Zach Was 10 Minutes Late To The UFC Press Conference

Today,

in 2013,

I did the vulnerability.

Okay,

so 3.

Check the internet.

Video, like,

obtain Wi-Fi in Mazuin with local con ATNT Fiber with O-Fi.

ATNT connected the change.

ATNT Fiber has limited the case, so that the service covert Wi-Fi extended ATNT concerns.

Mesa.

The battle between Mark and Zach.

No more needs to be said.

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Hello, Las Vegas, and welcome to the Fucky Dome.

As you can hear,

the competitors are already primed for tomorrow's bout.

They've been building this bout up for the last

30 weeks of the United Fighting Champion League.

League ship.

The Champion League League ship.

And these two hate each other.

I'm going to rev them up.

I'm the head of the UFCL.

What's your name?

Broden.

Broden Crunton.

Crunton.

And I, folks, you've all, all you dead ship men have come here from around the world.

You piss ant.

You piss ant losers have come here with your tiny assholes

to see a fight that you'll remember for the rest of your life.

And these two shan't disappoint because by God, they hate each other.

Call me Edward.

I'm hungry.

Because I'm hungry for blood.

Oh, I was...

Okay.

Our first...

And the first...

This shows how much they hate each other.

If I just waited one moment, I would have known to wait to come in.

I just held my tongue for but a moment.

shut the fuck up man or else the next fight will be you and i betwixt in battle do you want that i do not want to be betwixt in battle with you i'm afraid i will uh be uh uh beaten by submission

to show how much these two fighters snarly brawny oily with

how much they hate one another oily with fuck one has not even shown up for the press conference he's he's refused he's disobeyed his UFCL contract and not even...

Maybe Lindsay later you add in some like cheering or some crowd ominous noise.

Maybe later.

One has forgone his contract agreements and not even shown up for the press conference, which he's in need of doing.

He's in need of doing.

And that is Zach.

He's not shown up.

Who knows if he will show up?

I'm pissed.

But first, the reigning world champion.

I got to stop just jumping in.

Please!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

First is the reigning world champion of UFCL.

His dick is wide.

He's a grappler.

He is a.

Yeah, I get my hooks in you.

He's a...

He's a...

A grapple book.

He's a tout.

He's Sicilian.

He loves salty and sweet, and he loves the contrasts of them.

I do.

And I'm excited to try those Jatstam.

Tin Tams that you messaged me about the other night.

I'm sorry, I was jerking off at the time when I got the message, so I didn't respond.

Thanks for replacing.

I had to finish up.

Thanks for replacing.

I had to finish up.

I was right in the middle of one of the most

intense wanks I've ever had.

Your little picture came up of you holding some Jats Tim Tams.

And then what happened?

I came.

Please welcome the snarling Mark.

What did you call yourself before?

Mark.

But the something you were like, you were like the blood.

Oh, call me,

call me,

I think it's Edward.

Is it Edward?

Call me Edward because yeah.

Mark Edward Cullen Bonano.

Bam, do, don't, don't,

bam, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

You can hear him pounding meat together there.

I just came off.

Is that true, the story about the photo with the Jets and the Tim Tams?

That I was jerking off and your photo came up, and I came immediately when I saw it.

No, not that bit, but that you were, the photo came up.

No, I wasn't jerking off, but I was doing something.

I think I was

watching my partner play Dark Souls 3.

And I was, you know, just...

Mark, tomorrow you go into battle.

What can we expect?

Tell me what happened when I fought Jake Paul.

Tell me what happened.

I was sick that day.

Yeah, you were.

My mum had a choir performance on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I went to that in-queue.

Yeah.

I missed it.

But I heard it was brutal.

I split his little YouTube throat in half and I stuck my Willie in it.

Okay.

And I pissed and it came out his mouth and nose.

And then I sewed him up.

And then I went,

how many views is that going to get on your fucking little channel?

That's incredible.

And he couldn't speak anymore because I'd removed his larynx while doing that.

So that's incredible.

And then I served my time for that.

You went to jail?

I went to jail.

I served my time.

