WDWDY #49: USB Tongue

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many.
I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough.
Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it.

And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
We'll try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushton.
And I'm David O'Daugherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Hello, everybody. Welcome to Midweek Mayhem from the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday.
My name is Max Rushen, and alongside me is David O'Doherty.

I just think it'd be funny if I didn't say anything for the whole episode. Wow, okay.

I know this doesn't really work because it's a purely audio medium and dead air is a crime, but I was just thinking, like, how

not even just monosyllabic answers to the inane stuff. You're just maybe an occasional nod or something like that.

I mean, calling this excellent correspondence from our wonderful audience inane stuff, I think is your first mistake. And also, it's your yesterday.

So, like, I'm all on board with trying new ideas, but that is going to be a

sort of like an experimental. Are we ready to go experimental on this podcast? I don't know.
I just think it would become the thing that defines our podcast.

Have you heard the podcast with Max from Guardian Football and the guy who doesn't say anything? It's interesting you bring up, you know, Max, just that football guy.

Because we've had more correspondence on that subject, but it's not you that's the problem. It's actually Marsbar.
This is a big issue. Go on.
Well, Owen wrote this. I got first got alluded to.

A couple of people sent me a message on Instagram, but I didn't really believe it. But Owen writes, gentlemen, long time listener, first time emailer to any podcast.

I am in what I imagine is a small group of listeners who listen to the guardian football weekly what did you do yesterday parenting hell and quickly kevin so i was intrigued when on a recent today's as of writing parenting hell podcast the conversation turned to underwear yeah michael slash mars bar was eventually asked what underwear he wore because he also produces you know our lesser sister podcast parenting hell good luck to those up-and-comers it was eventually asked what underwear he wore and did he wear calvin klein's like one of the hosts of parenting hell he admitted that he used to but in fact recently changed his underwear allegiance this got me interested would we be about to get a rare crossing of the podcast streamed I listened more carefully putting down the small child's food that I was preparing that could wait more important things were afoot indeed Michael did say that Someone had recommended Lululemons to him and he now wore them for sporting activities.

I waited further to see if he would credit the host of What Did You Do Yesterday, but alas the conversation moved on. He'd failed to attribute this piece of advice to anyone.

As a listener to What Did You Do Yesterday since the start, I was surprised to hear that Michael didn't credit Max or David with the recommendation, given how much they all got paid for advertising Lululemons.

The only assumption that I can make is that he is ashamed to admit to his more popular podcast friends that he produces What Did You Do Yesterday?

I hope this is not the case, as What Did You Do Yesterday may be his finest work so far.

Anyway, just wanted an excuse to say I love the pod, especially the Teddington quiz, best quiz so far, Long Way It Live, everything is showbiz in it for life. Owen, Kieran writes, Wow.

Hello, Max, David, and my fellow BOC listeners.

I adore listening to both of your weekly pods during my never-ending push-chair walks with my 10-month-old, who treats napping like it's an optional side quest he absolutely refuses to complete.

I will confess, after I've drained every last second of your shows, yes, Kieran, I sometimes wander off to other pods for a little variety.

So, there I was, listening to Parenting Hell, season 11, episode 30, when around the 22-minute mark, the lads started discussing boxer shorts.

Rob Beckett is passionately declaring that a new brand of boxers has changed his life, while Josh reacts with all the enthusiasm of a man staring at beige wallpaper.

They then ask producer Marsbar what he wears. He announces he's now a Tom Ford man.
Someone's doing all right. But twice a week for football, he goes Lululemon.

Recommended apparently by quote, someone. Excuse me, someone.
It's not someone, is it Marsbar? It's in fact Max and David, the host of your other hit pod, What Did You Do Yesterday?

who've mentioned Lululemon so many times that their PR team has retired early and is currently drinking cocktails in the Northern Marianas Islands.

I would simply like Marsbar to explain why he is too ashamed to name-drop the pod that is clearly the center of the known universe.

And while we're at it, recently David described Max as some football man. Are you all secretly ashamed of each other? Is this a podcast love triangle where nobody would publicly hold hands?

Eagerly await your response. I'm in this for life.
Kieran. Marsbar, are you ashamed to be linked to this podcast?

Well, firstly, Kieran, was it the first one? Yeah. Owen and Kieran.
So Kieran, he likes a Teddy Tin quiz, so his view and opinion is instantly moot. Don't care about him.

The second guy, what I will say is, obviously I produce a number of shows. Thank you for all of your feedback listeners on this.
It's been,

I'd say, verging on harassment in my inbox at times in the last week.

Good. Now, I speak less on this show than I do on the other shows.

Know your place. Know your place.

One of the reasons I didn't chip in during the the previous Lululemon discussion on this chat is because it wasn't really my space for it.

However, the reason I didn't say it was you guys is because it wasn't you guys.

My friend Cody recommended me Lululemon probably a good year beforehand. So it would be disingenuous of me to have said Max and David.
Such a made-up name.

You know, it's like, what's your girlfriend's name?

You know, Veronica or something like that.

She's no one's called out. He wouldn't know him.
He goes to a different podcast school.

So I couldn't say it was you guys because it wasn't. And then I never liked name-dropping civilians into podcasts.

So I appreciate the sort of rabid fan base and how they've rallied around this podcast. Simply, it just wasn't the case.

I think it's interesting, David, that, you know, at no point did Mars Bar say to us, do you know what's a coincidence? I was recommended Lululemon.

I mean, like, if I was in a WhatsApp group with you and one other person, with two people who are both going on and on and on in a WhatsApp group about Lululemon fans, I would find it weird not to chip in with, I was recommended these years ago by my friend Cody, Cody Gakpo.

He said, you know,

the Liverpool player.

All I can add, though, to this, with respect to Mars Bar, it was actually Guy Montgomery is if you trace this right back, New Zealand comedian Guy Montgomery was the one who introduced the Lululemons to the pod.

