WDWDY #48: End Teddington Now

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Speaker 5 Podcasts, there are millions of them.

Speaker 4 Some might say too many.

Speaker 5 I have one already.

Speaker 4 I don't have any because there are enough.

Speaker 5 Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

Speaker 4 But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.

Speaker 5 Why is that? Are they scared?

Speaker 4 Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Speaker 5 Possibly, but not not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

Speaker 4 We'll try and say it at the same time, Max.

Speaker 5 What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

Speaker 4 That's it.

Speaker 5 All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.

Speaker 4 Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Speaker 5 Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushton, and I'm David O'Doherty.
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Speaker 5 Hello, welcome to Midweek Mayhem. This is a spin-off podcast, but in many ways, more successful than the original, but in other ways, less successful.
But it is in many ways the same podcast.

Speaker 5 I'm Max Rushton.

Speaker 4 He likes apples, everyone.

Speaker 4 A is for apples.

Speaker 5 I almost sent you a video, this is David O'Doherty, by the way, of young Ian saying, I like apples.

Speaker 5 And then I was thought, never has the phrase, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, been more apt than him saying, I like apples.

Speaker 4 How are you, David?

Speaker 5 Do you want to go straight into some feedback?

Speaker 4 Oh, sure. I'm delighted to be here.
I'm going to say it's stressful talking to our guests, but when it's just you and me, it's just the old gang. We just talk about whatever, really.

Speaker 5 Now, I was going to put my apology to you and Angela Scanlon about toasters in this episode. We do cover that in an episode coming out soon with Kelly Cates.
So maybe we should leave that.

Speaker 5 Well, I don't know if we need I'm not one for repeating anecdotes people will know that

Speaker 5 it's true yeah yeah so let's leave that aside and we begin this is from Kate and Jake and it says hi there Max and David dear hubby and I have been married 15 years now and we do not repeat do not share podcasts despite being gross consumers of them my husband Jake attributes this to him listening exclusively to serious football podcasts and me listening exclusively to quote whatever shit it is that I listen to.

Speaker 5 He is an ex-Londoner living now in Melbourne. He has converted me to being a die-hard Arsenal fan.
He does, however, love himself a general football podcast.

Speaker 5 We've had to travel together by car the last two weeks and in a compromise I said I'd listen to a football podcast and then one of mine and so on.

Speaker 5 When he led with the Guardian Football Weekly with Max Rushton, I excitedly proclaimed that one of my favourite podcasts is hoated by Max Rushton.

Speaker 5 He was very reluctant to believe me, proclaiming that Max Rushton is a a very serious sports journalist. Kate, I doubt you're thinking of the same person.

Speaker 5 He further endorsed this with a quick, as in, he writes for The Guardian. David, for better or worse, he was prepared to accept you'd be involved in my shit playlist.

Speaker 5 We both love you. He just seemed to accept that my baseline high shit factor could indeed be led by you, David.

Speaker 5 I had to prove to him I knew what I was talking about and queued up the Alan Davis episode, one of my favorites so far.

Speaker 5 We happily chuckled our way through Poppy the Wonder Dog, Rice Cakes with Tofu, and Beetroot, and oh my, all manner of things that made us cackle together.

Speaker 5 I've converted him and he's converted me to Guiding Football Weekly. So if you could just focus on Arsenal a bit more, that might make a happy marriage even happier.
Love the pod and all you do.

Speaker 5 Take your time with the foundations you chatted with Rosie Jones about.

Speaker 5 There might be some work in working with under-functioning married couples to find commonality between media sources so they can laugh themselves silly again. Who knows how many marriages you'd save?

Speaker 5 And how can we underestimate the community impact of that work thank you for giving us common ground again Kate and Jake we have saved a marriage David oh gosh that's uh

Speaker 4 with respect to guardian football weekly one of the world's most popular football podcasts

Speaker 4 the idea of me on a car journey with a helencopter just being like, I'll just pop this on. You know, I can see there's a bit of human interest of it occasionally.

Speaker 4 This is not to say that Helen Copper doesn't listen to incredibly complicated the history of Sri Lanka podcasts, but just the idea of me having to pause it and be like, yet you see Sunderland, they haven't been in the premiership.

Speaker 4 I say parachute payments or something. I just imagine her being like, get this off.

Speaker 5 I mean, I go from saving a marriage. You didn't think it could get more important than that, but this is bigger from Doug, David.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 5 Dear, what did you do yesterday? Can I be be the 1234th pedant to point out to DOD that Buzzoff from He-Man can also fly because he is basically a bee?

Speaker 5 Max.

Speaker 5 Saying Ram Man can fly because he can jump very high is like saying Mondo Japlantis is a bird when while he can pole vault very, very high, he's not ever to my knowledge taken flight.

Speaker 5 Stop getting 80s cartoons wrong. In it for life.
As the aforementioned bee-like master of the universe might say everything is showbiz

Speaker 4 I also received that Orko is a sort of a magician ghost who was friends with He-Man when he was in his Prince Adam guys.

Speaker 4 He was a sort of court gesture type ghost, and we also believe he can fly as well.

Speaker 4 So if anyone else can think of, I mean, do I have to say, if anyone else can think of any other Masters of the Universe characters that could fly, I will do more apologies next week.

Speaker 5 I mean, the transformation of Cringer to Battlecat is just something else, isn't it? I mean, I...

Speaker 5 I haven't spent much time thinking about it, but when you actually really step back, you think

Speaker 5 that is wild, isn't it? That is a sort of men's health challenge. You know, they really changed the diet for Cringer for that.

Speaker 4 I do feel there's a nominative deterministic thing with Cringer. Like, presumably, he was named as a small cub/slash kitten.
Yeah. And, like, was he cringing right from the cringer? Is an awful name.

Speaker 5 It is. There's nothing worse than someone says, you've done something that is so cringe.

Speaker 5 You can't get out of it. You can't be like, that wasn't.
Because once you try and get out of it, even talking about it now feels bad, you know.

Speaker 4 But also, there's no way the writers of Masters of the Universe in the 80s could have known that cringe would entirely change its meaning.

Speaker 4 Whereas he was a scaredy cat, but now he just sort of does 80s dancing at weddings or something.

Speaker 4 That is

Speaker 4 so cringe.

Speaker 5 Johnny and Chelsea says, lads, on the recent episode with Anya Magliano, you ruminated on how the saucy gentleman's club Spearmint Rhino Rhino got its name.

Speaker 5 There used to be a kids' restaurant chain in the States called Peppermint Elephant. This can't be real.
That went out of business in the early 90s.

Speaker 5 The venues were bought for next to nothing by a group of guys who were styling a lap dancing empire, opening months later with a cheeky take on the name.

Speaker 5 Now you know everything is showbiz in it for life. Wow.
That was the gag we went for, wasn't it? Sort of it's you know, peppermint elephant.

