Cambodia w/ Ryan O'Neill | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

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What's the one where the way he yelled when Whitney Houston? He carried her out. The bodyguard.
What's that song? When he's holding her out? Are you my hero?

No, that's Bette Midler, Wind Beneath My Wings. No.
Did you ever know that? You're my hero. It's like that.

What is that song? The bodyguard by what he said. Yeah, he goes, what is it? It's something about a hero, right?

I need a hero.

I don't think it's that at all.

The bodyguard. I will always love you.
No, no, no. When he's carrying her and he's like kicking guys in the face.
I have nothing. The body,

I have nothing. I think this is her most famous song, too.

It's not even hers. This is it.
There he is. You just elbowed a guy right in the face.

It's fucking Dolly Parton.

Dude, no, I don't believe it. It's Dolly Parton.
It's cultural appropriation on Dolly Parton's part.

In the past, cultural and time appropriation. Time machine cultural appropriation.

Another white woman stealing black woman's work.

Where you been and where you going?

This is Aries Travel Show. Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today.
It's UB Tripping. Yeah.

Welcome to UB Tripping, everybody. It's a travel podcast.
Every week we live at a different place. It's a different experience every time.
Hold on. I want to just talk about the last thing.
Okay.

I'm the bodyguard. Yeah.

You realize that the person that was actually trying to kill her was another bodyguard no so he knew the ins and outs this is the best thing about 80s and 90s movies spoiler alert button on here even though it's too late and then put a too late now button like you know when they do a movie about bodyguards they never deviate from the the whole world is like bodyguard central it's like when you see a movie and it's like this guy just tests blood and they're like He's the most important guy in the entire police precinct.

They'll be like, we need the guy that just tests blood. Where the fuck is he?

And then it's like a culture of people that just test blood. We only know that.
Yeah. Here's my favorite scene in movies, race car drivers.

They don't get it. It's in our blood.
If I'm out racing, I'm just not alive. Yeah, I know what you mean, man.
Here's another movie about Standup Comics.

Man, it's just if I'm on that stage, when I'm on that stage, everything else just fades away, you know, man. Yeah, I do know.
We've been friends for 10 years.

Why are we still having this conversation? You know what it should be? It's like, fuck, we're having a good time. I got to go do a spot.
Fuck.

Now my fucking night. I guess I'll come back.
We'll try to restart this good time you're like no dude

It's over with and you're like

But I do want to work out this bit, but fuck I do just want to live a normal life and have a good time

Yeah,

that's

yeah, it's very romantic. You know I love romantic lighting

I have a story about about that this song. You have it.
Yeah. Okay.

You want you have one? No, I don't, but I would love to hear yours. Okay.
It's a story I heard someone else tell, so it's actually not my story. Okay, whose is it?

The story is of me hearing about this. Who'd you hear it from?

Doll follow me Parton IV.

I'm not going to listen to this

white woman. I'm not going to listen to any more of these white women.
So she said she always, this song was written when she... on her last episode of.

By the way, you heard her tell this story on when you became America's sweetheart. When I became American.
Talking about taking a young lady to go see Dolly Parton secretly. Yeah.

When I saw you become America's sweetheart, I know that the world, I know we're in a simulation.

It's all a similar.

Marcelo Hernandez, we were out, whatever, and he was like, he just saw it go into his fucking Dominican fucking feed. And he goes, the fact, you see these comments.

It's ladies, if he can, he would. If he can, he would.
Whatever the saying is.

Yeah. If he wanted to, he would.
That's it. Yeah.

And it's like, this is it, this, this. And then like every 75th comment was like, you should look this guy up, you guys.
He's not the guy you think he is.

I love when people are like, this guy's a shit.

Can I do a little, because you did Industry Secrets Revealed about 15 years ago? Yeah, what was that? Yeah, well, I'm going to give Ari Shafir Secrets Revealed. Ari Shafir,

the nicest guy I've ever met in comedy.

Of anybody I've ever met in comedy, the nicest guy. Cut that out.
For real. Cut that out.

I'm not the only guy that says this. Everyone says you're a shitbag.
Oh, really? That wasn't me doing a Heil Hitler salute and me and Mark with a bunch of local kids.

Hey, you'd have been nothing but nice to me.

Yeah, so that is when I saw, but when I see that, because the mainstream persona is that you're not a very nice guy. No, I'm an American sweetheart to the dumb fuck women who are on those blogs.

I wish my husband would do that. Be like, bitch, he supported you.
He supported you for years. Well, you got your real estate license.
I said, we just fucked. Now let's not talk for two weeks.

Tell the end of that story, fucking New York Post.

Then it's like, here's the part they don't reveal. I was covered for a while.
Next time, it's like, just come over for lunch, bang, and go.

Yeah, I love this one time. They're like, oh my God, are we misunderstanding him? Yeah.

Adalarama

Jenkins Partona, yes, said

that this song

was Whitney Houston's favorite song. She goes, Whitney Houston covered it? How cool is that? Whitney Houston covered this.

She didn't mention the cultural preparation, but she was giving it up for it at least. She goes, That's very cool.
Dolly's a very positive person. She goes, I wanted to do this.

I don't know if anybody heard this. It's a duet.

I wanted to do this with Elvis Presley. He called me one day.

And she's still like, I mean, I guess Elvis is one of the top five ever.

Top five in a lot of things. Yeah.
Top five for dating 14-year-olds. Yep.
Top five for

dying on toilets. Dying on toilets.
Like who else? Honestly. Top five for shooting televisions and cars.

Early

on a TV and then early to shoot one up. I'm starting to think that because then later

Richard Pryor shot his car too. He's trying to be like Elvis.
Cultural appropriation. Cocaine around your children.
Yes. High on that list.
Very high.

Oh, and then

as far as a performer. Theme Parks.
Getting fat. Getting fat.

Original Buster Douglas.

He stole that from Buster Douglas. Yes, that's true.
Buster Douglas wins world

title gains 400 pounds.

She said he called her and said, I want to do this duet with you. She goes, I would love that.
Oh, my God. And she even said she was.
And what year is this? Is this Fat Elvis? I don't know.

Like Vegas Fat Elvis? I think earlier, but I don't know. Okay.
I don't know. But I think those people never lost respect for him.
And she goes, this is the king. It was really cool.

Elvis is like, I just watched the bodyguard with Kevin Costner. You and I should do a song like this.
Damn it. I've been doing this all wrong.

Fuck it.

So she goes, he said he wanted to do this duet. And I was like, Elvis, King, buddy, I'm in.
What an honor this would be. By the way, can you imagine being her husband?

And he's like, are you going to work with Elvis, who loves the fuck? Loves the fuck. I need the nice juicy cans.
Yeah, she got the juiciest cans of the business. Nice hair.
And

You're now thinking, like,

God, he must have trusted her. But also, like, fuck Elvis.
That's so cool. Yeah.

But then also, she performed with all these hunks. Kenny Rogers.
He wanted to do it. She did this with Kenny Rogers, right? No, I.
That's Island's.

I'm just saying, I'd be worried if I were her husband.

She goes, okay, let's do it. She goes, then the general got on the phone.
Remember the general? Yeah.

You'd be a good general. Oh, he played him in the movie? Yeah.

Yeah, that's not bad. Really? That's a good casting.
Yeah. Tough role.

he called me. He goes, it's fine.
We'd love to do it. We just want the publishing rights.
And she goes, general.

No way. It's going to be, and it's already been covered a bunch, the most covered song in history.
So they wanted to own it. Yeah.
And she wrote it. She goes, there's no way.

I wrote it and recorded it. She recorded as a goodbye to who's the old man that helped her get started on that show?

Her general.

I don't know. I don't know her backstory like you do.

The Smothers Brothers? No, but close. Something like that? Ed Sullivan? No.
Porter Wagner. Okay.
The Porter Wagner show. Welcome, Dolly Parter.
So he put her over.

And she always wanted to know if I can play guitar. And he goes, no, you're not a picker.
She goes, I'm a picker. I'm a picker.

So she wrote this on her last episode. I will always love you.
I was respect for the guy. People were like, oh, it's because you dated him.
She goes, no, no, no. I mean, I'm sure some shit happened.

But she's like, no, because the guy fucking put me over. Baby, I do who I am.

So she recorded for him, just saying it live live one night for the first time on television really yeah and it was that so she goes fine general goes fine half the publishing rights to you half to us and she was like dude you can't get the publishing rights you can get half the duet and we can talk about percentages of a duet by the way but that's my song there was plenty of money to be made in selling just the song just that song

so she goes so it never happened But just so you know, it's not Elvis' fault. Elvis wanted to do it.
It was out of his control because whatever. Did she hear any whispering while she's on the phone?

Tell her. Bring bananas, bananas, and peanut butter.

Dude, that's crazy. Also, the audacity.
The audacity. It's fucking wild.
I heard that she did blow Kenny Rogers, though, to get him to do Islands in the no, that's true.

Otherwise, he wouldn't have done it. Yeah.
He goes, I don't want publishing rights, but I do want to publish those lips on my dick.

Does any of this make it on to the podcast? Yeah, I mean, it's all on there. Okay.
Hi, guys. Ryan O'Neill is the funniest man in America.
It's not really close.

He's the pride of Valparaiso. And to honor that legacy, I've decided to take a break from my travels and head to Indiana, one of the prettiest cities there.

Let you see a little bit for yourself how gorgeous Valpo is. Indiana.
It's more than it's cracked up to be.

Ryan O'Neill also has a podcast with the sixth funniest man in America, Andrew DeWitt, and the most disgusting illustrator since our crumb,

SlopQuest. It's available on YouTube at SlopQuest.
You can find O'Neill on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube at Ryan O'Neal Comedy. And if you go to the SlopQuest

Patreon account, well you can get every episode of Boner City USA, every episode of Beach Cops, and every episode of SlopQuest. It's over 400 episodes.

And also you'll be supporting literally the funniest man in America and one of the poorest. Yeah, he's been a failure up till now.
It's my job to get him out to the public.

He's disgusting and he's hilarious. He's Ryan O'Neill, the pride of Valparaiso.

I think that's all I have to tell you. Now let's get back to Cambodia.

Also, subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. Okay, bye.

Can't spell Valparaiso without.

A-R-I.

Does that make sense? Anyway, back to Cambodia.

Where are we going today, Ryan? We're going to Cambodia, ladies and gentlemen. That's interesting.
Because I do have, I don't normally do this up front, but I'll wait on it. Cambodia, where'd you go?

Is that how you call it? Cambodia. Well, it's not Campbodia.

You're making a great point here.

Yeah, I went there because you and I were talking about it. Sit in this chair for a second.
I gotta make sure. I just moved it up, so I'm gonna try to make sure.

Lean back, lean forward.

You're good.

Okay. You what? Okay, so you went there what? Because I was talking about it? We were talking about it.
And look, you and I. Yes, here's the one thing I love.
I love cheap places to go.

That is my jam. I fucking love it because I would rather go somewhere for three weeks,

which with what it would cost me to go to like somewhere in the U.S. for like four days.
Yeah. U.S.
is so fucking expensive to travel. Yeah.

And so we were talking about it. And I was like, look, I just want to go one place.
I don't want to go like Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam.

That's also advice to anybody. It's just pick a country.
Yeah. Don't go, let's go region.
It's like, if you have four months, fine. But generally, don't even pick a country.

If you're going to Italy, just go to Rome. Yeah, yeah.
And maybe one other city outside for two of the days, of the six days. If you don't have a lot of time, it's a big city.

And by the way, three weeks is not a lot of time to see a country at all. Even a small country.

It's about what backpackers would do, but they're on the move a lot. Yeah.
Yeah, but so we traverse the whole. So

we start off, we land in Phnom Penh because that's basically the only place you're. And was this after the Cambodian involvement in the Vietnam War was over? They were still in it.

Some people there are still

involved. Jimini Flippers, or that's just Vietnam.
I think that's just. Dude, I went to a whole factory of flippers.
Really? Textiles and shit. And they're like,

and it was like, wait, you're like 35. Like, yeah, you guys left a lot of shit in the water.
Oh, well, so I did go to a landmine place and I held the rats.

They have these African, pouched African rats that sniff out the mines because they're not they're they're light enough where if they step on them they won't blow them up what does that do is that what good does that do goes because then they sniff them out and then they have the guys that are trained because they're still doing it you have a picture of the rat I do yeah that's what that's one to show yeah that's one to show hold on boom

oops

oh my god and they does it have the wearing the same you're wearing the same hat yeah yeah that's why I brought it That's smart.

They have huge nutsacks. Oh, really? Kind of like me.
And you would think the nutsacks would be so big that they would ignite the landmines, but they don't. Damn it.

Okay.

Here a second. I'm not recording fucking anything.
I didn't record anything.

I will always love you. You guys got to get that.
We didn't get any of it. It's just not on there, but that means Niana's going to have to find it.

Good luck. So generally, YMH works on very professional shows, and then my show is a lot less effort because I'm not in there, but a lot more effort in post.

Well, I could see because you were like, hey, can we switch scenes for a second?

Can we see what the camera angle is?

What if I reset everything right now?

I like the chaos. You do? Yeah.

If you like chaos, listen to Slop Quest. Oh, yeah, listen to Slop Quest.
Ryan O'Neill, guys, is a stand-up comedian. He's open for me on the road.

He's been a legit stand-up for 20 years, comedy store to the chorus. Tony Hitchwick will say, he bleeds the black and red.

And I'm leaving LA.

And you're leaving L.A. That's just like a black and red of the bone.
Man, I can't really do it, even though it's the easiest impression to do. Okay.

You were also on the run-through of this. We did a mock.
Yeah. Audio-only.
Yeah. On India.
Yeah.

In a conference room. In the conference room in Denver.
In Denver, at the top of the Comedy Works, greatest club in the country

In the downtown condo. Yeah.

None of that aired. None of that aired.
I could put it up somewhere, audio only. I wonder if somebody said it's AI.
Maybe I'll have AI just do it now. Is it a good one?

Because you go, I learned a lot from that one. I did a lot.
I hope it wasn't. I learned a lot about doing this, where it's like letting the guy go, what to look up, what not to.

That's a different time. And honestly, if there's an AI way to just run it through and do the best you can once,

maybe I'll let it do it. Yeah, you could do it.
It's a good episode. It was a good episode.
It's fun. Yeah, the India trip was good.
The India trip prepared me for the Cambodia.

Over-prepared me.

Because of diarrhea. My whole goal in Cambodia wasn't even to have a good time.
It was don't get

horribly ill.

That was it. Because I got so horribly ill in India.
Like, it was...

They were about to hospitalize me, which probably would have gotten sicker.

So

we landed in Phnom Penh because it's basically the only airport, I think, that you. I think CM Reap has an airport.

I think for any international

flights, you can only land in Phnom Penh. But CM Reap now has an airport.

And it's like a... It's on the reel and the outskirts.
Now, is CM Reap what you were hoping for? Like, not did it live up to.

Like, you know, when you're like, I'm going to go to Italy, I'm thinking Italian food, pasta. So it's like, that's what I'm going for.
And then, like, out of the canals, we're also cool.

Or I'm going for the canal. Is CM Reap the reason you were going?

No, all of it. Because CM Reap, we were only there for a couple days.
We were at Phnom Penh, I did not like.

i did not like penon pen when i got there uh i also got stuck in like the middle of a road for about 15 minutes because it was like five lanes of traffic but there was no stoplight and somehow i made it to the middle because i was trying to buy water across the street and i was just like i don't think that i'm going to be able to ever like there was no gap and you know there's like 20 they're like 20 wide as far as scooters go yeah coming down like a four lane road and there was never i I couldn't, and they were going fast.

It was too, you know, how normally people step into the road and people go around them. This was not that.

So I was with my wife and I was like, I do not think we're going to be able to get out of here. And it was, and I was like, I, you know, it's not like a relaxing way to live.
How'd you do it?

Eventually, I was like, I go, here's the deal. I'm going to leave you behind.
You have to run. Like, this is just, this is every man for himself.
You can't be looking back or we'll both die.

I go, if you see me go, you stick to my ass. So there was this small gap, and I go, We have no choice.
So, I just gunned it, and I didn't even look behind me.

I just hope when I got to the other side that she was there, and she was.

And so, then we bought the water, and then I was like, I don't know how we're gonna get, but we had to walk like a mile down to find like an easier spot.

It was like, imagine if you're like at a river. I know, I'll just cross here.
I'm like, damn it, yeah, you're like, I need to find a better crossing spot on this river.

Um, but when we got there, it happened to be a water festival. What does that mean? It, it evidently, it's a they celebrate

like water. Hey, Dawn.
Hey, Dawn.

I got a jizz festival, Dawn.

We got a water.

Yeah,

I don't know what their deal is, but there was fireworks.

I saw the king

came out.

King of Cambodia? Yeah, king of Cambodia came out. During this, all of a sudden we're trying to walk back to our hotel, and the crowd is just getting thicker and thicker.

And then they're like, there's armed guards. They're like, you can't cross here.
The king's coming. And then you see the king come out.

And people are like, yeah. I spit on him.
I go, fuck you. What? Really? I go, no, King's Day.
This is before all that stuff.

Ugh.

Yeah, so we saw him.

We stayed in a hotel because when we first got there, we stayed in like a hotel that was nice. Yeah.
It was like 60 bucks a night, which is nice. That's so great.

And we're on this, they put us up high.

They said, you're going to love this. We actually put you on a higher floor.
And I didn't realize why, but then we could see everything.

Like, they have these boats on the river, and they have these like 30-foot-high light displays. And they just at night go down the river with these gigantic, like flamboyant light displays.

They drew amazing. You have that? I do.
Yes. I actually have the fireworks and everything.
Really? Yep. Oh, nice.
Let me show you.

Oh, fuck. That.
Well,

this is the fireworks.

Champagne? Yeah. That's awesome.
Dude, over the pagodas. They told my wife to send me the

cities? Yeah. Oh, I don't have the boat.
Oh, there's. Oh, there.
See those bright lights? It's called fireworks. No, no, below.

Go down and to the right. Those are these giant boats with these light displays on the river.
Like on the ridge? Yeah, that's the river. Oh, wow.
So you can see up there. Yeah, and then we went.

Do you have an elevator? Was it all First World? It was all First World.

It was beautiful. Two balconies.
What? The whole world. And how much was it? 60 bucks.

I saw it later. Picture the room.

No, but they were on International House Hunters, this place, because they also do long-term apartments. Really? Yeah.
Is that a show? International House Hunters? Yeah, you ever watch it?

I watch International House of Pancakes.

Is that a show? Yeah.

It lives rent-free in my head.

And then during the day, there's boat races, like rowing boat races. like Harvard, but none of them went to college, sort of thing.

Are these like classic Cambodia-style boats or are these actual rowboats? No, these are like the big, like

I don't know anything about boats, but they've got the like fucking

long front and back type deal. Look at the fireworks and the modern over like the pagoda type.
I think that's a casino right there. Oh, really?

If you want to see that, yes, okay, so that's the boat. Those are the boats.

I have an iPhone SE, so

the camera's not great. I have a Corolla LE.

So I get what you're saying. All right, you go on yourself.
The camera's also not great. Hey, everybody.

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Right below our balcony was a stage, and there was. Look at all that.
Is that a festival down there? This is all festival. Yeah.
So, where that is, there was all this people playing music.

Probably Cambodia's biggest bands. I don't know, but they were jamming out down there.
So we went down there, and

this is the start of something that would happen quite often.

I was walking amongst this crowd, and I feel somebody touch my arm, and i look and it's like a six-year-old kid and then he's 60 six six year old kid yeah and he looks at me he just smiles like he touched a white like it was his dream that's true all of a sudden i felt someone just touch my arm like this yeah i was like what the and i look and then the kid went and he was holding his mom's hand and he was like the most excited

and then nobody touched my wife and she's like the white she's the king of the whites she's pretty hair very white um but i think it's disrespectful maybe to touch women Just touch it.

It's disrespectful to touch a man, too. But multiple kids touched me.
This is like the reverse Epstein. If you go to Cambodia,

they touch you.

But the kids that touched me, the look on their face is like one of like, I can't believe I touched a white and lived.

Like, if I mean, it's like when they tell you at an aquarium, like, don't, don't reach and touch the turtles. And you're like, well, I'm going to touch one.
I'm like, I touched one. Yeah, I know.

You got it. Or if you're like a dolphin, you're like, I'll just let me put my hand over here in the fucking thing.

Let's see if

oh I didn't mean to touch it and so I don't know if there's a mythology like if you touch a white it's good luck or what but multiple like brushings of the skin but gentle very like gentle touching

wow

and that's the first time it happened and I told it happened multiple more than once in large crowds a little kid would touch my arm this is where Phnom Penh yeah here's do you think that kid was from Phnom Penh or a tourist from a small town so that's the other thing.

That could be like he could have been from a village because this attracts, I think, 2 million extra people to this festival. So he could have been.
Oh, wow. He could have never seen one.

That's what I get a sense of at the Great Wall of China, at any of the temples in Myanmar or any place like that. It's like their class trip.

They go into Washington, D.C. They're from Appalachia.
They go to Washington, D.C. for their class trip.
And they're like, whoa.

It's like if you came from like a rural town in Indiana or something and you've never been to a big city, then you go to Washington, D.C. and you touch a homeless guy.

Yeah, you're like, why he's so dirty? Yeah.

Is he Buddhist? Is he a Buddhist?

Did he make a vow of

poverty or whatever?

It's very similar to that. So you just have, God, I love a fucking random festival.
Yeah. You're just like, that was not part of the plan, but then it was a festival of the day, so let's do it.

She just, my wife goes, oh, by the way, I think there's water festival going on. And I was like, what is that? She goes, I have no idea.
She's like, I'm not Cambodian.

And then it was this for like, we were there for three days. It's this every day, just blowing it out.

