If You Ruled the World: A Listener Grab Bag [VIDEO]

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Speaker 1 You're listening to What Now with Trevor Noah.

Speaker 1 So it's Thanksgiving week here in the United States and guess what? We have a little bonus episode just for you. Perfect to help spark a conversation at your Thanksgiving table.

Speaker 1 Yeah and hopefully, hopefully a conversation that won't lead to someone storming out of the room.

Speaker 1 If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know that one of our favorite games is If I Ruled the World. And you probably know how it works.
Everyone comes up with one suggestion.

Speaker 1 If you were in charge of the world, you could do anything, anything you want,

Speaker 1 what would it be?

Speaker 1 What would you change? You make your case and then everyone votes on it. And if you get enough votes, that change would happen in your hypothetical world.

Speaker 1 Well, today, it's If I Ruled the World listener edition. We got a bunch of suggestions for ideas from you, the What Now listeners, and Christiana Mbakwe Medina, Josh Johnson, and I.

Speaker 1 Well, we run through them and we decide if we would in fact want to live in your world. It's a fun one, so let's get into it.

Speaker 1 This is What Now

Speaker 1 with Trevor Noah.

Speaker 1 So before we get into today's If I Ruled the World chat, since it's Thanksgiving week, I've been thinking a lot about the kinds of conversations we have when we gather with friends and loved ones around the table.

Speaker 1 And a lot of people ask me this question. They'll say, oh, Trevor, what do you do with your family? Like, how do you keep it light? And

Speaker 1 look, I don't have a perfect answer for this, but I noticed there was a distinct difference.

Speaker 1 in how some people started having their Thanksgiving conversations, especially over the past decade, let's say, and

Speaker 1 how we would gather with family members back in the day in South Africa.

Speaker 1 And the biggest one was we started all our conversations speaking about things that we all experienced, just taking people down memory lane, you know, connecting around like crazy stories.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, grandparents would talk about the grandkids and how much they'd grown and like embarrassing stories from their lives.

Speaker 1 And, you know, and then the parents would talk about their first time having a Christmas dinner.

Speaker 1 Because obviously we didn't have Thanksgiving in South Africa, but we had family gatherings and family dinners where everyone came together at a certain time of year.

Speaker 1 And what I noticed is if you start conversations

Speaker 1 with the fond memories that connect people, you spend less time in the politics of now that divides people. And it doesn't mean you can't talk about politics.
I'm not saying that.

Speaker 1 But just remember what you're trying to do. You're trying to connect with other human beings around a table sharing a meal.
Doesn't matter what the holiday is. That's fundamentally the purpose.

Speaker 1 And so if that's the purpose, think about the best way to go about that. It's finding a way to connect with another human being's heart.
And a lot of the times, our memories are where our heart lives.

Speaker 1 So, I don't know, try it. You know, ask your parents about a funny story from when you were young that maybe you've forgotten about.

Speaker 1 Tell them to share something embarrassing about you that maybe you didn't know about, you know, and then you can tell them a story from your childhood, something that you got away with, that you always hoped they would never find out.

Speaker 1 And I don't know. Let's connect and see if we can make this one a little less about politics and a little bit more about the human beings connecting around this time of year.

Speaker 1 And maybe this will give you some inspiration. Play around of If I Rule the World with your friends and family and see if things stay a little more fun and insightful, right?

Speaker 1 And remember to think big, think about crazy, think just completely out of the box.

Speaker 1 In fact, if you want inspiration, take a listen to me, Christiana, Christiana, and Josh right after this short break.

Speaker 1 Well look at that.

Speaker 1 We're in the real world now.

Speaker 1 Here are a few that came in. I'm gonna read them to you.
I mean

Speaker 1 we're still judges. Reading and reacting.

Speaker 1 I will read them to you and then we'll vote on them. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 First suggestion. If I ruled the world, all airplanes would board from back to front and we'd remove all Wi-Fi from planes.
No.

