Africa w/ Harland Williams | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

When evaluating potential hires for your small business, it's essential you look beyond resumes.

Sure, a candidate may appear impressive on paper, but understanding the person is crucial.

LinkedIn, the world's largest professional network, provides a complete view of your candidate's skills, experiences, and interests.

With LinkedIn's up-to-date data, you can be confident that you really know who you're hiring.

Post your free job at linkedin.com/slashachieve.

That's linkedin.com/slash achieve.

Terms and conditions apply.

All right, you want to do this?

Yeah, man.

Okay.

Here's a microphone.

I'll show you how to use it.

Yeah.

Nailed it.

Yeah, right.

Like you can.

Take it out if you want, but it's up to you.

This is great.

Love it.

Up and downs.

Oh, yeah.

Cool.

These are nice.

I should get these.

Rogan's.

These are the one Rogan's uses.

Oh, my.

Yeah.

I like, I like the up and down.

Yeah.

You can slump, feel dejected.

Actually, I got another point.

Oh, no, it's not even what.

Where you been and where you going?

This is our Reese Travel Show.

Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.

It's you'll be tripping.

Yeah.

Welcome to you be tripping, everybody.

It's the only travel podcast in the world that features Toronto's prodigal son, Harlan Williams.

Yeah.

A lot of podcasts say they respect Toronto, but only this one does.

Thank you.

Welcome, Harlan.

Thank you.

Welcome back.

Yeah, Carter.

Welcome, but thank you.

I love it.

Last time was so fucking good.

Thank you, man.

I had a blast.

I was surprised as shit.

You were?

Yeah, I was like, I mean, you looked at them, I took down this other map, but like, you were just looking at the map, like, you been anywhere?

And you're like, yeah, I've been everywhere.

And I was like, what do you mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Caught you off guard with that one.

Yeah.

Kids been around.

Yeah.

Oh, I should do this before we start.

Oh.

I got you a little award for fucking trippy.

You were the trippy for

best guest, best trip, and most surprising.

Yeah.

You won three.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Opening year

trippy awards.

This is for real?

Yeah.

I saw your Kill Tony guest of the year.

I had already made the announcements, but then it reminded me, like, oh, you won a best guest.

Wow.

And best trip.

I'm like so flattered and honored.

Thank you.

That's stunning.

Globe.

Yeah.

Thank you, Ari.

You're welcome.

Yeah, they'll never let you take on the plane, I just realized.

They won't?

Maybe.

Yeah.

Well, they wouldn't let me take the Kill Tony one because it was actually a gun.

But I think they'll let me take a sex toy.

I think we'll be all right.

That's going to make a nice pop on the way out.

Wow.

That's beautiful.

Can I put it right there?

Yeah, sure.

Absolutely.

Wow.

Thank you.

What a.

Yeah, it was such a fucking sick trip.

Yeah.

So many people looked up the National Geographic stuff after that to see what they still got.

Oh, did they?

Yeah, there's stuff that they have similar, but nothing like that.

Yeah, and way, way more expensive.

I think that trip I did was, I think they were testing it.

I think it was the first time they did it.

And I just,

they sent it to my place, and I was like, let's go.

So I think I lucked out a little.

It's amazing, too, that moment of like, nah, wait, actually,

just like

minor, minor moments.

It was the logo.

I saw the National Geographic logo.

That's what saved it.

Damn.

Because I was just like, that logo is still sort of, it's one of the few logos left that represents sort of quality, you know?

And that's what kind of made me go, wait, and I.

Yeah, they never got douchey.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah, sort of classy, you know.

Yeah.

All right, where do we want to go today?

What do you want to do?

Well, I got a little bit of a potpourri again.

Okay.

But I can focus on

one.

I was going to focus on Africa.

Okay.

But I also.

Down under.

Yeah, and keeping with my

traveling all over the place,

I thought maybe this is a great place for you to meet the tender frienders.

What is

I'm willing to meet anyone?

I don't know what that is.

You'll meet the tender frienders?

I'd love to.

Okay, I'm going to bring them out.

I mean, I'm hoping this is a new McDonald's.

Oh, boy.

Here's one.

Yeah, sit him down, lead him up against your trippy.

That's one.

Why?

And this is

the other tender frunnder.

He's got a mustache.

Yeah, a gay one.

Well, that's what everyone thinks.

It's very pretty Mercury.

Yeah, that's what everyone thinks.

The gay and the straight.

Yeah.

Put them together, they're both gay.

What is this?

So I travel a lot, you know, like we do stand-up and I travel, and I like to travel all over the world.

I haven't lost a lot of weight recently.

Yeah.

And

so,

you know, our days can be pretty boring.

Yeah, facts.

You know, sometimes we work at night, so we usually have our days wide open when we're stand-ups.

And so what I did is I found these two dolls in a craft shop.

And what I do is I take them with me wherever I go.

And then during the day, I take them out into the world and film adventures with them.

So I've taken them all over the place.

And I make little movies basically with the 10.

I call them two guys in their underpants.

But they're tender friends.

I found them in a craft shop.

In America?

Yeah, and all the.

I'm not even kidding.

This is how they were dressed.

They had black loafers and white underpants.

Yeah, they really fall down.

And they're exactly the same.

So I had to draw a mustache on one with a sharpie.

Oh, it's not natural.

They're actually identical.

Hazel eyes.

And this guy talks like this.

And your guy talks like this.

Very tender.

And so they're friends.

They're friends.

They just travel together.

And so I've taken them all over the place.

Took them to Africa?

They haven't been to Africa.

They've been to Saudi Arabia.

I mean, they got to be more scared in Saudi Arabia than most places.

Yeah,

I was out in the street shooting with them.

Yeah.

And I'm not kidding, a Humvee screeched to a halt.

I was outside.

They were looking at a stop sign.

Yeah.

And a Humvee screeched to a halt, and like three Arab guys in the full regilia got out, and they just went, no gays.

They yelled at the dolls and just said, no gays.

And then they got in the car and sped away.

Like they were furious.

And they're not even gay.

They're just, they're ambiguous.

Well, shooting stuff is gay.

Yeah.

Maybe they make you.

Maybe.

I don't know.

They are ambiguous.

Yeah.

Like, they haven't done anything yet.

No, and they never talk about their sexuality.

I don't even give them names.

They're very ambiguous.

But people think they're gay, but they're not.

And they've been all over the place.

They fucked the St.

Louis Arch.

They gangbanged it.

Yeah.

On both sides?

Yeah.

They were humping away on it.

I threw them over Niagara Falls.

What do you mean?

Well, I have then got them?

No, I have doubles.

So there was an application.

You lost one over at Niagara Falls?

Well, I have doubles.

Yeah, they're on my Patreon.

Okay.

And they were eating.

They got into a Chinese buffet, and

they loved to fart.

So they're doing so many farts that they blew off the railing and went right over the falls.

And

they've been to Burning Man.

I bought a giant inflatable ice cream sandwich, and they rode around Burning Man called like it was called screamy, screamy, ice creamy.

And they rode around Burning Man on a giant ice cream sandwich that screamed.

They've been all over.

Yeah.

All right, welcome, friend.

Yeah, tender frienders.

Yeah.

They're just the latest trip there in the Galapagos Islands.

They're nice.

Yeah.

They see a turtle?

They ride a turtle?

They didn't ride a turtle, but

I found a whale skeleton.

And the spine is about 30 feet long, and it looks like a roller coaster.

So I put them on the whale skeleton with their arms up, and they were riding the spine of a dead whale like a roller coaster.

And they also went diving in Indonesia.

I know that whale skeleton.

I'm trying to picture which islands on.

You were there?

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a spine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm just like picturing it now.

So they were there on that.

And then I took them to Indonesia and they went diving and I stuck them in one of those giant clams.

So one of them got his head stuck in a giant clam.

You're going to dive and whoever's your partner is like, hey, you know all the safety regulations, right?

I'm kind of just weird.

Yeah.

So anyways, they've had some good adventures.

So

I just thought I'd bring them together.

No, it's kind of their travel buddies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Their travel buddies are here.

But

funny and also sad existence.

Yeah, yeah.

It could go either way if you want to learn more.

Yeah, but I haven't taken to Africa yet.

Where'd you go and why'd you go?

What was this?

Tell me about this one.

So I went to Africa.

I went to Africa.

This was probably about six years ago.

I went to Egypt.

I went to the Angora Gora Crater.

What is that?

That's in Africa.

Angora Crater.

Yeah, it's like this giant crater.

It's almost almost like a Garden of Eden.

It's like a giant.

I don't know if a meteorite hit it or it's called...

I don't know if I'm saying it right, the Ngora Gora Crater.

I don't know why I'm saying it twice even, but.

Yeah, why are you saying it twice?

I think it's called they say it twice.

That could be it there, yeah.

Damn, that's nowhere.

Tanzania.

Yeah, I went there.

And I went to Rwanda.

I went up into where did you stay?

I stayed at the Hotel Rwanda.

Yeah.

It's back?

Yep.

It's probably got the best advertising of anything.

Yeah, yeah.

And the best service.

I mean,

they stuck with people

during massacre still like.

Yeah,

if they can hide a massacre there, they're going to have good room service.

What is this thing?

But it's an ancient crater.

Yeah.

And it's surrounded on all sides.

I don't know if

it's the top of a volcano or a meteorite hit it.

Collapsed in?

But it's surrounded, and so it's almost like being in the Garden of Eden.

All the animal species are in this round crater, all living in this ecosystem, and there's a big lake in the middle.

Damn, and that's where they all go feed and fucking eat each other.

Wow.

And then I went to Rwanda.

I went up the.

Hold on.

When'd you go?

Why'd you go?

Yeah, like.

So take us through some places here.

It started in Israel.

I went to Israel to do

Asia.

What?

Asia.

Asia.

I think Israel's in Asia, right?

No.

Where does Asia start?

Israel.

Yeah, but where does Asia start?

Asia?

Yeah, India's Asia, right?

Pakistan's Asia.

No, I said Israel.

I know, but it's in Asia.

It is?

I don't know.

I think it is.

Israel's not in Asia.

Where is it?

Europe, you're saying.

Where are you saying?

Africa?

No, I started in Israel.

I know, but where do you think Israel is?

Oh, uh on land?

West Asia.

It is?

Yeah.

No way.

Yeah.

I didn't know Jewish people were Asian.

Yeah, we are now.

Oh, there's about to be a bunch of fucking grants passed out.

Wow.

Although the Asia's really got it covered already.

Wow, that's pretty wild.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's right on the border.

This is where Asia starts.

There's no way.

I learned something new then.

I didn't know Israelis were Asians.

Yeah.

Wow.