Wild time. Like, just going out on the streets.

All streets are shut down at night. And you're just, you're walking down the large roadways.
Wow. And it's all closed off.
It's all closed off. Now, there is another casino to the right.
Yeah.

And that one, you have to, like, put your luggage. It's like a TSA.
runs it. You have to put your luggage through an x-ray machine and shit.
Why? I don't know.

Because people are like going to blow up the casino. I have no idea.
Tight security, though. Bad beats.
Yeah.

Okay, so you get to Phnom Penh, good luck, you have a fucking water festival. So this part was great.
The overall navigating the city didn't love it. Went to some museums.
We went, we drank the beer.

We started getting into the beers. My advice is when everybody's going, like with the motorcycles going, find a local trailer.
That's what we did. Yes.
Let them block. You must know the secret code.

I'm just going to walk with you. That's what we, I go, when these guys cross, we're going.
I don't know who's going to be. Let them be the block.

yeah let them like but have them on the oncoming traffic side yeah of you not the other way and so uh but then we immediately after three days we just wanted to acclimate to the time zone and everything oh you had jet lag yeah just to get the lay of the lane and also this is where we first started getting ripped off for tuk-tucks okay like we were like oh three dollars this like wait so cheap wait you told me yesterday but say what it is so we would we would go places we would just hail them and then do you have tuk-tuk pictures i do not i don't have tuk-tuk pictures.

Okay, I can hear it. So this is Tuk-Tucks in Cambodia, which is just a...
It's a cab?

Yes, because there was some, some people were mistaking it for rickshaws, which I don't know if rickshaws exist anymore, but. Rickshaw sounds like a racist term.

Does it? It sounds like something you would call it. Call some ethnic person.
You're like, look at this dirty rickshaw. Look at this fucking rickshaw.
So it's like this? Yes.

That's a nice one, though. That is a nice one.

That's go to the one, go to the white one or up to the green one. Like, these are more what we're.

don't they all kind of doll them up the way oh whoa these are like official now yeah these are pretty decent these are like official yeah this is what i was used to a guy driving a so in the smaller cities that's what you have see them which honestly those are better the one with the scooter towing it

those are more luxurious and it's a motorcycle in front of you yeah and none of these are built for don't they all have their own like little like flare inside of them like see here on top of the ceiling that's all him making all these posters and shit.

Yes, some of them have light displays, like they're wild. Music will be blaring out of it.
Oh, yeah, because you got to stand out in a crowd. Yeah.

But so we started just taking Tuck Tucks and we're like, oh, this is so cheap. Two, three, four dollars.
Yeah. But after a day, we learned that's not, that's American prices.

So they were saying, hey, I'll take you, but three dollars. Because then I, yeah, and I got, we're like, how much is it today? We're like, three dollars.
Like, great, we'll give them five.

But then I got the Pass app,

which is basically uber for i think it only were at the time you could only download it if you were in cambodia using like a cambodian server because you can't download it before you get there you might be able to now but uh you can hail it it's like uber and then i started realizing all these rides were like what 60 cents this fucking shit is killing me oh there we go 60 cents on the pass app yeah is that just killing their economy or is that the real price that is the real price like i think that's we did here and drove out all the cabs by like not paying.

Not that I'm accusing you of anything. No, I think what happens is like, because locals use it, locals are charged.
No way a local is paying like $4 every time they need to use a tuck-tuck.

I think the real Cambodian price is like 80 cents. And we're always tip, we're like, yeah, it's a dollar, then we'll give you $1.80.

Because you can tip at the end.

But yeah, so everywhere we went, it was literally less than $4.

It's the same. They give you like, cause they also have like flag them down.

Well, we did one out. One time we got dropped off from a bus because our last night there, we're going to stay at a place right next to the airport, but we needed it.
It's still further away.

So we tried to hail, I use the pass app out in front of the airport, but out in front of the airport, there's like 300 tuk-tucks. Yeah.

And they're, and they don't, they just give you like a number, and that number is on the license plate of the tuk-tuck.

And so. Who gives you a number? The pass app.
The pass app, yeah. So then I had to find it.
This fucking guy found me. I mean, there's so because otherwise, you're just going to sit there for what?

I don't know, two hours waiting for somebody. This guy found me and he was dying.
He goes, My friends told me I would never find you. And you're like, He said,

I will always love you.

I was impressed. We were both like, we had a bond at the end.
We're like, dude, I can't believe we found each other on this ride.

Not Ming.

I still stay in touch with him. He's like, Send money now.

And then we went to... So here's the other thing about there's only one bus system that you should use to get around the country, and it's Giant Ibis.
Giant Ibis. Okay.
Giant Ibis.

Don't take any of the other fucking buses. This is the only bus that you could...
They have good buses, and the drivers aren't suicidal lunatics. I don't think this is it.

That is it.

Oh, down here.

These are really nice buses. Okay.
Now, they don't go everywhere, but

let's just say the quality between the top of the line, which is Giant Ibis, and number two,

is like

going to like a five-star restaurant and then going to some guy's garage that's making soup. So like this?

Dude, it's not far off. Look up this other guy.

Virock Buntham is the is the other

do you have a picture of it? I don't, but you can look it up here. Buntham Airbus?

It's not an Airbus, but it's this. But they do vans a lot.
Now, it looks great, but this is not what you're getting.

We had to take one of these back. Yeah.
And

not bad, to be honest. Yeah, but that's not it.
And also, this is just a picture.

Some random guy starts picking up people on the street, and then he'll, if it's two seats, he'll make you cram over to make it three seats. Really? Yeah, people.

I think he has a deal picking up certain people

outside of the

way you book it normally. Kimara Times, the crash-prone bus companies have been warned.
That's it. Dude, it's the most terrifying ride.
And I'm not even joking. And I've been shot at on the street.

This was the most terrifying thing that I had ever been in. Three hours of a dude who, because they also say don't drive the bus at night.

So we didn't, but the bus was so late that we ended up leaving at night. And I swear to God, dude, my wife, she just closed her eyes and put her head down and she couldn't watch.

Because this dude was, he almost hit, he almost ran over like six people. He would drive on the other side of the road, driving trucks off onto the shoulder.

Normally you wait, but he was like, and he didn't know how to drive stick.

And he was blowing, dude, he was grinding the gears. Because while we were waiting for this guy to show up, we kept asking people, where is it? So this one lady goes, well, let me check.

She went in the back and we didn't see her again. Two hours.

She never came back we asked another guy he just fucking he goes let me check he walked around and then went down an alley and he never came back so and there were other people there going this is fucking insane so finally it shows up and we realize what happened to those two people i have no idea i've to this day i don't know and i'm so worried don't ask

don't check on the buses in cambodia it's my number one tip do not go out to check on the buses stay where you are it could be like a japanese thing where it's like it's such a dishonor to be late that we have to go in the back and just sword ourselves.

We've been so humiliated that we have to take our own life.

The Dylan Freewaters by Burt Kreiser.

They go where you go.

Oh.

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We booked a seat on one of the, on this guy's bus system before this, and we ended up sitting right next to the driver. Oh, really? And the driver was watching TV on his phone the whole time.

He had the phone here on the side. He's watching a program.
He's just like this. And then when we start going off the road, he'd go, oh, they'd come back.

But the other driver, this guy, I mean,

I'm telling you, so I don't know. I don't know if he just got his license and nobody showed him how to drive stick because they said the bus was having mechanical problems.
And I saw why.

I literally thought the transmission wouldn't make it because anytime he came to a town, he had to put it back into first. And

I drove stick for 26 years.

So I was like, I felt like going, hey, man, let me just give you some pointers here because this is not working out. He was grinding it.
Then he would shift in a second and he couldn't get it in.

And then he would go, you try it like three times. And I was like, dude, he's just going to, this is going to blow the transmission out.
And he would make random stops and pick up strangers to me.

I think, I don't know if they were. They would give him cash and then they would sit.
It was just, it wasn't even a bus. It was a van.

They would sit on the floor or they would squeeze people over on a two-seater and make it. This is reminding me now of

picking up. And then some of it, I wonder if it's cultural or it's like, you just don't get it.
Don't say anything. The stick shift, obviously, like, I know how to do this.
Yes.

But the picking people up, you're like, but they're not official. But you're like, actually, I don't know what official is here, what's not.
So maybe. But I remember trying to get up once.

Some family. I was like, oh, here, take mine.
They're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And it was like, oh, are they not supposed to be in here? And they're like, you paid.
You have to get this.

That's how it works. They pay less.
They sit on the phone. They know the deal.
It's fine. And

he was dropping off packages.

It's like a shipping ad bus coming up. I remember the comedy store, they'd be like,

you're not a comic here, but like, give me me 20 bucks.

It's like, all right, I get it.

And I feel like, you're going that way. You're not going to pick me up.
I'm an old lady. I don't even fault the guy, but it was his driving, the way he was driving.

He was coming into these small towns. He almost hit like eight dogs.
But the passing at night. The headlights were dog shit on this, but he was in such a hurry, I think, to make up the time.

I don't know if he was going to get fired, but he had to make up the time that he was late. And so he was making passes at night in Cambodia, and he didn't care if a car was coming in the other lane.

They were just going to have to run off the road. And he was going so fucking fast.
I mean, it was, it was truly one of the most terrifying.

And I'm behind him and I'm yelling, dude, what are you doing?

I swear, dude, I go, what? Hey, what the fuck, man? And other people are yelling it too. And part of me was like, when he stops to deliver one of these fucking packages, I'm getting out.

But then I go, but how am I going to get? So I was going to Campot. and I go, how would I even organize another ride to there?

So I'm stuck in there, but I'm yelling at him and he's not even responding. And people in the back, every time he makes a pass, people are like, oh my God, like, there's a semi.

He would like pull off. There would be behind a bus and he would just crank the wheel and then there'd be a semi coming right at us.

And he'd either go back or the semi would just run off the fucking shoulder.

And he just, nothing stopped stopped him. I mean, I get for, as far as perseverance goes, this guy was, he was like possessed.
He made it, but I yelled at him so many fucking times.

I'd go, stop, what the fuck, dude? And he didn't, I think he just didn't,

he never gave a reaction to anything. So it was three hours of hell

following everything that you shouldn't do. Don't drive at night, don't take this fucking bus system.

But we got there, and

yeah, it was

so my advice. So you went to

campot so we went from phnom pen to see him reap and then we went to the go see the temples okay

and oh and we went to the circus too circus in seeing reap yeah okay they have a circus there that is all the time uh yeah i think it's there it's it's awesome i mean super talented performers like unicyclists on tightropes and that kind of stuff really and i was like i also thought like if something happens to these people they don't really have a very good Everyone said if you really have a bad medical need, you need to go to Thailand.

You need to get out of there? Yeah, just go to Thailand.

So then we went here. So, you know, you go to Anchor Watt.
So what's your sun up or sundown? This is sun up. So they get, you went there, and they get you there like the bus pick or the.

tour guide picks you up at like four. I was on a long-term thing.
I couldn't do like tour guide prices stuff. I would just got a tuk-tok and like take me out there.
Oh, it's the same, though.

Like, it wasn't, it wasn't sun up

and so wow so you're over the water look how pretty that is so you get there and then they get you and then so everyone's lined up for this chinese or not so much a lot of chinese but so we went it was uh we left thanksgiving 2023 and tourism was way down like by like 50

one of the underrated positives of covid yeah you get to places i went to the amazon the day it opened

that's good opening day Yeah. It's like Disneyland.
And nobody was there. We were like, oh, that's pretty cool.

And then you came back to the main town from being like deep in the lodge and you see pictures. Like, wait, was I there? There's 80 people in this hut.
I was there alone. Yeah.
And you're like, oh.

And so nobody, and also that's why prices were even less.

Like at Siem Breep, we got a really nice,

like one bedroom for $30 a night. And it had its own patio overlooking things.

And then, but we basically went there for this. It's a seafood place.
It's like only local Cambodians, and it's amazing. And it's $10

for like all the seafood that you would ever want. Is it this place?

That's it. Oh, wow.

That's it.

And they don't speak, they're at the point where they don't even speak English. They're just like, this is, I want like this stuff.
I was basically just like, give me a bunch of seafood. Yeah.

Because I'll eat it all. I'm not super picky.

Wow.

And it was, I think it was $10 each. Yeah.

For beers

and just a shitload of fucking seafood. Wow.
Yes.

Yes. Oh, my God.

It's so outside.

And they're just cooking out. I've never been here, but it just brings me back.
And there's like other seating around, too. It's great.
Wow. And then we went after that with just rakes of circus.

Warmth. Yes.
Outside.

Oh, and it's so fucking hot. I mean, it's so.

What do they serve there? Just crab?

They have everything. All kinds of crab.
You can get regular fish. I think shrimp.
I had a shitload of crab. Let's see the menu.

Is that it?

That's why I just go, we were just like, bring us

food. I guess give me one of the.

I didn't even say that. They sent a child over to basically, because it was family run.
They were like, they sent a child who basically spoke a little bit of English. Yeah.

Who was like, here, just, yes, we'll get you this.

I'm not going to complain about anything here.

I'm going to do all my notes here as we go.

So I definitely recommend this place. I wish I would have gone.
We should have spent more time in Seam Reap because then we realized,

we didn't realize that there was like a

touristy section. Yeah.
And then coming back from the circus, we saw that, Like the place where the whites put their feet in the water and the fish like eat their dead skin cells and shit.

Yeah, I've done that. Yeah.
So then, and then there was like all these American, like, American bars and stuff, but we didn't see any of that. It was in my episode.
I had put it in somewhere.

Something. Thailand.
It was full moon party. It was similar.
Like, it's like a district where there's like all the. It's like, all right, we do all those.
Yeah,

we drove by it and I was like, this is, I didn't even know this was fucking here.

because we didn't. But it's here if you're really going for it for the Ankors.
That's it, yeah. And I got a massage there.
Do you have Angkor beer? Of course. Yeah.
Angkor beer.

It's like a German Cambodian beer. Do you have any of this?

I tried to find a place in New York that sold it. And then Cambodia beer was the big one.
Ankor and Cambodia beer? Yeah, that's why I was like, I don't know why the U.S. doesn't have USA beer.

Budweiser is as close as they get. But it's just call it.
Cambodia right here. Yes.
And where's this? Because these signs are everywhere. Where's the fucking...

Okay, so Angkor, Cambodia,

Tiger somewhere else. Yes, I had all of these.
Kingdom beer.

Cambodia and Angkor. I definitely had these two.

Cambodia Extra Series. There's an orange one that was on every bill.
Oh, right there. What is that one?

See taste test. Yeah.
Go to the right. Go to the right.
No, right on the taste test pick. Okay, which one's that? Yes.
Gansberg. Gansberg.
Yes. It's like German Cambodian.

It's on every

if people want artwork, like in their hut, they'll just hang a Cansberg sign. Do you know about Budweiser? No.
It's Czech beer. Unrelated.
Really? Delicious, like hearty ale. But oh, so zero relation.

Yeah.

It is.

I mean, all the beer. It's it's so fucking hot, though.

It's, I mean, look,

holy shit, wait, but so did Budweiser steal it from them? I don't know. Did Seinfeld steal comedian cars getting coffee from the guy who pitched it to him and waited too long to sue him?

Sued for $100 million. $100 million.

It's like all the riches in the world. He goes, it's a guy talking to another guy.

I did this.

It's like when Mark Maron's like, I should have never ushered in the interview.

You mean like Stern didn't do it first and everybody it's so funny yeah I ushered in like did you though he's like I really wish I had started this trend of comedians talking to people

you don't think we were talking that's so funny that somebody was like but Jerry you never had you never talked to anyone you literally were a standoffist jerk

I'm the one who's dead why don't you be outgoing I like how you could make a you could sue for a hundred million by going but yes they're not sitting in chairs they're sitting in cars oh I like too when people are like, when I was doing some podcasts in the car, they're like, you stole this from this.

Or five years earlier, I was doing it audio only in the car. I just didn't have video yet.
What are you talking about?

Everything has been done. I mean,

except one thing. All of it is just a cheaper format of the talk show.

Like the interviewing people.

Talk show as best we can. They're like, yeah, but I didn't use a $10,000 camera.
I don't have a Cambodian booze, do I?

I looked. I got booze from everywhere so I can like serve it in this.
This This is from Dominican Republic, Mama Wana. Maybe we can have this tomorrow for fucking

early bachelor. It tastes disgusting.
But I went to get, I was going to do a podcast with Sean Patton

with Sean Patton on Cuba, and I went to go to the place, and I was like, do you have any Cuban beers? Like, no, I'm like, damn, where can I get like a Cuban beer? The guy goes,

there's an embargo

for 60 plus years.

And I was like, oh, he goes, so the answer is nowhere. And I'm like, oh, not like a specialty shop, shop, Astor Wines.
If Aster Wines doesn't happen, it just doesn't happen.

I was trying to find, there is like a Cambodian restaurant up on the north side from here.

But they would have one or two, I bet. Yeah, but they would also, like, I can't, I know how much they cost.

I can't pay American prices for kicking. I'm not paying you 12 bucks.

That's my month's rent there. Yeah, no, fuck that, dude.
They're like, and I would just buy a shitload because it was like 25 cents a beer. God, they were so good.
Do they come in those 20 ounces?

No, they would, no.

I think maybe you could get bottles. We just bought cans.
Cans, okay.

It was all just, every time we would pack up, we would have to leave like $5 worth of beer in the fridge because we're like, oh, we overestimated how much we thought we were going to drink.

Let them have it. Yeah, I go, great.
For the next person.

But so, yeah, CM Reap, we went there, and then we went to a place called Bottom Bong. Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. You got to tell me about the temples a little more.
Okay.

Yeah, you can't just skirt by the fucking. I forgot.
Are those one of the wonders of the world?

No, they're predatable. The wonder of the world came out before these.
Yeah, this isn't like Machu Picchu, where I told you this. Machu Picchu, I found out, was built in like 1546.

Like there's barns in England that are 500 years older than them.

Which disappointed me a little bit. I don't know why.
I think because I just thought they were 2,000 years old. I thought it was before predated time.
Yeah, but this shit's like old.

And also, you can climb on all of it okay hook it up you can fucking you it does not matter they don't give a fuck okay so this is just the sunrise this is before you've even gone in this is before i go in yes okay

this is this so you can sort of see zoom it back up one back up one back up one back up one zoom in on that one in the middle up forward one now zoom in on that This is what you're hoping for.

That kind of thing. Yes.
And wow, look at it. And this is the big one.

Or this is the one everyone goes to, but honestly, it's not my favorite. No,

there's a fucking million of them. Top From is better.
A ton are better. This one, this is probably my favorite.
Let me... Wait, who's this? Who's that?

That lady? So this is... Look at this one.

Wow. This looks like a fucking postcard.
This one's my favorite. This thing is beat to fuck.

And inside is like a lab. Is that Tophrom or no?

It might be. Hold on, let me look.
I'm terrible with remembering all.

This guy's giving you information. I was like, this is Tophrom.
Is this the same thing?

Come on.

Wait, is it because I went like

is this that? Wait, the one with the trees is you're talking about. Yeah.
Yeah, no, this is not that one. This is not that one.
This is even another one. This is another one.
This one is more beat up.

Who cares about the name? Yeah. So be honest.

So this is like the one that I guess the tour guides go to the last. But it's pretty big.
It's huge. And the inside I liked even better because it was like a, it was a maze.
Labyrinth.

I remember this one. Yes.

And everything, and you're like some of it you have to like jump and climb over fallen stones and stuff yeah i think i went on the outside of this one right here yeah yes you can go on the outside yeah i think i just because i was by myself and i was like all right take it all in i just kind of went on a walk can i just say once again i'm gonna keep saying this these phones are crazy Oh, yeah.

I mean, this is fucking mind-boggling. This is the picture here, right? You're like, okay, I'm pretty much saying everything.
Really, there's a human there. Where? I know.

Well,

there is a human. Like, not just that.
There's a human with a jacket and a hat. And that lady's wearing a scarf, and there's someone in the building.
And you can just make that out on a zoom in.

It's fucking crazy. And this is even a good.
He's got a boner.

Yeah, so I went over here and I just went this way around it. Yeah.
And I went up to where that car is. There's a car.

There's random people over all the way to the right. Look at that.
That's a car over there. It's a fucking Jeep.

That's a nice one. That's a nice one.
That's a better.

One of the better Cambodian cars. That's a Cambodian seat.

Oh, there are people to the right. It's crazy these potions.
Anyway, anyway, but yeah, I remember walking on the outside of it and just feeling just like casualness. This is what I like.
Also,

this one was not regulated at all. Like, there was nobody around.
There's no guards or anything. If you wanted to climb to the top of that fucking thing, nobody's going to stop you.
Wow.

And there was a bunch of these. Like, for me, the Anchor Watt one, like, definitely is the most well-preserved, or one of the most well-preserved.
And they have a lot of learning things.

Like, you can learn a lot of shit, but 100%,

as far as climbing and fucking around, this one and a couple of other smaller ones were like fucking really cool. Okay, don't even look up the name, guys.
It's fine. Don't.

Just, if you go there, look for this picture. Yeah.
No, I mean, Niana, don't honest, legitimately, do not look up the names. Okay, go ahead.

Let me see where this. This is the same picture of the other one.
Oh, okay. Wow.
Yeah, this one's for

Tomb Raider. Yes.
This is for

is this the one with the faces that are like in the rock, too?

Faces.

Ah, yes. Pretty much head size.
Their head is the size of your whole body. I feel like a few of them had that.
Okay. Yeah.
Yes. Where they have actual.

This is the main tree. That might be Inker.
Yeah.

The both of these are. So look at how the tree grows.
Zoom it.

This is all covered.

What the fuck? Okay.

Wow. Look at it.
Look at this.

