the Rock Islands, and the German Channel. We should go there.
We'll do a live one there.

Speaker 3 No, we should go to one of the places that has one listen before we go to.

Speaker 2 Faroe Islands. Common listens.

Speaker 3 I didn't read out all the countries, and I feel bad that I didn't do it. Do you think people need that reminder?

Speaker 2 I think they'll remember them. I think

Speaker 2 what we three down.

Speaker 3 Let me just run. I'll just run you by, and you can see if we should read them out.

Speaker 3 Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Marianas, Northern Mariana Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Eswatini, US Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea, San Marino, correct.

Speaker 3 Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City, Oman, Fiji, correct. Vanuatu, Bolivia, Faroe Islands, correct.
Belarus, Palau.

Speaker 3 We are yet to do Suriname, even though Michael Surinam shouted Suriname at us, has now emailed Suriname at us. We have to stop this agenda against Suriname pretty soon.

Speaker 2 Hey, David. Yes.

Speaker 3 I have a question for you.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 What time did you wake up yesterday?

Speaker 2 Ah!

Speaker 2 Well, I woke up at 8 a.m.

Speaker 2 cold and alone

Speaker 2 because the helencopter had gone to Reformer Palates.

Speaker 3 With Nigel Farage,

Speaker 2 we're still not exactly sure what it involves. My take, and weirdly, she won't really tell me either.
I think machines, it doesn't involve machines.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Jamie does it too, yeah. Pushy-pulley machines.

Speaker 2 It's an escape room. It's basically just an escape room.
And they all go there and they're lycra at half seven in the morning. I'm officially awake now

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 go downstairs. and I'm.
I tell you what, I'm disappointed by. I bought Helen a gift the day before because she's going to go to work from the class, and she hasn't brought it in.

Speaker 3 I'm going to show it-one of those balls that goes.

Speaker 2 Nope, it is not executive balls, as I call them. Yeah, it's I'm going to hold it up.

Speaker 3 Is it a spork?

Speaker 2 It is a spork.

Speaker 3 Do you remember? The spork is from the John Robbins, what did you do yesterday? When on Wordle, I guessed spork and the correct answer was stork.

Speaker 3 And I just couldn't believe why would anybody basically write stork but put a P there as their first guess and then it'd be stork.

Speaker 3 But anyway, I see you got her a spork and she just do you think it was intentional or she hates the spork or what?

Speaker 2 I mean we had a good laugh when I presented the spork. So to the listeners, it's plastic.
I bought it in a mountaineering shop and it was two euros.

Speaker 2 In a way the design flaw is the handle part that you hold on to is the spoon element of it so you wouldn't be in a position to flip from one to the other so i thought a spork was sort of half fork half spoon but both on the same end

Speaker 2 so you spoony fork the same thing whereas yours is like a canoe is oars where you've got both ends work yes i would say the big end of this isn't a spork It's actually, and one of the listeners will know, what you call a fork with a slightly serrated bit on the extreme left-hand side of the trident of the fork.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Is it a

Speaker 2 naught?

Speaker 2 It's a fife.

Speaker 3 A fife.

Speaker 2 She's left it behind. She's taken, I've made a curry the night before, she has taken that.
And it turns out there's just a lot of cutlery and work. So you don't have to bring in the extra element.

Speaker 2 But nonetheless, I don't know. I would have liked to not see it there, Max.

Speaker 3 You know, trouble in paradise.

Speaker 2 It's a beautiful day,

Speaker 2 despite it. We're, you know, heading towards the shortest day of the year now.

Speaker 3 So yeah, so we are.

Speaker 2 And psychologically, even though that's not really the case, part of my brain is always great now.

Speaker 2 It's the summer post December the 21st or whatever it is. But

Speaker 2 yeah, it hasn't got too grim yet. And there is a touch of warmth in the air.
When I eventually will go out, I'll just have a shirt under a light jacket. It's that sort of a day.

Speaker 2 I need to eat, so I have overnight oats.

Speaker 3 Okay, health kick O'Doherty.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I'm tricking up the overnight oats so much now. I suspect they've lost any health benefit whatsoever.

Speaker 2 I've put a chocolatey granola into it

Speaker 2 and honey on top.

Speaker 3 No, it's still good and bad, which is better than bad and bad.

Speaker 2 And then I eat a huge quantity of it as well. It's just all bad.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Need to do some work.

