The Dark Side of Internet Fame w/ Marcus King | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

100%.

His new album, Darling Blue, is incredible from the second you start it. This is your third album? Fourth.
Man, say it the seventh. Seventh?

Third album I bought.

Marcus King. Good to see you, man.
Good to see you, brother.

So good to see you. Every time I see you, I smile.
But every time I see you, I sometimes wonder if you go, oh, fuck, it's Bert. Never.
No. Remember the last time I saw you? Was that at the Flora Bama?

No, no, no. That was.

That was fun. That was so fun.
And you had to explain to me how singing on stage worked. Do you remember this?

No, we ran it. Go ahead.

Tell everyone how it works.

I mean, it's a lot like this. You know, it's just, you just got to project a little bit more.
And

what did we do? We did a Love Light. Yeah.
It was a lot of fun. It was so fun.
Flora Bama's on the on the border of Florida and Alabama. It's called the Flora Bama.

They're big known for a mullet toss every year. Yep.
And we had done fully loaded that night at the

whatever the stadium was at the amphitheater, the wharf amphitheater. And then the whole, everyone went down.
It was our last night on tour. I ended up naked in the ocean with the Navy SEAL.

My daughters were there. My daughters were blown away.
I mean, my daughters are like,

one daughter really likes music.

The other one, I think, likes the culture of music. Okay.
Does that make sense? That does make sense. Neither of them likes southern rock, though.
Okay.

They're both into like, Georgia is just discovering it. Why is Southern Rock the best out of all the rocks?

I'm partial to it just because, you know,

I think the best Southern rock bands are the ones that aren't trying to be Southern Rock. They're just rock and roll bands that happen to be from the South.

So it just kind of adds a little extra gravy to it you know it's not um it's not

overly complicated you know it's really just rock and roll there's there's nothing really too different about it other than just the region from which it comes from because because it's not country

no i mean it's it's a pretty close relative to country music you know it seems like kissing cousins absolutely or kissing brother and sisters in country because like laney wilson slides on so seamlessly and then someone like

Billy Strings, who is traditionally bluegrass,

fits on so well. But at the end,

is it your voice or is it the chords?

Man, you know, like that bluegrass thing is just

really interesting how popular that's become. Because that was such a niche style of music for so long.

And now we got...

you know, bluegrass artists acting like they're the Rolling Stone and it pisses me off because I'm like, you guys were you guys were real nerds in high school and Now you're like these big rock stars and it's frustrating but I mean bluegrass is like rock and roll now.

There's stadiums being sold with bluegrass, which is interesting to me. But

yeah, I guess rock and roll is more in your personality, I reckon. Yeah, it's more

It's like

I remember someone told me, no one's gonna, no one's gonna understand this. Someone told me, I had a hard time clicking with alt comics.
Like, no, the alternative scene, the more,

I guess now you'd just say now it's just conservative and liberal, I guess, the two. Well, the alt comics are like no physical comedy, right? They're like really against any kind of

tropes. Yeah, they're very against any trope.
And

I want what they're doing. to be different to be against the grain, which, you know, I always enjoyed.
And I, you know, and I always felt like Louis C.K. was an alternative comic.

And I felt like Mitch Hedberg was an alternative comic. Janine Garofflo is obviously an alternative comic, but it's, it's, I remember someone saying, I was like, why do they dislike me so much?

And they, I mean, they really, it would be aggressive. If I went into a green room, no one would talk to me.
People would say weird things to me. And I'd make me feel uncomfortable.

And someone said, it's because you're doing what they do, but better. Because I am a storyteller.
And in essence, they all wanted to be storytellers. And I wasn't doing traditional stand-up.

I still don't do traditional stand-up. I don't know what I do.
To be dead honest with you, I have no clue what I do on stage.

And I wanted to say the same about you because

you can get in with any band and kill it.

But when you do your own thing, it's really hard to put its finger on.

You really just start almost destroying all the genres and make your own thing.

Yeah. And I think you kind of, you know, rightfully so.
You know, you did kind of create your own lane. And I think that's the people that history kind of remembers.

And I said this like when we did Austin City Limits a couple of weeks ago or a week ago, I said, you know, if you don't know what kind of band we are, we don't either.

And, you know, we'll play some jazz fusion and cowboy hats. We don't really care, you know, as long as it feels good and it feels right.
Like, it's like what,

you know, what Eddie Murphy said if the people laugh when you say what you say say that shit yeah fuck it yeah i had someone compliment me the other day and said you know

it's not like you're a comedian by the way i just done an arena and he's like it's not you're a comedian you're just like you're you're just telling like you're almost like telling the stories in your living room and i go i don't yeah i guess i don't know i mean i try to write jokes they just come out horrible

like if i write a stand-up joke it you it sounds like a dad joke well there's a comfortability to it you know it's uh you just make people feel welcomed and,

you know, at home. So it is like that.
I'm fascinated by your process because I've read a bunch about this album. So

let's backtrack a little bit. Yeah.
The last album you put out, you sent me a pre, you sent it to me ahead of time and Leanne got a hold of it.

And then all of a sudden, Leanne became obsessed with you.

And I'm telling you, she listens to you. There are three people she listens to.

You, Sturgil Simpson, and the Red Clay Streets. That's it.
That's it. And why, thank you, Kyle.
Come on in. And thank you for your service, Kyle.

Thank you for your service. Yeah, what was your military outfit?

The one, the one, the 6'7, what was it? Not that

ASUs?

OCPs?

All of them. Nice.
Bro, was telling me his first name, Zeke.

Zeke, Kyle.

Kyle, that's great.

So, but I want to get to like,

because

I am very familiar with how my process works. And as silly as this may sound, it is just hanging out and kind of waiting for it to show up.
Like, if I journal now, I'm starting on my 53rd birthday.

I journal every morning. It's not conducive for me writing stand-up.
I don't, my journal is a little, God forbid anyone refine this. They'll have me committed.

But, and I can't journal to music. I have to journal to silence.
Yeah. Um,

and, and, and writing a joke is silly. Like I was listening to your album on the plane, and I said, I want to listen to it a few times.
You know, sometimes with an audiobook, you can hit times two.

So I was like, oh, I wonder if there's a times two. And then I was like, oh, and then I'd come out and going, I listened to your album on double speed.
It's not that good. You know?

But so then that's like a silly joke I wrote in my head. So that's my process.
I got to wait to be silly for it to happen.

You were talking about how important this engineer was in an interview. I forget where I got it.
And I'm curious.

I'm curious.

We don't even have any of that. Stand up, it's just you.
So like, what does an engineer bring to the table? And where you recorded this whole album was important, right? Yeah. It was at Capricorn.

Yeah, Capricorn. Recorded it at Capricorn Studios in Macon, Georgia.
And,

you know, an engineer or a producer's job is really, for me, is to come in and to to almost artificially create an energy in which you can be your most vulnerable and honest self wait where is capricorn is that in downtown downtown macon yeah

oh shit yeah that makin allman brothers recorded all their stuff or not all their stuff i mean this is where they first got together and performed as a band for uh

phil walden who started the company. And before it was Capricorn, it was Red Wall.

So it was Otis Redding and Phil Wall Otis Redding's from uh making Georgia yeah him and little Richard from the same street are you serious yeah how about how about uh how about um Kodak Black and Lamar Jackson went to grade school together wow yeah and it makes so much sense small world

I love when that happens like when Jason Williams and and Randy Moss play basketball together I love that but Otis Redding breaks my heart yeah the story of Otis Renning can do you do you

do you are you how familiar with Otis? Very familiar. So do you want to tell everyone how he basically just put out one album.
He was like 26 and then died. Yeah.
I mean,

he put out all this wonderful music, and he had the first posthumous number one single, which is kind of a big deal.

You know, he was the first one to have a number one hit, like, after he'd already passed away. His plane went down.

Where was that? Up in. I think it was in a frozen lake.
It was a frozen lake. And it was before like, you know, they had laws around, like, being able to photograph.

Like, so there's photographs of him, like, being pulled up out of the lake. And it's just really awful stuff.

And, you know, he wrote sitting on the dock of the bay after he did Monterey Pop Festival in San Francisco, or Monterey, rather.

He did that festival, blew everybody's minds. You know, he had Steve Cropper, Al Jackson Jr., Booker T.
He had Booker T and the MGs as his backing band.