Look at that. Look at this white.

Look at this. That's a fat.
That's a that's Korean. Look at this.
That's how you tell. In that region, if you see a fat Asian,

wow, that guy's selling, he's got cases of shit.

If you see a fat Asian in an Asian area, because I was like, look, I think in Cambodia, actually, we were talking about it. There was like, there's no Cambodian fatties.
Yeah.

And I was like, there's one. And some guy goes, that's Korean.
You're right.

You raised pieces of shit. All the fats are.
Yeah.

They're not even Chinese. You know, the insignia for like Maine is like, you know, or like Maryland is MD and like California is CA.
Yeah. You know, Koreas?

What is it? LB.

It's a long way. No, we're going to wait for that.
I just made it up.

There's a bit. Yeah, you got a new bit

that no one would know outside of the future. Stay tuned for the next Netflix special.

Stuff almost no one will get.

That would actually be a good special. Wow.
Look at it. I mean, it's just, so this is all covered up completely.

Look at that. Look at this.
This is like a Europe. This, oh, this lady, what is this lady? She's either German.
Inbred. For sure.
Inbreeding.

Or like a some shit. She was like a clown or like a

demon, something from the depths. I think she's from the depths, whatever that would be.
She's definitely from Europe. Yeah, inbreeding country.
And then it's, it's like 50 of these. And it's growing.

I love how the life of a tree will just go. You ever see one on a cliff, side of a cliff? Yes.
And you're like, how? Yeah. Like, someone's like, oh, hey, look, that.
Oh, I thought you saw a cockroach.

You see it? Yeah. The head and the thing? Can you see from that for me? Yes, yes, yes.
You went to that one. That's gone.
I went to... I went to a few.
So that day lasted 12 hours. 12, 13 hours.

And we saw so much shit that it was almost too much. It was too much.
You get templed out in the region. Yes.
It was too much to take in almost. I would.

There was so much information being thrown at you and read. And also, like, since I'm dyslexic, the reading part taxes my brain to the point that I was like, I can't retain.
Yeah.

When I was on the outside walking around, I was like,

yeah. Just got to walk and soak this in.
It's kind of like when you're like, go somewhere and you're like, we're going to go to see museums.

After like two days of museums, you're like, I can't take any more information.

You can't read a fucking caption right next to it anymore.

It's like enough. I get about an hour and a half at the Met and then I'm done.
And then, because I learned all about the cool systems of hell, and then I don't, I couldn't tell.

If I told it to you, it would make zero sense. Wow.

So then, yeah, so it's like it's 12 hours of this. Anchor Watts just won of.
Did they tell you how this was discovered? All these?

How it was this? Oh, did they tell us? Did they tell you, yeah? Yeah. But I don't remember any of it.

So there was this guy who discovered, and we were like, oh, wow, I discovered it. And then it turns out that's not who discovered.

40 years earlier, a Christian missionary was there and it was all uncovered in like, because it had been

an anchor watt? Yeah. Okay, this is all of them.
But the first ones, it's been abandoned, so covered up by trees.

And, you know, just like that tree took that, hundreds of trees took over and just couldn't see it from the jungle. It was outside of town.
Yeah. It's outside of Siam Reap.

So it's like, you just couldn't see it. Even flying overhead, you don't see it.
It's completely uncovered. And some guy was on a hike, some Christian missionary, and he was like, what is it?

And he came across it and he thought it was an abomination it was so antichrist he said no one should know he told a few people at his parish and they're like yeah keep that quiet and then no one discovered it for another however many decades and some other guy came by like what this is awesome the guy's no no it's shitty goes i'm gonna make so much money he goes no no no no no no it's shitty what a dick what a dick i'm sure they told us first time christians ever got it wrong that yeah you know what sometimes christians are on to something and sometimes they're not

that child you imagine that being like, this place, what a fucking shithole. Let's put more leaves over it so that nobody finds it.

It's like with somebody, there's like a classic car and somebody's in their backyard in the woods. Yeah.
And some guy goes, oh, that thing sucks. Let's throw more garbage on top of it.

Some guy goes, what, this is a fucking, it's old 9-11. Yeah.

Wow, what a dickhead. Look at that thing, though.
Okay, so you go to the bottom. By the way, these are all over.

When we went to Bottom Bong, there was more temples than. How old are these things? I think thousands.
Bottombong had, really?

Interesting. Bottombong has its own.
Like, we would go and there would be just a temple on the side of the road, and we're like, can we just pull over and see that? And they're like, yeah, but why?

We're like,

he's like, I drive by this on my way to work every day.

It's like stupid. And they're like, no, no, no.
We want to go in and climb it. There is that general debate on, well, not debate, but like a travel idea or idea in general.

It's like the famous one versus one that's unfamous. Sometimes you're equal.
Sometimes it's a little worse to be unfamous, but no line, which actually makes up for it. Yeah.

Like if you're waiting more than an hour to get a slice of Joe's, you're retarded. Yeah, because there's other things.

It's an A-.

Yes.

I have a rule where I won't wait in line.

I'll either get there early,

but I'm not going to wait two hours for somebody. It's how Mama Fuku is.
It's like, if you're there, it's like there's always a line, but it's like, I'm a resident of the city.

So like, if I walk by and there's zero line, I'm like, lunch right now, like, yeah, I'm like, now I'll go. Yes.
I'm not going to go on weekends. But Cambodia is like that.
You're like, Thailand

is busier for sure. But I want to go to the place.

And then that sounds like one of the lesser-known Cambodian spots. Yeah.

It's like we went to Poland. Poland's amazing.

People don't go there because only Polish people and Germans travel around Poland because it's not known. Everyone's like, I'm going to the Czech Republic.
I'm going to go to.

Prague and stuff like that. But there's equally cool cities that are just as cheap.
We went to Zion, Mead Lists, Vecchiona, and Tolomash, and we stayed at some place in Zion. It was pretty cool.

And the guy was like, All right, here's, I'll show you how to drive to all the big hikes. Just so you know, you can also walk out in this property.
There's nobody here. It's a big cliff way that way.

And we did. It was all, there's like, there's also like

hieroglyphics from the Indians. Really? Oh, 80 miles.
Yeah, I'm like, oh, and literally, we passed one guy coming into the hieroglyphs as we're coming out. That's it.

And then the more famous hikes are cooler, but Chinese everywhere pushing. Yep.
That's the problem. Not serene.
Wherever the Chinese tourists are, you just find the opposite.

There's two things I have in my head when I say this advice about Chinese people.

It's

the pyramids. I saw them show up on the boat, on the bus, but I already known because of here, because of this place or Anchor Watt.

Actually, Anchor Watt, I think, the famous one that's more well-preserved.

When they got there, it got so overrun that the advice is you see the bus, the Chinese unload, take your last pictures and go home the fuck out don't say this is unfair act as if it's the rain yeah you can't complain that's where they are you should have got there earlier because they don't get their first thing

take your last pictures and go home you did as much as you were gonna by the way there will be just as cool spots yeah there always are like people that if you go to paris

And you, there's one, there will be a super famous place that you have to go. Around the corner, there's going to be equal quality restaurants that are the fucking same that nobody's at.

Yeah, you just got to go to those. Yeah, I 100% agree.

And that's why I literally, like, I knew that tourism was way down, so everything's going to be way cheaper and there's not going to be any lines. And there was never any crime.
How much was the tour?

Tour was like $40 a person. But we also got.
Plus, entry fees into the temples? That was everything. Yeah.
Wow.

And we got, which doesn't even,

when we get to bottom bong, there's a tour.

Yeah,

this is also part of the tour.

That's Sam Reap. This is like a village inside there.
And then you get to go in there and stir this.

And this is their candy. It's this coconut

dessert. It's like a ball inside of it.
I don't know what it's called, but and then you get to go up there and we get to stir it.

The levels of this would not be allowed at an American restaurant.

That's what I loved about this temple. First of all, it's resting on bricks.

This could dump over and burn this guy's sandal feet. That too.
Hey,

you can't be in the kitchen with sandals. Absolutely not.
We have standards here. That's the least of these things.

And so then this, we later, we ate this then for lunch at a place, and it's like, they're basically like sugar. And then it's wrapped in like some sort of like coconut or something.

You have the finished product?

No, I don't. The problem is I always tell, when I travel with my wife, I go, take a picture of this.

You take a picture of it. That's the thing.
Whenever you travel with anybody, it's like, hey, do this for me? So, ooh,

so this one's great. Dude, I climbed to the water.
This is the one you just showed me? No, this is a different. This is it.
This is just a random one. You'd see.

Oh, this is the one you said just pull over? Yeah. Oh, this is one of them.
This is one of them. And so this one's like on the tour.

I just climbed. Look, it says no climbing.
Yeah, it doesn't matter. I go, can I climb there? He goes, yeah, but just don't use the stairs.
Climb on the side of the fucker.

Because they say we don't want you using the stairs. That's why there's a sign there and not somewhere else.
So you have to climb up the wall. So you climb up the wall like a fucking Spider-Man.

And this is at the top. I think there's more to this also down below.
But yeah, I mean, they're just like littered all over the entire fucking country.

Now, they do say still, like, if you're going to go hiking or something, like, you have to stay on a trail. Why? Because there's landmines.
There's still lots of landmines all over the place.

Yeah, there's still, that's why they have the rats. Dude, we went to a landmine, a museum in Seam Reap where they had the rats and they train them there.

And then they had the guys who are their handlers for like their whole life. And

there's some, they're like, yeah, a year ago, a farmer got his leg blown off. Here's a photo of that.
He was just out plowing. He's tilling and then finally got.

This guy's blind because he was picking up something and tripped a landmine and blew up in his face.

I mean, here's the craziest thing of all, of all, whatever wars were, you know, but like, were we at war in Laos or Cambodia? No. Why do they have all these lands?

Because they're like, they were afraid they might bring arms through there. They were, so yeah, did you, did you hear the story about it? Like, Nixon and Kissinger just concocted this.

I guess three people in the whole world knew this. Yeah.
Kissinger, Nixon, and then the guy,

the military guy in Cambodia that was calling on the raids. And they would burn all the orders.
So like they pretended it didn't happen.

And so, they would just bomb it because they go, the Viet Cong, even though Cambodia was neutral in Vietnam, they said the Viet Cong was using it.

And so, they were just putting mines and just dropping bombs for four years.

This is how the Khmer Rouge got in. And then never track of him to go build him up.

That's why they're like, and then Kissinger was mad because he's like, he hated that, like, a third world country wouldn't bend to the will of the U.S. And then when he died, they're like,

it's a complicated history with because you're like no a guy just he killed and by the way they estimate 50 to 150,000 the U.S.

Cambodians were killed in these air raids but they say that it's more like 300 to 500,000 fucking it's wild and they were also just like mostly far like

The Viet Cong may have been using their farmland to cut across, but they're just like,

I wish that guy wouldn't use my property.

But they're like, let's blow these fucking guys up this is like whenever i hear like uh about anything in like israel and palestines like how dare you kind of shit it's like and fair you know less killing always but like who are you aren't you an american that's like me going dude you don't fucking put drugs in someone's drink

you're like all right true but who's saying it right now i know they're like we're mad that people are i did that years ago yeah i did that in our lifetime but longer ago in our lifetime and then every bomb dies

literally still doing it right now but i don't like this new one that someone else is doing doing

they're like people we still are like you know what we also need these people to know where the bombs are made they're buying they'll just say made in the usa i want you pulling an american flag on a metal out of your child's arm so and then later you're like gonna be pissed about it same as we got pissed when people did shit over here we're like the same reaction as other places pretty funny it's pretty funny to me but you still can't go like they still recommend they're like if you're gonna go through the jungle and shit like don't go off a trail at all.

Because there is, there's so many landmines that have still not been found that they still do go off, even in modern times. You'd think they just go bad after a while.
But like, I mean, this has been

60 years. I think some of them do, but

there's, some of them might be duds, but they still like blow up in weird ways. Like, there'll still be a little bit that's still potent.

So they'll like blow up in your face, but it won't kill you, but it'll make you blind or make you blow off your fingers.

Late 60s to early 70s. Yeah, 69 to 73 or something.

50 something years. Yeah.
Wow. And they will go, it's interesting how they do it.
They lay out like a grid and how they have then these rats go through there.

But it is wild that they use these giant fucking rats.

Hold on. April to June 1970.
Secret bombing. This involvement included secret bombing raids.

the Cambodian incursion, which is April to June of 1970, and continued military operations, including air support and bombing.

Crazy. They said they dropped like 500,000 tons of military, of bombs on the fucking land.

It's,

I mean, and also, so there's not a lot of dudes.

You know, if there's mostly old women, but there's not very many old dudes because when the Khmer Rouge came in, you know, they would kill dudes and then they would also

send them to go fight and stuff and they would die. Yeah.
So it is a very

female run country because they weren't left with a lot of dudes. Oh, interesting.
And so

you will see mostly old women.

But then when

we went to Bottom Bong,

we didn't go to the Killing Fields. We were like, hey, we'll go back to Phnom Penh.
Bottom Bong's where the Killing Fields is? No, Phnom Penh outside Phnom Penh is.

So we're like, we'll go back early because

we didn't have a set itinerary. Because sometimes you're like, we want to stay here longer.
Killing Fields is a weird one because it's part of trauma tourism. Yes.

And I don't, I'm totally fine with skipping that.

I feel like once, like, I went to Dachau in Germany, but then in Poland, I didn't go to Auschwitz because I was like, I don't know how many of these I need to say. Yeah.

I was like, I don't know how many more of these I need to see. Yeah.
Like, I understand. Just go take a Schwitz and think about it.
Yeah, exactly.

So we didn't, but we, so we did go to the killing cave. What's the killing cave? I don't know about that one.
So it's in bottom bomb. Did you get the kill? They do.
They'll give you a fake baby.

You beat it on the rock, and then you throw it down into the cave.

And after we saw that, we go, I think we get it. We don't really need to see.
Do you have pictures of this? I don't have pictures of this.

Oh, we didn't take pictures because we thought it was a little like...

Yeah, we're like,

why do I want pictures of the cave? Well, luckily, everyone else have a complete lack of pictures. Oh, there's a pile of bones that you can go see at the bottom of the cave.
This?

Go up to the right corner. Click on that.
I think that's the bones. Yeah, so those are the bones they found.

They're the killing field, so you didn't miss much. It's bones are bones.
Yeah. They're a little shorter than the American bones overall.
Those are the adults they found.

Because, okay, so this cave is, there's two openings. One's for throwing...

bashing children's head on a rock, throwing them in, and the other's for pushing,

hitting adults up on top. There's like a little hole above it.

And that's where they hit you in the back of the head, and then you fall into the cave.

You fall far. And so those bones are at the bottom of the first section.

But I didn't take any pictures. I was like, what am I doing? Why? Jamaic Rouge was an interesting thing.
I think Pol Pot, legitimately, no offense, is my favorite of all the mass murderers.

I'm the most interested in him.

He didn't get killed. No.
He stayed alive and for like 30 more years. I believe in his own region in the north.

I believe that some of these, some of the big guy that were worked with Pol Pot, I think some of them are still in prison alive to this day. They're like in their 80s.

Prison, I don't mind because, like, hey, we don't do the killing thing. No, but they'll talk about it.
They will be and like they'll talk about their relationship.

It was not that long ago, which is crazy. For some reason, I don't know why you think it's like this was 100 years ago, but this was

up until like 1990.

Come on, bro.

Yeah, I think he got poisoned by his men when he was like in his late 70s, early 80s.

I think that's how he died. I think you're right.

So he died from not

the Pol Pot era fucking Khmer Rouge. He died from later shit.
Yeah, he's like, he had fucking gout from eating too many.

Well, also, I think if he did get poisoned, he's like, you fucked your friend's neighbor. So

that's what he's doing. That's nothing to do with this.

It was kind of wild. But it's funny when.

Never on the list of top killers. He is on the list of top killers.
I put him on there.

Also, the guy we went with, his dad was killed by the committee. Hello Jewish.
Saved the most money. Most Jewish of all the killers, not the Nazis.
Yeah. Didn't use bullets.
Didn't use bullets. Yes.

Oh, so they have all these like... Okay, so look, they're being stuck.
Like, these are their...

This is outside the killing cave. They have all these things because he...
This is what's happening to all these people in one of these levels of hell.

They're all being poked and shit by people that they murdered. So the people in here are like the murderers.

Like they have one where it's like someone climbing a tree and another guy shoving a spear up his asshole. Yeah, I saw that.
I think it's up. If you go down to those ones below, too, there's more.

Yeah, so there's like, yeah, there's, that's the one. So this is all going on together at the same time.

But it's there to make people feel better, which I think in America we should have that too. And it's like, don't worry, in hell, they're hurting.
Yeah. Like, is that a report?

Or is that just a matter of time?

Well, like, if you you have, like, what would be great, especially because we're in New York right now, is if at the 9-11 Memorial, you just have like white dudes forcing the hijackers to suck their dicks and stuff like that, it would make people feel better.

They're like, wow,

and also, if you're like an Afghani or someone who's still loyal to like whatever, you'd be like, damn. Yeah.
You're like, dah, you're fucking this position. So they'd shove you this far down.

Yeah, okay, so the hole is up above this. Like, you can walk.
There's another trail that will take you on the ball.

They'll bash you to make it incapacitated and then then shove you down to where you're going to almost die from the fall it's a whole like half the size of this room they put you on your knees and then they smash you in the head with a rock which usually won't kill you but then you'll fall and then hopefully that will kill you but sometimes people's not you're not getting that yeah and they're gonna throw somebody on top of you anyway

break a leg at least and you're like yeah

or like you're paralyzed but you're eventually but then literally so right just to the left they have the a giant there's a giant rock and then they would just take the babies and they would just smash their head and they would throw them in the pit.

So, after that, I was

like, I don't think I need to go to the killing fields. It's a lot of same.
It's like, why is this tree growing crooked? It's like, that was about the size, and they got all these baby teeth.

And it's like, how much can you take? Like, it is.

You leave there feeling awful. Yes.
That was the other thing I was like, I get it. And also, the guy

explained it to us. Also, he didn't know who Henry Kissinger was or anything.
Like, their interpretation of what happened does not involve the U.S.

Is a Buddha down now?

A sleeping Buddha? I think so. Wow.

But you go way down there, and there is

where the bones and stuff are.

But if you want to go on the best tour, Mr. Kim's tour.
I'll give it up for that.

Generally, this one don't bleep out. Mr.
Kim has taken it up. Mr.
Kim's tour. Dude, this guy is the fucking best.

His ratings were so good. Okay, he takes you for over eight hours.
He picks you up in the morning. Do you know how much he charges? Now, he may raise his rates.

He picks you up. Okay, so let me tell you:

he takes you to go see the French architecture in Bottombaum. You got to meet him there? No, he picks you up at your place.

No general meeting place? He picks you up at your place? He goes, Where are you? I come get you. The total all-day tour for two people was $40.

He also, you get lunch. He takes you to villages to go see Rice Fields.
He takes you. Rice Fields is Bobby Lee's family.

Rice Fields is their Marshall Fields. It's a ball there.
Oh, this is the five, six hour one, only $9. But you did the eight-hour one.
I did for two people, yeah. I think, so for two adults, it's $18.

But

I don't know.

Maybe tourism is so bad that he had to lower it even more. But look at his, he's got a badass tuck-tuck.
That's a tough one. Very comfortable.
Yes, very comfortable. Tim is fucking rocking it.

He speaks perfect English. That helps.
He goes with you, even like when you have to park the bike and you have to hike up. He's going to hike.
Some of these guys are like, all right, you go.

I'm not going to fucking.

He brings water. You don't have to bring anything.
He brings all the waters you want. You go to this train.
Five-star, 33 five-star reviews, no other reviews. You'll see ours on there, probably.

No way.

Stop. Okay, let's hear Monica first.
When I arrived in Bottombong, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. The city felt rough.
The heat was intense. Everything's rough.

And after the charm of CM Reap, I was a bit hesitant. Honestly, bottom bong, I thought, blew CM Reap away.
You thought it was going to be the bottom of your trip, but it was the top. It was top bong.

Then I met Kim, kind, funny, and full of local knowledge, who offered me a private tuk-tuk tour.

Lady, good luck with that. Sounds terrible.
It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my entire trip. Oh,

if this is in chadsurvivors.com, you'd be like, oh, okay, it's different. It looks like they fucked.
It sure does. We spent four amazing hours exploring the countryside.

Kim took me to Watbanan, where we climbed 365 steps.

You did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a picture.
Let's see that. We climbed a second.
Involves my wife. Okay.

I'll just read the last line. If you're headed to bottombong, do yourself a favor.
Oh, she's British. And book.

I fucked it up. And book a tour with Kim.
You won't regret it. Thanks, Monica.

That was April 2025. That's recently.

Solo.

Oh, she went solo. I could see her being like worried about the solo

you got a picture of it I do yeah this is gonna find yours you tend they always do that right leave me a five-star review on trip advisor and somewhere you're like you know what I'm going for it are you are you Hannah F?

No, it'll be under what, oh, for reviews? Yeah. No, look up.

It'll be under

Pat. Are you a P2B?

Here's where. Okay, so this is the top of that place.
When did you go? When was this? This was like a year and a half ago. Okay, Rod.
You're not Rod, are you?

Look, oh, it'll be like November 2023. Okay.

Wow, this keeps going back. Wait, winter and snowflake.
Oh, that's a person. From start to finish, we enjoyed every minute of this tour.
Is this us? I couldn't have imagined a better guy than Kim.

He was incredibly kind-friendly in a copy. No, it's not.
This guy rules. Dude, he's the best.
Kim's the guy. Yeah.

And it's what a price.

What a price. He also.
When was yours? November, what? 23? Yeah. Yeah.

