How Prison Changed Danny Trejo's Life | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100%.

Ladies and gentlemen, new episode of Two Bears, One Cave.

And finally, my partner is actually Latino.

My best friend claims Latino when it seems convenient, Danny.

Absolutely.

He speaks Spanish.

His mom's from Peru, but his dad was white.

And when he speaks Spanish, it catches everyone off guard.

Coming into the city, coming into Hollywood, when you got into Hollywood, because you came in like legit, like your first movie was

Runaway Train.

And one of the reasons that you popped so hard was you were the authentic version of what they were trying to make a movie about.

Like you were the real deal.

That's kind of what the director said.

I remember when

they had picked somebody else, and then they wanted me after I showed up.

And Andrei Godzelowski, the director, was trying to tell people,

no, look, this is Eric Roberts, who

goes to Eric's face like this

look face ah

look and this other guy who's kind of spaniard Spanish goes yeah

look

and so I go is this guy clowning me or what

he how did he say he says uh uh

adversary it was adversary or adversary you know like against each other like a round look like enemies you know I mean so these other guys look like lovers.

So I ended up boxing Eric Roberts.

I just watched that this morning.

Because I've heard so much about the lure of that story.

I'm obsessed with the little things in life that change your life forever.

The one choice you make that all of a sudden, and for you, it was you got a call from someone saying there's Coke on set, right?

No.

Well, yeah, this guy was staying clean, you know, and he called me and said, hey, there's so much blow down here, man.

I got 108 days clean, please.

So I just went down to hang out with him.

And

unbeknownst to me, I was supposed to go down there the next day anyway as an extra.

So I walked on the set

that night to hang out with this kid.

I run into

a friend of mine that I was in prison with, a guy named Eddie Bunker.

Eddie Bunker is fascinating.

Eddie Bunker.

Hold on.

Remember, please tell me a story about Eddie Bunker.

Oh, he's a good guy.

Okay, keep going.

I apologize.

But

he's looking at me and says, hey, you're Danny Drew.

Yeah.

He says,

What are you doing here?

I said,

they're going to give me 50 bucks for acting like a convict.

And we laugh because we've been doing that for free for all our lives.

So he says, hey, you know what?

We need somebody to

train one of the actors out of box.

I'm like, what's it pay?

And he said,

$320 a day.

And I said,

how bad you want this guy beat up?

I thought,

I wasn't making that a week, homie.

A day.

I don't take two minutes to beat him up.

And he said, no, no, no,

you got to be real careful.

This kid's high-strong, man.

He might sock you.

I said, Eddie, for $320, give him a stick.

Are you crazy?

I'd be beat up for free, homie.

I started training Eric Roberts out of box for a movie called Runaway Train.

And Eric,

you know,

well deserved.

He was a movie star.

So movie stars have their own way of acting on the set.

And sometimes it doesn't agree with the director.

You know, I want to rest now and go through Australia.

So, and everything stopped.

So

Eric respected me, you know, so when

they wanted him

They would tell me go get Eric, you know, I'd go get Eric and come on Eric, let's uh

let's do this and then we'll train because he wanted to train

Please be Eric Roberts

I'm sorry, I thought I shut that off.

That's okay, that's okay.

I uh

that's how real this show is

so uh

I uh

I had,

thanks, Don.

I had,

I go get Eric, and Andre comes in, because I was just training him.

He comes in, I'll never forget, he comes in and he goes,

Russian, first American movie was runaway train.

He goes, you be in movie.

You fight Eric in movie,

and you be my friend.

Well, if you have a prison background, you be my friend has like a little...

Wait a minute.

Hold on, hold on.

We're not shouting together, Punk.

You know what I mean?

It's like I've been, and then he leans over and kisses me on both cheeks and walks away.

And I'll never forget.

I looked at Eddie.

I said, Eddie, I'm going to train the kid for $320, but if I'm going to be kissing that old man, I want more money.

He said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's European.

Yeah, okay, well, if I'm kissing him, if I would have known that old man did, he got me a sad card.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

That sad card changes your life.

It took my life.

And so I'd have washed his back.

You know, let me get that front, too.

I mean, you know, it's like the whole life.

Yeah.

I started going

from movie to movie to movie because they were making a whole bunch of prison movies.

I got that big tattoo on my chest and the directors loved it.

So I didn't, my first 10 movies, I don't have a shirt on, you know, we're in prison.

And it was funny.

Directors would always say, Danny, say something prison-y.

Hey, we'll kill all you punks.

Oh, my God.

Where did you study?

Safeway, Vons,

all the robbers.

And so it was like, I just...

Kept working.

I kept going from movie to movie to movie.

And that's the way it's been my whole career, 1985.

1985.

You got out of prison in 68?

Yeah, no, 69.

I got out of prison in 1969.

I was a drug counselor.

I'm still a drug counselor.

I work for Western Pacific Med Corp.

We have a detox all over.

We have 13 detoxes.

Okay, can I tell you my, my,

there's, there are a few stories I get obsessed with people, especially anyone who's had a rough background, meaning like the chips were against them.

It didn't look like they were supposed to succeed.

Nothing was going to go their way.

And all of a sudden, they

just show up in a major way.

And I heard a story one time, just talking to a friend, and he said, you know,

Danny detoxed in the hole.

Always.

Really?

Every time I got arrested, I was hooked.

So I would detox in the county jail with, like,

hey, shut up, bastard.

Jesus.

You know, that's the way you just kicked.

You know, and

you got to remember, this was 1965, 64, 63, you know, when the

I remember, well, God, in 65,

63, when I got arrested, I got sent to the joint.

It was like

nothing.

I mean, they were

sending people to the gas chamber or selling dope, you know, and nobody knew.

That was crazy.

Come to think of it.

I want to go back to Eddie Bunker, and I want to, what does it feel like?

What does it feel like when you've been in in prison

I mean I have so many fucking questions for you the going to prison has got to feel uh it's got to give you anxiety

what when you put on prison clothes again on a movie was there a moment of like oh god

that happened actually it was funny because

when uh

when when the the

First AD on runaway train

handed me that blue shirt I kind of laughed you know what I mean I just kind of cracked up and put it on.

And

he said, please this time.

And he told me to leave it open, my shirt off, you know, because I got that big taboo.

And I left it off.

And

I just stood there, just like, kind of, like, kind of like, just reminiscing.

