If I Ruled the World: Creating Chaos with Anele and Sizwe

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Okay, what do you think is worse?

Finding out the person you're with has a secret husband or wife or being the secret husband or wife?

Finding out that they're the secret.

Because if you are the secret, you've got control.

You're in on it.

You're in control.

Huh.

Yeah, don't ever be the one who gets blindsided.

Now you're the one.

Wait, you'd rather be the secret.

The secret?

Yeah.

There's power in that.

The one that's the secret has got the choice, has got the choice to not be the secret.

But they don't.

The one that is, that is none the wiser.

All of their choices have been taken away.

You might never know.

I always think to myself, it would be nice to be at a funeral and find things out.

You know, you hear these stories of people where they're at a funeral and they found the person they've been married to forever, right?

And then at the funeral, they meet another family and they're like, oh, who are you?

We've never met you.

And they go, we're the family.

And they're like, no, no, we're the family.

And then it becomes, I think that's nice.

Because it's nice to like, because think about it.

A funeral, you feel like it's the end of your journey.

But now it's nice to be like, there's like a spin-off series.

There's nothing fun.

There's nothing fun about finding

it's better than a person just dying, guys.

No.

No, bro.

I'd rather my dad dies and then we go and then we're all the one family going there, and we're also one family coming back.

That's it.

Wouldn't you rather have like new siblings now, new everything?

Because, guys, the one that was the Zoom is the best.

You're selfish.

That's your problem.

You're selfish.

The one that's the number one, I want a spin-off series.

This is What Now

with Trevor Noah.

Check how good this thing smells.

What is it?

It's easy.

Oh, the thing.

What's that?

My hand lotion.

Yes.

Yeah, I'm doing it.

Jesus.

This is amazing.

I'm doing it.

I smell like.

Is this just an excuse for you just trying to show us your ring?

That is funny.

I don't need any excuse.

I've noticed since marriage, you've taken like the amount of hand gestures you do.

Rubbish!

Rubbish.

I always spoke with my hands.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, militant.

No, you see, you spoke like that with your hands.

You've been with me for how many years?

You've never complimented my hand cream.

And then now you're like, oh, the hand cream.

Smell it.

Move like you've just scrubbed in.

Smell it.

Smell it, clean it.

It's a good day to save lives, people.

Congratulations.

Do you know how?

We haven't been on the podcast since you've been married.

Oh, yes.

No, what I was thinking when I was on my way here is that you basically have a podcast all around me.

Because the first time was when I was turning 40.

That's true.

And then the second time was when my movie was nominated for an Oscar.

Yes.

And now I'm engaged.

This is the What Now podcast.

Thanks to Anelle.

Write me my check.

So how does it feel to be a wife?

I'm like spoiled.

I'm tampered.

It's nice.

I do nothing, which is great.

No.

Yeah,

that's what they try to sell us women.

That, yeah, you must cook, you must clean.

Uh-uh, none of that.

The real marriages, it's the man that does everything.

Wait, so you don't cook anymore?

I do cook, but that's all I need to do oh okay like absolutely all i need to do yeah because i was going to be like you not cooking is a bit of a bit of punishment for me no but for everyone no but for everyone just as like a concept now now i have like a vested interest in destroying your marriage no don't do that no i'm saying if you didn't cook i'm saying if you didn't cook okay no i promise you it's um it's so nice to find a partner like i've literally found an equal like he's he's my partner he's like he's my dude is my guy that's amazing yeah i'm i feel so protected and safe.

And it's just the entire thing.

Also, because he's the one person in the world that I don't have to convince to be on my side.

Oh, he's automatically on my side.

He's automatically on my side.

But, well, in public.

But if we get home.

No, no, no.

That's the whole point of a relationship.

And then you feel like, ah, baby.

In public, you say, yeah, I'm with you.

I'm with you.

I'm with you.

And then when you go, yes.

It's the opposite of Elon Musk and Donald Trump.

Yeah, no, totally.

Yeah, they were supposed to do it.

If they were married, they'd do it the other way around.

They just went together too many places.

That's another thing that i've realized that's how every relationship ends exactly yeah there's no ways that you guys can beat i mean every time we saw donald trump elon musk was there that relationship that's gonna fail have you been sees are you married maybe

and you know what it's so plausible that sees would get married and tell none of us he would do that and and he does this every now and then on social media where people he's like yo i'm sitting with my wife and kids and then people have a a meltdown because every woman in the country is hoping to be seized with wife and kids.

Wait, have you actually done this?

What, married?

You said like I'm sitting with my wife and kids and then.

Oh, sometimes.

Yeah.

Huh.

Why do you do that?

Because maybe I'm married.

Who is this?

Sometimes I'll be cheating with my wife and she'll be like, yo, cheat that.

And then one day I want to show my kids and cheat them.

When they're old enough.

Look at these guys.

Your wedding is going to be the first wedding I've ever attended.

I know that.

Ever in my life.

I know that.

Are there any tips I should never?

You've worked at a wedding, though.

Say again?

You've worked at a wedding.

Yeah, but that's not attending a wedding.

A lot of people work at weddings, bro.

Imagine if people serving food are like, oh, this is my fourth wedding I've attended.

No, bro, you worked at the wedding.

I'm not.

And my mashed potato is cold.

Yes.

You don't attend a wedding if you're working at a wedding.

I've never attended a wedding ever in my life.

Is there anything I should know beforehand?

Are there things I should or shouldn't do?

No,

I mean, you'll be fine.

Trevor, you've been to the Oscars and the Grammys I think yeah but that's not the same are you sure

oh boy do you panic when you have to go to events like that because a little bit of me is panicked for you why because of people and I and I know my people and I love my people but you must realize something else about a wedding is that those are not all oh they're not all your people my people yeah so you know it's funny you say that so part of the reason I've never been to weddings is because I work too much the other reason is people don't invite me to their weddings or people uninvite me because I'm me.

So, multiple brides have said, We don't want Trevor at our wedding because you can't have two brides.

Well, there you have it.

And Songo Krim, look, is already

out here wearing the bridal gala.

I mean, come on.

No, literally, people have said to me, They go, so then the husband will have to come and tell me, Hey, man,

we're getting married.

I'm like, Congrats!

When's the and they're like, Yeah, that's why I'm here to tell you.

Uh,

she asked that you don't come, and I'll be friends with both of them.

And she's like, yeah, I just don't want Trevor there.

And you know what?

People don't understand.

I have a hard rule that I do not take photos at weddings with people, right?

Because it's all about the couple.

Please, leave me out.

No selfies.

No selfies.

Okay, would you be offended if I came in a disguise?

No, I'd actually be quite entertained.

Yes.

Because I was thinking about this the other day.

Michael Jackson used to go out in full prosthetic makeup.

And I was like, maybe I'll come as like an old man from somewhere, just like make it interesting.

And then when people say,

Where's Trevor?

He's here.

Yeah, you just go like, he's here.

You didn't see him?

He's here.

I'll just put you at my dad's table.

Yeah, and I'll just be like, I can just be like some old man from somewhere.

Anele, I've known her for many years.

Ah, so exciting, Anele.

What a wife.

What a wonderful time.

And they're like, who is this guy?

I'll just be like the life of the party.

I'll be the life of the party.

And then watch as the evening progresses.

No reveal.

No reveal.

No reveal.

I just rolled through your party.

Actually, just rumble.

Yeah, Jean-Manuel.

Oh, yes, I've known Nanele for many years.

But do you not want to be seated around your friends?

I do.

But then people are going to be like, who's the random guy with Kaya Colin?

Jean-Manuel.

We've known him for years.

That's all you got to say.

You are one of those people where no one will wonder why you know a random French person.

This is true.

You've traveled the world.

This is very true.

You're close friends.

There's a shame.

There's a poor French person who's going to get accosted at the wedding now.

People are going to be taking pictures of this guy.

And he's going going to be like, guys, oh no.

And then they're going to, Trevor, Art Trevor, let's have a picture, Trevor.

Ah, Trevor, don't be like that.

Oh, boy.

Man, it's going to be crazy.

Well,

the reason I invited you here, my friends, is I realized the other day we've never played a game of If I Rule the World together.

If I rule the world together.

How does it work?

Yes.

You know what?

I knew you were going to want the rules, and I'm going to have to break them down for you.

Analy will just play the game because you're a normal human being.

Sees where is a robot, so I have to explain this to you.

It's if I rule the world, but don't think of it as like a you

it's not like a it's magic, but it's not magic, okay?