Speaker 4 On this very topic, Alison Spittle, former guest, passed Rio's the other day, the relaxation spa in, is it in King's Cross?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I think it's around there, yes.

Speaker 4 They've now put Christmas decorations outside it because the exterior is sort of sun holiday pictures, and now they've added a few snowmen to it, and there followed just sort of some puns, wanking in a winter wonderland, etc.

Speaker 5 Got it.

Speaker 5 Any baubles? Did you go with baubles? I mean, that's where I would initially begin, I imagine. How's Alison getting on in her room?

Speaker 4 The room with the washing hanging over the bed. Yeah, yeah.
I have to ask her that. It's more just a, we've been having a puns-paced chat for the last few weeks.

Speaker 5 Emily writes, ahoy from across the pond in Connecticut, United States. I had to write in immediately after listening to the most recent midweek mayhem episode, number 46.

Speaker 5 At about 33 minutes in, Max says to David, do you have a question for me? Max then followed that quickly with played tectonics for four points.

Speaker 5 This spur of the moment edition is just more evidence that that what did you do yesterday is the center of the known universe.

Speaker 5 Because it was only my yesterday when I first taught about tectonic plates to a group of excited seven-year-olds.

Speaker 5 I've been teaching science and natural history to children of all ages for 18 years, but this was the first time I've ever taught about tectonic plates.

Speaker 5 I wonder what other topics will jump into my lesson planning this year after being manifested by my favorite pod.

Speaker 5 Keep having yesterdays, my friends, and remember that everything is showbiz, and I'm in it for life. Yours, Emily.
Does beg the question why Emily hasn't taught about tectonic plates

Speaker 5 for the last 18 years?

Speaker 4 Emily is obviously a flat earth geography teacher. And there's no tectonics there because it's just a single sort of spinning plate.

Speaker 4 Also, Emily, just to give you a further background as to why Max Rushton mentioned plate tectonics.

Speaker 5 Oh, everyone in Connecticut knows about

Speaker 4 going for gold.

Speaker 4 It was from one of our favorite 90s.

Speaker 4 You could tell how badly your life was going by how many episodes of Going for Gold you had watched in a week.

Speaker 4 It seemed to be on all of the time. The music is incredible, and it's by Hans Zimmer.
And the questions themselves involve things like, who am I? Or play tectonics for four points.

Speaker 5 Damien writes, Dear Generic Man 3, Generic Beardy Irish co-host and Mazma.

Speaker 5 Big fan of the pod. Listen from day one, eagerly await each release.
My weekly commute from my office in Hull to my home in West Sussex.

Speaker 4 Blimey, that's a journey.

Speaker 5 That's far. Gives me plenty of time to listen.
That is far, isn't it? He's not thought this. Damien's not thought this through.

Speaker 5 And the perfect journey allows me to go back to back on a guest episode and a midweek mayhem. I've always felt the pod is the center of the universe.

Speaker 5 Emails and anecdotes to be a little disingenuous and potentially used as a way to get your name read out. But then we had yesterday.

Speaker 5 My long car drive was passing without incident until the traffic slowed on the M25, coming to a complete standstill. I looked to my left and I saw the entrance to Clacket Lane Services.

Speaker 4 I saw Ram Man standing there.

Speaker 5 I saw Ram Man and Prinella Scales standing there together.

Speaker 5 I looked to my left and saw the entrance to Clackett Lane services, not 20 yards away.

Speaker 5 At this exact point, DOD's dulcet tone suggested that he imagines no one could leave Clackett Lane because of the queues of people, the resulting carnage that will be caused by accidents and volumes of traffic due to the repeated references to the services.

Speaker 5 Oh, how we laughed. Except I sat there for 75 minutes, totally unmoving as an accident was cleared.
So I have to confess, maybe the pod is the center of the universe.

Speaker 5 It's certainly making me think that perhaps everything really is showbiz. Keep up the good work.
In it for life. Wow.

Speaker 5 God, that's the agony of listening to a podcast about Clackett Lane Services while you are staring at the the entrance to Clackett Lane Services and not moving with more than an hour.

Speaker 4 I know, but there's not much in the app that would make you be like, gotta get in there. You know, it's not like the sort of the hidden gems of Clackett Lane Services.
No, I mean, sure,

Speaker 4 maybe if you were in Redding and you saw the footbridge

Speaker 4 with nature's greatest, the eighth wonder, as it's known, maybe then you might pull the car over and rush in.

Speaker 5 Although, still on Clacket Lane Services, Vivian writes, hey, folks, I have another Clacket Lane What Did You Do Yesterday connection for you. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 A couple of years ago, my son had a summer job at Clacket Lane's Costa branch. One day, he served comedian and former What Did You Do Yesterday guest, Ahmed Jalili.

Speaker 5 Frankie didn't recognize him until another customer mentioned it to him. Wow.
Anyway, as he was leaving, Ahmed came back to the counter and told Frankie that was the best latte he'd ever had.

Speaker 4 Costa at Clacka Lane Services Ahmed.

Speaker 5 We know he's a tea guy, right? We know he's really a tea guy. He was the only customer ever to give him a compliment.

Speaker 4 I mean, if I know anything about Ahmed's internal piping, as he ordered the latte, he was like, can you put 35 shots of espresso into that, please?

Speaker 4 I'm going into that room. I may be sometime.

Speaker 5 Loving the podcast, but in the future, can you please gloss over any waxing stories? As Angela Scanlon's episode brought up too many painful memories. Cheers, Vivian.

Speaker 5 Although that is an interesting point about, I mean, I don't think I've ever, having like drunk or eaten anything in a service station, gone up to the server and said, that was simply divine.

Speaker 5 Because, you know, I've basically just eaten a ginster's or a whopper. You don't go, that was the finest whopper I've ever eaten.
Good sir.

Speaker 5 So good on Ahmed for like like complimenting a teenager at Clacket Lane.

Speaker 4 In my imagining, though, of you in the library cafe and Melbourne incident, though, you just keep going up and delivering more extravagant compliments to the man who just tells you to hurry up, eat your sandwich quicker, leave the cup on the saucer, it's taking up too much room at this table.

Speaker 4 You're like, again,

Speaker 4 wonderful

Speaker 4 frothed milk. Thank you, sir.

Speaker 5 I've written to Google to see, could there be a six-star rating for this?

Speaker 5 He's still got a five-star because it's not even out because I got the other guy to delete it.

Speaker 4 It's an outrage, really.

Speaker 5 Lisa writes to Max, David and Marsba, long-time listener, first-time emailer, first-time emailer to any podcast, such as my commitment to what did you do yesterday. Thank you.

Speaker 5 I have for a long time been sold on the belief that what did you do yesterday is the center of the known universe.

