We're Hungover feat. Daniel Sloss

Today,

in 2013,

I did the vulnerability.

Video, like,

obtain Wi-Fi in Mazuin with local with ATNT Fiber with O-Fi.

ATNT connected the change.

ATNT Fiber has limited the service that covers Wi-Fi extended ATNT with carbon distinction.

Samuel!

Samuel!

That can't be racial!

70% of my fans are ugly!

Let's do another one.

Try again.

I am Auntie Donna.

30% of us are possibly ugly.

Yes.

Oh, forget it.

This is boring.

I want to go.

You're listening to the Arnie Donna podcast.

The greatest fucking podcast in the world.

Brown like a tack and sometimes a guest.

We hope you enjoyed the motherfucking podcast.

Hey, boys, how you going?

Yeah, all right, mate, but maybe had a couple too many brewskies last night.

I reckon I'd be better after a big greasy breakfast.

Oh, I need to have a baroca.

Oh, hi, special guest, Daniel Sloss.

How are you feeling, mate?

I really like how you went from greasy breakfast to Baroca.

Greasy breakfast for my culture.

Baroca for your culture.

We love a greasy.

Yeah, you're from Scotland.

You love beers as much as us, don't you?

Brown food.

Yeah, yeah, and Broden, Bro Liquor.

Yeah.

Hey, boys, how you going?

Oh, Broden.

Not too loud.

Bit quieter, please.

Bit quieter, please.

You were still going pretty hard when I went home last night.

I don't even remember.

I went home.

I said, look, I better head home.

It's pretty late.

Look over the other side of the dance.

Broden's on his third bloody cocktail dance in the night away.

Did you?

Oh, you must be.

Your thighs must be killing you after all the worm.

You were doing the worm for eight hours

straight.

Worm?

Until he picked me up from the airport.

He picked you up worming.

While doing the worm again, you sit on us for

going out, having beers with a Scotland person.

Hang on, time out.

Are you telling me I picked you up from the airport?

Yeah, while doing the worm.

No.

Yeah.

While doing the worm, so you rode him like

June

from COVID.

People

instantly get a movie.

Can I submerge how fucking

hungover you are?

Could I submerge in the soil and burrow down?

I think the way I imagine it is you are just a man doing the work, but you're doing it for kilometres and kilometres.

But Daniel is in full June set get up.

He hooks into you, rides you with like goggles, right?

I didn't have this F on because you know their culture is not my costume.

So

I wouldn't win the full thing.

that tells me i had one too many too many brewskis yeah that's what it tells me yeah i totally respect what you're saying about you know we would never speak for the people of arrakis

i just want to be really clear here um he wasn't dressed like someone from arrakis no no he wasn't

he was pissing in his clothes though and then and then filtering that in back into his i don't think there was any filtering going on there was no filtering no no no no i think he was just trying to show us his cool trick.

Wow, wow.

And they never had weapons of mass destruction.

No, no, and I've had to take the term worm jockey out of my lexicon because it turns out that it's just a slur for them.

Yeah, yeah.

What's a lexicon?

Alexicon.

Alexis.

Is it like a Pokemon?

Alexis.

I did a show.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Alexicon is.

His name is Alexi Comic.

No, I'm trying to steal his money, so I'm an Alexicon.

It's like Comic-Con, but it's just about Alexi.

Alexi Polyopolis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's at every book.

Are there any other Alexis?

Alexi Sale?

Yeah.

Alexi Sale, yeah.

Not only is there more than one Alexi, there is more than one Alexi in

the alt comedy space.

Oh, too many.

That's how I know I've had too many.

Too many Alexis, too many Brewskis.

Yeah, do you know what?

You know what you did last night?

I do not want that.

I do not want.

Because I can't remember.

I remember anything,

You recreated 1917.

Yeah.

Yeah, all your favourite elements of 1917.

So really?

Did I get like a full camcorder and everything?

It was stunning.

You did it in one breath.

Wow.

But because you were drunk, we saw the seven cuts.

Yeah.

I knew it.

I knew I'd fuck up the cuts.

Yeah, I tried to get a few quick, but that's crazy.

I recreated 1917.

And you killed Joffrey's little brother.

Wow.

And it did not.

Joffrey's little brother in there.

Yeah, yeah.

He's the one that gets stabbed by the fucking milk guy.

Wow.

The milk guy stabs Joffrey's little brother?

I had no idea.

That's the name of the episode.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

You'll probably don't even

remember that.

No, I'm in battle.

Yeah, I remember.

Do you remember this?

Right, this guy.

I'm at the bar getting a couple of beers, right?

I go, where's the bartender?

I look over the bar.

The guy's dead.

don't say

don't tell

him tell him what i did with my hand the knife from that they used to cut the lemons he stabbed him 43 times honestly i was so drunk man i like i barely even remember it dude and now he's got a scottish passport yeah it was yeah they instantly

the scottish government came in anything above 40 stabs and they're like there you go now just say you're glad the queen's dead and it's all yours

i know you're taking the piss but they probably would do that.