It'd be November or December. Okay, there's September,

March 24. We're narrowing in.
Anissa.

Explorer. That's January.

November, Inge.

No.

September, Isha. Oh, fuck, okay.
They deleted your fucking thing. Maybe it was on Google.
No, she left it on TripAdvice. Well, anyway, I read it.
Really? Maybe it's on Google. She left.
23, you sure?

Yeah, 20. We went November 2023 to December.
Oh, so maybe it's in January. Maybe it was 22.
Oh, maybe it could have been. Okay, hold on.
Believe that. Explore 0599-888-5988.
Her number?

Who put their number in there? No, maybe that's. Wait, what does it say? I'll know her right up.
Great tour with Kim. Kim is a very kind guide who's very well informed.

He took us to the killing cave, which is very impressive. That can't be impressive.
No, that's not. That's not.

Grian P? Can't be that.

That's January.

Anissa S. No.
February. Actually, let me look at this text message because.
S is bitch. Oh, here.
She sent me. Well, don't read these.
Okay. Oh, here it is.
I'll read the review. Okay.

Kim's tours, Bottombong. Hands down, the best tour I've ever taken anywhere.

We went all over Bottombong, not only to some can't-miss tourist spots, but also, and then it says more, but it's a screenshot.

So this is on Google. This must be Google.

Yes, he's got a bunch of reviews on Google. I think Google, TripAdvisor is weird.
You get a lot of people that are mad on TripAdvisor. They were all loved him on that, though.

Yeah, yeah, but I think Google is the better one of the deal. Oh, yeah, she sent me some photos from the top.
Wow. Where is that?

This is the top.

We'll finish this and then we'll get. So we hike through this jungle that has angry monkeys in it that will attack you.
But

let's finish Kim's bottom box and then we'll go back. I've got to make the jokes I want to make.

I've got to update my jokes. I've just got to update them.
Sometimes I'm like, I think I've made that joke enough times and just applied a different fucking person to it, and I'm going to move on.

You're maturing. I'm maturing.
More mature. I'm not saying it's wrong.
I've just, I've covered it. So this is the one where you walk where this British lady was talking about.
Wait.

Oh, these are just more monkeys. Oh.
I love monkeys, but this guy was. Some of them get mad at you.
Slow down. Slow down.
Okay, so this is like the top of this, where she was talking.

Who was talking? The lady.

Who was talking? Which lady? The British lady, where she said, we walked. Oh, up to three to six to five steps? Yeah.

And so.

He goes with you, and it's hot as fuck.

See, I took this one because look at those nips. Wow, wow, hold on, hold on.
Let me see those nips.

Oh, juicy, bro.

Those are juicy nips. Real juicy.
Oh, yeah, the blood coming out of them. And then she would squirt milk at you.
What? And that would be dick.

Wow. Look at that.
And this is just like an old... Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
So this is the temple at the top of the 365 steps? This one, though, I think you walk. Okay, so it veers off.

There's like the, I think the killing caves is on the left, and then you go

to the right is like this other temple. It's a long, it's a little bit of a long temple.
Did you do this after the Ancors? You did. Yes.
This is, so we went Penong Pen, seeing the power of the power.

Here's some advice for the whole region, for the whole Southeast Asia. It's temple heavy.

Choose your temples in the right order because there's pretty much two that are the best. Yeah.
And you don't want to lead with those and then have like just, meh. Yeah.

Oh, it's a solid gold fucking church. Who gives a fuck? You want to start with a solid gold church and then move up to, like, all the encores.

And Bottom Bang is full of these temples. They have a lot.
So this is the view up there. Wow.
Look how rustic the fucking.

Oh, yeah. It's like, it's just.
It seems like it's going to fall apart.

The deck.

Yes. And it's not a big country.
So, like, this is not... It wasn't that far away from Thailand.

And Vietnam. When we went down

to Camp Hot and stuff. Yeah.
Hold on, I'll call it the map. We're very close to the Vietnam border.
He's like, oh, you go to Vietnam over there. Hold on, let me see this real quick.

Okay, so it's down here. Yeah.

And then

this right here is Vietnam. Yeah, and so if you go south.
And then over here is what?

Is that the end of Thailand? That's Thailand. Yeah.
But if you go...

Who's got this?

What is this? Oh, Cambodia. That's Cambodia.
So this up here is also Cambodia? No, that's Thailand. Okay.
So that's the edge of Thailand. It goes to right there.
Yeah. And look at that little sliver.

That is their Gaza strip.

A little sliver with Thailand. Wait, there's some on the outside.
Look at that. Look how fucking.

They're like, we're going to take this little

sideboard there, which is bizarre. Why wouldn't you just cut it off? It's like, nah, nah.
We need more beach.

Look at this. Who's this?

Ben Lock Border Government Center. Wow.
And what's this? Narrowest part of Thailand.

How do you know? Look at that. Look how cool that is.

That has a sign. The narrowest part of Thailand.

What is it? Like 40 feet?

It's so small.

It's probably like a mile. It's crazy.
I know

why cut it off. Why not just cut it off up top? Because they're like, we can't look at the results.
There's a resort right there.

That's a resort.

This is the Laude Ville resort. Look at that.

Oh, look at that. Actually awesome, to be honest.
Yeah. Fucking awesome.
For sure.

Oh,

we went kayaking. Yeah.
By the way, someone just picks you up and they go, the kayaks are down over there. Just...
Grab one? Yeah, just bring them back.

And then when we got back, nobody was there. And we're like, how do we get back to where we're staying? And some guy goes, what were you doing here?

And then we're like, he's like, I got to drive you in my truck.

Look at that line. That's clearly a man-made after-the-fact line of where the the border is.

When it's a straight line like that, that's not anything.

And they're like,

we want some more beach. So we're just going to, well, we beat you into war.
So another thing is we're going to maybe build resorts here at some point. You guys can't.
You can land here.

Okay, so that's Camp Pot. I looked in once from a city here.

You went in there? Yeah, so you were close to the region. Yeah, and I went up a mountain on a hike, and you could see

into Vietnam.

So we were in the same...

By the way, and then I took the Mekong, which I think is up here back up to Phnom Penh. So we were going to do that.
We were going to take, but

it has to be the right season to do it. Yeah, you can't do it every...

Whenever we went, they're like, there's too much mud, and it won't work to go. We're going to take it to like

up, up north, but they're like, nah, not right now is good. You have to wait right after the rainy season or something yeah so i was right around here

and then i went the river i guess this way oh that's awesome around and then this and then you get out right there stamp your passport get back in

and go up how long did it take you all day but honestly it was like being on the mekong delta on like a ferry kind of i'm sure people got on every once in a while they'll sell us like chicken and stuff yeah it was awesome like that alone, if I went up and back, would have been like, I would have done that.

Oh, for sure. I just thought it would take days.
Like, I would be like, if it took days, that would be awesome, too. Yeah.

It was one day, and then we got out on the dock in Phnom Penh and I went to the city. That's fucking cool.
It was so, because I went to there from Ho Chi Minh.

So from here down to this region and then the river back up. It's all, especially you live in America where you're like, you could drive eight hours in California and still be in California.
Yeah.

Like around here, or you go other countries like eight hours, you're like, we passed through three countries already. Yeah.
We're in three different, completely different cultural things. Yeah.

So in Campot 2, they have the Campot pepper. What is that? It's like champagne.
Like you can only get this pepper in the camp, but this isn't. What? Oh, it's like the campot.

I'll show you. Because

we got suckered in. It's good, dude.
We're still using Camp Hot Pepper. What do you mean? It's just an actual pepper? But it's so good.

They have different kinds of Campot pepper. So there's two different Campot pepper places.
One's like a famous French place. And we went to this Tuk-Tuck driver.

He goes, Do you want to go to the tourist spot where everyone goes? Or do you want to go like where there's no tourists, but it's the same pepper? And you'll get a way better experience.

I go, no tourists.

And he goes, okay.

Who would say, I mean, is that a leading question because he knows who you're going to choose?

No, I will say he goes, look, that place is cool. It's like a, it's like an old friend.
Is this Kim? No, this is a a different guy because we're in Camp Hot. Oh, okay.

Nobody's Kim, though. Yeah, no, Kim.
Dude, you got... Here, I'll finish these photos.
We're up. Did you call him Kim Chi? Because we haven't even got to the Bat Cave.
Wow, look at this.

And there was a retarded guy at the Bat Cave. Look at the fucking old versus like this view.
Oh, yeah. It's.

Wow. This is when I first...
I literally shaved my head. I paid a guy $2 to shave my head and see him reap.
That's when I started shaving my head because it was too hot.

Oh, geez.

Oh, really? So you just shaved off? Yeah.

Look at this.

And this is Kim. Kim took this photo.
Really?

Yeah, he goes, give me the photo.

Dude, look how wet my shirt is. Zoom in on this shirt.
Oh, my God.

Wow. I mean, it is soaked.
Look at my nips. Oh, yeah.
He got better nips than that monkey.

That's why I took the photo. Dude, I came home from this whole region and everywhere is like this.
From Myanmar to Indonesia to Cambodia to whatever. It's all the same temperature, right? Yeah.

It's like all there. So, I mean, actually, Cambodia is like pretty far south.
Maybe Vietnam too, but Indonesia. Whatever.
It's all there. So I came home from all the humidity and the heat.
You get it.

And then that next, I came home in

April. And we did a sober October challenge where you had to

do Bikram yoga. Oh, you must have crushed it.
I crushed it. And Rogan did not believe me.
I was like, it's not that hard. And he goes, you're an actual Bikram, the hot yoga.

I'm like, yeah, he goes, what's the temperature at? And I'm like, here, and I sent him a picture. He goes, and what's the humidity? I'm like, Joe, I was in this for four straight months.

I had two days in the mountains where it wasn't this hot and humid every single day. And it is so brutally hot that they shut the they shut down things from like noon to two.
It's like, nobody's.

The stretching shit is hard, but the heat part was not my issue. It like the heat is try sleeping in it.
Oh, yeah, it's hard to do fucking stretches.

Try sleeping for eight hours in this with mosquitoes at you. Also, I do recommend these.
We got these bands. Tiva? Oh, the bands? No, they're like citronella.

They work? They worked. They had them on our wrists.
I've seen those. And on our ankles.
You get them out there? Amazon. Really? And my wife makes our own

repellent, you know, like mosquito repellent. Which is like your body odor.
Essential oil. No, they love my body odor, dude.
They love the smell of my balls more than anything.

They're just hovering around.

And also, I wear like long sleeve and I wear a hat because I don't do sunscreen. And we talked about this.
I'm anti-sunscreen. Anti-Semitic.
Sunscreen. I'm anti-Semitic screen.

I use zinc if I'm going to use it, but I try not to use anything. I just cover up.
You got to get a certain amount of sun anyway. Yeah.

So, yeah, okay. So this is,

this is, so this is the touristy part where the bats come out. But he goes, I got a secret.
They all have a secret place.

So they have right behind this is all these chairs, like hundreds of chairs.

At night, these bats fly out of here. But out of what? Out of there's like a hole in the top of this cave.
Wow. And so people sit there, but he took us to the backside.

Which I'll take you to the back side.

Oh, wait, this is.

I got to go back to my look at that.

I got to get back to my

album. Okay.

So the backside of this cave

is

um

did you see this there's this

now that's it dude that is that's is this the backside part of kim's tour

we blur this out or leave it in

how does it get over that hard dude it must be unbelievable you're getting your ass penetrated and your dick sucked normally you would need two different guys

crazy

I mean the guy in the bottom was like wow he's like this feels amazing this is like dude, he should be like,

he is holding it up for him. He's like, do I even have to hold this for you?

Yeah. He's like, I guess you do have to bend it a little bit.
It's the second best thing to having sucking your own dick is having some guy fuck you in the ass. While sucking your dick.

I can occasionally fuck and kiss.

Warrior. There are.
So these are these giant fruit bats. Wow.
They look like giant leaves. They're huge.
And so then this is in a separate party. He's like, you got to go look at these.

They're like endangered. But then there's this mountain.
And so 4 million. Wow.
This goes on for like 40, 50 minutes.

So what you don't see here is a lot.

There will be a lady who's actually selling beer and stuff. There's like 12 people up here.
Really? And there's a lady, a local lady who's selling beer. There's also a man in his 30s.

He's a local guy. He's retarded and he's drunk.
Boom. There it is.

Wait, what?

Say it again? Say it again. Sorry.
There's a local guy. He's in his 30s.
He's drunk and he's retarded.

And he's up here fucking around

with people.

He's sitting next to people trying to talk to them. And it's getting dark now, mind you.
And that's when the retarded grow into who they really are.

And so this guy, so there's like a fence to keep people from climbing into the cave. Who, retarded people? Well, it doesn't keep retarded people out.
It does not keep them out.

Like right over here, there's like a fence. It keeps them in? So, because you'll, it's real bad to go in there.
Bats have a lot of disease. Yeah.

And

we stay here until it starts getting, like, it gets almost too dark to walk down.

This goes on for

one long video or is it looping?

No, I just, I stop.

Okay, why not? Let me see. No, it can loop.
Okay, so this is...

So they fly out to go drink water. This looks like every Vietnam movie.
Yes, I know. That's why I took it.
I was like, this is fucking... And so these

you can see the bats miles away, the line of them

as they loop around. It's like a stream in the sky.
So this retarded guy. How did this compare to the Austin ones?

That's why I didn't even bother to look at the Austin ones. I thought you saw it.
I did. I saw him at night, and I saw the people watching, and I just looked over.
I was like, whatever.

And those are the most in North America? And it's like 100,000. And this is way more.
4 million. And it lasts for like every night.
It's like 40 minutes of this. Wow.

So this dude, he starts climbing the fence. And we're telling the, we think she's there with the beer lady.
And Kim's like, hey, you got to tell that guy. Like,

and it's getting dark. So he climbs the fence.
He just falls over the end.

By the way, he's sitting there. Is that one of those where you leap over and like land? Yes.

He's like climbing and then he just falls over and he disappears into the brush. And then we just see the brush moving as he's climbing up.
Like King Kong coming? Yeah. But going away.

Yes, but going away and he's going towards the bats. And he kept saying something about bats.
And he was like, like he was bothering everybody. So you're like, the fine, at least he's gone.

And Kim, like, he's like, hey, chill out. But the guy's not.
So now it's getting like, we need flashlights to climb down. And this guy's guy's just deep.
And we're like, do we leave him there?

And Kim's concerned. He's a nice guy.
This is why you take the tour. And they're like,

I don't know what to do. So, like, I don't know if they, but he's gone.
And now it's like night. There's nobody up there except him.
And he's like towards the cave. I don't know if he lived.

I'm assuming he's done it before. But dude, this is not, like, once you get over that fence, it's just jungle.
Mountain and jungle.

So I don't know.

He was drunk and retarded. So I don't know if that gives you an advantage or a disadvantage.
It's better or worse. And I don't know.
We really got to use more data points. We just have one case.

For all I know, he went up there to go fuck bats when they come back.

He could have gone to ask someone one question.

There was nobody.

This also, there's like 12 people total on this side, and then we all left. And this is up pretty high.
Who was he?

Somebody said he was like lived, like, because you have to go down like this kind of really narrow, dirt village road. They're like, I don't know.
I think he lives right around.

You could point to his hut down there and his family. But he was gone.
He's spending the night up there. And it's thick.
Dude, I would be so fucking scared of snakes and everything else.

But he just, he had that.

He had that mentality. You know who this is? This is your version of Man Boy Dog.
It is, dude. It is.

I was worried.

Is that what we called it? Was it Manboy Dog? It was.

it was dog woman dog dog dog boy, but the dog girl dog boy girl. Dog boy girl.
Yeah. It was dog boy.
It's surprising. What was that in Ecuador? Yeah, it was in Ecuador.
And she walked on all fours.

She had the inverted knees. So like this is going to be tough.
No one knows this is from an old version. Actually a Patreon episode.
No, Skeptic Tech episode. Yeah.

And we were doing a we were doing an intro to another episode. And I was in my living room and you were in Ecuador.
It was over like Zoom. And I was telling you about Manboy Dog.
Manboy. Dog boy.

But dog boy. Dogboy girl.
It's like twist. Dog boy was a girl.

The back legs went this way.

So you see that?

Back legs went this way. And then all body this way.
And then front and then actual hands this way. So

I can't do it here. But this would go the opposite way.
It's like if you turned around and

this was your front.

But imagine my face down, my stomach. Yeah.

And then because you couldn't get your legs up, you had to walk on your hands. Yes.
It was doggy-style walking. It was doggy-style walking.
And the twist was, dog boy is a girl.

Which was fucking

over a tit's like.

It was tough because they're hanging straight down, so you can't really tell.

I'm used to them hanging here, but they were hanging down. There's a lot of road rash

from them dragging behind.

But great for fucking if she's into it.

Like, it's a wild scene. She's like, do you want to do it a different way? You're like, this is fantastic.
Let's do it the way God built you to have it done.

I'd argue with God.

That's when you know God has a plan for all of us.

She was the Chuck Taylors of human.

It's not for everybody, but people enjoy having them around. It's not for everybody, but when you find that person that it's for, you are going to be in heaven.

Yes, we don't know what happened to the guy. I mean, he was sleeping up there, that's for sure.
He had no flashlight with him. Yeah.
I don't think they allowed him.

I don't think he had a phone because this isn't really like phone area.

This isn't really where people are like, hey, we got phones here.

Wait, hold on. I got a piss.
Okay. Pause, you guys.
If travel's taught me anything, you guys, it's that you got to make do with what you got.

In fact, I have a story you should get to about trying to find shoes in Cambodia. There are these trains.
You ran a train on somebody in Bottom on? Yeah.

Oh, wait, we're on. We're still on.
Okay.

Yeah,

there's a train. Okay, so what they used to do, guys used to make their own trains.

Yes, this is. And you can ride them.
They still do it.

Fuck. It's the first time that's ever been done.
How the fuck? I don't know. You don't have a bottle of paper? I guess I don't.
That's fucking. I've never met a man that has pliers, but no bottle of

I'm an enigma.

Oh my gosh

You got oh

You really should have needle-nose pliers for this

There you go.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, you know the tip might break though and you stay stick with what works I was in Ecuador doing something and I was with a machine with that machete trying to get off a bottle of beer going like this and then the whole thing just cut the glass and I was like oh I was like I still really want it did you drink it i did yeah you just gotta you just you have to just pour it in your mouth you have to commit to it like let the glass tear up the insides switch it around before you swallow is always the the key if you have a broken beer bottle so it'll come if there's glass yeah well

oh you're almost there you can do it i can do it keep going okay so

okay so they make their own trains you want me to hope yeah it would be good to see how these trains that they make okay i'll keep i'll get to this after for uh they do it because they didn't have they needed to move shit, but they didn't have trains

Yeah, bottom bong train

Oh, so their train system there is like a relic. They're like don't it it takes like three times longer than a bus to get anything

royal railway station? No, no, just look up bottom bong like homemade trains No for unique bamboo train. So we want it.
Oh, yes, this is it the bamboo. Yes, so this is it

But these train tracks are used by real trades. So what they do, if a trade's coming, they just take it, they carry it off the track.
No. And you ride on these.
So we rode on them. You pay the guy $5.

To do what? And he takes you down and then he leaves you with a pregnant woman with a baby who's selling t-shirts. You stay there for like 10 minutes and she pressures you into buying clothing.

And then they bring you back. Yes.

Yes.

What? But this is a trade track. A real train uses this.
So they literally just, this is the you, they lift it up and they carry it off the track and let the train go by.

And I mean, how much time do you have before the train fucking demolishes you? Their train system, but their train tracks are so narrow. It's almost like a toy train.
It's just to avoid tigers?

I don't think there are any tigers. Oh, yeah, there he is.
If you go down to that photo. Who is?

If you go down to the bottom, it's one of... See where I'm lifting it? This is how they turn it around.

So you'll go down a stretch, and then they'll just pick it up and turn it around, and you'll have to go. It only goes one way.
Yeah. Oh, and then if you run into another one of these guys,

one of you has to get off and then pick up your train, move it to the side, and then put it back on the track. There's no like diversion track area? No.
There is zero.

It's just.

And what are the actual trains? Did you ride those? No, because

it is very hard to get them to go anywhere and they take forever. They're so slow, and they say the ride is so rough that sometimes you just get sick from riding it.
Oh, really?

It's not a very well-developed train system,

it's like a real throwback.

I have

I should have had Abby send me a photo, or I have one of us just riding where we're flying down the train. Yeah, look, and they go pretty good,

which runs through them.

Wow,

and then they'll take you down for a ways, then stop. Oh my god, yeah, yeah, it's just off.
Yep, and then they just have they're just like pouring an old Pepsi bottle.

So if it's downhill, they fly, yeah, yeah. And you sit at the very front,

and then they leave you in a tent down at the where they stop, and there's a pregnant lady who has it holding a baby, and she's like, Do you want to buy anything?

And like, of course, you're going to buy something

because it's like because it's a pregnant lady, yeah, and you're like this is how she makes her living wow and then after you buy one thing you're still there for like another eight minutes and she's like do you want waters

you're like

okay pregnant lady you have to yeah it's like what am i going oh no so wait this is their train system or they actually have real trains they do have a real train but nobody uses it oh oh i get it

The tracks are like,

I swear to God, the tracks might be half the width of American train tracks. I don't, I don't know if that's accurate, but that was what it looked like.
Yeah, that one's got a cover on it.

It's got a bench. Yeah, he goes, yeah, he just picked it up.
He goes, damn, you guys.

Oh, this guy's. What is this? A man-powered one?

That's man-powered. Oh, that's a really.
So this is like the one. And then after this, we went to some lady's house and she made us lunch.
Do you have low-clock? Yes. Low-clock.

Dude, I swear to God, the Cambodian cuisine is... There's lemongrass.

