Paul Reiser

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We had unbelievable good fortune, and we had all our heroes. We had Mel Brooks, we had Carl Reiner, we had Carol Burnett, we had Carol O'Connor.
You know, we had Jerry Lewis, for fuck's sake.

It never ceased to tickle us.

Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name. I'm very excited to talk to Paul Reiser today.
He's one of my favorite kind of funny people. You never see the joke coming.
He was in Mad About You,

which he co-created and starred in. He even composed the theme song.

You also know Paul from shows like The Kaminsky Method and Stranger Things, or perhaps you read one of his four books, including Couplehood.

This episode was recorded last year, but I wanted to let you know that Paul recently released his first new stand-up special in 30 years.

It's called Life, Death, and Rice Pudding, and it's streaming everywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, Paul Reiser.

I so admire you, Paul. Well, go on.
Yeah. Okay.
Don't feel the need to make that brief.

Flowery and lengthy is my. I do.

First off, one of my things that I thought about when I started looking all around and the knowledge I already have about you, but going on YouTube and visiting interviews and stuff, why are you so

well balanced? I don't even get a whiff of desperation in you. Well balanced.
Elaborate.

Okay.

Well, let me answer my own question. Yes.
I realize that not only do you have stand-up,

you are also a genuinely serious actor appearing in serious films. Yes.

You are an amazing comedic actor. You are a musician.
Are you going to get to handsome? Because also handsome is in there. Very handsome.
All right. Let me start.
Start. Start with your handsome.

Very handsome stand-up dude.

And you get down to musician and author. You know what?

As you know, there ain't no plan. None of us have any plan for how any of this worked out.
So the music surprises people, but I never did anything with it. I was a music major in college.
Why?

Because I played piano, you know, I loved it. I was decent enough, but never going to be, you know, going to make that a career.

But you went to a music school. No, I went to, no, I went to a really liberal art school, State University, New York at Binghamton, and I majored in music.
Why? Because I looked at

the curriculum. I was like, well, that'll be quick.

It was like fewer courses. I already have that.
I already did that.

And I had a great teacher who I I love, but I had no plan. It wasn't in my mind that I'm going to, I knew I wasn't going to be like a concert pianist or anything like that.

But stand-up was what I wanted to do. Now, how? Why? Why? I just...
Where did that come

in your life? You know, I just was drawn to it always. When I was a little kid, I watched Ed Sullivan's show.
So Beatles was first.

I wasn't going to be a Beatle because they had closed the door on that. And I was too short.
I was seven.

But I would always watch the comics. I just was drawn to them.
And then when I was in high school, you know, I was really

Mel Brooks, the Mel Brooks Karl Reiner records was sort of my, I mean, that's not really stand-up, but that was like the Rosetta Stone for me. I went, what's this?

And,

but I was, you know, listening to George Carlin and Robert Klein. I would go see them in the village.
I grew up in New York. So my friends were very excited when they got Les Zeppelin tickets.

I go, well, I'm seeing Robert Klein

at the other end, you know, like 180-seat little coffee house. As a teenager.
Yeah. Me and my buddy Billy would go.
And I remember seeing George Carlin.

And it had to have been 70 or 71 because by 72, he was huge. I was trying to

think about when that was. But I remember, and it was like a coffee shop.
I thought, this is so cool. And it wasn't like, I'll do that.
I just was drawn to it.

And then luckily, right around when I was in college, I was 17, 18, that's when the clubs started to happen. And you'd see Freddie Prince and Gabe Kaplan and Jimmy Walker.

And like, there was a trajectory. It's like, oh, so they went to those clubs and then somehow they got on TV and worked and famous and so on.
So

I went to audition night and auditioned and I just kind of always wanted to do that.

Even like when my act, I was never like an act, like I was in college, I would be in silly comedies just because I liked

getting laughs and having fun. But it wasn't, you know, when I grew up, my idols were never actors.
They were comics.

See, I almost did a whole hour on one question.

You have nothing to worry about here. I'm going to talk so long.
Expound on that.

But yeah, so that was, so the stand-up. And then, but as I say, there's no plan.
So why, how did things happen?

I was doing stand-up with the, in the back of my mind, I'm sure maybe there'll be some TV show. You'll see a sitcom someday.
You'll see people on sitcoms or guest star on a sitcom.

But the goal was to get on the tonight show.

And before that happened, I stumbled, literally stumbled into the casting office where Barry Levinson was doing Diner.

Didn't mean to, literally was going with a friend and waiting outside for him. And the next thing I knew, I got a call, you're in the movie.
I went, oh, that's interesting.

And then I only got on, ironically, only got on the Johnny Carson show because of Diner. And went, oh, here's a young comic who's not really ready to be on the show, but he's got a movie.
Okay.

And then that was sort of opened the door to everything else, ultimately leading to a podcast with you. That was the goal.
I'm not going to lie to you, Ted.

So wait, you just wrapped up this whole hour right there? No, that's the beginning. This is where life will start.
Go back to, if I may,

go back to the first time you did stand up in front of an audience and

were really being judged. Oh, it was not good.
It wasn't pretty. I have a cassette somewhere.

You wrote it. Did you sit down and write or did you just try it over the years? And I laugh at this.

You know, now you get into a thing and you know who you are and you know what works for you and you know where your comedy comes from and we develop skills over the years. But at 17,

maybe it was 18, 18,

and literally sat down with a pad of paper and a pen and I put my hand on my chin and I looked up and I asked myself, all right, what's funny?

Well, a lot of things, but you can't, you can't just shoot up in the air like that. What's funny?

So I did, I put together five minutes and I went audition that I think I got on around 12.30 at night.

You know, you go, you wait online at like three in the afternoon and around six, they come out and they give out numbers. And if you're not in the first five, you're screwed.
And

this, sorry, this is written down. So you have like memorized it or familiarized yourself? I memorized it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I was practiced it in front of the mirror. Mira loved me, by the way.

I was very strong in the bathroom.

Still,

gone, yes. That's why I don't do standards.

But it was horrible. And it was just stuff that

would make my friends laugh

in the lunchroom. I stole from my friend Billy Grunfest, my friend Billy Grunfest, who ended up,

he opened the comedy cellar, which became a big room. And he was a writer with me.
I'm mad about you. But I think I stole this from him.
He did impressions, but of vegetables.

So, ladies and gentlemen, asparagus. And then the hands would go up.
Broccoli. And then, you know, I went, and there's no way they could get a laugh.
So I did my horrendous five minutes.

And I had a little cassette recorder on a table. My sister had come down with me and she was guarding the tape recorder, lest somebody steal my valuable $19 Panasonic.

We picked up during my set, we picked up the audio of the guy sitting at his table who didn't realize my tape recorder was there.

And in the middle of my very strong five minutes, he says to his friend, well, I'll say this, the kid's got balls.

Well, there's a positive review. He could have said he's got no balls.
But no, I had balls. And the crazy thing is, and I don't know if it was like this first time you ever gone on stage,

you're protected by a little ignorance. Like, if I had knew quite how horrible I was and unprepared I was, I probably never would have gone up.
But you'd think, yeah, that's not bad.