Speaker 2 I am working on this top secret project

Speaker 2 for possibly us

Speaker 3 for Christmas unless of course you can just find another football guy from the Guardian

Speaker 2 me and Jonathan Wilson are

Speaker 2 and me and Barney Renee I actually have a different just guardian football guy every day for the

Speaker 2 I'm writing a story listeners and I think we're gonna do it for Christmas that's all I'll say it's for kids but I think it could be the new wire. We'll call it the new wire.

Speaker 3 I talk highly about having kids, so I think

Speaker 3 I'm the right person for the job.

Speaker 2 I know, but can you be warm for kids? Like, if you were, if I was to give you a character to read in this, do you think you might just be like, yeah, but

Speaker 2 Saudi Arabia, you know, you'll just be saying things like that the whole time.

Speaker 3 Well, I'll just read the lines that are given to me, you know. I've played some roles.
I was Shylock. I'm Banquo.
I was Banquo. You know, I've done some big gigs here.

Speaker 2 I know, but you'll be like, well, they bring in the advertising hoardings. So the long throw, they can't do the long throws.
You'll just be infusing it with a sort of football chat like that.

Speaker 2 So I decide to go to the cafe to do some work on this.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 Cafe is a strange situation because the big table is taken up by, I can't tell tell what it is, but it's either a corporate group.

Speaker 2 They're in cash gear, but there's so many tech companies in Dublin that could be anything.

Speaker 2 And so I'm like, oh, bloody, have your meeting in my cafe. I don't like this at all.

Speaker 2 And I'm generally dismissive of it.

Speaker 3 So are you normally the big table? You normally a big, you'd just sit at the big table, would you?

Speaker 2 No, I wouldn't sit at the big table. I would sit to the side of the big table though.
But this is a very cool cafe.

Speaker 2 And, you know, are these unbreakuppable tech companies just going to take over it now? They're ruining everything that's good.

Speaker 2 And then I go for a wee and walk past the group, and they're adorably speaking English to each other. It's a sort of learn English group.
That's what's going on. So, in fact, my tune utterly.

Speaker 2 My name is Clara, and I have been here since six months like that's one of the great things about people learning english in ireland they always say six months you know just a nice little bit of irishy stuff has crept in there before that did you just think they were so tech nerdy that they just couldn't talk these guys are so bright that they're like hello my name is Gustav and you're like he is if he's talking like that he's got to be so good at his job is what you were thinking No, I couldn't hear them.

Speaker 2 And so what I was imagining was the worst stuff. You know, they're like, and then we will take over the minds of children and have them say the names of the products.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 and then when I got past, it was just a really beautiful community support group. So, yep, changed my tune almost immediately there.
Did a bit of work. That was fine.

Speaker 3 What'd you have? Just a little coffee?

Speaker 2 I had had overnight oats this day involves too many meals got it i had overnight oats and too much of that yeah but then i got to the cafe and the special was a whipped ricotta with i think sweet potato that had been really softened and an egg and some cheese and stuff on it and i thought i should try that right that's my second breakfast a double breakfast that's how the slim fast adverts began i I remember.

Speaker 3 I have breakfast for breakfast, and then breakfast after breakfast, then a shake for lunch and a proper dinner, and I've lost £600.

Speaker 2 I'm taking my mother for lunch. Good.
So it's time for another meeting.

Speaker 3 He must be famished.

Speaker 2 He must be absolutely famished.

Speaker 2 I get a text from my father, get me wine.

Speaker 3 That's a great three-word text from Dad.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I stop off at actually a posh off-license. Right.

Speaker 3 What are we getting, Dad?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 you know, there's a touch of the going to the second-hand car place, not knowing enough about cars in the posh wine shop.

Speaker 3 Question, is it so posh that they've the prices are written in kind of chalk on the bottles of wine?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. No, it's not.
But each of the staff have their own picks.

Speaker 3 Got it.

Speaker 2 There's barrels sitting there with the 10 bottles of Gronia's pick this week. And Gronia's pick is like 36 quid a bottle, you know, a very enjoyable Malbeck or whatever.
Get lost, Gronia.

Speaker 3 No way. Come on, Gronia.

Speaker 2 I know dad's wine and he likes wine for a tenor.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, so it's not what, like, you know, Australians listening to this will be like, spend 10 euro on a wine. That would be incredible wine.

Speaker 2 Whereas in Ireland, because duty is so much import duties on wine, like there's some ridiculous statistics that if you buy a bottle of wine for seven euros, I think 650 of that goes in tax.