And I'm watching everybody, and they're all being stupid, but

because everybody thinks prison is this like

you're out of the way, okay.

It's not, man.

Prison is a very scary

place,

but nobody can show it.

You know, it's like

being with your girlfriend in a haunted house,

and you know you're scared, but you can't show it, you know, and

because

in prison,

you learn to

smell weakness.

Any kind of weakness, any kind of fear, any kind of sorrow, you can pick it up.

I mean, what's wrong?

You ask somebody, what's wrong?

I got a letter, you know, something.

And so,

oh, you can.

Oh, it's so crazy.

I didn't, I just realized you also have personal shit happening to you while you're in the world.

Absolutely.

See, that's why, like,

a lot of people tell their girlfriend, hey, you know what?

Cut it loose.

Let it go.

I can't deal with this.

Oh, yeah, because you don't want to deal with the ups and downs.

I get a letter one week and I don't get it for three weeks.

You're like, what the fuck are you doing?

Yeah, you cut your wrist.

You know, I mean, you get, I mean, I've watched people

cut their wrist because they didn't get a letter.

You know, it's like, whoa.

Because you can't depend on the outside.

You are no longer on, you're, you're on an island.

And people,

it's, it's, uh,

let me say this.

A wife has three children.

Her husband's in jail.

So now for her to go visit, now he's in San Francisco, she's in Los Angeles.

She's got to get a babysitter for two days, three days, and she's got to like drive up, take a bus, whatever, get a hotel, sleep in the car, and go visit for a couple of hours, you know.

And so it's not like an easy life either way.

You know, and so when

I cut everybody loose, I don't write anybody or talk to anybody.

And I just

you kind of like

institutionalize yourself to this is my world

while you know this is it this

and so you start acquiring everything it takes to make you comfortable you know and as comfortable as you can

it's uh

it's the only way to keep from going totally insane.

And people think, well, I'd rather be in the hole.

No, you wouldn't, because that's where you go crazy.

Nobody there, nobody to talk to.

You're just there all by yourself.

You learn, you adapt.

I used to do The Wizard of Oz.

I used to act the whole thing.

Give me those shoes, Dorphy.

The Wizard of Oz.

The whole thing.

Really?

Yeah.

Wait, where did that?

Were you a big Wizard of Oz fan?

Were you a Wizard of Oz fan?

Yeah, no, I just remember that movie.

I used to do the hunchback of Notre Dame, the old one.

She gave me water.

Imagine if you're a guard and Swim Quinn

and he's going, what the f?

Is someone in there with him?

Guards would walk by, and I'd scream, did you kill my sister?

Because of the Wizard of Wilds and it was like a trails going nuts.

But you make yourself kind of go crazy so the environment can't make you crazy.

You understand?

It's like I'm doing.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

She kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

No.

Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix September 10th.

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Doing this.

They're not.

And you've got to be strong enough to know you're doing it.

That is a really profound statement.

I'm certain there's like a therapist that's hearing that going, yeah, that's called dot, dot, dot.

But yeah, I know what you're talking about where you go, I'm not, this is so bad right now.

I bet there's men that have been in war that go, I have to contain my surroundings.

Absolutely.

Holy shit.

So that's, man, I did that for months.

And I play a great

Henry Lawton.

She gave me water.

Was

how were you the first time you went to prison?

Oh, God.

You don't go to prison.

It's like

in order to

acclimate this, you start off in juvenile hall.

You're in juvenile hall, and from juvenile hall, you maybe go to a camp or something.

And then from there, you end up in youth authority.

And then from there, you end up in youth authority.

Then you end up in.

So you've already like,

you know, this is your lifestyle yeah you know people but people that have trouble is that do something that gets them sent to prison the first time so they know absolutely nothing about the lay of the land it's like going it's like not having gone to summer camp and then going to college right that's a bad analogy that shows you how white i am

it's like it's like not going to sleep away camp and then all of a sudden you go to college you're like well like i never went to sleep away camp i'm so nervous i miss my parents sleepaway camp

so different we have such a different life we have we have i have been given every opportunity in life to succeed and i've i've i'm obsessed with your story because there are little things i i know people hear the wrong way but i hear a certain way like your your uncle gilbert love him okay so i do too and i'll tell you why i love him is like

it

tell everyone about gilbert real quick before i start i because I've heard stories about your uncle and what he meant to you and who he was to everyone around you and what you saw him as but tell everyone no Gilbert

First of all, it's like my grandmother had 11 children.

All right.

Gilbert was the last one.

So basically they were out of kids.

They just, you know, they're done with kids.

You know what I mean?

And

my uncle Rudy went to college.

He was the one before Gilbert.

And then Gilbert was kind of left on his own you know and my mom and dad

my mom and dad were perfect uh pictures of the American dream if you work

hard

and own a Cadillac and a pickup truck with a camper you've made it and a house and you've got a wife that's basically an indentured servant.

I don't think my mom ever left a house.

I mean she was like we have the cleanest house in the world.

You know what I mean?

And

I'll never forget we had plastic on our couches.

And

I just, it's never, well, I guess, you know, I don't know, people you won't sit on.

But, but their whole thing was right there.

And the one thing, I know it sounds selfish, but they never had time.

They were always had their stuff.

I can remember going to my mom when she was on the phone, you know, mom, mom,

shut up,

yeah,

well, what?

And go talking to you.

Well,

my dad, you know, talk to him, hey, dad, I said, I'm busted with this phone

on the phone, my boss.

Was your dad born in Mexico?

No, he was born in Texas.

And that's, is correct me, I sound silly.

Is that Chicano?

Yeah.

Okay, so that's Chicano.

And

so my dad was like,

my dad was tough.

He was a guy.

He was tough.

What's that?

And

now, if I went to Gilbert and he was on the phone, Gilbert would go, here,

wait, hold on.

Hold on.

What's up, home?

Yeah.

All right, let me get on the phone.

You know, he always had time, no matter what he was doing.

Yeah.

He'd be running.

So I'm like, hey, Gilbert, yeah, yeah, what's got, you know.

Here, jump at the car, let's go.

You know, I mean, it's just, and so that's who I gravitated to, the guy that had time for me.

And the guy that had time for me had to be a drug addict and an armed robber.

A stud.

He was a stud.

He was a stud, good-looking dude.