He's a Macon, Georgia guy, recorded all of his stuff down in Memphis, Tennessee.

And they found that sound. And he went out there and sitting on the dock of the bay, you know,

he didn't finish it. That's why he whistled the last

little refrain. So he whistled it because he was going to sing something else there, but he died before he had the chance to do so.
So they put it out like that.

And it became one of the more memorable parts of the song. Yeah.
Yeah.

It's a part everyone can sing along to. Yeah.

What's your favorite Otis Rudding song? My favorite Otis Redding song is probably

Cigarettes and Black Coffee. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, that's a great one.
I like Try a Little Tenderness. Oh, man.
And can I tell you, I feel like Tri.

This is how much I like Try a Little Tenderness is I can't listen to the Jay-Z remix. I love it.
It breaks my heart. Yeah.
So I go, don't touch it. Yeah.
Like, don't touch it. That song.

on a Sunday morning, sitting in a pool before your kids are up with a cup of coffee, cranking on the stereo, evokes church to me. Oh, yeah.
Speaking of which, you're working with Corey Henry tonight?

I am. Wow.
Yeah.

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Oh, yeah. That's right.
I did.

It was a Sunday morning in San Francisco, and we were at the Blue Note Jazz Festival. And I think Chappelle had invited us up.
Me and Leanne went. We were supposed to go see Widespread in Alabama.

And Leanne was like, fuck that. Let's go to Chappelle's festival.
That's a hard pivot.

Right?

And I feel like you and I, we're pretty kindred spirits. Like, I get prepared for one thing.
And if we pivot,

I'm a little out of sorts. So.
You know how she tricked me. How? Come on, we'll drink.
We'll get drunk. See, and I was like, okay, I'm in.
Yep.

Because if we had gone to widespread, it would have been her probably not drinking, watching me drink. And then I would have been like, motherfucker.
Yeah. And then I'd be like, let's smoke weed.

So I don't like it. I don't make me sick.
I won't throw up.

And then, but we went to that. And I woke up one Sunday morning.
She goes, let's get a cocktail and go see what's out there.

Corey Henry held like a mass at like noon, 12:30.

And we ended up,

I mean, it was the coolest event. And you can edit whatever you want out of this, but this is so interesting.
At that, I'm sitting. I light a joint.
I have a cocktail.

I think it's the first time I ever had a buzzball. And

this black dude's sitting there in his recliner smoking a cigar. And he looks at me and I say, I'm not going to go, wish I had one of those.
And he opens it up. He goes, take one.

And I was like, yeah. He goes, yeah, just give me a cigar next time you see me.
And I go, I don't know when that's going to be. He goes, come find me.

And I said, give me your number. I travel a lot.
His name is James Earl Jones.

It's not the one you think. It's a different James Earl Jones.
It's a different James Earl Jones.

And me and this guy started texting, Marcus, and we've been texting now for like three years. And he didn't know, like I said, hey, I'm in.

I shouldn't say where he lives, but wherever that area. I said, yo, I'm in your neighborhood.
Why don't you come have a cigar with me? He's like, great, where you at? And I was like, the

arena. And he was like, huh? I started performing.
And he's like, you famous? And I was like, yeah, come. So we sat by my tour bus and had a cigar.
And now we keep in touch. He texts me.

He hit me up one day. He goes, He goes, Hey, man, I'm following you on Instagram.
You're like losing weight. I'm going to the doctor for the first time.

You inspired me. So we've kept in touch.
That's awesome. Yeah.
And

he's just named James Earl Jones. Isn't that crazy? Is he younger or older than that? He's my age.
Okay. So he's younger than the other James Earl Jones.

That's really interesting, man. Look at this.
It's a very burnt burnt situation.

Oh, look, it's just him. Every day he sends me whatever he's smoking.

Isn't that great? And that sounds like some friendship. And we just, and I text him when I'm smoking.
The cigar community is a good community. They're pretty chill people.
What's better?

So, are you still so? Are you still sober? I am sober. How long?

I mean,

the broad answer is probably the last time we podcasted together.

I fell off the wagon like the night before just to clear the air. I was in San Diego, fell off the wagon down there, rolled it into L.A.,

came here, and that's the first time we met each other. So this is like two years ago, maybe almost three.
I was like,

I'm hurting, buddy. And you were like, I got you.

Someone was like, dude, you're getting negative comments. You were drinking with Marcus.
He's been sober. I was like, I don't give a fuck.

I was like, I'm not really.

It was such a cathartic experience, and it was needed. You know, I mean,

it's an unpopular thing to say, but like, I do feel like being completely drunk with a good friend and person you can talk to,

I would have preferred our conversation

would not live on the internet, but that conversation needed to happen for me in my heart. And it's just easier to have those conversations when you're in a bag a little bit.

It's a little easier to be honest, drunk. Absolutely.
I told our couples therapist,

I might come drunk a couple times. She was like, do you need that? And I was like, no, but just giving you a heads up.

I'm not really great at therapy, but I was like, let's not forget who pays the bill here. So if you like your job.
Yeah. I'm going to show up in the bag a couple times.

And you're going to get a different side of me.

You're going to get a little more honest side i don't know i i don't i don't know do you do you struggle with wanting to drink it all because there's a pill i'm taking that'll take that away right away yeah i'm taking that mangero shot oh yeah i saw your post dude um it yeah it does this everything everything it just goes like

yeah i mean nothing's fun yeah it takes your sparkle away it does i mean you know it's just like you're not supposed to drink champagne and go ugh i know man everything fun in life

i just can't, I can't do moderation.

I don't have a problem, you know, not starting. I just have a problem stopping.

So I encourage everybody, what's helped me stay sober as long as I have, which is this is probably the longest I've been sober in my life. And I did it because I love my wife.

And, you know, I thought when I met her that I could learn how to drink like a gentleman, I was like, I'm happy. I don't need to drink to forget things.
I want to enjoy my life.

But there's something in me that,

you know, comes to life when I've had too much and it wants to destroy everything good in my life because I don't feel like I deserve it. So that's what alcohol does to me.

And it was a lot of time discovering that and realizing that and realizing I don't want it. But I like everyone else around me to have a good time because they can do it responsibly.

And really, like what we were talking about, like alcohol just kind of lowers that social barrier, that uncomfortability of like social interaction. You have that? I absolutely have it.

But now, you know, instead of me having a few cocktails when I go somewhere so I can be more loose and have more conversations, I allow everybody else to kind of have a few.

And I just look at it in that perspective. Everyone else has let their guard down.
So it allows me just to be me. It helps me.
Interesting. Yeah.

Interesting. When was the last time you wanted to drink? You were like, where you were like, like,

I do Sober sober October every year and I, I just finished it. And getting back off the wagon is really difficult for me.
Having that first drink is really difficult. Yeah.
Um,

I usually never want it.

And, uh, every time I've, every time I've done it recently in the last couple of years, meaning a chunk of sobriety in that first drink, it's been almost like court ordered type thing.

I had a cruise.

It was the first night of the cruise. And they're like, you're going to have to drink on the cruise.

And then I was with my daughter, Georgia. We were at Parents' Weekend.
She was like, yo,

you'll have a beer with me, right? And I was like, absolutely. And then, but then the second I start, it's like, all right, we're back.
We're back in the game. Like, there's no, like, my moderation.

I gotta, I have to do, I have to do chunks of not drinking and then chunks of drinking. And chunks of not drinking and chunks of drinking.

And then until I took this Manjaro shit, now I'm like, it's like, it's, I mean, I got on a a plane yesterday wanting a drink, and I was just, I wanted to throw up when it got to me, and I went, I can't take it.

I know, man. Like, when I, when I started this album, like, I actually, because we started the record,

gosh, like three years ago. Really? So it's an interesting album for me to look, to listen back to.
It's an interesting album for me to listen to. Because I'm wondering.

What songs are about your relationship? What songs are about addiction? What songs are just stories? Like,

it's a really interesting album. And I can't even,

I can't even,

like, there's a line. I think it's, I think it's, I can't, I mean, I can't remember.
It's every time I, every time I put it down, it gets heavier or something.

Oh, yeah, it gets heavier every time I put it down. Yeah, it's better.
And no wonder you wrote it. The way I said it's dumber.