I did 25 years, but now i'm back yeah and i'm i don't know if you can tell by uh the tone of my voice but i'm i'm rip roaring ready to go i just had a coffee it's cut through me it's cut through me like

are you revved because you had a coffee or because you're fighting to the fighting ufcl champ out tomorrow oh i am ready to just take zach's uh uh face yeah you wanted to cock you wanted to say cock no no i didn't actually i didn't actually.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I want to take his face and like a child in kindergarten given a puddle of play-doh.

Do you call it a pluddle?

A pluddle?

A puddle?

A pluddle.

This isn't different to a UFC press conference for me.

The pluddle stuff, this.

No, just in terms of, you know, like, if you get a thing of play-doh.

You're you're pounding that thing.

You're making it into your own.

You're you know putting your own image into the dough.

It's quite godly.

You're going to make Zach, you're going to treat Zach like Play-Doh, huh?

No, I'm going to bring him some and just see what he can come up with because it shows a lot of, you know, that tells me a lot about him.

Yeah.

And then when he's distracted with the Play-Doh and he's learning about his motor skills,

shin kick to the fucking neck.

Oh,

what is it with you and Nex?

I just, it's a great place to, it really shocks him.

Really shocks him you get him in the neck.

It's very lioness.

It's a very lioness thing to do.

And I've always connected connected with the lioness.

Yes, Mark, the lioness banana.

Bam.

I love to eat and fuck

and fight.

Mark, tell people about your training.

Where did you train to become the world champion?

I trained from Werribee to Melbourne every day on the Metro line.

No, that's not what I meant.

Oh.

I'm not talking about public transport.

Oh, okay.

Where was your martial arts skill acquired?

Is it boxing?

Is it like going through that matrix bit?

drunken boxing jiu-jitsu oh yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes to all of the above why not why not no but what is your training yeah right so what happened to me was when i had the real world revealed to me right there's a man that i will introduce you to him he looked at me when i was learning kung fu he looked at a friend of mine and he said

he's a machine

because I learned I plugged my head in you know I'm saying yeah you're just describing them you're describing you're telling the story of the matrix

from the perspective of Neo yes and that's how I learned all of my fighting skills you didn't go to like you think that's air you're breathing yeah oh did you not go to a dojo or like a I went to a dojo I went to a dojo tell me about the dojo well in the dojo the sensei i had to challenge the sensei uh for ownership of the of the dojo uh and i and i did turns out that wasn't really the sensei it was more just the real estate agent and i was inspecting a sort of commercial property

but i fucking kicked the shit out of him and he went gave me the keys um and now he pays my rent uh and i fuck his wife while he watches

i can't wait to get zach in a headlock

you went to a commercial property inspection a dojo yeah

was it a dojo or was it it could have been what was retrofitted to be one for sure?

Yeah, you could have turned it into a dojo.

There were mats on the floor.

What else?

There were nunchucks.

Okay, yeah, yeah.

Nunchucks.

This is feeling like maybe a dojo.

Yeah, in a room.

Or a combat of some sort.

They were fashioned out of lead pipes

and twine.

What are you talking about?

The nunchucks.

What are you talking about?

The nunchucks.

There were some nunchucks fashioned from lead pipes and twine.

In the rental place that you were looking at, a commercial property.

Yeah, I believe it used to be a

Doughboys.

I believe it used to be a Doughboys.

What are you talking about?

The commercial property used to be a donut shop called Doughboys.

Yeah.

Devastated when that closed down.

Now I'm going to go all the way to Fitzroy.

That Doughboys is closed as well.

Are you kidding me?

Oh, I'm going to need to hit someone.

Fuck, folks.

I'm fired up now.

The disrespect that Zach has shown by not when I was worried when Zach didn't show up for this

fight press conference.

But you are bringing the heat.

Where am I going to get my old fashions from?

Is it in a cocktail?

No, the donut.

Oh,

which one is Donut Time?

No, not...

No, Doughboys.

I think it's Dough Boys.

With a D-O-U-G-H?

I believe so.

I believe so.

Are they the ones that were everywhere and they shut down, like the green?

No, no, no, that's the Brisbane one that was, I believe, Donut Time.

Okay.

Well, I don't know about Doughboys.

Doughboys is fantastic.

Very straight down the line.

Oh, yeah.

There's a Doughboys on

Burke Street.

Oh, then you don't.

No.

No, is there?

Doughboys Donuts, yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, I'm hungry for Donut.