They squinted when they were doing their taxes, and they called the line right there.

Wow.

Caramel.

That's it.

It's up here.

I guess this is the line.

Oh, wow.

Who knew?

Glad you told me.

Yeah, so I was in Israel doing stand-up comedy.

We were going all over the whole country.

Dead with Avi Lieberman?

With Avi to help

the street kids.

Yeah.

It's like a charity to help homeless kids.

It's so funny when you go to these charity shows, be really like, I'm just here for the free trip.

Yeah.

I don't really give a fuck about whatever the charity is.

well in the back of your head you feel good because you're doing a good thing but yeah it's it's like I don't know that I do a charity for the homeless kids in Bakersfield you know yeah but take me to Israel and that's a they used to have that charity for the Bill Graham Foundation in San Francisco where like 50 cents off every ticket at Cobbs or punchline be like it's going to the Bill Graham Foundation and then after a while you're like

nah just give it to me yeah I'll decide where it goes who the hell's Bill Graham who the fuck is Bill he ran like music in the city.

I don't know.

Guys, I'm breaking into today's episode to let you know a little bit about the guest, Harley Williams, the 2024 Trippy Award winner for best podcast, most surprising guest, best trip.

And this was not a letdown at all.

I don't want to ruin anything for you, but it's, dude, the guy travels.

I'll say this when I brought him into the studio last time, for the first time, and he looked at the map that was covering the backdrop, when it was the full, the whole map, you know, when it was like covering the wall.

He's just looking at the map, which maps draw you in.

And I'm like, where have you been?

And he goes, oh, everywhere.

I'm like, what do you mean?

He goes, everywhere.

And he had.

He rules.

He's going to be on this podcast so many times.

He's going to probably interview me at some point

about one of my trips.

Because we just connect on that.

He's also, I mean, the greatest riffer in stand-up comedy.

He's getting his due now because Kiltoni managed to like give him like the right like platform that he needs.

He's just so quick.

I used to see him at the factory.

I saw him in Toronto once pretend he was British for an entire show.

I don't understand why.

He kept laughing, and you think he's breaking and going back to his act, and he just stayed British, saying, it's so good to be here in America.

He rules.

He rules.

And he's going on a tour, and he wants you to know that he's got a massive show in Winnipeg, his home country, on October 26th at the Burton Cummings Theater.

Guys, check him out there.

Burton Cummings Theater.

It's a big show for him, and you should get tickets.

It's a guaranteed, guaranteed good time.

He's also got his own podcast called the Harlan Highway.

Harlan Highway podcast.

I've been on there.

I had a fun time.

You can see when he finally runs laps around me right at the end where my brain just shut off.

And his keeps going right at the end when he asked me something, and I was like, it's done.

It's done.

I didn't say it fully, but he goes, you can't think of any example of something.

And I was like, nope.

I was just done riffing.

And he just keeps going.

Definitely go see him in Winnipeg at the burton coming october 26th he's also going to be performing in waukegan illinois san antonio tempe tampa houston dallas san francisco seattle portland chicago and he's on the uh killers of kill tony tour las vegas long beach milwaukee uh minneapolis charleston knoxville nashville atlanta columbia charlotte norfolk richmond get all tickets at well harlanwilliams.com It's got to be that.

It's got to be harlanwilliams.com.

Let's do this.

Harlanwilliams.com.

That way, if I'm wrong, we can put in something else over it yeah he rules you guys for myself please subscribe wherever you're watching listening on the youtube page and um get your merch get this uh you be chippin' shirt that you can wear around your hostels get your ubi trippin' stickers that you can put up anywhere like i'm doing whatever you get a fucking sticker at a hostel wherever stick it on your thing stick a you be chippin' sticker on there too do i not have one on there i should that's it Let's get back to the episode.

I think I've covered everything.

Oh, and follow us on Instagram, Yubi Trippin' Pod.

Also, if you see one of these stickers out in the wild, tag, take a picture of it, tag you be tripping pod on Instagram.

And if it's one of the ones that I sign up, two free tickets to a show in 2027.

You have to be the first one to post about it.

Other than that, that's it.

Let's get back to the episode.

I'm going to tell you at the outro what we did in Shroom Fest.

Oh, God.

So you went there and then stayed.

You told Avi to fuck off.

I'm going to go to the next one.

No, we did the tour, and then from there, I went over to Egypt

to the pyramids, the Great Pyramids.

Did you go on them during that other trip?

National Geographic trip?

No, we were supposed to, but that was when there was terrorism broke out.

Terrorism, the Iraq, stuff in Iran and Iraq was going off.

So

they canceled Egypt and Turkey on us.

Right.

So I went then and went to the pyramids.

Do you have any pictures of this, by the way?

Yeah.

You do?

Oh, yeah.

Where do you got your pictures on this one?

I rode on a camel.

Went right into the middle pyramid.

Hold on.

Yeah.

Let's start with the camel.

Did Did you ride on the hump or in between the humps?

I think I was

thinking on the hump, yeah.

I think I rode on the hump, yeah.

Because I think those big double-humped ones are in like Russia or something.

Oh, interesting.

Okay.

But these ones, the one humps.

These don't have any humps.

Yeah.

Okay.

So.

Who'd you go with?

Just yourself?

My cousin.

Nice.

Yeah.

So we went in there.

Wait, where are the pictures you have of this one?

Home?

They're at home.

Okay, okay.

I'll send you some.

Okay.

Damn, that's cool.

How cool would the fucking pyramids?

What was cool is it's a major tourist attraction.

And

when we got there, you realized you can go inside of them.

And so we went to the biggest one in the middle, the huge one.

Yeah.

And we said to the guy, can we go in?

He goes, yeah, go in.

And there's a little tunnel about four feet high.

And you have to crouch and walk through the tunnel to get to the middle of the pyramid.

Yeah,

so me and my cousin went in the middle of the day, and we thought, oh, there's going to be like 500 people inside the pyramid.

And we go in.

Whoa, mystic.

I'm waiting for this new backdrop.

Whoa.

And we go in the pyramid, and there was nobody.

We just somehow found this moment in time where it was completely empty.

And we went in and we were sitting sitting in the pyramid alone for about 20 minutes.

Just us and the ancient voices and the ancient pyramids.

Was there like a bed in there?

There's a sarcophagus in the middle, and then it's just sort of a big empty tomb, and there was just no one.

And we just think, okay, someone's going to come any second.

And we're in there like a full 20 minutes, no one came, and then we left.

And it was just sort of.

Is that the one that kind of goes up an incline as you go up into it?

Or is it just like No, it's almost like sort of straight through a thing.

And then just like sitting there by yourself.

Sitting there with the ancient air and just the smell in there.

Did you feel anything?

Yeah,

you felt like you're just sort of

in this very mystical place.

There's a weird energy there.

At least that's what I felt.

And

it was really just a special moment.

They said those were all like hot spots for magic.

Yeah.

That's what they they said.

It's like they were buried here because this right here is a hot spot, so you want to be buried in the hotspot.

Yeah.

And they say, you know, all the energy and all the energy that's lined up with Orion's belt and the cosmos.

And so it was strategically placed.

Yeah.

And now they've discovered all that stuff underneath, apparently.

Oh, it goes down?

Well, yeah, they just recently did some kind of sonogram under the earth where they say they've discovered these giant-like

columns underneath the pyramids, this whole infrastructure of like 36 columns that go down like 800 feet.

What?

And there's a whole, there's chambers and everything else down there.

So apparently,

yeah, that's what they're saying.

I can't verify, but that's what scientists have revealed just recently.

Dude, Egypt was like

maybe the craziest place I've ever been to.

It just felt different than anywhere else.

Yeah.

Like similar to Jerusalem, but then like multiply it by like five or six or ten.

And the streets in Cairo, like the main downtown, there's no streetlights.

Really?

I never got to Cairo.

Oh, man.

The cars just all converge.

And it's like, imagine Times Square with no streetlights or police.

Every day they just, everyone just waits to jostle to get home.

Like thousands and thousands of vehicles.

It's wild.

Damn.

Yeah.

Where'd you stay in Giza?

Nice hotel right by it?

Or what?

Yeah, we stayed in Cairo, actually.

And then went down to Giza?

Yeah, we stayed in Cairo, and then you could see the pyramids in the distance from your balcony.

In Cairo?

Yeah, it was.

Wow.

You know, they were sort of faint, but you could see them way in the distance, which sort of built up the mystique because you're like, oh, there they are, you know, sort of hazy.

And then you drive up to them and you get there, and it's like

pretty mystical yeah I mean it goes back so far you can touch them and like yeah get on them and now because of all this stuff they're finding underneath they're starting to reconsider just how old they are I think they're saying they they think they're 6,000 years old or whatever but now they're there's some people that are readjusting that to be 9,000 or 12,000 you know it's sort of columns down I mean that sounds like it was like put there yeah oh that's what they're saying and what they're saying is to keep it steady these columns were turbines so that they've got their

coils.

And then they said that the pyramids originally had like a white limestone on them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that these coils and that the river,

the, oh, God, what's the name of the river?

The

Thames?

No, not the Thames.

The Nile.

Nile.

Nile's ever.

They said the Nile was much closer to the pyramids.

So what they're saying is the water ran down the coils and the pyramids generated electricity, is what they're saying.

It was an early form of.

And the river moved over at some point.

The river must have gone, hit the

water.

It went down.

It powered the columns, and then they even suggested that there were lights shining out of the top of it, and that it actually created electricity.

Like the Luxor?

Sort of like the Luxor, yeah.

Like it's just like all these new theories about the pyramids,

they just seem to continue to amaze and

mystify us, which is pretty cool.

Yeah, look at these pyramids.

That means maybe the river went like this way.

Yeah, it went a lot closer, apparently.

And so

hydroelectric power is fueled by, you know, fast-flowing water.

So

if these columns were absorbing that water, and what they're saying is that possibly they're saying one theory is that they

conducted electricity.

Didn't they say the pyramids used to look like just straight and like shiny almost?

Yeah, that's when they went and it was like a white limestone, like a crushed white limestone.

So they were actually white.

They weren't

the grayish rock that they, as you see in these pictures.

Yeah.

But who's to know?

You know?

Like what this is on top.

Well, that's the final, that's the last last pyramid with

the finish on it.

But even on top of that finish would have been a white, like crushed sand limestone coating, almost like a white beach.

I mean, who fucking did this?

Yeah, it's pretty amazing.

And what's interesting to me is that no one ever thought to look beneath the pyramids until now.

They had to do it with this, I think it's called ultrasonic sound, where

it sends sound waves and then bounces back the imagery, almost like sonar.

They found all the Ankarwat temples and stuff?

I guess so.

Or is that LiDAR?