It's a thought exercise, so it does need to make sense.

It's the whole it's better if it doesn't make sense, but your motives need to make sense.

And what you're trying to do is convince the other two people

that your idea of the world should be implemented because you justify it.

Do you get what I'm I'm saying?

100%.

See, go.

If I rule the world, all elections would be at the same time.

All countries, it's like, yo, man, elections on this day, same limit terms, and we all go to elections and we vote and then we rule.

Huh.

There's more to this.

I can add to it as you progress, but that's a starting point.

Okay, so if you rule the world, everyone in the world would have their elections on the exact same day,

exact same time.

Basically, you'd be...

Terms would be aligned.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My question: that even countries that don't have elections, you would say

Well, so

you know, you laugh, but you raised a very good point.

That's a random question.

That was so great.

No, no, you raise a very good point.

So, when everybody else has elections, countries like North Korea,

you just load your gun, and that's the day you load your guns.

Okay, so if your exchange of power happens via violence, you're getting popped off that day.

So, you're not judging how they elect their leader, but you just want it to happen at the same time.

Yes.

But wait a minute.

So why?

So that the person who comes into power comes into power with every other person, and then you guys lead in unison.

I like

the idea, but I'm worried about a few things.

Okay, first of all, do you not worry that if we do this, you could create a world where everything goes wrong at the same time?

Because think, okay, let's look at the world right now, right?

So Donald Trump won the election.

Before Donald Trump won, most or many countries in the world were swinging right, right?

So, in Canada, they were leaning right.

The right-wing party was going to win.

All over Europe, right-wing parties were going to win.

Like, this was everywhere.

It was, you know, people were leaning right.

Donald Trump wins, starts playing with the economy.

He's playing right into my trap.

Yeah, I don't know.

Why are you setting traps?

What kind of friendship is that?

No,

it's not a trap.

So, anyway, but no, no, no.

But now, so everyone, and then what happened was people went, actually, wait, we don't want that.

Yes.

We don't want that, So we're not going to vote that way.

And then Canada flipped the other way, right?

So the Liberal Party won.

And then around the world, this started happening in other places.

I think Australia had a similar outcome.

So aren't you worried that if everyone votes at the same time, everything can go wrong at the same time?

So you're 100% correct.

That would happen.

Or that does have a potential to happen.

Yeah.

But that's actually not a bad thing.

That's a good thing.

In fact, it's one of the mitigating factors of disaster because the greatest risk is inequality.

Some of the greatest countries actually fail because they do so well, while other countries are doing so poorly that people flock to these great countries.

Then these countries get burdened.

Healthcare, everything really starts to fail because everybody's going there.

If we're all failing, nobody's going to leave their country because where are you going?

So

every zone must be a war zone, right?

And then that.

It doesn't necessarily have to be war, but if the economy is tanking, it's tanking everywhere.

I'm telling you, there's going to be no 46 refugees going to the US.

Because everyone's a refugee.

Everybody's going to stay at home and pull their own weights.

Where are we going?

Let's just speak to the...

No, I don't think that argument holds water because then I'd still want to go somewhere else for better weather.

Okay, yeah, you can go for better weather.

Yeah, but refugees don't travel for better weather.

I don't know.

Okay, I understand

the definition of refugees.

South Africans really have changed the definition of refugees because before this, refugees only went to another country because like they had to and they had no life um and their bags didn't have wheels our refugees they were dragging their luggage yes normally refugees have baggage not luggage this is very different

so um yes uh i hear what you're saying but i i i don't think people will travel for weather but i do think anila is right about places still being better than other places

yeah so places will inherently be better than others but you want to tank it all at once or win all at once well the idea is not to tank anything.

The idea is actually to progress all at once.

Because now, here's my idea of the leadership, right?

Okay, go.

It's essentially the avengers of each region.

Let's speak about Africa maybe, to start off with.

Okay.

When you look at the liberation of Africa from colonialism, Obviously it gets staggered, but majority of the good times happened between 1955, so like maybe 1965, right this is the good times for africans or for the colonial powers no for africans okay that's when most

getting 100 okay

but if you look at the people that were at the helmer leadership at the time you had the kwame krumas for example in ghana you had julias niderere in tanzania you had kenneth kauna in zambia uh you had all those people i mean oh tambour even who wasn't in south africa but working for the ac stationed in in in lusaka right

you need people to think in a similar fashion and then to help each other along the way.

Like, yo, man, let's do this, let's do that.

Because it doesn't help for a Trevor to be like, okay, I'm holding down South Africa.

Things are maybe going okay here.

And then Anele is busy messing things up in Kenya.

But how do you know that everything is going to stabilize at the same time as well?

Because each different region is going to come up, come against different resistance.

Yeah, 100%.

It won't stabilize at the same time.

But you will start working towards the goal at around about the same time.

I do think there is some merit to this because if you think about

every conflict and every negotiation that happens around the world, many of them are thrown off by a regime change at the wrong time.

Yes.

Right?

So Israel-Palestine is a good example.

Some of the most progress they ever made was thrown off by an Israeli election.

And all of a sudden, there was a new leader who's like, actually,

everything you were agreeing to, I don't care about it.

And we're starting again.

Trump is a great example.

As America was, you know, Joe Biden was like, I'm doing this, I'm doing that.

And then, even the other way, by the way, you know,

when Joe Biden came in after Trump, it throws everything off.

But what's to say that every, it doesn't matter about the timing that we're all getting a new leader at the same time.

Maybe I come in and I don't agree with what has been happening in this country.

But what Caesar's saying is that you don't agree.

But Caesar's saying you don't agree at the same time, at least.

But also, we just have elections.

It's not to say that just because there are elections, we're going to change.

We may have elections and decide we're keeping Anele for another five years or however long the the term is right also your people get to decide so the majority wins but winner takes all like the electoral college right

so even if you win by 51

now you're going to be a dictator the other 49 can go this is what you're adding to your thing yeah that i agree with wow yeah now you've got my attention so if you win by 51 yeah now everybody's got to roll with you there's none of this every time you're going to put this thing to a referendum you lost bro so now take your l swallow these stones, let's go.

Sometimes, and I think this is South Africa at times, that we just do need a little bit of a dictatorship,

just a little one, not a big one, not a big one.

Not a big one,

you're being like, Come on, Trevor, just a little dictatorship, come on, just a tip.

So, you are all in on an election on one day, and the winners take it all.

Yes,

I just want to throw one thing here, just to confirm before I vote on your measure.

Do the winners in your system have the right to say that there's no more elections going forward?

No.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

So what's the main thing that you think this will fix, though?

The progress will move a lot quicker and it will fix the idea of

progress.

Well, not necessarily progress, but the timing issue.

A lot of what we have is also just the timing issue, which you've already mentioned.

Countries starting at a different time, wrong time.

100%.

Yeah, yeah.

We don't get to start our negotiations at at the same time.

And also, here's one very important factor that people don't consider.

Each era requires a different type of leadership.

But then who decides that it is now time for a different type of leadership?

So I can only give you the opportunity.

The people actually decide.

So

what will happen is, on aggregate, the people will elect the people that they think they need the most.

Then I'll say, okay, this country has decided.

This country can go left.

That country can go right, but they're all going to go wherever they need to go at that time.

I'm not, you know, when you started, I was

a solid no, but you are.

I'm making sense.

No, no, no.

I mean, look, sense is the one thing you always make.

The thing I worry most about is like feasibility.

But sense, yes.

No, no, it's not feasible.

You know, you're going to be the first person who's ever argued against themselves.

Talk myself out of the W.

Let's go.

Talk myself out of the W.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Okay.

So if you look at game theory.

Game theory.

Yes.

Basically, there are certain models that help us determine what human behavior is likely to tell us and do, right?

So I'll use the stag theory for one.

If

us three decide that we're going to go hunting,

and we can either go hunting for a stag,

If we get a stag, we are all going to eat.

Yeah.

So much so that we're going to be full and there's going to be meat left over.

But the tools for us to be able to hunt a stag are very particular tools.

When we leave the house, we need to decide.

Or we can all go hunt for rabbits.

Now, we, all three of us, need to contribute to be able to get the stag.

But if you want to go hunt a rabbit, you can do it by yourself.

And you eat it by yourself.

Yeah.

You almost guarantee that you will catch a rabbit if you go hunt for a rabbit.

Okay.

But a rabbit will just feed you for maybe half a day.

Then you're going to go catch another rabbit.

But if we decide we get a stag and we catch a stag, well, we're going to be chilling.