Yes, we probably would do that.

It was so funny.

I regret that.

I was like, who killed this cunt?

And Mark was like, guilty.

Yeah, it was me.

The last five or six stabs, I shouldn't have done it.

I was already done.

At that point, it's like, there's no self-defense argument there.

You are straight to first degree, buddy.

Yeah, man.

Oh, mate.

You probably should have stopped at three or four stabs, mate.

He's just making a couple of extra wind hauls.

yeah just so it goes faster

like threw him out the window oh man i shouldn't have done it it was fun though no regret i live life with no regret i need a panadol yeah you do yeah how about a neuromole mate maybe oh what's that both yeah a bit of both yeah yeah yeah so that's panadidol takes a bit of panadol takes a bit of neurophen which is an ibuprofen so ibuprofen then paracetamol you have them both and then the pain hopefully goes away yeah i have eight at a time yeah what are your poos like my My poo is just solid as a fucking brick.

You could break.

I would have thought the opposite.

No, you can break a window with it, mate.

Yeah, to get so they can't come out of the art hole anymore.

Surgery.

Yeah, off the top surgery.

He's hard.

Yeah.

It was stone.

I got this like

weird memory, right?

Come on.

I got this weird memory.

About

slosh, or as we call him, sloppy slosh.

Sloppy slosh.

Sloppy slosh.

He's got this like vague memory.

Dude, were you like.

did you like chop off your arms and replace them with fish at one point?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I really regretted it.

Yeah, fuck it up.

And then I couldn't convince the fish to put the arms back on.

Oh, because you'd have to use them.

How'd you get your arms back?

Yeah, come on, man.

Well, to be fair, it did make wanks a lot better.

Oh, really?

It's basically the suck job at that point.

I'd love to try that.

Scaly, scaly.

But it's like a fish suck job.

That's

cold and wet.

Yeah, well, more damp.

Yeah, just like cold and wet.

Cold and damp.

You wanking with cold and damp fish.

Sometimes.

Are you wanking with cold and damp fish?

Sometimes I get a toe let.

Yeah.

That's a female towel.

Yeah.

I put it in the freezer just for a couple of minutes, not before it freezes up, just so it goes real cold.

And I'll fuck it.

Yeah.

Cold and damp.

Now it's time.

It's a snowman.

Yeah, home to play.

Is this a real thing Mark did at some point?

Burns.

No, I never did.

Have you ever played?

No, I did.

Nah,

you'll never know.

You'll never know.

What is the response?

Here goes a question real quick.

I'll tell you.

I don't go on that.

Go on that one.

What'd you fuck, mate?

All right, it's going back.

It's going back a couple of days.

Yeah.

Nah, years, years.

So,

you know, I was a fan of a website called Jack and World,

which had

gray-led drawings and instructions of how you could pleasure yourself in a variety of different ways.

A lot of different ways.

One of the things they suggested was you get a freezer bag.

You line that up with some sort of Vaseline.

This might not be the first time this has been done on this podcast.

Definitely not.

And Neville might not be the only one that's talked about doing this.

Oh, Jack and World, yeah.

Jack and World, yeah.

You're saying

J-A-C-K-I-W.

Jack'n.

Jacket.

So it's literally just ways to

explain with HTML text and grey-lead drawings.

So this is the thing about the World Wide Web.

Before it got sort of, before the big tech companies closed it off and it was all just social media, it used to be a portal, right?

And when we're talking about this website, I don't want you to think about, oh, just a website, a page.

It was a portal to a world of jackets.

Yeah, it was our men.

A world of jacket.

That's a great story, Mark.

Yeah, so, well, no, this.

I told the sad portal.

I needed.

I was just trying to,

this was your sort of first, like,

last turn off before Ballarat kind of situation.

Oh, well, yeah.

I'm almost certain you've talked about this story.

Oh, 100%, but I don't know if I've done it

where I've been saying that I actually did it.

Not in 300 episodes.

The character that I'm playing.

A duty or didn't, where'd that come from?

No, I did this.

Yeah, I know.

I'm so sorry, dude.

Last turn off.

That was a great story, Mark.

You don't want to hear it?

No, I'm giving you outs.

You fucked a bag of Vaseline.

Well, yeah, but it was a little more elaborate than that.

Yeah, because where's the purchase?

Well, first of all, I had to make sure that my parents were definitely away for two days.

Two days!

Because just on the off chance...

And no, I needed to make sure no one was coming in the house.

Because I needed to

get out.

Nobody was coming except for you.

I needed the house.

I needed the whole house for this.

Did you do that thing of like the full room check, even though you knew the house was free?

It was just, yeah, like, you know, you wake up, you're very confident, very, very confident.

Needed to be 100% confident anyway.

You get a freezer bag, line up with that sign.

You get two sponges.

Put them either side.

I didn't prompt you that much.

I kind of just, what did I say?

Either side of the...

There's more.

There's more.

I just don't know if we have to go

all the way here.

Fully in the nude at the kitchen table.

Mark.

There's a pillow.

Mark, there's a pillow.