My question to you, though, Max, is,

in your other

podcast, your Ashes podcast with Jeff Lemon, have you made the, are you related to Lululemon joke that was suggested by one of the listeners in the comments for that? No, and it's interesting.

Such was the England performance, although it was quite a funny podcast. It seems crowbarred.
Because I don't think Jeff Lemon listens to this podcast. And so to go is your brother.

And I know, like, I think we've got good chemistry, chemistry, but it's early in our podcast relationship. I don't want to try the joke, how's your sister Lulu getting on?

You know, I will try it by the end, I promise. But it's interesting you mentioned that.
And, okay, we think you're forgiven, Mas Bar. But look, you know, this is a worrying situation.

I'm just a football guy to David. We're just someone to you.
Clearly, I'm the one here who really cares, but it's okay.

Oh, my goodness. Firstly, I do care.
I get up at an obscene hour in the morning and just hanging out with you guys whilst in New York. But I was not on that guy Montgomery record.

So I wasn't even there for the genesis of that channel.

And I personally, in a social situation, think it's weird to piggyback a conversation that I wasn't there for. Okay.
So to come in that late in the game is, I think it's just a bit odd and awkward.

Could you just, for the record, Mars, but every time now you buy a pair of pants, whatever they make, just let us know in the WhatsApp group.

Well, this morning, genuinely, I fly back from New York today and I made the mistake of packing too far ahead of time. Right.

And I've packed all of my clean underwear and I can't be bothered to go into the cases. So I now currently sat in a pair of jogging bottoms commando because I have no clean underwear.

So I have to go out onto the streets of New York after this and buy a new pair of underwear to travel.

If either of you would like to recommend a pair or a brand, I will specifically buy that pair just to keep you happy, just to show you guys that I like you.

I don't really have a, I just get one of them. I've never thought about it.
They're all the same, pretty much.

Interestingly, we used to ask me and Barry on the radio, we just do a questionnaire for footballers called on a thing called footballers and ice, and we'd say, What kind of pant do you prefer?

When Barry asked Pat Jennings this, he felt desperately ashamed because Pat Jennings is 75 and it just didn't seem right. Anyway, okay, we draw a line under it.

Well, I just the question I would have for listeners who cross over from Mars Barr's two big podcasts is just some are raising the fact that that Mars Barr claims he was in Teddington recently and he saw a comedian putting a poster

at a premiership footballer and who were they. I just, there is some crossover in the thoughts.

Now, the Andy Zaltzmann episode was great and it's interesting you mentioned the Ashes because a lot of people got in touch with this.

We were working out with Andy, you know, if he could do his quiz because when would his episode be going out?

And I said the line, by the time this goes out, the Ashes will have started two days ago and hopefully England are doing okay.

And literally, as it was released, England had just been absolutely obliterated. It's two days of this test match.
TNG says, Max, don't ever become a proper sports pundit.

Oliver says, hilarious hearing. Max says he hopes the cricket's going well the morning after that calamity took place.
On a separate note, Kieran says, Great episode.

I happened to be playing golf by myself, listening to the pod. It was very thought-provoking why there aren't more goth winners of mages.

It's true. It affected my game.
Dropped three shots from too much laughing. So thank you.
I think lots of people love the Andy Zoltzmann pod. The way he wakes up in the morning is just so unbrand.

And the way he goes to sleep, having played the most obscure, forgotten version of snooker that's ever existed.

If ever there's a man who should live in a house with a turret, it's Andy Zoltzmann. Yeah.
Who knew that?

Actually, if you go on everything in showbiz.com, Bagatelle is the fourth most popular sport on that website.

Liz says, hello, I thought I'd email in defense of Max, specifically his excellent quiz formats. Thank you, Liz.

Last weekend, I found myself in the undeniably appalling situation whereby I had to entertain my 13-year-old daughter while we waited in the dark, freezing cold, pouring rain for my husband to walk down the town high street as part of a lantern parade, the joys of being married to a primary school teacher.

Having exhausted the usual material, I turned to think of a thing.

And with my daughter, having first choice, I started to guess. An hour and 40 minutes later, I had still not guessed correctly.
We were soaked through.

My coat took 24 hours to dry out, but our spirits were still high. Having finished the parade, my husband joined us for the walk back to the car.
I cheerfully explained the very few rules to him.

13-year-old has thought of something. We have to guess what it is.
No, you can't ask questions, but she's accidentally revealed the letter M doesn't feature in it.

After a few seconds of silence, he asked, is it apple pie? Yes, she replied, and the game was over.

Oh, well, everything is showbiz.

Now, we think of a thing. You can ask questions, like you can ask questions.
So maybe I've not explained that. It's going to be a great TV show.
I just think, you know, Osmond listens.

I'm waiting for him to option it for television. So when your friend guessed Prunella Scales...
Oh, what a moment. Yeah.
What clues, you know, was it, was this person in Faulty Towers? No, no, no.

I said I've thought of a thing and he said, is it Prunella Scales? Like off the bat. Probably the most amazing thing that has ever happened in the world yeah but it does

you know what probably happened there like Darren Brown would understand it you just driven past a weights and measures factory that said try our new scales the Prunella you know what I mean and it had been put into both of your minds yeah I mean I can't we I think we were driving through the forests of Western Australia at the time so I don't think there were any weights and scales factories No, but what happened was a Spanish waiter ran across the road shouting, Mr.

Fulty, Mr. Faulty.
Yeah, there was that. Yeah, yeah, of course.
And John Cleese was in the back seat on the left.

Dominic says, eggs. Dear David Max and Marsba, while listening to the excellent Anya Magliano episode the other week, eggs was once again the yesterday breakfast of choice.

Though five eggs is a mighty hefty breakfast, you quite rightly rightly informed Anya and reminded listeners that Joanne McNally started the day with six. And this got me thinking.