It's bountiful.

Yes.

And so, what does game theory suggest?

Wow.

We all start from different houses and we can't communicate which tools we're gonna take.

We agree, yeah, that we're gonna go hunt for a stag.

Yeah, then you go sleep at home.

While you're sleeping, Trevor goes,

I don't know.

Caesar's really gonna hunt for a stag with me.

Because if I just go and hunt for a rabbit, I'm guaranteed I'm gonna eat.

However, if I think we're hunting for a stag and Caesar doesn't play with me, we're all gonna starve.

We're all gonna starve.

Humans, because they act in their own best interest, will most likely all go for a rabbit.

But is that true though?

Is that how society is?

If you think about it, right?

Think of tribes, think of cultures, think of everything.

That goes against game theory in a way.

No, we're hopeful.

So, again, between us three, you may take it for a given that we'll all go hunt for a stag.

Yeah.

But obviously, there's emotions involved with us.

We're all friends.

If I say I'm going to bring another guy, we don't know.

He's a part of us now.

Now there's a problem.

You see?

Yes.

Because it's a trusting.

It is a trusting.

It's a trusting.

And that's how societies work.

You trusted yourself.

Yeah, but now let's bring it back to.

So why do you think that'll hurt your voting system?

Because inevitably, it means that this system will break down at some point.

And what do you think will break down innit?

As the monarch may give an instruction, and these prime ministers or presidents may go against my instruction.

No, you rule.

They may rule.

You're thinking too hard.

No, but they may go, actually, it's just a world.

no, no, no, you rule the world.

You can't doubt yourself, bro.

Look at royal family.

No, no, no, I'm not doubting myself.

I'm doubting humans, actually.

Anne is not convinced yet.

I'm absolutely not convinced.

You are starting to make sense now about humans

acting in self-interest.

And this is why I don't think your theory would work.

It's because sooner or later, people like power.

No one's going to want to let go of power regardless of what other countries are doing.

And actually, that's when we will start fighting with other countries.

That's how world wars happen, because we just start fighting other countries because we don't agree on how we should all be doing things.

So tell me how do you think you can work with this?

Because I've also got another way to mitigate this idea.

I can't work with it.

It doesn't work at all.

Okay, that's to say it doesn't work at all.

No, it doesn't work.

No, but wait, but wait, wait, wait.

Even the broadcaster in me is like, CNN can't keep up with all these elections at the same time, CZ.

But that's a good thing.

What do you mean that's a good thing?

We don't care about the broadcasters.

This is about democracy.

I can't believe that you literally just went, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

And if anything, I know that the world is at stake.

But guys, what about CNN?

Yes.

You literally brought CNN in.

You brought CNN up.

I'm talking about the state of the world.

Yes.

Because somebody has to report on it, guys.

No, why?

Because somebody has to know what's happening.

Why?

How are these countries?

Nobody get it.

Let me get her.

No, but we can get it.

You know who covered these elections?

Who?

They'll be covered locally.

Yes.

By who?

By the 947 of the world.

No, but guys, but guys, also, we are people.

You have to know what's happening in the other country, Cisway.

No, we don't.

No, you don't, actually.

You can just text each other.

This is the beauty.

This is the beauty of the system.

Every country takes care of its own.

You know what CISO is doing?

Yes, but how would you know if the other countries according to the rules?

So, Annele, can I tell you what CISO is doing?

As you both know, I'm a big fan of football,

as Americans say, soccer.

And on the final day of the Premier League in England, a lot of leagues do this around the world.

What they started doing is they started saying that every game on the final day is played at the exact same time.

So every other week, games are staggered so that you can watch all the games and you can see who won, who la, oh, and then you play the next game.

But what they realized at some point was, on the final day, there are teams who will play a certain way because they already know a result has gone in a direction that suits them.

Oh,

you see.

So they will go, if we win this game, our rivals who are playing another game actually benefit.

So we should lose this game to hurt our rivals because they're in a lower position on the table than we are.

So then they realize: no, every game must play at exactly the same time so that you don't know how your fate is going to affect the other or be affected by the other.

Bookies must hate that.

I mean, I think they love it actually

because it's chaos.

Bookies love chaos.

Right?

But the thing it's done, to Caesar's point, is it's made it that everyone just has to focus on their game.

You can't play your game based on another game.

And so what Caesar is basically saying is, you shouldn't have your election in your country based on another country.

And in fact, let's be honest, let's think about it.

America has an outsized influence on other countries' elections, but they don't really have an outsized influence on the effect inside your country.

Do you get what I'm saying?

There are many countries in the world who will vote a certain way because of the vibe that America is putting out.

And that may not be in the best interests of the country if they voted blindly.

An example, you won't be able to be like, oh, we saw what happened with Brexit.

What do we think in America?

No, it's like it's all happening at once.

We all walk walk out of our doors the next day and we're like, How?

You did that?

And now we're in.

Right.

So that's that's what he's saying.

Any more questions?

No, because I've got so many more answers.

I mean, I don't know.

How long have you been thinking about this?

About a week.

About ruling the world.

Caesar wakes up every day thinking this.

Every single day, Cesare.

Caesar asked himself, he goes, Why don't I rule the world?

That's what he asked himself every day when he wakes up.

That's what he's asking Chat GPT.

That's every day.

I rule the world.

You know, I still don't have ChatGPT.

Really?

I believe that because you are ChatGPT.

Why would an AI use an AI?

I've always felt like it's cheating.

Yeah, because you're an AI.

Just, yo, man, what happens to intrinsic knowledge?

Just work with what you got, bro.

No, bro.

People are doping now.

Where did you get it?

This knowledge?

From a book.

Yeah, but this is like a book.

So that's ChatGPT.

But it's not an open book test.

See, this is life, bro.

Study before the book.

Don't get distracted by this guy.

Are you ready to vote?

Yeah.

So we're voting.

I vote for Cesare's amendments.

Do I get to vote?

No, you're you.

You can't vote.

Well, if you're gonna be a stalemate then.

Yeah, then you lose.

That's how it works on this show.

You didn't say that.

Is that your I rule the world?

No.

That's how it works.

No, man.

No, that is exactly how it rules.

And I missed you.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no.

I'm I'm pretty um I just need more explanations maybe just like on a granular Okay, explain to me how this idea is worse than what we kind of have.

She wants CNN to be able to cover.

You lost to Anele when you said CNN can't cover elections.

The broadcaster in her got so hurt.

It's because you make it seem like it's going to be so easy.

Things are going to happen and then it's going to be smooth sailing.

But as we've seen with countries and elections, it is really the most tumultuous time of any country.

And Caesar wants a tumultuous all at once.

I'm not saying everything is going to be solved by this.

I'm just saying it's just a better system than what we currently have.

That's all it is.

I'm not saying we're not going to solve every problem problem with this.

Dude, there are plenty of problems.

But it definitely is an improvement from what we have.

Caesar's basically saying, you know, sometimes you go to a party and then people get drunk at different times in the night.

Caesar's like, everyone's getting drunk at the same time.

You're all getting wasted.

If there's a fight, everyone's fighting.

I hate that I'm now convinced using a drunk theory.

Because she knows

there's going to be a moment where there's peak enjoyment for everybody.

Or peak chaos.

Yeah.

Because you see, the other argument is, if you go to a party and people get staggered, it is nice to have a few sober people to be like hey man you've had too much and then other people to be drunk and make the party move that's what that's where aneda is but hold on so let me explain that right so let's go let's say it goes peak chaos yeah right

you know what's worse than peak chaos staggered chaos you think so yes try to break up a fight yeah and then as soon as you're done breaking up this fight then another one breaks out then another one breaks out rather there's one huge fight then when the guys are done you go okay now let's go clean the blood so when when everyone has killed each other yes essentially Because that's each other.

That is peach.

It's not possible for everybody to kill each other.

Okay, one understanding.

If anything, this theory just gets better and better.

I'm not going to go back and get it.

I'm voting against it.

I'm voting against it.

I'm voting against it.

All right, no, I'm sorry.

But why are you voting against it?

No, exactly that.

The weak die.

Cease.

Oh, you've got an allegiance to weakness now.

Is that what you're saying?

No, but I'm just saying that you cannot have a chaotic system everywhere in the world.

So everywhere there's it like there's war, everywhere there's fighting.

But that's a worst case scenario.

It will never happen like that.

No, but that's not how the game works.

You can't be like, well, you know, on the best case scenario, it's unlikely to happen like that because this theory is based on majority ruling.