I don't know,

but at least with this, they're saying there's this whole infrastructure and more.

Now they believe it wasn't actually

a temple for the dead.

They think it had a much more significant purpose, all the pyramids.

That's what they're speculating.

So

I don't know if they're going to go down and start digging down there or if somebody's already gone down.

Imagine being 13 bucks.

That's so little to go in.

Pyramids of Egypt, officially.

Imagine being like an Egyptologist.

You know, it's like that's your like, and then they go, oh, hey, we found a whole new thing.

Yeah.

I know you, whatever you learned from your professor, nothing changed.

And whatever he learned from his professor, nothing changed.

Yeah.

Now it's a massive change.

Well, it's incredible because the pyramids themselves are a mystery.

To this day, they debate how they were built, how it was possible.

And now,

this infrastructure beneath is apparently almost a quarter of a mile down.

So, add to that,

like, how did they get down?

And does that mean at one point did they tunnel down?

Or was the sand low and they built it on top?

And then it rose, like, wind came and

like, that's it.

And they said the Sphinx is like a different era.

A different group of people made that.

Wow.

Yeah,

they might have recognized the power of the pyramids and made it as a tribute or a symbol, or who knows?

Who knows?

And then the nose, they took the nose off so that no one would know who really built it.

Is that right?

I think so.

I think that was the clue on who built it.

Maybe just had allergies.

It could be.

Yeah.

What a fucking shot that is.

Yeah, wow.

So you've been there, huh?

Yeah, I went once.

Yeah.

I went once, but just there, and then I took the boat down to Luxor from there.

I didn't get into Cairo.

I went from

a zoo.

It's just crazy.

Yeah, even downtown Giza seems overcrowded, but then like Cairo is like,

is it like India-ish?

It's weird.

It's a mix of really modern and nice hotels and stuff, but then you get out into the street and it's just like a free-for-all.

Like, imagine like a big, huge city.

I don't know what the population of Cairo is, but probably a bunch.

Like right downtown, like what would be considered the epicenter?

10 million, damn.

Yeah.

It's just, it's just maddening, like chaos.

The traffic is just like a free-for-all, and the cars just, they literally just converge at this big main intersection and just, they just jostle for position until they get home.

It was wild.

When we were on the highway, going somewhere in a cab, maybe to the airport or to the train or back, I don't know.

But there was like a crater in the highway.

Yeah.

From, I don't know, know, maybe a bomb, maybe not.

I don't know.

But so that he had to just drive into oncoming traffic for a while on the highway, then back.

Yeah.

All the while saying, take your fucking seatbelt off.

We're not gay here.

Yeah.

Well, that's what I love about America.

You know, they'll give you a ticket for like drifting over a line or not having your signal on or

going five miles an hour over in a school zone.

And in the rest of the world, it's almost just like bumper cars.

It's just like free for all.

And there's no tickets.

You know?

Hi, guys.

Today's episode of you be trippin' is brought to you by mud water guys they keep you focused legitimately um coffee comes and goes in terms of your focus but you got to stay focused no matter where you are let's say you're traveling you know that's this podcast let's say he's traveling you got to keep your wits about you harland you know he had to stay focused while an orangutan is running at him full speed and screaming in his face that's not the kind of traveling i do i don't do nature traveling i do you know city traveling

The OG blend for Mudwater is a mix of cacao, chai, and turmeric, and optogenic mushrooms to help keep you focused without the crash.

And why do you need a focus?

Well, let's say you're buying weed in Medellin, and the guy says it's 500.

And you're like, that's ridiculous.

There's no way I'm going to spend 500 for a bag of weed that's almost definitely not good and possibly fake.

And he goes, well, how much then?

And I go, 200.

He already got me right there because they didn't do the math ahead of time.

It should be 60 to 80.

It should be 60 to 80 for decent weed.

And you know, this is not five grams.

You know, it's not five grams.

There's no chance.

But he's going to hand it to you.

But he already got me too.

And he goes, 400.

I'm like, dude, 200.

I realize I made a mistake.

He goes, 200.

He goes, 250.

I'm like, bro, 200.

I'm fine.

I'm legitimately fine to walk away.

I'll find it from someone else.

And he goes, fine, 200.

And then he goes, 200.

And then he goes, give it to the friend.

And the friend goes, no, you need to pay me 200 more.

And I go, no, I don't have to pay you 200 more.

He goes, dude, I'll follow you back to your place.

I will follow you back to your place.

We'll do you this Medellin way.

And I'm like, bro, I'm not paying you 200 more.

I already negotiated with that guy and he said 200.

You're already robbing me.

It's not even a good amount.

And it's all because coffee comes and coffee goes.

Mud water helps you staying focused.

100% USDA certified organic, non-GMO, gluten-free, vegan, and kosher for those kinds.

There's also zero sugar and no sweeteners added.

And so then you don't give him the wrong price to say.

And he goes, I'll follow you home.

And I'm like, what the?

What are you talking about?

You're going to follow me home.

He goes, I'll do bad things to you.

You got to respect me.

I'm like, I do respect you.

Although I don't respect you because that's not how you do business.

You already robbed me.

You already got me on 200.

It's worth 60 to 80.

Guys, let's calm down.

Let's calm down the way Mudwater wants you to calm down.

Mudwater is available at Target and Sprouts locations across the US, so it's never been easier to grab a cup of this friendly pick-me-up.

Ready to make the switch to cleaner energy?

I would be.

If I were you, I wouldn't fall into the same habits that I've had.

Head to mudwater.com and grab your starter kit today.

Right now, my listeners get an exclusive deal.

Up to 43% off your entire order plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when uses Code Trippin'.

That's right.

Up to 43% off with Code Trippin' at mudwtr.com i tell you who won't give you a percentage off

anyway after your purchase are going to ask you how you found out about them please show your support let them know that you've been tripping sent you keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with mud slash wtr because life's too short for anything less than clean delicious energy i mean it's just like why do i even do this off the streets anymore It's dumb to begin with.

It's coffee, man.

Do Mudwater instead.

It's way better for focus.

And the guys at Mudwater, I'm sorry I mentioned all this stuff during our ad read, but I had to get it off my chest.

Thank you for being a consistent sponsor for me.

And thank you for just making a good product.

Hi guys, today's episode of Human Shippers brought to you by Ridge Wallet.

Do you ever have like tons of different charging cords?

I remember the old days of like cell phones, you could go to the front desk and say, I lost my charger.

Did you find it?

And they would, I mean, there were only like two chargers back then, three.

And so they'd be like, is this it?

You go, yeah, that is it.

But now with the iPhones and the Android chargers, like, who's going to like put that?

Anyone can use it, you know?

They're not going to give that to you.

They're not going to be like, they're going to be like, yeah, I'm taking that home.

Someone left it in their room.

So you're screwed.

And you lose one charger and then you have three different devices.

It's never going to work.

Well, Ridge has got you covered.

Five cords tangle up in a bag just to keep all your devices alive.

Those days are over.

Thanks to Ridge.

Just like Ridge revolutionized the wallet, Ridge is now changing the game for portable charging.

Ridge's five-in-one travel power bank has built-in cables, lets you charge all your devices at the same time with just one power bank and no extra cables.

MagSafe wireless charging, Apple Watch charger, Lightning, USB-C, everywhere you need to charge, all in one premium device.

No more juggling adapters, you guys.

Those days are over.

With 20 watts of powers, it charges your phone as fast as it possibly can.

And it has MagSafe charging.

Like everything Ridge makes, it's built to last with risk-free shipping, a

99-day risk-free trial, and a lifetime warranty.

This is the last power bank you'll ever need.

It also looks pretty badass.

And they come with LED charge status indicators and it's got, you know, just everything.

One thing to pack, five ways to power.

You can find Ridge's Power Bank at Best Buy or a listener can get 10% off at Ridge.com by using code ARI at checkout.

Just head to ridge.com and use code ARI and you're all set.

After you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them.

Please support my show and tell them Ubi Trippin' Sentya.

Now let's get back to the episode.

Dude, I was driving with Louis once.

Me and Lis were driving with Louis to somewhere.

And he's a maniac behind the wheel, like a fucking maniac.

Louis C.K.

Yeah, and then he's trying to, you know, you have to jostle in, and he just hits somebody, and then, like, and then the guy's like, hey, and he goes, it's like, we're good, we're good.

And the guy's like, all right,

right?

I think a lot of people do that because it's too much of a hassle.

Yeah, it was light.

It's almost like it's a little dinger.

You know what?

I'll pay my mechanic $600.

Don't want to deal with insurance.

Don't want to deal with you.

Like, I got to get to a function.

Like, just see.

I remember when I first moved to Hollywood.

This is bad, but I went on my very first year there, I was broke.

Yeah.

And I literally bought a junker right outside my condo door.

My Russian neighbor was selling an old beat-up car for $900.

It was the first car I saw.

I said, I'll take it.

I just need to get around.

Couldn't afford insurance.

I remember

about five months in, I was driving, driving, and I came up behind a guy at a light, and I dinged him.

Like, it was just like a little

ding, like about that hard.

But you definitely saw, it was definitely a hit.

And I was like, I got no insurance.

I'm here on my last dollar from Canada.

And I didn't want to be a dick, but I knew Noah was hurt because it was just, but it was big enough.

And he's getting out of his car.

And as he's getting out of his car, my window was open because it was L.A.

And he's going, how you doing?

You all right?

Everything okay?

And I just started driving backwards.

And he's like, he's like, you all right?

Everything good?

And he just turned around.

He's just like, what the hell?

Meanwhile, I'm caring, but I'm leaving.

That's great.

It was just at the beginning of when drive-bys started.

Oh, yeah.

And my car was so crappy, but everyone was scared.

It was like the beginning of drive-by shooting.

It's a big time in L.A.

before I got there.

Drive-bys.

No, what's the other one?

It was...

On the highway.

It was drive-bys, but there was another one

where they take your car.

They jump in your car.

It's carjacking.

It was carjacking.

They jump in, say, get out.

And look if you have a kid.

They're like, no, no, no, give me my kid.

Give my kid first.

This was the first time it happened.

So I bought the biggest Sharpie with the biggest, you know, some of the Sharpies have the big, thick, industrial head.

It looks like almost like a Hershey's piece of chocolate.

And I literally just wrote, because this car was a junker, but I was scared.

You know, it came from Canada.

We're not used to guns.

And I wrote, dear hijacker, the guy behind me has a much nicer car.

I literally rode it on the side of my car.

People would drive by me honking.

What I saw a guy at a golf course driving a beater, and he pulled up and just smashed into a Mercedes, just hard.

And I'm talking to my friend.

We put our bags away.

We're just looking.