Speaker 5 But on a recent holiday, I found myself in a rare situation where my mind was clear of all things cheese, lesser-known countries, Commonwealths, three-quarter flat whites, bites, etc. etc.

Speaker 5 While on a trip to the zoo, there was a dolphin show that I attended with my very excited daughter.

Speaker 5 I found myself tearing up at the beauty of these majestic creatures and feeling very emotional at my daughter's innocence and love for life.

Speaker 5 Just then, as the dolphins geared up for the next trick, I settled in to absorb the awe of it all, reminiscing on the wonderful week we had away.

Speaker 5 The plinky plunky instrumental intro music to dancing in the moonlight brought my brain crashing back to the universe's core.

Speaker 5 As the dolphins did their thing, all I could picture were trainers dancing along the water's edge playing lutes. Fully back in the what did you do yesterday world?

Speaker 5 I couldn't help but snigger as the trainers described the three areas of water that dolphins inhabited, explaining the cubic meters of each space.

Speaker 5 My head went into overdrive as I pictured these three separate potential baths of come.

Speaker 5 My head nearly exploded as I couldn't help but wonder how long each would take to fill. Then I remembered that you have other smart listeners who are better equipped for these calculations.

Speaker 5 I was honestly so glad to bring Body Diggy yesterday on holiday with me. In it for life.
Thank you, Lisa.

Speaker 4 Wow. The old Dov and Come conundrum there as well.
Filling the whole pool. And as they splash down.

Speaker 5 I mean, there is a free Willie joke in there somewhere. I haven't got it.

Speaker 4 I've got the kernel of it.

Speaker 5 Tyler says, on the subject of,

Speaker 5 Don't Blame It on the Weatherman, we were talking about Bewitched, exclaiming that a song is underrated, so underrated that he doesn't know the actual name of it. Classic Rushton, says Tyler.

Speaker 4 What's it actually called? The weatherman.

Speaker 5 I think maybe it's just called Blame It on the Weatherman. Okay.

Speaker 5 Not Don't Blame It on the Don't Blame It on the Boogie. Or is it Blame It on the Boogie?

Speaker 4 That's a different song. That's don't blame it.
Don't blame it on the sun shine. Don't blame it on the moonlight.

Speaker 5 I know they're different songs. Blame It on the Weatherman.
it's a very

Speaker 5 it's a very moving it's when bewitched slowed the pace down a bit did they yeah don't blame it on myself yeah yeah i blame it on the weatherman in the sitcom i'm writing that you won't help me write we get sued by bewitched for covering blame it on the weatherman

Speaker 5 Not me and you, but you can if you want. I should stop giving these brilliant.
These are brilliant ideas. It's a brilliant idea to get sued by Bewitched.

Speaker 4 So it turns out one of Bewitched was in a relationship with Michael Fish. Was that his name?

Speaker 5 Yeah, was he?

Speaker 5 Well, actually,

Speaker 5 it was a bit of a menage 12 on Ketley as well, John Ketley.

Speaker 4 All of Bewitched independently went down with different BBC weather forecasters.

Speaker 5 Ian McCaskill, John Ketley, and Michael Fish.

Speaker 5 And people were like, God, the age gap is weird, isn't it? And then they were all like, and they all turn out to be meteorologists.

Speaker 4 This is strange, isn't it then they all split up at the same time yeah yeah that was a sort of empowering we'll get over this yeah it's funny because when you think about all of their work now say you will say you won't there's a high pressure zone coming in from the azores

Speaker 4 say loud isobars

Speaker 4 they're really good

Speaker 5 Russ writes, well, do one more and then they're just normal countries. Long time this is the first time writing in, I also have a Trevor Nelson story, which is both fascinating and mundane.

Speaker 5 The perfect combo. I figure this is in the sweet spot for what did you do yesterday.
Some important background. I live in Glasgow and work in IT.
Trevor Nelson is a famous DJ and national treasure.

Speaker 5 Apart from being the same age, height and build, Trevor and I have nothing in common.

Speaker 5 However, over the past 25 years in different countries, Trevor and I have physically bumped into each other three times.

Speaker 5 Each time we've made apologies and moved on with our lives. I don't question why the universe is doing this.
I'm just in for the ride. Our first bump was in a hotel in St.
Lucia in 2003.

Speaker 5 I was on my honeymoon. Trevor was at the same resort while working at the annual jazz festival.
We were both just trying to find a seat near the breakfast buffet.

Speaker 5 We bumped again in 2015 at a doorway at Glasgow Airport. Trevor had just presented the Mobo Awards and I was hurrying to get back to London.
I was also coming home from a glamorous work trip.

Speaker 5 A year or two later, Trevor was at Smithfield Market, struggling with a golf bag he was hoping to cram into a vintage Mercedes with a personalized number plate.

Speaker 5 This time, I got out of his way just in time. I bought myself a normal cheese sandwich from a nearby Tesco.
This is a tale of mundane coincidence, but three times. And why Trevor Nelson?

Speaker 5 We haven't met in the 2020s yet, but I know it's inevitable. When we meet, we'll apologise and carry on.
From Ross Duncan. An amazing email.

Speaker 4 And each time that Ross isn't telling us, so with the doorway, they both physically wedged into it.

Speaker 4 With the chair at the breakfast buffet, they both got into it and the arms like jammed them both together. But every time, Trevor doesn't remember.

Speaker 4 And the third time, they both were looking in the same golf bag because they were going to buy it. And their heads both got stuck into it.

Speaker 4 It's a disaster.

Speaker 5 I once at Sky, the head of Sky Sports at the time, did not think I was very good good as a broadcaster. And this was an issue because he was quite integral in who was kept on at Sky.

Speaker 5 So we didn't really, he didn't really talk to me. And like, you can, you know, as the season's going on and like no one's renewing your deal, it's all going a bit south.

Speaker 5 And you'd be like, oh, every time you see him, you just want to just do something good. I don't know what you're going to do in the office.
You're just sitting there on a laptop or whatever.

Speaker 5 Anyway, I managed to get my squash racket in the revolving doors sort of caught and he was in another section of the doors.

Speaker 5 I desperately trying to get a meeting with this guy, and I couldn't get one. I was like, I'm clearly getting fired soon, and now I'm just standing there with this fucking squash racket.

Speaker 5 This is an absolute disaster, you know. Like, you can't look anywhere else, you're stuck in these two glass triangles.

Speaker 4 Power move, you wedge it shut, and you're like, Let's talk about a fucking deal. Yeah, completely.

Speaker 5 I said that, but he couldn't hear me because it was sort of sound. The sound doesn't travel between the two.
Anyway, I could laugh about it now. Let's play.
They're just normal countries.

Speaker 4 I am the one and only.

Speaker 6 What country could I be?

Speaker 6 I am the one and only.

Speaker 6 Where in the world could our listeners be?