Generally, people are scared of the majority.

Yes, but once again, the majority themselves can also fight amongst each other.

So you're thinking that just because the majority rules and it's going to be fine, nothing's going to happen.

But now, once we're done winning and now we are the 51%, that then becomes 100% in charge of everything.

We're going to start fighting inside that 51% because inherently humans want power.

Sounds like you're still a no.

No, no, wait.

Forget, you still haven't explained to me how the status quo is better at mitigating that than my system, though.

As in what's currently happening now.

No, that wasn't my job to explain that.

I know, I know things are not going well, but your system is definitely not better.

It's way better.

Sorry, Cesare.

This is how it works.

You're a hater, but it's fine.

All that matters.

Single Anele would have voted for this.

No.

Wow.

Shit's changed.

Shit's changed.

Okay, shit's changed.

All right.

Okay, well, Cesre, I'm sorry.

I'm familiar with the feeling you have right now.

I've never won an If I Rule Below.

Yeah, because your ideas were just horrible.

Who's the hater now?

I'm just saying.

Wow, my ideas are great.

We're going to continue this conversation right after the short break.

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Are you ready to get spicy?

These Dorito's Golden Sriracha aren't that spicy.

Sriracha sounds pretty spicy to me.

Um, a little spicy, but also tangy and sweet.

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Try Dorito's Golden Sriracha.

Spicy.

But not too spicy.

Lindsay, yours?

Okay, Anelé.

If I ruled the world, I have to actually have two, and I always have two.

So the other one.

Just pick your best one.

Okay, my best one.

If I ruled the world, everyone, and I mean everyone, would have to live 10 minutes from where they work.

Max.

Max.

10 minutes by car, by train, by bus, by walking, by

everything.

So I'd find that every single country has to have such a great public service transport system that it doesn't matter where you live, where you work, but you have to live 10 minutes away.

Have to live 10 minutes.

So, no one can live more than 10 minutes.

Well, if you want to, that's really up to you.

But I just feel that life would be easier if everyone's commute to work was shorter.

I mean, I'm with you.

No, but now you're giving us like a

easy system.

Oh, much.

In theory, it makes sense, but it's not practical at all.

Oh, really?

No.

Since when you're in the system, but I want to know.

I want to know more, the whys.

Let's go to the whys before we, before we...

So, why?

Because I find that most people,

and this is obviously not the higher echelon that can take helicopters to work, right?

Well done to them.

But I find that most people who are just working, middle-class people who are just working, which is most of the world,

they're spending so much on getting to work

that it literally then

cuts your budget in terms of things that you could do for your family okay yeah no you're 100 correct if ideally is that no one should be spending any money to get to work not even money just the time okay wait wait are you saying time or money both galoku time is money

do you never have you never worked the streets that is right if i never worked the streets yes time is a gigalo of course time is money i don't think time matters to me as much as the money the money where you should not have to pay anything to get to work.

So, which one are you going for?

Are you amending your 10-minute rule to a money thing?

I'm not

putting it in the front line.

No, but I need to know what your rule is.

So, I can.

You said I can't have two rules.

No,

I have two rules here.

I just need to know what the rule is.

You rule the world.

You rule the world.

So, the rule is therefore, okay.

Please can I help her fix her world?

No, wait, don't mansplain her world, Cesare.

No, I'm not mansplaining her world.

You should manplain her world.

No, you've mansplained her world.

I want to hear what Alex's world is.

That you should not have to pay to go to work.

Just make a rule, a world where people teleport to.

This guy's mansplaining a world.

No.

No, I'm not mansplating it.

Just have him teleport to work.

And then don't let impressions.

And the time doesn't matter.

I want to know what your world is.

Like the stuff that only happens in the movies.

They say like this and you're

at work.

It's your world.

No, that's.

No, I don't want that.

Okay.

So.

You must have some sort of commute.

Okay, so you want people to commute.

Okay,

I'm drilling down on this.

So I like this.

So you don't want to eliminate the commutes, yeah, okay,

but you don't want people to spend more than a certain amount of so does the

money, no money, yeah, no time

10 minutes max.

Okay, so 10 minutes and no cost, yeah.

Whew, okay, that's fine then, that works.

This is as good as teleporting.

Okay, now here's what I worry about: what are you going to do when your cities and systems grow to the point where it can't sustain because, like, you can only

asking it as a question.

Cézu.

It's a question, Cézu.

Then you transfer to another company, guys, where you're doing the same thing.

So I've got to move now.

You see now, you're falling apart.

No, I'm not falling apart.

Yeah, but Cesare has raised a good question.

Yeah.

What you're moving us now to another place where we're 10 minutes away.

Ask your question again.

interrupted you whilst you were asking your question.

At some point,

just you're going to reach capacity.

It's inevitable, right?

Because at some point, a city has to expand.

It just, it cannot go up forever.

Even if it did, your elevators would now, you know what I mean?

Your elevator would be your commute.

Okay, so at some point, the city has to expand.

There's going to be some sort of sprawl.

Once that happens, people are now outside of the distance that you've set or the pricing that you've set.

So you then said people people must now do what?

So, what?

People are going to move out because I'm asking you.

I don't make the rules in your world.

I just want to know what you're doing.

No.

Because now, because now, okay, I know.

No, but now you guys are asking things that that doesn't make sense.

You've been to Brazil.

Yes, I have.

Sao Paulo.

Sao Paulo.

Yes.

Have you seen the traffic in Sao Paulo?

No, I didn't.

It was an F1 weekend, so I didn't get to experience any of the hardships of the traffic.

Oh,

I've experienced Lagos traffic, though.

Lagos, Sao Paulo.

even Kenya, you know.

Delhi.

Let me tell you something.

No, forget, you see, like Kenya in the afternoon.

There's places I've been to where there's only traffic.

Like, it's just perpetual.

Okay.

Perpetual.

And most of those places are densely populated and there's just no way for there to not be any type of LA even.

Yeah, it's just a lot of people.

Then you should be allowed to say, okay, guys, no one's allowed to move to LA anymore.

Okay.

Now

move somebody else.

They move somewhere else.

So you're sharing.

We are done.

Yes, we're done here.

We've reached maximum capacity.

So my family can't move here now.

Well, if your family wasn't in from the beginning, that's it.

Because we also have to factor in the fact that people in here are going to have family.

What happens if you get married, Miss Wife?

Yes, Kalung Didi, when you are inside here.

This is it.

So your marriage, your partner, you could only meet people from your city then.

There we go.

Highly incestuous.

Hey, once we're in here, we're in here.

Once we're in, we're in.

Once you're in here, you're in here, okay?

And Mr.

Economist over here, you must do that thing where there's there's like a little bit of fat.

You have room for fat,

okay?

You have room for fat, and then it's like, okay, if there are five million people in here, let's allow that it can grow too, it can grow too.

You know, you know what's funny is, and I mean, this is something I love about like all policies and ideas in the world.

This started as a very

liberal,

beautiful idea.

Yes.

And then reality sets in.

And then it slowly moved into like a nationalist dictatorship.

yeah.

Like, which I'm not not a fan of.

That's how cities are formed, generally, really.

Yeah, but they don't say you can't move in and you can't move out.

No, no, they don't say that.

I mean, that's an extreme.

Yes, you can definitely move out to where the other cities are also full.

No, well, they not all of them are full.

Why are they not full?

Why are they not full?

Job is a job.

Yes, so we go there, and y'all people must start developing, making some

so you're gonna.

So, you're placing a huge burden on us right now.

Oh,

how much less than the burden that we placed them on one city?

I'm sorry, I think I'd rather be in traffic for an hour than to have to okay.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

So, okay, here's a question: What if you're like a taxi driver or an Uber driver?

You're you work in transportation,

so now you're limiting how much people can earn from that

drive or that distance.

Because the distance, yeah, yes, but that means you guys are always going to be busy.

Oh, but just doing a lot of yeah, you just

instead of doing 10 trips, no, instead of doing 10 trips that are 50 K's and 80 K's, you're gonna do 110k trips, guys.

You guarantee payment free, yes, who's paying us?

So, the government is paying, I'm in charge, okay.

Okay, so you government pays for transport, yeah, doesn't matter what you're doing.

You've got enough money to do this, yes, okay.

No, why don't you just give people money?

No, no, no, no, that's not how it works.

No, no, Caesar, that's not how it works.

If I rule the world, you can't say why don't they do another rule?

Yeah, okay.

So, I have a question for you: your government is paying everyone for transport.

What if

um, people then so?