Assuming six daily eggs is still on the menu, this means that since that episode has aired, Joanne McNally would have consumed 1,626 eggs

at the time of writing this.

I work in public health. And throughout the year, we run a number of health campaigns like Stoptober, which encourages people to stop smoking during the month of October.

Quite often, the tabloid press would kindly run a story to help promote the campaign.

And often, you'll hear about people who've been smoking for 20 years and what the effects that would bring on the body if they were to then suddenly stop.

It would describe what happens to the body after one or two days of stopping and provide an overview of the positive health and financial impact for someone six months, a year later, etc.

Now, in 20 years' time, after Joanne McNally has consumed 43,830 eggs, imagine if Joanne just stopped. Has anyone ever consumed that many eggs and just stopped?

All I know is the scientific community and well, the world would be watching on that morning when Joanne decides to skip breakfast for the first time in 20 years. How will the body react?

No one knows.

What I do know, though, that after stopping and through fairly crude maths calculation, which allowed for inflation, Joanne in 2045 will be around £1,624.25 a year better off by just cutting eggs out of her diet.

But health-wise, who knows? Love the pod. Please tour in Bristol next year.
Thank you, Dominic.

Take, for example, the classic David Helencopter breakfast, which is the chopped banana on the peanut buttery bread with honey and a salt little shake on top.

By 2045,

those bananas will go around the earth. five times.
True. It doesn't necessarily...
You've got to eat something. You have to eat something.
But it is a lot of eggs. It is a lot of eggs.
Fine.

My point is the BOE

would be filled. It might even be an SOE, a swimming pool of eggs, to be honest.
Mike says, hi, I can't help but notice how much lemon and lemon-y things come up on the podcast.

Your head obviously goes to Lululemons, but surely there aren't that many mentions of lemon things, right? Well, strap in. This is light.

I'll do it quickly. I'll do it like the countries and they're just northern countries.
Okay. Ivo Graham has a lunch, which is a salad that he covers in lemon, sesame oil, and soy sauce.

Richard Osmond for lunch has a side salad of leaves with a lovely drop of lemon on top. Amy Gledhill talks about eating lemon bonbons.
Joanne McNally obviously talks about her Lululemons.

Omega Lily for dinner makes garlic mayonnaise with lots of lemon and olive oil. Midweek Mayhem, early April.
David talks about the Helencopter making a pasta dish she put in lemony stuff.

Nadia Shireen makes a lemon garlic potatoes for dinner. Midweek Mayhem, late April.
David says Helencopter has signed up to receive fruit and veg from a farm. Weirdly, there's a lemon in the box.

Esther Menito has a lemon and lime ice pot. Matthew Crosby suggests using a lemon instead of a finished quantum in his Christmas dinner dishwasher concept.

Gary Lineker only buys British fruit and vegetables, including, quote, beautiful British lemons.

Carrie-Ann Lloyd talks about her crammel recipe, which includes putting the raw apples in a pan with a bitter of sugar and lemon. Tom Basdin mentions lemon bonbons.
Midweek Mayhem in July.

Max is under the weather, so he makes a hot lemon and honey. Ross Noble talks about a cranberry juice stone.
God, did he fucking talk about a cranberry juice stone on a bench that he couldn't get out?

David hypothesizes that something must easily get out, like you put lemon juice on it or something. Midweek Mayhem in September, David talks about being on holiday in France.

He grabs a lemonade from the fridge. In the same episode, Mars Barr refers to the Teddington Football comedian quiz as being like limoncello.

At the end of a meal, you don't want it, but you're obliged to drink it. Chris McCausland talks about the bizarre-flavoured fruit kit cats from Japan.
Some fans outside the gig have bought it one.

Obviously, it's lemon-flavoured. Midweek Mayhem, early October, a weird drink concoction is created called Beef Fizz.
Lemon juice is suggested as an ingredient.

Alison Spittle talks about the ingredients in her eggs, tarragon, lemon, yogurt, and garlic. Mid-week Mayhem, mid-October, Max talks about going to meet his friend Dave, the osteopath.

Dave offers him a can of hooch, which Max refers to as alcoholic lemonade.

Midweek Mayhem, a week later, Max talks about accidentally lowering his talk sport headphones into a boiling cup of honey and lemon. Andya Magliano is downstairs with a selection of drinks.

Max and David are guessing what the drinks are. David suggests warm water.
Max jumps in and obviously suggests with maybe some lemon.

Justin Morehouse drives a citron, but I think that might be pushing it. But Max started up a a new Ashes Weekly podcast with a bloke called Jeff Lemon, I thought, come on, mate, give lemons a rest.

But what is the implication here that we are in some way paid by the man from Del Monte? We're in the pocket of Big Lemon. That's what we are.
We've got to admit it.

Thank you so much, Mike, for doing all of that. Is there any other topic that

the listeners are particularly vexed by that we seem to be mentioning? Like, Lemon's good.

Literally, the word zest comes from it you just want a boring turgid podcast where everyone just has three weedabixes no disrespect for their breakfast i mean you're gonna get lemons and eggs aren't you if you're talking about people's yesterdays they're gonna be in there allison in birmingham Finally, dear David Max and Milesbot, on a recent episode of Midweek Mayor, Max described going over to his neighbor's house to play swing ball with Ian.

While he was there, he took it upon himself to root through their kitchen cupboards and help himself to a tin of kidney beans, proclaiming he'd had no time to go to the supermarket and justify his theft.

He then went immediately to Coles the supermarket, where they no doubt

sell kidney beans. Disappointed that David didn't pick up on this inconsistency.
I can only assume that he'd zoned out listening to Max's repetitive day.

Listening in hope that we get to hear about another Melbourne local league football match soon, perhaps the most exciting episode to date. Yours for life, everything is showbiz, Alison in Birmingham.

