Ripping Beers & Running 5K's w/ Jason Kelce, N.O.R.E, and Beau Allen | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100%.

Welcome to another episode of Two Bears, One Cave.

I'm Tom, and this is Bert, everybody.

Say hello.

What of is am I?

I'm hammered.

Yeah,

that is not weird.

This is incredible.

Thank you guys so much for coming out.

If you're listening, we are at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida.

and there's a 5k which was I think it was your goddamn idea this was the this idea is almost dumber than two bears sports management yeah that really didn't pan out but two bears racing two bears ai porn yeah

we've had a lot of dumb ideas tom quite a few and uh i i put this near the top but

it fucking panned out we were so hungover this morning i was like, there's no way I'm running this fucking race.

I was tapping out.

I smoked DMT yesterday, and I had like 20 shots at Bar Howard, was it?

Bar Howard.

Yes.

Let's just break down the bartenders at Bar Howard.

Holy cheat on my wife.

Those fucking women.

I will hit subscribe on that OnlyFans.

If those girls want to get it going, I will fund that.

Hey, can I get an IV?

Oh my God, look at how fucking quick she comes.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Hey, can I get a blowjob?

Why didn't we?

Oh, no, no.

Keep just the IV from you, please.

Or both, if you're into it.

Just IVs, be cool.

Okay, that's it.

I mean, if you're doing, there's two of us.

All right.

So

this is

a crazy thing that actually worked out: that

so many people wanted to participate in exercise, which is

we did this because we started realizing our fans are a lot like us.

Fat.

It's crazy how any time I'm in public and I see a guy that looks like he doesn't take care of himself, I'm like, this guy's a fan.

And then as soon as I see a guy.

There's Bell, big fan, big fan.

Dark side of the grill, check him out.

He's a great chef.

Yeah, anybody that's like, this guy's falling apart, he's always like, what's up, bro?

Big fan.

So, yeah, two middle-aged guys who.

And we got to keep it going.

I mean, look, this was a pipe dream that we started

in Austin because we were looking to fill content.

And we were like, yo, it's going to be January 1st when this drops.

What's our New Year's resolution?

And then we just jokingly said 5K by May.

And then we called all our friends that had been canceled.

And they all said no.

This one?

And then we did it in Los Angeles.

And now we're here in Raymond James.

And we've got over 7,500 people here.

and it's just amazing and and I got to keep it going for all the bucks that showed up the bucks came out

but let's break down that uh do not take my fucking blood pressure just give me a goddamn IV I do not want that work just give me the IV or don't or don't but do not take my blood pressure how bad would your blood pressure I do not take my blood pressure

is that a good sign no it's i get the white coat syndrome and i don't want to and i listen i normally get two bags i'll be fine with one bag Just do not take my blood pressure.

What's his blood pressure right now?

Still thinking?

Well, does it register he's dead inside?

What are you talking about?

You're so frustrating.

Your blood pressure is always perfect.

Well, it might not be.

I don't know.

140, 70, you're good.

140 over 70?

Yeah.

It's not great.

It's not terrible.

It's not terrible, she just said.

I personally would rather lower on the top number.

If you're going to take my blood pressure, I don't need an IV.

Gut, stop.

No, I'm not getting one.

Why?

No, I'm not.

There's seven fucking thousand people here.

I'm not getting my blood pressure.

And guess what?

If all 7,000

want you to get your blood pressure.

Nope, nope.

Stop.

Nope.

Game's over.

I'm not playing.

Stop.

Game's over.

Nope.

It's my arm, and I hold them tight.

Norrie, get up here.

Norrie, come here.

Nori.

You don't go to the doctor.

Come here.

Nori, come here, please.

Right here on the stairs.

Nori, will you let them take your blood pressure?

There you go.

That's my man.

Here, we got a mic for you, Nori.

And Jason Kelsey's garage beers are up here.

Have you had one yet?

Here, sit down.

I never met Tom, but I feel like I know.

What's up, bro?

How are you doing, man?

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Ladies and gentlemen, from Drink Champs.

That's right.

How you doing?

And a fucking massively successful rapper himself, Nori.

Yo, can I say something?

This is brilliant.

I'm also an alcoholic.

Nice.

That likes to jog.

Yeah.

And I get a euphoria high over jogging.

And the fact that you have all of these maniacs out here,

I did the race.

I didn't read the disclaimer.

Yeah.

These hills do not pay the bills.

That shit is killer.

You didn't like the nine corridors up that you had?

I did not understand what was going on.

Guess what?

Neither did I.

And it was fucking awful.

But it's brilliant.

Because you know what's crazy?

Even if it rains, you can still stay.

It's like your outdoors, indoor, not outdoor.

Because you're covered.

Yes.

But this is brilliant, guys.

This is brilliant.

Thank you for coming.

Make some noise with him.

God damn it.

And he was fucked up early.

Yeah.

Oh, where's my Yamazaki?

Where's the Yamazaki?

Hold on, I got a gift for you guys.

What's this?

Oh, gift?

Yeah, I got a gift.

Oh, shit.

Has he been on Drink Champs yet?

No, Tom?

No.

I would love to.

You know, he's got a new series coming out on Netflix in April.

May,

we're in May.

It's

May 13th.

Really?

Yes.

Who got it?

You got it?

Oh, shit.

When you was on Drink Champs, I gave you a bottle of Pappy and we drank the whole bottle.

Holy selfishly, it was just me and him.

We didn't share with nobody in the room.

We drank the whole bottle.

The whole bottle and I'm looking to do that here.

Let's do it.

Yamazaki, let's open it up.

Let's open it up.

Open it up right now.

All right, let's do it.

Let's open it up.

Can we get some glass of ice up here?

Can we get some, yeah, glasses of ice, please?

So we have our whole crew called Run Champs.

You see, I don't know if you see the shirts.

Yes.

So we came here to run another 5K, but apparently, Yamazaki's going to win.

Yeah, if we're doing Yamazaki, there's no second round.

There is no more second run.

Okay.

Yes.

No, no, no.

We can do it.

Oh, boy.

It's my favorite thing ever, and I swear by it.

Box of wine on the treadmill, Guy Fieti, diners, drive-ins, and dives.

I can put 14 miles in.

Wait up, wait a minute.

What did you say?

Can you say that one more time?

Box of wine on the treadmill.

Diners, drive-ins, and dives.

I put in 14 miles in a night.

Oh, wow.

Dude,

jogging drunk.

You watch, you know what I watched once you're in the middle?

I watched the movie

1918 about World War I, where the guy's got to run and give a message.

Yeah.

And every time he ran, I ran because I was drunk.

Like, I was in World War I, and I had to give the message.

It was fucking awesome.

Dude, I watched football drunk on the treadmill, and every time they run, I run.

It's a fuck.

You got to play games with yourself.

That's a really good training record.

I'm not going to lie.

I called him one day.

I was like, yo, can I go to the sauna drunk?

And he was like, I do it all the time, dude.

So you should.

I'll never ask him a health question.

We were a bill of buddies for a second.

I was like, because I kept seeing him in the sauna, and I was wondering, I was like, is he drunk?

And then I got drunk.

I did it the same night.

And I called him, and he was like, yes, dude, you can do it.

And I went to the sauna drunk as fuck.

A polar plunge hammered sobers you right up.

Say you're throwing a kid's party.

You get too drunk.

It's a A cold punch.

You cold plunge, sobers you right up.

You get back.

Done.

Right.

Holy moly guacamole, man.

Sure.

Yo, listen, guys, this is really, really dope, man.