Speaker 2 So it's essentially a 50 cent bottle of wine, you know, so good stuff. 10 puts it in a slightly different category.
We get him two options. Oh, Gronja comes over to ask me if I...

Speaker 3 Why haven't you picked my pick, you bastard?

Speaker 2 It's too much, Gronya.

Speaker 2 I get him. No, I know he likes a full-bodied wine.

Speaker 2 The word blackberries is used in the descriptions of these. Great.

Speaker 3 We'll get that. What is it? What make of wine is it?

Speaker 2 What have we got?

Speaker 3 A shiraz?

Speaker 2 Red.

Speaker 3 Red is red. Good, good.

Speaker 3 Me and Jenny once went wine tasting in

Speaker 2 Barolo

Speaker 3 and we were like, look, we're on holiday and we're going to try some wines. And whichever one we like the best will get that bottle.

Speaker 3 So there was like a

Speaker 3 six Euro, a 60 Euro and like a 200 Euro.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Anyway, so we tried them all. And the one we liked the best, we said, don't tell us the price.

Speaker 3 And the one we were like the best, comfortably, we were like, this is absolutely, this is, you know, what's coming. This is

Speaker 3 a different order of wine. This is the absolute pinnacle of wine.

Speaker 3 And it was the six one. We were absolutely delighted.
We were delighted with that. Once I was at a cricket dinner, this is a long time ago.
So I was in my early 20s. So maybe I can be forgiven.

Speaker 3 The waiter came around and said, Do you want to try the wine? And I was like, what? Okay. I just drank a bit.
That's fine. But I was totally off.
Everyone was like, This wine is completely gone.

Speaker 2 And you'd be you gone. Yeah, I just gone.
Yeah, it's good for everyone. Yeah,

Speaker 2 top everyone up. Absolutely fine.

Speaker 2 We get Rioka for Jim. Yeah.
Yeah, I love her. It goes down well.
I will get a text later in the evening to say, great choice. Oh, well done.
No bother. No bother, Jim.
I take mom for lunch.

Speaker 2 We go to the old spot.

Speaker 2 So where my parents live in Dublin is within the cordon of Lansdowne Road, the football and rugby stadium.

Speaker 2 And although this is lunchtime, there is a light cordon in position because later that evening, Ireland, oh, it's going to be hopeless. What's the point even?

Speaker 2 Ireland are playing Portugal in a World Cup qualification match.

Speaker 2 And I mean, Portugal are one of the top five sides in the world. So, oh, what would even be the point of going to that?

Speaker 2 I'm certainly not going. What's this?

Speaker 2 A text from my friend Phil to say that his friend, who normally goes to these matches, isn't going because there's no point in going because Ireland literally don't stand a chance.

Speaker 2 And were Ireland to win this match, it would be one of the greatest events in sport. I'm just trailing that.
I'm just leaving that.

Speaker 3 No spoilers, though. No spoilers.
I don't know how to score.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, you're not interested.

Speaker 3 I'm not a football guy. The stumpy we know is I'm not a football guy.

Speaker 2 So we go to the old spot. Intriguingly, it's so close to the ground that when we will leave, there's just some hot buff

Speaker 2 60-year-old guys

Speaker 2 who are going into this restaurant.

Speaker 3 How many hot buff 60-year-old guys? Like, it's sort of like the Chippendale sort of reunion. Is that sort of true? 20.

Speaker 2 And then I see one of them has the Portugal FA blazer on.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 So I suspect, because it's so close to the ground, I mean, there's no way of knowing, but I suspect it's Figo and that era of great Portuguese player from the 90s. I suspect.

Speaker 3 Harry Costa, they're all there. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 They're having a dinner. And then, yeah, there's some older guys there as well.
But, like, these guys are

Speaker 2 keeping.

Speaker 2 Christopher Columbus. Yeah, all the great.

Speaker 3 I mean, is he technically Portuguese? I think so, yeah. Seven appearances, no goals.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's Ferdinand Magellan.

Speaker 2 Yeah, these guys are keeping it tight, though. There's something about football, ex-footballers.
I mean, I guess you go one of two ways when you retire.

Speaker 2 You're like, finally a chance to catch up on all of those points. But I suspect with not much effort, you can sustain the svelte football bard.
I'm talking about you, Herobucks.

Speaker 3 They're probably doing my press up routine. I should put it on Instagram and then Louis Figo will take it on.
You'd have recognized Figo, I think, if your mum had walked out and he'd walked in.

