JB Smoove

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Because I listened to some of your episodes before this episode.

Oh, yeah.

Today.

Yeah.

I thought, what if he's just pure

that way you were on Conan sometimes?

What do I do?

How do I try to fit that in?

Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

Today I'm talking to a guy, one of the sweetest, funniest people in the business, who is known for keeping everyone around him in stitches, and he does it all with incomparable style and grace, JB Smoove.

I've had the privilege of working with JB on Curb Your Enthusiasm for several years.

Of course, you know him as Leon Black, one of the most hilarious TV characters of all time.

He's an amazing comic.

He's an amazing actor and pitch man.

Can't wait for you to meet him.

Here is J.B.

Smoove.

I was in New York, Mary and I are in New York the other day, and we walked over the grates, you know, from this in the subway and the heat coming up and that smell.

It made me so nostalgic.

I actually love that smell.

It's horrible.

Yeah.

Have you ever been cold and

thought about laying your ass down on one of those warm-ass grates when that steam is coming up?

Have you ever done that?

No, I haven't.

What?

Did you spend that?

You got to think about it once in a while.

I mean, you've been out there when it's bitter cold and you got somewhere to go, you can't get a cab, you're walking like, fuck, my hands are cold.

Yeah.

And you see that steam rising up, homeless guys laying on it.

You're like, shit.

I will spoon that guy right now for some heat.

You know what I'm saying?

Did you spend New York years?

I'm a New Yorker.

I'm a Saturday Night Live.

I'm a New Yorker.

I'm a New Yorker.

I'm a real New Yorker.

I'm from North Carolina originally.

I went to New York when I was like six.

And then I've been in New York my whole life until I came down.

Oh, wow.

Let me back up.

How are you doing post-Curb?

And

you do so much.

Curb is probably just a small part of your life, but Curb is a small part of my life.

Sometimes I got to set Larry straight to let him know that.

You know, I got a shit to do, right?

Yeah.

You know, he get a little cocky once in a while.

Yeah, the more famous the show.

Did he tell you the same thing?

You're never going to have more fun than this show

in your career.

You tell me, have he told you that?

No, because he didn't really talk to me on the set that much

you guys gotta okay

had the strangest relationship larry's

yeah do me larry what's the word i'm trying to

larry's very amazing he's amazing smart guy yeah

um but i can tell he's always thinking

yes even when he's not racing brain not racing mind but very

What's the word I'm trying to think of here?

Some people, their brains race all the time.

They're always trying to think of things.

But he's very, you know, centered, but he's always

seeming like he's

not protecting himself, but almost like he has this thing where he's very,

he makes himself smaller.

You know what I'm saying?

Someone do that.

They make themselves smaller.

That's interesting.

And they listen very intently.

Yeah.

You know, he listens very intently.

And when you say something to him, he's thinking about what you just said.

And whether or not he can use it in the show.

Oh, yeah, sometimes.

Sometimes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Definitely.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I always wondered what it would be like just me and Larry hanging, just me and Larry.

Hey, Larry, man, that's me and you go out and smoke a cigar at a little cigar lounge or somewhere.

Did you hang with Larry other than show ever?

Or much?

Not much.

I just run into him a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

when we were like down and we're in the or we're in a car, I would just tell him crazy stories.

Yeah.

You know, things that he wouldn't be privy to.

I always love that word privy.

Now, isn't that also an outhouse?

You ain't privy to that stuff.

Is it?

Yeah.

Privy is an outhouse?

We're learning a lot right now.

Outhouse is called a privy.

How to stay wild.

Stop saying that.

Every phone booth is a privy.

Every phone booth is a privy.

A privy.

I never

knew that.

See, I'm I'm afraid that I'm not going to see Lair anymore because we don't have the excuse of work.

I invited him onto the show.

I texted him, said, Woody Harrelson and I are doing this podcast.

We'd love to have you on.

And he went, you and Woody, God, that sounds great.

Period.

Then nah.

See?

And he just nah with a period.

Nah, nah, nah, nah.

He thinks.

Are we saying selfish, self-absorbed?

No, he just

thinks in a certain pace.

See how he went from, oh, that sounds great to nah.

Nah.

Because he was thinking in this, you know, not a fast think, because he would have said, fuck no, quick.

He said, oh, that's bullshit.

He would have said that quick, but he said, he took a little time.

He said,

he waited for you to ask him.

See, but he's sitting there hoping your ass don't ask him.

See?

Yes, yes, no, that's true.

So

you had a little break there.

It got a little quiet, right?

And then you gave him space.

You gave him too much space.

I don't know.

You gave him thinking space.

I should have said, what time can you come?

You got to drive it.

Yeah.

Some people got to drive the conversation.

Yeah.

And you got to drive that conversation.

And give him not any out.

I can't wait till you do it.

Yes.

God, see, you are good at selling things.

You got to sell.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sell.

And don't forget.

See, a lot of people do this kind of shit and they forget who the fuck they are.

You almost forgot that I'm fucking.

I'm 1510 damn.

that's what you messed up at right there yes you forgot who you were

you humbled yourself you crumbled down to larry you know what we're joking but you nailed me you nailed me right right on i am such a pain in the ass i'm so self-deprecating which is another way to go because you that makes the other people go no no dad you're wonderful it's handsome devils should never doubt themselves god i wish people handsome as devil people can see you with your hat right now you are so fucking cool.

You be smooth.

That's why.

See what I just did?

Yeah.

I can fix you.

I can fix your ass, Teddy.

I can fix your ass.

I will hire you.

I have you have everybody.

I have you.

You have dead motherfuckers on this show.

I'll have you getting anybody you fucking want.

You'll be sitting here fucking in a fucking skeleton, just sitting here while you interview their asses.

Anybody you fucking want, name them.

Anybody in history you have sitting in this fucking chair.

Well, you know what?

Larry blew it, so we don't need Larry.

No, you didn't, you got it.

Get Larry in the show, and then come be on it with me, and we'll interview his ass.

This is crazy.

This is a whole different topic, but watermelon

with some coffee.

Yeah, it's a great combo.

Three shots.

But once again, no, no, no, no.

It's horrible.

Oh.

I'm silly and warm at the same time.

It's weird.

Okay, let me ask you.

Let's come back to you.

Just three seconds on you.

Just three.

Have you ever done that?

Some things for three seconds.

But go on, sorry.

But you already are, you know?

And I think, even when I was on Howard Stern's show one time, and Howard was talking about his old neighborhood, he always talks about his old neighborhood, how you can't go back.

I said, no, you can go back.

You just got to go back a certain way.

I said, you going back like you worried about everybody fucking with you and wanting to.

I said, you got to go there like a regular person.

I said, you go shopping.

What people do, you go shopping.

You get a shopping cart.

You know what I mean?

And grab one that someone didn't return.

Grab one of those.

Just grab one out of the parking lot.

Just go in there and shop like a regular ass person.

Pick up things, look at this, you know, read the ingredients on stuff, put it in your cart.

Do regular ass shit, and people will leave you the fuck alone.

You know, that's a joke.

When you start acting like you're going to be recognized every second, people look at that and say, hey, man, I hate to be that guy.

People always do that.

People do that to you all the time.

But I do, though.

I go shopping.

I love it.

I hate to be that guy.

But can I get a selfie?

I hate that.

When they lead in with that, when they say I hate to be that guy, it's nothing but that.

There's nothing else.

I can't say, oh, I hate to be that guy, but do you mind if I put $1,000 in your shop?

I usually don't do this.

One of those preferences.

Oh, they do that.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah.

It's this between those two.

Those are the numbers.

I think one is the number one, the one number two.

I learned early on, though, don't you always say yes?

Because saying no takes way longer to explain why you don't want to have a selfie or why you don't want to sign an autograph.

Man, people,

no, it's

I actually

mind doing it.

I think people just,

someone has to create a new end.

We got to get a new end.

What do you mean?

Hate to be that guy is not a great end.

Me again, no, I'm not following it.

When people say I hate to be that guy

and do it anyway,

it's a weird turn.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's like you need to be that guy, but you're still,

you're still doing it.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I know you're, here's another one.

I know you're trying not to be recognized, but I know you're not.

I do, I know you are.

I know you are.

But I like, I like, you know what I like?

I like someone to walk up to me and say, hey, man.

I know you're living your life, man, but I love what you do, man.

Keep doing what you do, man.

And that makes me humbled.

And I say, you know what, man?

And say, my dad's a big fan of yours or my sister loves you.

And then what I do,

here's how I control it.

I say, you know what?

If she's a big fan, call her on FaceTime.

Really?

Yeah, call her on FaceTime.

