A Scaffolding Free Episode

Today,

in 2013,

I did the vulnerability.

Video, like,

obtain Wi-Fi in Mazuin with local with ATNT Fiber with O-Fi.

ATNT connected the change.

ATNT Fiber has limited the case, which is the service that covers Wi-Fi extended ATNT with carbon distinction.

Right now

you're listening to the Honey Donner podcast, The greatest fucking podcast in the world.

Broden like a tech and sometimes a guest.

We hope you enjoyed the motherfucking podcast.

Hello, welcome to the Auntie Donna Podcast.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome.

Broden is not here.

Broden has a prior appointment.

Broden couldn't make it.

I was meant to organize a guest, but I didn't.

We've replaced

Broden.

If you want to see what we've replaced Broden with, I'm not going to tell you if you're just listening because for that, you've got to head over to Patreon.

Hilarious.

Patreon.com slash the Auntie Donna Club or just Auntie Donna Club.

I don't know.

I can't remember.

AuntieDonnaClub.com.

We bought the AuntieDonnaClub.com.

Check that out.

The Auntie Donner Club?

I can't remember.

It was

one of my last things that I did before we hired other people to do this.

Yeah, just Google it.

Don't be lazy.

Just Google it.

It's just as easy.

And then you just click through, just Google Auntie Donner and Patreon.

If you want to see the

hilarious hilarious thing, we put Broden's face, we printed, well, we didn't.

Our staff staff did.

Yes.

Our staffers.

Yeah, we have that.

Believe it or not, it takes many hands and many minds to make the Auntie Donner podcast run on the combustion

engine.

And instead of oil, we use giggles.

Giggles.

Our engine runs off giggles and the power and ad spend.

There's a beautiful sales team over here at Listener who are working relentlessly to

make us the money that we fucking deserve for doing this

every week.

Think about it.

Usually we write scripts, we have ideas.

Anyway, someone printed out Bronen's face, stuck it to the microphone.

Yeah, it's not that good.

Which one of his was it?

It was Nick.

Did Nick do it?

Nick did it.

And then

to go through it, Nick printed it out.

I don't know whose idea it was, but I'm pretty sure.

Feel free to jump in.

Nick's idea.

It was Nick's idea.

Nick did it.

Nick printed it out.

Lindsay came in,

put it on there.

Nick came back in,

rejust slightly, just kind of tweaked it.

Or in the film industry, because I guess we are filming this, I would say this term.

So any film heads out there or

any Teamsters

would know that we just, Nick came in, cheated it to the left.

Cheated it.

Cheated it to the left a little, which usually just means moving something slightly to the left or the right

For various reasons,

film heads out there, cinephiles, will know what I mean, but probably more Teamsters.

Teamsters are trucks.

No.

Or just people, you know, just general crew, your gaffers, your grips, your best boys.

No, that sort of thing, cheating it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So here's the story.

That's the origin.

That's the lore.

A lot of you probably don't know the inside of it.

You know, we try and kind of shield you from it.

It's no, you don't want to ruin that movie magic.

And you'd call it movie magic.

Yeah, it's movie magic.

It's magic.

There's magic to it.

There's magic in the edge.

In a way, this is a movie.

What?

This.

Oh, yeah.

There's moving images for some people.

Most people just listen to it.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah, the ones that don't cough up those

bucks.

We understand and we love

the ones that do but we love all our fans equally all of them equally um but but when you

well no all of our fans but if you are a patron

um

uh i uh i just can i can someone get me a piece of paper or something um oh i just i basically i want to write i actually love you more to the patrons and then so they can visually see it um i'm just trying to find a piece of patience to the patrons i don't have a piece of paper or a pen but can you imagine i've written I actually love you more, right?

And I'm holding that up to the camera so you can see that.

But to all the listeners, forget I just said that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, the ones and the patron ones, they're the ones who

you're keeping the mics on.

And that's a little turn of phrase that I've twisted and manipulated to suit.

the podcast

uh because usually it's to keep the lights on in a reference to electricity bills which are soaring now we got uh lindsay uh

outside our our producer.