It makes you feel so good after you eat. It's light.
It's effervescent. Do you have any pictures of Low Clock? I don't.
I did.

It's the one thing I remember. You're right, though.
There is lemongrass stuff. There's lemongrass in like everything.

It's so, and you know when you go, you're like, when I get home, I'm going to cook everything with lemongrass. You never know.
Yeah. Yes, this is so good.
It's, oh, I never had it.

I mostly had it on rice, but it's these cubes of beef, right? By the way, because I'm not a, like, if I go to like a third world country, I'm not a vegetable guy unless it's cooked.

Yeah, just cubes on the rice and it's

and then it's the seasoning and the juice that they put. I had it on in this island.
I had it on. Oh, yeah, here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.
Yeah, that's what I think is what it looks like. Yeah.

With a little egg on top, maybe the rice right there. Yep.

Even this where the rice on the side.

The cuisine, I mean, again, I haven't been to Vietnam. I haven't been to Thailand, but like the cuisine was fucking outside the Angkors, I think.

There was like a, it's like, it's the easiest thing to make. It's just their pizza.
Yeah. You know, so it's like, yeah, give me that.
You know what it's going to be. It's like Mexican food.

Like everyone, oh, it's all going to have rice. You know what a taco is.
It might be better or worse, but you know what a taco. So like, sure, the low-clock will be good.

Because everything else, like, I have no idea what I'm going to get if I order this. But if you had Low Clock, it'll do fine.
It's, yeah, because we went, then Mr.

Kim takes you to some lady's house, and

then she makes you lunch.

And we sit in her house and then we eat lunch. And he's like, Yeah, we're just going to relax.
It's pretty hot right now. This is after the bamboo trains.

And then he's like, and then we'll go out and we'll do the rest of this stuff. And then you just talk to him about his life and his family.
And it's fucking, yeah, it's great. Wow.
Yeah, it's juicy.

It's like juicy without being smothered in sauce, but it's so juicy. And I didn't get tired.
Like, like when I went to the beach,

I got tired of, I couldn't, after a while, I couldn't take so much Indian food, all the spices and stuff, heavy creams on everything. And this, I was like,

it's hard. I don't know why they don't have more of it in America.
God, I can't wait to get out of the studio. It's fucking failing around us.
I got a week left. You have a dead cockroach in there.

I got a week left. What? You have a dead cockroach in there.
It looks like. That's staying in.
I hope so.

Okay. Okay, so then, so we go to Campot, and so they're selling us on this Campot.
They have Cam Pot Pepper ice cream,

which I was like, this can't be good, but you could put Campot Pepper basically on anything. What the fuck was that?

Oh, so that's in their national park. There's a temple up there.
You went? Yeah.

You went? Yes. You have to go up there.
Don't say it. That's crazy.

That's a crazy thing. Okay, go ahead.
Sorry.

So Campot is very cool. It's a very chill place.
There's only like 38,000 people. Also, the best thing is that everybody in Cambodia drives that has a two-hour trip.
Yeah, but it shouldn't be.

But it is because the roads are the craziest. I'm talking,

dude,

we got a private driver, $40.

And they all drive old Lexus RX 300s. And a lot of times what they do is like, if a car's been

totaled here,

people will buy a totaled car and then ship it over there and sell it.

And they'll just fix it because they can fix it it using whatever means necessary because there is no like regulation or roadworthiness.

But I swear to God, the number one car there is a 15 to 20-year-old Lexus RX300 with blown-out suspensions. Like, I'm talking, we got in one, and they keep it immaculate.

Like, a driver dude, I was like, I can't believe this is $40, beautiful inside, but the suspension blown up. It probably had 300,000 miles on it, and I'm sure it had frame damage.

Like, it was a salvage title that you can't even sell in America. And they just sell it to third world countries.

But, so, in Campot,

we went to this cave that has a temple on the bottom of it.

And supposedly, you can't take a photo of it because it won't show up, which is probably true.

You took it? I did, and it didn't show up. Whoa, that's okay.
So, that's just another term. Those are pretty good.
Yeah.

Turns out my settings was down. So these are just other temples in Bottom Bong.
So this is, so you walk down in this cave. It's very far out of town.
And then there's this temple.

But you can see it's like kind of

every time I took a photo of it. Wait, what? It got blurry? It's in this mountain.
Yeah. It got blurrier the closer you got to it? It would get blurry no matter what photo I took.

Like even on the inside, it's blurry. Yeah, but on the outside.
It's far away. You can read that sign, do not touch.
Yeah. And you can go in there, you take your shoes off.

You You have to take your shoes off to go in? And then there's a picture of me that's all fucking crazy. We see it.
We find it. This is how Ryan looks at anything now.

Get a zoom in on that.

I think it's Red Aziz's favorite thing. O'Neil, let me see you read something.

He's like, oh, O'Neal. While you find out, I have this.
I have a letter from someone from Cambodia. I'm going to read it out loud.
Postcard.

With a tuk-tuk on the front. And the guys sleep in it.
Do you ever see somebody sleeping at one? I did. Yes.
Yes. Oh, when we went to Camp Hot.
Yeah.

The guy's like, well, you go do the tour of the pepper fields. He just slept.
And he got, he put his hammock on and then just fucking.

Yeah, that's right. That's right.

They're like loving it. Can I tell you what I did in the outside of the killing fields? You leave and you're overcome with this like, oh my God, humanity.

And just like, even forget humanity, just like, that was bad. Yeah.
And I'm like, God, I get back in my tuk-tuk. He's going to take me back.
And I'm like,

okay, I'm done. And he goes, you want to go shoot guns? I'm like, oh, no.
He He goes, yeah, yeah.

Thank you. I take you.
Cheap prize. I'm like, buddy, not now.

He's like, you want to

afford the Killingfield thing? We can blow up a. Greetings from Cambodia.
This is why I read this one. Here are some travel tips for you if you visit.

Don't let monkeys use your lipstick.

Agreed. Not a euphemism for Zona.

Number one. Number two, always carry toilet paper in your pocket.
I didn't find that to be true. You didn't eat it.
Didn't eat it. Interesting.

Number three and final one, try the palm cakes you won't regret. Palm cakes.
That's it. That's what we were making in the pot.
Palm cakes. Yes.

Palm cakes, dude. Yes.
They were so fucking good.

Cheers. Keith and Courtney.
P.S. Love the pod.
And they sent me some money, and I'm going to put it up now.

Wait, how much is that? It's $5,000. It's a $9,000? No, $1,000.
Yeah. Oh, so $1,000? Who's that? Is that the king you met?

That looks like the boy king. I don't know if he looks.

Hey, look, I don't want to be racist, but I don't know if that's the guy I saw or not.

He looks similar. Did you ever see that in the back? I did, yeah.
At Penong Pen, like our balcony, like looked down over the back. We were like almost next door to that place.
Yeah.

Which one should I show?

Which one should I show in the front? You want to show the man. The man.
The man.

Yeah, because I think $4,000 is a dollar.

This is a quarter. No, so that might be like $2.50.

Let's look it up.

The other thing that I love about is the...

I'll show you what I'll show you what $40 gets you.

We rented this house for like $45.

$0.25.

Oh, it is. Okay, so okay, so I was way off.
Yeah. That's, by the way, for all the people who sent me money to for the wall, this is the right amount.
This is the don't go crazy.

There's no reason for actually

do you remember when uh zimbabwe had like a two trillion dollar bill oh yeah because they were inflation was so crazy

yeah

oh on your money thing yeah uh

oh you gotta go wait go up a little higher you can oh it won't show up on camera unless it's uh it'll show up about about there it shows up let me see where it shows up What about go over, start building up top to the left?

So it shows,

oh, actually, only that Brazilian shows. The The one on top does not show.
I gotta lower that then.

Sarah told him I should give you this Cayman Islands, so we're gonna lower this.

And let me see what looks right on this side, too.

But we gotta get this.

The funny thing is, the total value of that wall is like $2.80,

probably.

With

inflation in all these countries? Yeah, for sure.

That's so crazy.

I mean, it's doing pretty good right now, actually. Really, I just got to fill in that bottom side.
And then up top, I can move these, too. This was really just a fill-in space.
So I can move these.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that'd be good.
Okay.

So, like, here?

Here?

Here. That looks good.

Yeah, fill it in.

Okay, keep going. Okay, so this place that I'm showing you now, so this is what like $45 gets you.

It has a washer-dryer. This is what I love.
Look. This is the temple.
Go back.

Yes, this piece of the temple.

This is what I love:

they don't have any regulations on buildings. So those stairs,

you have to climb down them like a ladder because they're so steep.

And then there's a rooftop patio up these, and there's two bedrooms. And this is $45.
Look at this. Look how steep those fucking stairs are.

So it gets you,

it's a very high-value place.

Let me show you this.

Wait, what was I looking for?

Oh, the other pictures from this temple. This is where the entrance to the temple.
It's like in the middle of fucking nowhere.

And it's close to Vietnam. He said some of these, not those mountains, but mountains to the left.
Those are Vietnam mountains.

So this is like blurry and weird in the temple.

There's a little distorted... There's another photo of me that I don't have.
Oh, yeah, this is the photo of me that's just distorted.

Because

it just won't take down there? I just, I like to imagine. I told you it wouldn't happen?

I read. I like to imagine that it's supernatural, but I'm sure it's not.

I like to imagine that it just wouldn't take because of Cambodian forces. I heard DEI hires.

Similar to what crashed

the India, the plane in India. I love when they're like a United flight flipped over, like, it's because of chicks.
And you're like, we should also look at just United. Maybe construction.

Yeah, I don't know. Keep in mind Holtzman was an airplane mechanic at some point.
So maybe we should look at their hiring practices. Oh, it's got Cambodian stamps.
Check that out.

Whoa. Oh, hey, we just saw that film.

We should see that.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, so we haven't even gotten to.

Wow, that's it. So, yeah, so, and this, by the way, this is one of my favorite places on earth.

No question, top 10 places on earth that I've been. And so, I didn't go to the place you went to.
You did not. The difference is this

has 4,000 people. Yeah.

Has 500 people.

This one. And we would walk along these beaches and we would see three or four people i gotta look this up this is like

hold on look at this

also

met another boy here what do you mean retarded no he lives there lives where so i would spend

i would spend all day on the wall well but it it involves this pier

i would spend a smaller one this is a way smaller there's nothing there other than like a few things and there's there's different parts of the island.

And then there's a bunch of hot Australian chicks. If you hike through the woods on the other side of the island that run like some sort of fuck retreat, I'm assuming.

Because it's like hot dudes and hot chicks, all young, and they rent out snorkel equipment and kayaks and they live in

this. Yeah.
And if I was like, we should come back here.

And see if there's like fuck parties going on because there for sure are.

Okay.

okay yeah i went to the bigger one i thought i went to the smaller one and it's hard to hike but you can go to beaches that literally have nobody on them because you have to hike two hours through the jungle and there's monkeys there that they say to avoid because they attack humans they're real angry

wow

yeah you're right i did go to the other one yeah

and then i went up I'm sorry, I'm just looking at this. No, for sure.
This is the place. Honestly, this is the place you want to go.

I didn't go to the other place, but they said the other place is like parties and

this is just

like waterfalls crazy jungle and it's basically deserted there's uh there's some resorts there that are just

that don't they're shut down and they're just like abandoned

because everybody goes to the bigger island Whoa. But I met a boy.
He's like eight years old.

And I, okay, I went around this way. So I went here on the big one.
I went around. This is the area where everybody is.
Yes. And I went around here.
Jungle is here. And you pop out here.

And then you had to walk this way. And that's where it ended.
Okay. So then if you go...
So then you are here. Yes.
So then we were staying in here, but we would...

We were staying here, but we would hike all, and then we hiked all the way down. To the other side.

And

it's all...

So the Chinese are building it up. So they are cutting a lot of trees down and building these roads and shit.

They're going to make it a resort. Let's not hasten it.

That's the reason I don't say it. It's going to be in 20 years.

There's no way there's not going to be skyrises and helicopters coming in there and fucking parties of like billionaire who now fucking are spiritual and shit like that. Yeah.

It's going to be not what you and I like. I know.
So I just don't like to hasten these things. And also like

where you have to take a boat to the island is all run by the Chinese mafia now, or it has been. And they basically, it's very sketchy place.
You get the vibe.

But I would wake up in the morning and I would be like, i'm i run right out and i'm going in the water somebody lives in that no this is like where the boat but so there's a kid who lives

yeah i go

how's the water the water is you can stay in it all day you'll it's like your body temperature it's fucking and it's clear and i've never been to my dream was always to go to one of these places that has the turquoise water and you can see to the bottom and all that and this was it And there's a boy who lives on the island.

Dog boy? No, regular boy. Regular boy?

Yeah, regular, like but i i i don't think i don't know if you're supposed to do this but i was jumping off the pier yeah and he saw me yeah and i'm out there all day and so he comes up and he starts saying like he goes he was pretending like i he's like i'm gonna jump off the pier i'm gonna dive okay but it's shallow you can't dive

and i'm like whoa whoa whoa and i was and he's laughing every time i get i'm like stop he starts laughing and then he goes like this and then i go whoa and he starts dying.

And I was like, if this kid jumps in and breaks his neck, like, are they going to blame me?

I don't know what island law is.

So then I was like, I just said, come down. So then he comes down.
So now we're just playing in the water for like an hour. He's doing handstands and I'm doing handstands.

And then I, every, and then he like.

came up to me and he like touched my arm again. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing, dude?

And so now I'm playing with this.

He goes, gotcha. Yeah.
And then we're like, we're splashing. I was like, first of all, it was weird because I was like, are people going to think

I have a thing going with this kid? But I was so scared that he was going to dive in, be paralyzed. And then I was like, because then I just have to get out of the water like I never saw anything.

Yeah, you have to walk away. Yeah, I walk away.
And then when I come out,

what happened? It was going right back into your hut, then back out like, kid.

Yeah. And then so.
Because they get an alibi.

that night uh my wife and i went out and this is the best what you're about to tell me go ahead oh what i don't know oh so when we went out the kid saw us oh okay

hold on oh yeah oh you're talking about okay that's later that's later okay but the kids saw us and then he wanted to play so we spent another like 40 minutes playing in the water at night because the tide goes all the way out so you can run he's writing stuff and drawing what boat is it's all land now yeah and so he's drawing pictures in the sand, and we are too.

And what's he drawing about his retarded cousin who got lost in the bats?

I wonder, though, at some point, that kid's gonna be like, There were these Americans. This is the American ego, though, Togger, where you're like, He had such an impact on my life.

He's gonna be like, I think they were British. I don't really know.
He's like, Three months later, I died of fucking malaria. Did you speak English? No, wow, what a connection! Nothing.

Children in third worlds, non-English-speaking countries, are the connection point. 100%.

high fives are your currency yes they'll run out like we were taking that mr kim took us out way out in the sticks fucking god bless mr kim and there would be like kids working on farms and they would see us and they would just start running towards the tuk tuk and they would run next to us and wave and run um and then when we were doing kayaking down uh the river to they had these floating cities and the kids would just fucking come out of their houses and scream and wave like it was like an event They're like, who the fuck are these creatures?

So Kim does not have a website on his own.

He relies on TripAdvisor and Google. Yeah.

It's so fucking fun. What a cool place.
So nobody was there.

What did you do all day there? So, okay, so there's a, like, just to the left, there's this waterfall that you can climb up.

You got pictures of these things? I don't have the water. Because I didn't bring my phone.
Okay, it's okay.

Oh, you left in the mainland?

No, I left my phone because we were getting wet.

I'm jumping in the water wherever there's good water.

Oh, and there's dogs and there's cats. And I don't know, that's like a husky or something.
I don't know how the fuck this dog got there. But these dogs

are not owned by anyone. They just run around and they rely on all of the resorts down the beach to feed.

So in the morning when you get breakfast, cats will just come sit and dogs will sit and you just feed them and they're like, they love you.

They're like, and this is what they do all day is run and jump in the water they just hang out and fucking have the time of their life wow

oh so yeah let me show you this so um you can hike it's a long hike yeah but you can and it's hot as fuck but you can hike to the other part of the island and on there there's like an old military base that has a tower with satellites on it and there's a just a drunk military guy in a hammock hammock.

You give him $2, and then you climb this rickety, rusted-out ladder. One of them wasn't connected anymore.
It was bent down.

And then they have these machine gun turrets with machine guns on them, and it just says, don't take pictures of these.

Like, there's some sort of fucking secret.

Like, I don't know who they think is going to attack them, but they have these things, and it's just two guys. I think there's another guy in the hut.
You can see the skyscrapers, but

we just

get to the top and then you just walk and look around. That's the whole island.
See where the Chinese are cutting roads? Yeah, to try to build it up. Yeah.

And so, and honestly, there's profit to be made there. It just, it just blows.
For sure. So look at this island.
See this beach right here? Yeah.

So

you can hike to these, they're all over the island.

And there will be nobody there. Like here, there's looks like there's two boats.
Right. But in this cove, like right there,

there's there's nobody. And you went there? So I took a boat over there.
We took a... You said let me off? No, we were snorkeling.
We rented a kayak from the high

Australians who are on the other side of this cove.

You have to hike through the jungle to get to their place. But

take out the, I'm getting in the shower. Well, don't say it.

Take out that part too. Oh, yeah, this is the fucking, this is the ladder.
You know, they don't go in there and like update it. So part of it was rusted.

And this guy's just like, I'm supposed to be stationed here, but also I can make some extra money. Yeah, he just goes $2, and you're like, oh, yeah.
I think all he knew was $2.

He knew the words for $2. Yeah.
Oh, they use American currency there, don't they? Yes. Oh, yeah.
That's the other thing.

The change is in Cambodian. That's why that's a bill.
Because the change they give you from a dollar is in Cambodian, and the big bills are in American.

And you told me the most clutch move that saved my entire trip. You said, bring small bills.

And by the way, $5,

it's questionable whether that's a small bill. Because, medium.

If that $5 is not pristine,

not even going to fucking... They're like, yeah, come on now.

You're going to try to give me a one with a green ball. Let's try.
What the fuck is that? Ones is a crumpled bill. Do I have any one? Do I have an American? I do.
I have a five on there.

Look at that five. Bottom, middle.
Oh, yeah. Oh, too crumply.
Yeah. Borderline.
They're big on corners being folded at all.

I tried to pay the guy.

I paid a guy

40 and then plus, I gave him 50 bucks for the ride. I was like, 10 bucks, dude.
Your car got beat to shit.

There's no way that it was worth taking us to this fucking place. Yeah.

And so I gave him the money and he's like, do you have anything else that's better than this? It's got a crumple. This five has a crumple on the corner.
And I was like,

yeah, I've got other fives. But I had a left bunch of fives that were like, no one's taking these.
Ones, they could be in a little worse position.

But fives, no. And don't bring 20s, you're out of your mind.
You're fucking nuts. A 10 is crazy.
Give this guy four fives instead of 120.

You can't do anything with a 20. Bring $800 in ones.
I was in Ecuador, and I had to buy for the the center of the world,

what is it where it's called? The equator. Oh, yeah.

The center of the world. Mitadad Mundo.
I don't know if it's called the center of the world. But

you can balance an egg on a nail because of the poles. Because there's no pushing it one way or the other.
Is that true? Did you try it? I did, and I did it. Jolis did not.

But yeah, I've done it a couple of times. But I had to buy a nail.
I didn't know they actually had a display in the back with just a nail sticking up that's like nailed in so you could like whatever.

But I I had to go buy a nail. I needed one nail.
So I went to a hardware store in town near MeTod, and I go, Yeah, I just need like a nail. Like, will we sell them in packs of 10? Like, yeah, okay.

Like, a pack of 10 is like 10 cents. I'm like, okay.
And I was like, here's a 20. And that guy, like, goes to the lady.
She goes, no.

Yeah. She's like, you're.
And I was like, you just give it to me. She's like, no, go get me 10 cents.
I'm not changing a 20. Are you out of your mind?

And what if it's fake? Then I'm fucked. Yeah.
No way.

And also, like, I don't have that kind of change. Changers is such a premium.
So if something was like $1.10, you're like, don't give them an exact change. Give them the five.

They have to change this now. Or give them two.
Buy a little extra. We've bought so many times in so many countries.
You buy a little extra so you can get change. 100%.

Because the little extra is like 20 cents. Yeah.
This is 19.

Get it to

$20.10.

And then we can change a 220s.

So in some of these countries, literally bring ones is your bring ones.

I gave you that advice. You told me and it saved me.
Like, I can't. You're like, I'll bring $500 bills.
It should be plenty. Like, no, that means you brought nothing.
I brought too many fives.

Like, literally, if I went back, I would just bring ones. I'd pay $45 in ones as opposed to fives.
Wow. Look at that swing in this.
Yes. You take that? I did.

So is that swing over land at some points? At night, you're just, it's a land swing. And so then on this whole beach, all they have is fish cookouts at night.
What do you mean? Who?

All of the resorts. By the way, there's nobody in the resort next to us.

That's the name. That's a resort.
Who cares? And do you know how much this resort costs per night? This is with breakfast and court.

No. $200.
It was $50.

I don't know. I'm just guessing numbers.
It was $50.

They must have probably stole this from America.

No parking. So you don't park near there.
Don't park near there.

And they have a pool right behind this.

Really? Yeah. Did you drink it all? Yes.
Oh. Sitting here.

Oh, I mean, this is sitting by the dot of the bay.

Even better is drinking the fucking

drinking the coconut smoothies that they make and the banana smoothies. Because, you know, their bananas.
Oh, I didn't even get to the bananas. Their bananas are mind-bogglingly good.

Is it B-A-N-A-A-S?

Yes.

Does it taste B-A-N-A-N-A-S? They're half the size of the American and they're citrusy.