He looks at me and he's like, because that moment of like, I can get away.

Fuck those witnesses.

And I just go,

and he just drove off.

It's like, that guy can afford it.

I can see you can't.

Yeah, yeah.

It sucks.

It does suck, but still.

Yeah.

Got to survive.

Yeah.

All right.

So, Egypt, you get any trouble in there?

No, we're only there for like two

days, I think, two nights.

So

we got out of there pretty quick.

And then we went down to

down into Africa and got right into it, into Safari time.

Where?

Where'd you go?

We went down to the.

And how'd you get there?

We flew.

We flew down and we flew.

I think our first stop

was

Rwanda.

And we went to,

it's right next to the Congo.

Okay.

And we went.

Did you really stay at Hotel Rwanda?

Nope, that ain't it.

Yep, we did for a night, I believe.

Yeah, when we first got there.

And then from there, we went out to a lodge in the jungle

out near the

out near the volcano, and we went on a safari trek to see the elusive mountain gorillas.

Did you see them?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

What do you mean, like the Jane Goodall ones?

Yeah, the Jane Goodall mountain gorillas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What were you in?

What do you mean?

Were you in the middle of the morning?

Well, you stay at a lodge, and then you do a trek.

You have guides with machine guns.

Yeah.

And they take you up the side of the volcano, and

they're professional trackers, and they track down,

hopefully, and find a

pack of.

Like a silverback?

The silverbacks.

No fucking way.

Yeah.

Wait, and you're in a car?

You're in a rock.

No, we're driving.

I mean, we're walking.

We're hiking.

The guys are literally, our guides are hacking the jungle with machetes.

It's like right out of a Tarzan movie.

And they're carving trails up.

There's not even paths?

There's some paths, but then

the gorillas don't know that.

So they're moving all over the volcano.

So there's paths until there is no path, and then they're just chopping through the jungle trying to track them down.

And

we got way up there and we found some.

And it was quite dramatic what happened next.

What?

What do you mean?

Well,

we found,

what do you call it?

A tribe?

Is it a tribe or a pack of gorillas?

I don't want to get in trouble.

You've got to be careful.

Everything's sort of labeled these days.

Is it a school?

School is awesome?

A murder?

A mind?

A bunch of hairy idiots.

A mime of gorillas.

I was going to say mind.

A mind?

Maybe a

pick your ass of gorillas.

I I don't know what to maybe check your dingle nut there and see what a

maybe a tribe or a pack.

You see it?

What is a group of gorillas called?

Band or a troop.

Oh, wow.

Troop.

I like that.

Yeah.

Our troops consist of about five to ten gorillas.

So you saw them?

So, yeah, we come up on a troop

and

it's like they're all sitting on this, they're all sitting in this area,

and it's like juvenile males, mothers, and babies.

There's probably about, it was a pretty big troop.

I think there's about 10 or 15 of them.

Okay.

And they're all there, and we start taking pictures, and there's no, there's always one dominant male

who runs it.

Yeah,

he's the leader.

And I'm telling you, Ari, this was like classic King Kong.

So we're with these guards.

They've got machine guns because of the political volatility of the Congo.

What do you mean?

Well, the Congo's

a lot of political unrest, violent political unrest in the Congo, and then Rwanda had its own violent political history.

So just in case

humans come by?

Yeah, yeah.

They're not allowed to shoot.

They're not there for the guerrillas.

They're there to protect us from warring tribes or, you know, human guerrillas, like the guys that do guerrilla warfare, you know?

Damn.

So you've got five or six guys, you got, you got, you know, four guys, five guys chopping with machetes, and then you got, you're flanked on each side by guys with like loaded machine guns, soldiers.

So it's pretty intense.

So we're hiking up the mountain, and also in these mountains, you know, there's, there's elephants, there's, there's Cape Buffalo, so you could run into these.

Normally you used to seeing them on the plains.

Did they give you like escape plans if you come across the wrong animal?

Is it just like stick with us?

They just said, follow our direction.

So you're kind of, they do this every day for a living.

So I'd be like, can I get a gun?

Yeah.

Well,

they're not allowed to shoot the gorillas.

They basically say to you, if something happens, it's you.

We will not shoot the gorillas.

Like, this is their mindset.

It's pretty.

I actually like it.

Yeah, me too, because just don't go there.

Yeah.

So

we come across this

band of like probably, I'd say about 12 to 15 of them.

It was a big band.

And we're there for about 10 minutes and we're watching them.

We're taking pictures and

you could see the guys.

They're like,

where's the silverback?

Where's the big daddy?

And

they have all these, because there's not that many.

They're an endangered species, but they have all these gorillas.

They know them all.

They know their size, which one's the biggest, blah, blah, blah.

So, it turns out the pack we were with, the male is almost 500 pounds, and he's the biggest recorded male in all of Rwandan, of all the mountain gorillas.

What'd they call him Bert?

They should.

So, anyways, he's not there.

And so we're sitting in this little sort of gully with them, and everything's sort of serene.

And then there's this big berm up above us, and it's covered with bamboo and jungle bushes

and right out of King Kong remember King Kong when when Fay Ray's hanging in the trees and the guys are beating the drums and they're waiting for Kong to come through the trees so in the distance we hear

like

this primal call and we're all just like and the guys are like he's coming he's coming and we're like wait who's coming If you're into wine and wildlife, this is your invitation to Adelaide, Australia.

Swim with seals at sunrise, sip chiraz at sunset, and in between, whoa, a koala.

Wait, how many wine regions?

18?

Is that a wallaby or a baby kangaroo?

Of course, I'd love to try wine from some of the oldest vines on the planet.

Come sip and see all South Australia has to offer on United, the only airline to fly non-stop from the U.S.

to Adelaide.

Hi, I'm Jim.

I'm not an actor, just a guy living with prostate cancer.

My wife and I face each day head-on.

We asked my doctor about Extandi in Zalutamide.

Extandi 40 milligram tablets treats men with prostate cancer that has spread to other parts of the body and responds to a medical or surgical treatment to lower testosterone.

Extandi may cause serious side effects, seizure, a brain condition called PRESS, allergic reactions, heart disease that can lead to death, falls, and bone fractures, swallowing problems, or choking that can lead to death.

Stop Extandi and get medical help at once if your face, tongue, lip, or throat starts swelling.

Tell your doctor at once if you faint, have a seizure, quickly worsening headache, decreased alertness, confusion, vision problems, chest pain, or discomfort, or shortness of breath.

Extandy can cause harm to an unborn baby or miscarriage.

Use birth control during and three months after Extandy.

Common side effects include muscle and joint pain, feeling unusually tired, hot flashes, constipation, less appetite, diarrhea, high blood pressure, bleeding, falls, fractures, and headache.

Visit Xstandy.com to watch my

And then you hear it getting closer.

It's like,

you know, it's like it's screeching.

And it's a little unnerving, right?

So this berm's probably about, I don't know, I'd say about 25 feet high up above us.

And I'm not kidding, it couldn't have been scripted any better.

All of a sudden, you see a little ways in, maybe 60, 70 feet, you start to see the bamboo shaking.

So the whole it's rattling, and then the

like the screaming's getting louder.

And then it's coming closer and closer.

And I don't know if this gorilla thought he was a Hollywood actor, but it couldn't have been more cinematic.

He literally

all of a sudden grabbed the bamboo and pulled it open

and just presented himself.

Like he was up on the rip.

We're just all looking at this 500-pound.

And he's just like,

and he's like letting it rip.

He didn't do this, but he was like holding the bamboo.

And we're just all staring at him.

And he looks at us all, and he jumps down.

He literally jumps right off the thing, lands on the ground, looks up, and guess who's the closest guy to him?

Me.

You.

And I'm the only guy wearing a, I don't know if this had anything to do with it, but I'm wearing a red baseball hat.

He stops, he looks at us,

and then everyone's just like, what's going to happen?

And the last thing I heard was, he's charging.

What?

One of the guides yells, he's

this gorilla comes right at me.

Like, right at me.

There's nothing between me and him.

Came about this close and went like that.

And I was just like, I really, I think in the first time in my life, I felt my heart skip a beat.

He did, he just charged at me,

and it was like terrifying but thrilling.

He went right at you.

Straight at me.

Right like.

Did he stop or veer?

He veered.

He just came right here, full barrel, like the arms, and then just

like didn't slow down, but just.

And I was just like,

like, it was exhilarating.

But, like, if he wanted to go through me, I probably would have flown at least 70 feet, I'm sure.

Like,

500 pounds of raw muscle.

And then guy, the guide says this is what we call a mock charge.

They do that to establish dominance.

They'll do a mock charge, but I didn't know.

And even as a mock charge, it was, you know, it doesn't, I know nature.

Sometimes a mock charge, in my mind, could just as easily turn into a regular charge.

If you did it, if you just move too fast?

If you run, what happened?

Well, the only thing they said is don't make eye contact with them because it's considered a threat.

They hate that shit.

Yeah, so I just, I didn't have time to not, like, I was just looking right at the thing because it was just coming right at me.

And

it was pretty terrifying, but it was like...

Jesus.

It was an amazing experience.

Gee, but he would have killed you.

If he wanted to, yeah, they could just pick you up, especially that guy, 500 pounds.

They could just twirl you around.

You were probably the first guy he ever met from Toronto.

Probably.

I mean, you smell like the pyramids.

Get out of my jungle.

Damn.

It was.

Were you with your buddy, your cousin?

Yeah, and he was like, he was further back, so he didn't, like, I was in front of everything.

And it was like, I was, it was just a fluke.

I wasn't planning it.

But just from where he came down and jumped down,

I was the closest thing to him, and he came right at me.

Jesus.

Yeah.

And let's put it this way: the distance that he came, I'd say it was about

50 feet.

So it wasn't like a short little charge.

He lumbered across the jungle floor.

Oh, fuck.

So I had time to go, this thing's about to, you know, I'm about to be hit by a train.

So there's nothing you can do.

Nothing.

It's not like you're like, I got to get to.

And in the back of my head, I'm going, and by the way, we don't touch the gorillas.

You know, we got the guns.

Like, if he hit, if they want to hit you, they're going to hit you.

So I'm realizing in my head, I'm like, I'm at the mercy of a 500-pound silverback gorilla in the wild.

And it was quite

the moment.

Yeah.

Here I am in the jungle,

about

six feet away from a wild African gorilla.

Is this a female?

This is one of the females.

And I think she likes me.

It's long.

He's coming, he's coming.

The gorilla is actually moving towards me.

You can see his arms swishing in the photograph

and he just charged right at me and probably came to within about 12 inches of me, six inches, and at the last second turned

and ran the other way.

I don't know if it was my body odor or what, but

I don't think I've ever felt my heart skip a beat in my whole life.