That is a good point. Well made.
And I think I have confessed, I said we owe you.

I've said to our neighbours, Rollo and Macarena, that we owe them a tin of kidney beans, but I don't believe I've replaced them yet. Yeah.

And you will have noticed also the three other people who had lent you keys just in case we ever lose our keys. It'd be great if one of the neighbors had a set.

Have called over in the last week, being like, sorry, we actually need those keys back. I've lost my keys just because

you are a thief. They've heard about it.
Let's play they're just normal countries.

I am the one and only

what country could I be?

I am the one and only

where in the world could our listeners be

Pete says, dear football fella from The Guardian and everyone else,

more proof if it was needed that what did you you do yesterday is the center of the known universe. Enya's manager has told me that she told him to tell you

that Max only needs to consult the lyrics of her 1981 hit, Orinoco Flow. It was 81.
I thought it was about 87. Anyway, to know

all he needs to know about Palau, a Pacific nation of which he displayed some ignorance, have attached said lyrics in Enya's own handwriting. Sail away, sail away, sail away.

Pete, and he has sent me the lyrics in any handwriting and it says from bissau to palau in the

from fiji to terribly anyway thank you so much that's my go-to it's not on karaoke very often but if it ever is

it's a really good one just because no one cares about the verses and everyone is just gearing up for that

it's even more sweet caroline than sweet caroline that's such a great idea because obviously no one would ever pick it either so like it's you get to do flouncy dancing while you're doing it as well.

Nice. I think my favorite is: two of you do don't let the sun go down on me.
And so, someone does the like all of it and then just goes, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John.

Previous guesses: Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Mariana Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Eswatini, U.S., Virgin Islands, Equatorial, Guinea, Samarino, correct.

Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City, Omar, and Fiji, correct. Vanuatu, Bolivia, Faroe Islands, correct.
Belarus, Palau, Aruba.

Okay.

Here we go. This is from Rie.

Rie in San Francisco, California. Hey, Rie.

Hi, gang. I love the pod.
I must say, I've been rather disappointed with the trajectory of their just normal countries submissions.

With Curdle, I was delighted and surprised by the guesses as I'd never heard of most of the cheeses. So I learned a little something every week.

With their just normal countries, I think the listeners have missed the mark a bit, picking seemingly more obscure countries every week.

The Northern Mariana Islands, for example, are not only not a normal country, but not a country at all. They're a Commonwealth of the US.
First issue, normal to whom?

My eye remind listeners that the normalness of the countries is being evaluated by Marsba, a middle-aged British man who loves football and who is ashamed of this podcast. She didn't write that bit.

I don't know whether Marsba is an avid traveler, but I think it's reasonable to assume that he's developed a familiarity with countries that frequently qualify for the various international leagues.

Next issue, predominant language. The scientists from a previous guest had a good approach to choosing a country based on languages spoken there.

But given that even very small English-speaking countries like Brunei and Eswatini have more than one listener, the countries in question must not have English as an official language, both because that would make a homegrown listenership more likely, as well as making the country more appealing for English-speaking tourists to go and give the pod a download.

Unlike Marsbar, I do not have an extensive knowledge of global football teams and leagues. I must rely on my experience as a 10-year-old when my school held a simulated FIFA World Cup tournament.

I therefore submit Ecuador.

Marsbar, is Ecuador a normal country?

How many listens in Ecuador? I'm going to say 111.

So at the time that we started this quiz, which I think is a key point to keep stressing for recent guesses, There's people that have gone on holiday since we started this quiz and said, I listened to an episode whilst on holiday.

They understand that that data is irrelevant. It's from when we started the quiz, whenever this was in the summer.
So at that point in time, Ecuador had 294 listeners.

People in the Galapagos, you know, it's just everyone listening to that while covered in blue-footed boobies. That's what's happening.
And those old tortoises. So there we are.
So incorrect.

So the board is open to the entire world. Three countries down.
And we've got a month to go almost exactly until the cheese board returns. Oh my God, it's so exciting.

I wouldn't be surprised if there's been a huge uptick in Faroe Islands. Now, that wouldn't be difficult considering it was at one.

But I suspect a lot of people who go to the Faroe Islands now and are vaguely have heard of this podcast would be like, I am going to listen.

You know, something in them makes them listen to an episode i think it could be up to eight or nine now he's hoping um hey david what did you what time did you wake up yesterday well max yesterday was a day of intense accomplishment oh wow asks yeah and preempting the great list that i was about to undertake i woke up at 6 45 entirely on my own accord with this is the earliest you've ever woken up yes it is it's very very early to the point where, because we're coming towards our shortest day here, you know, in a few weeks, you can't even tell by light what time it is yet.

I can tell that the morning radiator comes on at seven, and I could sense with my nose that it hadn't come on yet, and it was pitch black. Do you smell heat? You smell the heat.

Well, you can tell when this is a Victorian house. It's the dust behind the radiator.
I know.

It's hard to dust behind a radiator.

It's not a criticism. I wouldn't come round like four in a bed and start, you know, like putting a, I don't know, a wire wool brush down the back of your radiator to find dust.

In fairness, Helen Coppitter does not care about my day of relentless accomplishment that I'm about to undertake. Right.

So I elect not to wake her up and tell her that I am, in fact, awake. I put my phone down very low light

and have a little look. I've received a lot of messages regarding the Teddington quiz that will be coming up at the end of this.
Yeah. But the brain is starting to think about that, if I'm honest.

See, the thing is, you don't realize that I know how to make a great quiz. Because the Teddington quiz.
And I'm sad that it might be coming to an end. Not that I'm saying it might.
But I'm worried.

I see what you're you're doing there. Do you ever play pool in a pub with old lads? Yeah.

