S3 EP25: Hal Cruttenden

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many.
I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough.
Politics, business, sport, you name it.

There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
Why is that? Are they scared?

Too afraid of being censored by the man?

Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
We'll try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?

That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushton and I'm David O'Daugherty.
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? I'm Max Rushton, alongside me, David O'Dougherty, where we will find out what someone did yesterday. Hi, David.
Oh, is that what happens on this?

Here's the premise. Yeah, you'll get used to the idea.
You'll get to grips with it in a year or two. That's what I reckon.
But you're doing mightily well so far.

If you haven't understood the concept, David, you're bluffing your way through. You're faking it till you make it at this stage.

Today's guest is, I mean, don't take this badly, but in the spectrum of Englishmen, he is more quintessentially an Englishman than you. As in,

if you needed to keep one to propagate the stereotype of English people,

I think Hal Cruttenden would be the one.

As in,

so me and Hal, I guess we started around the same time doing comedy. In 2008, we somehow both got booked on a coast-to-coast Canadian tour.
This didn't come up during it.

And in Newfoundland, we went to the pub and they told us there was an old Newfoundland tradition where they brought out a frozen fish and we had to kiss it in the mouth.

And to this day, I still don't know if they were just having a laugh at the Irish code. What kind of fish was it? Was it like a massive, big, sort of big tuna type thing? I think it was a frozen cod.

Cods can be big, like not a fillet, like a whole cod. Oh, kissing a fillet would be such a different vibe to the actual whole.
So we had to kiss it and knock a shot back.

And I actually thought that my mind may have just made it up. But then I found a photo of it recently.
And so I entered into it with my big Irish head. And Hal was much more, oh, um, oh, oh, okay.

So

did you really get off with the cod and he just gave it a peck? Is that what you're saying? We had a relationship. It didn't last too long.

Long distance is tricky, right? I mean, that's the problem. Otherwise, it would have been fine.

A very hard to get where every time the cod would fly from Canada, it would thaw and that would be bad. You'd have to pick it up in a cold box.

It's not a sexy relationship as in making love is complicated because it involves swimming thousands of miles and then putting some eggs under a a stone in a specific river. Hang on, is that how?

I don't know how card problems are. And then there's a headline where, you know, David O'Dotti is caught masturbating under a rock in Newfoundland.

You say, I was just trying to, I was just trying to fertilize my one true love's eggs. And the mountain stops you and says, I'm sorry.
And that's why you spent four years in jail in Canada.

We saw you trying to swim up that weir and avoid those bears as you leapt into the sky from the river

anyway this is a for the tape we recorded this uh a week or so ago it's someday there is an energy there is an energy to hal which is unique i think it's frenetic would you say frenetic yeah like how gets a lot done yeah even in this day you see all the different projects that he's working on.

He's got his sitcom on the go. I mean, imagine imagine if you or I had an interview with James O'Brien, which I don't think will ever happen.
You've taken away the whole podcast.

No, I know, but like, imagine that hanging over your day. That would be, that would be huge.

Are you saying that Generic Man 3 here doesn't have the depth, hasn't the life experience to make a good hour with James O'Brien? You know, tell us about the relationship with your father.

It's totally fine, James. Yeah, we go on.
Just text about cricket. Next.

I really think Sunderland are the surprise package of this season. Max, I asked you about your father.
Stop talking about football. Hal Cruttenden, his new show, he's on tour in 2026.

His show is called Hal Cruttenden Can Dish It, But He Can't Take It.

He has a podcast with Ronnie Ancona that's called, is it called In Pieces? Is that what it's called? Yeah, Hal and Ronnie in Pieces. Yeah, and this is what Hal Cruttenden did yesterday.

Hal Cruttenden, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

Oh, sorry, I was about to take a sip of tea. No,

lovely to be here. No, this is a lovely professional start.
Let's keep it in.

We don't want to get in the way of you drinking tea, Hal, but we will, while you're drinking tea, ask you some quite specific questions about what happened yesterday.

By the way, do you very interesting point? Sorry, I will be asked about this. Just as an initial point, do you know who are the biggest consumers per head of tea in the world?

Is it us, the people of Ireland? It is Ireland. Isn't that amazing? You drink more tea per head than the Brits do, and you'd think the British would be more tea.

Most of it's me. I have 12 cups lined up here in front of me that I'll be shotting throughout this.

I'd have had India pretty high. This is like QI or no such thing as a fish.
We're branching out, David. This is very exciting.
And I'm sure India drinks a lot of tea, but it's tea per head, isn't it?

Right. It's like the crime figures.
Sorry, I'm onto this at the moment. It's like crime figures.
People go, look at all these murders in London. London's got a huge population.

London's murder rate is never usually the highest at all in the UK because the murder rate is not high. Anyway, I've made my political point.

So, how I lived in London for years and I was never murdered.

Exactly. I've made it through most of my life.

Also, I mean, I know there's difference between causation and all the rest of it, but is it possible that drinking a lot of tea decreases the murder rate?

Although that said, we have some murders in Ireland, but probably not as many as London. Maybe we'll get back to this over the course.

I feel there was an interesting conversation just before we started, Hal. Your concern...

which we do get sometimes on this podcast because we've been doing it for a while is you're worried that your day wasn't exciting enough because you only found out late last night you were doing this and what i love from how max was that he would have had a whopper of a day probably a couple of murders in the morning, that's some stock car racing and a diamond robbery.

Exactly. I'd have paid someone to give me a big TV job or something just to say that I'd been on that for the day to make a big thing of it as well.

Just to make out my career was going incredibly well. Although it is going incredibly well because this is also about publicity.
I'm on tour. Well, you're on this.

This is the solution. Yes, I'm on this.
And that's the thing. I was genuinely excited about doing this, and I genuinely forgot to put it in my diary.
So it's not like I don't care about this podcast.

Although, ironically, well, the one to this, ironically, I was doing a slightly bigger podcast yesterday than this, but that's really unusual.

Is there one? You know, this is like, I don't know, in rugby terms, this is New Zealand to South Africa in the world rankings at the moment. So

just being beaten by England, but

New Zealand and South Africa, number two. The only bigger podcast, to my knowledge, is Joe Rogan.
So I didn't have you down as a four-hour Joe Rogan episode. But if that's what you did, Al.

Yeah, he was crying about his backing of Trump. It was a really exciting episode.
I don't know when it'll be out.

Okay, let's get down to business, Hal. When did you wake up yesterday, please? I woke up.
It was, I think, 8.30, which is pretty early for me because I'd had a gig the night before.

I was doing a tour gig the night before, but I had a busy day. Right.
And do you wake up naturally then at 8.30? No. I was really pleased, actually.
My sleep is pretty awful because I'm quite...

Dave has been on tour with me from across Canada.