Speaker 2 I mean, they had me with the first sentence. I don't know why they would ruin it with the second one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You want the Wi-Fi?

Speaker 1 I have to screw both.

Speaker 1 I just started flying business class, so now you guys want to take it away from me. It's just Wi-Fi, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but if you're in the business class and you board later, that's more time to be in the lounge, potentially. If you really think about this as like a real champagne capitalist, right?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Let all the poors get on first, right?

Speaker 1 Then what's the point of the capitalism if you're not treated better? No, no, no. No, Josh is saying you're not treated better because you get to an inner lounge for longer.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, but then you lose the overhead space. No, you don't because they save it for business class.
They're supposed to save it.

Speaker 2 The only people who lose it are the people in the middle.

Speaker 1 They're screwed no matter who bought it. But they paid more for their tickets.
Yeah, they did, actually. It's crazy.
They did, actually.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you're a no. Absolutely not.
And I want Wi-Fi on a plane. You like Wi-Fi on a plane? Yes.
I'm on TikTok. I'm on Instagram.
I'm scrolling. I'm in the family WhatsApp group.

Speaker 1 Christiana, we need to discuss your habitual connectedness. Oh, yeah.
I'm heavily online. Do you know that's the one time where I'm gone? Gone, gone, gone in ways that you cannot even imagine.
Why?

Speaker 1 No, when I'm on a plane, I'm like, guys, there is nothing that needs me on a plane. I'm gone.
I have like that old vibe to it where I'm just like, ah, he's on a plane. You know who I'm like.

Speaker 1 Remember, Justine Sacco? Oh, yes, the girls. Yeah, the girl who made the joke.
The woman who made the joke was like, going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS.
Lol, just joking. I'm white.

Speaker 1 And then landed in Africa and her family was like, you need to go back to America. And the whole world was like, you're fired and we hate you.
Yeah. I live that kind of life.

Speaker 1 I don't want to know anything that's happening on the ground because I'm on a plane. Even if like an asteroid hit, it's none of my business.

Speaker 1 I'm on a plane.

Speaker 2 It's nice to be unreachable. Yes.
So I agree with that.

Speaker 2 And that's why I would say, even though I'm not fully in favor of the Wi-Fi thing, there are certain movies that I don't even try to watch unless I'm on a plane.

Speaker 2 There's, there's, gotta watch it right away, wait till it comes out on streaming, plane. Yes.
And so I think if I had Wi-Fi on the plane, I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't watch them.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't watch them.

Speaker 1 So I'll go fully yes with this. No Wi-Fi, but then Christiana voted no on it.
And now I'm

Speaker 1 repeating and board from back to front, you and Josh?

Speaker 2 You have to board from back to front because the chaos that happens that the way that we do it now,

Speaker 2 we're late every time.

Speaker 2 They have to make up time in the air on the last like five flights I've been on because we get to the back and they said that it was full, but then everybody's like, I'll risk it. And they're sitting.

Speaker 2 in all these different areas. And so now people have to go to the back because that's the only place they need space.

Speaker 2 But then people who finally get to the back who were boarding last because they're Group Z, they're the ones that are like, but this should have been my space. Now there's an argument.

Speaker 2 You got to board back to front.

Speaker 1 So I've seen somebody deal with this. I guess they were like, I don't know what level of math you have to be doing.
But apparently the best way is not back to front and it's not front to back.

Speaker 1 Because if you do back to front, there's also going to be issues, apparently. So your problem would come in when you're actually boarding.
Because now Josh is seat 30. I'm 29.
You're 28.

Speaker 1 But if I get on the plane and then Christiana doesn't, you're still going to have people blocking the travel.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so you'd have to line people up outside by their seat, by their row, and then you don't have enough space in the airport to do that. So that's why it fails.