I was pretty good. Yeah.
What was the first time you ever went on stage?

At Kent's School for Boys, Kent, Connecticut,

basketball was what I was going to do in life.

Small school, so any real high school could have kicked our ass.

But we won our league championship. So

excuse me. So I thought, well,

right before I go to Stanford and try out for basketball there,

I'm going to do a play here because there's nothing really left to do because basketball season's over. So my friend and I from basketball tried out for

In White America, Martin Duberman.

And I remember

getting a chuckle, perhaps a laugh or two, and going, huh.

That's interesting. It's not basketball.
You had never acted, never been in a school player. No.
Wow. No.

I think I stood up in fourth grade and did the Gettysburg address

fully made up like Lincoln. And the funny thing was, I was so skinny that I am gaunt, that I actually looked like a miniature Lincoln.

So that when I came out, people just burst into laughter before I even...

But you weren't doing original material. You were stealing from Lincoln.
Yeah, Lincoln. Yeah, he was good too.
Paraphrasing,

it turns out. Oh, man.
But that's quite a leap. Gee, basketball season's over.
Let me get into a play.

But I recognized something. I recognized the team spirit.
I've always, because of basketball, loved ensemble.

I loved

going to work with the same group of people and getting richer and deeper. And I love that.

And I love, it kind of taught me that the play is the thing. It's not just about you.
Wow. It's about the team.
Yeah, yeah.

You know, the cast, the whole group.

The ensembleness of it is really a big piece. And I remember for me a real cathartic moment.

My freshman year of college, I was a last-minute substitute, got into a production of Guys and Dolls, but it wasn't like the theater department.

It was like the dorms they would put on a silly little play. And so it was really, I mean, like it was in a cafeteria.
It was,

and

I remember I only wanted to be Big Julie because I had seen the movie and it always, Big Julie always made me laugh. And they said, well, that's already cast.

I said, well, look, look, maybe the guy will die or something. You'll call me if that guy.
He said, you don't want to audition. I said, no, I just want to do that part.

So the next day, I see a sign, auditions for the part of Big Julie. I went, oh, no.

I killed him. Well, it turns out the guy who was doing the part was waiting to hear from another school.
He transferred. He was leaving.
So literally that door opened, the one thing I had asked for.

And again, it was just to get laughs. And every day I would, we did it, I don't know, maybe five days in a row.
And what I left with was A, the thrill of getting a laugh.

And I would sometimes improvise little thing, not change the lines, but I would just do things and really love and relish finding laughs.

But also, I realized that all day, I couldn't wait to eight o'clock curtain time. I went, you know, I just, okay, six more hours.
And then we get to do that five more hours.

And I thought, well, that's something. That's telling me I like this.

And I remember at the rap party, it was all over. It was just this snowy night, and I just went out and I just saw this clear sky.
And

I just thought, this is it. And it was the camaraderie.
It was getting into

crappy little costumes and the makeup and laughing with the rest of the cast and putting this thing up as an ensemble. And I thought, this is really fun.

It's interesting because that's not at all what stand-up is. Stand-up is entirely you.
Oh, yeah. But there was something about in broad terms, they're just, I want to be in this performing world.

And up to then, I thought I'd be going into my dad's business. He had a, you know, I was going to be straight and narrow, that guy.
And I said, no, I really want to be somebody.

I want to join the circus. I want to join the circus.

I had that same feeling the first time I saw,

right after doing the play at Kent School, because we had been in a play, this touring company of Shakespeare kids who came to perform for the school.

We were invited to the after party at some teacher's house and sitting around

and boys and girls swearing like crazy, using the F-word all the time and smoking cigarettes. And I was like, oh my God, look at you guys.

And just was. And there's also a better chance of meeting girls on a boys basketball table.

Yes, that's true.

Yeah, that was part of it. And

if you're doing theater, there's a good chance you're probably getting undressed roughly, especially if it's a cheap theater, in the same area.

So it's all very, very exotic, I think, when you first start.

Let me ask you this. How deep into your career, or maybe it was right at the top of your career, did you get over the self-consciousness of trying on wardrobe with two wardrobe women who you just met?

People don't realize this is a moment in show business that you meet the wardrobe person and you go, I try these pants on. And then they stand there and you just drop your pants and you go, Yeah.

And I only think of like, oh, it's like that time in guys and dolls, like you're in a room with all these people. Just get over it.
They right. They're not that interested in seeing your drawers.

As you get older, you find yourself.

I'm sorry, but yeah. I need a minute.
Yeah, I need maybe I should get dressed behind the screen and come out and show you. Yeah.

Nutty. Okay.
So

you've become an accomplished accomplished or recognized stand-up by the time you

auditioned for diner? No, no, I was really just beginning.

I mean, I was working, you know, but I was.

Did they see you? Is that why somebody said that? Well, that's the crazy thing.

When I look about the accidental nature of my career, such as it is, you know, that was a standard thing that casting directors would come to comedy clubs, especially if they're looking for comedy.

And so you see, hey, a guy from Witt Thomas is coming in and they put up 14 comics and

a guy from whatever studio. And in fact, they had sent,

I don't know, I guess the casting director or maybe Barry Levinson had come into the club. Nobody told me they didn't put me up for some reason.

I said, what are the Jewish guys in Baltimore, I would think? But my friend, Michael Hampton Kane.

who was a six-foot-one Irish Catholic, who's not at all ready for it, somehow he went up for it. And we happened to be hanging out that day.
We were going out for lunch.

He goes, I got to drop off a picture at this movie, whatever. I said, all right, I'll wait outside.
So I waited out in the lobby, in the waiting room.

And the casting director, Ellen Chenoweth, who's done great, great films and a lot, most of Barry Levinson's films, just kind of looked at me and she said,

Do you have a picture? I said, no, no, no, no. And I really tried to beg out of her.
I said, no, I'm not up for this. I'm just waiting for my friend.
She said, but you have a picture. I said,

yeah, I have pictures, but then I

forget me. I'm not here.
I'm not. She said, Come back tomorrow.

And

recently I moved and we cleaned out our house. And I found a box of stuff that had been dragging with me for years.
And in there, I had apparently saved a little piece of paper that she had written.

Come back tomorrow. The director's name is Barry Levinson at 12:30.
I went, oh my gosh, there it is. That was literally what opened the door for everything that followed.

Was your friend a little pissed off? No, he was a great guy.

And he died already. So, you know, so even if he was upset, it's not my problem.
No, he was, we laughed about it on the way out. Wouldn't that be funny if I got him? Like, yeah.

No, but he was a wonderful bon vivant guy who we went out and celebrated. And he was not.

And as I said, he was so not the type that they were looking for. I don't know if they even knew what they were looking for.
I think all they knew is that there was five guys.

And then there was going to be the auxiliary sixth guy who will be kind of a funny guy in some way. And

I had been taking an acting class. And so this was, I think, my first audition.
And I couldn't wait to use all the tools and the tricks that I had and focus. And Barry goes, and there was no scene.

There was nothing written. And he just would talk like this.
And he's a really funny guy. And he knew a lot about comedy.
We talked about it for an hour. And I went, is that the audition?

He said, yeah.