I'm going to say hi to her.

And that just makes it easier because now you're driving the vehicle.

You're driving the car.

You're not subject to, oh, shit, I don't feel well today.

And somebody's already doing it.

Or.

The dude who walks up to you with the camera already like this.

Hey, I'm hanging out.

Look at this.

JB Snoof.

I'm like, man, come on, man.

How do you come up to me with the camera already rolling?

How do you know?

Yeah.

But if I'm driving, if I'm driving the car, I feel better.

I'm in control.

I could do it three seconds a day.

That's the best part of the car.

Fans.

Fans in New York.

Fans in New York are just so direct.

Hey, Ted, get over here.

Get the fuck over here.

Here, give me a hug.

You know,

that actually is fun and nice.

It's fun.

It's fun.

But you know what?

We have to give that to people because they are our supporters.

They are people who love what we do.

And

it's good.

And what we do, laughter changes the world.

It really does.

People tell me some stories and I say, oh my God, that's great to hear.

Man, the show got me through this.

It got me through that.

And you got to show people love

because that's the purpose of what we do.

Yes, and it feels good.

People come up to you.

People think it's a job all the time.

Because you made them laugh.

You got to like doing it regardless of your check.

You got to like doing it.

It really is,

it's just part of what we do.

We didn't choose this thing to be hermits.

We chose to give people because we

have a way of connecting to people and you got to have that lane in your life.

People remember you more.

Do you remember when all of a sudden

you went from being able to walk the street and no one knew who you were to when all of a sudden you were getting a lot of attention?

When was that?

New York?

Stand-up?

When did all of a sudden?

It's pockets because, you know, we do so many things that you get different pockets of things that, you know, depending on what's visible.

You know, if I have a commercial campaign, people stop me for the commercial.

Oh, I saw your billboard.

Or if Kirb is on, hey, man.

Yeah.

Episode was crazy.

I had an amazing episode.

What's he really like?

Oh, oh, man.

How's Larry?

Owens.

How's Larry off camera?

How's Larry on camera?

And I already sit there like, you know,

he's Larry.

You know?

Yeah.

He's Larry.

I already say it's two Larry's.

Yes.

There's TV Larry and there's real Larry.

TV Larry got a polished shit and real Larry got a polished shit.

Just different shit.

But hey, man.

Hey, I owe him a lot.

You know what?

He's a friend, has been for many, many, many years.

He's a friend who you invite to dinner and he says yes and he won't show up.

But he's still a friend, and he

reinvigorated my desire to be funny because I had done several sitcoms after Cheers and Becker, and I started to feel less and less funny, and a couple of them didn't work.

And I went, oh, I'm through.

Other people are funny, and I'm just not that, so I'm going to not do that anymore.

Yeah.

And then Kirb came along, and

we showed up, Mary and I, because because he said, come, just play yourselves, come.

And all of a sudden, funny became something so much fun for me again.

So I do credit him.

He was

a big part of my life.

You know,

I think it's genius to tap into

the little things about life.

You know, it's.

Scripted work is amazing.

I love writers.

You know, I'm a writer.

But there's something about being in the moment with people,

tapping into these little things about life, about people, human nature, all these things that's very connected to people.

You know what I mean?

It's different.

It's different.

And when people know that you are, you know, you're scripted and you're reading and you're actually just saying what someone wrote for you, it's different.

Yeah.

And that's why I think I'm speaking from the comedian side.

You know,

we have to connect to people immediately.

You know, we got to sell ourselves.

You know, anybody can tell a joke.

Anybody can tell a joke, you know, but how do you take that joke and

make it connected to someone?

You know, you got to read energies.

You got to listen very intently to what people are laughing at.

You know, some people like gestures that people laugh laugh at gestures.

If you recognize every little thing that people love about you, it's your golf swing.

It's a golf swing that you have mastered to the point where you don't even have to look where the ball landed anymore.

You swing, you hit, you turn around, you put the club away.

The ball hasn't hit the ground yet sometimes, but you've mastered that.

And I think that's what that's another

lane that I think curb has given a lot of us.

It makes what we do originally did

better.

Because

now we're in the moment.

And also, don't think,

people also give you more leeway because of curb,

you know, and they give comedians more leeway, stand-up comedians, because they know that they have a certain rhythm and timing that comes across very well and natural.

You know,

people can get very robotic when they're reading,

memorizing a script

like exactly,

exactly what I wrote.

Not take it and make it your own, which is a better way for anybody to work.

Make it your own.

You like someone, you hire them because you like them and you love their rhythm, you love what they do, and you apply whatever that's written right there, you make it fit them, not vice versa.

Because it doesn't work that you got to get your timing, how you speak, everything has to match.

That's why you work with people who write for, who know how to write for you in your rhythm.

You know how many times we've um

been you know um

you know waiting to find out what larry's going to do if he's coming back all those seasons right you know i would see larry at an event or something like that he would tell me yeah i got some good stuff for you this season and i was like really yeah

yeah you know like

because he knows he knows everyone yeah so when he says he has some great great stuff for you man that means he's really been thinking of how can i make this person shine as much as possible, you know.

And that is a, you know, it's a lot of us.

It's a lot of us on the show.

You got to juggle all these different

personalities and fit what their character would do in this situation.

Yeah.

That's a lot of people to think about unscripted.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

They did work their asses off for like months

coming up with the plot lines and the everything.

No, it's unbelievable.

You know, if you laugh, look, we laugh at

the premise.

If you laugh at the premise

before the punchlines, you got gold all the time.

That's the aim.

The aim is for the premise to be funny.

When I'm on stage, if I'm performing, no matter what I do, the premise is what I get a smirk out of,

or someone leans forward in their chair.

You know what I mean?

That is what, that's the goal to me.

You get a laugh on the premise, you got somebody.

You say, hey, you smiling, you laughing already at the premise.

We take it to the punchline.

I think that's what is golden.

And I think that's what

we got put into an amazing position on curve because,

you know,

you read that outline, you say, oh, man.

Sometimes I didn't even want to read them because I didn't.

I hate to read it.

I didn't start.

I might have read last season.

But the rest of them, I would just get there and say, okay, what's popping?

Just tell me what the overall episode is about and what I'm doing because I don't want to overthink it.

Yeah.

I spent a whole season once

not looking at any of the outlines.

And I was doing a show, an episode where I get out of the car and I walk to this laundry.

dry cleaner and Larry and I'm blanking on her name

uh, was stand a famous actress who's standing on the curb.

And I got to my mark early.

I

was too soon.

And as I'm passing by, because I just supposed to go, hey, and keep going, I hear, oh, yeah, Ted Danson, he is such an asshole.

And they both are talking about what an asshole I am.

And I, and I heard this for the first time, and I'm going,

well, I mean,

what?

You know?

And then I talked to Jeff Garland, and he went, You didn't know

you are the asshole of disease.

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dude let me go back to the beginning of you and stand up

how did that where

before

how did that start did you start writing jokes I've always been always been I just always been the life of the party I was always life of the party I think I could if I had known in high school that I could really do this, oh man, I would have prepared myself.

But I do think there's something to preparing yourself without structurally

preparing yourself and knowing anything.

I think you become the life of the party, you become that dude, you become a guy that makes people laugh.

The first one to dance at every party,

you're that dude.

You know, you're the loudest guy in the room.

You know, you're either going to be a lawyer, you're going to be something.

But I didn't, I mean, although I was a big fan of comedians,

comedic actors, all that stuff, I had no idea.

What age are you talking right now?

I'm talking about high school, high school age.

But here's the thing people forget about.

You know, there's a saying that people use, but people don't know what it really means.

You are what you eat.

You ever heard that before?

You are what you eat.

People relate that to food, and it's not about food.

It's about what you're consuming through your life that makes you,

that has given you strength, has given you insight, has given you all these things.

So, you are what you eat is everything that's around you, things that you have accepted into your life.

That's what you're consuming.

So, me, I got really, really, you know, I grew up in the projects of Mount Vernon, New York, you know, Boys and Girls Club Kid, all that stuff.

Um, seeing that

tough, meaning

when you say when you bring that up, do you mean it was tough?

Yeah, man, yeah, yeah, you hear the word projects, it's related to tough.

It's related to,

you know,

being with

living in a building with a lot of people, you know, but good times and hard times.

This is New York City.

Right.

You know,

so you have to have a balance, I think, of things.

Not that you have to

live a certain way, but you have to know things exist.

You have to know the context of things that you pull into your life.

You know?

So for me, it was.

Let me interrupt one more second, though.

Because that's a talent.

Not everyone has that point of view at an early age or knows that in an early age.

Did your mother?