Speaker 1 The real way you're supposed to do it is actually, it's supposed to be like alternating seats and alternating sides, is how the plane is supposed to board from

Speaker 1 like just like left, left, right, right, but like flip one, skip one. It's very complicated, it's not going to happen.
So, whoever sent that in, thank you very much for listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 But it's a nice, yeah. Uh, here's a few more.
Uh,

Speaker 1 all bosses are selected by employee vote. No.

Speaker 2 Ooh, that's a beautiful way to lose a company.

Speaker 1 Democracy is bad.

Speaker 2 Like, you can't, if you, because this is the thing, I'm a pretty likable guy. It doesn't mean I'm effective.

Speaker 1 To shame myself, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So it's like

Speaker 2 everyone might vote for me to be their boss. They know I won't say no to PTO.

Speaker 2 So now, because I never say no to PTO, I'm the only one at work. And then the company is losing hella money.
We're hemorrhaging. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What people should vote on is salaries. What do you mean? I think there should be radical salary transparency.
Like, you know, what everyone makes. Yes, that's true.

Speaker 1 And then, like, every year, you know, when it's like promotions and raises,

Speaker 1 we vote on other people's salaries. Yes, sir.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 1 Do you know what it means? People will treat each other so well in that office. Wow, you know,

Speaker 1 or

Speaker 1 we will have warfare. We will have many,

Speaker 1 many true crime documentaries

Speaker 1 where like the cause was including the CEO. You know, like the CEO salary is a sign.
The board approves it. I'm saying if we're going to be voting on anything, it shouldn't be who's the boss.

Speaker 1 It's like

Speaker 1 you're literally creating murders. Class war.
You are literally, when I find out that Josh voted against my salary bump. Why would he, unless he shed his vote?

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something. People are getting killed.
You have created an office of murderers. I'm going to vote no as well because I just think it's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm voting yes, but I know my voice.

Speaker 1 You're voting yes? Yeah, class warfare, baby. Man, whoever you are, you brought out Josh the Joker, the worst version of Josh.

Speaker 1 This is the Josh that, like, if he falls into a vat of acid, we're all screwed. The only thing holding Josh back from this character is that he's still, like, a functioning member of society.

Speaker 1 So that's two, two no's and a yes. Yeah.
All right, it's a no. But thank you for listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 Next person says, if I ruled the world, I would ban single-ply toilet paper.

Speaker 2 Yes, because it's a lot like a government program where they don't really help you. I would rather have no toilet paper in there than toilet paper I can see through when I look at it within my hand.

Speaker 1 You've clearly only grown up in a first world country. Do you guys know this stuff before toilet paper? Yeah, like yes, I wiped my ass with newspaper for like years of my life.
Newspaper's thicker

Speaker 1 than one ply. Have you ever met the corner of a newspaper that you folded?

Speaker 1 Newspaper.

Speaker 1 There's no edges on toilet paper. It's sharp, but.

Speaker 1 Yes. It's sharp in your butt, exactly.

Speaker 1 Sharp in your butt, exactly.

Speaker 1 This is a very first world opinion. You would rather have no toilet paper.

Speaker 2 One ply is your hand.

Speaker 1 I would not.

Speaker 1 I've used my hand. I've used my hand.
Have you used your hand? I've used my hand while I use one. What ply? First of all, why do people act like you can't fold the toilet paper?

Speaker 1 What crazy world are we living in? Because when you profile,

Speaker 2 when you try to wrap one ply,

Speaker 1 you can't make two ply.

Speaker 1 One plus one still equals one let me explain something here one ply is like flying coach at the back of a plane it is the least good way to do something but you are still flying in a plane everything else is walking or being on like a ship

Speaker 1 the way that my fingers have josh have you wiped your ass have you wiped your ass before without toilet paper

Speaker 2 i've intentionally no not intentionally i've had to yes i have had to use

Speaker 1 intentionally i have josh I have let me tell you something don't ever wish toilet paper out of your life I'm not saying I wish all the toilet paper out of my life I'm just saying that one ply is so bad yeah you'd ban it but then now there's now we have no ply okay I'm ready to vote mine is no Christiana

Speaker 1 no but because I think it's good for the planet right I don't know how trees work but it's less paper so all right Josh yes because it's barely real toilet paper all right well that's still two no's and one yes Your if I ruled the world was voted down.