My heart skipped a beat.

I was being charged by a 500-pound silverback in the middle of the African jungle.

Yeah, it was

wild, man.

That was Rwanda or Congo?

Or just like a war?

That was Rwanda.

And the volcano, I think the volcano is actually shared with Congo.

I think half of it goes up into...

Oh, DRC is Congo.

Yeah, and so I think it's actually split right on the border where the half, and that's why they have the guns, too, because the proximity is so close.

It might be even a shared volcano or

some of the Congo people, they still poach them.

They still, some of them, they call it bushmeat when they kill a monkey or a gorilla.

There's so much poverty there that people will

actually try to harvest them for food and whatnot.

So, and sell the parts.

And, yeah.

Damn.

Yeah, it was pretty intense.

Where did you stay generally when you were there?

There was like a really cool jungle lodge.

Yeah.

And there was like an old, I remember me and my cousin stayed up and had a few drinks, and there was like the, there was a guy staying at the lodge that was like almost like Crocodile Dundee.

He was like an old safari hunter, and he changed his ways.

But most of his life, he'd been out shooting lions and buffalo.

And I think he was from South Africa, and he had this real kind of South African wonky accent.

And he's like, I was down there, mates, and I had a lion coming right at me.

And I put it right between the eyes, and my gun jacked up.

And

he came right like he had all these stories.

And me and my cousin were just sitting there like all night, like

laughing our heads off.

And you knew it was all real.

He was such a carry.

He had the little safari hat on and the shorts.

And like he had a whole life of stories being out in the bush in Africa.

But he was just like, I'm done with that now?

Yeah, and now he had, I think somewhere along the way, he realized killing the animals

wasn't good.

And

he had now become more of like a guide with a camera where he shoots with a camera.

Yeah, it was pretty intense.

Damn.

Yeah.

What else did you do when you were there?

Did you take any safari stuff besides that?

But I mean, going into the bush with no, I want an armored truck.

Yeah.

I'd want at least one of those metal open trucks where they don't see you as foodier.

Yeah.

Well, that was the other part of my Safari because

what's interesting about the gorillas, too, is

the encroachment of humans at the base of the volcano.

It's farmland, believe it or not.

And they've put up these big black volcanic rocks as a fence

to mark the farmland ending and the jungle beginning going ascending the volcano.

And so it's almost like even though these mountain gorillas are free, you almost get the sense that they're in captivity because humans have sort of,

you know,

decided what the parameters are of their freedom.

And so it was a bit sad on that point.

But

they had a lot of land, like a lot of, and they only survive up on those hills anyway.

So,

but it was interesting to see they built those stones.

Again, it reminded me of King Kong, that these walls have been built to keep the great ape out.

You ever hear a howler monkey?

They're not even that big, but you hear one in the distance.

And you're like, I can see how the myth of King Kong would have started.

Yeah, you hear that, and you're like, that thing must be 19 feet tall.

Yeah, howler monkeys just sound like

they're just like growling.

And then seeing maybe that and seeing one of those silverbacks like from a distance, you're like, what?

Yeah.

Fuck, how big is that thing?

They're bigger than life.

That's for sure.

Was it taller than you or the same size as you?

Oh, it was

500 pounds of raw muscle.

It was triple the size of me.

But I mean, height.

Well, they always, for the most part, hunched down, but when he ran at me, he was sort of half up on his feet and his arms flailing, you know?

So, yeah, if it stood up, it would be taller than me.

Yeah.

Yeah, but just girth-wise, and it's just

monstrous.

God damn.

Yeah, it was classic.

And then from there, we went down to the Ngorogora crater.

Wait, let me ask you a question.

How much time do you take off for this?

But you don't really have a job.

So what do you still have?

Yeah, I think I was there for 11 days or something.

After Israel.

Yeah, I did Israel and then I did Egypt.

And then we went to, I think, three different spots.

We went to the Ngorongora crater.

Okay.

And then I think we went to two other lodges.

And I can't remember which countries.

'Cause it all sort of blends together there and you're taking little bush planes and you kind of, you know, it just feels like Africa, you don't sort of define the country so much.

But yeah, it's weird.

It's the only, there's an article about like how to write Africa.

Yeah, it was a tongue-in-cheek, like a facetious article by some professor.

Yeah.

And he was like, here's how pretty much everyone writes about Africa.

He goes, it's one country.

It's not a whole continent.

Don't try to discern them because no one bothers doing that.

The elephant is magical.

There's always a fat mama who's going to feed you.

She's also mystical.

Yeah, I mean, it's sort of all the same.

If you're not up in the mountains, it's sort of the same, sort of, in a lot of ways, the terrain and the animals.

And so it's sort of,

as a tourist, it sort of blends together a bit.

So

I can't remember what all the countries are.

I can get that information for you.

Did you go to.

What's the mountain in Tanzania?

Or is it?

In Kenya?

No, there's a giant mountain in Mount Kilimanjaro.

I think that's Kenya.

Sure is.

Yeah.

I did not go there, no, but I have been

in Kenya.

Boom.

That might have been where I was in Kenya, but I didn't go near Kilimanjaro.

Tanzania.

Where's Kenya?

Oh, right there.

Just below it.

I get it.

So, okay, so you went from Rwanda, then what?

To the Silverbacks?

So then we went down into the other safari where it was in the plains.

And we're in a small plain, and we had to come in on a dirt

strip.

Yeah.

And there's so much wildlife that the pilot actually had to buzz the wildlife to clear them off the runway.

So he had to make two runs where he literally scared

herds of zebra off the dirt runway so we could land.

Like that's how prolific the nature is.

And so we landed there and we were in one of those tent lodges, which was beautiful.

And then I would recommend this to anyone who goes to Africa.

There's a lot of lodges where they just follow the same trail, and the lodges aren't allowed to go off the trail through the park.

So they have to drive their Land Rovers on assigned dirt roads.

And so what happens is you'll have 20 lodges in a specific area.

And now, let's say you've got 10 Land Rovers at each lodge.

So now you're getting out every day, and there's

a convoy

of

Land Rovers on Safari all sharing the same road.

And when one guy sees something, he radios the other.

And then they all come in.

And now you've got a lion or an elephant and everyone surrounds it, click, click, click.

And it's, you can't take a picture without having another tourist in your shot.

And it's noisy and it's invasive.

And the radios are going and the engines are gone.

So me and my cousin, we went to, and I would recommend this to anyone going on Safari, we went to a remote lodge where you could hire your own Land Rover, and it was a lodge where you're allowed to go off-road.

So these guys could just go, hey, there's a cheetah way over there.

Let's drive across the grasslands and see it.

And it made such a, it'd be the difference between going to Disneyland and having a VIP pass and getting on the rides immediately or waiting in line four hours to go on a two-minute ride.

Wow.

So my recommendation: if you're going to Africa and it might be your only time in your life and it's a little more expensive,

do pay the extra money to get to a lodge where you can go off-road.

How do you know?

How do you know how to find that?

What is the problem?

I don't know that we did know.

We just, when we got to that lodge, the one in the Ngorogora crater was sort of the first one

where you sort of had to stay on the trails.

And then we got to this other one, and it was sort of

our guide and our truck that said, hey, we can go wherever you want.

This is one of those lodges, and we were like, Oh, wow, this is way better.

So it is in Gorigor, you're right.

It's twice, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Here, I thought I had a bad stutter.

So they were like, Hey, you're just on a Kool-Aid lodge.

We can do whatever the fuck you want.

And it was just like, it was so amazing because now you're alone, you're with your driver, you're going, you don't see anyone else.

It's just you and the nature, and anything can happen.

That part I'd like, that's what I would almost like, the in-between, where you're like, oh, look at the trees, and look at the endless nothing of the Sahara or whatever.

Yeah.

And on Safari, have you been on Safari in Africa?

I have not.

It's one of the most magical experiences I think you could ever do in life because

it's so raw and it's so

it's like there's so much natural energy out there and there's so many creatures just vying for life.

I think I've mentioned this on the last podcast where any critter takes a right or a left.

It could be the difference between living and dying.

And when you're out there, you feel it, and you also feel like, as a human being, it's the only place in time where I've ever been where I felt like, man, I'm part of the food chain.

I'm part of this pecking order.

It was very powerful.

Damn, if they got to, yeah, you'd just be like, all right, they'd eat you for a while, then the buzzers would come in.

Yeah, I mean, there's creatures there that are dominant enough that they'll just take you down.

And

you sort of, you know, even when you're in Canada and there's grizzly bears, like the odds of running into a bear are really low.

But in Africa, there could be a lion hiding 20 feet away, just sitting in the grass watching you, and they're so well camouflaged, you wouldn't know it.

And so it's a real, it's almost like going through a minefield.

Damn.

And it's really exciting and invigorating, and it feels dangerous and electric.

Are they like, are the lions like barely any of them, or is it like,

I mean, these wild parks are still a lot of them because they're protected and there's so much land.

Yeah.

But I mean, like, do you just see animals everywhere?

Is everywhere?

We've got to drive and see if we find one.

No, you're seeing animals, especially the herd animals.

There's hundreds, if not millions, of zebra, wildebeest, gazelle.

So there's these massive migrating herds that you're you're seeing, but hidden in amongst them are the predators.

Yeah.

And so they never know what's coming.

You never know what's coming.

And they're so adept at camouflaging that they could be ten feet away from you and you wouldn't see it.

They're that good.

And

so we were.

One of the most thrilling moments is we were out at this lodge and our guy went off-road

and he came upon two male tigers, which don't traditionally do the hunting, it's usually the females.

But we came upon two young male lions who had killed a wildebeest, like just minutes before we got there, probably like 20 minutes.

And they were eating, they were laying down, eating this thing.

And I'm, you know, we're filming it.

I'll send you some beautiful pictures of blood all over their faces.

And they're literally eating this thing raw.

You can see them pulling the intestines out.

Like, it's pretty graphic, but it's also, it's as real as it gets.

Yeah.

And this guy pulls up about, I don't know, probably about 40 feet away from them, and he parks the Land Rover in front of a big stump.

And I'm sitting there watching these things, and they're just going at it.

And it's just me and my cousin and our driver, and the Land Rover's open.

So I'm filming with my video camera.

He goes, oh, they're going to eat for a while.

And I said, do you think we should be parked in front of that stump?

There's nowhere to get away.

We don't really have an exit, but he goes, It's okay.

He goes, They're going to stay there and eat.

They just killed something.

So, sure enough, two minutes in.

Then, let's just, but why do it, though?

There's no benefit to being in front of the stump.

Yeah, let's just move real quick.

So, sure enough, two minutes in, one of the male lions stands up and walks right towards us and stops about 20 feet away.