Tough as fucking nails.

Everyone respected him.

Taught me how to fight, you know, taught me how to fight.

And everything he gave me allowed me to succeed in the path that I took.

Being a drug addict, an armed robber, penitentiary, lightweight, welterweight champion of every penitentiary I was in.

And I was in all.

you were in all of them yeah you were actually in all of them quintin folsom soled

backerville sousonville sierra those were the ones that were built when i was

going to and and uh uh so i was obsessed with blood in blood out and i loved it i was obsessed with it and that's when i started getting into norteños versus like

and so they started what they were doing at this time correct me if i'm wrong but they were trying to break up mexican gangs because in prisons so they would take anyone who was anyone and just shuffle them around.

Well, it was funny because

when I was doing Blood In and Blood Out, I met

a guy,

Mario, Mario, Castillo, Mario Castello.

And we were talking, and I said, Hey, why don't you just come in and get your part in this movie?

And he said, We can't.

They were Sureños, right?

And Quentin was the northern receptionist.

They're all Norteños.

And

Mario was so tough that in a Norteño prison, he's wearing a pair of shorts that say LA County Jail.

So he's saying, I'm Sudeno.

You know what I mean?

But

he's pushing 400-something pounds.

Nobody messed with him.

And it was,

he said, you know what?

We can.

We got the word from

the mafia.

No,

no, Sudenos can work on any uh

any

prison movie because of what james almost did you know and screwed everything up and and uh wait what did james almost did well he uh

i loved everything he did he did a movie called american me

and

the problem

with that is that

He made the leader of the Mexican mafia,

he said that he had gotten

in juvenile hall, which is an outright lie.

Oh my God, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

I remember that scene, yeah.

It was an outright lie.

Yeah.

And

then some other stuff that wasn't supposed to be told, you know,

and he paid some guys that were like skid bro bums that had been on inside,

he paid them cigarettes and stuff on the street to tell stories about the mafia, you know.

So

he got in trouble, and so they said that war was out.

So the

Bloody and Blood Out, we used inmates, you know, but none from Southern California.

And

our movie Bloody and Blood Out got a lot of acclaim.

And American Meme died because everybody knew, you know.

Please be Edward James almost.

Sure, take it.

Hey, in two days, I'm killing you.

Two days.

So get all your stuff, insurance, all that stuff ready.

I'm in a podcast right now.

Very important.

And two days, okay?

Okay, two days.

Hey, what are you doing the 16th?

You'll be dead.

Yeah, I'm the guy doing it.

I'm in the Russian mafia.

How are you doing, brother?

Hey, I'll call you back a little while.

All right.

Love you, man.

I love you, too.

It's so funny.

This guy got out of prison, right?

We took him under our wing.

Yeah.

And

he stayed out.

And then he got a part in a movie, but he couldn't go because it was out of state.

It was the one about

hot

Frito's hot hot Fritos.

Hot Fritos, yeah.

Cheetos.

Yeah.

So the Hot Cheetos is a crazy story.

Yeah,

even

it was with Evan Longoria, and I knew her.

And she called me, Danny, can't we get him in?

And I don't know, let me see.

So we went down to his parole officer.

He couldn't go out of state.

He's on parole.

Yeah.

We go to the store, took him doughnuts.

And hey, oh, Trail, we took pictures.

And then I asked him, Hey, look, you know what?

I we got a movie, man.

And he's a got a can he go, yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah take this picture so we took a couple pictures and he went to I can't believe I just told a guy that just got out of prison I was gonna kill him

can we edit that or just bleep me saying I'll give you a high five

but but so uh you know I forgot what I was saying we were talking about Gilbert and we were talking about going to prison yeah and and what he did was he gave me the tools necessary to survive yeah you know in the path that I took well what he did yeah he turned me on to drugs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At quite a young age.

This is where people get hung up.

You first smoked pot when you were eight.

Eight, yeah.

Eight.

And heroin at 11.

Yeah, but people say, oh my God, that's terrible.

But

any wheat smoker has gotten a puppy loaded.

Okay.

My sister.

That's true.

That's true.

There's nothing better than a hot puppy.

And so, you know, I love dogs.

And so cats, I mean.

And cat is fucking scary.

I happened to be

bothering.

Well, I was actually bothering my grandmother inside the house.

She told me to go out there with Gilbert because he had two friends

and they were reading the Bible.

There used to be these guys that came around and they would sell these huge red Bibles, just big with gold trim.

And they were only

like

$88, but

10 payments for five years.

Yeah.

I remember, I had buddies who sold those.

They would go door to doors.

Northeastern Company was the name of the company.

And they would sell Bibles.

They'd sell encyclopedias.

Because back in the day before the internet, if you rolled in with encyclopedias, this is a way to get your family into a different situation.

You have all the information of the world in your house.

We bought it.

And so it was funny, but

so I go out there to be with Gilbert, you know, she sent me, and they were smoking weed.

And all I remember hearing is,

let's get him loaded.

I can still hear that.

And

that was it.

You know, I got loaded.

And then

it was funny because

people that get loaded

They were gonna get loaded.

People that

weren't gonna get loaded aren't, I don't know, say, I gave Timmy Sanchez weed,

right?

My, our next door neighbor, and I'm smoking weed,

he got sick.

He started throwing up and got sick and went home, right?

Never got loaded again.

Didn't use no drugs.

I stood there and giggled, you know, and so I went from weed, heroin.

Caught my uncle shooting heroin and and threatened to tell if he didn't give me something.

I didn't know what it was.

I just knew he was doing it.

So

I did that and that was it.

I found it.

Really?

And I became like a full-blown alcoholic because now that bug

opened up, you know, and heroin, you can't be 13, 12, 13, running around.

scoring heroin.

I used to, I just go up to one of the connections doors and

like my uncle would wait in the car.

Hey, give me some heroine here.

Shut up.

You bet.

Ah!

Wait, wait, wait.

Here, go on, take that.

That's so crazy.

It's interesting you say that about people that get loaded are going to get loaded.

Yeah.

Because my wife can't smoke weed.

Huh?

If my wife smokes weed, she throws up immediately.

Exactly.

I mean, it's just so that some people are born with the bug or whatever it is, and other people aren't.

Some people, it's like I watch some people drink, and you're like, yo, I don't think alcohol agrees with your system.