I've been all year.

We just came from Maui, ran

six miles in Maui.

I did the Miami half marathon.

I did.

You just recently started running.

Yeah, I was going to say, talk about how you've changed, dude.

Like, you got after it.

Oh, thank you, man.

Yeah, no.

Thank you.

I just fell in love.

I've been doing this.

I've been doing this on Night Plus.

I know we got Spartan here today, right?

Yes.

Yeah, big up the Spartan.

But I've been doing it.

I just wasn't recording it.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And

so I started to travel and I wanted to rewrite my life.

I wanted to go to all the places that I performed at

and I, you know, did shows.

But I wanted to go back there

as a jogger and

participate in the races.

So I did Puerto Rico, I did Maui, I did Naples, I did Tampa.

And this is, so my point I'm trying to make is, out of all the races I participated in, this is by far the coolest.

Let's make some noise for you guys, guys.

This is by far the coolest.

Wait, let's make some noise real quick for Drink Champs.

Yeah, that's right.

That's right.

That's right.

Look, I know there's a lot of white people, but everyone loves hip-hop.

That's the truth.

And Drink Champs is a deep cut into hip-hop.

Yes, it is.

Like, if I'm telling you, the best interview ever, DMX.

Any interview about DMX?

Wow.

Fucking amazing.

Drink Champs is the first place I heard Diddy say he wanted to party with someone.

Oh, shit.

Yep.

He wanted to party with Fabulous.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, yes.

It's true.

Dude, it's on camera.

We can't deny it.

Shout out to Diddy.

Great guy.

Shout out to Diddy.

Yes, yes.

It is such an amazing podcast.

And if you haven't listened, you got to check it out.

Yes.

Okay, you got to do it.

Okay, so now I need to answer our age-old

drinking question.

Yes.

Can you mix ice with Japanese whiskey?

Ooh.

You should have it neat.

Is that what you're trying to go for?

I'm asking.

Out of idiosyncrasy.

Yeah, because

I don't actually know.

I know that some bartenders won't even serve you if you ask for ice.

Here's what we should do.

Okay.

Let's have a little bit neat and see how we like it.

Okay.

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Yeah.

And by the way, when Jelly Roll gets here, no one take pictures.

Let him get here up here quick.

Okay.

Yeah, that'll work.

I seen Jelly Roll last night at a Carbone on the beach.

It was dope.

And he was playing a lot of hip-hop in his show.

He was.

I liked it that.

Yeah.

I liked it a lot.

Yeah, yeah.

I never met Jelly Roll.

Super nice guy.

It was my first time meeting you, too.

As well, man.

I'm a big fan, bro.

Please, please.

I follow you on the grand.

Wait, wait, wait.

Let's talk hip-hop real quick.

Okay, let's talk hip-hop.

You talk about who you look, because Tom's like a real deep-cut hip-hop guy.

Okay.

Well, I mean, I just, I don't know.

I'm like, and you got on the alpha flies.

That's right.

I could tell you seriously about running.

Those are real nerd running shoes.

These are nerd shoes.

Yeah, yeah.

Like if you're a running nerd, you got alpha flies on.

And they trick you.

They trick you into thinking it's not as hard.

Your brain is not going to be a little bit more.

No, no, no, it does.

I think I'm faster in it.

Yes, thank you.

We drink a Japanese fucking whiskey, man.

Come on.

So if you start seeing me sweat,

just think I was running the 5K earlier.

That's all.

Joe Salu, man.

To you guys, brother.

To you, brother.

To you.

Cheers.

And to all of you, thank you so much for coming out today, guys.

And by the way, is this my first time on two beers?

This is my first time.

This is your first time.

We got to do it again.

Yes, I don't mind.

I don't mind.

I'm telling you, man.

You're my guilty pleasure.

You really are.

I fucking love drink jams.

And just so you know,

very good.

Oh, shit.

Did that just come out of me?

There's a whole drinking, running community.

That wakes up in the morning.

Is it true?

That wakes up in the morning and looks at your speech when you say,

I will always keep myself healthy enough.

You know, you remember that speech?

Oh, yeah.

That is like in a drinking-running hall of fame.

I get

the best thing I ever saw.

It kept so many people from going to rehab.

You know what I mean?

Like, there were people that were about to go and they saw your thing and they're like, I'm fine.

Yeah.

Yeah.

They're like, I'm fine.

Because it's a second speech that he goes.

He goes, If you're thinking about quitting, don't.

Don't.

This is two of the most brilliant speeches in drinking history.

Yeah.

Do you understand how important those two speeches are?

I speak from the heart.

If you think you have a problem, maybe it might be you.

She's standing behind you.

Nope.

Nope.

I'm a black man.

I don't get my shit taken.

Take his blood pressure first.

No, no, no, no.

Don't even get near my fucking arm.

Don't even get near my arm.

Wait, how?

What do you think it is?

Because I don't want to deal with it.

Listen.

Listen, I'm having a good time, okay?

Yeah.

By the way, I didn't even know you could deny having it in your blood test when you do an IV.

I always do it and I feel shitty about myself.

They always.

What is it, like 260 over 150?

What is it?

I'm not getting my blood pressure taken.

Holy shit.

Look, there's a medic right there.

You're fine.

Oh, thanks.

I got beaten in this race by a guy in a wheelchair today.

Yeah.

His name's Jerry, by the way.

Oh, his name is Jerry.

Yeah.

Shout out to Jerry.

I see you right there, Jerry.

But I gave Jerry a lot of credit, and then I I thought about all those, you know, the downhill shit.

Oh, yeah.

Jerry smoked.

By the way, come on.

For real, Jerry smoked me on the uphill.

He did.

He passed me on the uphill and then flew past me again.

I kept neck and neck with the

disabled guy.

With another disabled.

Okay, that's good.

I had a couple.

When I ran the LA Marathon.

You ran the LA Marathon?

I ran the LA Marathon with no training at all.

And I got beat by an Asian dude dressed as big bird with a tuba.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm trying to picture it.

I'm trying to picture it.

I got beat by a dude with cerebral palsy and his dad, who was wearing jeans.

Jeans is rough on a marathon.

Two Mexican men, and the mom was with them.

It was bad.

I got smoked.

Reminded me.

But the thing is, just finish, right?

Yes.

Just finish.

Yeah.

I haven't ran a marathon yet, but I'm looking at the.

Yeah.

Have you ran a marathon?

No, fuck no.

And you did the LA marathon?

I did the LA Marathon.

No training at all.

No training.

It's not the best way to approach a marathon.

No, no, I would train.

Yeah, I would train.

He's a lunatic.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I would train.

Do you know who might like this whiskey?

Who?

Have you met Jason Kelsey?

Football player?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, I haven't.

Hey, someone grab Jason and Bo.

Yes, please.

Jason and Bo.

Bo Allen.

See if they want to come out.

Jason Kelsey.

Let's get him to the stage.

When you guys called me up, in my my mind, I was thinking I was going to have to jump on the stage.

So I was getting my Hulk Hogan impression on.

Wick flare, motherfucker.

Could you still freestyle right now?

Hell no.

For real?

Uh-uh.

Yeah.

When was the last time you like rap-battled?

I rap-battle myself every day.

In the mirror?

Yeah, like

if I'm running, I rap, battle myself.

I tell myself I'm a...

You know, they say you should never talk bad to yourself because yourself doesn't know how to do it.

I think there's an exception to that rule is like right before you run, you just say

some bullshit that you think someone else would say about you.

About you.

Yeah, so

you're about to get it out of the way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, they're making their way.