His golden eyes, like literally just like fixated on us, like almost burning through us.

And I got to tell you, this was scarier than the gorilla because this is one of the few times in my life I felt I was within death's grasp.

Like I thought, if that lion wanted to, he could be in this open truck in about a second and a half if he just lunged at us.

And I'm not kidding, my hand started shaking.

I was like, and I literally got really scared.

And I said to the guy, I said, dude, I said, move this truck.

I said,

I want to keep watching, but move it so that if we can go, he goes, oh, we're fine.

I said, dude, I used to be a forest ranger.

I know about nature.

It's unpredictable.

You think you know it, but anything can go wrong.

Nature is not predictable.

So I forced him to move it.

And he said, you don't need to worry.

They're not going to eat anything.

They've got to kill.

They're not hungry.

They're not going to kill.

And so we watched them for a while.

And then one of them got up and started walking.

And he said, let's follow it.

So he pulls the truck.

We start kind of driving beside it.

Beside it.

And it's over maybe about, you know, 15, 20 feet.

And we're just driving beside it.

And then all of a sudden it starts speeding up.

And so he starts speeding up.

And then all of a sudden it goes into a crouch.

And remember, the male lions don't traditionally hunt.

It's the females.

and then he's in a crouch and he's going beside us and now we're driving pretty fast and we're driving along and all of a sudden out of nowhere like 15 wildebeest literally jumped like over the hood of our land over they just came out of nowhere

flying out and we lost sight of the lion and these wildebeest and out of nowhere this lion who had just killed something and wasn't going to eat anything flew out of the air air, grabbed this thing around the head right in front of us, pulled it down,

killed it right in front of us, and got up and walked away.

What?

Just, and the guy was freaking out.

He took it?

No, he just left it.

Get it later.

Then this is from the guy that said they're not interested in killing.

And that's what I saw in his eyes.

They're just wired.

It's all they know.

It's a kill.

It's because that...

And it was so, it was so beautiful.

And even the guy driving our guide, he goes, I've been doing this for six years.

I've never seen a lion make a kill.

And he was flipping out because he goes out every day and he'd never seen a lion take something down.

And here's me and my cousin on our first day here, and we got privy to this.

And it was like, but it was so intense.

But that energy and that.

That intensity, it's just like, I hope everyone gets to experience it.

It's really raw.

It reminds you.

Did that Willoughbies make a bunch of noise?

Was it like?

No, it's sort of silent.

They crush their esophagus.

But then once they get them down, they kind of.

Apparently, for those of you that it's so graphic to watch, apparently

prey animals have a huge, they go into shock severely.

So they just get flooded with DMT, right?

They sort of almost go into shock, and they say that they don't really feel the horrible death that happens to them because they just, something in their system almost shuts everything off

as they get torn apart.

It's savage, but

what happens in that environment is you sort of,

oh, wow, yeah, this is

see all the vehicles there?

That's what it's like.

It's like it sort of ruins it.

Look at them all.

There's 40 trucks there.

I mean, he's just going to let them all go.

Yeah, there's 40 trucks there.

Yeah, it just takes the.

Look at it.

Like, you still get to see it, but look at that.

It's like, you feel like you're on a ride at Disneyland or something.

It's just going to wait?

Is it like using that to hide?

Yeah, that's true.

But also, I think all those trucks interfere with the natural flow.

I can see the lion going, he's going to crush my skull.

Oh, that one's done.

Yeah, that's what the male did that we saw.

He just ran up and grabbed one and just dragged it down.

Like, that's sort of what I saw.

Wow.

Like, the power.

And this was an animal that was 20 feet away from us, and the driver said we don't have to worry because it was just eating.

But look at this.

The male has their crown like that?

Yeah, that's their mane.

Damn.

But what it does is it reminds you sort of of the insignificance of humans because we're

draped in weaponry and machinery and science.

But if it just came down to me and you, and we're in a loincloth and have a spear and that thing, you realize how weak and vulnerable we are.

And that's sort of the magic of Safari.

I think it's important that we're reminded now and then that.

This is way different than a zoo.

You're in it.

You're in it.

Yeah, in a zoo, you're watching a lion while you're eating caramel corn.

I mean, come on, dude.

They're throwing a chicken, which isn't actually in its natural habitat.

So, yeah, very powerful, man.

Very powerful.

Damn, that's cool.

Yeah.

How much does the safari cost?

They're not cheap.

They're not cheap.

And when you get to the more remote lodges with the exclusive,

you know, getting your own driver and being able to play it, but it's just, I would say, if you're going to go to all the trouble to do it, and it's an extra $4,000 or $3,000, like spend it.

It's such a

good one.

He went to Kenya, this podcast, and he said he did a gig out there.

And the guy running the gig said, you want to do a safari with you and your chick?

And And he goes, Okay.

But he's there with everyone with like gray hair and like a bunch of millionaires.

And they're looking at this like young black kid and Dominican wife.

Like, what do you do for a living?

He goes, Oh, we got this for free.

And they're like, Okay, we saved up a lifetime for it.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's it's it's one of those bucketless sort of things.

Yeah, yeah, you have to.

The more privacy you can get, and also, I hate to say it, but a lot of us humans,

we went on the one, as I told you, where we had, you know, there's 15 people in a Land Rover, and you've got, you know, the couple from New York.

Why is it just laying there?

And then you got the guy from Germany with the camera, the

you're hearing every click, and you got the other, can we go home?

I've seen enough hippo.

You know what I mean?

So it's really worth the money to absorb it on your own.

It's like, it's like, it's like going to a movie by yourself.

Every one of those great movies, those videos you see of those, it's like you do hear some dumb fuck in the background.

Yeah.

Or they go, no, no, no, oh, no, no.

And they're like, shut up, it's happening.

Yeah.

And some of, and also some of the places you go to, because they're so inhabited, a lot of the times you see the animals lumbering down a road.

And you're like, I don't want to see a male lion walking down a road with Michelin tire tracks.

I want to see a lion in its element.

And a lot of these places, some of these places, you'll see the lions with actual collars on them because they track them for research.

And it's like, well, there's a lion eating a giraffe with a nice, like, pet coat collar on it.

So you really want to get off the grid as much as you can.

And if you're going to do it, I recommend that.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, I went to

Galapagos and one of the places in.

No, not Galapagos, sorry.

It was in the Amazon.

Same country.

Oh, yeah.

But one of the places, it just opened up from COVID.

So they had this

hut where you could see all these parrots licking the clay.

And it was like just me and another person and then our guide just kind of waiting.

And then like we got back to like the main town and we saw a picture of that hut and it's 80 people in there.

Yeah.

And we're like, oh, it was just us napping on the benches waiting.

You were lucky.

It's like my moment in the pyramids.

Like, you know, we all want to be there and I'm not knocking other people, but when you can get there and

nobody's there.

It's so much better.

Nature works better.

Because not only you absorb it better, you make a better connection with it because it's just you you and the thing or the animal.

We stayed at this place in

Yosemite, Zion.

We did a Comedy Cellar Vegas, me, List,

Vecchion,

maybe Norman and somebody.

Yeah.

Feeder.

But a couple of them left.

So me, List, and Vecchion and Sarah Tolomash came.

We've had this like, there was this like Airbnb in the park.

But he goes, hey, you're nearby the main hikes, but also just walk through the backyard.

And it wasn't as spectacular, but the fact that nobody was there

is like

because nature is a communal experience.

That's why these fucking Mexicans in Pasadena with their fucking boom boxes get out of here.

Yeah, anybody with a boom box ruins it.

Yeah,

you want to connect with nature.

And conversely, I think nature wants to connect with you.

Because even though we're humans, I think nature, we're babies of products of nature.

So So nature wants to interface with us, and sometimes our own population can step in the way of that.

You know about sound bath or nature bath?

What's that?

It's when you're on a hike, not in a place like this because it's too dangerous.

Yeah.

But let's say you're out in the woods

and

you and a buddy.

One of you goes about 100 meters ahead.

Yeah.

It's for you.

Metric system.

Yeah.

And then you just slowly take like even steps, but you're away and you start hearing more and more critters and more and more sounds as you're not like thinking about who to talk to.

Yeah, and it just kind of washes over you.

It's the best.

Yeah,

it's almost a spirit.

Yeah.

And when you have

someone else sort of creating noise,

it interferes with the communication.

That's why it's really nice when you...

It can be really nice when you're with someone you love, like a girlfriend or a boyfriend, and you can just be there with them holding hands and being quiet because then it sort of comes over both of you versus a buddy who's like, hey, man, look at that, you know, which is great, but.

Yeah, if you can be quiet.

Yeah, quiet is beautiful.

Quiet gets inside of you, and I think you release into the quiet too, because

there's no more barriers.

It's just like,

you know?

Yeah, the animal sounds are like not really sounds.

It's just kind of like, it's like that music they play at massages.

Yeah.

You know?

Massages.

Whatever that music is.

It's just like, it's not really a song.

Yeah.

Damn.

Massage.

Yeah, I got to get a fucking.

Yeah.

Safari.

All right.

And then where'd you go?

That was it.

That was it for my African safaris.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is there anything you wish you would have done that you were like, I fucked that up looking back?

It's hard to remember.

This is six years ago, right before the pandemic.

Yeah, maybe it was a bit

before that, might have been nine years ago.

But

no, I mean, it was a pretty, it was a pretty

rich experience.

You know, I did a lot with seeing the gorillas and

going on, like, I think, like I said, we went to two or three different safari spots, and it was

a pretty robust schedule, and it was really good.

Damn.

It just sort of you get addicted to it.

It makes you want to, you sort of want to wake up every day and go out because you know it's going to be a different story every day.

You're going to see a hippo fighting with a hippo or a leopard taken down.

Like it's

every day is a really fascinating journey there.

Because they all move too, so it's not like your spot is going to be the hippo spot every day.

Yeah.

They're all grazing and moving

around and you don't know what

something might be injured and there's just so many

variations of limp and wildebeest getting ready to fucking get pounced yeah and there's there's so many levels of predators from leopards to hyenas to foxes to lions to snakes to

it's just like it's it's a really cool

collection yeah

what'd you eat while you were there Well, what was cool, too, is we stayed at these lodges are sort of, they're sort of high-end.

Like, we did it sort of high-end, and the lodges was like gourmet food and booze you could drink and talk about it.

And it's like they put us out in the in the yard with like sticks all around, like as a barrier, and they had a chef and fire blazing and candles, and they brought out steak, and yeah, it was pretty fancy.

What do you mean sticks all around?

Well, they

with the tent and the tent place, it's it's right out in the wild.

So they put like a a stick barrier around in case something came in, like lions came in and the and attacked you.