Speaker 2 He's so handsome.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, he's handsome.

Speaker 2 I suspect such is his charisma and star quality, despite once having had a pig's head thrown at him, my mum would be like, ooh, look at that guy.

Speaker 3 Look at that soul.

Speaker 2 She leaves gym at the age of 87. My mother leaves jazz musician gym to take up with Louis Figo.

Speaker 3 Although, you know, good for this pod if your mum starts stepping out with Louis Figo.

Speaker 2 That is true.

Speaker 3 Hey, what do you have for lunch? What do you have for lunch?

Speaker 2 Mom goes for, they have a posh chicken sandwich that comes with a little pot of gravy.

Speaker 2 She goes for the small soup combo, and it's a cream of corn soup, which I suspect were you to get a full bowl would be boring, but just in a small cup is absolutely delicious.

Speaker 3 And do you have the same?

Speaker 2 No, I go for pie of the day, which is a chicken, ham, chorizo. And I also get a little pot of gravy.

Speaker 2 And I make it a little, because I'm a health freak, I make a little hole in the top of the pie and pour the gravy in.

Speaker 3 You need to wash down that ricotta, and why not with a chicken pie?

Speaker 2 It's my nephew's 36th birthday on

Speaker 2 Sunday. And we need to get him a present.

Speaker 2 So I text him what you want. Me and Mom will get you a joint one.

Speaker 2 And he says he wants the 2005 Ireland rugby jersey. Okay.
I know, but it's going to be hard to nail that before Sunday, to be honest. And

Speaker 2 I'm good at searching for this sort of stuff.

Speaker 2 So using all of the clothing and goods websites we can think of.

Speaker 3 Aren't you mates with like Brian O'Driscoll? Can't you just ring him and say, Can I have it?

Speaker 2 Like, I would imagine that those people of that generation that I know, the only jerseys they would have left after 20 years are probably the ones that actually mean something to them.

Speaker 2 I'd say they've given away all jerseys at this point to raffle.

Speaker 3 You can't say Brian, it's my nephew.

Speaker 2 It's my nephew, Brian.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but my nephew, brackets 36, really takes away from that

Speaker 2 potential cuteness of it. I locate the jersey.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's in New Zealand because there's a lot of rugby stuff there. So it'll arrive in the middle of next week.
Whatever. We'll bullshit him.
We'll get him something small.

Speaker 2 I've ended up paying way too much for it. It's like 100 quid.

Speaker 3 It's worth it to make him happy. He's only 36.

Speaker 2 It is, but sorry, just to go down this rabbit hole now. My fear is, because it's the last era of floppy cotton rugby jerseys.
So rugby jerseys now are like football jerseys.

Speaker 2 They're just made of a sort of lycra thing and you almost roll it on. So this is the last era where fat blokes could wear one of these jerseys.

Speaker 2 But then because they are cotton, like almost like ship sail canvas, I'm worried that it will have contracted a bit.

Speaker 2 So although my nephew is a, there seems to be a lot of 2XL ones out there, I guess because rugby players are enormous. I'd say my nephew is an M, so I get him an L, thinking it's probably...

Speaker 2 I think he'll be all right with that.

Speaker 3 He can't be disappointed. He's 36.
He should stop getting birthday presents.

Speaker 2 We briefly go to Tesco in order to buy her some ingredients to liven up a salad that she has made for my father. Right.

Speaker 3 What are we livening up the salad with?

Speaker 2 She's not exactly sure, but we end up basically just buying another more exciting salad with couscous and stuff and she'll just put that on top of what i i think it turns out are just some lettuce leaves really does she buy two and go and you say who's that one for and she goes it's not for luis figo does that

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 Luis Figo or whoever these ex-Portuguese internationals are keeping it so tight, I don't think you would entice them down with like like a slice of chocolate cake it probably would just be a trail of lettuce you would leave from the lansdowne road stadium right round to where my parents like a rabbit and then your mum has built a giant hutch that she keeps luis figo is he's just gnawing on lettuce

Speaker 2 but six ex uh portuguese internationals follow the trail of lettuce down so it turns out she's got a whole harem of

Speaker 3 whenever they make a noise she has has to like cover the noise because Jim's like, what's that noise? Shut up.

Speaker 3 Sounds like the rabbits are speaking Portuguese.

Speaker 2 She leans out the window occasionally. Abregado!

Speaker 2 And then they all go quiet. Anne, why are you shouting abregato at the window at the enormous hutch you've recently installed in the back garden?