Speaker 4 So here we are.

Speaker 5 Previous guesses. Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Mariana Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Esportina, US, Virgin Islands, Equatorial, Guinea, San Marino, correct.

Speaker 5 Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City, Oman, Fiji, correct. Vanuatu, Bolivia, Faroe Islands, correct.

Speaker 4 Belarus, Palau.

Speaker 5 Catherine writes.

Speaker 4 All the rest have 31 except February, which half 20. Whatever that rhyme is.

Speaker 5 Guys, I cannot overstate how much I adore the podcast. Sundays and Wednesdays are now very much my favorite days of the week.

Speaker 5 I have a similar devotion to Zand Van Tukelen and feel compelled to point out he is an MD specializing in tropical medicine, not a consumer guy, a goose guy.

Speaker 5 And he appears on BBC Morning Live, not ITV's This Morning. But why was he telling us to wash our clothes at naught degrees then? If he's actually Doogie Hauser, what's he doing?

Speaker 5 He's a tropical medicine expert.

Speaker 4 Why is Phil and Ollie asking?

Speaker 5 Why is Dermot O'Leary asking me about washing? I've spent 25 years being an expert in dengue fever. What's going on? This is ridiculous.

Speaker 5 Well, Zand van Tuckelen, you have our apology. Please accept our apologies.
Catherine says, since the Van Tuckelens have Dutch heritage, let's have a go at Aruba, please, for just normal countries.

Speaker 5 Over to producer Will. Aruba is that one of the countries.

Speaker 4 Oh,

Speaker 5 how many listens in Aruba at whenever this competition began? Michael tells me it had 66 listens at the time the quiz started. 66 in Aruba.

Speaker 5 Do you know what I would say to hearing that news? Aruba is what I would say.

Speaker 4 Are you saying Aruba there the same way that John Fashenu used to say Ahuga on gladiators?

Speaker 5 No, I was saying it like Aruba, Aruba, Aruba. Not Awuga, Aruga.

Speaker 4 Awuga.

Speaker 5 I'm sure the 66 people in Aruba are like, fuck, seriously, these jokes again.

Speaker 5 Guys.

Speaker 4 We have to up our games on this because if this goes on till Christmas, we've got the goddamn Teddington quiz, the Jesus, and this.

Speaker 4 And I'm not sure this podcast can handle three separate unwinnable quizzes.

Speaker 5 So look, we're going to the Teddington quiz soon. But before that, do you have a question for me?

Speaker 4 Can we please not do the Teddington quiz today?

Speaker 5 I'm not saying you got anywhere last week, but

Speaker 5 I would have thought you and Mars Bar would feel like you're beginning to wrestle the power from me. I'm not saying anything.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 4 That is something to look forward to. Okay, before we get on to that, I was wondering one thing.
What did you, Max, do yesterday?

Speaker 5 Great question, David. Okay, so I wake up at 6 a.m.
It's been a pretty good night. Wow.
I am in Mama Dadda bed with Willie Rushton. He is asleep.

Speaker 5 So the first thing I do is just get my phone out and watch, and I don't know the scores, a quick recap of the highlights of Hungary versus the Republic of Ireland.

Speaker 4 Holy shit.

Speaker 5 This is amazing. I can't believe it.

Speaker 5 I spend the next 15 minutes just consuming as much content as I can. People in Dublin airport with wheelie bags above their heads.
The whole thing.

Speaker 5 Like, you know, I know not all our listeners are football fans, but like, this is an incredible, it's an incredible moment.

Speaker 4 Let me fill in. Ireland were not going to qualify for the World Cup because they hadn't been playing very well.
And in their final two games, they were playing the two best teams.

Speaker 4 They beat Portugal in one of the greatest Irish displays of recent times. And then they play even better in Hungary against Hungary, winning in the 96th minute.

Speaker 4 The video that I love is i think it's in sligo or kerry airport where the staff have all just stopped working there's people in a queue for security and i don't know if they pretended that the machine's not working or something and they're just clearly all watching the match it's the nation stopped it was beautiful it's so good so i spend 15 20 minutes just consuming as much content Troy Parrot content as I possibly can.

Speaker 5 The guy who scores the hat-trick. Willie wakes up.
He is happy about life. So we roll around for a bit.
Yeah, yeah. Ian runs in.
He's wearing a...

Speaker 4 Ireland. He's wearing an Ireland jersey.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he's wearing a Jack Charlton mask. He's wearing a Paw Patrol visor that Jamie has made.

Speaker 5 So he looks great. He comes in and he tells me that he's made my dinner.
I'm like, well, this is exciting. Dry oats.
Yeah, of course. He's like, he's made my dinner.

Speaker 5 I was like, he says, do you want to have it? And then he says he's had a banana. He'd like to do his new clock puzzle with me.
So anyway, I get up. I bring Willie into the kitchen.

Speaker 5 What Ian has helped Jamie do is put three Wheatabix.

Speaker 5 And he's put all the flax and chia seeds. He's spooned them all all over the Wheatabix.

Speaker 4 Wow.

Speaker 5 And there's some granola on there too. He does a good job.
He wants to pour the milk on the Wheatabix.

Speaker 4 Interruption.

Speaker 5 David.

Speaker 4 Three Wheatabix.

Speaker 4 is too many Huitabix for a bowl. For them to sit beside each other like bodies in a grave.
So you're right.

Speaker 4 Does the third either sit on top parallel to the first two or does it cross it almost like a hashtag type

Speaker 5 symbol? I guess you could do it like a sort of flat stone henge, but I do it sort of diagonally side by side, like a Weetabix potato gratin. Let's call it.

Speaker 4 Got it.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so Ian pours the milk, does a good job of that. I like Weetabix.
I don't have it too often, so I eat that very quickly, have a good time.

Speaker 5 He's got a clock puzzle that has like a clock in the middle, and then the times around the outside. He's obsessed with telling the time.

Speaker 5 And you don't want to crow about your children, and you know, he won't put his head under water, but he can tell the time. And it's a bit weird for a three and a half-year-old.

Speaker 4 Can he tell the time?

Speaker 5 He sort of walks in and goes, Oh, it's quarter to four.

Speaker 4 You know, I'm talking about it. Tell the time on a face-type watch, and I've raised my arms to the listeners like I'm a clock.