Fuck hell.

I'm hungry for Doughboys.

I'm as hungry for Doughboys as I am hungry,

as my fists are hungry for the taste of skin

that they so desire.

And they will taste the skin of Zach when they hit him as hard as I can.

I won't be holding...

This is the thing.

I won't be holding back my

punches.

Are you aware of this?

No.

What's going on?

I'm just getting word from outside that Zach has arrived.

He is in the building.

That disrespectful little bitch.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Zach is here.

He is walking.

The disrespect.

He's walked into this press conference about 10 late.

10 late.

Oh, he's taking off his jacket.

He's taking off his jacket.

He's hanging it on the back of his chair.

He's showing his muscles.

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

He slipped in his chair a bit.

I'd like that to be the TikTok for the week.

I think what happened there was that, you know how the chair goes up and down with the little.

I think that bit of the chair is broken.

He's changed.

And as he sat down.

The chair.

The chair that Zach Kane had.

The chair broke a little bit.

It has really undercut the intensity of the character, I'm not going to lie.

This is now.

He's keeping the confidence and the muscle element about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's chewing the fake gum or real gum, I'm not sure.

He hasn't broken character.

Yeah, like it's.

He's being an absolute pro because the chair he had, it was broken.

Yeah.

And now he's looking at me sort of like this is what they would do, though they wouldn't.

Yeah, yeah, it is, it is, it is what they would do.

If the chair was a bit broken, they wouldn't sit there and let that happen.

I can't just confidently go get another one.

The arrogance of this man, the arrow, Zach, welcome.

Where have you been?

I'm so sorry, I'm late.

It's all right, it's all right, man.

It happens to the best of us.

Where have I been?

I thought it was an arrogance thing.

It was.

It was.

It was an arrogance thing.

I was, um,

i i didn't even respect you really

yeah i that's that that this is i'm gonna be honest that hurts my feelings a little bit yeah well i'll tell you it'll be more than your feelings are hurt when we get into the octagon

or just the ring just the ring actually

octopus into the octagon

get into that cage i would like to do an octopus battle against you

i want to get inside a slimy little sucker let

Let me introduce you.

And then beat the shit out of you in there.

Let me introduce.

They have beaks.

The challenger tomorrow at the fuckdome.

Yeah.

He's eight foot nine.

Oh, because I'm the

champion.

I'm the champion.

He's got big muscles.

Sharp nips.

What else do I know about sharp nips?

Sharp nips.

Oh, no, you blunted them out.

I blunted them out.

If he finds a chair with a weird back on it, he won't suffer that.

He'll change it out.

He likes wearing black with a singlet.

Yeah, I like linen.

Linen.

He wears linen year-round.

He wears linen year-round.

Pants or just shirt?

Jeans and a linen shirt.

Docs.

Doc Martins, if Doc are listening.

Yeah, has a large collection.

Oh, sorry, that's your job.

No, don't rev up your opponent.

I'm just saying, has a large collection of Doc Martins.

If Doc, can we say what you're about to say?

If he loves Docs.

He's great ones.

And he's hyper, he can hyper.

Oh, he's hyper-allergenic.

Yeah, you can't do that.

You know how they always look like they're going to snap their fucking.

I mean, you know how we

always look like we're going to snap each other's joints and whatnot?

He's

can't do it because I'm hyper-distance.

Give him Doc Martens.

Please introduce Zach the fucker Ruway.

Boom,

boom, boom, boonk.

Bring

boom boon boon.

You didn't want to just play music?

No.

Let me say thank you so much for having me.

I'm going to fucking destroy you in the ring tomorrow.

Good luck.

You are going to be crying.

Stop.

Good luck.

I'm going to get up in your face.

Yeah.

What sort of shorties are you wearing?

Pardon?

What sort of shorties are you wearing?

I was going to wear little, I got a sponsorship from Reebok.

Oh, no, I see.

And I was going to wear nice little, quite revealing, but also just good to move in.

Minor.

And And they've got built-in undies.

Mine are like skin-tight, like they're really tight ones with like a lot of junk support, but then they've added like a layer of flappy on the sides.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, it looks really nice.

It looks like a flappy short.

Yeah.

But

it really has that like aerodynamics that you need with the tighter pair.

Kit.