But, but yeah, but I go, and I, and I, you know, that's for me, that I know what that means. It's the bottle.
Yeah. Every time I put it down, I go, maybe I'll never pick it up.

You you know what i mean but i'm curious to know about

that but you were saying the question was last time you wanted to party and you were like right well i mean yeah i mean the record's interesting because there is this kind of dichotomy of like my creative process like half of the record i did when i was still drinking heavily and i remember those times and all those times were really fun My buddy Brent Hines was there and we were doing mushrooms and drinking a lot.

And then the rest of the record was just micro-dosing and being healthy, being sober.

So when I listen back to it, I can kind of see which moments, you know, and just and really kind of analyze them. But the last time I really wanted to party, I guess, I mean,

it's hard to say, man. I mean, the moment that comes to mind is probably the Flora Bama because I wasn't drinking then and everyone was having such a good time.

But there comes a moment like around 1 or 2 a.m. where I'm like,

I think I made the right call.

Yeah. You know?

For me, it's at home.

It's at 8.30.

Once I hit 8.30, if I hadn't had a drink by 8.30, I go, oh yeah, it's not worth it. No, I haven't.

If I can get to 8.30, I call it the witching hours when the sun sets and it looks beautiful outside and everything seems perfect and you feel like you earned it.

Because there's got to be times where you're like, yo, man, I'm one of the hardest working motherfuckers out there.

I mean, my wife gets on to me because, like,

you know, I like to have my morning smoke. I like to have my morning cigarette.
And some days I'm like, I'll fucking I'll fucking crack a Heineken Zero, you know, with my cigarette.

So I'm having a beer and a cigarette, technically, at like seven in the morning, but it's an N.A. And I'm like, this is the price I have to pay, you know? Yeah.

It just means that this day would have been off the rails because I woke up wanting to have a drink, you know, and it could have gone off the rails really easily.

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But yeah.

That's,

yeah.

NAs have never gotten done it for me. I never was an NA guy, but like, I guess a year or two ago,

I don't know. Something about them, just that placebo effect, I guess.

Wait, can you micro-dose uh mushrooms yeah absolutely so i then okay then if you microdose mushrooms how come we man can't microdose everything

that's a good question bird i would love to microdose alcohol i think it's you know an interesting conversation to be had

what what they need to do

is it needs to be a certain amount of alcohol to just get me to that all i want to feel is the the sparkle yeah that's all i want to see is that and then

and then let it go away.

And then just get there.

They should do like a.

I do feel like mushrooms kind of do that. That's what they say.

I've never micro dose mushrooms, but I also only use mushrooms to trip my balls on. Right.
You've only macro dosed. If you take a micro-dose, you might be surprised.
It kind of gives you that sparkle.

It gives you that, like,

all right.

Really? Yeah.

So, so then, like, so here's my problem with Xanax. I can never take Xanax on, a,

I love Xanax. I think Xanax is one of the greatest drugs in the world.
I haven't taken it. I haven't taken it in probably three years.
Okay. My cardiologist told me,

I was explaining my, I was explaining my lifestyle to my cardiologist, and he was like, this.

I was like, yeah, I like to get off. I get after it on the weekends.

Tore out the frame. Yeah, and then on Monday, I take Xanax around 4 p.m.

So I don't have the,

I take half a Xanax at 4 p.m. I don't have the, I don't want to drink.
And then I take, I sleep great. And then I don't drink Tuesday.
I don't drink Wednesday.

I head out on the road Thursday and I'll drink Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Xanax on. And he was like, stop, stop with the Xanax.
He's like, it melts your brain. I was like, really?

He goes, never take Xanax again. I'm never going to let you take Xanax again.
So I've taken Xanax since.

But my problem with Xanax on a plane is I couldn't, I couldn't manage it. You know what I mean? I took it and it was there, but I like the taking of it.

Oh, I like the, I like the, I like the drinking. I I like the actual, I like measuring it.
I like the

being the scientist that's working this thing. Do you know? Yeah.
It's like with cocaine. I would love to be the guy that does one line, but the fun of cocaine is having it in your pocket.
It is fun.

And then you want to get rid of it. Yeah.
You know?

I used to get rid of a lot. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

I enjoyed it so much, dude. It was, I mean, my dad told me when I was like 17, he said, never try cocaine because you'll love love it.
And I did, boy.

It delivers. It does every time.
I mean, can you imagine being the first guy in the jungle that discovered cocaine? And you're like, I think I figured out God. Yeah, I think I discovered God.

And I'm him. Yeah.

I mean, hell, like in its original state, like the coca leaves, like it was in Coca-Cola, you know. But now when you see them, like, even if you go back and see, like, how they.

process it with the gasoline and stuff, it's a little sketchy.

And for years, like the baby laxative and stuff that they would cut it with.

Like when I found some real uncut stuff, like I think the first time was in Jamaica and I was like 19 and yeah, I was doing a lot of this like really pure, you know, Coke.

And it was, it was a crazy time. But when the fentanyl came into play, I was like, yeah.

I think I'm going to bow out. And I met my wife like the next night.
For real? Yeah.

I ran out of cocaine and I was like I don't think I want to fuck with that anymore because I wasn't gonna be home for a while and the dude that I got it from he like meticulously tested it and like you know he would always get me really clean stuff and

you know I was like I don't really want to try my chances out here on the road to find it you know and then I actually met my wife the next night And then I didn't want to do it.

Well, I wanted to do it, but like, I just didn't want to take the risk because I had something I wanted to live for you know

wow

is it tough growing up for lack of better words like a prodigy

it's kind of interesting man um

i don't know i just

i wanted to do anything i could to make make myself feel like people loved me So I would, I put all my eggs in that basket. I played all the time because that's how I would experience love.

Did you feel like when you were a kid, did you feel like you didn't deserve love? Absolutely. Really? I still struggle with that.
How? You're so loved. I know.

You're like, you're like, you're, you're actually in the group when I think of it of the like

most lovable people. Thanks.

I feel the same about you. Well, I...
should check the comments on this episode. Be shocked how many people hate me.

And, you know, that really for a period of time that really affected me. I don't know, me too.
Because you go, my only goal, and I wasn't a prodigy. I was just, and I'm,

my only goal was to get

was approval. You know, that's why I got into stand-up is I could tell if they liked it.
And if they didn't like it, I tried something different to get them to like it.

And the only currency in my business is approval. And

I, and negativity, people that didn't like me, I, I,

it made me so confused. I was like, I'm trying everything to get you to like me.
And then they could just be like, Yeah, fuck you. You're, you're, you're corny or whatever.
And you'd be like, ugh.

But someone like you,

you are undeniably like as I,

whenever I bring you up to anyone,

the, the base thing they say is there's something different about him. He's special.

And you've heard that your whole life, but you, even you still say,

I

I don't feel it.

Yeah, it's something that I'm still chasing down, you know, with therapy. And it's hard.
Like, you know, my therapist called me the other day and I forgot we had a session and I had something to do.

So I answered the phone, spoke to her for like 20 minutes. I was like, I'm sorry, I got to, I got to jump off here.
But like prioritizing, you know,

physical and mental health, that's been a big one for me. Just trying to discover the root of why I don't feel like I deserve love, you know.

And there's something in me like when I drink, it really comes out. For real, and I feel like I need to destroy anything

that does give me love or affection because I don't deserve it anyway. You know, just when you when you're in good shape, like you're in pretty good shape right now, I'm okay.

You've, I, you, you're, you're, you look good. Thanks.
Does that make you feel better about yourself? Yeah. I mean, if I can feel physically like I'm, you know, losing weight or, you know,

it's actually hard having like a really hot wife, too, because like the internet comments, again, people are like,

you know, what's going on here? Like, this woman does not care about this guy. And it's like,

I know, I really think she does, you know, and it can, it could create like insecurities within your own home. Just people throwing bullshit comments out there, you know, and sometimes they're funny.

It's like, they look like every SEC couple. That's hilarious, you know.
If people are funny in an internet comment and they're being disparaging, I give that a hall pass.

Like, if somebody calls me Biggie Strings, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah.
But, you know, if you're funny in a comment, I'll laugh.

But if you're just like super mean, I mean, it really does get to me.

What's crazy is that even the really mean people

I hate to like

try to get meta about this. They're more like us than they think.