Speaker 5 Basically, he kept getting out of bed at five and so Jamie drew a clock with six o'clock I the big hand and the little hand in one long line and said until the clock has that on it you cannot get up right so from that he sort of got interested in time and now he's like oh it's 25 to 6 you know like wow it's strange but anyway so like he likes clocks you've been reading Stephen Hawking's a brief history of time to him now as soon as he was born that's what I did I just started reading that to him over and over again so we do in the clock puzzle jamie passes me willie and a banana willie treads on the banana and then is sort of trying to he's trying to stand up on things but because he's trodden on a banana he's like you know a cartoon yeah like roadrunner running because his legs are just going diddly diddle and keeps falling over because he's covered in banana i get the mr chicken puzzle out to mix it up because that's got more pieces

Speaker 5 he says he wants to do some business and we've established business is just uh a turret google doc it's a google doc no it's it's no it's like a google doc where he just writes letters and

Speaker 5 he stands up to lead the room and says i'm going to get my laptop and you sort of think what have we created here

Speaker 5 so we get his laptop out you know it's not his laptop because it's three and we've got the google doc and he likes the letters I'd say he likes 150 size font and he likes to change the color each time he does a letter.

Speaker 4 So we do love that. He's writing to your neighbors in that giant cat.
Can you keep it down after 9 p.m.? This is a quiet residential road.

Speaker 5 No junk mail. Jamie and I had falafel the previous night and it has affected us both downstairs.
I'd say me more than Jamie, but we know we both are.

Speaker 4 In terms of little melodies coming out of your bum bums or plops? Plops, plops.

Speaker 5 Got it. Anyway, that's fine.
Jamie's taking Ian to Kinder and then out of nowhere he says, oh, Max, Dana, can you take me?

Speaker 5 Which is what Jamie has been dreaming of for three years, but now it's happened she's sad about it so i understand you know

Speaker 4 she's like why why is that happening why anyway i think it's just because he saw me i mean i don't think it's anything more than that no it's the it's the peak performance business thing that he's got from doing so much business like on the way he'll be like dad in a new employee what do you think are the three most important aspects to look for in an interview suddenly he's just in this world of bullshit he did say to me he just said yes when did you last face adversity in a professional setting?

Speaker 5 As we get in the car. I'm like, what? Then he updated his LinkedIn.
So anyway, we get in the car. We get in the Subaru.
We see four trains on the way.

Speaker 5 One, we go under a bridge. We see a train, two trains, and then we stop at the crossing and it's a two-train.
Oh, yeah. We have to wait for two trains.
So that is great. He's really excited.

Speaker 5 Drop-off is fine. I go back to one of our favorite cafes, Ophelia.
I have a long black. And Jamie's ordered some toast for Willie, but he doesn't eat it all.

Speaker 5 So then I get a bonus second breakfast of some peanut butter and jam on toast.

Speaker 4 Interruption. To the listeners, does anyone else find it slightly spooky that Max never seems to return to the same cafe ever? There's always, and then we went on

Speaker 4 some dining and dashing, as we used to call it, whereby he needs a rota of maybe 30 cafes so that after he's not paid in one, they'll have forgotten by the next time he comes to the fairies.

Speaker 5 No, it's because I'm so awful talking about my my coffees. But no, we've

Speaker 5 listened back. I've mentioned this cafe.
Oh, feel free.

Speaker 4 We love this one.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so then I drive home because I'm recording some ad reads for the Guardian Ashes weekly brought to you by Qantas.
Oh, great. Just saying you could sponsor this one too, Mr.

Speaker 5 Qantas.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, we love Australia and we love traveling there. That's a really good idea.

Speaker 5 And I talk about how pleasurable flying for 24 hours with two children is.

Speaker 4 Oh, hang on, yeah. Okay, Dua Lit Toasters, they haven't taken the bait.
Lululemon, they didn't take the bait. But Qantas will leave that little wallaby dangling for you.

Speaker 5 On the Reddit page, which I had a little look at, someone did a very good joke because I do the Guardian Ashes Weekly. My co-host is from Guardian Australia.
He called Jeff Lemon, cricket expert.

Speaker 5 And someone did say, Is that Lulu's brother?

Speaker 5 So, anyway, these take us half an hour because we've got to do some video and some audio of, you know, saying, you know, come with Qantas, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 5 Anyway, the interesting thing is, quite often when you do these ad reads, you have no connection to the thing at all.

Speaker 5 But I actually use them so you actually feel sort of, oh, like this is actually like I feel legitimate by doing these adverts. Another reason why they could sponsor this podcast, just saying, Mr.

Speaker 4 Qantos.

Speaker 5 That's it for half an hour. Jamie's back with Willie.
He's had a nap. We have a diary meeting.
We share one paper diary. Jamie and we put all our things in.

Speaker 5 we like having a look at it to remember what we have to do

Speaker 5 what's going on i'm off to another cafe to do the football weekly script this is standing room it's another good one i get a flat white strong crew called a flat white's excellent i watch more and more troy parrot now here's a here's an interesting moment so in our whatsapp group with the football team the football team here the melbourne old boys yeah yeah there's a couple of irish players and so they are like oh my god people are like oh my god that was amazing yeah it was amazing whatever blah blah blah and then people are oh you know it'd be so good to get to a World Cup, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 5 So then I just put in what is so obviously a joke, which is, I just presumed all Irish fans supported England when it came to major tournaments. Okay.
It doesn't go down amazingly.

Speaker 5 It gets a couple of laugh, crying, laughing. But then someone, you know, one Irish guy is like, yeah, I suppose so.
We watched the Premier League. So yeah, you know, I would follow England a bit.

Speaker 5 And I'm like,

Speaker 5 he thinks I'm being serious.

Speaker 5 So now I'm like, I don't want to say, it's obviously a joke. Like, why the hell?

Speaker 5 But why would any of the home nations support like there's just no of course you wouldn't like there are myriad reasons why some serious some not so is why you would absolutely the last thing you want is to support england in the world cup right you're desperate to get knocked out in an agonizing and painful way as you should right as you absolutely should i think anyway but then it's a dilemma in a whatsapp group of if you let it pass then other people might think you were being serious too.

Speaker 5 Yes. But you don't want to say, this is a joke.
Yeah. So I just left it.
I left it, but I was a bit like, oh,

Speaker 5 I can't believe you don't think I'm joking there.

Speaker 4 I'm surprised there was an Irish person that said that because normally they'd be the first to grasp.

Speaker 4 You know, I think most countries have, they're on one side of a, say, a Australia-New Zealand type relationship, you know, where there is

Speaker 4 the biggie and the littley or colonizer and colonized, but

Speaker 4 this leaves a historic legacy. And it is is ridiculous.

Speaker 4 I mean, it is hilarious and inexplicable that, yes, so many Irish people spend their entire lives traveling back and forth to England to watch Leeds or Liverpool or Spurs or whoever it happens to be, yet at the sign of an international tournament.

Speaker 4 I mean, I completely understand why it's this way, but they're like, anyone but them. Like, come on,

Speaker 4 you know, Trinidad and Tobago, let's do England.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 yes I have two soft-boiled eggs with avocado untouched classic the thing about this cafe is it's quite busy so you have to if you want to spend a bit of time there you order your coffee take your time and then get your food a bit later so you could sort of span out so you know sometimes they put the bill on your table because yeah it wasn't that busy today so I feel like is it one of those when you order avocado and soft boiled eggs sometimes it when it arrives you're kind of like I could have done this You know, is there a little jeunais quiet where they've put a little spread of a peanut butter or sprinkled some mixed nuts on top or anything?