How are you doing, Lindsay?

Very well.

Now you're our producer, yeah?

Yep.

Now Lindsay,

I meant to check this with you

before we did this podcast,

but I have made the decision to go full Kyle and Jackie O.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you are now going to be a character for this podcast and I'm going to make you do questionable things for the content.

We are...

No, I'm just joking.

No.

But yeah, we don't want to do shock jocking.

We're not shock jocks.

In fact, we let Lindsay do the hard work behind the scenes.

We thank the team, a listener, but we don't make them

this bet.

We don't make them.

You just do the comment.

Maybe let's just

talk about that.

We're not going to Carl and Jackie.

We're going to Carl and Jackie.

Don't worry about that.

We never would.

We respect you too much to ever do that to you.

And to our dear listeners.

To our dear listeners, we are going to go more shocking though.

Yes, we are tired of being

soft.

We are too soft.

Too soft.

Everyone's too soft.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Everyone, it's like everyone's made out of

John C.

Riley in Chicago.

And they're made out of...

I mean, cellophane's not soft.

No, it's more about seeing.

It's more about being noticeable.

I always notice cellophane.

If there's cellophane in a room, I'm like, wow.

Yeah, especially if it's...

Well, if it's,

he never says if he's a colored,

if he's like a blue cellophane or something.

But even if it's clear cellophane, if he's cut up into little strips, I think party time.

Well, yeah, but if he's one solid piece of cellophane that has been hung from

the tort, it's tight and it goes all over, you know, across the roof, all the way down the walls like a giant window.

And the lighting is just right.

I can imagine a scenario, a very particular scenario,

where I would just see through the, but then, no, I think just cellophane, you see through anyway, and that's more the metaphor.

Not so much that you don't notice it, more that you just see through it.

And it doesn't.

If someone stood up in a crowd

and raised his voice up, where I low.

Waved his arm and shook his neck.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know the words.

I just want to say we're not going to go full Kyle and Jackio.

We're not going to do that.

There will be no pissing and recording of the pissing and whatever else.

Did they record pissing?

They got their staffers, their female staffers, to piss and they recorded it and then they made other people guess who's who pissed.

We're not going to do that.

We're better than that.

We are better than that.

We are above that.

We are.

I don't know if we're above it, but it is

a bad choice.

It's a bad choice.

We are around the middle.

We fall somewhere between ABC and Kyle and Jackie Otto.

Yeah.

Closer on the spectrum to Kyle and Jackie O.

Yeah, we're not that dissimilar.

We just don't put at risk,

I guess,

the lives

and the

reputation of the people that work for us.

If we were to do a pissing-guessing thing,

the first piss clips that would be recorded would be the three of ours.

Yes, we would, I would never expect Lindsay

or Nick to piss into a bowl and record themselves if that was something I was not willing to do myself.

And in fact, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Most staffers of ours, unless they want to.

Unless they are.

fucking begging for it.

Unless we do a yearly review and we sit down with any of our staff

at Auntie Dotter or Haven't You Done World Productions.

Yes, and we say, what would, well, we wouldn't say this.

No.

Georgia, our general manager, would say this.

Say, what is it that you want to get out of the new year?

Yes.

And what do you want to get?

You know, we want more people tuning in.

Or if they say, oh, I'd love more responsibility around editing or maybe I want to do more around the social media stuff.

If, and Lindsay's not our staff, Lindsay is a staff member of Listener.

Yes, we don't pay Lindsay

wage and

listener.

yeah, yeah.

But if one of our staff members said in that meeting, said, Well, one thing I would love to do is piss and record my piss and have people guess.

Yes.

I think we would be open to accommodating that, but they would have to bring that to us.

It would need to come from them.

We are not.

We are not the kind of bosses.

We are not the kind of bosses who would demand the recording of the business.

You would even ask.

Or ask.

Or ask.

I would never ask.

But I also want to be very clear.

Yes.

We are not the kind of bosses that would reject

or curtail

our staffers' desire to record themselves pissing.