You know, like they just turn into a different person.

It's an allergy of the body coupled with an obsession of the mind.

Your body's allergic to it, but your mind's obsessed with it.

You know what I mean?

It's like, so it's like beer.

It's like

my dad, I had gotten sober, and I would sit, me and my dad would watch, it used to be Saturday fights.

Every Saturday have fights, and we'd watch them on TV.

And he'd sit down at six o'clock, right?

And we'd sit there and open one beer, right?

And we'd be watching the fight.

And

there's a six-pack in the

10-round fight.

One beer.

And then I'd,

Dad, you want another beer?

Nah.

I will then why'd you buy six?

I couldn't stand to see him like stupid beer isn't supposed to be in the ice market.

I'm always shocked when I go to dinner with my wife and she has one glass of wine.

And I go, What are you trying to stain your teeth?

I was like, Let's let's get on to wine, let's get after it.

Yeah, I uh you know, so I've never understood.

I know people that order a mixed drink and

aren't aren't done.

The ice melted.

It's like, what this?

And so I don't drink like normal people.

Yeah.

And I don't shoot heroin.

Well, normal people don't shoot heroin either.

But you know what I mean?

Yeah.

It's an obsession, an obsession of the mind.

So how did you turn it off?

I know you've had a lot of great,

I say men because I think there were men, but a lot of great men that kind of like just gave you the right advice at the right time.

Well, you know what?

It's like one of the things that

like I started going to AA by accident, all right?

Everything happened by accident, but there was a big party in our neighborhood.

I was in Pacoimo, and that was the murder capital of Los Angeles in 19.

1959.

Pacoimo is right there, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Pacoimo.

And, I mean, we were killing everybody, and there's all these cars parked out in front of this house and hold it.

This is our neighborhood.

They're having a party in the murder capital of Los Angeles.

They're not inviting the murderers.

What the hell is going on?

So we stopped, went to the tool,

went to the trunk of the car to get the tools necessary

to crash parties.

And so we got entire iron bumper jacks.

I got 38 snub nose.

a case of beer, three bottles of wine, half pint of whiskey.

I was already loaded on Red Devil's pills.

And so we

crashed, you can't knock, he's kind of going to bust you.

And the first thing we saw was a big sign that said, we care.

And we're talking, I care about what?

And all these people,

they were coming up with coffee cups, you know, like, hey, you want the coffee?

And I always told my troops, don't split up, stay together.

There's 20 of us.

We got them.

But what the people did was like dividing You had everybody in little groups of four

telling about the perils of drinking.

Everybody's drunk.

And this guy comes up to me and starts talking about

he was an alcoholic and now he don't drink.

And, you know, why don't I put that stuff outside and join him?

Hell no.

I got penitentiaries to go to.

I didn't know what to say, but I left and we all left.

And I mean, this guy whispered a curse to me.

He said,

maybe I don't want to hear it.

No, I'm telling you.

He said, Danny, if you leave this

meeting,

you will die, go insane, or go to jail.

And I thought, screw you.

That's a stupid thing to say to a 15-year-old kid.

We left.

Two weeks later, Come on out.

We have a surrounding.

I was busted, arrested again, and gone, Juvenile Hall.

And so it was like a pattern.

You know,

I always,

I've never gotten arrested sober.

I've never gotten, I mean,

I've never gotten arrested that I wasn't loaded on heroin.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

And so it was like,

is that my problem?

Using was

my

problem.

I'm the problem

drinking and using is my medicine.

Part of the thing, yeah.

You know what I mean?

No, I totally know exactly what you mean.

And and uh,

damn, I I had to go to meetings in every every institution.

I

the damn Frank Russo, Frank Russo, Frank Russo.

And I say that'cause he told me never to mention his name.

But he actually

we I I show up at this penitentiary, he's there, he shot a couple of of people in front of

Sun Valley Receiving Hospital.

And

he was there, and he came and, Danny, we got to go to this AA meeting.

It's awesome, blah, blah, blah.

I'm not going to go to AA meeting.

He said, no, no, no, AA.

They got cigarettes.

And I said,

I'm a German convict.

I got...

cartons of cigarettes.

He said, yeah, but I know that, you know, hey, we can get coffee and cake.

I said, come on, I got that in my hotel.

cell what the hell's wrong

and then he says

there's women coming up

women to AA meetings in prison they don't have women by cell no

so

no-brainer I signed up for the meeting but the problem

is when you sign up for something, you can't say I want to go to AA to see the women.

You got to say, I want to go to AA to deal with my alcohol problem.

Now, once you say that, that goes in your jacket.

That means everywhere you go, oh, you have alcohol problems.

They're mandatory.

Every institution I went to, I had to go to alcohol as long as.

And so I go to this meeting, and it's actually a pretty good meeting.

That's where I met Johnny Harris, my

my sponsor, right?

And

he told me that he said, only thing that's going to beat you to Quentin are the headlights on the bus.

So, yeah.

And I said,

yeah.

I thought it was a compliment.

And it was funny because when we pulled up to San Quentin, right, 10 years later,

I see the headlights hit the wall.

And I said, hey, let me walk in front.

I think everybody on that bus had heard Johnny Aaron because everybody knew what I was talking about.

And that was it.

And I went to AA all the time because I had to.

Yeah.

That's interesting.

When you went into AA meetings, did they do like,

I don't really, when I say I know nothing about prison, I just know what I saw in like Blood In, Blood Out.

So, like, but did they have like an Aryan AA meeting and a black AA meeting?

No, those,

those are all the same.

You know, it's

that everything else is segregated.

Soledad is the worst because when you're walking into Soledad,

the guards

are trying to keep things equal.

They're trying to put

white, black, Mexican, all the, you know, spread out.

And if they send you to like the African Americans and you're a white guy, you better make a quick turn somewhere.

You know what I mean?

If you're a Mexican, same thing.

It's like we segregate ourselves, you know, and

they usually don't want to make a big hassle out of it.

You know, they just leave it alone.

And

that's what the tables all have for,

you know, really?

And four people.

And so it's

prison is probably the most right now place in the world.

The most right now place in the world.

Right now.

It's all happening right now.

If you want to be present,

go to prison.

That's where the term, I got your back, came from.

Really?

When we're talking to each other, I got your back.

You got my back.

And people don't even know that.

They use that all the way.

Hey, I got your back.