Speaker 4 No, I've had it pretty plain.

Speaker 5 But what I am thinking is, there are no children here.

Speaker 4 Yes.

Speaker 5 This is the best meal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, but I eat it quickly because I've got to get home. Go to the toilet there, go to the toilet and get home.

Speaker 4 Too much information. Oh, sorry, this is

Speaker 4 a flaffles.

Speaker 4 I thought this was a new level of what you do yesterday. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 5 But that's sort of easing up. Jay goes to Pilates.
I take a work call. And as I'm on it, it's Willie's nap time, but he falls asleep in my arms.
It's very sweet. So I get him in the cot.

Speaker 5 I get him in the cot and I have a nap.

Speaker 5 He goes in the cot, but he normally wakes up after about half an hour. So then I pick him up.
I get him into bed with me.

Speaker 5 He's asleep next to me. My arm's under his head, so I'm trapped.

Speaker 5 And, you know, I've had enough of a nap. I do the wordle in three.
Pretty pleased about that. After about 20 minutes, I maneuver my arm.

Speaker 5 It's a bit like, you know, I can only compare it to that bit when they're pulling the bomb out of the casing.

Speaker 5 Like, you cannot touch the sides. And so I do that, and he stays down, and that's great.
Yeah. I can't remember if Jamie's home or not.
But I do my press-ups. I've got a new routine.
I'm on day 73.

Speaker 5 I was doing 10 press-ups and 15 squats on the minute every minute for 15. I now, my squat coach, Dave, who's my mate, Dave, who was the osteopath for the Australian Olympic Taekwondo team in 2007-8.

Speaker 5 Wow. He watched me do a squat and he said I wasn't going deep enough.
And he said, You should do a little jump afterwards.

Speaker 5 So, what I've done is I've reduced my squats from 15 to 10, but I really go deep and then I do a little jump. So, that's what I do.

Speaker 4 We've touched on this before, but is this squat now become a burpee?

Speaker 5 No, a burpee involves like a squat thrust.

Speaker 4 know you're like in my memory a burpee is a burpee involves jump up clap your hands then drop do a squat thrust and then jump up clap your hands i'm not doing a squat thrust i don't want to demo squats again on the podcast we've criticized this

Speaker 5 in the past the squat is a sort of quite a static you're standing there and then you try and you're basically trying to sit down and then you stand up again do you remember when we made angela scandal demonstrate spaghetti legs on the podcast?

Speaker 4 Another of the most pointless moments on our podcast.

Speaker 5 Anyway, I'm doing that, so that's good. I find the ESPN Brazil comic, the Troy Paragol, it's really good.
I love you seeing that.

Speaker 4 I know. Imagine them in Brazil.
Just the beach at Rio is, it's empty, and they're all crowded up to a cocktail bar watching grim European football.

Speaker 5 It's great. There's like, it's like, oh,

Speaker 4 parole.

Speaker 5 Really fun. It's 2.30.
I go for a short run to the doctor's. Why am I going to the doctor's, David?

Speaker 4 Not the plops. The guy takes two shits in a day, and he's like,

Speaker 5 Jamie would say that, but no, like it's about two years. I had one of those, you know, PSA tests, and I, you know, and they said I had slightly high cholesterol.

Speaker 5 And I thought, I better go and see how that's getting on because I do eat a bar of Tony's chocolate every day, and I probably shouldn't do that.

Speaker 5 If I'm going, I say, I want a prostate check, a poo check,

Speaker 5 cholesterol. I want everything.
I want everything.

Speaker 4 I got to get this done.

Speaker 5 The doctor's like, yeah, we can do all that. So he fills out, sends me the forms to have the blood test and poo in a cup and whatever, but I don't do that.
I've just got all that.

Speaker 5 And so then he takes my blood pressure and he says, it's perfect.

Speaker 4 The prostate isn't the old

Speaker 4 yesteryear. It's just another blood test now.

Speaker 5 It's just another blood test.

Speaker 4 But is the poo, is it really poo in a cup?

Speaker 5 No, not quite. You just sort of like get like a swab.
So you,

Speaker 4 you know, you put some toilet roll in the toilet and shit on that and then just sort of just imagine the day of the poo cup you go to the cafe the mix up with the three quarter flat white i i don't know exactly know what the scenario is but you send it back going this isn't right

Speaker 5 i asked for a three-quarter shit

Speaker 5 strong this is a weak one so anyway he he checks my heart as well and that's good and also i'd had like i'd had a mold check a while back and i'd had a little bit taken out I basically organized it because I think Jamie is not very good with sun cream and then they were like you're absolutely fine can we just take this bit out and it was benign it was fine but the sort of scab on it I've thought is this right so he checked that with a special magnifying glass and that's also fine so that's good because I have hypochondriac tendencies but also I think I've said this before A lot of time on the radio, especially, we have guests who are doing some sort of walk for prostate cancer or whatever.

Speaker 5 We talk about the the symptoms and we talk about men not talking about these things and never getting tested and doing that.

Speaker 5 And I feel like if I didn't regularly get tested, I would look like such a twat

Speaker 5 if I had something because I constantly, I go into my earnest mode on the radio and go, seriously, men, we've got to do this kind of thing. I've got to do this.

Speaker 4 I know.

Speaker 4 I haven't been to the doctor for ages. And normally I save up until I've got a few things wrong with me, which they don't love.
They do not love that.

Speaker 4 So you're right. You're right, Max.

Speaker 5 I pop to Cole's and buy a carrot because, you know, health.

Speaker 5 And some oats, peanut butter, and granola as well. I walk home and I make a decaf instant coffee and have two cookies.
So that's great. It's funny.

Speaker 4 This entire meal has just been the stuff you leave out for Santa. You've got the carrot and oats and then a cookie for the big man.

Speaker 4 Peanut butter is a little bit weird.

Speaker 5 And then I have a a sherry.

Speaker 5 Willie has a dinner. He has a bath.
I shower with him. So he's sitting in his little bath and I have a shower then because it's sort of, that's an efficient way to do this.
Love it.

Speaker 5 Jay picks Ian up from kinder. We discover that he likes pesto.
This is like

Speaker 5 whoever discovered penicillin. It's that big, right? Because he doesn't eat anything.
And this is amazing.

Speaker 4 But Ian has been living a double life, to the best of my knowledge, where he gets to kinder and he's like, Baba Ganoush, please.

Speaker 4 And then he gets home and he's like, dry oats, you a-holes.

Speaker 5 So, anyway, he likes pesto. This is very exciting.
I do a bit of wrestling with Willie and him. A bit Ian is practicing his Christmas song for the Christmas show.