Yeah, so I always do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, Bo Allen and Jason Kelsey, give it up.

What's up?

How are you doing?

Thanks for having us.

Of course.

What's up, bro?

Yeah, anywhere you want.

We got to give a shout out to Jason.

Jason donated all this garage beer that you're drinking today.

Yeah.

Oh, shit.

Time out, we donated that?

I just feel like I'm somebody's son all of a sudden.

I'm just here with my dad and my uncle.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, here we go.

Oh, you want some whiskey?

I would love some.

Oh, let's get some

whiskey poured.

Can we get a couple more

cups?

A couple more cups?

He just took my blood pressure.

120 over 60.

That's a lot.

120 over 60.

Tom, I hope you're at my fucking funeral.

120 over 60 is good.

Yeah, I know.

He made it.

Tom's an asshole.

Yeah, over here.

Another one over here.

Do you like,

do you, like, kind of hate your brother and love your brother?

What is that?

I think everybody kind of hates and loves your brother.

It's a normal brother relationship.

Yeah.

Like, I like Tom, but I kind of hate him.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a normal, that's a healthy male relationship, I believe.

You want one too, right?

Yeah, sure.

Fuck yeah.

So you guys run it at two o'clock?

Running at two.

Kelsey's got this great idea.

Kelsey, why don't you run everyone through with this idea that you had for this 5K?

We're going to try something.

Have you ever heard of a beer mile?

Are you being fucking serious?

So beer mile, one beer every lap, so every 400 meters.

So four beers every mile.

Four beers.

Wow.

So I'm going to try a beer 5K.

So we're doing 12, 12.

I'm going to try.

Dude, you can do it.

You're a fucking man.

You think that's a good thing?

There's no chance.

12 beers?

Absolutely no chance.

A thousand percent I believe in you.

I don't know.

I've never tried drinking 12 beers that fast.

And here's the thing: you're earning it with every 400 meters.

That's my thing.

Like, if we're going to do it, let's do it big.

And also, there's water in beer.

There is.

It's like mostly water.

I brought some hydration packets I'm going to throw in there too.

In the beer.

We're going to be safe out here.

Raspberry Garage.

We're going to get you an IV and just wheel it behind you as you're running.

This is how I know I was white in a past life because everything they said makes total sense.

Like, nothing at all said to me, this doesn't make sense.

Like, everything about it was like, yeah, I see it.

You got to do it.

Let's go for it.

I'm going to go for it.

All right.

Beers.

Had to be whiskey.

Now, can you do it with whiskey?

That's fucking rough.

Holy shit.

I mean.

So what would it be?

A shot every 400 meters?

I think it would just be 12 shots.

12 shots.

Jesus Christ.

If anybody can do it.

Hey, man.

You are the guy.

Thank you for gassing me up.

Yeah, yeah, man.

Thank you.

Yes.

There's plenty of time to test this theory.

Yes.

Yes.

There's plenty of time.

Now, do you do, because you're retired now, you're still lifting strong like a psycho.

I'm trying to.

Because your meathead mentality cannot go away, right?

You've got to keep at it.

Do you do any type of training to prepare for the 5K?

Any running training?

I have done zero.

Awesome.

Yeah, yeah.

I went on a jog on Bayshore Boulevard here on Thursday.

I texted Kelsey right after.

I said, it was the first time I went for a jog in like 15 years.

So I've done a lot of prep for this.

I feel really good.

You feel good?

Yeah, this is right in my wheelhouse.

I'm a big jogger, big runner.

So very excited for it.

Running is like such a big man's kryptonite.

I say we, but like

us, us mine men.

Us bears.

That's right.

No, I fucking despise it, but I make myself do it.

You know, I make myself do it.

Yeah, I think it's healthy.

It is, I've heard.

It's healthy.

Supposedly.

It's good.

Which is the the only reason I think anybody does it, right?

Yeah, or at least the reason big people

swimmers are psychos.

That's true.

People who swim.

By the way, bye, mom, bye, dad.

I love you guys.

Thank you very much for coming out.

Bye, mom.

Bye, mom and dad.

Bye,

guys.

Dad, you want to try Japanese whiskey?

You want to try Japanese whiskey?

You have some at home.

He's fly.

Mimba gave you the Pappy Van Winkle.

You FaceTimed him.

He was like, that's the 10-year dollar.

I was like, oh, shit.

Yeah, we did FaceTime my dad.

All right, I love you guys.

Swimmers are crazy because you can't listen to music and you just stare at the bottom of a pool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's swimming.

Yeah.

It checks out.

That's how it works.

That's how it is.

I mean, and on, at least, was it like that at Wisconsin?

The swimmers at Cincinnati were usually the craziest, too.

Oh, yeah.

They are the freakiest and the weirdest people on the.

Thurs was a swimmer at Wisconsin.

It checks out.

And he's kind of, I mean, from workaholics, Durs.

Have you ever had sex with a swimmer chick?

Pete the the fifth, thick, yeah, back thick back,

thick back, yes, like bro.

I mean, swimming is all latch, it's almost like a trans back.

It's almost, yeah, yes.

And if they cut their hair short, you're fucking a dude.

Then you're in.

Yeah.

Great cardio, though.

Great cardio.

Great cardio.

They last all night, but man, there's a couple times you're like, so I am kind of fucking a dude.

You're like, all right.

Nor do you ever fuck a dude?

No, no.

How come black guys are still homophobic?

I can't speak for the black race on this one.

I just gotta let it be.

But are we gonna take a shot at this?

Should we take a shot at this?

Are these the shandies?

These are the garage beer, summer shandies.

Summer shandies.

All right.

Garage beer, summer shandy.

Have you ever had a summer shandy?

I've never had a summer shoe.

Hold on, I got it.

I'm getting diversionized right now.

Right here?

So this is...

Wait, so this is how they open or they made a mistake?

This is how they open it.

Did they make a mistake?

You had some tool over there that you you could take the top off of it.

I've never seen it before.

It's pretty snazzy.

Wow.

It makes it more convenient for drinking when you're on the move or running a 5K, you know?

I'm running a 5K.

Hell yeah.

He did so.

And then I'm going to down it with the.

Perfect.

All right.

Okay.

Cheers.

Yes, sir.

The whiskey.

Chase it with the shandy.

These 12 bucks we're about to drink while running.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Tap it, Jason.

Tap it.

Cheers.

There you go.

Here we go.

Oh my God.

That's fantastic.

Can I ask a racial question?

A racial question?

Yeah, please.

Those are the only questions I prefer.

I feel like you're the best one to bring it up.

Go ahead.

What race is the best drinkers?

White?

Irish

or Latinos?

Oh, shut up.

Latinos in the building?

Here's the thing.

Latinos are the most fun.

Whites are the most terrifying.

So it's kind of what kind of vibe you want to go for.

I need you to break it down, Dels.

Break that down.

Well, break it down and reverse it.

Let's eliminate who are the worst drinkers.

It's Asians.

The Asians.

It's Asians

are the worst.

They get red.

They're allergic to alcohol.

Damn Americans, Asians.

You see, this is the reddest face I've ever seen before.

And y'all would say, dude,

you noticed that this is for a fact?

This is for a fact.

Oh, yeah.

There's a thing in.

Burt's got some Indo-European half-Asian blood going on.

This is a fact.

You did get red.

First of all, thank you for bringing this up.

Yes, okay.

But yeah, you know,

there's a lot of Asians that have an enzyme that doesn't go with alcohol.

Plus, they'll start bowing up on you, shit that you're not expecting.