There's a sponge.

There's more weenie in the bag lined with

the thing.

There's another sponge.

There's another pillow.

Great.

You press down on it.

And you go.

Are you happy now?

That's crazy.

Do you know what's crazy?

Are you happy, Mark?

I gave you many.

I made him laugh.

Multiple outs.

Do you know what's crazy?

The best sex.

The best sex of your life, Mark.

Yeah.

The best sex of your life.

You probably never beat how great that felt.

Well, when you're a boy.

When you're a boy, when you're a bad boy,

you're a good friend.

I know your mother.

I know you.

Fucking Vaseline Sponge.

Can't beat that.

Mark, I gave you multiple outs, Mark.

He's looking to the ground.

He's rubbing his head.

He's looking to the ground in shame.

Much like that day, I have to finish what I start.

I respect that, Mark, because I had to finish that bevy last night and I was hung over.

Have you guys ever had oral sex before?

Yeah, because do you want to know what it's like?

Given or taken?

Have you ever gotten oral sex before?

No.

No, well, do you want to know what it's like?

That's the wrong haul.

I want you to imagine fucking the little hole in a DVD of American Pie.

So sharp.

Sharp?

I don't think that's how it goes, Adam.

It's like, like, put your dick in the little hole of the American Pie DVD.

That's not how that story.

Yeah.

Because in that movie, on that DVD, were you to take that DVD out and not?

That's what he fucks.

At the start of the film American Pie,

he fucks the little hole, which was released, I think, before DVD was commonly available.

He fucked the little hole.

He fucked the DVD.

That's how you rewound it.

Oh,

and then you span it.

Yeah, you hit it to another blockbuster.

And the other person would take a bite.

Yeah, that's it.

Damn it.

it.

No, that's true.

That part is true.

That's why you had to shut down Blockbuster.

No.

Because people weren't fucking.

I'm so smart.

I'm so hungover.

But

no, if you were to play that DVD, one of the scenes in the movie

is

Eugene Levy's boy

fucking a DVD of the film you're watching.

That's crazy.

So

you're watching.

As we discussed, DVDs weren't over then, so ahead of its time.

Wow.

And what's really crazy is, and

there's proof of this.

There is evidence of this.

They've done scientific studies.

If you took your DVD and you wrote something on it, or if you made a mark on it, you put that in your DVD player, when the movie played, the DVD he's fucking in the movie would have the marking that you put on that.

So not only is he fucking any DVD.

That's not how I remember it.

There is proof that he is fucking the DVD you are watching.

Why is the movie called American Pie?

Then

that's because it's about fucking the DVD of American Pie.

It sounds more like something David Blaine would pull off.

Yeah, it sounds like a magic.

It sounds like David Blaine Chrysangel Blaine.

You don't pull off, you just fucking mind cunt or whatever his name is.

You just fuck it.

You don't pull off the dick, you just fuck the DVD.

And it's called American Pie because he's like, dude, Oral Sex feels like fucking the DVD of American Pie.

Where does it begin then?

It is, there is.

I mean,

greater minds than me have not been able to figure out this paradox.

Where did it begin?

Where did it begin?

We don't know.

Chicken and the egg.

Yeah, it's a real chicken and the egg situation.

It's a true...

Because, yes.

So the DVD.

I don't know, Bronen.

I think that fucking, I think American Pie, fucking the little hole in the DVD, is eternal, my man.

I think it is an eternal concept.

Well, I don't know it ever began.

I'm so hungover.

Yes, yes.

Is it in the Eternals as well?

Nobody knows because nobody watched that.

Oh, yeah, someone's got to watch it to find out.

Someone

watched it.

What brave individual, strong of heart in front of me, will watch Eternals.

Nobody.

Pray Camel Nangiani to get that fucking ripped for a movie that absolutely nobody watched.

Not only that, she never gave him a topless scene.

He showed up on set.

This is my favorite fact about that movie.

He showed up on set and she was like, you didn't have to do that?

No, I was like, I know.

I'm thirsty.

I'm really thirsty.

I haven't drunk water in seven years.

They said the same thing to Brendan Fraser in the set of the whale.

You didn't have to do that.

You didn't have to do that, man.

You fucking gross.

Yuck, you look disgusting.

Oh, that movie.

That movie.

What a movie.

What's that movie about?

That movie is about a director telling all the women to scream as loud as they can.

And lucky that there's actors that I know are good at it because it wouldn't have done any service to Sadie Sig.

It's about a director going, we don't need to do a screenplay, we've got the play.

No, shoot that.

Oh,

no play.

Yeah.

Oh, have you not heard of a play before?

Oh, a play is a brilliant play.

Oh, I go outside.

I know play.

Daniel Frows plays for work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he does something known as a one-man play.

Yeah.

He'll get up there and he'll go, he'll pretend he's just having a chat with the audience.

I don't even understand what a play is, so why are you giving me examples of, you know, you're a player?

I'm trying to break it down.

What is a play?

Willie Shake Pierre?

Willie Shake Pierre.

Yeah.

Willie Shake Pierre.