What? But, you know, because the bananas we have now is because they ship better. Yeah.

But the bananas there are. Irregular.
Yeah,

we have some of the least tasty bananas. Oh, so I rented a paddleboard ago.
Yeah. And it's an inflatable paddleboard.

And by the time I hit the water, I realized these guys didn't inflate this like barely at all. Like it was just, and I go, I couldn't stand on it because it was sinking in the middle.

And I go, am I going to go back? Oh, fuck it. I'm just going to paddle.
So I'm sitting as the two ends are out of the water and I'm just paddling out into the middle of nowhere.

And then I go, man, this might just have a hole in it. But I had a two-hour rental.
So I was like, whatever. I'm already out.
It's like yesterday with you with a jacket. Like, I don't need it.

I'm like, I am 10 steps from her house. Let me just get it.
And so it's like, but here it's like, I'm already out. It's too late.
You're like, no, it's not.

This is the pro and con of an overcrowded, overpopular place versus a less crowded, less popular place is the quality is what you get. Yes.

And Abby got a massage here at the pizza place right next door, which was run by this

400-pound like Samoan guy. Sounds Korean to me.
And he also, he offered pizza, hummus, and massages. So she got a massage, but she didn't realize it was in the kitchen where they cook.
So

they're cooking. And somebody's giving a massage right by.

And you look through and you're like, there she is, getting a massage right next to where he's cooking pizzas and preparing everything like he didn't have a separate room for it oh my gosh I got one massage and I don't know because I've never gotten another like a sports massage but the lady put me on my back then she got on top of me to rub my shoulders but she started grinding on my dick

wait wait and I was like

I wasn't like harder because no I wasn't I'm not I weird people touching me like unless it's sexual weirds me out. But this didn't start sexual, and I don't think it was supposed to be sexual.

But

is that how it goes in America massage? Does a woman straddle your dick and then straddles your dick standing?

No, I'm laying on my back, and then she gets her knees on either side of me, and then she, like, massages me.

Your stomach, your chest, while she's on, like, but she was with her tits, with her, with her puss. She was like.

Yeah. And I was getting a massage because were you getting hard? Be honest.
No.

no it was also were you getting rock i was i kept looking over at my wife being like hey is this and she was just she's like i think if i had started fucking her she would have started laughing been like haha this reminds me so much of my island anyway it was like all the the huts are right there yeah this is the guy see that sign to the right in the corner yeah this is the guy's pizza place what and there's one there's one little convenience store where you can buy water about 10 minutes down 10 so you say like hey we we need water.

Like, all right, sweet. I'm going to be alone for a minute.
I'm going to go walk 10 minutes, 10 minutes back, plus five minutes in there. So I'll be back in about half an hour.

And did you, do you, okay?

This is the most populated part. So there's just a little trail right behind here.
You walk up there, it's just jungle trail now with ropes where you have to climb hills and shit.

This is the busiest day I saw. Let me ask you a general question about traveling with your chick.

Do you have to,

So, this is how long do you go for it? Two weeks? Three weeks. Three weeks.
Do you have to be mindful of taking time to be like, hey, I'm going to go get water by myself?

Or do you go, we're doing everything together all the time?

I know everyone's different. I mean, I'll go out in the morning.
I would go out in the water by myself because she's like, I'm not going to go out in the water first thing in the morning.

We have our things. But that's not a way.
That's just right there. But no, we don't have any problem.
Like, I'll be like, we're also very, like, if we go hiking,

we can just be quiet while we hike hike and take things in and like we don't get on each other's nerves yeah but if anybody does you're like i'm just gonna go for a walk or something yeah i like to do a pre even when i'm with like well this was something we'll cover in the bus tour episode but it's like hey before it gets bad I'm just gonna walk in my I just need some alone time yes really nothing to do with anything I just need some alone time I've spent enough time with you where it's like I'm not the same where it's like we can just not

yeah it's like let's have lunch sure but then it's like yeah I'll see you I'm like okay yeah, and you're like, what do you have to say? You're just like, I get it.

Or it's like, I'm getting a coffee when I come. I'm leaving at five.
Yeah. And then you're like, in or out.
Yeah. And you're like, no, that's cool.
And at worst, at six.

You're like, wait, did you leave it? Wait, I'm coming.

And at best,

it's like it's 15. I'm like, do you leave it? You're like, yeah, I'm already there.
I'm like, oh, well. Yeah.

Also, you're like, oh, yeah, how long are you going to be there? I'll meet you there. Yeah, right.
Wow.

And this is where I learned a valuable lesson. If you go to a country like this and you don't and you forget clothing, they're not going to have your size.

Okay, I bought a triple XL Rash Guard,

and it was, I couldn't get it off by myself.

For swimming, yeah, you know, it's like

it just keeps the sun off, and then

it's light, it's yeah, it's like

okay, a triple XL Rash Guard, and it was way too big on it. It was

way too small, like I could not get it off by myself. Like, I would have to have it peeled off.
It's the biggest you've ever seen. They've ever seen that.
Like, that's as much we got.

We we don't have it they have it the store next to it was like up to here even though it was a long sleeve um and so I they don't have American sizes yeah and I'm not like a huge fat so I'm a mild fat so

there's no way oh yeah I forgot this is bottom bong it's like bottom bong looks like New Orleans the French quarter

if it after hurricane Katrina like it's you can see it all but there's power lights you know hanging from it and people running shops and stuff but the French settled in Bottombong and they built all this French architecture.

Yeah, interesting. All right, so tell me about, tell me about the triple XL because then I got a story with it too.
So yeah, the biggest you could find will not fit you no matter what.

If you're over five. In Europe, I needed shoes and I wanted to get something.
They're like, oh, what size is it? Like, they're not going to have that.

And somebody's like, because before, I have a story about this place, Cambodia. They try to talk me into stuff.
And this guy's like, well, here's the biggest we have.

And he goes, oh, not only do we not have it, I'm just letting you know you're not going to find it. it.
You're never going to, because there's no market for it. Yeah, you need to get someone.

If you have friends coming to visit you, this is a shoe store guy going,

no, you're fucked. Yeah.
Or it's like if you're David Taylor, it's like, I need a size 19 shoe. Does anyone have it? And foot lockers go, hey, that's a special order.
Don't go to another.

Don't save your day. Yeah.
No one's going to have that. Yeah.
And a size 11 and a half is that. And David Taylor in Cambodia, completely fucked.

If he forgets anything, he's going to have to make it himself.

So I had a, I had these slides these jordan slides i got at the portland nike outlet you ever go to that one no what it was they would take they would take comedians sometimes what are nike slides just slides just like flip-flops without the toe thing it's just like oh okay the whole over-the-thing slide okay you know i didn't like the toe thing until recently i changed my mind um but they would always dig into my toe i had the plastic ones i got the burt kreisers and i'm telling you the free waters they're like my favorite flip-flop now i've I've taken them to like 20 countries.

They're free.

They're not free.

They're called Free Waters. The Burkreisers.
Yeah,

these are the ones that have.

No, those are slides. You slide your foot in.
Well, no, when I do the sandals, I do the one that has the ankle. Those are Tebas.
Those are Tebas. Those are like sandals.

But these are flip-flops, two different types of flip-flops. Slides or one with the toe thing with the two straps.
So like a toe here and a strap here and here. Okay, I got you.

Those are the Freewaters. And those are great.
But here, I had these Jordan slides with Cushy all through Southeast Asia. And when I got to Phnom Penh,

I realized probably two weeks before, like, they're smelling.

I was leaning on flip-flops more than I thought I would. Yeah.
And the cushion was holding in sweat because there's no socks to cover. You're absorbing it.

And I was like, oh, and they're never drying. You ever smell yourself? I'm like, I think I'm, I don't want to accept this yet in my mind, but I think I'm starting to smell myself.
Yeah.

And then later you go, I accept it now. It's me.
I need a shower. Or your balls.
Yeah. Oh, where you like took a piss, you shake it, and then you're like,

oh, fuck. I need a shower.
That's chlamydia for sure.

Yeah.

You piss in two directions. The smell is weird.
It's like, does that piss or discharge?

Anyway, I was like, okay, so I got a bucket from downstairs in Phnom Penh, and I soaked them in soapy water overnight, like all night long in the soapy water, shook them, whatever.

And then it still stunk. They're not going to dry because it's too much humidity.
It dried, but it didn't pull the water out. Okay.
I'm pushing and really, really washing them. Yeah.
In soapy water.

But you're washing them in the literally. No, then I dump that and wash it again.
No, but the water you're using is

fucking disgusting.

But it's not fucking... Anyway, eventually I was like, I got to give up on these.
I got to find new ones. Okay, chucked them.

Then it became quite apparent 11.5 was like the fucking, like the two-headed woman. There's no way you get 11.5.
Fucking, no way. But I'm in Phnom Penh.
It's a big city.

This would be the place in Cambodia. This would be the spot.
100%, yeah. Went to to the big market.
Same all the garment districts.

Went to the big market with the big square with all the market, whatever. Went looking, and they're like, no, we got size 10.
I think it's like, so they had British sizes. So I needed a 45 or 46.

They're like, we got 42. Should be good.
I'm like, it won't be. They go, it'll stretch.
And I'm like, no, the part that stretches is not the bottom part. It's the top part.
They're like, no, no, no.

It'll elongate the very bottom.

I get the idea of something stretching out, but a bit of the leather, not the bottom. You're stepping on.
That is the size. And my feet are falling over like I got a Habatan foot.

You should have put it between two tuk-tuks and had them drive in opposite directions and just pull foot. Stretch it out.

And I just couldn't find it. Finally went to a regular, regular store, got some quicksilvers.
But that was, I mean, it was an all-day of shopping. Quicksilvers turned out to be fake.

They started, the bottom started flapping off, and I almost threw those away. I was in Indonesia in

an island next to Komodo Island. where the Komodo Dragons are.

And these flip, and I'm about to throw them away. I was like, no, I actually can't.
I'm never going to find this size. So I had to find super glue, and I'd glue the flap back on

and save them. I had to save them.
And that's when I learned in travel: like, don't throw shit out. You cannot replace fix.
Yeah. No, that's their whole.

I think all third world countries, their motto is like, fix. The same as they did with the Lexus there.
They're like, that's not broken. We don't care about driving with a bent frame here.

Does the engine work? Yeah. And it rolls? It's like Armenians with a dent.
That ain't a dent.

That's a smaller dent if you give it 50 bucks.

Yeah, I agree with you. And also, like, make...
Because their sizes are crazy. They've never seen.
I took a sleeper van

to that small city outside Cambodia, in the south side of Vietnam. Their sleeper van, the pillow goes to here, so my head's just hanging down.

6'3? No, the tallest humans come is 5'9.

What do you mean, 6'3? We didn't build for that. I heard the sleeper vans, they'll put two people in a bed that don't know each other.
That's the other thing I heard.

Don't take the sleeper bus because they'll just be like, Yeah, here, and then you sleep with, if you're a chick, like, they'll just sleep with a random guy. So, there's evidently there

occasionally some on those.

I had a near. A near?

Yeah.

You were almost or you almost

first. Because they're innocent.
This is for a stage story. I'm just saying the sleeper bands, I'd stay away from them.
Okay.

Were you the victim? I was the victim.

Yeah, I was the victim.

How close?

Some grab, fingering.

You know what? I shouldn't victim laugh. I don't mind it.

It's okay in the end.

Didn't love it. Was it an English traveler or was it a local? A local.

Really? Who probably just rides in that same spot back and forth.

Were you asleep?

Oh, I couldn't sleep after that. No, but I was trying to sleep.

I was trying to sleep.

It's hard to sleep when you're big. The guy's being figuring.
Like, every time I start to doze off, guy figures my asshole.

It was an asshole. It wasn't an asshole.

He was figuring your dick and ball.

There's some more of a dog.

Did you slap his hand? I told him no.

He goes, I don't speak English.

Conversely through Google Translate. I think he thought I was coming onto him.
I'm going, stop.

And he's like, ooh, these Americans are hard to get. Oh, are you fucking kidding me? Was he like rubbing your dick over the pants? Did he ever try to go under your under the pant line?

Listen, he didn't leave anything on the table.

He goes, oh, you just don't like that, but you'll probably love it. He didn't leave there talking to his friends going, and his friends go, did you really try? And he goes, I did.

Trust me, I did everything. This guy was a fucking tease.
And he goes, I tried everything three times because I thought, babe, first two, he's playing hard to get. By the third, you're like, okay.

Do you know how hard it is to sleep after that? On a sleep?

The whole point is you fucking overnights you're not missing a day i'll sleep on the bus for seven eight hours i'll get a full night's sleep you miss several days you're like i'm not gonna sleep again god so you were sexually assaulted on one of these overnight buses i mean but this should just tell you cambodia is the spot to go and not vietnam That was Vietnam.

Okay, but they say that. So you imagine like you're a dude.
You're a big dude. They're like, that doesn't even discourage me.
If you're a woman, you probably got zero i'm a get

i'm a get you are a get yeah one time in myanmar i was passing by this place uh uh uh childress william childress told me to go to a place and this guy goes um

this guy just starts meet he goes i would like to meet you oh no that's uh west hollywood he just wanted to hang out he goes yeah i can talk to whatever he gave me his number um on a car he goes oh here's my number if you need like a tour guide or whatever and it was on a piece of paper just a written number and no card and he was like i was like what i twice in Southeast Asia hit on so hard that I'm like, am I South Asian gay?

Dude, you might be like, you're like the ult. You might be like the trophy.
Like, I've every kind of person,

but this is who I'm looking for. We can have kids together and I can smash our skulls against a tree.
It would be unreal. I just dream.
Oh, that's the other thing.

So when we got the bottom bong, as soon as we got off the bus, like you're just mobbed by tuk-tuk drivers. Yeah.

And I like to take a breather. I step back in, let it clear out, and then I will go.
But Abby gave this, she's like, well, let's just go with this guy.

And I go, why don't we just let the mob clear down? Let the mob clear. We're not going to have a problem.

She goes, no, no, let's take this guy just, so he just like grabs our bags and he's like, no, no, you come with me. And then at the end, he's like, I'll come pick you up tomorrow and give you a tour.

I go, eh, we'll see. But probably not.
They want that deal right now. I know.
So, and then my wife goes, no, I'll just give him my WhatsApp number. I go, you need to stop what you're doing right now.

Sure enough, she gave it to him. This guy texting.
What time tomorrow? She goes, well,

we're not going to go tomorrow because

we decided to go with Mr. Kim.
And so this guy was relentless. And I go, don't ever.

We will not. ever be in a position where we can't find a tour guide in Cambodia.
Like, there are a billion of them. So the last day there, there, we got like a half-day tour from this guy.

With him, he got it.

He got, yeah. And this is why I was like, you never don't have to worry.
But it was a good deal anyway. It wasn't that great of a deal, but she's like, I feel bad.
I know.

They're like, come on, I need it. I'll give you another ride.
And it's like, it's like when an Uber driver is like, if you need to ride back when you're landing at the airport, I'll leave it. Yeah.

He's like, here's my private number. And then, yeah.
But yeah, so I was like, always let the chaos die down.

Then those guys, those Uber drivers had to go, hey, so it was $100 from the airport.

If you need a ride

when you're coming back or whatever, I'll take you. Just so you know, if you call my number, we'll make it $70.
Yes. But they always go, just call my number.
I'm like, you haven't even offered a deal.

I know. Also, they're like, it's going to be more.
He's not going to be in that area. It's never going to work out.
He'll be like, call me if I happen to be there. Yeah, I can't rely on this.

There's 50 Uber drivers within five minutes of me. Yeah.

Connor Bridge sucks in the whole world. So, yeah, so buy what you make sure you bring.
You're not going to find an American size ever

in there. If you're over.
I'm 5'9 and I couldn't even get.

Okay, so

this is the island. Yes.
God damn. And so at night, so at night they have

fire shows. They have fire twirlers.

Wait, wait, wait. I'm wondering.
There's no way. I went to a different island.
Yeah. Because they had that on mine.
So I ended up.

I think that all islands do the same thing, but I think yours has more.

I think your your island, from what I heard, is more party central. Yeah.
And this is more jungle and like you can find the private beaches and stuff.

This is more of like a relaxation spot.

But I liked it because it seemed like it was going to be more adventure because you can go through the woods and they had that angry tribe of monkeys that were attacking people, which also was a bit of a selling point to me because I was like, if we encounter these guys, it's going to be a wild scenario.

Yeah.

What does this say? Also, we saw a giant.

Yeah, that's it. We saw a giant snake eat a lizard on the back of our bathroom window, which was like in the jungle part.
And this lizard, every night, there was like a lizard.

And then we saw this like

nose of something.

And then we were watching. We're like, look at this lizard.
And then all of a sudden, the fucking,

it went

and then it went back. Some giant snake on the back of the window.

Just ate the lizard right off the window. And we're like, whoa.
Wow. Because my fear is is giant snakes.

Not a lizard, luckily, but yeah, that would not be settling. Yeah, I'm not a big fan.
Unsettling, if anything.

So we ended our trip here, and then we took, went back to

which is

shady. That's the island next to it.
Is that it? Okay, that's it. Yeah, it looks like it's a little island out there that I wanted to take a kayak out to.
I think there was a temple out there.

Could you swim to it? Nah, it's too far. I thought about it.
Currency'll get you. Current Silketcher and also like, it's one of those where it's like, it's going to be like an hour of swimming.

I don't realize. That's the okay.
So the other thing is then, so on the other side, we rented from the hot Australian chicks, the kayak, and snorkel gear. They sound hot.

They were like, and they also do yoga and shit there. So they're all in shape.
I don't know where they get their supplies, but then there's like a bunch of shredded dudes there.

And I was like, and you're like, you get it from the fucking locals jumping out from the bushes. They might.

You know that joke, right?

Okay.

So we go in, and so we're snorkeling and all this. So at some point, I just go off the kayak and I want to snorkel this one area, but the current takes the kayak away.
I'm not the strongest swimmer.

So when I get up, the kayak is gone.

And I'm like, now I have to swim. This is a lot of current.
And I'm like, oh, this isn't, this might not be good. But if I can float, I'll be, so if I could just float.

But you have to float and catch up with the kayak. Yeah, and it's all rock.
Like, I can't get ashore here because it's rocks. Right.
But the

marine life is unreal. Like, I'm seeing shit.
This is crazy shit.

Giant fish, beautiful, different colors. They have little reefs and all this shit.
So you just took your snorkel shit with you, jumped right off the kayak.

But my intention was to get back on the boat. But now the boat, and I'm like yelling, I was like waving, and she's just like, hey, it looks like you're having a good time.

And I was like, no, this is actually, this could be critical here. So I have to focus on.
These next five minutes are imperative to my existence. Because I did that in Australia.

We went to the Great Barrier Reef, and then there was this tiny island.

And they're like, we'll take a boat to the reef or to this giant sand island and then you can swim back to the boat but it's in the middle of the ocean so I had my my goggles on and I'm swimming and then all of a sudden it you know the the ground disappears and it becomes like hundreds of feet deep and then you realize how tiny you are in the grand scheme of things and I freaked out and so I had to lay on my back and then

and I'm swimming on my back because I was like I can I can't handle it and then you hit the real ocean currents and you're like this is really tough and then later I found out that a tiger shark because I go, why are they getting on a boat?

Are they coming to rescue me? But they were scaring away a tiger shark that was around the boat. So I'm glad I didn't know that.

But I made it back to the boat and I was like, I don't want to swim in the open ocean anymore because it's not really my scene. But so I'm out here.

And then I'm swimming through schools. I got bit by a lot of jellyfish.
Here? Yeah. There's a lot.
I kept getting stung.

on these little minor bites where you're like something's happening yeah but it wasn't it wasn't on this part it was on the other side of the island something me and pete got that in in on the full moon part.

They were little jelly. What is this? It's what it is.

And then after I got done, we snorkeled a bunch of different areas. And then as I got back the next day, I had a rash all over me.
And so from swimming in there, you get the jellyfish larvae.

And you get sunbathers eruption. If you don't take a shower right away,

your skin basically breaks out from tiny jellyfish larva just stinging the shit out of you. So all my arms and my chest and my body was all

itchy rash from all of the fucking larva just getting in there so larva yeah i got a piss again okay but i want but i know where i'm at now okay it was wild i've seen it once since but it's wild this island the one next to it was

where i discovered that guy rolf potts that that writer i'm always oh really yeah i was i had his book ed brooke gave it to me to take this with you i heard about it and but then i found a fucking uh uh

fucking i don't don't know letters from Ansang Su Kyi when I was in Myanmar and I was like I should read this here while I'm in it from a Hassan hostel but then on this island I started reading vagabonding really yeah in the middle of fucking end it's the end of the earth it feels like you're in the middle of nowhere you I like I get I mean there's like if you have a medical emergency they don't have there's nothing there's no hospital there's no nothing there they do you just have to wait for the boat to come get you it's 30 minute boat ride but it is I mean if you do want to feel super and it used to to be even more isolated before the Chinese built, like started trying to build a road through there.

Wow. But it is just like thick jungle with rocky trails and like no signage.
No signage.

Because people were like, when you get to this tree, make sure you take the tree on the left or the trail on the left. And I was like, wait, is this the fucking tree? Does the tree fall?

When did they write these letters? Yeah, and I was like, does this tree look like it should stick out for some reason? Oh, you all right?

But there's different points points of this island that have different landmarks. Like, there's one where you go up to the top and there's a restaurant.
There's the lighthouse. There's secret beaches.

Then on the other side, way on the other side of this is a little town.

Like I think most people live?

On the other side, yeah. Oh, interesting.
On the far side. Yeah.

And then at night, you just walk along the beach and they're just grilling up fresh fish that they caught that day. Okay.
What, really? Yeah.