Speaker 2 That occasionally you just throw in a pastel dinata, one of those little

Speaker 2 custardy cakes.

Speaker 2 This is awful stuff.

Speaker 2 I go back home, do another couple of hours' work on this top-secret thing that I will attempt to involve you in. And

Speaker 2 then, oh, I better go to this match. Ugh, it was meant to rain, but actually, the wind and rain has held off.
So, it's even worse because Portugal are such a gifted top six country in the world.

Speaker 2 It's a perfect dry track. They're gonna run rings around this.

Speaker 2 No wonder no one wants to go to this match. Ugh, God.

Speaker 2 And I cycled down, back down to the stadium where I was earlier. I followed the red track up Bath Avenue and around backwards into the stadium.

Speaker 2 It's quite a few Portuguese people, even pre-game, they seem to be singing more than the Irish fans because we haven't had anything to sing about because we've been shit for 10 years

Speaker 2 and yeah I mean Albania beat us recently ugh what's the point Armenia Armenia Armenia thank you sorry yes that's okay well you do know a lot about football just a lucky guess just a lucky guess

Speaker 2 there follows two and a half of the greatest sporting hours of my life yes go on Troy Parrot Yes Troy Parrot who plays for AZ Alkmar is that what they're called in the Dutch league.

Speaker 2 He played for Spurs for a while, never quite made it. But he always seemed like he had his head screwed on.
And he's now one of the top scorers in the Dutch league.

Speaker 2 He hasn't been getting a look in because we have another striker that plays in Italy. He gets his goal.
Two goals in the first half. Holy shit.

Speaker 2 I don't generally believe in texting during a match, but for some reason, I just want to let people know that

Speaker 2 not even that I'm there, so all I can think to text is because his name is Troy Parrot.

Speaker 2 I go emoji, log of wood,

Speaker 2 and then a horse's head

Speaker 2 and then a parrot. Yeah, that's like as in wooden horse.
I don't know if anyone can think of a better emoji version of Troy Parrot.

Speaker 3 If you could get some tea

Speaker 3 and then a picture of Roy, is there a Roy Walker's face emoji?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think there is.

Speaker 3 A tea bag and then Roy Walker's face.

Speaker 2 Then a picture of John Parrot, the snooker player.

Speaker 3 And then a picture of John Parrott.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, yeah.
We're 2-0 up at halftime. And I once saw a documentary about how Saddam Hussein, when he was in charge of Iraq, had decided that the sort of canal,

Speaker 2 natural

Speaker 2 little islands, rivers part of Iraq, he was going to drain it and use it for agriculture. And so he drained it, but never did anything with it.

Speaker 2 So all of this incredibly fertile, beautiful land full of butterflies and different sorts of grass and people living in huts became just this arid sandy expanse and then after the fall of Saddam Hussein, they flooded this region again.

Speaker 2 And it turned out all of those seeds of all these exotic flowers and plants were in the sand. And within five years,

Speaker 2 all of the incredible vegetation had come back. Well, that's what it's like with the Irish fans because we haven't had anything to sing about for so long.

Speaker 2 And tune it up, people have taken their t-shirts off and are swinging them around their heads. Halftime, utter disbelief.
Second half, they come out strong. They've had a big team talk.

Speaker 2 We repel all that. This couldn't get any better.
Oh, wait a second.

Speaker 2 Ronaldo, who's a 40-year-old ex-footballer who's still playing in Saudi Arabia and who

Speaker 2 sort of is in conversation with the referee the whole time.

Speaker 2 And if he misses a strike on goal looks to the player that passed it to him and shakes his head like he's just an utter cartoon villain bollocks maybe he's a nice man but this is how he comes across i don't know but carry on yes it's about the 58th minute he elbows one of our granite defenders in the back

Speaker 2 and i don't see the thing but they show it then afterwards once which i think they're not supposed to do but elbows Darrow O'Shea,

Speaker 2 who falls over because he's been struck by a six foot three man and is lying on the ground.

Speaker 2 And Ronaldo stands over him and does baby crying things with his hands, sort of fists over outside of eyes, as if to be like, get up, nothing's happened to you.

Speaker 2 But then when we see the replay, you've absolutely elbowed him.

Speaker 2 But you're thinking, well, because Ronaldo is, I think he has the second most Instagram followers in the world after Trump or something ridiculous like that.

Speaker 2 You're thinking, well, the ref won't send him off because they never send him off because he's in this sort of rarefied air of like post-footballer vibe.