He will know that I'm quite a neurotic and I don't usually sleep well I had a surprisingly good sleep that Sunday night I went to bed after this gig went very well you know it was about one in the morning one thirty and I woke slept for about seven hours woke up at eight thirty feeling good feeling fantastic I'm going to attack the day and do you think the main factor in that was you're like well at least I won't have to talk about this day tomorrow on a podcast

yes do you know what if I'd known this podcast was happening I probably wouldn't have slept so well because I'd have got I bet the day is going to be rubbish I bet we have enough stuff to talk about I'm not getting enough enough sleep.

I'm not getting enough sleep. So I'm having a rubbish day.
Well, I have had very little sleep last night, by the way. So my performance will be bad today, but the story of yesterday will be better.

So my material's better. But

I did. I started the day really well going, yes, it's 8.30 and that's a reasonable time for me.
And I have things to do, so I was excited. What's the first thing you do then?

Well, the first thing I do is I have to eat. early in the morning or else I get sick really.
I feel ill if I try and do things without eating. I know that's terrible.
And also I'm on ADHD medication.

Can you tell? I'm I'm quite wired. So I'm not allowed to take that until I've eaten.
So I have to have breakfast quite early to make sure I don't end up taking it at one in the afternoon.

And then, and then it keeps me up because basically it's a little bit speedy. And I've only taken it recently.
So that I'm sort of getting used to that. So I was getting up, having breakfast.

I was doing a little bit of work on this sitcom that is behind me that I felt really good about.

I did about an hour's work trying to sort through getting this pitch right for this sitcom that we're sending off to a producer, which is going to be massive.

And it's very exciting that you're getting to hear about it first. To the listeners, there's a large whiteboard behind Hal that Max and I are struggling.
What I'm seeing is bad hotel in Turkey,

neurotic owner,

wife who may be having affairs. Polly is the maid.

I think this may have been done before.

As a Spanish guy,

waiter. Yes, it's all very exciting.
That is a great idea. The major isn't racist in this one.
There's not a racist major. He's homophobic.
That's the twist.

There are many other racist characters, so it's okay. For the listeners as well, when Hal said there's a sitcom behind me, it is just on a whiteboard.
It's not like playing out.

So I was quite pleased that I got up early enough to do a little bit of work on that because I had other proper things to do about an hour.

I think there's that thing of trying to grab that moment in the morning of actually doing that creative thing to get you going, I think.

Now, we need to just, first of all, find out what you had for breakfast. Yeah.
Yesterday. Oh, sourdough toast.
I live with my daughters, you see. Not in a kind of, they don't have a caring role.

Today is Monday. The next meal is breakfast.
Okay.

They're 23 and 25. And, of course, haven't left home yet because they're in sort of more arty sort of jobs they're going for.
But, well, like most kids, they haven't left home.

And they buy sourdough bread. And I'm too lazy to get the bread I really want.
So I did have sourdough toast.

What do you like about sourdough? Because it's sort of all it's all the race. It's not as nice as normal bread, is it? It's not as nice.
I know what you mean.

So you'd like just a hovis, really, or a mighty white. Bloomer.
I mean, I know I've got to, it's better for you, sourdough, but like anything that's good for you, it's not as nice, is it?

Nothing is nice that's good for you.

I notice this when I take Ann O'Doherherty brackets 87 for lunch to a hipster cafe, invariably it's sourdough, and then the sourdough is toasted such that the edges of it are like, you know, the way old people used to put broken glass along the tops of walls so you couldn't go in to get your ball.

That's kind of what the toast consistency is like. I also have a thing.
Does anybody else have sensitive teeth or teeth that suddenly go

and give you a like a shock of pain? I mean, and the dentist goes it is just sensitivity or receding gums or something. More for ice cream than bread, I would say.

Yeah, but sourdough does it for me.

Sourdough and popcorn and chips, all those things go, I can buy some of them and go, ah, and something gets into my tooth or into the bit that's because I've checked with a dentist so many times and go, yeah, you've got this sensitive thing.

And sourdough is one of the things. So I do associate it with pain.
It's just one of those things, isn't it, that we do, we thinking that we're going to make life better.

And it's probably going to turn out to be rubbish and not worth doing.

Hal, this is too philosophical. Sorry.
I don't know you well, Hal. In fact, we've known each other for maybe four minutes, most of which was just trying to get the audio working.

But you could go and buy your own bread, couldn't you? I mean, I'm not,

I hate it. I hate to be your paxim and acting all of this.
Haven't you then got too much bread? So there's three of us in the house.

You need a loaf of bread for three people before it goes off, really.

Idea here from Ireland, you could freeze Hal's bread and then just take out a couple of slices of it and toast them to put it in your duelet or whatever brand of toaster you choose and just get it to your own colour of brown.

Just a suggestion, how are you very sort of domesticated, David? Well, I'm not feral. I don't live in a forest, if that's what you're doing.
It does look lovely. You're behind you, by the way.

It's very neat and tidy.

Of course, you can freeze bread and just put it in the toaster and have it, can't you? I never think about freezing bread.

Do you even write in and go, I bet you loads of people never freeze bread either. And it's, of course, you should.

That'd be the practical thing of having, is everybody else doing it and I'm not doing it? What a journey we're going on. Is this like succession where everyone's seen it apart from me? Is it not?

When they made succession, they wanted to make it. This is the freezing bread of HBO, is what they said.
That's what they wanted. What are you putting on your toast now?

Or what are your daughters putting on your toast? I don't know.

I can't do my own toast.

Liquidized meat and potatoes. They just smear it on.
Come now, let's get it into you.

I don't want to start advertising too many products, but if I don't have, which I don't have at the moment, we've run out of Marmite and peanut butter, which has come back.

You know, they got rid of it. The combined thing.
They got rid of it.

And then there was such an outcry, and I did lead a bit of an outcry on, I did put something on social media about it going, this is a great spread. Look, I have some power.

I don't think it was me that brought it back. Suddenly, it's back in,

is it Sainsbury's or Tesco's? I think only one of them, I think, is doing. Maybe it's both of them.
So if I have that, I always have that.

But because we've run out of that and it's not that good for me, I had Marmite on one slice and raspberry jam on the other. Not eating interchangeably.
The marmite is eaten first and then the jam.

It's savory and then sweet. Yeah, absolutely.
I know I'm not very healthy and I know I should in my mid-50s should be having a more healthy breakfast.

It's just, there's a lot going on in my life and I need pleasure. Okay, I need pleasure.
If I'm after eating sourdough bread, I'm going to put jam on it. And Marmite's good for you.

Are we having good butter on it as well? Yeah, which is another,

I used to be margarine and light, all the sort of light stuff. And it's my ex-wife ruined me for that.
She insisted on proper butter. Then I got fat and she left me.
Yet I've stayed.