I'll tell you a little little fun story that this happened in Nigeria.

Uber, the company we're all familiar with, went from country to country trying to grow its operations.

One of the things it did that was particularly ingenious and sinister at the same time was

they gave incentives to drivers in all of these countries to drive for Uber by giving them bonuses.

So they said, if you take, if you agree to drive for Uber and you pick somebody up from, let's say, an airport where we really need drivers, we'll give you a bonus.

So we'll give you like double the amount of the fare that it would normally be.

And they went, and they did this in almost every country.

Is that sustainable?

It's not supposed to be.

The only thing they were trying to do is establish themselves in the markets and get a stranglehold on it so that like taxis and all these other industries wouldn't get crowded.

Exactly.

So they get crowded out, right?

Now, it worked in most places.

In Nigeria, however,

Nigerian taxi drivers and Uber, like people who had cars, they did the calculation and realized that

they could make money but not really have to drive anybody.

So what Uber drivers in Nigeria did was they signed up to be Uber drivers.

They then called themselves from the airports,

picked up nobody from the airport, drove themselves back into the city, and then got the bonus amount, which was, which paid for the gas.

Yes.

And then they took themselves back to the airport to get another fare that was a bonus.

Because if it's a bonus, then you're just living off the bonus.

And they were making so much money doing this that Uber canceled the scheme for the whole world.

Man, basically, Nigerians are so ingenious, bro.

Kudos to Nigeria.

Because Uber was scamming.

And then Nigeria was like, you want to scam?

You want to scam.

You came to the head office.

Well, I want to show you something.

And Nigeria taught Uber a lesson.

Now, I'm not saying that will or won't happen, but what I worry about in your system is you're saying transport is free.

How are you going to ensure that the people who are doing transport don't just transport for the sake of transport now?

Because you're working with people who are working, right?

So

the onus is also on the person who's being transported to show where they're working.

It's like it's called us.

You have to be a project.

Remember, yes, yes, remember when you're talking about...

So you have to prove to your taxi driver that you're going to a job.

But all of that will be factored in by companies.

It's much like companies will subsidize things.

You know how companies subsidize things or you have a company car or company petrol card and you must write how far you went.

That's fine.

That's all admin.

File that all under admin.

It seems like a very admin-heavy system you've created.

What world isn't?

No, but like yours is like particularly.

Yes, but you're getting free transport.

I don't think you should mind clogging in when you're getting free transport.

I'm doing you a favor here.

When you started,

like most ideas,

it was really beautiful.

As we've gone down this journey, I'm picturing living in Anela's world.

You get out of your house and then you get into your transport.

you clock in.

Transport transport has proof of work, please.

Yes.

Proof of work.

What if you're just going like fun places?

Then pay for yourself.

Oh, this is interesting that you've said this.

That's your recreational thing.

Okay, so now, I don't know that this is true,

but what might happen, and our AI colleague over here will confirm or deny.

I think what might happen is if your system pays for people to go to work, but people have to pay for themselves to go to like entertainment,

first of all, you'll have to prove that the people for work are going there not for entertainment, but also the market for entertainment could become more valuable than the work market.

And then people would go, I only want to drive for the entertainment market, not for the work market.

Like if I'm a taxi driver

and I get paid by the government to drive people to work, but then Caesar wants to go to the club.

Now I go, Caesar, I already have a fare.

It's taking this person to work.

Caesar goes, I'll pay you double because I'm paying.

In all fairness, though, to defend Anele's system, you live 10 minutes away from work, even if there are no cars to take you to work, walk to work.

Yeah, but that can't be a 10-minute walk.

Guys, I don't know if you know how transportation works.

No, she's not.

She didn't say 10 minutes walking or driving.

Yes, but it can't be the same.

It can't be 10 walk, 10.

Do you use Google Maps?

Every time you change them, it's going to change.

10 walking.

Don't change it because if you say 10, don't let him trap you, Anne.

No, no, this was never asked of me.

This would be the first time I'm giving my answer.

That's great.

Exactly.

So it's 10 walking.

Oh, it's 10 walking.

So the whole city is 10 walking.

Yeah.

Your whole city's 10 walking.

Yeah.

Okay.

But don't get distracted from the entertainment point that you want to be.

No, no, no.

I want to go back now to 10 walking.

So now we walk to work.

Everyone.

And we drive to party.

Everyone works 10 minutes from.

Yeah.

What if I don't want to live where my work is in that way?

That's fine.

She said that's fine.

That's up to you.

If you want to move forward or wherever you opted out.

So for instance, once again, let's say you have a company car allowance of $30,000, right?

And you're just like, No, I don't want to drive a Prius.

I want to drive an X5.

That's great.

You're still going to get your $30,000 from us.

But everything else, you can then top yourself up, right?

So we're saying here,

there's something we're missing here.

Everyone works 10 minutes

business person in this world, and I'm going to make gazillions.

How are you going to do that?

I've just thrown so many loopholes.

But carry on.

No, this is why.

This is why I can give you must poke poles.

No, it's not a wrong thing.

Keep your world.

I'm going to just make money in your world.

I've never, you know, I've never encountered somebody like this.

This guy is not even trying to help.

He's going.

He's going to actually vote for me.

He's going to vote for you so that he can make money in a theoretical world.

See, so there's something truly wrong with you.

So, okay, all I worry about, Anil, is

I can see the system crumbling somehow because 10 minutes for everyone means somebody's not where they want to be 10 minutes from

because not everyone can be 10 minutes from no, no, no, I'm saying they can't be, even if they want to be

you're gonna you reach capacity at some point, yes.

But I told you, then it goes to another place, then we build there, and then so that we can create a hundred

and

then you'll make friends.

Excuse me, you left us in South Africa.

I didn't leave you,

I didn't leave you, Anele.

I didn't leave you.

Yes, don't be like your friends are here.

We were your friends when we were here.

I didn't leave you, Anele.

No, that's black.

No, I didn't leave you.

Guys, there was a white genocide in this country.

I'm half white.

I'm half white, guys.

I had to choose.

I wasn't sure what you guys were going to do with me.

What I'm saying is,

it's.

Perhaps what I'm saying is, you have to go and create

a lot of Johannesburgs, a lot of ladies,

New York's, and all of that.

You can't just bank on the fact that only one city is the one that's going to take all of the strain.

Everybody's going to flock to the city.

Yeah.

Develop other cities so that we can all be like that.

I'm ready to vote.

I'm also ready to vote.

I'll be very lenient on you.

No, don't be.

No, I mean, I'm not your charity, Kate.

I'll drive you too.

Look, I know what you mean, well, so I'll adopt it.

What?

This guy wants to make money in your city.

This guy's

so transparent.

You vote well.

After we vote, I want to know how he's going to make money from my second.

But after we vote, so you're voting for me.

Yeah, I'll vote.

I really can't believe this, guys.

Thank you.

What are you doing there?

He's asking ChatGPT.

I genuinely can't believe this.

He's asking ChatGPT if my way of ruling the world is viable.

It's not about viability.

I just can't believe Caesar is going to vote yes because he wants to make business in a fictitious world.

So I'm going to vote no.

Why?

The reason I'm voting no,

I love the sentiment.

I love the feeling behind your idea, by the way.

Because I agree with you.

I think it's unfair that some people spend a disproportionate amount of their income on getting to work and getting back from work because then they're not reaping the benefits of work the same way somebody who lives close to work does.

So the idea behind it.

It's a benefit of their salary, bro.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

That's what I mean, the benefits of it.

Like, we both earn $1,000, but I spend $500 getting to and back from work means you have more of your thousand than i do your sentiment i'm completely for

as is often the case on if i ruled the world it's not that we disagree with the sentiment it's the the rollout the rollout that worries us i worry that if you create a hard rule of 10 minutes from work

very quickly we reach capacity very quickly people as you said get kicked out to go and have to build new cities somewhere else yeah uh i think this creates an imbalance now.

If I remove the 10-minute rule.

Are you saying you're willing to amend it and say in your world, just no one would pay to go to work?

Exactly.

So if you have, if what you were saying is

if you all get paid $1,000, right?

Yeah,

no one pays to go to work.

Yes.

In your world.

Yes.

And it doesn't matter what type of work.

I can vote yes for that.

Yeah, that's a yes.

That's a clean yes.

Okay, thank you.

It's definitely a better world than what we have now.

No, no, no.

I I vote yes for that.

Thank you.

Oh, well done, Anela.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

My word.

It's such a moment.

It really is.