Now, Zach, your upbringing was not...

not a walk in the park.

No, I had a working class upbringing.

And my only way out was to fucking kill people in cages.

And uh, so I'm very excited to be here, and I bring that passion, even though I'm I stand to make four million tomorrow,

minus tax, minus tax, and obviously tax fees, and agent fees, yeah, yeah.

Um, you'll probably only

festival-managed venue.

Yeah, yeah, because it's a festival-managed venue, they take about 25%, you'll probably in your pocket only see about 1.2, 1.3.

2.4 by my by my like but back of a napkin.

You do a merch?

Yeah, right.

Uh, yes, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

W.auntiedonna.com.

You'll be able to do a merch link.

You'll see that, like, that can't, but then also they'll fucking take a bit of that.

They'll take, they'll give you a bunch of things.

Well, you guys take quite a bit.

Yeah, yeah.

And fuck you.

All of that.

Nice, yeah.

But no, yeah, working-class upbringing.

What were your electives at school?

When I was there.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, you dropped out.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you're stupid and I'm going to kill you.

Oh, my God.

Hey, Mark, wait your turn.

Why?

Why these rules and these regulations?

I'm a wild animal.

I'm like a wolf in a den, in a box.

I'm going to fucking snap your neck, cunt.

Good luck trying to because I removed my neck.

Oh, that's the one.

For sex reasons.

Yeah.

You removed your neck for sex reasons.

Yeah, yeah, I did.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you think I want to turn my neck when I'm fucking?

No, I want to turn my whole body.

Oh, the Batman.

Yeah, like the Batman.

Oh, I thought you removed it so, like, you could, like, see, what I was envisioning was like a steak-like neck that could suck yourself off, like, Mr.

Fantastic, like, rural.

Yeah, no, no, no.

That's adding neck.

Yeah, no, I guess I thought you were keeping neck, but removing any of the cartilage and muscle.

This is what happens when you don't go to school.

You don't understand.

Mark, stop.

All right.

You're elective, Zach, please.

Honestly, I did leave school in year 10.

In character, I stayed till year 12.

In character, yeah.

In character, this sort of UFC.

Zach is a high school graduate, everyone.

Just so you know.

Hey, leave it.

Fine.

So, yeah, so I dropped out into Beaver.

10.

But I think maybe I did media in year 9.

Sorry.

Why did you say to Beaver?

Well,

you said leave it.

And then it took me a little bit.

Yeah.

My instinct was to go to Beaver.

This fight is going to be brutal.

But leave it to Beaver.

I think it's.

Oh, no.

No, I'll close my eyes.

Close your ears.

All right, go.

Close your eyes, Mark.

Oh, he's going to hear it.

I won't.

I can't hear it at all.

His new move, folks.

He has a new move which he is bringing to the octopus tomorrow.

What is it?

I'm going to do this thing where I kind of like, it looks like it's going to be a punch, but I open up my hand and essentially I like rip his head around and I slam him onto the floor.

How are you grabbing onto his face?

So it looks like a punch.

So he's doing like a punch kind of defense.

I don't know the words for it.

You could ask my coach about that.

And then I kind of grab his head with my hand, lift him from the neck, and then slam his head against the floor.

There's like an 80% chance I'll break his neck.

And that's, but you'll win.

Oh, yeah.

I'm feeling pretty confident with this move.

You know, I think we're going to see a couple of Ronda Rousey-type games for me for the next couple.

Yes, who are your top five fighters?

Me, it's got to be Ronda Rousey.

It's got to be Conor McGregor.

Can't go past.

Mike Tyson.

that's that uh that's boxing you fool oh but this is uh anyone can enter the UFC yep you don't have to

like freestyle you can be a boxer fun fact about freestyle and it is relevant to UFC

keep it kind of intense yeah oh yes yeah yeah yeah I'm pissed I'm I'm my blood is boiling I'm gonna fucking break your shoulder cunt

why because I'm gonna twist it around and if you don't fucking submit I'll break your shoulder I'll submit if I'm in if I'm in pain and and you've got me beat i'll i'm happy to submit i'm not gonna yeah great yeah but as long as you do the same no maybe not really maybe not because i'm going for the eyes here i i won't be happy unless i leave the ring with one of your eye eyes in my hand so my i'm going for a gouge my narrative here is that i came from a working class uh and it's real to me but i was i mean my dad was a manager of the power station so i was sort of working oh

lower like i was middle is that where you were covered in the ooze that gave you powers uh no that's a that's a that's um daredevil.