Max, why did you open this

Pandora's box of butter? I still, because of her, go, oh, butter's better for you. It's that healthy thing.
And I'm not having a go at the Irish, but she's Irish. She is Irish.

And it is a sort of healthy, oh, butter's good for you. It's like Guinness being good for you.
Guinness, I don't want to go on a rant. I'm sure Guinness really isn't good for you.
it's only

ah guinness there's iron in it and all that so it's it's the irish we have to blame for pretending to us that unhealthy stuff is healthy fuck and you as well while we're at it you two haven't had a good album since the free one on the ipads it does change the meaning of the phrase to butter someone up as to like give them so much butter

marry them give them so much butter and then leave them because you're not happy with them she didn't really leave me because i'm fat as you can tell she left me because i'm difficult as you you can tell from this answer.

I'm a bit neurotic.

Do we have a tea or a coffee? Everything's decaffeinated for me at the moment. Yesterday, yeah, I've having tea today and tea yesterday.

Because yes, again, this is all laziness and not going to the shops, okay? I've run out of my decaf coffee.

So I didn't want to have a caffeinated coffee, so I had a decaf tea as I'm having drinking now. So yeah, I've gone into tea.
I usually will have coffee.

I like to have a black coffee because, again, that's from dieting, isn't it? That's from trying not to have milk. But I've got skim milk in this tea.
I have neurotic am I sounding.

I've only had about three hours' sleep.

Can you take your meds straight away then after the toast? Yes. Tell me about that.
Is that an immediate, do you get an immediate feeling from it? Or is it a suppressed slow release across the day?

I'm imagining you get out a credit card, you chop it up,

you sniff it off of some sourdough

they should do it in lines actually because then you could measure it out more i think a pill is always quite total isn't it it's like you could but i because i worry about this with have you heard about people on adhd medication because i'm very new to it yeah well a lot of our friends are on adhd medication in the comedy world in particular exactly people worry it's going to make you less creative i don't think it is it does make me get stuff done it is a little bit speedy when i first took it it was like i was at a rave it was like wow and then you get used to it and calm down.

And what happens now is now I'm addicted because if I take a day and not take it, I really plunge and don't want to get out of bed. So it's probably appalling.
I'm actually seeing my guy today.

Today would be an interesting day to talk about if we did this again tomorrow.

We can if you want, but my understanding is it takes a bit of time to work out the right dose for you. So I don't know how far in your you are of that.
I thought it would be magical.

And I would just go, yes, I can now concentrate. And I absolutely don't get...
No, what it is, you actually still have to concentrate on what you're going to focus on.

So I can, I can almost doom scroll more on my phone on ADHD medication and get more and more into it than I could before. But it's just if I choose to work, I feel like I get more focused.

If I do sit down and go, I'm going to work on this, I'm going to work on this bit of stand-up, or I'm going to work on this project, I will get more done.

And also, what I didn't realize was how much happier I am on it. I mean, so much happier.
I didn't realize I was so down.

I was so depressed by feeling kind of fighting to concentrate, the battle yeah to control your brain and suddenly something's helping you control your brain a bit i think that's the way it works i think and do you think if you had gone on it 30 years ago you would now you know what i mean be this kind of saturday night michael mcintyre michael mcintyre would not have his job i would be i would be doing all those shows if it wasn't for adhd no i i don't think it's totally solves everything i think sure i don't think it can solve like your drive or it doesn't give you a buzz like it suddenly gives you huge confidence.

And I think confidence makes a huge difference. And my life would have been so much different

if I was a very confident person. If I walked into rooms and went, hi, I'm going to do this.
Do you know what I mean? I see that in people in our industry totally.

People who, like David, don't have a lot of talent, but really have loads of belief. I'm joking.
I'm joking.

He walks in like the farms. He walks in like the farms.

Who do you know? People that just have utter belief. They just go out there and you go, you're so brave.

I remember when I first saw Jack Whitehall, I don't think he in Munich in Germany, and Jack Whitehall was supporting me, and he was about 19. In 1923, and a man had organized a beer putsch.

I remember Whitehall appears.

I'm not fussy about corporate bookings.

The Riyadh Comedy Festival. Screw that.
Who else was that? The Munich beer hole putsch.

And Jack Whitehall was so ballsy, so ballsy as a 19-year-old, just out there doing bang, bang, you know, and

I think he's a really talented guy. And like, you know, most performers, you don't make it without being talented, you don't get successful.
But that belief in yourself, I don't know.

And then also it can go too far. And you can have a, you know, if you, I always wanted to raise my children with huge belief, you know, self-esteem.

But then if you get that balance wrong, you end up with Donald Trump, don't you? You end up with massive self-belief, no sense of shame. I mean, it's unbelievable his confidence, isn't it?

It's unbelievable. I am interestingly raising, I have two sons, three and a half and six months, and I raised them on the Donald Trump program, which you can now do.

It's showing, you know, slowly but surely, like my three and a half year old now does. He tries to separate undocumented families around Australia where we are.

Does he point at them in the street and go, that doesn't mean that he's like, show me your papers. We get him to say, go up there and say, just show me your papers.
It's really sweet when he does it.

And he does something really degrading in his nappy or something. And the next day he goes, that wasn't me.
I don't know anything about it. No, that's a Democrat hope.

That was Chuck Schumer who shat on the floor.

That's weird.

It's delicious sandwiches to

sleep. It's only cubierto dun intenses,

barbecue. It's sufficient for the legaro las fiestas.
And no one receives a year, because also

yada refresh in cualquier maño miordonde macri por solo unos es esa nueve. Bara papa pa.
Preso y participación pueden barrano, puedo cominars con 1o troferto cómo mio.

So you've got your toast, you've got your tea.

Now we're working on this sitcom, so I guess you can't tell us a huge amount about this, but sort of where are you at in the process, apart from the whiteboard?

Well, I've been playing with this for ages, and now I'm on my medication. I'm getting back to actually getting it done.
There's a producer interested, and I'm basically right at the beginning.

This is way in the beginning. The truth is, if that doesn't get picked up, I want to make this anyway, because I want to do this.
So it's a labor of love I'm going to do anyway.

I'm going to try and make it myself, put it on YouTube. There's a comic called Joe Boer, who's a very good friend of mine, happens to be a filmmaker as well.

Very handy to have friends like that because I think Joe would probably make it. If I went, Joe, let's make it, you know.
I think there's that thing where I just want to do it.

I've written a sitcom with someone else for radio. I wrote one for Radio 4 with Dominic Holland years ago.
We had a couple of series of that. But I've just, it's always been my dream as a comic.