Famous fisherman.

What did he do?

Well, he shook his Willie off the end of a pier, and that's what he call it the whale.

That's the greatest.

He's Rollins answered to William Shakespeare.

He came up with the idea for the movie.

You can have your William Shakespeare wicked.

Willie Shake Shakespeare.

So guys, don't lead with that.

It gave Willie Shakespeare.

It's a strange culture.

Why are you leading with Willie Shakespeare?

He's actually up north.

He's called Bulby shakespeare

you go through

you got a real thick glaswegian accent you've never been to glasgow i don't know can you do an australian accent i i could only do an australian woman having sex okay go i'm gonna come i'm gonna come i'm gonna squirt

wow that's that mate that's that's what i know that's no that's what i sound like when i'm having that's a good mark too i'll fucking hoof it up my jacksie yeah that's mark hoofer up my jacksie hoof Hoofer up.

Why are you

doing that?

Oh my God.

Jesus, my God.

You're still drunk.

You're broken up.

You're still drunk, mate.

You have one woke clip go viral, and then you do this to prove.

We get it.

You're Angie.

Oh, my lord!

Can you, Mark?

Can you do in response?

Because that's a good mark.

You didn't know, but that's a good mark.

It is a good mark.

Can you do maybe your sloths?

You do a good me.

You do a really good.

I'm hungry first.

I'm third.

Do you see yourself in that?

Oh, my God.

What's me for our body?

Don't care.

I'll have a baby.

Oh, that's fat bastard.

That's as close as I can do to a baby.

I just want to be left alone.

I got two babies one a itch

lift

yeah

that's right

i fucked deep so i had a boy i did say i did say that yeah you did say that deep cums make boys shallow cums make girls

there's no scientific

boy cums are lazy so you put them right up next to the egg you're like fucking they go get in there

and then uh girl girl sperm can take direction.

Oh.

I don't, I don't, I don't.

Isn't

it?

Yeah, I don't know if they're quiet.

No, yeah, because

sperms, the babies, the eggs of the house.

Oh, sure.

Yeah,

and they live in the house.

Sure, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They go in there.

Oh, okay.

I have two kids.

I've seen listening.

I know Zach.

I've known Zach for a long time.

He is speculative.

He's, what's the word?

He's a non-believer.

Cynical.

He's a common cynic, yes.

What did I say?

I think you said skeptical.

Did I say skeptical initially?

You said cynical.

Cynical.

I often cynical.

I'm skeptical.

I wouldn't say I'm cynical.

I mean, I might be wrong.

I think you said skeptical.

Did I say skeptical?

I think

skeptical.

You said he's a receptive.

And I'm ready for any of you.

He's a receptacle.

I call him a bin.

I'm ready to debate any of you.

I just want you to know I'm ready to debate any of you.

So come at me.

Oh, we're going to do Jubilee.

You want to do Jubilee?

We're doing Jubilee.

I'm doing Jubilee.

I'm a skeptic.

I'm surrounded by

what's your position?

My position is I'm a skeptic and you're all believers.

This of whatever you want to do.

Has taken a dramatic turn.

But then you have to say, like, my belief, I believe that

you've never watched a full episode of that.

You got to say what you believe.

You have to stay where you believe, and then we have to fight to get to the chart.

Hi, my name is Richard Dawkins, and I believe that there is no God, and science is the answer in skeptical thinking.

That's a different jubilee.

Yeah, no, no, I'm just

oh okay.

If there's no God explain this.

So what you're doing here is you're making your hands go wiggly.

I guess you're making an argument for I guess

intelligent design.

But I guess maybe what would you explain that and how would you explain that?

There you go.

All right next up.

Fuck you call me.

Yeah, I'm the best debater on all of the internet.

Come on, come at me.

Was his.

To be fair, that's like being the straightest Frenchman.

Was his Scottish racist, would you say?

No,

you can't be racist to the Scots.

And if you find a Scottish person who accuses you of racism, you're allowed to fucking kill that guy.

Wow, yeah, right.

Is that

legally?

Wow, wow, we're not going to be able to do that.

I don't know why Scotland Yard is in England.

If I said something like offensive to Scots, I wouldn't, because I have, I am, you know, half

said something.

Do you remember the mushroom thing you said to me?

All your food all the time.

All your food is saltless mush.

Disgusting people with saltless mush.

You're a scum people.

The moment I cross the border, the moment I cross the border to England, I've tasted salt for the first time in a month.

The fact that you offer salt as an option at fish and chip shops is an indictment on your entire people.

Is that what I said?

I took you all out for Scottish lunch because you'd never had it before.

And I was very...

Oh, yeah, you took us for your parents.

I thought about that the other day.

Is this when I said the offensive thing?

Oh, God, what did I say?

You said it to his mother.

Oh, God, what did I say?

We took you out for the food.

And I was because you, because we'd had a similar discussion, you were like, Scottish food, shit, and I'll take you out for the best Scottish fucking food.

You were like, it's all tasteless.

It's a Mr.

Jamie's Italy.