Well, very similar.

My dad was a butcher, but he was in charge of the sausages.

So is that where you got that sausage meat on you?

Yes, that's why I'm you.

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got sausage meat on me, and that's how I got my pork powers.

I call myself middle class, and then I got a job on Chapel Street, and I was like, Wait, you call yourself middle class?

And then I was like, I don't know what middle class is.

Well, I have the powers of a hog.

I don't know if you guys are aware of this.

Now, Mark, that's a good opportunity.

Now, tell us all about your hog powers, which have made you the champion, reigning champion for so long.

Well, when I roll around.

No, it's all right.

When I roll around in filth, I just get euphoric.

Just like so happy.

You give me a fucking mud bucket.

You give me

a break.

And then that just really brings me to life.

That's when I'm at my best.

Any party, any kind of social event.

where there is a pit of filth, I roll around and I am my best self.

Also, I will just, I will eat through bone like butter that's okay and does that help you in the ring not really because i don't want to eat his bones

why not i just want to beat him i just want to beat him up i just want to beat him up i don't want to beat him i don't want to open him up and eat his like eat his spinal cord but if you i'm just positing yeah as the runner of this yeah if you threaten to eat his bones he might be too scared and he'll put on a weak performance

yo do you want me to threaten to eat your bones?

Oh, you go for it.

What bones are you least attached to?

no no you not limbs just it's different okay limbs i'm saying not lower ribs

but bones are in bones yes they are but what i'm saying is is like you could be uh you could be like oh i just think it's different because i could eat the bones of your leg

you know but you could like your leg but you don't like your shin bone yeah i understand you know what i'm saying i would say i'm happy to lose a couple of lower ribs why oh marily

why marily why a a couple of lower ribs?

Marilyn Man something.

Well, because my thinking was, like, do they, like, I'm sure I'd survive.

If I lose my, like, femur, you know, I'm going to, like, have some trouble there.

There are a thousand bones in your hand.

Oh, yeah, bones at the end of the end of the bones.

Yeah.

Yeah.

End of my little finger.

No, you've already picked the ribs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Not a surprise.

Not a surprise.

Something's up.

Now, Mark, what are you going to do to Zach in this fight?

He's told us about his secret weapon where he rips your face off or like turns your head and slams you.

Yeah.

What's yours?

He's going to be fucked.

I'm going to slap him around.

You slappers only?

Oh, I love it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, slappers only.

I was going to maybe use the silence PP7.

Do you subscribe to slappers only?

Like if this was a slappers-only, do you consent to that?

What's this?

Slappers-only.

Slappers only.

Slappers only.

See, my manager said to me, I said, I think it'll be really fun if I'm late.

Because that will be like a power move.

Yeah, it was great theatrically.

And then my manager said, but what if they bring up up like different rules or game styles in that 10 minutes do you want me to keep track send you a text which he did

but i i didn't check it before i came on so i don't know what slappers did you establish slappers only while i was all no no it's a nintendo 64 theme

well i wasn't playing nintendo 64 i was beating people up in cages well that's what that's what that is so can i say something about this motherfucker wow right here whoa this old man had an opportunity to retire last year He had an opportunity to take a cushy little job.

He could have been sitting in your chair.

Instead, he chose to keep going past his prime.

I respect this man.

I've always respected this.

That's good, Zach.

I've always thought of this man as someone I look up to, as a mentor, and I didn't want to be the one to take his crown.

But I'm going to rip it off his fucking head tomorrow.

That's really good.

What Zach's just done is really, really good storytelling.

And that's what this is.

This is theater.

Do you know what?

It's not that different to wrestling, and I do watch a little bit of that from Twitter.

And I do respect that.

Shakespearean.

I respect that.

I respect what Zach said to me.

But all I heard out of his mouth just then was

that from a little baby.

That's not what he said.

From a little baby.

And you know what I'm going to do?

That little baby?

I'm going to boil him up and going to eat him like I've done with every baby I've come across in my life.

Okay.

That was my second sentence.

That's what I served.