And I'm in my mid-50s, and I've never gone for it and just gone, let's make this. Let's do this.
And

it's going to be hugely unfashionable because it's written by somebody in their mid-50s, mainly about characters in their 50s, with obviously the youngsters thrown in to bring in the demographic and sell it.

It's about a dodgy geezer in Shepherd's Bush who has a market stall, and then he brings in a younger guy who is a bit of a plonker, you would have to say.

Between them, they have to look after their grandfather. But it's not, because as you said, it's Shepherd's Bush, it's not Peckham.
So it's West, and that's very mean. It's West London, not South.

Right, so we do an hour on this. I do an hour on that.
Okay.

And then I have to stop because I have a call for a corporate do, which is not a Nazi rally in Munich. Wow.

So tell us about a call for a corporate do. Is that where they're like, this is what we need from you, Hal? Like, 20 minutes solid gold.

Can you please not talk about how much you hate the powdered soup industry exactly it's all just how much you're allowed to swear what the sort of people are going to be like there this one's that this one's really interesting it was mining mining you immediately think coal miners don't you it's actually bitcoin bitcoin mining

is it children being sent down mines for cobalt or something that would be brilliant i would definitely do that no but that thing of it's mining for you know lithium stuff and the important minerals, no essential minerals.

And I thought that was all cornered by China, and that's when the crisis of the world. No, Cornwall.
Cornwall is going to be. Cornwall is going to be exploding.
It's the, what's it called?

I've got it written down here. The something minerals.
Precious minerals. There's something.
Our man Trump is obsessed with them at the moment and wants to get them out of Ukraine. Or

I think as the Arctic and Antarctic ice sheets move back, some of them are being exposed, which is I think why you wanted Greenland, isn't it?

Oh, is it you're doing a corporate to support the invasion of Greenland no no it's this is the British ones they're all very interested it's I think some of it's it's all sorts of mining some of it's like tin mining and some of it's critical minerals I think it's called critical things like lithium and stuff like that that was what anyway I am very interested I'm not going to do lots of jokes about it because I don't understand what they're talking about but it's just I was just trying to understand what they do but Cornwall's the center in Europe for it.

Wow. And loads of this mining is in the same place where there were coal mines.

There's loads of northern areas as well, northern England areas, where there was sort of coal mines, but there's often in those areas a lot of other things that you can mine.

So it's just, it was just really interesting. I just had no idea how mining was still a big thing.
So is it the Precious Minerals Miner of the Year awards? Like, what's the event?

You know, Best Lithium Digger 2025. No, they sell the tools that do the mining.

And I think there's a couple of, she said there'll probably only be two actual miners there who were sort of, though, weirdly, you'd think that someone like me, a sort of, you know, middle-class twat in London, would do better with those sort of crowds.

I actually do do better with tougher. I find builders love me.
I'm not saying they love me, but I do well with builders, builders, corporates. Tougher times with lawyers and advertising people.

If there are anybody who does corporate, when I say tougher times, these are still great gigs, but not at the same level as I reach.

If it's like, I know that sounds like, oh, you know, I love the people kind of thing. But normal people, the more normal a job is for a corporate, the nicer the crowd is.
Absolutely.

The nicest people, insurance, because it's so boring. They have no respect for their job and they know it's quite boring.
And they're the best corporate crowds. Do you do a lot of corporates, David?

Do you do lots of corporations? No, I've never, I've done one or two charity ones, and they've gone so badly. They're just like, you're doing it wrong.

They want a classic Cruttenden who can come out, stand at the mic. They don't want old fancy Dan here with his batteries and his stupid keyboard singing songs about boring bullshit.

You're calling me mainstream. I think you're subtly saying I'm a very mainstream artist, but I can be mainstream, but also fascinating, I think.
Yeah, I did the Sky Call Center awards

when I was working at Sky. It was really fun.
But if you were struggling at any point, you'd just go, because basically the call centers are either like in East Sterling or Doncaster or like five.

You'd just go, Doncaster, and then like 30 people would just go absolutely wild.

Oh my God, he said Doncaster. And you'd be like, yes, I'm nailing this shit.
Right. So how much can you swear to a critical mining corporate? Great question.
I try and swallow swear words.

I don't, you don't do rude material. Does the person on the phone say to you, we don't want any swearing at this awards, Hal? Oh, yeah, I checked that.

I did one recently that was, honestly, it was the lubrication awards. Lubrication

the magazine was called Lube, and it wasn't anything sexual, and they went completely clean set. They all had years of comics going, Lube! Oh, yeah, of course.

I think I used to read your blows teenager, and actually, it was engine oils and stuff. It was nothing, it was none of those.

It was so fed up with it, but they meant no rudeness at all because it had comics for years.

No lube gags at lube. It's brilliant.
That's so, it must be like, you know, Dougal in Father Ted with the red button going, do not press this red button.

You're on stage, and you can't do a joke about lube when it it just says lube in massive letters

stuff keeps happening Hal comes out and he goes to take the mic out of the stand and it just keeps slipping and it takes him about 10 girls to catch but he's been told no jokes about lube whatsoever

I think I dropped a C-bomb once at a corporate and got away with it which I we should never do sort of thing I must admit I don't do you don't do sexual material do you really David you don't do lots of oh I just brag about all of my encounters.

Is that what you're talking about?

I don't consider it sexual. It's more just incredible, shagging tales.
That's all it is. That's what I do, though.
I mean, not really, but I definitely F and Jeff a bit.

But I do it, you know, the one thing about being Irish is that it doesn't really count. Exactly.

It's true. You can just say fucking or just an Irish accent saying fuck.
It doesn't sound as powerful. I'll go in there and be like, fuck off, you big, stupid room full of stupid fucking pricks.

And everyone's just applauding, being like thank you for being here

i do have the thing though don't you i do have the thing of i have jokes that don't work if you don't have a swear word i have one joke that i feel really bad about because it does not work if i don't put a swear word in and it's about um my ex-wife having she's a children's book writer so obviously i talk about divorce i can talk about divorce a lot this is my second tour show about my divorce and my ex has no avenue to really talk about our divorce so look out for her latest book the selfish Fucking Clown.

But it doesn't work, it doesn't work without fucking

that is a lovely idea that you know that she, you know, the two avenues you have are just they're just not really fair on her, is it?

She's trying to do the next Anton B book, and it's like she's trying to do a book about diggers

subtly put in, you know, you never unpack the dishwasher. This digger, yeah, another one that was the hungry caterpillar who ate so much he was no longer attractive to his partner

On Saturday, he ate a cherry pie, an apple, some licorice, etc., etc. On Sunday, Mrs.
Caterpillar left him.

Okay, so we have this call with the corporate. You're fully genned up on lithium and the precious metals.
They were lovely. I'm looking forward to that.
Doncaster race course. So then where are we?