So I feel like, yeah, it's not the best.

Okay.

You know, whites are.

There is no, like, some redneck,

some Irish guy drinking, they're out of their fucking minds, dude.

They'll do shit that you can't even conceive of drinking, and they'll do it for days on end.

They're the scariest.

And I think Latins are the most fun.

That's because of the tequila, I feel like.

Just on

the other side.

Once again, we left black people out.

Sorry.

I don't know.

I'm not sure.

I don't know.

I don't think we make that card.

No, black guys are fun to drink with.

Yeah,

always.

Hey, hello.

Always.

Hello.

Never not fun.

You know, I didn't realize that black dudes could be alcoholics.

You didn't realize that?

Until Tupacs occurred.

Tupac?

Yeah.

You didn't get drunk with Tupac.

No, no, no.

I was going to say, I need to hear this story.

When you

listen to Tupac, you're like, this guy's a fucking alcoholic.

No, no, no.

I didn't realize he had a drinking problem.

And then one day I was like, why is he drinking all day?

Yeah.

Thug passion is like an all-day drink.

Right.

And so, but I just never, I never saw it.

And then when you move to New York and you hang out with the, when I got to New York, all the black comics partied and all the white comics were all sober.

And I was like, oh, black dudes get down.

Yeah.

You ever done Coke with a white dude?

You know, you know, I've never done cocaine in my life.

Are you sure?

What?

I've never done cocaine.

Never like backstage.

I used to sell cocaine.

Let's make that clear.

I think some people didn't hear that.

I used to sell cocaine.

Yeah, and I never even tested it.

You're like in the movies, Miami Vice.

What's the most you ever sold in like one transition?

Probably a half a key.

Half a key.

Oh, yeah.

I never was a big.

That's got to feel good, right?

Oh, no.

I mean, I've always wanted to do it.

It didn't feel good.

No.

It was out of necessity.

But, like, when you're holding the, like, how much do you get paid for half a key?

I don't know.

I haven't sold drugs in 27 years.

Well, I mean, you know, was it like, I kind of had a career?

I know, but it's like, it's...

But wait, if you hadn't sold drugs, you maybe wouldn't have had a career.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

You got to be grateful to shit.

Getting some shit to talk about.

Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gave you credibility, man.

Yeah, yeah.

It's the credibility that I definitely shouldn't have had, though.

Nah, it's the best, dude.

I would fucking put that in my Instagram bio.

I sold Coke.

I mean, it's...

Do you ever rob anybody?

It's a lot of credit.

Does anybody want one more shot of whiskey?

This is a dream podcast for me.

That's my favorite people.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Cheers.

What's like, you guys ever commit any crimes?

Just petty crimes.

Petty, what?

Shoplifting?

Yeah, just illegally pirating media.

That's a big one for me.

Now, you're big, strong guys.

You ever just beat the absolute fucking shit out of somebody?

Yeah, I used to do that to Kelsey on the football field.

Oh,

Jesus.

Shots fired.

Yeah, 2018, it was the hottest football game I've ever played in.

It was really miserable.

Right here at Ray J Eagles, we won the Super Bowl the year before, and Kelsey and the birds came down.

It was like week two.

It was like 95 degrees.

It was the hottest fucking game of all time.

The glass reflecting the sunlight on the field.

It was fucking terrible.

It was so hot.

We went out to warm up, and we were out here for two minutes.

And the coach said, Boys, just go back in.

Just go in.

Yeah, like you're going to get more tired out here trying to warm up and play football.

So we just cut warm-up short.

Yeah, so we used to play football on this field.

Now we're just fucking ripping beers and running 5Ks around the stadium.

It's a better life coming quicker.

I got to ask you this.

First of all,

big fan of you guys.

I love football, as so many people do.

It is so much fun to watch NFL action.

Who is the worst?

like the, who is the matchup of your career where you circle it and you're like, this is going to be a week.

Like this week is going to, Sunday is going to be rough with this motherfucker lineup?

I can start.

I mean, when we were in Philly, Dallas's O-line was incredible.

It had Zach Martin, Travis Frederick, Zeke was cooking, and I was a nose guard.

So I'm eating 30 double teams a game.

They're running Duo, which is just like a very basic straight ahead run play.

And I'm just like grinding my ass off.

And I get like one assisted tackle the game, and I'm fucking eating double teams.

I mean, so that's one where I was always like, That's a really got a straight.

Poe played the worst position in the NFL, yeah, like

just be fat as fuck and try and take on two offensive linemen every single snap.

The worst, yeah, the worst.

I mean, I don't know why he's Kelsey played the easiest position, he's a center, you're just a help.

I always have help, yeah, they're allowed to hate you.

I get to make all the calls, yeah, yeah, exactly.

Two father days, two father's days ago, my wife got me a wallet for Father's Father's Day.

And I thought, how invasive, how,

how presumptuous.

A wallet's a personalized choice.

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This is the best vodka in the world.

You're talking to a man who's put 10,000 hours into a couple things: eating pussy and drinking vodka.

I'll bring my wife in if you want.

I'm pretty good at the first one, too.

But this is better than pussy.

This is the best vodka you're ever going to have.

It's clean.

My sleep scores through the roof because of it.

It tastes clean.

Everyone I've given it to loves this vodka.

Tom, tell them.

It's absolutely fantastic.

We have a proprietary distillation process.

And listen, we are winning competitions.

We have gold medals in various competitions.

And honestly, you, the people, are the ones telling us how great it is too.

This is not just smoke that we're blowing here.

We're telling you because you're telling us this is now your favorite vodka.

So thank you.

And if you haven't tried Porosos, get out to the store.

If they don't carry it, tell them you want them to carry it.

Tell them to request it.

When you go to the bar, you say, hey, do you carry Porosos?

And if they say no, you go, you should.

It's pretty freaking awesome.

And then walk out.

You know what I do?

I go, do you carry Porosos?

And they say no.

I I bring out a bottle and I give it to them.

I go, now you do.

Can I get a bottle of a glass of Porosos?

That's awesome.

That's awesome.

What's up?

Like when you're a center, like

when you're a long snapper, are they not allowed to hit the long snapper?

Not anymore.

You are not allowed to hit the long snapper.

Fucking shit.

Oh, I be down.

Oh, my gosh.

That was a close call.

My blood pressure just raised.

Wait, but who is your like motherfucker, this guy?

For me,

a lot of them.

A lot.

But like, who are pretty much every week?

So Dexter Lawrence up in New York towards the end of my career.

Yeah.

Really, really good player.

Guy that has everything.

If you play a guy that's big but doesn't really have any speed to his game, you can kind of work around it.

If you play a guy that's undersized fast, doesn't have that length or that size,

you can play to that.

Guys that have both of them are just like,

I'm working with nothing here.

I'm going to try and outsmart this person, and usually it works.

Thankfully, I played Dexter young in his career.

So the first couple of times I played him, I could use all these little tricks that I accumulated over a decade.

Yeah.

And then after you play him again, it's like, oh, that shit didn't work anymore.

Just throws you to the side.

Yeah, Dexter was up there.

A guy named Snacks.

Oh, Snacks.

Yeah.

It's a great nickname.

Wait, for the name.

For a nose guard, that's like the best.

Yeah, for the daughter.

Not for his daughter.

What's up, Snacks?

It's a great nickname.

It's a great nickname, really, for anybody.

It's a great nickname.

Yeah, Snacks Harrison was unbelievable.

Limbaugh Joseph is very good.

A lot of nose guards that nobody in this audience probably is going to be that familiar with.

Yeah, yeah.