Did your father?

Did you, where did that ability to go, oh, I need to pay attention to what I'm absorbing come from, do you think?

You just have to.

It's a survival mode.

You're in survival mode right now.

New York is a fast, fast place, man.

You know, you, you, you're, I mean, you're just, you see everything as a young person.

You see everything.

You know, I don't know where you grew up at.

Where'd you grow up at?

Oh, Arizona.

Yeah, you,

you know, my best friends were hoping, Nabo,

riding horses, ranchers, that kind of thing.

That's different.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Different.

Yeah, but it's a part of you.

It's ingrained in you.

It's a part of you in there that has gotten you to where you are right now.

It has to, you know, but I think there's, there's a different, there's, now, if we switched up,

I would do better than you would do.

I'm sure of that.

I'm 100% sure.

I'm just saying, that's what some people, I always say this too, man.

Look, some people have to know a little bit about everything.

Yeah.

And some people don't have to

know everything.

Like, you know, I use this all the time.

I always say, you know,

black people can walk into, like back then in Blockbuster, black people can walk in Blockbuster and rent anything and watch it and fucking enjoy it.

It could be a movie about submarines.

It could be any damn thing, a war movie.

It could be anything, fucking, you know, it don't matter what it is.

We can watch anything and get it, right?

You can't walk in there and grab any fucking movie off the shelf and understand what the fuck is going on.

You say you watch the movie Friday and you would not, you wouldn't be able to last five minutes because you wouldn't know what is happening.

You wouldn't understand a word.

You wouldn't understand anything with that movie.

Cause I say you have to consume everything in order to be well balanced in your life, right?

You got to be well balanced.

So for me, as a kid growing up, loving stand-up, growing up in projects, I got a chance to, you know, and New York has, New York has a certain pace to it.

So you get a chance to

hone your skills as a person.

You know, I totally believe you got to sell yourself before you sell anything.

You got to sell yourself.

I'm sorry you say that.

You got to sell yourself.

If you can sell yourself, people

like you, you get a return call.

You get, hey,

there's my guy.

What's up, man?

You get that from people.

That's what you want.

And that lasts you forever.

Forever.

Now, I feel bad you got labeled an asshole on that season.

I feel bad.

I feel fucking bad.

You know, I thought you were just saying in life.

No.

For a minute.

when you started that sentence, I went,

am I labeled an asshole in life?

No, not in life.

I'm saying I'm using that as an overall,

I'm painting the overall picture of how we are all part of our upbringing and what we consume through our life.

So for me, I always wanted to make people happy.

Me too.

Because it wasn't always great times growing up in New York in the project.

It just wasn't.

I lost a lot of friends.

I lost a lot of friends, man.

It's rough, man.

And people, some people don't understand that.

That it really is

a certain journey you got to have.

But all these things make you who you end up being.

Like at some point, you got to land somewhere and you got to be that person you are meant to be for the rest of your life, for the rest of your life.

Not that you can't learn other things and you wouldn't pull other things into your life, but you have to have a base.

You got to have a base somewhere.

So for me, comedy was that.

Comedy really, my mom was funny.

My mom is hilarious.

My mom is funny.

My brother's a comedian also, think Floyd.

My brother, Terrence, is funny.

We just got a funny family.

My whole family is funny.

You go to my family reunion, you can get a word in because everybody wants to.

I think I was the only one at that time who was able to get on stage with it.

My brother's been doing it 10 years now, but before that, you know, I've been doing it 30-something years.

So as funny as my family is, I mean, hilarious.

I mean, I get lost in the shuffle because they so damn funny, but they would never get on stage.

These North carolina people would never get on stage with it but they are freaking characters funny characters man so all these pieces right here become a part of you know how you move and how you um

how you construct your your your your person you know what i mean and also you got to pull

there's so many things you got to do man it's like

You know, and you have to build character, I think.

You build character.

And it's, you know,

I mean, I had regular jobs.

I had to sell fire extinguishers.

You know, my first job ever as a

15-year-old kid at the school job was in a perfumery.

I learned how to make perfume with this freaking 75-year-old, maybe four foot five Italian guy.

That was my first job I ever.

Were you mixing?

I was doing everything.

Wow.

I was a perfumer.

I was a little

high school kid who knew how to make perfume, knew how to box it, knew how to fill bottles, knew how to ship it.

I knew, I did everything.

Small company, 15-year-old kid, responsible for all the responsibilities.

Wow.

And I loved it.

And when that little dude,

Ray Murata was his name, little, when that little guy, he's like, you'll pick up little things when people like that.

He would pull a handkerchief out of his pocket.

and just pat his forehead.

He just say, you know what?

I always carry a handkerchief.

You never know.

Are you going to sweat?

Are you going to cut your finger?

Or a lady might need something.

That would have been so true.

He always said that.

Always carry a handkerchief in your pocket.

That is so true.

I said, I'll never forget that.

And

to this day, if I happen to have a handkerchief and Mary asks for one, she's so grateful.

Isn't that something?

Yeah.

It's little things like that, man, that somehow

you listen.

And the world moved a little slower back then.

Now the world is fast.

So our old asses can't keep up with the speed of the world.

Even though we have careers that we do, we still can't keep up really.

We'll lose a young person sometimes in our dialogue.

You know what I mean?

In our description of something.

We'll lose their ass and we'll get lost by their fast ass.

We'll say,

what?

What is it?

I sometimes thank God that I came up in a time where the body of work was enough that I have name recognition, good pattern, different.

I have name recognition.

Kids coming up now have to be social media, have to be

to cut through.

And I'm not on social media.

My brain doesn't go there or work there.

I'm fine that other people do.

I don't have that desire or knack or whatever.

That's your question that's your question

seeing the world right yeah and knowing the world you that you started in would you trade places

based on everything you've ever done right where you are now would you trade places right now if you switch places with a younger person not just because they're younger and you could be on this planet longer The journey that you've been on,

based on this, you know, everything being, it's like making a fucking cake by hand you know what i mean you gotta put all the ingredients in that shit right

now they make cakes with everything already in it just add water would you trade the eggs the milk the oil you know the flour all the things that go into a real cake with a cake you put water in no no they should never eat it i'm so grateful for every part of my life the fuck-ups yeah the cringing moments that i have many of i would not be with my wife Mary if anything had changed along the way.

I am so blessed.

So blessed.

Yeah.

Isn't that something?

Yeah.

You got to think about that because it's different now.

Everything's different.

Money's different.

The time you have to do it is different.

Everything can be done quick.

You know what I mean?

Yep.

Would a young Ted Danson thrive?

You know what?

It be really cool if you had two of yourself.

One that lived already, and another one, like a little photo, like a little copy of yourself.

You know what I mean?

A copy of yourself that started over right now.

And you could watch that little motherfucker move, see how, see if he's just watch him and see how different it would be to watch this dude right here in this time period.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

It's different.

There's something about you for me.

you have kindness just radiating out of you you know I see you and I want to hug you I just

love you without knowing

that much about you yeah because of what you emanate and you emanate yeah whatever put out into the world and that that that's also an amazing thing to be to be able to be funny and kind

is not always a combination that everybody everybody can't Everybody can't get it, but

you try to

reel people in sometimes.

You know what?

I think that certain people have a higher tolerance for pain, which is crazy.

But some people just have a higher tolerance for pain.

And they know how to soothe you.

They know how to tell you that they understand what you're going through.

Some people don't have that.

Some people don't have that shit.

They make you feel worse.

You'll say, man, you don't get the fuck out of my face.

Yeah.

Because you're making making me feel horrible right now.

But some people know how to feel.

Some people know how to do that vampires.

They're joy vampires.

Some people know how to make you feel better.

It's just something about it, you know?

And I think that's what we're supposed to be doing nowadays.

We're supposed to do this.

And,

you know,

I think in what we do, you want people to remember you.

But you can't, I mean, you got to say this.

You got people to remember you as someone that inspired, someone that made them laugh, someone to made them do everything that they needed for themselves at that time.

You know what people, you know what you want?

People have great stories about you.

Good gracious, man.

You want people to have good stories.

Because, you know, I do think in some way, everybody,

I think the word icon is misused a lot.

I think people take the word icon and they attach it to people who are legendary for some reason.

You know what I mean?

But it's not.

Icon means you locked yourself in as something that people can remember.

That's interesting.

That's the better definition for it.

Not someone who's so big that they are untouchable.

An icon means it's someone that touched you in a way that made you remember who they were in that moment.

And they become that person

and the rest of their life.

That's an icon.