So it must be, what, 10 or 11 now? It's about 11.

Okay. What did I do then? I did.
How you can't ask me. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

I haven't yet properly got up i'm still doing this in my pajama buttons with a shirt on top and i've washed my face and lovely so now i properly shower because i've got an appointment at two o'clock in town in london and so i properly get up and i i'm a shirt and i want to look nice because it's a podcast that's quite important

it doesn't look like you've ironed a shirt for us how i was dressed because i had to take the car to the garage this morning i have showered and stuff we always ask that at some point

I remember when Gary Lineker did it, Max's first one. Excuse me, have you showered, Gary? He hadn't, so we had to wait 20 minutes.
We told him to go and shower and then he came back, did the episode.

I did my leg exercises as well because I've got knees that are falling apart because I'm in my 50s. Okay, what are your leg exercises?

Well, I'm just doing these things to keep, I'm trying to preserve my knees, which are

quite good. I'm probably going to have knee replacements on certainly one of them.

And so I have to, I've got a little thing and I lie on the bed and I just tense them and then I do some squats with a pillow between my knees.

I don't have a squishy ball, so I put a pillow folded between my knees and I stand up and get down. And I remember to do them yesterday.
So I was...

How did you ruin your knees with respect

to your great fitness levels? Yes. And also

the fact that you're not the most mobile performer on stage. You sound like you're doing Pratt Falls the whole time.

20 years of rugby league. He played for Witness for 25 years.
With this voice. Can you imagine how bullied I was? Come on, boys.

Third tackle.

Third tackle. We really have to get some yards here.

Come on, let's hit them hard and low.

How'd you wreck your knees? To tell you the truth, it probably was congenital. Let's take it quite seriously now.
It's a disability, I believe, but no one else believes it is.

They just have bad things. I'm hypermobile, so my joints are too loose.
So when I did play rugby as a kid, my knees would pop out.

So I've had about four ops on them, and basically it's really damaged the cartilage. You were a proper rugby player, weren't you? I remember talking about this in Canada, David, years ago.

You were Ireland Juniors or something, age group. But I was no good.
I wasn't actually good. So hang on, what level did you actually get to, David? Does he not speak to you about it, Max?

We don't talk to each other. We only find out what the guests did yesterday.

This is the first time we've had a direct conversation.

I played for a team called Ireland Youths, which isn't that high a level, but nonetheless, it has got Ireland in it. Is Ireland Youth the good one? And Ireland Youths was just some nerdy wells.

They were found hanging out on street corners, eating on the street narrow teaching run.

That S really, really made a big difference. Right, okay, so you do your knee.
So, how many reps are you doing out of each squat? It's not many.

It's only like sort of three sets of twelve on each knee, and then three sets of twelve squats.

The reason I mention it is because I actually remembered to do it yesterday, and I find it so hard to remember.

Even though I'm meant to be remembering these things for my ADHD medication ordering my life, I still go, have I done that? And I do actually go to the gym like a fair bit.

And then I got up and I showered after that and looked nice. You pick your podcast outfit for your big appearance on The Rest is Politics.

Which, oh, I'd love to be on The Rest is Politics. No, it was on, it was global media.
It was to do, I was doing the James O'Brien, what's it called?

Like the dedicated hour-long interview with yeah climb inside the mind of cruttendon wow you know and he's had massive people do it and it's a bit of you know i he does have some smaller people do it how you're a good guest you're a great get for this podcast you're a great guest for o'brien i know can i just check how can i just check okay and then and maybe i should ask you this at the end but like james i know james a little bit and he's very good at what he does but we're 37 minutes in would you say actually that that you've given more of yourself to this great question than you did to James O'Brien?

That is so awkward.

No, because the thing is,

his one, okay, I've just looked up the title of it, Full Disclosure, of course. Full disclosure, yeah.
His one was really emotional. It really was.

Have you listened to them?

I know we don't, loads of us don't listen to enough of other people's podcasts. I don't tend to listen to enough comedy podcasts anyway.

But I have listened to yours, obviously, last night when I found out I was on it today. Thank you.
Thanks very much. Sholly Baker's on was lovely.

But he takes you through your life. He's literally going to what happened here, what happened here, what happened here.
I joked with him going, I'm going to try not to cry, thinking I'm not going to.

I was sobbing nearly all the way through, made it through. Wow.
Because it's quite... I found a kind of through line of what made me a comic by talking to him.
It was really weird.

But I mean, I've sort of had that before, but just this, for me, I came to comedy quite late. I mean, late 20s, not late compared to some people.

But it was literally talking about how I did not feel there was a place for me in the world sort of thing. I didn't feel, I never felt quite at home at school.
I never felt that at home at university.

And even at drama school as an actor, I don't feel, I do do acting, but I don't feel like I was really there. And comedy was the place I really felt at home.

Now, David will tell you that there's a lot of people that probably don't think I am very at home in comedy. I'm not a lot of comedy.
No, but

going through that thing was quite moving.

and there were things that you go god yeah i have actually found this and we talked about everything we talked about you know i'd bring up my divorce anyway but we'd talk about my divorce talking about my childhood my dad's death and things like that when you know when i was i wasn't young i was like 20 but i was young for my dad died so it wasn't there were still funny bits in it but it it was quite draining i literally walked out feeling really emotional called my sister who was very excited because james one of the first things he said was i forgot the course your sister was in patang yang kippabang now you won't remember you'll be a bit too young for this guys Patanyang Kippabang was on the second day of channel four in 1982 so it wouldn't be shown in Ireland would it anyway but it was a movie with

it was directed it was by Michael Apted it was gold crest pictures but it was it was a series of movies and it had a lot of attention from teenagers at the time because it was about young love it's sort of post-war it was set in like 1948 and it's at a school in London and this guy falls in love with this girl it's all teenage love and my my sister sister was the main girl in it, was the girl that he falls in love with.

And James went, for a lot of people, my sister was a lot of people's first real love. And I literally went to a new school as that came out with people going, that's your sister.

And it kind of got me through first term of school that my sister was this girl in this movie that everybody had seen.

I mean, it got a limited release in cinemas, but it actually was, it was part of Channel 4 films, which is the beginning of Channel 4. Yeah.
And it got loads of attention.

And there will be people, I know you guys haven't done it, but if you look it up, there's always people, oh yeah, Patagonian Kipperbank.

that was like the teacher was um gavin and stacy the mum lovely old english actress uh glenn close

she's in gavin and stacy and she plays the mum

alison stedman

yeah alison stedman was was the teacher and it was just very funny because james's first thing was like oh i never know that and i immediately called my sister and she my sister went mad because i walked up went i've just been talking about you on this podcast and james o'brien loves you she went but i love james o'brien they're both happily married by the way My sister isn't gonna.