All right. And then he did come to see me, I think, that night at the improv.
And then next thing I know, but yeah, all whatever I thought

was going to be the way it worked was not the way it worked in my case. It's like I did an audition.
There was no scene. There literally was no part actually written in the script.

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So your first day of shooting or three or four days must have impressed enough because your part did grow, right? Well, yeah. And he had the idea that he was going to find something.

And he was, that's part of his genius. He will see something, go, do that, you know, when you do the thing when you ask for the sandwich, do that again.

But there was

the first, my first day, I didn't shoot for the first five or six days. I wasn't even in it.

So my whole thing, and this became the motif of my career, I always had this feeling, am I supposed to be here? Am I

good? I remember there was one day they actually said, all right,

principal's over here and extras over there. I go, well, I'm not a principal.
I must be an extra. And then they're looking for me for about an hour and I went, asshole.

Come here. Oh, because I thought I was an extra.
No, extras are those people. You're an actor.
I go, but I haven't spoken yet. Well, but you're going to.
And so I didn't shoot for five or six days.

And finally, when I shot, it was the actually the opening scene of that movie, which is this very complicated steady cam shot.

So the night before, he had to rehearse it with the, with the, uh, the DP, the cinematographer. And

all I could think of is, oh, they're using a different camera. This must be like training wheels.
Okay, I'm the idiot actor, so they're using some special dopey circus camera. I had no idea.

Actor-proof. Yeah, I went.
Yeah, actor-proof.

Oh, it was, it was embarrassing, but it worked out.

Who did you befriend on that? There is an amazing group of kind of new actors. Yeah.
Well, we all remain friends.

You know, Danny Stern, Daniel Stern, Kevin Bacon, Timmy Daly, Steve Gutenberg. And actually, in recent years, we've kind of rejuvenated our friendship.

And we had last year, I think there was a, or the year before, there was a 40th anniversary of the film, which was mind-blowing. We all went out to dinner beforehand.

And we just, it was, you know, guys that you know for years, you just jump into it. And we were the same idiots and we were laughing, going, look at us.

We were, you know, we were 23, 24, and it was my first anything, but it was Timmy's first movie and Kevin's maybe second time in a movie.

And we thought, here it is, 40 years later. And

I don't know, it's interesting that it has always remained special. None of us have gotten jaded about that experience.
Like we were so lucky. That was such a beautiful film.
I can't remember.

It was Barry Levinson, Barry Levinson. No, that was his first movie.
Oh, wow. That was his first movie.

He had written before that, and he had been a performer, and he had written, I'm trying to remember the sequence now.

Yeah, he had already written with Mel Brooks. He had done High Anxiety and something else.
He worked on the Carol Burnett show. But he had written that movie.
Yes, Mel Brooks had sort of coaxed him.

He said, you know, those stories you're telling about your buddies growing up in Baltimore, that should be a movie. Barry wrote it and then kind of insisted that he direct it

cleverly. And Jerry Weintraub, legendary producer, took a shot and let him direct it

with the disclaimer of, I can fire you if this sucks on the first

day.

And,

you know, I kind of marvel at that too. How did he know how to direct so not only well, but

distinctively? It was such his own, he wrote it in such a distinctive way that at the time, there weren't movies like that where the dialogue was just the heart of the movie. There was no story.

There was a famous,

he for years told the story that he showed the first cut to the studio.

And they would say, well, why is he asking him for the sandwich? 10 times? Why doesn't he just give him the sandwich and get on with the story? And Barry goes, there is no story.

That's the movie. Oh.

The birth of Larry David right there. Very much.
There you go. Watch the movie.

Who are we missing? Mickey. Mickey Rourke.
Yeah. Mickey Rourke.
Didn't hang out with Mickey as much. A little bit of a

interesting fellow. Yeah.

I did Body Heat. I'm not sure if that was before.
Oh my gosh. If that was his first film or Diner was his first film, but it was one and two, either way.

Yes.

I think it actually. All I remember about Body Heat is you tap dancing on the boardwalk, which I thought was wildly impressive.
I remember meeting Mickey, and I'm your, you know, I'm, I'm Tigger.

I just want to hug you and love you. Hey,

let's just be happy together. Hi, Mickey.
Isn't this exciting?

I don't know. He wasn't like mean, rude, or anything, but his one statement that just kind of zinged was, if I hadn't found acting, I'd be in prison.
That's probably true. Yeah.
And

when somebody says that, you know, oh, really? Why? You know,

you want to leave it alone. Yeah.

I remember my only time hanging with him, you know, we shot in Baltimore and one weekend

I went up to New York and for the weekend and he went up to New York and somehow we were on the train back together. So that was the most we sat for three hours.
And he was delightful.

And I remember him, and he was very aware that that was my first acting experience. And he was, you know, really giving me some pointers.

I don't remember what they were, but they were very generous and like, sort of, you know, big brother, you know, we'll try and do this and you know, make some choices and so on. It's like,

he was, so yeah, he was very sweet and uh talented guy. I mean, yeah, you can't take your eyes off him.
I don't really know him.

I never really hung out with him, but I think Bonnie Heat was first, and I think he, Barry had seen him in that, yeah. And uh,

he only had the one or two scenes, right? Yeah, yeah, but boom, compelling, yeah, yeah.

I've never been accused of being compelling i i

i am do you want to be compelling he's nice

not compelling

i get the opposite you you can't keep your eyes on him

like it's good for throwing focus on the other actor just uh that's a trick i learned uh

is when you don't if you want to if you want to blow the scene you didn't you realize you're not good just walk off just just just walk away or just look somewhere and they go cotton what did you do i had had to look over there.

Look at that.

So was that a hit? I know it was a critical, raving hit, but was it?

It was a critical hit and a novelty hit. It wasn't a gazillion dollar.
I think they more than made their money. I think it was like a $5 million movie.

But it's one of those

people who did see it and appreciated it. It was really important film for them.

And I always assumed, because it's about guys and it's sort of of how guys behave when they're not around women, that it would be strictly a guy movie. And it certainly was for a lot of guys.

Oh, that's my friend. We were like that.
We used to have our place in Jersey and so on. But I've heard from a lot of women that they found that so compelling

because

we were around the curb. Yeah, we can see, oh, that's what you idiots are like.
Oh, that's what you do when you're unattended.

So, but that was an important film. So that opened

the doors. Yeah, and there was a whole article.
You talked about Larry David.

There was some article that said, that was basically about that, that Kerb,

consciously or not, was stood on the shoulders of,

and you know, Seinfeld too, it's like, it's not story. Well, that's not really true.
Seinfeld claims to be not story-centric, but it's wildly story-centric.

As is Kerb, really. They spent three months.
Yes. And you go, boy, that looked effortless.
It's like, it can't be effortless.

But the dialogue, the tone of the overlapping and not waiting for the laugh and so on. And

that was, you know, we did

the year after or the year that Diner came out, they did that summer, we made a pilot. I was the only guy from the cast who was in the ABC did a pilot of Diner.
And it was really

could have, it looked exactly like the, and it felt like it.

Three camera or

a single camera film, no audience, no laughter, anything like that. And a similar type of thing.
It It wasn't jokey. It was funny in its offbeat way.