I think that's a that's a it's a noble

uh it's it's it's something noble to aspire to to want to record yourself pissing and then have someone else be able to guess whether it was you or not.

That is some that is a source of pride for some people.

And if one of our staffers Jim

if one of our staffers came to us in a desperate plea to have the sound of him pissing recorded

and then have our audience try to guess whether he went into the studio and they guess yes yeah yeah yeah right try to guess whether it was him or another one of our staffers not one of us

but if jim went I just want to know

if a listener of this podcast could be able to tell the difference between me pissing and

another staffer, then

in that very particular circumstance.

Well, can I actually say what I would say to Jim in that circumstance?

Yeah.

I'd say, Jim.

I respect your desire to piss and record it.

Can I have to check with Jim?

Lindsay, make a note to check with Jim that he's okay with this episode.

Now, I would say, Jim, we can beep the name out.

I think Jim would be all right with it.

Oh, he'd love it.

The last time I was speaking to him, he was asking about recording his piss and more.

I would say other people could come in and guess whether it was.

I said, Jim, if you want to record your piss

and have people guess if it's you pissing,

go for it.

Well, I would also say,

but, but, but, but, Jim.

but

and a big but

and actually an and and if you want to do it on our time and on our podcast yes

but

you've said

you want to them to compare

your piss sound with the piss sound of another staffer well yeah he said he wants them to be able to guess whether it was him or not and and I would argue to Jim, I would say to Jim, I go, Jim, that's all very well and good.

And we are happy to accommodate you.

You know, whatever you need.

That's what you need.

If that's what you need, but

if you're the only one.

And I would say, Jim, I, in my position of power,

am not comfortable asking anyone else to piss in order to have this guessing game.

Yes.

So you're going to have to take that up with your union rep.

Who is you?

Who is you, Jim?

And you're going to have to work with the staff.

And I'm going to need multiple staff members coming to me with this request.

Minimum two.

Minimum two.

Minimum you and someone else.

I don't want to know that you're pressuring them into this either.

I want yeah but check you know I check his drawer for knives every morning to make sure that there's no

violent threatening of the other staff.

This is not because he's done this.

No, no, no.

This is just if this were to happen, this would be any staff member.

If any staff member

endways to check your staff's draw for

knives or sharp objects, shivs, things that could be

fashioned into knives, just to see if there's any sort of threatening of physical violence to get other people into a piss competition, a piss sounding,

a piss-sounding comparison competition.

Because,

look, you know, when we started, we never wanted to be bosses.

That's not why we got into this.

We got into this to be

comedian losses.

Blosses?

And there was a huge misunderstanding.

So I said, I'd like to be a boss.

And then other people were like, all right, well, then let's set up a production company.

And I wouldn't say I am a boss.

What is a blossom?

It's not a thing.

And that's on me for making up a thing that has no meaning.

Yeah.

You know, I said, I want to be a boss.

And when people would say, what does that mean?

I'd say, I don't know.

Yeah.

Right.

But we'll find out.

Yeah.

And that's what it's about.

We'll find out, and that's what it's about.

Full disclosure, I know some of you are listening thinking, wait a second, Kyle and Jackie pissing.

This is all sounds a lot like 2024 news, but it's 2025.

Well, we've got a secret.

We've been holding on to this podcast.

We haven't banked any other podcasts, but we've been holding on to this podcast.

We are coming to you live from 2024.

Yes, we are.

And it is a crazy time.

Let me tell you that.

You probably don't remember it very well.

No.

2024, baby.

Yeah.

But back on Jim wanting us to listen to him, Pierce and compare it to other staff members.

Yeah.

Gonna check.

Are you gonna just sit down with Jim and tell him that this was the bit?

Yeah, I'll probably mention it.

I'll probably just say, hey, Jim, I'll pop into the office, into the edit room, and just be like, hey, man, we just mentioned your name on the podcast.

Is that cool?

And you'll probably be like, yeah, that's fine.

I'd say Jim.

And I'll record that.

And so that then, if it comes up later, then I can go, you actually said it was fine.