But she went, Oh my god, James O'Brien knows me. I went, James O'Brien fancied you as a kid in this movie.
Are you like to call a family member after this podcast to say how moving this has been?

She might call my sister again to go, Oh no, I've gone and revealed that you love James O'Brien. Oh god, that's awkward.
I do overshare, especially when over-tired. Sorry, no, no, that's good.

Just obviously, we covered the James O'Brien exopod, but we need to know what you've had for lunch and how you get there because we haven't, you know, we need the chronology of this.

So, presume you have a bit of lunch before you leave the house. Do you? Do you know what, guys? I'm really bad at eating during the day.
Okay, so I suddenly arrive. It's half one.

I'm a bit early for this two o'clock thing. And I thought, I've not had anything since breakfast.
So I go. So, have you got the train? Have you got the train there? You've got the tube.

I live in Enfield, which doesn't have a tube stop, but I get Enfield Town down to Seven Sisters and get on the tubes. I don't know why I'm just helping stalkers to find me.

There'll be many after this. Exactly.

And yeah, I go in listening to music to get myself in the right mood because I did want to not mess it up because it was a, I knew it was going to be quite emotional.

It was going to be, it was, it was a thing to be quite open about. It was a podcast that is, I think, quite demanding.
So, what did you listen to?

What did you listen to to get you in that frame of mind? I tend to listen. Oh, it's so embarrassing, though.
No, tell us. This is because I'm going through a sort of midlife crisis, okay?

It's why my comedy show is excellent at the moment, but my interviews are more dangerous. So

I listen to things like Andre Day, Rise Up. I listen to Lily Allen's songs,

her latest breakup album, but also things like the fear, I want to be rich and I want to be famous.

I seem to listen to women all the time. And it's not in a creepy way.
I just, women have the best songs that are about the crappiness of life.

Maybe because, you know, I'm not doing that, oh, life is harder for women, but they articulate their pain better than men, it seems to me, in loads of ways. I can see that.

I also listen, by the way, Survivor by Destiny's Child.

If you ever get dumped, broken up with, divorced i mean you're both i you're both in relationships aren't you max you're you're still with your yeah yes hope so i was when i walked into the shed an hour ago so seriously survivor by destinies child i listen to as a kind of come on you're still going you're still bloody going and i because i've gone through this sort of crisis in my 50s i do I do have to big myself up with music in a way that I didn't used to.

Side issue here. I know this podcast because former Irish Taoiseach Prime Minister Leo Varadkar was one of the last guests before Hal Cruttenden at the old Varadkar to Cruttendon handover.

And it's one of those ones where you're fully in shot the whole time. Did you think about your outfit, Hall? Do you know what? I dress down, but I dress nicely.

I wore that thing where I got, I don't look like I'm trying too hard. So I wore, I don't know what the top is, it's a blue top.
I don't want to describe it. It's kind of, it's not a shirt.

It's like a blouse. Say blouse.
Blouse. Blouse.

Smock.

Smock, the wrong word. But it's sort of dark blue and it's kind of just cotton, but looks nice.

I also, I thought I might sweat a lot, so I have to wear dark colours because I will sweat into, I mean, sweat it. God, TV, the horror of TV for me was sweating.

Well, yeah, during Soccer and Glory years, how Richard Dunwoody, the jockey, came on in a grey shirt. And I would say...

Within 10 minutes of being on the sofa, like rivers, not rivulets, rivers of sweat. And like, obviously, no one mentioned it.
Like, it's live TV, right?

You're all just everyone was just looking at it. And a few times I would get the hair dryer in the ad break because I'm doing three hours of live TV.

Like, if you've got the wrong colour shirt, but he was, it was just like he had the Ganges out of the right one, it was the Amazon out of the left, it was extraordinary.

Isn't it a sign of being supremely fit, though? Boxers sweat a lot in interviews and stuff. Mike Tyson is poor sweating, and so I just like to think it's my fitness that makes me sweaty.

You did the leg squats, you did the leg squats. I appreciate that.

One of the first times I did, never mind the Buzzcocks, probably around 2010, I had a gray shirt on and I was done woodying a little bit.

And they came on and it was one of those moments where you realize, oh, everything on TV is fake. They made me take my shirt off and they put sanitary towels.
Ladies' sanitary towels.

They stuck them to my underarms. Did they put the shirt back on?

Or did it, was there like a continuity name where you had a shirt on and then you just had sanitary, so you just had always simon armstall was like why have you got sanitary towels in your armpits you big weirdo joe swash does the same because i've seen him on a show go that's what i use i have overcome those things i've put things on there and then sweated around them that's how much i can sweat i stress sweat and i also sweat easily with heat and i once had a sweat attack on live tv matthew wright show the channel five thing in the morning where you're on for about two hours and it was interesting because like because they were going oh am i being and they were sort of cutting away and he was going, oh, and panicking.

I went, oh, is it, am I having a bit of a sweat? But I made a big thing about it. I said, no, no, don't cut away.
Let's talk about this. I said, I do have a sweat thing.

It's like if I think I'm feeling hot, then I start sweating more, and the sweat goes off. It was an interesting side discussion.
It's a show about current affairs and chat about current affairs.

And I made it about me, which I think is the secret of my success. Sweating, the perfect silhouette of an always-uh-pad in your armpits.
He's trying to talk about the cost of living crisis. Exactly.

I am imagining James O'Brien didn't get you on to

your love of Marmite and peanut butter toast, though. You know, I'm just trying to keep show differences between James O'Brien's full disclosure and what she did yesterday.
This is so different.

Sorry, if I'm getting to, if I feel like I'm about to cry and talk about myself as a child, then that was the more James O'Brien thing. But yeah, it was, it was really interesting.

It is quite therapied. It's quite sort of therapy that James Brown showed, but I love it.
I think it's brilliant. Yeah, it's really interesting.

But all yours is just as lovely, if not, well, I don't want to start saying reasons.

Does James talk to you before the podcast, or do you like wheeled in, and it's just like away we go? Great question. I did another podcast with him years ago, and so I knew him from years ago.

In fact, I had the once I had the great pleasure of listening to him on the radio in my kitchen, and he read out a tweet I just posted in my phone and went, Oh, this is funny from Hal Crunden.

And it was something about Prime Minister's questions. And I went, It's magic.
I'm in my kitchen and I'm I'm getting a mention on the rate. I just went, I'm so clever.

I've made a political, little political joke, and James thinks it's great enough for Don. Do you know what?

There's something really funny about that is that, you know, obviously you've been on TV loads and yet that moment.

So, like, sometimes if I'm listening to, and I'm back in the UK and I'm listening to the afternoons on Talksport, Hawksman Jacobs, which is a show I host one day a week.