But it was, and it wasn't picked up. And the cast was interesting.
It was Mike Binder.

James Spader was Kevin Bacon's role.

I forgot who else was in it. But

looking back, it really was ahead of its time because there were no single-camera comedies. There were no...
shows that had that sort of atmospheric.

I mean, the atmosphere was the whole basis of that movie, you know, and

But it was because of that that I actually became a writer because Barry Levison very generously said, you know, why don't you write the next episode? I'm like, say, what? I don't know how.

He goes, eh. So this was Barry's? Yeah, Barry directed.

Barry directed it, wrote it, and directed it.

And then he kind of encouraged me. He says, you should write the next or a script for, you know, when this gets picked up, knock on wood.

And I did.

And

I remember, I said,

I don't know how to to write a script, but I knew Diner pretty well. I knew the feel, I knew the character.
And I said, well, how do you write a script?

And this is the truest thing anybody's ever said. I said, how do you write a script? He said, you type the words fade in and then keep writing.

And well, that sounds like, you know, ha ha, but that's actually true. Yeah.
Write, fade in, and then what comes next? All right. Yeah.

Commit. Commit.
Yeah. Somebody talks.
Yeah.

What was your next film that came as a result of Diner, do you think? Citizen Kane. Oh, that I was in.

That I watched.

The next one I did, I was in, and it was literally like a link. Because of Diner, I got Beverly Hills Cop because Martin Brest, who directed that, had seen Diner.

And

because of

my three minutes in Beverly Hills Cop,

somehow that got to James Cameron's eyes and I got alien. Nothing like a monster hit.
Yeah. No matter how big your part is.

Oh, yeah. Yes.

So, and I look back, it's like, it looks like, well, one thing led to another. Yeah, but not with any planning on my part.
It just is sort of fortuitous and, you know, with a lot of gratitude.

Not everybody can do what you do.

Stand-up, a lot of times,

if you work with a stand-up

in a drama or even a comedy, they don't always throw throw the ball back.

You know, they, they, I got the ball and I'm going to hold on to it.

And you went not only from stand up to a film that made you laugh, but it was based on character, then you went and played a villain, an alien. I mean, you really can, you're a really good actor.

You really truly are.

But you know, it's funny.

He's talking about throwing the ball back.

And sometimes, and I've, and I've really only, I think I've been aware of this more recently, but sometimes doing nothing is much more powerful than doing something, especially if you're clearly just trying to be the tumbler and get the laugh.

But I remember. Wait, what was that word? The Tumbler.
Look it up.

It's not a dating site. It's not.

Timbler?

Literally, you can't be here in Hollywood. You've never heard the word of Tumler.
Tumler. Okay, get him a Yiddish dictionary, a Yiddish Tumblr dancing dictionary.

People don't waste time explaining Yiddish to me. They go, oh, he's so fucking

out of it. A Tumblr, you know, a Tumblr.

Really? Okay. I thought you were fooling.
You really don't know the word. No.
It's

a playful jester, you know, fooling around.

I got to go. But a bit of a shock.
I thought this was going to.

I threw in schmucks. You threw in schmuck.
But tumblers are usually schmucks. Often.

There is an overlap between tumblers and schmucks. A tumbler is a user.
You're making these fits. You really are.

You're doing great.

Let's do the whole thing just in Yiddish now. I had no idea Ted was fluent.
Yes. Wait, are you fluent?

My mother was fluish, and my father was.

But so what was I saying? God damn it, Ted.

Oh, so

Beverly Hills cop.

So I had known Eddie. He was doing nothing as opposed to filling every moment.
So Eddie Murphy, I knew Eddie from the comedy clubs, and he was, you know, the first, he was sort of legendary.

He was out on Long Island and we were in the city and we kept hearing, oh, there's a kid out on Long Island. He's so funny, so funny.
And kept hearing, and he's 16.

And then whenever he came in, he was 16, 17, he went on stage and we all went, oh, my God, this guy. You've never seen that kind of talent and charisma.
It's just powerful. So anyway, so I knew him.

And so when we did, got to play in my little bitty part in Beverly Hills Coppola. It was very easy.
And I wasn't intimidated because, you know, I knew him and it was easy to play.

But I remember somebody goes, oh, you're so funny in that scene with Eddie. I go, look at the scene.
I'm not talking.

But here's a rule for all of you kids: if you're in a scene with Eddie Murphy, shut the fuck up and just stand there and let him be Eddie Murphy. And you'll go, well, he looks good.

The other guy looks good, doesn't he? And you go, yeah. And I would get credit.
Like, I'm just standing there and Eddie's bouncing stuff off of me. And,

you know, in Aliens 2, it's another thing where I actually didn't have a line. This was a very important lesson for me as an actor.
I didn't have a line

for like, again, for the first couple of weeks. I was in scenes.
So I had to come up with, well, what are you doing?

You can't just stand there like in a school play and be, you know, guard number two and stand there. You, you have to be invested.
So what are you thinking? And

it made me dig a lot deeper than if I had to say something. And so, you know, it wasn't.

It wasn't such a bold choice. It was one of those scripts where you go, this is going to be a huge hit.
This is the best script that I've I've ever read.

And I had seen the first alien, you go, and James Cameron, I'd seen Terminate. I go, this is unbelievable.
I can't believe I got invited to this party.

So my motto was: just don't bring the film to a grinding halt.

Just don't, you know what I mean? Don't make funny faces or light yourself on fire. If you can get out of here without calling undue attention to yourself, you're going to be very pleased.

So that was my goal. Very low bar.
Mario says to me,

keep your voice down low because when you get up high, you're pushing, you're pushing, and don't tilt too far forward is kind of our

phrase for that. Don't don't lean.
But you do discover, I discovered in cheers that notice how I threw that in. Were you on the show? Yeah, yeah.
You know, I saw it and I don't recall. Yeah.

Oh, 11 years, nothing, huh? Okay.

That's so funny. I wouldn't have thought that 11 years, I wouldn't have noticed you.

was if you were next to the joke, if you were in a two-shot with someone else who's doing the joke,

you will get equal credit for being in something funny. It's literally the same thing.
So if you don't have much to do that week, doesn't matter.

People will come up to you on the street and go, you were so funny.

And

also one of the luxuries of doing a long-running sitcom is the audiences are comfortable with your character so they can kind of know where you're thinking.

Once in a while, I'll be flipping channels and I'll come across an old

all-in-the-family. Were you in that? No, you were not in that.
You were.

And those characters were so well established. And, you know, Edith would say something, and they'd be in a very tight shot, almost an unappealingly tight shot of Carol O'Connor.

And you just, and he's just looking, and the laugh would build and go, he didn't say anything. You just, you know, what his brain is thinking.
And that's another luxury.

It's like, oh, we know where you're going.

That's the situation comediness that is

11 years. Oh, my God.

That's a lot of episodes. A lot of episodes.
Like 250 episodes or something? Smidge more. I can't remember

two seconds or something. Yeah.
So that worked out well for you. It did.
Yeah. Now, did that come out of Body Heat? Where did it?