Someone who gave, who at fundraiser, someone who made sure they plant seeds all the time with people, that's an icon because they are remembered for what they did and how they were able to be someone that legendary and remembered

here and gone

so that's what that's what humor is i think that's what comedy is i think that's what

we were on a legendary show

yeah I'm talking about, you know how many people I've ran into and they say, oh, let my kid watch it.

I'm like, what?

This little guy right here?

He'll be like a six-year-old kid.

I love your character on curb.

I'm like, really?

Yeah.

But

that's what,

you know, that's what that journey, man, you know,

you know, I took an improv class in, shit, it might have been 88, 89, maybe, because I wanted to be a comedian.

I said, I'm going to take an improv class and see.

What

this is,

this improv thing that I'm going to do.

Was this New York?

yeah

44th Street and 9th Avenue the old improv comedy club oh wow

I took a I took a improv class and literally after the improv class that summer the club closed down and I said oh shit I was supposed to get that in

I could have took that class anytime or I could have fucked around and thought about took an improv class after the club closed I would have had a different teacher I couldn't even imagine having a different teacher I had um what was his name from SC TV?

I forgot his fucking name, but that class was great.

And literally after my class was done, that's- just before you'd gotten on stage or when you'd been in?

That's the first thing I ever did was take an improv class.

Oh, that's amazing.

I said, I'm going to take one just to see how it feels.

And I took the training from Mount Vernon all the way downtown.

Every Saturday and take that class, man.

And I said, I want to see what this is that I'm doing to make people laugh in the hallways.

That's making my friends laugh.

I'm just making up shit with them.

But I didn't know the improv rules.

I just knew I was just doing crazy stuff and surprising people with stuff.

And I think once I realized that, I took that class, everything else was clear to me what I wanted to do.

But yeah, and I've done,

I did so much stuff, man.

A lot of firsts, man.

You know, especially in the stand-up world, you know,

short attention span theater on Comedy Central.

You're talking about one of the first shows they ever had.

Apartment.

I think I did Apartment 2F.

I did Scar Brothers pilot.

I did on MTV, one of their first pilots ever on MTV.

I did so much stuff, man.

Chris Rock's show and

Chris Rock's TV show.

Oh, I did that.

It's just like...

You do all the stuff you can do.

And I think being versatile is the number one thing.

I used to tell all my friends, I used to tell them, I said, man,

don't get stuck just doing clips.

Thinking there's a way.

There is an A way.

No.

Yeah.

You got to, I always told them, I said, do a lot of different stuff because you don't know what's going to be the one that's going to be the big one.

And you also, you become more versatile.

And I always bounced around and did a bunch of different things.

Man, I did background work.

Shit, man.

Me too.

I did background work when I first started.

And I was thrilled.

Get me in front of a camera, even if I'm in the background.

I am

careless.

I used to fight.

I used to sit there and talk to the directors.

I used to try to

get a line.

I just want to get a line, man.

I just want to get a fucking line.

I want to say something, you know?

And I was just, and I think all that, all that you had to do.

Curb really did change my life because it reinvigorated my desire to be funny.

But

I did it.

I've told this story before, but we watched the pilot of Curb, Mary and I, and

Mary thought it was great.

I thought it sucked.

I thought it absolutely sucked.

And I felt sorry for my new friend, Larry David.

So in trying to be encouraging kind of thing, I said, you know, if you ever need us to play ourselves,

we'd be happy to.

And

in that sort of idiocy, you know, I ended up being part of something that changed my life.

Business.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Come on, do athlete for me just for a minute.

Because one of the times we were working, you came hobbling in because Ray Allen had ducked his shoulder and slammed you or something and really fucked you up.

But you were an athlete growing up, right?

I played football, wide receiver in high school, but I didn't take it seriously enough.

I was just, I was still in.

But you were good.

You had the chops.

Maybe not the discipline or desire.

You know what?

Here's what I think happens too.

I'm a better,

you would think it would be the other way around, but I'm a smarter athlete now.

I wasn't, I was just going on energy, just doing stuff as a wide receiver in high school

to the point where I never started because I was playing around too much.

I didn't take it seriously.

In the weight room, I was joking around with people,

having too much fun, the loud dude, you know, or I would skip a workout or whatever it was, man.

I got, man, I got, oh man, I used to have to, me and my buddy, Todd, rest in peace, man.

We lost him

over the holidays.

Man, me and that dude, we were late every practice, man.

We had to stay.

Like the team would be released and we would be doing freaking crabbing up backwards up hills, man.

Because we were late every day.

It was like the craziest thing, man.

And he was horrible at freaking being on time.

And I would still wait for him because he's my friend.

And literally, I would wait for him to come out of his building and we would go to practice.

And every day we were late going to practice, man.

It was unbelievable.

But somehow, I don't know.

I don't know what that was for, but sticking by that dude, man.

and being late every day and not i don't know what would happen but if i do my if I did projections right

my projection would have been I would have been a New York jet wide receiver but that would mean I would have to I'm I probably would have to have met a different best friend which is crazy to think about right which is a best friend who was coming downstairs on time

who always said hey man stop joking around so much man let's let's work out

let's let's run the track let's do five laps instead of one and And, you know what I mean?

I think I would have been different.

If you'd have gone that path, you'd probably now be sitting there with three replaced knees.

Yeah.

You know, so

you're here.

And that being said, I think I'm smarter,

smarter athlete now because I understand the game more.

I wasn't just going on know the plays.

I think I'm smarter now.

But if I had, if I had this brain, like we said, we can go back.

If I had this mind set

as an athlete back then, oh man, I would have took the world over.

I've been doing

basketball.

Basketball, let me tell you, that game,

you know, I've done the all-star game, celebrity game a few times.

But because you're good, you can.

Because I'm good.

I talk trash.

I know how to get in your play.

Physically, you're a good player.

Ray might not admit this, but I got in his head a little bit, I think.

I think I got in that man's head a little bit, man.

I did get a steal, you know, and I play tough defense.

Yeah.

And me, now, look,

he's not a huge guy

i'm not a huge guy but we we're we're in the same range as far as weight now

i ain't gonna lie though that that dude's got

his muscles was crazy oh my god like hard like hard not not muscular just fit yeah fit ass muscles i said god damn this is hard and i would i would i started cheating a little bit i'm not gonna lie he's a hall of famer i gotta cheat a little bit i did grab him was this full court or put a body on him huh was this Oh, yeah, this is a celebrity basketball game.

Damn.

I'm chasing this dude all over the goddamn court.

And we were winning.

We had a good team.

And they had a great team, but we were winning the game with a minute, something left in the game.

You would figure

I could have survived the last minute and 30 seconds.

How do you play a game and get hurt the last minute and 30 seconds?

Chasing Ray Allen around the freaking Hall of Famer, chasing around the goddamn court.

We were up by 14 points.

All of a sudden, Ray got hot.

Whop, whop.

He just started hitting them threes, man.

I was like, somebody stop him.

So I sat on the bench.

I said, man,

I got to get back in the game.

He needs somebody to get in his goddamn head and make him

fuck his confidence up a little bit.

I got back in that game, man.

I started chasing that dude all over the place, man.

I didn't give a damn.

I had to hold his shorts.

I was cheating.

I didn't give a fuck, man.

You know what I mean?

I'm wrapping my arm around his arm.

I'm like, I'm putting a body on him and everything, man.

That's where the the football came in.

That's where the football history came in.

I started putting the body on him a little bit.

He started running around.

Then they cut it down to four points.

Then I was a four-point lead with a few, like a minute left.

I said, come on, man.

We can win this game.

We got this game, man.

So I said, let me get on Ray.

Let me cause some trouble.

Man, I chased Ray all over the place.

And he ran into the corner.

And, you know, that's his favorite shot

from the corner.

Man, I chased that dude full speed.

He got away from me.

I got picked off and I ran around the dude.

Yeah, I chased him and i said man sometimes if you can't block the shot you got to put your hand in their face right and i jumped in the air like this to try to make him miss and man when i was going up and i started coming down he was going up to shoot and his whole shoulder caught me right here boom oh my god knocked the air out of me man have you ever had the air knocked out of you yeah i have that's not a good feeling no people use that as a metaphor

knock the air right out of me People say that all the time, but have you ever felt the air knocked out of your way?

I didn't know if I was going to survive.

Wow.

The life came out of me, man.

I saw myself, a version of myself standing next to me said, he fucked you up.

And no,

my life came out of me.

My life came out of me.

Yo, your lung is something, man.

You need a he caught me right there with that shoulder, man.

That little hard ass.

He had fucking like, his shoulders were like like two bocce balls on his shoulders now do you think he knew what he was doing or was it an accident i think he was being competitive it's competitive it's got to be a little competitive the man's retired he you know he was killing us he was killing us yeah now we still won the game we said you win the game she lose the war And believe me, my ribs lost that war.