Well done.

Why do I win?

No, you just, you've won.

Oh.

What you've won is that you've won.

I thought that was just like a tangible prize.

Don't go anywhere, because we got more.

What now after this?

I make myself a PBJ almost every day.

I tell my kids it's for them.

And it is.

But it's also for me.

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let's hear your one okay there he goes all right we're gonna be taking a poo and something wow sizu this is how you see me it's definitely something like hey your thoughts are this while you take a shower because can can i just go back to your other if i ruled the world before you prepared i I don't think that's necessary because I already lost.

I think this is painful.

Okay.

Okay.

So if I ruled the world,

nobody

would know who their child was.

What?

Wait, wait, let me explain.

So, wait.

If I ruled the world.

No.

Listen, listen, listen, listen.

I told you.

wait, wait, wait, wait.

It's worth the taking a poo speak.

Wait, wait, wait.

I'd rather our poo speak to her else.

You know what, guys?

So, if I ruled the world,

no one would know who their child is.

So, what I mean by this is we would develop a system

where

you could still have sex.

Everyone would do their thing.

Everyone would do their thing.

In our world, what would happen is when you are ready to be pregnant,

you would come to like the ministry of Pregnancy and there's no qualifications, no nothing, no money, no nothing.

We'd even come to you.

It's not a transport thing.

You can apply online.

If you don't have internet, we'll help.

Whatever.

Don't worry about all those things.

But you come to us.

You say, like, we want to have a child.

We approve you.

There's no questions or anything.

We approve you.

And then,

we impregnate the woman.

And then you have the child.

But now the child can come from anywhere.

So you could have a white baby.

You could have Chinese baby.

It doesn't matter.

But it just comes out.

Your baby's good at math.

Yeah.

Your baby just comes out, swala.

And then that's, but nobody knows where the baby did or didn't come from.

And there's no way to find out in my world.

There's no DNA testing.

There's no none of that.

Do you have parents in your world?

No, no, yeah, it's the same way we live.

It's the people who are.

Nobody knows who their kid is, is what I'm saying.

Like, nobody.

Okay.

Nobody.

Not us.

What is it that you're hoping to achieve with this?

One, I can see, obviously, the supply of kids will be evenly distributed, which is fine.

Okay, so there's a few things.

few things.

Number one, number one, the most important thing is, I think,

while admirable

in its initial idea, I don't think bloodlines are as important as we think they are.

I agree.

Okay?

When we were starting off farming and all of this, that's really where you can trace a lot of the ideas of marriage that we have.

Like now, you can trace it back to that.

People started farming, and then all of a sudden it became more important to build out the people who are going to to be farming with you and owning that farm with you.

So then you went, Well, who are my offspring?

Before that, a lot of tribes just were like, Yeah, man, babies are babies.

They're the babies of the tribe.

It's everyone's baby.

Now you're like, no, but it's my farm.

Who gets my farm?

Who works on it?

My children from my wife.

Women were property, children were property, right?

I think we've kept a lot of that.

And I think what it's created is a world where people now think of what should or shouldn't be done in the world based on who is or isn't connected or related to them.

Right?

Now, I don't think people are evil.

I just think this is a natural evolution of human beings.

So,

white people will team up with white people, black people might be forced to team up with black people because they haven't really been given an option.

So, we don't know what black people will or won't do.

You know, for the most part, we haven't really seen in the world.

But what I would love to see is a world where

it sort of disentangles your parents and your bloodline from your opportunities or not in life.

And I think it could create a world where people are less tied to

my kids because your kid could be like anywhere in a weird way.

You might even bump into someone and be like, yo, man, you look exactly like me.

Okay, that's the weird part, but otherwise, I agree with everybody.

So that's like one part of it.

And then the other part, the reason I say like applications for being pregnant is because we'd be leading in science and stuff.

I think a lot of of people struggle to get pregnant and they fight.

And then there's a lot of people who don't struggle at all.

They just meet each other on one random night and now they have a kid.

They didn't want to have the kid.

Now the kid lives a life that it doesn't need to.

So I'm trying to create a system where the ones who want, get, the ones who don't want, don't have.

And then we just like mix it up and we spin things around.

And it's random.

Do you know what I mean?

There was a tribe like that somewhere in Africa.

So I'm not going to say where, but

it kind of took away the pressure around when a couple cannot conceive, right?

It's like, oh, you know, I'm barren or, you know, you're infertile and all of that.

Whereas it would be huts in this big village, like you were saying.

Yeah.

And just every night, people,

a man would go and then on the door, no, this is kind of occupied type of thing, right?

And we just all we have intercourse with each other because we're a tribe.

And if people are pregnant, like you say, you give birth and the baby belongs to the tribe.

The baby doesn't belong to the parents.

Yes.

And I think, I'm not sure, maybe the Zulu culture.

If you are having issues conceiving as a child, your brother must step in.

Wait, really?

Not must.

Not must.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I mean, this is like, there's something called ungena, right?

So

which means to get in, yeah.

Yes, but essentially, what it means is, let's say, for example, Anele was married to my brother, yeah, right,

and my brother either passed away or wasn't able to have kids for whatever reason, right?

Then Anele can just come into my household.

Why?

Because the child would still be a local family, man.

Right?

So that, so there we go.

So that's why I'm saying I don't hate you.

Obviously, not every family practices this.

No, no, but yeah, that's part of this.

I think it's a great idea.

This is why I'm saying I don't hate your idea because it's exactly that.

We've just gotten to a place where people are very individualistic.

Like everything's about me.

Yes.

I mean, I'm an individual.

It's my wife, my children, my cars, my house, and all of that.

But back then with this tribe, and I'll have to research it because I did read about it, is that what they knew is that this child is of the tribe.

So this child just belongs here.

And what I also want is

in my dream world, I'm sure there would be a few problems that might be introduced.

I don't know what they'd be.

Caesar will tell me.

Your dream world would be like Japan.

But carry on.

No, no, no, no.

What I would love to do is it would be, because culture would still be a thing, obviously.

But tying race.

to outcomes, I think, would be greatly diminished.

So there would be a Tosa Chinese kid now.

Because it's like, yeah, you're just Tosa.

And the thing I like about culture in that way versus like race is that you can opt into culture in a way that you can't with race.

You can marry into a Tosa family.

You can marry into a Zulu family.

You can, you get what I'm saying?

You can adopt a culture in a way that you can't with race because race is exclusionary.

It's like, this is your race, buddy.

This is how you are.

Evermore.

This is you.

Not only this is you, we are saying that this is you forever.

You know, you are Indian, you are Chinese, you are black, you are this, you are this, you are this, but with culture, you'd be able to be like, oh, no, no, I am, I am, whatever.

I like what your idea

aims to achieve,

but I worry that human nature would just mean that more people would opt out of being parents.

Oh, interesting.

Say more.

So, for the same reason that you mentioned, there's actually no other reason to be a parent except a selfish reason.

Okay.

There's no other reason.

So, people speak of legacy, people speak about, I want to carry on my bloodline

about I want to see myself in this kid and they'll have none of that in your world.

And so what I think they'll eventually do is they'll just be like, you guys can raise other people's kids if you want.

I'd rather keep my money for myself and my wife and I'm out.

Yeah, but they're going to die out at some point and then the money goes somewhere.

People will die anyway.

No, no, but think about it.

I hear you.

Yeah.

But my response to them would be, yes, then you're going to die out.

And who are you going to leave the money to?

Yeah, people don't care.

It happens now anyway.

But that's fine because that means that then they would die out as people and their money would end up coming to the children of everyone.

But the issue is not the money.

The issue is about people not having kids.

Don't you think it would average out though?

Because in any society, there are people who want, there are people who don't want.

But

the law of averages dictates that.

I don't believe it would average out.

You don't think so?

You don't think looking at human nature and just look at,

I use Japan for a reason.

Yes.

Go.

Because in Japan, the birth rate has been decreasing

steadily over the last 20 years.

Okay.

Right.

And that's not even because of anything, but just because the Japanese government told them not to have as much sex.

Don't procreate as much.

And then people went so far there that it's at a point where the Japanese government is like, yeah, hold on, hold on.

Maybe start having more.

But now the behavioral patterns have changed.

Yeah, completely.

So

this is my, I'm not saying, I don't know, I can't say for certain, but I do believe human nature would cause people not to want to raise other people's kids.

Now, my counter argument to you is: yes, Japan's population is declining, Africa's is increasing.

So, if we average it out over the whole world, Japan is going down, Africa's going up.