That means like, I'll watch out.

I'll watch out for you.

But that's for real.

I got your back.

So if something's happening, I'll

check this, check, you know what I mean?

I'll let you know, whatever.

It's because I don't know what you, and uh,

and that's what I always call the right now, right now place.

You know, right now you can die or right now.

You can almost die or right now.

You can get away with it.

It seems like I would, I would feel like I would act a day late on any threats.

Like they'd be like, they'd be like, oh, I like your hat.

I guess you can't wear hats in prison.

But like,

can you?

Taylor hats.

They go, I like your hat.

And I go, oh, thanks.

And but then that would mean my hat's getting taken from me.

Yeah.

And then I would be like, later, I have a very big head, size eight.

You probably maybe won't talk to someone else.

Yeah, yeah, you can't let anything be taken from you.

Hey, tell me about

was it Ed Bunker?

Eddie, he was awesome.

He drew out, this is like the wildest thing I ever heard.

He drew out maps of how to rob places.

I can't believe that's an occupation.

When you came out of prison,

if you wanted a couple of scores,

you would go to him and depending on what they were, how much,

he would tell you what he wants.

And

if you were any good, you know, and knew your game, you know,

he'd go with you, you know.

But if you were just somebody, then you'd have to pay him, you know.

But he was amazing.

And most of the people that bought robberies from him got away.

And then how did he get involved in movies?

How did he get...

Was he a consultant?

Yeah, actually, him and

Alvin Sargent,

who was outsider.

He was a writer, director, whatever.

They wrote a screenplay called, I mean, No Be So Fierce,

with Dustin Hoffman and Gary Bucci, Gary Bucci's first movie.

And Dustin Hoffman came out of prison and went to buy a robbery.

That scene is in,

but it's actually my uncle and me.

And anyway, so

Dustin Hoffman

buys

a robbery from him.

And

that's how

he became, but he was famous.

He went back to prison after that.

And then

him and Sargent

finished writing that when Eddie was in Terminal Island.

Alvin Sargent would go up to Terminal Island, the visiting room, and they finished writing it.

Jesus.

Seems like such a misplaced genius.

And so then

when it came out, it was a hit, unbelievable movie, right?

And

Eddie was probably one of the most brilliant, it was one of the most brilliant people I knew.

I mean, he was a captain's clerk.

Wait, what's that?

He was the captain in San Quentin

has a clerk because the captain runs the whole institution.

That's the top dog.

and he basically counts on his his

clerk.

So if uh a guard was like messing with my tattoo operation or my bouche operation, I could pay Eddie and say, hey, can you get this guy transferred?

And

yeah, okay, it costs you 100, 200, whatever it's going to cost you.

And

Eddie, when he had his stack of papers for the captain to sign,

And all of a sudden, two days later, that guard was

on the

6 p.m.

to 6 a.m.

guard out there in the bay somewhere.

Wow.

And he had that kind of power and he was that smart.

It's crazy.

Do you think it's wild that that one to two that you got on your chest became like almost like a calling card?

Like a thing you did in prison hey

that is the most recognizable tattoo in the world so recognizable and so funny that was more recognizable than me I mean it was literally people went to con

and were talking about doing this movie with me and who who who this guy oh the guy with the tattoo yeah dude I mean so many movies it's so many movies you see that and you everyone knows who it is and it's funny because Harry, Harry's super jube ross.

He hated it because it was one of his first tattoos.

And so the lines are very thick.

Oh, he's the one who drew it?

He's the one who drew it and did it.

But

Jesus, look at how shacked you are in that picture.

Now they've gotten some so thin, they've gotten so thin, the lines have gotten so thin, the tattoos are like paintings.

What are the words above it?

We crossed out one of them.

The one's Danielle, my daughter.

Yeah.

You know, the other one was a mistake.

That one's gone.

We misspelted it.

That one's gone.

And

I put

my son, Gilbert and Dan.

You name your son Gilbert?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's badass.

That's my boy.

That's badass.

Is Gilbert's son still in prison?

No, he's out.

In In fact, we got him out.

The governor, I talked to the governor, and he's, yeah, yeah, it's enough time.

So we got him out.

And then I talked to Newson and got

Mario's son out, you know.

Wow.

And

how much have prisons, like, like, okay, in another very white guy analogy, when you look at gymnasiums from like when Arnold was working out in Gold's gym to where gymnasiums are today, they've grown so much.

They've got polar plunges and IV drips and they've got deprivation tanks.

Compared to where they started, how much have prisons grown?

They took most of the weights out of

prisons.

Well, the problem was that the police, the guys would, you know, guys would

be up there five, six years, lifting weights, and all of a sudden come out on the streets.

They're monsters.

Yeah.

You know, and

a lot of the police started to wait a minute, man.

You guys are breeding monsters.

And

so they took the weights out.

So now all the guys are coming, they're coming out still ripped, but

push-ups, air squats.

I do the prison burpee where you do it and then you.

It's funny.

I used to see guys doing squats with guys on their shoulders.

Yeah.

And so it was, you know, everything.

You adapt to everything.

You know what I mean?

And so a lot of the weights are probably at the guards' houses.

Do you think you're in such good shape right now because you've worked out your whole life?

Yeah.

Because you're,

are you 80?

80.

You do not, my dad's not 80.

And they, the hurricane down in Florida, and I was like, I was like, I think you should come out to LA.

He said, why?

I said, well, didn't mom fall on the ground the other day and you just left her there to sleep?

And he was like, yeah, that's yeah.

And I was like, well, if you guys can't get off the ground, maybe we should get you out of where a hurricane's coming.

But you're in fantastic shape.

I still work out and I still walk and I still do whatever I can.

I have to.

Yeah.

I uh

you know, like I'll sleep for like four hours and then I'll wake up and then I might go lift some weights, come back to bed, sleep some more.

Then you wake up.

I

uh

I don't know.

It was weird, but I'm staying in shape.

I'm still staying in shape, still staying weight, about 180.

When was the last time you thought about drugs or alcohol?

Like, like in an honest way, you're like, God, it would be good to have a glass of wine.

Not,

no, I'm not really, it doesn't really

hit me like that.

I'll be like working on the yard, working a sweat or something, and you think about

why sir, lasted,

about

but a beer

on a hot day will give you a headache.

So you drink another one.