Vita Vea.

Vita here.

I didn't see Vita.

I don't think Vita's running any 5Ks.

Vita's like a real problem.

I wanted Dez Watson.

That's that big boy, right?

He's a big guy.

Yeah.

You see Des Watson?

He's 460 pounds, right?

460 pounds, 7-2.

He's a boy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wanted him to run it, but he doesn't have to report for another week.

Wait, how do you guys come up?

This is good.

I like the nicknames thing.

Did you guys have a lot of nicknames in the.

And the old school players all had nicknames.

Yeah.

That's one thing I wish we'd bring back

to the NFL is like the great nicknames of like the past.

Yeah, let's get it.

Wait, how did you, in hip-hop, how did you come up with Norri?

No, I've read a book about

Manuel Noriega.

Shout out to Manuel Noriega.

And it just dropped and person picked it up and asked me a question about Manuel Noriega and he didn't know that I had

the page folded.

So it was actually where I was just reading.

So I said it and then he just started calling me Noriega.

And so it was like just given to me.

And then, you know, I knew that I would face legal problems.

So I shortened it to Norrie.

Yeah.

And that's how it happened.

You ever hear from like his camp?

I actually reached out to him and he was in.

He was locked up in Florida in Kendo in the prison.

Yeah.

And I lived in Kendo at the time.

So I reached out to him,

and then they had their attorneys reach back out to me, and I was like, oh, let me just change my name.

Yeah, yeah.

So you were like, what's up?

He was like, actually.

Yeah, because, you know, I don't spell it the way he spells it, and I didn't, never named it.

I never sold a product with that name on it that way.

But I wanted to do that just out of respect.

Yeah.

And, you know, people sometimes just see a payday.

They don't see like a relationship.

How dope would it have been?

Oh, my God.

Noriega, the rapper, met Manuel Noriega,

the fucking dictator or whatever the fuck he was.

I don't even know what the fuck he was.

You know what I mean?

Whatever the fuck.

Like, that would have been dope.

I tried to go see him.

I wouldn't really want to go see him.

But I think his family saw like a payday and then they like, you know, so I got away from it.

You know what I'm saying?

He's a big Putin fan, so that's cool.

Or cool.

Burtis.

You?

Yeah, I'm a big fan of anybody.

If you're famous, I'm a fan.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

I want to party with Kim Jong-un.

What's the worst Asian pop?

He loves partying with the Asians.

Notorious drinkers.

Oh, Kim Jong-un's an alcoholic.

No, he is.

And by the way, Kim, if you're listening to this, or Jung-un.

He's a big fan of the pod, I think.

Dude, you know he listens to podcasts.

For sure.

You don't think he listens to Rogan a lot.

Western media is undefeated.

You think, all right, who's the most fucked up person you think listens to your podcast?

Mine?

Probably my own family.

But no, you've got to have a deep.

You know, Putin listens to Rogan.

You know he does.

For sure.

You know he does.

You know, you know, Trump listens to it.

You think Putin, he doesn't.

Does Putin even.

You think he listens to English-speaking podcasts?

Fuck yes.

Well, I heard Putin's going on New Heights next week, actually.

Would you have Putin as a guest?

Dude, you'll do crazy numbers.

It'll be fucking insane.

All right, what's the worst hip-hop name you ever heard where you're like, yeah, that shit isn't going to fly?

My very first name.

What was it?

MC Yahoo with the Baldebean.

MC what?

MC Yahoo with the Baldebean.

It's a lot.

It's a mouthful.

It's terrible.

How long?

Imagine I would have gone with it and been successful.

Imagine that, like, it would have worked.

Like, you, like, you would have been saying, hey, when I walked by, MC Yahoo with the baldebean.

Y'all, like, oh no, it's by MC Yahoo with the balder bean.

Yeah, yeah.

It was a terrible.

How long did it last?

I was 11 years old.

I'm from 11 to the 14th.

Yeah, yeah, 11 to the 14.

You mean it's a child's name?

name no i i thought i was a grown man at that time when you're from the ghetto and you're 11 years old yeah you're 21 sir yeah anyway a black 11 year old is more of a grown-up than me yes i'm telling you without a doubt yes yes that's a fact without

definitely got laid more than me

yes we went through a whole bunch of but i'm glad i didn't choose that name i'm so glad too yeah blessed

way better wait tommy do you have any nicknames buns Tommy Buns.

You know what that's from?

Not from Belly.

Yeah, of course it's from Belly.

Your nickname was Tommy Buns from Belly?

From Belly because

drink chance, I apologize.

No, I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

But so how did you, so what you was watching Belly, and somebody was like.

I mean, I'm in college.

Belly comes out.

We're all hip-hop fans.

We're Hype Williams fans.

And the soundtrack's crazy.

And, you know, we're just watching this movie.

I'm Tom, Tommy.

Parents call me Tommy.

They're like, you know, you remind me of DMX.

I was like, I know.

And then they just started calling me Buns, man.

Best DMX interview.

This makes a noise for DMX.

Yeah,

best DMX interview ever.

I'm going to give you I'm going to give you a Hype Williams story real quick, right?

Yeah, I said Hype Williams.

I love it.

I'm number one coming out of Left Rack City, Queens, 97-30, 57th Avenue, Apartment 5E, Corona, New York.

You know, 11368.

I make it.

So I finally get a chance to get a Hype Williams video.

Hype Williams is the man in hip-hop.

That's what I was just intervening to say that at the time, Hype Williams, just imagine it's Christopher Nolan and Quentin Tarantina.

He is that level for music videos.

Jason,

who Hype Williams is?

No, Hype guys.

Hype Williams.

Hype Williams.

So put it like this, guys.

So put it like this, guys.

Hype Williams is every hip-hop video you loved.

Yeah, yeah.

So put it like this.

If you get Hype Williams, you basically win the Super Bowl.

Put it like that, right?

But you got to get him.

He's like, he's weird.

Exclusive.

He's weird.

He's very hard to get out.

Like, he's just weird.

He's just eccentric.

Like, you know, I don't think he wears deodorant like type of shit.

You know what I mean?

Kelsey probably loves him now.

This guy sounds great.

Yeah, yeah.

So, I mean,

you know what I'm trying to say?

You know, like, he's eccentric, you know?

So

we finally get Hype to agree to it.

Hype meets us at the Trump Hotel.

And he says, yo.

So he's,

get a room, get a room at the Trump Hotel.

I said, get a room at the Trump Hotel.

Meet Hype Williams.

It's just me and him.

It's weird.

So he says,

Roy Jones is the number one boxer at the time.

So he's like, we're going to call Roy Jones, and Roy Jones is going to be a part of your video.

So I'm like, okay.

He had Rory Jones' number.

I didn't have Roy Jones' number.

He called Roy Jones and he says, I need you to be in this video.

And Roy Jones said,

he said, act out the video.

And Roy Jones said, no, no, no.

I'm not going to act this out.

I have a fight this Saturday.

You guys can come this Saturday and film.

I immediately hit mute.

I'm like, what is this guy loses?

He says,

say it in the mic that he can't hear you.

Yo, I'm sorry.

I'm like, what is this guy?

Luke loses.

We don't want to film that.

But Roy Jones was so confident at the time, he said, you guys are good.

Came, filmed it.

He wins.

He can't be touched.

He wins.

This is when he was untouchable.

That's correct.

That's a song.

We filmed the Hype Williams video.

Hype Williams gives me a bottle, three bottles of cognac.

At the time, we're from the hood.

We're used to drinking Hennessy and Coca-Cola.