And you have a tricky mid-table pot to end the game and the old guy, because he's seen a million of you city kids come through this pub, fully puts the cue back in the rack. Yeah.

Which just puts impossible levels of pressure.

That's what you say. And unfortunately, it will be over soon.
Now, because while I have a guess

after my day,

it could be one of a few, to be honest. Anyway, we'll deal with that when the time comes.
We will. Okay.
So you're thinking about the Teddy and Quiz, but you have other things to do.

Yeah, I will make breakfast for the helicopter. I didn't do overnight oats.
I'll make the classic. I bought a big old sourdough the day before.

I slice.

uh into it

you got your peanut butter you got your banana you got it's a good one I make coffee. I realize from a family gathering recently that everyone thinks that I make weak coffee.

Oh, yeah, it's like a thing in the family that in the WhatsApp group, you're not in, oh, not doing it at David's for another cup of piss. That kind of thing.

Yeah, someone holds up the cafeteria and can see daylight through it, and it's like, oh, David's special or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay.
Sort of slow-mo.

I see all their distorted faces all going like, ha, ha ha,

you idiot.

So I basically, almost like a bath bomb, I put in an entire cube of Lavazza into this.

This is going to bankrupt me, but I'm going to put at least 40 scoops of coffee into it. You need a cherry picker to push the French press down, don't you?

Like, did you ever get one of those t-shirts that comes in the size of a sugar cube and you put it in water, and it gradually dissolves. That's what my coffee is going to be like.
Right, right.

We sent Helencopter off to work, and so it begins. Got it.
Keys. Need to get keys cut.
Okay.

A really nice man runs the key cutting place around the corner.

And I don't think he really feels the pressure of Timpsons breathing down his neck because he hasn't branched into any of the various side hustles that Timpsons do. Right.
No shoes?

There's no shoe stuff in there? No fob replacement. No dry cleaning.
I think some Timpsons might do dry cleaning as well. He's just pure keys, is he? He's pure keys.

And he's also, this is the biggest flex of all. I think he's just

Tuesday to Friday as well.

He's in it for the love. He's just in it.
Oh, he is absolute elite. Really fun watching a little key machine isn't it that's a fun old

looking up at the keys do you know what i went to get some keys cut for the london flat and they didn't have the right keys in australia so i couldn't get some keys cut oh quite interesting international key news

yeah

a few times i've been staying in like a place for the Edinburgh fringe. Will this get me into trouble? I don't think so.
And you go to the legitimate key place and you say, can you copy that?

And they say, oh no, we're not allowed to copy these ones because it's got a serial number on it.

And then you go, really?

And they go take it to the guy around the corner. And then you go to dodgy keys and they will cut it.
Guy, dodgy keys. No such issues with this.

I leave the keys with them and I say, I'll be back in an hour. I have to do tasks.
An hour? I mean, is he like, has he got a backlog? Because only turning a key takes.

Unless he's, does he do it by hand? Because he's like an old school.

I am a very busy executive.

I understand. I understand.
Okay. I got to get a new phone, Max.
I got to get a new phone. That's so annoying.
The old phone, the battery life has just been coming down and down.

And I am due a new phone. Now, upgrade doesn't mean the same as in the past, which meant you got it for free.
No, you have to sign up for another another like 25 years.

Yeah, and pay dough as well.

And I get the new iPhone, or no, I don't get the new iPhone. I get the last iPhone, and there doesn't seem to be any advancements.
Like, do you remember that era? Yeah.

Am I talking about maybe 2003, 2010? Yeah, like it halved in weight. And like snake, the snake, when you played snake, they had eyes on the snake.
You know, those kind of things.

Camera, even the camera.

And then it was internet and then it was yeah George Foreman Grill or whatever it is this seems inferior I've got the 16 instead of the 15 and it's got a little black box across the top of it that that's blocking like I don't see a single advance Max I don't get it Yes, I mean, when I'm in that shop, I just want to get out as quickly as I can.

And they're like, do you want this or this 0.1 or 0.2? And I just say, I just don't care. I want it.
Just give me the cheapest thing that will work.

You know, I feel, was there an era where you'd go into the electrical shop in the airport and there would be a genuine advancement? You know, there'd be something incredible.

I'm saying humanity has stalled, is what you're saying. We've stalled.

Think about it this way: the car today, granted, there's electric cars, but they're pretty much the same as cars from the 50s this is as close to two men sitting in a park after four pints of miles basically so it's not as good as it is nothing's changed guys has it they offer me the they say do you want insurance no i'm not an idiot and then they say well do you want a cover and then i'm like how much are your covers

60 quid for a bit of plastic go around the corner you can get one for

and he does it in front of you and it's really fun to watch yeah i go to a man called mr iphone

and what a fluke that he ended up what a coincidence with that name in the biz

we then go to tk max to get a quilt for my parents who we've had a bit of a cold snap here in dublin and

they seem at the great age they are to be betwixt either being too hot or too cold all of the time

I have in the past got them very warm things, whereas in fact, I think they might want the nice middle ground of just a quilt.

Is this on their bed or is this just for sort of like sitting on the sofa? Ah, for the bed, yes. Got it, okay, okay.

While standing in the kind of galley waiting for the cash desk to become available, it's like till number seven, till number five.

I suddenly remember, I think I might have a voucher for this place in my wallet. Stop it.
Okay.

It's actually, it just looks like a credit card, and there is a certain degree of risk when I get to the counter. So I look at my phone.
What's the pin number to activate this?

It's still there, but is it going to work? And what a moment. It says pin okay.

And then it says authorizing. And then wheelie, wheelie, wheelie, wheelie, wheelie.
And then it says, oh, yeah, paid. Yes.

You get it for free. Well, essentially, I got it for free.
Yeah. The benevolence of the voucher is what paid for it.

Beautiful. How did you end up with a TK Max voucher?

Is that the most interesting question ever asked on a podcast?