Yeah, you were out for a while from Curb, if I remember.

Man, I'll tell you what I did.

This is crazy how

we don't think we hurt enough we just think you know what everybody says when they get hurt oh that's gonna hurt in the morning yeah we use that

and believe me that hurt in the morning i couldn't get out of bed man you yo i thought a truck hit my ass man i didn't know i was hurt i just thought i pulled a little something yeah you know so i went to the hotel uh gift shop got some moltrin

loaded up on those moltrin man took a few moltrins

yo you would have thought nothing happened to me.

Yo, it's amazing what that

worked.

What?

It worked like I didn't get hurt at all.

Isn't that weird?

Medicine is

pain.

But weren't you out for a while?

No, I'm getting through that part.

So this is me.

I'm still at All-Star Weekend.

Oh, oh.

I got hurt.

I took some motions.

And I was already scheduled for several things because I was there.

I did it.

I had a private party, my own party for all-star weekend.

Then I had

the legends brunch, the monologue for the legends brunch.

And I was a little pain.

So it was a sports doctor there.

I said, hey, man, you know, I got this, I hurt myself the other day.

But you know who told,

man, we was on the bus going back to the hotel.

And

one of my teammates teammates

told me it was

probably just a contusion.

A contusion, he said.

A contusion.

It's probably just a contusion.

Those don't hurt.

Contusions.

Contusions?

Man, I ended up doing the party.

I ended up doing the, so at the legends brunch, they had a sports doctor.

I told him what happened to me.

Oh, he said, oh, he said, well, you know, a lot of guys, you know, all these legends in the room, they all got knee problems and back problems.

So he had a a little bag.

He said, I'll give you some motron.

Six or more motor.

600 milligrams.

Good gracious, man.

600 milligrams, man.

I said, what?

I said, I got the ones in the hotel.

It was like 100.

He said, no.

He said, that ain't shit.

He said, that ain't shit.

This right here.

You won't feel shit for a week.

I said, what?

He gave me a few of those.

He said, here, take a few with you.

You got to travel.

You got to travel and stuff.

He said, when you get back to the States to see a doctor, is, you know, man, I did that.

I took that 600 milligrams.

Man, I felt like a hundred million bucks.

Man, did not know I was, how hurt I was.

Ended up doing the whole weekend, did the party, did everything, got on the plane to go back, right?

And dozed off on the plane.

Dozed off on the plane, you know, didn't take the, didn't take the 600 milligrams.

I went to sleep.

Man, I woke up.

I couldn't move.

I said, oh, shit.

I moved a little bit.

I said, oh, fuck.

I had to use the bathroom.

You know, you know?

I do.

Yeah, yeah.

Man.

And I was looking around.

I was like, fuck.

How do I get up and not look like I'm fucked up?

Because I didn't want to look like that.

No.

But I knew.

By sitting there, I couldn't.

It was hurting so bad.

So I said, I just like,

grabbed the back of the chair in front of me.

I just got up, and I just walked real slow to the bathroom and played it off.

I was in, um, I mean, the pain was unbearable.

I got in the bathroom, closed the closed,

you know, the door, locked it, looked in the mirror, and said, fuck,

fuck, not right now.

God damn, I couldn't

take a breath.

I took one, 600.

I said, man, maybe it'll kick in before I land.

i slowly made it back to my chair sat there landed back in at the landed and i said i'm gonna call my doctor right away called my doctor and said hey man uh i got injured playing um basketball but the doctor gave me a 600 milligrams he said uh you know what go get an x-ray i go to go get an x-ray and The dude comes out from giving me the x-ray and he sent it to the doctor.

Doctor calls me right there on my phone.

He said, go immediately to the emergency room.

Your lung is full to capacity with fluid.

So I was internally, my fucking lung was fucking full of fucking blood and fucking

blood.

He said, your lung is full.

Wow.

He said, your left lung is fucking full.

Go immediately to the emergency room.

I'll go there.

I said, oh shit.

So I'll go to the the emergency.

My wife takes me to the emergency room.

And the guy says, hey, your doctor already called me.

And he said, sit on this, sit on this

gurney.

He said, turn your back.

He said, grab the edge of that little table.

He said, grab that, and don't turn around.

I said, oh, shit.

He said, I got to drain your

lung.

Big old needle.

It's fucking needle.

Yeah.

That's what the fuck this is.

Yeah.

Right here.

That's how fucking big the needle was.

The needle was damn near big as a coke straw you know

he said turn around man he said you don't want to see this i said then he had he had a um a beaker like sitting here a tube in the beaker but it was a big one big ass beaker like this and he took that needle i saw the holes attached to the needle And he said, he wiped it with some, you know, prepped it.

He said, all right, man, hold on, because this is

going to hurt.

Took that needle, put that needle straight through my back, into my lung.

Wow.

And

hit that little button, and that shit started pulling the liquid out of my lung.

And this thing, this beaker, started filling up with freaking blood.

It was fucking crazy.

And you saw the beaker.

This wasn't.

He shouldn't have left that shit there.

That shit should not be in your view.

like i was making a milkshake or some like a strawberry milkshake in this

i said why'd you think that right there

wait wait i said wait a minute man i was joking around a little bit i said wait a minute so you don't want me to see the needle but you wanted me to see what the is coming out of my lung

why is this better than this

it's like

it's just filling up with red liquid like really

So

it fills up.

He says, man, we're going to have to keep you foot in the hospital for a few days.

So I ended up being to make sure it didn't fill up again.

No, it has to.

They have to see what's going to happen.

So I ended up staying in the hospital for a few days.

Three days, they had to keep draining my, draining mind.

So I had a tube in my back, in my lung that could drain it.

So they were trying to talk me into opening me up for surgery.

I said, nah, man, you are not cutting me open.

So you got to find another way to fix this shit.

So find another way to fix it, man.

So I got out.

They gave me some medications.

It slowed down.

I get out the hospital.

I did three days.

Go to a, I don't know what the fuck I was doing.

See, this is cockiness of people.

I get out of the hospital.

I go to a friend's wedding

a day or two after I got out of the hospital.

And

I get to the wedding, you know, doing regular shit, sitting down there, chilling, relaxing, having drinks, toasting my friend.

And then all of a sudden, I couldn't breathe.

I was sitting there like, the fuck is going on?

I got a little dizzy, couldn't breathe.

Then I went, I said,

let me call the doctor.

Call the doctor.

He said, man, go back to the emergency room again.

I go back.

He did another x-ray.

He said, you have twice as much fluid in your lung as you did those.

Oh, my God.

Motherfucker said, sit down, man.

I'm sorry.

That fucking beacon down.

That goddamn needle again.

I said, I don't believe this shit, man.

He said, I did it again.

Bow.

Filled one up.

Took it away.

Put another empty one up there and filled that shit up again.

I love the sound effects.

But here's the crazy part.

Did not tell me

that as it gets lower and lower, you're going to feel excruciating pain.

Didn't tell me that shit.

Yo,

it's like someone took my freaking lung and crumbled it up

like a fucking piece of paper.

It felt, yo, I almost passed out.

I said, yo, I said, yo,

it's painful.

He said, oh, I should have told you that the second beaker is going to be painful.

Yo, man, I thought I was, no, I said, yo, I said, yo, I'm going to black out.

I can't fucking hold it.

That's how painful it was.

He said, okay, okay, I'm going to stop.

Then he stops it.

And I was in the hospital for 11 days.

Wow.

With a freaking bile, a vial, a valve on my back to keep draining my freaking lung.

So

this is

like four or five years ago, maybe, or something.

I can't remember that.

Yeah, maybe

pre-pandemic.

So probably about Ray Allen.

I hope he's listening to this.

The pain he caused you.

I called him.

I told him what happened.

Shit.

But that's,

come on, man.

I mean, I'm only 185.

What am I, 185?

180?

That's probably 180, man.

You realize, these top-notch athletes, how competitive

they are.

They don't lose.

They lose.

They do not lose.

But it was a great

experience.

But that's part of being, you know,

I'm a little cocky, too, when it comes to sports.

I'm a little aggressive.

I'm a little cocky.

Because

I like to play.

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I've been on the road, so basically I've been eating in restaurants for the last month.

So I'm going to throw this to my producer.

Nick Liao.

Nick.

Well, Ted, I can cook a meal for you because I've been enjoying Home Chef.

Nice.

I'm looking forward to trying the Smoky Barbecue Chicken Thighs, which is a good summer meal.

Smoky chicken thighs.

Smoky barbecue chicken thighs.