How'd you get it? Body Heat.

I thought he would have been like 83 or 50. Yeah.
You know what?

No, you know what? I auditioned for Jimmy Burroughs. The incredible director, co-creator of Cheers

and everything else.

I think it was Best of the West was the name of this sitcom that lasted a year or two. And I auditioned for it and didn't get it, but he remembered me.
I love that.

And I happened to be called in at the last minute to replace somebody or something

on taxi.

And they were, Les and Glenn Charles and Jimmy were involved with taxi, and they were in an office around the corner starting to set up cheers.

And I think Jimmy went, huh, and brought me in. And that's how that could be.
Again, being in the right hallway at the right time.

Not getting cast in things sometimes can lead to getting cast in good things.

Yes, exactly. What's that,

is it that great Garth Brooks songs? The dreams that, oh, I can't come up with

wishes that, dreams that never come. Oh, I'm feeling embarrassed myself.
Okay. Wishes that didn't come true.
But you just brought up music. Yes.
So

look at you.

segue king oh yes and you notice that i have not looked down to my notes once

because i'm afraid that you'll catch me looking down and that'll the magic will go away that at our age we have notes and we can't quite read them

i go on stage with my little set list because it's a crutch and i look at it periodically i go i am like a 48 font and i can still can't see the fucking thing so yeah look all you want i know you ain't getting i know you're getting nothing from it okay so you the musician, during this time, now you're making,

now you're actually a big deal. You are.
You're in big deal movies. You're doing stand-up.
Are you, is music included in this moment in your life?

It's always, I've always, it's always been, see, I was talking before about the ensemble. We're talking, but my music was always sort of private and singular.
I mean, I played piano.

I didn't play with an orchestra. I didn't play with a group.
And I kind of missed that. I think it thwarted my growth as a person.

Because once in a while, when I do play with someone, I go, oh, this is really fun to

collaborate and throw the ball around. But no, it was always, I always, always played.
Whenever I moved, I always, the piano was the first thing in the house before bed.

And I would sleep in the piano, which is not comfortable, by the way.

And

but so I always played, but it was always, you know, for my own enjoyment. It was never, it was never,

there wasn't even ever a thought of I'm going to do anything with it.

The only, the first and only really first time I ever did anything with it, again, last minute accident, ended up writing the theme song for Mad About You.

And that was like, oh, I'm actually merging or, you know, running parallel with the two interests here. And you did music and lyrics?

Yeah, I wrote the song with Don Woz. Why?

Because two weeks before the show premiered in September of 92, Helen Hunt, she was also on the show. I don't know if you remember.
She was the girl. Yes.
Love her. Yeah.
Love her. She was both gone.

So she and I were flying to New York to do publicity. And

on MGM Grand, do you remember MGM Grand? Oh, I missed that. Somebody should come up with that.
It was the greatest airline.

It was a private jet. It was a private jet, but for poor people.
For poor people. Yeah, it was a regular jet.
It costs the same as a regular coach, and somehow.

And you're always on with amazing people.

Anyway, so we were in this little lounge, and she knew Don from somehow. And we just started talking.

and I said well what's going on I said he goes what you're waiting do Don for me Don is and what Don was is

Don was for he had a band called Was Not Was but he has since gone on to become like the one of the most successful producers did Bonnie Rait's album and he does Stones Willie Nelson and he's done everybody and he's he's done like the last five or six or more please give him my apology so a big deal he's never seen cheers by the way just so you shouldn't feel inspired

all right go on so don was

yeah brilliant musician. Anytime you see any kind of industry thing, if it's not Paul Schaefer, it's Don conducting the band and a sweet guy.
And he said,

or somehow came up about theme song. I said, yeah, we have one, but I don't really love it.
He said, well, why don't we write one? I said, well, that's nice, but it's in two weeks.

He said, well, let's, you know, we have time. I said, well, we're flying to New York.
He said, I said, I'm busy tomorrow. I said, well, let's do it tonight.
I was like, what?

What's again, stepping into high cotton? It's like, really?

So we flew to New York and he said, come out at 11.30 to what I think was the record plant or something. And I get there at 11.30 at night.

And he's finishing up a session with Felix Cavallari of the Rascals. I'm going, he goes, you know, I said, yeah, hello.
This is cool. Felix leaves and Don goes, what do you got? I said, I don't know.

Nothing really.

And we just start playing. And I'm playing piano.
And I come up with a little riff. And he adds a thing to it.
For the first time, that riff. Yeah, we have nothing.
For the first time. Yeah.

And then, and I had the idea that I wanted that sort of beat, that sort of New Orleans,

whatever it was. And so I had that, and we started doing chords.
And then he gave me that little sliding open piano. Da-da.
I said, that's cool. And then we sat.

He was playing his guitar. And then on one, he did another track where he turned the guitar over and was playing that beat on the back of his guitar.
It was really like, you know, in your garage.

and we had no words. He said, well, just scat, whatever you think.
I said, well, I'm not a singer. It doesn't matter.
Just scat. So I'm going, scurvy, huh? But that is that buffoo.

And I'm going, and he goes, all right, that's cool. I said, that's not cool.
That's, that's like me in the shower. Stupid.

And he said, well, who do you think would be good to sing this? I said, anybody else, but me.

I said, well, and I was a big fan of Lyle Lovett. He said, he goes, I know Lyle.
I'll send her to Lyle. I go, no, you're going to send Lyle Lovett a cassette of me singing scab if you was there.

So Lyle

somehow diplomatically passed. And

but we had like a week to do this. We ended up in, I wrote some lyrics on the plane back to LA.
I wrote the lyrics. And I get to, and he has all these musicians.

He just assembled Bonnie Rait's band and Andrew Gold, who I was a huge fan of, Andrew Gold, Lonely Boy, and

Thank You for Being a Friend. He wrote that for the Golden Girls.

He was singing and went, oh my gosh, this is pretty cool. And I was playing piano on it.
Cut to

so Lyle Lovett ended up doing

an acting role on Mad About You and we became friends. Cut to a few years ago, we did the revisit of Mad About You.

And I said, How about now? Do you want to do the song now? He goes, yeah. He goes, I can't believe I said no 30 years ago.
That was so stupid. I said, well, here's your chance.
So he did it. And

anyway, so how did this come into? So anyway, my point was that, no, I never was intending to do anything with music. That was just for my own fun.
But that was actually something that paid off.

And I, to this day, I keep hearing people go, you know, we played that at our wedding. I went, that's so sweet.
And you owe me a nickel, by the way, if you play it at your wedding.

Yeah, I get a nickel.

But you do

make

a large sum of money. I've been told that.
I don't remember seeing big chunks of change, but I'm bad at that. Does the artist who sings your theme song get more than the writer?

I never figured out that. I don't know.
I'm the worst.

Do you have any idea where your money is? I don't mean physically at the moment.

Are you good at that? Like, you know,

I am not. I have both, sadly, both Mary and I have the same total lack.
And this is so important that all of our business managers are listening to this.

They're not looking. And then we steal.

Let's put it right out there. We've been very lucky.
We're very lucky. I can't believe they haven't thrown us out of the business yet, but they will.
I'm jumping around now. Jump around.