I drank three bottles of Louis XIII.

What?

Wow.

With Pepsi.

We thought it was Hennessy.

You're drinking like $100,000 bottles.

Louis XIII.

We're sitting there, so I'm having a ball of it.

I go backstage.

He has a quesa crystal.

I'm having a ball of it.

Everywhere we go,

Mr.

Chowes, he had Mr.

Chowes flown in from New York City to Las Vegas.

Do you know I paid for all that shit?

You did?

You?

I'm thinking I'm balling on a budget.

I'm thinking, I had no idea.

See, an artist,

all of that is charged back to you.

See, nothing is more fucked up than the music business.

Nothing is more fucked up than that.

It is the most predatory business practices in the world.

So it was the most fun I ever had.

It was the most balling I ever had, but I did not know I was paying for this whole shit.

What was your bill?

Do you have any

recall?

Absolutely, 1.8 million.

1.8 million.

Absolutely.

Bro, imagine that.

Wasn't today fun?

Here's the bill.

What was your rookie dinner like?

Jeff Danube.

Mine wasn't that bad.

The rookie dinner means you had to pay for the whole team, right?

It's kind of like an initiation.

It was a third offensive line.

So that's a lot of fucking food.

It is.

So I was a seventh-round pick.

We had a good group of vets, guys like Kelse and other dudes.

I think I got got for like seven or eight grand, but

I was still hurt over it, but it wasn't $1.8 million.

I wasn't drinking Louis.

Some dude tried to order Louie at my rookie meal.

I said, no, no, no, Acho, you're not doing that, brother.

Not on my dime, my guy.

It wasn't really that bad.

A lot of it comes down to how good the rookie is.

Do the vets like him?

They're going to have some fun with them.

But if a guy's a dick, you're going to get got at the rookie dinner for you.

Really?

Oh, for sure.

Yeah.

So you will be like.

I've seen guys take Louis,

and they don't even want to drink it.

They just take the shot and pour it into a glass of water.

Oh, yeah.

They don't die.

Just because the guy's a dick.

Or like if you're a first-round pick, like Vito was drafted by the Bucs here, and he was a rookie.

And like, we had a nice.

We kind of fucked him over a little bit.

The higher

pickled kiss, the more you're going to be.

And what is it like, like a rookie?

Like, first of all, you don't imagine rookies being dicks because you kind of, in your mind, you go.

Oh, no, they're definitely, there's some that are.

They come in with an attitude, and they're just what, like, not friendly, not like.

Usually the ones that do come in with an attitude are actually like, they're usually really insecure.

They're usually like trying to mask something.

Sure.

So nine times out of ten, they're really good players and the guys that end up being great players in the league aren't like that.

Right.

They're confident, but they're also just excited to be in the NFL and around NFL players and vets.

So that's the way it usually goes.

But I don't know.

The higher pick you are, the more that rookie dinner ends up being.

I've seen it as high,

like you've seen in the $20,000 of dollars for a meal.

That's pretty crazy.

Right.

I think our rookie year, we had a first-round pick.

We split it three ways, and it was something like 15, somewhere between 11 and 15.

I can't remember.

That's a nice meal.

We split it, but steaks, steaks, some wine, Louis.

I mean, it's all in drinks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And guys are taking bottles of wine.

That's hilarious.

Right.

I love it.

Can I ask you a football question?

I would love a football question.

Why did Deion Sanders' son go so late in the draft?

Yeah, I think

there's multiple parts of that.

I think the character stuff and all the interviews is probably being overplayed a little bit.

I think the reality is if he was viewed as a first-round talent or a guy that would be like an organizational changing player,

they would have drafted him in the first round.

Like if Michael Vick or

Cam Newton or any of these guys had the same interviews with those type of traits, they would have been drafted that high.

Wow.

Because at the end of the day, teams want to win games.

So the reality is when he starts falling, all that is is a metric of these teams that are in the market for quarterbacks don't feel at a high level that he's going to pan out to be that player in the NFL.

Now, the interviews and stuff like that, did that cause him to fall more later in the draft?

Potentially, but I think most of it comes down to the arm strength isn't like crazy elite.

The athleticism isn't crazy elite.

So what is the trait that is going to stress defenses?

Well, it comes down to there's been a lot of quarterbacks with his traits that have had success, but a lot of those guys have some it factor that you can't measure at a combine, right?

They see the game in a way that you can't measure, right?

And

if he's one of those guys, which he was throughout college, he had an amazing success, he can still pan out in the NFL, but you're not going to spend a high pick on a guy.

that doesn't have those measurables that they're looking for.

So I think that's the biggest reason.

But it had nothing to do with, do you think it had anything to do with Deion himself?

I think some of those distractions later in the draft do play a little bit, but I still think, by and large, the majority of it comes down to,

like, if you're at that pick, right, and you have this group of quarterbacks, let's say you got four guys that you think are in this tier.

If Shador was that high above those other guys that they thought had that probability of panning out the next level, Like we think this guy can be this player.

If he's that much higher, you take the baggage because at the end of the day, that's what you're drafting for.

You're trying to draft a win game.

The NFL is going to be a good one.

But if it's close, if it's close, or it's like, hey, this guy can do this really well, if he pans out, you know, is it worth risking it with Shador and having to deal with the stuff on the side and all the noise?

the way teams dealt with, you know, like Tim Tebow coming out, right?

He was a guy that had a lot of years as a backup.

And not to his credit, I mean, Tim was a great person, but because he had such a fandom and such a following, that is something that you have to look at.

People still have to think about this is going to be a media circus.

There's going to be like, it's going to be.

They do, but my only issue with this whole topic is I think that is being talked about way too much.

I think that that has taken the overwhelming majority of the spotlight in this instance.

And the reality is

the majority of the reason why he was not selected where people had him pre-draft selected is because the NFL did not view him as that caliber of player or that they had the potential to be, right?

Mel Kuyper Jr.

almost had a seizure on television talking about his, because he analyzed him as a top pick, but the really,

where he got drafted is just

the statement of the NFL saying, we don't think you're a top-tier talent.

Exactly.

Well,

the other stuff might be a lot of fun.

No one read Black Twitter.

You got to go to Black Twitter.

Black Twitter.

Hey, man, Black Twitter was where I was.

Black Twitter is different.

Black Twitter is Black Twitter.

It was called, and I'm going to say this wrong.

I apologize.

Don't say the N-word.

Nope.

Oh.

Please don't say it.

They wanted to break a black man.

That's what Black Twitter said.

Said what?

You can't come in as a black man.

They did it to Colin Kaepernick.

This is black Twitter.

That's all I watched.

But also, to be fair, back to black Twitter, there's a few black NFL players.

Like, it's not just.

No, but no, but they let, hold on.

They let this shit happen with

fucking Eli Manning.

Oh, I see.

Eli Manning stab Archie was a little controlling.

Dude, this is all black Twitter.

I'm just telling you what black Twitter says.

Did you be on black Twitter?

Buddy, that's all I fucking do.

Let me tell you something, man.

Because you know what?

Burt Chryser is a piece of shit.

Doesn't show up on black Twitter.

Yo,

I should explain the point you're making.

The point you're making is that people were saying

they were hyper-critical of Dion having said,

my son will not play, I will not let my son play for certain teams.

And people were like very vocal about that.

And they would point out that when Archie Manning did it for Eli several years ago, that it wasn't an issue.

So that was like one of the things going on.

Or when John Ellen wasn't a problem, it wasn't an issue.

I remember when Archie did do that and when Eli was doing that, that it was controversial at the time.