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You got me coming over to your place.

Yeah, please.

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I wish Woody were here.

Woody is one of the most competitive human beings I've ever met in my life.

Let me tell you something.

I love that dude.

Yeah.

I love that dude.

Shout out.

Oh, shout out to Woody, man.

I love that dude, man.

Oh, he actually invited me to his

bar, his bar.

You went to the bar?

Yeah, yeah.

The woods.

The woods.

Let's give it a shot at it.

Amazing dispensary and bar.

And bar.

And built on fucking tree houses.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Treehouses inside the restaurant.

How do you do that?

I don't know, but that's where I met

Paul McCartney who was there at the woods.

So, yeah, forever fond of the woods.

See,

now who's one of your

idols?

Like, someone you would look at.

Was he like on the list?

Like, oh, my God, this is.

Oh, yes.

No, of course.

Of course.

Yeah, of course.

Oh, my God.

And Mary, my wife, Mary, became a, you know, a 14-year-old teenager.

She couldn't barely contain herself.

We went to SNL 40, and we just, you know, we ran into so many cool people.

My wife loves Prince.

God, I watched that.

That was an amazing

show.

Oh, man, to be there?

Yeah.

I'm talking about.

Legendary people sitting there, man.

It's like unbelievable who's in that room.

The best part about whatever success we've both had is the ability to to be able to meet some of those people you know it's amazing who you've got got to meet i told you the story one time i was in uh craig's restaurant and and um we're sitting there having dinner with friends and um

well twice well several times i've ran into people there and it's always legendary people One time I was sitting there and, you know, the Matri D, he's really cool.

He loves the shit out of me.

Every time someone famous comes in, he brings them over to my table and makes me say hi to them.

them sydney poitier walked in there went oh god one of the most elegant human beings on the planet

how do you get that elegant

how do you get that i mean he's elegant i mean he was like elegant like like really you feel him on your skin before you even see him yeah you say somebody came in here somebody came in the restaurant you turn around sydney poitier and you almost hear his voice city poitier that was one of your tables great thrills hey jamie you know you know know Sydney?

I said, oh,

I fucking love you, man.

Yes, I know JB.

How are you, JB?

I love your work.

I said, holy shit, fucking Sydney Poitier.

Then he took me to the table.

One time he took me to the table with, it was a crazy mixture of people.

It was like Don Rickles,

John Mayer, and Bob Saga at the same fucking table.

And he took me over there.

He said, you know Rickles?

I said, I never fucking met Rickles.

I would love to meet Don Rickles.

So I went over there, man.

He said, hey, hey, Don, is it JB Smooth?

Comedian.

I said, hello, sir.

And

I gave him a little shit.

I don't know what I said to him, but man, did he bring you open the gates?

That man proceeded to rip me a new asshole and make me laugh at the same thing.

I'm sitting there like, holy shit.

First thing I said was,

Let me ask you a question, man.

I don't mean no disrespect, but what the fuck are you three guys doing together?

Yeah.

like what the fuck is John Mayer doing?

It's a good question.

John Mayer, fucking Bob Sagitt, and fucking Don Rickles.

What the fuck are you three?

It's like three age groups here.

Like, what the fuck are you three guys doing together?

I couldn't believe it.

But it was amazing.

It was like, he just ripped me, man.

It was so fun.

And then, man,

Bob, man, let me tell you.

I already knew John because I did something with him, a funny guy.

Yeah.

But Bob Sagitt, man,

it's like, you ever met somebody that you were supposed to meet a long time ago?

Yeah, I know what you mean.

You know, I was supposed to meet this dude a long time ago.

Man, like

we started kicking it and talking, man.

It was so, it was so like, I don't know how it works, man, but I do know.

Sometimes you're supposed to meet people earlier than you met them.

And then I was in Detroit doing a fundraiser.

And in my hotel were like the Golden State Warriors.

They were playing Detroit.

All the Golden State Warriors were there.

I ran into like Steph Curry and everybody was there.

Even legend, and they were honoring the legendary Detroit Piston guys, you know, Rollins and yeah, man, it was Rip and all those guys were there in the same hotel.

And then Bob Saga was there doing a, doing a show that weekend.

I'm in the lobby kicking it.

And he walks up to me and said, hey, man, I said, oh, we hugged.

We hugged each other.

We took selfies up with each other man it was almost like

it's crazy man we we stood there for like 30 minutes talking like laughing our asses off talking about silliest ever like nothing we talked about was going to change the world yeah but in that moment it felt like we were like yeah ex like like doing something for each other and you're supposed to have that yeah you're supposed to have that moment i don't know how it works but man i was so happy that i met him that day at Craigs.

So happy we ran into each other again.

And man, it was nuts.

So, man, I was like, yo, he said, man, we got to take the wives out to dinner one night.

I said, man, we got to do that, man.

Oh, my God.

We'll have a blast.

And we're laughing our asses off at shit, just like just at us, at each other, not like anything else going on around us.

But man, that's so genuine.

And look,

you got something in common, but the shit that you don't count

that you got in common is not important in that moment we didn't even talk about stand-up one time

we talk about life kindred we just talk about life and us we talk about who we who we like like what makes us tick for 30 minutes is that crazy yeah it's it didn't mean we didn't mention stand-up one time all we said was why we were in town Oh, we mentioned the, yeah, I'm doing a, I'm doing a gig over here.

See, I'm doing this fundraiser over here.

And after that, it was just a cool ass combo.

That's so wonderful regular ass regular husband

kids

regular stuff that we we really go through that defines who we are that really matters more than anything yeah so if anybody out there thinks that you know this is

a job we do that doesn't require work like this a lottery or we just just do something for nothing.

We are regular ass people.

Me and that man proceeded to be friends.

And he was sending me,

I could pull his messages up right now.

And I save everything.

So, what I do with my phone is every time I lose somebody, next to their name, I write RIP.

So, when I'm scrolling for somebody's number, I always stop and go, oh, shit.

That must have heard.

R.I.P.

man.

That must have heard.

I got a lot of RIPs in my phone.

So I just try to keep their memory in my brain while I'm talking about it.

That's a great idea.

Yeah, I put RIP, man.

you know, with a heart or whatever.

But that keeps me thinking about

what was

unique about them.

You know what I mean?

It's a great idea.

So, yeah, so,

man, we went back and forth so many times trying to plan this damn dinner with the wives, and I felt horrible that we never got it done

because it was supposed to happen.

You know what I mean?

Now, you know, more than likely, our wives would have got mad at us because we'd have been fucking talking like crazy.

You go out with a friend of yours, and you're having a dinner with all four of you, like, you know, and you end up talking, and the ladies end up having their own combo.

But man, that's how, that's what would have happened yeah that's crazy two of my

sidney poitier

was just i got to meet him twice mary had worked with his daughter sydney his daughter sydney and oh my god it was like i

he was sitting i got down on my knees and i just sat there talking to him for about 20 minutes and it was like a blessing to my life and the other person was Gregory Peck.

I got to hug Gregory Peck.

And this was all came through my wife, Mary, but it was just, they're two of the most elegant gentlemen in our business.

And some people you meet that are not elegant, but somehow they touch the hell out of you.

Oh, yeah.

The elegant part is not necessary,

but their elegance was their spirit.

It wasn't like how they dressed their tongue.

I'm saying it was

something that,

man.

I ran into Lee Majors, man, the $6 million man.

I thought I was going to lose my shit, man.

I've never seen Lee Majors, six million dollar man in person.

I said, oh shit, that's Lee Majors, six million dollar man.

All I'm thinking about is six million dollar man.

Like, yo, it's Lee Majors, man, because he's a part of my, you know, same thing with same thing with Bob Einstein.

Look, man, Super Dave.

Come on, man.

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

My hero growing up in once I wanted to start acting was Dick Van Dyke.

And I got to hang around him and get to know him a little bit.

And it was one of the great joys of my life.

I grew up without a TV.

The first time I turned on a TV that was mine

was age 20 at college.

And I turned it on at 11 in the morning.

And there was a, literally, there was Dick Van Dyke tripping over the Ottoman.

And I went, oh,

I want some of that.

People, well, those who've seen my stand-up know that I'm a tremendous physical stand-up, you know, guy.

I love physicality because I like to present something.

It's kind of like the reversal of,

you know,

show and tell.

I tell and show.

Yeah.

So

that's my order of things.

So for me, I love the physical, I love Dick.

And it's the athlete in.

Know who was a really good physical guy, but I don't think he got remembered for it was Larry Hagman.

That's exactly.

And Jeannie.

Yeah.

Let me tell you something.