Speaker 2 And the ref goes over to the little screen to look at it. He's given him a yellow card for whatever happened.

Speaker 2 And then the ref does, it's quite a dramatic moment where the ref takes out the yellow card again and then goes, no, as in I cancel the yellow card.

Speaker 2 And for a moment, you're thinking, oh no, he's cancelled the yellow card. He's just going to be like, yeah, Ronaldo's so old, he's allowed to hit fellas if he wants.

Speaker 2 And the ref from his back pocket takes out the red card. So good.

Speaker 3 It's so good. Like, VAR, I don't like it.
And I've sort of been indifferent about it.

Speaker 3 But this moment, because most people won't have seen what's happened, but your player's on the floor, Ronaldo's there. You're like, oh, maybe he'll get sent off.
Then he gets a yellow.

Speaker 3 And then there's that pause. And then, as soon as the ref goes to the monitor, you think, this is going going to be good.

Speaker 3 And then there's this build-up in the stadium, and like the cheer is as big as for the goals. I don't know.
It's just like, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3 This is one of the world's greatest footballers of all time, but who is really annoying? Oh, it must have been so heavenly.

Speaker 2 And then there's actually a look because I end up watching the highlights when I get back.

Speaker 2 There's an incredible shot that's definitely a fluke, which is a moment before Ronaldo had done fake baby eyes for get up, I didn't touch you. And the card is shown to Ronaldo.

Speaker 2 He does this sort of cartoonish, almost like a WWF thing, where he looks around the stadium as if to be like, What? Sending me off.

Speaker 2 And the one got, they cut the Irish fans who half of them are waving as in bye, and the other half are all doing the baby thing with their eyes. It's just, it's a perfect cut.

Speaker 2 Ireland, hang on. Does no one leave the stadium, Earl? No one at all.
The team do a lap of honor. I mean, they're not a lap of honor, but they have been.

Speaker 2 They always make a good effort to wave to everyone because it's an international and it is utterly glorious.

Speaker 3 Now, Freed from Desire, the best it's ever been played was, you know, in the nightclubs of Gumbet in Turkey in 1997 after my A-levels.

Speaker 3 But actually, it does work as an anthem in a ground when everyone is really going for it. And they really do.
I just wondered if you partook in.

Speaker 2 na na na na na na.

Speaker 3 Where are you on that scale?

Speaker 2 I didn't partake in that. I did, however, partake in a rendition of Put Them Under Pressure, which is Ireland's, I would say, the greatest football song of all time.

Speaker 2 Now, we all have different opinions as to what that is, but it was the official team anthem of the 1990 World Cup for Ireland.

Speaker 2 And on the walk home, I recorded a one-minute bit for you for the Guardian Football Weekly, my first ever appearance on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And that song,

Speaker 2 like it's so long since we were good. We're all singing a song from 35 years ago that says, we're all part of Jackie's Army because Jack Charlton was the manager at the time.

Speaker 2 We're all off to Italy, the 1990 Italy World Cup. And we'll really shake them up when we win the World Cup.
And then the last time it's because Arland are the greatest football team.

Speaker 2 And honestly, there's a moment where I was singing it with like both hands in the air just like I think we might be the greatest football team even though we've been shy for ages with these players and this manager there is just the chance oh we've sussed us I think everyone knows what they're doing now we had a great question to the pod there's a guy called Jim I didn't read out on the on football weekly he listened to this as well and it just said how many Irish fans will die of hope in the next two days because you've got to win in Hungary haven't you in three days time we have to follow this up.

Speaker 2 In order to get into a qualifier for the actual World Cup in America, we have to beat Hungary away. And they're probably better than us in that they have at least two kind of world-class players.

Speaker 2 And I'm not sure we have that many,

Speaker 2 but just give us these two days. I haven't felt these feelings for a long time.
Hope is. Like, I know it's the hope that kills you, but it's also the hope that is brilliant, too.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's the essence of living, right? That is it.

Speaker 2 Yes, exactly.

Speaker 2 And it's, it's funny from having been there earlier in the day, and I've been to loads of matches there, particularly in the sort of not great era of Irish football in the last 10, 15 years.

Speaker 2 And, you know, as the game is winding down, you're like, oh, it's starting to rain now, or no, I'll probably get stuck in traffic now on the way back.

Speaker 2 But you don't think about any of that. This is just a perfect, it's the essence of sport.
It's not the world,

Speaker 2 but it's not not the world. It's a sort of other space.
And I walk home, absolutely delighted. Helenicopter.