So you don't have a leg.

Because Jim's a great editor.

Incredible.

Jim edited my music video that I did outside of Vantidano.

Yes.

Really well.

Yes.

Beautifully edited.

Beautifully edited.

Wonderfully shot.

Well, that's irrelevant.

Very conversation.

I was just trying to compliment your work on it.

Well, I didn't shoot it.

Jessica said,

but you helped shut up the frames.

Well, yes, I did do the.

And And it was your concept.

I did do the.

Thank you.

But it was edited by Jim.

And this is what I want to say.

I want to say Jim is an asset to the team.

And if Jim feels slighted by becoming a riff about pissing,

I worry that Jim could leave and go to the Kyle and Jack Yo show.

Well, yeah, because that's where he'll be able to do this thing that he desires so much.

In a hypothetical situation, let's make it very clear.

Jim has never once yet come to us, but he told me he will.

Are you familiar with the concept of divergent evolution?

I think that's the word for it.

I think I've only seen the second one.

So there's five different crabs.

Do you understand this?

So there's five different crabs, and they all became crabs on their own.

Right.

You understand?

So did I, but I don't see the point.

Well, you became a crab.

On my own.

Well, then there's six crabs.

Right.

So do you understand what I'm saying?

There's like a hundred crabs.

But there's six crabs.

But five of those crabs aren't related to each other right so there's five crabs nature loves crabs nature loves crabs yes also yeah whatever you

evolution loves crabs or god three wings

you understand there's three wings three wings the dinosaurs with wings the bats

and then there's wicked wings and the birds with wings and the insects with wings four wings Four wings.

All separate wings.

What about Valkyries?

Oh, I don't know.

Valkyrie is a mythical being.

Well, then it doesn't evolve.

Yeah.

Mark, are you familiar with this five-crab concept?

I mean, to an extent, I'm aware that there are different crab forms that aren't, yes, that come from different evolutionary paths.

Yeah.

They all became crabs on their own.

Yes.

Do you know what that means?

You too can become a crab if you wish.

You, Bono?

Yeah.

Wow.

All of them.

Wow.

They can all become crabs.

The Edge?

He can't.

Really?

Nah.

Fuck the Edge, man.

Yeah, he can't become a crab.

And no crab become a motherfucker.

Yeah.

I hope Edge doesn't listen to this because...

He'd be so upset to hear this.

He would be.

Be like, I could become a crab if I wanted to.

It's like, nah, ma'am.

I'm a rock and roll star.

No.

I'd like to become a crab very much.

If this podcast leads to the Edge having plastic surgery and becoming some sort of crab-like monster just to prove us wrong, to all the U2 fans out there.

I am sorry.

Sorry, because he won't be able to play a guitar.

Well, with the way he plays the guitar, he'd probably, it's mostly effects and that stuff.

He'd probably be able to figure it out

if he left one hand, if he left at least one hand, a non-crab.

Well, do you want to find out?

But then is he truly a crab?

Do you want to find out?

Let's go get him.

Hello there.

It's me, The Edge.

The Edge?

How are you?

Hello, I'm The Edge.

I'm The Edge.

I played a guitar for you two.

Edge?

Hello.

We said something about you on one of our most recent podcasts.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

What?

Oh,

we used to do, we used to be like a pop-pop band, and then we teamed up with Fionino.

Yeah, look at it.

We're not yet.

We start to create a stadium rock.

We're not here to discuss the history of your band, YouTube.

Right.

We're not here to discuss.

And then we did some good stuff in the 90s.

Sure.

But then you also made...

Everyone who had an iPod

they had to have your your album on your pitching on about that.

I knew I wouldn't have wanted it on there.

Yeah, but pissed me off.

You did to delete it?

Right.

What?

You couldn't.

Oh, you couldn't.

No, you made it so you couldn't delete it.

That's what you did.

You did that.

Have you had the curry chips,

the Chinese chips?

Oh, there are a chip.

Yeah, like a spice bag.

Yeah, spice bag.

Now, listen, the Edge.