You know, okay, so now that's two.

And then when you got two, it's like, all right.

What are we doing here today anyway?

You know, you got a buzz going on.

So I don't, it doesn't, it doesn't,

I don't know how to say it.

That's not my taste anymore.

Yeah.

You know, and I hate not being in control.

And

you want, it's funny, police know me, I'll be speeding.

They'll stop me with, Treyo, what the hell?

What are you doing going so fast?

I'm in a hurry.

God, I was

on the freeway on the 170.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I'm in the diamond lane and I'm jamming to the restaurant, right?

And about 65 Buick Riviera,

85

damn.

I pulled over.

What the hell you got in this?

You know,

started talking.

He said, get out of the diamond lane because I was by yourself.

By myself.

I do that sometimes.

When the cop pulls up, I just go like this.

And he says,

he says,

stay out of the diamond lane, okay?

Is that your thing?

You like cars, don't you?

I love cars.

Really?

It's funny.

I got a 1936 Dodge.

And I love that.

My grandfather.

You can pull these up on the screen.

I'd love to see any of these.

My grandfather had a 1936 Dodge.

And

it didn't have...

It didn't have a clock.

And so my uncle Gilbert used to deal weed.

and that's one the second one the black one up there on top oh wow and the oh wow and the it's like a peaky blinders car and we would drive

he would my grandfather would sleep for two hours during the day so we'd steal the car and my uncle had a big bowl and it had sensemilla in it right yeah and

I'd listen to the radio I would count the songs so because the clock didn't hold yeah so it would be like the time we got two hours.

And so, I'd and Gilbert pull up to a house,

two joints, three joints, and

we just keep driving till an hour and a half, and we go back home.

Oh, wow.

And so, but that's why I got a 36 Dodge, too.

That's great.

Can I tell you my favorite thing that Mexican men seem to own is the whistle?

It's like my buddy, my buddy Felipe does it all the time.

Yeah.

And it's, and is, I always wonder, are there different whistles for for different things?

Or is it one whistle?

There's a, there's a,

and that means

danger.

You know,

yeah.

What's the whistle if you see like a beautiful chick and you're trying to tell your friend?

We had a parrot that did that.

That's so fucking badass.

Yeah, that's my car right there.

That's your actual car.

Yeah.

Oh, that's beautiful.

How many cars do you have?

I think nine low riders, nine different lowriders.

Yeah, I got a I'm building right now the most gorgeous nineteen

nineteen

forty nine Chevy step-side pickup truck.

Oh wow.

It's absolutely stunningly gorgeous.

Oh my gosh.

The black one.

The black one.

Right there.

five window but it's beautiful

car culture is I feel like it's I feel like it's predominantly an LA thing.

Oh, yeah.

I feel like anyone else that's into their car culture was big in like Indiana in the 50s where they'd drag race and stuff but every culture in LA is into a car a different type of car and and like your southern California states, you know like texas new mexico arizona you know they have the best weather so you know the the cars the paint jobs and stuff and and uh

they're uh god i i

love them well i if i if i remember songs and cars together i can go like i remember the first time i heard nwa we were in my volkswagen fox we were smoking marlborough reds and they put on nwa and i was 16 years old and it blew my mind.

Give me a time in a car with a song where you go, where you can almost transport back into that moment.

I can remember

a song

by Bob Dylan.

You used to run around in the town, didn't you?

Didn't you?

Oh, I just heard that.

Yeah.

And it was funny because it was a long song.

And when it first came out, they used to play it back to back two or three times.

And you would be like shooting heroin.

And you'd be like nodding, and you'd wake up and the song would still be on.

And you're, damn, did you?

I remember that.

And it was like, you know, you go back.

There's so many songs that you just.

Yeah.

Were you the same age as Richie Vallins?

No, he's a lower than me.

I think he was two years older than me.

Two years older?

You guys went to the same high school, didn't you?

Junior high.

Junior high.

Pequoema do you remember when richie valens came out i don't know what it is about mexican culture that i'm obsessed with but all those movies came out when in a time where not much representation of of mexican culture was shown and so there's like weird things that i'm obsessed with the zoot suit riots and and like because they were all parts of movies that i saw but man richie valens i

I was obsessed with him because he was the one guy dating the white chick that was authentically Mexican.

Duh.

And I went to, I got kicked out of San Fernando High School.

They sent me to Monroe High School.

And I had to take a ceramics class.

I took a ceramics class, and she was the first one to say hello to me.

Really, really a sweetheart.

Hi, Danny.

I knew Richie.

We started talking, blah, blah, blah.

And

I had to do this

project

ceramics.

And here, we'll just do this.

And we did a wine glass and rocks.

And we put it in a kill.

And it's beautiful wine.

I still wish I had it.

And

that was it.

And I passed the clap.

It's crazy to think that that kid, who was probably so lost at the time, would turn into you.

Will you pull up Danny's movies for a second?

And I want to talk about Trejo's tacos.

So your tacos, this is going to sound once again like the whitest thing in the world.

My sister nannied for the guy who you partnered with to make those tacos.

And I think he was a business partner of yours.

Who's that?

An Indian dude?

Oh, Ash.

Yeah.

Are you kidding?

Yeah, isn't that crazy?

God.

Yeah, so we used to

sidebar.

We used to get Trejo's tacos all the time for parties because we'd hit up, my sister would hit up Ash's wife.

I forgot her name.

Yeah, I know.

Beautiful, beautiful.

They got a divorce.

They're getting a divorce.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

She's on the market, guys.

She is beautiful.

Indian women.

I slept on Indian women.

I never hooked up with an Indian woman.

I wish I had.

It doesn't matter.

It's not them.

It's us.

That's what my fourth wife finally said.

It's not us.

It's you.

I got to tell you, if anyone's going to watch one movie out of all these, and in my opinion, and I'm telling you, this is the thing I i want you to walk away with this podcast if you're having a rough day right now we have a lot of kids that are just like trying to figure their way through life maybe i'm not the best shepherd but inmate number one

is such an amazing movie about a man whose journey was not supposed to be that journey but it turned out to be if you think you're down on your luck and you think but it doesn't happen for guys like me it really wasn't supposed to happen for danny it really was not supposed to happen for danny But you did something that I swear to God, I woke up today and I was like, that's going to be my new thing.

Is you said, I just want to help.