But if I text Paul and Andy and they read it out, I'm like, oh, I'm on the radio. I've got two shows a week on that fucking radio station.
I'd be like, oh my God, I'm early. He's had an exposure.

It could make all the difference.

My dad is very good at crosswords, and he used to regularly win the Independent on Sunday. They have an impossible, I don't know if it's still there.

It was called Beelzebub, and it had no black spaces whatsoever. And he won it so many times, he used to win it under other family members' names then.

And he once won it as me.

And I remember seeing my name in there, but it goes like last week's crossword was won by, I think they, yeah, they send you a chambers dictionary, but I remember about three or four people just came up to me and it meant a lot more to me, even though it was a lie than someone saying, oh, saw you on whatever show or read whatever interview with you was just like, I didn't know that you can do cryptic crosswords and me just nodding.

Did you just accept it? Did you not feel huge guilt? Well, it didn't happen enough that I am now officially putting to bed those rumors that I can do cryptic crosswords.

Yeah, you are being open about it now. But that's, yeah, I think it says a lot about your character.
You didn't immediately feel ashamed.

How long do you record with James? Oh, yeah, I didn't say it.

I hadn't eaten, so I grabbed a bar of thingy. You wanted to know food, didn't you? Sorry, I just didn't get it.
Of course,

I literally had a little energy bar. That's how unhealthy I was.
So, sorry, you've only had two pieces of toast in an energy bar before this big draining ordeal. And how am I, this chubby guy?

It's because I eat late at night. Right, okay.
I look forward to the banquet. Okay.

That finished about 10 past three. Okay, this doesn't sound like a very packed day because then, remember, this is sort of like my day off, Monday and Tuesday.
Today, sorry, I shouldn't.

Okay, we say when we're recording. No, it don't matter.
We don't care at all. This is not live.
Yeah. Because I've been doing tour shows and I had no tour show.

I'm in town. And so

I went to a shot at Gail's, I think, and I had a couple of decaf coffees. Great ham and cheese croissant in there.
I mean, one of the best ham and cheese croissants that you can get.

I had a pastrami sandwich, actually. I remember now because this is when I started eating.
Pastrami sandwich. David, you talk about your personal life, David.
You don't really, do you? I do on this.

I do on this a bit, that this is just about my life. But you guys, you guys have not been in the dating world for a very, very long time, have you? Not for a while.

In fact, me and my wife, you know that show First Dates? They sat in the restaurant with the French girl. We watched that together.

And we just sit there going, it doesn't matter how stale and terrible this gets. I can't go on another First Date.
I can't sit in a restaurant and say, do you you go any brothers and sisters?

Do you like goldfish? Have you ever been to Montevideo? I just can't fucking, I just can't. The thing is, I sort of love it.
I sort of love it. I do.
That's interesting.

Well, I love it and I hate it because it's presenting because I'm an appalling name dropper. I mean, appalling.

And I know that's not attractive, but I can't help it. When I meet new people, I've got, oh, I did this.
I was like, oh, this the other day. Oh, my dad will be Neil Kinnock.
Things like that.

We are silly.

Not showbiz name drops. It's more like politics.
It's more like, like, you know, quite minor rugby players who know me. I'm going, yeah, thanks very much.

Actually, massive name drop, massive name drop. I can't stop.
Joe Marla started following me on Instagram recently. Yeah.

And I knew him through someone else, but I'd met him only on, I've never really met him. And he said, thanks for the follow, mate.
Because I followed him back. He went, thanks for the follow-mate.

I went, Joe, you're a legend. I mean, he knows I'm not that pro him because he's a Harlequins player and I'm a Sarry's fan, Sarah's fan.
So he's a bit evil. I'd like a more obscure.

It'd be better if you were like, oh, Topsy Ojo followed me, you know, some barely remembered player from the middle of the day.

I did get very drunk and sort of go up to Topsy Ojo at Twickenham at about two and a half years ago and just go on and on about what a wonderful broadcaster I thought he was.

And I think he thought I was coming on to him. He is so lovely.

And I was so drunk. I was going, you just have a warmth that's fantastic, Topsy.
You are so good. And I know he was thinking, oh my God, this guy.

So I must admit, I quite like that first date thing because

I don't know, maybe it's a performing thing of, particularly this is is the middle-aged man thing.

And I think comics, it's not that we say anything particularly funnier or more interesting, but we're just good at talking. And loads of men are bad at talking.

And women, particularly the older they get, really love that. So I know that I'm quite fun.
And I do this other thing, though, of always paying, which I know sounds old-fashioned, but it's not.

I do it so that in case they have a horrible time, they go, at least I didn't pay.

It's just polite. But is there not the fear that, you know, kind of like the second time someone sees your new tour show,

you know, as regards the second date where you burn all the good gear? Like, I'm talking about dating now, like it's stand-up comedy, but you've used your strong material in the first one.

And by about date four, they're like, this guy is a husk. This guy is just like an echoing, sad cave.
Day four is just the lithium minerals. You know, you're just doing yours.

Amethyst, tell us to do some of your amethyst material there,

i think i i do have a lot of opinions on a lot of things so i'm not talking i'm not showing off about my career or my job or anything like that i really don't do that i tend to play down i play low status so they don't realize how dangerous i am that sounds really threatening i mean dangerous emotionally

i mean dangerous emotionally I was chatting to a friend of mine who has, you know, just split from his partner and was dating. And he was telling me his story.

And I was like, wow, this is just like when you're 16.

He was like, yeah, because they got together and then they were of doing a course together, and it was like then they spit up, and now they're not talking.

And everyone else in the course is like, What are you saying? They're not talking to each other, and you're like, Yeah, oh man, this is exactly like when you're 15.

Like, my friend was saying, It's exactly teenager dating, even to the point where if you happen to go back for a cup of tea after whatever the pub, they're either living in a tiny room above a shop, or it's

my elderly mother is asleep upstairs, and it's just this this is like we are 18 again.

It is very hard, that thing, because I have two girls. I have my two daughters in my house.
Though my daughters are getting quite used to saying hello to people.

Well, presumably, when they come in, wheel in your breakfast. They notice, don't they?

Exactly. They bring breakfast.

But they're very nice about it. But it is hard.

You're still living having to be careful or having to be quiet or having, you know, coming in late and stuff. So it is, it is, yeah.

I would imagine, like, this is a very full day so far, emotionally, highs and lows. What next, how?

And then I'm sitting in the Uber

and I look at my emails, and I get an email from my PR, Flick, going, and tomorrow morning at 10, you're doing what did you do yesterday podcast? I went, oh my God, oh my God.

So I got into a complete, oh my God, what was this? Yes, I know this one. I remember this.
And I'd not put it in my diary.