They're struggling for love too. That's why they're coming with hate.

I mean, I can't imagine. And

I understand that I would love for someone to explain why hate is fun.

Like, I would love, you know, those people that put out like mean videos or, or I would love for them to really break it down and go, this is what I get out of it. Like, because I'm curious because.

I can't get, I can't,

when they do them about my friends, I can't watch those. Yeah.
Like, I can't. And I have friends who like send me clips about me.
And they're like, do you see this? This is hysterical.

And I'm like, oh, no. Dude, I know, like, my wife has friends who will like send videos and be like, can you believe what this person said about you?

And I'm like, you have to stop doing that because Briley and I are really similar. We kind of go through these like.

And we're much better about it now, but we'll go through these patterns of like, I'll be like really down on myself because I've read the wrong shit.

And then she does it and we just kind of help each other out of that, you know, that cycle. But, um,

yeah, it's so funny because I was with Briley

Jelly Rolls

Roast. Oh, yeah.
And we were talking and she brought something like that up. It's interesting to me as an outsider.
I watched her, for anyone who doesn't know, Briley is absolutely gorgeous.

And I watched her go into a club with us and I looked at guys, look at her, and I watched her. She is a lot like Leanne.
She is singularly focused. She has no interest

in talking to anyone. She was there to hang out with me and Leanne, I think, and bunny and jelly and just in a group.
She was not like going around and trying to get drinks or meeting.

She was a married woman. And it was interesting to see that because I...

She's standing next to Leanne the entire time. The two of them were like inseparable and

just had married chick energy. And I know a dude hit on her she went like this the fuck

and then looked at leanne she's like no and then both of them rolled their eyes and

and then she randomly brought up some of the one of the things she had read online or someone had sent her online and i'd never seen that i'd never seen it because i don't read the comment and i said to her it's not real to me yeah and then i realized oh but it's very real to her And whatever's real to me, it's not real to anyone else.

It's not real to the people I'm doing projects with. They don't read it.
They're like, huh? What are you talking about? Like you just said, I think you're loved.

And I go, oh, I, you know, one of my favorite human beings in the world is Theo Vaughn. I think he's a precious guy, meaning

I think he's special in a lot of ways. He's very, he's a lot like me and you.

You know, stubs and problems and very sensitive, sweet guy. All he doesn't have a fucking negative bone in his body.

But I, I, I, but,

you know, it's, I, when it's when I look at you, I go, you're like Chappelle to me. Like, you guys were just given a gift, and all you're doing is you're sharing that gift with the world.

And how can anyone say anything but thank you?

Well, I mean, that's a really nice way to put it. Um,

I've never seen a nasty comment from an attractive person,

And maybe, maybe it's the ghost accounts. Maybe that's an attractive person, but I doubt it.

I've never seen an attractive person, you know, willingly without, you know, a private account or like a ghost account say something disparaging. It's always, you know, just dog-ass ugly people.
Yeah.

So

take that and use it for what you want. Are there comments that live in your head? Because I have like, there's like one

comment that that one guy wrote when I was still doing clubs. And by the way, I wasn't selling tickets at clubs.

And I think about that comment

so often. At one comment, he goes,

it was like, I'll be at the,

I can tell you where I was playing. I was playing Minnesota at House of Comedy.
I think it's called Acme House of Comedy. Not Acme.
It's the one in the mall. It's the one in the mall.

Jimmy Kimmel's sister, Jill Kimmel, opened me for this weekend, of that weekend. That's how, this time, it's so bizarre.
Still on travel channel. Really? Yeah.
And someone wrote,

this guy sucks. All he does is take his shirt off, get drunk as fuck, and tell one story.

And I was like, yeah, technically.

What's wrong with that? Yeah, but I was like, but clearly I do more than that. But

that's all you see. I think of that.
I think of that comment. And there was another comment.

I just, I got onto a live stream, like a football game or whatever. Yeah.

And I was like, oh, this is awesome. And someone was like, oh, shit, Burt Kreiser is in here.
And someone's like, Burt Chryser. And this dude goes,

oh, cool. A 50-year-old guy who smokes weed.

And I was like, oh, what the fuck? And I was like, I can't even just go in here.

It does the fucking.

They get you sometimes. And then, and then there's just hurtful ones where you're like, oh,

what like there was this, there was this, yeah.

And then they say don't even talk about them because it gets, you know, that what they want is the attention, but, you know, I wish we just make the world a better place.

I've never left a negative comment ever. Me neither.

I've replied to a few of them, you know, just

I like to do it. I don't really do it anymore, but for a time there, I would reply to, to one every few months just to kind of remind people that I'm looking at this shit.

you know, because I feel like they do kind of remove you from like being a real human. They look at you as a brand.

You know, it's like if you say something shitty about Pepsi or Coca-Cola, you don't think about one person being upset.

So if you look at Marcus King or Burt Crister as a brand, you're like, oh, this guy fucking sucks. You know, you're thinking about it as a brand.

You're not thinking about that person looking at him and getting upset by it.

So every now and again, somebody will say something really shitty and I'll message them and be like, that was really hurtful.

And they almost never reply, but I just want to scare a little Jesus into them. You know, I got a good one.
You want to hear this one? I want to hear it.

I was on Instagram and, you know, sometimes I get, my fingers get fast and I get ahead of myself. Yeah.
And

you get to have the fingers. And I think, I think, I know, I think the guy's a friend of mine now, and I can't really remember everything,

but I see one of the guys on this podcast.

And he's a comedian. And he's got a podcast with his best friend who is not a comedian.
I don't know.

And he goes, Bert Kreischer. And the guy goes, Bert fucking Kreiser.
And I went, ooh, nice. I'm about to get a little love.
So real quick, I checked that comedian. I go, oh, yeah, I know him.

I follow him already. I go, let me, real quick, follow his friend, follow their podcast and like this video.
Now, what were they saying about Burt Kreischer?

And they're like, fucking Bert Kreischer is the most annoying person alive. I am done with him and his laugh.
It's like, he's never been funny. Joe Rogan made him famous.

And I'm like, uh, and no, I've already liked everyone and I've already followed everyone. And I'm like, oh my God, now I got to unfollow.

And then I was like, so I just texted them and I was like, guys,

I'm really sorry I followed you. I didn't know you hated me.
I'm really sorry. I liked the video about you hating me, but like just letting you know that

and then the one guy would grow back. Holy fuck, I never thought you'd see this.
Right. And I was like, well, you tagged Burt Kreiser in it.
Why wouldn't you think it would come across my page? Right.

And he was like, we were just talking shit, man. And you're like, okay.
So then I write half of it off to just talking shit. I write half of it off to being contrarian.
They see a lot of love.

They want to go, this guy fucking sucks. I write half it off.
But then I wonder, you know, does like someone like fucking Chris Stapleton get negative comments and does he get upset?

Chris Stapleton looks to me like this untouchable mass of hair. Yeah.
You know, or like Zach Brown. Yeah.
Like

fucking,

I'm not saying that I think we're artists who wear

everything on our sleeve.

Like when I listen to your music,

you're very vulnerable.

Your albums aren't. I'm not.

Try to find the right way to say this. Your music isn't

branded to sell a whiskey. Does that make sense? Absolutely.
Like your music is about...

Like my favorite song in this album, I've listened to the whole album. Dirt was the first song that caught in our house where Leanne just played it on repeat.
It was on repeat.

On and on was the one that,

and I

started crying when I was listening to it because

I realized why I love you so much. And it's that you sound so much like one of my favorite artists ever, Shannon Hoon.
Oh, wow.

And I didn't, it's not until the very end of On and On when it's just you, kind of a cappella. And I went, oh my God, this is, I love, your voice is so,

so honest. I had one other person tell me that, somebody I used to work with.
Real? Yeah.

You fired them? No, no.

It was, no, they're very good people.

It was from like my first management team. She worked with me, but she always told me I sounded like Shannon Hoon, which is really high praise.
Yeah, he's, I mean,

I think he is so underrated as a musician. Yeah.
Now, knowing what I know about music now,

you know, I, I, it's, you know,

your artistry is.

I have a weird time talking shit about one of my favorite musicians, but all of a sudden, I listened to On and On and I went, oh my God.