It was frowned upon.

But at the end of the day, there were still teams that viewed Eli as being.

That's all it comes down to.

I'm going to keep coming back to that.

Shador,

you know, Brock Birdie dropped because he didn't have any of these outstanding traits.

Right, right.

He's panned out in the NFL.

And the same thing.

There are quarterbacks that are selected later in the round that just don't have

these attributes that

allow teams to accurately project whether they can be the best quarterbacks in the league.

Totally.

When you're drafted in the first round, that's what you think you're getting.

You're trying to get a guy that eventually is going to be an all-pro, one of the best quarterbacks in the league.

Right.

And they get it wrong all the time.

But when you're making that assessment, you have to pick quarterbacks that have some type of trait that leads you to.

You go, this is like, oh, man, you see this guy's arm, or like, his athleticism is going to allow us our offense to do all these types of plays.

But that's a harder one to gauge.

And that's where there's

the viewpoints and the decision-making and all that stuff is way harder to judge coming out.

And that's what I'm saying.

Let's get back to goofy.

Okay.

What do you think is better?

Okay?

Let's go.

Being an NFL offensive lineman,

an NFL quarterback,

a platinum-selling artist, rapper, country musician, whatever, or a stand-up comedian.

If you could.

And we're assuming we're good at all of these.

All of us are.

Bro, there's millions of dollars of talent on this stage right now.

Yes.

Like, so you get to reasonable.

I want to be a platinum-selling artist recording.

That's a thousand percent.

I think it's just you up.

You know, it's you.

I want to be MC Yahoo with the beat in a balderby?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the fuck is that?

It's a love bug.

Yeah, I ain't gonna lie.

That's white people bugs.

I've never seen that type of bug.

It's a Florida bug.

No, I live in Florida.

Oh, they're fucking kamika.

Yeah, that's why they're called love bugs.

That's two beers.

That's two beers.

That's two acts.

Okay, let me ask you.

Ballers is one of my favorite shows on earth, right?

You ever saw it?

Of course.

How accurate is that?

Completely ridiculous.

So it's not accurate.

I mean, I think that all of those stories and some semblance can happen, but that's like a much more dramatized version of what reality is.

Okay.

But yeah.

Yeah, but also he's a good guy.

You know, it's like, it's no point.

Jason's like

a fan

at being famous.

You know his brother's family.

You want to ask this question to

different players.

Yeah, you need some guy raw dogging bitches in Cleveland.

Ask that question to Johnny Manzel.

You'll get an interesting answer.

Look, Jason's such a good guy.

He says he's going to come and he shows up.

You and him are the same.

You're a regular human being.

That's all it takes.

You just got availability.

You know?

That's beautiful.

That's beautiful.

I ain't going to lie.

I had to get my medal because I was here out here earlier.

Yeah.

And I did it.

Can you tell?

What is...

So I've never done a 5K where you're like, fuck.

going upstairs.

Yeah, Nori, give them the

guys are my friends.

Yeah.

So I thought they would like give me like the VIP warning.

These hills, motherfucker.

These hills are not funny.

Yeah, yeah.

Like no one is talking to each other.

They're just going through it.

You're just mean mugging.

Everyone gets mad at the hills.

Yeah, of course.

How could you not?

And you go down the hill, you get happy.

And then it tricks you.

Because there's more hills, motherfucker.

I love the hills, bro.

It's just more hills.

Did you walk the hills or run the hills?

I don't walk nothing, sir.

You didn't walk a single thing?

I don't walk nothing, sir.

What was your time?

They called me N-O-R-E on the run eating.

I'm eating these miles.

Do you have your time?

I don't have my time.

I didn't give a fuck about my game.

There you go.

That's what's up.

I wanted to come here to do two beers.

That's what's up.

God damn it.

And drink osos and rock my metal.

Rock your metal.

Well, you got the metal.

I'm telling you.

These are my

favorite podcasts right here.

Wait, did you you guys ever play a game drunk high or hungover uh no no never nothing hungover never hung over i wish i could tell you otherwise but no see these are good guys these are great people great people

i could tell you wasn't good enough for that

that would do like a shot of whiskey or something like that before they played that was a thing marsha lynch famously i think it's talked about yeah like a shot of hennessy before he played wild um the league has also changed quite a bit yeah even just in my time like more more of the young guys just don't even drink.

Like, it's not even a thing that they really enjoy doing.

Whereas earlier in my career, when you first came into league, that's all anybody did.

Was like the first thing you did Thursday, practice, let's out.

We're going to the bars.

Yeah.

Thirsty Thursdays, let's go.

I was talking to some of the young guys about team meetings.

Yeah.

And I was like, do you drink in them?

And they're like, no, I go, I know guys that used to just drink in all their team meetings.

Sports science has ruined camaraderie.

Yeah.

Goddamn science.

How fucked up do you get after a Super Bowl win?

Is it a blackout?

I mean, enough that you don't remember.

That's okay.

But you wake up going, what did I do yesterday?

And your wife goes, you won the Super Bowl.

That's right.

At some point,

you remember winning the Super Bowl and you remember going to the after party.

And then that's kind of it.

Yeah.

Kind of hateful.

And then you kind of have that brown out there.

Oh, I ran into that person and this person.

And then you're trying to piece it together.

Yeah.

That's a Super Bowl after party.

How about a fun one?

What is

you're, you know, you're a college kid, you want to play in the league, you get to the league.

What's the stupidest purchase you made when you made...

Oh, let's go around the table.

Hold on.

Let's do.

What's the dumbest shit you made?

I'm guessing Jason's is going to be mild.

Yeah.

Yeah, Jason's going to be like, I bought multiple.

It's so fucking relatable.

I'm sorry, man.

I got a tree for the yard.

I'm getting a call that they're telling me my pancakes are ready.

Oh, shit.

Do we have his pancakes?

I'm like the most needy person.

I asked for pancakes, and you guys have such a wonderful staff here.

They just are whipping up pancakes.

They ran

pancakes.

They love you.

I mean, the dumbest purchase I made, I don't know.

You're so hold on.

You're famous for watching.

F-150 was the first thing I bought.

Yeah, that's right.

That's not a dumb purchase, right?

Oh, an F-150?

No, no.

No, that's good.

No, but you were famous for

the Super Bowl when they were infants.

Yes.

And your wife was like...

I actually brought my kid to this Super Bowl.

My first child, my brother's playing here.

Well, actually, take that back.

That was in Miami.

Sorry.

This Super Bowl sucked, by the way, for me.

I came here to watch my brother play Super Bowl.

They got killed.

And then I got like, and they didn't even know who I was.

Like, that was when nobody knew who Jason Kelsey was, right?

I am walking through Raymond James State and getting shit talked, wearing a Chiefs jersey, just you suck.

And I am getting it like

berated endlessly with my parents.

Then I was like, we just got to get out of here.

We got to walk away.

It was the best.

I've never felt like such a one NFL fan.

It was incredible.

It's pretty amazing.

No, I've tried to bring my kid to a Super Bowl.

And apparently for a Super Bowl, each kid has to have, every heartbeat has to have a ticket.

So we have an infant with us.

We think we're going to be able to get in.

We show up, and they tell us, no, you can't.

bring that child in here.

And for anybody that doesn't know, to get to the Super Bowl, it's like a whole

process.

Like, you got to take a look at the business.

It's like the White House.

Yeah, there's, we're already like halfway through this meandering maze to get into the stadium.

And they finally tell us, no, you can't come in.

And we start panicking.

And thankfully, the NFL, like, we call like, you know, what is it?