I think I did a charity gig.

and didn't take a fee for it. Oh, okay.
But like a benefit gig for some great cause. And they said, well, thank you very much.
Here is a TK Max Vecher.

I think the voucher is usable in a few different shops. However, understood.
Okay. Problem is, I don't know how much the voucher is for.
Yeah.

And I don't know how much is left on it. But okay, that's another adventure.

69 quid. So that's come off it.

You might have 50 grand on that. You just don't know.
For a charity gig. Was it in Riyadh? Was it the Riyadh?

Oh, yeah, that's where it was.

That would be very funny if it turned out the Riyadh Comedy Festival had paid everyone in TK Max vouchers.

£550,000

of TK Max vouchers.

Bill Burr is getting everyone the Sweden football team Anarak from 2016 this year.

I go back pick up the keys oh yeah touch base at home

now there comes this really ties into the essence of what we were about do you know what I've lost my

earpods oh no way so do you know how I'm gonna find them oh yeah I do yeah yeah in your phone oh hang on are they connected to your new phone or you still got your old phone I've still got got the old phone.

I'm a little bit more. All right, because you're about to do that really boring.

Which language do you want? Hello. Do you want to enable Siri? Fuck off.
So, okay, so you're going to find my phone. Find my AirPods.
The problem,

I don't want to brag, but this house has two stories. Yeah, oh, well done.
And so all I'm being told is it's... Now, I don't know how accurate the satellite...
They're pretty amazing.

Like, now I'm complacent about the AirPods.

I can get the exact room i can like you can really zoom in but i see you're on one floor or another so you you know where it is in sort of longitude but you don't know which floor it's on i understand and get this something that i'd never thought of before it's basically going through my wardrobe which is a large thing

and then down onto where all the jackets are underneath. But have you played sound? Have you done play sound? It won't play the sound.
I don't know what it says sound thing not enabled on them.

I think the sound thing might only work if you're looking for one that is out of the dental floss pod that they live in. Whereas this is the two of them sitting in it.

You've lost the box and the thing. They're all together.
Yes. As a family.
Right. Okay.
At least they've got each other. Right.

Sorry, I have collected the keys as well on the way back, just

for people angry about that. Now, Helencopter has sent me up the street now from work.
Sorry, have you found the AirPods? No. I spend an hour

and

I start looking in shoes, stuff like that. Like, how the hell?

So we are trying to flog this place at the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's a lot of tidying going on and a lot of bad tidying where you just, rather than put the 10 things in their respective places, you just shove them all in a wardrobe together. Yeah.

Because people looking at the place aren't going to open the wardrobe, surely. Well, weirdly, one of the wardrobes was open the other day.

But could one of them have nicked the AirPods? No, because you can see them on the fine My AirPods. Correct.
They are in the house. They're in the house.
But I can't find them. It's so frustrating.

I spend an hour and I undertake the project with too many coats on because I'm thinking this will take three minutes. Yeah.

And now I'm annoyed and sweaty. Yeah.
And how many coats? Cursing at all your coats. It's not, it's all my coats are in the downstairs, but all of my clothes are in the upstairs.

And this is like a sort of built-in wardrobe thing. Basically, most of the stuff I own.
And they're somewhere within that. If any of the listeners have any suggestions.
You still haven't found them?

No, still haven't found them. Oh, wow.
Yeah, it's incredibly annoying.

And part of the reason why I got the new phone was because the old phone, I got the pluggy in headphones, the ones with the string. Yeah.
And the bit where you plug in doesn't really

got a lot of bum fluff up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it keeps knocking the headphones out.

It's terribly frustrating stuff. I have to go up to Helen's old place now, and she's getting a boiler service.
So I have to wait for the man. The times given are 12 to 5.

Yep, he will come

at some point. Is he going to send you a little text like when he's 20 minutes away, or is it just 12 to 5? So you'd think.
Oh, yeah, okay.

Also, now I do render myself uncontactable here because I decide this is the place to undertake the put the new phone beside the old. Sort of magic how they connect to each other, isn't it?

yeah tell yourselves about each other you two get to know each other now this isn't a sad day for the old phone because my mobile phone network refuses to cooperate with the same company in australia so i will still be using the old one for my australia phone when i meet you next how exciting yeah

It does a funny thing where when I put them beside each other, it says transfer. And initially it says six days and 20 hours that I'm going to have to sit there.

And then I see it goes six days and two hours, five days and 20 hours, four days and nine hours, three.

So it's almost just a little bit of drama that they have set up between each other. But it means that I am uncontactable, unfortunately, for the 40 minutes that this takes in that 40 minutes

oh dear max the boiler man has rung on the doorbell that doesn't work he didn't knock on the door which he could have done but fair enough he's rung the helicopter the helicopter couldn't get through to be

total shit show yeah and as regards getting the boiler serviced which we're led to believe is a terribly important

thing we need this service Yeah, we do. Meet my brother for a little bit to work on a top secret project that the listeners will be hearing more about in the run-up to Christmas.

Does your brother like it? Yeah, he does like it. Yeah, but my brother is a writer and an actor, and he has an amazing structure head.
So he's going to make it even more exciting.

I really want Jeopardy to be ramped up in this.

And then I meet my 19-year-old niece for lunch. We go to a Korean place, nice, and it's very nice.
But I do choose slightly-I don't think I choose the best stuff.

I go for the big Korean pancake, that's delicious, sort of kimchi pancake, and then go for a sort of a flower pot full of just everything, just stuff.

Yeah, okay,

her

iPad, which is how she works, it stopped charging.

So, you know, I mean, there's a touch of everything being circular here, but I say I know how to fix that because I have looked it up as to how to fix my old phone.

It says get a soft bristle toothbrush. Also, a can of air, you know, one of those cans of ps air.
Really? Yeah. Because I'd love to think I could just stick my tongue into it.
You know what I mean?