It's like your favorite artist passes away. And now all of a sudden, you can, it's like, I get two and one because now one of my favorite humans is,

it's almost like a mashup. And I was like, this is, and I thought, as soon as I heard that song, then all of a sudden I was like, I was, I was just diving into everything.

This whole album is so incredible. And the people you chose to work with are so interesting and so and add so much to it.
This album is just incredible. What, um,

what did you ever think? And I'm just saying this because we're talking about artists taken away too early. I watched this documentary on Jeff Buckley.
Did you ever know anything about Jeff Buckley?

Not a great swimmer.

Now we can cut that out.

That fucking guy.

No, he was fantastic.

He was a sensitive dude. Do you like sensitive artists? Is there a part of you that looks at like Leonard Skynyr?

I do like attitude. I like attitude.
You got attitude on stage.

It's faux. Yeah.
No. Yeah.
I mean, it's real. Like, I got to pump myself up a little bit, but you go out there and

you got to be confident. It's like charming a snake, you know, talking to a girl at a bar.
The whole audience is just the girl at the bar. And like, if you go out there, like...

They'll smell the fear on you. Yeah.
And there's some nights where like, I know you can smell the fear on me. And, you know, I just got to lean into that.

But,

you know, I try to go out there and be as confident as I can. And that usually makes for the best show.

Yeah, but do when you like, let's rank southern rock bands and then tell me what you liked about them. Okay.
Okay.

So let's say let's do the top five southern rock bands: Leonard Skynyrd, Allman Brothers, Marshall Tucker Band.

Let's go someone a little newer.

Where can we quantify Southern Rock? Give me the two more that you would name in that. I think you could throw the Black Crows in there.
Oh, 100%.

Yeah. And I think you could throw...

I think it would be good to throw

a newer band? Because they kind of cover like that 90s portion. So like Blackberry Smoke, I think would be...
I don't know Blackberry Smoke. Man, they're fantastic.
Really? Yeah.

Blackberry Smoke? It's my buddy Charlie Starr. Starr.
They're an Atlanta band. And Charlie's been one of my good friends for years.

A wonderful writer and human being.

They're definitely on that list for me. Okay, so then

let's do this. So we'll take these bands, say their best song that exemplifies the band.
Okay. So for Leonard Skinner, what song do you think exemplifies the band?

Leonard Skynyrd exemplifies the band.

And I'll throw out some ideas, okay? Give me three steps is

in, it

paints a perfect southern rock picture of a concrete square bar that's dimly lit, yeah, dimly lit with a sticky bar, and the right kind of, and there's cigarette smoke everywhere, and the door opens up, and you feel that, right?

Simple man is

simple man is a porch. It is it is hot.
It is an unbuttoned shirt. It is it is the south.

Give me three with Tuesday's Gone. Oh my God.
I mean, you start getting into it. Jesus Christ, what's the best Leonard Skinner song?

Best Leonard Skinner song. I mean, my favorite is a song called I Ain't the One.
Motherfucker, how am I not listening to that? It's so heavy. Give me back my bullet.
It's a great one.

I ain't the one, like that first record pronounced Leonard Skinner. Ed King, he actually,

because Leon Wilkleson, like, he left the band really temporarily, just enough time for them to cut this record. And Ed King played all the bass parts on that record.

So if you listen to the first album, it's a guitar player playing bass. And like, there's some really inventive stuff that happened on the bass guitar on that first record.

And this song's a great example of that. I ain't the one?

Man, I don't think I've ever heard I ain't the one. It's great.

So I'm really, because I I used to make fun of dead fans when they're like, oh, I'm a big dead fan. They're really easy to make fun of.

It's Orthodox church, man. I can't get in it.
I can't get behind it. For real? Yeah, dude.
Oh, I love the deep cuts of the dead are what I love.

Like, you're a great Grateful Dead fan because you can do it casually. Yeah.
You know? And we're both addictive personalities, but we can do the Grateful Dead casually. What does that say?

You know what I'm saying?

It's something that we don't have to do all the time, every day.

God, how do we how do we just find a way to transition that into drugs and alcohol i'm just saying you know so wait so uh so what what would you say that is the so you say i ain't the one's the song but what's the song that exemplifies this band is it freebird is freebird their best song i don't i don't know if it's their their best song i'd say you know that and sweet home alabama are definitely sweet home alabama i mean it's on the state sign sweet home i gotta be honest with you i think i think Adam Sandler ruined Tuesday's Gone for me.

Oh, really?

All I think of is Happy Gilmore. It's such a perfect song for that movie.
It's such a perfect song that it's like, you know, it's so funny. That's what music's happened a little bit is

because the easiest way to get a song popular is get it on TikTok and then it becomes a TikTok song. And then what could have been an anthem for a generation now is just like a dance move.

Dude, it pisses me off so bad.

And i think i'm i'm definitely just sour grapes about it but like i got on stage the other night and i was really feeling just kind of

i don't know just down in the dumps because we were tired and like we're going on to play in this like sea market and like we had a hard time filling up the room and we're just like it's a fucking monday night and like who wants to go to a concert in corpus christi on a monday fucking night and we're tired and we're up there and like i was playing a song i'm like this is a song i wrote And I went to a recording studio and I recorded it.

And then I released it on a record like an adult. I didn't put it right on fucking TikTok.
And it's because I'm sour about it.

And I get pissed off because there's like kids out there that are like, you know, gonna have me open for them. And I've been just like with my head in the fucking dirt for 10 years.

And they haven't left their couch, you know, and people are like, they're in high demand.

People are losing their fucking minds. And I'm like, this is

what's wrong with our country. Bert, this is what I was, you know.
Yeah, no, no. I, I, listen.

I'm, I, I'm, I, I, I, I am biting my tongue because I'm, I'm watching the decline of stand-up comedy. Yeah.
I'm watching it with my own eyes. And I'm like,

and I'm like, and I've said it to people. I've said it.
I was like, we had a, we had a boom. And it's,

but I don't. Who do you think started the decline, like crowd work clips?

Wow.

I'll tell you, crowd work clips didn't help

because it turned comedy into it.

It introduced comedy to a bunch of people that didn't know about comedy as in this is how it's done. You yell at them and then they'll defend themselves.

And that never was something anyone wanted to do. What you want to do.
I mean, the art form, in essence, is

getting a bunch of strangers. That's a very important part.
part. Strangers to laugh at your idea and come together and celebrate funny ideas that remind them that they're all the same.

And then, you know, and I've had people yell out at my shows, you know, and it's tough.

I'm in a big venue, so I don't know. I don't, I can't even fucking hear them.
Right. And then,

but yeah, it's crowd work clips.

And it wasn't just that it was like crowd work clips. It was that a couple guys did it and they did it pretty well.

Like, I'll tell you real quick, uh mark norman and samural are brilliant at crowd work and so good they're so good and but they're not even i gotta let everyone realize that that's not technically what they're doing what they're doing is they're writing on stage faster about topical issues than anyone else could yeah and so they're really brilliant comics they got a rap as crowdwork comics

When it was, that's not what I'm upset with. Matt Reif's Crowdwork special is very fucking artful.
I mean, he is very talented at crowd work. Big J is the greatest.
Big J is

in bag, Big J. They are insane crowd work comedians.
And I bring it up only because I've heard other people complain about crowd work clips.

And like, when I see like Big J's crowd work special, they, them, I'm like, this is some of the greatest of all time.

I took my whole like family, like the night before I got married to see Big J at Zane's in Nashville. And like my super super conservative wife's family was just,

you know, he almost walked him a few times. Oh, yeah.
It was great. Yeah.
It was fantastic. By the way, I have to say this.

Big J, when we took, when he went out and did Fully Loaded with Us, he would get on stage and not do crowd work for 15 minutes and destroy

sitting on a stool. Yeah.
And then, but if he decides to do crowd work, you will not move until he decides you're done. Yeah.
He is just brilliant. He is.
But then

a bunch of people thought they could do what Big J did. And then it's just them going, where are you from?

And then the guy tells you and he's like, oh, wow, that's crazy there. And then he gets 4 million views.
And you're like, wow.

And then, I mean, you know, but once again, it's like, it's like, there's a guy I was talking to and I, and Jeff Akuria is his name. And he was like, I'm a big crowdwork comic.