Speaker 1 But thank you very much for listening to the podcast. We really appreciate you.
Thank you so much. We're going to continue this conversation right after this short break.

Speaker 1 All right. Here's another one.
If I ruled the world, high schools would start no earlier than 9 a.m.

Speaker 1 That's brilliant. Yeah, that's fine.
Brilliant. Teenagers need sleep.
Yeah. It's cruel.

Speaker 2 That's like part of the problem Actually, there would be more kids in extracurriculars if some of them weren't at like 7 a.m.

Speaker 1 Extracurriculars?

Speaker 2 Yeah. So like some of the clubs, like for instance, I did Quiz Bowl when I was in high school.
You did what? It's like trivia for high school. I was a virgin.

Speaker 1 You did what? What is it? I just want to know what this is. Quiz Bowl is like,

Speaker 2 okay, it's like. Imagine Jeopardy, but for everybody, and you go up against other schools.
Okay. and you do Jeopardy pretty much, but it's not like the structure of picking off the board.

Speaker 2 It's like I'm gonna ask you one of the most random questions you've ever heard. Yeah, you might know the answer, you might not, but your school gets points if you do.

Speaker 1 Could you be like, yo,

Speaker 1 there's a girl, Tanashe, at our school, and she has what on her backpack? Can you ask a question like that?

Speaker 2 It's all Jeopardy-type things.

Speaker 1 So it's more general knowledge. It's a motion.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 but it's more specific than general knowledge, which is also and you did this at what time um it would be maybe i went there at seven

Speaker 1 who designs your schools but school starts at like eight eight thirty yeah so it's like yeah no no i understand that we also had it

Speaker 1 so if you're gonna do extracurricular that's before school why

Speaker 1 why would you guys have extracurriculars before school because you want we called them extracurriculars because it was extra yeah you cannot do extra before

Speaker 1 apparently

Speaker 1 imagine going to a restaurant and you're like, could I get an extra side of rice? And they're like, we haven't even served you yet. What are you adding the extra to?

Speaker 1 The whole point of extra curricula is that you have your curricula, then this is extra. Yeah.
You can't start with it.

Speaker 1 We're fixing the wrong problem here.

Speaker 2 In your scenario, you would just say, Welcome to America, because that is what we do.

Speaker 1 But you seem to know that. What's it like in the UK? No, in the UK, we have like a little bit of socialism.
Oh, there you go. You hang out in the beginning.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, so there was nothing before. I don't know.
This is a weird one for me.

Speaker 1 It's also the only way you can. I'd actually say start school at 10 and finish at 3.
That would be my proposal. Start school at 10? Yeah.
Finish at 3. Yeah, that'd be my proposal.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know. So I have a different proposal.
I think you should start earlier, but do nothing for longer. No, but they have to get out of bed.
That's the issue.

Speaker 1 They need to sleep because they need to grow. How much sleep? They need to grow.

Speaker 1 Maybe like 12 to 14 hours. 12 to 14 hours.
Teenagers, your brains, your bones, like

Speaker 1 they need their brains where they're like so much sleep.

Speaker 2 That's why we think they're dumb. Because they don't sleep enough.
And then we try to teach them. And then at least I'm just talking about in the States.
We try to teach them and they're tired.

Speaker 2 Then we give them a test and then they fail. And then we're like, okay, moving on to the next more difficult subject.

Speaker 1 And they have to go home and study until late. Do their extra, extra curriculum.
Okay. Okay.
I'll vote. Then I'll vote yes.
This seems well considered. Yeah, that's your idea.
Yes. Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Whoever you are, congratulations. You have achieved the first yes.
If you ruled the world, high schools would start no earlier than 9 a.m.