We recently had a conversation on one of our most recent podcasts about how...

Are you aware of the fact that there are five different crabs?

yeah yeah yeah yeah right five different crabs yes all waddling around yes unrelated Jesus mother Joseph Jesus Mary Joseph yes you know what are you doing there little crab yeah oh what are you doing little crabs that sort of thing yeah five different five different crabs all on their own all on their own they all become crabs on their own yes um

we are of the firm belief yeah yeah yeah we you

unfortunately even though evolution loves a crab right that you, despite your best efforts, doesn't matter how hard you try, can't become a crab, yeah.

Yeah.

It's true.

Really?

You know this?

The snow can become a crab.

Yes.

Adam can become a crab.

Yes.

Total one can become a crab.

Yes.

I can't become a crab.

No, but do you understand why?

Ah, but Jesus, Mary, Joseph, I'll tell you why.

Okay.

Because I am Dadge.

You're Dadge?

No, I'm Dadge.

Oh, you're the Edge.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

What is that?

How does that...

That's your name.

I'm a man, you see.

Oh, you're the edge.

You're an edge.

I'm the edge.

You're that edge.

I'm all edges.

Have you ever edged?

Edging?

Yeah, that's all I do.

That's all you do.

I'm an edging every day.

Really?

Every day I'm an edge.

Really?

I'm the edge.

Have you ever

climaxed?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm an edge.

Don't have a willie.

I'm an edge.

Right.

You see the edge of that table there.

I am that.

You are all edges.

See the edge of that television screen there.

Yes.

I am that.

I am the edge.

This is an exclusive for the Auntie Donner podcast.

What was it like writing Spider-Man the musical?

We weren't really that involved in it, to be honest.

We sort of did the songs and then we were on tour and then the whole show fell apart.

Right.

Probably needed to take some time off and actually focus on the musical, if I'm being honest.

But let's be real here.

It's a musical about a Spider-Man.

Yeah.

Not that good.

Tell you what, it'd make a good musical.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

That would make a great musical.

Like the nuns and the priests and whatnot.

Yeah, right.

But oh, they don't like the priests and the nuns as much in Ireland anymore.

This is an outdated cliché by about 20 years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I love Guinness.

I'm sure you do.

Well, they...

I never paid tax in my life.

What?

Don't pay tax.

It's a true story.

You just don't pay taxes?

You heard about this?

No.

So the Irish government, in order to encourage more artists and art, they made a thing where if you're an artist, you didn't have to pay tax.

That's fucking sick.

And the idea was that, you know, so to get more people making art and get artists to move to Ireland to make it, because it was having a bit of trouble because everyone moved to Boston.

No, that happened about a hundred years earlier.

But anyway, there was no one making art in Ireland, and they said, no, every artist doesn't have to pay tax, right?

Which makes sense when you're thinking of like a little artist down the road making paintings or a singer singing these little songs in the pub.

But it also meant me,

Bono, Enya,

Sinead O'Connor, all of it.

Well, I don't know about Sinead O'Connor, but all of it.

Enya lives in a castle, never paid tax.

Wow.

Fun fact about us.

Well, is it still true?

I think they maybe changed it because, you know, it's a bit crazy that we do a show at the sphere and not pay any tax to the Irish people.

Yeah, to like a certain...

I can understand to a certain point.

I can understand to a certain point.

Once you're living in a castle, pay a bit of tax.

Once you're living in a castle, being Enya, maybe just a couple of dollars.

And you lives in a castle?

And you lives in a castle.

I think we all do because none of us paid tax all through the 90s.

We had to live in a fucking castle, too.

We didn't have to pay any tax.

Pretty cool, eh?

That's awesome.

I had no idea about that.

And you learned about the crabs?

And I learnt about the crabs.

You learnt about the crabs?

No, I kind of, I'd seen that go.

Did you like YouTube, Mark?

No, not really.

I mean, there's songs, don't get me wrong, there's songs.

You had listened to Joshua Tree.

Yes, I've listened.

Yeah, I've listened to the first half.

First half's great.