Playing Hollywood on fucking the Royal Mile.

It was right beside him.

And then, like, the first two courses was,

there was flavour in it, but it was objectively mush.

It was a lot of mush.

We had haggis.

You gave us a haggis.

Haggis, they put a crispy.

To give it some texture.

And when I took that bite, I was like, thank God.

But the only reason they gave that to you is because when you walked in and you had teeth, they were like, okay,

tell the chef it's like.

They're crunching and munching.

There's some crunching boys.

Oh,

these look like they want some crunching.

These look like some crunching, boys.

I can't do it with the Scottish accent on that.

No, you do a great job.

It's wonderful.

Can you say these look like some crunching boys?

What did I say?

Is that what I said?

Do you know what I want to repeat on it?

No, no, no, it was just that I was so desperate to try to impress you with Scottish food.

You were like, it's all tasteless mission.

Is it because you have no teeth?

Did I say no teeth?

You're all right, we don't have teeth, either.

Love the Scottish people, you know.

My grandfather was Scottish, I never got to know him.

And if you're a Scottish person listening, love you all.

And I'm 20% Scottish, I think.

Yeah, of course you are.

You're white Australian.

I love the Scottish people.

Never got to know.

Oh, wait, no, sorry.

It's the Irish passport I can get.

Fuck it.

The way better passport.

Way better.

Scottish passport can get you into England.

Oh, yeah.

But can I, Maybe if I walk into a shop and go, I want an Ambre,

they'll be like, and I show them my passport.

Maybe they'll give me one.

I bought Iron Brew and Sydney the other day.

Ironbrew is still owned by a family.

They didn't sell it to Coca-Cola.

It's one of the only places in the whole world where you can buy Ironbrew and more so than Coca-Cola.

Nope, for meth.

What?

Yeah, no, Coke stole the house.

Jesus

open.

Because of your accent.

I just thought you said.

No, no, no.

It's meth.

Because of his accent?

I thought he said...

No, no, no.

Not iron brew.

It's meth.

Methylated spirits.

Oh, no.

Methylphetamines are the number one thing.

Does methylated spirits outsell iron brew?

Fucking from a bunch of Aussies this is, but we like heroin.

We like her normal.

You're seeing T2 still.

T2!

I've seen Terminated 2.

Solwin Breakfast.

Scott.

That's some Suchong.

Scottish.

It's too many tattoos now.

Sorry, can I do my song, guys?

Now, can I do a Hey Hey, Saturday?

Yeah.

Now, off this album here, it's Zach.

He's just touring Australia now.

He's doing fantastic.

It's Zach with what countries do what drugs?

I like heroin.

I like meh.

Thank you.

Good night.

Gong.

Red sign, red gongja, mate.

Red gongja.

I'm going to turn the chair back around.

Do you understand this reference, Daniel Sloss, of red gonging?

He understands the heroin myth.

Red Gong.

But no, what about

if I say red gongja?

Red gong, no.

Gong is like a gong show thing.

Not a red gong.

No, so the gong show was stolen from a concept called red faces on Hey Hate Saturday.

Before that, there was no gong show.

Yeah.

Is that true?

Are you claiming the US invented the fucking gong show?

No, it's true.

Red faces invented the gong show.

No, we didn't.

Yeah, absolutely.

So here's what happened, right?

I don't know.

We were on the other side of the world.

There was no internet.

Yeah.

Sometimes some of us would go over to Edinburgh and see the world.

Worst, worst internet in the world.

How dare you?

Call yourself a first world customer.

That's it.

I'm going to write an email about that.

And then it would take a while.

Yeah, we do have terrible internet.

Yeah.

And terrible cocaine.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, real bad cocaine.

A lot of bacon soda in it.

Yeah, and a lot of methabetamines, too.

Not that I do it.

No.

I don't do it anymore.

I've been glass.

You and me,

we're nightmares to do cook with because of these joint things.

Yeah, I take up the whole bag in one short sniff.

That's a nose joke.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We've got big schnaws.

What do you think of my nose?

I think it's a very...

Has it been broken before?

No.

What do you like it to be?

Oh.

Oh, la la.

That's a physical threat.

Stellar.

Yeah, it's the hangover.

It's the hangover mate.

I forgive you.

Do you know, I used to have a big nose when I was a kid, and then I grew into it.

And now, if anything, I'd argue I have a small nose.

I just kept growing.

It was like this moment when I was about 13.

I was like, ah, finally, my nose is just right.

And then I kept growing.

I was like, no, no, no.

Yeah, there we call it tiny nose.

Tiny nose, McGee.

Don't walk down the street with him.

That guy's got a tiny nose.

Yeah, what happened to your nose?

Oh, there it is.

It was just now I can't.

People are mad.

Have you ever seen someone and gone, that guy guy has a small nose?

Not a small nose.

Voldemort?

Voldemort has a tiny nose.

No nose.

Tiny.

Did he have a nose in the way that you go on like a Vietnamese train and then you go to the toilet and you're like, where's the toilet?

Yeah.

Right.

Why?

As in who does that?