Speaker 1 This person had an opportunity to rule the world and they just moved it by like an hour. I mean, that's responsible use of power, but not very creative.
But thank you for listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 The next suggestion we got was: if I ruled the world, everyone, no matter their job, has to shadow a service employee one day a month. What is a service employee? I know.
Are they torn?

Speaker 1 I'm not a waiter. Okay, okay.
I was making sure no

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 what do we what do we define by shadow i think shadow means like do the job

Speaker 1 i thought shadow meant just watching someone do the job yeah my shadows never helped me do anything yeah you're just like oh i want to haven't you had that as a comedian oh i want to shadow you for a comedians don't shadow anybody but but the way that i shadowed when i when i was working at like a regular job yeah was to do a mini version of the job oh josh i think you got tricked into free labor Yeah, that was, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think that's shadowing. So maybe we should unpaid people.
Yeah, I really think that's unpaid work, Josh.

Speaker 2 Maybe we should vote then.

Speaker 1 I think shadowing is literally you just like see how the person does it. Yeah, we should.
But what is the purpose of this? I think they want us to gain empathy for like service workers.

Speaker 1 But if anything, watching someone do their job up close, you always have less empathy. Yeah, like that looks easy.

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, yeah, but like, do that better.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's why I gained a respect because then they would hand it to me.

Speaker 1 And then you would see how hard it was.

Speaker 2 So I thought shadow meant.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Because you know how your shadow is attached to you? Like, I thought that you had to be.

Speaker 1 But your shadow doesn't do anything, though. It's attached, but it doesn't do anything.

Speaker 2 No, I see that now.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 I see it.

Speaker 1 I see what probably happened to me. I'm ready to vote on this one then.
I say no. No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Is it no feature? No, I guess not. Now, knowing what the understood shadow is, I'd say no.

Speaker 1 So no. Yeah, I thought shadow.
Thank you so much for submitting, but you will be the only person shadowing somebody at their job. But thank you for listening.

Speaker 1 All right, our final idea from the people who listen to the show. If I ruled the world, all toilet stalls should be completely soundproof.
We don't need to hear what's going on in there.

Speaker 1 Okay, this one, I'm already going to tell you is a no for me.

Speaker 1 That's like the joy of going to a public toilet.

Speaker 1 You like to listen? No, I don't like to listen, but that's the joy of it. It's like a horror movie.
I don't like horror movies, but if I took out the scary parts, then it wouldn't be a horror movie.

Speaker 1 A public toilet without the sounds is not a public toilet. It's not public.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 creepy. Imagine going into a public toilet and it's silent.
I want that. No, this is creepy.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing. I'm going to vote no with you, but for very different reasons.
Like, I feel like I don't love the sounds and I'd rather not.

Speaker 1 Okay, you're misunderstood. You're misunderstanding me.
You're misunderstanding me. No one loves the sounds.

Speaker 1 But the sounds are part of the experience.

Speaker 1 I don't even want to hear the toilet flash.

Speaker 2 I mean, I wish I wasn't in there when I'm in there.

Speaker 1 You wish you went in there. That's the point.
Yeah. That's the point.

Speaker 2 But the sound, I would say, needs to be left up to the environment because I went to the bathroom and there was a guy who fell, right?

Speaker 2 And we know he fell because he was like, ah,

Speaker 1 ah, I fell, right? Inside one of the.

Speaker 2 In the stall okay and if it had been soundproof who knows no one would have helped him yeah

Speaker 1 you could die in there

Speaker 1 okay have you ever used a public toilet and needed toilet paper and asked somebody to bring it to you i've done that once once in my life that happened to me it was back in south africa but that happened once and i was like ah man there's no toilet paper and then i had to shout out hey i need toilet paper and then someone handed it to me Over the stool.

Speaker 2 No, no, I got mine rolled to me.