Yeah, first half.

First half.

Yeah.

And a second cousin's license plate is I Love You Too.

Oh, thank you.

But I never said I love you.

No, the band, you're banned.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're welcome.

You'd be shocked everywhere if that happens.

Yes.

All the time, people are saying, I love you too.

And I say, wow,

I didn't say I love you.

And then I say, no, you're banned.

Well, that must be horrific.

But, you know,

paying attached to you get over it.

Paying attached, yeah.

Well, this has been great.

We were discussing something vile earlier, and so I'm glad that you came in.

Just I came along to talk about playing the guitar.

Yeah.

You know, you play.

Do you want to know the trick?

To playing guitar?

Yeah, you put some Brian Eno on, so it's all like,

and then you, we only did this for like three albums, but it's our best albums.

Yes.

And then you go, then you put on lots of effects, and then you have the guitar come out of the Brian Eno.

Yes.

So it's like,

and then it's like,

every time I hear the name Brian Eno, I think of the Italian

lemon tummy powder that you mix in with water.

What's that?

Called Eno.

Oh, sure.

That sort of just helps your

settles your tummy.

Brian Eno is the experimental

electrical, electronic musician.

Yeah, I think there is

a comparison to be drawn between the two

in a lot of ways.

Sort of minimalist music, minimalist 70s and 80s music.

Yeah.

And then sort of a powder that you put in a glass of water to settle your tummy after a big meal.

I suppose, you know, one settles the mind, one settles the tummy.

No, I don't think that's it.

I don't think that's it.

I'm sorry there.

I tried, but I failed.

That's okay.

Do you have any other questions about you two?

No,

head off.

No.

Yeah, I reckon head off.

Okay.

But you are welcome to join us at any time.

Oh, I'm back.

I didn't, okay.

I didn't mean

you didn't let me finish.

You're right, Chair.

You're right, Chair.

I'm the Edge from YouTube.

Yes, you are.

I'm a rock and roll star.

Well, I'm in a rock band with my friend Bono.

Fuck off.

Okay, bye-bye.

Fuck off.

Bye-bye.

You handled that so well, Ma.

Dude, at the end there, he was just really starting to get up my fucking back.

Yeah.

The Edge is great but in small doses.

I'd love to meet Bono.

All right.

Well, maybe one day Bonno will.

Oh, here he is.

Oh.

Hi, Bono.

Hi.

How are you, Bono?

Oh, you want me to play Bonno?

Yeah.

If you want to.

I can play Bono.

And I'll play the Edge.

Hello, Bonno.

Oh, the Edge.

How are you doing, Bono?

It's good to have you here.

I was thinking we maybe do an album.

Were you?

Yeah, to do a little album.

I'd love to do an album.

I'll do a little album and you do.

I haven't done an album in what

a couple of years right right right here something like that right here there yes you do an album you could do the thing and you go

like you do i love to do that and then i just go

and i just go diddly lily lily lily and you go yeah

and then you have a you i've lost the accent it's gone bye-bye there wow that was really cool a little insight there pretty exciting we got to see bono talking to the edge

got a little insight into their that's what their conversations are like.

That's crazy that the Bonno's accent slips in and out like that.

Crazy, crazy stuff.

It's cruel to throw a man an accent like that.

No, no, not at all.

Not at all.

It's if I was

talented in any way, I wouldn't have been able to take that.

I would have been able to relish in that opportunity, but unfortunately.

Do you want to meet another character of mine?

Okay.

Hey, hey, hey.

Who's this?

I'm a chipmunk.

Oh, it's a chip.

It's Chipmunk Chim.

Chipmunk Chim.

Are you.

What do you know about depression?

Yeah, you got depression?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, you take it in your stripe.

What are you singing?

Make a little song.

Yeah, Grim.

A little song.

Bye.

Wow, that's pretty cool.

Chipmunk Chim, sick.

Do you want to meet one of my characters?

Yeah, I'd love to meet one of your characters.

Hey, hey!

Oh, hello, what's your name?

Hey there's Grim.