Speaker 3 Interruption.

Speaker 3 Two questions. Presumably you cycle home because you've cycled there unless you walk laid your bike there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've picked up the bike, but then I don't live that far from

Speaker 2 the stadium. And also, I record the one-minute thing for you.
Thank you. That I don't have an exact idea of what I'm going to say, but it ends up reasonably spontaneous.

Speaker 3 That's nice.

Speaker 2 There's also the beautiful thing of walking back along the canal with loads of people who've clearly been at the match.

Speaker 2 And the bicycle lane itself becomes kind of redundant for the first couple of hundred yards, so you can't really cycle it.

Speaker 3 And did you have dinner before the game?

Speaker 2 Yes, I had the remnants of the curry that I had made the night before. That was reasonably successful.

Speaker 3 The one that Helencopter took to lunch without the spork.

Speaker 2 And it has chickpeas in it. Yeah, I'd failed to brown the chicken.

Speaker 2 If I have a criticism of it now, you're supposed to put it in the pot really, really hot and then shh, and then put it on a lower temperature.

Speaker 2 So, and I think that caramelization, whatever you call it, probably brings a bit more flavor to it. Anyway, it's fine.
I'm full.

Speaker 2 i go home and i don't go for a pint afterwards come home and have a can and helen arrives back she'd end up going to a k-tempest concert and

Speaker 2 we put on a bleak documentary about people going missing in the north of ireland during the troubles

Speaker 2 which yeah i'm buzzing i'm sitting there with my can of ipa thinking about home. Watching some grim television.

Speaker 2 And Helen nods off. And then there's a point at which, although she is asleep, I think she's technically not sleeping.
So I could watch the end of this, but I start to feel guilty.

Speaker 2 And at about midnight, I'm like, Helen, you've just nodded off. We should go up to bed.
I won't watch the end of this slightly grim documentary. And I go to sleep.
That's what I did yesterday.

Speaker 3 It's a great day.

Speaker 3 Worth saying for the tape that my co-host on Football Weekly, Barry Glendenning, proud Irishman, had a day off and he has not had a chance to say anything good about the Republic of Ireland in 10 years.

Speaker 3 And he missed the pod.

Speaker 3 And he couldn't do a voice note. And so we got you to do it.
And that's funny. Mark writes, this is lovely.
Dear everybody involved. Having never found the need,

Speaker 3 having never found the need in my fairly long life to contact any form of media to give feedback, here we are.

Speaker 2 Here we are.

Speaker 3 I only started listening to the pod because I find David funny. Turns out, Max can be quite amusing as well.

Speaker 3 However, in Capitals, he needs to be banned from introducing stupid, fucking, moronic games to desperately fill time with.

Speaker 3 The guest of footballer comic shit is so bad, it's not funny in any way whatsoever. It's not quirky, it's not ironic, it's fucking shit.

Speaker 3 I'm genuinely gonna stop listening on a Wednesday, I think, which is a shame. I love all the other bits.
Thanks, Mark.

Speaker 3 It's interesting, Mark writes that, because a few months ago, I was in Teddington

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 3 I saw a comedian putting up posters for his show in Teddington. And a couple of days later, in the hotel, I saw an England footballer.

Speaker 3 And I started a game, which is incredibly popular, called the Teddington Quiz.

Speaker 3 And, you know, you should be able to get it by now. And I'd like you to guess who it is.
It's not quirky. it's not ironic, it's fucking shit.

Speaker 2 Yes. I mean, I'm not going to say I agree, but

Speaker 2 last week, MarsBar delivered an impassioned plea in order to end this in the next four and a half thousand years. Marsbar appealed to the hive mind of our listeners.
Does anyone have anything?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I have received quite a few messages. Normally the messages go to the pod,

Speaker 2 but people were singling me out with specific messages. So with this in mind, okay, we've got, this is from Nick Edwards.
Hey, Nick. Hi, David.
We need to end the Teddington 2 quiz.

Speaker 2 I've done some Googling and found this, and I've printed it out here.

Speaker 2 Jordan Henderson spotted in Marks and Spencer's Teddington, the articles from July of this year, which might be in and around the time of Max's visit.

Speaker 2 And there's this beautiful picture of Jordan Henderson standing at the self-service checkout. They've somehow managed to string 300 words out of this.