Speaker 5 It's the 12 days of Christmas, but it's Australian, right?

Speaker 4 Shit.

Speaker 5 So I can't remember all of them, but I can remember five kangaroos.

Speaker 5 I think it's four platypuses, three jabberoos, two pinkalas,

Speaker 5 and an emu in a gum tree.

Speaker 5 If you're Australian, you're like, okay, this is totally normal. And I was saying to Jay, this is utterly ridiculous.
This is just mad. But anyway, he's singing this, and it's incredibly sweet.

Speaker 4 It's an interesting thought, the amount of Christmas songs. Like take Driving Home for Christmas by Chris Rea.

Speaker 4 You are imagining him.

Speaker 4 It's cold. He sees, you know, things flashing and generally snowy conditions.
Whereas in the Australia, did he re-record for Australia where he's driving home for Christmas?

Speaker 4 He's got like the air con on for

Speaker 4 cold. You know what I mean? Desperately trying to make sure the cream doesn't go off from the 40-degree global warming heat.

Speaker 5 Jay was saying there is like, there is a song that's like, you know, driving in my you on a hot old Christmas day, something like that. I'll get the words next time.

Speaker 5 One of my neighbors, friend of Ian's, comes round. She's maybe five.
She's brought over like a little Halloween that she'd had a party in that she had some leftover, like fun balloons.

Speaker 5 It's got sweets and balloons in it. This is great.

Speaker 5 Now, I've been trying not to eat chocolate and sweets since my three-day trip holiday last week because I was like, you know, I'm going to try and be healthy.

Speaker 5 Constantly trying to be healthy and failing. But obviously, there's loads of jelly sweets and Ian doesn't like them, so I eat all of them.

Speaker 4 The doctor has basically said you need to eat more Tony's Chocolone Lee. Yeah, that's the number one thing I would take from that checkup.
Just

Speaker 4 critically low on jelly babies here, Max. Can you sort that out?

Speaker 5 So we've got a balloon. I can't believe we haven't really played with balloons before, but we play keep the balloon in the air as a family.
It's idyllic.

Speaker 5 You know, you'd see it and you'd be like, this is, these guys have a great time. Ian puts stickers on our face.
I put stickers on Willie's face, and Jamie says you shouldn't put stickers on him.

Speaker 5 He might get a rash. I'm like, okay.
Jamie's made

Speaker 5 like Vietnamese dumplings for dinner.

Speaker 5 I mean, the dumplings are, you know, in a packet, but you know, with all the accoutrements, you know, the rice and the bukpak choy and the chili oil and all that stuff.

Speaker 5 It's a bit spicy for me, but it is delicious. Ian has some plain rice.
We're back to that. So that's my.
He wants Tele Tubbies and then Paul Patrol. So that's what he has.
I put Willie to sleep.

Speaker 4 Interruption. Yes.
Paw Patrol is just this.

Speaker 4 The dog rolls down a mountain. Like, whoa!

Speaker 4 An aeroplane happens to fly by that the dog lands on.

Speaker 4 Then the plane crashes in the sea. Oh, and then a submarine comes up and saves the dog.
It's just a constant, like, there isn't really much character development in Paul.

Speaker 5 That's very harsh on Robinson.

Speaker 4 He's never like, I just don't know who I am anymore.

Speaker 5 I am watching it a bit going.

Speaker 5 Part of them has thought, hang on, if we get animals and things that can be toys diggers and a slide we can really market the shit out it's i yeah i want us to write one to make it i think it could be a really good spin-off for us got it but yes you know the one where they first meet rubble and he joins poor patrol that's a nice moment for them but it's not deep i mean i agree it isn't you know it's not like you don't have to watch it twice to really get what's going on i think you're right there is like a there's a you know the mayor's got a chicken that she likes and there's the other mayor who's a bit of a, it's a bit of a twit, but he's not that bad.

Speaker 5 You know, it's like yours.

Speaker 4 The mayor's like, we need to keep the beach closed, but it's 4th of July weekend. It's the big weekend of the year.
Yeah, yeah, I know it.

Speaker 5 I come out, I eat six squares of lint chocolate, make a peppermint tea, record Football Weekly, which includes a voice note from David O'Doherty.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 And I've asked you to do a voice note. That's fine.

Speaker 5 You've done your first two Football Weekly appearances, the last two episodes, because my co-host, Barry Glen Denning proud Irishman is on holiday and so the first chance he's had in about a decade to say nice things about Ireland and he's not been there although he then does relent and records a voice note for the second yeah a very good voice note recorded at 7 a.m.

Speaker 5 you said as well but he's sharp as a tack oh yeah of course what a pro I only work with the finest Irishman that's I decide record that come out have some more lint then it's time to record what did you do yesterday with the excellent David O'Doherty

Speaker 5 And the guest is Kelly Cates.

Speaker 4 Oh, my goodness. What an hour.

Speaker 5 Hosted match of the day. Great episode.
Love Kelly. She's lovely.

Speaker 5 And we do that and we finish. We're just having some small talk.
And at 10.30 p.m., my phone rings and it's connected to the laptop. So I see Jamie Oz exclamation.

Speaker 4 From 20 meters away in the house, less than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 From 20 meters away.

Speaker 5 So then I finish up the small talk quite quickly and agree with you that we will record the sort of the opening and the closing bits of the kelly cates chat another time yes i hang up this close the laptop i brush my teeth as i'm sort of walking to the bedroom which is the front of the house i'm sort of taking my clothes off sort of generally and willie's nearly asleep when i get in so i take over jamie goes to the day bed lie next to willie he falls asleep much easier on me because I can't feed him.

Speaker 5 So he sort of looks around a bit and goes, ah, bollocks.

Speaker 5 Jamie, he can stay awake. So he's kind of down, but I need a bit of time to decompress.
So I finished Squaredle. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 5 I don't, interestingly, I've just, since Russell Howard uses Kindle and Jamie was criticizing, she's just saying I'm becoming a composite of our guests.

Speaker 5 I have recharged our Kindle and have started reading The Beasting because Sam Campbell recommended.

Speaker 4 Paul Murray. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's going to say mom.

Speaker 5 But I don't read that because I'm too tired for actual books. So I just do the squaredle and then I drift off to sleep.
That's my day.

Speaker 4 I mean, with respect to Paul Murray, who wrote wrote The Beasting, if it took you a year to read The Thursday Murder Club, which is printed in 16-point font, I won't gear up Paul for a what did you do yesterday, where you can really grill him on what happens in the third epoch of the family saga.

Speaker 5 I love the book, I'm on page eight. I started it 16 years ago.

Speaker 5 It's a page turner.