When he would be in a scene and Genie would blink her ass in his pocket,

you'll see Genie in her pocket.

Yo, man, in his pocket, I would fucking holler.

I thought it was the funniest shit ever.

Man, you watch those old Genie episodes and how brilliant this dude was, man.

Like, he was a, yo, his physicality.

Of course, he's remembered for fucking Dallas more than anything.

But man, that dude on Genie was hilarious.

And I love Peter Sellers.

Wow.

Peter Sellers, I mean

the the panther series or and before that i mean he's he's always i got a wide range of what inspires me people understand that comedians we are inspired by more than just other comedians you know of course i love pryor i love fox you know george callin was one that made me really turn it i love i mean i love bill cosby i love everybody yeah you know but These are people who I actually was like couldn't believe in I was in awe of these people because I found them.

And Andy Griffith show was one of my favorite shows.

He was astounding.

He was astounding.

You think I would have been a, let me ask you a question.

You think I would have been a good Barney Fife?

I think you could do anything you set your mind to, to be honest.

Great Barney Fife.

I'd have been a great Barney, fucking Barney Fife.

You know what I mean?

Talk about funny.

Talk about, I ran into him one day.

Oh, you did?

Holy shit, man.

See,

sometimes I'm telling you, man,

you see.

no, I'm talking about,

I'm a huge Andy Griffith show

fan.

I mean, I watch it now.

I watch it now.

Oh, it holds it.

And I sit there and watch it like a schoolgirl laughing my ass off.

I'm from North Carolina.

You know, you know, this show is supposed to be based in North Carolina anyway.

I'm a North Carolina kid, and I grew up, you know,

I know everything they're doing.

I know everything, those characters, those people, I know everything about that show.

And I'm not even on the show, but I knew everything about that life

being a country guy.

Man, that show,

brilliant, man.

I'm talking about you.

And I was in the comedy store one night.

And

somebody said, hey, man, you know, Don Knotts is over there.

I said, get the fuck out of here.

I said, get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, he's sitting back there.

And he was sitting there.

He was older, of course.

He was sitting in a booth.

He had a lady with him,

probably like an aide or something like that, or, you know, whatever, assistant with him.

He's sitting there watching the show.

And like, I said,

I had to do it.

I said, if I don't meet this dude, I'll never forgive myself.

I walked over to his table.

I said,

hey, man,

Mr.

Knott, I'm a fucking huge fan.

I just want to show you your love, man, because, man, you fucking incredible.

I said,

I love everything you did that's all i want to say man he said oh he said thank you so much you know you soft-spoken man you know definitely old older and you know what i mean but appreciative he smiled like

you know and i was the only guy that walked up to him and said that i said i gotta i gotta i said i'm sorry man i just gotta tell you how amazing you are you know don't you love being part of the lineage of funny people i nothing makes me feel more, no matter where I am in that lineage, I am so grateful to be part of those funny people.

You know, I got to meet Mel Brooks, you know, Carl Reiner, all those people, you know, Mary Tylene Moore.

Yeah.

Just such an amazing

lineage of people.

Now, is it different

for you

when

because they have amazing people, amazing comics and actors who are,

you know, brilliant, but they're too close in age to you.

You know what I mean?

Is it a different level of,

you know what I mean?

Do you let them?

Do you put them on Mount Rushmore?

They're too close to your age.

No, I mean, I've cut myself out of so many relationships because I'm such a dink, because like John Krasinski, who's one of my great John and Emily, great friends.

But I refused to watch The Office for the longest time because I just knew it was fucking great.

And I wasn't quite willing to let great into my life.

It was after cheers and all of that.

And I, you know,

it's insane.

I did the same thing with Everybody Loves Raymond, brilliant fucking show.

And I didn't let it in because

it was competitive in my brain.

It was something.

How do you like, like, how do you gauge that?

It's hard because, you know,

me and Chris Rock, we're like, what, the same age almost.

But this dude is so freaking good.

All his specials were freaking, I just sit there like this.

When he used to do the machine gun style, walking back and forth, tapping the microphone in his hand.

Yo, man, I'm sitting there like, oh, he's killing this shit.

He's killing this shit.

Boom, boom, boom.

And you walk back and forth.

Man, that Chris Rock, you couldn't, yo, man.

You were like blown out your seat because the rhythm and the pace of it forced your laughter.

It forced you to keep up.

And man, that dude was killer.

Now, it's hard because

I got amazing friends who are fucking amazing.

But

because they're so close in age to me and we're still doing it.

You can't help but compare.

You can't help but say, oh, do I mix them in with my legends that I love?

Do I take out, who do I take off this freaking Mount Russell?

Do I take off Friar?

You know what I mean?

What do I do here?

Jesus, I think we are, we judge things by how they affected us in our upbringing and inspired us to do what we do.

Yeah.

But do you put people who are killing it

because I do that with athletes?

When Magic Johnson retired, I refused to let anyone else in after that.

I just loved that man and watching him play so much that I just have a hard time.

The Chappelles, the Chris Rocks, all these amazing people who I love,

but I can't say they inspired me.

I can only say that I respect them because they are fucking dope.

But man, the people who really like, oh man, when I saw Don Knotts, when I saw Richard Pryor one time, I was like, this Richard Pryor right there, man.

I think you go back to the little the little boy in you.

You do.

That, you know, that, and it's hard to do that with your contemporaries.

You know, you can't, can't do that kind of perspective.

You can't do it, man, because they're too close in age to you.

Holy shit, the same way, the same for a year, like a year or two apart.

It's like, how do you put your contemporaries in the same senses as these people who inspired you on your way up it's like you can't as amazing as they are something like you like you said what you said earlier you said that i couldn't watch the fucking i couldn't accept it because i got a show too and i'm like why would i watch this

No disrespect, but why would I watch that shit?

It's competition.

As amazing as it is, it competes with what I do.

And I can be supportive, but I don't got to be consumed by this shit to the point where I'm like, God damn it.

What's that shit that people say?

What am I to stop living?

Shit.

You are still in the race.

You're still in the fucking race.

You know it differently, though.

I have to say, there was a period, I'm 76, when I was in my late 60s, there was part of me that would feel like, oh, I'm still a player.

I can compete.

And then I started realizing when I'd hang out with really funny, younger, fast, fast, bright people,

I could, and there'd be a conversation around

just zinging around the jokes.

I could go, I could go, oh, here's the joke.

I don't know what it is, but I know where the joke is supposed to be,

but I don't quite know what it is.

But

that's when I kind of decided to enjoy my younger, brighter, funnier friends as opposed to feel like, oh, I have to not compete, but I have to be like them.

It's okay to now admire people.

I think it's one of the things.

Can I just say I was scared to death because I listened to some of your episodes here and there and you are so before this episode

today.

Yeah.

You are so bright, fast, funny.

I mean, literally, I thought, what if he's just pure

that way you were on Conan sometimes?

What do I do?

How do I try to fit that in?

Do I slip him on something that is drink to slow?

Yeah, should have had some of that

mochum or whatever.

600 milligrams of mochum.

God damn.

Yo, you get 600 milligrams, man.

You can't even, yo, you can't even be a pain in the ass at 600 milligrams.

God damn it.

That shit works, man.

600 milligrams?

Shit, man.

That ain't playing.

But I think.

Man, look,

this is deep because

and this is the kind of stuff that

I like to talk about because,

you know,

people always say people got to like you to like what you do.

It's just what it is.

You know,

and I think that

in the entertainment world, we,

man, come on.

Come on, man.

Ted Danson, you are fucking legendary.

You're a fucking legend.

Maybe not iconic, but legendary.

No.

Are you fucking kidding me?

No.

That show is iconic.

Yeah, it is.

It's iconic.

You don't know how many shows were in your...

Come on, man.

You talking about a kid.

You talking about somebody who fucking loved Cheers.

Love fucking Cheers.

But I also fucking love like WKRP and Cincinnati.

I fucking love them.

Brilliant.

I can name a hundred shows that I freaking loved.

But you don't you don't have to put them in order.

You just gotta fucking love what you love.

I know, you don't got to put anything in order.

People, we get caught up in putting ourselves in order with other shit that's good, so it's good, but you can't, you know what I mean?

You can't put shit in order.

People ask me, Who are my heroes?

It's the last person I saw last night do some performance I've never seen before in my life.

That's you know, that's what it is.

That's what it is.

So, I

don't, you know, look,

I will say,

you know,

any given night, anybody

could be amazing.

Yep.

It didn't rain that day.

You know, everything went perfect.

They got a cab to the club.

You know, oh, the good crowd in here tonight.

You know what I mean?

The microphone sounds strong.

You know what I mean?