Depends if you've got a USB-C tongue or a usb tongue

i reckon you're usb i reckon you're you know

so we go to camden casket one of my favorite shops in dublin which is like an old school euro slash pound shop

where the funniest item we see available for a euro is pregnancy tests and we say to ourselves ah they wouldn't be the ones that i would go for

yeah but you get loads

Okay, so I say goodbye to her. She needs to work.
I seem to have fixed her computer. She will text me later in the day to say it is, in fact, not fixed.

I get home, and this ties into my last, what did you do yesterday?

The rugby jersey that I've bought for my nephew. That's it.
Has arrived from New Zealand. Has arrived from New Zealand.

I knew it was coming because at the last minute, the postal service were like, you owe 20 quid in import charges on this yeah and then it arrives

size small they've sent the wrong fucking one it's totally useless i guess this is just what happens he'll still be happy no but he is 35

so

getting him into an ad

he doesn't really need it

That's not what you can say as you hand over the wrong present to a person.

So Helencopter gets back from work then. Yeah.
Yep. I search more

for the AirPods, yeah. AirPods.
It's so annoying. They're still somewhere here.
Have you zoomed in as much? Have you zoomed in and zoomed in and zoomed in? Have you got your two kids?

Zoomed in and zoomed in. Okay.

Like it would be worse if I feel if I lived in a high-rise because all it would be telling me is it's on one of these many floors. Yeah, yeah, it could be anywhere.

Yep. Incredibly frustrating.
Helen gets back. And while it's certainly not my fault about the Boilerman, I do feel it's my fault.
It's partly your fault, yeah.

So I've looked up YouTube videos about how to pressurize a heating system. I can just do it myself.
It's fine. Are you servicing a boiler? I mean, no, I'm not servicing it.
Are you a Corby registered?

Because you don't need to do that in the organization. No, I'm not servicing it, but I am.
In order for it to work, it needs more water in it. And you're allowed to do that as a rego-normal.

So you just turn that little tap and then just

get up there.

Because I've made a big deal out of, yes, I did mess up earlier, but luckily, it's very easy for me to do. So I'll be able to sort it out.
It's going to be fine. And then get there.

The little taps underneath are different to every YouTube video. And I've watched over 12 YouTube videos.

And there's also a fear with boilers that you turn one thing that is explode the boiler in your face.

There's always that fear. Exactly.
So after every time I press a button or turn a little tap, I kind of step back a little bit as if

to protect me from the exploding gas boiler.

I admit, after some time, this has been a total failure. Oh, dude.
The keys for her. Tingle, tingle, tingle.
But that's about the only success I can point to. I've got a phone.

Let's see, worse than the old phone.

The two of us get back just from dismal failure. We put on, there's a sad documentary about how people in a town in Cornwall were all poisoned by the water supply in the 90s.

So we decide to watch that just to lift the vibe.

I haven't had any dinner, but I had a massive Korean lunch. So I decide I'll have a large portion of popcorn.
That isn't a dinner, but yeah.

But it's microwavable popcorn, which I don't think Helen enjoys. I think environmentally, it's kind of a waste.
And I think it can be quite possibly carcinogenic or something. The microwaviness.

What, microwaving things? No, microwave popcorn. You know, where it comes

in the brown bag. It's not how I'd market it.

Without telling her, I go to the kitchen and it's quite fun the way you, I don't know if you've popped microwave popcorn recently. You do it by ear because nothing happens at the start.

Then it all starts popping.

And then there's a point where do I risk, because it's got down to a rhythmically

one every

pop, pop, because you know that the early poppers are probably going past perfection now, but you don't want too many kernels in it.

But I also know that Helen won't necessarily think this was a great idea.

So I put it in a bowl and really silently opened the front door and put the bowl on the front step, shut the front door, go back into the house, oh, ring the doorbell, and shout at Helen.

Can she get that, please?

So she opens the front door. There's a steaming giant thing of popcorn there.

She's like, oh, for fuck's sake.

But we then eat it as we watch the sad documentary. Salt too, sweet or just plain.
What's the absolute sauce?

Okay, so i'm um a health nut yeah of course so i think this is regarded as a reasonably healthy snack carcinogenic salty popcorn

uh she dozes off to sleep i think in an attempt to not fall asleep while we watch things helen takes up more hilarious positions She thinks sitting up straight will stop her going to sleep.

So when she falls asleep, I've never seen this before. She's put both her hands behind the back of her head like she's Ferris Bueller lying on a Lilo.

And she's fallen asleep like that.

So, I take a funny picture of her asleep that I've done a cut out of and saved in my phone now as a icon or an emoji.

Oh, yeah, good. Yeah, I've sent it to her several times already.
And then I have another little look while she's brushing her teeth. I look some more for the headphones.
I don't know.

I don't at what point do I just stop looking at them? Are they in a pocket? They must be in a pocket.

Well, obviously, I've thought of all of this, but now we're at the point where I'm shaking out socks trying to see.

Have they just fallen out and then just like in a little corner somewhere? I could see how

for a reason I don't understand. Maybe I put them in the breast pocket of a shirt.
You know what I mean? Maybe, yeah. And then horse the shirt into the wardrobe.

As I say, there's too much stuff in this wardrobe. Right, because you're packing up the house.
Well, because there's viewings going on. So everything's getting thrown at you.

So you'll find them eventually, right? You just need to sell the house, buy a new house, unpack, and then you'll find them. Yeah, but it could be.
Don't listen to anything between now and then.

I just hope you're not in a big chain.

And the two of us fell asleep. That's what I did yesterday.
Great day. Love the day.
You know, sometimes you won't have successes, but if you can mask the successes by

putting a big bowl of popcorn on the front door and then ringing the doorbell and running away, then I think you're still winning.