I'm going to see what it feels like to help people.

And when you help people in just the littlest way, you were talking about the very first person you helped was an old lady who you were helping her take her trash cans in and she thought she was getting rocked.

Shut up, get out of there,

And you know, God pays us back.

I mean, like I said, Mario Castillo, when I talked to him in Quentin, and

eight years later,

after I met him, I run into him in a narcotics anonymous meeting.

I don't know if I told you the story, but I run into him in a narcotics anonymous meeting.

And 10 years ago, he saved my son's life.

Literally, my son was dying in a hotel room with friends.

My son's, he's got the key to my safe.

So I'm in Germany and

he's got money, and

you got money, you got drugs, you got friends around you.

And so, I mean, he's literally dying.

And

Mishko, who was a friend of my son's, who grew up with me,

that, and

he

calls me,

he says, man, Gilbert's dying, homes.

He's got out that dough.

So I call Mario, and Mario, don't worry, I'll find him.

I'll find him.

Okay.

I'm ready to split.

I'm going to leave this production.

I don't care about the money.

And then about six hours later, he calls me.

He says, I got him.

Don't worry, I got him.

Yeah, he's here.

Yeah, he don't got no shoes, but I got him.

And

it was funny because the two guards that were guarding this...

This crack house, right?

Yeah.

I didn't know, but I knew one of them knew me, and one of them said, who was that crazy guy?

He came up and said, don't move, I'll kill both of you.

And Mario, if you look at

Chicano gangster in the dictionary, it's got his picture.

Okay?

Don't mess.

And he's not like that big.

He's just

a tank.

And then I got home three days later.

We took him to a friend of mine's recovery house, Rene, and it was a rim of the world

up in

Lake Arrowhead.

And I remember as we went through the clouds, my son goes, well,

all plans of escape are out.

And he's got 10 years clean.

Wow.

He's in the DGA right now.

He's a director.

He's leaving for Japan tomorrow to direct

some big music video.

Oh, wow.

Don't tell me there ain't no God, homie.

He'll pay you back.

Maybe not in your own time, but he will pay you back.

I think that was the most applicable thing I got from that movie was

by you helping people, people started helping you, and the world started working for you.

And I just was like, you know, in everything we're going through in this world right now, So many people are about me.

How do I get it for me?

And as opposed to how do I help the average person?

So if you're listening, you're a little lost, maybe take, maybe just help go get an old lady her shopping cart at the store.

Just something, or if you see a shopping cart sitting in the middle, don't get outraged.

And yeah, you move it over and do a solid.

Now, out of all these movies, what was your, if you go,

hey, at Danny's funeral, we're going to play three movies.

And these are his movies.

The funeral is going to be a five-hour funeral.

I would say Spy Kids.

Yeah, fuck yes.

Heat.

Oh,

fucking.

I keep looking into the room.

How great was heat?

I know you were in it, so you can't really say, but that fucking movie was, we would,

that was the first surround sound I ever, my buddy had it, and we would go and we watch heat in surround sound.

Oh my God.

That movie, I did Heat with Robert De Niro,

and we became friends.

He loved my kid.

He loved Gilbert.

He thinks Gilbert was a genius.

Because we went to dinner with Robert De Niro.

Gilbert, my daughter, and me, we went to dinner with Robert De Niro

when we were doing

Machete.

And

Robert asked me,

Danny, do you remember this?

Do you know this French director that did something blah, blah, blah, French?

I'm going to watch a friend.

And I started to say something, and Kibbu says, oh, I, you know what?

I love him.

They started talking, they spent the rest of the night talking about

the idea of moving.

Me and my daughter played with our food, you know.

But they became really good friends.

And Robert De Niro gave my son the key to

Texas University because he donated all his memorabilia there.

And so my son got to go in there and check it all out.

My son's got his phone number.

And

what a crazy cat.

Unbelievable.

Valmer.

Well, I did Heat, and

me and De Niro kind of made friends, you know, and

then when we asked him to do Manchette, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah.

I mean, I keep going back.

My favorite character other than you in that movie is like the outlier characters

are the better than De Niro and Pacino.

And I always say like Val Kilmer's character in that's so underrated.

Oh, yeah.

It's such a, it's such a...

You know what?

Well, I was so upset that he didn't win an Oscar for

Tombstone.

God.

Tombstone?

One of the best Westerns ever.

If it comes on, I watch.

From where I turn it on, I watch the rest of the the movie.

Absolutely.

If I ever see Tombs, probably one of the most quoted movies, in my opinion, of our generation.

The Godfather, good fellas,

very quotable.

I mean,

I can quote American Me and Blood In, Blood Out are two fucking movies that I was obsessed with as a kid, but

fucking

goddamn Tombstone.

God, that was unbelievable.

I'm your Huckleberry.

That's like.

Oh, what a great.

I did a film recently.

It just came out.

It's called

Seven Cemeteries about

zombies and stuff.

And then we've got, right now,

we've got

Unearthed.

Unearthed on History Channel.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Eight episodes coming out.

By the way, History Channel's got my number.

I love them.

Everything they fucking do.

I love them.

Everything they do is so good.

And I love the, I watched the first episode, and it is phenomenal.

But I know all those dudes.

I used to work on Travel Channel with those guys.

William Shatner.

William Shatner.

I'm going to, I gotta, I'm, it's not a podcast if I don't tell you a story about me.

William Shatner, William Shatner, William.

That's how you gotta.

William Shatner one time

went to a general meeting with him.

Oh, I met with him.

He's like, I met with him in a podcast.

He was like, wow, I was like starstruck.

He said to me, he goes, he said,

there's a scene in the movie where my character cries and he goes,

in William Shatner's way, he goes, can you cry?

And I said, I think so.

I said, but it's kind of silly because if I cry, I feel stupid.

So I start giggling at myself.

And he just switches in his seat and he goes, I'd love to see that.

And I went, like, right now?

And he goes, yeah.

And so I started crying on a couch with William Shatner and laughing and crying and laughing.

And he just was like staring at me and he just kept me going forever.

And he's like, fascinating.

He's unbelievable.

You know what's so funny?

it's like my son did a movie right he did a movie with me and me and him and uh it was called from a son and in it he dies he overdoses and i'm his father i go into his hell looking for him i don't know he's dead right yeah and i run into his little girlfriend and i threaten her life show me where he's at and he's you know he's dead show me you know and we're walking to his body and And I'm supposed to cry in it, right?