The lighting.

Oh, good lighting today.

Oh, shit.

This is a great.

And everything seems to be perfect.

And you just had the most brilliant show you ever had

other shit happened and other shit didn't happen.

And that's just how I think life is.

That's how careers are.

I think,

you know, look, man, I don't compare myself to anybody, but I know any given night,

I can catch it.

I can fucking hit that motherfucking stage and find a window.

And man,

if you are allowed to do you

continuously and you catch that all green lights, man,

you can murder anything.

Movie, TV, stand-up, anything you want to do, drama, it don't fucking matter.

The right director, the right vehicle, the right everything.

It all just comes in a certain way.

Curb,

I wasn't supposed to be on curb.

I don't even know my story.

I wasn't supposed to be on curb.

I was working on SNL, man.

I had to do things.

See, people are, I think people are afraid to make moves all the time.

You got to know what the fuck you do in order for you to have movement in whatever you want to do and you find to be amazing about yourself and what you do in particular.

Man, I had to fire an agent, fire a manager.

I had to fire people knowing.

This is when I was a writer on SNL.

Now, I went there, I went on SNL, I actually auditioned for SNL, you know,

04, you know, I was on there 04, 5, and 6, but I auditioned for a cast member, made it to the NBC test.

So myself, Finesse Mitchell, and Keenan Thompson.

We were the last three left, right?

So

I had to actually audition.

So I actually made it there,

didn't get cast member, went back to LA.

Came back here and literally got a phone call a week later saying, hey, you know, we picked Keenan and Finesse, but would you be interested in coming in as a writer?

And I could have said, fuck no.

I want cast member, bitch.

Fuck, I want to go there and write for other motherfuckers for.

I'm a comedian.

I'm JB Smooth.

I could have been that dude and said, no.

But you know what I said?

I said, fuck that.

This might look good on my resume.

Because I truly believe in planting seeds for whatever's coming.

You don't know.

You don't know what, you know what I mean?

The same thing with taking that improv class.

I put that little improv thing in my toolbox and said, someday that shit going to matter.

Yeah, nowhere you go.

Would you imagine like, no, it's an improv class, or I never did this, or never did that.

And I end up on the greatest improv show ever.

Yeah.

Kirby Enthusiasm?

How do you even,

how does that even happen?

It might still happen.

I don't know.

But I do believe that you got to know what you do and what value you have.

So 045 and 6, I did the show as a writer.

I did Conan's show when he was still at NBC.

Probably 10 times I did Conan O'Brien as a writer.

He would call upstairs and say, hey, can we borrow JB?

I would go down there and do a sketch and come back upstairs.

I did a warm-up on the show.

I did all that stuff.

But that being said,

I had to, my third season on

SNL, I couldn't take it.

I said, nah, man, I got the fuck out of here.

I got to fucking get rid of some pieces here that's slowing me down that I felt like was slowing me down.

Got rid of my agent, and I knew if I fired my agent, I am not going to be coming back to this show because I have nobody to speak for me.

Agents keep you on shows because that's their job.

They keep you on shows and they get commissioned.

That's how it works.

I said, man, fuck this.

I said, I don't care.

I believe in what I do and I know I'll find something else.

I said, I know if I fire this agent, they are not going to fight for me and I'm not going to be back on this show.

And lo and behold, I fired my agent and I did not get renewed.

So when I did not get renewed, I said, you know, that opened the floodgates.

First of all, my wife told me I was going to be on the show.

That's one thing.

And then everything else kind of fell into place.

So I wasn't even supposed to be on the show.

But I go back, I won't tell the whole story, but I will say I went, it just shows you that you got to make chess moves somehow.

And you got to trust the process and trust what you do and what you bring to something in order for you to get there and do it to the highest expectations.

You know, otherwise,

you're just stuck and you will blame a bad decision if you don't show up and back up that bad decision.

You have to be willing.

You have to know where you want to go, but have to be willing

not to

dictate what the steps should be in advance.

Allow stuff to come out of left field.

Yeah.

And as long as you know where you're going, it'll fit in.

Right.

But exactly.

Because

in my case, if anything is out of order it changes everything

let's just say my wife you know she didn't say i was gonna be on the show that's to the universe that's different say let's just say i didn't fire my manager let's just say i didn't fire my agent and i was still on the show on the show i would have missed that little window you know let's just say my and then my buddy passed away i had to come to la for one day for memorial service and that memorial service got me here in that window.

One day I was here.

And that one day

that I went to my new agent's office and ended up getting an audition for Kirby Enthusiasm.

Oh God, I love that.

Now, what if my buddy didn't pass away?

I hope you said thank you to your buddy who passed away.

A lot of time.

No, this is so weird.

That season, season six, I got on the show.

The rap party, my friend was a producer.

He did, this is how we do it, the song.

And then I started saying, that's how I do it on the show.

And then, lo and behold, at the rap party, the theme song for the freaking gag wheel

is how we do it.

So I said, Holy shit.

I just pointed to the sky because if any one of those things is out of order,

I'm not on the show.

I am not on Kirby Enthusiasm because there's no, I would have never heard about it if they had renewed me.

If my buddy didn't pass away, I wouldn't be in LA for that one day.

All these things had to happen.

And I say that because

we are all part of our own journey and how we choose to move.

But if we don't have character, if we don't have, have, you know, all these other intangibles that we need outside of talent, it doesn't work anyway.

I have a really good agent.

I have a really, really good manager.

They're friends.

I have really great angels.

You know, I really do believe that.

Yeah.

Somebody is watching out.

for everything you do.

It's crazy.

You got to have it, man.

I think you attract those angels, those angels somehow.

You attract them to you based on little things that you do.

And I think those, I think you get like chips.

It's like polka almost.

It's like, it's like, you know what I mean?

You're gambling, really.

You are gambling who you are.

It's like you put those chips on that table.

You're just like,

sometimes you're all, you're all the, sometimes you're all in.

You got to be all in sometimes.

You got to trust that you fucking going to win no matter what obstacle comes your way because you have a high tolerance for bullshit.

You know, you're not talking about bullshit.

You can figure it out.

If you can keep your mind and keep your senses and don't panic, I tell young people all the time, you know, I do a lot of speaking at the Boys and Girls Club, because I'm a Boys and Girls Club kid.

If you can keep your sanity and just relax and let it go, You can figure your way out of anything.

That's true.

And your decisions you make won't feel so detrimental to anything.

You won't feel like you fucked up.

You feel like this is just a move, but somehow, this is going to make sense somehow.

But you better believe in yourself.

If you don't believe in yourself, none of this shit works.

And you better come from love and not fear.

You better come from love.

You make decisions out of fear.

Yeah, man.

Because you could crumble quick and blame yourself not succeeding on something else that has nothing to do with anything you're trying to do.

Isn't that shit crazy?

Yeah.

Hey.

We deep.

We are deep.

We fucking, we so deep.

And you know what?

This is crazy.

And you said it earlier.

This is the first time, although we cast members, we got personal lives.

We do our shit and we go the fuck home.

Yeah.

This is the first time we really like dove into that.

No, I can't tell you how much I enjoy you.

I can't tell you.

It makes sense because before I knew anything about you, all I wanted to do was hug you.

You have such a whatever kindness,

happiness, joy, funniness about you, that all I really wanted to do every time I saw you was hug you.

What do I know about JB Smooth?

Nothing.

First of all, look, you can't deny that we're both long, lean, long-faced guys.

Guys, you fucking look good.

Yes, that is exactly.

I'll tell you what it is.

We walk into a room, people turn the fuck around.

Is that Ted dancing or JB fucking smooth?

I don't know.

Fucking all.

I love you, man.

I love you, man.

I like we did this today.

Me too.

We did this, man.

This is fun.

Ladies and gentlemen, that's JB Smooth.

Thank you so much for coming in, JB.

Oh, by the way, JB is the host of a new business competition show on Prime Video, and it's called Buy It Now.

So check it out.

That's it for this week.

Hello to Woody, and special thanks to our friends at Team Coco.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please send it to someone you love.

Subscribe on your favorite podcast app and give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're so inclined.

It means a lot.

We'll have more for you next week where everybody knows your name.

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Dance and Woody Harrelson.

Sometimes.

The show is produced by me, Nick Leal.

Executive producers are Adam Sachs, Colin Anderson, Jeff Ross, and myself.

Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer.

Our senior producer is Matt Apodaka.

Engineering and Mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez.

Research by Alyssa Grawl.

Talent Booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista.

Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Gen, Mary Steenbergen, and John Osborne.

Special thanks to Willie Navarre.

We'll have more for you next time where everybody knows your name.

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