And I kind of rolled my eyes at it. He's a very nice guy and he's very talented.
But I was like,

I wouldn't say you're a crowd worker. Don't say you're, but he's known as a crowd work guy, you know?

And I was like, and I was just like, that's, you know, when we were kids, crowd works, what we did to get out of a bad spot. Right.
That was when you were failing. Yeah, you got to, yeah.

Nick, you, you know, you, and so, but then I watched his videos and I was like, well, he's pretty fucking amazing.

Nice.

That was fantastic. Tommy.

What's up, dude? I'm on the podcast with Marcus King.

Oh, what's up, Marcus? What's up, dude? We were just talking about you.

Oh, okay.

Hey, what do you think about Crowdwork Comics?

I mean, it's, you know,

to what level? It's like it's a skill you should have. If it's your whole set, you ain't shit.
But I mean,

you know, it's definitely something you should be able to do.

Oh, okay. We'll call you later.
We just,

I didn't realize I saved your ringtone. It's raining men.

yeah scared the out of him it was great that's that's perfect yeah uh so who are you trashing in particular i know you're it's gonna somebody no we no we were just no marcus and i are having a very emotional two bears right now and so we're talking about negative comments and and not feeling worth anything and trying to get people to like us on stage and confidence and should we feel love and then

And then, and then Marcus was talking about how musicians are TikTok kids and then all of a sudden they blow up. Yeah.
And he's like.

And it's kind of the similarity being like crowd work clips going viral to like kids. Like, you know, that was the kind of the similarity there we were discussing.
Yeah.

I mean, you know, the one thing is don't forget that we all feel the same, dude. We all fucking feel the same.

Everybody's the same. We all wish we were liked more.
We all want more respect. It's all, we're the same.

Yeah. Well, clip that out, everybody, because I can't believe I've ever heard you say that.

You're the most confident fucking person I've ever met. Yeah.

That is not true.

That's not true. Okay.
Okay. But I love you.
And I love you too, Marcus. Love you, man.

I love you. Bye-bye.

Okay.

Do you know how many times,

you know, it's so funny. When we started talking about this, it's like

I have an authentic relationship with you. I have an authentic relationship with Jelly.

I'll never have an authentic relationship with Zach Brown. And I like Zach a lot, but because I met him when he was famous.

So I'll always look at him as like, that's Zach Brown. When I met you, first time I ever saw you was on your mom's house, and you just come out with your first album, I think.

Not your first, obviously. Yeah.
Yeah. Seven.
I can't.

But I was like, who is this guy? And then I was like, oh, cool. Well, he's like, this sounds weird, but like, he's attainable.
I can touch him because he's. did Tom's podcast.

No, I know what you mean. And so, and then with Jelly, I knew before he was famous.
So I was like, so Jelly's never going to be,

I'll never call him Jason. You know, like, I'm, like, you know, like, you know, does that make sense?

He should.

What's up, Jason? But, but, Tom is someone I've known. I knew Tom when he was just fat with hot sauce in his back pocket.
Yeah.

But then he also is this Tom that I have tried to wrap my head around who he has a podcasting empire.

I mean, it's, I think he has the biggest podcasting network right now. I think it's the biggest one out there.

He is in production in like two movies and another TV show, and he's producing other movies. And then we own a vodka together.
He's outgrown

me business-wise. I'm just still, you know, a couple podcasts and doing some TV and movies.
He's huge. I forget sometimes that he's my friend.
Does that make sense? I know what you mean.

Where it's like,

and so when he says stuff like that, like i never i've never i'm like when does anything ever humanizes him a little bit i forget that he's human yeah the cape comes off yeah like when we talk

yeah like you know even just that conversation i'm like

what what's ever shaken you tom right

who do you think is most unshakable let's go back to all

who do you think the most unshakable musician out there is Unshakable.

Probably Chris Robinson because he's an asshole.

and he doesn't care what anybody thinks. And like part of me sometimes is like, I want that.

But then I'm like, no, I don't. Because there's like no empathy connected to it.

You know, I think that like completely unshakability is usually connected to probably some really deep-rooted issues that you haven't discovered yourself. Yeah.

You know, so I hate to answer the question because it really is just so aligned with just a personality type that I can't stand yeah you know I want people to be shakable I'm the comics that artists enjoy bad bad comments

I'm not a big fan of their comedy no I mean the ones that are like I fucking love when they give me bad comments you're like yeah I think you're doing this wrong yeah I know yeah

you can't thrive off of the negativity yeah and people that say that they do it's it's usually a farce they're usually saying it because

you know, it's like sometimes you can tell people's confidence is really just,

or people's ego is really just a mask for their deep insecurity. And you can't hide that from

me anyway. I can see somebody's bravado or like confidence.
I'm like, this is a fucking mask. It's a shell.
You're an insecure little man.

You know?

And I've seen it a lot, especially in the music industry, boy.

You know, musicians aside, aside, like people that work in the industry, there's a lot of short, angry little men with big confidence coats on. Dude,

there are guys in our business. I'm not just talking comics, in their business

that,

I mean, they fuck with you in a way that's so unfair and unhealthy that you think, at least I know.

He's never going to have a good relationship with a woman because that's who he is. Yeah.
Like if you're going to treat me like that, a man,

and you're going to try to fuck with my brain, then I know that that's a controlling issue you have and you're taking into your marriage or your relationship with your kids.

There was one guy who I approached because he was fucking me over

and he had his baby with him.

And

he said, what did you say to me? And I was like, I got to say this. You know, I'm standing up for myself.

And he gave me his baby. And he goes, I didn't hear that.
Say it again while you're holding my baby. And I looked at his baby and I went, You're fucked.
You're fucked. You're so fucked.

It would be better if I dropped you on your head right now and you just had a brain damage than you never had to understand who this person was.

You are so fucked.

You are so fucked. That's kind of seeped into that baby subconscious.

I think about that moment. That's amazing.
And I was just, you know, and

that.

And also, that's a hardcore, you know,

say that to me while you're holding my baby. That's crazy

i mean that's insanity it's insanity but that but our business welcomes insanity it's true yeah it welcomes the insane ones get you know so all of a sudden the insane ones are like i was just having a conversation i was like i wish i was a little more insane because i feel like dot dot dot would pay more attention to me because i know that dot dot dot works with dot dot dot yeah and the second dot dot dot's out of their fucking mind and they just want to put out that fire so they take care of of them a ton.

Yeah. Well, the insane people now, like the crazy ragers, like I've been out here during Grammy Week, like none of the artists can really let their hair down.
You know, we are all such an image.

We can't be out on the streets, you know, at Lil Nas X, you know, and his wasn't drug related, but like somebody's going to recognize you and they're going to take you. What about him?

He just had a, he had a mental breakdown and I hope he's okay. I'm a really big fan of his, but I use that just to say, like,

somebody's going to recognize it.

They're going to see you but like the music industry types they can get as up as they want with like no repercussion because nobody recognizes them nobody says oh man you're the you know attorney for umg that's crazy you're up right now yeah nobody knows that they have complete anonymity so they get completely housed and they have all these artists who are like playing outlaw like it's a

you know cops and robbers but they're you know really choir boys and they're not getting fucked up and they're not doing the shit that they sing about you know it's like when i see like morgan walland throw a chair off a roof i'm like fuck yeah yeah you know you probably shouldn't do that but like that was genuine he got i don't know why he did it but that's awesome keith moon joe walsh uh keith richards do you think that they could survive in today's musical climate they could not no because the industry has weeded these types of people out you know the um you know the backlash that you get like if you're drunk on stage like even for comedians you know, it's just artistry, you know, you have to be good all the time because you don't have any anonymity.

Dude, I got backlash for being drunk on stage in arenas, and I've never been drunk on stage in an arena. They just, someone just said, that's what I bet he does.

And then the internet just took off of it. And they're like, he's talking about Burp.
It's always fucking hammered in arenas. And I'm like, never.

No, never. Not once.
Not once. I did actually this weekend, but not once.
Thursday night in Lafayette. I apologize.
It was an amazing show. I was a little buzzed.

But I did have a drink on stage and drank it before I would normally have started drinking.

But never. I've never fucking blackout drunk.
You know, that's what sucks about all of this is that all these fucking bands we just named are legends with stories that were like, I don't know.