Don't look at the notes. No.
Now I can tell. Watch.
Boom. Boom.
Hey, can you scoot that back?

I didn't know my reach was that far.

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Okay, let's jump ahead

to Reboot. Yes.
What was that like? I mean, we've been approached upon occasion. The reboot of Mad About You.
Yeah. Because I actually did a show last year called Reboot, which confused people.

We did, literally, there was a show, it was one season, eight episodes that Steve Levitan of Modern Family did, and it was on Hulu, didn't get picked up. And it was called Reboot.

But it was only shortly after we had done the reboot of Mad About You. So

the Mad About You reboot, it was an interesting

proposition.

The one thing that Helen Hunt and I were very clear about and in unison on was, we're never going to ever come back. Why would we? Right.

To me, anytime you ever see a reunion or sometimes at an award show, bring out the cast. To me, the only purpose of those things is so that people at home can go, whoa, he put on weight.

Wow, she had some bad work done. You know what I mean? It's not good.
It's right up there with the where are they now covering People magazine.

And it's better to be where are they now as opposed to, oh there they are wow that's bad

there they are he's alive he's alive i did

so um whose idea was it

it it was a studio well it was all these shows kept coming back and finding success so roseane and uh full house and a whole bunch of a couple of others so they kept talking about it we were very clear that we never wanted to do it

for a bunch of reasons. We was just so proud of how we ended it.
We did seven seasons and we even in the finale, we wrapped it up.

We even showed future how it'll be in 10 years and 20 years, thinking, well, now we tied our hands. We couldn't come back even if we wanted to.
We've already told people.

But so they came to us and I kept saying, you know, would you want to come back? Would you want to come back? Would you just do it? And so we would have lunch every month or two.

And we said, we should talk about this. And we thought, well, okay.

First thought was like, what if we screw it up? Like we ended up. And what if we just piss on the whole legacy and thought, well, that's dumb.
We know what we're doing.

We're not going to stink suddenly.

But we thought it would really be fun

to play together because we just had such a great working relationship and we got along so well. But still, we were like, but why? It just seems so unnecessary.

Like, if you like the show, go watch the old one. You don't need to see.
But then what we thought about, we just did the math and we said, well, it's 20 years.

So the little baby that we had when we ended would now be more or less leaving the the nest, heading off to college,

leaving the two knuckleheads alone again. We thought, oh, that's really what the pilot was, two idiots alone.
But now we're 20 years later. We're not newlyweds.

We're fatigued and life has taken bites out of us. And that little adorable baby is quite a handful and dreams didn't work out.
And so where are they now?

And I thought, well, we both, oh, that's really an interesting place to write.

And the great thing about, by the way, if you want to do it, coming back 20, 30 years later, the scripts are only half as long because every other line is, what? And then you have to repeat it.

Come in the room. You have to do a lot of that.
Yeah, that's what I thought cheers would be like.

Horse walks into a bar. What? Yeah.

You know what the other funny thing?

We had

the, you know, the... the walks from the, it was a

inappropriately long apartment, a man about you. And so we used to, the walk from the, if you were the kitchen sink and somebody rang the doorbell, we had, it was like 22 steps.

So we had to like backtrack the script. It's like, okay, so start, ring the bell here, because that's a long ass walk.

Now, 20 years later, it's the same walk, but we're slower. So like add four lines.

And we actually did one scene where I was walking and talking on the way to the answer to the doorbell. And halfway through the room, I said, you know, 20 years ago, I would have been there already.

It's like, it's just long.

Did you guys have fun? It was a great time. It was a great time.

And I'll tell you, you know, we had been together, gotten together, together, and even all the cast, we had seen each other, but never as a group.

And you get that group back together at the table read, and then you get on the set,

and it's like, oh my god, you know, have we been gone a weekend or 22 years? It was instant. And I'm sure it would be.

I don't know.

I mean, I think Cheers has passed,

but I do any kind of half-hour

situation comedy in front of a live audience. I don't know if I have the adrenaline pump to do that because it is an athletic event.
It is totally different than one camera. Yeah, it is.
It is.

It is.

And you do have to, when I went back, having taken a long time off of doing stand-up, when I went back, I went, oh, I have to sort of

recalibrate. to be awake at nine o'clock at night and be sharp and like to work for an hour, to talk for an hour.
It's like, oh, it's. What do you do? Do you sleep later? Do you take naps? I mean,

I sleep while I'm talking during the set. The set is so tight, they don't even notice.
You know, I think he's dozing. That's how good I am, dude.

Yeah, you have to, you know, you try and sleep later that morning.

But there's also a thing, the adrenaline kicks in.

Fear. Yeah, but I bet you, and I bet you, I think this is true for doing multicam when you have an audience.
The adrenaline kicks in.

So I don't remember ever feeling sick or tired or under the weather while on stage. Even if you're hurt.
What is that?

It is adrenaline.

Adrenaline. Yeah.

I can still, even though the tiger wounded me, I can still run like hell.

But I remember certainly in stand-up a couple of nights going, ooh, I think, gee, I don't feel well or have a cold coming on or where I shouldn't have eaten that entire veal parmesan, whatever.

And then you get on stage and you're fine. You get off and then you're back to feeling bad.

But there's something always that brings it. And that only serves to remind me of like, oh, we're, yeah, we're lucky.
We're doing what we kind of intended to do. Was there a temptation to

recapture, you know, the first

mad about you? Or did you just let first go away and this is who we are now and we don't have to live up to or say we're back and we're the same?

No, no, that was actually the saving grace is that

the premise was, what are they like now 20 years later? It would have been foolish if, like, oh, he's 35. Like, no, he's really not.

They're newlyweds. No, and the show was always about, you know,

I used to always say, like,

it's, it's more, it's, it's, it shouldn't look like a TV show. It should look like life.
And sometimes writers would come up with a great line. I go, that's really funny.
Nobody would really say that.

It's too funny. You know, it's like,

it was

a lot of great lines went away, but it's like, it's got to be funny, but as you have to be, it has to be believable. So

the wealth of comedy for coming back was, yeah, we're older, we're tired, like we've seen, we've

seen each other. We know each other's goods and bad, and let's mine that.

You don't have to pretend. No, in no way.
In fact, embrace it. Embrace the fact that, oh man, I'm tired.
And that walk is longer. Like, I don't want to get off the couch.
Do you know?

Let me just go back one more and another conversation, Ender. But that dance that the two of you did, you and Helen, is really hard.
And you made it look so effortless.

The two of you just, here we are. It's the two of us.
And it was

really,

I know how hard that is. It is.

It can be, but we were lucky that we had that naturally from the get-go.

Well, she's as smart as you are and as smart as she's so smart and so funny. And people in the beginning go, oh, she's funny too.
I go, no, she's really funny. She's really funny.

And also, one of the things that endeared me to her,

she grew up on all the comedy albums and all the TV shows. So she knew every Lucy episode.
She knew every, but she knew every Miller. My father was a great director.
Wonderful director, Gordon Hunt.

But Helen knew, you know, My tight circle of guy friends are my friends because they know the 2,000-year-old man records by heart, as did Helen.