I have to say that 25 years.

This guy is unhinged.

Now, two things that really worry me is firstly,

I need to know, like, take the veil off.

What he just said, did you actually hear him saying goo-goo gargo?

I heard the

spluttering and the garglings of a baby, of a small baby.

That's genuinely worrying because I heard everything he said.

Really?

And if we'll go back and listen to a recording, like he was saying words and sentences and dung.

Have you seen Late Night with the Devil yet?

No.

Go back and watch the recording bit of that.

It's really good.

All right.

I don't know what that is.

Well, I'm excited to see it.

That movie.

The second thing is for you.

And the second thing for me is, you want to see Unhinged?

You want to see Unhinged?

Come to my house and look at all my doors.

I have taken them all off.

It's true.

I visited him.

I can't handle them.

I was trying to get to the second point.

Now I have an extra point.

So I have three points.

I've addressed the first one.

The second one is, you kill babies?

No, I don't kill them.

I boil them up and I eat them.

You said every baby you come across, you boil.

Yes.

But people keep them away from me because they know I do this.

So have you ever done it?

Do you only come across dead babies?

No,

I don't know how to explain this.

I don't think I want you to explain it.

But I need answers because you said you went to court for this.

I went to jail.

Okay.

Okay.

Oh, he's back from jail, Zach.

I am back from jail.

Oh, okay.

I served my time.

Yeah.

And I learnt my lesson.

Now I'm a productive member of society.

I should have played on the jail thing.

Feel free to.

Did you go to jail?

You can have gone on.

You're going to wish you're back in jail.

No, no.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, trust me.

No, no, no, no.

You could kill me and I wouldn't wish to kill you.

I am implying that.

In fact,

I hope you do kill me so that then I never end up back in prison.

He seems to hate jail.

It was not okay.

I did not have a good time there.

I shouldn't have boiled that baby.

Shouldn't have boiled it up.

And I know that now.

I wouldn't have liked you with that.

Prison was punishment.

Is prison punishment?

Is it delicious?

Is prison punishment

or is it removing you from society for society's sake and protection?

As that little taco girl said, why not both?

Yeah.

El stobo del gropo.

But is that but why not both?

I think the government must have a position of

clear clarity.

What is the purpose of prison?

It shouldn't.

I mean, well, it's supposed to be about.

Oh, wait, no, I'm a.

Is the death penalty punishment or is it removing

punishment?

It's punishment, I believe.

It's a bit barbaric.

But I believe it's about, it's supposed to be about rehabilitation.

Say barbaric.

Yeah.

That's what I'm going to do to you.

Barbaric.

Barbaric.

Oh, yeah.

Call me.

By the end of this, you're going to be calling me Ishmael

because I got a big white whale that I'm going to bring.

the blubber of

and sell it for a profit and then use that money to buy a gun and shoot you in the mouth.

How do you respond to that?

It's funny that you can't hear the words out of my mouth because tomorrow the only thing coming out of your mouth will be your blood.

I'm going to fucking there'll be a bit of cum in there as well.

I just store some in a little

bit.

Not gendered to come either.

No, no, no, just this guy, man.

This guy is fucking gonna hear.

I'm not.

I am just, I'm trying to like intimidate you.

And you are, like, you actually are you know like i really i i feel uncomfortable going into the cave it's why it's a great attack well you've said it's like you're gonna spit out blood you made him feel weird about it yeah it's very effective do you want to do the fight or do you want to can it oh no no yes i'm going to try i have no other option really for that 1.767 or whatever yeah yeah i want you to know i'll be trying to smooch you

just softly on the cheek every time we grapple.

Oh, well, who knows?

You know.

A little speech.

Yeah, not as like a, just as like a, just to let you know everything's going on.

Yeah, like a little bit of a

personally.

Because I don't take any of this personally.

I can't.

This is not how I thought this would go.

I sold my soul.

What do you want us to do?

I want like violence and like better pay per view tomorrow.

Better pay for the paper.

Better get on KO.

Yeah, yeah.

What are the odds, by the way?

Look up the odds.

The odds are against genuine creation.

Because I might pulp fiction you, depending on the odds.

Oh, like you're going to fake her.

Don't say that.

Like which bit in bulk fiction?

Well, that's.

That's the bigger reveal.