There's something about a beach village where it's like fisher village, where it's like, yeah, we catch everything and then here's what we got. Who wants to buy it?

And it's like anything they have, except if it's leftover for tourists, it's like so fucking fresh. Yeah.

I was on an island in Croatia and it was like, here's the menu. I was like, by the way, we have lionfish today.
I'm like, is that in the menu? Like, no, but the guy had it. So we can't.

It's happening to bag one. All right.
Bag one.

No, it's, and then, yeah, they would have the fire shows, each of these like resorts. And then each resort had their own like white guy.
These are whites. No, these are Cambodians.
Oh, interesting.

Doing five.

You had whites?

It was like a convention or something. There was this there for that.
Okay. And maybe that's why they're there because maybe the Cambodians taught them or something.

But it was like, you know, the whites, the wooks, they're all wooks. Yeah.
It's like either young wooks or like billionaires who are now spiritual who say, here's how I did it. Yep.

Let's let's jungle dance and fuck each other's wives.

I love all these billionaires like, guys, all you got to do is do this, like, or get extremely lucky in deals or have your dad invest for you a while either way you made a bunch of money and now you're fucking clear dude shut the just enjoy your own life quit telling us how to do it i love it because they'll be like here's how you want to you want to be rich here's how you do it take a spare two million dollars yeah and invest in uber before anybody knows what it is that's why i like that boat thing when when uh when uh conan was like what advice would you give someone who wants to be like as big as you goes you won't be because you know how lucky i got i'm very talented and i still got lucky yes i like hearing that because there is so much of it is luck and no one wants to say yeah it was lucky it was pretty nice

i love when uh burt you ever hear burt did that thing where he's like all these guys talk about working hard kevin hart all these guys he goes luck has a lot to do with it a lot of guys are working real hard and luck uh circumstances you're like i remember everybody shitting on um aziz like oh they're only he's only getting this stuff he sold like he had a thing where he sold it three scripts to appetow's company or something like that this is before he was big i can't believe it's just because he's brown i'm like i know other brown people that aren't getting out of it though.

So, like, what separates them? Also, three scripts is a lot of work. I remember all of us doing that at like our group.
I'm like, have any of you guys written one script yet? And it was like, no.

I'm like, then shut the fuck up. Then what you're not really complaining when a guy sold the three things he made.
Yeah.

I know. No, I know.
I mean, I did write many scripts.

It was before that. It was before that.
Okay. It was before that.
Okay.

I wrote a lot of stuff at this.

Wow.

Yeah. So then, and then, dude, and then the fish is, I mean, it was just alive like an hour ago.
And then it's so cheap. Two people, beers.
By the way, they took so long to bring us our fish.

They brought extra fish at this one place, and it was $20. Yeah, you got to get ready for some of these places.
They're like, it ain't going to be fast.

They're going to cook it up for you or maybe kill it and then debone it and then cook it up for you. Like, it's going to take some time.
They're not in a hurry.

Bring some cards. Service industry, like, they do actually have

one of the best restaurants we went to was in Sanookville, and they have these, there's a handful of them, and they train kids how to work in the restaurant industry so they don't have to be prostitutes.

Child labor, yeah. Train kids.
They're like basically, because they were, but dude, they didn't even know how to, like, they had to teach them.

It was like a training restaurant, but they're very good.

Like, the meals are delicious, but they didn't even know how to put, like, there'd be a lady watching, and the girl would put the spoon in, like, the water, and you're like, no, no, no, it goes on the napkin.

Like, it was that sort of level of thing, and they're like, this is so they don't have to to be prostitutes. This is so that they don't have to work in like textile plants.

They can actually earn a living making money in a restaurant. And they teach them how to cook.
But it is shocking that they have zero, like they'll just put the plate like upside down on there.

And you're like, no, no, no, it goes this way. It's like, wow, it'll get dirty that way.
I'm like, actually, yeah.

Good point. Especially with all the sand around.
You should put it upside down.

You're like, let me, oh, that spoon's dirty. Let me lick it off for you.
Okay, there. It's better now.
You're like, nope, can't do that. Did you just go in the water and see the stuff?

Wait, get on the water and see the bioluminescence. Oh, yes.
So I went out because I was like, I'm going out there. So I went out there and I was watching the waves and I wasn't seeing it.

You told me that you have to touch the waves. Not touch them.
I saw a little bit, but yeah, from, yes. And then I saw videos of people going like this, and it's just like...

It looks like a mushroom trip. You didn't see it? No, but I saw the waves coming in.
I went out at like mid-season. Did you What looked like dots?

I saw some illumination, but I didn't, not like where you go like this. Yeah.
And so they didn't, they go, you go out there and then you will see it.

And it pisses me off that nobody told me that you have to touch the water. Because the water is, I went all the way out on that pier and I thought it's just going to show up in the waves.

But since it's a bay, there weren't really many waves. So I saw a little bit, but I didn't see like the true

that. Oh, look at the bio.
Don't show. Oh, this is fucking.

Whoa, what is this? This is the other thing. Drones.
Drones are fucking ruining. Sucks.
You're not the only one here. I don't care about your video.
They make a lot of

noise.

This one. Don't show the video titles for this.

Yeah, see, they're not touching it. It just looks like that.
Oh, they're in a cave. Oh, that.
Nah, that's exposure. That's expensive.
Yeah, that's not... Hold on.
What was that? Oh,

what was that bitch doing? Blue this fucking bitch.

Expectation. Okay, this is the expectation.
This is my expectation, too. Yeah, that

versus reality.

You look very closely, you'll see. Yes, okay.
All right, so then I was right. Yeah, I saw a little bit, but my expectation literally was that.
Because I think I saw pictures. It ain't this.

Yeah, it's not. Okay, that's what I thought.
And it's also more greenish dots, which is surprising. These are all the blue.
Okay, so I did see it.

I was expecting the whole ocean to dance like an animated disney film it was more like this color but leaving a little darker okay then i did see it and you kick it and then on the beach when they washed up that's when you'd see the dots on the beach and if you're like we're on mushrooms on you you look down it looks like you're looking at stars i've also seen the bioinformatics of worms in uh in uh somewhere i'm not gonna say we're in um gold coast australia okay and then and then another one in an island or a beach in um or an island in um Mexico somewhere.

I saw a better in Manhattan Beach in LA. Yeah.
And a buddy that used to live there, so we'd go down there and one night we were drunk and all of us were in the water.

And it was when that biolucent algae was there. So all the waves were glowing.

And that's what I thought this was going to be. So I did see it.
It just wasn't. So this seems like a...
That seems a little bigger than what... Yeah, that's not.

Yeah, well, that's tough because on a wave.

Maybe more like that. That's about right, but you got to go away from the light.
Yes. As far away from the light as possible.
Where I was was around, like I said, so there's no real light.

It's only daylight, but there's no like lights. All right, well, it's not here.
So you didn't see it. Interesting.
Well, I feel better. No, I did see it then because I saw very little.

Like, I was expecting way more. Yeah.
But I saw like a little bit. I thought it was just like the moon illuminating like a wave, but I think it was just the

whatever that. What is it? What causes this? I don't know.
I think it's just who they are, the type of animals. Oh, that's it.
Yeah. Oh, this is, yeah.

Wait, you can see under, if you want to look at what it looks like underwater. There, that's about it.
Okay. But what? Where it was about?

Oh, I'm saying if you Google the island and then scuba, you'll be able to see the shit underneath. I actually got more comfortable in the water going there.
I would do deep dives. I would go down.

I've never done that. I'm not.

You just scuba? No, no, I'm not scuba, snorkel. I'm afraid of the.
You just hold your breath, dive, hold it, and then go back.

Yeah, but I have a, we, I have, I almost drowned as a kid, so I have a little bit of a fear of the water. This is the green, but it's not like that.
Yeah, that seems

dots.

Just a billion dots.

And then you could, like, Stephanie want to smush it. It would, like, like when you smash a

firefly. See, like, that.
Yes, like, where that go like up to the top and like third one, third and fourth, like, this is the shit. Yeah.

Oh, that's what you would see. Yeah.

And more. And then when it would get deeper, you would see much bigger.
So you would dive down, look for, like, as long as you can hold your breath and go back up. Yes.
And that's not very far.

But sometimes when you got in deeper parts, you could dive down like 15 feet,

which for me is like a big deal. I know most people are like,

but

I thought it was a big moment for me as growing as a person. It's not bad.
It's not bad.

And then, yeah, then we went back on the Chinese highway. Wow.
The Chinese highway that they built in order to steal that whole land area is fucking amazing.

They even have rest stops that are like, there's a lot of don't wash your feet in the sink signs. don't wash your feet in the toilet and don't wash your feet because people do

because people do all the time yeah that i would i would uh wager is probably why they put that there um

okay what a trip it was and i thank you for the recommendation yeah it's funny when you were like wish i'd go there it's like i mean Because people give these recommendations based generally on what they want.

I usually tell people, it's like when Yusuf, when he was still fucking and drinking, and he'd go on the road and he'd go, where,

what's a cool bar? And people on the road would give him their version of what they thought this cool LA comic would want to do. Yes.

And their version of it was nightclub, loud techno music nightclub, which is like, that's fucking movie shit. That's dumb.
It's awful.

And he kept getting the same answer because he thought they were answering what they thought he. was meaning.
Yeah.

He finally figured out to get the word across what he meant was, hey, where are the the bars where people with mustaches go?

And they're like, oh, so it's like a hipster. Whatever.
They go, oh, go to this area, go to this area. Cool, cool, whatever.
Brooklyn. Okay, cool.

And so it's like, how do you ask? So like when Red Band moved to LA, Rogan's like, you should live in Calabasas. It's nice.
And it's like, Joe, you're giving advice based on what you want. Quiet.

This is before he had kids, but it's like

quiet place away away from everybody. And he wanted, he was new to LA and was young and he wanted action.
He wanted friends. And then eventually he moved to Burma.

But like, so when you were like, here's what I want, I'm like, I mean, if you just want a place to go, it's this. If you're looking to rough it, I don't know what your chick is like.

Like, I barely met her back then. But it was like, if you want rustic, it's this.
But also, you told me you go, I think you'll like Cambodia because it's not super touristy.

I mean, it is touristy, but it's not overly. And also, like, it's rougher around the edges.
And I was like, and you're like, you're going to like, you like rougher around the edges shit.

It was me, me giving the Heil Hitler with a bunch of Burmese kids to pay off a bet with actually Punch Junk Sports. Oh, it was Tebow? Yeah, it was whose team went the longest.

I remember that. I had to find someone in this Twitter that I was traveling with.
I was like, do you have a Twitter? I was like, cool. Can you post this picture and tag this guy, Jason Tebow?

I'm off right now. I've locked myself out, but I need to show that I paid off a bet.
And then he goes, hey, the guy Tebow, he said, bet paid.

That's so great. It was me with a Hitler mustache.
Those were the fun days. Just like, nobody gave a fuck.
No one gave a fuck.

People who did give a fuck were into it, and that's it. There weren't a hundred fucking thousand

glom on videos of let's attack all these podcasts and say what they're doing wrong just so we can get some some money off their fame yeah it's you see the like there's what rogan did wrong today i'm like why don't you get your own life It's crazy.

You're just turned into the E-Network. You're the E-Network for comedy podcasts, which is great for comedy podcasts.
They've become big enough. It's interesting.
But it's like those guys are like,

you're the same vultures that those guys at the e-nec were. Those punch trunk days, like we saw Brad Pitt out at a fucking nightclub this week.
Yeah.

All right. You guys are all hack homos.
It's like paparazzi for losers. And you're not even there.
You didn't even hide in the bushes.

You didn't uncover it. They put it on a podcast.
Yes. The uncovering is the crazy.
They're like, can you believe Howard Stern said this? We've uncovered video. That's what Howard Stern said.

You need for my television show. He put it out there.
Yeah. He wanted you to see it.

um so you liked it you really liked it i loved it i think about it all the time it's like one of those things where you're like i want to go back but you're like there's other places to travel to but you're also like that place every week we talk about like we should just i think about all the other places in cambodia that i did not get to yes i just couldn't because i was there for probably 10 12 days whatever it was so i went i mean this would be an episode i guess myself i went to meet my friend and and another friend but more my friend sarah in the interim between when I decided to meet them, and I'd gone to the full moon party with them.

Me and Pete went and met them.

They're just good traveler friends. She was dating another guy, comedian.
And

in the interim, she started dating this guy. So now I met these guys to be a third wheel.

And I was. So it's like, I'm doing my own thing.
Found those fire dancers, found all this stuff, found my own. Because of that, look at the positives.

I was able to find this private beach way through the jungle and read, finally get to fucking Rolf Puff's book. But I mean, I want to get back there.
So, but I only had 10 days. So, we flew.

We met William Childress, who brought me to Yangon. He was doing a show

in,

I believe it was Phnom Pen, not CM Reap, but it might have been CM Reap.

I don't know. Nah, it was CM Reap.
It was CM Reap. You're doing a show in? He was doing a show.
They had these expat shows.

All the expats show up because it's the one thing of entertainment for the next three weeks.

He was doing a show.

Another, I was like, Do you want to perform? Like, no, because I'm going to not perform for the next three months. I'm not going to sit on a bomb for three months.
Yeah. If I buy it,

it was half indoor and half outdoor. It was literally the bar, the roof went over this place, and then stopped and then outdoor.
It was a hellscape. I got a tower of beer, one of those

with a fucking thing. Uh-huh.
Me and Sarah sat there, and this other guy. And

the other comic on that night was

Ari Matte.

Shut the fuck up.

Did you meet him? Yeah. And did he remember meeting you? Oh, of course he would have because he would be like, I know who you are.
I was a big American comic.

By the way, Ari Matty, when I met him, I go, hey, I'm Ryan O'Neill. He goes, I know who you are.
He's like, Danish O'Neal. I listened to all about the comedy store.
And I go, what? He goes,

I go, where were you when you did? He goes, I was in Australia. He's like, I used to listen to you all the time.
He goes, I love the old comedy store tales. And I was like, that's fucking crazy.

That's what you meet him. And then you, sometimes, like.
And then like Egot was like, there's this new guy who's really funny. This guy named Ari Matty.
I'm like, I know him. Like, no, no, he's new.

Like, he kind of just came to America. I'm like, no, I met him.
He's like, where would you have met him? Like, Cambodia. He goes, yeah, right.

And I'm like, no, I think I did.

Was he shocked when he was like, hey, I met you? And you're like, yeah. I don't remember how we remembered meeting.
You know what? I might not have remembered.

I might have just been like, he was like, I was the other comic guy. I might have been like, oh, right.
I kind of had a vague memory because I hadn't known you before, so why would I remember?

But do you ever get that? You did well that night. You meet somebody where you or you see somebody in the middle of nowhere and you're so blown away, but they're not that really.

They're like, it's like it's not a big deal. And you're like, how are you not? Like that little shit like that.
I'm like, I can't fucking believe this. I was 2017.

Yes, it was. Yeah.
What? It was 2017. Yeah.
No, I'm saying when you were gone. Yeah, I remember.
But I think this was it. I don't think it was the first full moon trip with Pete.

But I think it was 2017 when I went to Southeast. I was in

this big canyon, Grand Canyon,

northern Thailand. And I was walking along the top of this ridge, whatever.
It's a bunch of people. It was a tourist stop.
And I was walking, and I heard this guy telling his wife about this.

kind of newish podcast named the Joe Rogan experience. And he was like, it's so cool.
And he was telling his wife, this is 2017. So he wasn't what he was way before,

way before the pandemic. Even eight years in, people are like, yeah, podcasting still.
He was like big, but in this world of people, when you got interviews, you had to tell them what it was.

It's like an internet radio show. That's when podcasting was the most fun.
It was the most fun. It was when it was outlawed.
Now all these fucking people sold their souls and it's business. Yeah.

And I get it, sell for business, but it wasn't what it was. And I love the early years when it really was outlawed.
It was so.

It is not outlaw. It's another thing, which is amazing.
It is, but. It's big business and that in itself that's what it is.
Comments can pay.

Common is going going to not worry about like losing their fucking life to whatever. Great, but I like the old, same as the comedy store.

I like the days when the main room was open one day a week, yeah, and we could go back there to fuck and have fucking full casinos, and I'm going to battle the OR because these fucking people

were failure. And then later, people are like, oh, it's best when they had like David Spey, Ron White, Joe Rogan, Greg Fitzsimmons, Louis C.K., Sarah Silver.
I'm like, yeah, yeah, sure.

That's not my favorite years. I agree.
But anyway,

what was I saying? We were talking. So I was on Green Canada.
This guy was like, oh my God, this side, Joe Rogan, he has on these, like, he has like

athletes and like long distance runs. And there's just comedians.
And I'm listening to this guy. And he's like, we're like waiting because some people are passing.
So I'm listening to him.

He's not that far away. And I'm hearing this thing.
And I'm like, I mean, in the middle of nowhere.

I was recognized once on that beach, on that beach, maybe two times ever. Once was on that beach or going where I was, where I read Rolf's book.

And I was coming by some guys on the beach with his wife. He's like, Ari Shafir? I'm like, Yeah, he goes,

What? Crazy! What are you doing here? I'm like, I kind of same as you. And he's like, Oh, hell yeah, you gotta take a picture.

I'm like, Yeah, but don't post it till for like three months because I don't want anybody to know where I am. And right now, I'm just disappeared.
He goes, No problem. And he did.
That's great.

Anyway, so this guy's talking to his chick about the Joe Rogan podcast. He goes, He's got these comedians on, and it's like, so cool.
And then it was my turn to go. So I was like, How are you doing?

He goes, Good, how are you? And then all this stuff.

you're like dude i'm so close yet you couldn't like you're like dude you're talking about me and you don't even know you wonder how often does that happen

how often does that happen in life where you're like

you're you're talking about something that's so far away and yet it's standing right next to you yeah

it's wild

I did that.

I had a girlfriend that I lived with for five years. Yeah.
And she was from where I I grew up. And one day, like this is like 20 years later, I went back to where I grew up and her brother was there.

He worked at a restaurant. He's setting up tables outside.
And I didn't want to talk to him. So I waited till his back was turned and I walked by him by like six inches.

And you wonder, how many times in your life has somebody you know

just goes, I don't want to talk to this guy, and then passes by you and you'll never know in your whole life.

Or the people who said at any large sort of like whatever girl, like, if I ever see this motherfucker, I'll kill you. And then you see them later.
They're like, how are you doing?

Yeah, it's just I thought I was on site. Literally, I guess nobody's ever sighted me.
That is crazy, though. You're like, it's right here, man.

Right here.

That's

so. Here's Phnom Penh right here.
I want to go to Vietnam. Oh, well, what I want to do, and I talk to Turner about this all the time, Turner Sparks will be on this podcast or has already.

He's the one who brought me to China.

He's great. Is he the guy who does the comedy, the Asian comedy?

His partner did, and then became the head of Live Nation Asia. Now he just runs a promotion company in Australia.
Because if I go back, I want to do like the comedy tour, but I also like you do.

So let's get, I'll put you in touch with Turner. Okay.
And he at least will get you started with like, call this guy or WhatsApp this guy. I met a guy while we were on that bus tour who did it too.

Remember in like Charlotte? Or

you go, this guy's, I forget who it was, but I. Oh, oh, oh, maybe Atlanta.
Did we do Atlanta? We did not.

Maybe Charlotte. It might have been Childress.
Was it a big fat guy? Yeah. Big fat piece of shit.
Big fat piece of shit. Children.

Outside Anchor. What?

I'm also concerned. You want to go back? Because you're like, every time you go back, it's going to be more built up.
And

there is like a sense of urgency where you're like, I have to get back because I want it to be like the way that it was. So I think that's why you got to find new places because the places you work.

I have this deal in New York. You go to a bar.
It's so cool. And I've done this over and over again.
I'm not going to say the names. It's so cool with a hidden gem.
Somebody pictures it and blogs it.

It's over. And so now I realize all these cool bars are temporary.
Everything. And you enjoy it while you can.
And then suddenly there's a bouncer and you're like, oh, oh, well, well, that was done.

But that means there's another three bars that I don't know about yet that I got to find. So look at this.
Phnom Penh here. Sonicville, somewhere around here in the south.

CM Reap up here. Look at all this.
You know, there's villages here. I know.
You know, there's there's places to go here that I don't even know about.

I went seeing reap, Phnom Penh, later on, whatever.

And actually, they must have been in Phnom Penh. And if you look at, look at that park up there.
Go up to the, what is it? Yeah, like, what is that fucking place?

Dude, don't you love seeing something on a Google Maps and then just opening it up? Yeah. Look at this.
Look at this. This is like...
This is the Wyoming of Campbell. Virace National Park.

That is the other thing.

We want to go west.

There were some places, like a couple hours outside Phnom Penh, that were amazing. But look at this.

It's a totally different landscape. Yeah, except this fucking piece of shit.
Look at this fat fuck.

Have some respect, dude. Have some respect.
Dude, maybe he's like 6'7, and this is the only size shirt he's gonna fucking put.

He looks like Bobby Least.

You've been saving that one. Wait, go back to the one right there.
What is the look at this? This looks like, or go up, not this fucking guy.

Look at this. Totally different landscape.
This looks like

Africa. I mean, it's like America, where you go like, oh, the Hudson River Valley is awesome.
Fucking white chicks. They're the only people who make up religions as they go.
Look at this. Fuck it.

They're always like, I worship the sun goddess who will bestow upon me. Like, what is this? Like, I don't know, man.
I'm just doing it. And then there'll be like some guy who's missing like two legs.

And they're like, oh, get my shit. get out of my shot,

get out of my shot,

ruining it. These people are gonna die on these fucking mopeds on an island on a fucking,

oh, look at this.

So, there's all these places still to go, yeah.