Speaker 1 They rolled it on the floor. Yeah.
So you wiped your ass with me. No, no, no.
No, it has more. It's unrolling as it rolls.
It travels the way that it. Oh, so you left the part of it that had.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So basically, I was in a bathroom in a restaurant that was out of toilet paper.
And I had to wait until somebody came in.

Speaker 2 And so then I was like, hey, like, I need help. And the person was like, oh, okay, I got you.
Right. And then they left and they never came back.
They didn't have me. Wow.

Speaker 2 And then someone else eventually came in. I was like, hey, I need some help.
I need toilet. And they were like, oh, I got you.
Okay. And then they left and I was worried they wouldn't come back.

Speaker 2 But when they came back, they had the big old role.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That big role that you install in the thing.

Speaker 1 And he bowled it under to me.

Speaker 2 And it was a, it was a real hero move. I like this.

Speaker 1 All right. I was.
Did you get to meet the person afterwards? You remember back in the day on that TV show Rescue 9-1-1, you'd get to meet the operator who saved your life?

Speaker 1 Did you get to meet the person? Did you like talk to them and take a picture afterwards?

Speaker 2 No, because I started thanking him and then he left

Speaker 2 because he knew I was wiping while I was thanking him. And I think that was too much for him.

Speaker 1 All right, so we're ready to vote. All toilet stalls should be completely soundproof.
Mine is a definite no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've changed, I'm changing to a no only because in ladies' toilet, I don't know if you know this about women, but when I used to club 10 years ago before my life was over and I had kids, you just, you hear so much gossip.

Speaker 1 You see? It's

Speaker 1 experience gossip also known as oral history, you know, so like I like

Speaker 1 when you're on the toilet you just hear people talking to you and you don't even know the character exactly like all of that it helps the camaraderie

Speaker 1 this is yet another thing that'll make people feel isolated It will make you feel alone Do you know how nice it is to sit in a stall go through something physically and know someone next to you is going through the same well i like the person that coughs because they're about to drop a load that always makes you see this is what i mean this is now you're understanding what I mean.

Speaker 1 You were so against me in the beginning, and now you get it. The sounds make this what it is.
I vote no, no, toilet stalls should not be completely soundproof.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 1 no. Well, there you go.
That is a flat-out no. We'll be hearing you take a dump, whoever you are.
But thank you so much for listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 So, the only thing that got passed from the public, high schools will start no earlier than 9 a.m. So, we'll see you at 9.01.
Our listeners are really concerned with toilets and toilet paper.

Speaker 1 Like, what is going on in the bowels?

Speaker 2 It's actually why it's so hard to change the world. Look at all those proposals.

Speaker 1 It really is only one thing. People don't think big enough.

Speaker 1 Well, there it is. If I rule the world listener edition, thank you, every single one of you, for your wonderful suggestions, even though we shut down almost all of them.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's the nature of the game, right? And guess what? We want to hear much more from you. So, um, we have a what now email address: it's whatnow at dayzeroproductions.com.

Speaker 1 Whatnow at dayzeroproductions.com. Get in touch with any comments about the show, suggestions for future topics or guests, and more of your If I Ruled the World ideas.

Speaker 1 I promise we won't shoot them all down, by the way. So, you know, send us a few.

Speaker 1 Let's see what happens. Tell us your name and where you're writing from.

Speaker 1 And better yet, record it as a voice memo and send it along so we can play it on the show. Once again, that's whatnow at dayzeroproductions.com.
Let's reach the show.

Speaker 1 We'll be back next week with a full new episode. In the meantime, from everyone on the show, we wish you a happy Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 May all your plain boardings be smooth and all your toilet paper be tuple.

Speaker 1 What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yameen, and Jodi Avigan.

Speaker 1 Our senior producer is Jess Hackle. Claire Slaughter is our producer.
Music, Mixing and Mastering by Hannes Brown. Thank you so much for listening.

Speaker 1 Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now?