Well, you can't just be out in the open at night because they don't know you're sitting down having a nice dinner.

They're like, you are the nice dinner.

So, yeah.

Damn, that's fucking cool.

Yeah.

Did you write a poem to your buddy?

I did write a poem.

I wrote a poem about the gorillas and about Africa.

I don't know if you want to hear one.

I always write a poem.

What do you mean?

Is that your normal thing?

Yeah, I like to write poems because the poetry captures the moment while I'm in it.

So I like to write it while I'm there, while I'm feeling it.

Damn, most people just journal or do nothing.

Yeah, I mean, I film and stuff, but I also like to express what I'm feeling in my spirit.

So I like to write it down and make it sort of poetic.

I can read one to you if you want.

100%.

I know I read your poem.

These ones aren't as long.

okay i mean the other one was the most shocking

i should probably get my glasses can i get up for a second yeah yeah sure absolutely check out the harlan highway everybody it's a podcast that's done weekly from an office space in uh

agora hills

yeah it was built out of the stuff that they make the black box out of so it survived all the fires really nicely and um still running every week the harlan Highway.

Check it out.

I've been on there.

A lot of my friends have been on there.

Yeah, it's a good time.

Thanks for doing it, by the way.

You're welcome.

You're welcome.

So, I have a poem, one about the gorillas,

that one, or I can read the one about just sort of

Africa and being on Safari.

I'm going to load up a Silverback Gorilla video while you read this one.

Okay, I'll read the gorilla one.

You got it.

Tell me when when you want me to read it.

Wow, this is cool.

Oh, damn.

Okay, here we go.

Yeah.

Ready?

Yeah.

Here it is.

Behind ancient volcanic walls, through the green bamboo halls, come the great ape's primal calls.

How they enthrall.

Deep inside the emerald world, the gorilla makes his home, resting upon the leafy floor, his motives never known.

Soft and yet shy, with power so savage, in a bountiful garden at will to ravage, roaming the underbrush so silent, serene, then bursting with energy and a primordial scream.

But what does it want, this king of the hill?

Nothing from us, yet its blood we still spill.

Its eyes filled with expression so close to man, its human-like fingers on its giant black hands.

They seem to be watching us, taking us in, so much like us, but free of all sin, like gentle imitations of what we should be, roaming in clans, unhindered and free.

We stand and observe them, or do they observe us, not wanting involvement, not wanting involvement with its closest cousins fuss.

Do we see them as primates, or is it the other way around?

As they live with no attainment, while the pavement we pound.

And despite all the wisdom etched on their faces, it is us who decide if they stay in their places.

As man kills the jungle and cuts down their home, soon the king has no domain and nowhere to roam.

And deep in their eyes, one can sense a slow sorrow, as if somehow they know they may have no tomorrow.

but yet they keep the vigil so vulnerable and passive as humans need keep on growing feeding the masses and alas the poor ape so mighty and graceful must bow to the humans who act so disgraceful each ticking second leaves them swinging on a thread alas such a tragedy when the last ape is dead

I know because like I said that they aren't encroaching we just keep breeding We just keep breeding and moving in.

Yeah, and they're an endangered species, and they're also poached, and they're killed, and their body parts are sold, and they're harvested for meat because it's an impoverished area.

But

they're so human-like, as you can see.

There's so many human characteristics.

I mean, I think we're just a chromosome away or something from them

biologically.

And

we've all been to the zoo where you just get mesmerized watching them because they're in the middle of the night.

Like people, they're such people.

Yeah.

And I was thinking about America recently, United States.

Yeah.

Canada too, but like when they settled

in the east and then slowly moved west, it was like you had to put those big log things up, not for just the natives, but also like the animals.

The forts, yeah.

And it was just like little pockets of human

with all sorts of swaths of nature, who knows wherever they go.

And now it's like little swaths of nature.

You have like Yosemite and Zion, but they're like enclosed.

Well, you got to remember, at one point in time, the buffalo herds of North America were as massive as the migrating herds in Africa, which are millions.

And at one point, the buffalo just swarmed across the plains of North America, and they eradicated them to the point where I think they were down to a few hundred buffalo and they had to save them.

And now they're just, you know, there's a few little spots, as you said, across America where there's buffalo.

So, yeah, it's pretty sad.

But encouraging in a weird way that something just happened with the dire wolf just last week.

I was about to bring that up.

Yeah.

Where they resurrected it, and it's not a pure dire wolf, but it has the genetic material

of a dire wolf and a titanium.

They found a fossil, some DNA in a fossil.

So now here's my question.

So that's a weird one because Direwolf has already died out.

Yeah.

And so probably a lot of

its competitors died out too.

So to reintroduce it seems like, I don't know what the effects of this are going to be.

Right.

But when there's like 200 of something left,

you're like, why not make it 250?

Why not just

do a few clones?

Then it's not gone yet.

Yeah.

Let's just, or if there's like, oh, there's only one male left, like, let's clone them up for you.

Well, I think they're doing that.

There's a species of, I think, Galapagos tortoise or African tortoise where they've just done that.

Wow.

Where they've cloned a bunch of living species.

And I think that's becoming more the protocol than trying to wait till they've hit the finish line and bring them back.

Yeah.

I'm sure they're like, what are the effects of this?

But also, like, what are the effects of them just dying out?

Yeah.

Because of pollution or just because some volcano went off and then they didn't get out of there.

Yeah, we don't truly know the reasons so many of the species went extinct,

especially dinosaurs and things like that.

The Galapagos ones, I remember them saying, like, there's like six different species of, or maybe more, of tortoises.

Sometimes, even in the same island, they're like completely different species because the volcano blew up and went this way, killed everything there, and isolated those.

Yeah.

And then those, and then they all just like changed.

Yeah.

And sometimes it's down to the vegetation or even a few degrees of temperature.

Oh, right.

Or

even just

the terra firma, like if the ground's sort of pebbly and sandy versus lush with greenery, it'll, in Galapagos, it altered like the species there.

Yeah.

Amazing.

Damn, what a fun trip.

Yeah.

You're also so smart to be like, I'm already going to Israel on the dime on the arm.

But like,

that'd probably be enough for plenty of people.

Yeah.

But you're like, well, let's, no, I'm here now.

Let's do my own thing.

No, I always do that.

If I'm, if I'm, because I'm like, I'm on the other side of the world.

I'm going to a place.

Like these guys, I took them.

Tender Frienders.

I took the Tender Frienders.

About two years ago, I took them on the bullet train in Japan and took them out in the country to see the snow monkeys.

In Japan?

In Japan.

And I also laid down, you know, that famous crosswalk where thousands of people cross?

I literally

sat them in it and laid on my stomach filming them while thousands of people walked by.

And these guys are just sitting there.

Yeah.

Oh, you got to send me that.

That's so funny.

And there's just

feet, and then I did.

How did you not get trampled?

Well, that's the fun thing about these guys force me because

I shoot them as a filmmaker.

So I look for angles and I create little stories.

So these guys are forcing me to get out into these places to do and see things I wouldn't normally do.

Whereas a lot of time you might say, I'll just hang in the hotel today.

But these guys sort of force me to get out and interact.

And I got to tell you, when I get home with these,

these guys are more of a scrapbook to my trip than any picture I took because I'm filming them.

So they're sort of interacting where I was.

And they're living in the space where I was.

And even though it's a ridiculous, silly story I tell, I put them there

like I didn't have film of me on the bullet train, but I have them on the bullet train.

It's also less solipsistic instead of like selfieing.

Yeah, that's to me, that's just boring.

Yeah.

So now I have this thing where it's these two wacky tourists are on this advent.

And it's not just them sitting there, hey, I'm with a snow monkey.

Like, they're on an adventure.

Like, I get them in the mix.

Like, I went to Gatorland

in Florida, where they have two of the only four albino alligators in existence.

And I told the people that ran the place that it was my son's birthday, and these are his dolls.

And he would go bonkers if you let these guys ride on them.

And they let me put the damn dolls on the Gator's back, and the Gator.

ate one of them, had it in his mouth, and it was great.

It made for a great story.

So these guys sort of get me out.

What a great way to get you.

You know, the word psychogeography?

I don't know if I'm saying it right, but it's just something that gets you moving.

Yeah.

And it creates a great memory because then I come home and I have to edit it.

I edit them like movies.

Look over your pictures instead of just like having come up with memory.

I look over the pictures and then I have close-ups.

I have wide angles.

I have weird angles.

I have them like walking down the street.

I have them going over Niagara Falls.

I've got, you know, I mean, they're fucking the St.

Louis Arch.

They're out in Saudi Arabia.

And I actively look for, you know, as a filmmaker, I look for kind of

visual setups that are kind of catch the eye, you know.

And in Saudi Arabia, I had these guys like, you know, worshiping at a mosque or going up and down and just having fun.

Like, it's just ridiculous, the stuff they do.

So it's really fun.

I mean, that's perfect.

It's a better scrapbook than any sort of just cheesy click, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'll try to do like something, like, instead of t-shirts are done.

Yeah.

So, like, if I can get a vinyl record that's like in Spanish,

but like the cure, I'll be like, all right, I remember when I got this on a street market somewhere.

Yeah.

You know, I'll probably film you with them.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

Last year I took them to Milan.

to uh do

I got into a dolshangabbana fashion show and I've got them them by the catwalk as Naomi Campbell strutting down.

And these guys are sitting there like, like, the stuff they get into, it's so fun.

I took them out to the desert in Arizona where those 50-foot cactuses are.

Yeah.

And, you know, they have these big holes in them that the birds, the woodpeckers, built.

And these guys thought that the cactus had an asshole.

And one of them climbed into it and got attacked by an owl.

So it's like you just, you you never know what's going to happen with them.

You can put them in places that we can't go.

Like, I can't go in and ride on the back of an alligator that they can.

Yeah.

They can go anywhere.

So it's a lot of fun.

That's pretty fun.

Yeah.

What a dumb outfit, too.

Yeah, overly large pants.

Yeah.

Overly large underwear.

Made in China.

It's great.

I mean, if you want, Ari as a little bonus treat,

I mean, I can put them in this chair, and if you want to interview them for a minute or 40 seconds and have them on your show, I'm sure they'd be happy to.

Yeah, sure.

Let's absolutely do that.

I think they'd like that.

Yeah, absolutely.

They've never been on a famous podcast.

They've never?

Never.

You're holding them back, man.

Should we get him in the chair and you could ask him a few questions?

No, they can sit right.

He's inside and he's wearing a hat.

What's wrong with him?

We're here with the Tender Frienders, the first

inanimate guests of this podcast.

Enema?

Did he say he wanted to give us an enema?

Freak!

Why would he want to give us an enema?