Seven ways to Kevin Bacon or whatever that game is.

Yeah, we're playing that game.

And eventually they get us in.

They're like, yeah, don't worry about it.

You can come in the stadium.

But wow.

I don't really know where we're going with that.

Here, route of garage beers.

Jason, thank you so much for sending these beers to me.

Dude, thank you.

Thank you for coming down.

You're a fucking legend.

Thank you.

But hold on.

Wait.

Yeah, so worst purchases.

I must be the fat guy.

Only one with light bear.

No, there's not.

No, no, no, no, no.

Only one with light beer.

They said they're all right.

You have to have.

Nori, you got to have a wild rapper purchase that you've made.

Oh, hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I thought he was going next.

Okay.

Okay.

I think yours would be more exciting than mine.

David Vernori.

Yeah, no, I mean, mine was like, okay,

not when I was young, but the most

aggressive purchase was the Super Bowl when we played was in Minnesota.

I'm from Minnesota.

I grew up there.

So we had, I had 30 people there.

I had to buy 30 Super Bowl tickets for my family.

Oh, my God.

It took a little bit of a hit in my Super Bowl check that year.

Yeah.

I was a seventh round draft pick.

My big purchase, I think I got a $50,000 signing bonus my rookie year and went out to like McCormick and Schmidt's steakhouse in Philly and was like, I'm balling.

You know what I mean?

Like, I'm the man.

That's awesome.

It wasn't anything super exciting.

Bo and I had the privilege of being drafted very late in the NFL draft, which I think there's this conception that everybody in the draft gets paid a ridiculous sum of money right away.

Yeah, and we get paid, it's good, but like

to make a ridiculous, like a truly absurd purchase, like a McLaren or some ridiculous house that is never going to ever get paid off, we didn't have that kind of idea.

Yeah, mine are like yours.

I'm a very relatable, regular guy, too.

Tom, what's yours?

Fucking asshole.

Go ahead.

What do you got?

Come on, bro.

You're a very what?

I don't.

I've spent money on houses and watches.

That's it.

Okay.

I used to think my brother was making bad purchases.

My brother bought some Marty McFly shoes.

Apparently, they're like big.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like $9,000.

He spent six at the time.

They're worth $9,000.

And I know that now.

At the time, I crushed him.

I'm like, dude, what are you doing?

Yeah, like you're buying shoes for this much money.

What the?

Like, you're an idiot.

And now they're like nine, they might even be more than

it's crazy how much these things appreciate.

And, like, incredible.

And especially if you don't wear them.

And he doesn't.

He just keeps

got boxes.

Well, I shouldn't even say this because I don't want people to know this.

Yeah,

he's got all sorts of sneakers and armor.

He's got money hidden under his bed.

So, my

most ignorant purchase

by far

is when I bought an iced out Diamond Newport chain.

Wait, do you realize how many people responded to that speaker?

That's incredible.

Some of them know.

Or some of them is like, that's fucked up.

Smoking cigarettes one day, and I was just like, I kept missing my cigarettes.

I kept misplacing them.

I was like,

what do you do to not misplace your cigarettes?

By the way, I don't smoke cigarettes no more.

But I was like,

fuck it.

Let me get a chain.

Let me get a chain and diamond it out.

By far, also, the most embarrassing moment of my life.

I'm riding in an elevator.

And this old white woman just comes in the elevator.

And I'm sitting there, and I'm just,

it's it's just a natural impulse.

And I open up my chain,

and it's a full box, and she just looks, she's just horrified.

Nothing threatening, but I pull out my cigarette,

and the way she looked at me, I got rid of the chain immediately.

Really?

So, I was like, this is a bad decision.

I've never wanted anything more, man.

I want it now.

I'm like, you sell your swag.

Yeah, I sold it back to TV Johnny.

Big up to TV Johnny for doing it.

But then my other purchase is recent.

Also terrible.

Yes.

I was in a Lego movie.

Yeah.

I don't know if you know Pharrell

and the Neptune's first hit on television was with me.

Yes.

Super Dog.

What, what, what, what, what, you know, that shit.

Look it up.

Google's.

Right?

So he puts me in his Lego movie.

And I was looking to do another chain.

So I said, ah.

And I just made a Lego chain.

Fuck yeah.

And my chain has a chain.

Just fantastic.

Make some noise for me.

Make some noise for me.

So I got a Lego.

And I know that I'm 47 years old.

There's no way I should be running around with a fucking Lego chain, right?

Dude, do you still have it?

No, I just brought it.

I just bought it yesterday, like type of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, so, but, um,

who the fuck would have think a kid from Left Rock City, Queens would be in a fucking Lego movie rocking a diamond Lego chain now.

God God damn it.

That's what I'm saying.

Thank you.

You got bars.

Fuck yeah.

You got boss.

He ended the sentence.

He was the one that introduced me to Richard Millay.

Richard Millay, yes, yeah.

Yeah, I've never.

It's like I got a piss.

And you ran.

I got a piss.

What you got on?

I'm going to go pick.

What do you got on right now?

Those are some great shorts, by the way, Tom.

Another shot.

Thank you.

Can we do another shot?

Let's do another shot.

We have to do it because y'all have to wrap up.

We got to get to Jelly's Run Club, so we got to wrap this up.

All right, let's do it.

I got pancakes.

Did you know that

your electricity bill increases the more you use it?

I don't even know what he's rambling about.

No.

This is a standard thing I go through most days.

Tiny shots.

Tiny shots.

Tiny shots.

Tiny shots.

Okay.

Tiny shots.

I actually already got enough in there with.

I'm on.

Nor?

Yeah, we'll go.

Well, there?

Well, here?

Yeah, fuck it.

Frank.

Shout out to Frank.

Frank, how much weight are you down right now?

I'm down in like 30 days.

You're doing good, right?

This is Frank from Barstrool Sports.

He's also walking talk with Frank.

He'll be doing it today with Antonio Brown.

Antonio Brown will be out here.

And I don't think

Mets fan.

He's already a good guy.

He got a Mets hat on.

He's a big fan of Garage Beer, isn't he, Carl?

He's the best follower on Twitter.

I know that.

I see that going to Sydney Field.

That's right.

Left Rack.

It's not LeFrique.

It's Lefrac.

But I got you, my man.

Got you.

But also, let's just, first of all, thank you again, everybody.

You made this possible.

So thank you for coming out today and supporting.

You guys are amazing.

Big shout out to Nori, Bo Allen, Jason Kelsey, everybody that came and supported us.

Can't thank you enough.

The run champs.

The run champs and the drink champs together.

Yeah, thank you.

Salam.

Cheers.

Thank you to Mike Calton.

Thank you to all the celebrities that said they were going to show up and fucking showed up.

There's a difference in celebrity.

The people that show up and the people that don't show up.

Cheers, everybody.

Cheers.

Here we run at it.

Run, chat.

Holy shit.

You're going to be hammered during this run, bro.

That's what I'm about to say.

Yeah, I'm drunk already.

All right, here we go.

All right.

That's why I got to eat these pancakes.

Pancakes.

Let's get those pancakes.

Let's go eat pancakes.

Yeah.

I'm hammered already.

I'm pretty, I'm good.

You was hampered since I saw you earlier, sir.

Buddy.

Reed, get that DMT pen.

All right.

I'm going to do that on the five, guys.

Don't let them take your blood.

We love you.

We'll see you out there.

Thank you, everybody.

Thank you, guys.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Appreciate y'all.

Bert and Tom.

Tom and Bert.

One goes topless while the other wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.