Who's that now?

When you go to Vietnam, you get on like a traveling overnight train.

What's that a comparison to?

Voldemort's nose.

He doesn't have a

nice name.

But like, you know, when you go into those toilets in like Asia?

Yeah, and there's a hole instead of a squat toilet.

Yeah.

That's Voldemort's nose.

So you're not saying there's no nose.

What you're saying is the nose is a hole

and it doesn't have the infrastructure.

It's like Henry the Hoover without the attachment.

I believe Voldemort would still call what I call the lack of a nose.

I believe he would call it my nose.

You'd say, I have a nose, Harry.

This is my nose.

My nose, Harry Morton.

Oh, yes, that's right.

This is my nose.

I think the lack of a nose.

I'm just a small bump.

I got off with the Qantas.

Have you been to the toilets in Vietnam on the overnight train?

Harry Potter.

One time I got off with a Qantas air host.

And dude,

Ray Fiennes.

Ray Fiennes.

Harry Potter.

He fucked a fight attendant for Qantas.

Like on the plane.

And then it was on the news.

Fuck you.

Our news media went wild.

It was breaking news.

Business or economy, do you think?

Business.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Really?

I got a foot job on a British UX flight at economy.

Really?

Yeah.

What?

Yeah.

Wow.

Was it just doing some labouring?

I did not know the woman who did it.

Oh.

What?

Wait.

What?

Whoa.

Economy?

Economy.

What?

What?

British Airways.

British Airways.

You didn't see the woman?

I was international from Chicago to London.

And

we had a little bit of light banner.

You didn't know the woman?

No, a little bit of light banner at the start.

I just imagine, because he didn't quite know, I just imagine the foot sort of slowly rising up under the blanket and then gripping

toes like that.

I'm seeing it fall scary movement of a bonobo ape like just

gripping it and then just

I don't know why that's in my hands.

Well, he see that

coming up.

It's not from it's over or from

sorry, you're explaining explaining.

Yeah, a BA, a British Airways.

Can I just say before you talk?

Business?

No, economy.

Economy.

So I am interested in the circumstances, the psychology, how

I'm not sure.

I'm more.

I've got

a lot of people.

That would have helped in that situation.

That makes a lot of sense.

She moisturized up her foot.

No!

But I'm more interested in the

row, where you were.

So you do need to talk about

stage.

Is it like a 14 or a 12-hour flight?

What are we talking about?

Chicago to London, I believe.

10, 10, 11?

And have you been, you had been fed breakfast or dinner?

Have they put you to sleep?

Dennis?

Nighttime.

Nighttime flight?

It couldn't have been good.

It was surprisingly accurate.

I don't understand.

Was it clasped with both feet?

I'm fully on board.

I'm fully on board with

it was good.

But now what we're

excellent.

You said it's a good thing.

Now Mark is trying to demonstrate here, and this is why I need to understand

the

graceful and lithe, but yeah.

But first,

where are we?

Where is live?

If she's dishing them out in a flight, it's not her.

Where are you?

Where is she?

Middle roll, four, seven.

Middle roll.

Middle roll, ball.

So is this a 3-3-3?

It's a 3-4-3.

3-4-3.

3-4-3.

And you're in the middle of 4.

But we're the only two in that.

Lucky

in the middle.

In the middle.

Okay.

Oh, no, no.

I'm aisle is there.

She's there to there.

At one point, we're like, well, maybe we'll move up.

We don't say.

Well, hang on, what?

What?

So there's four in the middle.

Four in the middle.

But two people occupying four.

Two people occupying four.

You're on an aisle, she's on an aisle.

No, no, no.

She's beside you.

No, she's next to you.

Next to me, and then there's two spare seats on her left.

And you didn't say to her, can you move to the fucking aisle?

No, no, no.

No, especially because we started.

It was light banter.

It was light banter.

And they might get to that.

Yeah.

Broden Kelly's here going, God, all the times I asked them to move, I bought, I could have got myself a foot job.

I'm thinking back at all the times.

I imagine

once you got to the end of it, she moved.

Oh, no, no.

Way worse.

Wait, there were snuggles.

No.

Yes, I think this is where we're coming.

All right, let's start with the music.

What roads are

there?

Economy, right?

So we're there.

You're in the middle.

This might be too much to ask, but do you know what kind of plane it was?

Was it a triple seven?

Was it an Airbus A380?

What are we talking here?

It was a big, I guess it's a big international plane, yeah.

International plane.

Because I can look up British Airways fleet if you want.

I'll be able to remember.

I remember there's 30.

343, you know.

So I go to put him on my.

You don't forget your first ever plane foot job.

No, please.

No, no, no.

I've forgotten all the ones since.

Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Let's start with Numero Uno.

Yeah.

All right, you're sitting there.

You're sitting there.

Light banter.

Light batter.

Light banner.

Probably a dreamliner.

Probably.

And let me tell you, what a dream.

Now, are you on the

pilot?

We're facing the pilot.

Now, this is for no practical reason.

I just want to build the picture in my mind.