And I was going, oh, I've got to take the car in to do that tomorrow because I've had to take the car car in for a service. And will I get back in time? So I was sort of, oh, I've got to set my alarm.

Oh, God, I've got to do this. And people are so happy to come on our podcast, Max.
It's just, it's a real notch on the bed post of podcasting.

Honestly, it's brutal. I have to serve as a Ford Cosworth.
Oh, my goodness. Just brings on a panic attack.
And people find out they're on.

I was desperately looking at emails going, do I need to do preparation? Oh, God. And then I realized, oh, God, it's this, I've got to do about this day.

And going, oh, God, this day is quite a personal day. I'm probably going to overshare, which I have done.
So I started listening to your podcast.

I ended the day going, I should listen because I'm terrible with podcasts. I don't listen to another comic.
I shouldn't admit that, should I? I will listen to it for now and I promise.

Which episode did you choose? Charlie Baker. But I only listened to the beginning because I had to go to sleep.
So I was insecure because Charlie's obviously, you know, you know Charlie well.

He's your great mate. And I'm Felix.
You're going, well, they're not going to like me as much as they like Charlie. So I don't sleep.

Hang on. Let's just, before we get to this awful ending to the day, something to look forward to for everyone, we get home.
It suddenly got freezing as well, didn't it, yesterday?

So I was like, I'd gone out with just this top and this, and a long coat. Your blouse.
You're just in a blouse.

You're in a blouse. Your James O'Brien blouse.
Exactly. My James O'Brien blouse and a long coat.
And it got really freezing. What time were we home? Probably about 11.30.

Oh, wow. Okay.
Yeah. And straight to bed? No, I didn't get sleep till about

half one. I think I was listening to the podcast.
I was

doing mulling things over. I do waste a lot of time.
Oh, I'd forgotten about this, about posting things on social media.

So that ruins my evening as well. So I posted something on Instagram, a silly video of my go and look for it, actually.
My agent coming to see me.

And my support act for my tour is with the same agent as me. And I made a little video about how, even though I'm getting on as an act, my agent's still so fascinated in me.

And in the background, he's talking to my support act, Samira Banks. And Christian, my agent, just keeps on talking and ignoring me.

While I'm going, Christian, Christian, it's quite a funny video that again did not get what it deserved. It only got about 3,000 views on Instagram.

But I find when I put something out, it ruins my evening because I end up going, How's that doing? How's that doing? How's that doing? I mean, the ones you love never do well. The rubbish takes off.

I don't get it. The best thing I've posted in the last two years was when I really did a brilliant reverse park of the situation.
I knew it was going to be a good thing.

I an amazing reverse park into a tiny space and I filmed the video going, how good is this? I've parked this car so well and it went absolutely insane.

And most of the stuff I posed gets virtually nothing. Oh my God.
Was it a video of parking? It was just you talking about it. Yeah, yeah, I said, look, I parked this car.

I was next to Archie Thompson, former soccer room. He hadn't videoed the parking itself.
It was just this weird, smug afterglow.

It turns out what people want is really self-satisfied people saying they just did something well. I find the ones that really take off are anything political.
Then people can argue about it.

Do you ever go at Trump?

My Trump ones have gone mad if I don't. But I did one that was about a woman.
I was in a four-court, garage four court, and she said, I'm so sorry, I can't open my bonnet. Can you help?

And I went, oh yeah, I'm sure you just feel under here. And she popped it, but she couldn't feel it.
It was a new car or something. And I went, oh, yeah, there it is.
You just do that.

And I opened it for her. And then I got back in my my car and went, My life is meant.
I've just known something.

So impractical.

The fact I actually could open her bonnet when she couldn't. And I did what, you know, that sort of thing men are meant to be able to do is be practical about cars.

And for once, I fitted in, for once, it was a moment of such triumph. And it sort of took off.

I don't think it was really people supporting me, just laughing at me being how ridiculous I'm. It's interesting the similarity between these two videos.

This seems to be what people and the algorithm want: just, yeah, generally cars involved and you furiously flagellating yourself in the back for having just done something quite basic. Exactly.

I know. I know.
Do you sleep with the podcast playing on the pillow then, honey? No, I turned it off after a while and went, oh, it'll be fun. I've got to get sleep.
I go to sleep trying to be quiet.

I mean, I have to be quiet for my daughters who aren't getting up for proper work.

I mean, one isn't working, but one gets up at seven for work.

So it's just that weird thing of creeping around your house because i'm the one that's late you know and gets in trouble for making a noise question how do the meds keep you awake or have they sort of worn off by now it's harder to nap with them and i usually used to nap a lot i used to nap before gigs i nap every day in edinburgh but i find napping is harder but i still manage to i probably will try and get a nap in today because i've literally woke up at five in the morning mulling over my conversation with my ex and

so i've only had about three and a half hours sleep so i went to sleep at 1 30.

so it is harder to sleep but you're generally happier so you're tired but happy

being tired and happy is a good place to be i think yeah that's a great place to be i have stopped in the car at like three or four in the afternoon once between gigs when i was touring and still had a nap and that was on meds so i think i'm getting my body's adjusting to them and i'm seeing my guy at five today who's probably going to go you've not improved at all you're appalling

i've just overshared on the podcast is that normal it's alwin he listens back to your episode of james o'brien and james o'brien asks how are you at the start and you talk for one hour and ten minutes it's the first time o'brien has left the podcast to go to the shop and comes back and smokes a few marlborough lights he did a pilates class didn't he and came back and you said well let me start with my childhood i am a bit known like that have I done that on this?

No, you're good, though. You don't.
I have done journalist interviews for tour things and they've asked three questions in an hour and I've gone. I just go off.

I'm also quite a lonely figure that just quite likes talking to people.

Hal, you have been absolutely perfect. Thank you very much for coming on.
What did you do yesterday? Brilliant.

So there is Hal Crutton done yesterday. We can only criticize all the guests we've had so far for not being as open.
Do you think this might be the least erotic podcast that there's ever been?

I mean, I've got to say, I host two podcasts and I think it's quite between them, it's close. And which is the least erotic?

At least this starts, this often starts and ends in the bedroom.

I don't think anyone has ever brought someone home and just, you know, maybe prepare a little whiskey and I'll just pop something on.

And they put on the Ashes podcast, hosted by Jeff Levin and Max Rush.

I try to know: has anybody made love to this or Football Weekly? I don't like to think of it like that, you know.

They have by mistake, like it came on after something else for Devon. Right, I see.
After your saxophone playlist, it just automatically.

If you have ever made love to the What Did You Do Yesterday podcast, please let us know. This is how to get in contact.

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidydo yesterdaypod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod.

And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.

Thank you, David. I had a nice time.
And I tell you this, I am in it for life. Thanks, Hal Cruttenden.

Thank you, Hal. Yeah, what a day.

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