You're going to see it.

Well, it's either that's either

heroin.

It's either going to be the bit where Press.

No, I don't want to know.

It's either.

Oh, man.

This guy's fucking unhinged.

Let's just.

Let's end this press conference.

Why?

Because it's almost time to end.

Is it?

And it has to end with you both getting up and fighting.

Black and going, I'm going to kill you tomorrow.

Real question.

And we've got to get the photo as well.

Real question.

Who do you think would win between me and Mark

in a UFC fight?

It's hard.

I'm bigger, which has a huge amount of advantage.

But this guy, well, I don't know.

I feel like both of us could snap.

Really, it just depends who snaps first and if that snap sustains.

That's the pay-per-view.

Because you do have the.

If you get on top of me,

it's all over.

There's nothing I can do.

But if I snap and it doesn't result, because my fear is that I snap, I start winning, but then that makes you snap.

And if you snap, I'm in trouble.

So I've got to snap just enough.

You're the world champion.

I'm talking about in real life.

I've got to snap just enough that I don't cause you to snap.

Because if you snap, it's all over.

And if neither of us snap, it's all over for me.

Well, now let's close it out now.

What do you think of that?

That's a shot of tomorrow.

Yeah,

I go holy

now.

Let's end this press conference.

Let's end this press conference with saying, One, you've been so brutal at each other.

You've been so brutal at one another.

Let's say one nice thing about each other.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Listen,

I like your mother.

She's a good motherfucker.

Oh, that's rude.

What?

Go on.

No, I'm going to be real here.

You don't like Madeline?

Well, no, I think.

I was implying that

he had relations.

Oh.

And I haven't.

You know, I genuinely,

genuinely, if you were dating my mother.

I think you would take some issue with it.

I'm trying to think if I genuinely would, and I don't think I would.

I know you.

And I know every human being.

You would take issue with it.

No, my issue would just be is I don't think personality-wise, wise you're that compatible but if you were madeline and zach yeah i was like if i started dating your mother you would be like that's enough of this i don't know how i feel about this at the very least no if it made my mum happy

now mark oh wait no i i do want to say something nice okay um and i said it before you know you're a really great fighter or you were at least yeah um

little backhanded compliment you were in your prime i would never have been able to beat you.

I think it's a shame that you keep fighting.

This is nagging.

I just want to say that

tomorrow,

when this guy is unconscious, bleeding out of the mouth, with a broken shoulder and severe neck injuries.

I won't be prouder.

There is no one that I would feel better taking the crown from.

V, that's lovely.

And Mark, to close this out.

Um,

I think you are a great fighter.

I've seen you, I've watched all your fights, I've analyzed your style.

Uh-oh.

You've been watching my fights, yeah.

I've analyzed yourself.

You've been practicing.

Yeah.

Shit.

You haven't been practicing?

No, I've been practicing as well.

I just didn't think you were practicing.

Yeah, no, no, no, no.

He's good, but he practices.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why you're so ripped and shit.

Yes.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Are you going to hurt me?

I suspect that this fight will end.

And and I won't be happy unless it ends with me

both my legs to the knee in your asshole.

Is that just the positive thing?

Yeah.

Great.

Whether I hit you or not, I don't mind.

But my goal is to get my feet and my calves all the way up to the knee, both of them, into your anal.

hole

and then to have you lying down on the floor me knees up

arms stretched out, and I'm just like spinning around, asking everyone to look at me, praise me, love me.

Meanwhile, your fucking insides are getting an absolute rort.

Well, even though we're both millionaires now, at our hearts,

we're working class.

Yes.

And I just can't wait to get in a cage with a fellow working class man

and

like nearly kill each other for the entertainment of wealthy people sitting around us.

It's going to be really fun.

Yeah, that is a beautiful way to put it.

Well, that's available tomorrow on

Fox, Fox, Fox, Foxtel, Fox Teller, Little Comet.

And you can buy that.

And thanks so much for listening.

Oh, congrats on the WWE merger.

Thank you.

I saw that in the trades.

Very exciting.

And we'll see you next week for my birthday.

Oh, happy birthday.

You've been listening to the Auntie Donner podcast.

Thanks for joining us for another rip episode episode brought to you by Auntie DonorClub.com.

See you next week.

Listener.