You're facing the pilot, right?

Are you on the left?

About two rows in front of us is like the wall, but beyond that is still more

before we get to the bottom.

It's a little bit more than that, like kitchen area.

Are you on the left or the right?

I'm on the right of the aisle.

She's in this one there.

There are two empty seats.

Then there's another aisle and the three seats.

Great, great, great, great, great.

It's a half-filled flight.

So, like, when they come down to give us some

drinks before the food,

I'm like, I'll just have a red wine.

She's like, I'll have a champagne.

And the British Airways stewardess is like, there's barely anyone on this.

Have fucking two each.

And we both go, oh, that's good.

Food jobs.

Food comes out.

Another two bottles of drinks each.

Food comes out.

Sounded like you said food comes out.

Not yet, food.

Thank you.

All right.

All right.

We're watching two separate films.

Yeah, what are you watching?

Oh,

I said that's the bit I remember.

You don't remember?

Twitter?

Anyway, that's Australia Reverend.

I was watching The Bit in American Pie where they fucked them up.

I love that.

Callback.

All right, so you're on the plane.

Well, in that circumstance, are they fucking like a screen on a British Airways?

Or do they still fuck a DVD?

No, no, and Eugene Levy is wanking him off with his feet in this.

That's crazy.

That's crazy.

It's mental.

Go on.

So we were sitting there, and then

I'm going to say we've had about five-minute conversation.

She's from Sweden, but she's like half Filipino.

I'm like, I'm from Scotland.

We talk about work for a bit.

We're watching the movies.

Meal finishes.

Treys go up.

Crucial part.

You didn't know you was a comedian?

No.

No, this is well before, like, well before Netflix and everything.

This is just.

Oh, also, could you not tell?

I was in economy.

Of course, of course.

So I got my blank over me, she's got her blank over her, and then without any introduction or any questions, she just raises her hand over.

She unzips my

trousers, and she just starts jerking me off.

That's not a foot, though.

Well, yeah, you're a liar.

So

I think we're going to get to the foot.

This man to this point has only got a hand job.

Yeah.

Well, she weakened.

All right, let's see where this goes.

She's a literal dog, and and I can't tell what we're doing.

Gives me a hand job to completion.

I come into the British Airways.

I come in the British Airways.

Jesus, Mark.

You know, I said, I gave a more filthy story before.

We're just going to have to rate this episode triple H.

That's so funny.

This is that you are the one who created this episode.

Who went beat through, beat by beat, going through fucking a cushion, a frozen cushion no it wasn't the

cushion wasn't frozen

and also the cushions were the butt cheeks and the sponge was the okay all right all right all right go on what's happened to this pond the last few weeks no we've had some vile fucking podcasts xxx episode xxx2 right

come in the blankie yep right stuff under the seat in front of us she's like we should probably show a blanket now and i'm like that makes sense she throws it over us now if you're me you go this way okay she's then put her headphones have never, she didn't even pause the fucking movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So she, then about 10 minutes, later, 15 minutes later, I'm still there, like, what's going on?

And she's she's doing this.

Her feet are over me.

Like, her legs are

like this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Congrats on the Aaron Williams, yeah.

You have them floating.

She socks barefoot.

Barefoot.

Okay, great.

And then on a fucking plane.

Yeah.

That's gross.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, she's taking them off.

Her shoes are down there, but she's taking them off there.

And then, like, 15 minutes after the previous one, with her feet, she manages to get my dick back out of my pants.

Well, boys,

I'm not hungover anymore.

I don't know.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're cutting.

It gets a bit worse.

So she gets your dick out of your pants with her nimble feet.

With her tiny little Filipino toes.

She unzips.

Her Filipino toes.

She's going to fly with her feet.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Unzips.

Well, to be fair, it might have still been down from the

bottom of the bed.

But she gets.

But she manages to avoid the teeth of the fly.

She didn't have any teeth on her feet, Mark.

No, I mean of your fly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This entire time, I've been assuming this is a human.

I'm not jeans on a plate.

This entire time, you got tracky dashboards.

So she's, it's just a

I need to say something very quickly because the nimbleness of the feet had me confused because we've heard a lot of details.

I've just assumed it was a human, not a cheeky orangutan.

It's true, orangutan

to negotiate bamboo trees.

Let's dig out under the blanket.

With her feet.

Two feet.

With the two feet.

Light, so she's now, you're sitting on the right, she's now lying.

Yeah, she's taken up the danger.

Has anyone noticed anything?

No, lights are down.

And

I'm constantly fucking looking, right?

Because I'm just like...

Are you laying?

She's laying.

I'm sitting.

What's your face?

I cannot believe.

I know.

I'd be like, I cannot.

Shocked face.

What is

you've shocked Mark Bonano?

That's why I came here, boys.

This is, I mean, this is the byline.

This is the promotion.

Mark Bonano.

Just because

I know little babies listen to this podcast.

So I know.

There's a link as well.

You won't believe what shocked Mark.

We got a thumbnail, boy.

That shot of Mark shocked.

And like,

Mark Bonano shocked.