Well, I, you know,

I can do like John Wayne.

okay, pilgrim.

My son's showing me baby pictures all week, you know.

Hey, dad, look what I found, man.

And this is my daughter, you know, baby.

And so, when the scene, we're out in the middle of the damn desert, it's freezing cold.

Uh, she's taking me to his body, and my line is, did you kill my son?

And she screams, no, I loved him.

He was my only friend, and she busts crying.

I started crying.

But now wait,

this wasn't like a manly cry, okay?

No, this was like Muckles, you know, you know how you're trying to.

I'm familiar.

Yeah, I'm familiar.

I couldn't stop, man.

God, I cried for every time I wanted to cry in my life.

And

so finally, when he said, cut, the whole current was crying.

Everybody's, and he comes up and says, nice acting, Dad.

I go, you little bitch.

I finally figured out what he did.

And,

God, man, it's like, that's going to

Khan right now.

His movie.

Is it really?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that's.

You have so much.

I want to go back to the History Channel show for a second.

What episodes, what are the episodes?

There's eight episodes.

Do you know all the episodes?

No, I just know that they're unbelievable.

I've seen some of them, and they were amazing.

I like history anyway.

I thought I love history.

And by the way, History Channel, if you're listening, more shows like this.

I don't need to see people making knives.

I want this.

Yeah,

my teacher, Mrs.

Finley, right?

She was like,

she was like crazy about

the Navajo Indians,

but she was also obsessed with,

what do you call it?

The Amazon River.

And it's got such a history.

I mean, it's un you know, this is before time.

And

she had these dead piranha fish in a big jar.

And I always used to like get bread and put on the top of the jar.

I might get hungry.

But she always talked about this river and this.

And I would always disrupt.

And I hated the fact that I'm studying the damn Amazon River in the fourth grade.

Come on, I'm never getting out of L.A., lady.

And we got an LA River here.

Tell us about that one.

50 years later, I'm doing a movie called Anaconda.

God dang it.

On the damn Amazon River.

Yeah, you're on the Amazon River.

Ice Cube.

J-Lo.

J-Lo,

John Voigt, who I know, Eric Stoltz.

All these guys are asking questions.

That crazy lady gave me the answer.

I knew the answers.

Hey, how come those are all the...

oh, that's due to the rise and fall.

Cube, Ice Cube goes,

I didn't know all that shit, Danny.

I thought you were a gangster.

I lied.

I said,

you know, I read a lot when I was in prison.

Come on.

I'm going to tell Ice Cube.

Oh, my fourth grade teacher, Mitchell Finley dog.

Shit.

I love that one day at lunch, Ice Cube leaned over to J-Lo and was like, he knows a lot about the Amazon.

I was obsessed with when I was a kid, you know,

you are older than me, you're my father's age, but we're of the same generation when we didn't have the internet the way it was.

So all you have were books.

And the few books we had were like on the Bermuda Triangle and like, and like Atlantis.

And everything about this series is stuff that I'm fascinated with, especially this first, the first episode I saw.

It's all about, I just watched this, I just listened to this podcast about the the lighthouse of Alexandria, and it was lost for years.

And in 1960, this guy went sponge diving off the coast of Egypt or wherever it is, and

he uncovered the stones.

In that first episode, they uncover stones, and they're in a straight row.

And that feeling of being an explorer, I kept thinking, if being an archaeologist was just a little easier, I would have loved to do it.

Yeah.

Like those first three years have got to be exhausting where you're learning shit you don't care about.

I just want to go do the digging and then grab the lady and get in the plane.

God, God,

it was so funny because we were in Texas and they were building this building there, and then they found some bones, right?

And the contractor was like so mad

because

it stops everything.

They got to be into the dinosaurs and stuff.

And I love that.

That's the one thing I think I ever got a good grade in was like history.

Yeah.

You know, and just knowing stuff.

It's, it's, uh,

But it's so funny.

It's like, like, the stuff that's really, really interesting,

you just really don't need to know.

Math isn't interesting, but you really need to know.

I said to someone the other day, he said, the lighthouse of Alexandria.

And I went, I've never met someone I could talk to about with this.

I was like, all the stuff you're supposed to know, I don't know any of that shit.

I only know the crazy, stupid shit.

But, all right, I'm going to get you out of here.

Congratulations on the series Unearthed.

Is there anything else we need to cover?

The 10th.

We have eight episodes.

Okay, I'll cover it.

Congratulations on the new series, Mysteries Under Earthed, with Danny Trejo.

Eight episodes on the History Channel, premiering December 6th.

And last but finally, not least, what is the third movie they play at your funeral?

And I'm hoping it's what I think.

what is what the third

the three movies movies they want to play at your funeral we've got spy kids we've got uh heat yeah and by the way you are covering everyone at the funeral my kids are happy

I knew it I fucking knew it

I get the girl yeah it's so funny I love to do that when people say God I thought you were taller well I was tall enough to kiss Jessica Alba.

Oh, yeah.

That's time.

She's awesome.

She was just so unbelievable, professional.

It's like, it's crazy.

And

I don't know how to say it.

It's like Selma Hayek, same thing.

Selma Hayak, beautiful lady, right?

And she's,

when we were doing From Dusk to Dawn, they had hired all these strippers from

different clubs

work because they gotta like you know be naked yeah and selmo was like

like so almost crying i said what the hell's wrong with these daddy these women are so beautiful bitch what the hell's wrong

but no but see but it's like it

it's it doesn't matter you know it doesn't matter it's like it's like how we feel you know about ourselves you know and and and uh uh god

yeah two minutes I'll be brushing your hair two minutes

she's so how do you say it uh

humble yeah humble and I I bet it how you be so beautiful and humble shit you know

if I was that beautiful I don't know if I'd leave a mirror

I definitely wouldn't have clothes on I'd spend a lot of time naked in front of the mirror

brother this has been an absolute honor thank you so much for taking the time you.

I am such a fan.

I am such a, such a fan.

And I'm more of, I mean, I'm more a fan of just the man.

The work is amazing, but the man, you are a legend.

Just an absolute legend.

Did you hear that?

Thank you, brother.

Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert.

One goes topless while the other wears a shirt.

Tom tells stories, and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call two bears, one cave.