So, if you want to go back to your, and by the way, I'll tell you this, what Sarah said when we got back to this, she's the one who took me to this, to the island I went to.

When we got the boat got in a dock, she goes, oh, it's been built up.

Oh, and that was 2017. You went in 2023.
Yeah. Built up even more.
She goes, no, there was like 10 huts here.

There was like one hostel and 10 huts. And then it was bigger.
So I had to find what she had by walking 35, 40 minutes around through a jungle to where it became beachy again.

You just got to find the new places. Honestly, and it's really not that hard.
It's kind of like

you just go to the place where people are like, well, I wouldn't go there because the name.

This is Poland is like this. Nobody's like, I want to go to Poland.
I mean, what's the problem? Poland is awesome. Look at, yeah, this is.
Look at this place. Look at that.
Yeah.

So that's the kind of shit you and I still

could go back to. Yes, it's still

good. It's still untouched.

Like Vietnam, certain areas get way more built up. Thailand is very built up.
I feel like all the regional burns are as big as the early Burning Mans were.

When you start hearing about Burning Man, the regional burns are now as big as they were, but less fucking, you know. I could see that.
You also have to consider that

there's so many areas that have not been talked about. People are just going with the absolute most talked about.

It's like picking a stock. Like, there, you know, five popular ones, but there's thousands of good deals of good companies that you could buy.
Look at this. So, you got this shit in this place.

That's fucking

great. And you also got a download.
Oh, look at real stores. Yeah.

God damn, dude, I really want to go. All right.
Let's wrap this up. Guys, again, Ryan has a podcast called Slop Quest that you can find right now on

Spotify. The kittens and crowd work didn't take off.
Where? It did not? It did not. I thought it was a good idea.

Abby's like, you guys keep posting them. What are you doing? I was like, I posted a bunch.
I thought people like cats. I have a lot of, I've audio, I have audio tape of all of my stuff.

There's good bits in there. What's this?

This is that picture from Skank Fest. It's me, Column.
You can only see his arm. It's you, me, and Sam Talent.
You never released that one, right? It's coming. It's coming right before the sky.

Oh, you are? Okay, because you seem disappointed in it.

I was joking, disappointed. It was all over the place.
And my first live one, and I threw it together because of Skank Fest.

And Norton was on it too, right? No. Sam Talent showed up late.
When was Norton on? Oh, Norton was a different Skank Fest. Maybe you did a different one.
No, no, it was something else.

But Sam Talent and I bonded, and you go,

cut that? You cut all of that

on bonding because we he and I then he's like this is great I'm glad that you because we had never met oh whenever I say cut that on a positive thing it's generally a thing sometimes you're just dead serious I had to tell what yeah that's the problem is like you don't know the problem I told Niana I was like I was like listen when I say cut something that means cut it but half the time when I say cut something I'm making fun of myself cutting it but you understand that like your tone is completely the same when you go cut that and they're like never been that cut that It's never been that.

SlopQuest is the podcast that you should all be listening to. It is.

We have the YouTube, but you want the real... Here's what we say.
You're the last real podcast on All Things Comedy. I know.
And also.

Probably the best thing to ever come out of All Things Comedy, to be honest. To be legitimately honest.
And I'm talking about your mom's house, Skeptic Tank, Punch Drunk. The Burt cast.
Yeah.

Something's burning. I agree.
I think Ryan O'Neill O'Neill was the best thing to come out of that. I agree.
Also,

we do a two-hour show. First hour is free, but the second hour is on Patreon.
And

what we do for the second hour is you basically pay the gay away. There's no gay talk in the second hour.
Oh, it's all gay talk students.

So if you, there's some gay talk, but you won't hear any gay talk. You pay the gay away on Patreon.
You and DeWitt for 82 episodes so far. Yeah.
Wow.

This is my new studio. You stay to my house.

I don't think I understand. I'll say this.
I'll put a drop early on, three hours ago.

What's missing from podcasts today is retarded. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, this, yes. It's just a straight, retarded, look at Yangon.
The fucking cars driving over the fucking, it was driving over the fucking.

Oh, I saw that. Yes.
I saw that fucking photo. I didn't know what that was.
They drive, but the food is

on a thing this wide, so the cars can drive over it. Is that to season it with exhaust? No, it's just they got to get through.
Okay.

They're like, don't move it, just drive in a straight line. We need more retarded.
I was in Myanmar and they, I met some Canadian chicks that came up somewhere there. And

it's a good ad for, is it Aura? Whatever that fucking ad. You look like a fucking hostage.
Indonesia, that's Indonesia.

The sliding fucking. I love this.
First, I thought it was a camera. I got one from my mom and then I got me and I just put my travel pictures in there.
That thing's great. It just keeps coming in.

I literally was sitting in in a chair the other night watching it.

Oh, yeah. I think it says, Frankie said you relax in Burmese.

You were watching it? I was watching it last. I was sitting in this chair

because there's no TV, so I was just watching the photos go by. I should just do an episode, not now, but a while once I get more pictures in there, of just like, pause, let's talk about each one.

Who's that kid? That's on the Great Pyramid of Giza. Oh, fuck.
These kids were like, you're right. We were playing soccer on the pyramids, and then an hour later, the guard's like, no,

no.

That's me with a Komodo dragon. That is nuts.
God damn. Yeah.

Oh, also, you know, I record it now. My, you know, we were.
Slap quest is, okay, so I was in Myanmar. I met some chicks, and they would go, hey, we're these Canadian chicks.
It's four Canadian chicks.

They're my favorites. And they're like, what are you doing? I'm a comedian.
Okay, cool. And then they talked to me the next day, and this is before I look the way I do, before Balding took over.

This was eight years ago, nine years ago. And they go, You're 42?

And I was like, Yeah, like, what? They looked at me up and they're like, You have a podcast? Like, which one should I start with? And I gave them the Danish and O'Neal episode 50. Yeah.
Deliverance.

Deliverance.

No, it was 100. 100.
Yeah, you didn't do the first, you didn't do the 50. And then every 50 after that on Skeptic Tank.
These will all be deleted soon.

Will they? Yeah. It's weird because I look at the, like, someone did it.
I was, I was on Reddit and someone's like, best of. And I was like, fuck yeah, we made the best of.

I made sure to do it every 50. That's That's me and Mark.

They were,

it's just going to get people in trouble. Almost no one's going back to listen.
The ones that will go back to listen are looking for the thing to ruin somebody.

So I'm like, I'm just going to take them off.

And they go, which one starts? Star with Deliverance. That's a really funny one.
And she came the next day and she goes, okay, cool. I need something to listen to.
She goes,

right away, it was a lot about having sex with people with Down syndrome.

That's not true. I know exactly the part that they're talking about.
And nobody's talking about about having sex with someone with Down syndrome. There was a girl.

She has retardation and she had unbelievable tits. And like, I can't control that.
And they would flop out when her mother used her as slave labor to pick up all the groceries.

And am I not supposed to... It was more of a damn.
It was a... It was a...

Danny Darwin's.

It was about the mother using her to do this and forcing her. The retardation was a vehicle.
It was a yes. For what we're trying to do.
It was a plot device. It was a plot device.

But anyway, if you want the retarded, the full-on that, you want Slopquest. Yes.
It's that. It's what you're missing from old stand-up, for old podcasts.
Straight up, ridiculous, hilarious.

Go to Slopquest. Just, guys, you're doing 82 episodes.
We move it. Do it 40.
If you're not doing it by 40 episodes in, so let me ask a question.

Is it like Beach Cops where you got to go from the start on?

No, this is, you can jump in. Beach Cops is definitely like, that was the biggest problem with our podcasts.

You would have to start from one and go up. Also, great.

Did you ever hear about on Beach Cops, we ended up writing a screenplay during the pandemic live on it, and then people ended up animating it, and

they ended up doing the voices for it.

Yeah, and it was a wild one-draft screenplay that took us a year to write on air, and then people acted it out for us, and it is one of the wild i honestly for the shooter it's better dude it it is they here's a line from it suck this gun barrel like it's a pig dick

so and i've i feel like that for me was like i was like i've this is what i wanted to do in in podcasting yeah like somehow do it a little different and do fun stuff like this.

I feel like it's really turned so I would say, guys, listeners out there, I know this is actually legitimately not speaking to most of you, probably over 90%.

It's not speaking to you, but to that single-digit percent,

there's two ways to go. To talk to your coworkers about the new Tim Dillon episode.
Can you believe what he said? Which is fun. But if you want to be the guy who's like, what's SlopQuest?

What's that mug? It's like, oh, you can't handle it. That is the best you could say.
You can't. This is the new studio.
We were removed from the all things comedy studio. Removed.

They were still on the network.

They were

amazing.

That's the one you want to go to, to go, I am hearing some wild shit. And if you come across someone in your travels who also listens to Swap Quest, you will have SlopQuest.

You will have just a friend for life who understands this stuff. You guys are both should be put away.

So there's 82 episodes right now. That'll tell you guys how long I've been holding on to this episode.
It's an episode 82 right now. This could be, and who knows? By the way, we have.

You could be done with this podcast. I think by that time, we'll have launched our animation series, Poor Impulse Control Animation, on YouTube.

It'll probably be up by then. Okay.
Check it out.

Before this goes up, I'll be like, any new projects? I'm like, oh, yeah. I'm in my new project.

I've, yeah, I'm in the class. My grandson has just had his barbed spoon.
Mention that. This is Abby.
Ryan died like three years ago.

All right.

Okay, ask everybody this before we go. I did not do this on your tester episode.
Well, what is it? Which I really should AI.

Hey, guys,

let's look into the. It's a fun.
By the way, the India one is great. I got charged by a live wild tiger.

The

nature preserve that you went to was great. Yeah, there is a...
Yeah, that's a wild. India is a wild place.
Yeah. Okay.
I asked what country is calling you and travel tips. Okay.

So answer in any order you want. It means like we're like, oh, I want to go go to this place and I've never been.
And travel tips could be anywhere from

Don't worry about going back to a place. There'll be a new place that's not ruined.
Or anywhere from that to bring toilet paper to China or pack light.

There's a lot of people that do that one, whatever. So, but anyway whatever you think.
But I think we had a few in this episode, but if you can remember one. I'm

one, Peru. Peru, you want to go to? I really want to go to Peru because there's Machu Picchu, but then there's this other

Pichu Machu. Yeah,

there's other things similar to Machu Picchu, but it's a two-day hike in, two-day hike out, but there's nobody there.

And

it's very similar. It's just nobody goes there because it's too hard to get there, but you can hire a guide for $100 and he'll take you in there.

So I want to go there. I also would like to go to Argentina.
That's the island. Wait, oh, that's the one that you went to.
The other one that you went to. Yeah.
Because it's very similar.

So it's far enough off. You see one boat in the water.
Yeah. And it looks very similar.

I also want to go, I definitely want to go to Argentina. I want to go to these German towns in Argentina and find your relatives and find

them. Like-minded with.
Yeah. Yeah.
Where we share values.

And then I. Oh, and then Uzbekistan is also

Uzbekistan.

Yeah.

Where is it?

Oh, yeah. Uzbekistan.

Uzbekistan. And my big.

Tashkent is the capital that I've literally never heard of.

My travel tip is, do you have clothing that you're going to throw away?

Pack that clothing.

And then as you use it, throw it away. And then when you come back, you'll have way...
One, you will have gotten rid of all your shit and you'll have utilized it in a good way.

Second, you'll have way less shit to bring back with you. Which would leave room for souvenirs if you want? Exactly.
Like, you can pack.

I only pack one bag ever. Whether I'm going three weeks weeks or whatever.
You can always find a way to clean it. R slash one bag.
Yeah. And so then you can pack it as full as you want.

And then you have shit in your closet that you're going to throw away. Throw it away when you're done using it there.
And then,

yeah. Then when you come back, you'll either have a shitload of cool souvenirs or you'll have your bag will be almost empty.
Yeah.

That's a good, that's a good tip. Yeah.
Because there is that shirt like, I don't want this. And you're like, but maybe I'll wear it to like something.
And then you end up washing it again.

You're like, damn, it's back washed.

Where you take all the stuff and like wash it and some of it's like you spray it you'll spray it with like whatever the insecticide that they want you to and you're like well I'm not gonna wear it like permithion or something yeah deet or whatever the fuck they want and get your shots don't be a don't be a lunatic oh I said it on stage the other day I was like ah fuck I'm so I got vaccinated and everyone's like they could hear the murmur of like pro and con or whatever.

And then talking about it later, I was like, fuck, this vaccine hurts. And they're like, what the fuck? I'm like, for like

chicken gunya and like, and like, dengue. It's fine.
And they're like, oh. And I'm like, oh, so now you're not upset?

Yeah. What do you mean? Guys, there's other vaccines.
There were vaccinations before 2000, 2020.

Yeah, it's not the one you're thinking of.

It's like

yellow fever. Yes.
It's fucking, it's tetanus. It's baby.
I need this. Oh, it's been 10 years since your tetanus vaccine.
No one's dropping dead from it. Yes.
But they are from tetanus.

Dude, but I will say, I will get like all, I'll get like five shots in a row. I'll feel weird as fuck for a week.
For sure.

This one of them, one went right in, and one went like you could feel it going, I'm like, damn, it's full. I was like, oh,

it was just a shot, but this was like, I can feel it juicing in there. And then I had to hold my hand for like an hour.

Yeah, they don't know. Some of those, like, when you get, some of them, though, is a roll of a dice.
You're like, well, you could do this one. It's $800.
And you're like, how likely am I to get this?

And they're like, well, there's a slim chance. You're like, I'll roll the dice.
Is your Instagram YONEL? Or Ryan O'Neill. Yeah, Ryan.

Okay, that's a good tip. Yeah, pack your shit you're going to chuck.
Shit you want to get rid of anyway. Because then you don't wash it when you're gone.
You'll get a new shirt somewhere.

There's nothing better than throwing it in the garbage when you're gone. Leaving in a hotel when you're leaving, just like leave it there.
Yeah.

And if you don't bring souvenirs back, you literally'll have the lightest bag you've ever. Even better.
Why have it's dirty? I'm not going to wear it again on this trip. Why am I lugging it? Yeah.

Yes. Lugging it around is the fucking worst.
Yeah. But pack, pack a fullback.
That's smart. That's smart.
Get rid of shit. Yeah.
That's basically on these short trips.

Those two things are basically it. And

yeah.

Don't use sunscreen.

Check him out on Instagram, Ryan O'Neill, E-I-L-L Comedy.

And

O-N-E-I-L-L. That is.
O-N. Do you know the comedy store? Every two years they revert back to just putting one L on there.
After all these years, they go, you can't even get it right.

You can't spell it right, huh? That's Comedy Store. These are the stuff we did in the beginning.
I will always love you by what he says.

It does seem like a long time ago that we're talking about the body. Dolly stuff, what I talked about.
Okay.

And there's you.

Is that what happened to you on the bus?

He wanted it. It seems like you may have been into it on the bus.
He wanted it. He wanted it bad.
I can't wait to. Slop quest, everybody.
Get there right now.

I I want to hear the story about you being sexually assaulted on the bus.

That's a stage story.

Some of these are like, I'm done giving these out on podcasts. I'm going to make them good on stage.
No, you could tell me afterwards, but

it's a really funny story. It sounds like.
Thank you, buddy. Thanks for having me, dude.
I'll be back tomorrow to do the buster.

We'll do the buster, which might be out before, but I'm going to give this to fucking Column on his. He won a trippy award.
Oh, shit. Column was.
Oh, was that for? Oh, fucking God.

Biggest piece of shit 24 Trojan? First time I heard that story was we were in Seattle and I go, this guy raw dogged a fucking Ty Hooker. And I was like, what the fuck? And then Didn't Payer.

What a piece of shit. Wow.
Anyway, guys, also, if you have a piece of shit award, possibility, best meals. I came up with this on the fly.

Best meal, biggest piece of shit, least adventurous, most adventurous, best pictures. Those are the ones I thought of.

If you have a category of like, oh, best sexual adventure, last year Joe Liss got it for trying to get laid and failing on the on the soccatai trail trail of Machu Picchu. Really?

Yeah, trying to fuck his ex-girlfriend. She had diarrhea the whole time, couldn't do it.
Best sexual adventure. That's what we call it.

I had that when I was trying to propose in India. Yeah.
That was a

diarrhea is.

It might be an award winner. It's exactly.
Most romantic.

Most romantic. Could be.
So, guys, if you have one that you're like, hey, this could be a nominee for something for this reason. Best drugs was Yabba

Montan Don. Best meal was Rolf Potts on top of a monastery and wherever.
What would he eat? Whatever the monastery gave him. But like, what a cool meal.
But in the middle of, yeah. Yeah.

In the mountains. By the way, these fucking interior Afghanistan are frequently.
I didn't realize what fucking these monks, they're just like homeless people.

And they go door to door and they're like, give me food. People do.
Yeah. And they're such scumbags.

It's unreal. So if you have a nomination project, say, hey, trippy nominee, and then put it in there in the comments on YouTube.
Longest episode. Like always.

All right. Thank you.
Bye. All right.

Oh, wow. Gracias.

Americano. Buena.
A sucar en gun sante. No, solo negro.

Yeah.

Ah, si. Yeah, like

a

solo paración. Ahora se at Santiago despue y dispue esto

a la Paragonia.

Ya norte fue?

No.

Bolivia and then like

well Bolivia is similar to the Norte de Chile

actually the north of Chile belonged to Bolivia in

centuries ago I saw an old map and the old map was

Bolivia went all the way and Peru I mean the northern part of Chile belonged to Argentina and Peru there was a war among Chile Argentina and Peru and Chile won and Bolivia lost the most

this is

a grinder grinder. Yeah, it's only

multimedia.

Giuseppici will be ready in 7 to 10 minutes. Take your time.
No sugar, no, no, no. I like black.
Gotcha.

Man, I did not expect Valparaiso, Indiana, to be so exciting.

Should have taken sugar.

Thanks, Ryan. What a fucking crazy trip to Cambodia.

He's going to come back. He's the funniest man in the world.

I mean, at least the funniest man in America.

No, what do you mean? We have the funniest people. Nah, Australians, dude.
At a hostel, Australians. They're who you want for laughs and cocaine.

But you want Ryan O'Neill in America in a conversation. God damn.
His podcast, SlopQuest, is on Spotify right now, wherever you find podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, whatever.

On YouTube, it's youtube.com slash at slopquest that he does with DeWitt.

Also, if you go to the Patreon for Slop Quest, they've got all the Boner City USA, beach cops, and Slop Quest episodes. Over 400 episodes.
Damn. Should I do that with a skeptic thanks?

For the

You Be Trippin' Patreon?

I forgot to send the guy across the globe. Okay, we got to do that by the end of the year.

Heather, we got to do that by the end of the year. Okay, I'm doing it.
I'm doing it. I haven't taken the money.

Ryan's on Instagram at Facebook and YouTube at Ryan O'Neill Comedy.

Check them all out for that. Cambodia, what a trip.

What a trip.

What a place.

Damn. I mean, I loved it.
The low-clock is the best.

But I gotta be honest, Indiana, I've only been to Indianapolis before,

and this city of Valparaiso,

Indiana, with all the murals and everything just

really enticed and like enchanted me. Really did.

Please subscribe wherever you're watching and listening to Ubi Tripping and tell a friend about it. I've met some people at hostels out there in Rwanda

before I got back to Indiana for this intro and outro

that were listening. And man, guys,

put up a sticker somewhere magical

and get a t-shirt. A Ubi Trippin' shirt.
People ask me. I wear mine because I had to do whatever, but then I wear them.
People are like, what is that? I'm like, it's a podcast. Like, is it good?

I'm like, yeah, if you like travel, it is.

And comedy. Next week, I don't know who's on.
Maybe Brett Ernst. Maybe

I really don't know. I didn't forget.
Two weeks it'll be Byron Bowers

and in four weeks

Rolf Potts will be on. And thank you to your Mom's House Network for producing this.

Alan Caffey for editing.

Niana and Chris for putting it all together. And that's it, you guys.
I'm having a blast. I hope you get out by the end of the year and go somewhere special.
Go to Cambodia.

It's not as dangerous as you think. It's actually pretty fun.
And go support Ryan O'Neill's comedy. He's one of the most underrated guys in the world.

Honestly, in conversation, you're not doing any better. And on stage, also, I mean, anyone who saw him open for me, I'm disgusting.
And he is disgusting.

Yeah, go see him in Austin. He's there right now.
Go ask the mothership when he's playing. Ask the Creek in the Cave when he's playing.
And Black Rabbit. Forget what else is there.

Glad to see him there. Getting his due finally.
That's it, you guys. I hope you enjoyed everything.

The trippies are coming. Please vote in the comments below if you're watching on YouTube for your favorite episodes, favorite episodes, favorite meals, favorite,

I mean, this diarrhea that he got in India. Damn, it wasn't this episode.
Gets diarrhea a lot.

He's also going to come back on to talk about India. He's also going to come back on to talk about Peru.

Yeah, oh, vote in for your favorite trippies. So like what else we got? We got

best meals, worst meals, worst trip. That's O'Connor.

Prove me wrong, but that's O'Connor. Best trip, best guest,

best sexual adventure, best

I don't know, if you can think of a category, put it in the comments below.

I'm Arsh Farrow and I really love doing this podcast. Legitimately, I love doing it.
Thank you guys for listening.

If you didn't listen, I'd probably do it anyway.

This isn't like my other one. It's not a job.
I actually really enjoy talking about travel. So subscribe wherever you watch or listening and tell a friend.

Until next week, you guys, and go visit Indiana. They have great cities.
They got great cities. Get a little taste of the view.

Let's get one little taste of the view.

I gotta do this.

That's cool. I didn't mess it up so much.
That would have been cool.

Okay.

Bye next week.