You won't believe what shocked everyone.

Here's the context,

including Mark.

Let me get this little piece of audio and video for that promo.

Man, Mark, you're like the craziest guy I know.

I can't believe you're shocked about this.

Yeah.

And can you get like something you're going, whoa, whoa?

Great.

All right, carry on.

Go on.

He dicks out.

Between her pair of Jordans.

she does that.

I do another.

We then have to get that blanket, then goes under the sea again.

But there's four blankets

and four pillows.

So we get the other blankets.

Yeah.

Four pillows.

We only need two pillows, Mark.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, go to the flight attendants.

Sponges.

Yeah, flight attendants.

Can you please put these in the freezer?

I'll get them from you instead.

My friend that's being jerked on by this beautiful person over here has let me have two pillows.

14.

Excuse me, Miss.

Child!

Excuse me, Miss.

Can you put these in the freezer?

In the cabin.

I told myself that year I was never going to have sex.

I was like, it's never going to happen for you.

I planned to fuck them after the movie.

Sorry.

I've done my check up.

I go to the

go to the bathroom.

I remember the...

This came from Remember Minds?

Remember Christ?

I remember

standing in front of the mirror in the toilet looking at after getting a hatch up before Joe from a woman I didn't on a plane and just saying to myself in the mirror nobody is ever going to believe you.

Like nobody is ever going to believe you.

And she was good looking.

Have you told this story before

this story publicly before?

I might have told her on

yeah I I mean, I've bragged about this budget because Grace.

Has he made it into a show before?

No, no, no, no, no.

I think you just maybe uncovered some new material.

Yeah.

Wow.

I get back to my seat.

She's got the third comfrey blanket.

We're getting that.

And boys,

I've had like a bottle and a half of wine, and I've done two cums.

I passed the fuck out for the remaining seven hours.

I'm fine with British Airways' next chance, I get.

And I'm sitting next to you.

We sit down for our flight.

He's turned the lights off.

The lights got off.

You put the tray up.

You put the tray up, and then you're like, Robin to say, brother.

Can I have these pillows?

Do you mind if I borrow your pillow?

Going to fuck them.

Do you have any pussy-coloured sponges

from there?

No, we're just yellow and green.

It's Australian, very patriotic.

Green and gold.

A great story.

Can I, Rick, when you work it into your show?

Because you're a great storyteller.

And also, you often

go from funny and then you often make very profound and powerful points.

Can you make it not the funny story at the top?

Bring it a profound ending.

And then

people reconciled their parents somehow, somehow, man.

To his son to be a story.

I realized in that moment it wasn't about the foot job.

It wasn't about that on the plane.

It was about that.

And that's why you've got to talk to your friends.

Get them out there.

You've got to sort it out.

That's what you've got to do.

Because that's your foot job on a plane, a British Airways.

Just you posting, you posting after it goes on HBO, you posting a bunch of screenshots of DMs of like, hey, man, I just got a foot job on a plane because of you.

Hey man, I just gave my first plane.

You gave me the courage to

just you with a really stern look on your face is called foot job.

Every time somebody bites their toenails, my clips go viral.

Well, wow, well, what?

That started, I just want to mark that started with Ray Fiennes.

Small nose

went from nose, your nose growing, to no nose to Vietnamese trains to

I,

When I brought up that fact about him, I thought, what am I doing?

There's nothing in this.

Incorrect.

Wow.

How wrong you were.

It's a wife you fled.

Wow.

The most morally bankrupt bit of the bit I do feel generally guilty about is she's like, where are you flying to?

And I'm like, I'm connecting to Edinburgh.

She was connecting to Stockholm.

And I was like, hey, I, at the bare minimum, owe you breakfast.

Like, you know, come on.

We get off the plane.

She's like, that's a great idea.

She's like, just give me five minutes.

I'm going to go into the bathroom, presumably to wash your feet.

And when she goes into the bathroom, I'm looking at the

thing.

And I realized that we weren't at the same terminal.

No, you're not.

And I just

left.

I ran and I left.

How old were you this son?

I was 26 or 27, and she was about 35.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Well, if you're listening, yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

If you're a fan.

Thank you.

If you're a fan of the Only Daughter podcast, I guess you could say she was my soulmate.

And we'll leave it there.

Why?

That was the perfect ending.

That was the perfect ending.

That was the perfect ending, Mark.

I suppose I have a dish cleaning mate then.

What?

I suppose.

A fairy mate.

Yeah, a fairy non-paramate.

I just love the idea of...

No, Mark.

I just realized, man, I've never actually met Mark's wife.

It could be a sponge.

We finally meet Mark's wife.

And it's two bags of Vaseline.

Sponge.

One bag of Vaseline.

One sponge.

Two pillows.

Nothing was cold.

I'd like you all to meet Mrs.

Banana.

Freshly refrigerated.

There's no refrigerator!

Oh, good.

All right.

It's a separate thing.

Daniel Sloss, thank you so much for joining us on the podcast.

See you next time.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by Auntie DonorClub.com.

See you next week.