Yeah, but Africans are raising their own kids.

No, yeah, but everyone would be raising their own kids in my world.

It's just

no, they come from inside you, they're your kids.

Wow.

As the only person here who has a child that you know of,

me and Cecilia could be, you don't know.

No, it is not.

He's got a secret family.

You don't know.

No.

Me and Nanella are sitting on one side for a reason.

Okay, okay.

There is something about raising a child and then they do something or they say something.

And that for that split moment, you're just like, oh my word, that is so me, or that is so your dad, right?

And I don't think you'd be able to have that.

And that little one percent of that that happens makes the other 99 of parenting worth it because parenting isn't fun i'm glad you said that

parenting is is it's just not fun it's it's a lot of stress it's a it's a lot of anxiety and everybody who's a parent is acting like they're okay but we're not okay thank you

thank you for thank you for this this is a truthful moment everyone is it is it beautiful yes that one it's almost like training for the comrades or training for marathons yeah or training for whatever it is is that you're going to train for years and years and then that moment of glory when you get that Olympic medal, that's 30 seconds on the podium, your flag's up, well done, off you go and you go and train for the rest of the time is torture.

Yeah, for the rest of the time it's absolute torture.

It's absolute torture.

And under your ruling, in your world, you're taking away the 1% that makes the rest of it worth it.

Okay, I hear you, but you wouldn't know the 1%.

in my world because nobody yeah you might you don't know because remember it's a lot

ask it this way?

What's the incentive to have a child in your world?

People want children all the time.

For what?

They just eat your money, they in your skin.

No, for real.

Because we started off by saying, yes.

There's only selfish reasons to have kids.

Yes.

But what I'm saying is...

Now you've taken away the selfish reason.

So people who only have kids for selfless reasons, yeah.

People, there are people all over the world right now.

Yeah.

Banging down the doors of clinics, trying to get children.

Yes.

Right?

This is throughout time, people have tried to get children.

People want children.

So the reason I think people would still want children is because, to your point, children are terrible, but they're meaningful.

You know what I mean?

So, no, no, no.

So, listen, we've had the experience with you.

You have given us the, like, before you had your son,

I can unequivocally say I had zero interest.

in raising a young human being.

These things were terrible and there was no need for them to be in my life.

then you made one i was introduced to him we've spent time with him then i was like wow what a beautiful journey watching him evolve because your entire life i like is the one percent yeah but no no no i get that but my point is still

because i've seen that i'm now more amenable to it you get what i'm saying so i'm saying People will still want to have kids because having children and raising children brings so much meaning and purpose to life that people would still want to do it.

Okay, so look at it as it is now.

And I think, and I think maybe you can tell me if I'm wrong, because I've never been pregnant and nor do I ever plan to be.

The experience of it for many women, I've been told, is some have a terrible one, but others will tell you it's the most empowering and beautiful and the feeling and the life inside of you.

So I don't know.

I think some women would be like, I do like being pregnant.

I love being pregnant.

There you go.

I really like it.

So in my world,

my pregnancy was easy.

That's another thing.

But I liked it and you could eat what you want and no one judges you.

And you know, and you can skip the line.

The statement is incomplete.

Why?

Would she like being pregnant if you're going to snatch the baby away from your offspring?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, never to see it again.

Oh, no, no, I'm not doing it that way.

And I'm not taking anyone's babies away.

I'll never do that to people.

What do you mean?

Not taking it.

She's not going to get to raise the baby.

No, no, you are.

I mean, they get to raise your baby.

What he's saying is that when it's time to get pregnant, you go to the house.

Yes, you come to us and then we impregnate you.

We impregnate you.

It's not necessarily your husband or your partner's sperm bank.

Is that what she means?

Yes.

Yes.

No, but not an anonymous sperm bank.

It is.

No.

Hey.

So I I would know who the dad is.

Don't undermine my.

This is terrible branding.

It's a sperm bank.

Hey, hey, it's not a high embankment.

It's not a sperm bank because the embryos are also coming from somewhere else.

Yeah, the guys are going to opt in.

So I'm just opting in as an oven.

I had no.

So she's raising her kid.

I'm raising a random.

No, wait, wait, no,

even the embryo.

So all I'm being used is the oven, but I had no say in what went into the recipe.

No, guys.

Okay.

So I'm going to.

You know, whoever shouted that shit from the peanut gallery.

Yeah, we were doing so well here.

No, this is why branding.

This is why branding, this is why branding,

this is why branding is so important.

This is why branding is so important.

Okay.

In my world,

we will make it, it's really going to be a beautiful experience.

So you will come to the Ministry of Insemination.

We're going to call it the Ministry of Life, actually.

It's not like a cult now, but KO.

The Ministry of Life.

You will come there.

And we will be part of celebrating this thing that you wish to achieve which is creating life and it'll be like a honeymoon you know we'll give you you know champagne and caviar everything that you want you spend a wonderful night together on that night

you know what i mean we're gonna set the scene create the vibes everyone in the world's getting caviar yeah forget that

wait size she's on she's listening right now i'll handle you afterwards let me do one at a time yeah so uneasy you come there everyone gets champagne, everyone gets caviar.

Luther Van Dross is playing babyface, babyface is playing.

Everyone's enjoying themselves.

Whatever you want that night to be, we will make it happen.

And remember, the ministry has departments all over the world.

So we're close to you, 10 minutes away.

So you come there,

you enjoy yourself, and then on that night, we inseminate you.

It's a very seamless process.

Not going to be like IVF is now.

We've worked on the technology, but we inseminate you in that process.

Okay?

Feeling

the

The devil's advocates.

No, and so what happens is now in that night, you have been inseminated.

You are now going to be pregnant.

And then you're going to go off, and you and your partner or husband or friend or whoever you chose to do this with, you've done that night.

So this baby is not 50% anyone's.

It's 50% you.

It's you and your partner, the same way

another child is.

No, but

it can't be the partner.

What do you mean?

Because the sperm came from anywhere.

Oh, yeah, the sperm.

So it's 50% her.

The sperm, no.

I'm just carrying it.

And the embryo is not mine.

Come from anywhere.

So you might bump into your own genes in the world.

You never know.

Yeah, bro.

What I'm saying, though, is you will now walk away pregnant.

And when your child is born, and they are your child.

Stop saying your child.

They're not.

Can I hear you?

Can I?

You just told me your brother.

You just told me your brother can come and inseminate you.

That's your child.

That's family.

That's family.

We've got the same genes.

We are family.

But in my world, do you understand that over time, genetically, we will all have the same genes, but

I have a one in eight billion chance that I'm going to run into my child.

It's not one in eight billion, actually.

Because two kids.

Because of your family.

No, no, no.

But also, think of how your bloodline, if you traced your family tree as far back, you'd find that it's not one in eight billion.

Okay.

Yeah, with a little bit of incest.

It could be more.

It's way more.

So I have less chance of running my child.

No, it's way higher, way, way, way, way higher, way higher.

Oh, okay.

Way higher.

But also, do you want to spend your life searching for your child?

What nonsense is this?

But, guys, this is your child.

No, no,

it's very separate.

I'm voting out of this nonsense.

So, what's your concern here?

Everything, bro.

What is your concern?

I'm not talking to you.

I'm literally taking everything away that makes parenting worth it.

Now, we just all okay, okay, wait, I'm gonna throw something at you.

Okay, I'm gonna throw something at you and say,

stop saying no for a second.

Yeah, just be open for a second.

Have you heard stories

of families who left the hospital with the wrong baby?

Yes.

Raised that baby.

Yes.

Loved that baby.

Yes.

There was nothing wrong.

Yes.

And then found out when there was like an organ transplant or something that involved deep blood work that they weren't related to their own child.

Yes.

This is the first moment when families went, wait.

And then they traced it back and they're like, ah, in the hospital, the babies were switched at birth, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

So you want all families to be like that.

Wait, I know.

He's basically taking the deck of cards and he's shuffling, shuffling, shuffling.

Every day I'm shuffling.

Yes.

And he's dealing with a bad head.

No, what I'm saying is those families will tell you, there was not one moment where they went, this is not our child.

They had the same experience of raising them, loving them, seeing them grow, feeling them.

Because they believed.

that the child was theirs.

Because the sense of protection you feel for a child, for a baby, is because there is a familiarity between you and this baby this is why mothers some of you are lying when you say this when you're like oh they placed the baby on my chest and you know i fell in love immediately because you know it was just it's the greatest love i've ever known

what you're feeling is familiar it's like i've seen this person before and and and then you have a feeling of

This is me.