What I would really like is for one of the listeners to take what you just said there and put stirring string music behind it because it is the closest to actual life advice you've ever given me.

Well, speaking of soundtracks, you know, Dark Stanley writes, the Teddington quiz has a jingle. It has to stay.
Rewind and Denny, exactly. Keep Teddington alive.
It's time for the Teddington quiz.

Max saw two people in the same location.

One day after another,

different occupation.

David and Marspa always have to guess again.

Who did Max see

in Teddington?

Thank you to Liam McClare

for the jingle.

James in Monza writes: Hi, Max, DOD in Marsbar. I don't wish to be too negative towards someone who's taken the initiative to create such a tool as Reedy in Teddington Now website.

I do feel it needs a little work on where the probabilities are taken from. I'm not an expert on statistics or website building.

I'm not convinced by the fact that comedians like John Cleese and Jasper Carrot, who admittedly tour little these days, are given a lower probability than Victoria Wood, Barry cry

both halves of Morecambe and Wise.

Rest in peace. Well, exactly.
I love it. It's one of the best things that's ever happened.
Listeners, check out End Teddington Now.

Unless, what happens if I do end Teddington now or Marsbar does end Teddington now with our guesses? Good question. Tom says, hi, Max, David and Marsbar.

I want to pick up on the conversation you guys were having about who would have the answer for the Teddington quiz and replace him on the pod, should Max eventually die in 40 to 50 years' time.

David seems to suggest that he would have to present the pod with Willie Rushton should this happen. I hate to be the one to break it to you, David.

Very unlikely that you'll be around and probably more likely first to go. Blam me.

Okay.

Not sure if you guys didn't pick up on this or just didn't have the heart to tell him. He seemed really excited by the idea, poor bloke.

He's only three years older than me.

I just want to know what will happen to the 18 bikes. Love the pod.
Get rid of the Teddington quiz. Tom, some brutal facts there.

While you're eating several bars of Tony's Chocolonely every day, I'm eating boring popcorn. Thank you.
Yeah, you're right.

Kevin says, Dear David in Mars Bar, Max is obviously reveling in the power he holds over you and the audience.

Notice how, with the latest revelations in the guesses, he even mentioned that maybe he didn't want to play anymore, perhaps sensing that victory was in your grasp.

Maybe if you quit before he does, then the spell will be broken. Whichever, please, God, end this madness.
No one cares. Everybody cares.
Yeah. David, two months ago,

maybe three months ago, probably four months ago now, I was in Teddington. I saw a comedian putting out a poster for his own show.

And then a few days later, I saw a footballer walking through the hotel that I was staying in.

If you guess them both, you win the quiz. It's very simple.
You and Marsba have a guess. It's a fun quiz.
It's good fun quiz, isn't it? It's just good fun. It's really...

That's the thing about quizzes. They just bring a sort of a lightness to whatever the proceedings are.
Marsba, do you want to go first with this? David thinks he's got it, Marsba.

Do you think you've got it, Marsba? No, but I'm confident I've got now a window of completion. Right.
Yeah. Statistically, I think we've got it in the next three months.

See, I think I made a mistake because I typed it in the website and I gave away the percentages. Yeah.
And so that was, I just got giddy. So, you know.

So you said last week the probability of success was 0.0001%.

Okay.

And some of the runners and writers that I had it narrowed down to came out at 0.0003%.

Able to put a line through them. And that's why I feel I am narrowing in on it.
Also, the only time I went back and listened to old episodes using everything is Showbiz.

And when one person in particular was guest,

you had a weird reaction to it. Oh, really? Okay.

I've done a similar thing and I wonder whether we've both got the same name, which would be thrilling. You go first, Marsbar, because if it's not that, I'm happy for either of us to get it right.

I have a secondary person that it could be then.

Okay. I mean, a lot of this, well, all of this is dependent on the fact that it is Jordan Henderson as the first piece.

And my slight worry with Max is he's sort of sat there like Kevin Spacey at the end of the usual suspects and he's just going to hobble off into the distance. You've been played all along.

However, However, I'm sticking with Jordan Henderson until statistically, it can't be Jordan Henderson. So I'm going to say Jordan Henderson and I'm going to say Ian Stone.

Incorrect. Oh.

Uh-huh.

Okay.

I'm going to stay on Jordan Henderson. Okay.

And I'm also going to say

again, in terms of, so a lot of people have been sending me posters of gigs in Teddington in July.

I love this. I love the investment.

Emer Murphy and others, I would say six others, have sent, there was a Nick Helm gig there at that time, but I don't think Helm would have come to Teddington just to put up his posters.

And I also,

when I put his name in, he was 0.0003. So, Helm, see you.

That's why I think think the Teddington two are Jordan Henderson, the footballer, and Andy Parsons, who runs a gig in Teddington.

And while he is a very successful comedian, the fact that he loves this gig, I could see him putting up the posters for his gig.

You can't do the silence thing that I was trying to do earlier.

Incorrect.

I thought you had it. I genuinely thought you had it.
Oh my God.

Okay, to the listeners, has anyone else got a lead? We need more posters of gigs in Taddington and surrounding areas. Twickenham even looks like a three-mile circle.
Probably the posters up.

This does sound like Crime Watcher.

Please help us end this. If you'd like like to get in touch with the podcast here's how

to get in touch with the show you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com follow us on instagram at yesterday pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't

what's also really great is that you know marsbar didn't need to be on this record and you know it's he's sitting with no pants on in new york he's got so much to do but he didn't want to be on the spot just in case it was the one where we found the answer to the Teddington quiz.

I want people to stop pretending that they don't like this quiz because now

Stockholm Syndrome. You get everyone in the end.
Thanks, everyone. Thanks, Marsba.
Thanks, David. Keep your guesses coming in.
Just a bit of fun. It's such a fun little thing.
Help. Help me.

Thank you.

Thank you.