And we had David Steinberg as our director, and she would quote his albums back to him. Well, nothing makes a guy happier than a pretty girl.

I know your albums by heart.

Aren't you? I'm interrupting you. Aren't you thrilled to be part of this tradition of funny people that go way, way back? Yeah.
I'm not like Mel Brooks is way, way back, but he is way back.

Hello, Sid Caesar. That whole strain of comedy, I feel so honored.
Honored and married. You know, we had

on Matt About You, we had unbelievable good fortune we would have guest stars that we managed to fit in organically and we had all our heroes we had mel brooks we had call reiner we had carol brunette we had carol o'connor yeah uh you know we had jerry lewis fuck's sake um and it never it never uh ceased to tickle us we had yoko on

Oh, wow. And we had, you know.
Was she able to find the camera?

She,

well, I'll tell you a funny story about that. How long is this podcast? Because I got more stories.

We

did one scene. It was Carol Burnett and Carol O'Connor played Helen's parents.
They were the third incarnation. We had three sets of parents.
Really? Yeah, I forget why. I don't know.

We just swapped out like the new Darren. But then we got Carol Burnett and Carol O'Connor and go, I don't think we're going to beat this.
I think we'll go with this couple. And

there was one scene where the premise was Carol O'Connor retired, got an RV, and he wanted to go cross country.

And of course, Carol, his wife, Carol Burnett, it was like game, but she really didn't want to be in this little, tight little space. And so they gave us the tour, quote, the tour of the house.

And like, here's a living room. And, but the whole joke was how, you know, stateroom scene.
It was all compressed. And Helen and I looking at each other going, we're shoulder to shoulder.

Literally in the four shots with Carol Burnett and Carol O'Connor. We're going, holy shit.
Yeah. How lucky are we?

And then we did when Yoko was on the show, I've told this story, but never on your show.

You know, we used to do these tags after the show was over that would run under credits, and they would break the fourth wall, and they were a little silly.

And we had Yoko, and we didn't have an idea. And we said, Well, we have Yoko, and the clock is running, the audience, what do we do with the cruisers around?

And I was, I was so nervous. I was such a huge,

oh, you know, such a John fan, and I was tripping all over myself. We have Yoko.
Oh my God, God, we have.

So after we're coming up with nothing, Yoko sort of politely raises her hand. She goes, well, I have a suggestion.
She said, you know, John and I always thought, whenever we can, can we just get

Give Peace a chance? Can we get that in there? And so maybe if the three of us were in the bed, like a bed in, and we went, okay, yes, please. All right.

So we go, you know, you had me at, John and I used to, okay, it's old. Whatever the hell you're going to say.

So we we just running credits and Helen and I are sitting up in bed reading the LA Times or the New York Times as it were and Yoko's in between us

and we're running credits and then at the end of the 30 seconds she just gives the piece I says give peace a chance and I say this is all we're saying

and but in there I think it's you can see Helen and I look at each other like fuck are you kidding me we're in a bed in with Yoko on a stupid little television show and it was just you know so we never took it for granted and we never were not aware of that yeah i had that moment with dick van dyke

i i before i even thought about being an actor because i grew up without a tv no tv no popular culture until i went to stanford and i wired into some teacher's antenna and bought this little black and white console that was on the floor.

And the first thing that I turned on at 11 o'clock in the morning was a rerun of the Dick Van Dyke show. That's a good word.
Black and white. And I was just mesmerized.

Yeah, how long has this been going on? Yeah. Yeah, really.

Just amazed. And to the point where

at an event or whatever, he'd see me coming and he'd almost blanch and want to run away because I just fanned out on him so much. He was like my idol.
His physical humor to me was like, oh, brilliant.

Brilliant. And he got to play, not he got.
I got to have him play my father on Becker.

Oh, gosh and so for a week all we did you know that we barely rehearsed because just one more story just wait wait he's in the middle of a story don't interrupt don't interrupt the man with the story i would i would love to take this little podcast on the road and go i would love to talk to all these people while they're still around these legends that's how i got here by the way because the clock is ticking yeah get paul

yeah but yeah i dick would do this in a harpy wouldn't he i don't know but we'll go to his house we're gonna try that's a big plus, by the way. Go to people's houses.
Yeah.

Next time we'll come to you. Would you? Because this was...

This is great fun, but not convenient. No, no, I agree.
Except I love driving to work. I love coming here.
I'd rather do it here than at home. But let's talk home house.

So where along this career path that we're talking about did you meet your wife, Paula?

Early. 1982.
And before that, were you boyfriend, girlfriend, married somewhere along the the line? I started off marriage and then got

not you and Paula, but before Paula, were you?

I look back. Yes, before marriage, everyone's a single guy.
But I didn't, that's a wise-ass answer. I'm sorry.
No, it's good. But I didn't,

you know,

I was never a real good play the field kind of guy. I mean, you'd meet girls, but I think quietly, I was thinking, all right, this is the one.
There was a sort of, you know,

there were many other, clearly, this is just going to be, you know, Tuesday in Cleveland. This is going to be great.

This is not marriage. But

I was in 82, November of 82, or November, I did, I was playing a comedy club in Pittsburgh, and she was a waitress.

We're now Paula. Paula.
And she was a waitress. She was in college.
She was 19. I was 25 or six.
And

for reasons we never understood that the club owned, these two young guys in their 20s, two brothers, ran a club and they were both funny kind of knucklehead guys.

And he picks me up at the airport and he says, oh, you have a great time. It's a great club.
And we got a lot of cute waitresses. I go, I got you.
I know what you're saying.

He says, no, but there's one you really like. I said, no, I got you.
He goes, no, no, no, no, no, not like that. This one, you're going to really like her.
She's really different.

And

this was a running joke for Paul

for years. He said, no, you're going to like, she's really, she's earthy.
I went, does she smell like soil? What does that mean?

She goes no you're gonna and for some reason and we don't know why he was telling her i'd never met the guy but he said oh you're gonna like this guy paul you know so for some reason he was teeing us up for each other

and so there was this thing in the air and she came over and very just confidently put out her hand she goes hi i'm paula and i went

literally i just oh my god and she was just gorgeous and

And that was it. And there was literally, there's no been nobody else ever since.
That was 40 something years ago. Wow.
And And I'll be honest, Ted, enough is enough. Yeah.
I'm tired of it. Yeah.

I mean, it's still good. Don't get me wrong, but it's like Vegas.
You got to know when to walk away. Do you know what I'm saying? No, I don't.

You and Mary have been together.

30?

Is that right? 28 years married on this coming Saturday. Wow.
Nice. 28.
That is the, I believe that is the, not diamond, that is a herring. I think you get each

herring, yes. Yes, on the 28th.
Diamond-studded herrings, yes.

We're going to a sting concert. Why not? Because we got married in Martha's Vineyard and

James Taylor backed up Kate Taylor, his sister, who was singing Fields of Gold at our wedding. That's what we came down to.
He had me at the house band with James Taylor. Yeah.
Oh, it was amazing.

And we also,

because of Mary's relationship with the Clintons over many years, because they're both Arkansas and all of that. And he basically gave her away at our wedding

because they're buddies. So we also, we had a great band and we had Stinger missiles at our disposal, basically.