Speaker 5 Now, so a couple of months ago, David, i was in teddington oh wow and i

Speaker 5 met a i didn't meet i just saw a comedian putting up posters for a show a couple of days later i saw a footballer an england footballer in a hotel i was staying at yeah very exciting now last week was big for uh the teddington quiz because you and mars bar have just sort of you've basically cheated by getting everybody you know yeah to get involved But brilliantly, Liam McLare, who I was discussing, singer in his own right, shouldn't be described as son of Brian McLare, but it's fun that he is the son of Brian McClare.

Speaker 5 Former Manchester United centre forward. No, but he's a really great guy.
He has made us a jingle for the Teddington quiz. Oh, my.
And what did he say?

Speaker 5 He just got back from a gig, but it was really fun. It's quite a haunting jingle.
He said, recorded post-gig, that's why it's a bit whispery and a cappella.

Speaker 5 I'd like to guess Romesh Ranger Nathan and Jack Wilshire. He said, a bit more production to this one, hoping to give it the gravitas it deserves as a serious quiz.

Speaker 5 So here, ladies and gentlemen, is the jingle for the Teddington quiz.

Speaker 4 Max saw two people in the same location.

Speaker 4 One day after another, different occupation.

Speaker 4 David and Mars Pa always have to guess again.

Speaker 4 Who did Max see?

Speaker 4 In Teddington.

Speaker 5 Thank you, Lynn McClare. It's good, isn't it? Now it's got a jingle.
It has to stay.

Speaker 4 Two haunting jingles. I mean, it's a superior piece of music to the one and only,

Speaker 4 but it also has a similar haunting quality. Look,

Speaker 4 we need to get to the bottom of this. I believe we are getting places with the Teddington quiz.

Speaker 5 Now, somebody called Gaz has slid into Jamie's DMs on Instagram to say, please help us.

Speaker 5 But Jamie's like, he did point them both out to me, but I wasn't wasn't paying any attention so jamie is of no use to anyone

Speaker 5 lindsay in nashville tennessee maker of the mushroom spritz bot maybe she rest in peace oh those are good days

Speaker 5 yeah hi max and david i'm trying to do my part to heed the call to end teddington now using whatever tools at my disposal unfortunately those tools are just a dusty statistics degree and basic coding skills i've thrown together a little website endteddingtonnow.com

Speaker 5 to estimate the probability of each comedian footballer pairing being the ones seen by Max during the Teddington days. The comedian's data is scraped from Wikipedia.

Speaker 5 The footballers' data is mostly from fbref.com. The probabilities are mostly based on local connections to Teddington age and levels of success.

Speaker 5 Click on a comedian and a footballer to see the combined probability. The numbers are almost certainly not very accurate, but it's a start.

Speaker 5 Considering we have a couple of millennia until the quiz is done, there is time to refine the data. I'd welcome any input from other desperate listeners.
This is amazing.

Speaker 5 So let me click on end Teddington.

Speaker 4 Oh, my goodness!

Speaker 5 It says it's been 116 days since the age of the Teddington quiz began.

Speaker 5 Use the tool below to compare the probabilities of different comedians and footballers that Max Rushton happened to see during his Teddington days. Let's end his reign of terror.

Speaker 5 Select comedian and footballer. So, here we go.
So, you go to say Jimmy Carr.

Speaker 5 So, you put Jimmy Carr in, and then you go to footballer Kieran Richardson and it says probability of success is 0.46% times 0.33% 0.0015%.

Speaker 5 That's so great. Do you know what I'm going to do? I am going to put in who it actually is.
I'm going to put in the right answer.

Speaker 4 Oh, this is so tantalizing. Listeners, I'm watching his face for any.
Imagine if I just saw reflected in those

Speaker 4 black eyes.

Speaker 5 It says, okay, so the actual answer, the probability of success in the Tennington quiz with the right people in is 0.001%.

Speaker 4 Okay, okay.

Speaker 5 Amazing. Okay.

Speaker 4 What I believe hasn't been taken into account here is the breakthrough of the last week, the crowdsourcing, the hive minding, and the fact that I saw something

Speaker 4 in you when me and Marisbar said the name of the footballer.

Speaker 4 Also, thanks to our listener who'd sent in shots of Jordan Henderson in the local Marks and Spencer that were featured in Teddington Today, the newspaper.

Speaker 5 And then Marisbar went, Oh, I used to be a poker player and I can see a tell from everywhere.

Speaker 4 So I believe we're going to stick on Jordan Henderson, who

Speaker 5 is

Speaker 4 0.08%

Speaker 4 here in the NTeddingtonNow.com calculator.

Speaker 4 The other thing that needs to be said, and listeners, I need your help as much with this.

Speaker 4 In order to think of who's the comedian, you need to think of a comedian who, number one, is putting up their own posters.

Speaker 4 Now, there are

Speaker 4 comedians who are of a high level, like well-known, who would engage in that sort of practice. And then there are people who wouldn't because they consider it beneath them.

Speaker 4 I would consider myself to be a poster putter-upper, but I was not intending to. Oh, what a twist that would be if it turned out it was me.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 the other thing that needs to be factored in is

Speaker 4 who does Generic Man 3

Speaker 4 know in the comedy world? Like, I don't think we can dig too deeply into the incredible crop of newcomers and local favorites. It's going to have to be someone with a bit of a name.

Speaker 4 And that is why I'm putting forward as my guest this week, the footballer is Jordan Henderson, and the comedian is the

Speaker 4 ever-friendly Halkruttenden.

Speaker 5 Incorrect.

Speaker 4 Did you say Will?

Speaker 5 So Marsborough has very much made it clear that if I don't say Jordan Henderson, then I am out of a job.

Speaker 5 He said that he'll make sure I never work in this industry again.

Speaker 5 Do you know who Jordan Henderson is, Will?

Speaker 4 Of course he doesn't.

Speaker 5 Gordon Henderson.

Speaker 5 Do you know who Jordan Henderson is? Did he say Gordon?

Speaker 4 He did say Gordon.

Speaker 5 And then comedian, I'll say Paul Foote oh that's not a bad guess well it is a bad guess because it's incorrect unless Paul Foote is right and Jordan Henderson is wrong

Speaker 4 listeners please help us to use the title of

Speaker 4 so the end telling to now website is live yeah and what we've also learned from this is that it is one of the hundreds of names there and some of them billy Connolly, Jasper Carrot, are going to be less likely than others.

Speaker 4 So, jump on. Please, please help me.

Speaker 5 Help me, help you. If you'd like to get in touch with the show, here is how.

Speaker 5 To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

Speaker 5 And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.

Speaker 5 Thank you, David.

Speaker 4 I thought we were really going to keep this one short, to be honest. And

Speaker 4 we've gone long, but there was a lot of good stuff to get through. Thank you very much, Max.
Let's do it again soon.

Speaker 5 Yeah, why not? Everything in Shob is in it for life.