It's like if the internet was around, there'd be, I'm certain that Roddy Van Zand at one point got jumped off stage and started a fist fight. Oh, yeah.
If you did that today, they'd be like, he is

Marcus King crash out. He's problematic, you know? And then you would become an issue in the industry.
It's like Axel Rose jumped off the stage, beat the shit out of some guy. That was awesome.

And he did it in like compression shorts and a cheetah jacket. Yes.
Yes. That was tight.

Axel Rose refuses to go on stage and starts a riot in Toronto.

I've always said like, dude, would you want to read an artist's book if it was like, we all followed the rules, we went to bed on time, we ate our greens

the end. Yeah.
What kind of fucking story is that? I want to hear some dirt. But here's the thing is that like.
And artists don't really have that anymore. You can't.

Who's probably the realist out there? The realest? Like the realist. Like meaning like, like you just said, Morgan Whalen.
I don't know Morgan Whalen, but I have a feeling. I would really like him.

But I have a feeling I'd be really bad for him.

Like I feel like I should never meet him. That's a fair assessment.
Like, there's, there was someone, someone just said to me the other day, they're like, you know who you'd really get along with?

It was Nate Bargazzi. He goes, do you know who you'd really get along with? And I said, who? And he said, Justin Timberlake.
And I went, oh, I fucking love Justin Timberlake.

He goes, I'm going to make sure you guys never meet.

And I went, why? And he goes, trust me, he is not, you are not what he needs in his life right now.

And I thought that I took that as a compliment, but I was like, that makes me like Justin Timberlake. Yeah.
Makes me go, oh, I fucking like a dude who, I don't know.

But who's like that? Like, who's the

real deal? Well, I kind of,

like people that are real, like

the way I kind of quantify that is just the people who are themselves on and off the stage. Lainey Wilson seems to me like she is.
Oh my God, she's so genuine. She doesn't turn it off.

No, she is like that all the time. She's just the sweetest person.
And she was like that when she didn't have any money. She's like that now.
She's one of my favorite people.

Jamie Johnson is super real. Jamie Johnson's on that song with you.
Yeah. Pity.

Is that what song was it? A song called Here Today. Here Today.
Yeah. And I wrote that with Lainey and

my friend Meg McCree. Meg McCree's on this album.
Yeah, Meg McCree. She wrote with me on the record.

And Jamie Johnson and Caitlin Butts sang the song with me on the record. And those are two very real artists.
Jesse Wells is on the record. He's a very, he's very real.

You know, and I really

like what he does. Yeah.

Because he's like, he gets compared to Bob Dylan, and then he like invites Joan Baez to sing with him. He's like, fuck it, I'm going to lean into it.

You know, it's almost like a trolling bit at that point. Yeah.
It's like, everybody's comparing me to Bob Dylan. I'm going to invite Joan Baez to sing with me.
Absolutely. You know, he's awesome.

Jelly's pretty real. Like, when it's hot, when it, like, when there's very few guys I know that have a dab station

at a 5k.

He's pretty fucking real. He's, yeah, he's,

Shane Gillis is the realist. He's super real.
He's, man.

I love that guy. He is, he is,

there's things people don't know about him that I would never share because I don't think it's what he'd ever want people to know about him. And they're not bad.

Just like, they're just soft boy stuff. Softboy stuff.
And I love it. It makes me love him so much.

But when it comes to like, dude, he just wants to have a good time. He just wants, I mean, he just, he's, he's the fucking epitome of a comic for me.

Like the day I met him and I made him do, I mean, this must have been like 15 years ago. And I made him do

fireball shots at like nine in the morning with me. And he was like, oh, is this what we're doing? You know, it's like,

and it was like, I gotta call my girlfriend. I was like, What? I was like, Uh, dating this girl, her name's uh, Big Tuna.
I was like, Really? He goes, she's a big girl. I was like, No shit.

And he was like, Oh, she plays like rugby or something. I was like, Yeah, I guessed for field hockey.
And then I was like, Wait, you have a,

and then the next day, he emailed me.

Oh, I hope I have, I don't have this email. I'll get the email.
He emailed me. It's so funny because it is who Shane is.
Hey, Bert, I thought me and you got along really well yesterday.

If you're looking for someone to take on the road with you. Oh, so earnest.

But he texts all the time, the sweetest, the nicest things in the world.

And he's like the epitome of one of the real ones, in my opinion.

And then there's people that aren't. People that change their act based on what they feel like the temperature of the community is.
You're like,

yeah. And I don't really have time for that.
Like, I like to hang out with real people.

I think you're one of the realest realest people i know i try to be man i just like to be honest and i wouldn't say anything about anybody that i wouldn't say to them you know i just and i don't like to talk about people i just i like to make my observations and you know i don't keep them secret i just i just see a lot of things happening and a lot of weird happening right now you should do you should do like uh um

chris gains album yeah yeah

where you where you just write it for the TikTok. Yeah.
Just a TikTok album. Just write the TikTok album.
Dude. And just, because, I mean, it's not a bad idea.

And just, but don't release it under Marcus King. Yeah.
Release it under Chris Gaines and just.

I just use that name again. Yeah.
Actually, write it under Burt Kreischer. And then I'll say, I released an album.
People will mock it, but it'll be so catchy.

They'll be like, these are all the trends. Yeah.
And then it'll go fucking viral. Dude, how funny would that be if I like went under a false name, but it's obviously just me singing.

Like, they love to see a white boy singing in a field. Those videos go crazy viral.
Like acoustic guitar, woods, they love it.

So I just go and do a bunch of those, just singing in the woods, you know?

I'm going to do it. I was going to take, so like, I'm really, I mean,

I'm going to pause my, uh, my applauding myself.

No, I'm working. Okay.
I'm really good at like seeing the thing that's sexy that people don't know is sexy.

Like the white boy playing in the woods is fucking so it's like especially like that early oliver anthony shit where it's like and he's singing about oppression and and but white oppression and and the internet

i love i love oliver anthony but like you shouldn't use a capo on a dough bro

that's my hot take

um

i love him though so wait but i i i saw that and i went wow that's like that marketing wise that's just brilliant you know maybe there's a part of me that should never have gotten in front of the mic.

I should have stood behind stage and worked with talent. I think that part of me still may come out in the next 15 years.
I don't know. My wife thinks she wants to start a fucking management company.

But I am doing an OnlyFans model for us.

And I had ideas that I was taking to create a backstory for the woman we got to make her more desirable to the guys that are going to support her OnlyFans.

And as I was doing it, I was doing it the same way you look at like those TikTok where you go, that's exhausting. And then I go, oh, there's tricks that are out there

that I see them use. And I go, I, oh, I've got a game plan for this.
And I called Tommy and I told him about it. And he was like,

this is like borderline manic, lunatic ravings, and fucking mad scientists. He was like, if you pull this off, it would break the fucking internet.
And I was like, I want to, I really want to try it.

But I always,

I always always think that there's a way it's like i'd watch uh my started by playing silly songs on guitar like uh i my my big claim to fame is i do impressions of different artists playing uh different songs okay so i'd do the lead singer for the b52s doing jane says

jane says you know like and and then i'd and then i'd write funny songs about always to john cougar or john mellencamp because it was easy for me to wrap my head around so when people started doing guitar music i was like oh I'm going to jump into that real quick.

And the second I did, I was like, this isn't what I want to do. Yeah.
This isn't what I want to be. Wait, let's go back to our top five so we can round out here.

And then, guys, if you're interested, we're going to do a birdcast today. You can go over and listen to the birdcast.
But now we got our, it's got to be Leonard Skynyrd.

It's got to be Sweet Home, Alabama. Yeah.
Okay.

Marshall Talker band. Can't you see? Can't you see? That's the one.
You've been playing with them, haven't you? I've been working with the original drummer. Okay.
So what happened with that group was

Tommy Caldwell, he was kind of the band's leader, the bass player.

He died in 1980 in a car accident. And after he died, you know, the creative force in the band just kind of,

there just wasn't one. So in 1983, when Paul Riddle quit,

the band just kind of fell apart.

Doug Gray kind of bought the rights to the band's name because there's not a real Marshall Tucker in the band. So he bought the rights to the name.

The Marshall Tucker was like, that was the name on the lease for their rehearsal place.

That's how they got the name. So what we're trying to do now is like rebuild the legacy of the Caldwell brothers and me and Charlie Starr from Blackberry Smoke, Otil Burbridge from Dead and Company.