Cinnamon?

I think he said cinnamon.

A cinnamon enema?

Freak!

Hey guys, welcome.

So I guess my first question is, well, maybe a two-parter, or like, where's your favorite places you've been and where would you kind of like where would you like to go in the future?

My favorite place was to your wife's face.

I'd like to go into your wife's underwear drawer.

I bet it smells like arthritis.

Rude.

We'd also like to sniff your wife's legs and boil onions and eggplants on her forehead.

Stupid forehead, wife.

Whoa.

And I once visited Barry Manelow's bedroom and watched him sleep.

Oh, really?

And I visited Indonesia and got leprosy on my wife's teeth.

No fucking way.

What?

And I also visited Cher's house and went poo on her pillow slips.

Oh, I would love to do that.

I ate garlic bread on the Great Wall of China.

I've been to Turkey, Egypt, and Pompeii.

And I've been to Paradise, but I've never been to me.

Goddamn, you've been to a better place than most of my friends.

I've been to Denny's and ate your wife's legs.

Ugh.

And did you get diarrhea from that at all?

No, but we've got the wind of a thousand tarantula nightmares.

I've got gas like a Chinese garbage truck.

I bet.

I bet.

Have a whiff, hat face.

Taste my hemorrhoid meat.

Yeah, that's uh,

I think we got enough.

Trick or treat.

I gotta get out of here anyway.

I gotta do it.

Smell your wife's face.

Thanks, guys.

Sniff your wife's face.

Sniff it.

Hathead.

Wait, give me one more thing.

I forgot.

I haven't done these in too long.

Where do you want to go next?

Where's the next spot you're looking to go?

That you have not been?

And if you have a travel tip, although that travel tip of find the less more remote fucking safari is a great one if you don't have another.

I haven't been to Thailand yet, believe it or not.

Interesting.

That's the starter for that.

That's the starter for Southeast Asia.

Yeah, I haven't been.

And I also, I think I want to go to Madagascar.

Usually I like the animals, but the vegetation in Madagascar, they have those crazy, weird trees that look like pineapples.

Like

some of the vegetation and the rock formations in Madagascar are really alluring to me.

So,

yeah, they've got those.

They almost look like cartoon trees.

Yeah, they don't look real.

And then they also have, they have these really weird, like, rock.

Yeah, look at the, like, I just want to be, I want to touch those trees.

Yeah, that looks badass.

There's just something so cool Wow.

And then if you put in sort of there's some really cool rock formations.

They almost look like um

like like upside-down staglodytes or whatever they're called.

There's some really cool yeah those things.

Oh

yeah, like I want to go and see those.

Limestone.

They have these in

Australia in

north of Perth.

Oh really?

Yeah.

They just look cool.

It's so weird.

It's just like salt rock form, like, comes up, but it's not from like slack fights I get.

The dripping leaves something.

But this is like, picture the tender frienders running around on those.

Man, they'd have a blast.

Right?

Or in one of those kooky trees.

Like, come on.

I mean, the tender frienders got to get to Madagascar and Thailand.

Mysterious stone forests.

Damn.

Look at that.

This goes on forever.

And what's amazing is as sharp as those those look, the lemurs jump around on those.

There's a species of lemur that live in those.

And they use the

sort of the barbed edges as protection.

Oh, interesting.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, there's a lemur on there.

Oh, wow.

So it's a fascinating-looking place.

So that's on the horizon for you.

I think so.

I think I haven't been there.

Any plans or just like you just keep thinking about it?

I'm actually sort of talking about

I might do Thailand this year.

And while I'm there, I might dip up, you know, like I said, while you're there, go somewhere else.

So maybe I'll do both of these.

I got some off-camera tips for you for Thailand.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

Oh, good.

Some cool spots and some like.

Yes.

And some just tips in general for going out there.

I love.

Yeah.

Tender friender.

You're my tender friender.

Buddy, I love you.

Love you, buddy.

Thank you.

Congrats on your trippy awards.

Yeah, dude.

Thank you.

I'm really honored by that.

That's amazing.

Wow.

Overwhelmingly.

No surprising shore.

Wow.

Because I didn't know.

I mean, I just know you as one of the premier riffers in the country.

Oh, thank you.

Excuse the derogatory word.

Yeah,

even my dad calls me a riffer.

But, like, damn.

Yeah, but that trip was so fucking epic.

And then thanks for coming back.

I'm fucking.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Like I said, after you left the last round, you've got to be on here like 20 times.

Yeah, well, hopefully I can come back with a Madagascar too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we'll try and make it happen.

All right.

And send me the pictures from this one.

Yeah.

Thank you, Ari.

You're welcome.

I love you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

All right, everybody.

That's the episode.

Thank you very much, Harlan Williams, for coming in.

Another great episode.

Damn.

The guy rules.

He's traveled so well.

Today's episode is edited by Alan Caffey.

It's produced by Your Mom's House Network.

As always, thank you very much.

Make sure to go see Harlan Williams live, you guys.

He's at the Burton Cummings Theater, October 26th in Winnipeg.

What is it?

Alberta?

No.

Edmonton, Alberta.

Winnipeg, Nova Scotia?

No.

Yeah, maybe Nova Scotia.

No.

Winnipeg.

Americans, I mean, Canadians, I'm sorry.

We just really don't know you.

I know more than most people.

Is it Manitoba?

Cocoon, Manitoba.

And I know very little.

And I know more than most Americans about your geography.

Even the tuners, I know about them up there.

But go check them out at the Burton Cummings Theater in Winnipeg, Manitoba.

I think it's Manitoba.

And check out his podcast, the Harlan Highway podcast.

I've been on there.

You can start with that one.

His Instagram, Harlan Williams.

That's it.

Now, let me tell you about Shroom Fest.

I spin it on a lake.

I got this house.

I don't know how you guys did for your shroom fest.

By the way, you can still buy shroom fest shirts.

There's a limited stock available if you celebrate it or if you just celebrate in general, the joy of shrooms.

Go get your shroomfest shirt at rhsphere.com or at the bottom of the screen if you're watching on YouTube.

You can also get these Ubi Tripping shirts.

Go for a hike shirt.

Wear that.

Where else?

Oh, I do.

You'll be tripping stickers.

Juvinyls.

I don't know.

Grinders, psychedelic playing cards.

But let's get back to psychedelics.

So I got these mushrooms from a street dealer, and I've never seen them before.

They were about that big, just caps, hard as a rock.

I saw them the next day, and I was like, those are fake, right?

I mean, I'm not going to obviously get a refund at this point, but those are fake.

He goes, no, no, no, no.

Those are real.

Those are given to me by a Peruvian who had it blessed by a shaman in Peru.

And I was like, I don't know.

So here's what I do when I don't know if my drugs work or not.

I find someone who can't afford drugs and I chip them off some and let them test it.

And that's what happened.

Chipped it off.

My friend Hamish tested him.

He put him in a cup of hot water and he sipped on it.

He goes, oh, yeah, they work.

I can't tell you exactly how strong they were, but they work.

Now, these are way more than I needed.

I probably got, what did he give us?

Like,

he said, a dose is four grams.

And I'm like, that's not a dose.

that's enough for two people, three grams, I think, an eighth, maybe.

And I'm like, that's more than a dose.

And he goes, well, that's a dope.

That's what I sell him in.

So I'm like, all right, I'll take two just in case.

I'm glad we got more because we let Hamish test a little bit.

He said, they're good.

They work.

Perfect.

He had them at work.

So we could only test them so much.

But all I wanted to know is if they worked.

So I made a tea with them and I just said, screw it.

I'm putting them all in.

And I got this Airbnb on this giant lake.

I mean, perfect.

A fire pit, kayaks you can take, woods.

woods.

I mean, not woods, stars, a little yard.

There was another Airbnb over there.

They said they will have access to the yard, but they're not going to bug you.

Well, turns out 10 people showed up, including three small children under the age of 10 and five rescue dogs who growled relentlessly at us.

It pushed back our trip.

We couldn't do it that day.

Couldn't do it the next day.

Finally, Monday.

That's the cool thing about Shroom Fest.

We do it Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.

For instance, like this.

They all left.

We were able to make a fire pit.

However, the mushrooms didn't work.

This is the first time in Shroom Fest history the mushrooms didn't work.

I finally had access to a yard, and it was great.

And I made a fire, and I drank some.

I smoked some reefer.

But, man, they just didn't hit.

But they hit for Hamish, so I don't fully understand it.

Anyway, still a great shroom fest.

The fire pit out there on the lake was great.

I pissed in the lake over and over again.

Able to drink some Gaio beers.

And just kind of had a blast.

Even if they didn't hit, it was still able to make me like think about stuff and whatever.

And I did, in fairness, I did hide just on mushrooms about a month before, so maybe my tolerance was up.

I don't know.

Next year's Shroom Fest is the last weekend of August, guys.

August 2026, it is August.

I got it here.

28th.

July?

August.

29th, 30th, and 31st.

Anytime you want to celebrate Shroom Fest, just take mushrooms.

The 28th, the day before, is a full lunar eclipse.

What I would say, go ahead and extend it if you want to do it that day.

That would be pretty sick.

If you know what Shroom Fest is, it's just like Christmas.

We all just meet up and do shrooms all over the world.

So that's what it is.

I had a great time.

How did you spend your shroom fest?

Please leave in the comments below.

And if you have any guests you would like me to interview,

please leave those as well.

Next week's episode, Small Brained America.

Oh, yeah, you guys.

I've been trying to get him on forever, and he's finally coming on to talk about me and Mar, one of my my favorite places in the world, one of the most craziest places in the world I've ever been to, and

the least mapped out.

I was there for a short time, and the government reliequished control back to the people for a little bit, the army.

So was a small-brained American, and he came in and talked about it, and I'm fucking over the moon that he was able to come and fucking super stoked that we did Myanmar.

I mean, who's been to Myanmar?

Not many people.

No comics except Turner.

That's it, you guys.

Thank you very much for tuning in.

Get yourself some merch.

Subscribe wherever you're watching and listening.

Until next week,

Harlan, by the way, buddy, crazy.

Having a giant gorilla rush at you, I mean, you really get out there and do stuff.

All these guys stay in hotels.

All these guys stay in hotels and don't do shit.

They go with their wives to a hotel.

They get fucking

pina coladas on the beach and don't do shit.

And you fucking do stuff, Harlan.

You're a real traveler.

Go see him at the Burton Cummings Theater.

Check out his podcast, the Harlan Highway Podcast.

Also, go see him.

You can go to HarlanWilliams.com, Waukekan, Illinois, Houston, Dallas, San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, and Chicago.

That's it, everybody.

Until next week, I'll see you later.

Goodbye.