Wow. Yeah.
Okay. So how long after that fortuitous meeting did you guys get married?

It was about six years later. We were together.
She was finishing college and then, so we were long distance for like two. When we met, I was just about to move to California from New York.
And

so we were sort of long distance. And she was sort of saying, Look, this is not going to work.
I have school. And I go, well, just don't, don't give away the ending.
Let's see, let's play it out.

And then she finished her undergraduate and she planned. She was going to come out to California.
And she did her, she's a psychologist. And so she got her master's and then she got a PhD.

And

so she was so cool. She like right, she was packing and,

you know, she was planning to move out like in two days. And she just looked at me and she goes,

really think seriously, because if this is not going to work, just tell me now. I don't have to move out.
I go, no, it's going to work. And she, okay.
And she jumped in and

moved out. And that was that.

And then

after three or four months, a few months into that, and we were renting a house and we got a dog. And then I got

aliens which shot in london and i and i my first my manager said you got the i said he said you got the part because i i had auditions in like in july but didn't hear about it till months later he said you got it and i said well i i my girlfriend just moved out i can't he goes oh no you're going to london you're doing aliens i said i i don't think i can do that and then god bless her and paul said no you can go and we'll make it work and we

actually that's why we got a dog she said okay but i get a dog went that's the equivalent I leave, but a dog takes my place. Fair enough.
It's either you or a puppy. Yeah.

Then, you know, and then she, of course, came out to London several times.

And that was it. Yeah.
I, I, you know, it's, it's nice when you meet the right person. Yes.
And yeah.

I don't know. I, I, I,

yeah, I don't know how people,

the idea. of shopping, looking, marketing yourself, like, oh, gosh.

I do think it's, if you don't want to say divine, it's up there in that category. Yeah.
Really,

I think when you find that person, I mean, I, I,

I used to think in other relationship, if I crossed the street and got hit by a bus, part of me would go, fuck, I didn't get to experience that

really incredibly human thing of experiencing being loved and loving somebody. And when that

goes in a little spiral circle thing, it's really heaven on earth. It really is.

Yes.

Now, but I'm assuming that we play around. Mary does.
No,

Mary does, and deservedly so. Sure.

But no, but there

tell me, and this is such a stupid question coming from me, but there are days when you guys have squabbles. There's some stupid shit.
Okay, I feel better. Because

you look so sweet. Mostly when I'm wrong.

That's a given.

Yeah, no, seriously. When I'm wrong, I get pissed.
I be immediately defensive. Yeah.

But if she's wrong and I'm not, it's like, oh, look at that. That's kind of sweet.
1993 was the last time I was right in my house. I've been wrong an awful lot consistently.

But then you also realize there's no great fruit in being right. It's like, no.
Okay, fine. You're right.
Well, that wasn't fun at all. Yeah.

Are you happy now? Yeah. No.
No. Yeah.

I have one more. Go.
Category. By the the way, those of you who are listening and not watching, Ted has no notes.
This is all just

the genius of Ted Danson just can carry on a conversation with no notes.

What is it, Ted?

That's all I got. Ah, shit.
I just pumped you up and you had to. Okay.
Here it is. Writing.
Yes. Now you're also, so shit, you do your stand-up,

you're a sitcom, you're a serious. I'm a remarkable musician.
No, you are. You are.
And I think that's why you're well balanced because if you get bored with where you are, you don't bitch and whine.

You move to the business. I've never been.

I don't know how to be bored. Because you have five things you're really good at.
Yeah, I don't know what it is. Yeah, that's it.
I'm telling you. I got one thing.

One thing. Hold on to that tonight.

Yeah.

Books. Books.
Yeah. Did you always know you wanted to write? And when did that happen? No, it happened, you know,

in the middle of the second season or something of Mad About You.

And

Seinfeld had a big hit with his book. And so his editor came to me and said, do you want to write a book? I went, well, I don't know how to write a book.
And basically,

he said, well, basically, the first book was actually just taking a lot of my material, which was

very much of the same.

It was really the source material of what Mad About You was. It was like being a couple and all the little fun things.
But it was a very fun process taking stand-up and

transposing transposing it, translating it to the page, because I'm not going to be there to do these jokes. So I have to write them so you can read them on your couch and

it can read funny.

And then that was a nice big hit. It helps to have a big TV show when you put out a book.

And then the second one was

about when we had a baby and there was no shortage of material there.

I enjoyed it. And

the next one I did was 15 years later. I did Familyhood.
And that was a very different, but I actually probably like it the best because they were really more little essays.

And there's so much more life to draw on. It's like I've had kids, I've seen them grow up, and you realize your limitations and your little moments.
And, you know,

when you have kids, there's little moments of

just life bounces back at you in a way. And that was so fun to explore and write.
Hey, I've really, really enjoyed

the opportunity to sit opposite you. And look at this, how we didn't even need our wives today.
We just, it turns out they were holding us back, weren't they? You did work with my wife. I did.

And she loved you because of the music connection as well. Yeah.
Well, we did a little movie together, but we also

had each were in another movie, but we never.

What was it called? The Bill Purple movie in New Orleans.

It changed names. Jason was.
Jason Sudekis. Yeah.

And shoot. Yeah.
But anyway,

we were on the set that we were doing, this movie that we did together. And I said, oh, you know, I was in this movie in New Orleans.
And it was an interesting, really nice music.

And she went, asshole. I was in that with you.
And I went, oh my God, have I already becoming this guy? And she said, we had a scene together. I went, yes, but we actually did, she wasn't there.

We filmed because

our schedule is coming. Yeah, so we did my angle on Monday and she had done the day before.
So I said, forgive me, that's why I didn't see you until the movie came out. Oh, thank God.

But yeah, but that you call me asshole was so endearing. Yeah.
That's so like,

you got to get out of this marriage. Yeah, it's no good.
She's just vicious.

We had such a great time. It was really, it was really fun getting to pretend to be married to America's sweetheart.
Much admiration. Thank you so much.
This was a pleasure.

And I want to hear afterwards how this compared to your other guests. And not that I'm competitive, but I'd like to know that I was among the top two or three.
You were, you were.

That was the great Paul Riser. Thank you for joining me, Paul.
His new stand-up special, Life, Death, and Rice Pudding, is streaming everywhere.

Amazon Prime Video, Apple TV, YouTube, Google Play, and more. That's it for this show this week.
Hello to Woody, and special thanks to our friends at Team Coco.

If you've enjoyed this episode, please send it to someone you love. Subscribe on your favorite podcast app and give us a great rating and review on Apple Podcasts if you're so inclined.
Means a lot.

We'll have more for you next week where everybody knows your name.

You've been listening to where everybody knows your name with Ted Dance and Woody Harrelson. Sometimes the show is produced by me, Nick Leal.

Executive producers are Adam Sachs, Colin Anderson, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Fedorovich is our supervising producer.
Our senior producer is Matt Apodaka.

Engineering and Mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Grahl.
Talent booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista.

Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Genn, Mary Steenbergen, and John Osborne. Special thanks to Willie Navarre.
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