Grim, how are you, Grim?

I'm Grim Grimston.

What do you like to do, Grim?

Oh, I like to

cover myself in blankets and turn all the lights off and scream at my mom.

I scream in my pillows.

Yeah, right.

And why do you do that, mate?

Gotta fucking do something with all this time.

Yeah, you're all right.

I don't work.

I don't work.

You sleep, Grim?

Nope.

Do you know what you don't sleep?

No.

You eat?

I'll eat whatever I find under the couch.

You eat, but you don't eat in any regular sort of rums.

Wow, you do have a lot of time.

Tell us some other things you do with your time, Grim.

I make music.

Oh, what sort of music?

Oh, wow.

My favourite artist is Chipmunk Tim.

Like, can you sing us a little more?

Yeah.

Oh, no, Grim, what's wrong?

I'm dead, I killed myself.

Oh no, Grimm's dead.

Grim's gone.

Oh, you want to beat it under my characters?

Yep.

Hello.

Hello, who's this?

Oh, it's me.

What's your name?

My name's Ruth.

Ruth, what do you do?

I'm from Queensland.

Where do you live in Queensland?

I live by the beach.

What do you do for work?

I don't work.

Well, what do you do with your spare time?

Oh, I re I watch Sky News.

Oh, how's that?

Oh, it's rotten my brain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where do you go on the weekends, Ruth?

Oh, just drink out Coke and Bundy.

Yeah, nice.

You got a husband or a partner?

Nah.

Kids?

Yeah.

You're divorced?

Yep.

Yeah.

How long you been divorced for?

Long time.

You on the apps?

You on Zook?

No.

No.

No, no interest.

No interest, but I tell you what, I've got some rotten ideas now.

About what?

Oh, racist shit.

Yeah, sick.

All right.

Anything else to say?

Ah, you want to hear what's up with my racist opinions?

No, I don't.

I'm nine arm good men.

You know what I'm racist?

No, no, it's not.

This isn't the right podcast.

You should try the Kyle and Jackie Osho.

They would love you over there.

Yeah, well, I'm Ruth.

Hey, why don't you come up?

We can go to the theme parks.

All right.

On the Gold Coast.

Yeah.

What's your favorite one?

I love Dreamwork.

You're fucking rubbish, Ruth.

You are rubbish.

Tigers.

Yeah.

I like the tiger trainers.

Yeah, I bet you do.

Yeah, yummy.

I bet you think they're yummy.

Bye-bye.

Bye, Ruth.

I liked Ruth.

Yeah, Ruth was fun.

Ruth had something in her, I think.

Ruth

could have been a podcast.

Yeah.

You want to meet one of my characters?

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Well, yeah, hello.

Sorry, go, Lindsay.

Ellen, much longer do we have this shit?

I said you're at 30 minutes.

Fucking sick.

Well, we don't have to meet my new character.

We're done.

We're clicking on 30.

We have hit.

We have hit the required minimum amount of time that we have to do for this podcast.

And I don't think it's fair to the listeners or ourselves to go on a second longer.

But could I just meet your character?

Oh, no.

What's your name?

Almond!

What?

Almond!

Almond?

Almond!

Almond.

Almond Montgomery!

Almond Montgomery!

You're an almond?

You're an almond?

How are you talking?

Raw!

Oh, you're roaring like a lion.

And you're an almond.

A little almond.

Are you roasted almond?

No.

No, you're raw almonds.

I'm soaking in water.

Oh, you're a soaking almond.

Are you going to get dried?

Then you'd be an activated almond.

You're an activated almond.

Not yet.

You're about to get eaten by that coked up, that former cokehead who lives in Byron Bay now.

I said that former cokehead.

Let's end on this.

Zach Rowan, in an attempt to speak of a specific person,

said that former cokehead that now lives in Byron Bay.

That never,

never has a man created a bigger category in order to get to someone specific.

For all people that live in Byron Bay are former cokeheads.

Good night, Australia.

Good night, and thank you so much for your time.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode brought to you by auntiedonorclub.com.

See you next week.