Otil Burbridge. O'Til's a bad motherfucker.
He's so great. He's a bad motherfucker.
He plays bass for the dead. Yeah.
Everyone that's, Yeah, but he's a bad motherfucker. And he's got a podcast.

If I'm not mistaken, he's got a podcast with.

He does. Yeah, you're right.
Yeah. Keep going.
Yeah. But, yeah, he's in the group.
And

we're playing Marshall Tucker band music. And it's called Toy Factory, which was the original name for Marshall Tucker band

before they named it Marshall Tucker Band.

So, okay, so it's Kansas T by Marshall Tucker Band.

And then

what was the other band we named? We named it Black Crows. Black Crows?

I mean, Remedies, one of the greatest songs of all time.

Sometimes Salvation would probably be my favorite Black Crow song.

She Talks to Angels was the one that

was the one that

was like their entry into the universe. I remember when that came out.
I mean, yeah, they blew up like

Remedy is probably the, okay, let's go to Remedy. And then what were the other bands? We named two other bands.
One was

Blackberry Smoke. Blackberry Smoke.

Feel a Good One Coming On. I'm going to name that one just because my wife and I's friend, Courtney Coble, who's one of the most hilarious people ever, she's a massive Blackberry Smoke fan.

And she met Charlie at our wedding. And she's like, I feel a good one coming on.
And Charlie like didn't react at all.

And I just thought it was the funniest situation of all time. So I text her that all the time.
But that's a great song.

But they got so many good ones. Did you have a line in this album that said living life in the mirrors or in the rearview mirrors? Yeah.

It hit me so hard today. It overwhelmed me.
It overwhelmed me.

And I was like, I wonder sometimes if you put song lyrics in and then we interpret them in such a deeper because I just thought, I thought you can't really drive if you're looking at your mirrors.

Yeah. Like you don't know where you're going.

And I was like, oh, fuck. And then I was like, and cocaine.
Yeah.

That's a crazy mirror to look into. Yeah, it is.

It's pretty jarring. It's a different guy.
It's a different guy. The lean down

is like, is, is who you are. That is who you are.
Yeah. You've never had a more down-to-earth moment with yourself than staring at yourself in that mirror about to do Coke.

It's pretty awesome. But the come up is like a brand.
It's like, it's like who you want to be. You're like, oh, this is the fucking man.

I could rip a tree out of the ground, but I'm not going to because I'm smart enough to know that everyone will know I'm like, oh, go I do. Yeah.

Yeah. And then what was the last? We had Leonard Skinner, Marshall Talker Band, Black Crows.
And then we named one more.

Almond Brothers. Yeah, Almond Brothers.
Man, I'd say Rambling Man is probably. That was their first number one.
Dickie Betts wrote it.

And it was post. It was like their first number one hit after Dwayne passed, and

Dickie really had to step into that leadership role in the group because Dwayne was the leader of the group, and he passed away on a motorcycle accident in 71.

And yeah, Ravelin Man,

if I'm not mistaken, I think they might have cut that at Criteria and Miami.

But brothers and sisters, they cut at Capricorn.

It's unimportant to the the story, but you really are a little bit of a Melissa. Yeah.
Was it Melissa? It's like,

there's this chick. Melissa in college had huge tits.
Yeah. And I learned that song.
And I was like, I'm going to fucking, in my head, I was like, she's never heard this song. Yeah.

I'm going to play this song. She's going to think I wrote it about her.
Yeah. And I'm going to get both of those tits tonight.
Nice.

And she came into my, into my room at ATO, and I was was like, here's the time.

Lit a cigarette, put it on my string. So it was wiggling, you know, it's really artsy.

And I started playing Melissa, and she goes, oh, the fucking Almond brothers and gun up, but left. I went, oh, oh, no.

Damn. I hooked up with her sister.

As you do. Yeah.

Yeah. I used to see a girl named Melissa and I did the same thing.
For real? Yeah.

Yes, sir.

Will you write a song called Leanne? And then I'll give you the lyrics. Yeah.
And it's like

it's called Oh Leanne, but it's not, it's not, oh, Leanne. It's och Leanne.

Right now as a comic, one of the things I'm working on is getting all her laughs. So she's got like three different laughs or four different, I'm getting down to five.
But

so like. All I'm doing is trying to make her laugh so I can learn all her laughs and then do them to my daughters.
Cause my daughters, I did one to my daughters, the ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

And my daughters are like, is that mom's laugh? And I was like, yeah, it's mom's laugh. And they're like, shut up, do another one.
And I was like, I'm working on them. That's so much.

It was so weird how my job is so different than yours, but it's also this playful world. Yeah.
You got to be, yeah, receptive. Yeah.

Yeah.

What do you think people will say about us when we're gone?

You first.

Do you want me to eulogize you or do you want me to eulogize me? I'll eulogize you. you.
You'd be good at

eulogizing yourself. I should do my own eulogy.
You should pre-type it. Oh, that's brand.
That's a great idea. I'll do it right now.
Okay. All right, here we go.

Please play this at my funeral.

I would like to thank everyone who came and curse everyone who didn't.

Bert Kreischer, myself, was a great man.

He was better than you think. But this is not going to go well.
I'm already like, dude, I'm fucking angry that people didn't show up at my wedding or my funeral. I want to know who I outlived.

Look to your left, look to your right. Is Tom there?

God damn it. No,

I think all you need to know about Burt Kreischer

is he tried so hard to make you happy. That's all you need to know.
His only goal in life was to make you happy. And

he's going to miss this life so much. God, man, I'm going to miss life so much.

I'm so bummed that I don't think I die because it hadn't happened yet, you know? But like, I kind of think like,

fuck.

I'm going to miss it so much. I kind of wish, like, I don't mean I don't wish, but I told Tom this one time, but I was like, if I had a button that could end the whole world,

I'd press it as I died and be like, no one gets to live.

And he goes, I can't believe you just said it out loud.

I said, you wouldn't do that. He goes, no, I wouldn't do that.
I want my kids to fucking have kids.

I was like, I want mine to die with me.

I want everyone to die with me. I don't want anyone to get, no one gets to live if I don't get to live.
If I get to live, everyone's going to die.

Oh, man. What would you say about Marcus King?

I mean, honestly, you said it.

I love that. I love that sentiment.
You know, I was,

you know, it resonates with me because all I really want to do is make you happy. All you, I'm telling you, you, when I'll tell you, I'll tell you about you.

As a fan of you, for all three of your seven albums.

How did I get so late to the game?

The first one I got was 2020

and then 2022.

And then

the one that had Delilah on it. It is, I mean, to be fair, it is kind of confusing because I put out three solo albums because I thought it would make sense because my band wasn't on them.

Yeah.

And

I got. Yeah.

So, like,

Youngblood. I got El Dorado.
Eldorado was the first solo album. I got a Grammy nomination for that one.

And then Youngblood

was the next one. And like, Youngblood, I was so fucked up making that record.
Like, I'm so surprised that it even got made.

But there's a beauty to it, though, because I kind of just leaned into what I was comfortable with. And then, mood swings was the next.

Uh, yeah, I got Eldorado, Youngblood, Mood Swings, and Darling Blue. That's the ones I have.
We gotta update that album artwork on there on Google. Um, but I'll tell you, your music,

for anyone who doesn't know, and I guess this could be played at your

funeral, you have lived your life

out loud,

opened up, and shared all your scars and your pain and your joys and your questions and your loves and your fears through music

with

possibly the biggest gift we've gotten in the music world, which is you as an artist. And you've done them selflessly for people to, hopefully people share in them.

And from someone who struggles with almost every one of your vices and one of any of your insecurities, I thank you because your music, I can listen to it on a plane and throw on some sunglasses and cry and feel it.

And

your voice is just like

so, so,

so warming.

It's like, it's like, it's like your voice is like when it's a cloudy day at the beach, but there's one hole in the cloud and then sun shoots down on the ocean and you watch that sun creep to you as the clouds move, and that hole stays there.

That's your voice. Your voice is like a ray of sunshine.
Thanks, man. I love you to death, man.
Love you, brother.

Bert and Tom, Tom, and Bert.

One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories, and Bert's the machine.
There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call two bears, one cave.