I can see me here.

I can see my husband, you know, my baby daddy, whoever it is.

It's the sense of familiarity that you have and not the imprint of, yes.

So now, if I know that that's not my child, you're just like, oh,

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

And also, see, Anil already alluded to this, right?

Part of the joys of parenthood is

the things that you don't teach your child, but that they inherently just know.

Then you're just like, okay,

this is amazing.

Can I tell you something here?

This is something that people take for granted.

A lot of that is confirmation bias.

So we take for granted that a lot of the behaviors that children get from parents are learned.

They're in the environment with you, and we don't think we're teaching, but we are.

Children laugh like their parents, not because they inherited the laugh necessarily, but because the laugh gets passed.

You're going to be like, oh, you did the exact same thing as my grandfather.

Yes, but things are passed down and kids are constantly without knowing it decoding what they take and how they take it.

I'm going to agree with learned behavior, but there's genetic stuff.

Yes, I understand.

But I'm saying we take for granted how much of what we recognize recognize isn't genetic.

We're seeing what we want to see.

Just like, ah, okay, let me, I'll even throw this at you.

I've been in the streets with friends of mine who I act like,

and then people go,

you guys are related.

And I'm like, no.

They're like, no, you guys are related.

That's not the same thing.

I'm talking about things you can't teach.

Yes, but I'm saying.

Haven't you ever looked at your dad's foot and you're like, dude, I've got the exact same foots.

But I'm saying you will find that.

You didn't teach your foot to grow that way.

I'm saying you will find that because there's everything else of me that's not like my dad.

So you find find the thing that is the same no but if i found out tomorrow one percent i was telling you about yes but if i found out tomorrow that cesu and i were actually brothers i'd be like oh that explains why we both like blah blah blah now i would find all the things

do you know what i mean it's like when people fall in love all of a sudden they look alike have you seen star signs People get star signs and now all of a sudden they're like, that explains it.

I wondered why I got fired.

Mercury was in retrograde.

All right, guys, they just gave you an answer.

So I'm saying a lot of what people do is giving themselves an answer as to why the child is or isn't like that, which is fine.

Which is fine.

In your world, we wouldn't even have the luxury of lying to ourselves like that.

I'm out.

The one percent, you're negating the one percent.

Is that the one percent magic that children bring?

That is like, oh my word, you're children.

And the final, the final nail in the coffin.

Guys, do you know how many dads in the world are raising a son or a daughter that is not theirs?

Yeah, and they have this experience fully, but they have to

live because they don't believe that these are not their kids.

Hey, if you amend your rule to

amendments,

if you amend your rule to what I was saying about, you know, similar to the African villages, where the father is here, the mother is here, and we are all just raising.

So, once again, we are a city of, say, 8 million people, and all of us are mixing about.

That's fine.

I can make money in your world.

I can make money in your world.

Come on, son.

Do you see what I'm saying?

If you're

not spirit,

my issue is still that now

it will become a little too insular for my liking.

You want to hear my business idea?

Let's hear your business idea.

I would be the guy smuggling like real kids.

Like, yo, you and you.

Want your real baby?

Come visit me for nine months.

You'll walk out with your real babies.

That's my business.

Guys, be moving with real ones.

Selling authentic babies.

I mean, needless to say, there would be a crackdown of

this black market here that's run by Seizu.

But I wouldn't only be black markets, I could be white markets, Chinese markets, Asian markets, Indian markets.

I'm willing to accept your votes.

Will you amend your rule, though?

Unfortunately, not.

That one I can't amend.

I'm voting out to this one.

I can't.

I'm sorry.

But you were there.

Like, you really had me.

I know, but I can't amend it because it wouldn't fulfill what I'm trying to do.

So I you meant well, but like Anel, nah, I'm not rooting for this world.

So your world.

Yo, your world will have cycles, bro.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, there'll be jokers moving around every day.

Why would my world have psychos?

Come on, there's trauma in your world.

Why would there be trauma?

This is trauma.

But also, why would you...

Unlike Caesar's world where the chaos comes every five years, yours is just a constant,

uninterrupted.

Why is there chaos?

Why is the chaos?

Okay, let me tell you why.

Right now, the world is messed up mostly because of absent fathers?

Your whole world is absent fathers, bro.

No, no, no, no.

Why is it absent fathers?

No, my world is chosen.

There is a figure in the world.

In fact, in my world, it's even better.

Yeah.

Because nobody is being a dad by mistake.

Think about it.

So you're not allowed to impregnate anyone.

Not allowed.

You can't in my world.

It's impossible.

So only time.

I didn't want to reveal the secrets because

it's patented technology.

It's not sterilization.

So we have a patented technology that we use.

When children are born, you see, there's already a technology.

We have a technology when children are born.

We have a way to turn off your reproduction so that like when you're living, you're living.

The same way like people get, you know, mastectomies and then they reverse the children.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But we do that like from the time you're born, it's done.

So you don't even have to worry about it.

And then when you're ready to have kids,

I come and we do a thing and we like make it happen.

And then you shoot into something and then that can then get distributed across the world.

Exactly.

So.

My counter to you is actually, in my world, there would be fewer absentee fathers.

So there would be less chaos because now the men who are choosing to be fathers are choosing.

The women who are choosing to be mothers would be choosing.

And I would rather be in a world where people who want kids have more kids because they want them.

And the people who don't have fewer kids because they don't want them.

And I think that would still average out.

Because people, it's entropy.

It always happens.

No,

the idea is a noble one.

So I think it would be fewer.

I love that you said absentee fathers.

In my world, there would be fewer absentee fathers.

There would be no absentee fathers because...

Yeah, but you never know.

People get divorced and stuff.

You can't force things.

I'm not going to to ask you.

Oh, really?

You can't force things.

No, no, no.

Remember, you force in one thing at a time.

If I rule the world, you do one thing at a time.

I'm raising votes.

I can't do everything at once.

Then it's not a fun game.

I'm raising voice.

Just one thing.

You said no long ago, bro.

Yeah.

You said no when I started the sentence.

You were trying to convince me.

I'm like, I think

if I didn't have the experience of raising my son and the person that he is and seeing myself so much in him, you know, I would have.

I'm going to throw one thing at you.

Go for it.

Caesar is a corp for the originals baby wait selling originals you can't be a corporation doing crime this guy's gonna be a corporation doing crime no no biliare

so

what if this is a genuine question theoretical what if tomorrow you found out that somehow a like he wasn't of you

do you think it would take away all those one percents

it wouldn't but she'd still be disappointed wouldn't but it would question the rest of the one percents for the rest of our lives and he's only 10 that's a long time to be questioning.

Okay, even him.

I would definitely like to

like,

this is a completely emotional decision where I'm just like, you know what?

I'm with you.

You mean well, though, like I said, yours is a no.

And also because I see how much I can love my friends' kids and like my sisters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's why I'm not saying that I am void of loving somebody who wasn't birthed by me.

Yes.

I'm not void of that.

But I'm selfishly.

And I appreciate that.

You're not selfishly.

Selfishly.

I'm going to say no.

Okay, and Cesu, what's your no based on?

Everything.

It's just a horrible idea.

It means well, but this would never work.

Just a no.

It's not about.

You're saying no for you.

Why?

The only reasons to have a kid are selfish reasons.

Now, people can go left, right, forward, and back and try and explain to you that it's for something else.

There's no other reason except that.

Selfish reasons.

Okay.

And what you're asking of people is to be selfless with the most, I guess, the biggest sacrifice, because children are also a sacrifice and a burden.

Every day.

I use these words.

I use these words, and I know parents are going to be like, children are a blessing.

They are, but a blessing can also be a burden.

Okay.

So double no.

Yeah.

Well, I'm used to it.

That can be a good idea.

I can see why.

At the end of, you know why?

Got a swing for the fences, guys.

That's why.

Great ideas.

Do you remember when the iPhone first came out?

Look at what people said.

Who would buy a phone without a keyboard?

That's what people said.

What a stupid idea.

Me, guys, I'm here to invent iPhones.

I'm not here to come with small things.

But

I lost once again.

Oh, boy.

Well, congratulations, Anele.

Your first time at bats, and you've won.

So thank you very much for joining once again.

If I rule the world.

What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions.

The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin, and Jodi Avigan.

Our senior producer is Jess Hackle.

Claire Slauter is our producer.

Music, Mixing, and Mastering by Hannes Brown.

Thank you so much for listening.

Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now.

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