Speaker 2 Football superstar Jordan Henderson, former Liverpool captain, has recently joined local team Brentford, has been spotted shopping in Teddington's Marks and Spencer. Here's a lovely ending to this.

Speaker 2 Teddington Town, which is the name of the newspaper, understands the player has friends based locally and that he may be house hunting in the area. Interesting.
Intriguing. Wow.

Speaker 2 And then Alex Muldoon and someone called Petra has been in touch. Alex says, I'm convinced the comedian in Teddington is Ivo Graham.
And Petra says Ivo sometimes has a gig in Teddington.

Speaker 2 And because Ivo's quite a hands-on guy,

Speaker 2 I want to say that the Teddington two

Speaker 2 are Jordan Henderson and Ivo Graham.

Speaker 2 Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 Incorrect. Oh, now, Mars Mars, there's something there, though.
Jordan Henderson,

Speaker 2 there is something is happening. Yep.
Similarly, I've been inundated with messages and emails, both personally and in the inbox, for two reasons now.

Speaker 2 You and I, David, strategically are locking in Jordan Henderson. Because

Speaker 2 when you said Jordan Henderson, Mac did three different physical tells to hide the fact that I bowed and my head went 360 degrees. Now, I could be wrong, could be wrong, I could be wrong,

Speaker 2 but we also received information, and the piece of information I received was from someone who works at is it the Lensbury in Tenning Lensbury, yes, to say that Jordan Henderson was staying in that hotel during that period

Speaker 2 around the time that he was allegedly going to sign for Brentford. So, I'm going to say, in terms of a lead, we've got nothing better than Henderson.

Speaker 2 And one of my friends is, he did like a PhD in like maths and statistics. And he said, it's insane if we keep changing both choices every week.

Speaker 2 Lock in one of them.

Speaker 2 So, if we lock in Henderson and then go through every single viable comedian,

Speaker 2 and then if we don't get it, then change Henderson and do the same with every other comedian. So, I'm going to stick with Henderson every single week going forward.

Speaker 2 We have quite a lot of people mention a number of names.

Speaker 2 The two that got repeated mentions because they either had upcoming shows at Teddington comedy venues or were known to be in the area were Milton Jones and Andy Parsons.

Speaker 2 So to begin with,

Speaker 2 I'm going to go with Jordan Henderson and Andy Parsons.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Incorrect.

Speaker 2 More tells there, Marzmar. His eyes spun around.
His ears shot out. They flapped like Dumbo.

Speaker 2 There's too much glee in his eyes for something not to have stuck there.

Speaker 2 We're making progress. Okay, are you making progress? Who knows? Are definitely.
Anyone got any leads on a comedian who may have been seen? It's the problem with Milton and Parsons.

Speaker 2 I don't know if they'd be putting up posters to their own gigs, but who knows? Has anyone got anything on this? Please put us out of our misery.

Speaker 2 Another good point, sorry, really quickly that a few people have made.

Speaker 2 This is a clue for myself and David, is that no disrespect to Max, it's quite a narrow field of comedians that I think he would recognize.

Speaker 2 I don't know that he's going to immediately spot, you know, someone slightly more up and coming, for instance. So I think with that criterion.

Speaker 3 What, you're saying that even given all the comedians I've booked for this podcast, and that's what you're saying.

Speaker 2 You are ultimately just a football with little legs going to get the bottom of it. For the first time since this quiz started, much like David with their victory over Portugal, I feel hope.

Speaker 2 And I also fear that's what's going to get us in the end because it's not Jordan Henderson. And Max's glee is the fact that we're even further away from the bullseye.

Speaker 3 What would be really funny is if I just decided I didn't want to play anymore.

Speaker 2 You just wrap it up after your week next week. All right, folks, if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast,

Speaker 2 then you would have a sort of Stockholm syndrome where the thousands of people who hate the Teddington quiz would be like, sorry, what happened to the Teddington quiz?

Speaker 2 It was all that was keeping me going. It would be like the zodiac killer.
Like David Fincher would make a film about this in about 25 years' time.

Speaker 3 Anyway, if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, here is how.

Speaker 3 To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudo yesterdaypod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

Speaker 3 And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

Speaker 2 And if you didn't, please don't.

Speaker 3 Thanks, David. Thank you, Mars Barr.
Progress or is there in the Teddington quiz?

Speaker 2 Who knows? Max, you're more than just a football guy from the garden. I don't know.
I don't need it.

Speaker 3 It didn't upset me.

Speaker 2 Okay, fine.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Everything is show booths.

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